Humor

  • Most Topular Stories

  • Pizza Night

    Damn You Auto Correct!
    Kelli
    3 Sep 2015 | 5:00 pm
      Submitted by Devin The post Pizza Night appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • SpongeBob and Sheldon J. Plankton Invaded the BBC for World Oceans Day

    CollegeHumor: Videos
    3 Sep 2015 | 10:27 am
    Sheldon's ...
  • Well, she’s definitely mine.

    The Bloggess
    thebloggess
    1 Sep 2015 | 12:08 pm
    My ten-year-old yelling at me from the kitchen: Hailey:  HEY MOM?  I BROKE A BANANA. me:  Wha...how can you break a banana? Hailey:  Um.  I NEED A SHARPIE. me:  WHY? Hailey:  NEVER MIND.  I FIXED IT. me:  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? Hailey:  This. Hailey (in a deep voice):  “HEY GUUURL!  I’M MISTER BANANA.  YOU CAN’T EAT ME BECAUSE NOW I HAVE EYES.  I SEE YOU.” me: Wow. Hailey:  I’m still gonna eat you, Mister BananaMan.  You’ll go bad if I don’t eat you.  You’ll be a badnana. Hailey:  “YOU WOULDN’T EAT ME,…
  • IS now threatening to destroy Minecraft sites

    HumorFeed | Published News
    NewsBiscuit
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:29 am
    Islamic State has declared today that UNESCO attempts to recreate the Temple of Bel using the virtual Lego game, Minecraft, would be "destroyed" by IS gamers accessing and corrupting UNESCO servers.
  • Josh Groban Sings Donald Trump Tweets on Jimmy Kimmel

    Jokers Joke
    31 Aug 2015 | 2:37 pm
    Singer Josh Groban sang a selection of Donald Trump tweets for Jimmy Kimmel Live. Read more on jokersjoke.com
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    The Bloggess

  • “Latawnya The Naughty Horse Two”

    thebloggess
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:59 am
    The other day at a used-book shop I picked up what might be my new favorite book.  Written in the days of Nancy Reagan’s “JUST SAY NO” campaigns is this amazing read: This is a real book for children. It is not a parody. And that’s what makes it so amazing. I’m not going to spoil it for you but I will tell you that Latawnya doesn’t immediately say no to drugs.  First she gets totally shitfaced with the other naughty horses.  Because that’s what naughty horses do, y’all. These horses can’t seem to keep from dropping their smokes and…
  • Well, she’s definitely mine.

    thebloggess
    1 Sep 2015 | 12:08 pm
    My ten-year-old yelling at me from the kitchen: Hailey:  HEY MOM?  I BROKE A BANANA. me:  Wha...how can you break a banana? Hailey:  Um.  I NEED A SHARPIE. me:  WHY? Hailey:  NEVER MIND.  I FIXED IT. me:  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? Hailey:  This. Hailey (in a deep voice):  “HEY GUUURL!  I’M MISTER BANANA.  YOU CAN’T EAT ME BECAUSE NOW I HAVE EYES.  I SEE YOU.” me: Wow. Hailey:  I’m still gonna eat you, Mister BananaMan.  You’ll go bad if I don’t eat you.  You’ll be a badnana. Hailey:  “YOU WOULDN’T EAT ME,…
  • Well that’s…huh.

    thebloggess
    30 Aug 2015 | 11:34 am
    Did you know that if you search for “giant dildo” on Amazon my first book is the 4th thing that shows up?  Not that I was searching for giant dildos.  I mean, I was but only because someone else told me that if you search for “giant dildo” my book pops right up (Her: “It’s awesome that your work is so versatile and all, but I’m a little concerned about paper cuts”) and I thought she was fucking with me, but then I checked myself and she was totally right. This is real. And what’s even more baffling here is that no dildos showed up…
  • What the shit, me?

    thebloggess
    27 Aug 2015 | 11:45 am
    I just ran all over my house trying to find my phone because I could hear it ringing, but no matter which room I ran into it sounded like it was right in the next room and I started to suspect that Victor had my phone and was running around with it just to fuck with me.  Then the phone stopped ringing so I asked Victor to call me so I could find it but it still sounded muffled like it was hidden under something big so I was lifting piles of books and looking under cats and then I noticed that Dorothy Barker was following me around and I was like “DID YOU EAT MY PHONE,…
  • An accidental competition for the worst mother ever.

    thebloggess
    25 Aug 2015 | 8:53 am
    The first week back to school always brings out the usual excitement, insecurities,  fear of failure and concerns about not fitting in.  I guess probably our children go through that as well but right now I’m talking about being the parent of a child heading back to school.  I have a group of friends who sporadically group text whenever things get weird and we need to vent, and the first week of school almost always sets us off so I thought I’d share.  Names have been redacted from this group text because CPS doesn’t always understand humor: “Y’all.  I…
 
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    Damn You Auto Correct!

  • Fruity Arrest

    Kelli
    4 Sep 2015 | 9:00 am
      Submitted by Kyla The post Fruity Arrest appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • It’s Gettin’ Hot in Here!

    Kelli
    4 Sep 2015 | 7:00 am
      Submitted by Ash The post It’s Gettin’ Hot in Here! appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Pizza Night

    Kelli
    3 Sep 2015 | 5:00 pm
      Submitted by Devin The post Pizza Night appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Running Late

    Kelli
    3 Sep 2015 | 3:00 pm
    Submitted by Kelly The post Running Late appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Campfire Gone Wrong

    Kelli
    3 Sep 2015 | 1:00 pm
      Submitted by Andrea The post Campfire Gone Wrong appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
 
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    McSweeney’s

  • The Roman Catholic Church’s Official Application for Forgiveness by Michelle Hauser

    4 Sep 2015 | 4:01 am
    1. Please indicate the Themed Year or time-limited Special Forgiveness Window under which you are applying to the Roman Catholic Church: a) Year of the Papal Magic Wand b) Year of The Holy Wafer c) Red Light Carnal Desires 2-for-1 Special d) Year of Mercy e) Other, please specify: 2. Please indicate the category that best describes the nature of your sin/offense: a) Drunkenness b) Greed c) Theft/swindling d) Reviling, i.e. judging others for their sin e) Fornication/sins of the flesh or other sexual immorality f) Other, please specify: If you answered (e), please provide any multimedia…
  • List: College in Ohio or Knight of the Round Table? by Sid Karger and Tom Coleman

    4 Sep 2015 | 4:00 am
    1. Baldwin Wallace 2. Gawain 3. Hiram 4. Tiffin 5. Bluffton 6. Percival 7. Gareth 8. Kenyon 9. Bedivere 10. Tristan 11. Lourdes 12. Aglovale 13. Baudwin 14. Heidelberg 15. Kettering 16. Marietta 17. Brastius 18. Caradoc 19. Xavier 20. Gaheris 21. Otterbein 22. Lionel 23. Segwarides 24. Wilberforce 25. Uriens 26. Sir Ywain the Bastard - -College In Ohio: 1, 3, 4, 5, 8, 11, 14, 15, 16, 19, 21, 24 Knight of the Round Table: 2, 6, 7, 9, 12, 13, 17, 18, 22, 23, 25, 26
  • Open Letters: An Open Letter to Bands That Invite Audiences to Sing Portions of Their Songs at Live Shows by Luke Pohjala

    4 Sep 2015 | 4:00 am
    Dear Bands, Please stop turning the microphone to the audience so they can sing the chorus to one of your songs. Yes, I understand that it’s a very catchy song and fun to sing, but I paid 65 dollars to come see you perform, so I want the full experience of hearing only you sing it. This is one of the few nights a year I get to relax and see something I like. I may never get to see you live again. So when you turn the microphone to the audience and give us a chance to sing your song, I get a little bummed out. Now, instead of paying good money to hear you sing, I’m listening to thousands…
  • I Have No Idea What This Thing Is, Is It Authentic and Made In Traditional Cultural Ways? by Josh Freedman

    3 Sep 2015 | 4:01 am
    Ah, it’s so nice to be in a real market for once, outside of those sterile shopping malls with air conditioning and clearly marked aisles. I’m simply overwhelmed by how much activity there is here. I love it! Why, yes, hello to you to sir! Just browsing, really. Wait a moment – what’s that over there? That thing, sir, the one that looks authentic and representative of what I believe to be your traditional cultural heritage. No, not that one; the one behind that, with the jagged edges and slightly curved handle. May I take a look? Wow, it’s just beautiful. I have…
  • Facepalm Pilot: Where Technology Meets Stupidity: An Interactive Guide to Ambiguous Grammar by Vijith Assar

    3 Sep 2015 | 4:00 am
    Depending on whom you ask, the use of the active voice over the passive is arguably the most fundamental writer’s maxim, thought to lend weight, truth, and power to declarative statements. This absolutist view is flawed, however, because language is an art of nuance. From time to time, writers may well find illustrative value in the lightest of phrases, sentences so weightless and feathery that they scarcely even seem to exist at all. These can convey details well beyond the crude thrust of the hulking active voice, and when used strictly as ornamentation, they needn’t actually…
 
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    The Onion

  • News in Brief: Depression Symptom Checklist Speaking To Area Man As No Poem Ever Could

    4 Sep 2015 | 6:50 am
    SYRACUSE, NY—Saying the bulleted list of diagnostic criteria had touched something at the very core of his being, local 34-year-old Adam Zenner reported Friday that an online depression symptoms checklist was speaking to him as no poem ever could. “When I read those words for the first time, I was completely mesmerized—it’s almost like the part about persistent sad and anxious feelings was written just for me,” said Zenner, adding that no piece of writing had ever resonated with him as deeply as the checklist’s stirring opening lines about changes in appetite and the tendency to…
  • News: Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

    3 Sep 2015 | 10:00 pm
    ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.“We’re looking at some very serious abuses at the highest levels of Goodwill’s corporate hierarchy,” said FBI lead investigator Samuel Corson, addressing reporters as he stood next to a table piled high with dozens of CRT computer monitors and…
  • News in Brief: Family Trying To Tune Out Hints Of Misogyny As Grandfather Lovingly Recalls Courting Grandmother

    3 Sep 2015 | 10:00 pm
    EASTON, NJ—Refusing to allow the subtle objectification and belittlement to taint the story of how they first met, members of the Thurman family confirmed Friday that they were tuning out the hints of misogyny in their grandfather’s loving recollection of courting their grandmother. “Back when I was a young man, me and the boys would go down to the pizza parlor every Friday night to try and rustle up some gals, and that’s where I first saw your grandmother,” said Joseph Thurman, 81, whose children and grandchildren reportedly smiled and nodded as they attempted to focus on his…
  • Photo Finish: Marcus Mariota Spends 3 Months In Pocket To Prepare For Quarterback Role

    3 Sep 2015 | 10:00 pm
  • American Voices: Scientists Develop Non-Melting Ice Cream

    3 Sep 2015 | 10:00 pm
    Physicists in the U.K. have isolated a naturally occurring protein in ice cream that binds together water, air, and fat content to keep the scoop solid, a protein they can replicate and use to develop ice cream that doesn’t melt. What do you think?
 
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    Predator Press

  • A Short Visit

    Michael Wolfe
    17 Aug 2015 | 8:27 am
    LOBO -Predator Press Holding the doorknob, I glance at Gina. "It's a spider," I says. "What?" asks Gina. Why would I argue Terri Sellay is a slut when I am selling the video? Cracking the door, I wince in the sunlight. Down on the welcome mat, there's a lizard. "I'm in disguise as a lizard," it explains. I stare. "We've met before," it continues. "I'm the ghost of an armadillo you ran over in 2002." I keep staring. "But I was actually a textile worker killed during the Industrial Revolution," it points out. "Reincarnated as an armadillo. Understand?" "You're the spider ghost of a textile…
  • Virtually Unrepentant

    Michael Wolfe
    11 Aug 2015 | 8:06 am
    LOBO -Predator Press Poring over my psychiatrist bills, I happened spot a new diagnosis. Now trust me, I have a lot of diagnoses. The fact that I spotted this one at all is probably due to my OCD. But this one is a learning disability. "Disease Synonyms: •Basic learning problem in writing •Developmental academic disorder •Developmental disorder in expressive writing •Developmental disorder, expressive writing •Developmental expressive writing disorder •Difficulty solving problems •Difficulty writing •Disturbance of cognitive learning •Impaired ability to learn new material…
  • Ask LOBO: Dating Edition

    Michael Wolfe
    23 Jul 2015 | 6:14 am
    LOBO -Predator Press Millions and millions of readers are always asking me every day, "LOBO, you've been married three times. Clearly you are amazing at relationships. Can you give me some dating tips?" My first impulse is to refuse -I'm currently on track for at least six marriages. Why would I dispense such potentially dangerous wisdom? Well why not? I'm a sucker for logic. #1) ALWAYS WEAR PANTS. I can't stress this enough. No matter what you've seen on the internet, not wearing pants should be saved for the fifth or sixth date. #2) MAKE HER PAY. You need to be sure she isn't some kind of…
  • Scorpion Kick

    Michael Wolfe
    20 Jul 2015 | 11:04 pm
    LOBO -Predator Press Got some [really] bad advice a few years ago, and lost my anonymity by merging Facebook and Google.  Now, despite this being a fictional blog, everyone started superimposing their shit on what I write.  Co-workers I just met insist stories I wrote years before are based on them.  As a consequence of an errant Google search, a girl, concluding I must be the only "lobo" on the internet, asked me who "lobowife" was. WTF? It's really hard to create in circumstances like that.  It has accelerated divorces, caused issues at work, and really…
  • Ghosts

    Michael Wolfe
    8 Jul 2015 | 5:22 am
    LOBO -Predator Press Work, travel, and life in general have really limited my ability to write this year. Many immolated themselves. Many jumped from tall buildings. Many immolated themselves, then jumped from tall buildings. But fear not, o loyal reader! Your beloved Alabaster Battlemaster has not been idle! Piece by piece, recording studio equipment has been arriving back home, and the plan is to make Predator Press -at least in part- a podcast. This should include audio and visual components, and Skype interviews with our -and by "our" I mean "my"- favorite internet personalities. If you…
 
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    Funny or Die | Funny Videos, Funny Video Clips, Funny Pictures

  • 21 Best GIFs Of All Time Of The Week

    best GOAT and Best of the Web
    3 Sep 2015 | 3:26 pm
    21 Best GIFs Of All Time Of The Week This week's best GIFs have everything under control. Submitted by: best GOAT Regular Keywords: funny gifs funny gifs lol gifs best of the week best gifs of the week 21 best gifs combined gifs unexpected gifs fail gifs fails funny kids sports gifs cat gifs lol cats funny dogs sex wtf Views: 3,486
  • FLOWCHART: Should You Believe In Climate Change?

    FOD News, John Harris, and Chlamydia
    3 Sep 2015 | 8:11 am
    FLOWCHART: Should You Believe In Clim... Use this handy flowchart to decide "weather" (whether) or not you should believe in Climate Change? Submitted by: FOD News Regular Keywords: Obama condemns climate change deniers President Obama visits Alaska to raise climate change awareness... and purchase cinnamon rolls President Obama Highlights Climate Change on Alaska Wilderness Tour In Alaska Obama warns against climate change but OKs drilling Obama Visits Arctic Community to Highlight Climate Change President Obama’s Alaska Tour Is About More Than Climate Change Glacier Alaska bay boat tour…
  • Daily Cheney #440: Follow Your Bliss

    Daily Inspiration with Dick Cheney
    3 Sep 2015 | 12:00 am
    Daily Cheney #440: Follow Your Bliss 0:23 Enjoy your daily inspiration from former Vice President Dick Cheney Submitted by: Daily Inspiration with Dick Cheney Regular Keywords: dick cheney dick cheney bio daily inspiration daily cheney cheney daily show Views: 1,059
  • LEAKED: The NFL's Notes On The 'Concussion' Movie Script

    Pat O'Brien
    2 Sep 2015 | 5:24 pm
    LEAKED: The NFL's Notes On The 'Concu... Several pages of the script that were later cut, along with the NFL's notes (in red). Submitted by: Pat O'Brien Regular Keywords: nfl concussion movie nfl movie will smith concussion will smith football roger goodell nfl commissioner nfl head injury football concussion concussion script chronic traumatic encephalopathy CTE pittsburgh steelers pro football football season christmas 2015 sony emails sony hack leaked emails Bennet Omalu mike webster junior seau nfl dementia nfl violence nfl murder fresh prince script notes movie altered welcome to…
  • College Football’s Top 10 Game Day Traditions

    Schindizzle and FOD News
    2 Sep 2015 | 4:30 pm
    College Football’s Top 10 Game Day Tr... College football’s unmatched tradition and pageantry make game days uniquely romanticized cultural events in addition to thrilling athletic contests. And while every campus and stadium throughout the country holds dear its own proud rituals that enhance the game’s aura, these traditions rise above the rest as the most time-honored, thrilling, and sacred. Submitted by: Schindizzle Regular Keywords: football college football sports college tradition football traditions ncaa football Views: 9,789
 
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    View from the Cloud

  • Chapter 10 - House Sitting, The Prequel

    Jeff
    19 Aug 2015 | 6:10 am
    Selling everything we owned and hitting the road wasn't a decision Charli and I made overnight...  it came from a series of events we didn't even realize were leading us here.A few years earlier we had talked about the milestone of becoming empty nesters and had come to conclusion that we would most likely sell our house and buy a much smaller place, you know, one that was cheaper to maintain, easier to keep clean and less taxy on our property.Around the same time, Charli had stumbled on a blog about a family of seven who had been traveling their way across Europe by house sitting. "Hey…
  • The 10 Best Things About House Sitting

    Jeff
    13 Jun 2015 | 5:54 pm
    As featured in the Huffington Post here and MSN Travel hereLast year, after their 3rd child left the nest, Jeff and Charli decided to do something they had wanted to do for a long time... travel around the United States full time as house/pet sitters.On Dec 17, 2014 the couple sold their house and everything they owned, packed their car with what they needed to travel and hit the road for the next chapter in their lives.  Since they started house sitting, Jeff and Charli have lived in homes in Hawaii, Connecticut (nestled in the Berkshire Mountains), Sacramento, CA, and currently in the…
  • Chapter 8 - California!

    Jeff
    20 May 2015 | 4:20 pm
    Well here we are firmly planted in the heart of northern California, and having an amazing time!Starting from the moment we left Connecticut we have been on a whirlwind tour of stopping to see pretty much every family member we have (see Chapter 6) including our two boys in Phoenix and Oceanside... who coincidentally were BOTH in the process of moving at precisely the exact moment we pulled into their respective driveways. Hey, let's wait until mom and dad get here before we try to move all this crap!Actually, we wouldn't have had it any other way. Being able to schedule your house sits so…
  • Chapter 7 - House Sitting and the Technology of Travel

    Jeff
    14 Apr 2015 | 1:22 pm
    A few weeks ago a coworker, who knew I was house sitting and assumed I was in a home office of some sort, asked me over instant message where I was at the time. I replied, "Right now I'm barreling down interstate 40 at about 75 mph." A few seconds later I added... "of course my wife is driving," so he didn't think I was working on a laptop and operating a high speed motor vehicle at the same time, because quite frankly I don't think there's even laws yet for that level of stupidity.But seriously, people often ask me how I can manage to keep working with all the driving we do. Do you take a…
  • Chapter 6 - Moving On

    Jeff
    22 Mar 2015 | 4:52 pm
    I remember when I was 16, sitting in the basement with my friend and making big talk about how as soon as I graduated we were going to jump in his car and move to California, just like that. We didn't need a plan, we'd figure it out when we got there.  It was an exhilarating feeling, the thought of a new adventure with endless possibilities.  There didn't seem to be any reason we couldn't do it, and succeed! But somehow things didn't work out that way.  By the time I graduated I had a job, college plans and, oh yeah... no money saved.Fast forward to one year ago, me and Charli…
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    Jokes - jokes4all.net!

  • How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

    4 Sep 2015 | 5:59 am
    How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?Shoot one.
  • George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. ...

    4 Sep 2015 | 1:59 am
    George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office."Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked."Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first.""Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.""That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news.""The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
  • Why is the number 10 afraid of seven?

    3 Sep 2015 | 9:59 pm
    Why is the number 10 afraid of seven?Because seven ate nine, and 10 is next.
  • A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask ...

    3 Sep 2015 | 5:59 pm
    A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
  • How do you get a blonde on the roof?

    3 Sep 2015 | 1:59 pm
    How do you get a blonde on the roof?Tell her drinks are on the house.
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    Awesomely Luvvie

  • I’m Taking One More Big Trip Before Summer Ends

    Awesomely Luvvie
    2 Sep 2015 | 7:20 am
    I have thoroughly enjoyed this summer. It’s the closest I’ve had to a “summer break” since like college. I let emails linger, I went PSHT to anything urgent and I shirked more than a few responsibilities as I traveled to multiple countries, rooftopped with my girls and just had a grand old time. I know I still owe y’all my part 2 of my Guide to Planning a Trip to Morocco. That is still to come (with promised giveaway). I told you I was being work-trifling this summer. It is now September and I’m all but throwing a temper tantrum because I don’t want…
  • About Nicki Minaj Calling Out Miley Cyrus at the VMAs

    Awesomely Luvvie
    31 Aug 2015 | 11:24 am
    I did not watch the MTV VMAs last night, because I was out enjoying my last weekend in Chicago until October. BUT, you know I had to catch up with the highlight, which was Nicki Minaj getting on stage and calling out Miley Cyrus. What had happened was, a few weeks ago, Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift got into a mini tiff on Twitter, because Nicki mentioned being ignored for awards because she’s basically a Black girl and Taylor felt it was a slight on her. They had their thing, they made up blah blah blah. Then Miley did an interview a couple of days ago where she commented on it talmbout:…
  • These Are My Petty Confessions (And Yours Too)

    Awesomely Luvvie
    26 Aug 2015 | 5:52 pm
    All my life, I’ve been petty. You might wonder what that means. It means I get mad and annoyed at many things, and a bulk of them are mundane as hell. I am basically your cantankerous grandma. So a few weeks back, I decided to confess one of my social media pet peeves, and that is memes with things misspelled and random capitalization. It doesn’t matter how funny a meme is. I will side-eye it til kingdom come because you spelled something wrong on it. I also unfriended someone on Facebook for wearing blue colored contacts in their profile picture. Like, are we still doing this in…
  • Janelle Monae’s “Hell You Talmbout” is Movement Music that Moves Me

    Awesomely Luvvie
    13 Aug 2015 | 12:08 pm
    Chile, y’all know I LOVE ME SOME Janelle Monae. Not just because her closet is my spirit animal and her love of suits and feminine menswear makes my heart swell. The lady is a free Black girl whose music has no limits and she has fun with it. Plus, she is incredibly smart. It comes out of her pores. Now add me to her STAN list. Janelle, Jidenna and their Wondaland crew joined a Black Lives Matter rally in Philly the other day and got on the mic singing “Hell You Talmbout.” Well, it is now a single and I am here for it. In Hell You Talmbout (you know I love that last word),…
  • Dear Serena Williams, So You’re Just Gonna Be This Flawless Effortlessly? Ok.

    Awesomely Luvvie
    10 Aug 2015 | 12:15 pm
    Serena. I SAY, SERENA. GIRL STAHP. Why did you just do this to all of us? Your New York Magazine cover and editorial is the reason people write songs and poems and whatnots. I wanna pen some haikus and limericks in your honor because GAHTDAMB. I bet Common used one of his crochet beanies of days past to wipe some tears because these pictures of you are EVERYTHING. Everything. Every gahtdamb thing and I am LIVING for it. You balanced on some bars like you told gravity you weren’t here for it cuz you’s a grown woman and you do whatever you want. You look so calm too, like in the…
 
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    Brittany, Herself.

  • I’m a terrible kisser

    Brittany
    1 Sep 2015 | 7:22 am
    I remember being in junior high and kissing a boy on my friend’s bed for 3 hours. Three whole hours. No talking, just intense rhythmic french kissing. (...)Read the rest of I’m a terrible kisser (559 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • Program Note: I’m Taking Over!

    Brittany
    31 Aug 2015 | 7:35 am
    It’s finally fall…ish, and that means jeans!(...)Read the rest of Program Note: I’m Taking Over! (61 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • My Bikini Summer

    Brittany
    25 Aug 2015 | 5:23 am
    “Complete honesty?” Andy asked, smooshed beside me in the closet. “Yup.” “I can’t wait until the whole diaper bottom thing is done.”(...)Read the rest of My Bikini Summer (388 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • Cinched

    Brittany
    31 Jul 2015 | 7:16 am
    My waist cincher is making me a monster. Let me start this post by saying there are very few things I won’t try when offered or dared. Like if you take a sip of soda and it tastes weird, so you’re all, “I think the soda machine is out this tastes gross.” I will then take a sip of your drink to verify.(...)Read the rest of Cinched (802 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • On My Bookshelf

    Brittany
    21 Jul 2015 | 5:00 am
    Nothing helps me get over writers block quicker than reading. In fact, that’s a pretty common writing tip. Wanna write a book? Go read some. (...)Read the rest of On My Bookshelf (757 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
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    mark a rayner

  • After the Clown Apocalypse

    Mark A. Rayner
    31 Aug 2015 | 7:01 am
    Like all pandemics, the Bozo Virus ran its course. For those of us who were immune, we had to watch society go mad with clowning. Some saw the horrors of chainsaw juggling. Others experienced the exquisite madness of of buffoonibalism. We were there to witness the collapse of a global economy, the end of civilization as we […]
  • Why the 30 Years War lasted so long

    Mark A. Rayner
    28 Aug 2015 | 8:13 am
    It wasn’t just because all the players had such deeply held religious beliefs. It was also because they had a virtual parity in robots and x-wing fighters. Just a little tip of balance, and it would have been over in weeks. Alltop tips the balance towards funny. Excellent photoshoppery by David Blackwell.
  • Leonides and the papier-mâché spatula

    Mark A. Rayner
    26 Aug 2015 | 7:16 am
    Gregorina awoke that morning feeling stranger than usual. She’d had vivid dreams of ravaging Leonides, their local butcher, with his own meat tenderizer. In the dream – or perhaps it would do her good to think of it as a nightmare – Leonides seemed to enjoy the beginning of his beating, but when he realized […]
  • Gonzo street

    Mark A. Rayner
    21 Aug 2015 | 6:06 am
    One of my guilty pleasures is Jim’ll Paint It — where readers request crazy scenarios and Jim makes them happen through the magic of imagination (and some kind of hallucinogen, I’m guessing.) Alltop loves a good hallaughinogen.
 
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    MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

  • Limerick Ode To A Stupid Criminal

    madkane
    30 Aug 2015 | 3:20 pm
    My limerick was inspired by this news story: “Florida ex-con gives cops fake name that turns up arrest warrant.” If you give a fake name to a cop To disguise your ex-con-ness, don’t swap Your bad name for another Felonious brother… Else you’re headed for prison — chop-chop.
  • A Limerick To Help You Celebrate “Eat Outside Day” (August 31)

    madkane
    30 Aug 2015 | 2:53 pm
    Brace yourself! Tomorrow, August 31, is Eat Outside Day. Although eating outside can be fun, My enjoyment is quickly undone By insects that join To dine on one’s loin. Just one bite, and I’ll bug out and run.
  • Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MAZE or MAIZE or AMAZE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

    madkane
    29 Aug 2015 | 7:55 pm
    It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either MAZE or MAIZE or AMAZE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.) The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.) How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit…
  • Limerick of the Week (228)

    madkane
    29 Aug 2015 | 7:50 pm
    It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse: Poor Dorothy, youthful and rash, Took a lover with plenty of cash. But re-Morse she soon showed For this breach of her Code; “I’m sorry,” cried Dot, “I must Dash!” And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Fred Bortz, Adam Stern, Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, Allen Wilcox, and Phil Graham. Here are their…
  • For National Banana Lover’s Day, A Limerick (August 27)

    madkane
    27 Aug 2015 | 2:03 pm
    It’s National Banana Lovers Day, so here’s my requisite limerick: The smell of bananas is vile. Just one hit of them raises my bile. They taste awful when green And when ripened, obscene. In essence, they stink up the aisle.
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    Dilbert Daily Strip

  • Comic for September 04, 2015

    4 Sep 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
  • Comic for September 03, 2015

    3 Sep 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
  • Comic for September 02, 2015

    2 Sep 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
  • Comic for September 01, 2015

    1 Sep 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
  • Comic for August 31, 2015

    31 Aug 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
 
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    Luggage Tuesdays

  • Garlic Jokes

    26 Aug 2015 | 9:34 pm
    A man walks into a produce store. He looks for an employee but doesn't find anyone. Desperately, he approaches a pile of garlic. "Do you work here?" he asks the pile. The garlic bulbs respond, "No, we're cloves." The man says, "But your sign says you're open." How to make garlic toast: lift your flute and recall garlic's many accomplishments.— Mike Spiegelman (@Spiegelmania) March 2, 2015 How to roast garlic:Rent a hall, invite guests to dinner honoring garlic, hire band, hire comedians, approach dias, face audience, lift champagne flute, and then profanely mock garlic's accomplishments.
  • Did You Hear About The Restaurant on The Moon? Jokes

    25 Aug 2015 | 8:11 am
    Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?Yes, it has great food but no atmosphere.Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?Yes, Zagat says it has "great food" but "no atmosphere."Related: "Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?" joke explained to children. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?You did? Where did you hear aobut it, at your job at NASA?Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Seems pleasant, but has a dark side.Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but lousy delivery.Related: Yelp Reviews for The Restaurant on the…
  • Yelp Reviews for The Restaurant On The Moon

    25 Aug 2015 | 7:52 am
    The Restaurant On The Moon3.5 star rating 394 reviewsRating details $$  DinersWrite a Review, Add Photo, Share, BookmarkMapThe Restaurant on The MoonSea of Tranquility Port #1, Sea of Traquility, The MoonGet DirectionsPhone number: (800) GR8-FOODBusiness website nasa.gov/seaoftranquilityport1/restaurantonthemoonReview Highlights"By now you've probably heard about the restaurant on the moon..." in 348 reviews."Great food but no..." in 347 reviews.Show more review highlightsRecommended ReviewsJeff S.San Francisco, CA314 friends, 671 reviews, Elite '153.0 star rating1 check-in"Great food…
  • Hack List August 2015: On a Very Special...

