Humor

  • Most Topular Stories

  • Creepiest Baby Shower Gift Ever!

    Craftastrophe
    Renee
    31 Aug 2010 | 10:00 am
    Want a mask that will make you look *just* like Cheech Marin? How about Tommy Chong? Or Both? Wait no longer.  Well, as long as you have $42,000 for each one.  Because CLEARLY THE ARTIST IS HIGH. {source} Not the same, but still fun:TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman NecklaceGIVEAWAY: Fail Whale: Part Deux! TIMES UP!TIMES UP! GIVEAWAY!GIVEAWAY!: Cozies, Done Craftastrophe Style (NSFW)

  • The Best Kind of Cookie Jar

    Craftastrophe
    Cat Rocketship
    31 Aug 2010 | 7:27 am
    Custom, acrylic painting done on canvas board from an ultrasound photo. Since it is from an ultrasound photo, it will be somewhat abstract and surreal in appearance, but will still capture the joy of expecting a baby. Just e-mail me a photo and tell me which color you would like. The one shown here, is in monochromatic green with metallic yellow to add warmth and depth. If you have several favorite photos, send them all, and I’ll pick one. The painting can usually be done within a weekend’s time and I can ship it when it dries. The joy of expecting a baby? Warmth and depth? How…

  • Ain’t No Party Like a Lizard MamaPop Party

    Craftastrophe
    Karen Sugarpants
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:55 am
    Good for cookies and MILK! Get it? No? Okay, that was a pretty bad joke. At this point I’m less concerned with these boobies, more concerned with my Craftastic boob fixation. {Source} Cat Rocketship is an artist, and curates less-boobful pieces for indie craft show Market Day. Some more like this one:You Would be Unhappy if Your Boobs Looked Like This, TooWrong on every levelNipples of the Sea{NSFW} Bust of the Artist’s MistressKeep Yourself Warm: Wrap Your Boobs Around You

  • Foreign Language Safety

    Safety Graphic Fun
    Julia
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:00 am
    Keep adding your captions to the comments please! On Friday I will pick my 5 or 10 favorites and then YOU get to vote on the winner! The winner will receive everlasting glory and fame and/or a SGF mug.  Here is the Safety Graphic in question: Big thanks to Luke B. who found this awesome Safety Graphic! PS - if you are new here, direct translations and "on the nose" captions won't fly - get creative!  

  • Outlaw Gang Tracked to Sherwood Forrest

    Fair City News
    FairCityNews.com
    1 Sep 2010 | 5:24 am
    A ginormous shop vac sucks rainwater from Springfield Springfield, MO—After presenting two forms of identification and laying down a $50 deposit, The City of Springfield has rented a giant shop vac to remove rainwater from roads, bridges and basements. The 6000-gal. 2,300HP shop vac was deemed necessary following heavy rainfall on Wednesday, when 6 to 10.5 inches of rain covered the city causing multiple headaches across the region. According to reports, the City was notified of the massive flooding by a wife who had just returned from running errands. “There is water everywhere, you need…
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    The Bloggess

  • People in the country need xanax too.

    Jenny the bloggess
    1 Sep 2010 | 11:59 am
    Okay, so first of all my kidney infection was doing much better until last night when I seriously considered removing my left kidney myself because it hurt so much but it’s behind me and I’m not that flexible so then I thought about calling a hooker because  you always hear those stories about people going off with a hooker and waking up in a bathtub of ice with one kidney gone and what I gathered from that is that hookers are good at surgery but I don’t even know where to find a hooker because we live so far out in the country.  Also, with the way my luck’s been…

  • I missed Victor and I’m ready for him to leave again.

    Jenny the bloggess
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:37 am
    Victor’s home (yay!) and he leaves again tonight (mother.fucker.) but it was nice because when he got home from his work retreat he was all “I’m exhausted.  Can you rub my temples?” and I was like “Um…no.  I have piratitis, remember?” and he was all “Like…fear of pirates?” and I was like “No.  It’s a severe kidney infection and I feel like crap. You should be rubbing my temples” and he was all “Well, my kidneys hurt too.  I had a lot to drink.  Plus my throat hurts from all that karaoke” and I was…

  • I seem to have disturbed some kind of Indian graveyard

    Jenny the bloggess
    29 Aug 2010 | 2:12 pm
    No Sunday wrap-up today.  I have an acute kidney infection and Victor is still out of town so I’m letting Hailey be in charge of the house until he gets back.  Nothing’s on fire yet and she made me lunch of tootsie-roll stew.  Which is just tootsie rolls in a bowl of frosted flakes.  She’s trying, y’all. I’ll be back soon.

  • Surprisingly, I don’t really know how meth works on your genitals. Please stop asking me.

    Jenny the bloggess
    26 Aug 2010 | 10:52 am
    Today I wrote a post on my sex column about all the really horrific google searches that bring people to my blog (but that I didn’t want to write about here because that’s just going to result in even more people finding my blog when searching for “What can meth do to your vagina?” but the thing is that there are plenty of horrific search results for my blog that don’t have anything to do with sex at all.  Probably.  Actually, hard to tell, now that I think about it. Actual google searches that lead people to my blog last week: Wow, y'all. I think the most…

  • Oh. That was…unexpected.

    Jenny the bloggess
    25 Aug 2010 | 3:03 pm
    You know what’s awesome?  When you’re having a crappy day and the doorbell rings and there’s a guy with a package that you need to sign for and you smile excitedly at him and you’re all “Awesome!  I love getting packages!” and he looks at you weird but you brush it off because Yay! Package! and then you sign for it and you start to reach out for the package and then you realize that the guy looks familiar and that’s because it’s the guy from the pet crematorium and he’s handing you a box full of your dead dog.  That’s awesome.
 
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    Craftastrophe

  • Upcycling Your Pussy Food Bag

    Karen Sugarpants
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:00 am
    Okay people.  You think the toothbrush bracelet went too far?  Oh, it did, it did.  But this, found by Rach at Grasping for Objectivity KILLED. ME. DEAD. Behold, the cat food bag, purse, and clutch: And there were even more on Etsy: I can totally imagine a middle aged woman with 18 cats, hoarding all the cat food bags and shopping for dollar store felt to line them with. Here, kitty kitty… *shudder* Thanks Rach! {source, source and source} Not the same, but still fun:TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman NecklaceGIVEAWAY:…

  • That’s Not Apple Juice, Man.

    Karen Sugarpants
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:43 am
    Want a mask that will make you look *just* like Cheech Marin? How about Tommy Chong? Or Both? Wait no longer.  Well, as long as you have $42,000 for each one.  Because CLEARLY THE ARTIST IS HIGH. {source} Not the same, but still fun:TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman NecklaceGIVEAWAY: Fail Whale: Part Deux! TIMES UP!TIMES UP! GIVEAWAY!GIVEAWAY!: Cozies, Done Craftastrophe Style (NSFW)

  • Creepiest Baby Shower Gift Ever!

    Renee
    31 Aug 2010 | 10:00 am
    Custom, acrylic painting done on canvas board from an ultrasound photo. Since it is from an ultrasound photo, it will be somewhat abstract and surreal in appearance, but will still capture the joy of expecting a baby. Just e-mail me a photo and tell me which color you would like. The one shown here, is in monochromatic green with metallic yellow to add warmth and depth. If you have several favorite photos, send them all, and I’ll pick one. The painting can usually be done within a weekend’s time and I can ship it when it dries. The joy of expecting a baby? Warmth and depth? How…

  • The Best Kind of Cookie Jar

    Cat Rocketship
    31 Aug 2010 | 7:27 am
    Good for cookies and MILK! Get it? No? Okay, that was a pretty bad joke. At this point I’m less concerned with these boobies, more concerned with my Craftastic boob fixation. {Source} Cat Rocketship is an artist, and curates less-boobful pieces for indie craft show Market Day. Some more like this one:You Would be Unhappy if Your Boobs Looked Like This, TooWrong on every levelNipples of the Sea{NSFW} Bust of the Artist’s MistressKeep Yourself Warm: Wrap Your Boobs Around You

  • Ain’t No Party Like a Lizard MamaPop Party

    Karen Sugarpants
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:55 am
    Wassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup? I think I just found inspiration for the next MamaPop party cake.  That lizard is as dope as a unicorn, easily.  Plus have you ever seen a unicorn with a castle on it’s butt? No, no you have not. From the listing: 11″ high X 18″ long X 21″. Antique taxidermy Iguana. Ivan was a gift from a wonderful customer. He is 75+ years old and looked older. He was very patient while I made repairs and added a castle to his back. This old boy is ready for his new life. I hope I’m rockin’ as hard as this…
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    @TremendousNews!

  • 10 Signs You’re A Facebook Stalker.

    Tremendous
    11 Aug 2010 | 7:00 am
    This is actually how creepy you are. Right now, you probably think you’re normal. Nice. Decent. Human. Ha! Hilarious. I know you.  Beneath your cheery smile is dark nerdy evil.  And your satanic lord is Facebook.  Once you log on, you can’t resist yourself.  You stalk people. Possibly while nude. If you don’t believe me, read the signs below.  If you do any of these things, you have a problem. 1. You Know When People Use Facebook. Your friend Sarah logs onto Facebook at around 9:30am.  Then again around 5pm. How do you know this?  Because you’ve observed and…

  • 5 Signs You’re About To Be Blocked.

    Tremendous
    27 Jul 2010 | 9:10 am
    A common scene in my life. (Except with way fatter chicks) Have you ever been blocked by someone on Facebook or Twitter? Don’t answer. That was rhetorical, dopey. You’ve been blocked. There’s been a point in time where someone evaluated your contribution to their world and said: Pass. Then they ensured they would never ever see you again by removing you completely from their lives. Hilarious. Here’s five signs you’re about to be blocked. 1. Someone Asks You “How Do You Find The Time To Update So Much”? This is a key phrase. How do you find the time.

  • 19 Words That Will Always Gross You Out.

    Tremendous
    7 Jul 2010 | 9:02 am
    There’s a small group of words in the English language that everyone dislikes.  If the English language were a party, these words would be the guys with fake tans and Affliction t-shirts. Listening to techno. Beating up fat guys with bladder problems. Shit. I’ve made it personal. Let’s get started. 1. Moist. Even if you’re talking about your cake, don’t use it.  Because after you say it, nobody wants to eat your cake. 2. Secrete. This is Moist’s little brother.  Nothing that’s good is secreting. Bad shit secretes. 3. Foodie. Especially if…

  • 5 Celebrities You Didn’t Know Were On Twitter

    Tremendous
    29 Jun 2010 | 10:14 am
    It seems like everyone follows the exact same celebrities on Twitter. Ashton Kutcher, Tom Hanks, Alyssa Milano, Bronson Pinchot from TV’s Perfect Strangers. OK, not Bronson Pinchot. We live in an unjust world. But today, I’ll introduce you to a few people who are celebrities in their own right, but do not have the following they deserve. Couldn’t you just do this in a Twitter list? I’m lazy. You can make a Twitter list in two seconds. Yes but this passes for a blog post. Let’s get started. 1. Eva Amurri Eva Amurri is a notable actress in Hollywood.  I have noted…

  • Team France’s World Cup Collapse Re-Enacted By Babies in 1 Minute

    Tremendous
    22 Jun 2010 | 11:05 am
    If you’re not following the World Cup, you’ve missed the hilarious drama and in-fighting of Team France. They were eliminated after they suspended players, had a strike, and well, acted like babies. Don’t worry.  I re-created the entire debacle for you. Enjoy. Babies donated by ShutterStock. dee@tremendousnews.com
 
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    There, I Fixed It - Redneck Repairs

  • My Kludgy Sprinkler

    Cheezburger Network
    2 Sep 2010 | 10:00 am
    Submitted by: Unknown It works well, but everyone knows the Sharpie version dries quicker. ~Not-So-Handy Andy

  • Stop Sign Manufacturers are Going for a More Urban Art Aesthetic

    Cheezburger Network
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:00 am
    Submitted by: Nate Either that, or S70P is the world’s most helpful tagger. ~Not-So-Handy Andy

  • Sharing This Light of Mine

    Cheezburger Network
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:00 am
    Submitted by: Unknown Because the thing in the walls’ eyes aren’t what they used to be. ~Not-So-Handy Andy

  • The Legend of Hammewrench

    Cheezburger Network
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:00 am
    Submitted by: santabackwards After the Christianization of Scandinavia, Thor had to find more practical applications for his mighty hammer. ~Not-So-Handy Andy

  • Is There Anything Beer Can’t Do?

    Cheezburger Network
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:00 am
    Submitted by: alberto.cerero The Super Bocks gave up on their dream to be a frat boy’s mantle decoration and found a steady job in the drainage business. ~Not-So-Handy Andy
 
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    Special Kind of Stupid

  • My Taylor Swift fandom has taken a serious hit

    kev
    31 Aug 2010 | 11:19 am
    I consider myself a Taylor Swift fan, even though I’m not necessarily a fan of her music. Still, if one of her songs come on the radio, I won’t turn the station. In a world full of Lady Gagas and Katy Perrys that cause me to risk driving off the road in an effort to change the radio station as quickly as possible, Taylor Swift’s music is a calming, pleasant alternative. No, it’s the idea of Taylor Swift of which I’m a fan. She seems like a nice person. She seems like a good role model. She dresses modestly, she’s never been caught doing something…

  • Explaining why my Twitter messages are funny and/or insightful: Part 2

    kev
    27 Aug 2010 | 10:49 am
    Here at SKOS, I can use thousands of words to clarify my thoughts on a given topic. With so many characters at my disposal, blogging magic is a regular occurrence. However, on Twitter, I only have 140 characters to get my point across. This often leaves readers confused and, sometimes, scared and frightened. So, as I did a few months ago, I am going to highlight some of my Twitter messages and explain them to all of you. Hero? No, I’m no hero. I’m just a man doing what he can to make the world a better place. You’re welcome, people. Chelsea’s wedding cost Bill &…

  • Dear shirtless neighbor talking on the phone in his front yard

    kev
    26 Aug 2010 | 3:41 pm
    Dear Neighbor, Granted, I am the inquisitive sort by nature, but even if I wasn’t there are some things I just have to ask you: Why do you insist on talking on your cell phone while standing in your front yard? And why must you do it shirtless? Do shirts interfere with your phone’s reception? If so, may I inquire as to what brand you wear? Perhaps you should look into a different brand. I’ve heard good things about Dockers, but I have to imagine any cotton-blend shirt will suffice. Does the person or persons you talk to on your phone know you are talking to them, shirtless,…

  • Awesomely good comments I tried to leave, but could not

    kev
    25 Aug 2010 | 10:12 am
    One of the blogs I frequent, the wonderful I’m Having a Thought Here (owned by the equally-wonderful Jenny), hasn’t allowed me to post comments for several days now. However, others have been able to leave comments, so it’s obviously an issue with my Internet filter at work. (That, or Jenny is part of a conspiracy to keep my witty thoughts from ever being read by anyone!) So, I have decided to publish the comments I tried to leave there, here. Doesn’t that sound exciting? No. Well, I’m doing it anyway. On Sunday, Jenny wrote about a strange dream she had. Among…

  • Challenge Accepted!

    kev
    20 Aug 2010 | 10:30 am
    Scene: I sit down to eat lunch at my desk. I brought in sushi. My co-worker, seeing my meal selection, decides to offer some advice. Co-worker: “Go easy on the wasabi.” Me: “What?” Co-worker: “Don’t eat too much. It’s hot.” Me: “Challenge accepted!” Co-worker: “Challenge? What challenge?” Me: “Your wasabi challenge. I’ve accepted it. I’m going to eat an entire spoonful of the stuff.” Co-worker: “I didn’t challenge you.” Me: “Yes you did. ” Co-worker: “No, I did…
 
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    Lolcats 'n' Funny Pictures of Cats - I Can Has Cheezburger?

  • VIDEO: Kitteh Plays on Trampoline

    Cheezburger Network
    2 Sep 2010 | 10:00 am
    Sum kittehz can jump super hi wifout a trampoline.

  • But yoo sed

    Cheezburger Network
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:00 am
    But yoo sed “KILL ROY”… Nao gimme a shuvel and a gud allybai! gaspz! mr fluffeh iz a murderah! LoL by: DianeMarie Picture by: Unknown » Recaption This! » View All Captions

  • HOOF BUMP

    Cheezburger Network
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:00 am
    HOOF BUMP Brose before mares. srsly guyz? ai tinks u need 2 get off yer hi horse. Caption by: JoeyCaine Picture by: Unknown » Recaption This! » View All Captions

  • Classics: now with favorite buttons!

    cheezburger
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:59 am
    picture: dunno source, lol caption: dunno source We r adding favorite buttons 2 sum classic lolz, so u can favorite dem! Check awt sum other classic lolz dat nao have favorite buttons!

  • Cyoot Kitteh of teh Day: Fluff bai teh Bukkit

    TehGrateCheez
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:00 am
    Clik teh foto 2 add yer own funneh capshun! Via: Miezekatzen
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    digg.com: Top News

  • Kitten Sucks at Duck Hunt

    31 Aug 2010 | 10:13 am
    ""No, not your paws! Use the zapper! Ugh, I'm taking you back to the shelter."" Uploaded 10 likes

  • Super Dramatic Shampoo Commercial

    30 Aug 2010 | 3:54 pm
    "Personally, I prefer shampoos that try not to make me cry." Uploaded 3 likes

  • 7 Things Digg.com Drove Into the Ground

    30 Aug 2010 | 3:45 pm
    Digg, as we knew it, is dead. To make matters worse, Digg v4 is in complete chaos. Angry power users who were stripped of their adjective are attempting to fight back by rallying people to Digg articles from rival sites. At one point today, 12 of the 16 links on Diggs front page were pointing to Reddit.com or related stories. The inmates are running the asylum (dot com). As whats left of the Digg community struggles in vain to find funny pictures of cats and articles from Gawker.com, fear and panic are sure to set in. During this period of turmoil, many will long for a simpler time. But their…

  • Crazy Puppy-Throwing Girl

    30 Aug 2010 | 3:18 pm
    Today's horror: a girl throwing a bucket of puppies into the river one by one. Not for the weak of heart. See the 4chan and Reddit thread for more insight into the matter. The Best Links: The Revenge Of Bin Cat [VIDEO] Crazy Cat Bin Lady Caught on Camera [VIDEO] WatchVideo

  • Navigating The Worst Type of Workplace Conversation [COMIC]

    29 Aug 2010 | 12:09 pm
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    Bill Scheft: ABlog the Author

  • Caption Contest runs through Labor Day, 11:59 pm....

    2 Sep 2010 | 6:37 am
    Submit as many times as you wish. And we now have a prize: A copy of ON THE TOUR WITH HARRY SPRAGUE, my Uncle Herb’s hilarious epistulary novella of a delusional golf pro. It was reissued a few years ago by a Flagstick Books, and, are you sitting? includes a foreword written by my mother, Gitty Wind Scheft. Total prize package value (including free shipping): $25 So, that’s what you’re playing for.

  • First Annual "ABlog the Author" Caption Contest....

    31 Aug 2010 | 10:13 am
    (prize to be determined)

  • Please let me know how the Emmys turn out....

    29 Aug 2010 | 4:51 pm
    I am not watching this year because, for the first time ever, our show and the writers were not nominated. So, there’s no need. I’m not bitter. On the contrary, I feel quite liberated. I feel the same way I felt the first year I decided not to fly out with the other writers, sit in the audience, lose, and then rush to get the red-eye back to work on Monday. My wife, as she often does, put it best: “Nothing makes you feel like you’re in show business more than changing out of your gown in the ladies room at the LAX Avis.” As you can tell by now, this entire post was coughed up…

  • Hey, I think I worked out the bugs....

    26 Aug 2010 | 9:31 am
    So now, to commemorate crossing the 50,000-word threshold, here is a draft of the first section of the new novel. As always, I hope this is something…. SHRINK THYSELF  I      He cleaned his glasses on his sweater, a move that never works.      “So, this is it?” he asked.      “Ideally, yes.”      “You know, Charlie, it’s customary when you end therapy to give some notice, like a month, so we can wind things down. It’s not a hard and fast rule.”      “I understand.”      “It just is.”      “I figured as much. And I’ve given this a lot…

  • Reblogged from Pablog...which makes me part of the problem

    23 Aug 2010 | 10:34 am
 
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    Humor Blogs on Blogged

  • The iPad Just Wouldn't Cut It…

    Pundit Kitchen LoL by: soarin (Dmitry Medvedev) » Recaption This! » View All Captions

  • Gentulmun, we cans

    I Can Has Cheezburger Gentulmun, we cans rebild him We has the technologies sum wun needz ta defend teh werld frum ebil kittehmus pryme… Caption by: SCurlyQ Picture by: Unknown » Recaption This! » View All...

  • Sink Made from Recycled Tires

    Neatorama The architecture firm Minarc designed and built a kitchen sink that’s made from old rubber tires. It’s called RUBBiSH and is made in the following manner: The rubber from the tires is melted...

  • Chewbacca Talking Doll

    Neatorama Chewbacca 9″ Talking Plush – $25.95 Isn’t he cute? And he talks, too! Of course, anyone who ever watched a Star Wars movie knows what Chewbacca says, and you won’t understand it -unless you have...

  • Awesome! F-22 Raptor Rainbow FTW!

    Pundit Kitchen Raptor rainbow! What does it mean?! Here’s some info from the original reddit post: “F-22 Raptor pulling so many Gs, the low pressure air over the fuselage gets cold enough for the water to...
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    Punchline

  • Jim David: Notorious F.A.G.

    Reid Faylor
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:10 pm
    Jim David is a comedian. Clearly. The man has the confidence, charm and control that mark a veteran of the field; he’s polished from years of experience. But to say he is clearly a comedian is also a critique. Under all of the experience lie jokes that while skillfully delivered are often too obvious and too clearly [...] Jim David: Notorious F.A.G. is a post from: Punchline Magazine

  • Exclusive video interview with Doug Benson

    Punchline Magazine
    31 Aug 2010 | 12:14 pm
    Doug Benson, just today, released a new album through Comedy Central Records. It’s called Hypocritical Oaf. And it is filled with what you’d expect– stoned out ruminations on the mundane facets of life. To celebrate the release of Oaf, his third album, Punchline Magazine’s Matthew Gill — become a fan of his on Facebook! — chatted [...] Exclusive video interview with Doug Benson is a post from: Punchline Magazine

  • Glenn Wool: Let Your Hands Go

    Heather Height
    29 Aug 2010 | 6:36 pm
    While anyone can point out hypocrisy, and maybe even get a laugh, it takes a special kind of mind to mix the sardonic with the silly, the way Glenn Wool does on his album, Let Your Hands Go (Stand-Up! Records.) Wool doesn’t just touch on heavy topics, but rather dives, full force and unapologetically, into religion, [...] Glenn Wool: Let Your Hands Go is a post from: Punchline Magazine

  • Kevin Camia: Kindness

    John Delery
    29 Aug 2010 | 6:13 pm
    Hate to agree with Grouchy Old Pinheads Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin, but it really is time to “take back America” — from them and the rest of their oilier-than-the-Gulf-Coast ilk. Apparently Kevin Camia agrees, because he amusingly pierces the pompous and ostentatious, the humorless and clueless, the cloyingly cute and annoyingly hip on Kindness (Rooftop [...] Kevin Camia: Kindness is a post from: Punchline Magazine

  • Video interview: A Tight Five with Nick Thune

    Punchline Magazine
    27 Aug 2010 | 7:25 am
    The new installment of our video interview series A Tight Five brings us to comedian Nick Thune. Recorded while we were at the Aspen Rooftop Comedy Festival earlier this year, this may go down as the interview recorded latest in the day in the three year history of A Tight Five. Very exciting. Also, exciting? [...] Video interview: A Tight Five with Nick Thune is a post from: Punchline Magazine
 
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    Predator Press

  • Leperball

    LOBO
    22 Aug 2010 | 2:18 am
    Predator Press [LOBO] People are always asking me, "LOBO, with basketball season over and football not yet in full swing, how does a legendary athlete such as yourself spend your leisure time?” Well I’m glad you asked me that. I’ve always believed that people as gifted and successful as myself should spend a lot of time giving back to the community; encouraging the "less fortunate" that they too might become a chiseled physical phenomena such as myself is exactly the false hope today’s kids need to keep them from dealing drugs, stealing my car, or other things 'the community'…

  • FTWL

    LOBO
    18 Aug 2010 | 2:15 am
    Predator Press [LOBO] I didn’t even like real football, let alone the fantasy variety. I started participating in the HBFFL with the simple goal of selfish cross-promotion; indeed the team managers are some of the best bloggers around, and -win or lose- it was an opportunity to rub elbows with others showing glimpses of the inspired braniosity which I radiate. This year will be my third, and I’m completely jazzed. And a week or two ago, I contemplated my good fortune. Most football fans that don’t play either scoff at the concept of fantasy leagues, or seem a bit mystified and…

  • Predator Press Declares War on Australia!

    LOBO
    13 Aug 2010 | 2:05 am
    Predator Press [LOBO] EVERYBODY knows how America got started: in 1776 a bunch of us hated soccer so much we loaded up the Nina, the Pinto, and the Santa Fe, and left the oppressive British monarchy forever. We’ve been freely oppressing ourselves ever since. But what about Australia? Hm? Heck, we left Britain voluntarily … those people were kicked out! The reason this comes up now is because it’s a matter of National Security: I recently caught Australia skulking up and down the West Coast. It wasn’t doing anything particularly suspicious -in fact at first I thought it was Kirstie…

  • Teenage George Lucas: The Lost Files

    LOBO
    8 Aug 2010 | 1:48 am
    Predator Press [LOBO] “Dude,” says Lenny. “Are you feelin it?” “Oh yeah,” says George. “We should maybe go someplace else. That dog is givin me the heebie-jeebies.” “What dog?” asks George. “Dude,” says Lenny pointing. “Right over there.” “That’s a palm tree.” “Well I hope it’s friendly.” Lenny takes a drink out of his Coca-Cola bottle and winces thoughtfully. “Hey, what do palm trees eat, anyway?” “I don’t know,” says George. “Dirt I think.” “Whoa,” breathes Lenny. “Shit there’s a lot of dirt man.” “Lenny I think I wanna make…

  • Predator Press Declares Self “Official Website of Atlantis”

    LOBO
    30 Jul 2010 | 5:41 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] Well why not? We’re just as qualified as any of those other jerks. -Predator Press has as long a history of not proving things as anyone: I’ve been questioning the Legend of Bigfoot, the female orgasm, and the existence of Canada since this blog's virtual inception. Cryptic, vague references to the lost city of Atlantis go back dozens of years -before many of us were even born. For instance the philosopher Plato -most famous for killing Socrates by bashin him upside the head with a hemlock- waxed on and on and on about it. But like everyone else in history Plato is…
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    Funny Or Die

  • It's 90210 Day!

    Fod Team
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:11 am
    It's 90210 Day! The date is 9/02/10. It's time for some Jim "Motherf--king" Walsh. Submitted by: Fod Team Kinda Cute Keywords: 90210 day 90210 gifs jim walsh beverly hills 90210 Views: 133

  • Butts Arrested in Boob Murder Case

    Fod Team
    1 Sep 2010 | 1:27 pm
    Butts Arrested in Boob Murder Case Yeah. That's right. Submitted by: Fod Team Kinda Cute Keywords: boobs butts murder case funny headline butts murders boob kermit butts samuel boob Views: 1,299

  • 9 Fictional Athletes You'd Never Want On Your Team

    Fod Team
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:09 am
    9 Fictional Athletes You'd Never Want... Sure Benny The Jet looked good in "The Sandlot." But would you actually want this cocky bastard on your team? Didn't think so. Submitted by: Fod Team Kinda Cute Keywords: fictional athletes movie athletes sports movies bad fictional athletes best fictional athletes Views: 6,717

  • iPhone 4: FaceTime - Big News Parody

    Fod Team
    31 Aug 2010 | 6:53 pm
    iPhone 4: FaceTime - Big News Parody 0:31 The best way to share your biggest news is to do it with FaceTime on the iPhone 4. Submitted by: Fod Team Kinda Cute Keywords: iphone 4 iphone commercial facetime parody smile steve jobs software new phone smartphone ad campaign strange weird odd crazy big news pregnant pregnancy married poo poop feces defecate fart toilet Views: 8,877

  • Dancing Merengue Dog

    thathappened
    31 Aug 2010 | 1:37 pm
    Dancing Merengue Dog 3:08 This dog should be out solving crime but instead its just wasting its time doing the merengue with real humans. Submitted by: thathappened Kinda Cute Keywords: dog dogs doggy puppy puppies cute dance dancing dancing dog merengue spanish amazing crazy weird real Views: 11,763
 
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    Mattress Police

  • Cheap. Kindle. Books.

    30 Aug 2010 | 2:20 pm
    Those who have been following this blog for a while know that I'm alway working on some Crazy Project or other. In fact, usually I'm working on at least two or three. Like, for example, a humor magazine, or a blog directory, or a novel. The latest of these projects is something called CheapKindleBooks.net. Having sold a few thousand copies of Mercury Falls for Amazon's Kindle platform, I recently decided that I should probably buy a Kindle myself. The first thing I did after unwrapping my Kindle was to Google "Cheap Kindle books." To my surprise, Google returned only a smattering of…

  • Write the Novel You Want to Read, Part 2

    27 Aug 2010 | 2:23 am
    In Part One of this series, I argued that the one indispensable ingredient to the success of a novel is enthusiasm. Before you can expect people to buy your book, they have to be excited about it, and to get them excited about it, you have to be excited about it. The other huge advantage to writing a book that you?re excited about is that it?s much easier to market. Those of who have witnessed my marketing onslaught for Mercury Falls may be surprised to learn that I absolutely abhor sales. I?m probably the worst salesperson in the history of humankind. And yet, I have no problem…

  • Write the Novel You Want to Read

    23 Aug 2010 | 1:51 pm
    Since my success with self-publishing my first novel, Mercury Falls, I am occasionally approached by other aspiring authors looking for guidance. It's somewhat telling, I suppose, that these writers never actually ask for writing advice; apparently they are either pretty sure of their own ability or aren't particularly impressed with mine. In any case, what they always ask for is marketing advice.I usually toss a few ideas out (make a website for your book, get on Facebook, get on Twitter, etc.) and then I say, "One of these days I'm going to do a series of posts on Mattress Police about…

  • RE: I Need a Hero

    17 Aug 2010 | 1:50 pm
    Hi, I?m responding to your Craigslist ad from 8/17, entitled ?I Need a Hero.? I?m interested in applying for this position, but I would like to clarify a few items before officially throwing my hat in the ring. First, is the position still open? Your ad specifies that you will be holding out for a hero ?till the end of the night.? I?m assuming you were referring to the night of August 17th; however, your ad was not posted until well past noon on that date. I don?t mean to be presumptuous, but is that a realistic timeframe for locating a hero? I am currently the night manager at a small…

  • To the Sunday school staff at Cascade Christian Reformed Church of 1975

    4 Aug 2010 | 3:54 am
    Another entry in my series of Childhood Injustices that I Probably Should Have Gotten over by Now.... Dear Sunday school staff at Cascade Christian Reformed Church of 1975: I want you to know that I don?t blame any of you for the ?Duck, Duck, Goose incident? that occurred in the late spring of 1975. In retrospect, it was my own fault for not realizing the perfectly obvious risk that I myself might at some point get the nod to be the ?goose.? The small but ever-present possibility of being tagged as the ?goose? is, after all, what lends the game an air of excitement. I guess it…
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    15 Minute Lunch

  • Searching Eyes and Lowes.

    1 Sep 2010 | 4:00 pm
    Site Meter, you've been sucking lately. How am I supposed to make fun of something that just says "Unknown?" I want to know how people get here, dammit! Take your unknown and cram it. Lately most of my searches have been for the actual blog title, or "pee shiver." It's depressing. I'm going to be forced to dig into my sordid childhood past for more stories. Since I'm desperately editing the stories I've already written and trying to work them into some semblance of order for what I laughingly call "The Book," I've been too busy to write anything original. So instead, you get this. I haven't…

  • The amazing world of 3D, plus some other random stuff.

    21 Aug 2010 | 1:38 pm
    Remember playing with your Viewmaster when you were a kid? I had a red one, and I loved that thing. You'd drop in one of the circular slides, and the pictures inside would come to life in glorious, full-color 3D. Scooby Doo, Gumby and Pokey, Batman and Robin...I had a ton of them. At the time, I had no idea how they worked, but when I was old enough to understand it, I was fascinated that your brain was capable of creating a 3D image from a couple of pictures shot at a slightly different angle. Turns out there was even a bunch of cameras in the 50's and 60's that could do this. The Realist…

  • Let's Make a New Everybody Else Record.

    15 Aug 2010 | 9:18 pm
    A while back I picked up this great power pop CD by a band called Everybody Else and was blown away. Energetic, upbeat, make-you-want-to-dance-in-your-kitchen infectious grooves that really get to the center of what -- to me, at least -- this kind of music is all about. Even when they're singing about mortality and lost love, they make you feel happy about it. Power pop is my guilty pleasure, mostly because it's a lot of fun to play drums to, but I enjoy a wide range of other music, too. It all depends on my mood. The ability of music to make me happy, make me angry, make me sad...that…

  • Stupidity cuts like a knife.

    12 Aug 2010 | 3:00 pm
    If you remember my post from a bit ago about the bullshit with which the esteemed Cyrus Vance Jr. is trying to prop up his career, you know that I carry a small pocket knife, and I have for many, many years. It's a Spyderco, and it has a clip and a thumb hole so you can open it with one hand. Because you can open it with one hand, and because it locks open, a cop in a bad mood could, using this new ruling, confiscate it at best, and haul me away in cuffs at worst. So I decided I would go to the Spyderco web site and see what else they had to offer. There was a button that said "Legal in NY"…

  • That's some good Tequila. Lets go to my place.

    10 Aug 2010 | 12:48 pm
    I would like to go back to the topic of badly named products for just a moment. I've been seeing the commercial below pretty much non-stop recently and I think it's just a really bad name for a supposed top-shelf liquor product:The first and most obvious connotation is that this Tequila would make me horny. Whether it would make me more or less horny than say, Patron, I don't know. If I didn't have a dirty mind, perhaps Hornitos would sound more like the name of a kid's snack. Maybe some kind of Dorito-branded corn chip in the shape of a horn, like Bugles, only with more added Mexican…
 
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    A Whole Lot of Nothing

  • Happy International Celebration of 90210!

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:47 am
    I couldn’t let the day go by without A Magical List of All Things Awesome on 1990′s Television! now could I? I loves me a list. Let’s begin: 90210 Obviously. The show that taught us Dylan McKay was the ultimate rich bad boy, Donna Martin needed cave boobs to land a man, the ugly girl will get herself knocked up first, and when your parents move to Japan, you get to keep the house as the perfect crash-pad for your fake university. My So-Called Life So what if it only lasted 1 season, it taught us all Jordan Catalano needed was Angela’s shy but aggressive attention to…

  • This? Is not OK: Bloggers giving commenter’s email addresses to sponsors.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:12 am
    I didn’t want to write another blog post about blogging, but it seems I may have stepped in a pile of doodoo, and now I need to clean off my feet. By way of reasons I won’t discuss here, I found a blogger (NOT Casey – I discovered the blogger by way of Casey’s post I linked to) and her blog post where something new is happening. The “something new” is not a good “something new” in the Blogosphere. It’s a bad, unethical, icky-feeling “something new.” The blogger I found agreed to host a giveaway (nothing new) to give away a bed…

  • This should have been written yesterday.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    31 Aug 2010 | 7:09 am
    I’m notorious for my procrastination skills. If when I say “notorious,” I mean, “known around my immediate family,” then yes, I’m notorious. When I do happen to get things done on time, I require copious amounts of congratulations from anyone who witnessed my accomplishment. I’m needy like that. I’m like a child who needs constant encouragement to Keep! Doing! Her! Best! so that next time, the same result of an on-time completion will be met. Hey, at least I know what I need. I wonder if Patrick knows. If not, he does now. The point to my story:…

  • Vitriol. (I like using big words!)

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:39 am
    I was born with a gene, passed down from my father, for sarcasm. It’s in my blood. It’s impossible for me to muffle my sarcastic nature. But I’ve never thought of myself as a mean person. It’s the other gene I have, passed down from my mother, for non-confrontation. Like the sarcasm gene, it’s in my blood. It’s nearly impossible for me to be confrontational. I’m not an instigator. I don’t seek out drama. I keep stressors at bay. It’s kind of a medical necessity these days. Unfortunately, around the internets lately, I’ve been seeing…

  • But I do miss those little cheeseburgers.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    26 Aug 2010 | 6:20 pm
    I can’t say I have many accomplishments in my life other than the whole “raising well-adjusted kids and continuing in a successful marriage” thing. Yes, I have that Master’s degree on my wall (“wall” meaning “in a cabinet”), but it doesn’t take a Master’s degree in anything to sit at home and plot World Domination. So at this point in my life, it’s just that one thing I did back then that I can count as an accomplishment. And really, if I can do it, anyone can do it. My currently-running accomplishment, other than earning that…
 
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    Bee's Musings

  • Why am I always forgetting my pants (or *trousers* in Brian-speak)??

    31 Aug 2010 | 8:24 pm
    I received an email* the other day asking about our new living arrangements with my brother-in-law because I haven't talked about it at all. This person was wondering how it was going and if I was ready to join a traveling circus yet. The short answer to that is *yes* and the long answer is ohmylordwhatdidwegetourselvesinto!   Honestly, it's been a difficult adjustment. Our whole lives have changed dramatically and I have to admit to Andy and I arguing a lot more than we used to because we no longer have the buffer his dungeon offered.   Sometimes, I feel like I'm living in a boy's…

  • "Bee n' Andy: Shoe Sale"

    28 Aug 2010 | 10:00 pm

  • I am so gender confused!

    25 Aug 2010 | 8:10 pm
    I was reviewing my blog stats the other day because the searches that land people on my blog always amuse me. For some reason, there are a bunch of people obsessed with *googly eyes*! Anyway, I came across somebody, a spam site I think, linking to me via a post called "50 Best Blogs for Marriage Advice". I was like "Oh cool! Somebody actually listens to my backwards advice! Someone will probably live happily ever sometimes based on all the little nuggets I post about my marriage! It feels so good to be able to inspire people-- wait what??" and my ego bubble burst! "…

  • Nut crackers!

