Humor

  • Most Topular Stories

  • A Sandglass That Only Works One Way

    There, I Fixed It - Redneck Repairs
    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:00 pm
    It’s more like a 10 minute glass now. Submitted by: thejdub

  • The 5 Most Ruined Orgasms in Cinema History

    Cracked: All Posts
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    By Gladstone  Published: January 26th, 2012  Every generation claims to have suffered more than those that follow. "Oh, in my day, we had to walk three miles to school; we fought in a war; we died of dysentery drinking well water that hadn't been boiled sufficiently." Blah. Blah. Blah. But I do

  • 8 Amazing Works of Art You Need a Microscope to Appreciate

    Cracked: All Posts
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    By Kristi Harrison  Published: January 26th, 2012  For as long as there have been people making art, there have been people who are really good at it. People like Thomas Kinkade and the painter of Space Jesus, just to name two. But it's one thing to paint the weeping, planet-sized face of Jesus Chris

  • Dating Fails: She’ll Be Jealous Of All His New Achievements, Though

    EPIC FAIL Funny Videos and Epic Fail Funny Pictures
    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:30 pm

  • Best Videos of the Week (January 27, 2012)

    CollegeHumor: Videos
    27 Jan 2012 | 12:45 pm
    Best Videos of the Week (January 27, 2012)
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    TheBloggess.com

  • Advanced cooking lessons

    Jenny the bloggess
    28 Jan 2012 | 12:20 am
    Conversation I had after wandering into Victor’s office. me:  Hey.  How do you make hot water? Victor:  …Really?  “How do you make hot water?”  Are you fucking with me?   me:  No.  I want to make a tea but I don’t know how. Victor:  Go write this on your blog right now.  You just asked me how to heat up water.  You basically just confirmed everything I’ve ever said about your cooking skills in a single sentence. me:  I know how to get hot water.  I know how the tap works.  I just don’t know how to use the coffee maker and I thought maybe…

  • And then I became a grown-up. By eating a grown-up. Or hiring a grown-up. One of those.

    Jenny the bloggess
    25 Jan 2012 | 9:39 pm
    Six weeks ago I told twitter that I desperately needed an assistant to work a few hours a week, to help me weed through bad pitches and tell me to take my meds.  Many fabulous people offered and I promptly ran away because I’m not responsible enough to hire an assistant, and I ended up hiding under the table and wishing I had some sort of an assistant to do this stuff for me.  Then Victor yelled at me because I’m making myself sick from working 12 hour day, but it seems sort of self-indulgent and weird to have an assistant when you have a job where you write about porn and giant…

  • UPDATED: The post where I make it up to you. And then make things worse. And then apologize again.

    Jenny the bloggess
    23 Jan 2012 | 12:57 am
    Yesterday I went out to the nearby market because we live in rural Texas so we go to all the various country fairs and trade days because that’s what we have instead of a mall.  They are awesome and terrible and I never come home without part of an iron lung, or a 60 year old book about “why naked midgets are awesome”.  Yesterday at one stop I found 100′s of doll heads on spikes. It stretched on for a half-acre.  Also, the doll torsos and limbs were in various buckets around, so it was sort of like Build-a-Bear except that you end up with a misproportioned, evil…

  • Where I was this week…

    Jenny the bloggess
    20 Jan 2012 | 8:34 pm
    I don’t have a weekly-wrap-up for you today because all this week I was recording the audio version of my book. I gargled half of a honey-bear just to sooth my ravaged throat and sang show-tunes to the baffled producers in an effort to convince them that this book should be a musical.  They were unconvinced.  I also demanded more cow-bell and they brought me hot tea and a sandwich to sober me up.  A free sandwich. All in all? I’d call that a win. PS.  I get home this weekend so I’ll be back to posting real stuff soon.  Pinkie-swear. PPS.  The audio producers said that…

  • There is no process. There is no spoon. I had to eat my soup with a ladle.

    Jenny the bloggess
    19 Jan 2012 | 1:01 am
    Victor trying to talk me down from an impending panic attack about me not knowing what the hell I’m doing in my life: Victor:  Dude.  Just calm down and breathe.  Just…trust the process. me:  But I don’t have a process. Victor: Well, maybe not having a process is part of your process. me: YOU’RE JUST SAYING A BUNCH OF RANDOM BULLSHIT THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. Victor:  No, I’m trying to make you calm down and stop freaking out. me: No, you’re just trying to get me to shut up so you can watch TV. Victor: Well, both actually.  And that’s…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Stuff Rich People Love

  • #91 – Fine Wine

    Chas Underwood III
    8 Jan 2012 | 5:52 pm
    Fine Wine Price: French Lessons One of life’s great joys when you are “comfortable” is being able to distinguish upon which side of the hill grapes were grown, weather patterns that summer and on which day they were picked by delicately inhaling. Bonus points to those who can name a delightful boulangerie, a five-star hotel [...]

  • #90 – Sailing

    Chas Underwood III
    9 Nov 2010 | 7:02 am
    Sailing Price: Chapped Lips & Wind Blown Hair If you think a sloop is a rapper, feel ketch is played with a baseball and glove and believe that yawl is a greeting in the southern American states you are likely not rubbing shoulders with the Rockefellers. If however, you are unfamiliar with rap music, believe [...]

  • #89 – Cufflinks

    Chas Underwood III
    27 Sep 2010 | 7:02 am
    Cufflinks Price: Accepting the French In the immortal words of Little Orphan Annie, “you are never fully dressed without a smile”. This whimsical idea may apply to the vast majority of pencil pushing middle managers trying to keep their head above water in spite of a partner that believes shopping at the newly opened Crate [...]

  • #88 – Producing Movies

    Chas Underwood III
    7 Sep 2010 | 7:01 am
    Producing Movies Price: Casting Couch and A Wallet  Most people are familiar with the phrase, “those who can, do; those who can’t, teach”. I’m not saying I agree with this adage but I am confident that my woodworking teacher’s seven fingers didn’t improve his street cred. While working for NASA is an unlikely endgame for [...]

  • #87 – Doormen

    Chas Underwood III
    3 May 2010 | 12:08 am
    Doormen Price: Confused By Push Signs If you are like me you grew up in a city where people learned how to do things for themselves. In places like Winnipeg it means knowing how to dress for sub-zero temperatures throughout the year. Native Australians can protect themselves from kangaroos, great white sharks and hide their [...]
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Craftastrophe

  • Fun? I Don’t Think That Word Means What You Think It Means.

    suebob
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:07 am
    I think it was Robert Louis Stevenson who said “The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure we should all be happy as kings.” Maybe we should stop with the things. We have enough. Evidence: A teratoma is a type of tumor. They have been known to contain eyes, teeth, hair, partially formed organs, and limbs. Sometimes it takes the form of a bulbous mass, with it’s parts hidden within; other times it may have hands or little legs sticking out. This teratoma is full of parts that you can have fun disecting from the tumourous sac, or position in a variety of ways…

  • One Small Problem

    suebob
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:05 am
    You might as well wear the Dog Eye Patch from yesterday. On both eyes. These crystal sunglasses are to die for.No u can not see out of them.They are prefect for lying on the beach or wearing on top of your head as hairwear. They’re great sunglasses IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE. {Source} 40 pointless dollars Not the same, but still fun:TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman NecklaceGIVEAWAY: Fail Whale: Part Deux! TIMES UP!TIMES UP! GIVEAWAY!GIVEAWAY!: Cozies, Done Craftastrophe Style (NSFW)

  • Eye see you

    suebob
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:54 am
    I’ll admit I love dear one-eyed dogs. Or three-legged dogs. Or old white-muzzled dogs gimping along on stiff legs. Ok, I’m a sucker for dogs. The idea of an eye patch for a one-eyed dog is kinda cute. An empty eye socket can look kind of scary, and a little cover…ok, I can see it. But what I can’t see (no pun intended) is an eye patch with an EYE embroidered on it. A human eye. With fake eyelashes: And of course no human-eyed dog eye patch collection would be complete without a holiday version” {Source} Just $20 creepy the-eyes-are-following-me dollars. Not the…

  • Putting my feet up

    suebob
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:45 am
    Thanks to the people over at Hi-Fructose online art magazine I can just sit here with my feet up and sip my coffee. Because OMG lookie here. WARNING: (Per intrepid reader Jessica) This site contains pictures that are so odd and disturbing in a really weird (not violent or graphic but WEIRD) that you may never sleep again. OK, I won’t be sitting with my feet up. I’ll be washing my eyes out. With Pine-Sol*. *PineSol should not ever be put in your eyes. The claim that I would be putting Pine-Sol in my is a bit of hyperbolic nonsense and a lame attempt at humor. Neither the management…

  • The Line of Scrimmage is in my Uterus

    suebob
    23 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    I know it marks me as a communist, socialist, anti-American but I have to admit I HATE FOOTBALL. The American kind, not the real kind with skinny cute guys running like gazelles up and down the pitch. So when I saw all these baby football togs, I was all squinchy-faced with snark, making up evil captions in my head. Oh, look at little Knut Rockne, ready to go get his first concussion! {Source} Can you believe his knees are ALREADY wrecked? Sad, I know. {Source} Have you ever noticed that the crappier the place is, the more they are into college football? No? {Source} But then…then there…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    There, I Fixed It - Redneck Repairs

  • AK Chainsaw

    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:00 pm
    Custom rifle manufacturer DoubleStar built this modified AK-47. Its most obvious feature is the chainsaw fixed to the barrel, powered by a lithium battery so you don’t have to be attached to an outlet when the zombie apocalypse certainly most definitely happens. If Ash had this, Army of Darkness would be about half as long. ~Not-”Not-So-Handy Andy” Jack

  • DIY AT-AT Cable Organizer

    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:30 pm
    You can get a kit for this Lucasnerd-approved cable organizer from GeekCook, or you can fix one up yourself using sections of that Princess Leia cardboard cut-out you owned in the ’70s. You did, don’t deny it. ~Not-”Not-So-Handy Andy” Jack Submitted by: UnknownVia: laughingsquid.com

  • $30,000+ Car, $5 Ratchet Strap

    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:00 pm
    Your parts are hanging out. Pervert. ~Not-”Not-So-Handy Andy” Jack Submitted by: Brian Ritchie

  • A Sandglass That Only Works One Way

    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:00 pm
    It’s more like a 10 minute glass now. Submitted by: thejdub

  • Car Conga Line

    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Well, I guess that’s one way to make sure you don’t get separated when the guy in front is the only one who knows where he’s going. Unless they’re going to drive up a mountain like in those Ford commercials and they’re planning to use climbing rope for cars. ~Not-”Not-So-Handy Andy” Jack Submitted by: Unknown
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    McSweeney’s

  • Draft of a Public Service Anouncement for the Fair Housing Alliance by Andrew Golden

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:01 am
    SON: Wow, mom! That was awesome—so many different kinds of people, talking all kinds of languages, and all different races! MOTHER: I’m happy you’re mature enough to appreciate that, Jack. There are so many different people in the world and you should respect all of them for their differences and for our common humanity. Now let’s head back to Munson. SON: Well, if there are so many different people in the world, how come everyone from our town looks the same? MOTHER: W-w-well, um, Jack… I guess that’s because, well, what do you mean? SON: People here in…

  • Open Letters: An Open Letter to My Dad Before He Began Taking Zoloft by Vivian Chum

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    Dear Dad Before You Began Taking Zoloft,   Don’t break that out of frustration and anger. You’ll regret it later, especially when you have to make a special trip to Wal-Mart just to buy a new one. Your Asian-American immigrant sense of thrift will make you regret having smashed that wall clock when you realize how much the price of wall clocks has increased since 1978, when you purchased the perfectly good one you now have in your hands.   You and I both know that in just a few hours Mom will come home from her errands and say, “Oh, what happened to the wall clock?” because nothing…

  • Dendrophilia and Other Social Taboos: One Settled Comfortably In the Cuckoo’s Nest by Dani Burlison

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    No one wants to talk about Uncle Bob’s chronic depression or why it is that Aunt Sue refuses to travel anywhere by boat. Grandpa’s electric shock therapy and Grandma’s time in the state mental hospital are seldom the focus of conversation. On rare occasions, a distant cousin will hint to some less-than-glamorous faction of family history after one too many wine spritzers at the annual family reunion. A new, married-into-the-family member will allude to the fact that someone has “issues,” the comment delivered with a tinge of sarcasm, as humor is always easier to stomach…

  • New Hire Form Letter For the Modern American Worker by Christian Lynch

    26 Jan 2012 | 6:01 am
    Dear NEW HIRE, Welcome to Glavco Industries, the second largest widget manufacturer in the United States of America. As our newest employee, we would like to officially thank you for not complaining during the orientation meeting this morning. You wouldn’t believe how many people moan about being immediately stripped of their business clothes and covered in massive quantities of delousing powder mid-Powerpoint presentation. No matter how many times we menacingly shout it over the PA system, one simple fact never sinks into the brains of our ungrateful new hires: this is a standard business…

  • The Long Walk: A Column About Washington: “Ha Ha,” He Stated by Alec Bings

    26 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    A good many animals announce their displeasure by baring their fangs, and the species “Mitt Romney” is one of them. Take for instance a moment during the final South Carolina debate, in which Romney was asked if he’d release multiple years’ worth of tax returns. Romney pulled back the corners of his mouth, and flashed a smile wide and luminescent. The transcript shows a simple, evasive answer: “Maybe.” But the audience heard something more—something sour, macabre in its unpleasantness: Mitt Romney’s fake-laugh. There may not be characters on the…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Special Kind of Stupid

  • Whatever happened to Special Kind of Stupid and its handsome owner?

    kev
    24 Jan 2012 | 2:22 pm
    I forgot my password. Someone stole my computer. Thieves kidnapped me and were holding me hostage. I fell, hit my head, and had amnesia. A dog ate my homework. I died. I met a girl and fell in love. A witch turned me into a newt (I got better). One of these explains my blogging absence these past several months. And the winner is… I had amnesia! Okay, fine. I met someone and fell in love. I have been so blissfully happy and preoccupied, I just haven’t had time for blogging. What? You don’t believe me?? It’s true! We’re engaged! No?? People, I’m telling the…

  • Halloween Skankitis

    kev
    31 Oct 2011 | 12:00 am
    This blog post was originally published three year ago on October 31, 2008. The mark of a true work of art, its message has stood the test of time. It’s Halloween. It’s time for pumpkins, kids in costumes, trick or treating, and candy. It is also time for the annual outbreak of what researchers have named “Halloween Skankitis.” Halloween Skankitis is an epidemic that used to only inflict females between the ages of 18 and 35, but now reaches females of all ages. It’s a disease that infects woman who are oftentimes perfectly normal the rest of the year. What is…

  • Gwyneth Paltrow’s death scene propels ‘Contagion’ to box office gold

    kev
    12 Sep 2011 | 12:51 pm
    HOLLYWOOD, CA – In what critics have proclaimed to be “the feel good movie of the year,” Contagion, a movie featuring the death of actress Gwyneth Paltrow, debuted #1 at this week’s box office. “Finally, a movie that gives people exactly what they want,” exclaimed critic Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times. “For sixteen years, ever since Se7en teased us with Paltrow’s off-screen death, I’ve been anxiously awaiting a movie that would follow Se7en’s lead,” remarked Gene Shallot. “I didn’t think I would live long…

  • Closing a chapter

    kev
    26 Aug 2011 | 3:23 pm
    When you are single and have reached a certain age, it seems as though everyone you know is already married. It’s not reality, but it’s your perception. And perception is often reality when you are single and have reached a certain age. I have had one relationship of significance in my lifetime. That young lady is getting married tomorrow. Will tomorrow be a somber day for me? No, not at all. While this young lady is “the ex” in my life, she isn’t “the one who got away.” I don’t say this to be mean, I’m just stating reality. Not my…

  • Explaining why my Twitter messages are funny and/or insightful: Part 3

    kev
    7 Jul 2011 | 2:16 pm
    On Twitter, I only have 140 characters to unleash my bits of comedic wisdom onto the unsuspecting public. Granted, I am able to do a lot with 140 characters, but sometimes the forced brevity leaves many readers cold and confused. It also leaves them hungry, assuming they have not eaten in a few hours. So, as I have done twice previously (see here and here), I am going to highlight a few of my Twitter messages and, in a manner only I know how, explain them in thorough, nauseating detail. You’re welcome, people. Kind of hard being a tough guy when you’re drinking green tea. Out of a…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Lolcats 'n' Funny Pictures of Cats - I Can Has Cheezburger?

  • Frankly Scarlet ,

    Cheezburger Network
    28 Jan 2012 | 5:00 am
    Frankly Scarlet , I don’t give a meow . ur apafee braykz mai hart… LoL by: stmoor1Picture by: Unknown

  • Cyoot Kitteh of teh Day: Blue Denim Baby

    Cheezburger Network
    28 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am
    Clik heer 2 add a funneh capshun! LoL by: UnknownVia: Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

  • i don’t follo fashion

    Cheezburger Network
    28 Jan 2012 | 12:00 am
    i don’t follo fashion fashion follo meh der aynt no kitteh datz moar fashunablol! LoL by: WilliamKecklerPicture by: Unknown

  • VIDEO: Ninja Cat

    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:00 pm
    Love cute and funny animal videos? We have a whole site for them!

  • I’m a pwofessional gwump.

    Cheezburger Network
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:00 pm
    I’m a pwofessional gwump. I take my job vewy sewious. ai heer dat jawb offurz a grayt retiremint pakkaj! LoL by: MallardVHSPicture by: Unknown
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Cracked: All Posts

  • 5 Reasons It€™s Impossible to Find Funny Books

    27 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    By Daniel O'Brien  Published: January 27th, 2012  I like funny things. I work with a bunch of funny people all day. Everyone in my family tells jokes. I like watching funny movies and TV shows and listening to funny podcasts. I'm very, very simple.I also like funny books. Not books about comedy, or

  • 5 Famous Late Bloomers

    27 Jan 2012 | 3:00 am
    By Simon Dufresne,Dylan Moore  Published: January 27th, 2012  Picking a career is pretty hard, it turns out. Not only do you have to choose something you could see yourself doing for the rest of your life, but you also have to be somewhat competent at it. Most of us will just fall into something and go with it.

  • 8 Amazing Works of Art You Need a Microscope to Appreciate

    26 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    By Kristi Harrison  Published: January 26th, 2012  For as long as there have been people making art, there have been people who are really good at it. People like Thomas Kinkade and the painter of Space Jesus, just to name two. But it's one thing to paint the weeping, planet-sized face of Jesus Chris

  • The 5 Most Ruined Orgasms in Cinema History

    26 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    By Gladstone  Published: January 26th, 2012  Every generation claims to have suffered more than those that follow. "Oh, in my day, we had to walk three miles to school; we fought in a war; we died of dysentery drinking well water that hadn't been boiled sufficiently." Blah. Blah. Blah. But I do

  • The 6 Stupidest Things We Use to Judge People We Don't Know

    26 Jan 2012 | 3:00 am
    By John Cheese  Published: January 26th, 2012  A couple of days ago I was talking to a friend about music, and within 30 seconds we were making fun of Nickelback. Half a minute after that, we were ripping on their fans. At the time, we were just two guys looking down our noses and laughing at a f
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Predator Press

  • LOBO is a Mom (Day III)

    LOBO
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:29 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] Stretching, Dave Harrison scratches his neck and remembers how overdue he was for a shave. As a Tier Two Customer Service Rep for Southwest Airlines, he answered mostly calls forwarded up from people that initially take calls and field the routine issues. And it’s true that as a “T2CSI” you get yelled at a lot.  But overall the T1CSI’s usually get flustered by some hostile treatment and overlooking some simple solution or policy.  To avoid this, Dave checks his computer screen preview of the issue prior to answering the phone.  Making an…

  • LOBO is a Mom (Day II)

    LOBO
    26 Jan 2012 | 6:59 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] Well, my little darling hasn’t made an appearance today.  Which is probably good, because I had a nightmare last night that she was the first of an entire brood and, utterly famished, dissolved me to a skeleton before I could scream. All new parents want to be lied to about this harsh, jagged reality.  But my case is a little different because ladybugs are considered good luck. I would have had the luckiest skeleton on Earth. But there wasn’t a swarm, so it is likely I only have one.  That’s why I went out and got some Creatine Supplements,…

  • LOBO is a Mom

    LOBO
    25 Jan 2012 | 5:16 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] As a cat owner –currently sans cat- a bug is kind of an event. Particularly a flying one given the complexity of entering my lair.  The ladybug must have "hitched a ride" in or on my clothing.  And with good reason, frankly; three weeks ago we had just settled down to our first good local deepfreeze. But she -the ladybug- was fucked.  It was unsurvivable outside, and I didn’t have any plants for her to eat.  I didn’t even have any windows. So I “googled” ladybugs, and found out that aside from aphids they are more or less omnivores. …

  • Critics

    LOBO
    13 Jan 2012 | 9:44 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] “What if I planned it for months?” I ask. “And even got tattooed with the prison schematics?” “Your readers would recognize it,” replies Terri.  “As a central plot device on the television series Prison Break, sprinkled with random and improbable scratch-off lottery ticket winner stories.” “Yes, but I’m not in prison,” I remind her.

  • Do Sharks Fart?

    LOBO
    31 Dec 2011 | 8:50 am
    Predator Press [LOBO] Due to the holidays, I wasn’t going to post for a while. But science waits for no blog -not even Predator Press, dammit! And you may remember that Predator Press is one of the few blogs that actually has a 47’ Great White Shark in captivity. And if Predator Press was going to keep this as an “exclusive” we needed to act fast. What if Kathy Frederick at The Junk Drawer tried to 'scoop' me on this? Hm? So at great expense to you, Predator Press scienticans have been dragged out of various pubs and meth labs to answer the burning question on everyone's mind: Do…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Funny or Die - Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, and Funny Jokes

  • Liam Neeson: "To Prepare for 'The Grey', I Murdered 27 Wolves."

    TheHollywoodHam
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:48 am
    Liam Neeson: "To Prepare for 'The Gre... Liam Neeson is a professional actor who does what it takes to make his characters realistic. Submitted by: TheHollywoodHam Regular Keywords: liam neeson liam neeson the grey the grey things liam neeson has killed liam neeson wolves taken liam neeson badass liam neeson taken Views: 4,282

  • 12 Unintentionally Sexual Books: A Plea to Save Libraries

    IHeartReading
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:51 am
    12 Unintentionally Sexual Books: A Pl... Yes, we know that these types of lists have been done. To death. But with e-books on the rise, we're starting to worry about the future of libraries. And our children. These 12 books should be a wake up call to government fat cats that public libraries are worth funding. Without them, we would not have access to these glorious titles. Submitted by: IHeartReading Regular Keywords: unintentionally sexual books sexual books kids book fail book fail unintentionally sexual titles scouts in bondage elmo experiments still stripping be bold with bananas games…

  • The Fame Makers with the Los Angeles Kings

    Anze Kopitar
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:08 pm
    The Fame Makers with the Los Angeles ... 4:33 The Fame Makers (Neil Campbell & Mike Hanford) meet up with the stars of the NHL's Los Angeles Kings (Mike Richards, Anze Kopitar, Matt Greene, & Drew Doughty) to show them the tricks on how to be famous. Submitted by: Anze Kopitar Chosen Keywords: los angeles kings kings hockey hit enforcer hurt penalty box interview birthday boys fame famous fame makers pr people team representatives Views: 30,194

  • Billy On the Street: Can Rachel Dratch Name 20 White People?

    billyeichner
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:48 pm
    Billy On the Street: Can Rachel Dratc... 2:01 Billy On The Street airs every Thursday at 11/10c on Fuse. Follow Billy on Twitter @BillyEichner. Submitted by: billyeichner Chosen Keywords: billy on the street talk show game show cash cab fuse fuse tv crazy madman tv show Fuse TV Game Show rachel dratch white people Views: 48,431

  • Even More "Moon Base" Promises Made by Newt Gingrich

    Dan
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:31 am
    Even More "Moon Base" Promises Made b... Check your tin foil hats at the door. Submitted by: Dan Regular Keywords: newt gingrich newt gingrich moon newt gingrich moon base moon colony newt gingrch gop race gop election 2012 election Views: 6,615
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Jokers Joke

  • David Letterman's Newt Gingrich Top Ten

    22 Jan 2012 | 2:04 pm
    Here is the Top Ten Revelations in the interview with Newt Gingrich's Ex-Wife from David Letterman. The interview revealed some horrible bombshells about New Gingrich, such as he wanted an open marriage. Newt won anyway. South Carolina voters strangely didn't care about Newt's treatment of his ex-wife. Take a look: Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds

  • Jimmy Kimmel Pokes Fun of CW's Musical Chairs Show

    18 Jan 2012 | 5:00 pm
    Jimmy Kimmel poked fun of a new CW show, Oh Sit!, which is based on musical chairs. Kimmel teases that the network is also doing a show based on Duck, Duck, Goose, called Duck You!. Take a look: Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds

  • Ricky Gervais Says Keep Your Acceptance Speeches Short

    15 Jan 2012 | 9:00 pm
    Ricky Gervais tells winners at the Golden Globes to keep acceptance speeches short. He says there is no need to thank everyone you have every met. He also says you don't need to thank members of your family "who have done nothing towards this." Take a look: Photo: © HFPA Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds

  • Jokers Joke Now Has a Google+ Page

    13 Jan 2012 | 8:00 pm
    Jokers Joke now has a Google+ page. Google+ is a new social network from Google. You can follow us on Google+ by clicking on the Google+ button below and adding us to one of your circles. You can also find Jokers Joke on Facebook and Twitter. Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds

  • Conan O'Brien Pokes Fun at Tim Tebow's Fire Song

    13 Jan 2012 | 5:55 pm
    Tim Tebow is an overrated quarterback who plays for the Denver Broncos. John Parr recently re-recorded his "St. Elmo's Fire" hit from 195 as "Tim Tebow's Fire." Conan O'Brien explains why this is ridiculous: Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    15 Minute Lunch

  • I'm back from Orlando and this weather can suck it.

    24 Jan 2012 | 8:39 pm
    So after a week-long geekfest in Orlando, I'm back in the beautiful northeast. The day before we were flying home, I texted my friend Vidna and and told him I wasn't coming back and to just go ahead and sell all my stuff and send me the money. Unfortunately, he couldn't work fast enough and we got kicked out of the nice hotel we were squatting in and had no choice but to book a much cheaper room for a couple of days. We did get to visit Epcot, and it really hasn't changed much in the last few years. I was kind of surprised that China was still the same size. I figured it would have taken over…

  • Random stuff from my phone.

    10 Jan 2012 | 6:37 pm
    Sometimes when I see something that makes me laugh, I take a picture of it. Then I forget about it completely. Eventually I need to clean them off my phone to make some space, and I try to remember what it was about that particular thing that made me laugh. Sometimes it's obvious, and sometimes... well, not so much. Why did I take this picture, for instance?I have no clue. It was something I saw at work, but now I have no idea what the hell I thought I was going to do with it. I really have to start writing some of these ideas down.How about this one?"Yo, OTIS! Elevator broke!" I saw this CD…

  • The long walk.

    24 Dec 2011 | 5:00 pm
    When Paul and I graduated from high school, he went away to Oswego College in western NY, and I stayed home and commuted to a local college. It was an odd time for two kids who had known each other since 7th grade and had spent the better part of six years as inseparable friends. For the first time since we met, we weren't a ten minute drive or a 20 minute bike ride away from each other. There also wasn't anything called "unlimited long distance" so we didn't talk on the phone much because it was expensive. Neither one of us was much of a phone guy anyway, unless a girl happened to be…

  • Step on my back, break your mother's crack.

    22 Dec 2011 | 4:16 pm
    Or something like that.A couple of weeks ago, I got a muscle spasm in between my shoulder blades, up toward my neck, so I went to the doctor. He gave me a prescription for a week's worth of muscle relaxers, and sent me on my way. I took maybe three of them over the course of the next day, and in a few days the spasm was gone. Also, I almost missed work because you do NOT want to wake up in the morning after you take one of those things.I thought that would be the end of it, but no. For some reason, ever since then, when I hunch over at the computer to type, or extend my left arm while I'm…

  • Beans, Beans are good for your heart.

    20 Dec 2011 | 6:59 pm
    So the other day, I made these:Well, I didn't actually make them, I mean I didn't grow them in my garden or anything. But still, I had something to do with their transition to that state.If you didn't know, I'm a bit of a coffee snob. If someone offers me a cup of coffee and I accept, and they immediately take the can of Maxwell House out of the freezer, I always have second thoughts. Sometimes I'll change my mind and say I'd like tea instead, or sometimes I'll choke it down if I'm trying to be polite. I think "Good to the Last Drop" is probably one of the biggest and oldest marketing lies…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    A Whole Lot of Nothing | Your Favorite Blog

  • It’s Time To Color Outside The Lines

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    26 Jan 2012 | 1:50 pm
    I believe that positivity begets positivity and all that shit. When things start to go wrong around me, I blame my lack of attention to positive thinking. Which, I guess me blaming me for a negative attitude is kind of the opposite of the point. While I was sleeping last night, I must have been extra hard on myself because after waking up 15 minutes late, forgetting to hit the “on” switch for my coffee, DirecTV being shut off for non-payment, and then finally my credit card number being stolen that ended in my whole account being drained, I now need the entire mother…

  • No Matter Your Politics, You Gotta Love A Word Cloud

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    24 Jan 2012 | 11:01 pm
    President Barack Obama’s State of the Union Address compared to Republican response from Governor Mitch Daniels Pin It screen-capped from The Maddow Blog, Jan 24, 2012, 11:45pm EST Pin it © Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing | Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us Post tags: barack obama, maddow, mitch daniels, sotu, state of the union, transcript, word cloud Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

  • One Of The Best Worst SPAM Comments Ever

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    24 Jan 2012 | 6:35 pm
    Unfortunately, the spam comment here isn’t someone trying to pick a fight. However much I wish to be involved in the latest butthurt-for-pageviews, it’s not happening today. The following time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I do know it was my choice to read, however I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you may repair should you werent too busy searching for attention. I do whine and I am often too busy searching for attention. Maybe this isn’t a…

  • Raising My Kids To Be My Clone

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    24 Jan 2012 | 11:10 am
    The only reason to have kids is to create clone humans to take your place when you kick off. Any other reason to breed pales in comparison to nature’s need to reproduce your genes. Unconditional love, feelings of worthiness, premature ejaculation, and one-upping your sister all fall into a distant 2nd place for reasons to spawn. Patrick and I are raising our girls for us to each have our own Mini Me, as you can see in this photo I took this past weekend at Star Tours. We’re successfully raising goofball, Star Wars-loving, Disney World-going nerds who will do pretty much anything…

  • LEGOs For Girls, LEGO Chest Hair For Susan @WhyMommy

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    23 Jan 2012 | 10:58 am
    In the weirdest, most Awesome twist of how the world’s energy works, while I was writing this post, I received an email about Susan Niebur, Why Mommy, of Toddler Planet, who has been suffering from metastatic breast cancers and is currently going through an extremely hard bout.She’s written about how she sees strength in LEGO mini-figures, and her friends around the interwebs are sending virtual mini-figs to help her with her fight. …and leave you with the image of a very tiny and very strong lego girl inside me, fighting the cancer with her minature sword, side-by-side…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Jokes - jokes4all.net!

  • A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, ...

    28 Jan 2012 | 2:59 am
    A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.The wife said: "What are we going to do?""Nothing, the lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself…

  • Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room ...

    27 Jan 2012 | 10:59 pm
    Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day, and I found a bunch of pornographic magazines.""What did you do?" the second nun asked."I threw them in the trash, of course.""Well," said the second nun, "I was in the Father's room putting away laundry and found a bunch of condoms.""What did you do?" the first nun asked."I poked holes in them.""Oh, crap," said the third nun.

  • If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you ...

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:59 pm
    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

  • What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

    27 Jan 2012 | 2:59 pm
    What's the difference between a man and E.T.?E.T. phoned home.

  • Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. ...

    27 Jan 2012 | 10:59 am
    Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Bee's Musings

  • Blah.

    16 Jan 2012 | 12:18 pm
    So, today was a peculiar day. I woke up in a crappy mood, as per usual, got in the shower and then got ready for work. I had picked out an outfit which I discarded as soon as I looked in the mirror. I went to plan B, then plan C, then plan D then, then I just sat down on the bed and debated if I should call in sick. But I couldn’t call in sick because my brother-in-law would be in my house and my misery has never liked company. It was still early enough for me to get my shit together and get to work on time but then I thought about all the stress that waited for me there and the tiny bit of…

  • We interrupt this silence to bring you an URGENT RANT!