    25 Aug 2015 | 7:47 am
    Here's a list of television episodes considered hacky during the month of August, 2015:Sister, SisterOn a very special Sister, Sister, Tia and Tamera win the Twins Beauty Contest Original Sketch Comedy Competition, only to admitting their mirror routine was ripped off from The Marx Brothers' Duck Soup.Foul-Ups, Bleeps, and BlundersOn a very special Foul-Ups, Bleeps, and Blunders, host Don Rickles mistakenly calls the show "Dick Clarke's TV's Bloopers & Practical Jokes."WingsOn a very special Wings, the two Hackett brothers, Helen, Roy, Fay, Scarpacci, and Lowell run out of comedic…
  • Hack List July 2015: On a Very Special...

    25 Aug 2015 | 7:00 am
    Here's a list of television episodes considered hacky during the month of July, 2015:Diff'rent StrokesOn a very special Diff'rent Strokes, Dudley turns down Arnold's second offer to visit a bicycle store.Family TiesOn a very special Family Ties, it's the house versus the Keaton Family as the house becomes sentinent.BlossomOn a very special Blossom, an escalating yet absurd misunderstandings leads to comedic mishaps resulting into a half hour of entertaining escapism television.
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    PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

  • Is one of the Ashley Madison hackers living under your own roof?

    Kerry
    27 Aug 2015 | 4:57 pm
    A mother in Bellevue, Nebraska found these notes in her “drawer of fun.” (Looks like somebody wants a new little brother or sister!) related: You should probably delete your search history…
  • Sorry, I’m not an expert in con(ifer) law

    Kerry
    25 Aug 2015 | 1:00 pm
    Since spotting this sign in her Seattle neighborhood, Bethany has been trying to imagine what sort of “legal issues” these pine trees could have created. Any ideas? related: Grow some thicker bark
  • So much for functional design, huh?

    Kerry
    20 Aug 2015 | 8:19 pm
    “Someone at work left a giant box of these post-it notes in our break room,” says Kat in Austin: “ (Any guesses as to why they’re not flying off the shelves?) related: Right/wrong justified
  • Think, people! How can we make our meetings even less productive?

    Kerry
    14 Aug 2015 | 7:04 am
    Says Lem in Queensland, Australia: “Everyone at my local council always says they’re super busy. I figure it’s because they’re ‘busy’ creating extra signs to put up around the office.” related: More passive-aggressive flowcharts
  • Anonymous collaborative “problem-solving”

    Kerry
    5 Aug 2015 | 12:49 pm
    Writes our submitter in Seattle: “One of the refrigerators in the workplace kitchen was smelling a bit foul. A tragedy of the commons situation turns comical…and, apparently, passive-aggressive.” related: The stars of the office petri dish
 
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    BroBible

  • Poopfiction Will Find You The Perfect Reading Material For Taking A Dump Based On One Simple Question

    Chris Illuminati
    4 Sep 2015 | 7:19 am
    Poopfiction Long before cell phones and iPads, people did serious reading while taking a dump. Once technology came along, we all decided to spend the time on the crapper doing things like trolling Facebook and Instagram. So now we’re literally doing shit while taking a shit. Poopfiction wants to bring back the old days by offering classic and thought-provoking literature while sitting on the throne. Just go over readpoopfiction.com and answer one simple question — how long is this poop going to take. The options are Tiny, Short, Medium and Long (those are measurements of time,…
  • Virus From Fecal-Contaminated Food Sickens 100 At A Chipotle In Cali

    David Covucci
    4 Sep 2015 | 7:19 am
    YouTube If you’ve never caught the norovirus, bless your damn soul. Getting it was genuinely one of the more god awful experiences of my life. A buddy and I came down with it in New Orleans on a bachelor party the second to last day. We spent the next 36 in bed. It was exhausting to move. The walk to the toilet to puke or shit was almost incomprehensible. I’d hold it in for hours because my legs were too weak to stand. The nastiest part is when you realize how you contract it. By eating another person’s poo. Yep, it’s pretty much only passed through fecal bacteria.
  • Bourbon-Fueled ‘Firenado’ Sets Lake On Fire After A Jim Beam Factory Leak Led To Badass Weather Phenomenon

    Cass Anderson
    4 Sep 2015 | 7:16 am
    Facebook / TWC This ‘firenado’ video first appeared yesterday in a story from The Weather Channel and has since gone viral, getting picked up by nearly every website I looked at this morning, but as this video continues to make the rounds across the World Wide Web there’s still relatively little information known about when and (specifically) where this ‘firenado’ took place. The details that we do know are the following: (1) the video took place somewhere in the state of Kentucky on a lake near one of the Jim Beam facilities, (2) the ‘firenado’ was…
  • The Denver Nuggets Mascot Basically Assaulted Some Poor Kid During A Charity Football Game And I Love It

    Matt Keohan
    4 Sep 2015 | 7:13 am
    This is how you make America great again. Kids these days are coddled and told that just because they showed up to the goddamn field, they deserve the Medal of Honor. I struck out to lose a Little League game in sixth grade and my dad legit didn’t talk to me during dinner that night. I’ve never felt more humiliated, emasculated. I will never forget that until the day I die. And you know what happened the first game of the next season: LASER SHOW–3 for 3 with a triple off the wall. My dad took me for ice cream that night and gave me a sip of his Miller Lite. To this day,…
  • Student Falls Asleep In Class, Teacher Shows NO MERCY By Blasting Him In The Face With Fire Extinguisher

    Rebecca Martinson
    4 Sep 2015 | 6:54 am
    I’ve always wanted to blast someone in the face with a fire extinguisher but never have because I didn’t know if there was any potential for injury. Well lucky me, after watching this video I now know there isn’t since this kid seemed to come out from it just fine. Better watch your back Matt Keohan, there’s a fire extinguisher in the office with your name on it. [H/T Mirror]
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    Regretful Morning

  • Did These Guys See An Alien Spaceship?

    Jason
    4 Sep 2015 | 6:00 am
    These guys caught some crazy footage of what they thought was an alien spaceship, or a nuke.  Close but no cigar.  This was a rocket launch... The post Did These Guys See An Alien Spaceship? appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • The Busty and Sexy Instagram Girl Charm Killings (28 Pics)

    Mark
    4 Sep 2015 | 5:00 am
    This is Charm Killings. Charm is an model and have featured in numerous magazines such as Show, Blackmen, Straight Stuntin, Smooth, Mixed... The post The Busty and Sexy Instagram Girl Charm Killings (28 Pics) appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • Snake Trapped In Beer Can (6 Pics)

    Mark
    3 Sep 2015 | 1:58 pm
    Imgur user Good Guy chandalowe found a snake trapped in beer can and decided to survey the situation. Unfortunately for the snake, the can was too... The post Snake Trapped In Beer Can (6 Pics) appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • This Guy Is High As A Kite, Let’s See If The Cops Believe Him

    Jason
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:00 am
    The cops found this dude sleeping in his car, and quickly realized he was high as a kite. That didn't stop him from trying to spin them a story... The post This Guy Is High As A Kite, Let’s See If The Cops Believe Him appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • 26 Lovely Girls With Thick Thighs

    Mark
    3 Sep 2015 | 5:00 am
    Thick thighs are hot as hell. Not the kind of thick that gets stuck together and claps, but the right kind of thick. The kind that got that way... The post 26 Lovely Girls With Thick Thighs appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
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    Magick Sandwich

  • Dump 'n' Trump

    11 Aug 2015 | 1:38 pm
    One ends up a worthless piece of shit. The other was born that way.
  • Vagina Repo: Gwyneth Edition

    8 Feb 2015 | 11:25 am
    The real golden ticket here is the Mugworth V-Steam; You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it.                                                                                    …
  • Googling Beckett

    11 Jan 2015 | 1:00 pm
    Sometimes a random typing error can make my whole day.I meant to enter the snippet of text I can't go on, I'll go on. How did poop become Google's (sole!) suggestion for the letter p? Did someone really search for this? If so, somewhere there is a constipated English major waiting for an answer that will never come. Which is so Beckett.
  • Gifts for Idiots

    18 Dec 2014 | 4:07 pm
    In the crush of holiday shopping, it's easy to forget to take time to thank the season's real innovators, those who work at the frontiers of imagination to add ever more useless crap to the world. This season, let's honor them with the ridicule they so richly deserve before consigning their wares to the landfill of memory.The Selfie Brush "makes your cellphone easy to hold for the best selfies ever"because what girl doesn't want to turn her iPhone into a cheap plastic hairbrush?The Theradome LH80 Pro laser helmet costs $895 and promises to slow hair loss. Though it admits new hair growth may…
  • Pink Ribbon Products: From Car Horns to Handguns

    26 Oct 2014 | 1:12 pm
    This is a bagel. What did you think it was?What would October be without a smorgasbord of pinktastic breast cancer awareness-themed treats from cookies, mints, hard lemonade, jelly beans, popcorn and  PEZ to ribbon-shaped cakes, chocolates, cupcake sprinkles, lollipops, pasta and bagels? Rarely has life-threatening illness tasted so delicious.Of course, we shouldn't forget the memorial offerings not meant to pass through the alimentary canal: perfume, knee socks, beer koozies, curling irons, chewing gum, flip flops, beach balls, tote bags, vegetable peelers, bathrobes, fishing rods,chip…
 
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    Habitation Of Justice

  • Victim Impact Statements: Weird Equality

    admin
    2 Sep 2015 | 10:40 pm
    The Canadian federal Criminal Code states that victim impact statements (VIS) are to be used for “the purpose of determining the sentence to be imposed on an offender or whether the offender should be discharged.” Statements must be prepared in writing, according to procedures developed by the province. If the victim has died or is unable to produce a statement, any relative of the victim may do so. An information guide published by the B.C. Attorney General’s Ministry instructs those completing a VIS to consider such questions as: “Do you feel fearful, vulnerable,…
  • Skin Tag Removal Creams: Effective Treatment For The Removal of Skin Tags

    admin
    29 Aug 2015 | 10:35 pm
    Skin tags, also known as acrochordon are benign, harmless growths on the skin. Unfortunately, their growth can be quite embarrassing for some people. Skin tags can negatively affect the way a person views themselves. In most cases, people can have one or two skin tags while others have hundreds. At least 46% of the population has at least one skin tag. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to control their appearance on your body; it is a cruel combination of genetics and other unknown factors. Fortunately, they are easily treatable. Skin tags can appear anywhere, but typically…
  • Crime Victim’s Rights Are A Major Issue For Canada

    admin
    25 Aug 2015 | 10:26 pm
    “For many victims, living with the aftermath of a crime is a real and undeniable challenge,” Norm Sterling, Minister Of Correctional Services, told reporters. “The justice system needs to be reminded that a crime continues to rob the victims of their personal sense of safety.” It remained for Detective-Sergeant John Muise, of the province’s Office for Victims of Crime, to explain that victims will not be allowed to “call the shots or make decisions” regarding what happens to criminals. But they will be given a voice, and that voice will be heard by…
  • Aboriginal Justice: A Complex Subject, To Say The Least

    admin
    22 Aug 2015 | 10:16 am
    Two themes often emerge when I speak to Aboriginal people about their future. Even though they are, reluctant to talk about it, they sincerely feel that they are being neglected and put down by other Canadians and that the legal system treats them with disdain. Because they see no change in the attitudes of people who could help them, they feel powerless to overcome the hurdles they face, I understand and share their concerns. If, as I felt in my Law School and practicing days, the Canadian system of justice is so marvellous, I now have to ask how it can possibly cause so much pain. It, must…
  • Is The Internet A Great Tool For Activism, Or Just Noise?

    admin
    18 Aug 2015 | 5:30 am
    When I first heard of the Internet, it seemed to offer great potential for the kind of international dialogue and collaborative writing and publishing that I had envisioned. So I quickly began learning everything I could about it. The possibilities seemed endless–we could set up a collective space, hold “electronic conferences” to share strategies, create and disseminate working papers on our issues, develop urgent action networks, and on and on. But my initial enthusiasm was soon dampened by several realities. First, at the time, nearly all the women with access to the…
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    Late For the Sky

  • good Opening For My Novel?

    30 Aug 2015 | 7:19 am
    As Liz pressed the clutch firmly to the floor and put the car in gear, musing about how like making love with Richard this was, the way he would ignite an internal combustion within her, clutch her tightly, setting her passion into gear and sending her blood racing as she shifted under him, cruise control off, until she hit a wall of rapture and Richard collapsed against her like an air bag, little did she realize that Richard was siphoning the fuel of their romance into another vehicle at that very moment.
  • It was a nice apartment but not the Ritz

    27 Apr 2015 | 5:46 pm
    Ritz crackers are comfort food. Perhaps only my sister will understand this. Yesterday I had Gouda cheese, Ritz crackers, and Thompson seedless grapes for lunch. It incited a Proustian bout of nostalgia. I was taken back to the Hyde Park apartments in Inglewood, California. (Whether it was actually named the Hyde Park apartments is open to question. I think I was called that and was on Hyde Park Blvd., around the corner from the house we eventually moved into on Beach Avenue; but I could be misremembering this and everything that follows.). My mother was at work and my sister and I were home…
  • Wax On, Wax Off

    27 Dec 2014 | 8:33 am
    Hanukkah candles that burn for one hour leave wax Residue on a menorah that takes eight hours to get off. The easiest way to get wax off your menorah is to use oil instead. After all, the miracle of Hanukkah is about oil, not wax. We eat potatoes and doughnuts fried in oil, we don't eat wax fruit to celebrate the miracle. Why do most American Jews burn candles. How did the candle industry push out Big Oil in America? That's the Hanukkah miracle I would like to know more about.
  • IMAGINE PASSOVER

    11 Apr 2014 | 8:32 pm
    By John LennonsteinImagine there's no leavenNo yeast to make bread riseNo rolls or doughnuts,Absence of the pizza pieImagine eating onlyMatzah for 8 days...Imagine there's no chametzFor Ashkenazis, no legumes(But at least there’s matzah brie orMatzo balls in chicken soup)Imagine all the bowelsBacked up for a week...You may say you like matzahBut passing it is pretty toughI hope this Metamucil’s kosher                                                     And it…
  • Breaking Chabad

    28 Nov 2013 | 12:56 pm
    The series follows Walter Weiss, a Talmudic scholar who discovers he has cancer.  To pay for his treatments he begins secretly making bacon in a mobile home and selling it on the black Hasidic market (the cure for the cure).  He especially has to conceal it from his brother in law, a rabbi who certifies food as kashrut in the local restaurants.  Walter works with Jesse Pinkus, a former student who dropped out and became a hog slaughterer in defiance of his Jewish roots.
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    Beauty Tips For MinistersBeauty Tips For Ministers

  • Checking In

    PeaceBang
    2 Sep 2015 | 8:11 pm
    Nothing in particular, dearies, just saying hello from my warm, humid study where I sit surrounded by piles of papers and unshelved books. How are you? What’s on your mind, coming up that you have to dress for, etc.? Kiss of peace, PB Share This Hide Sites
  • Comment Of the Day: A Minister Wore Madras Shorts To A Funeral

    PeaceBang
    21 Aug 2015 | 3:26 pm
    Nellie wrote a comment that had me muttering obscenities and also laughing really hard. She’s very talented that way. Here, you read it yourself. I didn’t want anyone to miss it: I am a lay person with long exposure to both the Unitarian and Anglican communions – 74 years now. I am quite sure you, Peacebang, will be able to pull it off. But I am very worried about the rest of your colleagues. Our rector (female) performed a funeral in the summer for an important person in our community – full church – wearing Madras shorts, t-shirt, birkenstocks and a stole. The men in the…
  • Abandoning Preaching Gowns: “Unweirding” Church

    PeaceBang
    18 Aug 2015 | 5:10 pm
    Hello, hello, hello! Pigeons, how are you? It’s been awhile. PeaceBang has been in the Land of Summer, reading her little head off, thinking (or as she likes to say it, “THANKING”), swimming in the great Atlantic ocean and spending tons and tons of time with friends. That last thing is the best, isn’t it? When the church year gets really hopping I just don’t see my buds enough, and when it freezes and starts blizzarding I don’t see them at ALL! I love this time of year for long, relaxed dinners, nights at the movies or the theatre, concocting something fun…
  • Shirt And Collar Different Sizes

    PeaceBang
    18 Aug 2015 | 4:37 pm
    Ah, the joys of clericals! Soon-to-be-deacon I. writes in with a question: I’m about to get ordained (God willing) as a deacon in the — Church, and am in the throes of purchasing my first clergy shirt and collars, amongst other things. Based on my measurements though, I need a size 13/13.5 collar and the collars of the shirts I’m looking at (long sleeve button down) run bigger than that. Add to this the cost, the emotional element, and the fact that I can’t try things on in advance and I’m in a bit of a pickle. So, my two questions are: 1. Can/should you wear a…
  • A Year: BLM and Edgy Slogan TShirts

    PeaceBang
    12 Aug 2015 | 10:53 am
    Hello, pussy cats, Ah, August. I have two broken fingernails, ratty, tangled, brassy hair, and a home study that looks like a hurricane went through it. Every time I set aside time to do work, I find myself out in the garden or walking by the beach. FUNNY how that happens. Hey, I regret nada as I am officially on vacation. Yes, I have interviewing to do for a staff position. Yes, I have a service to lead next Sunday. Yes, I have a church foyer to decorate and a newsletter column to write and a welcome message to film. But vacation is VACATION and I’m on it through August 20th, so no…
 
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    Weird News FilesWeird News Files » | The Weirdest News Ever

  • Two Tales of Criminals Who Chewed Their Way into Jail

    Author
    10 Aug 2015 | 7:04 am
    In the past, there had been reports of criminals doing bizarre and memorable things that got them arrested and jailed. This week, two felons were separately arrested for the weird things they did. The woman who tried chewing on crack cocaine while being arrested Coffee County deputies saw 48-year-old Linda Blank walking on foot and stopped her. It was unclear, however, why she was accosted. But after officers did a quick research, they found out she was wanted on a probation violation and has a bench warrant for shoplifting. What followed after the police tried to arrest Blank baffled them,…
  • A Man Spent 18 Years Chasing After an Elusive Mustard Belt

    Author
    12 Jul 2015 | 5:05 pm
    In every contest, there is always a victor and a few heartbroken hopefuls who will go home with a downcast face. Eric “Badlands” Booker is no exception to this despite having won at numerous eating competitions. Booker has spent 18 years – since 1997 – chasing after the Mustard Belt of The World-Famous Nathan’s International Hot Dog Eating Contest, which is like the Super Bowl of competitive eating and happens every 4th of July on Coney Island. But he has never won. He got so close to winning the title and the $10,000 cash prize in 2002 when he bagged the 2nd place. But like all…
  • A Shocking Wedding between Two Robots in Love

    Author
    30 Jun 2015 | 6:10 pm
    Amidst the chaos brought about by the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States, a love story unfolded and ended at the altar over the weekend. You can say that the bride and groom will live happily after as soon as they tied the knot. But it’s not like any other wedding you know. The matrimonial rite was between two robots that clearly did not looked compatible, but still looked cute together. The two robots were wed in Japan over the weekend, and this could be the event that will confirm what anti-gay marriage advocates fear the most – humans could marry robots, animals or…
  • How Skinny Jeans can Land You in the Hospital

    Author
    24 Jun 2015 | 4:14 pm
    Skinny jeans have been in fashion for quite some time now. It’s stylish, easy to wear and can be paired with anything. However, skinny jeans that are too tight can be hazardous to your health. In fact, that vacuum-sealed feeling every time you wear a pair of these denims can suck the life out of you. This was the case of a woman in Australia who was rushed to the hospital after her swollen legs, brought about by squatting in these super tight jeans for several hours, prevented her from being able to walk. Her doctors said that the woman was wearing the tight-fitting clothing and was…
  • Man Robs a Bank with a Pretty Unusual Weapon

    Author
    16 Jun 2015 | 8:40 pm
    We’ve all seen all sorts of bank robberies in the news. Most of them would involve masked men carrying guns and other kinds of weapon to threaten the people inside the banks and intimidate them into giving them the cash they want. Of course, for fear of getting hurt or worse, killed, bank personnel would hand over the money to the robbers. An unusual robbery case was reported on Monday afternoon, which took place in Pennsylvania. The suspect was named Aaron Stein, 35 years old. Stein went to the PNC Bank on Monday afternoon and announced that he had an explosive device with him while…
 
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    English Russia

  • Moscow Domodedovo Airport is in Smoke

    tim
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:37 pm
    Today, Moscow's Domodedovo airport looked like it was from some apocalyptic movie - with smoke all over the place and people wandering around with only their silhouettes visible.  The reason for this is a fire during construction works. The smoke got … Read more...
  • Russian Six Year Old Girl Makes 26 Pull Ups

    tim
    3 Sep 2015 | 8:50 am
    So Russian women are not only attractive but they are strong too. At least this six year old from Kremenchug, Ukraine is. She did at least 26 pull ups at a local event, shocking the public. It's not like she is … Read more...
  • In Donetsk Dad Brought His Kid to School on Tank

    tim
    2 Sep 2015 | 9:27 pm
      It has been reported that an unnamed dad in Donetsk has given his son a ride to school, on the first day of school, on a tank. Well nobody seemed to care and his classmates joined in to take more photos.
  • Giant Russian SUV Converted from an Army Truck

    tim
    2 Sep 2015 | 8:23 pm
    Vyacheslav Zolotukhin from Krasnokamensk Russia has created a unique vehicle - Mega Cruiser Russia. It took him year and a half and the results are outstanding. He took an army truck, a GAZ-66 (you can see its pic on the next … Read more...
  • Mosquitos and Insects in Siberia

    tim
    1 Sep 2015 | 8:46 pm
    If you have never thought about how many mosquitos and other hostile-to-human insects there are in Siberia, this video will be an eye opener!
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    Strange Herring

  • A Strange Review: “W1A”

    Anthony Sacramone
    2 Sep 2015 | 8:01 pm
    Picture Shows: Jack Patterson (JONATHAN BAILEY), Will Humphries (HUGH SKINNER), Izzy Gould (OPHELIA LOVIBOND), Lucy Freeman (NINA SOSANYA), Ian Fletcher (HUGH BONNEVILLE), Siobhan Sharpe (JESSICA HYNES), Neil Reid (DAVID WESTHEAD), David Wilkes (RUFUS JONES), Anna Rampton (SARAH PARISH), Simon Harwood (JASON WATKINS), Tracey Pritchard (MONICA DOLAN) – (C) BBC – Photographer: Jack Barnes “Hah?” is what you’re saying to yourself right about now, or “Huh?” or “Heh?” or “Where’s my avocado?” So I was rummaging through…
  • Idris Elba and the James Bond Kerfuffle

    Anthony Sacramone
    1 Sep 2015 | 7:45 pm
    So Roger Moore thought the erstwhile star of The Wire and Luther couldn’t play James Bond because Bond should be “English-English,” which is to say white. And the author of the latest James Bond novel who is not Ian Fleming thinks Elba can’t play James Bond because Elba’s too “street,” which I think is code for “too black.” You know who first pitched the idea of Idris Elba as James Bond? I did. Behold: a screen shot from Mollie’s Twizzler feed, when she retwitted a twit from my now defunct Twizzler account, dated September 28, 2011.
  • A Very Strange Preview: Sergio Leone’s “The Siege of Leningrad”

    Anthony Sacramone
    1 Sep 2015 | 4:25 pm
    The only stories I love to read more than “The Making of …” this or that film are stories about films that almost got made, kinda got made, never got made. I recently treated myself to a popcorn book, The Greatest Movies You’ll Never See, and although I knew broadly about several of these would-be almost sorta films: Kubrick’s Napoleon, Welles’s The Other Side of the Wind (which actually was shot, just never completed), Jerry Lewis’s The Day the Clown Cried (which was not only shot but finished, but is so bad, Lewis has forbidden its release for…
  • Strange Quote of the Day: Ronda Rousey

    Anthony Sacramone
    1 Sep 2015 | 3:57 pm
    “Honesty pays, but it pays very slowly, and doesn’t pay consistently.” If you have a low tolerance level for locker-room language, I advise against clicking the play button. Or, you may want to cut to the second half of the discussion, about the science of making weight, steroids in the sport, training routines, reading opponents, improvising in the ring. It’s less rowdy and a lot of fun if you’re into MMA, judo, boxing, or just kicking people in the face. Rousey vs. Gina Carano can still happen: onscreen. Filed under: Strange Quote of the Day
  • A Strange Preview: “Concussion”

    Anthony Sacramone
    1 Sep 2015 | 10:56 am
    So Will Smith’s in the Oscar race, I’m thinkin’. Based on the true story of a Nigerian-born neuropathologist who, after studying head trauma in NFL players, made the all-important link between repeated concussions and early-onset Alzheimer’s. Needless to say, the NFL, like Big Tobacco, was in no rush to accept these findings that could conflict with the bottom line. Great line: “You’re going to war with a corporation that owns a day of the week!” UPDATE: Seems concerns about blowback from the NFL may have resulted in Sony Pictures tweaking aspects of the…
 
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    AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

  • Bryan For Sale

    Kailee Graves
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:59 pm
    “When my friend was a little kid, he tried to sell himself after getting mad at his family.” (via source) “When my friend was a little kid, he tried to sell himself after getting mad at his family.” (via source) The post Bryan For Sale appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
  • The Great Outdoors

    Kailee Graves
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:54 pm
    “As a kid, I had my priorities straight” (via source) “As a kid, I had my priorities straight” (via source) The post The Great Outdoors appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
  • Son Of Spock

    Kailee Graves
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:40 pm
    “My senior yearbook picture. I look like Spock’s angsty teenage son. I straightened my hair everyday for 3 years.” (via source) “My senior yearbook picture. I look like Spock’s angsty teenage son. I straightened my hair everyday for 3 years.” (via source) The post Son Of Spock appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
  • Shocker

    Kailee Graves
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:16 pm
    My four year old learned a valuable lesson today (fortunately, he wasn’t hurt). (via source) My four year old learned a valuable lesson today (fortunately, he wasn’t hurt). (via source) The post Shocker appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
  • Man Down

    awkward
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:10 pm
    Photographer fell down while taking a wedding picture. Here’s the picture he ended up taking. (via source) Photographer fell down while taking a wedding picture. Here’s the picture he ended up taking. (via source) The post Man Down appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
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    FMyLife

  • Anonymous says FML

    Anonymous
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:30 pm
    Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML
  • whoevenncares says FML

    whoevenncares
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:06 pm
    Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML
  • bestgirlfriend says FML

    bestgirlfriend
    3 Sep 2015 | 4:31 pm
    Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML
  • JordanAfml says FML

    JordanAfml
    3 Sep 2015 | 2:14 pm
    Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML
  • stupidrobot says FML

    stupidrobot
    3 Sep 2015 | 1:14 pm
    Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML
 
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    Lowering the Bar

  • Teens Charged With Exploiting Themselves

    Kevin
    3 Sep 2015 | 12:24 pm
    Let me just warn you in advance that the following sentence will make no sense at all: After a 16-year-old Fayetteville girl made a sexually explicit nude photo of herself for her boyfriend last fall, the Cumberland County Sheriff's Office concluded that she committed two felony sex crimes against herself and arrested her in February. To be fair, it's a perfectly valid English sentence until one reaches the word "that." Only then does it turn batsh*t insane. As the Fayetteville Observer reports, the girl and her boyfriend (also 16 at the time) were discovered to be "sexting" each other, which…
  • The Taiwanese Animators Notice Missouri's Failed Gerrymander

    Kevin
    2 Sep 2015 | 10:32 am
    The story of the failed gerrymander attempt in Columbia, Missouri (see "Gerrymanders Miss One Person" (Aug. 31)), has been extremely popular, and not just in the United States. The famous Taiwanese Animators have now turned it into a video starring a cartoon Jen Henderson crusading against Monopoly-style villains.   Jen probably never dreamed she would reach this level of fame (yesterday's video starred Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, living in the White House), but such is life.          Related StoriesGerrymanderers Miss One PersonDanny…
  • Lawsuit Blames Negligent Six-Year-Old

    Kevin
    2 Sep 2015 | 5:30 am
    "A judge will now have to decide whether the six-year-old can be held legally responsible for her actions," says the Telegraph about a case pending in Austria. According to the report, the accident she's accused of causing "took place on the slopes of Hochhäderich mountain in the Bregenzerwald forest," and I assumed the reporter just made those names up but they turn out to be real places. The girl, who was part of a group taking ski lessons, allegedly "made a sudden turn" into the path of an adult skier, and the two collided. The adult woman claims to have been seriously injured by this,…
  • Gerrymanderers Miss One Person

    Kevin
    31 Aug 2015 | 10:54 am
    As you probably know, "gerrymandering" is the practice of redrawing the borders of a voting district for a specific purpose, usually if not always to make sure it has more of your supporters than opponents in it. This is nothing new, of course, but few gerrymanderers can have failed more spectacularly than those who crafted the Business Loop 70 Community Improvement District in Columbia, Missouri. The city council established the district in April for the purpose of improving the area of town shown above. According to the Columbia Tribune (also the image source), state law permits the voters…
  • Upon Further Review, I Don't Know What to Think

    Kevin
    27 Aug 2015 | 10:35 am
    Guys, a topic that is kind of interesting but that you should still not bring up on a first date is how the NFL's instant-replay system is similar in some ways to the courts of appeal. Both systems use a "standard of review" under which the first call may stand even if the people reviewing it think it's wrong or might have done things differently to begin with. For example, an appellate court might think a witness's story is BS, but it will almost never reverse for that reason because it defers to the trial judge and jurors who heard the testimony in person. Instant replay has the same kind…
 
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    nonamedufus

  • Gunther, A Master Swedish Chef

    nonamedufus
    1 Sep 2015 | 3:12 pm
    Gunther was quite pleased with himself. He'd made it to the final five of the Swedish version of MasterChef. This was the serious version of the show. There was no hint of the Muppet's Swedish Chef anywhere.Gunther knew if he wanted to make the final two, and after that win, he had to make a special repast that would impress the judges and, in future, result in his moving on.But he had to come up with this himself. Matilda, Bjarne, Enok and Lukas - his competitors - would be planning their individual meals too. But he had to go them one better. He had no beef with the other chefs. But he knew…
  • Bibliofile - August 2015

    nonamedufus
    31 Aug 2015 | 8:41 am
    This bibliophile added 6 books to his bibliofile in August and it was quite an eclectic collection beginning with an old favourite, Jack Reacher, in his tenth outing in The Hard Way. Jack's not a sleuth per se but a lonely, roving bit of a tragic figure who nevertheless involves himself in cases that need solving. I always enjoy these tales.Harper Lee's Go Set A Watchman was an interesting and enjoyable read. It's a sequel to Go Kill a Mockingbird, steeped, surprisingly perhaps in southern racial overtones. The media hype around this novel was substantial so I had to see if it lived up to it.
  • Seeing Things

    nonamedufus
    27 Aug 2015 | 12:53 pm
    At first he didn't notice her. She sat several rows back in his civics class. But she noticed him. And she knew his every move in advance.She knew he was going to McDonald's after class for a coffee and an Egg McMuffin and she knew he would spill his coffee before he had a chance to add milk and sugar."I knew that would happen" she whispered from behind him. He turned to look at her and smiled sheepishly as he took some napkins to wipe up the coffee."You did, did you?" he replied. "Well, yes" she replied. "Of course."He smiled again as they parted. "Hmmm, nice" he thought as he walked home.A…
  • Exercise? Abs-olutely

    nonamedufus
    21 Aug 2015 | 10:01 am
    Brad started his week with a breakfast of two sausage and egg McMuffin sandwiches. Every Monday, without fail, Brad would zip through the McDonald's drive-thru and place his order. A medium coffee, double-double would complete his meal.Throughout the week, Brad would make himself a couple of eggs and bacon for breakfast. But on Friday he'd hit up the nearby restaurant and have two eggs over easy with sausages, potatoes and toast.And that's just breakfast. For lunch Brad would have a sub, a burger or a couple of hot dogs. Not the healthiest approach to eating, for sure.Brad's wife, Paula, was…
  • Quibble and Bits

    nonamedufus
    15 Aug 2015 | 8:14 am
    I wish Bob could understand me. Oh, sure, he knows when to take me for a walk. The signs are unmistakable. Be that as it may, I've been good. I haven't had an accident in the house in years. But I wish he could decipher my whines and growls. Sometimes I just want to be petted. You know - be shown a little doggie love.Or when the water bowl is empty. Hey, Bob, more water please. I'm thirsty over here.Bob wasn't always like this. He was far more affectionate and tuned into my needs before SHE came along. SHE made Bob pay me less attention because he paid way more attention to her.And what's…
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    Ann's Rants

  • I am…Warrior Jogger!