    23 Aug 2010 | 8:22 pm
    Andy and I went to Costco on Sunday to restock our toilet paper stash and grab another 20 pound bag of Chihuahua cheese when we walked by this display. That right there is a Nutcracker display. Wait, I need to repeat that. THAT RIGHT THERE IS A NUTCRACKER DISPLAY! As in the toy soldiers that guard the Christmas tree from rabid squirrels during the Christmas season. The Christmas season that is usually in December! Sunday was August 22! Who needs to start stocking up on Nutcrackers while the sun is still burning the grass and drying the rivers? I should go back and buy 2.

  • And now, just for you jean knee, some Milton!

    19 Aug 2010 | 7:04 pm
    So, as some of you may know, Milton is Arkham Asylum's *female* accountant (I'm pointing out that she's female because I gave her a male name and people always call her *he* or *him* and she's not either). As a person, I like her very much and she's been to my house and we've done yard sales and also skipped hand in hand through a field of daisies. Sometimes, however, she has me questioning God's plan. Anyway, tomorrow (or if you're reading this on Friday it's today and if you're reading this 6 months from now it was 8/20 and if you're reading this in the future, pick me out the winning…
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    Jokes - ArcaMax Publishing

  • Lemon Picking

    The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well... as a matter if fact, Yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."

  • Cynical Meanings

    Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other. Divorce: Future tense of marriage. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either." Conference: The co

  • Funny puns

    * I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. * He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. * Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. * A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. * He wears glasses during math because it improv

  • Funny puns set 2

    * Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted. * Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. * When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A. * It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. * Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. * When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, "this one is on me."

  • Past Stories

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    Offbeat Earth

  • Tomatina Festival - Brunol, Spain

    Editor
    1 Sep 2010 | 1:51 pm
    No, this isn’t a scene from a horror movie, unless you’re a pile of white laundry. Every year in Brunol, Spain, townspeople get together and pelt each other with up to 100 tons of tomatoes. We think it’s some kind of elaborate plot by the Spanish to rid the world of Italian food. What is it with the Spanish and their weird festivals?

  • Hamburg Latex Festival

    Editor
    31 Aug 2010 | 8:29 am
    The German city of Hamburg recently held a festival devoted to latex and the people who have a bit of a fetish for it…

  • Video: Hay Bailing Shenanigans

    Editor
    26 Aug 2010 | 7:07 am
    Apparently this guy’s tractor doesn’t get satellite radio…

  • Video: Weirdest/Creepiest Things Ever Shown on TV

    Editor
    25 Aug 2010 | 4:21 pm
    Might not be safe for work, depending on how uptight your workplace happens to be.

  • World Heritage Sites - Tobu World Square

    Editor
    23 Aug 2010 | 8:37 am
    Nikko, Japan is home to Tobu World Square, filled with 1:25th scale replicas of UN designated “World Heritage” sites. Angkor Wat The Parthenon The Sphinx The White House The World Trade Center towers Alhambra Arc de Triomphe and the Eiffel Tower The Forbidden City Tokyo Sky Tree Versailles Sagrada Familia Buckingham Palace The Basilica di Santa Maria del Fiore
 
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    Standup dad

  • Butte

    22 Aug 2010 | 10:25 pm
    Butte Montana is an Irish Catholic town. There is a giant statue of...

  • Thanks

    2 Jun 2010 | 11:27 am
    My YouTube star continuous to rise. I just got my favorite comment...

  • Wildcats

    29 May 2010 | 11:19 am
    I did a show at Central Washington University tonight. Home of the...

  • Oh Canada

    8 Apr 2010 | 10:48 pm
    I'm getting ready to spend a relaxing evening at the Econolodge in...

  • Life Cycle

    25 Feb 2010 | 9:35 am
    Right now our bathroom garbage can is filled with tampon wrappers and...
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    this blog is eggsalady

  • Getting to Know You

    what's a donzer
    19 Aug 2010 | 6:26 pm
    Long time no talk, eh?  Well, you were so busy with that thing at work, and I've been taking all of those meetings with the Dutch lately, so, you know.  People drift apart.  Let's not let it happen to us, okay?  We're not like everybody else.  How about this:  How about we get a little closer today?  You know how I struggle with commitment, but today I'm going to let you in just a little bit, just to prove how much you mean to me.Today, I'm going to divulge some secrets.  Not about me, but about my husband.  That should count as something. …

  • To Infinity and Beyond

    what's a donzer
    11 Aug 2010 | 8:02 pm
    If I know you (and I think I do), then you used to wake up early on Saturday morning, run downstairs, grab a heaping bowl of Cookie Crisp and roll your eyes at your sister's choice of chocolate-free-therefore-obviously-healthy cereal choice of Sugar Smacks.  You'd then pull your Underoos out of your butt and settle in to a hour or four of some combination that - depending on that year's tv lineup -  included (but was not limited to) the Smurfs, Shirt Tales, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Dungeons and Dragons, The Muppet Babies, Hulk Hogan's Rock-n-Wrestling!, The Littles, Pee Wee's…

  • SPTs Get (a LittleTime) Off

    what's a donzer
    11 Aug 2010 | 7:52 pm
    Sexy Programmer Thursday ain't here this Thursday, yo.  We're all up in the calendar shoot.  More details to come...http://thisblogiseggsalady.blogspot.com/

  • My Gift to You.

    what's a donzer
    9 Aug 2010 | 8:42 am
    There are moments in life when we tend to feel somber:Your boo's period's late, or you're the unibomber.Sometimes in our lives we all could use some friends.Like that time your wife found that new wart on her gens.Often, life gives us lemons; it drops a grenade-A herpal grenade you caught from some skanktown named Jade. But in times of need, you're never aloneI'm here to support you and thrown you a bone.A cheaply made present is what you will get;I'm too poor for Photoshop, so it's cheap paint.net.But it's Woolery, nonetheless, swathed in dogs' licksTurn that frown upside down, dude: …

  • Sexy Programmer Thursday: Soooo Big Version 19.0

    what's a donzer
    4 Aug 2010 | 9:03 pm
    Happy Sexy Programmer Thursday, Purveyors of Passion.  Thursdays are always orgasmic around here, but today marks an especially sexy occasion.  You see,today is the nineteenth lustacious version of SPT, and you know what 19.0 is in binary translation:  that's right, it's the sexiest number of all - 10011.  To mark the red hot anniversary, I'm going to share the sexiest conversation to which I have ever been privy.  It's a sexy progammer manmeat comparison festivale.  Maybe it's sexist.  I don't care, because it's sexy.  So, eat your heart out, friends,…
 
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    Awesomely Luvvie

  • Dropkick Him, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life

    Luvvie
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:00 am
    I’ve been changed, for the day I listened to this song, I KNOWED there was a GAWD! My homie, Crownie (McIGface), who is so foolish he needs a Sense Bailout, and I were on GChat and I sent him this video. This video had me in a severe bout of the CackleFits, which didn’t stop for most of the day. Twas turrble and awesome at the same time. And you’ve all seen me say something was “dropkicked through the goalposts of life.” Well, here’s what started it. Just listen to this and read me and Crownie’s chat. We were out our minds. Luvvie: *dead* “Drop…

  • Being A College Freshman: A Short Manual of Do’s and Don’ts

    Luvvie
    30 Aug 2010 | 6:00 am
    It’s about that time of year. The weather isn’t getting hotter. Everyone has had a full 3 months of frolicking, ratchetness and nekkidness. September is almost here, which means one thing. SCHOOL’S BACK IN! Now… for those who just graduated from high school, it means you’re college freshmen! Doesn’t matter if you’re at University of Phoenix, Everest College or UTI. Sidenote: Yes, there’s a place of higher learning called UTI: Universal Technical Institute. I don’t know about y’all but I’d rather not go to college at a place…

  • Doing the Dougie Can Be Dangerous

    Luvvie
    27 Aug 2010 | 6:00 am
    This whole week has been an abundance in ratchetness. Online and offline. Foolery has ruled everything around me (FREAM). Anywho, folks have been tryna murk my soul, sending me a bunch of foolishness they’ve found on YouTube. Well, someone sent me this video below and I realized I first saw it on Miss Jia’s site a coupla weeks back. And it is no less hilarious as it was then. I watched it 10 more times. And yes, you can laugh. He survived without being hurt much. AND BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *falls all the way out* This dude did the dougie in the streets and got hit by an Ice Cream…

  • 5 Reasons Why We Still Love Aaliyah

    Luvvie
    25 Aug 2010 | 6:00 am
    Swoop bang game PROPER! On August 25, 2001, I was heading into my senior year of high school. I was on the phone talking to my best friend at the time. Roasting, ranting… doing what I do now. Except with no audience. Somehow, we talked unto the wee hours of the morning. Right before we were about to hang up, breaking news comes on MTV. It said the small plane carrying Aaliyah and her crew back from the Bahamas had crashed. LAWDDD!!! Did I bust out a *WALL SLIDE*! I didn’t even have a name for it then but that’s what it was. I was sooo shocked because she was super young. She…

  • Whose Misguided Mama is This?

    Luvvie
    24 Aug 2010 | 6:00 am
    So I was checking out Fail Blog when I saw the picture below. But umm… Complete parenting FAIL! Whose ridiculous ass mama is this? At first, I went “Why is she trying to plug that baby’s toes into the socket? Isn’t that dangerous???” Then I went “Wait. Wait. She’s teaching the baby how to pole dance!” Then I fainted. This is why some folks need to be given some type of common sense assessment before being allowed to procreate. This woman has dressed her little innocent princess in hot pink lingerie, complete with her baby Buddha belly out and…
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    Angry Seafood

  • Tesco First Episode: The Pilot

    Chris Cameron
    30 Aug 2010 | 2:36 am
    Yesterday we got a first-look still of Megaton Films’ new webisode Tesco. Today we give you the whole enchilada. Here is the first episode entitled “The Pilot”. TESCO: The Pilot from Megaton Films on Vimeo. So what do you think? Leave your comments on The Pilot below.

  • First Look: Tesco Pilot

    Chris Cameron
    29 Aug 2010 | 2:22 am
    Megaton Films, the group that brought you Old Man is back in action with their latest project Tesco, a webisode about a man who is not quite right in the head. Here’s a first look still of the pilot episode: So who or what is Tesco? Jon fuckin’ Tesco. The meanest, cruelest, nicest son-of-a-bitch you’d ever likely meet. They say, ‘He come out sideways, tangled an’ upside-down’ where he was born in Longview, Texas. Somethin’ just wasn’t quite right ’bout that boy. His own daddy left him when he was 5 years old and his momma took him…

  • Another Awful Rapper

    Chris Cameron
    28 Aug 2010 | 2:07 am
    I thought the Freelance Assassins were bad until Static from Krapsody unleashed an awful link in the comments the other day. And by awful I mean something I can make fun of. Thanks Static. Introducing “Future Rapper” and his breakout single “Gotta Do”. The wood paneling background was apparently not green-screened. The 80′s called. They want their beats and their opening back. Hell, that isn’t even Old School. More like Lame School. I also love Future Rapper’s signature video move-the old mime hands on the fake wall thing. This damn thing is three…

  • Weird Product on Pitchmen Last Night

    Chris Cameron
    27 Aug 2010 | 1:04 am
    So I was watching the latest episode of “Pitchmen” on Discovery Channel last night. They showed a bunch of pitches that did not make it. One of them was a man who brought out a paint roller tray and a ladder. His product addressed the problem with carrying the paint roller tray up the ladder and where to put it once you have climbed it with a holding tray that attached to the side of the ladder. So what is the circled part for then? —————————————————————-…

  • Swimmer Faces Angry Seafood

    Chris Cameron
    25 Aug 2010 | 9:10 pm
    No, this is not some kind of blogging duel with a swimmer because that would be boring. This is about a man who tries to raise awareness of fragility in nature, and instead shows us the anger of nature. Bruckner Chase staggered ashore at San Carlos Beach in Monterey on Tuesday evening after a 14-hour swim to raise awareness about the fragile nature of the local marine environment. Ironically, some of the creatures native to that environment made Chase pay dearly for his 25-mile traverse across fabled Monterey Bay. “I’m, like, ‘Come on guys, I’m trying to help…
 
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    EveryJoe

  • Hot Chicks From 90210

    Kori Ellis
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:21 am
    Today is 9/02/10 – what some are proclaiming as “90210 Day.” Though we aren’t encouraging you to run out and get the DVD set or throw a party to pay tribute to the Beverly Hills gang, we will at least show you some of the hot chicks from 90210…and we are talking about the series which ran from 1990-2000, not the modern day CW version. WENN.com Jennie Garth - Jennie played Kelly Taylor during the entire run of the show from 1990-2000. Much of the drama on the show was surrounding Brandon and Dylan battling for Kelly’s affection. WENN.com Tiffani Amber…

  • T.I. and Tiny Arrested for Drug Possession

    Kori Ellis
    2 Sep 2010 | 7:22 am
    Rapper T.I. and Tameka “Tiny” Cottle were just married in July and apparently they are doing everything as a couple now — even getting into trouble with the law. According to the TMZ, the couple were arrested together on Wednesday night in West Hollywood. The duo was reportedly arrested on drug possession charges after the police smelled marijuana coming from the car (this is becoming a recurring theme with celebrities) and pulled them over on Sunset Boulevard. After searching the vehicle, authorities found a controlled substance in the class of drugs that includes meth and…

  • 'Transformers 3' Movie Extra Seriously Injured

    Kori Ellis
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:33 am
    On Wednesday night, a movie extra on the Transformers 3 production site was seriously injured in Hammond, Indiana (a suburb outside Chicago). According to Indiana State Police, something went wrong during a stunt involving several vehicles and drivers. An object went through the windshield of one of the cars, hitting the driver. The police said in a statement that the vehicle continued going for a mile before stopping. The movie extra (name not yet released) was airlifted from the scene to a nearby hospital. Hopefully the injured man, who is suffering from a severe head injury, will be okay.

  • Video: Roger Federer Between the Legs Shot

    Stephen Kersey
    1 Sep 2010 | 7:49 pm
    Roger Federer is at it again. You’ve seen the commercial with Roger Federer talking about hitting a shot between his legs. At the 2010 US Open, Rogerer Federer again hit a shot between his legs. This latest shot is arguably even more impressive than the original. Watch the Roger Federer videos at the end of this entry to compare. The between the legs shot at the 2010 US Open was against Brian Dabul. The original was at the 2009 US Open against Novak Djokovic. When Djokovic heard that Roger Federer had done it again, he didn’t want to talk about it. Said Djokovic: “I’ve…

  • Cardinals Looking to Trade Matt Leinart

    Stephen Kersey
    1 Sep 2010 | 7:29 pm
    When Matt Leinart was drafted, he had big expectations. After starring at USC, Leinart appeared destined for NFL stardom. His shaky start with the Arizona Cardinals opened the door for Kurt Warner to take over … and Warner didn’t disappoint. However, with Warner now retired, the door opened back up for Leinart on the Cardinals. You can go ahead and close that door. Leinart has already lost his starting quarterback gig with the Cardinals. Arizona appears ready to go with Derek Anderson, the former Cleveland Browns quarterback, as the team’s new signal caller. The Cardinals…
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    Can O' Whup-Ass

  • Lady-parts

    Whup-Ass Master
    22 Aug 2010 | 3:13 pm
    Hey! Do you know a lady who's an avid oenophile yet a tad deficient in the boobular department? Is she a card carrying member of the local wine tasting society AND the itty-bitty-tittie-committee? Do her a huge favor and buy...

  • Ask Aunt Betsy: I warn ya, California

    Whup-Ass Master
    8 Aug 2010 | 6:23 pm
    Well, howdy-dowdy-dippity-do! Gracious! It's been eons since yours truly, America's most reckless advice columnist, favored your drab lives with my invaluable words of wisdom. Here I sit, luxuriously ensconced in my gorgeous Broyhill peach-and-teal naugahyde love seat, pouring over MOUNTAINS...

  • A letter to Liz McClure, chocolate eater

    Whup-Ass Master
    10 Jul 2010 | 2:42 pm
    Dear Liz, We read with rapt fascination your horrifying tale of confectionery debauchery that unfolded one seemingly banal afternoon in the dazzling metropolis of Renfrewshire, Scotland. Apparently, you were curling up to eat your way through a package of Cadbury...

  • Texas is History

    Whup-Ass Master
    9 May 2010 | 1:44 pm
    Texas is a beans-and-weenies, varicose veins, big hair, polyester stretch pants kinda town. Most Texans claim to be patriotic, blissfully ignoring the fact that their retarded state has tried to secede three times (side note: we wholly support Texas secession,...

  • Goldman Sells a Whatzit

    Whup-Ass Master
    25 Apr 2010 | 11:07 am
    We're sure you've all heard of the Goldman Sachs Abacus scandal, but most folks don't really understand what it means. Well, Goldman created a CDO called Abacus and sold it to its clients. But Goldman forgot to tell its clients...
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    Barefoot Foodie

  • Chicago.

    Brittany
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:37 am
    I can’t remember how old I was when we stopped taking family vacations. I know it was after a road trip to Alabama, when my dad accidentally left me behind on a military battleship tour, and I peed my pants, because I am 60% sure I saw a ghost, and when they finally found me in the galley, I had a knife in my hand and no pants on. I think my parents fought through four states on the drive home. After that, we didn’t go on family vacations anymore. We talked about them a lot. Traveling here or there.  Seeing something or another. But, the money was never there.  The plans were…

  • Biden

    Brittany
    27 Aug 2010 | 6:36 am
    If I’m pregnant, it’s Joe Biden fault. It’s not his fault that we never went back and did the post vasectomy test.  That was mainly just laziness on our part.  And logistically, well, the whole thing just sounded entirely too yucky for me. It’s also not his fault that my period is wacky right now and it’s freaking me out, even though it may totally just be a result of returning home from a weekend of estrogen in NYC that’s tampering with my moon cycles. So, as a safety precaution, I was just  gonna go ahead and not do it for a while. It will be like when…

  • Songs.

    Brittany
    24 Aug 2010 | 7:12 am
    Because only good things come from the conversations you have on long car rides after the kids fall asleep. You remember what our song is, right? I think yeah, it’s that song by Salt and Pepper right? Salt n Pepa? Whatever, the one you always sing when I tell you I’m going to mow the lawn. Push It? I think so, is that right? You think our song is Push It by Salt n Pepa? Wait, I don’t know, I am not good with names of songs.  You’re talking the one we danced to at our wedding, right? Do you think we danced to Push It in front of my grandparents and my priest at our…

  • Totally Smooth.

    Brittany
    21 Aug 2010 | 5:05 pm
    So, as you may have heard me make mention, I recently got back from a trip to New York City. New York is one of my favorite places to travel, because I love hot dogs and unidentifiable rashes. It’s like dinner and a show! Anyways, this last trip was particularly awesome, and while I could write about it, Heather and I thought it’d be way more fun to just tell you in person. If you have trouble viewing this video, click here. While I’ve been compensated by Schick Intuition for this post, it’s important for you to know that my opinions about why elevators have hidden…

  • A little help from my friends.

    Brittany
    18 Aug 2010 | 5:58 am
    I keep saying I’ll wait until I love myself. A little bit thinner. A little bit tanner. A little bit more like this crazy memory I have of myself eleventy billion years ago where I thought, for a moment, I was beautiful. Months pass. Months of dieting. Months of working out. Months of me looking in the mirror going what the fuck, body.  Two years ago, you would have been in shape by now. I’m tired. I’m tired of dieting. I love chicken wings.  I love beer.  I love fried things, and powdered things, and things covered in guacamole. I’m tired of untagging myself in…
 
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    Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder.

  • Anxieties on Parade

    23 Aug 2010 | 6:00 am
    Look, They're Doing High-KicksI've never been what you'd call an anxious person.No, for 99% of my life, I've stomped through my days like a lumberjack, crossing tasks off my to-do list with one hand while rooting around in a bag of Chili 'N Cheese Fritos with the other.At the end of a typical day spent blissfully ignoring 1) my mounting credit-card debt, 2) the unzipping ozone layer and, 3) the Situation in the Middle East, I would snap into my footie pajamas, collapse into bed and saw logs like Hoss Cartwright until it was time to start it all over again the next morning.At least, that's how…

  • Now, THAT Show, I'd Watch

    16 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    Less Dancing, More PlumbingAs I idled at a red light yesterday (something I rarely have time for during the week but enjoy doing to relax on the weekends), I happened to look up from my crocheting and notice a billboard."So You Think You Can Dance?" it read, as beneath the towering title an impressive squadron of moist, chiseled youth mamboed, watusied and breakdanced by.Hmmm.Did I think I could dance?I reviewed my lifetime of dance experience - the hours spent perfecting my early moves in my room ("Le Freak! C'est chic!"), the time spent grinding my taffeta-clad hindquarters across various…

  • Orchids = Frickin' Classy in a Pot

    19 Jul 2010 | 5:00 am
    Who's Ready To Elegantize?*(*Yep, I made up that term myself. It means to make one's stuff elegant - a transitive verb that can be capitalized for extra sparkle should the occasion call for it.)Yes, let's elegantize our domiciles, shall we? (Note: using a word like "domicile" in place of the coarse and common "house" fancifies the crap out of your writing.)"But, Anna," you softly mew, "elegantizing sounds expensive. It's not in the budget this month to buy a Lucite baby-grand piano and gold-plated floor chandeliers."I couldn't agree more, especially with today's Lucite market being what it…

  • Iron Ma'am

    28 Jun 2010 | 5:00 am
    She's On a Mission.Iron Ma'am(Sung to the tune of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man")Puckered with distaste,Iron Ma'am's disdain shows in her face.Times have changed too much,The girls are chasing boys, sexting and such.Hem below the knees,Legs crossed at the ankles - she's not a tease.Whither the cultured kind?One more tacky tramp stamp and she'll lose her mind."Are you kidding me?Those savages ignored my RSVP!"Where's her thank-you note?An email doesn't count - it must be hand-wrote!CHORUS:Nobody gets her,Society's been set adrift.Where's the decorum?She's starting to get downright miffed.Denim at…

  • Onion Goggles: The Time Is Never.

    15 Jun 2010 | 8:00 am
    A Brief Rant ManifestoI'm the first to admit it: I do a lot of Internet shopping. For better or worse, there it is.Lately in my excursions, I've noticed a retail trend. Specifically, a disturbing proliferation of these:What are they? Moto-cross reading glasses? No. Safety eye guards that come with Barbie's Malibu Table Saw? I wish.No, brothers and sisters, these are ONION GOGGLES.That's right - safety glasses designed to be worn while (help me) chopping onionsIs It Me?Does anyone else have a problem with this? And before I go any further, let me say that I love a good, silly product. Really,…
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    Jennifers Review

  • This Is What Happens When You Don’t Have Formal Model Training

    Jennifer
    30 Aug 2010 | 3:20 pm
    Once again, I needed a few new pictures for some various projects of mine. So, I hired Stinnett Studios to do my pictures. This time it was better then the last because at the time of this shoot, they had a studio. It was a glass open studio and everyone who walks through the mall can see you having your pictures taken. This was fun and also now everyone feels bad for Stinnett Studios because they saw what they had to work with. Me. For whatever reason, I just wasn’t “in the flow” of having my pictures taken. I’ll bet professional models have those kinds of days too.

  • Inspiration Sunday – Strange Things!

    Jennifer
    28 Aug 2010 | 4:27 pm
    Yep, it’s another TED conference video. This one is from 2006 but I think it’s kindof fun. What does science exactly do? Prove alien existence? Prove evolution? This is an interesting video by Michael Shermer a known skeptic but I love his presentation. Enjoy the next 14 minutes: All I can say is: “Thanks Michael … now maybe my parents will let me listen to Led Zeppelin ….” Cheers to science! JenniferReviews @gmail.com @JenniferReviews Subscribe to Jennifer's Review

  • It’s Friday! French Kissing …

    Jennifer
    26 Aug 2010 | 3:42 pm
    This may not be funny wine video … but I encourage you to imagine a bit. One of my favorite movies is “French Kiss” … mostly because it’s that fine line between not liking someone and then completely falling for them. Ok … (spoiler alert) and the fact that they build a winery together in the end helps too … But take this scene and imagine that instead of Kevin Kline and his “box” … you have Gary V and HIS box of “tastings”…. (remember his stint on conan o’brien?) Now with that in mind …. watch the same…

  • More Proof Of My E-Blogger-ness …

    Jennifer
    25 Aug 2010 | 5:29 pm
    I was having a hard time coming up with a post for my blog on MilwaukeeMoms.com for “Budget Winer”. So I started wondering if anyone out there was going against the norm and being a sassy, “I hate this wine” type wine blogger. You know … like a Perez Hilton of the wine industry. I went and Googled the term “Bad Wine Reviews” … This is what I came up with: … (big sigh ….) Cheers to the e-list! JenniferReviews @gmail.com @JenniferReviews Subscribe to Jennifer's Review

  • 5 Patio Pounders You Need To Save For Or Take Out Loans For – But They Are Totally Worth It!

    Jennifer
    24 Aug 2010 | 3:05 pm
    It’s the end of summer and we’re slowly coming up on the crisp fall season. There is no better way to celebrate this then to hit a downtown restaurant patio, secure a great viewing spot to people watch and sip some wonderful sparkling wines or Champagnes. Here is a list of my favorites to share with great company, to people watch with and take in some great food. 1. Moet & Chandon Nector Imperial: When someone told me I HAD to try this Champagne, I was not prepared for how much I was going to love it. Tingles the lips and makes you want to savor each sip. Not only did I like this…
 
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    plooptionary

  • Men Are Useless – the UK’s first monthly box delivery scheme for male grooming essentials

    ploop
    17 Aug 2010 | 9:31 am
    Well – I did say Men Are Useless were looking at the Plooptionary and they taken some of my sample graphs to insert them into their boxes! I’ve promised to put their press release here so I hope that’s ok: OVER THREE QUARTERS OF MEN ADMIT TO STEALING THEIR PARTNER’S TOILETRIES New stats revealed from UK’s first male grooming delivery box scheme, Men Are Useless 78 per cent of men admit to stealing their partner’s toiletries in the bathroom, according to a new website service, menareuseless.com. Launching this week, Men Are Useless is the UK’s first male grooming…

  • Men Are Useless

    ploop
    30 Jun 2010 | 6:53 am
    Rather hilariously, the Plooptionary has been approached by a company called Men Are Useless who would like to use some of our cynical graphs. I like the look of what they are intending to do – “delivering all the stuff men forget through their letterbox” so you might well be seeing plooptionary graphs coming through your letterboxes when they launch. For now they’ve got a presence on facebook here … I think I’m going to like them. More news if things develop.

  • Political policies in a nutshell – the Conservatives

    ploop
    16 Apr 2010 | 6:24 am

  • The truth behind self importance

    ploop
    25 Mar 2010 | 3:49 am

  • Those three seconds that make a person

    ploop
    24 Mar 2010 | 5:17 am
    Thanks to all those super people who we met at Smiths of Smithfield field yesterday – Jill, Shin, Kit, Sophia great to see you – Denrele hope you’re feeling better although less detail in your email about the nature of your illness would be ok! Looking forward to meeting Liz, Sarah, Luiz, Laissez Fare, Krista, Gail, Abi, Pete, Chris, Lindsey, Tom. Sam and Stephanie tomorrow … we’ll be in the private dining room of SOS. As I left yesterday’s breakfast I was targetted by a passing pigeon. He shat directly on my shoulder … my reaction? I think it’s…
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    Funny and Jokes

  • Obamarama: A Barrage Of Obama Jokes

    F&J Staff
    11 Aug 2010 | 12:20 pm
    Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. ~Conan O'Brien America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. ~Jay Leno Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. ~Jay Leno The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree... and think 25 to life would be appropriate. ~Jay Leno (we love Jay) Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers. ~Jimmy Kimmel Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it…

  • Golf Joke: Nasty Left Hook

    F&J Staff
    12 Jul 2010 | 8:40 am
    John's not a great golfer - in fact, he stinks. But he's always working on his game, trying to improve. One afternoon, after a typically crappy round of golf, John is interrupted by a police officer as he's throwing his clubs in the car. "Did you tee off on the 17th hole about 20 minutes ago?" "Why, yes I did officer." John replied. "Did you by any chance hook your ball over the trees to the left, out of bounds?" asked the officer. "Yep, I believe I did." John answered. "How'd you know?" "Well," said the officer in a very serious tone, "Your golf ball flew out onto the highway and crashed…

  • Joe Biden Jokes

    F&J Staff
    26 Mar 2010 | 11:17 am
    What can I say, the guy's a friggen jokester's dream. He's a big <friggen> deal right? For those of you living under a rock, he introduced the President at the health bill signing a few days ago. Vice-President Biden whispered to Obama that the passage of health care reform was a "Big fu***ng deal." Then again, Biden's age, a bowel movement is a "big fu***ng deal." Top 5 Biden Jokes From Late Night TV "As you know, they've already come out with a Sarah Palin action figure. And today, the Democrats released a Joe Biden action figure. It talks and talks and talks. You just can't get the…

  • Wii Jokes

    F&J Staff
    18 Feb 2010 | 8:07 am
    I love to play with my Wii. Would you like to come over and play with my Wii? These are just a few of the wii-tarded jokes you'll find in this post. I'm sorry for putting you through this, but it has to be done... Top 3 Signs You're Playing Too Much Nintendo Wii You adjust your facial hair in real life to make it easier to create an accurate Mii of yourself. When you continually get gutter balls in real life bowling and then use your Wii-bowl technique and get a strike. You're shocked to see a real baseball game go more than 3 innings. Top 3 Most Inappropriate Wii Jokes Come over and play…

  • Advice From Dad

    F&J Staff
    16 Feb 2010 | 6:42 am
    A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?" His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don't know, son." The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?" Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son." Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?" Again, his dad replied.
 
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    Nanny Goats in Panties

  • Confessions of an American Musical Idiot

    Margaret
    30 Aug 2010 | 8:45 am
    I am lyrically challenged. You know, as in I don’t know the lyrics to songs. Even if you hum a few bars I can’t fake it. Also? I can’t name that tune in forty-three notes, let alone seven. Why is that? And am I alone in this? In the late 1970s and early 1980s, my teenage ears were assaulted with ear candy aka disco. Lines like “Let’s whip it, baby. Let’s whip it right”, lacked a certain….depth. And songs with substance didn’t stand a chance with me. We didn’t have thousands of songs on iPods. All I had was the radio, so I…

  • Goat Thing of the Day: Biker in Tanzania

    Margaret
    28 Aug 2010 | 8:22 am
    Alert NGIP reader Anna snapped this shot near her home in Arusha in  Northern Tanzania. According to Anna, who’s originally from the UK, “there are lots of goats here and it’s not unusual to find them riding in buses, on top of buses, on motorbikes, taxis, or just taking a casual stroll down a busy shopping street!” Thank you, Anna! And no Goat Thing of the Day would be complete without showing a video of a goat acting like a jerk. Link to Goat Video on YouTube (if unable to view here) Thanks to Wendy (of Swirl Girl’s Pearls) and Thomas (of 101 Things)  for…

  • Sacramento Street Carts: Where Horton Has Not Yet Heard the Who

    Margaret
    27 Aug 2010 | 8:27 am
    Poor Sacramento. It shoots itself in the foot and wonders why nobody comes to visit it in the hospital. Sacramento is not a “destination city” and never will be as long as the City Council has anything to do with it. We don’t know what tourists even look like. We don’t get visitors, except for the obligatory 4th grade field trip to Sutter’s Fort the schools keep insisting on. Did you know famous food guy Anthony Bourdain is coming here Sept 17th? He was asked if he’d ever been to Sacramento before, which is kind of like asking if this pillow padded tutu…

  • Distractions on a Manhattan Sidewalk

    Margaret
    25 Aug 2010 | 4:35 pm
    Have you ever walked behind a person, let’s say it’s a chick, and she’s got some distracting element about her and your mind is now occupied with nothing but the pesky needling of that distraction for the whole three or four blocks you’re stuck following her, which is helpful in some ways because it does pass the time in this sweltering humidity. And then you take a picture of her because you figure hey, you have a blog, you can tell everyone else about this THING you saw and you can even feel better about yourself because you’ve been staring at and judging this…

  • I’m a New York Party Crasher. And a Supermodel.

    Margaret
    23 Aug 2010 | 8:30 am
    So I’m at this blogging conference in New York a couple weeks ago and I end up at this party hosted by some chick and her friends at some bar on Columbus Circle, although why we continue to egregiously celebrate Wrong Way Roger by erecting statues in the middle of the roadway around which people must drive is beyond me, but I digress. I’m with Robyn of Robyn’s Online World and Connie of Brain Foggles and they decide to come with me and “crash” the party since they are not “on the list”. When we arrive, there are several young, large, muscular,…
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    Jokes Palace

  • She Won’t Let Me Read Her Emails

    Jerkoff
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:26 am
    Anthony, 34 from McKinney, Texas writes… My girlfriend refuses me access to check her email in case she cheating on me. What should I tell her so she will let me see them. What if she seeing some other guys and I don’t know!! Dr Thatslife has this to say…. Are you a moron? Do you honestly think she would be corresponding with her lover on her regular email account? You can rifle through the drudgery that is her regular email account – just remember all the action is happening in her garbage Hotmail account you’ll never know about. Respect her fucking privacy…

  • Naked Passenger Joke

    Jerkoff
    31 Aug 2010 | 8:50 am
    One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. “Where to?” he stammered. “Union Station,” answered the woman. “You got it,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at,…

  • Convenient Beer Holder Picture

    Jerkoff
    27 Aug 2010 | 11:09 am

  • Vagina Definition One Liner

    Jerkoff
    24 Aug 2010 | 1:35 pm
    Q. What’s the the definition of a vagina? A. The box a penis comes in.

  • The Irony Picture

    Jerkoff
    20 Aug 2010 | 1:09 pm
 
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    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • Animal Characteristics

    info@gcfl.net
    2 Sep 2010 | 12:00 am
    Some farmers were standing around shooting the breeze one day when the topic came around to animals and their distinguishing traits. The group agreed that the dog was probably the most loyal animal and the mule was undoubtedly the most stubborn. Farmer Jones piped in, "You know, I believe probably the friendliest animal in all God's creation is the goose." The others wanted to know how he arrived at such a conclusion. "Well," explained Farmer Jones, "I was out standing in my corn the other day, and a whole flock of 'em came by overhead. And, do you know, every single one of 'em honked and…

  • Breathe

    info@gcfl.net
    1 Sep 2010 | 12:00 am
    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and said, "Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?" "Really!?" he said. "Have you tried mouthwash?" Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

  • Fairy Tales

    info@gcfl.net
    31 Aug 2010 | 12:00 am
    A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?" He replied, "No, a whole series of fairy tales begins with 'If elected I promise...'" Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

  • Burglar

    info@gcfl.net
    30 Aug 2010 | 12:00 am
    A burglar who needed money to pay his income taxes decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly, a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises was floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken." Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

  • Blind Date

    info@gcfl.net
    27 Aug 2010 | 12:00 am
    After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression, and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died and I have to leave." "Thank heaven!" his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to." Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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    The Skwib

  • Excruciating Album Cover Art — Mr. Bat Sings

    Mark A. Rayner
    2 Sep 2010 | 4:28 am
    “Can’t sleep, clown will eat me.” –Bart Simpson I always used to think one of the silliest phobias was coulrophobia — the fear of clowns — until I saw this album cover. This thing is terrifying. I mean, it just reeks of menace! Mr. Bat is wearing some kind of traditional Pagliacci-type of outfit, and though I do find the color scheme kind of foreboding, it’s not so bad. And he has your usual whiteface on, but instead of a nice happy red smile, he has a black frown painted over his mouth. And a tiny red soul patch underneath. (Or is that just a glob of…

  • Excruciating Album Cover Art — Fancy (Raving Queen)

    Mark A. Rayner
    1 Sep 2010 | 4:00 am
    You may not be aware that Fancy (born Manfred Alois Perilano), was a popular Euro-dance, Synth-Dance artiste in the mid-to-late 80s. You may not be aware that Euro-dance, Synth-Dance were once popular forms of musical expression. I certainly wasn’t until my eyes were assaulted by this cover and I just had to know if it was a hoax or not. Not. This is from Fancy’s 1987 single, “Raving Queen”. (This is the ‘turbo dancer remix”, which caused at least a dozen pelvic explosions at the 1987 Euro-Dance and Eyeliner Expo, held in the UK for the first time, at…

  • Furious George

    Mark A. Rayner
    31 Aug 2010 | 9:36 am
    Angry monkey with a chaingun. I’ve been there. Alltop would never give a weapon to a lower primate. From Otipess.

  • Short Fiction: Jesussic Park

    Mark A. Rayner
    30 Aug 2010 | 6:03 am
    Jesussic Park Jesus was visiting a lost valley that was reputed to hold a few holy men who separated themselves from the rest of the world so they could better understand the nature of God. He was hoping to talk to them alone, but he’d made the mistake of healing a few of the sick (he couldn’t remember if they were lepers, blind or tone-deaf cantors) in the town nearby. So instead of a quick Messiah-to-Hermit conference, he’d accumulated a large crowd. “What do you think we should do, Oh Son of God?” Peter asked Jesus. (Peter was always kissing his ass.) “I…

  • Contest: extended to September 9th!

    Mark A. Rayner
    30 Aug 2010 | 4:22 am
    Don’t miss this opportunity to win a walk-on role in my next book, which I’ve extended a couple days past Labour Day. All you have to do is sign up for The MonkeySphere, my monthly newsletter, or join my Facebook page, and you could win: a chance to appear in a walk-on role in my next book a chance to win one of three copies of Marvellous Hairy, a novel in five fractals the exciting chance to have a “mystery” item from my desk sent to you. Even better, join both — you’ll double your chances, and anyone who signs up for the MonkeySphere will get $2 off Marvellous…
 
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    Motherwise Cracks

  • Back to Abnormal

    Mary
    2 Sep 2010 | 7:41 am
    All quiet on the Home Front as my son is back to college. He left enough to remember him by on the floor of his bedroom. So I wanted to know all about how he was doing so I texted him and asked. His reply? “Good” Filled with that complete and exhaustive description of his return to college, I decided to take a garbage bag up to his room and start a process of elimination. It’s cleansing. Good thing my daughters can form complete sentences and send me emails at least once a week about their lives. I sent sonny boy a popcorn cake. My guess about his communication to me about…

  • Going Up?