    14 Dec 2011 | 11:08 am
    So things here at the Beehive haven’t gone as smoothly as I was promised in the fairy tales. It seems every time Andy and I are about to bathe in the light at the end of the tunnel, a giant boulder blocks our exit and we are left in the rat infested tunnel with only our iPhone lights to illuminate the graffiti on the walls. But whatever. He and I have gotten through a million other tough times so I’m sure we’ll manage again. Eventually. Anyway, since things have been crap, we do little “cheer me ups” to make things a little more bearable. Now, if you’re thinking we light up a…

  • This is the person that handles the payroll!

    4 Oct 2011 | 11:59 am
    Okay. I am not making this up. OZ bought a new “accounting” computer for Milton because the one she was using is from the stone age and it finally just about blew up. They bought new software for it and she had been trying to register the software for over an hour. Me: Uh, that computer isn’t hooked up to the internet so you won’t be able to register the software online. Milton: I know the old one was able to be registered so I should be able to register this one! Me: [was about to say maybe they registered it on installation but shrugs and bows out of the issue because I really…

  • Bizarro Friday

    16 Sep 2011 | 11:30 am
    Glynda (to me): What did you do for Mexican New Year? Me: … ::blink blink:: I’m sorry, what did I what for what? Glynda: Mexican New Year. I read in the paper that it was Mexican New Year over the weekend. Me: Uh, as far as I know Mexican New Year is still on January first but maybe I didn’t get the memo? [smiles to tell her I’m just kidding] I think you meant Mexican Independence Day but that’s today. Glynda: [giving me a look that says I must be a part-time Mexican and not “all there”] I’m pretty sure they said it was MEXICAN NEW YEAR. Me: Well, I guess I’ll have to check…

  • I'M NOT FRUNKING DUCK!

    1 Sep 2011 | 2:35 pm
    So I went to a new doctor a couple of weeks ago, I know what you’re thinking, “A new doctor, Bee? What happened to the grandmotherly Polish woman you’ve been going to for years?” She abandoned me that’s what! She picked up and moved her practice to Michigan with not so much as an “I enjoyed removing your skin tags!” card. Thanks for bringing it up and reopening the wound! Pour some lemon on it why don’t ya’! This left me with no other choice than to look for a new female doctor cuz I was not going to let the MALE doctor that took over the grandmotherly Polish woman’s…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Offbeat Earth

  • World’s Largest (pre-chewed) Gumball

    Editor
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:09 pm
    We’ve talked before about world records you can break, and this one certainly qualifies, but would you really want to? This is Barry Chappell and his 175lb, 62 inch diameter ball of pre-chewed Nicorette gum. Barry’s been adding to it for six years, starting with a single piece he wasn’t able to throw away on [...]

  • The Nose Hair Notification Service

    Editor
    25 Jan 2012 | 1:33 pm
    Chololi is an anonymous email notification service for individuals with offensive nose hair. Use with caution.

  • 100mph Slot Cars

    Editor
    24 Jan 2012 | 3:25 pm
    Think slot cars are just toys? Okay, well maybe you’re right, but enthusiasts in Finland take it pretty seriously, racing modified cars on giant tracks at speeds of up to 100 miles per hour. For a similar experience, try watching a tennis match on fast-forward. Via. Share on Facebook

  • Pothole Gardens

    Editor
    20 Jan 2012 | 9:54 am
    Artist Steve Wheen creates miniature gardens inside the potholes of London roadways.

  • World’s Largest Nintendo Controller

    Editor
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:47 am
    World's largest functional NES controller is 10 feet long and weighs over 250lbs!
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Standup dad

  • I'd Like To De-Ice Your Runway

    24 Jan 2012 | 11:33 am
    @gaberutledgeSnow cost me $1100 this week. I know that's not a lot of...

  • Special Needs Parable

    16 Jan 2012 | 12:40 am
    My little brother Joel has Down Syndrome. Or is it Downs Syndrome? I...

  • Stripper Buffet

    9 Jan 2012 | 1:45 pm
    @gaberutledge      Good news! Tonight I do a...

  • The Thin Blue Line

    30 Dec 2011 | 2:13 am
    I was making a deposit at my bank two days ago. Fun fact! The poorer...

  • Boobs!

    25 Dec 2011 | 2:26 am
    Sometimes after a huge comedy star such as myself performs, an...
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Awesomely Luvvie

  • Where Else on the Web is Luvvie San Diego?

    Luvvie
    26 Jan 2012 | 12:00 pm
    I’ve been freelance writing for other publications for some months but I’ve done a bad job of letting you guys and gals know! So, I’ma start giving y’all a weekly roundup of links from other places I’ve appeared. This week, I kicked off my column on Ebony Magazine online. It’s called “Keeping It Reality” and I recap some of your favorite reality TV shows a couple of times a week. Keeping It Reality: ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’ Recap and ‘Love and Hip Hop’ Season Finale. I also had my first piece up on UPTOWN…

  • Whose Wendy’s Tattoo is This?

    Luvvie
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    So I saw this pic and was like O_O This is a tattoo. This is why some people can’t have nice things. Unless you consider obesity and the diabeetus nice. One day, you decide that you want to get a permanent mark on your body. You don’t go with the usual cheesy stuff like the name of your mom. Or the girl you’re in love with now but are gonna break up with next week. Or a barbed wire. You know, the usual corny stuff. Nawl. This fool went and got WENDY’S logo. A chain restaurant’s insignia is on someone’s body. Ain’t no frosty that damb good. NO…

  • I Finally Started Watching “The Wire” and I’m Hooked

    Luvvie
    24 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    No, this post wasn’t written in 2003. I’m just tardy for the party as always. For a long time, folks have been telling me about the greatness that is The Wire. A slew of my favorite nerdy Black boys have even called it “the greatest TV show ever” unabashedly. Even the President of the United States, Barack Obama, said it’s his favorite show. I definitely shoulda paid more attention. But I hadn’t seen one episode, and I was being told that my life wasn’t as full as it could be because of this. “The Wire” has some very passionate stans. What…

  • Patti LaHelle Wins The YouTubes With “The Uninvited”

    Luvvie
    23 Jan 2012 | 1:12 am
    And yes, I meant “The YouTubes.” I first discovered Patti LaHelle’s videos in September when I saw the “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” video and I was slayed DEADT! Well there’s a new one and it is chock full of gems. *lays out* My favorite lines: Whitney: “Team Jesus. Team Soldiers for Christ. THAT’s the team I’m on!” Mariah: “One uses sunglasses to shade the CLASSLESS!” Beyonce: “At the time, no one had told us it was Brandy Norwood and that she was a guest of a guest of a guest…Maybe she was signed up…

  • Kobe Bryant Lost $75 Million. Why Are Folks Mad At Vanessa?

    Luvvie
    20 Jan 2012 | 9:14 pm
    According to TMZ, Kobe Bryant‘s divorce is finalized and he lost more than one. He lost so hard, Google Maps and the map that guides Dora the Explorer couldn’t help him. Vanessa Bryant is walking away with half of Kobe’s assets, worth $75 million, including their three mansions. Kobe’s bank account got Adebisi’ed with NO lube, and I’m not even feeling bad for him. Besides that fact that he’s still rich with the rest of his $75 million, Vanessa has earned the right to take him for half of what he’s worth. However, many people don’t feel the…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    EveryJoe » Technology

  • Could Facebook Shut Down Over SOPA & PIPA?

    Kori Ellis
    17 Jan 2012 | 1:30 pm
    If you are like many people, you are reading a lot about SOPA and PIPA right now. To get the lowdown, check out this post about how SOPA/PIPA can affect you. Also, watch this video about understanding SOPA and PIPA, and find out if Facebook could actually shut down. Though Wikipedia is going dark over SOPA/PIPA tomorrow. Many companies actually support SOPA, from ABC to Visa. Allison Boyer of BlogWorld has a good piece about Why SOPA Scares the You-Know-What Out of Me that talks about a lot of worrisome loopholes. You should also read this article from Daily Kos about the repeated blows SOPA…

  • Wikipedia to Go Dark on Wednesday to Protest SOPA & PIPA

    Kori Ellis
    17 Jan 2012 | 10:13 am
    The U.S. government is currently considering to bills that are causing quite a stir — the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA). According to TechCrunch, “Websites found to offer pirated content, along with the services that they use, could be hidden from US internet users by being delisted on search engines and potentially on DNS servers themselves.” Many people believe with these bills, we’d be heading down a slippery slope and the legislation could threaten free speech. Wikipedia’s Jimmy Wales has decided to send a message by going dark for…

  • Most Visited Websites in 2011

    Kori Ellis
    31 Dec 2011 | 9:43 am
    What were the most visited websites in 2011? The answers aren’t that exciting. As you might guess based on the top search term of 2011, Facebook was far and away the most visited website of the year. Facebook, despite some complaints this year, continues to grow and grow and grow. Number two behind Facebook remains Google.com. When you want to find something, Google.com remains the top destination. Number three is YouTube.com — which is also owned by Google. Three of the next four spots belong to Yahoo, while the other one is Bing.com. With Bing.com that high, Microsoft has to be…

  • Top Search Term for 2011

    Kori Ellis
    31 Dec 2011 | 4:37 am
    Billions of search terms are entered each day as people around the globe search the internet for what they want to find. In 2011, what was the top search term? Well, the answer is actually quite lame. For some reason, “Facebook” was the top search term for 2011. Why would you search the term “Facebook”? That makes no sense. Just go to Facebook.com if that’s what you are looking for. “Facebook Login” was the third most searched term of 2011, while “Facebook.com” was number five and “www.Facebook.com” was number eight. This just…

  • New iPad 3 Launch Date

    Stephen Kersey
    30 Dec 2011 | 10:19 pm
    We’re already hearing rumors about the iPad 3. According to our sources, the iPad 3 will be launched on March 22, 2012. So if you are in the market for a new iPad, you might as well hold off. Check that, who am I kidding? No one is going to wait for an iPad if they want one right now. The iPad 3 is expected to be 4G and use a quad-cor A6 processor. The retina display is expected to have a 2048X1536 resolution and will be capable of playing full HD. While the iPad 3 may be a little bit thicker than the iPad 2, the battery is expected to be much improved. Although a lot of people laughed…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Brittany Gibbons is the Barefoot Foodie

  • Things I wish Andy would say, Day 5

    Brittany
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    If I use 9-1-1, that means it’s important. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS. © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2011 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

  • Lisa Loeb

    Brittany
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    Poppy ate my glasses. I got new ones. Andy says I remind him of Lisa Loeb, which is good because she is on his list. The only girl I approve of, might I add. Unlike Megan Fox, Jenny McCarthy and the girl from Top Gun. I’ve told him four billion times Kelly McGillis is a lesbian. But he says I have no room to argue because my list includes Christopher Plummer and Bill Murray. That’s called class, Andy. Absolutely none of this is earth shattering. I will be doing my long awaited hair tutorial on Sunday, be excited. In the mean time, check out the post below to see how unromantic our…

  • A Weekend Away.

    Brittany
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:00 am
    Did you pack the camera? For what? I don’t know, in case we want to take pictures? But, the kids aren’t going. Right, but we can take pictures of other things. Like trees? I don’t know, what did we take pictures of before we had kids? Mostly us, either drunk or naked. Or other people drunk and naked. Or people I thought looked like Robin Williams. We spent the weekend in Westlake, Ohio. It doesn’t sound incredibly romantic, but he picked it because it had a Trader Joes and a Cheesecake Factory, and he knows I adore both. Want to get in my pants? Feed me cheesecake and…

  • The Candy House: March 23rd, 2009

    Andy
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:40 am
    from Brittany Gibbons brittanymarie81@gmail.com to Andy Gibbons <agibbons1@gmail.com> date March 23, 2009 at 9:20 AM I had a dream last night DON’T ERASE THIS YET KEEP READING that we owned a B&B- and the house was made of candy, like Hansel and Gretel. So when I woke up this morning, I still thought it was the best idea ever, plus I told Jude about it, and he was pretty psyched, so I started pricing land and flour, and then my mom called and I told her we should do it because nobody ever did it before, and she started lecturing me on mold and flies and it’s like WHAT…

  • Things I wish Andy would say, Day 4

    Brittany
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    Oh my God, you guys. It’s like we’re super best friends! © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2011 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder.

  • Daily Affirmation #FAIL

    23 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    Thanks. I Got It.I love the uplifting app I started using January 1, but this particular entry makes me more tired than inspired:Yes. I know.It comes with being a parent.

  • I Am a 12-Year-Old Boy

    18 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    And Here's the ProofEver since Morticia and Gomez (my children) introduced me to Ragestache, I've been obsessed with it.Then again, I still convulse with snort-laughs every time I see the opening UPS-guy scene of "Ace Ventura." (When did that movie come out? 1994? EVERY TIMEAfter laughing at so many comics on the site, I had to try my hand at making one of my own. (Thankfully, this kind of "me, too!" crap only crops up occasionally and not, for instance, when I'm sitting on the sofa watching NASCAR or Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling. (Okay, it happens with NASCAR.)Anyway, I made a comic and I'm…

  • Wake Up and Smell the Adhesive Brassiere

    9 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    Or: The Lies Our Undies Tell UsOver the holiday break, I gave my clothes closet a thorough exorcism cleaning. (Yes, I'm fun like that.)It was during these excavations that I unearthed this itemOr, more specifically, this item:Also known as THIS ITEM:I know What. The. H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks?I was so thrown by this discovery that I had to collapse onto a heap of discarded leg warmers and bootleg bikini bottoms to regroup.I had no memory of buying this marvel of modern engineering, but (as I was relatively certain it belonged to me and not my husband) clearly I had.The question was why I…

  • Things to Do in 2012

    31 Dec 2011 | 7:00 am
    ...Or Not.After extended deliberation, I have compiled my annual list of actions to make the upcoming year extra-awesome.Note: Over the years, I've found it helpful not to include overreaching items such as "Be a nice person" and "Live within budget." No one tells you this, but these kinds of vague, pie-in-the-sky goals are basically impossible to achieve.(I can tell you from personal experience that it's a real buzzkill to wake up on January 3rd only to realize you've already blown items 1-14 on your yearly to-do list. Let's just say some lessons were learned.)Anyway, I'm happy to share my…

  • Lefler Holidaytastic Reloaded

    23 Dec 2011 | 7:00 am
    Because the Jingle Never DiesIn the spirit of keeping the blogosphere green, I am recycling a disturbing holiday video post from last year.And also, after watching Morticia do spin control after it went viral at her middle school (long story), I couldn't resist giving it another whirl this season. Heh.And so, with this sketchy offering, I wish each and every one of you a plush, sequin-covered, unicorn-fresh holiday of your choosing!If you can't see ye olde video, please click here.
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Jennifers Review

  • Chrome at the Superbowl

    Clayton Grow
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:25 am
    Now that I know my team isn’t in the Superbowl (sad face), I’ll be able to concentrate on many people’s favorite part of the Big Game: EATing.  And, of course, the Superbowl commercials. A clip of Google's Chrome 2011 Superbowl Ad. (Image courtesy of the interwebs.) One commercial from last year’s Big Game that managed to distract me during the breaks in the action was Google’s “Dear Sophie” ad.  It’s a heart-warming story about a dad documenting a whole bunch of memories of his daughter’s special moments growing up.  He uses, of course, Google’s Gmail in its…

  • Wine Wednesday! Crimson & Clover – We’re Not Talking Joan Jett

    Jennifer Stinnett
    25 Jan 2012 | 11:22 pm
    When I saw this wine I immediately began thinking of the Joan Jett Song “Crimson and Clover“. Except she didn’t originally write/sing that song (Tommy James and the Shondells did) — but her version is the one I remember …. ba na na na na naaaaa …. Enter Concannon Vineyards 2010 Crimson & Clover Livermore Valley Red Table Wine This was my first tasting from Cocannon Vineyards, so I was very excited to receive this bottle form the winery to try and review. There is always something to be said with how a product is packaged. This wine comes to you in a…

  • The third skin

    Alyson Khan
    22 Jan 2012 | 4:32 pm
    “A black-and-white, irregular checkerboard pattern signals the disbanding of the grid system, its break-up.” - Hundertwasser Sometimes I feel like our surroundings are a little too sterile. It could be because I live in a well-groomed part of town, the houses beautiful, and the condos modern and clean. It’s lovely…and very controlled; the refined aesthetic borders on the boring and impersonal. As human beings living in the world, we are surrounded by three layers: 1.) the skin, 2.) clothing and 3.) walls / buildings / vehicles. The late Austrian artist, Friedensreich Hundertwasser…

  • Old Milwaukee: Tastes Best with a Sense of Humor

    Clayton Grow
    19 Jan 2012 | 5:11 am
    I used to hate advertisements.  But I think advertisers are finally starting to get it… people hate feeling like they’re being sold snake oil. So now there are some pretty freaking great commercials out there.  Yes, they are often lost in a sea of bad ads, but the good ones actually make me want to buy whatever it is they’re selling.  All of the product placement in Mad Men is just one example, but there are plenty of other not-so-serious spots that really do make me want to open up my wallet and say “Please, take what you want, you’re fricken hilarious, you’ve earned…

  • Nobody is coming, so let’s Merz

    Alyson Khan
    15 Jan 2012 | 2:40 pm
    In 1918, nearly 100 years ago, German artist Kurt Schwitters said “… Everything had broken down and new things had to be made out of the fragments; and this is Merz. It was like a revolution within me, not as it was, but as it should have been.” Along with Pablo Picasso, Schwitters was one of the progenitors of collage–assembling together diverse elements already in existence and making a dialectical montage. The act of repurposing is more relevant than ever. It is not to discount invention and progress,  but when things fall apart, there is great opportunity to cull through…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Boondock Ramblings

  • I love the excitement in his eyes . . .

    lisaofboondocks
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:46 pm
    I love that snowfall still thrills my son. I love that he jumps up and down at the prospect of playing in the snow and especially that he excuses mommy for having become such a wimp and hating the snow. Jonathan loves to sled down a snowy hill and he especially loves it when he can do it with his Dad or his grandfather. Unlike his dad and I, Jonathan’s Grandfather, my dad, will go up and down that hill almost as many times as Jonathan wants. Dad turned 68 this month and didn’t seem as keen as going up and down that hill as he once did and even attempted to tire the kid out by…

  • Worrying about our electric bill…at the age of five

    lisaofboondocks
    26 Jan 2012 | 12:16 pm
    Jonathan did not want to go to bed at all. It was 12:30 and he still didn’t want to go to bed but was half out of it with exhaustion. He just kept talking and talking and talking. I had left the light on downstairs and realized it as we discussed that I was not going to read him a book before bed because of how late it was. “Man! This is the worst night ever!” he started to whine, almost in tears. “No book. I didn’t get to finish my show. …” “Well, at least our house didn’t burn down. We still have a house, right?” I said, trying to show him the good parts of the day.

  • I’m a stay-at-home-mom and a housewife. . .

    lisaofboondocks
    17 Jan 2012 | 11:43 pm
    That is a sort-of confession for me…the title. I seem to have trouble admitting it, embracing it and living it. Way back this is what I wanted — to be at home all day with my little boy. Now I am and I don’t seem to be coming to grips with it very well. I’m totally slacking off. I’m dreading housework. In fact, there are days I don’t even do any housework. It’s sad really. I can’t seem to admit that I have to be an adult and that THIS is my job. No,  not THIS, as in my blog, THIS as in my house and my son and the need to clean my house and…

  • He still likes hanging with his mama

    lisaofboondocks
    16 Jan 2012 | 11:00 pm
    Jonathan and I went to the playground a couple of weeks ago, on a rare warm day in January. Other parents  had the same idea and there were a few other children there. When we first arrived though, there was only one other little girl about Jonathan’s size and her baby brother with their parents. The girl spotted Jonathan and sprinted across the playground to greet him. He jumped back and she said, “Oh! Did I scare you?” It was the cutest thing coming out of the mouth of someone so young. Then she grabbed his hand and they were off, running across the playground and hiding…

  • Yoga and the boy who meditated for less than 30 seconds

    lisaofboondocks
    10 Jan 2012 | 12:02 am
    We (my dad, mom and son) visited a cousin of mine last week at her home, which doubles as her Yoga studio. She wanted some photographs of her studio and her to promote her business. Jonathan seemed to forget we were there for business and saw the studio space as a new and interesting playground. He ran from one side to the other side of the studio and slammed into Yoga pillows and fell onto the hard wood floor and I swore I was going to have to go to the ER with him. When my cousin was ready to do a few poses, Jonathan showed her what he’d been doing for awhile now — a pose from…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Funny and Jokes

  • Those Dirty Pirates

    F&J Staff
    14 Jan 2012 | 10:26 am
    A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ''There's the plank for trouble makers, there's the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there's the barrel for all you sexual needs.'' ''Whatcha mean? my sexual needs?'' ''Well, you stick your willy in the hole and you'll be serviced, anytime you want, except for Wednesdays.'' ''What happens on Wednesdays?'' ''It's your turn in the barrel...'' This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved. Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:Yo Mama Is So Dirty Yo mama is so dirty she has to…

  • What A Scary Flight

    F&J Staff
    13 Jan 2012 | 3:46 pm
    After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that "we're just waiting for the pilots." The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke. The men board the plane and go into the cockpit. More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers. The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it's takeoff. As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the…

  • Getting Bank of America By The Balls

    F&J Staff
    21 Nov 2011 | 7:27 pm
    A little old lady walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks her how much she wanted to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady replies, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it right here in this bag..." The accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff…

  • The Eskimo and Scotsman

    F&J Staff
    3 Nov 2011 | 9:49 am
    One afternoon, in a land where Eskimos and Scotsman run into each other on the highway fairly often, an Eskimo was driving down the road when his truck breaks down. Shortly after, a friendly Scotsman pulls off to the side of the road to help him. Upon inspecting the smoking engine, the Scot proclaims to the Eskimo, "I looks like you blew a seal!" Abashed, the Eskimo replied, "Yeah! Well... you guys screw sheep!" This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved. Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:Travelling Ventriloquist On A Farm A travelling ventriloquist on the road in…

  • The Not So Stupid Monkey

    F&J Staff
    27 Oct 2011 | 10:30 am
    A man walks in a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down and orders a drink, meanwhile the monkey is running around all over the place and jumps up on a pool table. He grabs the 8 ball, shoves it into his mouth and swallows it hole. "Holy crap!" says the bartender, completely livid. He says to the man, "Did you see what your stupid monkey just did?" "Nope. What did he do this time?" says the man. "He just swallowed one of the balls off the pool table, whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, well I hope it kills him 'cause he's been driving me nuts" says the man. After finishing his drink, the man…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Nanny Goats in Panties

  • Sticky Readers Now Available in More Formats and More Countries

    Margaret
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:09 pm
    Hi Kids! Just a quick update to let you know that my book, Sticky Readers, is now available on the Nook and iBook and Kobo and God knows what else in ebook formats (in addition to the already available Kindle). Also? I Am an Auteur! That’s right – Sticky Readers has spread across the globe. In France, I am an auteur:   And in Japan I’m a ペーパーバック. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to be a ペーパーバック. For a complete list of formats and where to buy Sticky Readers, go to the Where to Buy page on the Sticky Readers website.  …

  • Hooves on the Ground: Sacramento’s First Baconfest

    Margaret
    22 Jan 2012 | 4:07 pm
    Did that guy ever find out who the man was that put the Bop in the Bop-she-bop-she-bop? And if so, did he shake his hand? And if so, was it a firm handshake, or was it one of those flacid limp fish handshakes? Anyway, yesterday’s storm break (the one that followed nearly five inches of rain in certain parts of the foothills) provided a bright and sunny day for this weekend’s Inaugural Sacramento Baconfest of 2012. Outside the Magpie Cafe on R Street. And a bike rack. Ever since I first got word about the porky event, I shouted and touted and proclaimed I was going to the late…

  • Goat Thing: More Baby Goats – Yay!

    Margaret
    21 Jan 2012 | 1:37 pm
    My husband’s colleague’s wife’s friend’s goat had babies recently and this picture managed to find its way to me by getting forwarded through all those people. And that’s how networking works. Eleven more people in that chain, and this goat picture would have been technically “viral”. Born Jan 10, these babies are one day old in this picture.  

  • When Parking Backwards is the Law in Sacramento

    Margaret
    16 Jan 2012 | 1:41 pm
    Do you have this crazy notion in your town? The one where the sign tells you that you have to park BACKWARDS???? Yeah, that’s right. You must park backwards. Er, excuse me… “back-in only angled parking”. Who ever heard of such a thing? Nevertheless, I followed the stupid sign. Although, you could totally miss it. Do you see the sign in this picture?   Nobody’s going to see the sign and even though the parking spots are angled for you to back in instead of swinging around to pull in forward, and even though a few people get it, many people don’t.  …

  • Why I Never Change My Refrigerator’s Water Filter

    Margaret
    9 Jan 2012 | 2:35 pm
    I’ve been living with this refrigerator for five or six years now and apparently, you’re supposed to change the water filter every six months–who knew? They must have smelled it from Whirlpool Headquarters because they sent me a new filter, practically forcing it on me, begging me to do my fridgerly duty and replace the filter. Now, before you start gagging at the thought of my not replacing the filter for six years, you might want to think about the guy who lived here before us who may also have not changed the filter another six years before that? Ha! That’ll teach…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Skwib

  • A Bottle and a Friend

    Mark A. Rayner
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:45 am
    There’s nane that’s blest of human kind, But the cheerful and the gay, man, Fal, la, la, etc. Here’s a bottle and an honest friend! What wad ye wish for mair, man? Wha kens, before his life may end, What his share may be o’ care, man? Then catch the moments as they fly, And use them as ye ought, man: Believe me, happiness is shy, And comes not aye when sought, man. Other Titles Ta’ Raise A Brow: Bessy and Her Spinnin’ Wheel Cock Up Your Beaver The Fornicator Nine Inch Will Please a Lady Alltop will be raisin’ a wee dram this evening in honour of his…

  • This is a scream

    Mark A. Rayner
    22 Jan 2012 | 6:49 pm
    He survived a tour of duty in Afghanistan. He’s tough. He’s a marine. But Adam was not prepared for the lying ways of the carnies operating the Giant Slingshot. Alltop screams like a little girl too! Video via Reddit

  • Grocery Store Robots by Patton Oswalt

    Mark A. Rayner
    19 Jan 2012 | 7:46 am
    Patton Oswalt, making the case for not using the grocery store robot. I wouldn’t mind having one of those cool robots for myself though. Check out Patton Oswalt’s website here for touring dates and news. Alltop is a robot too, but don’t tell it, it thinks it’s human.

  • Joining the SOPA bandwagon

    Mark A. Rayner
    18 Jan 2012 | 11:14 am
    As someone who loves the web, and needs it, even with its problems, I really hope you guys in the States can stop SOPA. Here’s The Oatmeal’s take on it: Want to help in the fight against SOPA / PIPA? First, go learn about the bills. After that go contact your elected officials. Wikipedia has a handy-dandy page set up which allows you to locate your state representative. Alltop loves kittens too!

  • The five second rule

    Mark A. Rayner
    17 Jan 2012 | 6:30 am
    It was the best game of zenball ever, and the crowd was wild with excitement: the whisper of butterfly wings was deafening. The Rotrovra Koan Kangaroos had just scored their first all-in kensho, and the Targenville Half-Lotus Lions replied with a double-satori. The Roos launched a full-out dharma walk, but they were unable to penetrate the Lions’ impressive grasp of paradox. The Roos had to do something or the Lions would surely win. The hush of the field filled with the deadly susurration of arrows, as they invoked the five second rule. Afterwards, only the voice of a bamboo flute. Alltop…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Motherwise Cracks

  • More Wine

    Mary
    22 Jan 2012 | 2:49 pm
    Since the last batch of wine making was such a success, the kids went to Fredonia, NY to get some more grape juice to make even more wine. That means our upstairs bathroom will once again become a wine cellar. The kids have no space to make this wine, this time even a greater amount than before, and once again the parents will become foster vintners. My first thought was that I’d rather have grandchildren but then the wine turned out pretty good this last time, there were no diapers involved or screaming so I am okay with it. Your browser does not support the video tag My…

  • The Return of Cat Woman

    Mary
    29 Dec 2011 | 11:23 pm
    While my daughters are having a grand old time in Australia, leaving me to worry, I do have the added luxury of cat sitting during their vacation down under. (What do I worry about? Besides just about everything, that is a boatload of water to fly over for a vey long time.) This cat hates me but it’s nothing personal – she hates everyone. And just when I thought my refereeing days were over, doesn’t this cat decide to feud with my cat. This is all taking place throught a window as my cat is an outside cat and this one is an indoor cat. The big difference between fighting…

  • And So This Is Bitchy

    Mary
    28 Dec 2011 | 12:01 pm
    What would you do if your packages were delivered onto a wet soggy porch when your front door with a dry covered porch is ten, count ‘em, ten steps to the right? All year long, the packages get delivered to the covered front porch until Christmas, when they get plopped into a puddle by the side door that is just a tad closer to the delivery truck. I made this sign to help the delivery guys out. I wanted to be very clear as to where to leave packages. That way, my $75 canvas photo delivered in a cardboard box wouldn’t get ruined, which would mean I would call the delivery service…

  • Ghosts of Christmases Past

    Mary
    26 Dec 2011 | 3:42 pm
    When the kids were younger, I limited their TV viewing time because I was very mean and wanted them to grow up with at least half a brain. When I did let them watch TV, it wasn’t just anything on the tube, the shows had to be suitable – to me, of course. One of their favorites were the KidSongs videos and songs and we played the videos over and over until you could probably see through the tape. They often will reminisce about some of the songs so when I happened to stumble upon the KidSongs site with downloadable songs to record to a CD or an iPod, I couldn’t resist.

  • This Is A Record. My Christmas Shopping Is Done.

    Mary
    8 Dec 2011 | 10:20 am
    SIDEBAR: Or “dunh”, the word my son texts for done because he says that it is shorter. I am paying big bucks for college and four words equals four words any way you write it, but I digress… Thanks to the wonder of the Internet, I have completed all my Christmas shopping. The only thing yet to do is make the sign for the door on the side porch where the UPS guy keeps leaving my gift items in the rain and wet to direct him to the large, covered wrap-around porch that is ten steps further but will keep my gift items dry. I am working on a graphic for that now. Perhaps just a…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Fun Junction : Place for Funny Jokes, Images, SMS, Videos, Quotes and Liners n lot more fun things

  • RE: fun-junction.blogspot.com

    Bollywood
    24 Jan 2012 | 12:23 pm
    Hello, Let's do a 3-way link swap with your website http://fun-junction.blogspot.com. I'll give you two links in exchange for one from you. 3-way linking is a very effective link building strategy. Since you're getting the links from third party websites, they appear totally natural to search engines. Such inbound links help your website rank higher in Google and other search engines. Visit

  • RE: fun-junction.blogspot.com

    Bollywood
    19 Dec 2011 | 1:35 pm
    Hello, Let's do a 3-way link swap with your website http://fun-junction.blogspot.com. I'll give you two links in exchange for one from you. 3-way linking is a very effective link building strategy. Since you're getting the links from third party websites, they appear totally natural to search engines. Such inbound links help your website rank higher in Google and other search engines. Visit

  • RE: fun-junction.blogspot.com

    Bollywood
    7 Dec 2011 | 9:27 pm
    Hello, Let's do a 3-way link swap with your website http://fun-junction.blogspot.com. I'll give you two links in exchange for one from you. 3-way linking is a very effective link building strategy. Since you're getting the links from third party websites, they appear totally natural to search engines. Such inbound links help your website rank higher in Google and other search engines. Visit

  • What Do Animals Want ??

    pratik
    25 Sep 2010 | 3:15 pm
    These pics has made me a bit crazy...omg!!

  • Benefit of Fast Drinking

    pratik
    19 Dec 2009 | 10:17 am
    A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

  • Google Doesn’t Have My Number (Limerick)

    madkane
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:23 pm
    Google compiles basic profiles on each of its users, based on web browsing habits. And I just found out I’m a 65-plus male. If you’re wondering who Google thinks you are, simply sign into Google and visit your ad preferences. Google Doesn’t Have My Number (Limerick) By Madeleine Begun Kane It seems Google believes I’m a guy– One who’s 65-plus. And here’s why: It claims its conclusion Is ad-based — Delusion! Ask my husband — this profile’s a lie!

  • Waxing Silly About Science (Limerick)

    madkane
    25 Jan 2012 | 2:28 pm
    I strongly support stem cell research. But that doesn’t mean I won’t mock it. After all, science article titles like this are impossible to resist: Stem Cells Build a Better Rat Penis. Waxing Silly About Science (Limerick) By Madeleine Begun Kane Is your rat penis painfully small? There’s help for you — here’s who to call: A Doc at Tulane — His team will explain How stem cells can make that thing tall.