    Ann Imig
    22 Aug 2015 | 2:56 pm
    I jog. Not run, definitely jog. I don’t race. I don’t train for races. I don’t aspire to race. I jog regularly, slowly, and outside if at all possible for lots of good reasons mainly centered around my sanity. I’ve jogged through blizzards and deluges and a tornado watch on Tuesday night. You know who jogs through a tornado watch? A mother desperate for time to herself, with a surprise 60-minute window very likely to become a 30 minute window when the soccer practice gets called halfway through due to lightening and tornado watches. Fellow worriers, next time I jog…
  • Working from home with kids this summer! Getting worked over by kids at home this summer!

    Ann Imig
    11 Aug 2015 | 7:48 am
      “eat some turkey too”   This frantic scrawl communication during my conference call, in response to children mime-eating cupcakes, then shrugging shoulders at me with questioning hands and innocent-tilting heads from my office doorway. Translation: “Cupcakes, s’il vous plait? Maman, for it’s way past 10:00 am! This fine morning has nearly bid us adieu sans frosting!!” The “eat some turkey too” protein missive passed to their eager hands, I nod. I need at least twenty more minutes on this phone call. Eyes widen. Earnest head bobs YES…
  • Mending

    Ann Imig
    2 Aug 2015 | 8:25 pm
    This summer my eleven-year-old son learned to use a needle and thread. Grouped on a track at College For Kids with his first choices of Rocket Science and Physics, Recycled Textiles never held great allure for him. None of us realized he’d learn to hand-sew and surprise us with gifts–a denim jean purse for me, a wallet for his dad, and a pillow made from a Minecraft t-shirt for his younger brother. The Minecraft throw pillow–once full of cushion-promise for even the weariest gamer–started loosing its seems. It sat for weeks, exposing its stuffing guts, reminding me of…
  • Join me Sunday at Arcadia Books! Also, LTYM Video Release!! Lastly, Washington Post!!!

    Ann Imig
    10 Jul 2015 | 12:23 pm
    photo by Melissa Austin DUCK AND COVER! I am coming at you on allllll of the platforms… VIDEO: Big news! Listen To Your Mother released our 2015 videos, adding 450 new stories of motherhood to our LTYMShow YouTube channel! Now our archives houses nearly 1500 videos from five seasons of LTYM shows. You can watch videos from the 6th annual Madison show here, then skip hop and jump around by city, reader name, keyword, or topic! Most enormous gigantic thanks to my business strategist and video producer Deb Rox plus online content manager Stephanie Precourt who’ve spent the past…
  • My Life in Hair: A One Act

    Ann Imig
    8 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    From long to short, from head to toe, I present MY LIFE in HAIR, MY HAIRSTORY! Scene 1: 1974; 6 pounds, 13 ounces OF HAIR Scene 2: No More Tears – Half a bottle of conditioner, one small girl Scene 3: Under the bubble dryer the acoustics are excellent! Scene 4: Off With Her Braids, On With The Bowl – From Fraggle to Hamill   Scene 5: If You Perm it, They Will Laugh Scene 6: Tales of a Fourth Grade Hairy Lou Retton Scene 7: Wedges Are For Lettuce Scene 8: Orange Is The New Blonde – When neither lemon nor Sun-In suffice (go for the strong stuff in your step-mom’s…
 
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    Unique Scoop

  • Hilarious Father & Son Comics That Perfectly Explain Parenting (44 Pics)

    Scoop
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:13 am
  • This Object Has Been Orbiting The Earth For 50 Years, But No One Knows What It Is

    Scoop
    2 Sep 2015 | 6:45 am
    Ever since mankind has existed, it is have a fascination with the stars; particularly, beings which may or may not exist which hail from those stars-creatures which might have an extra terrestrial origin.Once man discovered flight in the twentieth century, those sorts were taken to whole new levels. When we had the technology to see out of our own atmosphere, and we had the technology to travel all across the world, scientists and to the general public alike set their sights on more ambitious goals. Of course, humanities best efforts were made in the 1960s, where space travel became…
  • Old Architecture Meets Contemporary Art At Openart Festival In Sweden

    Scoop
    2 Sep 2015 | 6:45 am
    From Ai Weiwei’s 300-meter-long installation to giant pop-corns scattered across a pink street, scalability puts once again perspective into public space and public space into perspective at OpenART 2015. 130 artworks are wittily concentrated on 80 exhibition venues spreading across just 5000 square meters in the city center.When old architecture converges with contemporary art in public space, an effervescent phenomenon emerges – the city meets the people and people meet the city. The lines and curves of the city and all the familiar surroundings are suddenly acknowledged in a merely…
  • Nature Noms (19 Pics)

    Scoop
    1 Sep 2015 | 8:34 am
  • How Dogs Have Evolved Over The Last 100 Years (23 pics)

    Scoop
    1 Sep 2015 | 8:32 am
    Saluki, 19152015Dachshund, 19152o15Bull Terrier, 19152015German Shepard, 19152015Pug, 19152015Bearded Collie, 19152015Saint Bernard, 19152015Basset Hound, 19152015Boxer, 19152015White Terrier, 19152015English Bulldog, 19152015Doberman Pinscher 1915 and 2015
 
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    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • How to Get On in Life

    info@gcfl.net
    2 Sep 2015 | 12:00 am
    "Tell me how to get on in life," said the kettle. "Take panes," said the window. "Never be led," said the pencil. "Do a driving business," said the hammer. "Aspire to great things," said the nutmeg grater. "Make light of everything," said the fire. "Make much of small things," said the microscope. "Never do anything offhand," said the glove. "Just reflect," said the mirror. "Be sharp," said the knife. "Find a good thing and stick to it," said the glue. And that's why the kettle sings as she works, and works as she sings. Received from Andychap.
  • Traveling Preacher

    info@gcfl.net
    1 Sep 2015 | 12:00 am
    A traveling preacher finds himself in a tremendous rainstorm. Within a few hours the hotel he is staying in becomes flooded. As the water rises, the preacher climbs to the roof and starts praying. "Lord, save me so I can continue on my mission of preaching your gospel." Just then, a coast guard rescue party floats by in a rowboat. "Let's go, mister. Into the boat." "I'll stay here," says the preacher. "The Lord will save me." An hour later a second boat reaches the scene and the water is close to the roof of the hotel. "Sir, you better get in, the water is still rising." "No thanks. The Lord…
  • Unfair Payment

    info@gcfl.net
    31 Aug 2015 | 12:00 am
    Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz and, after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole." Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
  • Wedding Colors

    info@gcfl.net
    28 Aug 2015 | 12:00 am
    Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time. As she sat in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the altar. Mary whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said.... "So why is the groom wearing black?" Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
  • What's Amore?

    info@gcfl.net
    27 Aug 2015 | 12:00 am
    When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie, That's amore. When an eel bites your hand And that's not what you planned, That's a moray. When our habits are strange And our customs deranged, That's our mores. When your horse munches straw And the bales total four, That's some more hay. When Othello's poor wife She gets stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh? Received from Robert Dvorak.
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    Dog and Pony Show

  • The Most Important Superman Drone Video You’ll See Today

    Chris Olivieri
    4 Sep 2015 | 6:38 am
    One of the ways that the internet has changed during our 2 year hiatus is the influx of drone videos that have basically taken over the internet. Until today, nothing DAPSish enough has come across my desk to share. But this morning, I spied a little link featuring drone footage from a DGI Phantom 3 with a Superman action figure strapped to it, set to John Williams’ classic Superman score. Who was the genius behind this genius? His name is Barry Craig, and he’s actually a pretty great photographer/designer. The video is one of only three available on his YouTube channel. Barry,…
  • DAPS Links: Game of Thones As Bob’s Burgers, Age of Ultron’s Gag Reel, A Taco Made of Chicken, & More

    Chris Olivieri
    3 Sep 2015 | 3:23 pm
    http://catsdogsblog.com/post/128255070820/more-gifs-httpcatsdogsblogcom Above ^^^^ Yep, that’s the best cat GIF ever… Got a better one? Send it to us :) Behold! Taco Bell’s chicken taco, but the taco shell is made of chicken. We’re all going to die… We could have had monkeys in North America, but NOooOOOoooo nature had to be an asshole. Here it is, kids… the Avengers: Age of Ultron gag reel. Stephen Colbert’s first Late Show episode is gonna be Super-sized. Nope, this isn’t a Clickhole article, it’s a Noisey article. You’re not ready…
  • Jimmy Kimmel Asks: Can You Spot The Americans Who Think Barack Obama Is a Muslim?

    Chris Olivieri
    3 Sep 2015 | 12:26 pm
    Earlier in the week, we were surprised to learn that, according to a recent poll, a surprising amount of Americans believe that President Barack Obama is a Muslim. Apparently this belief stems from a series of chain e-mails. According to Wikipedia: A chain e-mail circulating during the presidential campaign claimed that Obama took his oath of office as a U.S. Senator in 2005 while placing his hand on a Qur’an rather than a Bible. This claim is false, as Obama was sworn into office using a Bible that he owned. The claim may have been inspired by a photo-op re-enactment of the 2007…
  • DAPS Links: Ecto-Cooler Beer, Angry Birds Movie Pics, Saving Ribs From The Fire, & More!

    Chris Olivieri
    2 Sep 2015 | 1:34 pm
    http://uncannie.tumblr.com/post/128019832754 This photo of Stephen Colbert posing with his new Late Show marquee makes me happy. Excited about that Angry Birds movie? Did you forget it was happening? In either case, PopCultureBrain has the first look! The dudes in SI pop-punk outfit, Everything Ever, lost all of their gear. Learn how you can help! Watch this creep do some cool stuff with playing cards! No more exclamation points, I promise… Speaking of creepy, I’m not sure what’s going on here. Someone made Ecto-Cooler beer? Music videos are pretty easy to make, unless…
  • Eric Demeusy’s Short Film Shows What Happened To Boba Fett After “Return of the Jedi”

    Chris Olivieri
    2 Sep 2015 | 10:15 am
    Boba Fett is easily one of the most popular Star Wars characters, so it’s pretty obvious that the bounty hunter would be the subject of many fan-made creations. A lot of the time those creations aren’t very good, but occasionally, in the vastness of the internet, you get something pretty great. For example, above you see a short film speculating what may have happened to ol’ Boba after the events of Return of the Jedi. The clip, called “Star Wars: The New Republic Anthology,” was created by a bright young filmmaker named Eric Demeusy, whose work you’ve…
 
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    BugginWord

  • Don’t Call it a Comeback

    BugginWord
    1 Sep 2015 | 8:30 am
    Him: So you know how sometimes I go and book the flights for our vacations without telling you? Me: *blank stare* Him: And then you get really mad. And then you get excited. And then you figure out all the hotels and restaurants and things to see? Me: We are not going on vacation. We can’t even organize a trip to the grocery store. Speaking of…your lunch options are pickles, oatmeal, or frozen peas. I suppose we could put that all together… Him: Hon? Me: Where you saying something? Him: And you keep saying how you miss creating and how you end up spending what little free…
  • Reminder

    BugginWord
    22 May 2015 | 6:01 am
    Me: Whom do I love? Him: Me!! Me: Ayup! Him: And Sam! Me: I sure do. Him: And Daddy! Me: Very much. Him: And…YOU!   Thanks, kid. I needed that reminder. Also? Mark it down. It only took this kid three years, seven months, and nine days to surpass me in intelligence.   Other Related Ramblings You Might Enjoy:Re-uke-itationEvery Rose Has Its UkeWordless WednesdaySearch Optimization-ishThis Week’s Tweets (Visited 159 times, 157 visits today)
  • Shit That Saved My Life As A New Parent (and Possibly My Child’s, Too)

    BugginWord
    6 Nov 2014 | 8:55 am
    Seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant.  I am, of course, super happy for them.  I’m also super happy for me.  Mostly because several of my high school classmates are posting pictures of their grandkids on Facebook.  It’s nice not be the only old lady defying evolution.  *uterus bumps* Several of these parasite hosts have asked, “What should we register for?”  My answer, usually, is that most of the general online lists have it right, more or less.  But I like specifics.  So do most of my friends.  And seeing as how you guys are my friends, also…
  • Like A David Bowie Song But With More Boobs

    BugginWord
    14 Apr 2014 | 8:34 am
    This morning, while waiting for the green light to condone another cup of espresso, I turned to my husband and whispered, “I’m drinking coffee.  Willingly.  I’m a suburban housewife that drives her TWO kids through the two-lane streets of Jersey.  In a minivan.  That drinks coffee.”  I glanced down at the now deflated foam of my cappuccino.  “What the fuck happened?” Changes.  Woof.  So to calm myself down (apparently drinking too much coffee can make you anxious – we coffee novices don’t know these things), I’ve compiled this list…
  • Five Years Time

    BugginWord
    19 Dec 2013 | 7:11 am
    Five years.  Some times that feels like five seconds.  Sometimes five lifetimes. It’s undergrad.  A novel.  An apprenticeship.  A marriage.  A thesis.  A prognosis.  A job.  A career.  A lifetime. A milestone. Normally, I wait and write about my trips to see Aloysius after they happen.  I suppose I’m a little superstitious and prefer to not jinx anything.  But today, this visit…it’s different.  Today I find out if I’m cured.  As in “cancer free.”  As in “no evidence of disease.”  As in “have a nice [long] life because…
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    Futility Closet

  • Working Late

    Greg Ross
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:28 pm
    Jack London died in 1916, but he turned up, gamely, in 1920 when psychic Margaret More Oliver tried to reach him through automatic writing. “I am at last attuned to life,” he wrote. “There is no discord — no conflict — the clash of mind and will with heart and impulse of soul has ended.” She proposed that he write a story through her, and after many false starts they succeeded. “I am getting it over!” he wrote. “I am jubilant! Oh, God! it’s good to be able to do it. My pen is coming back to earth and I shall do wonders yet.”…
  • Unquote

    Greg Ross
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:13 am
    “Books are fatal: they are the curse of the human race. Nine-tenths of existing books are nonsense, and the clever books are the refutation of that nonsense. The greatest misfortune that ever befell man was the invention of printing.” — Benjamin Disraeli “The multitude of books is making us ignorant.” — Voltaire “We live in an age that reads too much to be wise.” — Oscar Wilde “The multitude of books is a great evil. There is no measure or limit to this fever of writing; everyone must be an author, some for some kind of vanity to…
  • Double Duty

    Greg Ross
    2 Sep 2015 | 11:11 pm
    The minuet in Haydn’s Piano Sonata in A Major (Landon 41) is a palindrome. So is the trio that follows it. The composer was so proud of his feat that he labeled the minuet Menuetto al Rovescio (“Minuet in Reverse”) and used it again in his Sonata No. 4 for Piano and Violin and his Symphony No. 47 in G major, “The Palindrome.” Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!
  • A Curious Equality

    Greg Ross
    1 Sep 2015 | 11:58 pm
    The area of the largest equilateral triangle that fits inside a unit square exactly equals the side of the largest square that fits inside a unit equilateral triangle. This proof is due to John Conway. The largest square that fits inside a unit equilateral triangle is shown at the top; the side of the square is 2 sqrt 3 – 3. The largest equilateral triangle that fits inside a unit square is one that’s canted at a 15° angle, shown at the bottom. Now, the area of the shaded parallelogram is just its base times its height, or 2 sqrt 3 – 3. And the parallelogram can be…
  • Unquote

    Greg Ross
    1 Sep 2015 | 11:55 am
    “All my life I wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!
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    Best Clean Funny Jokes

  • Duck asks for grapes

    admin
    1 Sep 2015 | 12:36 pm
    Duck asks for grapes – A hilarious joke about a duck who wants to buy some grapes – this is my 9 year old daughter’s favorite joke – the punchline has become a key phrase between us. A duck walks into a grocery store, walks up to the person behind the counter in the produce section, and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” Although taken aback, the grocery worker answers, “No, I’m sorry, we’re fresh out today.” Looking downcast, the duck walks out. A minute later, the same duck walks back in and again asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The worker replies,…
  • Defining success at different ages

    admin
    31 Aug 2015 | 9:29 am
    Defining success at different ages – moving your expectations up … and then down! At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers licence. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers licence. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.   The post Defining success at different ages appeared first on Best Clean Funny Jokes.
  • Men Teaching Classes for Women at The Adult Learning Center

    admin
    28 Aug 2015 | 5:29 am
    Men Teaching Classes for Women at The Adult Learning Center – Send this to all your guy friends for the best chuckle of their day… from Guys in the Witness Protection Program – “In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes an act of rebellion.” NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM . Class 1 Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.. Class 2…
  • Five Steps to a Healthy Diet

    admin
    28 Aug 2015 | 5:16 am
    Five Steps to a Healthy Diet – Well, it’s easier to understand than the new food pyramid … The Federal Drug and Food Administration is planning to issue a guide for proper eating that advises you to: A. List your ten favorite foods. B. List your five favorite beverages. C. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees. D. List water. E. Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.   The post Five Steps to a Healthy Diet appeared first on Best Clean Funny Jokes.
  • Dieting buddy

    admin
    27 Aug 2015 | 5:09 am
    Dieting buddy – When dieting, it’s often beneficial to have a ‘buddy’ to diet with you, to help you in your moments of temptation … which is why it’s so crucial to pick the *right* buddy! Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. “Great,” Sue exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.” “Wonderful,” Mary replied. “I’ll go with you.”   The post…
 
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    Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy

  • Employee Suggestion Box Entries at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum

    Lucas Gardner
    3 Sep 2015 | 4:45 pm
    Article by Lucas Gardner "We need to beef up security. I think we all know too many visitors are taking pictures of themselves pretending to have sex with the wax statues.""I'm on the security staff and I'm sick of telling guests not to take silly pictures where it looks like they're having sex with the wax statues. We should make guests sign something before they come in that says they won't pretend to have sex with anything.""I think we should ban cameras and phones. Maybe less people will pretend to have sex with the famous wax people if they can't take a funny…
  • Harry Potter is a Figment of Your Imagination

    Ben Sarat
    2 Sep 2015 | 8:44 pm
    Article by Ben Sarat Let me preface this by saying that I am a really big Harry Potter fan. I wouldn't call myself a "super-fan," but I'm a big fan of the series, both the movies and the books. I don't know if you guys have heard this, but it turns out that Harry Potter isn't real. Kanye fell to the floor in a grouchy demeanor and started crying like the little bitch he is, so we locked him in the closet. I was hanging out at my town's local Coca-Cola factory with a couple of friends from Moscow and one friend from Allentown, Pennsylvania, and while we were shaving ourselves, my…
  • My First Assholes Anonymous Meeting

    Tom Guthrie
    30 Aug 2015 | 9:12 am
    Article by Tom Guthrie I was sitting nervously in Stephane Colbert's cavernous rumpus room. A portly man spilling out of a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader's outfit waddled to the podium by the fireplace and began speaking."Welcome, everyone, to the North Jersey Chapter of Assholes Anonymous.""As usual, it looks we are standing room only. Before we begin, please take this opportunity to make sure your cellphones are on. Is that your Osmond Brothers ringtone, Spike? Ironic choice. "By way of introduction, I am Governor Chris, and I am an asshole."The crowd murmured in…
  • Business Networking: The Road to Nowhere

    Charles Hartley
    23 Aug 2015 | 3:21 pm
    Article by Charles Hartley Soon after people graduate from college, seasoned professionals almost universally advise these young adults to "network." And by this they mean: get to know lots of people in various different industries and walks of life. By doing so, the advisors opine, graduates build their list of contacts, the number of rich people they can approach for better-paying and more fancy jobs involving more golf games on Fridays afternoons where they cut big business deals.Armed with a more expansive network, they can call another member of their network asking to mooch…
  • It's Time We Educated Our Male Cats About Rape Culture

    Alex von Sternberg
    22 Aug 2015 | 8:00 pm
    Article by Alex von Sternberg I returned home from a camping trip the other week to discover something horrifying: my male cat, Fry, was on his haunches, attempting to have sex with his sister, my female cat named Lorie. And she did not look happy. When he saw me, Fry immediately stopped what he was doing and slunk off to the other room while Lorie proceeded to curl up and shut her eyes, presumably to put the traumatic event out of her mind. This wasn't the first time this happened either. On seven separate occasions since adopting them, I have caught Fry attempting to rape his sister. At…
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    The Last King Of Shambhala

  • Portrait of a Mermaid by Daniel Grant Newton

    Daniel Newton
    28 Aug 2015 | 10:07 pm
    Hey friend, Hope you've been good. I have just come back from a lovely stay at the beach, and for some reason when I'm there, my imagination runs wild. For example, I look at the pelicans and think they absolutely must really be aliens planning an invasion.  I see two side by side and I imagine this conversation. Pelican 1: "I cannot wait for the mothership to arrive. These humans
  • Freaky Freaky Friday Crossover Time with Nik and Mike!! (Part 3 ... for anyone counting)

    Daniel Newton
    15 Aug 2015 | 1:03 am
    Hey there, what's wrong? This is me, Daniel Grant Newton. And you're currently on my blog levelling up your cool. Why are you crying?  You're not crying?  Then have you been cutting up onions?  Are you making a pasta? Oh, I know why you're sad!!  You miss Freaky Freaky Fridays.  I know, me too. But guess what?!  You can now cry the sweet tears of awesomeness because I've got the next
  • Spies, Lies and Mysteries - Part 2

    Daniel Newton
    31 Jul 2015 | 11:27 pm
    This is Part 2 of 'Spies, Lies and Mysteries Episode 1', for Part 1 click here. Hello there!! Today is the second part of Spies, Lies and Mysteries Episode 1. Part 1 Recap From Part One. Last we read, Aleksandra, the Russian spy, was being told to lay low by her superiors because of a notorious nazi spy killer had taken out all the other Allied Spies in Paris.  However, despite her best
  • New Comic! Spies, Lies and Mysteries - Part 1

    Daniel Newton
    24 Jul 2015 | 10:29 pm
    Hello :-) Today I wanted to share with you, since you're one of my awesome subscribers, a comic I created last year. This comic is the first issue in a series I am planning to develop, depending on the response I get from you.  I have broken the issue into two parts, sharing the first part today, and the second next Friday/Saturday. At this stage I won't say too much before you read it, but
  • Spot the Difference II - back by popular demand...