    Mary
    25 Aug 2010 | 5:23 pm
    My living room is now half full of my son’s stuff for his return to college. Monday it will once again be unnaturally quiet around here and the dog will probably develop a sore spot from me petting her too much as I adjust to the quiet. About as soon as I get used to this, it will be time for some break and then I will have to readjust again. This semester I have a new worry as my student is taking his car to campus. Maybe gas will get so expensive he won’t go too far. And it would be better for everyone’s environment if he didn’t drive as the ink on his license is…

  • Must Be A Lot of Scared Football Mothers Out There

    Mary
    9 Aug 2010 | 6:27 pm
    Yes, the start of football season and the prayers are offered up by mom’s afraid of hospital visits all over the country. I have felt your pain. And I see your increased traffic to my blog post “The Cowardly Mom’s Football Prayer“. Here it is but you can click the link and download a very nice looking copy to keep in your purse and read at halftime. Dear Lord and Protector, watch over my son, As he takes his lickins’ since football has begun. Now that it’s the end of the practice season, I confess I am guilty of football mom treason. On this eve of the first…

  • Reunion in NYC

    Mary
    5 Aug 2010 | 6:30 pm
    I just returned from a reunion trip to New York City to see my college roommate and a friend. We had a great time and walked miles even in the 90 something degree heat. That’s one place I wouldn’t want to drive. A taxi ride is like exercise-it made me sweat. I thought teaching my kids to drive was bad. At least they speak English. Both types of drivers ignored me. Got some new blisters, photos, tourist bling and memories. And some credit card activity to show for it. Glad to be back home where the dog and cat missed me and the rest of the family doesn’t believe that I…

  • Homework

    Mary
    21 Jul 2010 | 6:49 pm
    Found this while rummaging through a drawer. It was from a simpler time when I didn’t need to know geometry or physics to help with homework. I had no excuse for not helping. Now will be laminating this and a few other notes I found but I don’t know exactly why I do such things. Perhaps it’s so that when they bring them to me at the home I won’t drool on them and ruin them. Then I had a brilliant idea. I will use them for drink coasters after I laminate them. My own personal crafts from the past. Our 30th Anniversary is this weekend. I sure hope the kids didn’t…
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    FUN JUNCTION

  • RE: fun-junction.blogspot.com

    Bollywood
    31 Aug 2010 | 9:36 am
    Greetings, I'd like to contact the person responsible for the development of fun-junction.blogspot.com. I can list your website in our search engine (search.expo-max.com). This will give you a) extra in-bound links, and b) additional traffic. We currently send over 12,000 visitors per day to those sites that are listed at no cost to our users. Here are some sample runs, your site will

  • 29 Aug 2010 | 6:26 am

    Bollywood
    29 Aug 2010 | 6:26 am
    http://ahian.edecorshop.com

  • A Simple Proposition

    Bollywood
    21 Aug 2010 | 9:34 pm
    Dear Webmaster,I have a small humor blog at http://blog.hajimart.com.I'd like you to add my blog to your blogroll/links page, and I will return the favor. You can use something like the link below:<a href="http://blog.hajimart.com" title="Humorous, short stories.">Hajimart Blog</a><br>Humorous, short stories.On your page, the code will look like this:Hajimart BlogHumorous, short stories.Just

  • 21 Aug 2010 | 1:24 pm

    Bollywood
    21 Aug 2010 | 1:24 pm
    http://fourteen.videxoret.com

  • 21 Aug 2010 | 3:16 am

    Bollywood
    21 Aug 2010 | 3:16 am
    http://enticing.cialeserv.host-sc.com
 
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    MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

  • Hot Crossed Limerick (Updated)

    madkane
    30 Aug 2010 | 1:48 pm
    I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line: A man who was known for his buns… Here’s mine: Hot Crossed Limerick By Madeleine Begun Kane A man who was known for his buns Attracted most gals — even nuns. How those dames would delight In his ass oh so tight, Ignoring his poor half-baked puns. Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs. Update — Note: I will soon start announcing these…

  • Tricky Limerick

    madkane
    22 Aug 2010 | 1:55 pm
    I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line: A fellow who loved doing tricks… Here’s mine: Tricky Limerick By Madeleine Begun Kane A fellow who loved doing tricks Had begun doing magic at six. He was jailed for his skill Cuz he used it for ill — Made his enemies vanish for kicks. Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

  • Secrets Of The Trade - Off-Broadway Play Review In Verse

    madkane
    20 Aug 2010 | 1:39 pm
    Last night hubby Mark and I had a wonderful theater experience. We saw Secrets of the Trade, starring Noah Robbins, Mark Nelson, Amy Aquino, John Glover, and Bill Brochtrup (whom you may recognize as “Gay John” from NYPD Blue. The play, written by Jonathan Tolins and directed by Matt Shakman, centers around Andy Lipman. Who’s Andy Lipman? He’s a fictional (and yet somehow familiar) ambitious, Long Island kid who dreams of a career on Broadway and hopes to be helped by Martin Kerner, a theater legend whom he idolizes. I enjoyed it so much, that I felt compelled to…

  • Bad News Limerick

    madkane
    16 Aug 2010 | 7:47 pm
    I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line: A diva was slammed in the news… Here’s mine: Bad News Limerick By Madeleine Begun Kane A diva was slammed in the news. The column was chock full of boos. It lambasted her voice And her musical choice. Now that woman is singing the blues. Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

  • High-Tech Limerick

    madkane
    11 Aug 2010 | 7:51 pm
    I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line: A woman who hated high tech… Here’s mine: High-Tech Limerick By Madeleine Begun Kane A woman who hated high tech Found computers a pain in the neck. Whether Mac or PC, How that gal longed to flee Back five decades — a time machine trek. Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
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    iambossy.com

  • Fun With Bossy’s Cousin, The Bedtime Story

    BOSSY
    2 Sep 2010 | 7:26 am
    This is Bossy’s cousin. And this is Bossy’s cousin’s truck: See Bossy’s cousin pack his truck with the contents of his life. Oh, look. Look and see. Oh, see. See Bossy’s cousin pack his truck and move seven states away where he can snowboard at will. See him go. Go, Bossy’s cousin, go!

  • Bossy’s Favorite Things

    BOSSY
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:36 am
    This little guy. He was in close proximity to Bossy all day yesterday, as his family situated themselves on a plot of sand directly next to Bossy. Bossy admits she doesn’t like kids. Well, that’s not true — but she isn’t one of those people who love babies just because they’re babies, or thinks all kids are adorable. She enjoys kids, as Nicholas Cage says in The Family Man, but on a case by case basis. Enter this little guy. He was completely happy, self-contained, self-directed, smart, content, flirty, and lit from within. He had his little shit completely…

  • Yet Another Little Known Fact

    BOSSY
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:27 am
    With the clock ticking down the final moments of summer, Bossy and her daughter took a day trip to the beach yesterday.

  • Bossy’s Favorite Things

    BOSSY
    1 Sep 2010 | 3:40 am
    This sign, which Bossy saw in a dressing room when she and her daughter had their big day in the city a couple of weeks ago. And actually, a sign like this didn’t make Bossy feel a bit better — in fact it nested a few thoughts in Bossy’s head not previously explored.

  • Yet Another Little Known Fact

    BOSSY
    1 Sep 2010 | 3:40 am
    Bossy’s neighborhood is cute as a button. A button with three hair salons, two dry cleaners, a Quaker background, and no liquor, that is.
 
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    CAP News

  • Marvel's Newest Superhero, The Rude Nude Dude

    2 Sep 2010 | 3:58 am
    SAN DIEGO, Calif. (CAP) - Comic book giant Marvel Comics yesterday revealed their newest and perhaps most controversial superhero to date when they announced plans for The Rude Nude Dude. The news came during a press conference for next year's Comic-Con comic book convention in San Diego. "We took a look at the superhero universe and saw that most of the ordinary super powers were already taken," said Marvel's Stan Lee. "So we asked ourselves - what would a superhero built for this day and age need that nobody else has?" The answer, said Lee, involved three factors. First, the hero had to be…

  • Tiger Woods Converting To Islam "For The Virgins"

    1 Sep 2010 | 3:55 am
    MANHATTAN (CAP) - Fresh off finalizing his divorce from former model Elin Nordegren, it appears Tiger Woods is making some other changes as well. Reports say the embattled golfer has moved into an apartment in downtown Manhattan and is giving up his Buddhist philosophies for a switch to Islam. The question is, why? "For the virgins," Woods said as this CAP News reporter helped him move some boxes into the new pad. He then quickly added, "I mean, there's the five pillars and the belief system that I find to be more in line with - okay, it's mostly for the virgins. "You can, uhh, you can put…

  • Acme Widgets Heralds Near-Record Loss

    31 Aug 2010 | 3:00 am
    OMAHA, Neb. (CAP) - The Omaha-based Acme Widget Company is applauding the fact that they will only lose $296 million this year, down from a predicted $423 million. "I'm ecstatic!" said Acme CEO Robert Edwardson. "And our workers should be, too! We only had to lay off 50 employees instead of the projected 75, so instead of a blood letting, it's more like just a minor laceration. "It also means my bonus remains relatively intact, so my kids will still have a good Christmas," Edwardson added. Edwardson spoke to CAP News at a special Omaha block party organized to celebrate the shortfall, the…

  • Microsoft's Allen Sues For Being Less Cool Than Apple

    30 Aug 2010 | 4:36 am
    SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) - Microsoft Corp. co-founder and billionaire Paul Allen is suing over a dozen major companies, including tech giants Google Inc. and Apple Inc., alleging that they used his Web technology to become much cooler than anyone ever considered him. "It's not fair!" said Allen. "Everybody thinks Google and Apple are so cool and everything, but I'm the one who came up with all that browsing and e-commerce technology that makes everybody all like, Wow, Google is so awesome. How come nobody ever says I'm awesome? "Um ... And when I say 'I,' I of course mean the Microsoft Corp.," he…

  • [audio] 1-900-HERMAPHRODITE

    29 Aug 2010 | 5:28 am
    It's late at night, you're bored, and you've already seen everything the Internet has to offer. If you're interested in something a little bit different, call now.
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    Renal Failure

  • Trivial Pursuit of Emergency Services

    renalfailure
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:48 pm
    Our local Pub Quiz host quit being a Pub Quiz host the other week to get a real job as an emergency services dispatcher. The last one in town got shit-canned for answering every domestic abuse call with “All right, now tell me what you did to make your husband punch you in the face.” The problem is that after years of writing questions for smart-asses in bars our new emergency dispatcher is sort of stuck in quiz mode, which does not translate well into emergency situations,  as seen in this 911 transcript. OPERATOR: “911, what’s your emergency?” CALLER:…

  • Fashion is for the Phallus

    renalfailure
    30 Aug 2010 | 3:23 pm
    I’m having many, many drinks with Tina the Lesbian the other day on my front porch and we got to talking about stereotypes and Tina brought up a salient point… “Why is it that gay men are stereotyped to be so fashionable while lesbians get subjected to stereotypes regarding how poorly we supposedly dress?”  says Tina the Lesbian. “Well, I think it has to with cock,”  I say. “But heterosexual men have cocks and they dress for shit,”  says Tina the Lesbian. “Heterosexual women dress much better. They wear all the fashion show…

  • So are we supposed to be afraid of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar too?

    renalfailure
    23 Aug 2010 | 9:40 pm
    So the other day I was wondering if idiots were still pissing themselves over people being Muslim two blocks away from where the Twin Towers used to be.  Sure enough they were, but at least they weren’t making up words for it this time around.  Time for another roundtable around a trashcan of grain alcohol and photograph developing fluid. “So according to these people it’s perfectly okay that the Pentagon has a mosque inside it, but it’s not okay that a community center might have a prayer room a full two blocks away from where the towers fell?”  says Samurai…

  • Food Stamp Ninjas

    renalfailure
    23 Aug 2010 | 4:26 am
    So if you watched the above video, you saw how two women dressed up as ninjas robbed a gas station.  And with all ninja-related crime, we had to bring this to the attention of our friend Ninja Vicki. “These are horrible ninjas,”  says Ninja Vicki, disgusted at the footage.  “They move with the grace of retarded oxen, they were easily seen on camera, and all they stole were cigarettes and lottery tickets.  I don’t think they even knew how to use that sword and dagger they had with them.  They probably just bought that stuff off the Home Shopping Network at…

  • Precious Encouragements – April 2008

    renalfailure
    22 Aug 2010 | 3:08 pm
    ““Knowledge and belief are nowhere similar, and should be kept well away from comparison and cooperation.” —my friend Jamil “There’s no right, there’s no wrong, there’s only popular opinion.” – line from the movie 12 Monkeys. “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.” -W.C. Fields “If you’re going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh; otherwise they’ll kill you.” -attributed to George Bernard Shaw at the beginning of the mockumentary film C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America. These were your Precious…
 
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    The Smiling Infidel

  • And This Is Why You Shouldn't Shop On An Empty Stomach And An Empty Mind

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    27 Aug 2010 | 6:20 am
    So, me and Sunbum, the oldest Infidel daughter, hit up the grocery store one late and lonely Saturday night.Heed our warning: Fatigue and Hunger can make for a dangerous shopping excursion combo.Everything in the store either made us drool uncontrollably or laugh hysterically.I'm sure the other patrons were absolutely thrilled to share the narrow aisles with our picture-happy selves.I'm sure of it! This super special Texas "Boomerang", that suspiciously looks like a Frisbee, will always come back to you--well, provided that you recruit someone for catch and…

  • All Hail The Mighty And Powerful Smiling Infidel!

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    19 Aug 2010 | 5:54 am
    Apparently, Dr. Laura is retiring from talk radio life effective at the close of 2010.She cites multiple reasons including the fact that she desires to continue giving advice in an unrestrained manner devoid of corporate repercussions......I don't believe that for a second.It's glaringly obvious that she read my criticism of her and her increasing brusqueness just a few scant weeks ago.Yeah, losing big sponsors like Motel 6 and Advance Auto Parts hurts but doesn't begin to compare to the stinging pain of being chastened by The Smiling Infidel.Oh, the omnipotent power I wield with this lowly…

  • And Now For The Further Adventures Of That Hapless Homemaker: Ima Crockstar

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    11 Aug 2010 | 7:18 pm
    Today's episode of Ima Crockstar brings you the true life happenings straight outta Ima's ghetto kitchen where there's always something cooking........and that something is usually from the clearance rack.By the way, I've offically adopted Ima Crockstar as my new alias. I may use it in the future as a potential bowling league name. And it could prove useful as a nom de plume for when I prank cooking blogs with shockingly crass crockpot jokes. Hey, it's preferable to Ima Crocstar which would infer that I endorse stuffing feet into the unsightly plastic sweat lodges known as…

  • I'm Really Too Old For This Kind Of Nonsense

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    10 Aug 2010 | 7:59 pm
    Hey, guess what fun madcap adventure I had last night?Absolutely exhausted, I collapsed onto my bed with a big gnarly wad of minty fresh Eclipse gum still wedged into my mouth.Hey, guess what fun madcap adventures I had this morning?I got to dutifully scrape gum off my pillowcase. And my nightstand. And in between my fingers where the gum fused together in a webbed pattern rendering me into the likeness of a severely malformed platypus. There was also remnants of chewed and fragmented gum strewn across the fleshy wasteland of my lower neck area.Apparently, minty fresh…

  • Do You Have A Special Chocolate-Addicted Alcoholic In Your Life?

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    8 Aug 2010 | 6:34 am
    Well, here's some exciting news......now there's a beverage that conveniently combines two vices into one wine bottle for maximum gift-giving ease!I have to admit that ChocoVine has intrigued me since I saw it stocked at our local HEB grocery store last fall."Nobody else could understand the secretive forbidden love shared between the coquettish cocoa bean and its sultry wine grape paramour........a torrid romance like theirs hadn't been seen in the commercial world since that slutty peanut butter hussy started sneaking around late at night with a wayward chocolate bar thus resulting in an…
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    Jokes2Go Daily Humor

  • Today's Poem

    1 Sep 2010 | 5:05 pm
    A gallant young Frenchman named Grandhomme Was attempting a girl on a tandem. At the height of the make She slammed on the brake, And scattered his semen at random

  • Today's Joke

    1 Sep 2010 | 5:05 pm
    The Bachelor Diet Monday Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox. Afternoon Snack - Drink the maalox Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw. Tuesday Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and…

  • Today's Story

    1 Sep 2010 | 5:05 pm
    According to a new study, Americans now spend 94% of their time indoors. What do you expect from a culture that goes inside a gym to use a walking machine?

  • Today's Quote

    1 Sep 2010 | 5:05 pm
    Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well. - Lazarus Long
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    Jokes - jokes4all.net!

  • There are two times a man does'nt understand a woman, before marriage and after ...

    2 Sep 2010 | 9:59 am
    There are two times a man does'nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!

  • A young lawyer who had taken over his father's practice rushed home totally ...

    2 Sep 2010 | 7:59 am
    A young lawyer who had taken over his father's practice rushed home totally elated."Dad, listen, you aren't going to believe this," he said to his father. "I've finally settled that old Whitmore suit.""Settled it!" bellowed his father. "You bumbling idiot! We've been living off of that money for over five years now!"

  • According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was ...

    2 Sep 2010 | 5:59 am
    According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained…

  • Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?

    2 Sep 2010 | 3:59 am
    Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  • A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly ...

    2 Sep 2010 | 1:59 am
    A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt – though their cars are written off.As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: ‘That’s incredible both our cars are demolished but we’re fine.It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!’Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, ‘Oh yes, I agree with you completely!’The woman goes on, ‘And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived…
 
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    Comedy Central's Jokes.com: Joke of the Day

  • Whitney Cummings: Silent Treatment

    21 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    Ladies, next time your man pisses you off, do not give him the silent treatment. Instead, go Google the most important game of the season, sit next to him during that game and just ask as many f**king questions as possible. 'I don't understand, who's that guy in the striped shirt? Does he work at Foot Locker? I don't understand, why are they all wearing the same outfit? When are we going to have a baby?' Eventually he will shoot himself in the face, and you f**king win that argument.

  • Whitney Cummings: On Lisa Lampanelli's Body

    9 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    From the Roast of David Hasselhoff: They say women's bodies are like a wonderland -- yours is more like a football field because it's 100 yards and a lot of black dudes have sprained their ankle on it.

  • Whitney Cummings: On Lisa Lampanelli's Face

    9 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    From the Roast of David Hasselhoff: Lisa did an offensive joke earlier about Roger Ebert. His face is like that because he has jaw cancer. What's your excuse?

  • Whitney Cummings: All Balls

    1 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    Why do all balls look like they're 150 years old?

  • Eliot Chang: Facebook Me

    23 Apr 2010 | 9:00 pm
    I hate when I meet a girl, I'm trying to get to know her, and she's like, 'Oh, you can just Facebook me.' Bitch, my face is here right now!
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    Shamelessly Sassy

  • One Armed Cartwheels & Drugs*

    Shamelessly Sassy
    27 Aug 2010 | 2:12 pm
    Oh geez–Allie will not quit singing.  Will not stop at all.  No matter what.  I know maybe I should think it’s cute and be all swoony over it, but oh man, if only you could hear it.  It’s straight out of her nose, and the songs are odd reinditions of like Hannah Montana meets legit country music. I’m talking Patty Loveless and shit. She started Kindergarten two weeks ago.  It began all sunshines and rainbows.  Then there was this odd fear of the lunchroom.  Now it’s just normal minus this kid she fancies as her boyfriend.  I caught her with her arm around…

  • I love this kid.

    Shamelessly Sassy
    4 Jul 2010 | 10:16 pm
    I have lots of things to say. Mostly, I just love this kid.

  • Thoughts

    Shamelessly Sassy
    15 Jun 2010 | 12:52 pm
    -I was watching Sex and the City 2 and realize that Carrie and my five year old have the same taste in clothing:  Slightly over the top and rarely matching or anything someone would actually wear in public. -I’m leaving for Jacksonville, FL Friday and I can not wait.  I need the Florida sun in my life immensely.  And the sand. and beer. and possibly skydiving. -I’m even looking forward to the road trip down there. -A vacation without a child to chase after.  Oh, I can’t wait.  It will be glorious. -I want a puppy. A spotted one, preferably. -I like lettuce.

  • Mt. Dew

    Shamelessly Sassy
    13 May 2010 | 9:52 pm
    I had a real Mt. Dew today, and I felt as if I was cheating on Diet Pepsi.  It also made my teeth feel like scum.  They felt all gritty and dirty like that I had poured a sugar packet out in my hand and rubbed it all over them as if I was sanding trim to paint.  But the taste of the Mt. Dew was obviously pretty fabulous, just as I remembered it. I should also note that it was a Mt. Dew from a fountain machine as well, which you might agree with me is way better than from a can or bottle. Sometimes it’s way easier to think about the way Mt. Dew makes your teeth feel than it is to…

  • The man in the yellow hat.

    Shamelessly Sassy
    24 Mar 2010 | 11:21 am
    I spent the morning with tons of preschoolers seeing a Curious George musical.  It once again renewed my faith in preschool teachers and the special breed they are.  I sat by Allie, obviously, along with her “BFF FOREVER!” Loren.  It was nice to get to know Loren for a while and see why Allie talks about her all the time.  I totally see it.  Loren is just as bubbly and imaginative as Allie.  They are quite the pair and kept me entertained the entire time, more so than Curious George and that creepy man with the yellow hat managed to. And by the way, can we talk about that? …
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    J 4 Jokes

  • Spots In Front

    9 Aug 2010 | 7:28 am
    The short joke "Spots In Front" goes like this: Patient: I think I'm spending too long on the computer, I'm starting to get spots in front of my eyes. Doctor: Have you seen an optician? Patient: No, just spots. Related humor and funnies with short jokes, one liners, funny SMS jokes and text jokes: Stupid jokes Doctor Patient jokes Funny jokes * * * * * Visit http://j4jokes.blogspot.com for more fun.

  • Delivery Dilemma

    27 Nov 2009 | 6:03 am
    The short joke "Delivery Dilemma" goes like this: Doctor: Will the father be present during the delivery? Mother-to-be: Nah, he and my husband don't get along! Related humor and funnies with short jokes, one liners, funny SMS jokes and text jokes: Doctor jokesPregnancy jokesMatured jokes* * * * * Visit http://j4jokes.blogspot.com for more fun.

  • Photocopy Mistakes

    24 Nov 2009 | 9:14 am
    The short joke "Photocopy Mistakes" goes like this: Question: What does Dumbo do after taking a photocopy? Answer: He compares it with the original document for spelling mistakes! Related humor and funnies with short jokes, one liners, funny SMS jokes and text jokes: Dumbo Bambo jokesQuestion Answer jokesFunny jokes* * * * * Visit http://j4jokes.blogspot.com for more fun.

  • All Things

    20 Nov 2009 | 7:05 am
    The short joke "All Things" goes like this: Dream makes all things possible... Hope makes all things work... Love makes all things beautiful... And, Smile makes all the above... ...So always BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Related humor and funnies with short jokes, one liners, funny SMS jokes and text jokes: Fooling jokesFooling Around jokesDouble Meaning jokes* * * * * Visit http://j4jokes.blogspot.com for more fun.

  • Unique Like Everyone

    17 Nov 2009 | 10:44 am
    The short joke "Unique Like Everyone" goes like this: Always remember, you are unique - just like everyone else. Related humor and funnies with short jokes, one liners, funny SMS jokes and text jokes: One Liner jokesAdvice jokesConfession jokes* * * * * Visit http://j4jokes.blogspot.com for more fun.
 
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    Buffet o' Blog

  • lying to Congress is a serious crime

    Buffet O' Blog
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:10 am
    As you might’ve heard, Congress is investigating the possibility that baseball pitcher Roger Clemens lied to them under oath about his use of steroids.  Representative Henry Waxman, then the committee’s chairman, said perjury and false statements “are serious crimes that undermine the ability of Congress to perform its duties.”  True… but at the same time, I keep trying to imagine how a politician can accuse anyone of lying with a straight face, and I just can’t do it.  I mean, how many members of Congress have knowingly lied while on the job?  (I…

  • caption contest, people in field

    Buffet O' Blog
    30 Aug 2010 | 8:58 pm
    This week’s caption contest features a number of leaders (like generals, admirals, colonels, etc) watching some people lined up in a field.  Are the people about to race, or are they planting or harvesting?   Or is something completely different going on?  No one knows, so you get to make it up.  (And to anyone who might get offended, remember this is just humor, so take a load off and lighten up.) (To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.) Filed under: Say What?

  • Obama and the oil spill

    Buffet O' Blog
    27 Aug 2010 | 9:37 pm
    I’m sure President Barack Obama thinks he’s completely competent to handle all situations as President of the United States, but his mishandling of the oil spill in the Gulf might prove beneficial to him.  Perhaps the oil spill was Obama’s crude awakening.  Filed under: In the News

  • amazing trick shot by Roger Federer for Gillette ad

    Buffet O' Blog
    25 Aug 2010 | 1:22 pm
    Here’s one of the latest trick shot videos to go viral — 4 million views in just 4 days.  Roger Federer, the greatest tennis player of all-time, is shooting an ad for Gillette, and he hits an incredible trick shot — twice. Is it real?   A lot of people are debating that.  It’s hard to tell these days, especially when you have a commercial budget behind it, so CGI is a possibility.  But I think he really could do it, although not every time.  I remember seeing an exhibition match between Andre Agassi and Andy Roddick live in-person, and Roddick would sometimes…

  • new ways to share posts you like

    Buffet O' Blog
    24 Aug 2010 | 2:28 pm
    The Buffet o’ Blog Important* Administrator has now enabled some sharing tools for each post.  This is handy for when you read a funny post and would like to share it with your friends.  When you’re on the page for a particular post (i.e., not the home page), there’s a Share button below the post, and clicking on it will show options for sharing, such as e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, Digg, StumbleUpon, and a few others.   So now it’s easy to share a post with your friends.  And we would appreciate that.   Maybe they could use a little more laughter in their life, and…
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    radioactiveliberty.com

  • Attack of the Iceberg

    Chris C
    10 Aug 2010 | 10:33 pm
    Coming this fall……an epic new disaster movie so scary you will literally be crapping your pants in the theater… An iceberg so large and destructive it threatens the existence of mankind… A film so outlandish Time Magazine calls it: “outlandishly outlandish”… Based on the true-life, over-hyped story by the media, Attack of The Iceberg pits man against a broken-off piece of a glacier in Greenland that threatens to possibly move very, very slowly towards shipping lanes. Ed Markey stars as Phyllis Mayton, a cross-dressing transgender who tries to convince…

  • Al Gore Pulls a Clinton

    Chris C
    10 Jul 2010 | 1:10 am
    Do not let the news that Al Gore allegedly sexually assaulted a masseuse diminish your faith in Global Warming, or Climate Change or whatever bull they are calling it these days. What, you did not hear the story? Here you go… Vice President Al Gore was accused of repeated, unwanted sexual contact with a massage therapist at a Portland hotel room in 2006, according to police reports. The woman told police she was “repeatedly subjected to unwanted sexual touching” in Gore’s hotel room at the Hotel Lucia, according to the police report. Is the climate change scam now going so…

  • Jews Go Home? The Circle of Political Life

    Les James
    6 Jun 2010 | 11:11 am
    Sometimes things get so ridiculous, there’s only one thing left to do… rant. I haven’t done this for a while, today’s your lucky day. From a distance, it looks like the IDF may have screwed-up their boarding of the terrorist backed “humanitarian aid” ship off the coast of Gaza. Screwed-up or not, I damn sure support Israel’s right to search vessels attempting to run their legal blockade. They have every right to defend themselves from Hamas, Iran and others who are trying to destroy them. Bottom fucking line. Let’s be realistic, Israel isn’t the…

  • McCartney is Glad Obama Knows What a Library Is

    Chris C
    5 Jun 2010 | 6:00 am
    So Paul McCartney received the Gershwin Prize from the Library of Congress the other day. He was the third recipient of the award by the way, the first two being Paul Simon and Stevie Wonder. And since the event was held at the White House, naturally it would be unprofessional for the Knight of the Beatles to avoid a swipe at Bush (one might even argue unsporting). He sauntered up to the mic as moonbat wings fluttered on his back: “This is a fantastic honor…the Gershwin family to give me this incredible award, and for me to be awarded it by the Library of Congress, and in fact after the…

  • Non Compus Leftus: Political Humor Images

    Les James
    29 May 2010 | 10:43 pm
    It’s been pointed out here and elsewhere, liberalism IS a disease. Fortunately it’s not sexually transmitted(despite how much they try), but it is contagious. Hang around enough committed Leftus, and you could very well find yourself infected. One way to prevent this affliction is to regularly read conservative humor and satire. But that’s not for everyone. Those of you who grew-up looking on dad’s flesh mags, know that pictures are a lot more fun. Hearkening back to your youth (or the site you just came from) I humbly submit the following slightly altered, politically…
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    Luggage Tuesdays

  • Plug: The Prequel Adventures of Psycho

    24 Aug 2010 | 11:19 am
    To promote the upcoming sci-fi multi-media "Road Trip to Pluto" show at the 2010 SF Fringe Festival, I have started chronicling the previous adventures of Psycho, the character I portray. These adventures happened before "Road Trip," since he dies at the end of that. Check it out.

  • Ringtone Appreciation Day

    14 Aug 2010 | 6:42 pm
    PROCLAMATION Ringtone Appreciation Day WHEREAS, ringtones notify citizens of San Francisco of phone calls, text messages, or electronic mail; and WHEREAS, ringtones also notify everyone else of your transmissions; and WHEREAS, ringtones allow us to express ourselves via default melodies or excerpted popular music, and WHEREAS, the consumption of said abridged songs provides additional revenue for songwriters and composers. NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, that, I, Gavin Newsom, Mayor of the City of San Francisco, do hereby proclaim August 15 of each year as RINGTONE APPRECIATION DAY and may it…

  • Plug: Mike Spiegelman featured in the East Bay Express

    8 Jul 2010 | 10:16 am
    Luggage Tuesdays' own Mike Spiegelman gets profiled in this week's East Bay Express regarding comedy in Oakland and his weekly stand-up showcase, the Layover Comedy Night. Article and photo of Spiegelman here.

  • Did You Hear About the Three Holes in the Ground?

    27 Jun 2010 | 7:15 pm
    Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well. Did you hear about the 47 holes in the ground? Well, well, well,...(con't) Did you hear about the hole in the ground shaped like the letter O? O well. Did you hear about the hole in the ground dug into the ore deposit that makes water hallucinogenic? Drink the water now, and in the future, experience an Ore Well-ian nightmare. Did you hear about the Morgans? Winds up the upscale urban couple witnessed a crime and got relocated to the rural sticks. To learn more, visit www.didyouhearaboutthemorgans.com. Did you hear about that…

  • Abridged Jokes

    22 Jun 2010 | 7:51 am
    During World War II, a German firing squad captures an American soldier, an English soldier, and a Polish soldier. The first two soldiers escape by yelling out fabricated natural disasters, while the last soldier ironically yells out the natural disaster of "fire," which prompted his execution. A travelling salesman ends up sleeping at a farmer's house. The farmer warns the salesman not to stick his genitals into any of the three holes on the side of the barn. The salesman totally does, and, in the morning, high-fives the farmer. Knock, knock. Who's there? Three bananas and an orange. Three…
 
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    Happy Meals & Happy Hour

  • Twitter Recap

    HappyHourSue
    16 Aug 2010 | 10:46 am
    If you're not following me on Twitter, this is what you've missed. Honestly, I don't know how you function.I strongly disagree with the river tubing company's giant sign. Alcohol and tubing DO mix.2:21 PM June 28th via Twhirl9 year old : "How do people with afros wear helmets?"3:30 PM July 5th via TwhirlOur fireworks were so kickass last night that the dog ran away overnight.8:03PM July 5th via TwhirlSummer homework is such a f*cking buzzkill10:45 PM July 18th via TwhirlOOooh. Hot guy just ran up my cul-de-sac. How fast can I make a lemonade stand.10:45 AM July 19th via TwhirlBlogHer just…

  • Weekend LOL Video

    HappyHourSue
    13 Aug 2010 | 5:01 pm
    How bad do I want a fainting goat.

  • Holy CRAP That Was Fun

    HappyHourSue
    11 Aug 2010 | 11:54 am
    So 3 days later, I think the vodka is finally out of my bloodstream from BlogHer '10.I learned many, many things... but if I could share just one with you, it would be this: After drinking and dancing til 4 am, just because the mini-bar in your room HAS vodka and cranberry juice? Doesn't mean you should MAKE some.You're welcome.Roomed with blond bombshell extraordinaire Lisalicious from Mommedy for the 2nd year in a row because A.) She is my best friend and B.) I get lots of free stuff when I'm with her. In hindsight, could have done without the free "mind-eraser" shots, but as we've already…

  • Yes, I'll Be Posting About BlogHer....

    HappyHourSue
    8 Aug 2010 | 6:29 pm
    but.I got to bed at 5am. On account of I was dancing at Posh in NYC til it closed.Wait, you're saying. Isn't Posh a gay bar?Where hot young men go to meet other hot young men?yes. yes it is.

  • Drive-bys and Chicken Gangs

    HappyHourSue
    23 Jul 2010 | 9:53 am
    So you know your writer's block is bad when your advertisers inform you that you're not going to get "paid" unless you "post" more "often"..in fact they're going to "remove" their "ads" until they see "fresh content". Translation: Ragu is not going to send me a check for drinking iced coffee by the pool. I feel like a grounded teenager. Anyway. My anxiety-ridden 9 year old (the one who wants to know if I've ever used my pepper spray on a Ninja and who practices her stop-drop-and roll...) has a new fear. Her: "Mom? I'm really scared." Me: "Scared of what?" Her: "Drive-bys. I don't want you to…
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    passiveaggresivenotes.com

  • Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters

    Kerry
    1 Sep 2010 | 5:05 pm
    Linda spotted this little work of artistic genius at Louie’s Cafe in Santa Fe, New Mexico: related: Please do not flush…anything.

  • Who steals pens from disabled children???

    Kerry
    31 Aug 2010 | 2:18 pm
    At Nat’s office in York, England, one of his coworkers has been trying to bully everyone into coughing up some cash for an (admittedly worthy) charitable cause. In Nat’s opinion, however, her guilt-heavy fund-raising techniques might benefit from a little fine-tuning…especially given that all seven of those special “charity pens” were nicked from the office supply closet. related: Starve on!

  • In case of emergency…well, you’re on your own.

    Kerry
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:38 pm
    In one of my clearest memories of first grade, I distinctly remember my teacher telling us, on the first day of school, that the bathroom in the back of the classroom was only for emergencies. For non-emergencies, we’d have to wait until lunchtime. In my six-year-old mind, however, “emergency” meant only one thing: “throwing up.”  And so, when I had to go, I held it. And held it. Until…well, I wasn’t holding it anymore. That’s right: It actually took wetting my pants for me to learn that the word “emergency” means very different…

  • The cycle of (not) recycling

    Kerry
    29 Aug 2010 | 4:47 pm
    These notes — the first from on office in California, the second from an office in Arkansas — both seem like they’re following the same not-quite-finished flowchart for acceptable office paper usage. Really, you’re in for a scolding no matter what. And as our submitter Hannah noticed — in this bizarre exchange from the copy room at a school in Spartanburg, South Carolina — contrition only seems to further incense the office Paper Nazis. related: Nothing fosters community like shared networked printers!

  • That’s…actually a totally reasonable request

    Kerry
    26 Aug 2010 | 9:18 pm
    What’s frightening, of course, is that these things needed to be stated in the first place. (Thanks to Jill in Des Moines, James in the U.K., and Heather and Eric in New York for submitting…and the kid from The Squid and the Whale for the, uh, inspiration.) related: Apparently every office has someone with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall
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    Guyism » humor

  • Quote of the Day

    Chris Spags
    2 Sep 2010 | 10:30 am
    I can’t sit here and pretend Jerry Lewis is the most relevant of celebrities on Earth right now, but his comments on Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton to Inside Edition are not going to be taken so well. Why? He wants to hit them both. Jerry Lewis is hopping mad, lashing out at troubled actress Lindsay Lohan in a shocking tirade. “I would smack her in the mouth. I’d smack her in the mouth if I saw her,” said Lewis. “I would say ‘you deserve this and nothing else. Whack! And then if she’s not satisfied, I’d put her over my knee and spank her,”…

  • VIDEO: Japan’s theft prevention…orange balls?

    Chris Spags
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:19 am
    I don’t think it’s really going out on a limb to say that Japan’s technology and creation skills are unparalleled. But did you know one form of theft prevention they use is just a plastic orange ball? Read on to see how it works. So, if you didn’t gather it from the video, the idea is that the orange ball is filled with paint and, when thrown at a robber, will mark the criminal. Then police will be able to find him and, hopefully, recover the goods. It’s sort of brilliant. Though, if I were a robber, I’d probably just shoot the person about to throw a…

  • VIDEO: Between Two Ferns with Sean Penn and Zach Galifianakis

    Shawn Norris
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:22 am
    Zach Galifianakis has finally made another episode of his Funny or Die series “Between Two Ferns.” This week’s guest is Sean Penn, but this week’s host is Seth, Zach’s effeminate twin brother. Prepare yourself for arguably the four most awkwardly hilarious minutes in internet history. “Do they have a Six-Flags there?” A pug with a captains hat that’s a taxi driver — I would actually see that movie if it had Galifianakis in it. This is the funniest clip I’ve seen on the internet in quite awhile, and I think it’s even funnier…

  • This is why commas are important on Facebook

    Chris Spags
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:20 am
    As society moves to more colloquial word usage, you have to be careful on how you’re phrasing things. Sometimes, your words can have an unintended consequence if you don’t use proper grammar. For example, check out this young man’s Facebook status. It may be immature, but I don’t think I’ve been this aroused by laughed harder at anything than this online in a while.

  • “Butts arrested in Boob murder case” is the oddest news headline ever

    Chris Spags
    1 Sep 2010 | 1:04 pm
    I’ve seen a lot of “wacky” news headlines in my years doing this. But I can’t think of anything that can top this headline on what should be a sad story about a murder. A CBS affiliate in Altoona, PA has posted this story about the wrapping up of a murder case and I think it’s safe to say this is the headline of the year. We thought this was a practical joke at first. But no, it’s not. That said, it’s not exactly a fun story for this silly headline. I’m just glad Andy Dick didn’t show up with a bag full of cocaine. The family’s been…
 
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    Regretful Morning» Drinking stories, walks of shame, Funny videos

  • Teacher Resorts to Masochism to Remain Celibate

    Penis Fly Trap
    2 Sep 2010 | 10:29 am
    Sarah Cassidy is a headmistress at an elementary school in England who has never had sex - and she doesn't intend to. To be sure, she fastens something like barbed wire around her thigh each night to suppress her desires.