  • A Plateful Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

    madkane
    21 Jan 2012 | 11:09 pm
    It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.) How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.) I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next…

  • Limerick of the Week (45)

    madkane
    21 Jan 2012 | 11:02 pm
    It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions: Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever two-verse limerick: A fellow was trying to hide His nature (mean, callous and snide), But it’s hard to shrug off With a wink and a scoff What he did to his number two bride. So the newt did what Newt does so well: Told his critics to all go to hell. With a…

  • Yet Another Facebook Rant

    madkane
    17 Jan 2012 | 2:08 pm
    If Facebook’s trying to annoy its users, it’s doing a really good job of it. Lots of people (including me) have been wondering why their Facebook posts have been getting fewer comments and “likes.” Turns out that most people aren’t seeing the latest posts. Why? Because the “powers that be” at Facebook are morons! To be more specific, Facebook’s News Feed default setting is now delivering old posts, referred to in polite company as “Highlighted Posts.” Want to see fresh posts, like a normal, sane person? Then you have to click on…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    iambossy.com

  • Bossy’s State Of The Union

    BOSSY
    26 Jan 2012 | 12:31 pm
    Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of congress, distinguished guests, and fellow Americans: As most of you are aware, Bossy became separated from her husband last year, and tonight which is actually day, Bossy would like to give you a full update on all aspects of her Undivorce. Restoring the Economy. Bossy is happy to report she is now the recipient of an actual income surrounded by money wrapped around bundles of cash. This is because Bossy got a real job, which led to greater productivity, where greater productivity equals napping in the evenings. The Housing Crisis. It came to a…

  • Bossy’s Favorite Things

    BOSSY
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:58 am
    Downton Abbey. Even if Bossy thought it was Downtown Abbey for an embarrassing period of time longer than the Victorian era, which draws to a close as this fictional miniseries begins. This is basically like watching The Remains of the Day, except more hours of it. The characters and acting are somewhat less interesting, although Bossy adores Elizabeth McGovern, who reminds Bossy of her grandmother. For those of you with Netflix instant streaming, the first season is available and features seven haughty episodes!

  • Yet Another Little Known Fact

    BOSSY
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:49 am
    Bossy likes a wee bit of sushi with her pickled ginger.

  • Everything You Need To Know About The Upcoming Super Bowl According To Bossy

    BOSSY
    24 Jan 2012 | 6:52 am
    The two teams facing off for Super Bowl XLVI are the New York Giants and the New England Patriots Both of these teams have the word new in their names The New York Giants aren’t as new as the New England Patriots, though, because Bossy doesn’t remember hearing about them when she was growing up in 1925 and the Giants were purchased for $500 It now costs the price of a franchise plus one-thousand-nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine more dollars to sit your ass in a Super Bowl seat. When you watch the Giants on TV, the commentators incessantly refer to them as the New York Football Giants…

  • Bossy’s Favorite Things

    BOSSY
    22 Jan 2012 | 5:24 pm
    This chair. It belongs to Bossy’s Italian boyfriend Antonio. This is the perch from which he works his hair miracles.
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    CAP News

  • Romney To Gingrich: Enjoy It Now, You Fat Fuck

    27 Jan 2012 | 8:42 am
    JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (CAP) - A clearly drunk Mitt Romney, coming down off what he called "a decent showing" in the Florida Republican debate and now opening up a lead over rival Newt Gingrich in the Sunshine State, held an uncharacteristically negative press conference this morning. "I don't care if I'm drunk!" Romney slurred when a reporter pointed out that he was 'tanked.' "Did you see that fat fuck last night? I want an apology! "What about last Saturday?" Romney continued. "He acted like it was goddamn coronation!" Romney's loss in the South Carolina primary was described by pundits as a…

  • Schools Rail Against New 'Hexting' Fad

    26 Jan 2012 | 8:07 am
    FRAMINGHAM, Mass. (CAP) - Maria Cordeiro remembers the day her daughter Danielle came home from high school a different person like it was yesterday. The mostly jovial 15-year-old who loved to laugh and play jokes on her little brothers was suddenly moody, anxious, and locked herself in her room for hours at a time. The single mother was at a loss. "We had to get rid of our cat Blackie because she wouldn't stop freaking out when he was in the same room as her," recalled Cordeiro. "Always with the tossing the salt over her shoulder, the rosemary under her pillow, the smudge sticks - I just…

  • Weapons-Grade Plutonium Price Hits All-Time High

    25 Jan 2012 | 7:51 am
    WASHINGTON (CAP) - The price of weapons-grade Plutonium surged $200 over the past three weeks to an all-time high of just over $4,000 per gram, according to an international survey. And with the start of terrorist season just around the corner, prices are not expected to drop anytime soon. "This latest price surge smashes the record high for the third time this year," said independent terrorism economist Omar McNalley. "At this point, you have to think it's starting to be priced out of the range of your average terrorist." Indeed, according to the Bureau Of Labor Statistics, the purchasing…

  • Glass Of Red Wine Helps Women Ward Off Asshats

    24 Jan 2012 | 7:59 am
    LOS ANGELES (CAP) - Women who partake in a glass of red wine while at a bar or other social venue could reduce their risk of exposure to unwanted advances by undesirable members of the opposite sex, according to a new medical study. The study also found that the level of exposure decreased relative to the quality of the wine. "Even the cheapest of red wine contains enough sophistication to stave off most men who frequent bars," said Dr. Cliff Dunham, who authored the study. "But the more expensive the wine and the more difficult it is to pronounce, the more likely a guy will realize the woman…

  • Study: Nickelodeon Writers High 22 Hours Per Day

    23 Jan 2012 | 8:06 am
    NEW YORK (CAP) - A new study out of the Pew Research Center has found that writers for the cable network Nickelodeon, featuring children's programs such as Big Time Rush and iCarly, are high on various, primarily illegal substances an average of 22 hours of every day. "It's fascinating - one might expect that they were high during work hours, looking at their output," said Dr. Francis Spitznagel, who conducted the study. "But apparently their states of inebriation stretch far beyond the end of business hours. "It seems they need to remain impaired to withstand the ... wait, let me check my…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Renal Failure

  • Their Fourth of July is in January

    renalfailure
    26 Jan 2012 | 6:41 pm
    So it’s Australia Day today.  Yes, we celebrate Australia Day here at Renal Failure because our number one fan Nursemyra lives there, and that’s about all we know about Australia Day, or Australia.  No, we know a few other things, like Kylie Minogue’s from Australia too. Anyway, we’re going to celebrate the Nursemyra way, and that means getting our Renal Failure girls into corsets.  This is easier said than done. “I wear nothing tighter than the lycra shorts I wear when I do charity bike events,”  says Tina the Lesbian.  “Except for that one time…

  • Distracted in the Twelve… Much Like We Were in the Eleven

    renalfailure
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:26 pm
    Right… so we haven’t posted in a while.  No, we didn’t black-out to protest that bill that will kill the Internet.  We just got distracted during a stretch where nothing in the news triggered the right kind of rage. But things have been happening since we last posted, so let’s bring you up to speed… So Mikka’s gotten some full-time temp work, which is like working full time except you get no paid vacation, or paid sick days, or benefits.  But at least there’s the chance that this position at the General Tso’s Chicken Sauce Factory could turn…

  • Tag Larkin enjoys art on a much higher level than you

    renalfailure
    6 Jan 2012 | 4:53 am
    So this in Denver story got my attention… A 36-year-old woman was charged Wednesday after punching, scratching and sliding her buttocks against a painting worth more than $30 million, authorities in Colorado said. Carmen Tisch is accused of pulling her pants down to rub up against the work, an oil-on-canvas called “1957-J no.2″, by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still. Tisch allegedly caused $10,000 worth of damage to the painting. The story goes on to say that Tisch was drunk at the time, and that she urinated right after rubbing against the painting but…

  • Will I be able to order the hooker from Total Recall with the three boobs?

    renalfailure
    4 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    After reading that there’s going to be a sci-fi themed brothel in Nevada called the Alien Cathouse, I assembled the best two minds I could on the subject: Mikka for his sci-fi knowledge and Anonymous Doug for his experience in fucking whores. “I doubt the sincerity and execution of a science fiction brothel,” says Mikka.  “I could be wrong, but I don’t think people in prostitution are really in-tune with the source material of sci-fi.  And if you’re going to do it wrong, you might as well not do it all.” “Yeah, I’m thinking this is just…

  • Worthless Week: The Christmas/New Year’s Gap

    renalfailure
    3 Jan 2012 | 3:05 pm
    Here in the States, the days between December 24th and January 1st (or 2nd if New Year’s Day falls on a Sunday because then a lot of people get that Monday off from work) are pretty much the most worthless days of the calendar year in terms of being productive.  Sure, there’s Christmas Day, but you’re only really spending a few hours opening presents and pretending to enjoy dinner with your family.  After that’s all done, what is there to do with the rest of your day?  And New Year’s Eve?  Everything about that day is just set-up for whatever evening…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Jokes2Go Daily Humor

  • Today's Poem

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:05 pm
    There was a Young Lady of Bute, Who played on a silver-gilf flute; She played several jigs To her uncle's white pigs, That amusing Young Lady of Bute.

  • Today's Joke

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:05 pm
    A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their…

  • Today's Story

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:05 pm
    As a younger man, I was in great shape. As an airline pilot , I was required to have a Flight physical every six months. The nurse took the basic data, weight, height, and blood pressure. My pressure was good, but the heart rate was below 40 beats per minute. "I cannot put that number down. You'll be denied a physical.",she said. "What can I do?", I replied. She held my hand and winked,saying, "Just think about that for a minute!" Retaking my blood pressure and heart rate, she stated, "53 will be OK, but you really know how to hurt a girl!" Floyd Coons, (retired) Northwest Airlines Sent by…

  • Today's Quote

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:05 pm
    A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea. The difference between a seed and an inert speck can be hard to see, but only one of them will grow and return itself in kind and be multiplied. - John Ciardi
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Jokes - jokes4all.net!

  • A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady's cottage and, without ...

    28 Jan 2012 | 4:59 am
    A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady's cottage and, without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit of dirt then I'll eat all the dirt."The woman, who by this time was losing her patience, said, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"

  • "Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?

    28 Jan 2012 | 2:59 am
    "Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?""Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy."

  • I am on my sea food diet right now! ...

    28 Jan 2012 | 12:59 am
    I am on my sea food diet right now!How does it work?Whenever I see food I eat it!

  • "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose ...

    27 Jan 2012 | 10:59 pm
    "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave.""Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

  • A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each ...

    27 Jan 2012 | 8:59 pm
    A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.Susie said, "He was born in a manger."Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?""From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Buffet o' Blog

  • Occupy Denver elected dog as leader

    Buffet o' Blog
    25 Jan 2012 | 2:25 pm
    If he could wield a lightsaber, maybe... For a while the “occupy” movement was getting a lot of attention, with people camping out in city parks and such.  I figure there are valid points to be made, but some of them are hard to take seriously.  For example, the Occupy Denver movement elected a Border Collie to be its leader.  The dog’s owner was inspired to do this by a speech from Michael Moore. That’s all I know about the story, and I’m not sure it’s worth the effort to know more.  I don’t know that more details would make it more…

  • caption contest, guy holding crazy gun

    Buffet o' Blog
    23 Jan 2012 | 11:53 pm
    It’s time for another weekly caption contest!  This time there’s a guy holding a crazy gun / weapon.  Obviously some modifications have been made.  So what’s the purpose of this weapon?  Why would he made such adjustments?  Will the “upgrades” help?  What does his friends and family think?  What do you think about it? (To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.) Filed under: Say What?

  • burger bomb sauce

    Buffet o' Blog
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:30 pm
    When I was Christmas shopping last month, I saw some type of burger bomb sauce, which sounded intriguing, like maybe some chipotle-based sauce.  (BTW, have you noticed that chipotle seemed to be the top food-related buzzword of 2011?  But I digress…) I looked at the ingredients, and noticed that the first 4 ingredients are mayo, pickles, ketchup, mustard.  As we’ve discussed numerous times on the blog, pickles are not food, so they don’t belong in any sauce.  (I can’t stand mustard, either, but will acknowledge it’s edible to some people.) So maybe this sauce…

  • the Darth Vader burger

    Buffet o' Blog
    18 Jan 2012 | 10:57 am
    Ironically, after publishing this week’s caption contest featuring Darth Vader and Ronald McDonald, I happened across an image of a Darth Vader burger.  Apparently some restaurant in France has created a Darth Vader burger which has a black bun.  It definitely looks evil!  (I’m not sure what evil tastes like, and I don’t really want to find out.) They also created a Jedi Burger, which looks lame.  Are those marshmallows?  And what’s that sauce?  I may not want to know… The restaurant says the black bun is just from a dye, that it should taste the same.  It…

  • caption contest, Darth Vader and Ronald McDonald

    Buffet o' Blog
    16 Jan 2012 | 11:07 pm
    This week our caption contest features two famous celebrities — Darth Vader and Ronald McDonald.  Why are they together?  That’s a good question.  Hopefully you can think up some good answers.    Of course, even if you don’t contribute a funny answer, you can read what others have come up with. (To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.) Filed under: Say What?
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Luggage Tuesdays

  • Plug: SF Sketchfest 2012

    24 Jan 2012 | 10:57 am
    I'll be performing two shows this week at the 2012 San Francisco Sketchfest:  Wednesday, January 25th, 8pm at the Eureka Theater, it's Laundry Basket & Spiegelman & Friends, starring the comedy duo of Laundry Basket and Spiegelman, with special guests Comedian 4D the Time-Traveling Professional Road Comic, and Rip Van Winkle, America's First Comedian (Rip originally appeared here in Luggage Tuesdays). Tickets. Sunday, January 29th, I will be cohosting Bad Movie Night with Jim Fourniadis and Sherilyn Connelly at the Darkroom Theater. We're heckling the very odd Voyage to the…

  • Broken Promises

    19 Jan 2012 | 11:29 pm
    I promise to go to bed right after this cup of coffee. I promise, while dealing narcotics, to honestly answer the question, "Is this shit good?" I promise to floss my teeth.

  • Recycled Twitter Jokes: Taboo from Black Eyed Peas

    13 Jan 2012 | 10:12 am
    When I'm really bored, I'll pretend I'm Taboo from the Black-Eyed Peas. Hey, guys, it's me, Taboo, from the Black-Eyed Peas. Remember that BEP song that doesn't make you kill yourself? I wrote that! Taboo from Black-Eyed Peas, here, promoting my memoir, Fallin' Up. My favorite part? The photos of myself. LOL! Just kidding! (Not kidding). Members of Black Eyed Peas, in descending order of popularity: Fergie, will.i.am, apl.de.ap, photo of Fergie peeing on stage, Taboo. Taboo trivia: The Black Eyed Peas hired Taboo after the band's auto-tuner committed suicide. How did Taboo from the Black Eyed…

  • 100 More Words for Snow

    12 Jan 2012 | 3:26 pm
    1. Snoh. 2. The White Stuff. 3. Old Coldy. 4. Frostamadoodle. 5. God's Dandruff. 6. Free Ice. 7. Nature's Blow. 8. Shoe Wetter. 9. Solid Steam. 10. Sno-Cone Meat. 11. Tiny Bullshit. 12. Igloo Basics. 13. Sled Stuff. 14. Freezy Weez. 15. Icy Oro. 16. Snow Bunny Poop. 17. Deconstructed Snow Fort. 18. Not Semen. 19. Seriously, It's Not. 20. Settled Sleet. 21. Snow That's Different From Other Snow. 22. Fluffier Snow. 23. Picnic Wreckers. 24. Ant Smotherers. 25. Ski Shit. 26. School Day Spoiler. 27. S.N.O.W. 28. Eskimo Junk. 29. Chillax. 30. Yadda Yadda. 31. #Snow. 32. Snow, featuring T-Pain. 33.

  • Recycled Twitter Jokes: Spin Magazine

    5 Jan 2012 | 9:32 pm
    Spin Magazine Going Bimonthly: Where to begin? I wouldn't say Spin Magazine is old, but it's named after the motions of vinyl records. Editors cite lack of new Bob Mould antidotes. Will only publish during months of Rocktober, Rocember, Februarocky, Rapril, Jtune, and August. Quotes Thurston Moore of Sonic Yonic: "This sounds like a load of crap, and I should know." Publisher cites competition from more relevant magazines, like Pogs Monthly and What's on UPN Guide. With R.E.M. breaking up, they suddenly have less articles to publish. Reason given by editors is that the phrase "alternative…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

  • Tony Q69: Never Forget

    Kerry
    26 Jan 2012 | 10:15 pm
    Jen in Astoria takes the Q69 bus to work every morning, so she’s quite familiar with the infamous Tony. “I hadn’t seen them in some time,” she says, until catching a glimpse of this beauty just a few days ago. (“Apparently,” she adds, “the chick is still pissed.”) Meanwhile, elsewhere in Astoria… related: The Tale of Tony Q-69

  • Signed, The Doorman Freezing His Ass Off

    Kerry
    25 Jan 2012 | 8:30 pm
    Thanks to Kenny from San Francisco for introducing me to the work of my new favorite doorman. related: “Church Sign Writer” is a real job

  • Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

    Kerry
    24 Jan 2012 | 7:17 pm
    Shaun in Austin spotted this mysterious complaint in the men’s room at his office. (Apparently all of the males employed there are very, very sensitive.) related: This locker room is a nudity-free zone

  • Got game?

    Kerry
    23 Jan 2012 | 7:29 pm
    While perusing the magazines at Barnes & Noble, Shelly found this bit of divine snark affixed to the latest XBOX magazine. Haterz still will hate, I guess? related: Cigarettes & energy drinks

  • Hey, I was saving that for later!

    Kerry
    22 Jan 2012 | 7:13 pm
    …because if you are saving the contents of your nose for an afternoon snack, feel free to use to office walls for that purpose! related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Guyism » humor

  • Facebook comments record broken by woman trying to do something ‘phenomenal’

    Chris Spags
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:19 pm
    Want to leave a legacy? Aim higher than Cathy Matthews, a woman who set a (unverified) record for the most Facebook comments on a single post. If you think this is something 'phenomenal,' I want you to know that I hate you.Matthews, a Sacramento woman, started out playing Zynga’s Frontierville before coming up with the idea to break the world record for Facebook responses to a single post. She told Sacramento’s FOX affiliate that she wanted to “leave [her] mark on the world.” “I’m no spring chicken anymore and I really haven’t done anything…

  • 2012 ‘Best Picture’ Oscar noms combined with porn tweets

    Lewis Ehret
    27 Jan 2012 | 12:00 pm
    It’s a scientific fact that all porn stars want to crossover into the mainstream and be legitimate actresses. There’s probably even a hypothesis about it or something. What is a porn star really? Just a girl who went to the big city to follow her dreams of being a famous Hollywood star only to have her hopes go awry until she’s forced into having sex for a living. (I know I’m playing in to stereotypes here, but whatever, man. Whatever.) And since the only thing better watching porn stars put things in their mouths is listening to the things that come out of their…

  • VIDEO: And here’s a drunk girl smashing her face into a wall

    Chris Spags
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:30 am
    Note: Though they support your ceiling and allow you to hang portraits of dogs gambling illegally, walls are not your friends. Particularly when you’re drunk, high, or unable to afford lights. Take it away, drunk girl. It’s never a good thing to get so injured that people respond to you bleeding out of your head with uproarious laughter. Either way, you have to admire the strength with which that girl walks. Not easy to knock yourself into lacerations by walking into a wall. She must be half Kool-Aid Man.

  • VIDEO: Sky News reporter loses his place, drops an f-bomb, ruins live shot

    Chris Spags
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:30 am
    Sky News reporter Jon Craig is liberally relying on his notes to deliver this news report about a civil service union spat. Unfortunately, he loses his spot, leaving the report in shambles and nothing left to do but curse and send the shot back to an awkward anchor. This was a lot less fun than all of the other times I’ve seen an Englishman adorably befuddled in Hugh Grant movies. I mean, I’ve never seen a Hugh Grant movie. Who’s Hugh Grant? I’ve never heard of him but I bet he totally sucks. High five, right bros? Bros? Bros? :(

  • And the award for worst charity benefit ever goes to…

    Chris Spags
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:30 pm
    Want to help get food to the hungry? This benefit, seen in Kansas’s Lawrence Journal-World, might not be the best way to go about that. Personally, I hope all the hungry people were brought to the charity event and forced to watch this. That way, the delusional people who’d do this in the first place could binge on baked goods, faces covered in dough and cream, all the while giving emaciated starving people a thumbs up. “I’m doing this for you, friend!” Maybe the poor people can get a wrapper or something. “We’re not totally unaware, you know?”…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Regretful Morning » Drinking stories, walks of shame, Funny videos

  • Sometimes you’ve got to improvise

    Jason
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:32 pm
    When the kitty smells like kitty litter, you need to be creative.

  • Fish Tank Prop Fail

    Jason
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:00 pm
    Regular fish tank bubble maker, or spraying aquatic butthole?  I’m not sure if this has been done before but I kind of like where it’s headed.  We need a name for subtly placing sexual objects in visible places to see if people notice.  You can do a Fleshlight on the book shelf, or a penis [...]

  • Triana Iglesias brings some recognition to Norway

    Jason
    27 Jan 2012 | 10:00 am
    Triana Iglesias Holten is pretty awesome for a few reasons. The main one of course is that she isn’t afraid to get completely naked even after she’s been in main stream mags. Outside of Playboy, she’s done a ton of big spreads including Maxim, CKM, Massive, Moore Magazine, Slitz, and FHM. Vanessa Castano is a [...]

  • Zebra bites fat chick

    Jason
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:00 am
    I bet you thought you’d never see a zebra attack a whale. Well, prepare to have your mind blown. *Steve Irwin Voice* Now roit here, the zebra sees the whale as threat to his food source, so he’s gawna put that tub o’ shit in check by giving her a painful nibble.

  • Offensive Bumper Magnets To Ruin Someone’s Day (15 Pics)

    Jason
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:00 pm
    Whether someone steals your parking spot at the mall, you’ve got a co-worker being a douchebag, or you simply feel like being a massive troll – then these bumper magnets are for you.  Custom slogans with offensive drivel guaranteed to illicit lulz while producing rage on its victims. Offensive bumper magnets come in a great [...]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Id Rather Be Blogging

  • Wordless Wednesday: Told ya

    Maureen
    18 Jan 2012 | 2:45 pm
    (NOTE: this is a continuation of the last post....)

  • Back to Normal

    Maureen
    8 Jan 2012 | 10:51 am
    Ah, the holidays. The time of year when everything seems to go, well, "wonky". Everything gets interrupted by special activities, special sales, special music, special decor and special meals. Don't get me wrong ... I LOVE the holidays. But I also love to get back to "normal" afterwards. Normal schedules, normal activities, yup, even normal TV.... But this? This is definitely NOT "normal" for January in Winterpeg: "Normal" for January here is oh, about - 40 C... And even stranger, for the first time not only am I feeding the bunnies in our yard (as documented LAST YEAR), it seems someone…

  • Makes Me Proud to be a Winnipegger

    Maureen
    6 Dec 2011 | 8:42 am
    I am a Winnipegger and I love it here. I love the snow at Christmas. I love the parks. I love our vast multi-culturalism. I love our painted Polar Bear statues. I love the graceful Canada Geese when they fill the sky each fall. But what makes my heart soar is when someone like THIS bursts onto the scene from my hometown: Merry Christmas Everyone!

  • iSad

    Maureen
    6 Oct 2011 | 7:58 am
    Like millions of others, Steve Jobs changed my life. Back in the 80's, my first experience with an Apple computer was on the job here at a Univerisity-based hospital. Because we are a teaching facility, I learned computer animation programming on an $ 85,000 (yep, that's THOUSAND dollars) Apple to create a simulation for instructing nurses on how to use a new infusion pump. It was incredibly COOL. It made me dream of having my very own Apple, but alas, I would have to wait. And wait. And wait. The new millennium arrived and my very first Apple came in the form of my iPod. Now I could listen…

  • Make It Stop Now!

    Maureen
    4 Oct 2011 | 10:05 am
    GAAA!!!! Stop. Please. Go Away. Leave me alone! Stop knocking on my door. Stop calling me EVERY.FREAKING.NIGHT for some psuedo "poll" you are holding just to get my name on your sucker voter list. It's only been a month since it was officially called, but I am sick and tired of Election radio ads. Election TV ads. Election print ads. So here it is Election Day in Manitoba. The day I foolishly thought the craziness would mercifully stop. Nope. They continue, even after the polls opened. I wistfully long for the days gone by when they were ordered by law to stop the mud-slinging 24 hours in…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    WordPress.com News

  • Chrome Users: Try the WordPress.com Extension

    Christopher Finke
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:54 pm
    Want to receive WordPress.com notifications instantly, even when you’re not on WordPress.com? Add the new WordPress.com extension for Chrome and as soon as you get a new follower or a new like on one of your posts, a notification will appear in your browser: Simply click the icon to view your latest WordPress.com notifications: Start following new blogs without visiting WordPress.com The Chrome extension also makes it easy to follow sites from your WordPress.com account by displaying a Follow button whenever you’re browsing a site that has an RSS feed. Clicking the Follow button…

  • Your Stats Have a New Home

    Andy Skelton
    26 Jan 2012 | 10:46 am
    Are you addicted to checking your site stats? You are not alone. The stats dashboard has always been one of the most popular admin screens. It’s gratifying to know that people are visiting your place online. With the WordPress.com front page evolving into a one-stop shop for posting, exploring, following and reading blogs, it seemed natural to put your blog stats there, too.  Stats are becoming more and more about interacting with your readers and other bloggers. You’ll still see your summary stats and chart on your main dashboard, and the full stats page in your dashboard will…

  • Reblogging is Back!

    Erica Johnson
    22 Jan 2012 | 1:27 pm
    As we mentioned last week, you can like and reblog posts directly from your reader, which displays a stream of all the updates published on all the blogs you follow from your WordPress.com account. We’ve also brought the reblog button back to the toolbar that appears at the top of the screen when you’re logged into WordPress.com. Note that you’ll only see the like and reblog options while you’re looking at individual posts. For example, you’ll see this on the left side of your toolbar while viewing http://en.blog.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/read-blogs: And your…

  • New Theme: Newsy

    Philip Arthur Moore
    20 Jan 2012 | 12:18 pm
    It’s been an extra big week in the news ’round these parts, so much so that the launch announcement of our latest premium theme seems like an extra extra good way to headline our Friday. Newsy is a versatile business and news-friendly theme that offers up to ten different layouts, four footer columns, custom link and accent colors, and a custom site header. Brand and content-focused editorial teams will love publishing with this theme. Newsy: Home Page Designed by Themify, Newsy comes with an impressive set of Theme Options that afford you a great deal of flexibility with how you…

  • Read All Your Favorite Blogs in One Place

    Erica Johnson
    19 Jan 2012 | 6:04 pm
    If you feel like it’s a chore to keep up with all your favorite blogs, you can now read posts from all the blogs you follow (even the ones that aren’t on WordPress.com!) in one convenient place on the WordPress.com home page: Your reader displays all the posts across all the blogs you follow in the order they were published, with the most recent content appearing at the top. You’ll see an excerpt of the introduction to each post, the first image in the post, and thumbnails of any other images that the post contains. You can even like and reblog WordPress.com content directly…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Photoshop Disaster Images & Mistakes

  • Holding Your Breath

    L.Y
    19 Jan 2012 | 9:15 am
    Cute! Look as skinny as you wish…just hold your breath in. Found here http://guessbymarciano.guess.ca/Catalog/View/P14I1000000 This post was submitted by L.Y.

  • 13″ iPad

    Oliver
    14 Jan 2012 | 2:57 pm
    As much as all iPad users would like to install this app, it is only compatible with Apple’s 13 inch iPads. From http://www.filemaker.com/au/products/filemaker-go/ This post was submitted by Oliver.

  • Added Hand

    Dan
    13 Jan 2012 | 3:17 am
    From: http://gbcol.edu/index.php/admissions (The site randomly places a picture at top of website, may need to be refreshed several times to see it, then again… you have it here!) I had to do research on alot of universities and colleges in Michigan for a project I was working on, and although 98% of the websites for institutes of higher learning are horrible design-wise, this one jumped out at me because the hand looks like it was added. I don’t know why the person who did this thought a hand was needed? This post was submitted by Dan.

  • Lafayette Head

    Emanuele Bena
    10 Jan 2012 | 11:22 am
    Artistically a nice image, but not finished to perfection…and then there is the long neck. Original: http://www2.galerieslafayette.com/international/index.do This post was submitted by Emanuele Bena.

  • Russell Brand Loses Wife, Arm in Bizarre Photoshop Accident

    Valerius
    6 Jan 2012 | 10:52 am
    Gossip rag announces that Russell Brand is divorcing his wife Katy Perry after she was found erasing his body parts with Photoshop. Film at 11. This post was submitted by Valerius.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Stuff Christians Like - Jon Acuff

  • The Clap Offering.

    jon acuff
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    (It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Ben Cotten. He writes a blog over at bencotten.net. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!) The Clap Offering – By Ben Cotten I grew up in a non-denominational church that did “modern” worship before it was cool. Granted, what we did wasn’t exactly Hillsong United, but it did involve an overhead projector and a PA system. It was the 7-11 approach to worship music. 7 words, sung 11 times. Remember “I Exalt Thee”? Ever heard that song done 11 times with a polka beat? You haven’t lived. A lot of things have changed…

  • SCLQ – What we hear.

    jon acuff
    26 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    A few months ago I wrote a post called “Hearing your name for the first time.” It was about how the prodigal son thought he was no longer worthy to be called a son, and how God kept saying “you are mine” over and over again in response. And though it’s not Wednesday, I found two videos that captures that moment perfectly. Because along the way we all hear voices. Voices that tell us we’re not good enough for God. Or we’ve blown it too many times to ever step through the doors of a church. Or if we could just stop doing that thing we keep doing, God would be happy with us. Some…

  • My new problem with rap music.

    jon acuff
    25 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    A weird thing happened to my generation. A lot of us grew up thinking of church as strict and fundamentalist and a buzz kill. Christians got a reputation of being hypocritical and close minded and constantly protesting anyone who didn’t agree with them. You drink beer? Enjoy your fold out couch in hell. You watch movies that aren’t rated G? Gonna be a hot one in the fiery furnace. You listen to music that’s not Christian? It starts with “h” and ends in “ades.” Was everyone’s church experience like this? Not at all. But for me and a large group of people, this was the…

  • Direct depositing your tithe.

    jon acuff
    24 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    I feel like over the years of SCL rambunctiousness I’ve been pretty clear about two t-shirts I think Christians should make. Here’s what the t-shirts would say on the front: 1. “I attend night services at church.” This one would allow you to jog on Sunday morning without getting judged by people driving to church. (e.g. “me”) Because my first thought is never, “I bet that runner went to church on Saturday night.” My first thought is usually, “Worshipping at the temple of flat abs? I see. Good to know.” 2. “I direct deposit my tithe.” This would allow you to hot potato…

  • Not singing with your hands raised.

    jon acuff
    23 Jan 2012 | 6:21 am
    I don’t sing at church with my hands raised. Why? Mostly because I have really muscular arms, and it’s distracting to other people at church. Blocks the view and whatnot. It’s worship time, not gun show time. And I’m considerate that way. But also because it’s just not how I’m wired for worship. I’ve done it from time to time and think it can be a really beautiful outpouring during a church service. I have nothing against singing with your hands raised and actually wrote a guide to the 10 different styles. But what if it’s not your thing? What if one Sunday morning you find…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?

  • Special Guest for Twitter Party

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:13 pm
    Thursdays and Sundays at 8 p.m. EST/5 p.m. PST we gather to Tweet it Off together. It’s your online support group and this Sunday I have a special guest. If you think you can’t lose weight – you don’t know Jack! Jack Sh*t, Getting Fit is going to be joining in the #twitterdiet fun. Got a question on how he lost almost 70 pounds and counting? Bring it. Jack is hilarious and he knows his stuff. See you Sunday at 8 – use the hashtag #twitterdiet!

  • Portion Control Freak

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    26 Jan 2012 | 6:16 am
    A parody of the sometimes confusing subject of portion control! Watch Full Plate online or on 13abc in Toledo, Ohio!

  • Light Slower Cooker Dinners – Video

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    25 Jan 2012 | 6:09 am
    I prepare a light slow cooker recipe courtesy Hot by 6 and Brittany’s got a PF Changish idea that’s light and tasty! Recipe for Chicken and Black Been Soup Recipe for Lettuce Wraps      

  • How to Be a Good Diet Buddy – Video

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    24 Jan 2012 | 6:32 am
    We’re talking diet buddies. Do you have one? Meet mine and find out how to pick a great diet BFF!