    Daniel Newton
    18 Jul 2015 | 5:19 pm
    Hey reader!! Back by popular demand, another 'Spot the Difference' game I created for a funky magazine. If you missed the last one I shared, you can see it by clicking here. There's 10 differences to be found, and they are slightly harder than the previous game.  Answers below the pic.  Happy hunting! :-) Daniel P.S. This coming Friday/Saturday (depending on where you are in
 
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    Mitchieville

  • From the Desk of the DarkLord

    Fenris Badwulf
    26 Aug 2015 | 9:00 am
    The Ontario Occupational Health and Safety Act, Part III.0.1, has been brought to my attention. A statist agent has shown up on my meeting calendar, filled with self importance, demands that will reduce time and resources available for revenue generation, and a presumption of familiarity with my person. He seemed more an emissary from a rival than a parchment pushing clerk seeking a prebend. Skinning him alive is not on the agenda, not with third quarter results coming in, and the big push to make budget recommendations for fiscal ‘16. To silence this magpie, from discretionary funds, I…
  • Victory Coffee

    Fenris Badwulf
    24 Aug 2015 | 8:41 pm
    Go to work, white scum. No amount of tax paying, crime suffering, or noise pollution contamination is enough. Soon, cities will be perfect black spaces, like Baltimore. Dindu Nuffin wants your money. I wanted to be an ‘ally’, but they wouldn’t have me. OK. Then I found the Patriarchy. They have better social events.
  • Victory Coffee

    Fenris Badwulf
    10 Aug 2015 | 6:47 am
    I want this app
  • Victory Coffee

    Fenris Badwulf
    8 Aug 2015 | 9:41 am
    Yeah, well. Just another straight white male with entitlement.
  • Victory Coffee

    Fenris Badwulf
    6 Aug 2015 | 5:44 pm
    Sargon of Akkad. More like this.
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    Noise to Signal

  • The Business of Podcasting #2: Sheer Audacity

    rob
    31 Aug 2015 | 5:17 pm
    Here’s the second in a series of eight cartoons from the fab new podcasting book, The Business of Podcasting by Donna Papacosta and Steve Lubetkin. Check back every Monday for the latest one! And one of the tools that has been making podcasting so easy for so long is Audacity, the open-source audio editing software. True, it could be easier to use (case in point: for license-compliance reasons, you need to separately install a geeky program or two so you can import and export audio formats like MP3). But the sheer power of the thing is crazy. Ditto The Levelator, a simple utility…
  • The Business of Podcasting #1: Storytime

    rob
    24 Aug 2015 | 7:57 am
    Here’s the first in a series of eight cartoons from the fab new podcasting book, The Business of Podcasting by Donna Papacosta and Steve Lubetkin. (You’ll find a new one here every Monday for the next eight weeks.) Whether you’re a podcasting veteran hoping to channel your passion into an income, or a newbie to the mic who’s excited about the medium’s possibilities, this book could be your new best friend. The focus is on solid practical advice, grounded in the wealth of experience offered by its authors. And that’s a lot of experience: you just won’t…
  • You must enable java to proceed

    rob
    17 Aug 2015 | 9:52 am
    And I thought Vancouver was obsessed by coffee. This summer, my family spent two weeks in San Francisco, where java-worship has reached levels anthropologists might want to start examining. (So might cult researchers.) About the only thing poised to knock the mighty bean off its perch down there is kombucha, which seems to be what would happen if beer drinkers and tea drinkers reached an alliance unsatisfying to both. Maybe I’m being unfair; I have a stronger-than-normal vinegar-in-my-beverage aversion. Maybe I’m just grumpy; I’m still on my first cup of… oh, yeah.
  • IFTTT 2016!

    rob
    15 Aug 2015 | 3:41 pm
    As long as algorithms are going to run our lives, we might as well have a chance to vote for the damn things. And if that sounds like hyperbole, consider how much time you spend on, say, Facebook. And the fact that what you can and can’t see in your newsfeed is governed by an extremely complex (and proprietary, and secret) algorithm — including  whether you see a prompt to vote on election day. So is whether your account gets suspended. Ditto Google Search, which is how a whole lot of people find things on the web. Google’s search algorithm can turn one page into an overnight…
  • %CARTOONFILENAME%

    rob
    11 Jul 2015 | 4:18 pm
    There’s a difference between “personal” and “personalized.” Those of us in communications have a habit of throwing around terms like “engagement,” “conversation” and “relationship” – when what we really mean is “clicks and Likes,” “getting bombarded with our bumpf” and “database record.”  We should stop, unless we’re willing to put the work into backing up those words with meaning. People can usually tell the inside of a conversation from the inside of a sales funnel.   This one…
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    Words, Pictures, Humor

  • Life Imitates Art

    drewdernavich
    17 Aug 2015 | 7:28 am
    Never has life – my life – imitated art so perfectly as it did last week. I drew up this cartoon earlier this year, which was published in last week’s New Yorker: As you can see from my sketchbook entry below, I didn’t get it right on the first try. I don’t really know what I was thinking on my initial doodle – “Would anyone like to give up your seats for an equally crowded flight later on?” It makes some sense but it’s not that funny. My next attempt – “Would anyone like a free voucher in return for helping us count…
  • Gratefully Grumpy

    drewdernavich
    20 Jul 2015 | 8:38 pm
    The very first week that I submitted cartoons to the New Yorker was in June 0f 2002. I took the train down from Boston and took this issue back home with me: So Harry Bliss‘ public library lion has always kind of been on my brain. It’s a great image. One day this spring after I had been in Bryant Park I was revisiting those lion statues and thought of this idea, which eventually made it’s way online and into the magazine this week.   The cat is the well-known public figure whose name is actually Tardar Sauce (according to her Wikipedia page which will be longer than…
  • #FridayReads

    drewdernavich
    22 May 2015 | 8:03 am
  • Word wizarding

    drewdernavich
    13 Apr 2015 | 3:42 pm
    I did a bit of self-correction on my most recent published cartoon, I think for the better. This is a way-too-long explanation of it, but it’s not my typical gag. Last month I was thinking about wizards, as cartoonists sometimes find themselves doing, and how their robes are portrayed with moons and stars and planets and such. There was something to that, I thought; like maybe they were better suited to being astronomers. Or weathermen, which is funnier. I don’t know what those numbers are to the right of him, but I think that for a minute I was considering a stock market wizard,…
  • Holding the mustard

    drewdernavich
    13 Apr 2015 | 1:39 pm
    I’m not sad to see winter say goodbye, but I am disappointed that I’ll have nowhere to write my initials in the snow. For a few months, at least.
 
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    Mommy Wants Vodka

  • In The Kitchen With Aunt Becky

    Your Aunt Becky
    18 Aug 2015 | 10:00 pm
    One of those things that I always figured I’d do when I was bored and had scads of free time, which, you know, I’m just swimming in with my three kids and houseful of pets, was to learn to decorate cakes. I somehow forgot when I was hatching my Great Plan, that I have absolutely no eye for detail and have about as much fine motor skill as my poo-eating dog. But yes, in my head, I was going to be the next star baker. Just like I was going to be the next Rembrandt, Britney Spears, and uh, Martha Stewart, because all of those plans were SO SUCCESSFUL. But when I saw that I could buy…
  • The Butt Sex Saga Part #1

    Your Aunt Becky
    9 Aug 2015 | 6:00 am
    I’ve been friends with Pashmina for, shit, what 10, maybe 12 years now, she was my coblogger for the pre-Aunt Becky days and she’s the only reason that I met The Daver. We’ve managed to stay friends for all of this time, and she wanted to show her appreciation for all that I’ve done for her (read: flaming case of The Clap) by asking me, nay, INVITING me gently to read at her wedding. Thrilled that I didn’t have to stuff myself into a bridesmaid dress like a shimmery encased sausage, I readily agreed. I didn’t so much care WHAT I read, just that it…
  • The Butt Sex Check Saga Part B

    Your Aunt Becky
    9 Aug 2015 | 5:00 am
    There are always about 40 sides to every story, right? I told you my side of the butt sex story here (as well as back in September). This is Pashmina’s side. For simplicity’s sake, I tell people that Becky is my college roommate. This is not entirely true, as she lived two doors down from me, but she might as well have lived in my room, seeing as how SHE SPENT PRACTICALLY EVERY WAKING MOMENT STEALING OUR BEER. YES YOU, BECKY. We have been friends for 10 years. It would have been, in fact, 10 years ago this fall that I was all, “Can I smoke in here?” and Becky was all…
  • National Pregnancy, Infant And Child Loss Day: Tables Missing One

    Your Aunt Becky
    15 Oct 2014 | 6:11 am
    Band Back Together is doing a wall of remembrance as well. Please visit if you can. We’re also calling for submissions from our pregnancy, baby, child  loss mama and daddies this month. Any issues logging in email bandbacktogether@gmail.com. When I first started blogging, I found myself fitting in, not with the other mom bloggers, but with the fringe groups. The infertility bloggers, the baby loss bloggers, the special needs bloggers – those were people I could identify with much more so than the people I was supposed to fit in with. Maybe I hadn’t lost a child, maybe I…
  • Do Women Shop More Than Men?

    Your Aunt Becky
    1 Oct 2014 | 6:00 am
    Third party contributor Do Women Really Shop More Than Men? Not During the Holiday Season… According to a holiday shopping survey, men planned to spend more than women on gifts in 2013. If you’re a woman, it’s likely you’ve spit out your coffee, or you’re shaking your head, or you’re saying something along the lines of: “Um…no.” A 2013 Gallop poll backs up the survey results, and women everywhere are scratching their heads. · Women ages 15-30 spend on average $214.67 per gift · Women ages 31-57 spend on average $203.36 · Men ages 15-30 spend on average $296.45 · Men…
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    Humor Volcano RSS Feed

  • Nun Has Orgasm During Beaver TSA Pat-Down

    4 Sep 2015 | 7:47 am
    The TSA's new anti-terrorist screenings now require more invasive hands-on pat-downs. Such extensive physical contact, particularly upon little old ladies, has led to increasing instances of surprise sexual orgasm, especially among nuns. [Satire]
  • New Workplace Scream Room® A Huge Stress-Busting Success

    4 Sep 2015 | 7:47 am
    Researchers recently proved that loud cursing reduces stress. Taking full advantage, a new soundproof Workplace Scream Room, where angry employees can safely vent in complete privacy, has just been launched. [Satire]
  • Obscene College Football Halftime Show Shocks Nation

    4 Sep 2015 | 7:47 am
    The entire nation is shocked when, for its director's ultimate act of revenge, a marching band performs a choreographed halftime routine showing a huge penis masturbating onto the face of the rival team's mascot. [Satire]
  • Christine O'Donnell Bloodies Delaware Democrat On Election Eve

    4 Sep 2015 | 7:47 am
    A Delaware Democratic Party resident was left a bloody, dazed mess after a U.S.Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell-inflicted injury as he reached into his mailbox on this 2010 mid-term election eve. [Satire]
  • Mobsters Behind 2010 Dallas Cowboys Embarrassment?

    4 Sep 2015 | 7:47 am
    Due to the horrid Dallas Cowboys football season thus far, the only happy people in Texas this fall are in the brown paper bag industry. They're so wildly successful, in fact, that the Mob is suspected to be intimately involved throughout. [Satire]
 
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    Thoughts From Paris - Humor Blog - Funny Blog | RSS Feed

  • Why Every Blogger Should Podcast – Presentation – Recorded at BlogU

    D.J. Paris
    12 Aug 2015 | 7:00 pm
    Two days ago a blogger emailed me and asked how to get more readers. It was a stupid question, for sure. I wrote the person back (I didn’t know them at all) and said, “I’m going to tell you, but you’re not going to like the answer.” Then I wrote the answer. It was one sentence long. I almost hit send but realized that I was kind of being a dick. This wasn’t intentional. I believe it’s okay to ask stupid questions – we all do from time to time. I added in five actionable ideas the blogger could do right that moment guaranteed to boost their…
  • I Got Stupid on Stupid Ass Questions

    D.J. Paris
    9 Aug 2015 | 11:15 am
    The fine people at StupidAssQuestions asked me to respond to stupid ass questions. I think they wanted me to choose just one from the bunch they sent, but I answered everything. They were so taken with my wit that they featured me for a full week. I had a blast and am proud have been part of their silliness. I’ve included the artwork they created for each question. Please subscribe to their Facebook page. Monday Dear Stupid Ass Questions – The company I work for requires that I submit my travel expenses once a month. By accident I submitted the same one twice. They sent me an…
  • I Sort of Broke My Garbage Disposal But Not Really

    D.J. Paris
    7 Aug 2015 | 7:05 am
    Admit it – that’s a beautiful mofo. You were all wrong about my garbage disposal. I purchased a condo in 2005 because my folks were nice enough to lend me a down payment. At closing I was able to pick out all the cabinets, countertops, moldings, and appliances. I remember trying to figure out whether to upgrade to the nicer series of appliances. It was several thousand dollars more. But, when I did the math it only added a nickel to my monthly mortgage payment. Done. I can’t remember if there was an upgrade option for the garbage disposal, but I’m going to assume…
  • My Rear End is Imperfect and Needs Medical Attention

    D.J. Paris
    22 Jul 2015 | 7:00 am
    I am getting a colonoscopy. If I rated medical procedures based on hilarity, colonoscopies would make my top ten. Not as funny as calf implants for dudes or ladies getting liposuction on their toes, but close. You wouldn’t believe the images I had to search through to find two that didn’t make me retch. “So, what’s the deal with my b-hole, doctor?” The proctologist had just spent a good four minutes rooting around my fanny with several instruments. One of which was his finger. After he took my dignity with his digit, he announced that additional tools were…
  • I Now Wear These Super Sexy Undershirts (That Cover Up My Grossness)

    D.J. Paris
    30 Jun 2015 | 7:00 am
    I have dry feet. Well, not feet so dry that the skin cracks and you need to dunk them in Noxema. My feet just don’t get sweaty. Like ever. Honest injun! Same with my pits. They don’t sweat. To prove this I didn’t wear deodarant for an entire year. I told only two people – my (now) ex-wife and the one person I managed at a previous job. I got them together for a drink at a local pub – this way I only had to explain once. I’m going to do this. If you smell anything, and I mean anything – even if it’s just your mind playing tricks on your nose, you…
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    Stoner Quotes

  • Tom Brady Courtroom Sketch doing the Tom Brady

    Mike
    12 Aug 2015 | 8:58 pm
    I got high and made a Tom Brady Courtroom MemeShare this pic, that's all, carry on. :)#TomBrady #TomBradyMeme #TomBradyCourtroomSketch #rt #retweet #meme #funnyFollow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
  • Be Safe

    Mike
    6 Aug 2015 | 4:23 pm
    "Marijuana is one of the safest therapeutically active substances known to man."     – Judge Francis Young (DEA)Follow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
  • The Bear's Got a Point..

    Mike
    3 Aug 2015 | 8:00 pm
    "There are no chicks with dicks Johnny, only guys with tits!"     -Ted Follow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
  • A Quick Break So You Can Buy Something Awesome!

    Mike
    3 Aug 2015 | 2:45 pm
    eGo-T Rechargeable eHookah Starter KitSo lately there is a huge craze over these eHookah pens. Forget about spending $200+ on some tank and mods that will cost you twice as much and even more hassle for what it's worth..Honestly a couple years ago I bought this same eGo starter eHookah pen kit for $40 and I still love it! If the bottom half of my phone wasn't broken, I'd post a pic but I swear that it's well worth the moneyBut right now it's on sale for only $18.99! Get this shit while it's still available, and it's rechargeable and refillable to mix your favorite eJuice brands and…
  • My Bread is Baked

    Mike
    3 Aug 2015 | 12:44 pm
    "Dude, toasters are like tanning beds for bread.."     -AnonymousFollow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
 
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    Lilyofthewoods.com

  • The backyard into the woods... Are you afraid?

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    21 Aug 2015 | 7:43 am
    Are you becoming afraid of your backyard? Have you noticed that if there are woods involved in a movie, there is usually some terror lurking?  It's kind of like what happened after we  saw the movie "Jaws."  It  has screwed up our relation to the ocean. It's now something that we fear more than enjoy. This wood business makes some humans afraid of their own backyard. Any natural darkness should be obliterated at once with 100 watts bulbs!  Our backyards sometimes resemble a parking lot more than a place where birds and critters can rest.  Lets face it, most of us…
  • Walt Disney World what have they done to you?

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    14 Aug 2015 | 11:33 am
    Walt Disney World is FastPass losing its pixie dust magic. I've always loved Walt Disney World. But I have to admit that greed is ruining the loved Disney vibe and what used to be a premium experience.  Its sometimes hard for parents to realize it. There are so few places in the world where you feel safe. Also, the Disney corp has geniuses in their advertising department.   If not, how could you explain a system that makes us work for what we have already paid for.  They have everyone watching the clock to insure not to miss a the Fast Pass appointment. Its as bad as…
  • The Power of Now: Your Cat can be your Zen Master

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    12 Aug 2015 | 7:21 pm
    THE POWER OF Now Rectangular Sticker by lilyofthewoods Create my own sticker at zazzle.com "I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats.” ― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of  Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment There is no other pet that will help you stay in the moment like a cat.  The reason is that you can't fool them. Unlike dogs, cats know whether you are really paying attention to them or if you are eyeballing something else. However, not all cats are Zen masters. There is some etiquette that cats need to learn from the start to make them the perfect companion.
  • Let's Kick the Can

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    26 Jul 2015 | 1:24 pm
    Your body might deteriorate a bit, but your soul never has to. Remember that classic Twilight Zone episode, "Kick the Can?"   Its about residents in a nursing home that were resigned to hang around till they dropped dead.  Kind of like some of us. Anyhoo, one of the old geezer got a hell of a spiritual insight. He does not dismiss it either, like most of us do when we get inspired. Not this old guy; he went with it. In  a flash he realizes that if they would all just move for the sake of pleasure; that the carefree feeling of youth would return. They would…
  • Tired of Alcohol getting you down?

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    23 Jul 2015 | 11:40 am
    Drinking can be a fun way to pass time with friends and enjoy the end of the day.  However, if the pain is becoming more acute than the pleasure, you can certainly live without it. If you don't want to get up in the morning with a tongue that feels like you scraped it with a scouring pad, it means that alcohol has outstayed its welcome. I found  a way that worked for me and I hope it will serve as an inspiration if you have had enough. 1.  Commit yourself 100%.  Why? Because you finally realize that there is NOTHING to go back to. The reason that you have not been able to…
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    Funny pictures and photos

  • Funny taxi joke

    Plamen Ivanov
    10 Aug 2015 | 11:10 am
    Hi. This funny minion picture will surely make you smile. It's a nice entertaining joke. I am sure you will like it.. Don't forget to share it with your friends if you love Minions! You can also check this very nice and cute Minions plush toy :)
  • Funny dog picture

    Plamen Ivanov
    16 Jun 2015 | 2:26 pm
    Hello. I found one really interesting and funny dog pic. If you love dogs, this will surely make you smile... I strongly recommend to check out some of the best dog supplies in Amazon here.
  • Sweet kids

    Plamen Ivanov
    10 Jan 2015 | 12:44 pm
    These toddlers are so cute. The boy shows how to be a gentleman! This is how men should behave with women. +1 for them! ♥Here are the best toddler clothing and shoes.Great deals on Funny T-Shirt and Vintage T-Shirts with great designs are availalble at OldSchooltees.com .
  • Funny cat picture

    Plamen Ivanov
    7 Dec 2014 | 3:10 pm
    LOL. This is a really funny cat pic that shows the BIG difference between 1983 and 2014... A nice cartoon pic... but it made me think about this ENORMOUS difference between the TV in the past and today TV's...That's why I would like to show you the TOP TV models nowadays. Go check them out here: --> Best TV deals
  • Funny telephone picture

    Plamen Ivanov
    16 Nov 2014 | 11:24 am
    Many years passed since those old telephones. This funny phone picture shows who is the grandmother of the cell phones that we all use today. It's a cartoon so it would be quite more entertaining. I really enjoy it and this is a reason to think about the past.By the way here you can check Top 100 Cell Phones & Accessories.
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    mark a rayner

  • After the Clown Apocalypse

    Mark A. Rayner
    31 Aug 2015 | 7:01 am
    Like all pandemics, the Bozo Virus ran its course. For those of us who were immune, we had to watch society go mad with clowning. Some saw the horrors of chainsaw juggling. Others experienced the exquisite madness of of buffoonibalism. We were there to witness the collapse of a global economy, the end of civilization as we […]
  • Why the 30 Years War lasted so long

    Mark A. Rayner
    28 Aug 2015 | 8:13 am
    It wasn’t just because all the players had such deeply held religious beliefs. It was also because they had a virtual parity in robots and x-wing fighters. Just a little tip of balance, and it would have been over in weeks. Alltop tips the balance towards funny. Excellent photoshoppery by David Blackwell.
  • Leonides and the papier-mâché spatula

    Mark A. Rayner
    26 Aug 2015 | 7:16 am
    Gregorina awoke that morning feeling stranger than usual. She’d had vivid dreams of ravaging Leonides, their local butcher, with his own meat tenderizer. In the dream – or perhaps it would do her good to think of it as a nightmare – Leonides seemed to enjoy the beginning of his beating, but when he realized […]
  • Gonzo street

    Mark A. Rayner
    21 Aug 2015 | 6:06 am
    One of my guilty pleasures is Jim’ll Paint It — where readers request crazy scenarios and Jim makes them happen through the magic of imagination (and some kind of hallucinogen, I’m guessing.) Alltop loves a good hallaughinogen.
 
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    Chandra Clarke

  • How a food festival might save the publishing industry

    Chandra Clarke
    3 Sep 2015 | 7:12 am
    Chandra Clarke In the wake of Jeff Bezos’ much ballyhooed purchase of the Washington Post, pundits have inevitably returned to discussing the slow and painful death of traditional media outlets. While it is worth noting that news of the deaths of some of the big news institutions has been greatly exaggerated, it is true that journalism is […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Canadian Elections Explained. Mostly.

    Chandra Clarke
    17 Aug 2015 | 6:59 am
    Chandra Clarke Being very sensibly immersed in summer, you may not have heard the most recent political news: Canadians are preparing for a federal election for this autumn. This is almost unheard of here, as political parties usually have the good sense to call fall elections in the… you know… fall. However, the incumbent party apparently wants […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Time and Again

    Chandra Clarke
    4 Aug 2015 | 7:25 am
    Chandra Clarke It’s August. If you live in the northern hemisphere, you know that means it’s 35C (95 F) outside. Unless you’re in Europe right now, in which case you don’t know how hot it is because all the thermometers are under water. As is your house, your car and your office building. Anyway, because it’s boiling […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Don’t Worry, Be Happy*

    Chandra Clarke
    6 Jul 2015 | 7:23 am
    Chandra Clarke (*Some geographical restrictions may apply) Some time ago, the University of Leicester released what was dubbed the ‘world’s first happiness map.’ Several variations have since been produced by other organizations. The original, produced by Adrian White, an analytic social psychologist, was the result of reviewing data published by several organizations like UNESCO and the WHO […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Meat to Order

    Chandra Clarke
    22 Jun 2015 | 7:51 am
    Chandra Clarke Earlier this year, a paper in the journal Tissue Engineering caused a media stir. It was the first peer-reviewed paper to discuss the industrial production of ‘cultured meat’ — meat grown in a lab or factory. The paper proved two things: 1) The fastest way to a journalist’s heart (and thus into the headlines) is […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
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    Stuff You Couldn't Make Up

  • If All Sidewalks Were This Cool…

    SYCMU
    26 Aug 2015 | 8:48 pm
     Sidewalk Creek  The post If All Sidewalks Were This Cool… appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • You Think Your Job is Tough?

    SYCMU
    24 Aug 2015 | 9:26 pm
    The post You Think Your Job is Tough? appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • Mondays Are Fine

    SYCMU
    22 Aug 2015 | 9:45 pm
       The post Mondays Are Fine appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • China’s Stock Market – Ten Facts You Need to Know

    SYCMU
    22 Aug 2015 | 9:09 am
    On the verge of collapse, the Chinese stock market has garnered a lot of attention recently. Global markets saw huge sell-offs last week, in fear of a volatile Chinese market. So we decided to compile ten interesting facts you may … Continue reading → The post China’s Stock Market – Ten Facts You Need to Know appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • Social Media For Dogs

    SYCMU
    20 Aug 2015 | 9:05 pm
       The post Social Media For Dogs appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
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    Love and Knuckles

  • Sarcastic Parenting: 8 Simple Answers To Kid Questions

    Kate
    3 Sep 2015 | 3:15 pm
    Here We Go Parenting is tricky. You often have to work on the fly and you don’t always have the best answers to your children’s most complicated questions. Everyone comes into parenting with their own set of life experiences, which shape the way they look at the world and therefore at child rearing. Since I am from the Northeast, have British and Irish ancestors, have a low threshold for explaining the same thing more than three times, and an incredibly sarcastic sense of humor I tend to think my philosophy is geared more towards talking to your kids as if they are adults. Not…
  • Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Sex and Leeches

    Kate
    1 Sep 2015 | 11:52 am
    PUT DOWN YOUR FINGER Meghan just wanted Vicki to put down her finger. It wasn’t her fault that she was born when Vicki was in her 20s, knee deep into her first marriage. “You are just an old woman who is bitter and angry. It isn’t my fault I have supple skin and the limbs of a gazelle.” Vicki had become incensed by her assessment third hand that Meghan was questioning her lover’s health prognosis. The reality was everyone had raised an eyebrow at some point. “You sure that dude is really facing death’s door? He looks pretty healthy for a guy who is…
  • 13 Things I Learned From Part 3 of Real Housewives of New York Reunion

    Kate
    28 Aug 2015 | 11:00 am
    Alas this season’s Real Housewives of New York City has come to an end. Here are the most important points I learned from Part 3 of the Reunion held in a ballroom and attended by middle-aged women wearing prom dresses and hair extensions.  No one wanted Sonja to fail; they just wanted her to be honest. For example, when you say that the Sonja Morgan Bojangles and Bracelets International Fashion House is selling out the Internet you should really be saying that you sold three skirts to a lady who lives in Thailand. When you say that at some point the line will be sold at Neiman…
  • 10 Things No One Tells You Happens Immediately After Giving Birth

    Kate
    27 Aug 2015 | 1:19 pm
    Congratulations! You’ve just pushed a human being out of your lady pocket. It’s been a long 9 months and now you have a beautiful baby resting beside you in your hospital recovery room. Makes you think back to all the times you complained in those last few weeks of your pregnancy. “I just can’t wait until she’s here!” Oh, really? Well now you have to take care of her. She was a lot quieter when she was still lodged underneath your ribs. Didn’t have to change a diaper when she was still break dancing on your bladder. Here are 10 things no one will…
  • A Letter To Anna Duggar About Her Escape Plan

    Kate
    26 Aug 2015 | 10:21 am
    Dear Anna, I know that the Duggar family has you currently imprisoned in their Arkansas compound, but I am hoping you somehow get access to this letter. My message for you is simple; it’s probably time you pack up your jean skirts and call it a day. Life as you know it can continue if you leave the Family Duggar and venture out into what the rest of us call the real world. Where we live people have basic rights like the opportunity to watch the television, speak to people outside of their religion, and wear open toe shoes. It is possible to have faith and live in a modern world where…
 
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    The Idle Lord

  • On All Alone Road.

    Steve
    4 Sep 2015 | 3:27 am
    Adapted from A Critics’ Corner (Chapter 3). I was prompted to revisit this as I opened the door one morning last week to that unmistakably fresh feel of autumn. Soon it will be time to pack the cricket gear away again, sun-block hardly touched, discard the empty ibuprofen packets and reflect as another year passes […] Continue reading ... On All Alone Road..
  • Forever Young.

    Steve
    28 Aug 2015 | 7:07 am
    For the second time in three seasons, Villas Over 50s stepped onto the hallowed turf at the famous old Headingley cricket ground. Time worn bodies, archaic skills but with a competitive spirit still burning as brightly as the late summer sun. In a repeat of the 2013 semi-final, our opponents were Nidderdale Not-So-Youngs, a league […] Continue reading ... Forever Young..
  • Big Developers, Big Lies.

    Steve
    21 Aug 2015 | 7:24 am
    More green fields are under threat this side of Bradford from the greedy corporates aided by our inept Council. As I write this, a six-day hearing is taking place at City Hall to determine the fate of nearby Cote Farm. Given previous experience there is little cause for optimism on the part of objectors that […] Continue reading ... Big Developers, Big Lies..
  • It’s Only A Game – Ch 4 – Stolen Car

    Steve
    14 Aug 2015 | 6:18 am
    One more from the archives with tales of dark arts and skullduggery all in the name of the big bank. Any money lender lives with the knowledge that some of it will not get paid back. So it was that the role of the Default Manager was an essential counter-balance to our efforts to ramp […] Continue reading ... It’s Only A Game – Ch 4 – Stolen Car.
  • It’s Only A Game; The New Timer.

    Steve
    7 Aug 2015 | 7:59 am
    Even the Idlelord takes a break so here’s one from the archives. Taken from “It’s Only A Game” my inside story on how I contributed to the fall from grace of Barclays Bank plc. So far I have not heard from their legal team. Training And Development; Getting Pissed On The Bank Most large organisations […] Continue reading ... It’s Only A Game; The New Timer..
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    Barb Best

  • Issues, Issues: We All Have ‘Em

    Barb Best
    28 Aug 2015 | 5:00 am
      Issues. Problems. Difficulties. We all have issues… I feel your pain. You see oddball smiley faces in kernels of corn. And you photograph them.   You get jet lag from going to an air show.   You simply can’t resist the urge to take a selfie with a rattlesnake or a rabid raccoon.   […] The post Issues, Issues: We All Have ‘Em appeared first on Barb Best.
  • Going On Vacation? A Message From Your Cat

    Barb Best
    21 Aug 2015 | 5:00 am
      This is a message (heh, a threat you say?) from me, your imperious cat. CATastrophe Planning on leaving me (your cherished feline pet) at home while you go on a business trip or (how dare you) a fancy vacation is a provocation at best, and, at worst, an act of war.     May […] The post Going On Vacation? A Message From Your Cat appeared first on Barb Best.
  • Summer Beach Bummers

    Barb Best
    14 Aug 2015 | 5:00 am
      Fun in the sun isn’t always fun. A day at the beach can be more misery than merriment. And now they tell us sunscreen gives us cancer? Ain’t that sweet My 15 summer bummers… What are yours? 1.   Swimsuit wardrobe malfunction when faking bravado on the Boogie Board 2.   Sunburn on private parts […] The post Summer Beach Bummers appeared first on Barb Best.
  • 20 Tips from My Snarky Teen

    Barb Best
    7 Aug 2015 | 5:00 am
    ICYMI Tina Fey‘s 5 year old daughter Alice says crazy funny things all the time. She’s constantly cracking Tina up. How cute! Did I say… she’s five? As daughters become older, they become increasingly brutal entertaining and wise – especially with their advice.   Tips From My Teen   Lose the Carol Brady haircut.   […] The post 20 Tips from My Snarky Teen appeared first on Barb Best.
  • Are You MONEY Rich? How To Tell!