  • 4 Roommates With Masturbation Habits You Need To Avoid

    Jason
    1 Sep 2010 | 1:40 pm
    Ahh, it’s time for college orientation once again.  In the next few weeks, you’re going to learn a lot about your new roommate.  Let’s get the obvious out of the way: You’re both going to fap more than a couple of juvenile Spider Monkeys.  This is completely normal and acceptable.  However, bad ‘post ejaculation’ habits [...]

  • Close enough

    Jason
    1 Sep 2010 | 2:35 am
    That newspaper was meant to cover up bigger boobs.  This damsel can’t even fill out the sports section.

  • Big girl wants to be a ballerina

    Jason
    1 Sep 2010 | 2:08 am
    Who said you needed to be thin and athletic in order to be a ballerina? Oh wait…physics. Sexy Young Ballerina – Watch more Funny Videos

  • Tramp Stamp Tuesday

    Jason
    31 Aug 2010 | 9:15 am
    I thought I’d get this out a little earlier today because the other chick who works on this site got me a fleshlight for my bday (no joke).  So I may be a little too busy for updates later. Have a good tramp stamp pic we should post? Dump the link in our Facebook group [...]
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    Id Rather Be Blogging

  • Out With The Old...

    Maureen
    31 Aug 2010 | 9:02 am
    ... in with the new. Well, I did it. I found my new baby... just waiting for me all by itself in the corner of the Mitsubishi lot.  My 4WD V6 2010 Silver Outlander. Without going into full-on commercial mode, let's just say it's jam-packed with all sorts of goodies, including air, power everything, sunroof, upgraded 9 speaker sound system (gad there is a 10" subwoofer in the back!), Sirius, Bluetooth, motion sensors, keyless entry and start, 7" screen GPS Navigation with a 40 GB hard drive with music server, heated seats and mirrors, Command Start and enough cup holders to satisfy a…

  • No Longer On Speaking Terms

    Maureen
    11 Aug 2010 | 5:50 am
    * Sigh * I've had to make a very important decision. Important and difficult. So difficult to do. But for the sake of my sanity, I must. I must refrain from further terms of endearment. Stop the one-sided conversations I find myself conducting with greater frequency as the years wore on. I have to cut off all forms of communication to make the process less painful. For I am no longer on speaking terms with my 1997 Dodge Caravan as I have begun the dreaded experience of shopping for a new car. But I just can't bear the thought of giving up my old one. No matter how shiny and cool a new vehicle…

  • Nearly Wordless Wednesday

    Maureen
    4 Aug 2010 | 5:18 am
    Buy a Honda and save on "H's": 'Cause with Suzuki; the slogan just isn't as catchy:

  • Oh Crap...

    Maureen
    28 Jul 2010 | 6:05 pm
    ... it would have been THE. PERFECT. SHOT! But I didn't get it. I didn't get it! Why not? Because I am a lily-livered, cowardly chicken, that's why. If I had a shred of chutzpah, this post would have been adorned with the consummate illustration of road crews Hard-Not-At-Work. Today as I neared home from a day at the office, I rolled up to an intersection of the highway that's been ripped asunder since, oh FOREVER. Since the light had just turned red, I scrambled at the opportunity to snap a fantastic photo when I counted ten, count 'em TEN orange-vested, hard-hatted construction workers…

  • Don't Believe The Myth

    Maureen
    20 Jul 2010 | 11:00 am
    The other day while in my craftroom I was, as usual, accompanied by most of our Furry Family Members. Dog curled up on the rug, dangerously positioned right behind my chair? Check. Cat spread out precisely on the spot where I needed to work? Check. Another cat dozing on the shelf at the window, awaiting her turn as The Center Of Attention at precisely the spot where I needed to work, once I shoo the first cat away? Check. (Yes, I installed a shelf just for the cats to view the backyard from the craftroom window. Cat owners do crazy things like this you know.) All was peaceful until I was…
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    Magick Sandwich

  • Magick Mini Movie Review: Bad Lieutenant

    5 Aug 2010 | 6:22 pm
    At Magick Sandwich, we watch crap so you won't have to! To be honest, I never intended to watch Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. Some critics touted this "loose" remake as even more brilliant than Abel Ferrara's masterpiece starring Harvey Keitel as the original Bad Lieutenant. Others said it couldn't live up to its predecessor. Which made me wonder: what are these people smoking? Bad Lieutenant was a terrible movie. I'm pretty sure that I've seen Harvey Keitel's penis more than his urologist. If the movie had been done in 3D, the audience could have given him a prostate exam. The…

  • Tough Love Tuesday

    20 Jul 2010 | 12:55 pm
    Here at the Sandwich, we support the therapeutic arts. We also believe that sometimes life kicks you in the chiclets and you've just got to move on. To wit: R. Lee Ermey is a hoot but I wouldn't want him to be my Marine Corps drill sergeant. But let's face it: I dropped out of the Brownies. I didn't even have what it takes to be a Girl Scout. I'd like to blame my childhood but, wouldn't you know it, the venerable Dr. Denis Leary has a problem with that. ...and that's why yellow makes me sad.

  • Happy Birthday, Ringo!

    8 Jul 2010 | 8:32 am
    Magick Sandwich takes a break from its regularly scheduled programming to bring you joy. Ringo Starr celebrated his 70th (!) birthday at Radio City Music Hall last night. His All Starr Band consisted of Edgar Winter, Rick Derringer, Richard Page, Gary Wright, Wally Palmar and Gregg Bissonette.The happily schizophrenic setlist included Frankenstein, Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo, What I Like About You, Free Ride and Yellow Submarine. At the end of the show, musicians and friends crowded the stage, some of them singing along to With a Little Help From My Friends and Give Peace a Chance. Yoko Ono,…

  • From World Cup to D Cup: Soccer the American Way

    21 Jun 2010 | 11:53 am
    V Magazine describes itself as "...a magazine about fashion with a capital F and all the things that go with it: art, music, film, architecture...you name it." Well, one of those F's must stand for Football. You know, that other kind with the World Cup and those buzzy horns. It's a sport that's been just about to catch on in the U.S. for the past several decades. Yet unlike the metric system, soccer refuses to give up and go away. In the rest of the world, footballers' wives and girlfriends, or WAGS, are a subject of great interest. (I blame you, praying mantis queen Victoria Beckham.) V's…

  • National Pigeon Day 2010: Part Two

    19 Jun 2010 | 8:59 am
    NY, NY: It's a beautiful day on Pilgrim Hill in Central Park, where Anna Dove gathers the faithful to celebrate National Pigeon Day. Miss Dove, who legally changed her name from Kugelmas in honor of her feathered friends, held the inaugural meeting here on June 13th, 2008. This year the city hosted the Puerto Rican Day parade on the 13th, forcing Ms. Dove to reschedule the festivities to today, June 19th, 2010. She remains hopeful that her petition to have the 13th recognized as National Pigeon Day will be ratified by the U.S. government. One group stands apart from the others and doesn't…
 
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    The Nothing Report

  • Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Make Sure your S*#t is Still Mine!

    Beau Horner
    27 Aug 2010 | 9:44 am
    A question was raised on the radio the other day about the "American Dream". With the economy the way it is, they were curious to know, not only how many people could refrain from yelling "Boba Booey, Boba Booey, Howard Stern's penis!!", but whether or not owning a home is still considered a piece of the American dream. Apparently a lot of people that rent answered the call with their opinions about why it's better not to own a home with a long list of reasons. You don't have to mow the lawn, fix electrical or plumbing problems, or worry about whether or not you need to tell the neighbors…

  • Unemployment is Better than the Anus Pounder

    Beau Horner
    23 Aug 2010 | 10:07 pm
    In all of this madness concerning the economy, lay-offs aren't really a concern to people in certain fields. The medical field for one example is still thriving and probably producing more revenue than ever. Other good examples would be the porn industry, idiots with bad acting skills, giant tits, and alcoholism looking for 15 minutes of fame in their own reality show, strippers (which sometimes classify as the previous example), chain restaurants, and casinos. I had the raw end of the deal because instead of becoming a midget juggler at the circus like I went to college for, I had to pick…

  • True Blood: Taste the Rainbow

    Beau Horner
    13 Aug 2010 | 11:03 pm
    Is it just me, or is the only good excuse for vampire media these days getting a little... gay? What is it with story telling on cable television that absolutely has to include physical "bromance" to the point you get that taste in your mouth like someone regurgitated warm carrots down your throat hole. Not boiled carrots either; those little frozen dinner carrot cubes that are never really fully cooked and they come mixed with those rubbery, cold bits-o'-goodness homeless people call corn. The matter at hand (warm carrot cube vomit or not) is the HBO phenomenon True Blood, which I personally…

  • LOST Just Gave Me a Penguin

    Beau Horner
    24 May 2010 | 2:35 pm
    With the final season of LOST coming to a close with the book-ended eye flutters of Dr. Jack Shephard, somehow I feel like most of the general populace as I watched a plane fly over the island, made it through the first commercial, and said... "what?". For those of you who don't like spoilers, I promise I won't give anything away... anything at all.(But let's be honest, it could have looked more like this:)Ok, so everybody dies and all dogs go to heaven, except for Michael because he's a jackass and his son is apparently eight feet tall. The ending was actually the end... and then another end…

  • Tim Burton Defines "Recycled Crap"

    Beau Horner
    16 May 2010 | 3:54 pm
    I realize I haven't been completely active within my responsibilities of filling the internet with true stories about fast food prostitutes and anecdotes involving mating rituals between white rabbits and Burt Reynolds' seamstress, but sometime between my last post and now, I received another baby girl to train in the arts of ruling the universe via hemorrhages. My wife walked in, laid down, pushed her out, smacked a nurse and chased a bottle of vodka with a bottle of tequila in a matter of 4 minutes, 18 seconds. Of course I'm being generous with the term "smacked". It all seemed to go as…
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    Urban Prankster

  • Improv Everywhere’s Black Tie Beach Prank

    Charlie Todd
    31 Aug 2010 | 7:51 am
    (View it larger on YouTube) Produced by Charlie Todd and Matt Adams / music by Tyler Walker For our latest mission we had several hundred agents spend a day at Coney Island / Brighton Beach wearing black tie attire. We covered a mile-long stretch of beach with a diverse group of people of all ages (from babies to sixty-somethings) laying out, playing games, and swimming in the ocean, all in formal wear. Agents were instructed to find cheap tuxedos and ball gowns at thrift stores for the occasion. Related posts:Improv Everywhere: Star Wars Subway Car PrankImprov Everywhere Ghostbusters Prank…

  • On Corporate Graffiti

    Charlie Todd
    30 Aug 2010 | 9:59 am
    We’ve covered the New York Street Advertising Takeover quite a few times on this site, but we wanted to share this new short documentary by Sarah Berman. It does a great job of telling the story of the project and the positive impact it had on our streets. In related news, the first Toronto Street Advertising Takeover recently took place. Related posts:New Video of the NYSATSuper Hero Changing StationTurning Flyer Boxes into Planters

  • Mario Kart Bike Lane

    Charlie Todd
    30 Aug 2010 | 8:30 am
    A prankster has added Mario Kart symbols to a Portland bike lane. via Laughing Squid Related posts:DOOM Display BillboardsNew Improv Everywhere: The Tourist LaneMagic Potion

  • Astor Place Rubik’s Cube

    Charlie Todd
    25 Aug 2010 | 8:28 am
    This prank is seven years old, but not enough people know about it. It’s a classic. Project page at All Too Flat. Related posts:Ice Cube Ice Cube Dispenser

  • Open Soon Prank Contest

    Charlie Todd
    22 Aug 2010 | 9:37 am
    Our friend Rob Cockerham over at Cockeyed has issued a challenge to pranksters around the world. He writes: The economy is pitiful right now. Both where I live and where I work, I’m seeing a bunch of businesses closing their doors forever. Shuttered buildings are incredibly depressing, so I’m launching a plan to help liven up our neighborhood streets and remind everyone that economic recovery is just around the corner. It’s a contest. Create and print your own “Opening Soon” flier and tape it to the door of an empty retail, industrial or warehouse property. Email…
 
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    Stuff Christians Like - Jon Acuff

  • Fancy pulpits.

    Jon
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:49 am
    My wife is on her third iPhone 4 in six days. The first one had a hardware and software failure. The second one sounded like an old timey cotton gin. It was so loud she held it up to our landline at home when she was on the phone with Apple support and they urged her to bring it in. Immediately. The third one? We’ll see. The worst part is that she holds me responsible. Because I’ve had one for a year and like Apple, she assumes that I might have hand built these defective iPhones. She’ll call me in the middle of the day and say, “Guess where I am, the Apple store.” Then she’ll get…

  • The question we all ask.

    Jon
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:06 am
    Life is like a hurricane, here in Duckburg. Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes, it’s a duck-blur. Might solve a mystery or rewrite history … If you grew up like I did, you know the next words that to gem of a song. It’s “DuckTales, ooohhh, ooohhh.” That’s the chorus to the show DuckTales. My wife bought volume 1&2 on DVD for the move up to Franklin, Tennessee and my kids have loved them. And why shouldn’t they? That song is the jam. I hope someday that Timbaland and Justin Timberlake will do a remix. Maybe even throw in Ludacris. He makes his own cognac now, how easy would…

  • Writing “open letters.”

    Jon
    31 Aug 2010 | 4:10 am
    “Jonathan Acuff betrays America with Anti-Christian article.” That was the title of a post that was written in response to a CNN article I wrote. In the post the author ripped me apart, questioning my love of democracy, apple pie and freedom. But I think it was a joke. It has to be, it was so over the top and hateful that I have to assume they were just joshing. (I’m bringing the words, “joshing” and “no doy,” back by the way.) My biggest clue that it was a joke was that they didn’t use the preferred way to express Christian angst … the open letter. An editorial device in…

  • Permission to Speak Freely – Free Excerpt

    Jon
    30 Aug 2010 | 8:59 pm
    I was a big fan of Anne Jackson’s first book, Mad Church Disease. It was a gift to anyone who works in the ministry. That’s why I’m excited about her second book, Permission to Speak Freely – Essays and Art on Fear, Confession and Grace which releases today. Where her first book was for pastors, this book is for everyone. Anne was kind enough to share one of the essays from the book. Anne decided to share seven essays on seven different blogs, this being the second. To read the rest of the essays, check out the links at the end. Anne is also giving away a copy of…

  • Sex.

    Jon
    30 Aug 2010 | 3:26 am
    The other day, pop princess Katy Perry said something interesting: “I think when you put sex and spirituality in the same bottle and shake it up, bad things happen.” I disagree. Although that specific quote was about Lady Gaga, I think it’s indicative of something much bigger and much worse. Put simply, our culture has divorced God from sex. I’ve long said that popular culture often acts as if God might have invented humanity and thus sex, but he was completely caught off guard that sex was an enjoyable activity. He was convinced it was a very clinical activity designed for baby…
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    Got Funny

  • Love SMS To Make Your Girl Happy

    Shayarin Dsouza
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:52 am
    Sending Romantic SMS is the best option to make your lover feel for you. There is no stress and pressure in sending love text messages as you have ample of time to compose and edit it before sending it. It is really very exciting to propose a girl. But before you send Romantic SMS to your girlfriend, there are few things you should consider in order to make your text message more effective and impressive. 1- Timing – You should never disturb her when she is busy It can make her angry and can bring some tense situations in your relationship. Therefore, Proper timing is very essential…

  • Simply Cheap Halloween Ideas For The Whole Family

    Tifto Sawyer
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:52 am
    How could you not love Halloween, the best time of the year to dress up in a creative Halloween Outfit? Needless to say, the grown-ups turn into sillier characters than the kids! Even mom and dad can join the excitement whether you buy a cheap Halloween outfit or make a costume yourself. Get creative, and put your imagination to work. Costume Accessories and Makeup can become a super way to keep down the cost of making your own outfit . Be sure to address safety concerns when selecting a Halloween mask since you need to be able to see, hear and breathe properly. A bit of spooky makeup or wig…

  • Never Let The Selling Price Of Halloween Scare You To Death

    Nancy Newton
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:43 am
    For most persons, Halloween is considered the most engaging holiday of the calendar year. It might not possess the presents and exclusive areas of Christmas nor the upright party ambiance of New Year, but it has some thing exclusive all of its very own – a number of diverse features all in one. May it be the dressing piece or loads of totally free chocolate, or something entirely distinctive, Halloween is an activity that captivates us as teens and then also by no means lets go the mature we get. It is just a time for stuff that are frightening and in some cases a bit of unusual. If…

  • Twilight Halloween Outfits – How To Dress Up For The Halloween Night Soiree This Season

    Adam Tijerina
    31 Aug 2010 | 3:48 am
    One might think that the popularity of all the Twilight Saga films, there would be an plethora of Twilight Halloween outfits. But this is not the case. When you go to visit the leading Halloween costume websites and type in “Twilight outfits” you will find very little if any available choices. So let us talk about what we can do about dressing up this Halloween night in a Twilight Halloween outfit. In most of the popular movies, the lead figures are generally wearing one or two costumes that you can identify them with. For superheroes it’s even easier. However with the…

  • Sending SMS To Your Loved Ones

    Shayarin Dsouza
    31 Aug 2010 | 3:08 am
    SMS is very popular in countries like india. SMS is a short messaging service provided by the service providers in the way of a text SMSWhen mobile phones initially came out, SMS was very limited. I still remember i used to search hindi sms and then send it to my friends and the charge was around re.5 in indian currency. There were restrictions on the amount of characters you used and cell phone providers frequently charged based on the amount of characters sent. Nowadays, we are fortunate to have advanced technology. Cellular phones have really come a long way and its not unusual for someone…
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    Other than that, how'd you like the play Mrs. Lincoln?

  • How old are you?

    2 Sep 2010 | 7:01 am
    I took one of those tests the other day to tell me my "real" age.They ask a lot of the questions you'd think they'd ask-How old are you? (that one felt like they were cheating a little)-Do you havve Colon Cancer?-Has a doctor told you that you only have two weeks left to live?etc.They also asked a few surprises-Do you floss your teeth daily?I still haven't been sent the results via electronic mail.  I'm starting to wonder if this was just a scam to gather some of my personal info. (the "What is your social security number?" and "what is your bank account number?" questions made me a bit…

  • TechnoWeblog

    31 Aug 2010 | 4:48 am
    I have a typing machine that will take these words and make them available in Detroit...and just about anywhere else.  I can now get on this "computer" and "type" out words, or even use this electronic machine to"call" people via "headset" and it does all of the heavy lifting.It's true.I also have electric wires throughout my home that allow me to remotely access an electical current capable of powering my portable lighting sources and toaster oven.Before you check the date to see if this was written in the future - there's more.I have "pipes" that are strategically placed in several…

  • Unbranding

    30 Aug 2010 | 6:15 am
    No matter how many times Leah tells me, "The Jersey Shore is my generation's Hogan's Heroes" I'm just not sure I'm going to throw it on my Tivo.I know far less Snooki trivia than Fuller (it's actually the topic of his next book - sequel to The Sickness - "Getting Better, but still need a few days") but I just heard that major fashion brands are now sending her free SWAG.  The beauty of this is that they're sending her free stuff from their competitors.  It's the ultimate in UnBranding.They're paying to get their competitors purses and sending them to her in the hopes that she'll…

  • Quote of the Day

    25 Aug 2010 | 4:39 am
    "It's better to fail while doing something   than to fail to do anything"           -Horace Grant *----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------* to be 100% honest here, I'm not really sure who came up with that quote...but it was probably Horace...right?

  • Fantasy Life

    24 Aug 2010 | 6:36 am
    In my fantasy world I have Aaron Rodgers as my starting quarterback and he's throwing the ball to Antonio Gates.I finished last season in fifth place.  Based on this year's draft I'm hoping for a fifth place finish again...so that's not great.  Griffin wants to start a league with our neighbor Kendrick.  They had their draft yesterday and his team looks a lot better than mine.  I guess it's easier to get good players in a two team league than a ten team one.I'm in the process of putting together a point system for my fantasy television show league.I figure you should get…
 
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    NewWest.Net All Headlines

  • Five Ways Cyclists Can Defuse Road Rage

    info@newwest.net
    2 Sep 2010 | 4:00 am
    Two days ago on my morning trip down to the coffee shop to get a little wisdom at the ORG (Old Retired Guys) Table, a driver blasted right through a stop sign and almost made it my last day on a bicycle. So what did I do? Two things. First, since I ended up about five feet from the driver's window, I did not yell or make obscene gestures, not even any dagger eyes, Instead, I waved and smiled and tried to give him my best no worries, we all make mistakes look. Second, I decided to write this commentary--and the other side for next week. I've already written several columns about the prickly…

  • Mining Near Bryce Canyon: Who Benefits?

    info@newwest.net
    2 Sep 2010 | 3:01 am
    A decision by the Utah Board of Oil, Gas and Mining to confirm a 2009 mining permit for Alton Coal Development is the best thing to have happened to the communities of southern Utah in some timeand the worst. It was a vindication of the thoroughness of Alton Coal's proposal and a confirmation that the state is completely out of touch with modern values. The board stood up to badgering from extremist environmental groups and caved in to pressure from their wealthy friends in the mining industry. The (Sierra) club is disappointed in the board for upholding the decision, but we plan to pursue…

  • University of Idaho Student's Poem to Run in the New Yorker

    info@newwest.net
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:00 am
    Raise your hand if you've ever taken a creative writing class.  Keep your hand raised if you ever wrote a poem while in class that ended up being published in the New Yorker. Everyone's hands should have gone down now except for that of one very talented University of Idaho MFA poetry student, Ciara Shuttleworth. Robert Wrigley recently asked his MFA poetry students to study sestinas, which, according to Wikipedia, are highly structured poem(s) consisting of six six-line stanzas followed by a tercet (called its envoy or tornada), for a total of thirty-nine lines. Sounds complicated, but…

  • Land Legacy: In the Potomac Valley, Ranchers Back Transferring to the State Important, Grazed Acres

    info@newwest.net
    31 Aug 2010 | 8:21 pm
    Not a lot has changed in Montana's rural Potomac Valley over the years. And that's just fine for many of the multi-generational ranching families whose livelihoods are tied to this expanse of waving grass and trees drained by the lower Blackfoot River northeast of Missoula. Today, just as it was nearly a century ago, the Potomac is a working landscape. But faced with the possibility of large-scale changes sweeping across this broad valley and on to the low and rounded Garnet Range to the south, the valley's ranchers did something that may surprise some. They got behind the transfer of tens of…

  • Grizzlies Only Scratch the Surface of What It Will Mean to Lose the Whitebark Pine

    info@newwest.net
    31 Aug 2010 | 4:12 am
    Blame it on their large stature or America's obsession with bears, but when it comes to the decline of the whitebark pine, the grizzly may be the least of our worries. Everyone is thinking grizzly bear, and there's no question there is going to be some impact on grizzly food supply, says whitebark expert Diana Tomback. What they don't understand or what really hasn't been well-emphasized is there is a bigger issue here. Whitebark pine is a species that plays a number of important ecological roles in high elevation communities. A recent report by the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC)…
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    Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?

  • Helicopter Out Mom

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:29 am
    The phrase “helicopter parent” describes parents who do everything for their kids. They’re parents who are quick, maybe too quick, to come to the aid of their children in situations big and small. They’re always in to see the teacher, don’t make the kids do any chores and are a tad too exuberant in their [...]

  • Three Ways to Celebrate Three Pounds

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:40 am
    SO many times in our weight loss communities online or at meetings or with friends we hear people say…”it’s only a one pound loss,” or “I still haven’t even lost 5lbs.”  We’ll sister were here to tell you that’s an accomplishment. Whether it took one week or a month three pounds is good and you [...]

  • I Want To Like Gardening

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    30 Aug 2010 | 6:40 am
    This was my very third year of vegetable gardening, and I must say we got quite a crop of tomatoes and peppers. It was a garden that almost didn’t happen.  Three years ago, I thought that growing my own food would be an enjoyable and healthy hobby. I spent two days in May removing an [...]

  • 52 Redo

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    30 Aug 2010 | 6:29 am
    So as you read I was going to drink all the water in lower Michigan last week. Well I didn’t. I only stuck to it for one day. Ya ever get that? Just one day with a commitment and then meh? WELL I’m going to re-commit to it AND one step further this week.  I’m going [...]

  • 52 Mondays – Week 6 – Water

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    23 Aug 2010 | 6:11 am
    It’s all about the water. This week really going to drink the water. Some diets say drink 64 ounces – or eight glasses of eight ounces. Some say drink an entire glass BEFORE your meals. Some say all that is based on no science whatsoever and is totally ridiculous. SO here’s what we’re going to [...]
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    The Habitation of Justice

  • With its Last Breath, Summer Spits at Me

    Lincoln Adams
    31 Aug 2010 | 7:47 pm
    In a manner befitting the hellish season this summer created, it has decided to flip me off with one last heat wave of 90-plus temps and humidity before finally going not so gently into that good night. Thankfully, Hurricane Earl will break the heat wave and put this fricking summer out of its misery once and for all. Good riddance. How the flip do people in Florida live with this kind of weather? I could barely breathe, much less venture outdoors. And even when I did venture outside, I would run into a wall of old fogies who flocked up here from (where else), Florida, all while trying to…

  • Healthcare Proxy – For Those Occasions When A Wrecking Ball Might Land On You

    Lincoln Adams
    28 Aug 2010 | 2:10 pm
    If you find yourself somewhat incapacitated because you had an unfortunate run in with an 18 wheeler during your travels, you might realize then that a healthcare proxy could have done you some good, or at least prevent Dr. Fronkensteeen from stealing your brain. Momsie warmed me up to this idea since I’ll be traveling more often, and should God forbid, something should happen to me where I couldn’t make medical decisions on my own, there would at least be recourse where my closest family would be able to make them for me as my legal healthcare agents. The laws vary by state, but…

  • Do you have a disability? Get yourself an Access Pass to the nation’s parks

    Lincoln Adams
    24 Aug 2010 | 5:30 pm
    If you have a disability as recognized by the United States Government (circa 1776),  you can access all the national parks in the country for free with an Access Pass.  Because of my hearing loss I qualified as well, and since I’ll be visiting several national parks this fall, I figured now was as good a time as any to get myself a brand spanking new access card so I could save money during my travels. Oddly enough, the info regarding how to obtain a pass couldn’t be more sparse.  Here’s the official page regarding national park land passes, and all it indicated was that…

  • I think Hyundai’s Marketing Department Needs to be Cluebatted

    Lincoln Adams
    23 Aug 2010 | 5:30 pm
    So I get my mail today and I notice I received a letter from Hyundai: “Hyundai USA has recently implemented a quality benchmark for all it’s [sic] vehicles. Part of this initiative is to reimburse customers for the amount spent on servicing their Hyundai. Lincoln, on 1/11/10, you spent $56.48 servicing your Hyundai Santa Fe.Hyundai USA would like to take this opportunity to reimburse you this entire amount… Alright!  Go Hyund- … toward the lease or purchase of a new Hyundai. Dude… wait what?  What?  Did they seriously send me a letter saying I would get a $57…

  • A Bear of a Laugh

    Lincoln Adams
    23 Aug 2010 | 12:36 pm
    It’s almost like BBC followed me around on of my last trips and decided to make a video out of it. If this doesn’t capture perfectly the kind of experiences I often have when I’m on vacation, down to the couple playing suck face in front of me at the beach, I don’t know what does. Copyright © 2006-2010, http://habitationofjustice.com. ( digitalfingerprint: b4ac507ddf2366786xfiles (74.125.44.83) ) Related Posts: The Vacation Day From Hell (15) McCain WINS Election By ONE Vote, As A Result of Yours Truly =D (4) Hello, my name is Lincoln, and I hate women. (6) Best…
 
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    Pinhole's Blog

  • "So Close"

    Pinhole
    20 Aug 2010 | 7:22 am
    Name I'd like to see on a Midwest grain elevator.

  • Song Sung, Whew!

    Pinhole
    18 Aug 2010 | 5:03 pm
    Everybody knows one. That person who knows everything, has been everywhere, and if you tell them you’ve milked a hamster they’ve done it twice. Casually mention passing through southern Nebraska on your summer vacation and they’ll launch into a series of anecdotes about how they majored in Nebraska at college, or actually invented Omaha.  Make a simple off-hand remark about a National Geographic special you viewed on matadors and they will reveal, with a click of the tongue and a down-turned smile that implies a reluctance to share such information, “I’m a bullfighter.” And you…

  • Sphere-onomics

    Pinhole
    14 Aug 2010 | 2:00 pm
    I’m not an economist, but reflecting on the recent financial collapse I believe there is a vital element the experts have overlooked. Marbles. Before puberty caught up with me I traveled in a well-regulated circle.  A society driven more by Darwin’s imagination than by the concept of supply and demand.  A sort of Midwestern “Lord of the Flies”. As the market opens children gather clutching a small bag containing their life savings in denominations of “glassies”, “steelies” and “shooters”.  Fortunes about to be won, or lost, around a makeshift court etched in the dirt of…

  • Closing Time

    Pinhole
    8 Jul 2010 | 9:53 pm
    Sales attract diverse clientele.  Before permanently closing the gallery where I’ve been working since before Christmas, everything was discounted by 80% of its original price.  This kind of sale attracts a sublevel of humanity thought only to exist on screen, or in celebrity memoirs. During our last week a fellow wandered in who looked as though he had just awakened and realized his backseat was devoid of adequate artwork.  If he had been pondering something when he fell asleep the previous evening behind his steering wheel, it wasn’t where he last left his comb, or whether he had…

  • Well, Hello Dalí

    Pinhole
    7 Apr 2010 | 7:22 pm
    While rearranging prints last night in the gallery I accidentally put Syd Barrett and Vincent van Gogh in the same sleeve.  Individually each artist is well beyond talented, extremely intelligent and certifiably nuts.  Get them together and not only will discussions reach unseen heights, but the atmosphere will go from marginally insane to batshit. I hadn’t realized my error until I turned off the music in the shop to close for the night and heard mutterings from the bin on the west wall.  As I inched closer I overheard van Gogh,”…used to talk to a god, but I don’t remember its…
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    Comedy.com

  • Galifianakis Between Two Ferns

    zach.spector
    1 Sep 2010 | 5:10 pm
    Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Sean Penn from Between Two Ferns The good news is “Between Two Ferns” is back. The bad news is apparently Zach was unable to make it for his scheduled Sean Penn interview because of a prior engagement at adult fat camp. No need to panic his brother Seth was able to make it and is a very capable fill in. Seth really digs in on the issues with Sean, like “Is Ryan Reynolds the true movie star of our time?” email facebook stumbleupon digg twitter reddit

  • Harry Caray On Cracker Jacks

    zach.spector
    1 Sep 2010 | 4:37 pm
    Will Ferrell’s Harry Caray impression is legendary and beloved by all Chicago Cubs fans. The genius of the impression is it’s ability to capture both the epic genius and lunacy of Caray. However, all true Caray fans know that it’s less of an exaggeration than many others realize. Enjoy a clip of the legend Harry Caray sharing his passionate disdain for Cracker Jacks. email facebook stumbleupon digg twitter reddit

  • Boise State Needs More Cowbell

    zach.spector
    1 Sep 2010 | 4:34 pm
    So, college football season is kicking off Thursday. With that in mind it seems like a good idea to get in the spirit with a video that shows off one of the best examples of the pageantry of college sports…the marching band! In this clip from last year, check out a member of Boise State’s marching band bringing what we all need…more cowbell. Kinda. email facebook stumbleupon digg twitter reddit

  • Another Great Goal Celebration

    zach.spector
    1 Sep 2010 | 2:30 pm
    They did it again! It’s another tremendous choreographed goal celebration from our favorite Icelandic boys in blue. This time our favorite soccer team has chosen to celebrate their latest goal like it was just another day at the “office.” Clever, rehearsed, brilliant. They may or may not be a good team, but how can anyone not root for them to score. email facebook stumbleupon digg twitter reddit

  • Conan O’Brien’s Announcement

    zach.spector
    1 Sep 2010 | 12:45 pm
    The time has almost come for the return of Conan. After much deliberation and many fan suggestions Conan has finally announced the name for his upcoming TBS show. Drum roll please, the new TBS Conan O’Brien show will be named… “Conaw.” Also, it’s premiering in November, minor detail. email facebook stumbleupon digg twitter reddit
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    Small & Big

  • Minding Your Own Business When...

    P.L. Frederick
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:00 am
    Here’s my cartoon for the September issue of the Pet Gazette. If it looks familiar, it is: this cartoon previously ran on Small & Big here.©2010 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • Separated At Birth? My Cat And Stephen Colbert

    P.L. Frederick
    27 Aug 2010 | 2:00 pm
    The proof is in the eyes, the bedroom eyes.(Further evidence.)©2010 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • Help, I've Fallen And Can't Get Up... The Stairs

    P.L. Frederick
    26 Aug 2010 | 2:00 pm
    When it knits you into an afghan, the Stairmaster has won.©2010 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • The Portable Potable Pooper

    P.L. Frederick
    25 Aug 2010 | 2:00 pm
    “The finest seat in the house, m’Lord.”©2010 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • On The 5th Day God Created Kitties

    P.L. Frederick
    24 Aug 2010 | 4:00 pm
    It took another full day to get the eyes on.©2010 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.
 
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    Chris Wood's blog

  • Space, tidiness and elbow room

    30 Aug 2010 | 9:17 am
    In the last two weeks my house has been irreversibly changed. No, the roof hasn’t been replaced with a clear plastic sheet so I can watch the rain fall. Nor has my living room become fully automated so I can push a button and have robots pop out from neat compartments and change CDs for me.Instead, my accumulations of mess have been artfully rearranged into neat clusters of focused order. There used to be a sea of papers competing for attention gathered in poorly arranged piles. Now there are precise arrangements of documentation. Even my notes are looking ordered, instead of the usual…

  • The World Of Bollocks – updated

    30 Jul 2010 | 1:01 pm
    Strange, mysterious and at times downright creepy events unfold every day. All over the world, bizarre tributes to human gullibility are exhibited with a seemingly constant rate of renewal. The world isn’t getting stupider, just that some of its leading proponents of the daft, the risible and the outright ridiculous are jostling for place in our daily lives.New Mac computers are now presented as ‘toxin free.’ Since when did anyone ingest their computers? If I’m spending over a grand on some fluffy electronic tinsel, I doubt very much I’ll be eating the bastard.Nissan have introduced…

  • Life at the moment is ...

    17 Jun 2010 | 12:45 pm
    ... very very busy! So much work, so much wind down from work, so many times I've sat snoozing quietly in my chair trying hard to motivate myself to crank up the wordy part of my brain once more and get some stuff written.Here's an insight - my daily routine:6 am Get up, shower, coffee6.30 am Zen chanting, kick boxing exercises7 am Drive to work, swear at motorists8.40 am First class of the day. Inspire pupils with my astonishing wisdom. Decant a modicum of said wisdom into their noggins.1 pm Astound and delight colleagues with witty repartee1.05 pm Colleagues threaten to throw me out of the…

  • Pulling It All Together

    1 Jun 2010 | 1:32 pm
    This week has been a busy one so far. I'm off work at the moment and luxuriating in it.Tomorrow I have my car MOT'd. For readers outside the UK, that means it's basically being checked to make sure it doesn't fall to bits on the road, which is useful. In the Channel Islands, where my sister lives, there's no MOT. Motorists have been known to abandon old cars by the side of the road if they break down for the last time.I've a book I'm working on, and that's taking quite a bit of my day and a lot of my thought. It's now routine to eat meals and watch TV with a laptop on the table in front of…

  • I strongly recommend you read ...

    27 May 2010 | 1:08 pm
    The Redemption Factory by Sam MillarFeast your eyes on the beauty of death and you will know this place has no equal … The Redemption Factory begins with a bleak presentation of the ending of life. It does this twice – the torture murder of a man accused of betraying a hard line political group, and then a job interview in a slaughterhouse. Trying to be impressive and employable in such a position can scarcely be easy at the best of times, but with a feared loan shark presiding, a combination of threat and dread sweeps over the reader. The book’s events are themed around a small,…
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    Ô Chateau» Stuff Parisians Like, a Paris blog | Ô Chateau

  • And the winner is…

    admin
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:06 am
    So after weeks of cyber-brainstorming, we found a title for SPL in French: Dessine-moi un Parisien will be released November 4. Just wanted you guys to know first. Let me take this opportunity to thank all of those who have contributed in the search for a title. We finally made it – so merci à tous. I really like this title – and truly hope you do too. Olivier

  • Going to the cinema on Sunday

    admin
    29 Aug 2010 | 2:27 pm
    The question “What is your least favorite day of the week?” only has one answer in Paris. That is Sunday. The dreaded dimanche. While Sundays have the same flavor everywhere in the Western world, Parisians dread it more than any other Westerner. While other Westerners might dislike the bittersweet feeling of a weekend ending, a new work week soon to be started, Parisians just loathe Sundays altogether. Parisian Sundays are not bittersweet. They are bitterbitter. Weekends for Parisians are not strictly moments of rest: they are implicit social challenges. Each weekend, Parisians need to…

  • Le Hamburger

    admin
    30 Jun 2010 | 12:56 am
    Some people think Parisians are Parisian. Wrong. Parisians are New-Yorkers. As such, they love a good burger. Burgers were once looked down upon in Paris: “On n’est pas des Americains, bordel”. Imperialism had its limits and the doors of a French restaurant were definitely one. Hamburgers was to food what Jerry Springer was to television or Paris Hilton to the woman. Something Parisians were not ready to cope with. Something America could keep to itself. But things have changed. As Parisians started becoming New-Yorkers, what was uncool about America started no longer being despised…

  • Considering mental afflictions as signs of intellectual superiority

    admin
    12 May 2010 | 1:25 am
    Parisians value intelligence more than happiness. In Paris, happiness is the sad symptom of an atrophied brain, the curse of the stupid, the limbo of the ungifted. Mechanically he who is not happy is gifted, he whose brain does not agree with the world is intelligent. The more brutally unfitting the person is, the more gloriously superior his brain is. In this undeniable logic lays the utter privilege of the crazies: that of being looked up to by the Parisian. The inability to handle the vicissitudes of life testifies to the Parisian eye of an acute perception of the incertitudes and…

  • Let’s brainstorm here for a minute…

    admin
    30 Apr 2010 | 1:55 am
    Guys, Period of intense writing for me. Working on a lot of new material that will be exclusive to the book. Quite excited about it. Not only do I have to write in English, I now also have to write in French. I’m very happy to announce that Stuff Parisians Like will soon be published in French. The publisher is 10/18 and the book should be available in November (and yes, it would make for a fantastic Xmas present ). So I presently find myself in the pretty random situation of having to translate my own articles into my own language. It’s a very different exercize from creating…
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    Beyond Left Field

  • Take Your Pets And Kids And Shove It!