  • Hot By 6 – Video

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    23 Jan 2012 | 10:23 am
    Meet these ladies who’ve figured out the dinner dilemma on this week’s Full Plate. Hot by 6 is a way to make healthy, low cost meals that double as a girls night out! Don’t miss the free offer at the end of the story.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Habitation of Justice

  • Intruding on the perfect lives of others

    Lincoln Adams
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:07 pm
    So I’m sifting through the dating profiles on Match.com and I’m starting to notice a pattern. Namely that an awful lot of women seem to be living totally awesome lives filled with sugary awesomeness where the awesome sauce just spills all over the awesomeness that is their awesome lives. Take this example: I have a great life, great friends, a great job, and an amazing family. I love adventures and traveling to exotic/different places and there is nothing i won’t try. Bungi jumping, skydiving, camping… i can do it all! I have a great life and i am looking for someone…

  • I am… THE TIN MAN

    Lincoln Adams
    21 Jan 2012 | 10:49 pm
    Funny thing after writing my earlier post on putting up walls: I did some extensive research on my personality profile (which is INFJ if you’re curious), and came across this little tidbit about The Tin Man. Yep, that would be me. I think the reason I have difficulty letting down these barriers is because being emotionally hurt doesn’t merely sting like it does others. It’s more of a… Temple of Doom priest experience where you physically have your heart ripped out of you, then get tossed into a pit of raging fire. You know, like that. Now imagine me having to endure…

  • Should I give online dating one more try or should I just accept that women will always be evil?

    Lincoln Adams
    19 Jan 2012 | 1:54 pm
    There doesn’t seem to be a better time to brave the dating world than just before Valentine’s Day, in which case a horde of single women become so desperate not to be alone on Valentine’s that for an ever so brief moment, they will lower their usual criteria that a man be 7 feet tall and make 6 digit salaries before they’ll consider dating him. For a guy like me, this time of year is magic hour. ;-) Despite the horrific experiences I’ve had with it before, I don’t think I ever went all in on internet dating. Maybe I took it somewhat seriously, but not to…

  • Pouring a crate’s worth of International Delight iced coffees on my friend’s head #IcedCoffee #cBias

    Lincoln Adams
    13 Jan 2012 | 12:12 pm
    Well no, I didn’t actually do that, but it would have been funny. By the way, this shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias… even though err, I didn’t actually shop for anything, and this was really more of a giveaway, but I’m disclosing here so y’all know once again what a capitalistic pig I am. Anyhoo, Casey Petersen has been a friend of mine for years, and we enjoy a sort of real life House-Wilson friendship, me being the ornery House, him being the weenie-geek-who-wubs-everybody Wilson. My blog is prettier. He…

  • When a friend isn’t a friend mostly because they were never a friend to begin with

    Lincoln Adams
    12 Jan 2012 | 7:30 pm
    I need to get something off my chest. I’m an introverted guy with a somewhat anti-social personality, brought on I think by the fact that I don’t like people. It’s not that I generally have anything against them, it’s just that I hate them and hope they all die from the plague. Naturally this attitude makes it hard for me to gain friends. Actually that’s not true, what’s hard is people being able to find a way into my inner exclusive circle, a circle consisting of those I can remotely stand for more than five minutes. It’s a privileged club, yo, and I…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Small & Big

  • Top 10 Kindness Stories Of The Year

    P.L. Frederick
    3 Jan 2012 | 4:00 pm
    Look for kindness, for love, for hope and joy and you will find them. Here are five stories to keep you in the mood, from HelpOthers.org:Today You, Tomorrow MeFlowers That She Couldn't SmellHome Is Where The Heart Is, Even For The HomelessRemembering Kindness 41 Years LaterA Beautiful Act Of Pay-It-ForwardYou can read all ten stories of 2011 kindnesses at Top 10 Kindness Stories of 2011.Do you have a kind act you've performed, experienced, or even heard of? Please share it. Tell HelpOther.org about it here.Here's to twelve months of kindness in 2012!©2011 P.L. Frederick. See Small…

  • One Christmas Day My Cat Knocked The Tree Down Three Times [video]

    P.L. Frederick
    5 Dec 2011 | 4:00 pm
    But that's nothing compared to what Simon's cat accomplishes...I love everything about Simon Tofield's Simon's Cat cartoon animations: the writing, the sound effects, and especially that they're drawn in simple black-and-white outline. You can really see how a simple, well drawn line, moving through time, can express mass and volume. So well done. Watch more adorable feline atrocities committed by Simon's cat at www.simonscat.com and on YouTube at www.youtube.com/simonscat.©2011 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • The Tantrum [video]

    P.L. Frederick
    30 Nov 2011 | 12:00 pm
    "I can't let (my parents) know I have super powers. They'd only worry."This is the first cartoon my pal John Fountain did. It's called The Tantrum and it aired on Nickelodeon at like 3 am on a Sunday at the dawn of the 21st Century. It is autobiographical. This is the first time I've seen it because SOME people don't tell some other people stuff. As far as I know it is the only instance of Putting Out Fire By Giving It The Raspberry. A pity. (If the military jumps on it they'd call it POFBGITR. That's pronounced "PUFF-bah-giter" and help generals say "puff" more.)Without further…

  • Comedian Stephen Fry's Idea Of Greatness [video]

    P.L. Frederick
    21 Sep 2011 | 10:30 am
    Truly great people help others to feel great too.©2011 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • Socks And Bourbon

    P.L. Frederick
    8 Aug 2011 | 4:00 pm
    When I was 12 years old my horse had a stroke and had to be put down. It was a warm, green, summer morning. I looked out the kitchen window at his body, lifeless and lying in the corral. Over in the barn there was movement and I saw Socks, the white-footed tabby and matriarch of the barn cats, walk out of the barn and towards the body, followed by a single-file line of the other dozen-or-so kittens and cats. From inside the house I thought, “Oh no, they’re going to eat him.” When the slow parade reached the body, the cats sat down about two feet away, in a long, evenly spaced arc,…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Chris Wood's blog

  • Cumberbatch and Downey Nail Two Different Sides Of Sherlock

    3 Jan 2012 | 1:07 am
    Sherlock Holmes is the most interpreted fictional character on screen, and it takes a distinctly fresh twist on this classic figure to register much of an impression. Holmes is such an entrenched and established part of our culture most of us wouldn't be surprised if cave paintings were uncovered featuring a man with a primitive type of Deerstalker and magnifying glass. Benedict Cumberbatch's interpretation of the great sleuth is electrifying. A mind orientated psychologically pulsing monopurposed near sociopathic cranial entity, he sits in torpors until a matter of fiendish ingenuity begs…

  • Christopher Hitchens Dies, Mourned On Twitter

    18 Dec 2011 | 9:57 pm
    The polemicist and proudly hard living Christopher Hitchens passed away last Thursday. Cancer killed him years at the age of 62. Among the more surprising responses to his death was the response of Lib Dem quisling Nick Clegg, who managed to work for Hitchens without taking any fire, spirit or integrity from the experience.I didn't like Hitchens, but I enjoyed some of his work. My view was that his opinions were often brashly formed and that he suffered from intense evidence bias, after having decided his view quickly, he sought only to find support for it.He was certainly a man true to…

  • General Rules For Life: Don't Dress Up As A Nazi, Especially If You're An Elected Official

    11 Dec 2011 | 5:30 pm
    It's hard to ignore that the being a Nazi, dressing as a Nazi or chanting Nazi sentiments is a very poor way of going about life. Spitting in the face of millions of victims of genocide is an appalling and ridiculous thing to do. In terms of social acceptability, it's right up there with publicly abusing the disabled and setting fire to the homeless. Imagine you're an MP, senator or similar elected official. Attending functions where people chant 'Hitler! Hitler! Hitler!' over and over again might strike you as a bad idea. This is rather like beginning a speech by praising Atilla the Hun's…

  • Jeremy Clarkson's Bleeding Heart Views Provoke Fury

    1 Dec 2011 | 10:05 am
    Notorious media liberal Jeremy Clarkson aroused swathes of hatred yesterday. Denouncing the striking public sector workers, he called for them to be executed in front of their families. In a characteristically modest and realistic assessment, he denounced public sectors workers as living on a gravy train, that saw them taking large amounts of public money and driving luxury cars every day while still making a fortune writing shit for newspapers and fronting fast car DVDs. Some of the residents of the Conservative stronghold of Drooly Buggerington were asked their opinion of Clarkson's modest…

  • That's the emergencies sorted ...

    7 Oct 2011 | 10:36 am
    Sherlock Holmes and the Flying Zombie Death Monkeys USSherlock Holmes and the Flying Zombie Death Monkeys UK
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Out of the mouth of Dave

  • Pin the tail on the house wife....

    David Crane
    7 Jan 2012 | 10:05 am
    As any dog owner can attest, it is possible to know how your pet is feeling by looking at their tail. For those of you who do not have dogs "Tails" are usually located at the rear end of the dog - that is the end without eyes, and they can range in size from a few inches to several feet. Body Language based on tail position examples: Tail Position: Straight out from body. = AGGRESSIVE Tail Position: Partially lowered. = ANXIOUS Tail Position: Up.Wagging. = CURIOUS/EAGER/ EXCITED Tail Position: Wagging vigorously. = HAPPY/PLAYFUL I'm sure you will agree that this can be a very helpful tool in…

  • Christmas Trees and the PC Police

    David Crane
    23 Dec 2011 | 10:25 am
    "Psst hey buddy - wanna buy a Christmas Tree?" A shadowy figure beckoned to me from the alleyway. Usually having any interaction with men in alleyways was never a recommended practice - let alone on a dark December night. "I know you want it" the figure spoke again, and he slowly pulled back his trench coat to reveal the branches of a Christmas Tree. My heart begin to race, my mouth was dry. The shadowy figure was right. I did want it - I needed to have my own Christmas Tree. I wanted to decorate the tree with shiny baubles and top it all off with an angel. Maybe I would set my model of the…

  • This site is OCCUPIED!

    David Crane
    14 Dec 2011 | 3:37 pm
    The occupy movement has packed up their tents and gone back to sleeping in their parents' basement. Has anything even changed as a result of their actions? The simple answer is no! I think the "occupiers" could have achieved great things if they had only picked the right spot for their protest movement. Instead they picked locations that looked good on TV such as Wall Street. Other then a few day traders needing delousing and the odd tetanus shot, none of the 1% was inconvenienced in any fashion. I propose that to get results, the occupiers should not have camped out on Wall Street but rather…

  • Is Santa Claus a bad example???

    David Crane
    1 Dec 2011 | 5:56 pm
    There was a recent post in the British Medical Journal that blamed Santa Claus for the rise in childhood obesity, smoking, drinking etc. I have included the link below if you want to read more about it or you think I'm making this up. Santa Claus - setting a bad example Santa has an extremely stressful job so one can only expect that jolly old St. Nick would need to blow off some steam now and again. So he eats a diet high in sugar and saturated fats is that so wrong? Few among us have not also succumbed to the very same thing during a late night snack attack. Santa has not had any Charlie…

  • Why Jesus Christ does not have an I Phone...

    David Crane
    13 Nov 2011 | 11:09 am
    I saw Jesus the other day and he was furious. I don't think I've ever seen him this angry. Even all the sodomizing that the Vatican did never evoked this type of response. "That's it I've F*##@#* had it with that Steve Jobs jackass" Jesus' outburst caused several patrons in the cafe to cast disapproving glances at the son of God. "Ever since he died I've heard nothing else but Steve Jobs this, IPhone that - even Dad is saying that Steve would have done a better job than me. But this is the last f*#@$% straw" With that Jesus thrust a newspaper article under my nose. "Read it!" He roared. It…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Beauty Tips for Ministers

  • Fluevog Sale

    PeaceBang
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:52 pm
    Just thought you should know. I want these so baldy I’m salivating, but no way. These are fantabulous and if I didn’t have such a chunky calf I would be slapping down my plastic in a heartbeat. You can wear them with or without the hardware. Share This Hide Sites

  • Modestkinis

    PeaceBang
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:45 pm
    This. is. genius. You know how I’m always ranting with foam coming out of my mouth about not giving parishioners TMI over the summer, right? Just do a keyword search on “modesty” and “bathing suits” and you’ll see where the debate rages. Alert reader Andy just made me aware of the presence of Modestkini.com, a British company whose mission in life is to help you frolic in the waves without revealing too much skin. Check it out! So cute! So retro! I would totally wear this to a church pool party. It would be eccentric, indeed, but so much better than…

  • Too Funny: Thom Browne’s 2012 Collection

    PeaceBang
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:15 am
    The fashion world is so deliciously insane sometimes, I don’t want you to miss it. [click to enlarge] Designer Thom Browne Fall 2012 Collection. Isn’t that hilarious? Do you think he needs some spiritual help? Maybe an exorcism? I want to see you fellas wearing these looks at the next Festival of Homiletics! Wouldn’t that be insane? Share This Hide Sites

  • Leggings =The Same Modesty As Pantyhose

    PeaceBang
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:47 pm
    Here is a totally cute young girl looking perfectly fine in leggings and a dress [as always, click on images to enlarge]: Here is another young girl looking beyond adorable in a fantastic, stylish, snappy outfit with leggings. This is AGE-APPROPRIATE for a young woman. It is not appropriate for a minister to wear a tunic like that without actual pants or a skirt. Period. No whining. Here is a totally hip person wearing a sexy outfit with leggings and a leather jacket and boots. This is not formal enough for our profession. It’s too much leg. Period. Here are three tall, fairly…

  • Jewish Theological Seminary “What To Wear” Event

    PeaceBang
    25 Jan 2012 | 5:36 pm
    Check this OWWWWWW-OWT, pigeons!! Alert reader Ilana sent me this link to a day-long image event for Jewish religious leaders at JTS in New York City. Of course I TOTALLY wish I could go!! Look at that great panel! So a great big HA HA to those meanies who write snotty things about me denouncing what I’m doing as shallow and unworthy and an embarrassment to serious religious people everywhere. Jews are not exactly known for their shallowness and lack of respect for scholarship, AHEM, so consider me totally validated. I know this will be a fantastic event, as JTS is an extraordinarily…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Hunters Wife

  • Why I Don’t Support Breast Cancer Awareness and Research Organizations

    Jody Narantic
    26 Jan 2012 | 2:25 pm
    No humor today, I’m writing from my heart … Over the past few years it seems everywhere you turn another company has turned pink and is raising money for breast cancer awareness and research. I’d like to share with you why I’m not one of them and why I’ll never support these types of organizations. I’ve known the word “breast cancer” since I was a little girl.  My Grandma had her first breast removed in 1948 and the other in 1958.  Yes, that long ago. I did a breast cancer walk once in her honor because I thought, like most people think, I was…

  • Hammond Outdoor Sports Show 2012

    Jody Narantic
    24 Jan 2012 | 2:01 pm
    Saturday, January 28 and Sunday, January 29, 2012 is the 28th annual  Hammond Outdoor Sports Show. Where: Jean Shepherd Community Center 3031 J.F. Mahoney Drive Hammond, IN 46323 Times: Saturday, January 28, 2011 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. Sunday, January 29, 2011 9:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. Admission: Adults $5.00 Children under 12 free Free: Parking Seminars Admission when bringing in a deer mount to be scored by Buckmasters Door prizes announced every 30 minutes Goodie bag with water bottles to the first 300 guest Also: A Trout Pond, Kids Minnow Races, Wii Fishing, Bobber Pond, Hunting…

  • That Moment When You Turn Into The 100 Meter Olympic Runner From A Squirrel Chase

    Jody Narantic
    23 Jan 2012 | 3:10 pm
    Last week I was talking with a business friend of mine that lives in Ohio that reads my blog. I try and keep my business and personal lives separate so I never discuss my blog with anyone else during the day except with Laurie from Ohio. Oh, and her co-worker Carmen. He reads my blog as well and mentioned I should write about them. Hi Carmen! I just wrote about youuuuuu! Anyway, Laurie shared a story with me that I hope I share as accurately as I can here. Once upon a time in a small town in Ohio, there lived a business man named … umm … Bailey. That isn’t his real name but…

  • Clueless Husband and Raging Naked Barbie

    Jody Narantic
    17 Jan 2012 | 2:31 pm
    If you work for the government, you had yesterday off.  This would be my husband.  Which at 4:30 a.m. I forgot and was wondering why he hadn’t left for work.  And then I remembered he had the day off and my morning routine wouldn’t be the same. I knew this at 4:30 a.m. And thought to myself … Oh help me. Or help him. Because if Hazel thinks he’s banging dishes at 5:00 a.m. or needs to vacuum … Umm .. no. I need my quiet morning. And coffee. And no one talking to me. Or looking at me. Especially when I spent the entire weekend in bed with a cold and…

  • SHOT Show 2012 Thong or Spankies

    Jody Narantic
    16 Jan 2012 | 4:41 pm
    SHOT Show is this week in Vegas and unfortunately I will not be attending. Everyone I know within the outdoor industry will be at SHOT except me. I’ve received e-mail after e-mail … Hey girl, will you be at SHOT? Jody, you coming to SHOT would love to meet you? Jody, can’t wait to meet you at SHOT, please say you’re coming? Jody, you wearing those heels to SHOT? Okay, no one asked if I’m wearing heels to SHOT but come next year, I’m attending SHOT.  And wearing heels. Like the booth babes. Except, I refuse to wear that school girl outfit. Like booth babes.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Junk Drawer

  • Clown Day and The Movie Trailer

    Kathy
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:58 pm
    Clown Day was a huge success, except for the fact that students on our campus couldn’t have cared less that a clown walked among them. I’m still calling it a win because no one threw a pie at me. I’ll recap the day and then let you enjoy the movie trailer we produced to commemorate events. I’m submitting it to Sundance. They take everything. The day began with my clown assistant sister Marlene collecting me at my house. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat later, and she immediately chastised me for putting too much of everything on the bread. I can’t do anything right.

  • January 20 is Clown Day

    Kathy
    16 Jan 2012 | 5:17 pm
    Many of you know that this Friday, January 20th, is Clown Day. The day I agreed I would go to work dressed in full clown gear after you donated so much to my food bank fundraiser. Let me tell you, it’s hard being a clown. But it’s also some of the most fun I’ve had in my life. In the past weeks, I went shopping for just the right clown suit, makeup, a wig the size of a basketball, white gloves, a dozen balloons and a tote bag to keep all my girly clown things secured. It took me four attempts at a face to land on one I’m happy with. YouTube videos helped, and so did pictures on the…

  • Chicken Disrupts Flights at Kauai Airport

    Kathy
    10 Jan 2012 | 6:31 pm
    Kauai, Hawaii – A distraught chicken was responsible for the delay of two flights out of a Kauai, Hawaii airport today after blocking passengers from boarding their flights until his travel complaints were addressed. One passenger was injured. Charles “Chuck” Poulet, of Duluth, Minnesota, was scheduled to meet his long-time girlfriend, Marie Fowler, at Hilo International Airport, but his Air Pacific flight was rerouted to Kauai a short time before scheduled landing due to poor weather conditions. Airport officials attempted to book Poulet on another flight to Hilo the next day, but…

  • Mama Always Said

    Kathy
    7 Jan 2012 | 3:35 pm
    Today my sister Marlene and her husband treated me to lunch at a place I’ve only ever gone to before for ice cream. When we pulled up to the place, I asked Marlene if instead of a real meal, I could just have ice cream for lunch. She shut me down before I could make my case for chocolate chip cookie dough as an entree. “No, not unless you eat something healthy first.” Poop on you! I said “Yeah, that’s like Mom always said when I wanted junk food. Remember? She’d say ‘First you have to have meat, cheese, tuna fish or egg.’” Apparently, protein buys you cookies later. “No, I…

  • I’m Sorry, But You Can’t Just Make Up Words

    Kathy
    20 Dec 2011 | 5:42 am
    My sister sent me this notice she received at the insurance company where she works: Member/Dependent Premium – The premium will reflect a monthly premium. For Monthly billed plans, nothing needs to be done with the premium. For quarterly, semi-annual and annually billed plans, the premium needs to be monthletized (made to reflect a monthly premium). Quarterly billed plans: MI Quarterly Premium / 3 Semi-annual billed plans: MI Semi Annual Premium / 6 Annually billed plans: MI Annual Premium / 12 Monthletized? Sorry, but you can’t just make up words, people. And if you have to put the…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Joel Klebanoff: Stuff and Nonsense

  • Scum Phenomenon

    Joel Klebanoff
    3 Jan 2012 | 11:32 am
    To say the least, the universe is unimaginably large and complex. One of the least consequential of the astronomically large number of  its phenomena that I don’t understand is soap scum. What’s the point of soap if we have to clean up after it? Possibly Related Posts:EvolutionIn the Worst WayNEWSFLASH: Economists Dramatically Revise GDP Numbers

  • Sitting Pretty

    Joel Klebanoff
    24 Nov 2011 | 4:30 pm
    One of the many things that I’ve been worrying about recently is, in the off-chance that at some point in what’s left of my life I should somehow manage to find myself to be “sitting pretty,” will I turn ugly again if I stand up? And, in case that is how it works, should I [...]

  • Watching Stuff

    Joel Klebanoff
    19 Oct 2011 | 8:44 am
    Have you ever been sitting somewhere—a coffee shop, waiting room, or any other public space—when some you’ve never seen before in your life asked you if you would mind watching their stuff while they went to the bathroom, up to the counter around the corner to place an order, outside to try to find their [...]

  • Micro Mini

    Joel Klebanoff
    12 Oct 2011 | 3:13 pm
    I was walking back from doing some shopping today when I passed a young lady standing on the sidewalk in front of the subway station closest to my home. I’m no good at estimating ages, but I’m guessing she was in her late teens or early twenties. From my old-fart perspective, that puts her well [...]

  • NEWSFLASH: Fighting in Toomaltia Continues

    Joel Klebanoff
    4 Sep 2011 | 4:09 pm
    The decades-old, on-again, off-again battles in the tiny, brutally impoverished, sub-Saharan country of Toomaltia flared up again two months ago. They have continued almost unabated ever since. To date, 178 men, women, children and other people—which represents over five percent of the population at the start of the fighting—have died in the current round of [...]
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Hot Ghetto Mess

  • song title mess

    kdub
    23 Jan 2012 | 9:42 am
    Yeah...she's back at it...

  • Find Our Missing-Weds at 10 pm

    kdub
    23 Jan 2012 | 9:05 am
    Finally, a network is taking up the cause of finding missing BLACK FOLKS!  It is well documented that a missing black person DOES NOT garner as much attention as a missing non-black person.  TV One’s new show, Find Our Missing features the real life stories of the blacks that have gone missing.  S. Epatha  Merkerson (Law & Order) hosts of the show which airs Wednesday Nights @ 10 pm on TV One.  Also featured is the organization Black and Missing Foundation, which features alerts of recent African-Americans who have gone missing.  Just curious, has anyone heard the names…

  • potty pic models mess with kid

    kdub
    22 Jan 2012 | 11:42 am
    NOOOO...naked in front of the kid!! check out the background...

  • couple potty pic mess

    kdub
    21 Jan 2012 | 9:38 pm

  • 2012 potty pic model mess

    kdub
    21 Jan 2012 | 3:33 pm
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Jake Iannarino | Journal of Full Time Road Comic

  • 99.7 the BLITZ

    Jake Iannarino
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:59 am
    I got a job on the radio! So far, I LOVE it! Everyone in the studio is really nice. There was a little controversy, but I think that’s okay, and I have no hard feelings towards anyone involved. Radio is MUCH different than stand up comedy. There is a LOT more responsibility. I have a LOT to learn. You can hear me every day by checking out www.theblitz.com or listening to 99.7 the BLITZ columbus, Ohio. Sorry everybody!

  • 10 phrases that will make a woman punch you!

    Jake Iannarino
    12 Jan 2012 | 2:21 pm
    10. Have you gained a couple of pounds? 9. When is that baby due? (Only works if she is NOT pregnant.) 8. I banged your sister! 7. How much for the p#ssy? (Only works if she does NOT sell her p#ssy) 6. Why the attitude? Are you on your period or something? 5. I gave you herpes. 4. Don’t worry, you don’t have to swallow it. I will give you plenty of warning! (Only works if you don’t mean it.) 3. Me and the boys are going to a titty bar and you aren’t invited! 2. Hi, I’m Jake Iannarino. Would you like to have sex with me? 1. C#NT.

  • THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!

    Jake Iannarino
    9 Jan 2012 | 8:46 pm
    As I write this blog tonight I am checking out the National Championship game. The atmosphere of this game is INCREDIBLE. I am excited to watch this game, but at the same time a little bummed out. After tonight, the college football will be over. I wish there were two separate college leagues. A summer league would be fun! It seems that the longest, slowest time of the year is between college football seasons. What am I going to watch? Soccer?? That is for COMMUNISTS. Soccer is a sport for countries that dont have the NFL… or electricity… or ROOFS. Baseball? Baseball is about as…

  • Big Day

    Jake Iannarino
    4 Jan 2012 | 7:06 pm
    Big day tomorrow. I will be hanging with the gang on 99.7 the BLITZ in columbus Ohio at 8 to 9 AM and then drive to RICHMOND virginia to do a string of shows at the FUNNYBONE comedy club with the one and only BRUCE BRUCE. Pretty crazy life I am living. I have been a little lonely lately. I think I have only REALLY been in love once in my life. Now that I look back, I’m not even sure if it was real. She dumped me. This reminds me of something my grandmother used to tell me. She said “If someone breaks up with you, it just means that there is someone out there who loves you mere.

  • My Bowl Picks

    Jake Iannarino
    1 Jan 2012 | 2:12 pm
    Here they are. I like Oregon over Wisconsin by 7, I like Michigan over VA Tech by 10 , I like Oklahoma State over Stanford by 3, and I like Ohio State defeating Florida by a field goal. I picked LSU to beat Alabama by 3 earlier this year on facebook and you know what happened there… For some reason my gut is telling me Alabama will win this one. I’ll pick Alabama to win the National Championship. Roll Tide!
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Base Camp Legends

  • Wolves and Hypocrites

    Tom Sorenson
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:54 am
    Since their introduction into Idaho in 1995, wolves have certainly been a polarizing topic for Idahoans.  Hunters and ranchers tend to hate them, animal extremists love them.  It occurred to me recently during a conversation with a friend, that I might be part of a hypocritical group that is, I am certain, full of many Idahoan hunters. This friend of mine is a large land owner near Council and was telling me that another friend of his was asking him if he would take him out to shoot a wolf some weekend.  It never occurred to the would-be-hunter that wolves are not so easy to hunt that you…

  • Foul Weather Hunters

    Tom Sorenson
    23 Jan 2012 | 11:05 am
    A couple of minor events this past week have provided fodder for my blog today.  First, I was watching a hunting video by the Huntin’ Fool Magazine people, and at the conclusion of a stone sheep hunt in the Northwest Territories, the hunter declared he was cold, wet, and miserable, but just experienced the time of his life. The other instance happened on Saturday when my wife and I went out to see my folks upon their return from whitetail hunting up north. Listening to their stories of enduring winds, heavy snow, and bitter cold, I found it amusing that they had obviously had an…

  • Life’s Lessons Learned While Boiling Deer Skulls

    Tom Sorenson
    13 Jan 2012 | 4:22 pm
    Sometimes I’m guilty of beginning new adventures without thinking about where the new path might eventually lead, and thus, at some point of no return I begin to realize that the adventure that seemed to be nothing short of glorious does, indeed, have some downside.  A couple weeks ago, I wrote about taking my wife deer hunting and her first buck.  This past week I began to prep her deer skull for a european mount.  If you’ve ever taken on this task, your nostrils are quite possibly tingling at this very moment, and sometime very soon the connection will be made and the proverbial…

  • Hunting Mountain Whitetail

    suzee
    6 Dec 2011 | 12:25 pm
    We just returned from our annual whitetail hunt in central Idaho. This is a hunt that keeps us coming back for more even though we’ve never taken a big buck … we see the big ones but just haven’t been able to make it happen. I can’t even seem to get any video footage of the nice bucks we’ve seen… they just appear and disappear so quick!  Last year a very nice mature buck came running into our setup but before we could even react he did a 360 in midair and was gone. the swirling mountain thermals must have given him a snortful of our lovely scent! It all…

  • What Happened to the Years Between ‘Grow up’ and ‘Getting Old’?

    Gary Sorenson
    23 Nov 2011 | 1:51 pm
    Is it so, or does it just seem like half my life I’ve been told to “grow up” and the other half of my life I’ve been told “you’re just getting old”.  Every now and then I see my sons and wife looking at me sideways , shaking their head when I pull another Norgy.  Most of the time words aren’t spoken but I’m very cognisant of the thought and I certainly can’t argue that my thought process hasn’t changed, because I see it myself.  Its not all bad as it gives us something to talk about, laugh about and brings another…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Say Something Funny

  • Jar Jar Binks Strikes Again!

    T.M. Lindsey
    22 Jan 2012 | 12:12 pm
    Jar Jar’s Curse Transcends the 2nd Dimension

  • I’m So Broke That… (cheaper, 2nd edition)

    T.M. Lindsey
    27 Dec 2011 | 12:01 pm
    In dishonor of the sequel “Neverending Recession I”, the Invisible Hand’s middle finger, and the non-monetary success of the 1st edition (now translated in 3 currency exchange rates, including wampum), I’ve decided to catch-and-release another edition of “I’m So Broke That…”: I’m So Broke That… I’ve resorted to using counterfeit, fake money when playing Monopoly I stopped buying into the American Dream I can no longer take cheap shots All my credit cards ran off and joined the Occupy Wall Street Movement I started clipping coupons for cheap thrills I’ve…

  • The American Scab Dream: Will Work for Congressional Crumbs

    T.M. Lindsey
    11 Apr 2011 | 6:50 am
    Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that our rapidly ailing Democracy is suffering from schizophrenia? My other 16 personalities tend to agree. Our Democracy, the best form of government money can buy (just ask China), flexed its bipartisan bipolar muscle Friday night as the possibility of a government shutdown loomed over Corporate Hill. While watching whether our Do Nothing Congress was going to let the ball drop on the budget at the midnight hour, 16/17 of me wanted them to reach an agreement, thus averting the worst teabaggin’ in U.S. History. Besides, that’s their damn job and…

  • Top Ten Signs Donald Trump Is Serious About Running for President

    T.M. Lindsey
    7 Apr 2011 | 11:27 pm
    It seems that if you want to grab and hold the media’s attention these days, all you have to do is drink tigers’ blood or booze with pickles, run around in public and babble incoherently about nothing to total strangers and take yourself too seriously. At least these are the modern-day prerequisites for running for President of the United States — or at least pretending to run for president while prick-teasing the media. Speaking of which, Donald Trump keeps threatening to make a presidential run but hasn’t made it official, which involves forming an exploratory committee to…

  • Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Has March Madness

    T.M. Lindsey
    17 Mar 2011 | 12:27 am
    Much to the chagrin of corporate CEOs and mid-level management, March Madness is set to tip off, which means nothing substantive will be accomplished at the workplace the next two days. You know, kind of like another day at the office for Congress. In fact, one firm recently estimated that employers will lose $3.8 billion dollars in wages paid to workers following the games and tracking their brackets. (I wonder how much time this firm wasted trying to figure that out and whether those were billable hours?) $3.8 billion dollars!!! Holy Dick Vitale, that’s a lot of money! That’s like 4…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Where the Hell Was I?

  • The Boxers Debriefing

    24 Jan 2012 | 9:37 pm
    When you join a new gym -- as I recently did, thanks for your athletic support -- you find yourself thinking about all sorts of new things. You might wonder whether you're sweating more than anyone else in the room. You may worry that you pedal like a girl on the stationary bike. You could spend an afternoon trying to determine the least 'dirty old man-like' spot to take in a yoga class. (These are merely examples. No, you shut up.) Mostly, though, you'll think about your underpants. I'm serious. I've belonged to this gym for three weeks. And I've given my undergarments more consideration in…

  • Concerto in D-43! D-43! Hut! Hut! HUT!!

    21 Jan 2012 | 1:39 pm
    Sometimes the key to being a husband is realizing that you can't win. Not to say that you never win. It's just that some situations, maritally speaking, are entirely impossible to navigate. Like, most of the ones that occur while you're conscious and within loud shouting distance of your wife. Take tomorrow, for instance. Tomorrow, I was scheduled to accompany my lovely wife to a classical music concert in the afternoon. She asked if I'd attend, and I said I would. Most of these concerts, she goes to with a friend of hers -- they make it into a "girls' afternoon out" with dinner or tea or…

  • Racqueteering

    19 Jan 2012 | 9:01 pm
    (Another week [in January], another plug for you to come see The Ruckus Proves It! over at ImprovBoston. This Saturday, 10:30pm. Come for the comedy. Stay for.. uh, more comedy. Or something. There's beer. You'll like it. While we're pimping, there's also the latest Zolton Does Amazon piece over at ZuG,com, Black Tie and Fails. It's as gussied up as I get. And that's plenty gussy.) I mentioned a few days back that my new office building has a gym inside. Like, right there. So scandalously close by that if you don't join the gym and show up to sweat at least twice a week, then people on the…

  • Asleep at the Wheelllllllllllllllllllll

    14 Jan 2012 | 9:27 am
    (A quick and friendly reminder that if you're reading this before 10:30pm tonight and live in the Boston area -- or, come to think of it, you're reading this before, say, 3pm and have lots of airline miles just sitting there idling -- you're in time to come see The Ruckus Proves It! [Again!] over at ImprovBoston in Cambridge.

  • Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's OFF at Work, I Know!

    9 Jan 2012 | 9:47 pm
    Things are going well at my new job. "Going well", if you just count the work, that is. Every other aspect of settling into a new office is going about as devastatingly awkwardly as you'd probably expect, if you've read anything at all on this site. Or know me in real life. Or ever called me up as a telemarketer. It doesn't take long to figure me out, see. I pretty much telegraph the weird. I mentioned last time that I get a parking pass at NewJob -- and that said parking happens in a lot under a local mall. One of my least favorite places in the world. Malls bring back memories of trying on…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    I Hate My Message Board

  • You Gotta Ac-Cen-Tuate the Positive

    Tracy
    15 Jan 2012 | 10:05 am
    Or, Go to Dollar Tree for the Cheap Science Project Materials, Stay for the Blogging Material I found this in the cooler at Dollar Tree. At first I was just going to take a picture because I was so charmed by the product name, but then I thought, no, I have to taste this because that’s what my people expect of me. This product is a terrific example of turning drawbacks into benefit. This isn’t fake sour cream, it’s UNREAL!!!! Sourcreme (creme sounds fancy, no?)! And you get a whole pound of it! For a dollar! BTW if you visit the website, you’ll find that the company…

  • Wasabi Kit Kats!

    Tracy
    14 Jan 2012 | 1:34 pm
    Or, My Sister Moved to Okinawa and Now I’ve Decided to Become a Japanese Kit Kat Blogger You will not believe all the loot my sister sent me from Japan, including four different kinds of Kit Kats. Believe it or not, that’s just a teensy tiny sample of the many varieties of Kit Kats that have been made in Japan at one time or another. This is a box of limited edition wasabi flavored Kit Kats (Shizuoka Kanto edition). You know, I think that this is much more inviting than saying “Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar”. That always just…

  • We’ve Been Really Busy with School Around Here Lately

    Tracy
    14 Oct 2011 | 5:13 pm
    Or, my sheepish re-entry into the world of blogging Zero credit for paying attention in science, 100 credit for giving it a go anyway. I guess we should have enrolled him in that summer art program…

  • I Took the 7 Link Challenge

    Tracy
    22 Aug 2011 | 6:00 am
    Or, I’m not above doing a meme if the situation is right Not relevant to post, just wanted a bit of color. Note: I am resurrecting this post because of a mention in the lovely Meemalee’s blog. It’s not exactly the same as her meme, but close enough.  Her post also reminded me of the very first post I remember reading on her blog, Jive Bunny (could be distressing to fans of Thumper). So this morning, I’m reading my email and I see this 7 Link Challenge in the Problogger newsletter.  I don’t usually do a lot of memes, but I have plans for this weekend and I…

  • Mushy Peas

    Tracy
    26 Jul 2011 | 2:03 pm
    Or, watch out Jolly Green Giant, you’ve got competition! The first time I had mushy peas was in Dublin, Ireland as a side to a fish and chips dinner. Before I get into the peas, let me tell you something that is very odd and perhaps not quite right about the Irish. The first time I went in to get fish and chips with my now husband, I’m reading the menu board, trying to decide what to get because it’s not just one kind of fish. Oh no, you’ve got your cod and haddock and pike and perch and some kinds come smoked as well as plain. It’s a little overwhelming, but…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    List Of The Day

  • Weekend Links Of The Day

    Cary
    27 Jan 2012 | 10:21 am
    Happy Friday!Very cool: new movies, old style posters. (Behance)12 guys not to date in 2012 (The Frisky)The 20 worst parents of 2011 will piss you off. (Ranker)Forgotten colognes and after-shaves of yesteryear (Art Of Manliness)Turn unwanted gifts from old flames into cold hard cash. (Never Liked It Anyway)7 reasons you won't survive a high-speed chase with the cops. (AskMen)Hitchcock movie

  • Psychotropic Drug-Fueled Commercial Of The Day

    Cary
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:11 pm
    Whoa. Someone ate the brown acid.

  • Animal Photobombers Of The Day

    Cary
    26 Jan 2012 | 12:10 pm
    File under humping and pooping.The original: Crasher SquirrelForeshadowingGood thing they put the arrow in there."I might be in the wrong room."And a classic video photobomb...More great moments in photobombing:Photobombers 1Photobombers 2 (NSFW)

  • Speller Of The Day (video)

    Cary
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:22 am
    Good god, where's a trap door when you need one?

  • News Of The Day: Cops Nab Testicle Puncher Named "Bambam"

    Cary
    25 Jan 2012 | 4:25 pm
    You wanna die?From The Smoking Gun.Cops Collar "Bambam" The Testicle AttackerJANUARY 19--Meet Savannah “Bambam” Rios, accused testicle puncher.The Utah woman, 24, is facing several felony charges--kidnapping, robbery, sexual abuse--after a bizarre attack last week on a man she recently dated.Rios, pictured in the mug shot above, allegedly confronted the man last Wednesday after he accused her of
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    TechChuff

  • CES Round Up 1: Breville announce 3D Toaster.

    admin
    16 Jan 2012 | 4:38 am
    CES. Vegas. Dead hookers. USB 3. That’s what it’s all about and that’s what we are rounding up over the next few days. Having returned from Vegas with loads of free swag and memories of being slapped by booth babes we were sexually harassing, we still are excited about what Consumer Electronics holds for us credit-fueled gadget morons in 2012. This shit is REAL The most exciting announcement of the week has to be Breville’s new 3D toaster which we had a chance to play with and were truly astounded us with how 3 dimensional it seemed to be. Breville’s PR rep was…

  • Fat kid ‘likes’ Samsung on Facebook. Billions wiped from share value.

    admin
    13 Jan 2012 | 10:41 am
    The market reacted badly in response to the news that Simon Ackman, a fat uncool kid in Indiana, ‘liked’ Samsung on Facebook early  today. Nearly $2bn was wiped from the mobile phone manufacturer’s value as analysts deemed the brand ‘unviable’ and ‘only for fat kids’. Also liked by the tragically unpopular   Samsung’s CEO earlier made this self-flagellatory statement: “My Social Media tzar burst into my office this morning on his fixed wheel bike, holding a flat-white in one hand and two iPads in the other. After Instagramming his…

  • Scrap ICT in favour of Zuckerberg lessons, says Gove

    ladychuff
    12 Jan 2012 | 3:18 am
    Education secretary Michael Gove yesterday announced plans to scrap ‘boring’ ICT lessons in favour of a curriculum teaching children to be emotionally withdrawn social outcasts. Gove said current ICT classes are ‘harmful and dull’, adding that ‘we’re never going to create a technologically advanced race of super-humans by spending seven years teaching kids how to use WordArt.’ The school computer was finally upgraded for a mere £5000   The current curriculum will be replaced with so-called ‘Zuckerberg lessons’, teaching children how to emulate the dull-eyed social…

  • Small Dog Commits to Learn How to Code in 2012

    HeadChuff
    9 Jan 2012 | 3:42 am
    A stray dog. A tramp. A stick of celery. A empty cardboard box full of used toilet paper. What do they have in common? No, not ‘what are awful things I got for Xmas, Alex’ but a list of advocates who have overly enthusiastically committed to LEARN TO CODE this year. Being the sharp-nosed, big-butted intrepid reporter, we dropped everything (including our pants) to dig into this troubled trend sweeping Britain. We went undercover into… I-WANT-TO-BE-AN-EVEN-BIGGER-NERD-GATE Day 1. I don't understand version control We met up with our dog on the inside, a stray Irish Setter…

  • The Road to Partition: 2011

    HeadChuff
    3 Jan 2012 | 5:23 am
    Welcome humans. (and employees of Google Inc). To celebrate the impending priapic launch of TechChuff 3.1 in the next few weeks, we thought we’d kick off 2012 with a review of the much shitter 2011. While most of you drones spent the year going about your day-to-day DULLNESS of real-life GRINDING while contributing to society and creating value, we did pretty much nothing. Roughly 1 blog post, maybe 30 tweets and a couple of fancy but inappropriate gestures to children. In all, a success. But from our space-station orbiting Earth what did we observe as the key victories for the human…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    YouTube Videos

  • Annoying Orange Comedy Roast!

    realannoyingorange
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:51 am
    Annoying Orange Comedy Roast! All your favorite stars from Annoying Orange return to roast Orange! STARRING: PHIL DEFRANCO as POT ROAST: youtube.com iJUSTINE as PASSION: youtube.com MYSTERYGUITARMAN as POTATO: youtube.com DESTORM as PARTY ROCK: http SMOSH as BANANAS: youtube.com BOBJENZ as GRAPEFRUIT: youtube.com KEVIN BRUECK as GRANDPA LEMON: youtube.com MICHAEL BUCKLEY as SUNFLOWER: youtube.com TOBY TURNER as EGGPLANT: youtube.com JULIAN SMITH as WALLNUT: youtube.com GREG BENSON as MEATBALL: youtube.com MICHAEL GALLAGHER as YAM: youtube.com THE FINE BROS as CORN: youtube.com BARATS AND…

  • International Pilots

    ComedyTimeDir
    26 Jan 2012 | 12:07 pm
    International Pilots Flip Schultz likes flying international - the pilots sound much more confident than their American counterparts. Follow Flip on Twitter @flipschultz Like us on Facebook! www.facebook.com/ComedyTimeTV From: ComedyTimeDir Views: 1282 85 ratings Time: 02:36 More in Comedy

  • Pizza For One

    ComedyTimeDir
    24 Jan 2012 | 11:41 am
    Pizza For One Max Goldberg has found the saddest food in the world. One is the loneliest number, pizza is the awesomest food. Follow Max on Twitter @maxgoldberg Like us on Facebook! www.facebook.com/ComedyTimeTV From: ComedyTimeDir Views: 1163 64 ratings Time: 01:50 More in Comedy

  • Kahani Comedy Circus Ki - Episode 1 - 7th January 2012

    setindia
    7 Jan 2012 | 11:38 am
    Kahani Comedy Circus Ki - Episode 1 - 7th January 2012 Get ready to ride on the roller coaster of laughter and fun as Comedy Circus is set to tickle your ribs with its fresh season, Kahani Comedy Circus Ki. This season essentially will go down the memory lane with the past successful seasons like Jadoo, Tansen, Circus, Teen ka Tadka as the themes for epsiodes... These themes will be seen as challenges for the contestants... From: setindia Views: 195140 176 ratings Time: 46:34 More in Shows

  • Comedy Accident !!

    kaleel89
    11 Nov 2011 | 5:18 am
    Comedy Accident !! Watch the Fun at the time line 00:55 !! From: kaleel89 Views: 868043 1592 ratings Time: 01:25 More in Comedy
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Halushki

  • Tiger Mom, Maybe; Ninja Mom, Definitely

    Josette at Halushki
    13 Jan 2012 | 8:03 am
    Mother: Hey, did you hear anything about any new after school language classes coming up? Child: Whaddaya mean? Mother: You know, like the French class you took after school last year? Child: Huh? Mother: You know, like the French class that's taught by the high school students who come to your school one afternoon a week for a few months to teach you a foreign language? Child: Uh...I dunno. Mother: So, if I email your teacher or look through your backpack, I won't find out that there's another after school language class starting soon? Child: Oh, that. Mother: Yes, that. Child: I don't…

  • Pennsylvania Farm Show with The Tractor Expert

    Josette at Halushki
    9 Jan 2012 | 11:22 pm
    This is The Tractor Expert. He knows a lot about tractors, farm equipment, and all sorts of machinery that make noise and move things around in a loud, destructive/constructive fashion. Today he is at the Pennsylvania Farm Show - a week-long extravaganza of farm equipment, farming supplies, pigs, goats, chickens, cows, milkshakes, butter sculptures and gewgaws galore. Right now, he is on his third ice cream. Farm Show is a lot like camping: Mom lets you eat a lot of junk. Eating ice cream is also important if you are a Tractor Expert. Here are some of the many fascinating…

  • Homeschooling Figure Skaters

    Josette at Halushki
    6 Jan 2012 | 9:11 am
    A while back, someone asked me to write a post on my thoughts about homeschooling. They were especially wondering whether I'd ever consider homeschooling my daughter who is a competitive figure skater. At one point when I lived in center city Philadelphia in the catchment area for a seriously failing public school, I had looked into homeschooling. I bought the books, joined the co-ops, engaged in the debates. I was convinced it was for us. Then we moved to the suburbs of Harrisburg and into a seriously awesome public school district. It's not perfect. But the more general complaints about…

  • Open Letter To Retail Shoppers, Especially During This Time Of Year

    Josette at Halushki
    15 Dec 2011 | 9:16 am
    I am a low-level, store-floor retail employee. I am paid somewhere between $7.00 - $9.00 per hour to offer helpful customer service. I am paid to be factually knowledgeable regarding the products our store sells. If I do not have the answer to your particular question, it is my job to find another employee who can answer your question, or to research your question myself and get back to you with an answer in a timely manner. I am paid to find solutions to potential problems regarding the products you've purchased in our store - as well as with your overall shopping experience - whether that…

  • “Things I Had To Explain To People Today” Game

    Josette at Halushki
    5 Dec 2011 | 10:14 pm
    Here's how the game works: I'll tell you how I explained something to someone today. You guess what it is I was explaining. Ready? Go! 1. You only need two little drops. That's enough. You don't need to use the equivalent of two dead horses. 2. Do you see now why I told you not to swing on that _________? Do you understand that I wasn't just being a meany? Now, help me find a screwdriver. This whole bottom of the _________ is scraping the floor.   3. Because it looks better with the long end matching the long end and the short end matching the short end. Although, people will…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    English Russia

  • Welcoming The Liberation Soviet Army During WWII

    ok4u2bu
    28 Jan 2012 | 3:07 am
    Below are photographs taken during World War II to capture people welcoming the Liberation Soviet Army. “Destroy fascism!”, “Marshal Stalin!”, Bulgaria. The Red Army has entered Sofia. Soviet soldiers and citizens of Sofia. Latvia welcomes the Red Army. Liberation of … Read more...

  • Diving Exercise In Volzhsky

    ok4u2bu
    28 Jan 2012 | 3:04 am
    Today, we want to show you again how they train divers in Russia. We chose the 187th training center located in the city of Volzhsky, the Volgograd Region. What does the Army need divers for? First of all, divers inspect … Read more...

  • Backup Bunker Of The Commander-In-Chief

    ok4u2bu
    28 Jan 2012 | 3:02 am
    During World War II, Chistye Prudy Metro Station was used as the headquarters of the General Stuff of the Red Army. Trains would pass the station by and here they also placed an underground office of Commander-in-Chief Joseph Stalin. Later, … Read more...

  • 68 Years Since The Siege Of Leningrad

    ok4u2bu
    28 Jan 2012 | 2:38 am
    It’s been 68 years since the Siege of Leningrad. We post the following photographs highlighting the city’s infrustructure, advertisements, signs, etc. The photo above was taken in 1941. It pictures air balloons which were used to prevent German aircrafts from … Read more...

  • Underwater World Of Alexander Semenov

    kulichik
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:40 pm
    Alexander Semenov graduated from the bilogical faculty of the Moscow State University and has been working as a senior researcher at a biological station assigned to the University. Today he is in charge of a group of divers and has … Read more...
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    EveryJoe

  • Chick of the Day: Evelyn Lozada

    Stephen Kersey
    26 Jan 2012 | 6:35 pm
    VH1’s Basketball Wives star Evelyn Lozada has taken over Maxim Digital in an ultra sexy photo shoot for the #1 Men’s Mag. This Puerto Rican beauty had an opportunity to dish on her guilty pleasures, how a Louboutin shoe almost delayed her flight and why she calls her AFC champion fiancé Chad Ochocinco “Poopsicle”! “I was so thrilled and honored to shoot with Maxim magazine! This was one of the most professional and best shoots I’ve ever had and it was truly exhilarating!” “Evelyn Lozada is turning out to become one of the hottest reality stars on the scene and everyone is…

  • Fox Morning Show Co-Anchor Greg Kelly Accused of Rape

    Kori Ellis
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:46 pm
    Greg Kelly, the co-host of FOX’s “Good Day New York” and the son of Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly, has been accused of rape. Not only does the 30-year-old paralegal claim the sexual assault occurred, she also says that she got pregnant and subsequently had an abortion as a result of the attack. The Manhattan district attorney’s office is investigating the allegation, and Kelly has not been charged with any crime as of yet. However, he has “strenuously” denied the charge through his lawyer. The alleged rape occurred back on Oct 8 when the two allegedly met on…

  • Pat Sajak & Vanna White Hosted “Wheel of Fortune” Drunk

    Kori Ellis
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:37 pm
    In a recent interview, Pat Sajak revealed that back in the day he and his co-host Vanna White would sometimes host the show while drunk. “Vanna and I would go across and have two or three or six [margaritas] and then come and do the last shows and have trouble recognizing the alphabet. They’re really great tapes to get a hold of,” Sajak said. Post from: EveryJoe

  • Rihanna Gets a “Thug Life” Tattoo

    Kori Ellis
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:29 pm
    Rihanna showed off her new tattoo on Twitter yesterday. It reads “Thug Life” across her knuckles in pale pink ink. I’m sure Tupac is rolling over in his grave (if he’s really dead). The tattoo looks ridiculous on her, but at least you can barely see it. Also, she needs to work on her camera angles. Look at that forehead fivehead sixhead! Post from: EveryJoe

  • Could Facebook Shut Down Over SOPA & PIPA?

    Kori Ellis
    17 Jan 2012 | 1:30 pm
    If you are like many people, you are reading a lot about SOPA and PIPA right now. To get the lowdown, check out this post about how SOPA/PIPA can affect you. Also, watch this video about understanding SOPA and PIPA, and find out if Facebook could actually shut down. Though Wikipedia is going dark over SOPA/PIPA tomorrow. Many companies actually support SOPA, from ABC to Visa. Allison Boyer of BlogWorld has a good piece about Why SOPA Scares the You-Know-What Out of Me that talks about a lot of worrisome loopholes. You should also read this article from Daily Kos about the repeated blows SOPA…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Postcards From Yo Momma

  • We’re Gone For A Day, We Might Die

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    27 Jan 2012 | 10:00 am
    We’re leaving to go to South Carolina by plane tomorrow and back on Sunday. Will call when we get back…love you!!! Mom PS:  If anything happens to us, coordinate with Aunt Sue and Matt.  Matt and you will split everything 50/50.

  • Butt Dialing, Septic Tanks, Valentines.

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    25 Jan 2012 | 10:00 am
    Backstory: More irreverence from my mother who feels that all news must be put in to one email, less than 500 words, telegram style.  I don’t even know how to respond to this.  Where to begin? Yesterday we went to the barbershop (Dad’s hair covering collar). While I was sitting there waiting for Dad, the cell phone rang. It was your aunt. She was sitting at Reagan airport and didn’t mean to call me, she said. The barber said that’s called “butt dialing.”  Septic Tank people called to say they had an emergency so didn’t come to us-coming this…

  • Happy Milk Day

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    23 Jan 2012 | 10:00 am
    Am in the taxi and watching the crazy tv in the back and I see that we along with mayor bloomberg and many more are celebrating milk day! I am thinking, what the hell, is the recession so bad that we have to say thanks to the cows?!? I now see that it was MLK day as in Martin Luther King!! I think I am really losing it! Your mom!

  • Do You Need Therapy Now?

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    20 Jan 2012 | 10:00 am
    Backstory: I had been teasing my mom about having a tough childhood, which of course we didn’t, and she gave me way TMI. Me: Get your panties out of a bunch, I was just kidding! Mom: Since I met my new man, panties are optional.  yes you did have a great childhood. Me: Oh wow… Mom: Do you need therapy now? Me: Yes

  • Christ in a Clown Suit

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    18 Jan 2012 | 10:00 am
    Backstory: my mom is religious, I am not. Me: i got THE CUTEST green dress with bloomers for hopie (my boyfriend’s new niece) Mom: COOL….I BET IT IS SOOO CUTE Me: it is! i texted geoff to make sure it was ok Mom: I’M SURE THAT AS LONG AS IT DOESNT’ HAVE JESUS HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON THE CROSS WEARING A CLOWN SUIT IT WILL BE FINE
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Strange Herring

  • Rest in Pizza, Juan Epstein

    Anthony Sacramone
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:13 pm
    OK, Welcome Back, Kotter wasn’t Yes, Minister. It wasn’t even The Odd Couple. But damn the cast looked like they were having fun — and they each carved out a goofy persona that, when thrown into the volatile mix of high school hijinx, unrequited love, and a frustrated comic of a homeroom teacher, delivered some explosive laughs. Robert Hegyes, who played the Puerto Rican Jew Juan Epstein (and who was himself of Hungarian-Italian extract), was both Chico and Harpo to Gabe Kaplan’s Groucho. Overshadowed by John Travolta, who would go on to stupid-super-stardom, and even…

  • I Hate Religion Too

    Anthony Sacramone
    19 Jan 2012 | 9:43 pm
    So this kid, Jefferson Bethke, aged 22, now has his 15 minutes of fame. I think less for his video in which he raps his contempt for religion but love of Christ, and more for the negative criticism it has engendered. LCMS Pastor Jonathan Fisk rapped his own response, and the blogs have weighed in, Catholic and Protestant, with an irenic back-and-forth between Bethke and Kevin DeYoung rounding out the rodeo. So here’s my take on this whole I hate religion/love Jesus thing: the kid’s basically right, and everyone should stop getting their Roman collars and Geneva bands in a twist…

  • Strange Quote of the Day: Oswald Chambers

    Anthony Sacramone
    31 Dec 2011 | 3:21 pm
    You shall not go out with haste, . . . for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard —Isaiah 52:12 Security from Yesterday. “. . . God requires an account of what is past” (Ecclesiastes 3:15). At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that God has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise when we remember our yesterdays. Our present enjoyment of God’s grace tends to be lessened by the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them to turn the past into a ministry of…

  • A Strange Summation: The Ten Most Important Stories of 2011

    Anthony Sacramone
    27 Dec 2011 | 8:01 pm
    Don’t trust the mainstream media when it comes to assessing what’s most important to you. Journalism’s jaded jackanapes live lives of quiet isolation, lost in the fetid recesses of their unconscious desires and fetishes, projecting their own fears and prejudices onto the great news wallscreen that is the Internet. And so, in an effort to keep you, my beloved readers, not only informed and entertained but also convinced that you need someone like me to brings stuff like this to people like you, I do hereby present the Ten Most Important Stories of 2011: 10. Champion Feed…

  • Strange Quote of the Day: Kenneth Ellen Parcell

    Anthony Sacramone
    26 Dec 2011 | 6:26 pm
    I don’t believe in hypotheticals, Mr. Donaghy. It’s like lying to your brain.   Via “Believe in the Stars,” episode 2, season 3, of 30 Rock, written by Robert Carlock. Filed under: Strange Quote of the Day
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Parody Files

  • Song Parody: Billy Idol, “Eyes Without a Face”

    Oliver Clozoff
    25 Jan 2012 | 9:27 am
    Here’s our retarded parody of Billy Idol’s “Eyes Without a Face.” GUYS IN OUTER SPACE I can’t drop the soap In micro-g, nothing will fall We’re so far from home On rockets we have flown No girls, just guys alone It’s easy to believe My crewmates Bill and Steve Are really Jill and Eve (Les gars dans l’espace) Guys in outer space (parlez-vous francais) Nine months in this place (omelette du fromage) Guys in outer space This no-woman place, we’re guys in outer space I spent so much time In training for this ride My crewmates by my side Now in…

  • Re-Purposing Ideas for Your Leftover Toxic Credit Default Swaps

    liamj
    14 Dec 2011 | 5:47 pm
    Got caught holding the hot potato, eh? Me too. And then, suddenly, nobody else wanted to play . . . They all said, “Umm, I don’t know, man, I think I’m tired of hot potato. How about we switch to Red Light-Green Light, or Mother May I?” As in: Mother may I have a bail-out. So, here we are, the salt-of-the-earth types, the ones not in on the in, left on the other side of the looking glass, peering through to try to make out what’s going on in that magic land on the other side as we hold our worthless sacks of toxic credit default swaps. Well, fear not, favored…

  • RIP: Bill Keane

    Oliver Clozoff
    17 Nov 2011 | 11:12 am
    Bill Keane, creator of The Family Circus cartoon, has died. In his honor, here’s how we imagine the cartoon would have gone if authored by H. P. Lovecraft.  

  • Song Parody: ABBA, “Dancing Queen”

    Oliver Clozoff
    26 Oct 2011 | 7:00 am
    Here’s our stupid parody of ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” Mr. Clean You can scrub, you can wipe, cuts through the grime like a knife See that floor, watch it gleam, diggin’ the Mister Clean Tile’s white and the dirt sure shows Filthy grout, and the baseboard’s gross Hate to think what forensic scientists would glean With luminol at this scene Who is that muscular bald guy On that jug on the shelf up high Pour a bit in a bucket, catch a scent of pine Then mix it up with a sponge And then attack that grunge… You are the Mister Clean, yellow-green, oh so…

  • Sandman Has Sex Change

    Oliver Clozoff
    11 Oct 2011 | 7:00 am
    Sandman - rather, Sandwoman - recuperating from his - dammit, *her* - sex change surgery. NEW YORK (AP Newsliar) — The evil supervillain known as “Sandman”, an arch-enemy of Spiderman, has undergone a sex change operation and wishes to be known henceforth as “Sandwoman”. Born William Baker and also known by the alias Flint Marko, the Queens native gained his shape-shifting and sand manipulation superpowers when he was irradiated after accidentally falling into a sandpit beneath an experimental particle beam generator. But it was during an earlier stint in…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

  • The Piano Man 2

    awkward
    27 Jan 2012 | 10:57 am
    He only takes one request… silence. (submitted by Stefanie)

  • Vogue

    awkward
    26 Jan 2012 | 5:11 pm
    You have to want it. (submitted by Angela)

  • Checkmates

    awkward
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:13 pm
    Even the dolls felt it was overkill. (submitted by Riann)

  • Chariots Of Fire

    awkward
    25 Jan 2012 | 9:20 pm
    There are close-talkers and there are close-runners. (submitted by Nick)

  • Joyful Noise

    awkward
    24 Jan 2012 | 12:00 am
    But you should hear him tap. (submitted by Bill)
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Fair City News

  • Don King Arrives in SGF 30 Minutes After His Hair

    FairCityNews.com
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:57 am
    King’s hair arrives early for the fight Springfield, MO – Don King’s hair arrived at the Springfield Branson Airport a full 30 minutes before the legendary boxing promoter. King was scheduled to arrive yesterday but was delayed when he leaned backwards and his hair fell 2 time zones behind him. “Only in America can a man be in 3 time zones at once, due to the height of his hair,” proclaimed King. Once King arrived, Hammon’s Tower became the second tallest structure in the Ozarks. King will be in town to promote Willard native and #3 WBO world rated Cruiserweight BJ Flores this…

  • Kaleidoscope Pierces Building Just Because It Can

    FairCityNews.com
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:20 am
    Building piercings and tattoos are increasing in popularity Springfield, MO – Local trend-setting retail shop Kaleidoscope pierced an entire building just because they can. The building piercing was executed under supervision of several construction supervisors and 2 health inspectors. The piercing was performed as a promotional event to emphasize how piercings can be applied just about anywhere. “Yeah I hired Kaleidoscope to pierce my backyard shed after I saw their building piercing…we hung a huge nipple ring from it to signify my rebellious spirit,” said Wes Fruiton. Building…

  • Pink Pony, Purple Burrito Collide: Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito Formed

    FairCityNews.com
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:30 am
    Freakish Pony Burrito an awesome sight to behold Springfield, MO – In a strange and unexplained coincidence the Pink Pony and Purple Burrito have merged forces to produce a Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito available this week to the Ozarks. The Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito is a hybrid. Part food, part food porn, the 215-pound edible monstrosity comes complete with a stripper jumping out of the beans and rice. The two popular Glenstone Avenue destinations aren’t exactly sure how it happened. “I thought his dancer landed in my food,” said Ned Gerl of the Purple Burrito. “I thought his…

  • Apple Tent Opens at Target

    FairCityNews.com
    24 Jan 2012 | 8:27 am
    Apple Tent to open this Spring at Target Springfield, MO – Reports of an Apple Store coming to the Ozarks are being held under tarp and rope in the Target parking lot at Primrose & Glenstone. Local shoppers are excitedly anticipating the tent flaps to fly open and Macbook Airs to fly out at discounted prices. Jerry Donwhat said, “Man, I just know that they are building iPads under that tent right now! I can’t wait for the Apple Tent to open – so retro cool!” Target pioneered the concept of offering designer items at affordable prices in 1999 with the launch of Michael Graves…

  • New Coach line makes debut at Battlefield Mall

    FairCityNews.com
    23 Jan 2012 | 7:50 am
    Craig T. Nelson on a bag Springfield, MO – The premier leather bag retailer from New York, Coach Inc., is planning on market testing a new product line at their Battlefield Mall location. Lewis Frankfort, Coach’s CEO, made the announcement in a press release last Monday when revealing the company’s new line: The Coach Bag. “Coach has been commonly confused with the 90′s television series through many search engines long enough,” explained Frankfort, “so fusing the two, just seemed like a natural progression in eliminating the confusion.” The aging CEO hopes that…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    FMyLife

  • footscratching says FML

    footscratching
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:27 pm
    Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first in in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

  • INeedMoney says FML

    INeedMoney
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:58 pm
    Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

  • jaycee says FML

    jaycee
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:41 pm
    Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

  • smith says FML

    smith
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:13 pm
    Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

  • pirsquared says FML

    pirsquared
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:20 pm
    Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Lowering the Bar

  • Bill Would Ban Using Human Fetuses in Food, Just in Case Anybody's Thinking of Doing That

    Kevin
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:30 am
    Oklahoma state senator Ralph Shortey is concerned about the possibility that some nefarious person or entity is using aborted human fetuses in food, and has introduced legislation to put a stop to this. Or, to keep it from starting, because he isn't exactly sure that anybody's really doing this, or how or where they'd be doing it if they were. Still, can't be too careful.  SB 1418 is, at least for the moment, just this one sentence: No person or entity shall manufacture or knowingly sell food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the…

  • Penguin Defecates in Kentucky Legislature

    Kevin
    25 Jan 2012 | 1:04 pm
    I don't know about you, but I for one am sick and tired of these penguins befouling our nation's halls of government. Seems like everytime you turn around, there's another penguin pooping in a legislature. Can the candidates take this up at the next debate? Surely they're running out of subjects by now anyway. The Disrespectful Blackfooted Penguin The target yesterday was the Kentucky Senate, to which a penguin had been invited because the body was taking up Senate Resolution 92, honoring the Newport Aquarium for its contributions to the "aquatic world in general" and specifically "its…

  • Balloon Stolen

    Kevin
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    Have you no sense of decency, Minnesota balloon thieves? At long last, have you left no sense of decency? A smiley-face balloon, no less. Not since someone stole two bags of juggling equipment and a unicycle during the 2006 Flatland Juggling Festival has the Midwest been rocked by a senseless crime of such minitude. Link: Albert Lea (Minn.) Tribune (via Dave Barry)

  • Further Pain on Appeal for Gun-Safety Instructor Who Shot Himself

    Kevin
    24 Jan 2012 | 10:58 am
    The Legal Times reports that on January 17, the D.C. Circuit affirmed the dismissal of Lee Paige's lawsuit against his employer, the Drug Enforcement Administration, likely bringing this saga to a close. As you may recall, Mr. Paige shot himself in the leg in 2004, approximately three seconds after telling a roomful of people that he was the only person in the room "professional enough" to handle a gun. Painful in a different way was the fact that an audience member had been recording the gun-safety presentation, a video that later reached the Internet. Paige sued the DEA in 2006, claiming…

  • If Pajamas Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Wear Pajamas

    Kevin
    23 Jan 2012 | 4:38 pm
    I guess that slogan does work better for guns, probably because that's something people might conceivably care about. At least, until recently it honestly hadn't occurred to me that the wearing of pajamas, even in public, could cause any controversy. Maybe it should have, given the number of words I have directed at the nation's War on Sagging. See, e.g., "Georgia Town Enters Fight Against Sagging Pants," Lowering the Bar (Sept. 14, 2010) (noting that, at the time, at least a dozen state and local legislatures had taken up this critical issue). At least three Louisiana towns banned…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Funny Emails

  • The Shop

    Pradeep
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:25 am
    A guy passes a shop window and there are a number of wrist watches that catch his eye. He goes into the store and asks the bearded man with the yarmulka about the watches. The bearded man says, “I’m sorry we don’t sell watches here.” The shopper says, “Well what do you do here?” The [...]