    Barb Best
    31 Jul 2015 | 5:30 am
      Are you rich? I’m talkin’  $$$ MONEY $$$ RICH $$$ – not health & love & family & all that real stuff. Dough. Moola. Donero.   Here’s how you can tell! – For your birthday, you launch personal fireworks displays from your auxiliary yacht. – The state-of-the-art home theater in your Palm Beach residence […] The post Are You MONEY Rich? How To Tell! appeared first on Barb Best.
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    Amy Vansant - Humor

  • My First Book Signing Complete with Costumes…

    Amy Vansant
    3 Sep 2015 | 8:12 am
    Two months ago I received a frantic phone call from my mother-in-law, Mary, informing me that she’d scheduled a Pineapple Lies book signing at her book club at the end of August and that I’d have to come to Florida or her reputation would be tarnished forever and she would be ousted from her community as a dirty, dirty liar and false-promise maker. So, you know, the usual phone call you get from your mom or mother-in-law. Since Mary’s Florida community “The Gardens” is the inspiration for my Pineapple Port cozy mystery series and I couldn’t let her be…
  • Bra straps and audio books…

    Amy Vansant
    19 Aug 2015 | 5:17 am
    I had the Bother-in-Law, Gary, and his family over for four days last week for Naval Academy Parents’ Weekend. Somewhere between hangovers, Mike, Heather, Gary and I went golfing and returned sweaty and desperate to shower. Unfortunately, my plebe niece Alex and her boyfriend, Brad, had set up camp in my bedroom to binge watch all the episodes of Big Brother that I’d taped (stop sounding so old, Amy) ahem, recorded for her. Thanks to her, my DVR won’t even speak to me anymore except to snarkily suggest I start watching the Kardashians or maybe catch up on a lifetime…
  • Miami, the Mandarin Oriental and Russians Behaving Badly

    Amy Vansant
    12 Aug 2015 | 8:17 am
    A few weeks ago, the husband and I stayed at the Miami Mandarin Oriental in a room we couldn’t possibly afford during the “season.” Our idea was simple: it’s hot as rhino’s wrinkles here, so what’s the difference in Miami? Might as well take advantage of the low rates. During our travels, we took “roaming gnome” type photos of the United States Naval Academy goat, Bill, to send to our niece, who is currently suffering through plebe summer. Here he is, comforting Mike during takeoff… As he tries to steal Mike’s drink……
  • Radio Interview with Amy Vansant (me)

    Amy Vansant
    20 Jul 2015 | 5:20 pm
    If you’ve been having trouble sleeping at night, wondering what I sound like when I imagine myself on the radio with a voice that is mine and yet sounds completely foreign to me and isn’t half as alluring as I imagine my voice is…  do I have the show for you! If you click on the graphic below (or here) at 7pm Tuesday July 21 (or any time after that I’m told), you’ll be able to hear my interview on WRSP Radio.  It’s an author’s talk radio show and they interview all sorts of interesting people and me. You can find more shows with other authors here!
  • Win a bunch of books and gift cards!

    Amy Vansant
    8 Jul 2015 | 9:11 am
    Win great books, a $100 gift card and a Kindle Fire from eNovel Authors at Work! The Fussy Librarian is hosting giveaways almost every day in July from some fantastic authors from an author’s group I belong to: eNovel Authors at Work. Everyone who enters is eligible for the grand-prize drawing, which will land one lucky winner a Kindle Fire and a $100 Amazon gift card for another! There are several ways to enter, and the more times you share with a friend, the better chance you have. So what are you waiting for? July 23 – Dianne Greenlay a Rafflecopter giveaway July 24 – Mary…
 
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    Salon.com

  • Stafford, Bortles shine as Lions beat Jaguars 22-17

    AP Wires
    28 Aug 2015 | 4:11 pm
    JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) — Matthew Stafford completed 11 of 15 passes for 173 yards and two touchdowns, helping the Detroit Lions beat the Jacksonville Jaguars 22-17 in a preseason game Friday night. The Lions (2-1) trailed most of the night, but rookie Zach Zenner’s 3-yard touchdown run with 1:41 remaining was the winner. Detroit played without star receiver Calvin Johnson for the third consecutive game, but Stafford carved up Jacksonville’s secondary in a half of work. Stafford threw a perfect deep ball to Golden Tate for a 62-yarder in the second quarter and then hooked up…
  • Vin Scully to return for record 67th year with Dodgers

    AP Wires
    28 Aug 2015 | 3:42 pm
    LOS ANGELES (AP) — Vin Scully will return for a record 67th season in the broadcast booth for the Los Angeles Dodgers. The news was revealed in the second inning of Friday night’s game against the Chicago Cubs. Late-night TV host Jimmy Kimmel appeared on the Dodger Stadium video board and told the crowd via cue cards without uttering a sound. His last card read: “God bless us everyone.” The 87-year-old Scully stood up and waved from his booth as the crowd cheered. The Hall of Fame announcer continues to enjoy describing the action on the field. His consecutive years of…
  • AP Top Sports News At 9:16 p.m. EDT

    AP Wires
    28 Aug 2015 | 2:16 pm
    Stewart claims he didn’t see man on track before fatal crash Continue Reading...
  • Redskins say QB Griffin to miss Ravens game

    AP Wires
    28 Aug 2015 | 12:34 pm
    ASHBURN, Va. (AP) — The Washington Redskins say quarterback Robert Griffin III will miss Saturday’s exhibition game at the Baltimore Ravens because of a concussion, reversing an earlier decision to let him play. In a statement released Friday by the Redskins, NFL independent neurologist Robert Kurtzke is quoted as saying that Griffin “should be held from gameplay this weekend and be retested in one (to) two weeks before a firm conclusion to return to gameplay can be made.” Griffin left last week’s exhibition game against Detroit with what Redskins coach Jay Gruden…
  • Despite volatility, on-air rampage difficult to predict

    AP Wires
    28 Aug 2015 | 11:13 am
    ROANOKE, Va. (AP) — Living alone in a world of perceived slights, Vester Lee Flanagan II festered and fumed. His hair-trigger temper directed at a random collection of people he encountered never seemed to stray into the type of violent behavior that would have put him on the radar of police or mental health professionals. By not crossing that line, he avoided doing anything that would have made it illegal for him to purchase the gun he used to kill two former co-workers on live TV in Virginia. Flanagan, 41, had never been arrested for a felony and had no criminal record. There are no…
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    Lawlz

  • Limo Service Boston

    Ibostonlimo
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:35 pm
    Limo Service Boston – Looking for the affordable transportation service you can really count on? Need Boston to Connecticut car service, or an airport limo to Logan? Don’t waste your time with unreliable companies. Get the solution that savvy New Englanders depend upon to get where they need to go-fast, on time, and always in total comfort.
  • Bookkeeping Assistant Diploma Program

    cbtbusiness
    3 Sep 2015 | 9:39 pm
    Bookkeeping Assistant Diploma Program – The Bookkeeping Assistant Diploma Program equips the students with the basic knowledge and skills for immediate entry into the workforce. Prepare yourself for work in a small business environment by learning basic accounting principles and accounting software applications while also achieving proficiency in the computer software used most often in offices all over the country. Graduates of this diploma program have the option of continuing their education in our associate of science in business bookkeeping program.
  • Edi Integration

    dcsedi
    2 Sep 2015 | 10:24 pm
    Edi Integration – Electronic Data Interchange (EDI) is the computer-to-computer exchange of routine business documents such as Purchase Orders, Shipment Notices, Invoices, and Remittance Advices without human intervention. Data moves from your customer’s computer system – through the Internet securely – to your computer system.
  • Day 45… They’ve accepted me as their leader

    admin
    30 Mar 2015 | 11:26 pm
  • I start my journey today

    admin
    11 Mar 2015 | 6:42 pm
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    Rubbish In, Robish Out!

  • Detective Suing After Being Fired for Participating in KKK Rally

    Johnny Robish
    3 Sep 2015 | 9:17 pm
    Detective Suing After Being Fired for Participating in KKK Rally:  A North Carolina detective who was fired after being photographed at a KKK anti-immigration rally wearing a Klansman insignia and doing the Klan salute, says he shouldn’t have been fired and is suing the Lake Arthur Police Department for firing him.  That was a Klan rally?  Why didn’t he just say he was at a Trump for President rally?  Hell, no one would know the difference.   Most Millennials Have Negative View of Their Generation:  A Pew Research Center study showed that the majority of millennials –…
  • Florida Woman Offers Oral Sex To Drop Drug and DUI Charges

    Johnny Robish
    2 Sep 2015 | 8:37 pm
    Florida Woman Offers Oral Sex To Drop Drug and DUI Charges:  Authorities say a Florida woman who was arrested for drunken driving and drug possession, has been charged with bribery after repeatedly offering to perform oral sex on three different police officers if they would drop the charges.  Well, what do they expect?  They hand the poor woman a breathalyzer and tell her to “blow.”  Frankly, I find this whole story a little hard to swallow.  It seems a bit overblown, but from a purely legal standpoint, its too bad Bill Clinton isn’t still president, she most likely would have…
  • Kentucky Clerk Refuses to Wed Gays Under God’s Authority

    Johnny Robish
    1 Sep 2015 | 8:06 pm
    Kentucky Clerk Refuses to Wed Gays Under God’s Authority:  The Kentucky county clerk whose request to deny issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples was denied by the Supreme Court is continuing to refuse same-sex couples “under God’s authority.”  In a way, I kind of feel sorry for her.  Life was good, she was raking in $80,000 a year at her job as county clerk.  Then, out of nowhere, the Supreme Court decides that those gay folks can get married too, which thereby threatens the sanctity of her 4th marriage.   Tennessee Man Kills Wife Over Church Tithe Money:  Law…
  • Kanye West Announces Presidential 2020 Ambitions

    Johnny Robish
    31 Aug 2015 | 8:48 pm
    Kanye West Announces Presidential 2020 Ambitions:  At the end of a long, rambling 10-½ minute speech he gave after receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award at MTV’s Video Music Awards, Rapper Kanye West announced he will be running for president, but not till 2020.  Which seems rather fitting – given that many in the crowd seemed resigned to the fact that it might be close to 2020 by the time he finished his acceptance speech anyway.  And who knew there’s a Lifetime Achievement Award for morons.  Anyway, like most Americans, I’m eagerly looking forward to that day when we hand…
  • Obama to Rename Mt McKinley

    Johnny Robish
    30 Aug 2015 | 9:06 pm
    Obama to Rename Mt McKinley:  The Obama administration announced that it will change the name of North America’s tallest mountain peak from Mount McKinley to Denali, a major symbolic gesture to Alaska Natives. In response, an angry Pat Robertson told viewers of his 700 Club that we’re just lucky Obama didn’t cave in to the LGBT community and rename the place Brokeback Mountain.   Texas Secessionists Launch Petition Drive:  A group called the Texas Nationalist Movement fanned out to 31 cities across Texas trying to gather the 75,000 signatures they say they need to get the…
 
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    The Laugh Button

  • Time well spent with Micah Sherman from the new sketch album “John Rogers: Idiot”

    Mark Says Hi!
    3 Sep 2015 | 3:19 pm
    Micah Sherman is not only a comedian, he is an improviser, actor, voice over artist, writer, and performer. For his latest project, he’s teamed up once again with Dan Hirshon, this time for a sketch comedy album entitled John Rogers: Idiot. It’s an album about art, pitching that art, and the ultimate destination of said […] Time well spent with Micah Sherman from the new sketch album “John Rogers: Idiot” appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • NBC’s Last Comic Standing has revealed it’s Top 5 finalists

    Mark Says Hi!
    3 Sep 2015 | 10:51 am
    The announcement has been made and we’ve got our Top 5 finalists in this year’s edition of Last Comic Standing. The group includes Michael Palascak, Ian Bagg, Dominique, Andy Erikson, and Clayton English. Here’s a more detailed breakdown on the remaining comedians in the competition. Michael Palascak After moving around the Midwest during his early […] NBC’s Last Comic Standing has revealed it’s Top 5 finalists appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • The “Impractical Jokers” prepare for tonight’s “Live Punishment Special” on truTV

    Mark Says Hi!
    3 Sep 2015 | 8:14 am
    The day has come. No more teasing, no more preparing, no more kidding around. The four men collectively known as The Tenderloins, who are responsible for truTV’s signiture show, Impractical Jokers, are going to be putting it all on the line, or should we say wire. They will be hitting the New York City skyline […] The “Impractical Jokers” prepare for tonight’s “Live Punishment Special” on truTV appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • The Laugh Button Podcast #33: Josh Gondelman is here this week today

    The Laugh Button Staff
    3 Sep 2015 | 4:37 am
    Mark and Matt discuss their recent trip to see a test show of Late Show with Stephen Colbert before it premieres. Then, keeping with the late night theme, comedian Josh Gondelman joins us for an interview. Josh has a new book and is also a writer on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver who oversaw […] The Laugh Button Podcast #33: Josh Gondelman is here this week today appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • Maria Bamford’s Netflix show “Lady Dynamite” is lining up guest stars including Patton Oswalt and Sarah Silverman

    Mark Says Hi!
    2 Sep 2015 | 12:32 pm
    We were already very excited to report on comedian Maria Bamford’s new show coming to Netflix awhile ago and now the good news continues. The show, Lady Dynamite, has announced some of it’s season 1 guest stars and they include some of the biggest names in comedy. Patton Oswalt, Sarah Silverman, Jenny Slate, Jon Cryer, Adam […] Maria Bamford’s Netflix show “Lady Dynamite” is lining up guest stars including Patton Oswalt and Sarah Silverman appeared first on The Laugh Button.
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    Chasing Carrots - Blog

  • The Joker Yoda Shirt

    PBScott
    18 Aug 2015 | 10:23 pm
    There I was, minding my own business, casually wandering around the jungles of Borneo, when all of a sudden this funny looking orangutan jumps out of the bush wearing a potato sack, and starts talking to me. “Know how I got these scars want to, hmmm? Drinker, my father was, one night, crazier than usual, […]
  • Surfer Trooper Shirt

    PBScott
    12 Aug 2015 | 2:13 am
    I have occasionally struggled with the meaning of my life, but sometimes it’s meaning is clear. I was grown in a lab as my brothers before me, and my life’s ambitions were laid out for me as a child. I would serve my master, and fight for my brothers. At times I wonder why I […]
  • Ms Mega Consumer

    PBScott
    28 May 2015 | 12:35 am
    About a year ago now, something happened to me which shook my reality a bit, although hundreds of others also experienced this small event, for me it had a profound meaning that I will now share with you all here. During the middle of my work week, just after lunch, I ran out of shipping […]
  • When Your Cat Is More Thug Than You

    PBScott
    13 May 2015 | 1:12 am
    This just needs to be shared.
  • Danger Panda Shirt

    PBScott
    30 Mar 2015 | 12:34 am
    Danger Panda was arrested nearly a decade ago as he was found with his friends robbing, and destroying a local drug store. During the arrest his friends were killed for attacking the police. One of the arresting officers mistook Danger Panda for a victim in the robbery, and as he tried to offer him help, […]
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    Ava Love Hanna

  • Art in Austin: Before I Die…

    Ava Love Hanna
    28 Aug 2015 | 10:46 am
    Sitting in a nook where a quiet residential street turns to meet the lively chaos of South Congress Ave in Austin, Texas, is one of Candy Chang’s Before I Die walls. Unless you happen to drive through the neighborhood, or walk back that way to avoid the crowds, it would be easy to overlook. It sits in a spot where domestic life, business, and recreation all intersect. The location is a perfect symbol for the wall’s message. If you’ve never seen a Before I Die wall, go find one ASAP. It’s a fun and truly profound piece of interactive artContinue reading Continue reading The post Art in…
  • 9 Favorite Nursery Rhymes With New Clickbait Titles

    Ava Love Hanna
    7 Apr 2015 | 5:30 am
    Clickbait is everywhere. It’s annoying as hell. So, logically, I felt that the best thing to do was to add some myself. I’ve taken the liberty of converting nine favorite nursery rhyme titles into click tempting teasers. Oh, and I added a bonus limerick just because. (in true clickbait fashion, each title is clickable and will take you to a page to read the nursery rhyme) Horticultural Genius or Thoughtless Misogynist? Peter’s Answer Will Shock You. Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater Low-Fat vs Paleo. Read This and Discover How This Amazing Couple Saved Their Marriage. Jack Sprat Mommy…
  • What’s in a Name?

    Ava Love Hanna
    29 Jan 2015 | 8:55 am
    My name is pretty neat: Ava Love Hanna. Hanna is my married name. I only recently added that part after my son was born. For most of my life I was Ava Love. It’s a cool name. It stood out. It was unique. Ava is a family name. My grandmother and my great-great-aunt were both named Ava. But, when I was a child, I must have been the only Ava around. I know this because no one ever got my name right. I learned to just answer to anything: Anna, Ana, Eva, Eve. Sure, why not. It was easier toContinue reading Continue reading The post What’s in a Name? appeared first on Ava Love Hanna.
  • Live Fast, Die… Eventually and Only if Absolutely Necessary

    Ava Love Hanna
    11 Nov 2014 | 5:00 am
    I grew up in Houston, Texas. If you've never been to Houston, I can describe it for you like this: just imagine any dystopian movie and then replace all the crazed brain-eating zombies with crazed brain-eating conservatives and there you go. To be fair, Houston’s come a long way lately, but when I was growing up there, it was the late 80's/early 90’s. And Houston in the 90’s certainly wasn't known for its picturesque parks, art scene, or lesbian mayor. Houston in the 90's was largely known for its suburbs and its malls, neither of which I felt particularly drawn to. I knew there had to…
  • Rainbow Connection

    Ava Love Hanna
    2 Sep 2014 | 5:00 am
    There are eggs cooking in a pan. Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side? The notes drift into the kitchen and I feel them in my chest, know them by heart. There’s a special joy in unexpectedly hearing a song you love right when you need to hear it; a little gift from the universe. Serendipity. He heard it too and runs to me; his 6 year old hands outstretched, inviting me to dance. I move the half cooked eggs off the burner. Breakfast can wait, my dance partner can’t. Continue reading The post Rainbow Connection appeared first on Ava Love Hanna.
 
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    Witty Woman Writing

  • Close Encounters Of The Rudest Kind

    Tammy
    1 Sep 2015 | 10:21 am
    I’ve had one of those weeks. You know the kind; where you just as soon run someone over as look at them. It seems at every turn I have encountered the foul mouthed, holier than thou, the rules don’t apply to me, individual. If there were pills for patience I would have overdosed. Let me […]
  • Everyone Needs A Sugar Daddy

    Tammy
    18 Aug 2015 | 11:45 pm
    Finding love should be easy. But it’s not. It’s crazy hard. So hard, in fact, that a great many people are flocking to Sugar Daddy dating sites for companionship. And business is booming. Dating sites such as www.seekingarrangements.com, www.whatsyourprice.com, www.sugardaddyforme.com and dozens just like them are taking advantage of the newest trend in dating: money […]
  • What Do Cecil The Lion and Delta Airlines Have In Common? You Will Want To Know!

    Tammy
    4 Aug 2015 | 2:56 pm
    You’d have to be living under a rock to not have heard about the brutal and illegal killing of Cecil the Lion outside of Zimbabwe’s Hwange National Park. I’d like to be able to say that I am not one of those animal loving emotional messes that gets all riled up at stuff like this. […]
  • I Don’t Usually Let Negative Comments Get To Me. Until Now.

    Tammy
    20 Jul 2015 | 11:01 pm
    A post of mine was featured on Huffington Post this past Friday. The hate speak it garnered was pretty impressive. It received over 5,000 Likes, hundreds of Shares and nearly 200 comments. Most of them not so friendly. What was it about? It was about starting over, fear and courage. A shadow post of one […]
  • If Hell Has Palm Trees And Beautiful People …

    Tammy
    7 Jul 2015 | 11:46 pm
    Then we live there. A lot has happened during my month long (it was really 5 weeks but who’s counting?) hiatus, and we have some catching up to do. So let’s get to it. Jon Stewart is leaving The Daily Show (he never consulted me) and he and his wife, Tracey, are purchasing a large […]
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    cestlavie22

  • MMA Reebok Deal.

    cestlavie22
    4 Sep 2015 | 1:00 am
    I will start out by admitting that this topic has been on my list of to-do’s for awhile. I heard about it on a Podcast that I listen to and I wasnt sure if I was going to write about it. Mostly because I am not an MMA fan. Not that I have anything against it I just never really got into it. So to start I will say that this post is about the MMA sponsorship deal with Reebok. The long and short of it is there will now be a large Reebok logo on the mat and all the players will have to wear Reebok gear. There will no longer be fighters sponsored by different companies. Now the podcast I…
  • Energy Drink Boil!

    cestlavie22
    31 Aug 2015 | 6:12 am
    As many of you know I am an It Works distributor. So when I saw the energy drink boils making their rounds through Youtube I got curious…what would happen if you boil and It Works Energy drink. We did a little comparison to find out… Hope you enjoy! Dont forget to like, share and subscribe! We put out new videos every Saturday!
  • 5 things I am hoping to see in the Android Marshmallow update!

    cestlavie22
    28 Aug 2015 | 1:00 am
    As many of you on this blog know, I am not an Apple phone user. I have the Samsung Galaxy and I gotta say I love it! That being said when I heard the latest update was announced I was stoked. Sadly details are limited at this point. What is released is the update’s name, Marshmallow! With that in mind I decided to theorize what could be involved in the new update: 1)Charging available by attaching firmly to a Hershey’s bar; 2) Capability to turn golden brown in extreme heat; 3)Application sizing options ranging from mini to Jumbo; 4)Holiday themes (Easter is the best so far!); 5)Default…
  • Hedgehog Vlog!

    cestlavie22
    24 Aug 2015 | 5:51 am
    Hey guys! As you know Sinister Sister Saturday was over the weekend! My sister who actually edits the videos was away so I had to try and make the video look presentable. As a result we ended up with a very low quality video…however we get to introduce you to our new little friend, my new Hedgehog! I hope you guys enjoy! Dont forget to like, share and subscribe! We put out new videos every Saturday!
  • Sam and Nia: The Vloggers under fire for faking a pregnancy/ miscarriage?!?

    cestlavie22
    21 Aug 2015 | 1:00 am
    As someone starting out on YouTube I make it a point to watch as many different vloggers as I can find. And when I do find a channel I just don’t watch the popular videos, I try and watch as many as I possibly can. So when I heard about the viral video on Sam and Nia’s channel I had to check out their channel. For those who don’t know, Sam and Nia went viral a short while ago with a surprise pregnancy announcement video. Sam took a dropper of urine from the toilet and it tested positive for pregnancy. Only a few short days later they took to YouTube to announce that they miscarried. And…
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    Plans for Nigel

  • They Grow Up So Fast

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    9 Aug 2015 | 4:06 pm
  • Natural Beauty

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    23 May 2015 | 11:07 am
  • Makeup, Makedown, Make It All Around

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    12 May 2015 | 8:37 am
    I've always had somewhat of a delicate relationship with makeup. I wasn't really that interested in makeup as a child because I considered myself a tomboy. When my sister and I played dress-up, usually the only makeup I was wearing was a mascara mustache. As I got older though, it became more and more apparent that I look like a pale dead zombie person without makeup on. I have pretty light colored eyelashes and not a lot of natural color in my face, especially under florescent lights. My mother used to hold me down and put blush on me before we went to church so it didn't look like she…
  • Valar Meow-ghulis

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    10 May 2015 | 1:08 pm
  • R.I.P.

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    27 Feb 2015 | 9:17 am
    Rest in pieces, The Hug. I drew this picture on the very first day I got my wonderful car, on July 3, 2012. We only had two and a half short years together before The Hug's shoddy brakes betrayed the both of us, and we ran a red light and smashed into the side of a Jeep (which came away with nothing but a substantial dent in comparison). Farewell, sweet The Hug. Journey on into the Autobahn of the netherworld, where you can finally break 85 without making that unsettling groaning noise, where your paint has no scratches and your windshield no cracks. May you always have a full tank of gas,…
 
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    Conspiracy Theories ...from the Reality Challenged

  • 3 Things We All Feel But Can't Talk About

    Sandra Creason
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:30 am
    People are weird.  Humaning is hard.  It's amazing that we all have very similar peeves, but for some reason, society has taught us that the grown-up thing to do is suck it up and pretend that all is well.  Here are 3 things that we all encounter but can't talk about, lest we be punished, shunned, or thought to be just plain weird institutionalized:Hating Our Jobs.  I know, like 2% of the population loves their jobs.  I'm also about 99% sure that 2% consists of CEOs, hackers, and porn stars.For the rest of us, it may not be the job we hate so much as someone…
  • Life and Love and Runny Mashed Potatoes

    Sandra Creason
    1 Sep 2015 | 12:45 pm
    So first off, there's someone reading this that probably isn't supposed to be but is anyway, so to that person and everyone else I actually like -Also, there's someone reading this who has been stalking my pages on the DL in the hopes of catching something embarrassing or incriminating or, shit, I don't know, just because maybe I'm their own embarrassing guilty pleasure and they're obviously secretly in love with me.  So to that person, an extra special word of welcome:Haven't you heard?  It's bird.  The bird is the word. I just love how that gif plays over…
  • The Best Relationship Advice Article You'll Ever Read... Part 2

    Sandra Creason
    26 Aug 2015 | 9:52 pm
    Welcome back!If you read Part 1 and were able to filter through my rambling to get to the point, you realized that my only piece of advice for dating was:  Be Yourself.Nope, not glamorous.  Not going to sell a bajillion magazines or generate frackjillions of page clicks, and that's why no one else tells you that.  Except your mother.  She totally knows her stuff.  You're awesome.  Don't forget that.Anywho, now that you've found "the one" and they're totally okay with your tiny booties and vintage midget porn, and you're cool with their weird obsession…
  • The Best Relationship Advice Article You'll Ever Read... Part 1

    Sandra Creason
    25 Aug 2015 | 10:20 pm
    To be fair, I'm probably not the foremost expert on dating, since my entire adult life has consisted of two long-term relationships.  My first marriage ended in divorce, so... there's that. Still, in my almost 33 29 years, I've found it nearly impossible not to question the insanity that is the world of dating advice, from the Internet to those airbrush-laden magazines that line the checkout at the grocery store.  A quick Google search reveals all kinds of "advice," its relevance ranging from "well, der," to "who the f*ck do they get to write this shit…
  • Because Confessions are Good for the Soul

    Sandra Creason
    20 Aug 2015 | 10:04 pm
    A while back, I asked some awesome fellow bloggers to critique my blog, and asked for any suggestions as to why I get plenty of traffic but rarely any comments.  "It just kind of seems like you don't need anything from the reader," one person said. This got me thinking.  It made sense.  Even in the real world, I'm the answer person.  I come off a lot of times as arrogant and self-righteous, even though the reality is that I'm actually just socially retarded.There's the first confession.  I dislike small talk - not because I find it pointless, or because I feel…
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    DoYouRemember?

  • Happy Birthday Michael Keaton!

    Dre Weston
    3 Sep 2015 | 1:06 pm
    Happy Birthday Michael Keaton! The eccentric, Golden Globe-winning actor turns 64 years young today. Over the years he’s amassed an impressive resume on the big screen, appearing in more than 40 films since breaking into the business with bit parts in number of TV shows including “Mr. Rogers Neighborhood,” “Maude” and “The Mary Tyler Moore Hour.” Born Michael John Douglas, he decided on a name change to avoid any confusion between himself and fellow actor Michael Douglas, who was very popular at the time. A lot has changed since those days for the Coraopolis, Pennsylvania…
  • Today The Fairytale Ended

    Dre Weston
    28 Aug 2015 | 4:25 am
    Although it’s been nearly two decades since a tragic car accident took the life of Diana, Princess of Wales, the world has remained completely enamored with her life and legacy, which includes her tireless charitable efforts across the globe in the fights against countless diseases, drug addiction, poverty and landlines While each of those things were of great importance to her, it was the relationship Diana had with her family; sons Prince’s William and Harry, and of course her husband Prince Charles that captured the hearts of millions. However, while many hoped their fairytale…
  • Farrah on Sonny & Cher Show

    doyouremember
    31 Jul 2015 | 11:09 pm
        The post Farrah on Sonny & Cher Show appeared first on DoYouRemember?.
  • NAIR

    doyouremember
    31 Jul 2015 | 9:44 am
    The post NAIR appeared first on DoYouRemember?.
  • Rediscovering Music from the 1990’s….

    Alexis Velez
    3 Jul 2015 | 10:51 am
    Take a walk down memory lane and Indulge in this musical hits we all loved and enjoyed in our youth and beyond. If you have a song you’d like to recommend for the our next 1990’s playlist please email us a info@doyouremember.com. Click to Vote Now!See Also: You Grew Up In the 90’s If… The post Rediscovering Music from the 1990’s…. appeared first on DoYouRemember?.
 
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    David Beckham Comics - Home

  • Herk the Turk's has a Nietzsche Niche

    2 Sep 2015 | 2:35 am
    In the face of impending danger from outer space Herk the Turk suddenly loses most of his super powers! How can he get them back in Earth's hour of need?Find out in "Herk The Turk's Nietzsche Niche"!
  • A Howlin' Wolf  gets - Evil

    29 Aug 2015 | 2:11 pm
    [...]
  • Philip Glass - Knee Play 5

    28 Aug 2015 | 10:36 pm
    [...]
  • "Hopi-ness is Dancing on Shards of Phillip Glass" or "are we crazy"

    28 Aug 2015 | 10:24 pm
    [...]
  • The Spatzman Can!

    28 Aug 2015 | 12:43 pm
    Ulm-City Police Commissioner Nilll is confronted with a wave of crime caused by a gang of super-criminals! These evil no-goods have not only stolen the recipe for the making of the culty-est bio-burger the world has ever known, they've even bagged scores of cheesy, delicious double-bio-beef-burgers as well!Against the super-forces of evil only a super force of good has any chance of winning. if anyone can win against super-powered-putridity, then only the Spatzman can!
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    Above Average

  • Butt Sex: Is it Possible?