    Don
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:26 am
    Pet owners know the story. You take you little four legged loved one to the veterinarian's office for a checkup or maybe it's just feeling a little ill. As you sit there with other pet owners, people engage you in conversation by telling you how cute or beautiful your pet is. You reply, "Thank you. Yours is so cute too." Oh gag! I've heard the same thing in a pediatrician's office when my kids were small. I would sit there trying to read a six month old Field & Stream (it's Mississippi) and suddenly, some boring, haggard old ogre bust out, "Oh, your little boy is so beautiful!" It's a…

  • Dial-Up Or Midget Porn? The Choice Is Mine...

    Don
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:17 am
    Seems that my roommate finally made it back from her "trip". That's a good thing too because she has to work today and make some money so that she can pay for her myriad of medical bills. Me? It's rainy today so it's doubtful I'll step outside. What was I talking about...? Oh yeah! Comcast has decided that my personal bandwidth usage is a bit more than they should allow. Apparently, some wiseguy at the local office has determined that my internet downloads go way above and beyond that of my average neighbor. Huh?! Maybe it's me, but I doubt that there is a scramble among my neighbors to hit…

  • Did Midgets And Fairies Break My Computer?

    Don
    28 Aug 2010 | 7:03 am
    After numerous troubles with my computer, i.e., the proverbial shit happened – it is now repaired. Then my roommate flips out Thursday night. She had one of her "cute and funny" episodes whereby she hallucinates. The suspected culprit is Ambien. She ended up in the hospital... It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood [whistles]. The good news about her hallucinations this time is she is in the hospital as I mentioned. What's good about that? She is and I'm not! Simple. Better her than me. You get the picture. It's nice and quiet around the house and I slept like a baby... She became…

  • Is It Me Or Is It Just Me?

    Don
    25 Aug 2010 | 12:00 am
    As you can see,  my blog template has undergone changes...inadvertent changes. Last night I was playing around with Blogger's new design feature and voila! Crapola! Once again I have managed to "fix" something that wasn't broken. I suck...! I know that I can revert to my original template, but as of now I can't find the magic retro reverse reverter button. I only have so much patience to go around, and after ninety minutes of playing with the template, I had better things to do. Things like...well.... I ate a Pop Tart and contemplated the future of life. It was easier than trying to…

  • When Is Collecting Hoarding? Fanny Knew...

    Don
    23 Aug 2010 | 9:33 am
    Fanny Kiker was a well known "philanthropist", i.e., eccentric flaming red head that lived here. She died recently leaving her dilapidated house and twenty something cats behind. Fanny also left behind boxes and boxes of magazines and comic books from her mother's newsstands from the 40's, 50's and 60's. She had three old family cars parked in her front yard where she stored many of the boxes as well as in her run down two story house. There was sixty and seventy year old magazines - unsold - still boxed up in that pile of shit... I am told that she also had old family clothes from the early…
 
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    Late For the Sky

  • We Go To The Mattresses!

    31 Aug 2010 | 10:01 am
    What's new in school fundraising?Selling mattresses. Really.A flyer went up at work today for a school selling mattresses to raise funds for the soccer team. And this is a deal being offered all over the country now.This is great. No longer do the schools have to deal with wads of crumpled, nasty $1 bills from kids selling thousands of chocolate bars. No longer will there be confusing sheets of orders for overpriced tins of cookies or specialty candies. No longer will they lose vast portions of the funds raised buying cheap prizes for kids who participated. Now one or two parents manage to…

  • Pick Me Up!

    29 Aug 2010 | 9:01 am
    My company participated in an event at Children’s Hospital yesterday. There were parents and kids there for a program on sickle cell anemia. Those families brought siblings and cousins with them and these other children needed to be entertained and fed while their families were going through the program. I ended up in the activity room for pre-K children; there were maybe 30 kids and 8 volunteers.I learned that I still have the energy needed to entertain and play with a bunch of kids that age for 3 hours. We were with them for 3 and a half hours.Some kids were very upset about being left…

  • Emotional Rescue - the Movie!

    26 Aug 2010 | 3:58 pm
    I took a recent blog entry and turned it into a sketch starring me and my friend, Dr. Mize

  • How Do You Cause a Problem By Sharia?

    23 Aug 2010 | 9:14 am
    There were a lot of options they had:"Take a Letter Sharia""Sharia (I Just Met a Law Named Sharia)""How Do You Cause a Problem By Sharia""They" are the protesters of the Islamic Cultural Center approved to be built a few blocks from where the World Trade Center stood - I'm sorry, I meant the mosque being built directly on Hallowed Ground.They were trying to write a song to explain why they are protesting the building and holding signs saying "SHARIA!", implying that that is a word of terror, when what it means is "the body of doctrines that regulate the lives of those who profess Islam".But…

  • Today's the Day the Stoner Bears Have Their Pic-a-nic

    19 Aug 2010 | 9:15 am
    "BC police: Bears surrounded pot fields"Police who uncovered two marijuana fields near the U.S.-Canada border had to tread carefully: 13 black bears were wandering around the crops.The economy has reduced the number of vacationers visiting Canada, resulting in a shortage of pic-a-nic baskets. The native black bears, unable to secure legitimate employment, have turned to guarding pot fields to earn money. Some bears have fallen to using the marijuana themselves, with the expected unfortunate results, ending in indolent, unproductive lives. The life of one such bear was documented by…
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    Beauty Tips for Ministers

  • Horrible Use of Technology and Social Media

    PeaceBang
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:24 am
    I don’t care, I’m going to say it. A BTFM reader has just alerted me to an ordination invitation sent out by a minister-to-be over FaceBook that is a big joke. The text says something like, “Can you believe it? The __________ Church has gotten so desperate that they have even accepted So-And-So to be a member of their clergy! This must be the end of the world as we know it!” The graphic shows a church on fire. The invitation didn’t go out to a few close friends, it went to hundreds of people in that faith tradition and beyond (and I need to send up a little…

  • My Favorite Anecdote About Insular Seminarian Ridiculousness

    PeaceBang
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:01 am
    I went to the seminary cafeteria after class. The place was crowded. I chose a seat at a crowded table where ministers-to-be chatted animatedly about hospitality, the living God in their lives, the ministry of Jesus. I sat inches away from them, literally at their elbows. Never once during the half-hour it took me to slowly eat my lunch did any one of these people make eye contact with me, greet me, include me in the conversation or ever acknowledge my presence. Not a nod, not a smile. The sarcastic thoughts I had as I listened to them blather on and on about their spiritual lives cannot be…

  • Rev RuRu Does The Preaching Shoe Thing

    PeaceBang
    31 Aug 2010 | 2:59 pm
    Rev RuRu did some research on women’s shoes for the pulpit. They’re all fine, I guess, except that to wear any of them would kill me in my soul. But that’s just me. God knows I’d rather see my colleagues in a nice, solid loafer than Bierkenstocks or black sneakers or whatever other atrocities I’ve witnessed walking down the sanctuary aisle in my time. Those Fluevogs are very comfortable but far too stylin’ for most settings, I should think. I mean, there’s stylish and then there’s distractingly stylish. I also must say that I prefer a nice…

  • It Has To Be Said: Rant On The Faux-Beatific, Ultra R.C.* Rev.

    PeaceBang
    31 Aug 2010 | 2:18 pm
    Oh boy, howdy. Please, please don’t take yourselves so seriously, okay? Chickens, let’s always remember that our seminary experience is so deep and intense and ALL ABOUT US and our fascination with our fascinating call to the mysterious God’s fascinating ministry. And once you graduate, no one cares. Trust me. Yes, it’s a calling and it’s deep and you need to stay deep and spiritually connected and all that. That’s true. But sweet Jesus, if you stay as fascinated with yourself as seminary and the formation period require you to be, you will be a wicked pain…

  • DBT (Dedicated Body Time)

    PeaceBang
    31 Aug 2010 | 11:09 am
    Does the word “exercise” just make you mad? Does the term “work-out” make you want to burrow under your covers and never come out except for meals of buffalo wings and chocolate? I get that way, too. And no, I don’t want to take a walk with you, thanks for asking, because I am nervous that I’ll get out of breath while we’re talking and walking and I don’t like that feeling. I like to walk by myself and look at the trees and think of nothing or whatever I want, and watch my dog sniff stuff. I know — God, we’ve all heard it a billion…
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    Maxi Cane

  • Fucking Rose of Tralee

    Maxi
    24 Aug 2010 | 2:53 pm
    This time of year when Ireland stands up and whores itself out for anyone who buys into the diddly aye culture that every modern Irish person shudders about. “Look at the lovely American girl singing or reciting poetry in a bid to be called the lovliest girl in the land” Get ta fuck. And as if that wasn’t enough this year we have Daithí “Horse and cart of a cunt” O’Shea. I take a lot of flack about degrading women both here and over on Boob.ie, but holy fuck sticks, how can anyone watch this “competition” and think it’s anything other…

  • I’ve a pain in me hole

    Maxi
    18 Aug 2010 | 9:11 am
    I’ve a pain in me hole with people not doing what they’re being paid to do. This is why. As you may or may not know I work in the aptly named Hospitality industry.  If I deliver a steak that isn’t cooked the way it was requested, it’ll be sent back.  By the more cuntish of customer, it’ll be sent back along with a mouthful of abuse. If I don’t pick up the phone before the fourth ring, the customer then greets me with a snarky “Well thanks for finally deciding to answer the phone”. Or if I accidentally book someone into room 212 instead of 211…

  • To whom may give a bollox

    Maxi
    17 Aug 2010 | 4:04 am
    Been rather busy this last while.  That line seems to be a constant in the last few poor attempts to keep this here blog going, but still.  Tis the truth. Aside from Boob.ie I’ve been asked to take part in a super secret project that will have me travelling between LA and London.  Yeah baby. But I won’t reveal details until it’s worth talking about. I’ve also just opened my feed reader for the first time in about 3 months.  Not as much there as I expected, so maybe I’m not the only one letting their blog slide a bit. Onto the more filthy side of this blog…

  • Backtracking

    Maxi
    13 Jul 2010 | 2:02 pm
    I’m trying to figure out what has me in this state. Never before have such sounds emanated from within with such enthusiasm. It could have been the new kebab house that opened up, but I’ve tried their stuff before and it hasn’t had that affect on me before. It could have been the curried beans on cheesy toast I had, but nothing there spells disaster to me. Then again it could have been the raw chicken breast I licked after having if shmeared all over my nut sack because a customer had sent their meal back for the third time and I wanted some revenge. Funnily enough they then…

  • Ahfuckit

    Maxi
    8 Jul 2010 | 11:21 am
    I had something to say.  Something to blog about and now it’s gone. What was it? What was it? It was just there, oh wait! Nope, gone again. Someone remind me….
 
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    The Turkey Sandwich Report

  • Smiling Moose Deli Rolls Out the Red Carpet for the Turkey Sandwich Report

    Neal
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:44 pm
    Being a Turkey Sandwich “insider” has its perks.  For example, on a fairly regular basis, I’m invited to power lunches with some of the movers and shakers of the sandwich and/or deli industry.  This past week, the guys at Smiling Moose Deli, invited me to stop by their Colorado Blvd store for a few sandwiches and a chat. Big props to these guys – they know how to treat a VIP such as yours truly.  First of all, they had a rock start parking space waiting for me – which is a big deal at this location.  (take note of the silver Camry on the right) Secondly, the…

  • For Sale: Tat’s Frequent Feeder Card with Seven Stamps

    Neal
    20 Aug 2010 | 7:56 pm
    FOR SALE: A Tat’s East Coast Deli Frequent Feeder Card with 7 stamps on it. I no longer live in Seattle, so it looks like I’m not going to be able to fill out the remaining 3 stamps to qualify for the free sandwich. To get your free sandwich at Tat’s, you have two options: 1) Buy this card from me for $2.50 and buy three more sandwiches and get a stamp each time. 2) If you have a card with 3 or more stamps on it already, you’re good to go for a free sandwich. If you think about it, I’m really giving you about $50 worth of work for $2.50.  That’s a good…

  • Dumping your sandwiches like a pile of shit doesn’t make me want to eat them

    Neal
    12 Aug 2010 | 3:12 pm
    This edition of the Turkey Sandwich Report serves a dual purpose: It’s about sandwiches It’s about marketing – which I discuss in my other blog: youcantbuythat.com Apparently Jimmy Johns wants to celebrate their 1000th store opening, so they gave away 1000 sandwiches to an unsuspecting consumer.  So Jimmy John himself pulled up to an apartment complex in Tampa and dumped 1000 sandwiches.  Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxDlkOFbsHM I see a couple problems: Dumping 1000 sandwiches out of a dump truck is reminiscent of dumping a big ol’ pile of shit. The…

  • I’m leaving Seattle and I may not get my free sandwich from Tat’s

    Neal
    8 Aug 2010 | 7:54 pm
    My time in Seattle is coming to an end.  After working up here for the last 14 months, I’m heading back home to Denver. Mendelson’s, I’ll be there soon. For the last 14 months I have been carrying around what I like to call a “frequent feeder” card from Tat’s Delicatessen.  When you buy 10, you get one for free.  As you can see, I have seven stamps.  I need three more and I’m here for one more week. Ok, yea, there’s plenty of time to get three more stamps.  But there are also a few places I would like to hit before I go.  The Paseo is one…

  • The Husky Delicatessen

    Neal
    31 Jul 2010 | 10:25 pm
    Husky Delicatessen B/W, originally uploaded by nealdstewart. The Husky Delicatessen is a bit of an institution here in West Seattle. As they say, “it feels like it’s from days gone by.” Along with the deli, they sell ice cream have a nice selection of beer and non-alc drinks and sell what appears to be a shit load of specialty condiments. I’ve been meaning to get my ass over there for a Turkey Sandwich because everyone talks it up so much. I would have visited the Husky Delicatessen sooner, but there are two reasons why I didn’t: 1. I have to walk up a giant hill…
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    The Hunters Wife

  • The Woodsy Manly Bow Hunter

    Jody Narantic
    9 Aug 2010 | 4:42 am
    Yesterday I spent the day with friends while my husband shopped for a new bow for hunting season.  My day was an emotionally exhausting one, so when I got home last night my husband briefly mentioned he did purchase a new bow and did a little practice shooting in the backyard. After not having very much sleep and having a dog that needed to go out at 5:00 a.m. this morning, all I can say is this scared the ____ out of me… Because… 1.  We live in the city. 2.  I’ve only seen one deer running down the street since we lived here. 3.  We have a fenced in yard. So a 5:00 a.m.

  • Why A Beagle Made Me Feel 16 Again

    Jody Narantic
    5 Aug 2010 | 7:08 am
    Over the past couple of months, my Dad has been in and out of the hospital. Some good days and some touch and go bad days. During one of his stays at the hospital, my Dad was in ICU and just waking from being out of it for days. My older sister was sitting on one side of his hospital bed, while my younger sister sat on the other. Lucky for me I was standing at the foot of the bed where my Dad would focus first trying to say something … Dad: (*&*()_ Oh no: What? Dad: *()&*^ The 16 year old about to get yelled at: Dad, I can’t hear you. Dad: Bring my dog up here. OH MY DOG…

  • Smoked Chicken Legs

    Jody Narantic
    4 Aug 2010 | 4:10 am
    Yummy chicken legs! Over the weekend we smoked chicken legs in our smoker. Eww raw chicken legs. And blurry yellow picture. Sorry! And half dead plant. The cook of the family… Chef Barbie (The barbeque master) Yummy chicken legs. I’d post the recipe for ya’ll but .. well .. I never pay attention. Because .. well .. a) My husband is the cook in the family and b) My husband is the cook in the family. And I burn stuff. Or never cook it long enough. Or I’d forget to turn the smoker on. And burn my finger. All I know is he marinated the legs overnight in whatever he could…

  • Nature Walks, Rock Stars & A Bike Trail Bench

    Jody Narantic
    3 Aug 2010 | 12:18 pm
    I’ll be the first to admit – my bike trail, the one a few steps from my backyard,  hasn’t seen so much of me as it has these past couple of summer months.  Not because I’m working off the cupcakes but because … Auntie Jojo, can we please go for a nature walk? Bouncing around like cute little girls do. And after trying my hardest to ignore cute-bouncy-girl and nature walks, one not so nice stomping child needed a nap … Which had nothing to do with ignoring cute-bouncy-girl for as long as I did hoping I could sit quietly in the backyard with my feet up.

  • Floater Frog

    Jody Narantic
    29 Jul 2010 | 4:46 am
    While I was off on my mental break, my husband worked 5 – 18 hour shifts.  Which meant I was left home alone to attend to all the household chores.  By myself. Just me.  In charge. Which included any manly chores as well. Thankfully Meier’s Landscaping was in charge of maintaining the grass cutting but everything else was of up to me.   Watering, cleaning, laundry, shoe smacking spiders, etc. On one of the “I’m home alone woot woot” days, I spent a couple hours outside watering the grass and flowers, cleaning the patio furniture and filling the pond with…
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    My Mom is a Fob

  • Teaching to Tax

    mmiaf
    28 Aug 2010 | 9:10 pm

  • 23 Aug 2010 | 11:00 am

    mmiaf
    23 Aug 2010 | 11:00 am
    My mom is trying to set me up with a stranger she met on the street. This is the e-mail she sent me:

  • A View of Her Tongs

    mmiaf
    18 Aug 2010 | 1:58 pm
    I was walking downstairs to the subway when a crosswind blew up my dress. I texted my sister to tell her about the free show I just gave everyone behind me, and she passed the story to my mom, who said, “I hope she’s not wearing tongs!”

  • Flight 10-pc Chicken Is Now Boarding

    mmiaf
    6 Aug 2010 | 9:04 am
    Mom: When you buying your ticket to Shanghai? Me: Soon. Mom: OK, make sure you fly from the airport… KFC airport. Me: You mean JFK?

  • Life Is Up and Down

    mmiaf
    29 Jul 2010 | 10:55 am
    I got this email from my mom right after Mother’s Day. Some stuff had happened that weekend that got to me, and I guess my mom could sense it. I think, this is more sentimental than anything, but wanted to share (even if was from a while back ago). I like letting you know, every time when you have any problem or difficulty, your are not alone, you could call us any time or just come home and talk with us, some time life is up and down, happiness and sadness, we are always behind you, supporting you, that is what family value stand for… Also, yesterday in Angie’s wedding I…
 
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    Comedy Videos

  • martin

    2 Sep 2010 | 12:12 am
    martinAuthor: LDUBBKeywords: martin Added: Thu, 02 Sep 2010 07:12:09 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com

  • martin

    2 Sep 2010 | 12:10 am
    martinAuthor: LDUBBKeywords: martin Added: Thu, 02 Sep 2010 07:10:45 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com

  • Timeless Wisdom in Famous Food Quotes

    1 Sep 2010 | 3:40 pm
    http://www.WOWContentClub.com A funny video of witty food sayings and culinary wisdom. These lighthearted cooking tips will make you laugh, smile and think and are bound to bring a little light into your day!Author: sschelum44Keywords: food wisdom food tips food advice food about food sayings eating tips cooking tips healthy eating tips Added: Wed, 01 Sep 2010 22:40:01 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com

  • Hard Cash Hijack - Generate Crazy Traffic

    1 Sep 2010 | 2:32 pm
    http://hardcashhijackinfo.net Read my story of how I went from having the last few dollars in my wallet to a 5 figure income every month! Visit my website for Hard Cash Hijack, where I reveal the secret to a successful home business - allowing average people to make money online, for real.Author: socrhmnjbaKeywords: hard cash hijack hard cash hijack review cash virus hard money hijack hard cash virus home business make money make money online Added: Wed, 01 Sep 2010 21:32:47 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com

  • Timeless Wisdom in How To Lose Weight Quotes

    1 Sep 2010 | 2:26 pm
    http://www.WOWContentClub.com A funny video of inspirational weight loss wisdom. These lighthearted diet tips will make you laugh, smile and think and are bound to bring a little light into your day!Author: sschelum44Keywords: healthy weight loss weight loss about dieting tips diet and nutrition dieting and weight loss weight quotes weight loss eat Added: Wed, 01 Sep 2010 21:26:54 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com
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    The Junk Drawer

  • Where to Find Big Girl Panties

    Kathy
    26 Aug 2010 | 5:22 pm
    So you know how you get so busy and you need underwear, but never have time to drive to Wal-mart and you hate it there anyway because you have to park five miles from the store, then walk three more to find anything, so you hope that they sell them in your grocery store, only to be disappointed that they just sell socks and you think it’d be a fine idea to sell underwear right next to the toothpaste because they’re a convenience item, really, and it’s not like you have to try them on or anything? Oh. Just me? Well, in case you ever find yourself too busy to shop for…

  • A What’s That Winner!

    Kathy
    22 Aug 2010 | 1:26 pm
    We have a winner for the What’s That Wednesday contest. The object in question is a brake for the turntable on a 103-year-old Victrola gramophone. After some serious consideration, I decided to award two people because they each guessed so close to perfect, just a little bit off on the function of the piece. Mo, via Babs Beetle, nailed the gramophone part and so that gets her the win. However, she said the metal piece is “the switch that makes it spin.” Although the piece does affect spin, it’s not what makes it spin. The hand crank on the side of the unit does that.

  • What’s That Wednesday

    Kathy
    18 Aug 2010 | 3:31 am
    UPDATE: See additional photo below! Like always, I hope that today’s What’s That item is hard enough to make your head hurt, but not so hard that no one gets it. How to play: 1. The photo shows a small portion of a larger object. 2. First person to guess the object wins a Junk Drawer magnet and your choice of bacon bandaids, chocolate chip cookie soap or toasted Post-it notes. Item Info: 1. This item is rather old. 2. It is not mine. 3. It’s very cool. What’s that? Since no one got it yet, here’s another picture. Same part of the object, different angle, more…

  • The Copier’s Over Here Next to the Irony

    Kathy
    12 Aug 2010 | 9:26 am
    This morning at work I took an elevator to a lab I’m responsible for maintaining. Two service workers from a copier rental place got on-board with me. They asked if I worked in the building. “Yep. What’cha need?” “We’re here to pick up a copier in Room 61.” “Oh, that’s great. I’m headed down to Room 51 myself. I’ll take you to the room.” We arrived at the pickup location and I unlocked the door for them. Inside was a giant copier on wheels, the kind that can do every task imaginable in addition to copying. The guys checked the serial number to make sure it was the…

  • I Lost My Writing Mojo

    Kathy
    8 Aug 2010 | 7:27 am
    I have lost my writing mojo. I checked the couch cushions, the garage, under my car seats and in that desk drawer that always sticks. It mustn’t be here. If anyone finds it, please send me an email and I’ll come pick it up. Or, if you live too far, I’ll pay for postage. It does not have to go in a bubble wrap lined envelope, but it does have to be a large envelope. Say, 12″ by 15.5″. Oh, and if you see it, be nice to it on approach. Use a calm voice so it doesn’t escape. Maybe offer it some bacon. It responds to “Mojo,” “Chops,” or…
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    I Do Things So You Don't Have To

  • I Went to a Polish Wedding Reception so you don’t have to

    JD
    28 Aug 2010 | 7:42 am
    Hey, little sister, shot gun! Yes, in my version of a Polish wedding, I get to marry Gabriel Byrne while Claire Danes looks on in confusion. But this wasn’t my wedding.  Hell, we didn’t even GO to the wedding, because the deal was: wedding at 11:30, reception at 6:30, at a venue far, far away in another galaxy. We would have had to find something to do in between the wedding and the reception because, as Dave so poignantly said, “If we go home after the wedding, I’m not going back.” So we chose the reception, but only after we were promised rare Meats of the…

  • I Got Covered in Tar so you don’t have to

    JD
    17 Aug 2010 | 6:50 am
    Su-su-sushi don’t you cry Take you to the sushi bar and buy you some Fillet and claw Clam and tuna Gonna eat it raw So then there was that time I was covered in tar. The end. Oh, you want details. Well, you would. Listen, y’all can get covered in tar all by yourselves. You don’t need me to do it! Here’s how it works: Park your car 8 blocks from the sushi place because you’re always afraid you won’t find a closer parking space and you’ll end up circling endlessly while your sushi sits there getting stale. Walk 7 blocks in broiling heat. Encounter a large…

  • Some Lady Removes a Skin Tag so you (and I) don’t have to

    JD
    12 Aug 2010 | 6:17 am
    Better watch out for the skin tag 0 o o o o o o WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO WEE-OOO FIRST-EVER GUEST POST AT I DO THINGS! My policy on guest posts has always been a big selfish NO! because it’s my blog and get your own blog. But then this poor soul reached out to me and said, “Wise JD, your readers — and by extension, the world — need to know how to remove a skin tag.” Well, guess what? I am never going to remove a skin tag in my life, so why not let “Some Lady” tell us how? Enjoy! Tag — You’re It! OK, so you know how…

  • I Take Muscle Relaxerrsssss

    JD
    9 Aug 2010 | 5:38 am
    There is no pain you are receding A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon The battle against chronic pain continues! And I WILL win. But not without a few casualties. Those casualties, unfortunately, will be me. Only in singular. Casualty. Last week my doctor sat at her computer with her handy book, What Pills HASN’T JD Taken? at her side. She came up with a duo of pharmaceuticals that would beat my back and hip pain into submission. She shook her tiny clenched fists in the air. “This is going to work!” But then she paused and added darkly, “But at what…

  • I Create (and Eat) The Strandwich!

    JD
    30 Jul 2010 | 7:51 am
    Always got a mouthful of such sweet things to say Chewy’s full of sugar and I love her that way This post was supposed to be about that mythical unicorn of the Sandwich World: The Candwich! It’s a sandwich . . . in a can! And I’m sorry to tell you that one of the flavors is BBQ Chicken. My peeps, you KNOW ol’ JD would eat a Candwich so you don’t have to, but there’s one problem (apart from the fact that I don’t feel like throwing up today): The Candwich is not available for public consumption. So why is everyone from Stephen Colbert to Gizmodo to…
 
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    Cup of Snarky

  • Ruth Kanner in Tel Aviv

    admin
    27 Aug 2010 | 1:10 pm
    The nature of the city Tel Aviv is one that inspires sensation. It is energetic and exciting, can move at a very fast pace, and there are always a number of things to do on any given evening. Evenings often turn to early mornings suddenly, and seeing the sun come up while dancing all night is a sure sign that one has been living in the moment. People return to their Tel Aviv hotels , and rest up in order to do it all over again. There’s always more. Yet it’s got a very profound double nature. While there is the thrill of living in the moment, there is also a very strong cultural…

  • Florida Super Hero

    admin
    24 Aug 2010 | 1:10 pm
    There are many who claim that this modern age is one that’s sadly bereft of heroes. It may be that those who claim it are simply not looking in the right place. There are heroes here and there, and to really understand the nature of heroism, one would probably need to travel the world, and take great pains to look at all the good work that people are doing. When that’s not an option, one can just start with Florida. The land of five star Florida hotels , great clubs, and a vibrant social scene also has it going on when it comes to heroes. This isn’t just a regular hero, who…

  • Travel Insurance for Work or Study

    admin
    20 Aug 2010 | 1:10 pm
    There are many careers that require people to travel out of their country for extended periods of time and on a regular basis. Archeologists are great example of this and various performers and entertainers as well as writers and athletes can also find themselves in this work structure. These are great examples of people who need visitors insurance on a regular basis and fortunately for them and others there are policies that will serve their needs and cater to their situations. Travel insurance policies are available in various structures and for different travel plans and needs. Some…

  • Building a Better Tape Measure

    admin
    17 Aug 2010 | 1:10 pm
    Some people used to say that the secret of success was to build a better mousetrap . Contained in that saying was the idea that the best mousetraps had already been developed; however, if you could find a way to improve upon it, others would want it. Success was guaranteed, but unlikely. The same might be said of the tape measure . After centuries of measuring things with our feet or the length of an arm or a stick of wood, tape measures must have been seen as quite an improvement. The first company to manufacture steel tape measures in the United States was Justus Roe & Sons, in the…

  • Children’s Furniture and the Future

    admin
    11 Aug 2010 | 1:10 pm
    When the future’s at stake, it’s a whole lot easier to make the essential decisions. Making choices for healthy eating, additions to make for a healthier home, and creating an atmosphere that promotes nurturing are really essential to making the important choices in life. The same principles are at work when it comes to childrens furniture . It really is an act that has implications for the future. Finding the perfect things to make a children’s room inviting, stimulating and relaxing can be enormously rewarding. These decisions to help to create the perfect mood, and there…
 
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    Best Clean Funny Jokes

  • I’ve broken my arm in several places

    traymond
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:44 pm
    A man walked into the doctor’s office.  When he finally got to see the doctor, he told him, “I’ve broken my arm in three different places”. The doctor said, “I’d avoid those places if I were you!”

  • More funny signs

    traymond
    31 Aug 2010 | 11:53 pm
    Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council. In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or, do-it-yourself, $1. In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.

  • Funny business signs

    traymond
    30 Aug 2010 | 9:44 pm
    Funny business signs: in a office building bathroom:’toilet out of order please use floor below In an office kitchen:’After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board’ in a gas station:’will sell petrol to anyone in a glass container’ Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain. Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people. In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light…

  • What do you suggest now?

    traymond
    30 Aug 2010 | 12:16 am
    Red Skelton: You told that if he doesn’t leave town, we’ll both be killed, didn’t you? Rod O’Connor: Yes, I told him, but he won’t go. Red Skelton: What do you suggest now? Rod O’Connor: I don’t know—Prudential and Metropolitan are both good.

  • Clawed by a bear

    traymond
    29 Aug 2010 | 12:14 am
    Rod O’Connor: It looks like you had trouble doing your income tax. Red Skelton: I was clawed by a bear! Rod O’Connor: What’s the difference?
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    Base Camp Legends

  • Dancing With a Skunk

    Gary Sorenson
    19 Aug 2010 | 7:10 pm
    Four months out of the year I have hunting stories to tell, but it seems like the other eight months in the year I’m telling ‘morning walk’ stories.  Sometimes I think I see more wildlife on these morning walks then I do when I’m hunting.  But then again, all the animals I see in the mornings are either not edible or huntible as a lot of the property I walk along has these little signs on the fences that say ‘No Hunting’.  I thoroughly enjoy my time on these hikes though. Yesterday was one of those red letter days when the stars were either aligned or…

  • LimbSaver Stabilizer Module Node – 1.3″

    Tom Sorenson
    12 Aug 2010 | 5:11 pm
    This is a single stabilizer module that uses the popular Sims technology for noise and vibration dampening. You may stack these modules together to change the length of your stabilizer. Each individual module is 1.3″ long and weighs 2.33 oz. Price: $31.99 We're Sorry

  • Bow Camera Mount

    Tom Sorenson
    9 Aug 2010 | 9:56 pm
    Most Versatile Camera Bow Mount – Self Record Your Next Hunt! The  InsaneArcheryTM Camera Bow Mount was designed to provide unparalleled versatility. With a host of unique features, this mount excels were other have failed. By incorporating a simple yet flexible design, this product can be easily installed on almost ANY bow, including crossbows! After nearly 6 months of design and field testing, the  InsaneArcheryTM Camera Bow Mount is ready to record your next hunting adventure. Weighs just 2.8 oz.   Price: $39.95 We're Sorry

  • Trophy Ridge Firewire v5 Sight

    Tom Sorenson
    9 Aug 2010 | 5:05 pm
    *LIGHTWEIGHT, RUGGED HOUSING – COMPOSITE *18″ of .019 FIBER OPTIC FOR EACH PIN *METAL INJECTION MOLDED (MIM) STEEL PINS *NO-SNAG FIBER ROUTING SYSTEM INDIVIDUAL FIBER CHANNEL KEEPS OPTICS OUT OF HARM’S WAY *CONTRAST GLO RING WITH SPECTRAL DISTRIBUTION TECHNOLOGY HELPS YOU EFFORTLESSLY ALIGN THE PEEP TO THE SIGHT RING *TIC PINS *REFERENCE MARKS *SIGHT LEVEL WITH THIRD AXIS ADJUSTABILITY Free Shipping   Price: $89.95 Out of stock We're Sorry

  • Trophy Ridge Hit-Man 7 Micro

    Tom Sorenson
    9 Aug 2010 | 5:05 pm
    Take the innovative front fiber optic ring from the popular Alpha and Fire Wire Series sights – add it to a setup that’s both simple and ultra-rugged, and you’ve got simplicity at its brightest. *LIGHTWEIGHT, RUGGED ALUMINUM HOUSING *MICRO-ADJUSTMENT REDUCES TIME SIGHTING-IN, INCREASING TIME IN THE FIELD *ZERO PIN GAP SPACING *DESIGNED FOR USE WITH LEFT AND RIGHT HAND BOWS *12″ of .019 FIBER OPTIC FOR EACH PIN *CONTRAST GLO RING *SIGHT LEVEL WITH THIRD AXIS ADJUSTABILITY Free Shipping  Price: $102.97 We're Sorry
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    Julian Kross

  • The iPad did what man could not

    NormandLi79
    20 Aug 2010 | 6:39 am
    This morning I was eating breakfast in my local BBQ joint because none of the women in my life have ventured to the grocery store in the last couple weeks (don’t judge me, I’ve been busy).  The first part of the meal went as it normally does, drinking coffee, checking email, ignoring everyone else in the building that isn’t bringing me food.  About 10 minutes in, the regular breakfast table of the local crew of grumpy old fucks stately retirees suddenly got much louder than normal.  These guys argue every morning (most meals end with them agreeing they hate each other) but today it…

  • A Week to Remember

    NormandLi79
    11 May 2010 | 2:10 pm
    Even today I'd rather bang the one on the right When our children check the history books for this week in 2010 they will find two entries the world will never forget.  The legendary and talented Lena Horne died at age 92, and Teri Hatcher (that old actress who showed her tits in Tango and Cash) launched an advice blog for women.  Lena Horne was one of the greatest singers and actresses of all time.  Terry Hatcher quit college because she got a bit part on The Love Boat.  Ms. Horne lived thru the Great Depression, graduated college, and succeeded in her career despite over 60 years of…

  • I’ve been gone a while, but I’m back now

    Julian Kross
    26 Apr 2010 | 4:14 pm
    Sorry for the long break from the blog. I’ve been working on some projects and basically decided you fuckers would be here when I got back. Looks like I was right. I’ll update more later this week but for now, here’s a peak at one of the projects. Short film coming soon.

  • Who do we think we’re kidding?

    NormandLi79
    12 Mar 2010 | 1:23 pm
    I was going to insert pictures into this post but they wouldn’t fit.  You’re about to find out why. On his show Monday, Howard Stern “attacked” Precious actress Gabourey Sidibe by saying “There’s the most enormous, fat black chick I’ve ever seen. She is enormous. Everyone’s pretending she’s a part of show business and she’s never going to be in another movie.”  Apparently attack means pointing out the facts because that’s kinda what he did.  Stern lives in a bubble made of cash so this probably is the fattest black…

  • You were right George, sometimes rape is funny

    NormandLi79
    11 Feb 2010 | 7:33 am
    It should be noted for any racists that may be reading this, this puppy was white.  I think we’ve all learned something here.  Carry on.
 
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    The Daily Blonde

  • I Am an Elitist: You Are an AssHat

    The Daily Blonde
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:23 pm
    I’ve been called many names in my forty-seven years, but today I was given a new moniker: ‘Elitist’ I was given that name on Facebook, no less. You know, that friendly place where people become ballsy and post judgements about people they’ve never met? Let me pause for a moment so I can grab an oxygen mask…I’m still laughing. I will eventually explain in this post how this came about… Actually, I wasn’t called an elitist per se….I was told I would do myself a favor if I ‘didn’t flaunt an elitist attitude.’ Still laughing.

  • Mirrors

    The Daily Blonde
    25 Aug 2010 | 8:05 pm
    For 23 years I have been a bottled blond. There are times, like today, where I have mid-life moments that just scream for change. Today, as I cleaned a blob of toothpaste out of the bathroom sink (that is apparently only visible to me), I looked in the mirror and thought, “Eh. I’m so sick of you blond.” I went back to scrubbing the sink but the mirror kept grabbing my attention. I quickly went from obsessing over changing my hair color to zeroing in on a few lines that have taken up residence around my eyes. I think they call those “fine lines” on commercials.