  • Worst “wait for it” video……….. ever!

    Pradeep
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:07 am
    Filed under: entertainment, sudhakar muthyala, youtube

  • Oh, a wise guy, huh?

    Pradeep
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:39 am
    Filed under: entertainment, humour, insane, superb, wmml, youtube

  • Little girl saying WHATEVER!

    Pradeep
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:35 am
    Filed under: entertainment, humour, sudhakar muthyala, youtube

  • Whats in a Name?

    Pradeep
    24 Jan 2012 | 10:14 am
    A man called the phone company to complain about his listing in the directory. “I told you that my last name is Sweady,” he said, “but you have it listed as Cyirwu.” “I’m sorry, sir,” the phone company rep said. “I’ll fix it so it’ll be correct the next time we publish the directory. Now [...]
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Comedy Central Videos

  • Daniel's Crappy Ads

    30 Jan 2012 | 6:00 pm
    How does Daniel spend the money that would normally go towards Tosh.0 commercials? New episodes start January 31.

  • Tosh.Clothes

    30 Jan 2012 | 6:00 pm
    Get a look at what Daniel wore in every episode of Tosh.0 so far. What will he wear in Tuesday's Season Four premiere?

  • New Sketch Series

    29 Jan 2012 | 6:00 pm
    Get a special sneak preview of Comedy Central's new sketch series Key & Peele, premiering Tuesday January 31 at 10:30/9:30c.

  • John Mulaney - Home Alone 2

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:00 pm
    John Mulaney knows that it's kind of stupid to complain about a movie that came out 17 years ago.

  • John Mulaney - Bullied at School

    27 Jan 2012 | 6:00 pm
    When John Mulaney was a kid, people thought he was Asian.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Comedy Central's Jokes.com: Joke of the Day

  • John Mulaney: Bank Robbery in the 1930s

    27 Jan 2012 | 11:00 pm
    Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the '30s -- as long as you weren't still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.

  • T.J. Miller: Drinking Mimosas

    11 Nov 2011 | 11:00 pm
    If you're drinking champagne at 8 a.m. you're an alcoholic, but if you add orange juice it's just an early brunch.

  • T.J. Miller: Open Source Coding Joke

    11 Nov 2011 | 11:00 pm
    This area of Colorado, right around here in Boulder, has the highest cases of pedophilia per capita of anywhere else in Colorado. Did you know that? It's true; I read it in Wikipedia. I mean I put it in there, but I read it right after.

  • Gabriel Iglesias: Looking for a Pregnancy Test

    10 Nov 2011 | 1:00 am
    I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles -- they don't have one that says 'oops.'

  • Michael Ian Black: Pills

    26 Jul 2011 | 11:00 pm
    I don't drink, and I don't do drugs, but I'll take a pill. I'll take any pill, you know what I mean? 'Cause pills can't hurt me! 'Cause they're made by companies.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Comedy Central Insider | Funny, TV and Comedy Blog

  • Tuesday's Web Redemption: How to Get European Men

    comedy central insider
    27 Jan 2012 | 5:06 pm
    From the Tosh.0 blog… Next Tuesday on the SEASON 4 PREMIERE OF TOSH.0, Daniel learns how to land European men. Tune in to an ALL NEW episode on Tuesday, January 31st at 10/9c, you undesirable Americans.

  • Watch the Final Stand-Up Month Winners Tonight!

    Gonzalo Cordova
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:31 pm
    January is almost over. Winter is halfway through and change is in the air. People were born and people died. Flowers wilted and seedlings sprouted. Girls became women and boys became men. Boyz II Men changed their names to Men II Old Guyz. I finally got my period. And the final week of voting for Comedy Central's Stand-Up Month came to an end. Here are the winners, along with the times their specials will air tonight: Amy Schumer: 9/8c Anthony Jeselnik: 9:30/8:30c Louis CK: 10/9c Sheng Wang: 11/10c Julian McCullough: 11:30/10:30c

  • Twit Happens: Traffic

    Matt Tobey
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:30 pm
    Just heard the @NPR review of @ComedyCentral's #KeyandPeele and set my DVR from my phone in traffic. Can't wait. #bringonthebiracialcomedyabout 18 hours ago via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite@ldfarahLeyla Farah Probably a good opportunity to remind everyone that we're not responsible for any ten car pileups that result from DVR-setting while driving. Oh, and if you want to listen to it, here's that NPR segment. Follow: @ComedyCentral, @CCInsider, @Indecision and @ccstandup. Key & Peele premieres Tuesday at 10:30/9:30c.

  • Address the Mess: Educate Yo'self, Fool

    Maggie Sandford
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:11 pm
    So, what's the easiest way to help Earth? Learning and knowing stuff about it. Learning and knowing… but you said "easy!" Actually, I said "easiest," and the easiest way to learn and know stuff is by watching movies about stuff. MOVIIIIES!!! Documentaries can be educational and ent– Documentariiiiies… No — will you just — some documentaries are actually really– Explain how! I mean, you like a movie that's based on a story, right? I guess… Ripped from the headlines? Keep talking… Here are seven documentaries that are…

  • John Mulaney Was Bullied In School

    Matt Tobey
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:22 pm
    Unlike many of my peers, I was actually not bullied in school. Hard to believe, I know, but it's easy to be popular when you're captain of the varsity long-term memory-repression team. John Mulaney, on the other hand, was bullied and for some things that might surprise you, as he explains in this clip from his new special. John Mulaney: New In Town premieres tomorrow at 10/9c.
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    nonamedufus

  • Everybody Snores

    nonamedufus
    17 Jan 2012 | 3:33 am
    Well it's the wee hours of another Tuesday and I can't sleep. It's my chemo pills. I take them Monday and I have insomnia Monday night. Tonight just after midnight I was listening to a cover version of Everybody Hurts on my iPad. The wifey was fast asleep so I was using ear buds. Yet, what was that? Son of a gun if she wasn't snoring...and in perfect unison with the song: "Everybody hurts - hrmpf - sometimes". Oh, and before you think my wife was snorting like a pork (that's something my sweet francophone spouse would say) she has the most genteel, lady-like snore I've ever heard. Me, on the…

  • Things That Go Poop In The Night

    nonamedufus
    10 Jan 2012 | 4:31 am
    Not me. No. At my age I'm up about 4 or 5 times to pee. But not pooh. I called the post that because I have a touch of insomnia tonight and when you can't sleep the mind can have some pretty odd thoughts.For instance, I've come to believe that one can determine how secure their marriage is in proportion to how often their spouse farts in their presence. Now in the early stages of a relationship this would never happen. Well, hardly maybe. Then as time passes, gasses passes too. It'll start with a little putt, followed by an "oops, I'm sorry". But as the relationship becomes more profound, so…

  • I'm Outta Here

    nonamedufus
    12 Dec 2011 | 5:52 am
    This is the post I wanted to leave you with today.As the promo said "like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives." Yep, and over the next many days one of the things I'll be doing is spending a lot of time enjoying that sand, on a beach, a tad south of here where it's nothing but sunny and warm save the cervezas which are frosty and cool.The shorts, sandals, golf-shirts are all packed. The boots, scarves, toques, gloves and heavy winter parkas abandoned in the front hall closet.This will be my last post for a while. I'm going to close the computer and slowly step away in…

  • Sunday Funnies

    nonamedufus
    11 Dec 2011 | 6:05 am

  • Pause Ponder and Pirouettes

    nonamedufus
    10 Dec 2011 | 5:52 am
    Well, folks, I knew this picture would get a rise out of you. I think this is the Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire male dancer secret handshake. But leave it to you guys to have other ideas."See? I told you that these hats defy gravity!"VaguemaxI ate a bottle of yeast today. I'm rising. Hey, so are you!QuirkyloonHazards of the "pull my finger" joke.Shawn"I see that you too have met Wayne, the Wedgie Master."00dozoAnd our winner is...drum roll...the same guy that went for all the marbles last week. Some would say he's lost his marbles...Bill and Dan were pretty gassy after eating at the Mexican…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    ann's rants

  • 13 Seconds of My Family

    23 Jan 2012 | 8:10 pm
     Beware the retractable key chain... (if you can't see the video, click here.)  Jayne of In Jayne's World Congratulations, you win a copy of  Keija Parssinen's The Ruins of Us!! Email me your mailing address and she'll get it to you. Thanks everyone for your comments!

  • Dear Ann Krinsky Age Twenty

    17 Jan 2012 | 6:03 am
    A version of this letter appeared as a feature for Brava Magazine last spring. My girlfriends are especially on my mind and in my heart right now, so I thought I’d share it… Dear Ann Krinsky Age Twenty rehearsing a monologue, How are you Ann Krinsky? The UW theater department smells exactly the same 17 years later—of burnt microwave popcorn, bare feet, and creative desperation. Nice suspender pants, by the way. Very The Limited-does-Annie Hall. I see you working diligently on your audition monologue for The Fantasticks. **Spoiler alert** you get the part. In fact, we could name…

  • My Shortcomings Catalog: A Focus on Musical Constipation

    10 Jan 2012 | 10:13 am
    I have a long list of shortcomings. Not curious about things I’m not already passionate about, I’m also ignorant about geography, history, and most of The Important Information people learn in school. This, despite the fact I performed well in my studies in excellent schools through 19th grade. I pick at myself, the pantry, and my husband when anxious. I learn only enough about technology to get by (see: my yahoo account). I expect my children to hurry when developmentally they’re programmed to stop getting dressed at underwear and one sock, in order to play with a delivery-pizza…

  • We Are Not International Coffee People

    3 Jan 2012 | 10:57 am
    Organic. Fair-trade. Artisan. Hard foam. No foam. Triple Lutz Al Pacino with room. Today's gourmet coffee obsession focuses on supersonic Mach-3 beans, and an order as complex and individualized as a strand of your DNA--requiring a Bachelor of Barista. Remember when coffee considered “fancy” came flavored and scooped out of a rectangular tin? It wasn’t just coffee. Actually, it wasn’t even coffee, but one part coffee-per-million Swiss mocha cremains. Whatever International Coffee lacked in taste, our generational palate was too young and ignorant to notice the difference. Come to…

  • New Years Resolutions 1990!

    29 Dec 2011 | 10:05 pm
    By THE HIGH SCHOOL COLUMNIST WHO IS GOING TO TURN THIS MUTHA OUT IN ‘90! You are in High School now, Ann Krinsky, and High School means no more bullcrap. Do you understand??? Plus this is an entire new decade and it is just time already. You are no longer a frosh and it is just time! So, I the first and only Ann Krinsky ever in the history of the universe do solemnly swear to these resolutions: Tonight I’m going to party like it’s 1999! HA. J/K J/K Just kidding. Seriously. Seriously now. I’m totally serious. Stretch every morning and every night or you will never finally be able to do…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    @TremendousNews!

  • 10 Movies That Could Have Ended With 2 Texts.

    Tremendous
    23 Jan 2012 | 11:30 am
    1. Free Willy 2. Home Alone 3. Saving Private Ryan 4. Gladiator 5. Dumb and Dumber 6. The Sixth Sense 7. The Lion King 8. Back To The Future 9. Lord Of The Rings 10. Avatar Follow me on twitter here. Tweet

  • The 10 Types Of Facebook Friends. Which One Are You?

    Tremendous
    23 Jun 2011 | 5:20 pm
    The world of Facebook is divided in ten. Ten types of personalities.  Ten distinct characters. And  guess what? You’re one of them. Or maybe not.  I can’t do every type.  That would take hours to write and you’ll zone out into a coma mid-way and go who’s this fat blogger dude again?  Remind me to send a picture of my package to him. In my mind all of you are Anthony Weiner. You’re my Ant Weiners. That? That made me smile. Let’s get to it.  The ten types of Facebook friends. 1. The Girl Who Never Gets Your/You’re Right.  Ever. Just once you want…

  • The 10 Annoying Phrases You Need To Stop Using.

    Tremendous
    27 Aug 2010 | 12:17 pm
    I'm betting she says 'epic' Ever since English was invented, there’s been a swath of phrases that annoy everyone. Like that? Swath? I read books now. I asked my tiny friends on Facebook for suggestions on some of their most hated phrases.  They gave me well over 70. I’m going to trim it down to 10 of the most vile. If you use any of these, stop immediately. 1. Peeps. The term ‘peeps’ was cool when people were ‘getting jiggy with it.’ Or when people were not, in fact, ready for her jelly. But we’ve evolved. And we’re not your peeps.

  • 10 Signs You’re A Facebook Stalker.

    Tremendous
    11 Aug 2010 | 9:00 am
    This is actually how creepy you are. Right now, you probably think you’re normal. Nice. Decent. Human. Ha! Hilarious. I know you.  Beneath your cheery smile is dark nerdy evil.  And your satanic lord is Facebook.  Once you log on, you can’t resist yourself.  You stalk people. Possibly while nude. If you don’t believe me, read the signs below.  If you do any of these things, you have a problem. 1. You Know When People Use Facebook. Your friend Sarah logs onto Facebook at around 9:30am.  Then again around 5pm. How do you know this?  Because you’ve observed and…

  • 5 Signs You’re About To Be Blocked.

    Tremendous
    27 Jul 2010 | 11:10 am
    A common scene in my life. (Except with way fatter chicks) Have you ever been blocked by someone on Facebook or Twitter? Don’t answer. That was rhetorical, dopey. You’ve been blocked. There’s been a point in time where someone evaluated your contribution to their world and said: Pass. Then they ensured they would never ever see you again by removing you completely from their lives. Hilarious. Here’s five signs you’re about to be blocked. 1. Someone Asks You “How Do You Find The Time To Update So Much”? This is a key phrase. How do you find the time.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    MyLifeIsAverage.com

  • 3182669

    28 Jan 2012 | 5:06 am
    A few weeks ago i was riding in the car with my boyfriend and all the sudden i shouted "There's Pofey!!" (Pofey is my old imaginary friend). My boyfriend suddenly stopped the car and opened the door. He then called Pofey and shut the door like he got in. I knew he was a keeper :) M(and austins)LIA

  • 3182672

    28 Jan 2012 | 5:02 am
    Today was my friend's birthday. Me and my best friend went out to buy her a present, we got three pairs of underpants, batman, superman and wonderwoman. I put the batman ones over my jeans and my best friend put on the superman ones and we ran to her house. We knocked on her door and when she opened it we posed and said "WE ARE HERE! May we come in?" When she let us in we ran into her living room like superheroes flying and posed in front of all her relatives. We ended up staying for 3 hours and taking pictures with her family. OLAA

  • 2946985

    28 Jan 2012 | 4:19 am
    I saw a post earlier today about how each state has it's own dinosaur. I about had a fit and excitedly googled state dinosaurs to find out what my state's was. Only about 5 states have state dinosaurs. I don't think I've ever been this disappointed. MLIA

  • 3182653

    28 Jan 2012 | 4:19 am
    The other day on Grouchy Rabbit I saw a post that said "Walk up to an employee at a Walmart and say "Code 3 in housewares" in a very official voice and see what happens." Today I did that. The dude looked at me weirdly, then ran off shouting "For Narnia!!" MLIA

  • 3182840

    28 Jan 2012 | 1:33 am
    Today, I asked my mom if I could go read by the pool while she was on her iPhone. She replied with "Yes, but don't do any jadling while you're down there." I looked at her, confused, until she said "I'm playing scrabble and I figured if I use that word in a sentence, the computer would accept it." MLIA
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Safety Graphic Fun

  • Classic Safety

    Julia
    27 Jan 2012 | 5:01 pm
    Here's an oldy but an extreme goody - the bridge looks fine, it's the bicycle spitting on you when you are down that's uncool. Thanks Jim!

  • Puddy Safety

    Julia
    9 Jan 2012 | 9:13 am
    All I hear is Puddy saying "High five!" Thanks Rich D!

  • Resolution Safey

    Julia
    5 Jan 2012 | 9:00 am
    "I will not to dive into or attempt handstands on top of bacon." Thanks Maria M! We'll see how long this resolution lasts...

  • Vocabulary Safety

    Julia
    2 Jan 2012 | 9:00 am
    I love starting the new year off by learning a new term: Toothpasteslubber! Now I know what to call it when cleaning the bathroom sink. "Who left all this #@%! toothpasteslubber in here???" Thanks Mike G from Afghanistan!

  • Wrong Word Safety

    Julia
    30 Dec 2011 | 9:00 am
    Looks more like a danger of levitation to me... Thanks Bob M!
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Bean

  • The Artist’s Early Work: A Portfolio

    Bejewell
    20 Jan 2012 | 1:05 pm
    From Quiet to Chaos, 2011 Crayon on glass, with drapery overlay Interpretation/Critique: Clearly, the artist was trying to convey a sense of desperation and mayhem as one makes the transition from a quiet, self-reflective night to a day lived outside oneself, bringing all of one’s inner turmoil out into the light for the rest of the world to see. It’s a bold work, especially considering the dangers the artist himself faced in its creation, working in secret under the constant threat of time out. Bunny Beheading, 2011 Found objects Interpretation/Critique: This piece speaks out…

  • A Letter to the Leadership of the Former High School Asshole Association

    Bejewell
    11 Jan 2012 | 10:18 am
    Dear Esteemed Members of the Former High School Asshole Association: As President of the Former High School Nobody Association, it is my job to maintain an open line of communication with your leadership regarding our mutually accepted Former Asshole-Former Nobody Post-High School Code of Conduct (COC). Specifically, I’m required to monitor and report possible violations of the rules set forth in the COC’s Chapter 7: Interactions. Since the reunion of 2010 we’ve seen a significant increase in co-mingling between our two groups, which we consider a positive step; but these increased…

  • Death By Laundry

    Bejewell
    1 Jan 2012 | 10:52 pm
    It started as a little pile A tiny pile of dirtied style To wash it would just take a while A very short, short while. But my life was busy, so I let it grow, even though I needed clean and folded clothes I really let it go. The family just kept adding more The hamper spilled out on the floor Still, I refused to do my chore That useless, boring chore. And so, the pile became a mound 60 pounds, five feet around At least four feet from top to ground A real impressive mound. And THEN it grew into a hill A silly hill, like Jack and Jill It grew into a silly hill A silly, scary hill. The hill…

  • Things I’ve Done This Week Instead of Working Because I Have a Looming Deadline, a Problem with Authority and Terribly Self-Destructive Tendencies

    Bejewell
    8 Dec 2011 | 1:27 pm
    1. Completed Phase One (and only Phase One) of Operation: Finally Clean Out My Ridiculously Overcrowded Closet. This basically involved yanking out random items to create a precariously tall pile on the floor of my already-inconveniently small bathroom, where they still sit, threatening to collapse at any moment, while I start-and-don’t-finish tons of other unnecessary projects in a desperate effort to avoid Phase Two. P.S. Napoleon the Asshole has since peed on this pile. Awesome. 2. Spent hours browsing the Amazingly Sick World of the Internet for my contribution to this year’s Jett…

  • Action:Reaction

    Bejewell
    2 Nov 2011 | 10:54 pm
    IF YOU… I WILL… Hold the door open for me… Thank you profusely. Do NOT hold the door open for me… Thank you anyway, with dripping sarcasm. Tell me what to do… Take great pleasure in doing exactly the opposite of whatever you just said. Tell me I can’t do something… Prove you wrong. Cut me off in traffic… Wait until I’m next to you again, then casually scratch my nose… with my middle finger. Ask me what time it is… Answer with either, “MILLER TIME!” or “Time to make the donuts.” Become famous simply because you have big tits, a big ass, big hair or big…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Daniel Dickey Dot Com

  • The Funniest Facebook Fail EVER!

    admin
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:23 pm
    Oh the wonderful things on the internet.

  • List For The 2012 Oscar Nominations

    admin
    24 Jan 2012 | 12:40 pm
    Okay, normally I sick to just comedy, but here and there I post something that’s going to get my website a bunch of hits. Well turns out all of America wants to see who did the best job pretending to be someone else. And I’d like to capitalize on the high search volume. So in the exact order that I found on another website–which I plan to beat in SEO ranking–these are the nominees. Complete list of 84th Annual Academy Award nominations announced Tuesday: Best Picture: “The Artist,” ‘’The Descendants,” ‘’Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close,” ‘’The…

  • Why I Love Ice Cream More Than Anything in the World

    admin
    23 Jan 2012 | 12:35 am
    As I’ve begun to age into an adult I’ve attempted curb my cursing habits to almost nonexistent. Using vulgarity is the quickest way to lower you perceived social status and always a cheap way to express emotion. Don’t limit your ability to socially excel by using trashy verbiage–speak well and smile and people will assume you’re a handsome little devil with endless potential. With that said, some times it’s essential to use fowl language to convey a message. I fucking love ice cream. That is a statement that requires the use of the offensive language.

  • The First Camera Phone: Funny Photo Fails

    admin
    21 Jan 2012 | 6:51 pm
    Bahahahahaha

  • Where to Travel and What to Do While in Costa Rica

    admin
    16 Jan 2012 | 6:24 pm
    As with most of my trips last year, Costa Rica was sporadic and unplanned. By sporadic and unplanned I mean, Monday at 5:00pm I was watching Netflix and eating pudding pops–twelve hours later I had my bags packed and was headed to Miami International Airport. In less than half a day I finished a movie, ate six pudding pops and convinced two of my best friends to travel to central America with me. I’d say it was productive, but seeing that the movie I watched starred Nick Canon, I probably lose points. My trip, short but amazing, consisted of this: Day One: We flew into San Jose…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    BBC NEWS | Magazine Monitor

  • 10 things we didn't know last week

    Magazine Monitor
    27 Jan 2012 | 10:15 am
    Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience. 1. The English eat more haggis than the Scots. More details (Daily Telegraph) 2. The Dead Sea is only two-thirds the size it was in the 1930s. More details 3. Mice sing. More details (Press Association) 4. Of 163,000 space rocks owned by Nasa, 517 are missing. More details (New York Times) 5. The world's most competitive espresso market is the UK. More details (The Independent) 6. Dinosaurs were good mothers. More details (Daily Telegraph) 7. Welsh doctors once used the skin of puppies as a dermatological…

  • Your Letters

    Magazine Monitor
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:30 am
    At least the men can complain in inches. Over the past decade, my girth has increased (slightly) whereas my clothing size has fallen from 10 to eight to six. This can change within minutes on the same day between one shop and the next (Wallis lower, New Look higher and et al). Whatever happened to the pan-European EN-13402 standard? R.G, Watford, Herts Well Paper Monitor(s). As HM doesn't know who you (they) are, getting a gong is going to be a little difficult isn't it? Aqua Suliser, Bath So, Michael Winner now has on his notepaper "Michael Winner MA (Cantab), OBE (offered but rejected)."…

  • Caption Competition

    Magazine Monitor
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:01 am
    Winning entries in the Caption Competition. The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF]. This week it was a display by the Indian Border Security Force "Daredevils" during a parade. Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following: 6. Candace9839 wrote: The captain has always been a big fan of Bob Fosse, actually. 5. Fern Coolbra wrote: I told you we were overstaffed. 4. Catherine O wrote: We aim to bemuse potential invaders until they've completely forgotten what they were here for. 3. MagnumCarter wrote: Glee does a Steppenwolf episode.

  • Paper Monitor

    Magazine Monitor
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:29 am
    A service highlighting the riches of the daily press. Twice a year, Paper Monitor waits by patiently by the letterbox. And yet each time this column's services to highlighting the riches of the daily press go inexplicably unrewarded by the British honours system. And yet clearly not everyone is so desperate for recognition. A freedom of information request has revealed the names of luminaries who have turned down gongs. One person who has famously done so is Michael Winner, and he is commissioned by the Daily Mail to outline his reasoning. The result is quite comfortably the most gloriously…

  • Your Letters

    Magazine Monitor
    26 Jan 2012 | 10:40 am
    What on earth is a Windows haircut? Did the barber sell Mr Gates something rather newer and flashier than he wanted, and that he can't get a standard comb-through? Did it come bundled with the latest leg waxes and hair extensions that he'll never use? Has "I love XP" been shaved into the back where he can't see it? Or does it just look hacked? Diane, Sutton In addition to the "10 things we didn't know..." feature, could I suggest a, "10 things we'd like to know but weren't included in the story" feature? I'd start off by asking how many of the 4,000 pieces of George IV's Grand Service have…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Twitter Fools

  • MegaUP : Upload if you can! Xbox, Windows Phone 7 Game Inspired By Megaupload Shutdown

    TwitterFools
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:09 pm
    Last week, after the protest of SIPA, POPA the internet piracy act – the US Justice Department came down hard on Megaupload and its mega founder, Kim Dotcom was arrested. You all might have known about Megaupload.com, a site that lets users to upload and share files with friends and public which also had movie, [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • 12 Most FANtastic Reasons to Love Football By Brian Vickery

    TwitterFools
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:09 pm
    By Brian Vickery The NFL football season is winding down, and I feel compelled to squeeze one more football post in my feed before moving on to the basketball season! I love football, and I favor the professional game over the college game. That distinction alone will bring some debate amongst friends and family. Some [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Tweets still must flow

    TwitterFools
    27 Jan 2012 | 12:39 pm
    One year ago, we posted “The Tweets Must Flow,” in which we said, “The open exchange of information can have a positive global impact … almost every country in the world agrees that freedom of expression is a human right. Many countries also agree that freedom of expression carries with it responsibilities and has limits.” [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • LAPD cracks down on drone aircraft use by real estate agents

    TwitterFools
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:10 am
    LAPD cracks down on drone aircraft use by real estate agents: Hey guys, what year was Blade Runner set in again? Source: Alltop RSS .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • How You Can Turn 19th Century Photos Into Animated GIFs

    TwitterFools
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:09 pm
    GIF made with the NYPL Labs Stereogranimator The New York Public Library wants you to turn its archive of 40,000 historic stereographs into 3D i… Source: Alltop RSS .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Funny Emails

  • Bungee Jumping In Mexico

    admin
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico.” . Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they’ll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel [...]

  • Always Ask – Never Assume

    admin
    26 Jan 2012 | 9:06 am
    His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed [...]

  • Grandma’s Story About Driving Home

    admin
    23 Jan 2012 | 5:03 pm
    Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker .. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, [...]

  • Management Positions

    admin
    22 Jan 2012 | 4:59 pm
    A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am.” The woman below replied, “You’re [...]

  • Supermarket Senses – The Smell of Freshness

    admin
    22 Jan 2012 | 4:59 pm
    A while ago a new supermarket opened in St. Catharines . It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent [...]
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • Coupon Heaven

    info@gcfl.net
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:00 am
    While handing a 25 cents-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed so the woman said, "That's OK - it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?" the checker said. "Yes," the woman said. "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!" said the checker. Received from Pastor Tim.

  • Army Nurse Corps

    info@gcfl.net
    26 Jan 2012 | 1:00 am
    During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal appearance frequently left much to be desired. The final blow to our feminine pride occurred while we waited in the mess line in the mud and rain. A young private came by with a camera and asked to take our picture. "It will prove to my girl," he said, "that she…

  • Animal Crackers

    info@gcfl.net
    25 Jan 2012 | 1:00 am
    A mother walks into the kitchen and sees her daughter with the whole box of animal crackers spread on the counter top. Mother: "Why did you pour out the whole box?" Daughter: "The box says, 'Do not eat if the seal is broken.' I'm looking for the seal." Received from Earl Ashworth.

  • Cute Baby

    info@gcfl.net
    24 Jan 2012 | 1:00 am
    When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby." Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents." "No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really good-looking." "So what do you say to the others?" I asked. "He looks just like you." Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

  • Irish Taxi Driver

    info@gcfl.net
    23 Jan 2012 | 1:00 am
    A British passenger in a taxi in Dublin leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from the edge of the bridge over the Liffey River. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still-shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the devil out of me." The frightened Brit apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten an Irishman so much. The driver replied, "Will the saints in Heaven…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Dog and Pony Show

  • Spielberg Wants To Be God, How To End The Simpsons, Condoms in Porn, Demi Moore’s 911 Tape, and the Secret Life of Frogs.

    chris
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:28 pm
    What? Your toilet tank doesn't have a bunch of frogs in it? FUCK YOU! Our good friend Jane Blow was recently interviewed about that pesky “Condoms in Porn” law. It’s a sexy read. Steven Spielberg is close to signing a deal which would make him god, more or less . The Simpsons as “The dream Fry from Futurama had when he was in cryogenics” and other ways to put down the oldest dog in television. OMFG: Power. Rangers. Hoodies. Speaking of Homer and crew, some French website did a side by side analysis of every art reference in the show, ever. Survival of the…

  • Shit New Yorkers Say When They Move To Hollywood.

    chris
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:00 pm
    Yesterday we showed you our version of the “Shit ____ say” video-meme, “Shit Forrest Gump Says.” Late last night, right on the heels of our masterpiece I received a message from our good friend James Doheny about his take on the quickly fizzling sensation. James and his Popped Collars and Tears production mates put together what is sure to be relatable to anyone whose uprooted their lives from NYC in search of Hollywood gold out west. We were both late to the party, but I like James’ video better than ours. Take that DAPS! FACE!!

  • The Megaplex: One for the Money, Man on a Ledge, and The Grey.

    Charlie
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:30 pm
    You have no idea how happy I am that this is the last week of January releases. Once again, this is another lame weekend at the Megaplex, and I legit don’t really have any interest in what’s coming out, but it’s my obligation to tell you what’s up. One for the Money is an action comedy film based on the novel of the same name by Janet Evanovich. It stars Katherine Heigl, Jason O’Mara, Debbie Reynolds, Daniel Sunjata and Sherri Shepherd. It tells the story of the unemployed and newly-divorced Stephanie Plum who lands a job at her cousin’s bail-bond business, where her first…

  • Andy Dwyer from ‘Parks and Recreation’ is HILARIOUS in the new Star Wars Kinect Commercial.

    Daye
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:00 pm
    First off: STAR WARS KINECT?!?! Why has no one told me that this was in the works? Finally my chance to make a fool of myself like that dumb ass Star Wars Kid. Unfortunately, I lost my Xbox 360 in the divorce so I think I need to pick up a new one. Lord knows those older Xboxs sound like a jet taking off so I think I’ll get one of those Falcon 65nm chips. What makes this Kinect commercial great is how it makes fun of the mythical battle between Darth Vader and old Obi Wan Kenobi. And who better to do that than Andy Dwyer who’s one of the funniest Television characters of our…

  • Average DAPS Reader: Believes That Fran Drescher Was Abducted By Aliens

    Carlo
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:00 pm
    she'd still get it IMO. Former Nanny, and current Happy Divorcee, Fran Drescher surprised America this week by revealing that she was abducted by aliens and implanted with a chip, just the same as her current husband. The chips, she claims, are meant to program the two to find and be with one another. “You know, it’s funny because Peter and I both saw [aliens] before we knew each other, doing the same thing, driving on the road with our dads. We were both in junior high. We realized that we had the same experience. I think that somehow we were programmed to meet, we both…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    WordPress.com News

  • Chrome Users: Try the WordPress.com Extension

    Christopher Finke
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:54 pm
    Want to receive WordPress.com notifications instantly, even when you’re not on WordPress.com? Add the new WordPress.com extension for Chrome and as soon as you get a new follower or a new like on one of your posts, a notification will appear in your browser: Simply click the icon to view your latest WordPress.com notifications: Start following new blogs without visiting WordPress.com The Chrome extension also makes it easy to follow sites from your WordPress.com account by displaying a Follow button whenever you’re browsing a site that has an RSS feed. Clicking the Follow button…

  • Your Stats Have a New Home

    Andy Skelton
    26 Jan 2012 | 10:46 am
    Are you addicted to checking your site stats? You are not alone. The stats dashboard has always been one of the most popular admin screens. It’s gratifying to know that people are visiting your place online. With the WordPress.com front page evolving into a one-stop shop for posting, exploring, following and reading blogs, it seemed natural to put your blog stats there, too.  Stats are becoming more and more about interacting with your readers and other bloggers. You’ll still see your summary stats and chart on your main dashboard, and the full stats page in your dashboard will…

  • Reblogging is Back!