    Glenn Boozan
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:02 am
    The following is a part of Above Average’s Cheek Week. Click here for more butt stuff. Go anywhere these days and you’re bound to hear people talking about butt sex. Coffee shops, the DMV, your gyno’s office — everyone’s whispering about the new sexual trend sweeping the country. However, there are a lot of things people don’t know about it; the myth of butt sex has fascinated people for ages. What is it? Can anyone do it? Is it even… possible? I went on a mission to find out. I started where any good sleuth would: the internet. Which is where I immediately found that…
  • Check Out This Harsh Medieval Times Rejection Letter!

    Brett Blake
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:01 am
    Dear Mr. Peterson, Thank you again for submitting your application to be a Knight here at Medieval Times, Myrtle Beach Castle. Many of the best performers and equestrians in the world compete to be Medieval Times Knights, and while we would love to hire everyone who applies, there are only so many slots available. As we discussed in person yesterday, we unfortunately are not going to be able to offer you the position at this time. However, since you are such a loyal Medieval Times customer (over 175 shows in one year, impressive!), I did want to take the time to give you some feedback on your…
  • I Didn’t Poop My Pants. You’re All From A Parallel Universe

    Simon Johnston
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:00 am
    The following is a part of Above Average’s Cheek Week. Click here for more butt stuff. From: rowdyronald@gmail.com To: everyone Subject: I Didn’t Poop My Pants, You’re All Just From a Parallel Universe Hello all! Hopefully everyone’s feeling strong and healthy! I’d like to bring something to your attention, and I hope that you approach it with an open mind. The Mandela Effect is a theory first put forth by paranormal consultant Fiona Broome. In the theory, she states that because of a temporary rift in the space time continuum some of us have actually been transported here from a…
  • I Tried Not Using My Butt For a Month and Here’s What Happened

    Glenn Boozan
    2 Sep 2015 | 7:02 am
    The following is a part of Above Average’s Cheek Week. Click here for more butt stuff. We use our butts way too much. If people know one thing about America, it’s that we’re a butt country. I know I’m constantly on my butt. I can’t go a full day without it, sad as that sounds. Between sitting, clenching, using it to take dumps, and wiping, I’m embarrassed to say that I use my butt up to 12 times a day, without even thinking about it. I was tired of taking my butt for granted, so I decided I wasn’t going to use it for a whole month. Butt… could I do it? I told my…
  • Wiping: Back To Front Or Front To Back?

    Glenn and Joanna
    2 Sep 2015 | 7:01 am
    The following is a part of Above Average’s Cheek Week. Click here for more butt stuff. Today, Glenn and Joanna will debate the merits of wiping from the back of your genitals to the front versus from the front of your genitals to the back. This is an excerpt from their six-hour conversation: JOANNA: Glenn, I’ll admit, I’m feeling particularly impassioned today. I just came from the bathroom, where I wiped back to front. It was very satisfying. GLENN: Oh, cool. Did you see any other animals in there or were you the only one? JOANNA: Bitch. GLENN: Let’s keep this civil. JOANNA: Fine,…
 
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    joindarkside

  • HOW YOU LOOK WHEN YOU DO NOT SHAVE.

    admin
    4 Sep 2015 | 12:05 am
    Article publié pour la première fois le 07/06/2014
  • WALKING THROUGH A CEMETERY WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN!

    admin
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:03 pm
    Article publié pour la première fois le 16/07/2014
  • Good Guy Mario.

    admin
    3 Sep 2015 | 10:02 pm
    Article publié pour la première fois le 17/05/2014
  • This is What True Friendship Looks Like (10 Pics)

    admin
    3 Sep 2015 | 9:01 pm
    Article publié pour la première fois le 18/03/2014
  • 9 Signs Your Significant Other is a Keeper

    admin
    3 Sep 2015 | 7:59 pm
    Valentine’s Day is almost here. In case you needed some reassurance, here are 9 signs that your significant other is a keeper… You celebrate each other’s differences: You can picture yourself growing old with them: You agree on important, fundamental life issues: They know how to properly express their love for you: You take time apart to enjoy separate interests: But miss them when they’re gone for too long: You share a common sense of humor: They support your interests, no matter how weird: Your family approves: Article publié pour la première fois le 12/02/2014
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    The Life Lessonbook

  • Scott vs. the Rat

    Dustin
    2 Sep 2015 | 6:55 am
    I feel like I can relate to Joseph’s brothers. Joseph in the Bible was the perfect child. He knew it. His parents knew it. His brothers knew it. I can imagine the scene one morning where Joseph’s dad had just finished chewing out all the other brothers for leaving the door open all night, when Joseph comes whistling down the stairs to breakfast. “Hey brothers.” Silence. “Oh I have to tell you about the craziest dream I had last night! So we’re in this field, and we each have sheaves of wheat, and…are you guys cold? It’s really cold in here. Did someone leave the door open…
  • Stubbornness and Delusion May Break My Bones

    Dustin
    26 Aug 2015 | 6:45 am
    We’ve spent plenty of time on this blog establishing how bad I am at sports. I’ve got a few small issues holding me back– I have the muscle mass of a fifth grader, for example, and my level of coordination suggests an inner ear issue – but I’ve spent my life expecting to turn the corner any day now because I’ve know I’ve got something that sets me apart from everyone else. I am stubborn. The most stubborn. This stubbornness has mostly worked against me throughout my life – like when I would choose World War III over eating a single lima bean as a child or refuse to make a…
  • The Disappointment Factory

    Dustin
    19 Aug 2015 | 5:50 am
    Before getting married, I’d been on a total of one flight. Because of this, I’d missed out on a lot of important life experiences. I’d never experienced the joy of riding a moving sidewalk, for example, or felt the triumph of packing a bag that weighs exactly 50 pounds. Most of all, though, my lack of flying kept me from knowing what true disappointment feels like. Deserae and I got introduced to the complete, soul-crushing disappointment that only airlines can provide on our first big vacation after our honeymoon. We were young and excited and stupid and wayyyy too trusting of the…
  • The Secret of Seduction

    Dustin
    12 Aug 2015 | 4:31 am
    I am married to someone who is better-looking than me, better-liked than me, better…actually, just an all-around better person than me. How could this happen? I would like to share, for the first time, my secret of seduction. Trying to woo any woman can feel intimidating, let alone one who is clearly better than you in every possible way. If you’re not sure where to begin, start with this simple technique that I perfected. It may not work – actually it’d be a miracle if it did – but if you do this technique right, it won’t matter because your target will never even know that…
  • The Opposite of Slow

    Dustin
    5 Aug 2015 | 4:39 am
    Deserae and I started selling on Amazon earlier this year, and it has been going so well that I was able to quit my job in June. When I tell people this they always say, “Whoa! So is it easy to get started?!” I’ve mostly managed to block those first few weeks from my memory, so I smile and give an enthusiastic “Yeah!” But a few seconds later, I remember the first shipment we sent out, and I have to revise my statement a little. “Wait, never mind. No, it’s the worst thing in the world.” Deserae and I first learned about selling on Amazon by listening to a podcast while we were…
 
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    RhymeZone Forums

  • How to get out of the Dog House

    Bobby Del Boy
    3 Sep 2015 | 5:20 pm
    What's good for the goose, may not be good for the gander. The best that you can do for your self, swallow your pride and pander. Take your girl on a road trip, show her a life that's grander. Buy her expensive champagne to sip, and a diamond ring to hand her. Make sure your not a bystander, when she shows you a little love. Reciprocate and don't meander, show her what your made of. As you crawl out of the house, where you and the dog are campers, admit to her you're a terrible louse, promise you'll raise your standards.
  • The world is a cemetery

    rhymarhyma
    3 Sep 2015 | 5:55 am
    The world is a cemetery, bury me now Weary is the missionary, bury me now Let my life be my obituary, bury me now BURY ME NOW!!!...BURY ME NOW!!!... I'm walking dead, I'm talking dead I've got dead man's thoughts running through my head I see signs of life, I catch a glimmer of hope and they're swinging back and forth from the end of a rope I look at the world and watch the world look back with chaos, destruction, temptation and black I look to the past and I see nothing but death I stare into the future and I catch my final breath I hold it there, in the palm of my hand and as it starts to…
  • I'm already gone

    rhymarhyma
    2 Sep 2015 | 7:47 am
    If you wait to say you love me 'til the morning dawn it's too late to say you love me...I'm already gone The things you didn't say are the things that I heard and though your mouth never moved, I could hear every word and I know that you knew when I walked out that door that I'd be back in the morning like all the times before because walking away always helped the situation and it eased the hurt and it eased the frustration because those are causes of the things we say only this time it was different, it didn't go that way and I know you were mad and that I caused you pain but I bet you…
  • So whats your excuse?

    Justice
    2 Sep 2015 | 5:39 am
    Jesus christ, how did i manage this? I still think my ignorance is a bliss. I'm only 18 years of age and earn more than your minimum wage, i really broke out of my cage, like a huge overwatered sage. Goddamn, i got a job offer in Amsterdam i'm just a young man that ran, away from his fam and became a fan of doing what he does best, not doing anything less than making people impressed and making women undress, i really think i'm blessed. 2 years ago my future darker than the night, But after putting up a fight, it's brighter than light. Over the past 2 years, i've overcome a few fears and…
  • One Heart

    Michael Rodriguez
    1 Sep 2015 | 9:46 am
    I'm selling it because it just caused me pain, With all this fake love I can't take the strain. I'm tired of these lies you fed it, So now all that's left to say is "I quit", I was never one to lie to you, All that I ever said was true. But here I am with the fake love you threw at me, Because of the lies I couldn't see, Behind your scenes of fake hurt and misery. Out it goes to whoever it meets, Hopefully with them it won't end up on the streets. Just take it away, There's nothing left to say, Except that I'm throwing it astray. Away from me is what I need, Just rip it out I beg…
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    The Name's Ponyboy

  • test choice post

    ponyboy
    4 Sep 2015 | 1:57 am
    test choice post The post test choice post appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Hotties

    ponyboy
    3 Sep 2015 | 12:00 pm
    Check out these portraits of hot girls doing hot things… The post Hotties appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Daily 32

    ponyboy
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:30 am
    It’s Tursssssday!  Let’s get it going! Processed with VSCOcam The post Daily 32 appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Surfin’ Safari

    ponyboy
    2 Sep 2015 | 12:00 pm
    Check out these surfer kooks.  Here’s a little a tip, if you’re walking around in your wetsuit you’re older than the age of 10, you’re a kook.  If you put your wetsuit on backwards and think it’s perfectly fine you’re the biggest barnyard barney!!!  Yeah?…..No! Not a kook Rob Machado is not a kook, the dog is. A video posted by @kookslams on Aug 29, 2015 at 9:29am PDT The post Surfin’ Safari appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Daily 32

    ponyboy
    2 Sep 2015 | 6:30 am
    It’s hump day…. The post Daily 32 appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
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    Winston's Random Musings

  • Stay calm

    Winston Chong
    31 Aug 2015 | 10:41 pm
    As we are entering this volatile season, I urge everyone to stay calm and civilised and not hurl abuses at the other camps. I'm supporting my team with a good track record, and they always deliver without fail. The pretenders who only relish in posturing and showboating will fall when the going gets tough. Hence I have a good feeling my Bayern Munich will emerge victorious at the Champions League. Wait and see!
  • Musings on General Election 2015

    Winston Chong
    20 Aug 2015 | 10:01 pm
    This election season of mud-slinging, snide sarcastic remarks, posturing and forced smiles could be refreshing for some. But to others I know, it is a daily ritual happening right in their offices. Politician wannabes could learn a trick or two from these veteran strategists or simply catch up on all five seasons of Game of Thrones.*****In the coming weeks, strange beings will emerge from the dark and hunt for gullible preys with a wide grin, trying to sweet talk them in selling their souls with empty promises. I'm not talking about the Hungry Ghosts Festival. I'm referring to the election…
  • Words of wisdom (part 4)

    Winston Chong
    13 Aug 2015 | 8:19 am
    Better For women who want to have a bigger bust, you just need to have a smaller waistline. For men who want to look taller, you just need to surround yourself with shorter buddies. For all who want to look smarter than the rest, just encourage them to blabber non-stop and see them dig a hole for themselves.*****WrongThere are now two high profile court cases where men paid a high price for saying the wrong things on the wrong people. Hence I've always try to say the right thing to the right person all the time - "you are not fat, honey" *****Talk In order not to mess things up, we are…
  • Five musings on National Day Parade 2015

    Winston Chong
    9 Aug 2015 | 6:04 am
    1. Looking at the mobile column with the latest shiny military vehicles on display, I half expect them to transform to Autobots, which might become a reality in SG100. 2. With the default dress code being red, those who didn't have any tops with 'SG' motifs will proudly don their football jerseys from Man Utd, Liverpool or Arsenal.3. PM Lee is not the youngest minister but he sure is the most fashion-conscious one based on his bespoke red-white shirt that I would buy in a heartbeat from any enterprising blogshops selling replicas. 4. The annual NDP should be renamed as the National Day Play,…
  • Pinned post: What you WOULDN'T find in this blog

    Winston Chong
    6 Aug 2015 | 11:09 pm
    1. Porn: there are loads of online sexperts providing an excellent hand-y job in this area already.  2. Personal porn: you can have a ball of a time elsewhere ogling at female bloggers slash model slash actress slash race queen providing revealing selfies. No need for this nerd to pimp himself.3. Food porn: I don't own a DSLR nor do I get to eat for free. iEat, iBurp, iShit. 4. Word porn: I find scolding jerks using vulgarities or genitalia a lazy cop-out. There are far more flowery words to choose to insult someone with greater effect.5. Social porn: no inspirational quotes or…
 
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    Funny Lifestyle & Relationship Blog With A Snarky Twist: MelanysGuydlines - Melanys Guydlines

  • Going #DestinationCountry With Jessica Northey for Pepsi Gulf Coast Jam 2015

    Melany
    2 Sep 2015 | 9:54 am
    Hey y’all! That sounds a little weird coming from my rock n’ roll mouth but is super appropriate for this weekend’s festivities. I am stoked to have been invited by Jessica Northey (a.k.a. hostess with the mostest from CMChat and HeyStar) on behalf of Firestone Tires to cover the Pepsi Gulf Coast Summer Jam this Labor Day Weekend in Panama City, Florida. So, you know what that means? It means you better follow the both of us on social because we are sure to bring you super exclusive content from the show. And….if you are there…don’t forget to find us!... Continue Reading
  • How to Improve Your Relationship With Yourself

    Guest
    28 Aug 2015 | 11:26 am
    So many people think about the relationship they have with their other half, or the relationship they wish they had, that they neglect the most important relationship. The relationship they have with themselves! You can’t have a real quality relationship with anybody else if the relationship with yourself isn’t on point. Here’s how to improve it: Be Kind to Yourself The first step is to be kind to yourself. If you’re going to be your own friend, you need to speak to yourself in your head like you would a friend. Don’t put yourself down or say anything to yourself... Continue Reading
  • Fashions Finest: Win $600 Full Online Tuition From Teen Vogue/Parsons

    Melany
    28 Aug 2015 | 9:47 am
    You know I only work with the BEST brands and bring you amazing giveaways, right? Well, this giveaway may just be the most amazing one yet. It is certainly the most stylish and fierce. I am so excited to share this opportunity for anyone and everyone who loves fashion (you know I do). Fresh off the presses and drum roll please: Teen Vogue and Parsons School of Design at The New School announced today a new online fashion education program designed to help millennials launch or transition into a career in fashion. Titled ‘Certificate in Fashion Industry Essentials,’ the…
  • Fantastic Presents For A Boyfriend Who’s Hard To Buy For

    Melany
    27 Aug 2015 | 7:50 am
    Can we just agree that buying a gift for a guy, any guy is hard. I had a boyfriend once, a long time ago now. I bought him this lovely designer jacket. It was perfect and incredibly stylish. Do you know what he did? He asked me how much it was and when I finally told him, asked for the receipt. He then said it was a waste of money, took it back and bought a different jack for a tenner from a superstore. Needless to say, he wasn’t my boyfriend for much longer. I think most guys think girls... Continue Reading
  • Happy National Dog Day: Woofs, Wags & Kissezz from Teddy Brewski

    Melany
    26 Aug 2015 | 9:42 am
    Congratulations and happy ‪#‎nationaldogday‬ to all of our favorite dogs and dog lovers out there! Since Teddy Brewski is the mayor of my building it is only fitting he has his own following! Do you follow him yet? @sirteddybrewski on Twittter and Instagram? You should. He is snarky barky. He makes my days so much more fun. I love him. Dogs are the best. Now, all I need to do is find him a gf and a me a bf and we will be all set. AND…. Congratulations to Teddy Brewski on being added to the first page of the... Continue Reading
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    Welcome to The Midside

  • The Behind the Curtain Edition

    themidside
    30 Aug 2015 | 10:50 pm
    Come behind the curtain with us this episode as we look at the truth behind Ashley Madison’s user statistics and ask what it means about online dating. We also discuss non-gendered pronouns and traffic laws before Justin explains how the “Fear the Walking Dead” pilot was straight Naturalism.
  • Snyder Series: Sucker Punch

    themidside
    23 Aug 2015 | 6:37 pm
    Sucker Punch is perhaps Zack Snyder’s most maligned movie. In this edition of our Snyder Series, we champion his tale of female empowerment by proving it is a tale of female empowerment. Join us and guest host Katrina as we discuss how Snyder really hit the mark with his use of “and blah.”
  • The Sneaky Pete Edition

    themidside
    16 Aug 2015 | 6:35 pm
    As we learned in House, everybody lies. We review David Shore’s new show “Sneaky Pete” in which he forefronts that axiom. We also discuss some of the cultural lies we tell ourselves with White Feminism and the coddling of the American mind.
  • The Bizarro Edition

    themidside
    9 Aug 2015 | 2:46 pm
    Sometimes it feels like we’re living in the Bizarro Universe–good is hated and the patriarchy uses air conditioning and Tinder to keep women cold and alone. James Elias joins us as guest host as we discuss these issues and what the worst possible message the government could broadcast is.
  • The Internet Mob Edition

    themidside
    2 Aug 2015 | 7:41 pm
    Can you feel the love tonight? Well, the internet mob can’t. We discuss their latest targets: Tom Brady (yes, still) and the dentist who killed Cecil (yes, the lion). #Same50People
 
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    Funny Jokes, Inspirational Quotes, Cartoons, Thoughts

  • Quotes on Pain

    Bharath Kumar
    4 Sep 2015 | 5:29 am
    Yes that is the reason it is called Injustice. Leave your thoughts and views in comments.Related Keywords- Quotesinspirationalquotes, sad quotes, sad quotes about pain, sad quotes of love, sad quotes images, sad quotes about life that make you cry, sad quotes for whatsapp status
  • Inspirational Quotes on Leadership and Courage

    Bharath Kumar
    1 Sep 2015 | 7:46 am
    Cruelty and Criminality can have different origins but courage can only have a Goodwill Origin. Leave your thoughts and views in comments.Related Keywords- Quotesinspirationalquotes, leadership quotes, a true leader quotes, leader quotes and sayings, great leader quotes, inspirational quotes leader, successquotes, leader quotes from the bible
  • Motivational Quotes on Difficulty

    Bharath Kumar
    1 Sep 2015 | 5:55 am
    Once you have learn't to face it I don’t think you mind if it stays or leaves. Leave your thoughts and views in comments.Related Keywords- Quotesmotivationalquotes, inspirational sayings, love quotes, inspirational lovequotes, funny inspirational quotes, inspirational quotes
  • Best Quotes on Price

    Bharath Kumar
    31 Aug 2015 | 5:09 am
    You pay for everything in life in one way or the other. Leave your thoughts and views in comments.Related Keywords- Quotesfamousmoney quotes, money quotes funny, money and love quotes, makingmoney quotes, money quotes tumblr, money quotes and sayings, lifequotes
  • Great Behavioural Quotes for Children

    Bharath Kumar
    25 Aug 2015 | 6:31 am
    Simply saying doesn’t carry any value it should be strongly backed by your actions. Leave your comments, thoughts and views in comments.Related Keywords- Quotes, Great Quotes, Behavior Quotes, Children Quotes, Action Quotes, Promise Quotes
 
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    ghantagiri.com

  • Public Restrooms Around the World

    QRator
    29 Aug 2015 | 2:21 am
    Source: Public Restrooms Around the World - YouTube Rights to all content (text, images, videos etc.) with post source. If you think these are wrongly attributed email us #ghantagiri | www.ghantagiri.com
  • Chinese woman chugs US$200 bottle of cognac after being told she can’t bring it on plane

    QRator
    25 Aug 2015 | 11:49 pm
    A Chinese woman was barred from boarding her flight in Beijing Capital International Airport after chugging an entire bottle of cognac and becoming extremely intoxicated. The woman was told that she would not be able to bring the $200 bottle of Remy Martin onto her plane, as it exceeded the 100ml liquid limit by 600ml #ghantagiri | www.ghantagiri.com
  • Get Amazon.in Gift Cards* worth Rs 550 with Kindle Paperwhite

    QRator
    12 Jun 2015 | 3:38 pm
    Get Amazon.in Gift Cards* worth Rs 550 with Kindle Paperwhite Unlike tablets, New Kindle Paperwhite is designed to deliver the ultimate reading experience. No screen glare in bright sunlight Read with one hand, lighter than most tablets Battery lasts weeks, not hours Next-generation built-in light, read without eye strain Get Amazon.in Gift Cards* worth Rs 550 with Kindle Paperwhite #ghantagiri | www.ghantagiri.com
  • Download and Sign In on the Amazon App: Win a Canvas Laptab!

    QRator
    10 Jun 2015 | 5:48 pm
    The Contest will begin on June 10, 2015 at 12:00:01 a.m. IST and end on June 30, 2015 at 11:59:59 p.m. IST #ghantagiri | www.ghantagiri.com
  • Phicomm – Your Portal To Smart Life – Sale Starts Today 11 A.M.

    QRator
    8 Jun 2015 | 4:34 pm
    First Thousand Customers get accessories worth Rs. 998 free! Get the Phicomm Passion 669 Today! | FabOffers #ghantagiri | www.ghantagiri.com
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    GiGi Eats Celebrities

  • Taiwan Kitchen Takeover

    GiGi
    1 Sep 2015 | 5:52 am
    You won’t believe how many times I got… How was Thailand?” When I actually went to Taiwan with The Food Pervert and The Actor’s Diet. #ItsOnTaiwan – BRING IT ON 13 hour plane #flight! @thefoodpervert @actorsdiet #Taiwan #LAX #adventure #travelbloggers #travel A photo posted by Geneviève (GiGi) (@gigieats) on Jul 15, 2015 at 4:08pm PDT Even the bank teller thought I said Thailand when I came in to exchange the TAIWANESE CURRENCY I still had… He then proceeded to give me the [Read On!]
  • Sandwich Your Way In

    GiGi
    25 Aug 2015 | 5:59 am
    Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Foster Farms All Natural Sliced Turkey. As some of you may know… I used to competitively… Snowboard, horseback ride and tumble (yes, I used to competitively throw myself on the ground in a “fancy” fashion)! We are both shocked that neither of us got bucked off our stallions! @brittanyyyy425 #disneyland #horses #merrygoround #amusementpark #blogbuddy #missthischick #iwillnamemyhorsesmokingdutchman #sweatpink A photo posted by Geneviève (GiGi) (@gigieats) on Sep 26, 2014 at [Read On!]
  • Foods Fit Foodies Favor

    GiGi
    18 Aug 2015 | 5:50 am
    While you could certainly head on over to GOOGLE and search inspirational, thought-provoking or pants-peeing hysterical MEMES to post on your Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest… This collage makes me more nauseated than the thought of eating raw pelican carcass. I personally believe that your best bet when it comes to finding social media ammunition… Would be to click PLAY on the video below that Sarah Grace of Fresh, Fit & Healthy and I made a few weeks back when she came to visit Los [Read On!]
  • I Want Labels… Do You?

    GiGi
    14 Aug 2015 | 5:48 am
    Although I do not have children… And I certainly cannot predict the future (sorry to all those who thought I was a fortune teller)… So who knows if THAT will ever happen…   I promise I will stop calling it “it”… I promise I will stop calling it “it”… Oh wait… Oops! #baby #burrito #niece #colorado #aunt #doIeatit? A photo posted by Geneviève (GiGi) (@gigieats) on Jun 30, 2015 at 7:09am PDT By the looks of it… Never. I recently [Read On!]
  • Grab An Apron!

    GiGi
    11 Aug 2015 | 5:44 am
    Did you know that ripe cranberries can actually bounce like rubber balls… Or that one fast food hamburger may contain meat from roughly 100 cows! You learn something new (even if you may not want to) every day… Right? And if you’re currently eating a burger right now… You’re welcome.  Well… I am about to inform you about something else you might not know…  I do not own an apron…. Say WHAT?  STOP THE PRESSES! GiGi does NOT OWN AN APRON, FOLKS! When [Read On!]
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    PMSLweb

  • Wednesday LOL pictures – Land of the politically incorrect

    FROZ
    2 Sep 2015 | 7:17 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersWednesday LOL pictures – So you obviously made it to Hump day (we would of added “soundly”, but chances are that your weekly journey so far may not have been an actual cakewalk), and feel the need to take a few minutes for yourself before getting stuck into the second part of the week. Wise thinking, pimping up you mental health is the key to reaching the upcoming weekend in the best conditions possible, so let’s get started. Wishing you a joyful PMSLweb moment! This post Wednesday LOL pictures – Land of the politically…
  • Tuesday sarcastic LOL – When BS hits the fan

    FROZ
    1 Sep 2015 | 7:23 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersTuesday sarcastic LOL – If ever your week so far has sadly turned out to be “twat-tainted”, and to the extreme that you are seriously considering dragging out your BS-proof armor, the release of the following collection of sarcastic pics might just be perfectly timed. Tired of being subtle and need to get the message through? Search no more…. Wishing you a cheeky PMSLweb moment! This post Tuesday sarcastic LOL – When BS hits the fan appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
  • Hilarious Sunday – The art of procrastinating

    FROZ
    30 Aug 2015 | 2:30 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersHilarious Sunday – While opinions tend to diverge as far as Sunday is concerned, most of us will agree that the latter is the week’s procrastinating day by excellence. On one hand it’s often a day when we allow our body to recover from our Friday and Saturday escapades, while on the other, knowing that tomorrow is Monday, just doesn’t prompts us into devoting ourselves to any astronomical projects. Since chillax is the name of the game today, without further ado, here’s our Sunday selection of funnies. Wishing you a lazy…
  • Friday mischief – When nonsense is the name of the game

    FROZ
    28 Aug 2015 | 6:30 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersFriday mischief – Thank goodness Friday is finally here. As yet another hectic business week hits its end, the time has come to slowly (but surely) slide into a stress-free environment. Laughter should be considered as a top choice as when it comes to letting go of any bad vibes gathered during the past 5 days, so if you allow us, we’d be delighted to lead the way…. Wishing you an entertaining and wild PMSLweb moment! This post Friday mischief – When nonsense is the name of the game appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the…
  • Hump day hilarity – Wicked Wednesday vibes

    FROZ
    26 Aug 2015 | 7:37 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersHump day hilarity – If a little nonsense sounds like the perfect midweek plan, search no more. Our latest selection of Wednesday funnies is officially up, and no doubt that the latter will turn out to be the perfect breeding ground for those insatiable inner demons of yours, so please follows the guide. Wishing you a side-splitting PMSLweb moment! This post Hump day hilarity – Wicked Wednesday vibes appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
 
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    dailypotatonews.com

  • Man buys trail mix knowing he will just eat M&M’s

    DailyPotatoNews
    25 Aug 2015 | 12:04 am
    It was recently reported that 38-year-old John Thomas purchased a 6.8 lb economy size bag of trail mix, fully knowing that he will just eat the M&M’s. Mr. Thomas stated that although there are probably like 20 M&M’s in there,... Read More ›
  • Political news headlines

    DailyPotatoNews
    19 Aug 2015 | 9:25 am
      Marco Rubio hits a child in face with a football – child reportedly dies on impact   Neurosurgeon, Ben Carson, promotes medical procedure that will make you dumb enough to vote for him   Donald Trump continues to demonstrate... Read More ›
  • New study shows bees sting people just for the fucking fun of it

    DailyPotatoNews
    13 Aug 2015 | 8:36 pm
      New research shows that bees do not sting people to protect the hive, but rather to watch people dance around in pain like fucking idiots. Researchers stated that if you listen closely you can even hear their little bee laughs,... Read More ›
  • Local emergency response unit breaks down

    DailyPotatoNews
    17 Jul 2015 | 7:58 am
    Harold Barnes, the driver of a local emergency response vehicle in a small Kentucky city, reported that his emergency response vehicle has broken down. Although Mr. Barnes was unaware, local sources reported that he operates the only emergency response vehicle... Read More ›
  • The Americans with Disabilities Act: Exercise your right to work

    DailyPotatoNews
    17 Jul 2015 | 7:43 am
    The Americans with Disabilities Act: Exercise your right to work.Filed under: Articles
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    WordPress.com News

  • A Niche of Their Own: Five Sites to Check Out Today

    Ben Huberman
    2 Sep 2015 | 8:00 am
    The blogging community is huge and diverse, with thousands of smaller clusters of sites built around shared interests, causes, and passions. It might seem daunting at first — like walking into a party where everyone already seems to know each other — but there are a number of ways to ease your entry into the community, from participating in a blogging event (or even starting your own) to taking one of our free blogging courses. As the bloggers we feature here demonstrate, there’s another way to find your place in the big, wide world of blogging: zoom in on one thing…
  • New Themes: Colinear and Franklin