  • Plungers

    The Daily Blonde
    17 Aug 2010 | 10:07 am
    Low flow toilets and my boys don’t mix. Raising three girls and two boys has shed some light on the marked differences in their genders. One is the toilet and the excessive use of toilet paper. Not only did it take longer to get my oldest son potty trained way back when (he was very poop possessive), now it seems that I just can’t express the fact that using an entire roll of toilet paper for one…er….crap session in the bathroom is a disaster in the making. Now, I’m not calling Zach out as the sole issue with the occasional overflowing toilet issue, but…

  • Breaking Up

    The Daily Blonde
    14 Aug 2010 | 8:26 am
    Last month I wrote a blog post that included a line about my loss of love for Twitter. I promised to follow-up on that and a month later, I remembered. All of this might be linked to an apparent mid-life crisis I’m going through (more on that in a future blog post…when I remember) or menopause. Or just aging in general. Forgetfulness, losing love for things, not liking the taste of chocolate (gasp!) and not giving a bleep about social media indicates that changes are happening. A year ago I tweeted out what I was eating, when I was doing my laundry, and wise-ass comments about my…

  • Nothing

    The Daily Blonde
    31 Jul 2010 | 7:12 pm
    Have you ever started a blog post and deleted it over…and over…and over again? That just happened. It’s rare that I struggle for something to say, but it happens. So, let me start again…. Eh….first idea…not that witty. Delete. Begin writing a sentence that makes no sense. Not that I ever make much sense. Delete. Have a glass of water. Start again. Nothing. Fingers on the keyboard. Nothing happening. 10pm on Saturday night. That’s it: 10pm on Saturday night, nothing happening. Share this on del.icio.usDigg this!Share this on RedditStumble upon…
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    I Hate My Message Board

  • Sunday Afternoon Link Up

    Tracy
    22 Aug 2010 | 10:01 am
    Ferns unfurling in my back yard last spring I skipped last weekend but that’s okay. Everyone was too busy having fun to think of reading a link up, right? Lots of stuff going on here, all my kids are now back to school except my oldest who will be flying back to his father’s home this week. I’m working with my friend David Wright, aka Blogger Dad, on a redesign of I Hate My Message Board. After putting a lot of thought into it, I’ve decided to narrow the focus of this blog to just food related topics since those are by far my most popular posts. I will still be doing…

  • Here, have some deformed corn

    Tracy
    18 Aug 2010 | 10:54 am
    Or, who says nature is perfect? Deformed corn - is this how baby corn is made? IMPORTANT! If you are here from Google having searched for information about your toe corns I am afraid I can’t help you but I do wish you a safe and speedy recovery! You too bunion and hammertoe sufferers! One day Google will figure out that I can’t help anyone, much less those suffering from valid afflictions and will remove me from their search results. Until then, it’s hardly my fault that deformed corns are a vegetable and a foot problem. Anyway, this deformed corn kind of freaked me out. You…

  • If you’re looking for…

    Tracy
    14 Aug 2010 | 1:15 pm
    Or, mid August during a heat wave is the perfect time to just post my Google Analytics If you really care to see this you could click to enlarge it beef cheek smell what color is your poop after c section and what color addicted to japanese things addicted to pooping in weird places addicted to pork rinds awesome things to be addicted to asian drink sweat babys poop color reference chart benny mardones creepy best egg substitute recommended by famous cooks black itchy spot inside ear black spots with holes inside your ear can humans eat chicken bones? color chart of healthy people poop birds…

  • Sunday Afternoon Link Up

    Tracy
    8 Aug 2010 | 12:11 pm
    Or, celebrate with me for tomorrow is the first day of school Picture of a house we didn't buy last year. Now you tell me, even if you weren't able to fix that water damage wouldn't you take the pom pom off the dang mask before you started showing the house? For those curious, yeah I do just pick random photos from my albums for these link ups. Why not? Somebody has to look at them and it might as well be you. I want to start this week’s round up by asking a small favor of all my readers that use Facebook. My children’s kindergarten and elementary school have gathering…

  • Cheap Eats: Omurice

    Tracy
    4 Aug 2010 | 12:39 pm
    Or fried rice wrapped up in an omelet just like my mom used to make Om Rice topped with Sriracha and Ketchup Cheap eats, like this omurice are my new passion. It reminds me of all the wonderfully frugal meals my mother would make for us back before my parent’s salary stretched to T-bone steaks. Since I began writing on personal finance for Money Ning and HealthCompare Guide, I’m even more committed to making the best food possible without spending an exorbitant amount. As far as cheap eats go, it’s hard to beat fried rice wrapped in an omelet, otherwise known as omurice. Up…
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    wineandexcrement.com

  • Sweeps Week shocker planned: hubby to slaughter, butcher and eat wife on ‘Man Woman Wild’

    Sisyphus
    2 Sep 2010 | 7:47 am
    SILVER SPRING, Md. – Discovery Channel, which airs the tasteless show “Man Woman Wild,” today gave away the surprise plot twist planned for the program during Fall Sweeps. The network confirmed that Mykel Hawke, the bizarrely spelled star of the fledgling reality show, will take his survival skills to a new level by cannibalizing his wife Ruth in the season finale. Hawke, who became a survival expert when serving in an unnamed branch of the Special Forces rumored to be the Park Rangers, now pairs up with Ruth, a former TV journalist, to star on the show, which premiered on July 16. In…

  • Obama considers resigning presidency to host show on The Travel Channel

    Zelos
    31 Aug 2010 | 1:24 pm
    Exclusive! Obama fliming a screen test of potential Travel Channel show White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, announced at a press briefing this morning that President Obama is mulling resigning the presidency in favor of hosting his own show on The Travel Channel. “The presidency has offered the President unparalleled opportunity to explore his true passion: travel – or more specifically, vacationing,” said Gibbs. “The Travel Channel contacted him just after, what was it, vacation number four? and pitched a new show with the President as host. Obviously, the President will weigh…

  • Dennis Rodman: Conquest of 2,000 women a ‘teachable moment’ for parents

    Sisyphus
    30 Aug 2010 | 8:37 am
    MINNEAPOLIS –Tattoo aficionado and former NBA rebounding phenom Dennis “The Worm” Rodman, speaking to an unknown gossip columnist with the Minneapolis Star Tribune, unveiled a startling claim yesterday, boasting that his sexual conquests total 2,000 victims women, or nearly one tryst for every six regular-season rebounds logged during his storied career. Even more surprising was Rodman’s harsh criticism for the parents who had reared the lusty tarts. The columnist, who relies on the nom de plume “C.J.,” bashfully wrote, “I can’t even clean up the questions he wanted me to ask…

  • Lohan checks more items off her “Bucket List” of celebutard achievements

    Zelos
    24 Aug 2010 | 7:29 pm
    Drug arrest? Check. Rehab? Check. Probation violation? Check. Jail time? Check. With a speed and ease that Hollywood insiders are calling “astonishing” and “record-setting,” Lindsay Lohan has been dutifully checking off items on her own celebrity bad-girl to-do list, or “bucket list.” A bucket list is a list of goals a person hopes to accomplish before he dies, or “kicks the bucket.” The phrase was popularized by a trite and predictable movie starring Fred Sandford Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholas. Lindsay Lohan, seen after crossing off number 23 of her bucket list:…

  • Pelosi alleges conspiracy by “all Americans” to thwart her poll numbers

    Zelos
    18 Aug 2010 | 11:56 am
    Only hours after demanding that federal authorities investigate groups opposed to the construction of a mosque at Ground Zero in Manhattan, Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, has turned her attention to another target: namely, every American citizen. Specifically, Pelosi has leveled the charge that her falling job performance numbers are the result of well-financed naysayers who are manipulating Americans into voicing disapproval. “The President’s approval numbers are tanking, and last I checked, I think mine are in the one’s,” said Pelosi. “That alone is enough…
 
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    List Of the Day

  • "Caption This" Photo Of The Day

    Cary
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:40 am
    At Hillshire Farms, we give all our beef wieners a little pork. Your turn.

  • News Story Of The Day: Butts Arrested In Boob Murder

    Cary
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:00 am
    From CajunMan Ron and WeAreCentralPA.com. POTTER TOWNSHIP, CENTRE COUNTY - Police have arrested a third person in connection with the murder of Samuel Boob. Boob was shot and killed at his home in Potter Township, Centre County, on the morning of August 23rd, 2009. Kermit Butts, 26, of Madisonburg, is accused of driving the suspected killer to and from the crime scene on the morning of the

  • Vid of the Day: Zach & Sean

    Bev
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:39 am
    Another great installment of Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis as his "twin brother," Seth. It's just too easy to get a rise out of the ever-humorless Sean Penn, isn't it? But it sure is fun to watch. Brought to you by Speed Stick and me, Bev. .

  • WTF Commercial of the Day: Panda Cubes

    Lefty
    1 Sep 2010 | 12:53 pm
    I'm not sure what to think about this. I don't know what the product is and I don't know why the panda is so enraged. Perhaps he demands constant eye contact at all times? DO NOT MESS WITH PANDAS! Hmm. Maybe it's a PSA.-Lefty

  • Links Of The Day

    Cary
    1 Sep 2010 | 12:04 pm
    No, not Comedy.com links -- these are from me and your fellow readers, and a way to keep you occupied for the rest of the afternoon whilst I take care of other bidness. See -- I'm always thinking 1) ahead, and 2) about your well-being. Someone has to. Black + WTF? - Monochromatic weirdness from Melissa H. 7 Photo Poses That Prove You're A Douchebag - from Frank Drive-In movie ads from Elliott,
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    fracas

  • Please Help

    fracas
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:46 am
    I’ve posted an update to the post about hazing in high schools, and would really love it if you would pop back to read the update and go leave a comment at the link in the update. I’ve included a comment that appeared elsewhere online to show you exactly what I meant. Long story short (on the background)… Students in Regina (SK) got paddled with a fence board. Students who did it were suspended for a week and criminally charged. This year, school would only allow the perpetrator students back under certain conditions the parents felt were too harsh. (Seriously!)…

  • The Great Baby Laugh Off

    fracas
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:32 pm
    A long time ago, fracas posted her favorite laughing baby video, Baby Ethan. With the plethora of “best ever laughing baby” videos on YouTube, perhaps it’s time for The Great Baby Laugh Off? Watch each, and when you’re done, vote in the poll to choose your favorite. A. Baby Ethan… B. Spoon Baby… C. Baby really means it… D. Better than a lolcat baby… View This Pollonline survey

  • These Are Your Balls… In a Box!

    fracas
    31 Aug 2010 | 9:23 am
    UPDATE: Like Pennies from Heaven, on Sept. 1, 2010, this story (http://communities.canada.com/reginaleaderpost/blogs/bestfromthenewsroom/archive/2010/09/01/campbell-collegiate-teens-accused-of-hazing-challenge-school-division-s-actions.aspx) about the aftermath of a paddling incident at Campbell Collegiate appeared in the Regina Leader Post, and the comment in response to it is a perfect example of why in this day and age, incidents like this still happen. The comment: im pretty sure 90% of the students at campbell have been paddled and humiliated themselves at some point but they didnt file…

  • He Broke The Internet Again?

    fracas
    30 Aug 2010 | 9:41 am
    Being away recently, in the course of trying to catch up with what’s been happening at the blogs of some of you fraccers out there, fracas was alarmed at the mayhem that seems to have taken over in her absence. Over at fraccy sis’s place, the conversation has become udderly mind boggling. Of course… it should be noted that a certain someone seems to have a hand in it. Not surprising… but at least we should be grateful it’s only a hand, given that he seems to be missing other (less desireable) parts. I popped in at John’s and, noticing one of his latest…
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    English Russia

  • So Similar, But So Different

    Sometimes only one figure may mean an absolutely different destiny! See yourself. read more..

  • Playing Cards - Ukrainian Style

    A Ukrainian artist Vladislav Erko has made a unique pack of cards with authentic Ukrainian queens-witches and jacks-hetmans. Some critics say that they have been influenced by the books of Paulo Coelho, because Erko had been the artist who illustrated them too. read more..

  • Residential Complexes of Moscow

    Look at the Moscow's outskirts and their residential compounds inside this post. read more..

  • Ads On the Asphalt

    Due to morbid predilection of the Moscow owners of small business to mark their establishments with paint on the asphalt, now the entire capital of Russia, especially its center, looks spotty. However, they don't do it openly, cause it's forbidden, they take a bottomless package, hide a spray and a stencil inside and, if necessary, they paint right in a package. read more..

  • Life In the Provinces

    Here is a collection of impressive black and white photographs of Emil Gataullin.read more..
 
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    Bizlevity

  • Hot Chicks From 90210

    Kori Ellis
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:21 am
    Today is 9/02/10 – what some are proclaiming as “90210 Day.” Though we aren’t encouraging you to run out and get the DVD set or throw a party to pay tribute to the Beverly Hills gang, we will at least show you some of the hot chicks from 90210…and we are talking about the series which ran from 1990-2000, not the modern day CW version. WENN.com Jennie Garth - Jennie played Kelly Taylor during the entire run of the show from 1990-2000. Much of the drama on the show was surrounding Brandon and Dylan battling for Kelly’s affection. WENN.com Tiffani Amber…

  • T.I. and Tiny Arrested for Drug Possession

    Kori Ellis
    2 Sep 2010 | 7:22 am
    Rapper T.I. and Tameka “Tiny” Cottle were just married in July and apparently they are doing everything as a couple now — even getting into trouble with the law. According to the TMZ, the couple were arrested together on Wednesday night in West Hollywood. The duo was reportedly arrested on drug possession charges after the police smelled marijuana coming from the car (this is becoming a recurring theme with celebrities) and pulled them over on Sunset Boulevard. After searching the vehicle, authorities found a controlled substance in the class of drugs that includes meth and…

  • 'Transformers 3' Movie Extra Seriously Injured

    Kori Ellis
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:33 am
    On Wednesday night, a movie extra on the Transformers 3 production site was seriously injured in Hammond, Indiana (a suburb outside Chicago). According to Indiana State Police, something went wrong during a stunt involving several vehicles and drivers. An object went through the windshield of one of the cars, hitting the driver. The police said in a statement that the vehicle continued going for a mile before stopping. The movie extra (name not yet released) was airlifted from the scene to a nearby hospital. Hopefully the injured man, who is suffering from a severe head injury, will be okay.

  • Video: Roger Federer Between the Legs Shot

    Stephen Kersey
    1 Sep 2010 | 7:49 pm
    Roger Federer is at it again. You’ve seen the commercial with Roger Federer talking about hitting a shot between his legs. At the 2010 US Open, Rogerer Federer again hit a shot between his legs. This latest shot is arguably even more impressive than the original. Watch the Roger Federer videos at the end of this entry to compare. The between the legs shot at the 2010 US Open was against Brian Dabul. The original was at the 2009 US Open against Novak Djokovic. When Djokovic heard that Roger Federer had done it again, he didn’t want to talk about it. Said Djokovic: “I’ve…

  • Cardinals Looking to Trade Matt Leinart

    Stephen Kersey
    1 Sep 2010 | 7:29 pm
    When Matt Leinart was drafted, he had big expectations. After starring at USC, Leinart appeared destined for NFL stardom. His shaky start with the Arizona Cardinals opened the door for Kurt Warner to take over … and Warner didn’t disappoint. However, with Warner now retired, the door opened back up for Leinart on the Cardinals. You can go ahead and close that door. Leinart has already lost his starting quarterback gig with the Cardinals. Arizona appears ready to go with Derek Anderson, the former Cleveland Browns quarterback, as the team’s new signal caller. The Cardinals…
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    Postcards from Yo Momma

  • Macho Died With Your Father

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:00 am
    Mom: I found a box in the attic full of your Dad’s Fields & Streams magazine collection. They are from 1976 through 1981 and surely are worth something, do you want them? Course some of them are missing pages because he would take these on his fishing trips and would pull pages out to use as toilet paper. He was such a macho man (sigh). Me: Mom, I don’t even know how to respond to this so I’ll just say no thanks. Mom: What? I thought his machoness was kinda hot. Me: Trust me, it’s not and no one say’s “macho” anymore. Mom: So you’re saying…

  • “Sex and Defenders”

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    30 Aug 2010 | 8:00 am
    Mom: I’ve been getting into law shows lately. Me: Which ones? Mom: Sex and Defenders. Me: ….what? Is that like some kind of warped Judge Judy? Mom: No, they investigate sex crimes.  And they go to court a lot.  There are two separate groups. Me:…you mean Law & Order: Special Victims Unit?! Mom: No.  Every episode begins with a “dun dun.” Me: Yeah, that’s Law & Order.  Here’s a youtube link of the opening. Mom: Ok, that’s the one.

  • Something to Tell the Police

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    27 Aug 2010 | 8:00 am
    Have fun at the beach!!! Please keep in touch with me, I’d like to be able to tell the police where to start looking for the body

  • Blind Date (Just as a Friend)

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    26 Aug 2010 | 6:46 am
    Dont call me crazy but a met a hispanic pastor  that is 28 and I like y to met him when y come to SA I like y to has a blind date just as a friend I like his spirit is in the right place Think about it Im going to Austin on Friday to a church during the day can we have lunch or a coffee?

  • So It’s Not the Phone?

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    25 Aug 2010 | 8:00 am
    Backstory: My mother calls. I have no voice, so I ignore the call and text her back. She responds by text. Me: Can’t talk, I have no voice. I’m sick. Mom: Don’t you have another phone? Me: It doesn’t matter, I can’t talk. I don’t have a voice. Mom: so why don’t you talk on your other phone. Me: because I have no voice. Mom: why is that phone broken too? Me: the phones are fine, I just don’t have a voice. I can’t talk. I’m sick. Mom: so it’s not the phone. Me: no. I’m sick, I have no voice. Mom: oh. hope your fever gets better.
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    Strange Herring

  • Herr Luther Is Now on Twitter

    Anthony Sacramone
    17 Aug 2010 | 8:19 am
    You may follow his tweets, or not, as your digestion sees fit. Filed under: General Strangeness

  • Of Course He Will, Unless He Doesn’t

    Anthony Sacramone
    22 Sep 2009 | 7:50 am
    Commentary for today. Actually, last week. Posted in You'd Sound Smarter if You Stopped Talking

  • It’s That Time. Oh — It’s That Time.

    Anthony Sacramone
    15 Jun 2009 | 4:26 am
    Well, as you can see, this blog has become more and more Farkish over the past few weeks. Life, the universe, and everything have been pulling me in several directions, and I just have not had the time to work up some high-quality nonsense, as is my wont. And, frankly, what started as a giggle has become a chore. And soon will become a bore. And I would end it before that day arrives. So I am off — perhaps to bring something new to your attention in due course, even something of redeeming social value. (Although, I wouldn’t count on it.) Before I go, I want to thank my cast of…

  • If One Is Born Every Minute, How Many Are Avoiding Taxes Every April 15?

    Anthony Sacramone
    13 Jun 2009 | 6:41 am
    Another false religion. Don't bite. Jim Carrey is “priest” of new Hollywood-based “religion” called GATE that preaches self-deification. I thought Hollywood had already gotten that religion. As with Scientology, follow the money. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is pronounced the winner of Iranian elections. And this surprises you because …? Never exorcise at home. Sandra Bullock hates her own movies. Oh, man … too easy … too easy … Six-thousand-year-old tombs have been found near Stonehenge. One headstone reads “Beloved father, husband, wicker…

  • Video-Game Maker Faked Christian Protest as Marketing Ploy. Ooooh. They’re Going to He-e-e-l-l-l

    Anthony Sacramone
    12 Jun 2009 | 1:15 pm
    The stupid game is called Dante’s Inferno, and its stupid creators hired a stupid marketing outfit to pull a stupid stunt to generate the attention that attaches itself to stupid religious controversies. The game company hired a group of almost 20 people to stand outside the Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles on Wednesday, the Associated Press says. The phony protesters passed out amateurish material and held signs bearing slogans such as “Trade in Your PlayStation for a PrayStation,” “Hell is not a Game” and “EA = Electronic Anti-Christ.” Holly Rockwood, an EA…
 
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    National Lampoon

  • The Jersey Shore Season 2

    NatLamp Staff
    31 Aug 2010 | 7:06 am
    The Jersey Shore Season 2 Parody: Snooky and Pauly Dee Go Back to School

  • A Little Lesson in Murray 101

    NatLamp Staff
    26 Aug 2010 | 6:59 am
    FOD has a great infographic via Online Schools about Bill Murray, and we even get a mention! Take in some little known facts about everyones favorite smartass. Via: Online School

  • Ask a FAKE Doctor: Tetanus

    natlamp
    23 Aug 2010 | 9:46 am
    By Jeff Holbrook This is Dr. J. Holbrook and I have a very pressing question for this edition of Ask a FAKE Doctor. This question leaves a personal burden over my heart. It is not something that should be taken lightly and it is very deadly. Hopefully, I will reach out and save lives due to my experience with it and my knowledge of the medical field. Question: Is it possible to get tetanus from a rubber bouncy ball? (Submitted by Tony Massa) Sadly, my response to this question has to be yes. I have heard numerous people claim that they have gotten tetanus from multiple types of objects.

  • Just A Man And A Woman, Making Dreams Come True

    natlamp
    20 Aug 2010 | 2:59 pm
    By Blake Pickens In recent years, when asked whether or not there was an upgrade from porn and prostitution, I responded that there was none and that they had wasted my time by even asking me such a stupid question.Then I would quickly apologize because I realized that my anger wasn’t really towards them, but towards myself for not knowing an answer to this pressing question.Is there an upgrade?Is there a way to achieve a higher level of satisfaction than that provided by two of the world’s most lucrative careers?There was no way that this was even possible; it just seemed absurd.Being…

  • Gervais may open branch of ‘The Office’ in China

    NatLamp Staff
    18 Aug 2010 | 10:51 am
    While reading our daily website news links on Netscape Navigator, we here at the National Lampoon came across this little nugget: Gervais may open branch of ‘The Office’ in China Now, your first question probably is, “Netscape?’ didn’t they go out of business like 12 yrs ago? I thought they did, I really, really did. Seriously, you read something on Netscape?” Well hardy har har, yes, we did, Netscape rules, now shut up. If The Office is really going to China, they should take some cues from the pilot we shot for when it was already going to Malaysia.
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    The Parody Files

  • The Good The Bad And the Ugly Photo Op

    nonamedufus
    31 Aug 2010 | 10:01 pm
    Sadly, these days our politicians live and die by – no, not their promises, policies or platitudes – their image. Today politicians are only as good as their last photo-op. Let’s see if we can illustrate what I’m talking about. Russia’s Vladimir Putin was some years ago the object of ridicule. No not a politician, you ask? Oh, yes, my naive nut cake. But today, after the advice of an image consultant and a push-up or two, Mr. Putin is an outdoorsman. Recently he was out shooting whales with a cross bow. Go Vlad. Closer to home, President Obama was caught in a bad…

  • Double Homicide on Tatooine

    Oliver Clozoff
    30 Aug 2010 | 5:40 am
    TATOOINE (Galactic Press) — Residents of the remote Outer Rim desert world Tatooine were stunned today by news of a double homicide in the quiet moisture-farming community south of Anchorhead. Imperial police reported that Owen Lars, 57, and wife Beru, 55, were found dead this afternoon in the burned wreckage of their farming homestead on County Road 32. Foul play is suspected, although investigators did not elaborate. The family’s land speeder and two ‘droids were noted missing by farm hands following the incident. Luke Skywalker, 18, nephew of the two victims, is being…

  • This Super Hero Has A Certain Appeal

    nonamedufus
    24 Aug 2010 | 10:01 pm
    News Anchor: Thank you for joining us this evening. I’m Ann Core. We take you now to Times Square in New York City where our crime reporter Drag Nett is standing by. What have you got for us Drag? Drag: Thanks Ann.  I”m here with a man dressed all in yellow, who actually looks like a banana. This man just single handedly foiled a bank hold up and turned the robbers over to police. What is your name, sir? Banana Man: Why, I’m the super hero Banana Man. Drag: Did you say Banana Man? What kind of a name is that? Banana Man: Well, my parents gave it to me. Drag: And who are…

  • My Shittiest Parody Ever

    Oliver Clozoff
    23 Aug 2010 | 7:54 am
    A parody of America’s classic song “Tin Man.” SHIT CAN Sometimes late when folks are real hungry, And wake to make a quick snack for themselves Some will fail to check the expiration date Of food that sits among the shelves No, I never did squirt nothing down the shit can Like the dia– diarrhea that I have And I don’t think hemorrhoid cream will stop this burning Need some topical anesthetic salve So please, believe you me When I sit pushing out brown, brown, brown Splatters stain the commode Hear it flushing down, down, down, down Hope it swallows that load Oh, I never…

  • South Pacific Gets Dirty

    Derek the Intern
    19 Aug 2010 | 7:26 am
    (Were you aware that my other show, Music Video Theatre, is approaching its one year anniversary? We are running contests to celebrate, you can find the information here:) Social Bookmarking
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    AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

  • Behind The Awkwardness: Potty Mouth

    dominick
    2 Sep 2010 | 12:58 am
    This picture was taken at my wedding, which took place outdoors and yes we did have a port-a-potty for our guests. My uncle was the photographer and this was a sign of his “professionalism.” (submitted by Katie)

  • Awkward Office Photo Contest

    dominick
    31 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    They may not be blood related, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t family. Inspired by The Office: Season Six (9/7 on Blu-Ray & DVD), we are proud to announce our first official “Awkward Office Photo Contest,” a tribute to our awkwardhome away from home. We want you to send in your most cringeworthy office pics, whether it’s posing in the cubicle, in the parking lot, or in clown makeup at the annual corporate retreat. Even if your workplace isn’t technically an office, we want to see pics of you and your co-workers doing what you do best… making…

  • The Klingers

    dominick
    31 Aug 2010 | 11:56 am
    To say this family gets easily attached is an understatement. (submitted by Lindsay)

  • Condolences

    dominick
    30 Aug 2010 | 12:55 pm
    Part of the special edition “pay your respects” Cabbage Patch Dolls. (submitted by Julie)

  • Awkward Family Pet Photos: The Book

    dominick
    29 Aug 2010 | 7:21 pm
    We are now accepting submissions for our next book, Awkward Family Pet Photos, a celebration of the special bond between people and their pets. If you want to be a part of the awkwardness, you can submit your strangest family pet pics here. Thanks! AFPP
 
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    Fair City News

  • SGF Rents Giant Shop Vac To Remove Water

    FairCityNews.com
    2 Sep 2010 | 4:58 am
    A ginormous shop vac sucks rainwater from Springfield Springfield, MO—After presenting two forms of identification and laying down a $50 deposit, The City of Springfield has rented a giant shop vac to remove rainwater from roads, bridges and basements. The 6000-gal. 2,300HP shop vac was deemed necessary following heavy rainfall on Wednesday, when 6 to 10.5 inches of rain covered the city causing multiple headaches across the region. According to reports, the City was notified of the massive flooding by a wife who had just returned from running errands. “There is water everywhere, you need…

  • Outlaw Gang Tracked to Sherwood Forrest

    FairCityNews.com
    1 Sep 2010 | 5:24 am
    Sherwood Forrest houses robbing criminals in this 'hood. Springfield, MO—Greene County Sheriff’s deputies have tracked an outlaw gang to a Southside neighborhood in Greene County known as Sherwood Forrest located off highway 160 or Campbell Avenue. According to reports, the gang is responsible for multiple thefts across the city, numerous acts of mischief and several drive by arrow shootings. Local resident Gloria Shiffold said, “I’ve lived in Sherwood Forrest for several years and I’ve never been afraid to leave my house. But now that this group of outlaws are hiding here I…

  • Springfield Library Features Burning Books Display

    FairCityNews.com
    31 Aug 2010 | 5:32 am
    A book burning display will be featured in Greene County libraries this fall Springfield, MO—The Springfield-Greene County Library District will unveil new  burning books displays this week at its six campuses. A prominent endcap will be constructed in each location that will house several books set on fire in an attempt to educate the public on past book burnings. The burning of books has a long history as a tool wielded by authorities both secular and religious, in efforts to suppress dissenting or heretical views that are perceived as posing a threat to the prevailing order. The library…

  • Several Men Arrested for Cougar Poaching

    FairCityNews.com
    30 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    Cougar poaching is illegal after the season ends in August Springfield, MO—This past weekend, Battlefield Mall security apprehended at least eight suspects for cougar hunting out of season. Every year, on the first of August, the cougars tend to migrate back to retailers in an attempt to find good deals on clothing for their young. Known for their ferocious attitude, raw sex appeal and sixth sense when it comes to finding a deal, these creatures are a hunter’s delight. After school starts, however, cougar hunting becomes strictly relegated to their natural habitat of fitness centers…

  • Springfield City Council Approves Calumet City Loan

    FairCityNews.com
    27 Aug 2010 | 5:18 am
    City council approves loan to redevelop historic hot dog stand Springfield MO- With some reservations about the plan, Springfield city council voted unanimously for a loan for the redevelopment plan for Calumet City, an abandoned Hot Dog Stand located in downtown Springfield behind the main post office.  The developer, Ken McCow has already received a $3 million dollar loan from the Missouri Development Board as well as a $50 million dollar loan from the federal Department of Housing and Urban Development. Despite this financing McCow found himself $47.18 short to continue with the…
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    FMyLife

  • Pain Be Gone says FML

    Pain Be Gone
    2 Sep 2010 | 1:19 am
    Today, I needed to take a pain pill. When I looked inside the pill bottle it was empty. I asked my boyfriend why it was empty and he said he took them all. I had surgery 2 days ago on my knee, and the bottle was for 10 days. Now I can't get another one prescribed. FML

  • hatesgravity says FML

    hatesgravity
    2 Sep 2010 | 12:40 am
    Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75mph on the freeway, I made it off one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML

  • Sadfaic says FML

    Sadfaic
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:45 pm
    Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk then tried to hit me. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they turned up, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

  • coyote says FML

    coyote
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:25 pm
    Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

  • ItsObamasFault says FML

    ItsObamasFault
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:54 pm
    Today, I got grounded because I have a picture on facebook in which I'm touching the crotch of a cardboard cut-out of Obama. My parents insist the FBI will see that and I'll end up in jail. My parents are crazy. FML
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    Lowering the Bar

  • One Wounded in Man-Bat Fracas

    Kevin
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:00 am
    What is the world coming to when a man can't take the steps necessary to defend his home and family from mammalian invaders?  Ask Cedric Newton, who was charged last week with reckless discharge of a firearm simply for trying to protect his wife from an attacking bat. According to Newton, the bat infiltrated his residence sometime around midnight on July 24 and "attacked" his wife.  (This was probably a misunderstanding, since almost all bats eat only insects or fruit.  None are currently known to feed on wives.)  Newton responded in the prudent manner that experts recommend in such…

  • Lawsuit Alleges Failure to Warn That Nipple Jumpstart Might Be Dangerous

    Kevin
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:00 am
    Seriously, people.  Really? Last March, Kyle Dubois, 18, put an alligator clamp on one of his nipples, with a classmate placing the clamp on his other nipple, while a third classmate plugged the cord into the wall. ... Dubois's parents say [Kyle's teacher, Thomas] Kelley failed to warn the class about the dangers of playing with the electrical cords. The lawsuit also alleges that Kelley encouraged the boy to administer the shock - which temporarily stopped his heart - by offering him a Mountain Dew.  Kelley denied the Dew allegations, but has since resigned. Eighteen-year-olds in this…

  • Werewolf Declines Offer to Settle Lawsuit With Push-Up Contest

    Kevin
    31 Aug 2010 | 10:04 am
    According to various sources, Twilight star Taylor Lautner, who apparently plays a werewolf or something like that, has refused an offer to settle a pending lawsuit by means of a contest to see who can do more push-ups. First of all, I don't know how I missed the news last week that the werewolf had filed a lawsuit against an RV dealership, alleging that he suffered "displeasure, annoyance and emotional distress" when it failed to deliver the $300,000 trailer he ordered to the set of his new movie.  According to the complaint, McMahon's RV promised to deliver said RV not later than June…

  • Assorted Stupidity #4

    Kevin
    31 Aug 2010 | 4:45 am
    From the Department of Good Ideas: "Owner of Ohio killer bear isn't making safety fix," Associated Press (Aug. 23, 2010).  What could happen? Another thing not to post on Facebook, if you are a juror: "Gonna be fun to tell the defendant they're guilty."  At least wait until the defense has actually presented its case. Paris Hilton's new theory to explain her recent arrest:  "It could be a setup.  Everyone knows how against cocaine I am."  Yes.  Everyone knows that. Butts charged in Boobs case.  Seriously. And in a related story: "A water district employee who said 'hello' to a…

  • Burglar/Entrepreneur Breaks In, Holds Garage Sale

    Kevin
    30 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    Police in Sarnia, Ontario, said they had arrested the man who broke into a home there in June and then spent the day holding a garage sale in which he sold off the owner's property. The homeowner, Greg Kemmis, was described as a "woodworking enthusiast" who had thousands of dollars worth of woodworking machinery and tools in the home.  The thief just moved a bunch of it outside and began trying to sell it.  Witnesses said he put up a sign saying "Tools for Sale," put price tags on the merchandise and ran the sale from 9:30 a.m. to 4 p.m., then closed up shop and left with the proceeds at…
 
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    Funny Emails

  • Passing out while you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing.

    Pradeep
    2 Sep 2010 | 10:04 am
    Filed under: adult humour, awkward, design, dumbass, insane, Weird, wmml

  • Jassem’d like he got the ever-loving shiat beaten out of him.

    Pradeep
    2 Sep 2010 | 7:43 am
    Jassem, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio. “What is your name?” – asked the teacher. “Jassem”. . .. – answered the kid. “You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,” -replied the teacher. In the evening, Jassem returned home. “How was your [...]

  • No one is laughing at you when you’re at a party, relax.

    Pradeep
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:02 pm
    Image via Wikipedia Hard of Hearing I knew that my husband’s hearing had deteriorated after our friend, new to the city, asked where he could meet some singles. “Well,” said my husband, “I see them in the K-Mart parking lot diving for fries.” “Dear,” I intervened, “singles, not seagulls.” - submitted by Regen Rose Running [...]

  • What is a healthy mind? Is it simply the absence of symptoms and dysfunctions.

    Pradeep
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:48 am
    Image by subcityphotos via Flickr Bizarre stories of stupidity from around the world {Via Darwin Awards} When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a [...]

  • Me Tango. You Jive.

    Pradeep
    31 Aug 2010 | 8:16 pm
    Filed under: art, collectibles, sudhakar muthyala, Vintage Everything, wow
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    Ann's Rants

  • Back to school tips for Madison Middle School 1986-87

    29 Aug 2010 | 10:01 pm
    By YOUR BEAUTIFUL AND SPLENDID GRADE MIDDLE SCHOOL COLUMNIST!You are going into middle school and you no longer rule the school. HERE IS MY ADVICE TO YOU!I use Noxema like every single night. I never go to bed without using Noxema—that would be so gross. It is so important to me. I have used it for like ever. Do you even know about daily cleansing?Can you do a round off back handspring? Can you even do a round off? If you tell anyone I can't do a cartwheel I will kill you. No one cares about cartwheels anyway.Don't say knapsack. Don't say sack lunch.Do not bring a cold lunch. Do not buy hot…

  • Inflexible

    22 Aug 2010 | 10:01 pm
    Have you ever met an inflexible kid? Not the kind who won't negotiate, the kind who can't touch their toes. While some children roundoff back-hand-springed their way through childhood, I crab walked. Desperate to keep up with my ballet classmates, I'd go on benders stretching for hours at a time. I figured rigorous stretching accompanied by the Flashdance soundtrack, would result in a welding contortionist. Yet I made it through childhood without so much as a side split. Or a torch welder. The injustice...You can imagine where that leaves me as an adult. A few years ago--no longer able to…

  • My Super Silly 15 Minutes

    15 Aug 2010 | 10:01 pm
    I'm subleasing at humor columnist Robin O'Bryant's place today (robinschicks.com), where she interviews me for her Super (silly) Moms blog feature.I call this my "Mime Drivin" **Robin writes multiple columns, and a blog relating hilarious tales of her three children. Please go visit and support her in her dream.**photo by the ridiculously talented Ryan of Pacing The Panic Room He is a beauty infuser--not a styling appliance--a man who makes the world beautiful with his words and his lens.

  • God flying out of people’s mouths!

    10 Aug 2010 | 7:49 pm
    Did you know God flies around everywhere in New York City? Did you know I saw him shoot out of people's mouths? Did you know that you did in fact land on annsrants.com and not the 700 Club?Sure the smell of urine can ruin your dinner of FREE Sunchips from your Swag Bag while you are racing down 6th Avenue, but don’t let that distract you from the Godliness in New York City. I'm not referring to the pizza, the lox, or your image on the Super Screen in Times Square, divine though they undoubtedly are.I sat in a theater and watched Marin Mazzie in Next To Normal channel something enormous,…

  • Single workdays, married weekends: The Workweek Widow

    3 Aug 2010 | 7:05 am
    I wrote this essay two years ago, when Husband traveled constantly and I stayed at home 36 hours a day with a toddler and preschooler. This week I am the one leaving for BlogHer10 (thank you Husband!)Workweek Widowhood means single-parenting during the workweek, while your spouse travels, works double-digit hours, or plays any manner of fantasy-athletics. My husband travels around the country designing web interfaces. He gets on a plane in the pre-dawn hours technically considered “Monday morning” and returns only to jolt me awake, just as I’ve nodded off late Thursday night. It’s…
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    Stephen Colbert

  • Recap - Week of 8/23/10

    26 Aug 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Stephen attempts to solve the mystery of King Tut's missing penis and finds out he's a terrorist.

  • You Mosque Be Kidding

    25 Aug 2010 | 5:00 pm
    A man sullies Muslim bashing for the rest of America's law-abiding bigots when he slashes an Islamic taxi driver.

  • Glenn-Livid

    25 Aug 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Besides the date, the location, the march and the threat of assassination, Glenn Beck's rally has nothing to do with Martin Luther King Jr.

  • Fox News Job Opening

    25 Aug 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Major Garrett is leaving Fox News because he wants to talk less and think more.

  • Intro - 8/26/10

    25 Aug 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Glenn Beck re-founds America, anti-Muslim sentiment continues to grow, and Richard Engel returns from Iraq.
 
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    Comedy Central

  • Preview - Web Redemption - Double Rainbow Guy

    7 Sep 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Daniel Tosh and the Double Rainbow Guy search for the meaning of nature's most beautiful miracle: the double rainbow.

  • Legend of Neil: Link the Football

    1 Sep 2010 | 5:00 pm
    The statuesque Armos (Randy and Jason Sklar) throw Link around in this preview of Episode 303 of Legend of Neil.

  • Preview - The Devo-lution Revolution

    1 Sep 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Devo performs "Beautiful World" in solidarity with their mutant brethren in this preview of the 100th episode and season finale of Futurama.

  • Preview - 100th Delivery

    1 Sep 2010 | 5:00 pm
    The Planet Express crew has their 100th delivery in this preview of the 100th episode and season finale of Futurama.

  • Dan Meth: Michael Caine Loves Techno

    30 Aug 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Sir Michael Caine believes talking young club kids back from the brink of madness is as satisfying as winning a Golden Globe, in this animated short.
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    Comedy Central Joke of the Day

  • Whitney Cummings: Silent Treatment

    21 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    Ladies, next time your man pisses you off, do not give him the silent treatment. Instead, go Google the most important game of the season, sit next to him during that game and just ask as many f**king questions as possible. 'I don't understand, who's that guy in the striped shirt? Does he work at Foot Locker? I don't understand, why are they all wearing the same outfit? When are we going to have a baby?' Eventually he will shoot himself in the face, and you f**king win that argument.

  • Whitney Cummings: On Lisa Lampanelli's Body

    9 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    From the Roast of David Hasselhoff: They say women's bodies are like a wonderland -- yours is more like a football field because it's 100 yards and a lot of black dudes have sprained their ankle on it.

  • Whitney Cummings: On Lisa Lampanelli's Face

    9 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    From the Roast of David Hasselhoff: Lisa did an offensive joke earlier about Roger Ebert. His face is like that because he has jaw cancer. What's your excuse?

  • Whitney Cummings: All Balls

    1 Aug 2010 | 9:00 pm
    Why do all balls look like they're 150 years old?

  • Eliot Chang: Facebook Me

    23 Apr 2010 | 9:00 pm
    I hate when I meet a girl, I'm trying to get to know her, and she's like, 'Oh, you can just Facebook me.' Bitch, my face is here right now!
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    Comedy Central Insider

  • Preview: Double Rainbow Guy's Web Redemption

    comedy central insider
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:33 am
    From the Tosh.0 blog… Next week, emotions run high as Daniel and the Double Rainbow Guy search for the meaning and the source of nature's most beautiful miracle. See DOUBLE RAINBOWS ALL THE WAY next Wednesday, September 8 at 10:30pm / 9:30c on Comedy Central. What does it mean? What does it mean?!?!?!