    Erica Johnson
    22 Jan 2012 | 1:27 pm
    As we mentioned last week, you can like and reblog posts directly from your reader, which displays a stream of all the updates published on all the blogs you follow from your WordPress.com account. We’ve also brought the reblog button back to the toolbar that appears at the top of the screen when you’re logged into WordPress.com. Note that you’ll only see the like and reblog options while you’re looking at individual posts. For example, you’ll see this on the left side of your toolbar while viewing http://en.blog.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/read-blogs: And your…

  • New Theme: Newsy

    Philip Arthur Moore
    20 Jan 2012 | 12:18 pm
    It’s been an extra big week in the news ’round these parts, so much so that the launch announcement of our latest premium theme seems like an extra extra good way to headline our Friday. Newsy is a versatile business and news-friendly theme that offers up to ten different layouts, four footer columns, custom link and accent colors, and a custom site header. Brand and content-focused editorial teams will love publishing with this theme. Newsy: Home Page Designed by Themify, Newsy comes with an impressive set of Theme Options that afford you a great deal of flexibility with how you…

  • Read All Your Favorite Blogs in One Place

    Erica Johnson
    19 Jan 2012 | 6:04 pm
    If you feel like it’s a chore to keep up with all your favorite blogs, you can now read posts from all the blogs you follow (even the ones that aren’t on WordPress.com!) in one convenient place on the WordPress.com home page: Your reader displays all the posts across all the blogs you follow in the order they were published, with the most recent content appearing at the top. You’ll see an excerpt of the introduction to each post, the first image in the post, and thumbnails of any other images that the post contains. You can even like and reblog WordPress.com content directly…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Velvet Blog

  • The debates are just getting ridiculous now

    24 Jan 2012 | 7:51 am
    It looks like Newt won this one, though.

  • It's a natural, natural, natural desire*

    19 Jan 2012 | 7:20 am
    Haven't listened yet, but I see the new The Projection Booth podcast features a discussion of what has become my favorite bad movie, The Apple, with director Menahem Golan and star Catherine Mary Stewart.*Meet an actual, actual, actual vampire.

  • Busy, busy, busy

    17 Jan 2012 | 8:32 am
    Things are crazy busy. Expect even-lighter-than-usual posting for a bit.Here, enjoy this song by Jeremy Messermith [sic], as animated by Eric Power:Here's a link to a live thing Messersmith did for NPR. A friend recommended him recently, and I'm really digging.

  • Mysterious postcard message of the day

    11 Jan 2012 | 9:00 pm
    Oct. 17th, 1907I still weigh 123. Love C.H.In case you can't make that out, the message is written upside down, around the right-side-up date, on the front of the card. Odd.As late as the early 20th century, you couldn't write on the side of the postcard where the address is written--I'm not sure why, or when the regulations changed.Click on the "postcards" label below for more.

  • Oh, enough already

    9 Jan 2012 | 10:34 am
    Various news headlines, from Google News, on the surge that is Santorum:Santorum's surge fizzling in NH --Albany Times UnionThe Santorum surge is alive and well‎ --Washington PostSantorum surge poses dilemma for lawmakers --The HillSantorum surge thrills some TN conservatives --The TennesseanMorality behind Santorum's surge‎ --Monroe News StarRomney seems optimistic in face of Santorum surge --Los Angeles TimesI hereby declare a moratorium.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    BugginWord

  • All Out of Uke

    BugginWord
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:47 am
    Phew.  What a week.  But it’s Friday.  And I have a wine opener.  I’m not afraid to use it. But first, here’s Installment Three of Uber Cheesy 80′s Love Songs Massacred on Herbert for VD Awareness.  Or something. Happy MFBT! Other Related Ramblings You Might Enjoy:Hello (I Still Don’t Know How to Work the Word “Uke” Into A Single Word Title and It Frustrates Me But There’s Cold Beer Waiting, Damnit So Let’s Just Move On Already)Danny’s UkeUke-a-by BabySubstiukeI and Love and Uke

  • This Week’s Tweets

    BugginWord
    22 Jan 2012 | 3:00 am
    Cutting out dairy is surprisingly easy…when you replace it with bacon and french fries. # Huh. I thought for sure that diaper would smell like asparagus. Experiment FAIL. Also, I may need to get out more… # Heh. I'm easily amused at 5am apparently. http://t.co/HHnMiDll # Surfing the Internet looking at the #PIPA and #SOPA blackouts feels a lot like driving around the neighborhood looking at Xmas decorations. # Rocco just said, "When you say Harikrishna I think upbeat, fast tempo, and jazz hands." I got nothing, Interwebz. # As per my dream last night, happiness is…

  • Careless Uker

    BugginWord
    20 Jan 2012 | 11:51 am
    This is what happens when I don’t get my shit together and record the video the night before.  But a gal can’t waste a chance to uke a cheesy 80′s love song, can she? Shout out to Joules for reading my mind and giving me the confirmation that this counts as a VD song.  Heh.  Nothing says George Michael like venereal disease.  Not that venereal diseases talk.  At least not the kind I’ve had. Not that I’ve had VD. Much. Oh Jesus.  Somebody roll tape! Happy MFBT, bitches! Try A Little Something DifferentFor the RecordHerbert Might Be Made of CheeseGreat…

  • The M Word

    BugginWord
    19 Jan 2012 | 11:36 am
    Apparently it’s going to take me more than three months to not squirm at the “m word.”  And no, I don’t mean moist. So.  I’ve been a…*cough*…a mo…*swallow*…a moth…*cough, cough*…a mothe…*ahem*…a MOTHER (there I said it!) for three months.  Three months.  THREE.  MONTHS.  (Hey, Jenny Slater.) Also?  Please don’t expect me to call Rocco “Dad.”  “Dad” lives in Virginia with “Mom” on a beautiful lake where they practice the hammer dulcimer and pottery respectively. …

  • Protesting With Slutty Koalas

    BugginWord
    18 Jan 2012 | 8:19 am
    God bless The Oatmeal. And hooray for Veg because she finds the best shit. Other Related Ramblings You Might Enjoy:This Is Why I Type
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Chris Carlisle

  • Why Create A Facebook Fan Page

    admin
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:48 pm
    A lot of people these days get to enjoy some of the benefits that the world wide web has given to today’s society. Truly, the internet has been responsible in bridging people from all over the world together, and now this has changed the market and the business world in its entirety. For one, customers are now much more empowered because they get access to information which they can use to make smarter decisions on the things they buy and the services they pay for. Also, social networking has become a major catalyst in the rapid rate of change as more and more people rely and heavily…

  • Nikon D5100 Price And Quality

    admin
    23 Jan 2012 | 5:13 pm
    Most of the photographers, ranging from the beginners to the professionals, want to make use of a camera that can be carried out with an auto-focus function for taking shots in a fraction of a second. The type digital camera that can provide this function is called SLR or single lens reflex. SLR cameras come in different brands. But the most popular brands are Nikon and Canon, among others. For example, when you are looking at Nikon D5100 price and quality, there is no way that you will not be tempted to get one. This model of Nikon camera is not that expensive but is stuffed full with lots…

  • Tips To Find The Best Car Transport

    admin
    19 Jan 2012 | 8:10 pm
    There are times when we need to ship our cars to another location. During these times, people who could help us are those who are into car transport business. They could help us arrange a schedule about transporting the car as well as do the shipping for us. It’s what they do for a living. They ship cars. However, before choosing the company we would most likely entrust our car with, it would be best to know some tips on how to find the best car transport services. This is because if we really value our car, we would make sure that a good company will handle it so we can be sure that…

  • Types Of Team Building Activities

    admin
    19 Jan 2012 | 3:44 pm
    Team building has a lot of advantages. They help create a more pleasant working atmosphere and they enhance the team working skills of workers, students and other participants. In the corporate world, working with somebody is unavoidable, thus the need for team building activities. But what are the different types of activities that you can have during your team building? There are many to choose from that are specific for certain goals and areas of concern. Let us tackle some of them. The first one, which is the most common, is the problem-solving activities. Through many activities…

  • Hiring A Mesa Dui Lawyer To Handle Your Dui Or Dwi Charges

    admin
    17 Jan 2012 | 11:42 pm
    DUI and DWI charges carry harsher penalties in some states than others, which is quite natural considering the number of incidents related to drinking and driving. As a first time offender, it is important that you consult with a Mesa DUI Lawyer as soon as DUI or DWI charges have been filed against you to protect your rights and prevent you from incriminating yourself any further. If you are a resident of Arizona it will be easier for you if you hire a lawyer practicing in your city instead of hiring one from out of town. The advantage to this is that the local lawyer you choose is more privy…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    What the Duck

  • WTD 1302

    Aaron
    23 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am
     The 

  • WTD 1301

    Aaron
    16 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am
    The new What the Duck book is now AVAILABLE! All books come personalized, signed, and doodled in by the author, Aaron Johnson.

  • WTD 1300

    Aaron
    9 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am

  • WTD 119-2012

    Aaron
    2 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am

  • WTD 1299

    Aaron
    26 Dec 2011 | 2:00 am
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Living in L.A.

  • Are You Going Through Tough Times?

    Kung Fu Kev
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:10 am
    I just ran across this blog recently: we the change, which is full of personal growth, self improvement, and global consciousness articles. The title of this entry is hard to pass by without stopping by for a glance: How to Deal With Life in Tough Times And sure enough, this piece is some sound advice for people going through it;  which, my guess would include you too, right?

  • 'Why Are We Here?', Quote

    Kung Fu Kev
    24 Jan 2012 | 2:28 pm
     "You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement.You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand."  Woodrow Wilson Plain to see why he became president....

  • Dancing, According to the Gospels...

    Kung Fu Kev
    21 Jan 2012 | 1:30 am
           Religious? Here's what the gospels have to say about dancing: (recently spotted while perusing the net):       In the Gnostic gospel Acts of John, even Jesus danced and said to his disciples, "To the Universe belongs the dancer. He who does not dance does not know what happens." Early Christian churches carried on liturgical dancing in imitation of all their pagan contemporaries;

  • Remix of a Classic Rolling Stones Song

    Kung Fu Kev
    14 Jan 2012 | 7:43 am
    This is one of the better remixes I've heard of a classic song.  It's definitely worth listening to, both because it's a Rolling Stones song and because it's a good track. This piece is a side project from one of LA's own music industry experts, Reece McLughlin (BeatLab Records), aka Reecifer. The link to the song is below. Go to Soundcloud now and check it out; if you like it, you can download

  • Botox: Not Just Used to Make Girlfriends Look Younger

    Kung Fu Kev
    15 Nov 2011 | 8:56 am
    Wow, who would've thunk it? Botox has been approved by the FDA for treatment of migraines. If you have this terrible affliction, you should be aware of the new treatment on the block: Botox. Neurology.org Site I guess it makes sense that the pressure I feel during a migraine could be alleviated by something like this. I experience cluster migraines, which means I am fine most of the time,
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Futility Closet

  • A Close Friend

    Greg Ross
    28 Jan 2012 | 12:15 am
    In June 1857, Hans Christian Andersen arrived at Charles Dickens’ new country home, Gads Hill Place. Andersen was an enormous admirer of Dickens — he had just dedicated a novel to him and was eager to enjoy a fortnight with his “friend and brother.” Enjoy it he did. He gathered nosegays in the woods, cut figures from paper, invited Dickens’ son Charley to shave him, and explored London in cabs while hiding his valuables in his boots. He found that Dickens had an excellent supply of dinner whiskey and could offer a large tumbler of gin and sherry afterward. He…

  • PR Trouble

    Greg Ross
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:48 pm
    A senior relief official during the Irish potato famine was named Edward Pine Coffin.

  • Sibling Rivalry

    Greg Ross
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:35 am
    “Supposing some unfortunate lady was confined with twins and one child was born 10 minutes before 1 o’clock; if the clock was put back, the registration of the time of birth of the two children would be reversed. … Such an alteration might conceivably affect the property and titles in that house.” — Lord Balfour of Burleigh, opposing daylight saving time, House of Lords, May 1916

  • Never Mind

    Greg Ross
    27 Jan 2012 | 12:41 am
    During an Air Force training mission over Montana on Feb. 2, 1970, Gary Foust’s F-106 entered an uncontrollable flat spin at 35,000 feet. He rode it down to 12,000 feet, ejected — and watched as the plane righted itself, descended into a snowy field, and made a gentle belly landing. Its engine was still running when the police arrived. After repairs, the fighter was returned to service in California and New York. Today it’s on display in a museum at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio.

  • Outpatient

    Greg Ross
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:46 pm
    When I lived at Durham, I was walking one evening in a park belonging to the Earl of Stamford, along the bank of a lake where fishes abounded. My attention was turned towards a fine jack of about 6 lbs., which, seeing me, darted into the middle of the water. In its flight it struck its head against the stump of a post, fractured its skull, and wounded a part of the optic nerve. The animal gave signs of ungovernable pain, plunged to the bottom of the water, burying its head in the mud, and turning with such rapidity that I lost it for a moment; then it returned to the top, and threw itself…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    We straight. We twisted.

  • Press Panini If Hungry

    Straight Twisted
    2 Jan 2012 | 5:46 pm
    I hereby dedicate my first post in 5 months to, PANINI! With that, I would also like to announce my decision to become a professional panini maker. And by professional, I mean simply awesome because I can’t be dealing with DHEC. I already have my Mom (The Clean Queen) to deal with during visits throughout the year. But I shall also dedicate this post to her, since she gave me my very own panini press for Christmas! What a gal, that Loretta Bruschetta. Ever since I gently undressed my panino press and popped some bubble wrap in excitement and anticipation last week, I feel like I have…

  • Ahhhh! The Immaculate Cookie Monster!

    Straight Twisted
    19 Jul 2011 | 4:31 pm
    I’m usually weary of frozen cookie dough, as I prefer baking cookies the homemade way with flour everywhere, even under my nose looking like I just partied in Miami. But one day, I picked up a package of Immaculate Baking Company’s frozen cookies. First, it was like I received a pony because there were 24 cookies! Helluva lot better than 12 cookies like the other wise guys. Also, they are cheaper. Double the cookies for less? Obviously, I picked up not one, but two packages. I could be cliche and say I stole all the cookies from the cookie jar. Wah, wah, wah. But let’s be…

  • Get the Effen Vodka

    Straight Twisted
    27 Jun 2011 | 10:56 am
    It’s very rare that I am completely sold on a product solely on its name before trying it. So when I discovered EFFEN Vodka, naturally I fell in love. Finally, there is a vodka brand that won’t make you sound like a belligerent fool when you shout, “Ma! The Meatloaf and the Effen Vodka!” It’s a beautiful thing. Besides the fact that you can have fun playing with the name, it’s a very smooth and tasty vodka. There are a few flavors like plain, Black Cherry, and Dutch Raspberry, but I picked up a bottle of the Cucumber because I was in the mood for some Effen…

  • Eat yo’ Beanitos

    Straight Twisted
    12 Jun 2011 | 3:57 pm
    If you know a thing or two about me, it’s that I love chips. I eat them so much, people tell me I have a chip on my shoulder, which I usually do in the form of a crumb. So when I got word that my friend April (whom I’ve never met, but I know we would THROW IT DOWN) aka @beanitosapril, was working for a new chip company called Beanitos, I asked her to spill the beans. Turns out, they are made with whole beans and not a single kernel of corn. I obviously had to stick my head in a bag. Lo and behold, a few days later, they arrived at my doorstep. As usual, my head was too big to fit…

  • Sweeteeth Chocolate Melts My Heart

    Straight Twisted
    4 May 2011 | 9:37 am
    Here lies a Sweeteeth chocolate bar wrapper. I was going to take a snapshot of the bar itself before it was consumed, but like that was actually going to happen. It was staring at me and making me feel uncomfortable, so I did what any girl would do faced with the situation. I ATE IT. Actually, let me rephrase that. I MADE LOVE TO IT. This is Sweeteeth’s Sea is for Caramel bar. From the looks of the oozing caramel, you can imagine it’s insanely delicious and orgasmic. Which it is, but as much as you want to savour the experience and light some candles, you don’t have a lot of…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Best Clean Funny Jokes

  • Workd-related accidents

    traymond
    28 Jan 2012 | 3:31 am
    A man fell into an upholstery machine yesterday, today he is fully recovered. (courtesy of Brian Hoffman, Red Skelton impersonator) The optometrist who fell into his lens grinder, and made a spectacle of himself The butcher, who once backed into a meat grinder and got a little behind in his work ... The magician, who was dispelled and disillusioned

  • Top 10 list - Nancy Pelosi’s secret dirt on Newt Gingrich

    traymond
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:15 am
    She and Newt were secretly married in Vegas after a bender. Newt is her secret Botox dealer Newt is her secret love child Newt is the result of an attempt to clone Tip O’Neil gone horribly wrong Newt is secretly an alien cyborg hybrid Newt has been seen purchasing jewelry for his wife Newt has been photographed standing next to Bill Clinton—there has to be a sex scandal in there somewhere! Nancy and Newt were secretly divorced in Vegas ... by the ghost of Elvis Nancy is secretly his wife Callista (beneath the makeup) Nancy Pelosi plans to endorse Newt!

  • The Longest Password

    traymond
    11 Jan 2012 | 12:23 am
    During a recent password audit by Google, it was found that a person was using the following password: “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento” When asked why the person had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said: “Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.”

  • Funny movie quotes from The Family Jewels

    traymond
    2 Jan 2012 | 10:52 pm
    Funny movie quotes from The Family Jewels (1965) starring Jerry Lewis

  • Funny movie quotes from the Martin and Lewis comedy, Sailor Beware

    traymond
    27 Dec 2011 | 12:40 pm
    Melvin Jones (Jerry Lewis): Why, I was fighting Gene Tierney once, and… Al Crowthers (Dean Martin): Wait a minute! Don’t you mean Gene Tunney? Melvin Jones (Jerry Lewis): [shouts] You fight who you want, I’ll fight who I want! Naval Doctor: [Unable to find a heartbeat] Be a good boy now and tell the doctor where your heart is. Melvin Jones (Jerry Lewis): You’ll find out. I’m no stool pigeon. Melvin Jones (Jerry Lewis): Excuse me, handsome. CPO Lardoski: Where do you get that handsome stuff? Melvin Jones (Jerry Lewis): Didn’t I hear that man call you a…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Down the Rabbit Hole

  • Big Wreck - Albatross

    26 Jan 2012 | 11:53 am
    It's been 10 years but Big Wreck is back. On the bands lengthly hiatus, we saw, two solo CD's titled "Come Again" and "Tiny Pictures" from lead singer, Ian Thonrley. Ian thought this was the right time to come back to this band. Why, well because Ian Thonrley said rock music is missing the soul and character it had throughout the 90's. The first single is out, which is called "Albratross". The new CD will be out in Canada and The United States March 6/12   Permalink | Leave a comment  »

  • Down The Rabbit Hole Reaches 400,000 Hits !

    26 Jan 2012 | 7:05 am
    So tonight were getting Nick Nolte drunk! Today, we just reached 400,000 hits on Down The Rabbit Hole. Alicia and myself would like to thank everyone on Posterous, Facebook, Twitter and wherever else you come to visit our blog for making this place such a success. It's a pretty big milstone considering back two years ago I just started this thing to dump pictures onto.Here's some facts about our blog when we started it back in December 2009.   Achievements Who's that handsome couple in the middle there?? During the two years we've reached 271 followers, posted 621 blogs and have been…

  • We Can't Say Merry Christmas Anymore?

    25 Jan 2012 | 12:06 pm
    Well, this originally began as a video blog, but I realized that I swear so much in it that people might have a hard time ascertaining the point. So I have three things that I wanted to say about this subject. Everyone was pissed around the holidays that “We can't say Merry Christmas anymore” or “We can't have a Christmas tree in our lobby anymore at work." And, because we are Canadian, we would precede each complaint with, "I'm not racist or anything, but..." Then follow it with "... it really pisses me off that all these other religions and cultures come to our country and…

  • Best Survival Movies

    25 Jan 2012 | 11:36 am
    The Grey is coming to theatres this weekend. Liam Neeson is hire to protect a team of oil drillers from the harsh wilderness of Alaska. On their way home, their plane crashes and now it's a race against time for survival. Seeing right now on Rotten Tomatoes it's sittting at 80% and looks like it's going to be a solid survival flick. Hopefully I can catch it and give you all a full review, but if not, here's some other awesome movies about man vs the wild.   127 Hours In 2003, mountain climber Aron Ralston headed to Utah's Canyonlands National Park to hike, bike, and do a bit of…

  • We Need a Swear Jar

    24 Jan 2012 | 11:45 am
      Alicia just finished her first video blog, which she was actually going to upload today. But when she re-watched it, she came to this one conclusion, she swears way too much. To save her future as a valid employee, she decided it wasn't a good idea incase someone see's it on youTube and blows the whistle on her sailor mouth. She's not the only one that's bad at times. when it comes to my neighbours, horrible drivers, or when I fail at sports, I can swear a blue streak as well. I'm not as obvious as Alicia when I swear but it's there in heaps of dog shit. I remember the first time my…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Renée Finberg ' TELLS ALL ' in her blog of her Adventures in Design

  • Robert Allen Fabrics Are Now At Bill Nessen's Showroom In The D.C.O.T.A in Dania Beach, Florida

    27 Jan 2012 | 3:47 pm
    My very favorite showroom in the D.C.O.T.A. ( design center of the America's) .... is the BILL NESSEN showroom.He now has the 'ROBERT ALLEN' line of fabrics and everything else!! Talk about one stop shopping...... If you are sad enough ...that you haven't been to the BILL NESSEN showroom in Dania Beach, Florida... Make your life easy, stop in and say 'HI' to Bill or Gary for me!! I hope to run into you there - Have a great weekend.These are the latest fabrics from ROBERT ALLEN. xx Nessen Showroom1855 Griffen Rd. suite B-260Dania Beach, Fl 33004954.925.0606 These fabrics @ Robert Allen's site…

  • The Most Elegant Luggage Stand or 'Rest' by Sandra Rossi at Colombostile

    26 Jan 2012 | 6:10 pm
    www.colombostile.comMiami What do you think of this TREASURE??? Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom upholstery,case-goods,window treatments,Antiques, Accessories and Antique accessories, built-ins, and all built in seating,the most elegant  luggage stand/rest, by Sandra Rossi,The Most Elegant  Luggage Stand or 'Rest' by Sandra Rossi at ColombostileRenee Finberg ' TELLS ALL ' in her blog of her Adventures in Design

  • I really go for a deep saffron or marigold yellow......it makes my soul shiny. and i need that!!!

    26 Jan 2012 | 2:44 pm
    This first room just drives home the notion that YELLOW can be KINGin the right setting.Right? Now my living room is painted the honeysuckle rose color.Art, antiques seem to feel very much at home with it.  If only I really knew more history about the history of colors/Where shall I go? Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom upholstery,case-goods,window treatments,Antiques, Accessories and Antique accessories, built-ins, and all built in seating, marigold, saffron…

  • Chateau de Baccarat - Styled By Marie-Paule Pelle

    25 Jan 2012 | 4:43 pm
    The dingie needed to go!! What to you think so far? I may be way off base....but this is a show place to me! Th draperies are like taupe pudding.This is RICH.What is your opinion ???? I could never tell you where these images came from.I saved them only for design presentations.Not my blog.any who....sorry if these are your images.just drop a line.I will blast your credits !!!!!! PROMISE! XXX Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom upholstery,case-goods,window treatments,Antiques,…

  • My Showroom ....and How It Looks Right Now

    25 Jan 2012 | 8:48 am
    The front window. Just behind the front window,you can see my glass office, and my custom sofa 35" d x 128 x 112 Now, I am posting these images because my mother would not let up on meuntil I did. looking at the from from my desk where I am usually bloggingor designing.Thank G-d for blogging. The view from my glass office. Things will be constantly changing....let's hope.That is what I want anyway! Your opinions? Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Points in Case - The Fine Print of College Life

  • The Perfect Chain Letter

    Wesley Jansen
    25 Jan 2012 | 9:20 pm
    Article by Wesley Jansen Your help is needed. Today, you have the opportunity to make a difference in somebody's life. Please read the following story all the way through, and you will see why.Hello. I am a recently divorced mother who is going back to school so that I can earn enough money to support my four children. I am also a hyperventilating, nymphomaniac, ex-prostitute who practices witchcraft and is currently struggling with a severe cocaine addiction. But that is not important. This is a story about someone out there who truly needs your help. His name is Peter.Peter was a nice young…

  • Beware the Foursquare Mayor and the New York City Fadeout

    James Parkinson
    24 Jan 2012 | 6:49 am
    Blog by James Parkinson My periodontist asked me to fuck his daughter for him. It was during surgery, a fairly minor procedure. He stuck me with a six-inch dagger of Novocaine and hacked into my gum line to chisel out 30 years of horrific rot. Wiping bloody chunks of flesh onto my lobster bib, he jammed two fingers into my cheek and commenced the interrogation. How old am I? Where do I live? What do I do for a living? "I want you to call my daughter. She broke up with her boyfriend a month ago and she's hot."He dangled the suction wand on my lip like a cocktail garnish, ducking out…

  • Revenge of the Ex

    Tom Eydmann
    23 Jan 2012 | 9:21 pm
    Article by Tom Eydmann There are moments in life that go beyond awkward and embarrassing and reach the point that you have to go home and either bury your head in your pillow or laugh like a madman while abusing yourself in whatever way you see fit. Some of these things only happen to women, such as having your skirt stuffed into the back of your underwear while out shopping, or going to a bar with your mom and watching her getting more male attention than you. Some of them only happen to men, such as not noticing a urine stain on the front of your trousers, or pretending to know about soccer…

  • As Your Renewable Energy Czar, I Say We Build the World's Largest Windmill

    Ryan DeCurtidor
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:51 pm
    Article by Ryan DeCurtidor "Every city in the world should undertake policy development to support the deployment of renewable energy, recommends a 200-page report from the International Energy Agency (IEA). The report is designed to 'inspire' local public and private officials..." -Renewable Energy FocusThank you for coming to tonight's town hall meeting to discuss Proposition 418, the plan to build Gigantormill, the world's largest windmill. As your Drain Commissioner and self-assigned Renewable Energy Czar, this project has consumed most of my time these last three years. I know…

  • Tebow-mania and the Gridiron Grace

    James Parkinson
    19 Jan 2012 | 11:29 am
    Blog by James Parkinson My rivals are scheming, looking over their War Boards somewhere beyond the blue mountains, those cold-activated indigo peaks illuminated in the face of my laptop’s glow. Five Coors Light Silver Bullet shell casings lie scattered across my desk, a sixth live round loaded in my hand. I don’t draft sober. It’s fantasy football season, the opiate of those masses who have turned their backs on paradise.The Java Applet ticks off the final remaining seconds and the draft is afoot. My coworker Katar makes the obvious selection: Adrian Peterson, a vicious Viking halfback…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Really Funny Jokes

  • Good jokes-How many Directors?

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Q: How many Directors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one… but how do you get him in there with the cute, blonde?

  • Funny jokes-Money saved by not smoking

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Juan sees a man leaning against the wall of a large building. The man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.Juan says, “Sir, I couldn’t help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?”“Four.”“How long have you been smoking?”“Thirty years.”“That’s over six thousand packs. If you didn’t smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building.”The smoker takes a deep puff and says, “Do you smoke?”“Never.”“Do you own this building?”“No.”“Well, I do.”

  • Blonde jokes-Row boat

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”

  • Really funny jokes-Best guide in the United States

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles.”We’re lost!” One of the hikers complained.”And you said you were the best guide in the United States.””I am,” the guide answered, ” but I think we may have wandered into Canada.”

  • Funny jokes-One eyed pirate

    Mitesh Asher
    26 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?"The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?""No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."Finally, the…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Awkward Silence 2.1 (Vegas Video Network)

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #019: Comedian Shang

    vvn
    27 Jan 2012 | 5:36 pm
    After we rip through the news, Courtney blows our “mind” from the Luxor. Then Gooch welcomes the hilarious Shang to the stage to talk comedy, life, and sodomy, not necessarily in that order. In the News Whip It! Big and beautiful Free your mind Courtney blows our mind from the Luxor Headliner: Shang

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #018: Comedian John Padon

    vvn
    20 Jan 2012 | 5:14 pm
    We began today’s show with a political take on the news, then Courtney gives us a new definition of “TMI” from the AVN awards. Afterwards Gooch welcomes Emmy Award Winning John Padon (Home Improvement, Wonder Years) to the stage to talk about a variety of subjects from the AVN awards, to owning your own comedy club, and John’s encounters with violence on stage on this edition of Awkward Silence 2.1. Show notes: In the News Hold it in! The choking game Sex on the brain Courtney reports from AVN Headliner: John Padon

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #017: Comedian Peter Berman

    VVN
    13 Jan 2012 | 5:32 pm
    After Courtney gets a little “2 cool 4 da room”, we talk football, God, kids and the mentally challenged with the very funny return of comedian Peter Berman to Awkward Silence 2.1. Show notes: In the News Jay-z and Beyonce and Blue Ivy Betty White continues to live Officer has been shot. . .down Courtney goes to Coachella Headliner: Peter Berman

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #016: Comedian Thai Rivera

    VVN
    23 Dec 2011 | 6:45 pm
    Courtney tries to teach Gooch a little Christmas spirit and comedian Thai Rivera joins us on this episode of Awkward Silence 2.1. Show notes: In the News Kim Jong Il Got GILFs? Boob implants for Christmas Courtney teaches Gooch about Christmas Headliner: Thai Rivera

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #015: Comedian Paul Ogata

    vvn
    9 Dec 2011 | 6:10 pm
    We begin today’s Awkward Silence 2.1 by offending the large number of NFR fans currently in Las Vegas, then follow up with our headliner Paul Ogata (Showtime, Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Porndogs with Ron Jeremy). Show notes: In the News Psycho Mom Christmas! Lindsay Lohan’s secret romance National Finals Rodeo Headliner: Paul Ogato
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    FuNNy JoKeS make life gOoD and HuMoRouS

  • Practical jokes-West Virginia State Lottery

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Did you hear about the $3 million West Virginia State Lottery? The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

  • Sarcastic jokes-No actor

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said “Hell, I m no actor, and I’ve got thirty movies to prove it!”

  • Humor jokes-Watching football

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:04 am
    According to a poll, 43% of Americans thought God helped Tim Tebow win football games. But many of them also resented it because that meant God was sitting at home watching football while they were at church.

  • Good jokes-What's the catch?

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement. “How did the meeting go?” asks the first guy.“It went great,” says his buddy. “Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million.”“Fabulous,” says the guy by the pool.“There’s just one catch,” his partner warns.“What’s the catch?”“We have to put up ten thousand in cash”.

  • Funny jokes-Art directors

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: Does it have to be a light bulb? I’ve got this neat candle holder…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Fake Chuck Westfall

  • Stop asking me about the headphone jack

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    24 Jan 2012 | 12:49 am
    The 1DX isn’t even available yet and already I’m starting to get tired of all the stupid questions people are sending in to me. One of the things people keep whining about is why the Nikon D4 has a headphone jack and the 1DX doesn’t have one. What kind of a stupid question is that? I mean, why would you need a headphone to listen to the sound you’re already hearing?? You’re fucking standing right there behind the camera, it’s recording the exact same sounds you’re hearing! Assuming you’re not deaf, of course, in which case headphones…

  • Ron Paul 2012 – If you know what’s good for you!

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    22 Jan 2012 | 12:28 am
    Restore America Now A break from the usual, because it is fucking important. I have to bring this to your attention. Ron Paul is a fucking genius. It’s been a long time since the world has seen such a brilliant, super intelligent, but above all, honest, politician. And I’m afraid after Dr. Paul, the world will have to wait for a very long time again for another Ron Paul. Don’t let your chance get away. Vote Ron Paul for president in 2012. This article sums it up nicely. But you all should read more about Ron Paul’s thoughts on various issues. Did you know Ron Paul is…

  • God Dammit!!

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    18 Dec 2011 | 3:11 pm
    I’m alive! The blog has been static for a few months, but I’ve been more active on Twitter with short updates as some of you know. I just couldn’t find the time to update the blog because of being swamped with work at the office here at Canon USA. There’s just so much to talk about, so I’m hoping to find more time to do regular updates. But first things first. I’m fucking pissed off at PDN for their 2011 Photo Gear of the Year awards. Those of you who have been reading this blog since 2008 know that I am a reasonable guy. I like to be fair. When things…

  • It’s official: I’m not Vincent Laforet

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    23 Aug 2011 | 3:28 pm
    It’s been a few weeks since I last detected a disturbance in the kyosei and I’ve just been so very busy with a lot of stuff around here at the office. We’re heading for some pretty exciting times for EOS in the coming months. Right now Nikon is playing the announcement game with us again, trying to wait for us to do our announcements first, and then them coming with a much stronger announcement just a few days later taking all the press. We’ve been suckers for that a couple of times already, but not anymore. This time they’re going to have to make their…

  • Are we trying to take down Canonfilmmakers.com?