    Ernesto Méndez
    27 Aug 2015 | 9:00 am
    On this Theme Thursday, we have two new free themes for you: Colinear and Franklin. Colinear Colinear — our update to the older Coraline — is a squeaky-clean theme featuring a custom menu, header, background, and layout. Colinear supports featured images and six widget areas — up to three in the sidebar and three in the footer. Primarily designed for magazine-style sites, Colinear is a flexible theme that also suits any personal blog or content-rich site. Check out Colinear on the Theme Showcase, or activate it on your site. Franklin Franklin is a lightweight blogging theme,…
  • Introducing: Our New Action Bar

    Andy Peatling
    26 Aug 2015 | 11:10 am
    We strive to make all aspects of using WordPress.com streamlined and intuitive, from following a great new blog to editing a post on the go. Today, we’re happy to present the new action bar, which allows you to do all this (and more) no matter what device you’re on. Following and more When you visit a site you’re not yet following, look to the bottom-right corner of the screen and you’ll see this: Clicking on Follow will make it so new posts from that site will appear in the WordPress.com Reader. Becoming a new follower has never been easier, whether you or your…
  • Get Up to Speed at learn.wordpress.com

    Krista
    26 Aug 2015 | 9:00 am
    If you just started a spandy new WordPress blog or site and want to work on setup and configuration in your spare time, we’ve recently refreshed a resource that might be just the thing for you: learn.wordpress.com. Have you just created a blog or website to: Showcase a personal project? Maybe you’re working on a photo-a-day project, some short stories, poetry, or a memoir? Highlight your business’ offerings and attract new customers? Promote an organization and want to know how to get connected to potential supporters on social media? No matter the reason you created that…
  • Next Stop for Accelerate.LGBT: Dublin, Ireland

    Anne McCarthy
    21 Aug 2015 | 8:00 am
    Automattic, the company behind WordPress.com, is committed to diversity: providing a platform for everyone to publish on the web and building a diverse, distributed workforce around the world. A collaborative effort between Accelerate with Google and Automattic, the Accelerate.LGBT conference series is designed to help diverse businesses and nonprofits optimize their web presence, empowering professionals through focused workshops and hands-on, one-on-one support from Automattic and Google employees. We held our first event in San Francisco this past April, which was a great success.
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    Humoropedia

  • Allen Ginsberg Quotes You Don’t Know

    Clever Cleverinski
    3 Sep 2015 | 1:25 pm
    We are sure you will enjoy these awesome Allen Ginsberg quotes. They are the best said by this great American poet. I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical... Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to report@humoropedia.com Allen Ginsberg Quotes You Don’t Know was first posted on September 3, 2015 at…
  • 53 Be Yourself Quotes That Will Help You Become Yourself

    Roman Marshanski
    3 Sep 2015 | 11:58 am
    We hope you will enjoy these be yourself quotes. They will help you become yourself. 1 Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness. 2 Be who you are and say what you feel,... Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to report@humoropedia.com 53 Be Yourself Quotes That Will Help You Become Yourself was first posted on September 3, 2015 at…
  • 109 Osho Quotes That Will Inspire You To Live A Better Life

    Roman Marshanski
    30 Aug 2015 | 5:39 pm
    We are sure you will enjoy this awesome collection of Osho Quotes. They include Osho quotes on love, life, and relationships. Experience life in all possible ways — good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter. Experience all... Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to report@humoropedia.com 109 Osho Quotes That Will Inspire You To Live…
  • 157 Best Homer Simpson Quotes

    Roman Marshanski
    30 Aug 2015 | 3:15 pm
    Laugh at best Homer Simpson quotes we found for you. They are the funniest you will find. Help me, Jebus! Stupid gravity! Marge, are we Jewish? Come on Lisa! Monkeys! Are you hugging the... Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to report@humoropedia.com 157 Best Homer Simpson Quotes was first posted on August 30, 2015 at 3:15 pm.
  • 44 Ralph Wiggum Quotes That Will Make You LOL

    Roman Marshanski
    24 Aug 2015 | 1:00 am
    Check out this huge collection of Ralph Wiggum quotes. We did our best to bring you only the best quotes from Ralph Wiggum. You will laugh harder than ever. 1 I’m Idaho! 2 I... Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to report@humoropedia.com 44 Ralph Wiggum Quotes That Will Make You LOL was first posted on August 24, 2015 at 1:00 am.
 
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    absrdCOMEDY

  • How To Incorporate More Handguns In The Bedroom

    Chelsea Frank
    4 Sep 2015 | 5:46 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Nothing makes a man feel sexier than the possibility of blowing your brains out, while simultaneously blowing his load. Here are a few ways to fire up your sex life with a flamin’ hot firearm! Crank up the heat with a fiery Facebook debate. Post a steamy selfie of you, your bae, and your hot new handheld with the caption: “Flowers, fro-yo, and a .45 #thisislove” Then sit back and watch as your horrified friends enter into a rousing debate on gun control. Comments like “guns aren’t toys!” and “blow job? more like blown off” will get you so worked…
  • Donald Trump: El Presidente Nieto Build Up That Wall!

    Paul Lander
    1 Sep 2015 | 9:15 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor In response to Donald Trumps’ call for a fence spanning the U.S/Mexican border, today Mexico announced it would be more than willing to build that wall. Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto said, he sees many pluses with keeping Americans out of his country. Nieto: “I’m thinking if it can keep The Donald out. It’s a positive for us.” Nieto added he hoped the wall would be built before Spring Break, stating, “Those damn American college kids, they drink all our tequila, destroy our hotel rooms and puke all over our beaches.” In support of the…
  • Top 3 Game Show Formats to Make Republican Presidential Debates more Interesting

    Gary Georgevich
    31 Aug 2015 | 6:30 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor The first Republican presidential debate was an explosive juggernaut of political mishmash. And we loved it. The program nabbed 24 million viewers, not including dogs and cats. But that’s not to say the next one couldn’t be better. The folks in charge could boost ratings and add excitement by implementing a game-show format. Here are my top three to make the next GOP debate a night to remember. Wheel of Conservatism Do Americans want their next president to be determined by the spin of a giant wheel? You bet your life! Candidates could win a spot in the…
  • Putin Outlines Plan for ‘KiddieCare’

    Igor G. Laskovich
    28 Aug 2015 | 2:55 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor HILTON HEAD, S.C. (RPN) – In a move his opponents described as “pandering,” “hallucinogenic” and “blatantly anti-family,” Vladimir Putin today announced that if elected president, he will push for passage of the 2017 Total Parenting Act. The Act, as proposed by the Democratic contender, would require the U.S. government to raise every child born of American parents. “From the moment the mewling creature comes into the world, nothing but headache and aggravation,” Putin told a standing-room only crowd at the Omni Oceanfront Resort. “OK, maybe…
  • Senate Vote Fails To Defund August

    DanaSan
    26 Aug 2015 | 7:46 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor WASHINGTON, D.C. – A bill that would eliminate federal funding for the month of August failed in the Senate on Monday. The Republican backed measure was introduced following a record-breaking heat wave that began on August 1st and lasted for two weeks. Supporters of the bill include Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), who believes that eliminating funding for August would not threaten summer, but improve it by increasing funds to the better months. “August has no national holidays or any important events,” McConnell said. “What it does…
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    Peak Perspective

  • Big Words, Clean Teeth & Jell-O for Brains: a Lovely Recipe for Life

    peakperspective
    29 Aug 2015 | 5:25 pm
    Sue Archer: Editor, blogger, and master of not only English but nearly every science fiction and fantasy language to boot. Linguistic skills more impressive than the blinking and confusing cockpit lights of the Starship Enterprise. Have you need of a first-class editor to guide your manuscript to lofty heights of high-class quality? Sue’s your gal. Hungering […]
  • My Mother, Thief of Goat’s Milk Products

    peakperspective
    22 Aug 2015 | 5:19 pm
    There was no freaking way she was going to redecorate my room. No way on earth. She had that power at one point in my life, and as a result, I spent my teenage years in a sunflower yellow room adorned with far too much poppy imagery. I finally had my own space – of […]
  • Daze of Wine and Poses

    peakperspective
    15 Aug 2015 | 5:18 pm
    There is no better comparison than to say I was like an accordion. Stretched to my limits. Occasionally wheezing. And still trying to belch out cheerful sounds. I think I was fairly successful on that last bit despite the prior two burdensome grievances. And damned if I was going to put any damp, dark marker […]
  • Hairy, Huge & Unhappy: the Nature of the Beast

    peakperspective
    8 Aug 2015 | 3:54 pm
    Nature is full of surprises. There’s the kind of surprise where you trip over a small nest that the wind inadvertently tossed out of a tree and discover it’s full of bluebird eggs. Love that one. You might also experience the wonderment of learning that the deer and bunnies have a finely tuned vegetable patch […]
  • Getting to Know You–er, Me

    peakperspective
    1 Aug 2015 | 7:08 pm
    Today I’m offering up an interview I did with author/blogger/human extraordinaire, Jan Wissmar.  I had a marvelous time with Jan and I do hope you’ll check out her work. She’s just released her third book, Willful Avoidance and continues to impress me with being someone whose work on this earth is beyond inspirational. I hope you enjoy. […]
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    Robot Butt

  • Progressive to Kill Mascot Flo With Sponsored #HowShouldFloDie Campaign

    Robot Butt News Corp.
    2 Sep 2015 | 8:40 am
    MAYFIELD VILLAGE, Ohio – Progressive Insurance is moving on from its famous salesperson mascot Flo, but not without the help of the company’s loyal customers and fans.With the sponsored campaign #HowShouldFloDie, Progressive will allow fans to decide how Flo will meet her demise.“Like our world-renowned Name Your Price® tool, which allows customers to find the perfect insurance package for their budget, we’re giving them the power to choose Flo’s death,” said Jeff Charney, Chief Marketing Officer at Progressive. “We believe this will open us up to a…
  • Here is a GIF of Scott Walker Inhaling an Infinite Number of Bun-Less Hot Dogs

    Ryan Ford
    1 Sep 2015 | 11:42 am
      
  • Excellent Rap Lyrics, Volume XV: Chingy is the Perfect Gentleman

    Kevin Nye
    31 Aug 2015 | 3:40 pm
    In fifty years when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are reborn in their tenth iteration and someone decides to rename them after different artists, there is one name you can count on as being used. Not Warhol, not Rembrandt, not Banksy. The clear-cut answer is Howard Bailey, Jr., better known to the world as Chingy.In 2003, Chingy came out of relative obscurity to deliver a chart-topping single called “Right Thurr.” If you don’t remember where you were upon its release, your only excuse is that it never reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 because Beyonce’s…
  • Drowning in Student Loan Debt? We Have the Solution!

    B. Joseph Jackson
    29 Aug 2015 | 7:39 am
    We all feel the life-altering, spirit-crushing burden of student loan debt, unless you’re one of the smart ones and said “Eff that” when presented with the idea of attending school for a number of years to obtain a degree that may or may not help you in the future career you’re not sure you want (I wish I was you).So, as a part of Back to School Week, we’ve found two ways to generate extra income (well, two if you happen to be male). These might not be glamorous, but they’ll ensure that the debt collectors stop calling your house. You’ll be able to sleep soundly knowing that a…
  • 9 Signs Your Roommate is a Psychopath

    Kevin Nye
    28 Aug 2015 | 4:00 pm
    “What the hell is that maniac writing over there?”Now that you’re back to school – or maybe it’s your first time – you’re probably getting to know your new roommate. You’ll probably go through the honeymoon phase over the first two weeks as you’re excited to be getting into the swing of college, or maybe you’re excited to be living with one of your buddies from last year. But what if that person is a card-carrying lunatic? How would you know?Here are some surefire signs:No consideration for lofting beds. If you’re in a dorm and your roommate doesn’t…
 
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    Noiseless Chatter

  • ALF Reviews: “Shake, Rattle and Roll” (season 3, episode 25)

    Philip J Reed
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:00 am
    The good news is also the bad news: if this were season four, we’d be done already. Maybe it’s just me, but damn, season three sure feels like it’s dragging. It’s only one episode longer than the previous seasons, but I can definitely feel fatigue setting in. Don’t worry; I still intend to do season four and Project: ALF because if I had to suffer through this you are going to keep suffering right along with me, but this season felt draining. I have more to say on that subject, but I’ll wait. It’s just another couple of weeks before I review the…
  • Help: Fiction into Film!

    Philip J Reed
    31 Aug 2015 | 6:00 am
    Fiction into Film has already gained some pretty awesome traction, due in large part to the official Vladimir Nabokov social profiles sharing my Lolita piece, and John Carpenter himself sharing my writeup on They Live. If you wonder why those have a few thousand likes and shares on Facebook while everything else I write maxes out at about four, there you go. So I’m feeling pretty good about the series, and I have a nice long list of things to cover on what I hope continues to be a monthly basis. But there’s one stubborn holdout: Blade Runner, Ridley Scott’s 1982 adaptation…
  • ALF Reviews: “Like an Old Time Movie” (season 3, episode 24)

    Philip J Reed
    27 Aug 2015 | 6:00 am
    I think I first made this observation back in season one, and when I did I was just being a smartass. Here we are, though, ending season three, and it’s still held true: there can never be two good episodes of ALF in a row. We are coming off of a well-acted, well-scripted, well-observed story about toxic parents…watching ALF jack off to fantasies of being in a silent movie. It’s really awful. And while its placement after “Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby, Standing in the Shadow” makes it seem worse than it really is, I assure you, it’s still fucking…
  • Fiction into Film: They Live (1963 / 1988)

    Philip J Reed
    24 Aug 2015 | 6:00 am
    Fiction into Film is a series devoted to page-to-screen adaptations. The process of translating prose to the visual medium is a tricky and only intermittently successful one, but even the fumbles provide a great platform for understanding stories, and why they affect us the way they do. How do you ensure that your social satire is remembered and referenced for generations? You cast “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, and you let him shoot a shitload of aliens. …that’s how the original draft of this Fiction into Film began. In the time between that draft and this one, we lost Piper to…
  • ALF Reviews: “Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby” (season 3, episode 23)

    Philip J Reed
    20 Aug 2015 | 6:00 am
    There’s a reason that most sitcoms either rarely attempt emotional episodes, or make sure to undercut them when they do. To put it flatly, emotion is a tricky beast. Shows that traffic in it (see just about any daytime drama) become easy punchlines, and shows that don’t run the risk of annoying or alienating their fans when they make an attempt at seriousness. Comedies are problematic when it comes to emotional content. People tune in to them not only because they like to laugh, but because they like to laugh with that particular show’s characters, tone, and comic…
 
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    All Jolene

  • Momentarily Checking-Out

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    2 Sep 2015 | 2:31 pm
      You know those moments we experience when we completely lose it for a few minutes? I prefer to have mine in a public place for all to see. No sense going into a rage unless all can enjoy it. I like to look like an ass in the middle of Wal-Mart. There is just…
  • I Need A Big Gulp!

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    25 Jul 2015 | 9:22 pm
    Today I went to Target to pick up an item I saw online. Of course when I arrive, they don’t have that item or anything even remotely similar. Typical. So, I think ok, I will just grab a drink quick and get going. I head to the checkout stand with only one person in line…
  • Stick It!

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    20 Jul 2015 | 10:01 pm
    Selfies Suck! Most of you know my feelings on the selfies. One on occasion is tolerable. However, they have gotten completely out of control and I despise them. Look at me, I’m at The Empire State Building, Look at me, I’m eating dinner at Pizza Hut, Look at me, I’m 2 and figured out how…
  • The Customer Is NEVER Right…

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    17 Jul 2015 | 8:03 pm
    Hello World! I have been AWOL for a while. I admit, I was a bit discouraged pouring my heart out daily for just a handful of people. But, whether it’s for 1 person or 1 million, the show must go on. Besides, it’s not fair to punish you awesome people for being more intelligent than…
  • You Are Here…X

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    23 Jun 2015 | 10:33 pm
    Have you ever been truly lost? I don’t mean like “Where am I headed in life?”. I mean literally lost, no idea where in the hell you are. I don’t think this happens to many people, at least not since childhood. It happens to me quite a bit. There are two reasons for this: I…
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    Don't Burn The Ribs

  • Johnny Mac’s soon-to-be-famous Corn, BBQ’d Ham & Bacon Chowder

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    26 Aug 2015 | 4:16 pm
    The thing about cooking is that you have to be willing to experiment—use a recipe as a guide, not the gospel. When you add a dash of this or a dash of that and turn your head away from the recipe for a minute,  maybe, just maybe, you’ll create something as fabulous as Johnny Mac’s soon to be famous Corn, BBQ’d ham & Bacon Chowder. In a previous post, Why you should buy Lobster from a Shirtless Fisherman and Boil them in a Beer Keg, you were introduced to my cousin John,  the mastermind of lobster cooking. In that post, I quipped about his likeness to the infamous…
  • Stupid Simple Bermuda Corn

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    10 Aug 2015 | 2:02 pm
    When you have a food blog you take pictures of everything you make with the grandiose notion of writing witty blogs to accompany each of the many recipes. Other times you take pictures of your friend’s food—delicious things like Karen’s mind-blowing profiteroles (perfect with bubbly) or Steve’s creamy vodka-laced Puttanesca or Michele’s Amazing Kahula Tort. Inspired by their culinary skill, you snap pictures like the paparazzi. The morning after you check your photos and Karen’s profiteroles look like Mount Vesuvius after an eruption, Steve’s Puttanesca…
  • The Write Class

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    23 Jul 2015 | 5:33 am
    The best thing about flying first class, other than the comfortable seats perfect for writing, is the warm chocolate chip cookie which goes remarkably well with a glass of Chardonnay. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regularly fly business or first class or club or whatever other fancy name you want to tag on to what actually should be called, “flying with dignity, ” but I know a good thing when I see it. Normally, I’m herded in with the rest of the “economy passengers” shamelessly  jammed into tiny seats with no leg room between crying children and big…
  • Ways to Pleasure the Carnivore (…otherwise known as leftover Indian food wraps)

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    29 Jun 2015 | 6:37 pm
    When you order Indian food for a family of carnivores, carnivore-like behaviour ensues. Despite the fact that dishes like Chicken Dansak or Chicken Punjabi come surrrounded with crunchy, fibrous and nutritious vegetables, the carnivores at the table seek out the meat like starving alligators. Wonderful dishes like Aloo cabbage or Baingan Bhartha are treated as condiments while the carnivores lap up meat and sauce with slabs of Naan. At the end of their pillage you are left with vegetables, lots of vegetables  and approximately 4 chunks of meat. The next day you decide to eat the left overs…
  • Why you should buy lobster from a shirtless fisherman and boil them in a beer keg

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    14 Jun 2015 | 4:17 am
    During a recent trip to Cape Breton Island, I was reminded of what a true lobster experience entails. In a previous “Nova Scotia Lobster” post, I simplified things,  left out key steps like the shirtless fisherman and the beer keg that make a “Cape Breton Lobster Experience” unique. All lobster is not created equal, but sometimes when you’re desperate for a crustacean fix you buy some lobsters from Sobeys where they cook them in their fancy-dancy steamer. You complain about the price, but you buy them anyway. You enjoy them, but something is missing. You add…
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    Green Milk

  • Do I Look Like I Know What A JPG Is?

    The Genius
    30 Aug 2015 | 3:33 am
    It’s a question that I often find myself waking to in the delirious hours of the early morning. Palms sweating, breaths short, my loaded gun pressed firmly to my head, my wife and child cowering in the corner whilst outside the dog barks solemnly, rhythmically.   Thankfully there’s one man who had the courage to ask the question and demand an answer. Hank Hill, a man we all know and love as the saviour of the propane gas accessories market, a man with the kind of arse that could weld steel, took a stand for all of us as you can see in the dramatic retelling of his life…
  • Bec Hill Translates Edith Piaf’s “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien”

    The Genius
    1 Jun 2015 | 2:50 am
    We’ve heard the song for years, its whiny French cawing somehow permeating into the collective unconcious, and had always thought that it was just Parisian for YOLO or something. Now, however, using modern technology and state of the art sonic visualisations, Bec Hill has managed to translate Edith Piaf’s “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” for the first time ever…     Bec Hill translates “Non Je Ne Regrette Rien” (Edith Piaf) You can come and see the wonderful Bec Hill on Thursday the 4th of June At Green Milk Comedy! The post Bec Hill Translates…
  • Green Milk With Lou Sanders Was Epic

    The Genius
    26 May 2015 | 5:33 am
    Well, it might seem like we should have done this weeks ago, but we didn’t, so now we are which makes you thinking that fairly redundant. Ooo, that came across a tad more bitchy than it was meant to…   Let’s start again.   Hey, have a seat, take off your shoes and take a sip of that mimosa you sassy, sexy super sweet sort, you. The fourth Green Milk took place on election night, which meant that it wasn’t as great a turn out as most, what with all the little hearts that had to be broken by thinking that their vote even mattered. Of course, being Londoners we…
  • #4 Green Milk is Time Out Comedy Critic’s Choice!

    The Genius
    5 May 2015 | 1:47 am
    Just when we thought the world was about to give up on us; that the light was finally fading on our spectacular of special comics, we’ve been revivified by those beautiful people at Time Out comedy once more!   How?   Our fourth foray into our nights of celebrated madness has been made Time Out Comedy Critic’s Choice!   Well, it would be a crying shame not to, what with the unbelievable roster of comedians that we have on this night. From the effortlessly cool cat Lou Sanders and her surreal approach to life’s inaccuracies, to the ‘New Comedian of the…
  • Michael Jackson’s ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’ Dubbed

    The Genius
    26 Apr 2015 | 11:05 am
    Just when you had forgotten just how creepy Michael Jackson was, another behind the scenes shoot comes to light. This time the gremlins that live inside cameras caught Michael and his gang up to no good on the streets of Lancaster, harassing women as it was his wont to do.     What a weirdo.   Credit: DAVID FIRTH The post Michael Jackson’s ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’ Dubbed appeared first on Green Milk.
 
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    BoredBug

  • Delicious Filipino Food You Should Try Before You Die

    Marie De Jesus
    4 Sep 2015 | 1:42 am
    Although a less known cuisine, Filipino food is on a fast meteoric rise for both foodies and gourmands alike.  The cuisine is rich with Spanish and Asian influences, but at the same time there is a distinct Filipino stamp in all of their food that makes it uniquely (and deliciously) Filipino.  Whether it may be the partnering of salty-sour, savory-sweet, crunchy-soft, Filipino food is truly masarap (Note: This list is in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive). #1 Balut Don’t be intimidated by the balut’s infamous reputation.  For those who’ve tried it, it…
  • Embarrassing Things Kids Do To Their Parents

    Domonique Link
    3 Sep 2015 | 6:55 pm
    Kids can be so embarrassing. Teenagers complain that their parents are always embarrassing them but really they probably did things that absolutely mortified their parents when they were young.  Here are some of the more embarrassing things kids do to their parents. 1. Figuring out how to open the bathroom lock when mom is peeing in public Kids love to try to pick locks and open doors.  However, it always seems to happen at the most inopportune time, doesn’t it?  Of course that door swung right open. 2. When you run into an acquaintance whose name you can’t remember and your…
  • 30 Of The Most Awesome Cosplay Mashups Ever

    Lauren Davidson
    3 Sep 2015 | 1:34 pm
    According to Wikipedia: Cosplay, “a portmanteau of the words costume play, is a performance art in which participants called cosplayers wear costumes and fashion accessories to represent a specific character.” Basically, cosplay is when you love a certain character and want to dress just like him or her. We already showed you guys that it’s not all the time that people can do some awesome cosplays, but that’s definitely not the case in the pictures we’re about to show you. Here is a special selection of the 30 most awesome cosplay mashups ever. Enjoy! #1…
  • The 30 Most Funny And Crazy Looking Balconies In The World

    Lauren Davidson
    3 Sep 2015 | 1:21 pm
    We already showed you guys an awesome article featuring the most crazy & unique works of architecture you’ll ever see, and if you loved that (and architecture, too!) then you’ll definitely enjoy the following selection of crazy pictures we’re about to how you. You probably know at least one person who lives in an apartment with a good balcony, right? It’s always great to head over to their place and enjoy the view on a sunny day. However, not all balconies in the world are necessarily ‘good’. Here is a special selection of the 30 most funny and crazy…
  • Easy Things Guys Can Do To Look Better

    Domonique Link
    3 Sep 2015 | 1:14 pm
    Guys, we don’t expect you to get pedicures or wax your eyebrows all the time, but a little bit of grooming can help you out a lot.  We want to see you clean, with fresh clothes and presentable-looking.  We want to present you to our friends and family without fear of them judging us.  It’s just the honest truth.  So, put some time into your hygiene and everything will be so much better. Here are 15 easy things guys can do to look better. 1. Personal hygiene goes a long way Brushing your teeth, combing your hair, taking a shower and cleaning your clothes can do a lot for first…
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    Internet Acid

  • The new Apple Pen

    Internet Acid
    3 Sep 2015 | 9:59 am
    In a world exclusive, Internet Acid was given first dibs on Apple’s new tech product. In what is assumed to set the electronic landscape on fire, here is the new Apple Pen. How it works Basically what you do is, type a document on your computer and then save it. Load it to your pen […] The post The new Apple Pen appeared first on Internet Acid.
  • Man with Pokemon tattoo sparks internet outrage

    Internet Acid
    2 Sep 2015 | 10:49 pm
    “Groudon was always my favorite pokemon,” Gym manager Rahkim Pandergat told Internet Acid. Pokemon has reached a point in society where it is known by just about everyone, from mom’s and dad’s to gals and lads. A whole generation of kids grew up in the Pokemon Universe. It should not come as a surprise that […] The post Man with Pokemon tattoo sparks internet outrage appeared first on Internet Acid.
  • #JusticeForConrad girl

    Internet Acid
    30 Aug 2015 | 5:34 pm
    #JusticeForConrad is trending and rightfully so. For those who do not know the story, basically to sum it up quickly: A high school girl convinced her ‘boy friend’ he should kill himself and proceeded to milk his suicide (being an accessory to his murder) for attention. #JusticeForConrad is a trend centered around people demanding the […] The post #JusticeForConrad girl appeared first on Internet Acid.
  • Unfunny user thinks he is shadowbanned on reddit

    Internet Acid
    20 Aug 2015 | 5:42 pm
    You have the idea for a great funny meme, what do you do? Post it to r/AdviceAnimals on reddit of course. But what happens when no one upvotes the post? It’s a sad realization for every user, when they are proven unfunny.  The more delusional believe they are shadowbanned on reddit. A reddit user named […] The post Unfunny user thinks he is shadowbanned on reddit appeared first on Internet Acid.
  • Dentist Walter Palmer, Lion Killer

    Internet Acid
    31 Jul 2015 | 7:44 pm
    With the world in mourning over the murder of Cecil the Lion by Minnesota Dentist Walter Palmer, Zimbabwe is calling for the lion killer’s extradition to stand trial.   The entire world, celebrities included are sounding their outrage over Cecil’s death and the anger has pushed many to ask who is Walter Palmer, Lion Killer? […] The post Dentist Walter Palmer, Lion Killer appeared first on Internet Acid.
 