  • Louis CK Is the King of Drunk Tweeting

    Matt Tobey
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:08 am
    I don't know about you, but I'm terrible at drunk Tweeting. It's not that I don't have anything funny or insightful to say, because I definitely do. It's more that I spend several hours wittily opining about the topics of the day before realizing the next morning that I'd mistaken my dog for my iPhone, and he only has a Facebook app. Louis CK though, that's a dude who can Tweet drunk. Last night, he got on a plane and drank a bunch of rums and Cokes and showed how it's done. Check out Louis's Twitter feed for more.

  • Conan O'Brien Announces the Name of His New Show

    Gonzalo Cordova
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:30 am
    Office pools around the country are now resolved. People in my office bet the new Conan O'Brien TBS show would be named The Conan O'Brien Show, Conan O'Brien's Show of Shows, The Dick Van Dyke Show with Conan O'Brien, Real Time with Conan O'Brien, The George Lopez Show and Conan Pains (Growing Pains?), but no one guessed the simplest answer, so we have to donate all of the pool money to charities. Sexy charities! Here's a clip of Conan announcing the name of his new show. Introducing… Conaw!

  • Before They Get Stale: Bob Odenkirk, Dennis Miller and Will Forte

    Gonzalo Cordova
    1 Sep 2010 | 3:03 pm
    Bob Odenkirk directed a Built to Spill music video, and it's not so much funny as pretty and bittersweet. NOT ALL OF LIFE IS ABOUT JOKES, OKAY?! [AST] Dennis Miller has a new special set up at HBO called The Big Speech. I bet he's as happy as Bobby the Deuce was when he became the first monarch in the Casa de Stewart in 1317 Scotland, oookay, babe? [Deadline] This new Channel 101 short from Abed Gheith has everything. Cool World-esque antics, Steve Agee as a gay street tough, and a Teen Wolf pun in the title. Guys, it's Toon Wolf! [Channel 101] Jamie Foxx and Afion Crockett…

  • Between Two Ferns with Seth Galifianakis and Sean Penn

    Matt Tobey
    1 Sep 2010 | 1:46 pm
    As you might remember, Zach Galifianakis worked with Sean Penn a couple years ago when Penn directed him in the movie Into the Wild. Well, they've reteamed for the latest installment of Between Two Ferns, and it's almost as hilarious.
 
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    nonamedufus

  • I Feel Bloggy

    nonamedufus
    2 Sep 2010 | 4:04 am
    You got nothin' on dufus, girl.I feel bloggyOh so bloggyI feel bloggy and witty todayAnd I pityAny blog that isn't mine, okay?I've been writingYes been writingIt's fright'ning the writing I've doneAnd so wittyThat I really have been having funSee that funny pun in the comments there?Who can that commenter be?Such a funny lineSuch a funny phraseSuch a punny styleSuch a punny ME!I feel punningAnd entrancingFeel like punningAnd joking with gleeFor you loveYes, a pretty wonderful ME!***I feel bloggyOh so bloggyThat blog friends should comment to meJust a commentShould be left to honour meI feel…

  • Pause Ponder and Pun

    nonamedufus
    1 Sep 2010 | 4:06 am
    Another Wednesday, another picture of silly women in odd clothes, hanging out together. And I don't think it's a Tupperware party.So you tell me what you think's going on here.Don't "waist" a minute.We'll see you back here Saturday.Bye for now.

  • Dufus On TV

    nonamedufus
    31 Aug 2010 | 3:58 am
    What is it with TV these days? A couple of years ago I switched from cable to satellite TV. Every channel in the universe was at my command, or at least at my remote control (see that play on words, there? If I'm in control, how can I be remote? Ha!)But so what? There's still nothing on. Especially now - between summer's end and the beginning of the new television season which apparently stretches anywhere from mid September to well into October.  I've already seen every repeat of Two And-A-Half men...at least three times.  And if I have to watch one more edition of House…

  • I'm an Idiom Idiot

    nonamedufus
    30 Aug 2010 | 3:55 am
    Call them fractured phrases, silly sayings or idiot idioms. Whatever you call them I had fun thinking them up. I hope you have some fun reading them.a kettle of fish out of watera stitch in time saves is a penny earnedroses are red, violets are blue moon, you saw me standing alonea fool and his money that's what I wanthow does it feel to be on your own like a rolling stone gathers no mossyou only live once upon a time in the westif you love somebody set them free as a bird now, and this bird you'll never changeabsence makes the heart of my heart, I love that melodyit ain't over till the fat…

  • Sunday Funnies

    nonamedufus
    29 Aug 2010 | 3:40 am
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    Shalampax Speaks

  • Government Decisiveness

    Birdinhand
    27 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    Manexposinghimself, the Prime Minister of Shalampax, granted me an exclusive interview yesterday. Knowing that these are challenging times in the world, for most of our half-hour together he talked extensively and with great passion about the current batch of television reality shows. That part of our discussion does not bear repeating, but in an off-hand [...]

  • Data Privacy

    Birdinhand
    26 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    When Parliament returns from its unexpected recess it plans to pass a new data privacy bill. To date, we don’t have any laws here in Shalampax concerning the protection of the privacy of data collected by businesses. And Shalampaxian companies have been, to say the least, quite lax in this regard. Once this bill is [...]

  • Outsourced Democracy

    Snotontable
    25 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    I have it on very good authority—I got it from a guy who promised to talk to me on the condition that I slept him, which I would have done anyway—that some entrepreneurs here in Shalampax are considering starting a new business. It’s only a concept at this point, but, if they go ahead with [...]

  • Census

    Birdinhand
    23 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    To better plan and manage governmental and business affairs, the Government of Shalampax thought it was a good idea to get a more accurate—or at least some—sense of the demographics of Shalampax. To this end, a few weeks ago the government undertook Shalampax’s first comprehensive census. Censuses had been conducted in the past, but they [...]

  • Time Broken

    Birdinhand
    22 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    The automated, dial-in time signal, which was installed in March of this year, has broken. Due to the difficulty in getting parts shipped into Shalampax, it is not known how long it will take to repair it, but it could be a few months. The system still works in a fashion. Now, instead of saying, [...]
 
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    Christopher Gabriel

  • The Best Sideline Report Ever (video)

    Christopher Gabriel
    28 Aug 2010 | 8:14 pm
    This sideline reporter for Fox Sports is the all-time leader in the clubhouse for honesty and making the best of what could have been an embarrassing, job-ending moment.  Instead, you can’t help but love this guy. photo credit for stadium on home page featured post: rc!

  • A Look Back: The Lane Kiffin to USC Pre-Press Conference Fiasco (video)

    Christopher Gabriel
    8 Aug 2010 | 8:03 pm
    As college football approaches, let’s take one more look at the pre-press conference where Lane Kiffin announces he’s leaving the University of Tennessee for USC.  Quite honestly this little fiasco, moderated by UT Sports Information Director Bud Ford and orchestrated by Kiffin, remains a study in what often happens behind the scenes before the actual news conference rolls for all to see.  One key line to listen for is Bud Ford reminding a local News Director, WBIR’s Bill Shory, that he’s (Shory) in “our building.”  That building is a public…

  • Suzette: Killer Beta Fish (video)

    Christopher Gabriel
    8 Aug 2010 | 7:26 pm
    Suzette has garnered quite a bit of attention since she arrived at the Gabriel household. Las Vegas has the over / under on her at 17 days. As of today, it’s Day 12. I’m starting to think she’ll make the over, but her continued fascination with her filter may change the course of her young life.  Interesting to note every time I put the camera away, she came out and moved throughout her tank as though she was practicing for synchronized swimming.  Obviously she’s taunting me.Click to play this video. photo credit for beta fish on home page featured post:…

  • Eye on Monday: The Carousel

    Christopher Gabriel
    27 Jun 2010 | 9:11 pm
    Last week I had the opportunity to go down to Wahpeton, North Dakota and visit the Chahinkapa Zoo.  Directly across from the zoo sits the Prairie Rose Carousel.  Built in 1926, it is one of the original 150 wooden horse carousels that still operate throughout the United States.  One ride on it, with my younger daughter Cadence, was magical. She didn’t want to sit on a horse so we sat down on the bench seat and enjoyed the ride with the period music that played so beautifully.  I found myself transported to another era; one of simple things, a slower pace and the feeling I was in the…

  • Soccer Deserves Attention from Americans

    Christopher Gabriel
    27 Jun 2010 | 12:33 pm
    We are a funny country when it comes to sports.  We love our baseball and football, enjoy basketball and certainly the cities that have NHL franchises follow hockey with a passion.  We’ll watch tennis, golf and turn out in huge numbers to watch NASCAR. And then there’s soccer. We don’t love soccer. We don’t even seem to enjoy it much. For that matter, although most every community in America has soccer in one form or another, we’re hard-pressed to even watch it unless our kids are playing.  And that’s truly a shame. Over the years I was a classic soccer…
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    Josh Goguen

  • Goguen vs Sabo: UFC 118

    Josh Goguen
    25 Aug 2010 | 7:14 pm
    Rarely does the UFC put on a freak show fight, but this Saturday they’re going against the norm. For the first time in UFC history a world champion boxer, James Toney, will be taking on an MMA legend in Randy Couture. In a strange way, this is the UFC getting back to it’s roots. Two [...]

  • Choked Out

    Josh Goguen
    21 Aug 2010 | 5:19 am
    I was choked out for the first time in Jiu-Jitsu this week. I’ve been asked a few times what it was like and what happened, so I suppose it makes an interesting story. “Rolling” is what they call sparring in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Monday night, I was rolling with my instructor, George Yulee. He had been working [...]

  • Goguen vs Sabo: UFC 117

    Josh Goguen
    6 Aug 2010 | 10:09 pm
    Due to the Texas Hell Trip, this is in a bit late, but I don’t want to miss putting the picks in. This is a huge card and I’ve got to find a sports bar that will be showing it. I won’t say much more, but judging by the trash talked in the press conference yesterday, [...]

  • Texas Hell Trip

    Josh Goguen
    2 Aug 2010 | 5:38 am
    Every year about this time, my Mom takes a trip to Texas to visit relatives and she drags along as much support as she can. Typically I resist the idea and I get met with “This could be the last time you see…”  Of course, that stopped working a long time ago when my Great [...]

  • San Diego Comic Con 4: Free Stuff

    Josh Goguen
    1 Aug 2010 | 5:00 am
    I can’t count how many times people would come to the booth asking if the copies of Arsenic Lullaby or the T-shirts were free. The response was always the same. “No, they’re better than free. They’re worth money.” Typically we’d just get a look and they’d walk off. What they didn’t consider was we were right. First, [...]
 
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    ann's rants

  • Back to school tips for Madison Middle School 1986-87

    29 Aug 2010 | 10:01 pm
    By YOUR BEAUTIFUL AND SPLENDID GRADE MIDDLE SCHOOL COLUMNIST!You are going into middle school and you no longer rule the school. HERE IS MY ADVICE TO YOU!I use Noxema like every single night. I never go to bed without using Noxema—that would be so gross. It is so important to me. I have used it for like ever. Do you even know about daily cleansing?Can you do a round off back handspring? Can you even do a round off? If you tell anyone I can't do a cartwheel I will kill you. No one cares about cartwheels anyway.Don't say knapsack. Don't say sack lunch.Do not bring a cold lunch. Do not buy hot…

  • Inflexible

    22 Aug 2010 | 10:01 pm
    Have you ever met an inflexible kid? Not the kind who won't negotiate, the kind who can't touch their toes. While some children roundoff back-hand-springed their way through childhood, I crab walked. Desperate to keep up with my ballet classmates, I'd go on benders stretching for hours at a time. I figured rigorous stretching accompanied by the Flashdance soundtrack, would result in a welding contortionist. Yet I made it through childhood without so much as a side split. Or a torch welder. The injustice...You can imagine where that leaves me as an adult. A few years ago--no longer able to…

  • My Super Silly 15 Minutes

    15 Aug 2010 | 10:01 pm
    I'm subleasing at humor columnist Robin O'Bryant's place today (robinschicks.com), where she interviews me for her Super (silly) Moms blog feature.I call this my "Mime Drivin" **Robin writes multiple columns, and a blog relating hilarious tales of her three children. Please go visit and support her in her dream.**photo by the ridiculously talented Ryan of Pacing The Panic Room He is a beauty infuser--not a styling appliance--a man who makes the world beautiful with his words and his lens.

  • God flying out of people’s mouths!

    10 Aug 2010 | 7:49 pm
    Did you know God flies around everywhere in New York City? Did you know I saw him shoot out of people's mouths? Did you know that you did in fact land on annsrants.com and not the 700 Club?Sure the smell of urine can ruin your dinner of FREE Sunchips from your Swag Bag while you are racing down 6th Avenue, but don’t let that distract you from the Godliness in New York City. I'm not referring to the pizza, the lox, or your image on the Super Screen in Times Square, divine though they undoubtedly are.I sat in a theater and watched Marin Mazzie in Next To Normal channel something enormous,…

  • Single workdays, married weekends: The Workweek Widow

    3 Aug 2010 | 7:05 am
    I wrote this essay two years ago, when Husband traveled constantly and I stayed at home 36 hours a day with a toddler and preschooler. This week I am the one leaving for BlogHer10 (thank you Husband!)Workweek Widowhood means single-parenting during the workweek, while your spouse travels, works double-digit hours, or plays any manner of fantasy-athletics. My husband travels around the country designing web interfaces. He gets on a plane in the pre-dawn hours technically considered “Monday morning” and returns only to jolt me awake, just as I’ve nodded off late Thursday night. It’s…
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    ImageLuv Funny Blog

  • Blow Job Mom

    admin
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:36 pm
    After seeing this car plate, I realize why this mom is so popular with her son’s friends and daughter’s boyfriend! Of course, BJ mom may not mean blowjobs from an MILF but it does set our imagination wild. Or is it just us here who are perverts?

  • Bizarre Barbie Collection

    admin
    29 Aug 2010 | 8:30 am
    I always thought kids’ obsession with Barbie dolls is dangerous. Well, this bizarre set of collection proves me right.

  • Security Guard FAIL

    admin
    28 Aug 2010 | 6:58 am
    A security guard encounters an obstacle on his way out and totally messed up. Maybe the store should just keep the barrier as a deterrence rather than having this fumbling security guard..

  • Swim For Your Life

    admin
    25 Aug 2010 | 2:22 am
    Swim faster dude, a shark is tailing you! Too bad, you didn’t take those swimming classes in high school more seriously…

  • Hip Hitler Loves Juice

    admin
    22 Aug 2010 | 10:15 am
    Isn’t this cartoon ironic, Hitler loves juice (jews)?!
 
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    Tim The Thief

  • Song: Ken Lee – Bulgarian Idol

    Valentina Hasan (Валентина Хасан) sings for the Bulgarian Idol judges, "Ken Lee." It’s been said that Valentina sings with her heart.   - Tim   Lyrics: No one ken to ken to sivmen, nor yon clees toju maliveh. When i gez aju zavateh na nalechoo more, new yonooz tonigh molinigh, Yon sorra shooo, yes ee [...]

  • Commercial: Don’t Mess With My Newspaper

    This funny newspaper commercial is about newspapers and romance. Which is more important?   - Tim  

  • Song: Its All Because The Gays Are Getting Married

    This funny little song blames all of the problems of the world on the gays. Got dumped? Fired? Now you know why…   - Tim

  • Political Sing-Along: Bye George

    [WARNING: Minor Language] MC Howie and Julie K of Venga Productions created this political sing-along about George Bush to the tune of "I’m Yours – Jason Mraz."   - Tim   Lyrics: We’ve just had eight long years of an inept administration, Cheney shot his friend and George was mostly on vacation Mission Accomplished in [...]

  • Political Sing-Along: Her Stupidity Flows – Sarah Palin

    MC Howie and Julie K of Venga Productions created this political sing-along about Sarah Palin to the tune of "Colbie Caillat – Bubbly."   - Tim   Lyrics: This right wing witch is so unqualified I feel like reason has just up and died Howd he pick her as his running mate How can this [...]
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    @TremendousNews!

  • 10 Signs You’re A Facebook Stalker.

    Tremendous
    11 Aug 2010 | 7:00 am
    This is actually how creepy you are. Right now, you probably think you’re normal. Nice. Decent. Human. Ha! Hilarious. I know you.  Beneath your cheery smile is dark nerdy evil.  And your satanic lord is Facebook.  Once you log on, you can’t resist yourself.  You stalk people. Possibly while nude. If you don’t believe me, read the signs below.  If you do any of these things, you have a problem. 1. You Know When People Use Facebook. Your friend Sarah logs onto Facebook at around 9:30am.  Then again around 5pm. How do you know this?  Because you’ve observed and…

  • 5 Signs You’re About To Be Blocked.

    Tremendous
    27 Jul 2010 | 9:10 am
    A common scene in my life. (Except with way fatter chicks) Have you ever been blocked by someone on Facebook or Twitter? Don’t answer. That was rhetorical, dopey. You’ve been blocked. There’s been a point in time where someone evaluated your contribution to their world and said: Pass. Then they ensured they would never ever see you again by removing you completely from their lives. Hilarious. Here’s five signs you’re about to be blocked. 1. Someone Asks You “How Do You Find The Time To Update So Much”? This is a key phrase. How do you find the time.

  • 19 Words That Will Always Gross You Out.

    Tremendous
    7 Jul 2010 | 9:02 am
    There’s a small group of words in the English language that everyone dislikes.  If the English language were a party, these words would be the guys with fake tans and Affliction t-shirts. Listening to techno. Beating up fat guys with bladder problems. Shit. I’ve made it personal. Let’s get started. 1. Moist. Even if you’re talking about your cake, don’t use it.  Because after you say it, nobody wants to eat your cake. 2. Secrete. This is Moist’s little brother.  Nothing that’s good is secreting. Bad shit secretes. 3. Foodie. Especially if…

  • 5 Celebrities You Didn’t Know Were On Twitter

    Tremendous
    29 Jun 2010 | 10:14 am
    It seems like everyone follows the exact same celebrities on Twitter. Ashton Kutcher, Tom Hanks, Alyssa Milano, Bronson Pinchot from TV’s Perfect Strangers. OK, not Bronson Pinchot. We live in an unjust world. But today, I’ll introduce you to a few people who are celebrities in their own right, but do not have the following they deserve. Couldn’t you just do this in a Twitter list? I’m lazy. You can make a Twitter list in two seconds. Yes but this passes for a blog post. Let’s get started. 1. Eva Amurri Eva Amurri is a notable actress in Hollywood.  I have noted…

  • Team France’s World Cup Collapse Re-Enacted By Babies in 1 Minute

    Tremendous
    22 Jun 2010 | 11:05 am
    If you’re not following the World Cup, you’ve missed the hilarious drama and in-fighting of Team France. They were eliminated after they suspended players, had a strike, and well, acted like babies. Don’t worry.  I re-created the entire debacle for you. Enjoy. Babies donated by ShutterStock. dee@tremendousnews.com
 
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    MyLifeIsAverage.com

  • 2370700

    2 Sep 2010 | 10:16 am
    Today, my Mom was taking me to school and I saw a yellow Mini. I then punched her on the arm and said "Mini punch!" Without hesitation she screams "SUZUKI SLAP!!!" and slaps me straight in the face. I love my Mom, MLIA.

  • 2373421

    2 Sep 2010 | 10:12 am
    Today as my family and I were sitting down to dinner on our patio, we heard the ice cream truck jingle somewhere nearby. My little sister giddily exlaimed "Ice cream!". A second later, we heard a deep voice from our next door neighbor's yard giddily exclaim, "Ice cream!". MLIA

  • 2373436

    2 Sep 2010 | 10:11 am
    today, I was on cleverbot and I asked "so have you hooked up with Google yet?" the answer? "Yes, I have." MLIA

  • 2373428

    2 Sep 2010 | 10:10 am
    Today, I was watching "The Last Song" with my two friends, sister, and my dad. While my sister, friends, and I were all laughing at Miley Cyrus's horrible acting, my dad was halfway in tears, telling us to shut up so that he could listen. MLIA

  • 2373400

    2 Sep 2010 | 10:06 am
    My whole life, whenever anyone has asked me on the phone "Is this (my name)?", I have always responded, "No, It's the Tooth Fairy." Well, today I found out I was born on national Tooth Fairy day. I'm still not sure what to think of this. MLIA.
 
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    Safety Graphic Fun

  • Robot Fire Safety

    Julia
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:00 am
    Quit dragging your feet foot and RUN! Thanks FroggyMama aka Kelly B!

  • More Zombie Safety

    Julia
    1 Sep 2010 | 3:22 pm
    I'm so glad there is new tech for killing zombies. Shooting them in the head is fun and all, but sometimes it's nice to change it up. Thanks Dave M! (And because I can sometimes be a 17 year old boy: "Blower can start without warning" -- Yeah, that's what she said!)

  • Safety Caption Contest Continues!

    Julia
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:08 am
    Keep adding your captions to the comments please! On Friday I will pick my 5 or 10 favorites and then YOU get to vote on the winner! The winner will receive everlasting glory and fame and/or a SGF mug.  Here is the Safety Graphic in question: Big thanks to Luke B. who found this awesome Safety Graphic! PS - if you are new here, direct translations and "on the nose" captions won't fly - get creative!  

  • Foreign Language Safety

    Julia
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:00 am
    This is like the Rosetta Stone of safety. Thanks Jim A!

  • Prison Safety

    Julia
    31 Aug 2010 | 2:00 pm
    I appreciate directness of this warning. Jess D found this on the interwebs somewhere and sent it in. Thanks Jess!
 
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    Life, Love and Pants

  • 25 Random Facts

    Beth Warren
    16 Aug 2010 | 2:31 pm
    I received a Facebook note with one of those “you’ve been tagged so fill it out and tag other people…” blah blah blah… But I enjoyed thinking of random things about myself, so thought I’d post it on the blog. Oh, and it’s also because I’ve been lazy with the blogging..  I was surprised that James tagged me in his note. I’m flattered. 1. I am going to be very random in this note and attempt to go all James Joyce stream of consciousness on y’all. To a certain extent. Not TOO much though. don’t want to frighten anyone. LOL 2. If…

  • All ya gotta do to start trouble is post something by the Cars..

    Beth Warren
    9 Aug 2010 | 1:57 pm
    As we all know, I’ve been a slacker with the posting of said bloggage.. I’ve started many, just haven’t finished.. really, I’m working on it… I have no excuse… I’m online constantly.. so you think I’d get to writing.. but…. I think perhaps I may be spending too much time on Facebook, perhaps.. I have this friend.. I shall call him Glenn (as that is his name…)  and he and I like to banter.. so I thought I’d share one of our offtrack Facebook rants (that likely have people removing us from their feeds.. LOL) Beth Warren The Cars…

  • this is why, this is why.. i suck

    Beth Warren
    6 Jul 2010 | 8:49 pm
    Well. It’s been a while.  I know. ugh. Nearly over three months. oy vey. Here’s the thing…. I started a bunch of posts and didn’t finish them because …… well…. some excuse. A lot has been going on.  Like, LOTS. Tons. Oodles. Many adventures. So, you would think I would be writing all this stuff down, now, wouldn’t ya?  Well, apparently not. One thing I did not do over the last 3 months is watch or read anything Twilight. I know nothing about it other than it's about vampires and girly stuff or something. But let me brief you on…

  • It’s my birthday too! YEAH!

    Beth Warren
    6 Apr 2010 | 8:59 am
    They say it’s your birthday It’s my birthday too, yeah They say it’s your birthday We’re gonna have a good time Princess Birthday Party a few years ago. Yeah. I rock the tiara.. I’m glad it’s your birthday Happy birthday to you Birthday – The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney) Holy crap.. what a difference a year makes! Last year… Still stuck in Barrie, trying to sell my house.. SNOWED on my birthday.. overall not one of the BEST birthdays ever (Read about it here … strictly for comparison’s sake..) And as much as I was attempting to see the…

  • All Dogs Go to Heaven

    Beth Warren
    30 Mar 2010 | 9:56 pm
    Barley died on March 25th. I have struggled to write this. ======================= I lost one of my best friends today. Barley the WonderDog is gone. Barley had to have surgery in November for a weird thing on his ear.. and he hadn’t been completely right ever since. Barley.. first visit to the vet... Nov 9/99 He stopped eating. And this week, couldn’t walk anymore.  He fell down the stairs.  He stopped wanting to walk very far a few weeks ago.. we just thought he was arthritic. We bought him special food.. it didn’t work. January 4, 1999 I had to take my cat Spooky to be…
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    The Bean

  • End of an Era

    Bejewell
    2 Sep 2010 | 10:20 am
    So I don’t know if you’ll remember this but I’ve spent the past five years working next to a guy who is gross and creepy and horrible and I’ve spent a lot of time air-strangling him and making obscene gestures at him from behind our shared cubicle wall and complaining on Twitter about His Yuckiness while HE bitched about how nobody appreciated him and carried on truly mortifying private phone conversations within earshot of… well, everyone, and took naps at his desk (complete with snoring) and burped A FUCKING LOT, like to the point where I thought there might be something medically…

  • Dear Midget Friend: I Hope You’re Happy

    Bejewell
    25 Aug 2010 | 12:43 pm

  • I Can’t Think of a Good Title for This Post so Let’s Just Call it “MIDGETS”

    Bejewell
    24 Aug 2010 | 11:27 am
    So last night after I published this post about search terms I got an email from my midget friend (a.k.a. My Second or Possibly Third Husband) and he was all, “What, no midget searches? There were a ton of midget searches on your last post about keywords” and I was all, “Gee, I guess nobody’s looking for midgets right now, I’m sorry,” and he was all, “Not even for midget PORN?” and I was all, “No, I guess not, maybe midget porn has fallen out of fashion?” and he was all, “That’s ridiculous, people are ALWAYS looking for midget porn, it’s timeless” and I was all,…

  • I’m Really Sorry But I Actually Have No Idea Why Your Ass Smells Like Cheetos

    Bejewell
    23 Aug 2010 | 1:10 pm
    So someone found my blog today using the search term “why does my ass smell like cheetos” and it made me realize that it’s been a while since I reviewed my blog search terms.  I may have been on summer break, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been keeping tabs on the search terms people use to find my blog.  Over the summer I had some really juicy ones, and by “juicy” I mean sick, pervy, twisted, awesome, horrible, hilarious and all of the above.  Let’s explore, shall we? (P.S. I honestly love each and every one of you.  Thanks for finding me, even if you WERE just…

  • I’m Pretty Sure a Giant, Genetically-Altered Cockroach is Going to Eat My Face Off at the Gym Today

    Bejewell
    16 Aug 2010 | 8:27 am
    So last night I was doing my weekly holy-shit-it’s-Sunday-night-and-none-of-us-have-clean-underwear laundry when an enormous cockroach scurried across the floor and when I say “scurried across the floor” I mean “tried to attack me and eat my face off” and when I say “enormous” that really doesn’t do it justice but I’ve spent the last twenty minutes trying to come up with an analogy to convey to you just how big this bastard was and I simply can’t do it.  I started to say it was the size of my forearm, but then I realized that I don’t actually know what the forearm IS. …
 
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    Unique Scoop

  • How Chinese Automakers Copy Everything (10 pics)

    Scoop
    2 Sep 2010 | 7:25 am

  • One-Light Portraits

    Scoop
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:52 am
    This is a set of self portraits using one flash or strobe used to explore portrait lighting.

  • Afghanistan. 1994 vs 2010 (22 pics)

    Scoop
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:45 am
    Photographer Seamus Murphy came back to Afghanistan 16 years later. The Taliban era has ended years ago but not so much has changed since then.1994, Kabul, a Mujahedeen looks at Jade Maiwand in the old part of Kabul.Same Jade Maiwand in 2010.Kabul. November 1994.Kabul. June 2010.Kabul. November 1994.Kabul. June 2010.Kabul. November 1994.Kabul. June 2010.Kabul. November 1994.Kabul. July 2010.Kabul. November 1994.Kabul. July 2010.Bullet hole in a school blackboard at Shafaq High School in the frontline village of Ghulam Ali, Parwan province. November 2001.A girl does algebra at a blackboard at…

  • Ways to Get High

    Scoop
    31 Aug 2010 | 6:19 am

  • Knuckle Tattoos (80 Pics)

    Scoop
    31 Aug 2010 | 6:10 am
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    Daniel Dickey Dot Com

  • A Conversation With A Gay Old Man

    admin
    29 Aug 2010 | 6:52 pm
    I had to work the always dreaded Sunday brunch shift this morning at my wonderful job. Thankfully the weather was beyond beautiful and we stayed busy throughout the afternoon. Around 2:30pm I had a lovely little man-couple seat themselves in my section. One was a older, eccentric man, with white hair and a scarf (it’s August) and the other was a tiny Asian. I wasn’t sure if he was a boy or a man. He looked like one of the little Asians that do gymnastics and can fit into a cereal box. After their fourth round of drinks the Asian skipped his way to the bathroom. Noticing this, I…

  • A Bald Fat Man Is Me

    admin
    25 Aug 2010 | 11:13 pm
    The 21st was my 24th birthday, and I drank like a 18 year old. My lack of ‘blogage’ is due to a six day hangover that has just begun to pass. I haven’t been to the gym in twelve days and can’t fit into any of my roommate’s bikinis (sometimes on my days off I put on her bikinis… I’m not sure why I do this). I am beyond fat. Every time I put on a pair of shorts I feel like a whale trying to squeeze into a washing machine. As I waited for the subway on my way back from Target, I played a game called… ‘rub my ugly head and watch how many hairs…

  • House Party In Brooklyn

    admin
    20 Aug 2010 | 8:13 pm
    Yo trick, party at my house. If you read my blog you’re invited. Party To Celebrate Exiting My Mother’s Vagina 24 Years Ago So I usually don’t throw birthday parties, because getting older reminds me that I’m balding, extremely unsuccessful and haven’t done anything I planned to do with my life…. BUT I did just get an awesome new apartment and really don’t feel comfortable living in it until I get belligerently drunk with my friends (all four of you) and family (Tara is my… brother). The apartment is one block away from the L train. For those of…

  • Naked Fat Girl Looks Like Homer Simpson

    admin
    19 Aug 2010 | 7:28 am
    Though I’m not ready to settle down, I think if I was, this is the type of lady I’d like to settle down with. Doh, Daniel Dickey

  • Ghetto Guy Gets Hit By Ice Cream Truck While Dancing

    admin
    12 Aug 2010 | 10:42 am
    When you gotta dance… you gotta dance. I love the videographers reaction of, “oh shit” after his friend was just HIT by an ice cream truck.
 
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    BBC NEWS | Magazine Monitor

  • Your Letters

    Magazine Monitor
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:21 am
    Re: PPE. We should all be be deeply worried when political power is dominated by any narrow influence. I have no doubt that the Oxford PPE represents an excellent education but like all degrees it will foster common ways of thought and approach. Government and politics in general is best served by men and women from all educational backgrounds both in terms of discipline and alma mater.Stephen Morris, Southapton Count your national blessings, PPE-wise. Many political leaders here in the US seem to have confined their studies to PE (Physical Education), which teaches you how to climb a…

  • Caption Competition

    Magazine Monitor
    2 Sep 2010 | 4:56 am
    It's the Caption Competition. You can submit captions for this week's picture using the comments box below (not the "Send us a letter" form on the right of this page). You will need to be registered to take part, but don't be put off if you haven't registered yet - it's a quick and easy process. Entries are accepted until 1230 BST on Friday. All suitable entries will be published between now and then, and the winning six will be highlighted here at or about 1300 BST on Friday. There is still no prize, except the traditional small quantity of kudos. Full rules can be seen here [PDF]. This week…

  • Paper Monitor

    Magazine Monitor
    2 Sep 2010 | 4:34 am
    A service highlighting the riches of the daily press. Don't be fooled by yesterday's relatively earnest assessment of the Blair memoirs, Paper Monitor is the sort of biography browser who heads straight for the glossy pictures section in the middle of such books, then furiously scanning the index for juicy subjects.... before finally replacing the tome on the bookshop shelf and picking up a packet of mints instead.Thankfully, the papers are of a similar mindset so there's plenty of coverage of titillating titbits in today's editions. The Sun tells us Mr Blair consulted none other than Sir…

  • Thursday's Quote of the Day

    Magazine Monitor
    2 Sep 2010 | 2:40 am
    "There was nowhere [else] to put the cup and saucer" - John Prescott on his unusual tea-drinking etiquette, as noticed by Prince Charles One of the strangest moments in Tony Blair's autobiography, A Journey, is when he records Prince Charles's reaction to John Prescott's habit of balancing a teacup and saucer on his tummy. The prince wondered aloud to Mr Blair whether it was "a sort of gesture or sign of hostility or class enmity or something?" Mr Prescott went on the radio on Wednesday to defend the habit. More details (the Guardian)

  • Your Letters

    Magazine Monitor
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:25 am
    Am I the only reader who thought that this article was going to be about health and safety, only to be disappointed? In my world, PPE = Personal Protective Equipment (gloves, safety shoes, safety glasses and the like).Ralph, Cumbria Monitor: Er, no... Such disappointment. I felt sure that "Why does PPE rule Britain?" was going to tell me the hi-vis jacket I have to wear at all times was about to become the height of fashion. Ah well, there's always next season!Lizzie, Poole Am I the only one who expected this story to be about hard hats, high-vis coats, steel toe caps etc? Talk about being in…
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    Twitter Fools

  • General Admission tickets for #140conf Boston for Students

    TwitterFools
    2 Sep 2010 | 6:09 am
    Since 1997, when asked, I have provided access to college students (both Graduate and Undergraduate) to many of the events which I have been associated with. In keeping with this tradition, General Admission tickets for the upcoming #140conf: Boston are now available for the first 250 students who click on this link. Note: This offer [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • TweetCash – Unique – Easy Conversions

    TwitterFools
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:27 am
    TweetCash – Unique – Easy Conversions TweetCash is the Ultimate All-in-One guide to Making Real Cash with Twitter – Great Sales Page, Easy Conversions – Untargeted visitors will Convert! http://tweetcash.org/affiliates.html TweetCash – Unique – Easy Conversions .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Twitter Boom – Tips And Techniques For Online Marketers + Bonuses

    TwitterFools
    2 Sep 2010 | 2:22 am
    Twitter Boom – Tips And Techniques For Online Marketers + Bonuses Complete Twitter Novice? In Just Minutes You Can Be Marketing Like A Pro Using Twitter! Shortcut Straight To The Twitter Techniques That Are ESSENTIAL To You As An Internet Marketer, And Leave Out All The Padding And Fluff! What do you think limits your [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Billboard Magazine, Est. 1894, Tries to Boost Its Digital Cred

    TwitterFools
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:10 pm
    Billboard Magazine is best known for charts that rank the most popular music and musicians, which the weekly industry magazine started publishing in 1913 as a list of the most popular sheet music. Since then, topping the Billboard Hot 100 has become a coveted milestone for musicians, but the Billboard brand has lost some of [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Did Steve Jobs Accidentally Confirm Cameras for Next Gen iPads?

    TwitterFools
    1 Sep 2010 | 2:08 pm
    There was a flurry of activity today at the YBCA Theater in San Francisco as Apple unveiled a whole slew of new products and services to the public. With all of that information to remember, it’s no surprise that Steve Jobs may have let something slip out that he perhaps wasn’t intending to say. While [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.
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    Funny Emails

  • Facts of Modern Life

    admin
    1 Sep 2010 | 2:05 pm
    1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more…

  • Taylor Swift and the Bear

    admin
    31 Aug 2010 | 8:09 pm
    Make-up and Hair style…………..$500.00 New Dress for the show…………$700.00 Giant Stuffed Bear………………….$300.00 Not knowing how to hold the bear with a microphone in your hand………..Priceless!

  • Art from One Sheet of Paper

    admin
    30 Aug 2010 | 11:48 am
    Entries for an art contest at the Hirshorn Modern Art Gallery in DC The rule was that the artist could use only one sheet of paper.

  • Strange and Beautiful Roads

    admin
    30 Aug 2010 | 11:43 am
    The Strangest and most Beautiful Streets in the World

  • Directions to the Post Office

    admin
    29 Aug 2010 | 10:29 am
    A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?” The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right.” The man thanked the boy kindly and said,  “I’m the new pastor in town.  I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday.  I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.” The little boy replied with a chuckle. “Awww, come on…You don’t even know the way to…
 
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    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • Animal Characteristics

    info@gcfl.net
    2 Sep 2010 | 12:00 am
    Some farmers were standing around shooting the breeze one day when the topic came around to animals and their distinguishing traits. The group agreed that the dog was probably the most loyal animal and the mule was undoubtedly the most stubborn. Farmer Jones piped in, "You know, I believe probably the friendliest animal in all God's creation is the goose." The others wanted to know how he arrived at such a conclusion. "Well," explained Farmer Jones, "I was out standing in my corn the other day, and a whole flock of 'em came by overhead. And, do you know, every single one of 'em honked and…

  • Breathe

    info@gcfl.net
    1 Sep 2010 | 12:00 am
    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and said, "Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?" "Really!?" he said. "Have you tried mouthwash?" Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

  • Fairy Tales

    info@gcfl.net
    31 Aug 2010 | 12:00 am
    A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?" He replied, "No, a whole series of fairy tales begins with 'If elected I promise...'" Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

  • Burglar

    info@gcfl.net
    30 Aug 2010 | 12:00 am
    A burglar who needed money to pay his income taxes decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly, a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises was floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken." Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

  • Blind Date

    info@gcfl.net
    27 Aug 2010 | 12:00 am
    After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression, and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died and I have to leave." "Thank heaven!" his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to." Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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    Jill Morris

  • Dear Photogenic Friends:My co-author Johnny McNulty and I need...

    23 Aug 2010 | 3:29 pm
    Dear Photogenic Friends:My co-author Johnny McNulty and I need your faces for our book, Please Fire Me (Kensington Press, 2011). We’ve got lots of words but we need lots of people who have faces and bodies and work clothes to be the flesh and blood of working America.We’re taking these pictures at the UCB Training Center (145 w.29th St, 4th Floor) on Monday, 8/30 from 11am-3pm.Simple, easy portraits of people throughout the book. Channel your feelings about work, or smile and look into the camera. Whatever effort level you’d like to bring to it is appreciated. If you think you can make…

  • The Eating Glove © Are you tired of throwing away all your...