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    Funny Clips Online

  • Ready For Your Baseball Close-Up? | Kids | AFV

    funny
    4 Sep 2015 | 7:41 am
    A boy smashes a foul ball — right into the camera. It’s an America’s Funniest Home Videos funny sports clip. SUBSCRIBE for more funny videos: http://afv.tv/afvofficial Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR VIDEO NOW: http://afv.tv/uploadafv About America’s Funniest Home Videos: AFV is America’s longest running funny video television program. We’ve been collecting […]The post Ready For Your Baseball Close-Up? | Kids | AFV appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
  • Trampoline Fails – AFV Musical Compilation – AFV

    funny
    4 Sep 2015 | 6:53 am
    In this funny music montage by America’s Funniest Home Videos, tune in to see some of our most hilarious trampoline fails! SUBSCRIBE: http://afv.tv/afvofficial Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR VIDEO NOW: http://www.afv.com/upload About America’s Funniest Home Videos: AFV is America’s longest running funny video television program. We’ve been collecting videos since 1989 […]The post Trampoline Fails – AFV Musical Compilation – AFV appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
  • Redneck Movers | Fail | AFV

    funny
    4 Sep 2015 | 5:08 am
    Two redneck movers attempt to break down a dresser to move it into storage. Make sure to watch the video from the 30 second mark to laugh your butt off! Watch all-new episodes of AFV on Sunday nights at 7/6c, on ABC! SUBSCRIBE: http://afv.tv/afvofficial Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR VIDEO NOW: […]The post Redneck Movers | Fail | AFV appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
  • Monkey In Shirt – AFV

    funny
    4 Sep 2015 | 4:35 am
    In this funny video by America’s Funniest Home Videos, this monkey climbs right into this woman’s shirt. SUBSCRIBE: http://afv.tv/afvofficial Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR VIDEO NOW: http://afv.tv/uploadafv About America’s Funniest Home Videos: AFV is America’s longest running funny video television program. We’ve been collecting videos since 1989 and now we’re releasing […]The post Monkey In Shirt – AFV appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
  • Exercise Bike Becomes Carnival Ride | Kids | AFV

    funny
    4 Sep 2015 | 4:19 am
    In this funny kid video, a little one takes a ride on a stationary bike in a completely unique way. It’s an America’s Funniest Home Videos gem. SUBSCRIBE for more funny videos: http://afv.tv/afvofficial Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR VIDEO NOW: http://afv.tv/uploadafv About America’s Funniest Home Videos: AFV is America’s longest running […]The post Exercise Bike Becomes Carnival Ride | Kids | AFV appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
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    LOLWOT

  • New Crustacean Breed Named After Elton John

    Rhamy Payne
    4 Sep 2015 | 2:20 am
    Whether it’s by skill, looks, or sheer charisma, big-name celebrities can do a pretty good job of getting their names out there in the world. Whether or not that’s a good thing is up for debate; those names can be attached to some less-than-ideal targets. Case in point: a new, shrimp-like crustacean has been discovered — and it owes its name to musician Sir Elton John. The crustacean’s proper name is Leucothoe eltoni, and it can be found either in the coral reefs of Yenweres Bay in Indonesia, or the waters of Hawaii. Studies have shown that it can be found inside other…
  • Cats Now Proven To Be More Independent Than Dogs

    Rhamy Payne
    4 Sep 2015 | 2:17 am
    They may be one of the most popular pets around, but that doesn’t stop cats from having a bad reputation; the word “sourpuss” had to come from somewhere, after all. That doesn’t stop cats from being loved, but it also doesn’t stop them from going about their business unabated — almost literally, at that. Recent studies have not only given insights to the feline mind, but proven conclusively that they have one slight edge over dogs. The dividing line between cats and dogs lies in their relationships with owners. Dogs are comparable to children, in the sense…
  • Australian Sheep Drops 89 Pounds’ Worth Of Wool

    Rhamy Payne
    4 Sep 2015 | 2:14 am
    People can count on sheep for one thing above all else: their wool. It’s a key reason why they’re a fixture of farms the world over — but while they’re a valuable resource, harvesting their wool is also a service to them. If they aren’t properly taken care of, then we may see animals like Chris the sheep. Said sheep just recently lost enough wool to make thirty sweaters by itself. As funny as it might be to imagine a sheep with that much wool, Chris was at risk of carrying any number of infections — and beyond that, it stumbled through the wilderness of…
  • New Star Wars Droid Rolls Into Toy Form

    Rhamy Payne
    4 Sep 2015 | 2:10 am
    With a new movie on the way, it’s only a matter of time before the world gets swept up in Star Wars fever — if it hasn’t already. Trailers and visuals have made a strong case already, with the rolling droid BB-8 well among them. Now eager fans are in luck, because the droid is making the leap from the silver screen to the palms of their hands. To be fair, BB-8’s design played right into the wheelhouse of robotics company Sphero; several of their spherical robots are already on the market. Having figured out how to attach its head — since a droid with hovering…
  • Arthur Characters Get Reimagined As Hipsters

    Rhamy Payne
    4 Sep 2015 | 2:06 am
    Marc Brown is the author behind the Arthur series of children’s books — and that series has not only been around since 1976, but eventually gave rise to a popular animated series on PBS. Naturally, there’s a deep-rooted love and nostalgia for the young aardvark’s adventures; and it looks like someone woke up one day and asked themselves “What if the characters that formed the backbone of entire childhoods got a total makeover, and were shown off regardless of the backlash that could occur?” One video hopes to find that answer. The new art is convincing…
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    is it ok that?

  • Is it ok that: North Korea Have Announced That They Have Put A Man On Saturn?

    markbeddau
    3 Sep 2015 | 12:32 pm
    North Korea has issued a statement to the State News Agency that their recent space exploration mission to Saturn was a huge success. It’s been confirmed that North Korea has become the first country to land a man on Saturn. Hung Il Gong made landfall on Saturn at approximately 3 a.m. this morning. He was in a specially designed, one man spacecraft that the North Korean’s have had under wraps for the last decade. Upon landfall, Hung performed tests and navigation exercises from within his craft. Three hours later at 6:03 a.m., Hung deemed it safe to step outside and take a space walk.
  • Is it ok that: These 25 Animals Can Strike A Better Pose Than You?

    markbeddau
    2 Sep 2015 | 1:35 pm
    It a bit frustrating to have to spend so much time adjusting to take a mediocre picture while this cute animals can just come in, sit down (or not) and take a picture that is ten times better than anything I’ll ever do… In any case, enjoy, and share if you feel the same.   1 – Please, tell me more 2 – I’ll seduce you anywhere 3 – anywhere! 4 – You know you want me 5 – Come and serve me 6 – The cute kitten 7 – The sexy bunny 8 – Hey there, pretty 9 – Mwrrr… You make me tired 10 – Now, that is a duck face I approve 11 – Legs to the air 12 – I miss you 13…
  • Is it ok that: This Pregnant Woman Is Planning A Dolphin Assisted Water Birth?

    markbeddau
    2 Sep 2015 | 12:23 pm
    Water births have become pretty commonplace these days. Even in hospitals. Which means they’re WAY too mainstream for spiritual healer Dorina Rosin and her partner Maika Suneagle. Rosin, who will appear in a UK documentary called “Extraordinary Births” not only believes that an ocean birth is “more relaxing and natural” but prefers to have a dolphin for a midwife. (This is Rosin, heavily pregnant, swimming with wild dolphins. We presume it was an open interview for ‘midwives.”) This has caused medical and marine experts to question how much Rosin and…
  • Is it ok that: This Cat Is Really Not Impressed At A New Dog Coming To Stay?

    markbeddau
    1 Sep 2015 | 2:31 pm
    Cato was ready at the window to greet the new animal, but his excitement soon turns to anger as he sees the pooch approaching This cat is so not impressed with his owners’ choice of playmate – a dog – and as This cat is so not impressed with his owners’ choice of playmate – a dog – and as you can see from this clip he makes his voice heard. Cato was ready at the window to greet the new animal, but his excitement soon turns to anger as he sees the pooch approaching. His hilarious reaction was captured on camera by his owner Kerry Gillette who uploaded the…
  • Is it ok that: These Are The Weirdest And Funniest Inventions From The Past You Will Ever See?

    markbeddau
    1 Sep 2015 | 12:43 pm
    The Poker Face Mask Source: pinterest.com The Dog Squeezer (a restraint), 1940 Source: life.time.com The Dimple Maker, 1936 Source: historybyzim.com The Baby Cage let city kids get fresh air… by hanging out of a window Source: kizaz.com Robot answering machine The flying bicycle Source: Easyart/PA The personal submarine Source: Easyart/PA The Japanese “war tuba” which was used to locate enemy aircraft by sound prior to the invention of radar. Source: Reddit The motorbike powered boat. Source: Easyart/PA The 1961 Buick “Flamingo” with a rotating front seat. Who…
 
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    viralberg.com

  • China The Next World Leader! These Parede Images Can Prove!

    Jen Benson
    3 Sep 2015 | 2:16 pm
    There are not many locations in the world more suited for display than the massive expanse of Beijing’s Tiananmen Square. On Sept. 3, in a great armed forces parade establishing the 70th anniversary of Japan’s official surrender in World War II, 11 phalanxes of People’s Liberation Army (PLA) soldiers strutted by the heart of China, receiving what audiences was in fact told would be precisely 128 steps, each footstep a fantastic 75 cm.   Not anymore were China’s soldiers equipped in the ragged clothes of the communist guerrillas, or, more inclined, that of their opponent…
  • He Smashed A Lightbulb To Done A Thing Extremely Cool From It

    Jen Benson
    31 Aug 2015 | 1:26 pm
    Lightbulbs are perfect for something, truly: delivering light. However when they are not any longer good-for still that, you are probably willing to throw your lost bulbs away. Prior to doing that, though, you need to take a look at this video…you may never throw a lightbulb out for a second time…   Now its your turn make it and share it! MORE: These 22 Diy Home Projects Ideas.. Can Change Your Life Incredibly Wonderful.. 9 Cheap Space Saving Furniture Ideas to Suit Your Small House   The post He Smashed A Lightbulb To Done A Thing Extremely Cool From It appeared first…
  • This crazy video of a boy running on a moving metro train went viral very fast

    Jen Benson
    30 Aug 2015 | 1:17 pm
    Within a video which has rapidly gone viral since released, on boy jumps on a metro train and gets a walk – when the train is actually moving. He seems like he’s tried it earlier – and it really creates heart-in-mouth video clip. The guy is in fact really the brash, and has now his personal YouTube channel, with many others risky stunts and a few funny ones too. youtube.com/user/PashaBumchik Say hi to a real life subway surfer Share! MORE CRAZY VIDEOS! Crazy Google Maps – You Wont Believe #12 This Man Is Crazy Enough To Stick His Hand In Liquid Nitrogen 19 GIFs Of Epic Fails Bypassed…
  • TERROR AS VIRGINIA TV REPORTER AND CAMERAMAN KILLED IN SHOOTING IN LIVE INTERVIEW

    Joey Wong
    26 Aug 2015 | 12:12 pm
    A MANHUNT IS STARTED FOR A GUNMAN WHO KILLED A VIRGINIA television NEWS JOURNALIST AND CAMERAMAN ON ONLINE TELEVISION WEDNESDAY EARLY MORNING THROUGHOUT A SCHEDULE INTERVIEW EXTERIOR MONETA, VIRGINIA. Alison Parker was questioning a woman at up to 6:45 a.m. when shots called out. Both ladies yelled. As the camera fell to the floor, the viewers noticed the briefest peek at a guy who seemed to point a gun in the direction of the downed cameraman. Virginia TV reporter and cameraman killed live GRAPHIC NOTICE: this really is raw footage of Alison Parker and Adam Ward being shot and killed whilst…
  • Massive Chunk of Wild Honeycomb… And The Honey Hunters Of Nepal

    Jen Benson
    25 Aug 2015 | 9:14 am
    Yeah this is Natural Wild Honey in The Cave…   Andrew Newey, a top-rated UK-based travel professional photographer, has caught grasping photos of central Nepali Gurung group members involved with a risky and ancient tradition – honey hunting. Every six months, the Gurung honey hunters go up to the foundation of cliffs in central Nepal and ascend them to get honey. They normally use the same equipment that their forefathers did – hand woven rope ladders and tangos, the long sharp bamboo poles that they choose to cut the honey-filled hives from the face of the cliff and fall…
 
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    The Reject Pile

  • Elevator Pitches for Elevators

    Patrick McManus
    21 Aug 2015 | 12:01 am
    It’s a way to travel between floors of a building so quickly people have to condense their business ideas into a single sentence. If you are making an action movie it would be really cool to have your hero beat up a bunch of people in such a confined space. It’s a place to hear all the music that you would never actually seek out. A place where you have to interact with your neighbors. These will enable you to erect buildings so tall that it would be impractical to get to the top under your own power, so you better hope they don’t break! Have you ever tripped on the stairs? Aren’t…
  • First World Word Problems

    Maggie Downs
    19 Aug 2015 | 12:01 am
    Aubree is helping to buy meats for grilling at the school picnic. She bought 25 pounds of hot dogs at $1.69 per pound, 70 pounds of hamburgers at $1.99 per pound, and 120 pounds of chicken breasts at $3.69 per pound. Why does Aubree insist on purchasing unsustainable sources of protein? – – – There are 154 children taking swimming lessons at the community pool. If 10 children are assigned to each instructor, how many of them will be burdened by the unspeakable guilt of frolicking in the water while California suffers a historic drought? – – – At a taffy…
  • An Open Letter to the Old Me, That Is to Say the Younger Version of the Current Me

    Eric Henry Sanders
    17 Aug 2015 | 12:01 am
    Dear Younger Version of the Current Me, Why are you so smug about being young? It’s really not like you. You are so kind about other things. You care about the environment, for example. You recently marched in that nuclear weapons protest in front of the UN. You even volunteered, unprompted by your parents, at a soup kitchen. Sure, it was only one summer, but you went. And you went again. Maybe, like, three or four times. And when you went, you felt good about yourself, not in an entitled, self-satisfied way, but in a way that said, “I have seen suffering and I have done my bit…
  • Moonsplaining

    Matthew David Brozik
    14 Aug 2015 | 12:01 am
    Did I overhear you ladies chit-chatting about the Moon? Do you mind if I join your conversation? I think I might be able to help you wrap your pretty little heads around the topic. But you really shouldn’t feel bad if you can’t. After all, it is astronomical. You might get that joke later. So, to begin with, the Moon is a heavenly body. Obviously, Blondie, you know something about a heavenly body. And you might also, Red, to a lesser extent. The word “lunatic” comes from the Greek name for the Moon, Luna, because hundreds of years ago people thought it was the Moon that caused…
  • What Your Favorite Workout Says About You

    Kerreanna DiMauro
    12 Aug 2015 | 12:01 am
    Sweatin’ to the Oldies You have eaten potpourri, which you thought were Skittles, which you could’ve sworn were your heart medication. ThighMaster You talk nonstop about an infected tooth. Not yours, your neighbor’s. Jane Fonda’s Workout You half-sleep during the CBS Evening News. Buns of Steel  Your spirit animal is Red Fraggle. Stop the Insanity! You have accidentally worn fingerless leather gloves to a funeral. INSANITY Workout You deliberately wore leather to a funeral. 8-Minute Abs You have charged your cellphone at a funeral. Bowflex You have been caught kissing a…
 
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    The Plaid Parrot - Seriously Smart Humor

  • No Time For Political Correctness

    Rob Rubin
    9 Aug 2015 | 6:41 pm
    The post No Time For Political Correctness appeared first on The Plaid Parrot - Seriously Smart Humor.
  • How To Pair Alcohol With Stressful Situations

    Rob Rubin
    9 Aug 2015 | 7:05 am
    Life sucks.  But thanks to alcohol, it can actually be somewhat tolerable.  However that all depends on what you choose to drink during a given stressful situation.   Make the right choice and your mind can be filled with nothing but blue skies and daffodils.  But choose poorly and suddenly it can feel like a giant swarm of bees came out of nowhere and attacked your face. This probably stings just a tiny bit more than that shot going down your throat. Thankfully for you, we’ve come up with the best alcohol pairings for stress so you can put down that bottle of bug spray and start…
  • 17 Stages of Eating Cheese From a Bag While Feeling Fat

    Virginia Wallis
    7 Aug 2015 | 5:47 pm
    1. Yum! I love cheese. Nom nom nom! 2. This cheese is going to make me fat. 3. Cheese doesn’t make you fat. Carbs make you fat. Everybody knows this. This makes you fat. 4. Does cheese have carbs? 5. (Reads side of bag) No carbs! 6. What about vegans? They are all skinny. They don’t eat cheese. 7. So what if I’m fat? At least I am happy. 8. Am I really happy, or do I just think I am happy? I’ve heard cheese has chemicals that act like morphine. Morphine is basically chemical joy. 9. Nom nom nom! 10. Crap. I have cheese in my bra. This lady could lose lots of cheese.   11.
  • How To Practice Good Sex Manners

    Virginia Wallis
    3 Aug 2015 | 5:51 pm
    Like any  other social interaction, a positive sexual experience requires a certain amount of etiquette.  Much like having bad table manners can ruin a meal,  sex manners are just as important if you want to have good sex. Such happiness results from good manners Good manners must start as soon as one initiates the sexual encounter.  How this is done will depend on the nature of one’s relationship,  however here are are few guidelines. Texting or calling after midnight is rude This is colloquially referred to as a “booty call.”   A polite suitor arranges an encounter in advance.
  • Donald Trump’s Cabinet

    Rob Rubin
    2 Aug 2015 | 3:57 am
    Donald Trump, who continues to defy all the laws of nature by leading the clown car full of Republican presidential candidates, recently said that if elected, he would “love” to have Sarah Palin in his Cabinet. Now in a sane universe that alone should scare the bejesus out of anyone thinking about voting for the former Apprentice star.   But the sanity train stopped running years ago and now this is the only ticket out of town. So in anticipation of the coming armageddon Trump presidency, we decided to help the Donald out even further by recommending additional…
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    Buzzalink

  • 20 Awesome Places From Around The World That Have Been Abandoned

    bossman
    11 Aug 2015 | 10:24 am
    1. Notch Hill church in Tappen, BC, Canada. The light is from the train coming up behind it. Since this picture became popular on the internet and got a bit of press, they decided to restore the church. ———————————————————————————— 2. San Zhi City, UFO Pods, Taiwan Taiwan’s other-worldly “ruins of the future” are a set of pod-like buildings built in 1978 as a vacation resort. However, two years later the project collapsed due to financial problems and a number of deaths during construction. Deserted for a further 28 years,…
  • 14 Extremely Amusing Sarcastic Responses

    bossman
    29 Jul 2015 | 10:04 am
    1. Bob has diabetes. Yep. 2. Quite please. 3. Stairs, BITCH. 4. Good question. 5. When you drink you can understand birds…K 6. Definitely. 7. In all situations…”think before you ink” 8. Please…hide your potato. 9. The Boss Lady…lolz 10. WHY? 11. Siri just got you real good: 12. Try the actual entrance: 13. SMH 14. And then there is this:
  • 15 Phrases You’ll Only Hear In Newcastle

    bossman
    25 Jul 2015 | 5:42 am
    Whether they’re welcoming you to their much-loved city or cackling over Ham and Pease pudding, the Geordie language can seem unrecognisable to outsiders. But as they’re renowned for being some of the nicest people on the planet, it’s about time you learnt this alien dialect. Here’s a list we hope you can use as a handy guide when a Geordie approaches you in the Toon. 1. “Howay man!” Translation:‘Go away’ or ‘Good luck’ or ‘Come on’ or ‘Hurry up’ or ‘Okay’ – proclamation of encouragement or dismissal, can be positive or negative depending on how it is…
  • 13 Ways For People To Piss You Off

    bossman
    23 Jul 2015 | 5:43 am
    1. To the person who cut the pizza like this: 2. To the person who parked their car like this: 3. To the person who ruined the ending of Marley and Me: 4. To the person who did this: 5. To the people who think Hanson is Nirvana… 6. To the person who puts these stickers up anywhere, but especially at the airport: 7. To the person who eats gum like this: 8. To the person who thought this would be funny: 9. To the person who eats only the cream in the bag of Oreos: 10. To the person who made this sick joke: 11. To the person who did this: 12. To the person who does stuff like this: 13. To…
  • Drunk People Making Decisions

    bossman
    16 Jul 2015 | 5:23 pm
    1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13.
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    Drink wine. Eat bread. Pet cats.

  • Yes is My Default Answer

    katooshkaa
    15 Aug 2015 | 3:05 pm
    I have a bad habit. I like to say yes. Even when I mean no or have no clue what the answer is or what you're asking me. It's like Tourette's for me, this default response of yes. I don't mean to be false or lie or lead you astray. Reflexively, "yes" pops out of my mouth before I have time to actually think about what my actual response would have been. Most likely it would not have been yes. This autopilot response stems from a combination of the desire to please and be agreeable, observation of social etiquette, sheer laziness to engage in conversation, or the desperate need to extract…
  • Grocery Shopping in One Bag

    katooshkaa
    25 Jul 2015 | 2:37 pm
    Checkout attendants, I'm sorry I'm that asshole who brings one cloth grocery bag for a six-bag shopping cart purchase. Just like I am convinced I can sausage my way into a smaller size, I am convinced that my groceries will fit into one bag. They never do. They don't even come close. Without fail, every time I step into a Ralph's or a Trader Joe's (and God forbid a Wholefoods, where I have the terrifying possibility, and high likelihood, of spending my entire paycheck's worth of disposable income on organic fruit and rare cheeses in twenty minutes), I walk out with more that I planned to…
  • The Human Blobfish

    katooshkaa
    19 Jul 2015 | 9:09 am
    Go kayaking, they said. It will be fun, they said. For someone who has no athletic bones in her body, kayaking is not a fun activity. I am like the blobfish. I did not make this fish up. This fish actually exists and has no bones in its body.  Its formal name is Psychrolutes marcidus. It lives in the deep waters, 2,000 to 3,900 feet below the surface of the ocean, off the coasts of Australia, New Zealand, and Tasmania. Because of the extreme pressure in the deep waters which the blobfish inhabits, its body is primarily a gelatinous mass. This underwater JELL-O is slightly less…
  • Dear Leah

    katooshkaa
    12 Jul 2015 | 3:41 pm
    Dear Leah,Why do you insist on shitting under the couch? But not consistently. No, that would be too predictable. You choose to shit under the couch randomly to keep us guessing. One day you use the litter box, one day you don't. Then you go back to using it, then surprise! A little present under the couch for mommy and daddy to stumble upon. What a fun game you've created. Even more fun was the time you decided to up the ante by shitting on the new toy mommy bought you. That was a fun discovery. Pretty sure no cat wants to swat at a blue feather with a dried poop earring hanging off of…
  • Many Firsts - LAX to BKK

    katooshkaa
    12 Jul 2015 | 3:40 pm
    After almost 24 hours of travel, Michael and I made it to Bangkok in one piece. Flying China Southern proved adventurous. Many firsts were had on this journey. The first First was flying on an Airbus 380, the double-decker beast that holds the record as the world's largest plane and seats roughly 525 passengers in a 3-class configuration. When during boarding, a crew member ushered us up a staircase, I was sure our seats were mistaken for someone else's. But lo and behold, we were assigned the bulkhead row right behind business class on the second level, giving us glorious leg room that…
 
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    Thoughts From Paris - Humor Blog - Funny Blog | RSS Feed

  • Why Every Blogger Should Podcast – Presentation – Recorded at BlogU

    D.J. Paris
    12 Aug 2015 | 7:00 pm
    Two days ago a blogger emailed me and asked how to get more readers. It was a stupid question, for sure. I wrote the person back (I didn’t know them at all) and said, “I’m going to tell you, but you’re not going to like the answer.” Then I wrote the answer. It was one sentence long. I almost hit send but realized that I was kind of being a dick. This wasn’t intentional. I believe it’s okay to ask stupid questions – we all do from time to time. I added in five actionable ideas the blogger could do right that moment guaranteed to boost their…
  • I Got Stupid on Stupid Ass Questions

    D.J. Paris
    9 Aug 2015 | 11:15 am
    The fine people at StupidAssQuestions asked me to respond to stupid ass questions. I think they wanted me to choose just one from the bunch they sent, but I answered everything. They were so taken with my wit that they featured me for a full week. I had a blast and am proud have been part of their silliness. I’ve included the artwork they created for each question. Please subscribe to their Facebook page. Monday Dear Stupid Ass Questions – The company I work for requires that I submit my travel expenses once a month. By accident I submitted the same one twice. They sent me an…
  • I Sort of Broke My Garbage Disposal But Not Really

    D.J. Paris
    7 Aug 2015 | 7:05 am
    Admit it – that’s a beautiful mofo. You were all wrong about my garbage disposal. I purchased a condo in 2005 because my folks were nice enough to lend me a down payment. At closing I was able to pick out all the cabinets, countertops, moldings, and appliances. I remember trying to figure out whether to upgrade to the nicer series of appliances. It was several thousand dollars more. But, when I did the math it only added a nickel to my monthly mortgage payment. Done. I can’t remember if there was an upgrade option for the garbage disposal, but I’m going to assume…
  • My Rear End is Imperfect and Needs Medical Attention

    D.J. Paris
    22 Jul 2015 | 7:00 am
    I am getting a colonoscopy. If I rated medical procedures based on hilarity, colonoscopies would make my top ten. Not as funny as calf implants for dudes or ladies getting liposuction on their toes, but close. You wouldn’t believe the images I had to search through to find two that didn’t make me retch. “So, what’s the deal with my b-hole, doctor?” The proctologist had just spent a good four minutes rooting around my fanny with several instruments. One of which was his finger. After he took my dignity with his digit, he announced that additional tools were…
  • I Now Wear These Super Sexy Undershirts (That Cover Up My Grossness)

    D.J. Paris
    30 Jun 2015 | 7:00 am
    I have dry feet. Well, not feet so dry that the skin cracks and you need to dunk them in Noxema. My feet just don’t get sweaty. Like ever. Honest injun! Same with my pits. They don’t sweat. To prove this I didn’t wear deodarant for an entire year. I told only two people – my (now) ex-wife and the one person I managed at a previous job. I got them together for a drink at a local pub – this way I only had to explain once. I’m going to do this. If you smell anything, and I mean anything – even if it’s just your mind playing tricks on your nose, you…
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    BunKaryudo

  • The Shredder

    BunKaryudo
    4 Sep 2015 | 7:00 am
      The paper clip in my pocket will have to stay there. Ordinarily, whenever I find one lying about the office somewhere, I put it in a plastic tray in the top right-hand drawer of my desk. It’s one of the more significant tasks I undertake in my job, not to mention one of the more entertaining, right up there with staring at the wall clock and sharpening my pencil.   Recently, however, I’ve had nowhere to keep my paper clips but my pocket. That’s because the contents of my desk are not actually in my desk. The contents of my desk are in a sealed cardboard box labelled 16. My…
  • Coffee Shop

    BunKaryudo
    31 Aug 2015 | 12:03 pm
      I shoved my homemade cheese sandwich into my face as I rushed toward the coffee shop. I suppose I could have bought something to eat once inside, but somehow it seemed a little extravagant to go to all the expense of buying a doughnut when I could use the money instead to put my kids through college. Not eating anything at all, though, would have been wildly irresponsible. Forcing a cup of coffee and my stomach to try to get along together without any food to distract their attention would have been an uncomfortable enough experience for me, but a truly terrifying one for anybody…
  • Talking Garbage

    BunKaryudo
    28 Aug 2015 | 11:41 am
      I’d have said, “A soda bottle.”   If you’d asked if there was anything on earth that could possibly spoil my happy mood, a soda bottle would have been the obvious answer. So many times over the years, I’d struggled back from the garbage compactor in the basement of our apartment building, only to discover the kids had chosen that precise moment to toss their rather fine collection of early 21st century plastic soda bottles into the trash can in the kitchen.   This wasn’t the problem that faced me this morning, however. The kids were quite blameless, both off at…
  • Swallows

    BunKaryudo
    24 Aug 2015 | 8:27 am
      I am walking along between two unfamiliar giants. From way up somewhere near the clouds, one of them begins to speak. His voice rumbles like thunder and a huge arm longer than my entire body slowly rises far, far into the air and points forwards. I realize the giant is trying to communicate something to me, so I follow the direction of the finger until my eye falls on a massive two-legged ball of fluffy brown and white feathers. I’m entranced. I pitter-patter forward unsteadily to take a closer look. The giant creature comes almost to my waist, but it doesn’t look very threatening.
  • Jelly Doughnuts

    BunKaryudo
    21 Aug 2015 | 10:06 am
        “Hey, doughnuts!” I exclaim. “Wow, they look great!” I point to the display of mini-doughnut on special offer. Then I turn to my wife. “They’d be good with a cup of that tea you bought the other day.” She nods.   What you have just witnessed is a fabrication. I’m not trying to say it didn’t happened; it took place just as I wrote it. I simply mean that none of it is true.   Perhaps I should explain. Lets go back twenty minutes. There I am. I’ve been in the supermarket perhaps two and a half seconds when I first catch sight of the display up at the…
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    Badge of Awesome

  • The Importance of Community: Lessons learned from chasing a Killer at 2 a.m.

    Josh Martin
    26 Aug 2015 | 5:52 am
    Community plays a big role in our health and happiness -- something I was reminded of the night I chased a Killer at 2 a.m. (ok, there's a bit more to the story) The post The Importance of Community: Lessons learned from chasing a Killer at 2 a.m. appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
  • Free ebook on overcoming obstacles

    Josh Martin
    11 Aug 2015 | 6:11 am
    Obstacles come in many shapes and sizes. Ironically, the biggest one I ever faced was so tiny you needed a microscope to see it. But whether it’s a break-up, a challenging time at work or going through cancer like I did, we all face obstacles. I’ve added my ebook Going on a Bear Hunt: Five things […] The post Free ebook on overcoming obstacles appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
  • Overcoming Public Speaking Fears: Lessons learned from starring as a tree

    Josh Martin
    30 Jul 2015 | 6:03 am
    My public speaking career spans 30 years, going all the way back to my breakout role as Ant #2 in our Kindergarten concert “The Ants Go Marching In.” My job was to stop to tie my shoe as I sang and strode across the stage like a boss. I killed it. Fast-forward to Grade 8 […] The post Overcoming Public Speaking Fears: Lessons learned from starring as a tree appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
  • Time Management Tips: Lessons learned from a thumb-crushing sledgehammer

    Josh Martin
    23 Jul 2015 | 6:05 am
    When it comes to effective time management, choosing the right tools and doing things properly the first time can save you a lot of headaches in the long run. Question: Is there anything more infuriating than trying to find an elusive lid for a Tupperware container? Answer: No. No, there is not. Rooting around a […] The post Time Management Tips: Lessons learned from a thumb-crushing sledgehammer appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
  • Productivity tips: Lessons learned from my rascally rabbit

    Josh Martin
    18 Jul 2015 | 8:14 am
    Between creeping friends on Facebook and watching the latest Star Wars trailer on YouTube for the thirteenth time, working from home comes with its share of distractions. Add an adorable and adventurous pet bunny into the mix, and just watch productivity grind to a halt. Meet Amigo. We decided very early on that we didn’t […] The post Productivity tips: Lessons learned from my rascally rabbit appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
 
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