    12 Aug 2010 | 8:15 am
    The Eating Glove © Are you tired of throwing away all your laptops? Directed by: Jodi Lennon & Ramsey Ess Written & Produced By: Jill Morris Featuring: Johnny McNulty, Alan Starzinski, Keisha Zollar, Nicole Byer, Jill Morris, Mary Grill, and Ramsey Ess Special Effects by: Ramsey Ess

  • The lady.

    9 Aug 2010 | 7:31 am
    The lady.

  • Middle guy.

    9 Aug 2010 | 4:39 am
    Middle guy.

  • Tonight at 8pm please come see Gorilla Gorilla at Maude Night!...

    9 Aug 2010 | 4:22 am
    Tonight at 8pm please come see Gorilla Gorilla at Maude Night! It’s our new writer Owen Parsons first show.  Tonight’s show has an infomercial sketch featuring Benjamin Ragheb’s old laptop as well as guest stars Johnny Patrick McNulty, Alan Starzinski & two of the Doppleganger girls (Nicole Byer & Keisha Zollar). Too much excitement! Only $5! Directed by Jodi Lennon!And after our show, stick around for Stone Cold Fox!
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    The Bare Essentials Today

  • I should have gone to Kmart, I think they might have better blue light specials.

    The Bare Essentials Today
    17 Aug 2010 | 5:34 pm
    Enter Target boy. We were “matched” on eHarmony and he sent me the first round of questions. They were the standard answers that every dude who is looking to get laid meet someone uses. Seemed harmless enough. I was a little skeptical, since he seemed pretty cute in his two pics. I hate that I think that way. I see a cute guys pic and I automatically think, why would he be interested in me. Pathetic. We breezed through all the hokey questions eHarmony makes you answers and started open communication. The subject of his email? Cheesey! Hmm, what the hell did that mean? So I clicked to see.

  • Oh eHarmony, how you tease me

    The Bare Essentials Today
    3 Aug 2010 | 10:31 am
    eHarmony, you tease me so with your online and television ads of finding that perfect someone. Boasting the most relationships/marriages from an online dating site. That really cute guy in the commercial.  Delivering my matches to me daily. Not letting me see their pictures in the emails you send me, I anxiously log in each morning to see what bit of juiciness you have sent me to select from today.  You fail.  Meet J.  The one thing J is most passionate about? PC Gaming J’s occupation? (this is an official quote from his profile) My official tittle is Inormation Facilitator, essentially…

  • I’m still here. Alive and doing well, but quite possibly being sued.

    The Bare Essentials Today
    23 Jul 2010 | 11:16 am
    Did you ever get slapped in the face with a wooden spoon? It doesn’t tickle.  I have been MIA for a while. It has been so freaking busy, but that’s a good thing I guess. Job security, right?  I had high hopes and big dreams. I had visions of parties on a beautiful patio. Wine by moonlight with a firepit crackling and dancing. BBQs with friends and family. More space.  They were all squashed. Bastard.  Back in April the end of March, I met with a contractor who was going to extend my lanai. I have a decent size one now, but I just wanted a little bit more space. Just 10 ft out. A few…

  • Ever feel like you were in Groundhog Day except without Bill Murray?

    The Bare Essentials Today
    10 May 2010 | 10:15 am
    I feel like I have been just spinning my wheels the past few months. Doing the same thing, over and over again. Day in, day out.  Sounds exciting, right?  No new dates since the one with the kids who didn’t even bother to walk me to my car. I’ve been *winked* at by someone who said he was 5’9” but is now feeling 5’11” (dontcha just hate when you grow like that??), been *winked* at by Silver dude who didn’t get the hint when I politely said I wasn’t interested so he felt the need to email me to tell me he was my Mr. Right. And also old enough to be my father. Got email from…

  • I’m hoping the LASIK will help me see everything more clearly.

    The Bare Essentials Today
    21 Apr 2010 | 2:31 pm
    I had LASIK surgery on Saturday April 17th. Best. Decision. Evah.  I have absolutely no regrets. I was nervous. But it was easy schmeasy.  I did my consult appointment with Updegraff Vision on Monday April 12th. The appointment took about 1.5 hours. I met with one of their consultants and she walked me through the procedure, let me ask any questions I might have had, discussed her procedure and basically gave me all the information I would need. I had been considering it for some time, but never got up the courage or the funds to do it. I had been saving and decided it was now or never.
 
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    BugginWord

  • Vagina First

    BugginWord
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:48 am
    Apparently you people think I talk about vaginas a lot.  (Side note: it still drives me absolutely batty that vaginas is apparently not the actual plural of vagina.  For some reason I can’t bring myself to type vaginae.  So suck it, spell check – I’m going rogue.  But not in a Sarah Palin way.  She’s a vagina represidator.) Anyway, back at a un-vattooed vagina in Hoboken.  I met Rocco and some of his co-workers for a quick drink the other night.  As I walked up, someone said, “This is the girl that writes about vaginas.”  I should really work that…

  • Jesus is Stalking Me

    BugginWord
    1 Sep 2010 | 9:52 am
    Maryland is a strange place, Interwebz. After our long, uke-filled car ride, we were eager to get settled into our room at the world famous Hampton Inn of Fruitland.  A ridiculously chipper blond manned the desk.  I plopped Herbert, sheathed in his powder blue bag, atop the counter and began rummaging through my bag.  “Checking in,” I mumbled, barely raising my eyes to meet hers. They were the size of saucers and trained on poor Herbert.  “Is that an honest to God ukulele?” she squealed, clasping her hands to her mouth. “Seriously?” I asked, dropping my…

  • That’s Not a Snakeskin

    BugginWord
    31 Aug 2010 | 9:52 am
    Well according to Ryan, you guys like it when I keep you updated on current events.  That, my lovelies, is why I’m bringing this article to your attention.  It might even be better than the chick that got arrested for shaving her pubes while driving.  You’re welcome. A Georgia woman said a weekend outing turned into a horrifying experience when her young grandson developed blisters after he found a used condom in their hotel room and put it in his mouth. Suddenly being able to fit strange things in my mouth seems like a much less “magical” talent. According to…

  • Publish This Book

    BugginWord
    30 Aug 2010 | 9:52 am
    It started over lunch with a friend. Melissa is smart as a whip, well spoken, and deliberate with every thought and action.  But for some reason, she is still willing to occasionally meet with my grammatically challenged ass to discuss writing and gab about life in general. Melissa:  “I have to tell you about this book I’m reading.” Me:  “A novel?” Melissa:  “No, it’s called Publish This Book.  I am constantly thinking about you while reading it.” Me:  “Um, I think you’re really special, too?” Melissa:  “He’s…

  • This Week’s Tweets

    BugginWord
    29 Aug 2010 | 1:00 am
    Just passed a farm stand selling 50 lbs of potatoes for $12. Um, Maryland? What the hell do you do with 50 lbs of potatoes? # So what does Dad says to a crew of sleep deprived, hungover peeps? "It doesn't matter if it's real, it just has to exist." Oh my head. # I have to catch a plane. With that tongue? No way! # The only time I miss having long hair? When I'm desperate for a piece of dental floss and there's none to be found. # My colon feels like someone filled it with mentos and diet coke. Perhaps I'm a wee bit anxious about today's visit with my…
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    www.holytaco.com

  • 25 Awesome Animal Attack Videos

    Adam Tod Brown
    2 Sep 2010 | 9:00 am
      Is there anything better than adorable little animals getting cozy and loving with the humans that they're closest to? Yes, there is. Seeing animals attack the shit out of stuff is way better. read more

  • When to Say Retard

    Ian Fortey
    2 Sep 2010 | 7:00 am
    Like us, you may have been surprised to learn (about 20 years ago) that some people frown on the use of the word retard. And every time it’s said again, the same problem pops up. For 20 years! It’s a hilariously retarded misunderstanding that will never go away until someone comes up with a funnier replacement for the word retard. Keep on trucking, mentally challenged. You’re almost there! read more

  • Rosario Dawson Pictures

    Noah
    2 Sep 2010 | 12:05 am
      Where You've Seen Her: Rosario Dawson is a face and body we all know.  She was the only good part of Alexander, and was hot as hell in Sin City and Death Proof.  More recently, she's due to be in the new Denzel Movie Unstoppable, which I'm assuming is about how every male in the movie wants to lay a train on her.   Pointless Quote: "People in hollywood don't have that much sex.  Or at least I don't."   read more

  • Hypnotized Wheelchair Faceplant

    Jame Gumb
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:15 pm
    Hypnotized Kid In Wheelchair Faceplants - Watch more Funny Videos   9 Most Embarrassing Sports Celebrity Endorsements (Videos) (TotalProSports)   9 Things Guys Would Never Do If Women Didn’t Exist (Guyism)   Amateur Stripper vs. Faulty Stipper Pole (GorillaMask)   Extremely Tired Animals Passed Out (WildAmmo)   6 Things Paris Hilton Would Be Doing If She Wasn’t An Heiress (EgoTV)   Hot Girls and Gadgets (Maxim)   Inception Parody of the Day (The Daily What)   Vigo the Carpathian Needs a Job (ScreenJunkies)   10 NBA Stars That Could Be…

  • Deep-Fried Beer: The Future Is Now

    Jame Gumb
    1 Sep 2010 | 5:05 pm
    Computers and cellphones aside, the future isn’t exactly what I had expected. I’ve yet to drive a hover-car, my home is not filled with holograms, and the closest I can get to a sexbot is duct taping my Fleshlight to my Roomba. No, this isn’t at all the world I envisioned as a child. But all of that is about to change thanks to a man, or should I say hero, named Mark Zable. Zable, a chef from Texas, has spent the past three years perfecting a recipe that will revolutionize the way Americans (and Canadians) become both overweight and intoxicated. His hard work has finally…
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    Cement Chicken

  • where did 420 come from?

    hot for words explains where 420 came from. Nothing like learning from a sexxy girl about what 420 really means.

  • sexxy girl smoking weed

    sexxy girl smoking bowls out of a home made steam roller. Really hot sexxy girl just smoking like a true pro.

  • Dave Chapelle - weed

    Funny video of Dave Chapelle doing stand up about smoking weed. You have to check out this video if you are smoking week and searching the web for funny videos.

  • sycamore canyon test site

    This is a video tribute to the general dynamics test site in sycamore canyon

  • ZIDANE SUPER HEADBUTT REMAKE!!!!

    HELLA CRAZY AND PRETTY HILRIOUS REMACK OF SOCCER STAR ZIDANE GETTING A LIL TO HEATED AT THE GAME BLENDED WITH SUM PRETTY FUNNY OTHER COLLECTIONS. fUNNY VIDEO ZIDANE HEAD BUTT... WATCH IT NOW. . .
 
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    Chris Carlisle

  • Testing… this thing on?

    Chris Carlisle
    21 Aug 2010 | 1:27 pm
    I’ll be damned, it does still work. More soon.

  • Ugh, starting over again!

    Chris Carlisle
    23 Feb 2010 | 4:40 pm
    You’re reading this because my previous install of wordpress borked, or bricked, or fubared, or whatever the kids are calling it these days when technology doesn’t work how it’s supposed to.  Luckily I have most of the old posts saved, those I don’t are just lost in the ether of the internet. Hope to have things up and running again eventually.

  • “Nice Column.” “You too!”

    Chris Carlisle
    4 Jan 2010 | 5:08 pm
    I need your assistance in an important pressing matter. It’s not a matter of life or death or national security, nothing like that. This is something much more important: this is about winning an argument with my wife. Yes, it’s that important. The argument began in the drive-thru line at a local fast food restaurant. We had just received our order and my wife was in the process of distributing to the children their youth portioned meals of pressed lumps of mechanically separated chicken (with toy!) when the following exchange took place between me and the girl in the drive-thru window:…

  • 2010: Where the future of the past meets the present of today

    Chris Carlisle
    28 Dec 2009 | 5:10 pm
    The year 2010 still holds the connotation of a far off date in a futuristic science fiction novel, yet in reality 2010 it can be summed up in a single word: Friday. In the science fiction version of 2010, it is a time of technological enlightenment and discovery; a time when rocket cars, moon bases, and contact with extraterrestrial life are an everyday occurrence.  But as we all know by now, the reality of 2010 is far less flattering: cars are still land based, we haven’t been back to the moon in almost 40 years, and the closest we’ve came to extraterrestrial contact is two hours of CNN…

  • Keep reading, there are snacks at the end for everyone

    Chris Carlisle
    17 Aug 2009 | 4:15 pm
    I volunteered to coach my coach my five-year-old daughter’s soccer team this fall. Well, that’s not entirely true.  To volunteer means to freely give one’s time, and technically that’s not what happened here.  Sure, I am giving my time to coach my daughter’s team, an unpaid position, but the means by which I became her team’s coach was not as simple as “volunteering” for the job might sound. My wife volunteered me for the position. I was wifenteered. (Checked Google. No entries yet for Wifenteer. A new word is born!) If there’s one thing I have in common with a…
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    The Joe Donatelli Column

  • Indian movie action scene

    Joe Donatelli
    31 Aug 2010 | 11:49 pm
    Batsh*t Insane Bollywood Death Kill! – Watch more horror This is a clip from India’s 2009 Telugu language blockbuster Magadheera. I don’t know what this Bollywood movie is about, but I have a feeling the plot centers around unrelenting awesomeness.

  • Huey Lewis and The News, a Soulsville release date and The Power of Love

    Joe Donatelli
    30 Aug 2010 | 8:00 pm
    Photo by Chris Miller, Agua Caliente Casino Resort Spa, via Palm Springs Desert Sun VALLEY CENTER, Calif. _ I attended a Huey Lewis and The News concert on Saturday and was pleasantly surprised to learn that 1.) Huey Lewis is still alive 2.) The News accounts for approximately one-third of all professional saxophone jobs in the United States 3.) I was the only man in attendance who did not look like he was thinking about how sweet Huey Lewis music sounds on his pleasure boat. This is mainly because I do not own a pleasure boat, and if I did, I would not play Huey Lewis music. I would only…

  • Dating other couples

    Joe Donatelli
    26 Aug 2010 | 8:02 pm
    My brother Tom and Tom’s wife Liz check back in with The Second Column podcast after one year of marriage (they came on Ep. 91 the week before they were married) to talk about dating other couples, the keys to a successful marriage and how to cool baby fever, as well as the Ohio University time change riots and police monkeys. Also, Mike explains why he does not ride bicycles. Download or listen to the show at: http://www.thesecondcolumn.com/

  • Podcast guest Paige White on LA Weekly cover for play The War Cycle

    Joe Donatelli
    26 Aug 2010 | 12:34 pm
    Friend and podcast guest Paige White (Episode 130) is on the cover of LA Weekly for her role in the play The War Cycle. She is in part one – Wounded, which has four performances remaining at the Powerhouse Theater in Santa Monica. Paige is a phenomenal actress and this attention is well-deserved. To read LA Weekly’s extensive review, click here. To learn more about the play (tickets, etc.), click here. From the Back Stage review: “A deeply troubling play, delivered with intensity by a cast of involved, passionate actors, this is reality theatre, a document that…

  • Mary Jo Buttafuoco Q&A

    Joe Donatelli
    25 Aug 2010 | 10:20 pm
    Parts of my podcast interview with Mary Jo Buttafuoco are now available on the men’s lifestyle web site Made Man. The article is entitled How To Survive Being Shot In The Head: An interview with Mary Jo Buttafuoco. You would not know it from the piece, but the show was actually quite fun. I think that got lost in translation. Still, it’s pretty good stuff from a woman who survived a heinous crime and the life-changing series of events that followed.
 
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    Your daily dose of todayscyrano

  • Google Finally Pushes Back and gives Gmail Push Support

    Kung Fu Kev
    1 Sep 2010 | 12:13 am
    This long-overdue upgrade from the 'Big G' finally lets you G-people sync your Google Contacts, Google Calendar, and yes, Google Mail, somewhere up in the clouds for fast, anytime access. With the help of Google Sync, you can have all of your Googly Items up-to-date. This passage is straight from Google's Mouthpiece, the Official Google Mobile Blog: Using Google Sync, you can now get your Gmail

  • A Little Push - Motivational and Momentous

    Kung Fu Kev
    26 Aug 2010 | 10:47 am
    A Little Push, originally uploaded by stephaniedan Just in case you need a little...... Motivation!  Here is:'A Little Push!'(found it on flickr) Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.- --

  • Face-Off With a Deadly Predator

    Kung Fu Kev
    22 Aug 2010 | 7:37 am
    Paul Nicklen Wow, this video really shows the yin and yang of Mother Nature; the natural order, I suppose. It depicts the story of a National Geographic contributing photographer on location in Antarctica, swimming with and filming leopard seals. As Paul Nicklen explains, his 4-day adventure in the frozen habitat started with a very large female leopard seal swimming up to him and engulfing

  • Andy Caldwell is back at Ecco in Hollywood Tonight!

    Kung Fu Kev
    18 Aug 2010 | 2:55 pm
    He's back and you won't want to miss the high-flying show! Also, check out our music page, where we offer a link to Andy's website and the video that was shot on location at the Ecco in Hollywood!Related articles by ZemantaPaolo Mojo and John Graham at Ecco in Hollywood Sunday, April 11th!!! (unearholly.blogspot.com) Kick Back and Plan Your Memories for Memorial Day 2010 as KFK Goes Hollywood! (

  • Some Tech Advice from the Horse's Mouth: 5 ways to speed up your PC

    Kung Fu Kev
    17 Aug 2010 | 11:55 am
    This is some great useful advice for my PC users out there. This is from Microsoft themselves and it explains the built-in maintenance features of your PC. It also explains ReadyBoost, the new concept of adding memory to your system through the use of a Flashdrive or some other external memory device. Here's the link to the article, found on Microsoft's website: Putting your PC's
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    The Mann Landers Column

  • Helping Hand Hump Day (vol. 21)

    1 Sep 2010 | 2:18 pm
    Due to the fact that I get many requests each day from fans that are eager to contribute to the Mann Landers Column - I figured it was only fair to give my legion of followers an opportunity to speak their mind. Every Wednesday, aka “Hump Day”, I’ll be posting a reader’s question on the site and ask that you all lend that poor soul a “Helping Hand” by sharing your advice in the comments section. I continue to look forward to reading your insights and perspectives each week - this is your shot to lend a “Helping Hand”.  Without further adieu… ok heres the situation… …

  • Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize

    31 Aug 2010 | 4:33 am
    Dear Mann Landers, I’ve realized that one of my weaker skills as a player in the game is the pick-up line. Although I’ve set myself up with some phenomenal ice breakers in the past, in all reality I tend to be shy and not trust my well rounded character and appearance. I haven’t mastered the art of charm solely because I lack the creativity to kick off a conversation with that pretty lady at the front desk, the cute but quiet cashier, the sexy runner beside me at the gym. The reward: her number, the requirement: a way with words. A few of the lines you’ve successfully used in the past…

  • Mann to Man: Flip a Coin

    30 Aug 2010 | 7:43 am
    I don’t believe in indifference. I get emails from guys (and girls) all the time asking about whether or not they should break-up with their current partner. They typically send a long-winded 5,000 word essay describing every up/down of their storied relationship - and end it with “what should I do?”.  What’s my response? Flip a coin. This picture illustrates it best … There is no indifference when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m here to give light-hearted advice, not make decisions.  You’re welcome, Mann Landers

  • Mann to Man: T.G.I.F. You’ve likely had a long week....

    27 Aug 2010 | 6:58 am
    Mann to Man: T.G.I.F. You’ve likely had a long week. You’re exhausted. You’re stressed. Don’t be like the pooch in the video above and just sit around on the couch tonight. Whether you’re single, in a relationship or “it’s complicated”, I implore you to get out and do something as interesting and outside your comfort zone as the pup below… There’s no time to waste, Monday is only 48-72hrs away depending on your timezone and when you read this. You’re welcome, Mann Landers

  • Dogs vs. Pussies

    26 Aug 2010 | 7:44 am
    Dear Mann Landers, I’ve been crushing on a girl for a long time. Never made a move because I never felt she was interested. We still hung out a fair bit after I came to terms with residing on her friend ladder. Turns out I was wrong, she was interested. I’ve now been labelled a pussy for not making a move. I’m so angry with myself! Is there anyway that I can shake that label with this girl? Labelled, in Lexington Dear Labelled, No. You can’t shake it. You’re definitely a pussy. But wait! That’s not necessarily a bad thing. There are two types of guys in the world: Dogs & Pussies.
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    eSarcasm

  • Hump Day Hottie: Laura Michelle Prestin

    Dan Tynan
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:00 pm
    Swimsuit model blends the best of east and west -- and every other direction on the compass.

  • Hello, I’m the Mayor of Gonorrhea

    JR Raphael and Dan Tynan
    1 Sep 2010 | 11:13 am
    You can now earn Foursquare badges for getting STD tests -- so why stop there? eSarcasm is proud to offer a new line of Foursquare sex badges, including the SlutScout, Bulls-eye, and Back Door Master.

  • Breaking: Apple to Unveil Nothing of Importance

    Dan Tynan
    1 Sep 2010 | 6:56 am
    Sources reveal the company is completely tapped out of magical life-changing ideas, but is holding a Special Event today anyway because it craves the attention.

  • The TechList: Paris Booked, Craigslist Hooked

    Dan Tynan
    30 Aug 2010 | 7:25 pm
    This week in tech: Paris Hilton gets busted for coke, Facebook wants to trademark "face" and "book," Verizon becomes Microsoft shill, Tiger looks for new holes to fill.

  • eSarcasm 2.0: Bigger and Bouncier Than Ever

    Dan Tynan
    30 Aug 2010 | 6:04 pm
    The home of Geek Humor Gone Wild undergoes cosmetic surgery, adding new sections and several inches to its already generously endowed home page.
 
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    Futility Closet

  • Risqué Business

    Greg Ross
    2 Sep 2010 | 4:34 am
    In 1969, convinced that anything prurient would sell in the era of Harold Robbins and Jacqueline Susann, Newsday columnist Mike McGrady decided to manufacture his own bestseller. He asked 24 colleagues to write a chapter apiece, following two rules: They had to write badly, and there had to be an “unremitting emphasis on sex”: In the darkened room, now thirstier than ever, Gillian was suddenly aware of the presence beside her of Mario Vella. He had allowed his left elbow to brush gently against her. In any other surrounding, in any other circumstances, Gillian Blake would have…

  • The Knobe Effect

    Greg Ross
    1 Sep 2010 | 8:46 pm
    The vice president of a company went to the chairman of the board and said, ‘We are thinking of starting a new program. It will help us increase profits, but it will also harm the environment.’ The chairman of the board answered, ‘I don’t care at all about harming the environment. I just want to make as much profit as I can. Let’s start the new program.’ They started the new program. Sure enough, the environment was harmed. Did the chairman harm the environment intentionally? In a 2003 study, 82 percent of respondents said yes, he did. But now consider…

  • House Debate

    Greg Ross
    1 Sep 2010 | 1:20 pm
    On seeing two women screaming at one another across an Edinburgh alley, Sydney Smith paused. “Those two women will never agree,” he said. “They are arguing from different premises.”

  • “Tight Squeeze”: Solution

    Greg Ross
    1 Sep 2010 | 5:19 am
    Solution to Tight Squeeze: 1. Ng3 Kb3 2. Rh1 Ka3 3. Ng1 Kb3 4. Rf3 Ka3 5. Bf2 Kb3 6. Re3 Ka3 7. Nf3 Kb3 8. Rg1 Ka3 9. Nh1 Kb3 10. Bg3 Ka3 11. Nf2 Kb3 12. Rh1 Ka3 13. Ng1 Kb3 14. Rf3 Ka3 15. Ke3 Kb3 16. Nd3 Ka3 17. Kf2 Kb3 18. Re3 Ka3 19. Kf3 Kb3 20. Nf2 Ka3 21. Rxc3# (Thanks to Matt for this solution.)

  • “A Chronicle”

    Greg Ross
    31 Aug 2010 | 8:33 pm
    Once — but no matter when – There lived — no matter where – A man whose name — but then I need not that declare. He — well, he had been born, And so he was alive; His age — I details scorn – Was somethingty and five. He lived — how many years I truly can’t decide; But this one fact appears He lived — until he died. “He died,” I have averred, But cannot prove ’twas so, But that he was interred, At any rate, I know. I fancy he’d a son, I hear he had a wife: Perhaps he’d more than one, I know not, on…
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    Humor at Skull.net

  • 15 Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Alone

    skull
    26 Aug 2010 | 8:07 pm
    Share this on Facebook Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Digg this! Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Share this on del.icio.us Post this to MySpace Post on Google Buzz Share this on Technorati The Holy Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone. Here are 15 reasons why men should never be left to their own devices.

  • Unmerciful Bike Crashes

    skull
    25 Aug 2010 | 6:06 pm
    Share this on Facebook Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Digg this! Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Share this on del.icio.us Post this to MySpace Post on Google Buzz Share this on Technorati Here are 10 pictures of extreme bike fails. Which one do you think is the most painful?

  • 10 Funny Pictures of Dogs Flying

    skull
    24 Aug 2010 | 4:26 pm
    Share this on Facebook Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Digg this! Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Share this on del.icio.us Post this to MySpace Post on Google Buzz Share this on Technorati They say that dogs are the best swimmers. Well, it would seem that these four-legged creatures have another special gift: flying. Here are 10 funny pictures of dogs flying [...]

  • 50 Most Extraordinary Churches in the World

    skull
    23 Aug 2010 | 7:21 pm
    Share this on Facebook Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Digg this! Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Share this on del.icio.us Post this to MySpace Post on Google Buzz Share this on Technorati Buildings, especially museums and churches, are some of the biggest tourist attractions around the world. This post is really about the extraordinary architecture, and not necessarily about religion. Not [...]

  • Police told not to wear pink pants or visible thongs

    skull
    21 Aug 2010 | 4:34 pm
    Share this on Facebook Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Digg this! Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Share this on del.icio.us Post this to MySpace Post on Google Buzz Share this on Technorati Police in the West Midlands, United Kingdom have been told not to wear brightly-coloured pants or visible thongs in a lesson in fashion which has caused anger amongst [...]
 
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    Straight Twisted

  • Box water, not wine

    Straight Twisted
    24 Aug 2010 | 8:24 am
    Move over Franzia. People found a new substitute to chug. Boxed Water. It may not have the same effects, but hey, it’s good for you and the earth. You may wonder, why hasn’t anyone thought of this sooner? Well because people get too comfortable with one idea, which just so happens to suck. It’s not like plastic bottles have been an issue for years or anything since only 14% are recycled. A change was needed. So along came Boxed Water. It would be nice for people to start toting reusable bottles, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon. So until then, Boxed Water…

  • Ask and you shall receive (maybe)

    Straight Twisted
    18 Aug 2010 | 6:48 am
    A few years ago, while visiting my brother at Clemson, some creeper came up from behind me with a pair of scissors and cut off a piece of my hair because he liked my curls. Granted, it was extremely weird and disturbing, but if the kid liked it so much, he should have asked and maybe I would have considered cutting off a curl in a inconspicuous spot for him. But he never made his case. He only pissed me off by assuming it was okay. It may be an odd metaphor, but the same goes for email intruders. Recently, a nice fellow sent me an email introducing himself and his company in case I want to…

  • Sucker Jeans: Every Butt’s Dream

    Straight Twisted
    13 Aug 2010 | 6:34 am
    We’ve all been there. We bend down and next thing you know, you feel a gust of wind and you know you’re showing a little plumber. Your friends call you out on it. Children are crying. It’s just not cool. But have no fear, there is a hot, new jean on the market that will take care of all your plumber woes. My friends, meet Sucker Jeans. Founded by Cary Weber in Charleston, SC, Sucker Jeans is known for more than hiding your crack. They are the first seersucker jean and man, do they make your butt look good. I had the pleasure of attending a Sucker Jean event last night. I…

  • Write in Peace, Dustin Akers

    Straight Twisted
    11 Aug 2010 | 8:31 am
    I feel like I’m dropping my kid off at kindergarten. The only thing is, I wouldn’t actually have a kid. I would prefer a puppy. Dustin is like a puppy though. You kind of want to pet his strawberry blonde hair. Anyway, I regret to inform you Dustin is moving on to devote his time and energy to other things like graduate school and rescuing cats from trees. I debated whether or not I should say anything. Like whether I should just write as “Dustin” and preach his undying love for me and talk about how wonderful I am, but that’s a little too deceitful and narcissistic for me. So I…

  • OMG Forever 21

    Jordan Sullivan
    21 Jul 2010 | 4:44 pm
    When I was a teenager, AOL had just launched, I still used a pay phone, bitch couldn’t be said on TV, and I had to communicate properly in full sentences to those around me. LOLs, jks, thx, and ATC (all that crap) didn’t exist yet. More importantly, teen pregnancy was for the most part unthinkable. Nowadays, it’s pretty thinkable and possibly acceptable. We got movies of kids getting knocked up, TV shows like 16 and Pregnant and now a maternity line called Love 21 launched by Forever 21. Lions, tigers, and babies, oh my! You may or may not see it as a big deal, but when…
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    Sports Crab

  • Strasburg to Make Surgical Debut, Repair Own Elbow

    Rocco
    2 Sep 2010 | 8:24 am
    Tommy John thru Dr. Strasburg's eyes--as easy as 1-2-3. The one and only, Stephen James Strasburg, is scheduled to complete a first in Major League Baseball and modern medicine on Friday.  Strasburg is going to successfully perform Tommy John surgery on himself to repair his elbow.  (Typically, we would say Strasburg would be “attempting” the surgery, but it is a foregone conclusion that it will be successful.) “We were waiting for the perfect injury to happen to Stephen to reveal that he was also valedictorian at San Diego State’s world-renowned medical school and an…

  • Orioles Win August Due to Pity

    jwelkie
    1 Sep 2010 | 12:49 pm
    The Baltimore Orioles, who have been mired in 13 straight losing seasons finally have something to cheer about, the laughingstock of a team have completed their first winning month of baseball in what seems like 1,000 years.  Many people have many reasons as to why this has happened, the addition of new manager Buck Showalter, superior pitching performances by inconsistent young arms, or the offensive explosion given to the O’s.  One reason that people are overlooking is the fact that many teams around the MLB just flat out pity the once great franchise that now seems to be in the…

  • Cardinals Try to Trade Leinart for Tenth Round Pick, Also Try to Extend NFL Draft

    ZackFritz
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:06 am
    The Arizona Cardinals are trying to trade fifth year quarterback Matt Leinart. The Cardinals hope to get a conditional tenth round draft pick for Leinart, but first need to get the NFL to add three additional rounds to the draft. The Bills, Raiders, and Giants have all shown interest in the quarterback, but no team is willing to part with a seventh round pick. When asked about his complete lack of trade value, Matt Leinart reminded reporters that he’s “still one of the most valuable quarterbacks in the NFC West.” Matt Leinart trying to understand that he's not very good…

  • “Donnie Football’s” ACL Delivers Serious Blow to Rams Super Bowl Hopes

    Rocco
    30 Aug 2010 | 9:20 pm
    In last Thursday’s preseason matchup vs. the Patriots, St. Louis wide receiver, Donnie Avery, went up to haul in a Sam Bradford bomb and, in an instant, the Rams’ Super Bowl hopes were dashed as Avery ungraceful landed and his ACL decided to tear itself, sending him to the season-ending IR, and securing another two wins or less campaign for the once great franchise. Some sources say Avery was too jazzed up for the preseason game when he got word that bodog.com had the Rams as 150/1 favorite to win Super Bowl XLV. “Yeah, it was a lot of pressure for some the guys,” said head coach…

  • NFL Season Predictions by Matt Wells

    Matt Wells
    30 Aug 2010 | 12:40 pm
    With the NFL season finally almost here, here are a few predictions for the upcoming season: Marc Bulger will take over as Ravens starting quarterback because John Harbaugh will listen to the gifted minds who post this on team forums. Troy Smith will take over as Ravens starting quarterback because John Harbaugh will listen to the gifted minds who post this on team forums. T.O. and Chad Ochocinco will start their own reality television show called “Batman and Robin: The H.O.F. Duo.” Show will consist of the two going out in Cinci and fighting crime. First episode, “Getting…
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    Crazy Idea Factory

  • Automatically Guided Shopping Cart

    idea
    2 Sep 2010 | 5:14 am
    Have  you ever chosen the squeaky wheel, the one that won’t turn,or one that won’t drive straight?  Are you just tired of pushing the heavy thing?  Are you like me and can’t find anything in giant superstores? Well, your shopping cart problems are over with the introduction of the automatically guided shopping cart.  Just tell the cart what you would like to shop for and it will take you there.  For example you could say “I would like to buy some AA batteries” and your cart would lead you directly to the battery aisle. If your a store owner worried about…

  • Keep Your Cell Phone in Your Wallet

    idea
    1 Sep 2010 | 10:17 am
    I don’t like to carry extra items on my person.  I have a wallet, cell phone, keys and other miscellaneous pocket fillers adding an extra 50 pounds to my person. Some of these items would work very well combined, example a cell phone wallet combo.  Electronics are small enough to add all of the functionality of a cell phone to my wallet without adding thickness. Now I can just slide my cell phone wallet into my back pocket and not have to carry one of those ridiculous cell phone pouches on my belt.  As long as it doesn’t use the iPhone 4 antennae technology it should work great.

  • Rock Ideas

    idea
    31 Aug 2010 | 3:03 am
    The Rocks are generally looked upon as useless and regular, but I am here to tell you rocks are the coolest thing ever.  I drew up six fun things to do with rocks below. The paper weight:  Ya, I know not very origional. Rock the Boat:  Sail the seven seas with the daring and ruthless Captain Rock the Boat. Rock Star:  Rockin tuns from a true rock musician. Moon Rock:  He sits up high on the moon, just keeping an eye on things. Rolling Rock:  Prometheus pushes him up the hill, and he just wants to roll back down. The Rock:  Always trapped because you can’t teach a rock swim. There…

  • Idea for New Competition: Move Immovable Things

    idea
    30 Aug 2010 | 3:16 am
    This crazy idea is inspired by the Illustration Friday phrase of the week, immovable. Archimedes, one of the worlds greatest engineers and mathematicians is attributed with saying “Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.”   Assuming this is true would mean nothing is immovable. Saying something, like a giant boulder, is immovable is a challenge to innovative thinkers with nothing better to do.  This challenge would be a great annual competition.  People would come from far and wide to try to move big rocks, especially if…

  • Personalized Tires

    idea
    27 Aug 2010 | 5:02 am
    These days I think you can buy pretty much anything personalized; key chains, cookie jars, bowling balls, even rocks.  But not tires.  I want to go to the tire store and order my favorite B.F. Goodrich tire with my name in big white letters on the side.
 
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    Fibnews

  • BP Gives Away Puppies At The Pump To Bolster Sales & PR

    5 Aug 2010 | 11:38 am
    Permalink | Leave a comment  »

  • Brett Favre To Retire From Retiring

    5 Aug 2010 | 6:28 am
    Hall of Fame-bound quarterback Brett Favre has announced this morning that he plans to retire from retiring."It's getting to be old hat for me... I mean, I've retired...what, 5 times?"Favre plans to spend his retirement (from retirement) by playing football indefinitely. Most would agree this is the best move for Favre, who is one of the most exciting quarterbacks of all time."You can expect the media to talk of my retirement from retiring for years... but let me tell you, I'm retired from retiring and won't be retiring from that... oh yeah, buy some Wranglers." Permalink | Leave a…

  • Marky Mark Is Putting The Funky Bunch Back Together

    30 Jul 2010 | 6:24 am
    A new report from a somewhat-credible source states that Marky Mark [Wahlberg] is putting his "Funky Bunch" back together.When asked for comment, Marky Mark said to have said "Yo! It's about that time, To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme."Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch may or may not be heading out on a summer tour with Naughty By Nature, 3rd Bass and House of Pain sponsored by Club MTV and hosted by Downtown Julie Brown. Permalink | Leave a comment  »

  • Get Ready To Be Smurfed

    28 Jul 2010 | 6:09 am
    With the release of the Smurfs movie in 2011, the Smurfs have set forth to smurf everyone on the planet in hopes of smurfing their smurfy smurf smurf.If you see a small blue creature who is three apples high trying to smurf your smurf, it just the smurfs smurfing the smurf smurf smurf.  They mean you no smurf.  Just smurf yourself and smurf the smurf before you smurf. Consider your smurf smurf'd.Smurf. Permalink | Leave a comment  »

  • Arch-Villains Boycott Comic-Con, Plan Protest

    23 Jul 2010 | 11:42 am
    The Collective Arch-Villains Union has released a statement saying that all members are boycotting this year's Comic-Con. Representatives Darth Vader, Voldemort, The Joker and Magneto delivered the announcement. The group also mentioned that they will be holding a protest in conjunction with the boycott.Their reason for not participating is "the continued media and entertainment industry slant of our personalities, characters and arch-types.  We are people [creatures, robots and entities] who have feelings and are constantly misunderstood.""Just because you don't understand me and my…
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    D Evil's Own Paradise by Dr.A.Cool AAH

  • ESSAY FROM A CHILD

    Jokers
    26 Aug 2010 | 7:16 am
    Wrote about the stranger in our housesome time back...I guess this is either a prequel or sequel or another "inspired" copy of the same..you decide..but whatever you decide..am sure it does make you really introspect or at least think ;-)...read on: A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them... At the end of the day while marking the essays, she read one that made her very emotional. Her husband, who had just walked in saw her crying and asked her: - What happened? She answered : - Read this. It's one of my student's essays…

  • The bridge

    Jokers
    9 Aug 2010 | 11:38 pm
    The bridge Originally uploaded by srinathiyerA bridge over troubled waters..the waters under were certainly looking troubled and gushing all over like hell hath no fury..the road seemed to vanish into the hills which were being swallowed by the clouds...check out more @ some-colors-of-india-especially-dilli

  • the splash again

    Jokers
    9 Aug 2010 | 11:28 pm
    the splash again Originally uploaded by srinathiyerWas sitting watching the rains, mesmerized, thinking about water - how beautiful it is and how eaqually devastating it is...noticing the raindrops falling and splashing..when finally I shook myself out of the watery trance and froze the splash ... check out some more @ http://devilsownparadise.blogspot.com/

  • Colors

    Jokers
    3 Aug 2010 | 1:49 am
    Lights on the stage Psychedelic A dash of the blue hue in the wild saffron The show Stopper Water falls dragonfly Black or White?

  • Clouds

    Jokers
    1 Aug 2010 | 11:36 am
    CloudsOriginally uploaded by srinathiyerjust as we were going higher and reaching aamby valley...the clouds started creeping and descending all about us...the civilization was kind of forgotton..it was like we were going towards where the gods stay..cold...wet...silent..and beautiful ...words and photos cannot describe it...one got to experience it real time :-)
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