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    2 Jun 2011 | 3:29 pm
    You Can't - Canon It was just brought to my immediate attention that apparently the owners of the website “Canonfilmmakers.com” are experiencing legal trouble. See their post here. Indications are that Canon Inc., as usual, are acting like the goddamn fucking Gestapo again going around bullying innocent customers and fans. They did the same thing a while ago to Canonrumors.com and of course also made me try taking down my own blog a few years ago. Let’s also not forget how they had Vincent Laforet, eternal peace, love and blessings be upon him, take down his video…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Guilty Squid

  • Wanted Poster

    Guilty Squid
    22 Jan 2012 | 6:20 pm
    In case y’all think this isn’t a Big Damn Deal? Chester even TWEETED about it. @guiltysquid So where did we end up on getting that pocket monkey? We are in dire straits now that the old one is crippled.January 21, 2012 1:52 PM via Twitter for iPadReplyRetweetFavorite@chesterscalesChester Scales

  • UPDATED: Because I totally got an award. (Previous) I bet you all wish you could have conversations with me on the weekends now too.

    Guilty Squid
    17 Jan 2012 | 3:09 pm
    I’m way too lazy and also too busy trying not to let my boss see me writing this while I’m working (AND I AM TOTALLY DOING BOTH) so you don’t get much of an intro on this post — it’s just a collection of:Actual conversations I had over the weekend.Friend: So I’ve got another family related health issue to watch out for.Me: Well, cheer up! Something totally non-natural could kill you. You might get hit by a train! Or maybe you’ll choke on a piece of bread.Friend: I’d prefer to go in my sleep.Me: You could totally hook up with a crazy girl who smothers you in your sleep.Me:…

  • I’m writing about therapy which is therapy so I’m taking my therapist a bill to help me pay for my time. Therapy is hard, y’all.

    Guilty Squid
    8 Jan 2012 | 1:11 am
    My therapist sometimes has me try this thing that she likes to call a “visualization technique” when I’m in therapy. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that term, it basically is when your mental health professional tells you to imagine a fantasy world in therapy to help you cope with the real world. By imagining yourself in a fantasy world. Or, it could just be an easy way for my therapist to fuck with me for her own amusement. It’s hard to say, really.My therapist recently had me imagine myself on an isolated deserted island whenever I feel like everything is closing in on…

  • Crappy Gifts For The Jerks In Your Life

    Guilty Squid
    19 Dec 2011 | 10:24 pm
    If you’re stuck looking for a last minute gift, most likely for people you aren’t entirely fond of, I’ve got you covered. While browsing the internet today, I found some items that just baffled me. In the spirit of giving, assuming you like to get gifts from me, I give you my own special Christmas gift — a list of Gifts To Buy For People Who Aren’t Exactly People You Like, But You Have To Buy For Them Anyway So You Might As Well Get Something Out Of It. Or, as my friend just told me, Crappy Gifts For The Jerks In Your Life. Which is a stupid title because these are great gifts to…

  • I don’t think I’m on the edge, I just think I need fewer phones.

    Guilty Squid
    16 Dec 2011 | 10:33 pm
    I am at the beginning of a twenty something day vacation and so to celebrate, I’ve been sitting here, drawing graphics for my post and texting my boss. I’m so good at this vacation stuff, it’s amazing they don’t use me for advertising for travel agencies.I have a to-do list, because according to my therapist, relaxing is a learned behavior and we all know I don’t like learning new things. My to-do list includes some boring things like, “Call the cable company” and “Buy shoes for the girl” and “meet with the mold inspector”. It also includes some bad-ass things like…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Marty From New Yawk

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast January 15th, 2012

    Marcus
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:00 pm
    Marty talks about the paternity of Khloe Kardashian, a certain Scotsman, dead bodies in the Queen’s backyard and things not to do in the bathroom. Also Kim Kardashian and Michelle Obama’s asses get mentioned.

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast January 1st, 2012

    Marcus
    5 Jan 2012 | 9:00 pm
    Marty talks about the controversy surrounding Mrs Obama’s ass, naked man at the gym, and defective breast implants. Putin returns too.

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast Xmas Special Dec 25 2011

    Marcus
    29 Dec 2011 | 9:00 pm
    Some special features on the Christmas show include interviews with Jay the Masturbating Elf and Mike the Reindeer (Rudolph’s neighbor) along with Fairytale of Brooklyn (a true life Brooklyn miracle).

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast Dec 18 2011

    Marcus
    29 Dec 2011 | 12:32 pm
    Marty discusses cosmetic surgery, Hulk Hogan, a new British reality show and Kim Kardashian’s ass. Also Silvio returns.

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast Dec 11 2011

    Marcus
    16 Dec 2011 | 9:16 am
    Marty talks about his trip to Pennsylvania, the “new” 3 Stooges movie, the Queen’s salary freeze, and Kim Kardashian. Putin is back too.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Wiping the Crazy Off My Face

  • The Dish in Liberty, MO

    SBailey
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:41 pm
    JD says to Sher and the teenager, “Do you want to try a pizza place called The Dish?” Sher says to JD and the teenager, “Take me there at once.” So he did, because that’s how we do. I say jump and he says, “How high?” (I threw that little tidbit in there to see if he actually reads this blog. If he doesn’t, I’m safe. If he does, this would be a great place to mention I’m being held at gunpoint and forced to write things that I don’t want to write.) Jason Ransom is the pizza big pimpin’ Daddy behind The Dish and although I…

  • 4 Ingredient Whiskey Peanut Butter Cookies

    SBailey
    19 Jan 2012 | 8:36 pm
    This is my one-of-a-kind recipe for4 ingredient whiskey peanut butter cookies. There is no flour because flour is made by Satan in a factory in Hell. (I’m paid .07 a page view to say that by the big diet lobby. I secretly love flour and I believe the thing that is singularly responsible for the rising crime rate in America is not absent fathers so much as it is the absence of self-rising.) Here we go kids. Enjoy. (And for the love of Gold Medal, please pin and share.)               Related articles It’s Peanut Butter PEANUT BUTTER time!

  • How to Make Biscuits – In 47 Easy Steps

    SBailey
    1 Jan 2012 | 7:41 pm
    Because I grew up in North Carolina, I’ve been making biscuits since I was old enough to get married…so eight-years-old. I began learning to make biscuits so young because at that time, it was among the top three skills any Southern girl had to have in order to get a husband. (The other two were the ability to hold at least 8 clothes pins in your mouth when hanging clothes on the line, and getting your hair to the regulation Southern Baptist height and width.) For your biscuit making pleasure, here is my recipe for making homemade biscuits. Good luck and God speed.    …

  • Evidence of 2012 Joy

    SBailey
    1 Jan 2012 | 3:05 pm
    FYI- There is a special place in Heaven for readers who share my posts. There is a special place in my basement for readers who do not. I am changing my entire life in 2012. Naturally, I am. All good Americans do this thing on January 1st. I believe good Canadians do the same thing except they wait until sometime in March. I am a very happy woman on this January 1st, and why wouldn’t I be? Let’s examine the evidence… I’m a Mother who has raised two human beings who have each received a highly coveted Certificate of Undeniable Human Perfection suitable for framing.

  • My Merry Crazy Christmas

    SBailey
    26 Dec 2011 | 5:19 pm
    My Christmas was stupid good. Even though I had very limited American dollars this year, my family made the whole Christmas situation so perfect I wouldn’t dare ask for more. This is how it went down. “Smile,” I said. “Make me,” he said. We made a deal with the North Korean government to release Let’s Rock Elmo in exchange for Luca the bad-ass mafia cat. Elmo had been serving hard time in a cardboard prison for refusing to change the words of his chart-topper to, “La, la, la, la, Kim Jong Un’s song.” Kitten suffered an allergic reaction to…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The News Grind

  • TV Choice: Sitcom special!

    Editor
    27 Jan 2012 | 5:40 am
    This week The News Grind’s TV guru Hard Jackson picks the best sitcoms on the box … A Fool and his Money are Soon Parted (Sky One, Saturday) Adam Fool; biological, estranged son Alan Money and devious Trevor Parted (who is also Adam’s gay partner) struggle for dominance in their law firm and personal lives as Ian and Trevor’s civil ceremony approaches. Comedy drama starring Ian McShane, James Nesbitt and Benedict Cumberbatch. Puppy Love (Dave, Friday) Martin Puppy joins a dating agency. Starring Alan Davies. The Sea Chest (Comedy Central, Friday, Saturday, Sunday)…

  • UK economy: ‘Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?’ asks Gates

    Editor
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:29 am
    Photo by batmoo, Some Rights Reserved. Microsoft founder Bill Gates has advised the British Government to try resetting the economy in a bid to get it working again. “Have you checked you’ve got the latest Windows 7 Service Pack installed?” he asked. He went on to advise Chancellor George Osborne to reset the economy via the Start bar, which didn’t work. Gates is on a whistle-stop tour of countries whose gross domestic product is worth less than the cash he has in his spending account. “Mr Gates tried to show George how to bring up the Task Manager in a bid to…

  • Daily Stir: Blackburn boss in Young Boys raid

    Editor
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:08 am
    Today’s football transfer rumours featuring Sunderland, Bolton, Orlando City, Blackburn Rovers and Young Boys. Kevin Davies, the owner of the biggest backside in football, is set to join Sunderland from Bolton on a loan deal until the end of the season. Sunderland are looking to add some beef to their frontline and manager Martin O’Neill is keen on the man dubbed “The Porkster from South Yorkshire”. A chilled out O’Neill said: “We need a target man and there is no bigger target than Kevin’s backside, man.” In related news, Sunderland’s team coach is being fitted with a…

  • Daily Stir: Chelsea can’t afford Hulk’s rampages

    Editor
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:55 am
    Today’s football transfer rumours featuring Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester City. Chelsea are not willing to meet the £83m asking price for Porto striker Hulk, because every time he scores it will cost them thousands more. The Brazilian has a unique celebration routine involving ripping off his clothes, tipping over cars and chewing bricks. A Chelsea spokesman said: “£83m is a fraction of the total cost once you factor in that kind of destruction. If he tips just a couple of cars in the car park, you can imagine the cost to repair the damage will be incredible.” No-one is yet…

  • 40 is the new 50, devastated women told

    Editor
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:26 am
    Photo by Phil Gyford, some rights reserved Hopes that 40 would remain the new 30 in 2012 were dashed today when the landmark milestone was reclassified by experts at women’s magazine Cosmopolitan. In a short statement from the company’s features department, Cosmopolitan confirmed that 40 was now the new 50. “Rather than being a time of new found life and vigour, our research now confirms that 40 has more in common with the steady decline in physical and mental faculties experienced by those in their fifties,” the statement read. “To that end we must regretfully inform our…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Inverse Delirium

  • ID-37: Occupied

    Geoffrey Welchman
    25 Jan 2012 | 12:56 pm
    Back from the very BINK of extunction, the mighty Inverse Delirium podcast rears back and prepares to mess with your head. And so say all of us! In this, our first webisode of 2012, we take aim at the Occupied movement, with an exclusive secret recording from the executive boardroom of None of Your Business, Ltd. We also learn more about the topic from Washington insider, Kenneth Knott. And in a surprise interview, we meet the great state of Alabama. Guest stars: standup comedian Alabama; WYPR's Nathan Sterner as Ken Knott; and in our 1% sketch were Milton Kent, Missy Smith, Erin McElvaney,…

  • ID-36: YearEnd

    Geoffrey Welchman
    18 Dec 2011 | 11:36 am
    We bring the year that was 2011 to a close with a look at the year that wasn't 2010. Thrill as we recall global and local events Gasp as we remember the Year in InveDel Asphyxiate as we consider our future All this and a couple of newsbreaks (one featuring our special guest Megan Wills) and lots of gratuitous namedrops!! We thank you for your kind attention and participation. No, really, we do! Graphic from this payroll website.

  • ID-35: Noise Collection

    Geoffrey Welchman
    2 Dec 2011 | 11:21 am
    The year approaches a close, as we crack open Webisode 35 and thrill to its charms! A quick word about the GooGoo-GaGa tour An interview with Caleb Watchdog, a collector of noise A look at "booox" with our new English sister-podcast A brief commentary about the Grand Prix (Fixe) A wine-tasting A radio play by Poison Dart Playhouse: Taamar, Master of the Obvious! Guest stars: Alabama as Caleb Watchdog, Marc Unger as Taamar, with Megan Wills and Brad Grachowski looking for answers to life's persistent questions. Bonus gratuitous name-drops: Andrew Johnstone, Keith Richards, Lady GaGa, the…

  • ID-34: Thanksgiving!

    Geoffrey Welchman
    18 Nov 2011 | 9:30 am
    Let us now give thanks for the things we hold dear, as well as the things we hold, dear. Our Thanksgiving show is a pip! After a brief look at a scandal in public radio, we learn more about that noble bird, the turkey, with our favorite SuperBirder, Karen Morley. Once she and her jetpack fly off into the night, we while away some time with WYPR's Milton Kent, who tries to explain the pastime known as "foo-ta-baru". Then, with a brief look at a new crime wave, we settle on a chat with editor/publisher William P. Tandy (of Smile Hon, You're in Baltimore). Need we say more? Of course we needn't!

  • ID-33: Roller Grrls

    Geoffrey Welchman
    5 Nov 2011 | 7:30 pm
    Webisode 33 features an in-depth-charge report on something called the Charm City Roller . . . something. (our fax machine shut down halfway through a press release) So we devote all our considerable resources to the story, and get more than we bargained for! Guest stars include: Alex & Dan of the comedy team Chucklestorm as our PC Improv'ers, and Amy Dugan and the Amazing Betty as our skaters. Graphic from this design blog.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Last King Of Shambhala

  • Empty Savanna - A Portrait of Humanity - Poem by Daniel Grant Newton

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    22 Jan 2012 | 8:31 pm
    Empty Savanna - A Portrait of HumanityBy Daniel Grant Newton Bars up and down.Crowds up and down.Gawking. Pointing. Gasping. Walking.At night, I pine for Savanna. Empty up and down.Ghosts of gazelles abound.And distant hyena howls.By day, savanna roars for my return. It has made an elephant graveyard out of me.

  • Idiot's Guide to Internet Trolls ... What?!?

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    29 Nov 2011 | 12:26 am
    troll 1 | trōl|nouna cave-dwelling being with a dwarf intellect making rude comments online, typically having a very ugly appearance despite claims online to the contrary. troll 2verbsending an e-mail message or posting on the Internet with the intention to provoke a response, hateful interaction or draw attention to themselves by being &*$#@. ________________________________ Until the other week, I hadn't had even one 'hater message', let alone a 'troll', on my YouTube channel since I started posting. But even so I developed a contingency plan just in case - a YouTuber's creed - for…

  • Nerdiest Superhero like EVER: Dainty Green Tree Frog Man (Pt3)

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    13 Nov 2011 | 4:40 am
    Above is a  visual representation of the totem animal of our favourite hero, but not necessarily the correct species. Below is part three of the Dainty Green Tree Frog Man series.  If you haven't read the first two parts, then click here or here and stop being the nerdiest kid in class.  If you have read the first two parts, then you are probably the coolest person you know, and you are totally underground, and you should read on before the story becomes like so mainstream that it stops being cool and whatever and gives you Bieber Fever. Back at the Dainty Green Tree Frog…

  • Brisbane's Third Best Crime Fighter: Dainty Green Tree Frog Man (Pt2)

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    3 Nov 2011 | 6:25 pm
    This is a continuation from part 1, and therefore is naturally called part 2.  This made more logical sense than calling it part 3, or part sandwich.  To read part 1 of this free story, click here.  Or alternatively, use a time machine to go back to when it was first posted. If you choose option 'b', remember not to step on anything in the past, because as Grandpa Simpson always says, "even the slightest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine."  Okay.  Now for the continuation of the story... Press conference outside Brisbane City Hall.  Sometime…

  • Free Story: The Adventures of Dainty Green Tree Frog Man

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    27 Oct 2011 | 5:23 pm
    On a sticky Brisbane night, the CityCat ferry glided past New Farm Park; its twelve passengers watching the shoreline pass, unaware of what was lurking in the waters below.  For just under the surface of the water, a dark, sinister character slithered after the ferry.  The CityCat jolted to a stop.  A pungent, putrid, fishy smell assaulted the air.  The passengers and captain looked about frantically. And when the culprit appeared, their eyes widened and mouths dropped comically.  There, rising from the Brisbane River, was the most feared super-villain this fine city…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Fork Party

  • Obama’s Picdump (25 Awesome Pics)

    Drew2
    27 Jan 2012 | 12:24 pm
    Fags eat poop, speculation about Shaq’s penis size being half the height of his girlfriend, puppies, Deena from the Jersey Shore’s wise words, some weird art, and more. Want to be my Valentine? Just send a box of those ‘chocolates’ to me and I will report you to the police for stalking, since I’ve never given out my address here or any other public forums on the internet…you stalker.

  • Teen Eats Chicken Nuggets Daily for Past 15 Years

    Drew2
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:53 am
    Somewhere in America, a mother is making a beautiful puree of chicken nuggets, Mcdonald’s cheeseburgers, and baby vitamins for her child. Stacy Irvine has eaten fast food chicken nuggets every day since the age of 2. She’s now 17 and still maintains a strict regimen of delicious, chemical soaked ‘meat’ nuggets daily. Her mother says that introducing her to the sauce (and nuggets) was a mistake, since she refused to eat anything else and would literally starve unless presented with her favorite food. “It breaks my heart to see her eating those damned nuggets. She’s…

  • The Dog Park From a Dog’s Point of View (Video)

    Drew2
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:43 am
    If you love dogs and slow motion, you’ll pee yourself while watching this video. Some guy strapped a camera to his dog and sent it out into a field of other slobbering dogs. The lens miraculously stayed clean as the congregation of butt sniffing and drooling commenced.

  • Appreciate the Little Things (Pic)

    Drew2
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:36 am
    Wife Swap and Trading Spouses are two of the most underrated shows ever. Two wives switch places and live with a new family for two weeks. Sounds easy enough, until you realize that most contestants are extremists in one way or another. Rigid workaholics switch with fart-loving prankster moms, and cult christians with goth moms. Hilarity ensues in the form of fighting, crying, and both parties eventually (hopefully) realizing that they’ve been neglecting their own children in one way or another. Here’s a great screenshot from the episode with the Tolou family, where a money-hungry…

  • HAY GUYS LOOK AT ALL THE PRETTY COLORZ (Pics)

    Drew2
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    Ever wish you could magically transport from inside your cubicle into a world of beauty and color? Now you can! Kind of. These amazing pictures will make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, until you scroll past them and onto other people’s snarky comments, sidebar ads and blank white space. If you then realize how bleak your existence is, just scroll back up. And then back down. And then back up, until your boss comes over to ask WTF you’re doing, only to get roped into the colors and stare blankly over your shoulder. Enjoy!
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    BlackHumor.net

  • Why Women are the Luckier Sex!

    geopou
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:12 am
    Why Women are the Luckier Sex! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses. 3. We never ejaculate prematurely. 4. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 5. When we buy a vibrator it’s glamorous. When men buy a blow-up doll, it’s pathetic. 6. Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 7. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 8. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 9.

  • Doctor! Doctor! 30 small jokes

    geopou
    27 Jan 2012 | 10:11 am
    Doctor: What seems to be your trouble? Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour. Doctor: Try getting up one hour later. Doctor (to the patient): Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it? Patient: Yes, sir. But I did not drink it. Doctor: Why? Patient : (Pointing to the bottle) : Because it is written on the label: Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place. Dentist (to the patient): For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet. Patient : Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot.

  • Secret of Kissing

    geopou
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:01 am
    Secret of Kissing Great Breath – This is very important. Make sure you brush your teeth before going out on your date. There is nothing worse thankissing someone with bad breath. If your date consists of having something to eat before the actual kiss, make sure you have a mint on hand to take right after you finish eating. Don’t take the mint just before the kiss or chew on gum. You don’t want to have something in your mouth when you kiss. Moist Lips – You want your lips to be slightly moist when you kiss. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss.

  • SERMON ON SUNDAY

    geopou
    26 Jan 2012 | 10:55 am
    I was asked to preach in church during a Sunday Service … My sermon was as follows: Dear Brothers and Sisters !!!!! Today I want to talk about a Piece of MEAT. THAT Piece of MEAT !!!!!! That Piece of MEAT that separates brothers and sisters!!!!! That Piece of MEAT that causes Husbands and Wife’s to divorce!!! That Piece of MEAT that causes hatred between brothers and sisters!!!! That Piece of MEAT that causes women to fight with women, and … brothers to fight with brothers!!!!! It is that Piece of MEAT that is more outside than inside , and sometimes more inside than outside…

  • Baby Bruce Lee

    geopou
    25 Jan 2012 | 10:32 am
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Unlikely Explanations

  • Customer Review: The Acme EZ-Jump Personal Teleportation Device

    Laura
    20 Jan 2012 | 4:00 am
    My drive to work is 32 miles each way and involves practically every freeway in the greater Los Angeles area. That wouldn’t be so bad if it lots of other people didn’t also drive on those freeways — but they do. I hate my commute, so when Amazon.com suggested I might be interested in the Acme EZ-Jump Personal Teleportation Device, I ordered it right away. This bumper sticker is one of many available accessories. It arrived three days later via UPS (which seems like an odd way to ship a teleportation device, but whatever). The box contained the base unit (a plexiglass booth…

  • Another Reason Why You Can’t Take Me Anywhere: Dim Sum Broccoli

    Laura
    16 Jan 2012 | 9:43 pm
    So beautiful. So delicious. So slippery. I have a love-hate relationship with dim sum broccoli. It’s sauteed, but not too much, so it’s crunchy and sweet, crisp and fresh. It looks gorgeous, sitting there on the plate, a vibrant, shiny green that almost shimmers in the light. And I love the idea of it — I can tell myself that yes, I just ate three days’ worth of calories and five days’ worth of sodium and fat, but I also had some broccoli, so it all balances out. There’s only one problem: I am unable to eat this dish and maintain any semblance of dignity.

  • Everyone’s a Critic

    Laura
    11 Jan 2012 | 1:27 am
    In an effort to keep my New Year’s resolution to learn to draw, I’ve done a few practice drawings in the last week or so — and because I’m too lazy to put them away, I’ve been leaving them sitting out around the house. This morning, I woke up to discover that my cats had apparently studied my work during the night and decided to make a few enhancements. I’m not being entirely objective here, and I know they meant well, but still — I don’t really think the cat vomit was an improvement. Artist's rendering. In real life, my cats look more like…

  • An Open Letter to the Nice Couple Who Didn’t Have Me Arrested When I Broke Into Their House

    Laura
    6 Jan 2012 | 1:47 am
    Hi, Remember me? I’m sorry to bother you again, but I just wanted to thank you for not calling the cops or shooting me or anything. I’d also like to explain how it all happened, and why it wasn’t my fault, really. This is not a photograph. It all started when I got an invitation to a housewarming party. I couldn’t decide whether  to bring a present — the invitation said “no gifts”, but that doesn’t really mean anything — and if so, what to bring. How are you supposed to pick out a house-oriented gift when you’ve never been to the…

  • Lessons Learned From Last Year’s Search Terms

    Laura
    2 Jan 2012 | 9:14 pm
    If this year’s search terms have taught me anything, it’s that the world needs a quality robot mouse cat toy — preferably something better than the Squeaker 3000 Robotic Toy Mouse. I also learned that the problem of getting locked in the bathroom because the door is blocked by an open drawer is much more widespread than I’d previously imagined. I posted about my experiences with this last summer, and while I did manage to get out alive, I suspect that most people won’t be able to use my escape technique. So please, everyone, take these simple precautions: Before…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Mitchieville

  • Hairline? Spelling Bee Jeanyus

    The Mayor
    27 Jan 2012 | 12:44 pm
    This is perhaps one of the best video’s The Mayor has ever seen in his life. It pretty much sums up why we, as a species, are finished.

  • Having A Great Time, Wish You Were Here

    The Mayor
    27 Jan 2012 | 12:34 pm
    “It’s a little cold today, but the sun is shining and it’s promising to be a spectacular day. David stayed on the ship, as he got kind of wasted last night at the bar and is feeling all topsy turvy this morning. Gotta go, the kids and I are taking a pilates course in about an hour on the main deck. Fun fun fun!”

  • Gifarific

    The Mayor
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:01 am
    Is that guy in shorts, or underwear? It makes a big difference if you’re trying to explain why he’s running away from that really big cat.

  • What’s In A Name?

    The Mayor
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:39 am
    Isn’t that the name of the tiniest dinosaur in those Barney shows? You know, Barney, the purple dinosaur? I love you, you love me? Ya right, pretend you don’t have a clue what The Mayor is talking about. Real nice. REAL nice.

  • MindTrap Friday

    The Mayor
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:09 am
    Every couple of days The Mayor receives a comment from a Mitchieville newbie, a comment that is sitting in moderation, waiting to be approved or axed. These comments nearly always have to do with an old post, sometimes from posts The Mayor doesn’t even recognize. Many times, the newbie commenter’s from these posts insult The Mayor and his constituents, saying some rather nasty things about us.  And that makes The Mayor smile. For The Mayor believes that no matter how idiotic these malcontents are, they do have a right to their stupid opinions.  The Mayor will link up these posts…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Funky Downtown

  • The Look of Beavis And Butt-Head in Real Life

    testfunky
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:04 pm
    Have you ever wonder if Beavis and Butt-head really exist in real life, how would they look like? Here’s another example of cartoon characters in real life. Hollywood make-up artist Kevin Kirkpatrick decided to do a little project on his spare time and the result was nothing short of a complete nightmare come to life. [...]

  • 9 Funny Photoshop Movie Scene Pictures

    testfunky
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:38 pm
    These movie scenes look familiar but they are not the pictures that you have seen in movies because they have been photoshopped, and they look funny!

  • Top 10 World Athletes of 2011

    testfunky
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:24 am
    Vivian Cheruiyot Usain Bolt Sebastian Vettel Sally Pearson Ryan Steven Lochte Novak Djokovic Lionel Andrés Messi Li Na Homare Sawa Dirk Nowitzki

  • 12 Funny Hover Hand Pictures “So Close And Yet So Far!”

    testfunky
    25 Jan 2012 | 5:07 am
    Here are some funny hover hand pictures; they are so close and yet they are so far…very true! Want to know why hover hand is funny? You can find the answer from the funny pictures after the jump.

  • 5 Mystical Sculptures Timeguards

    testfunky
    24 Jan 2012 | 4:00 am
    The “Timeguards” are five mystical sculptures who are travelling the worlds’ museums and exhibitions. Exclusively for FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS they made their journey to the German capital. Each night they show up on a different spot in Berlin. This unique light project is created by Manfred Kielnhofer. You can read more about these five mystical [...]
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Fair City News

  • Don King Arrives in SGF 30 Minutes After His Hair

    FairCityNews.com
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:57 am
    King’s hair arrives early for the fight Springfield, MO – Don King’s hair arrived at the Springfield Branson Airport a full 30 minutes before the legendary boxing promoter. King was scheduled to arrive yesterday but was delayed when he leaned backwards and his hair fell 2 time zones behind him. “Only in America can a man be in 3 time zones at once, due to the height of his hair,” proclaimed King. Once King arrived, Hammon’s Tower became the second tallest structure in the Ozarks. King will be in town to promote Willard native and #3 WBO world rated Cruiserweight BJ Flores this…

  • Kaleidoscope Pierces Building Just Because It Can

    FairCityNews.com
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:20 am
    Building piercings and tattoos are increasing in popularity Springfield, MO – Local trend-setting retail shop Kaleidoscope pierced an entire building just because they can. The building piercing was executed under supervision of several construction supervisors and 2 health inspectors. The piercing was performed as a promotional event to emphasize how piercings can be applied just about anywhere. “Yeah I hired Kaleidoscope to pierce my backyard shed after I saw their building piercing…we hung a huge nipple ring from it to signify my rebellious spirit,” said Wes Fruiton. Building…

  • Pink Pony, Purple Burrito Collide: Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito Formed

    FairCityNews.com
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:30 am
    Freakish Pony Burrito an awesome sight to behold Springfield, MO – In a strange and unexplained coincidence the Pink Pony and Purple Burrito have merged forces to produce a Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito available this week to the Ozarks. The Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito is a hybrid. Part food, part food porn, the 215-pound edible monstrosity comes complete with a stripper jumping out of the beans and rice. The two popular Glenstone Avenue destinations aren’t exactly sure how it happened. “I thought his dancer landed in my food,” said Ned Gerl of the Purple Burrito. “I thought his…

  • Apple Tent Opens at Target

    FairCityNews.com
    24 Jan 2012 | 8:27 am
    Apple Tent to open this Spring at Target Springfield, MO – Reports of an Apple Store coming to the Ozarks are being held under tarp and rope in the Target parking lot at Primrose & Glenstone. Local shoppers are excitedly anticipating the tent flaps to fly open and Macbook Airs to fly out at discounted prices. Jerry Donwhat said, “Man, I just know that they are building iPads under that tent right now! I can’t wait for the Apple Tent to open – so retro cool!” Target pioneered the concept of offering designer items at affordable prices in 1999 with the launch of Michael Graves…

  • New Coach line makes debut at Battlefield Mall

    FairCityNews.com
    23 Jan 2012 | 7:50 am
    Craig T. Nelson on a bag Springfield, MO – The premier leather bag retailer from New York, Coach Inc., is planning on market testing a new product line at their Battlefield Mall location. Lewis Frankfort, Coach’s CEO, made the announcement in a press release last Monday when revealing the company’s new line: The Coach Bag. “Coach has been commonly confused with the 90′s television series through many search engines long enough,” explained Frankfort, “so fusing the two, just seemed like a natural progression in eliminating the confusion.” The aging CEO hopes that…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Noise to Signal

  • State of the Union: What’s more, China is overtaking us on strategically crucial SERPs.

    rob
    24 Jan 2012 | 8:34 pm
    Watching the State of the Union, I’m wondering what would happen if President Obama announced he was supplementing the Peace Corps by launching an SEO Corps.Noise to Signal - a cartoon by Rob CottinghamAbout - Contact - Speaking - Cartoon blogging - StoreSee more cartoons about social media, business and the way we live and work online at Noise to Signal Cartoon

  • Where were you when the sites went out?

    rob
    23 Jan 2012 | 12:32 pm
    Originally posted on ReadWriteWebSOPA and PIPA, the twin bills before the U.S. Congress, may not be dead dead. But after the past few weeks of protest, culminating in Wednesday’s remarkable day of action, they’re not looking at all well.Votes on both bills are now delayed indefinitely. (Or, to put it in terms the MPAA would understand, they’re in development hell.) Former sponsors are now fleeing for higher ground; the bills’ supporters are fodder for The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.This doesn’t mean that victory is ours, that our enemies scatter before us…

  • Great moments of 2011: Instagram was made for this

    rob
    17 Jan 2012 | 2:18 pm
    Can we all acknowledge a debt to Rep. Anthony Weiner for providing the kind of crisis management case study that will make PR instructors’ lives easier for generations to come?That’s it for our 2011 retrospective, except for two cartoons that never made it beyond the really rough draft stage. Here’s one about Kenneth Cole’s ill-fated Arab Spring tweet (the caption would have made it clear that this is any CEO speaking, because this guy doesn’t look a thing like Cole):And this one was going to be about Facebook’s new Timeline feature:Except that I realized…

  • Great moments of 2011: Thin-skinned

    rob
    17 Jan 2012 | 1:55 pm
    I’m going to guess that for the student in question, this wasn’t the tweet she’d have chosen to see broadcast around the world. And maybe if we all applied that test each time we posted something, we’d have a lot less meaningless fluff in our activity streams… but what we lose in fluff, we gain in blandness.Today is our big 2011 blowout sale – everything must go, and the price of each cartoon has been slashed in half, from the already-reasonable zero to the insanely ruinous zero. (How do we do it? Volume.)Next up is the last post. Hope you like it.Noise to…

  • Great moments of 2011: And it never forgets

    rob
    17 Jan 2012 | 12:14 pm
    We’ll wrap up our look back at 2011 this week – and hey, only half a month after the end of 2011 Retrospective season – and start with a flashback to March, GoDaddy CEO Bob Parsons, and those elephants. In case you, unlike an elephant, are capable of forgetting, here are the broad strokes:In March, Parsons uploaded a video himself shooting and killing an elephant in Zimbabwe, and there was an immediate outcry. Parsons’ defence that the killing was an act of humanity, helping villagers protect their crops and providing a little badly-needed meat, was undermined by the…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    MY MIND WANDERED -- and it never came back!

  • I’m back and better than never

    Leeuna
    12 Jan 2012 | 1:57 am
    I woke up early this morning and decided that today would be the day I would find a solution to the pitiful state of the economy, bring about world peace and discover a cure for male pattern baldness. But I didn’t have any clean underwear so I had to do the laundry instead. So yeah, that didn’t happen. I hope all of you had a wonderful time during the holidays. Ours was nice. Full of love, peace, family and friends and too much good food. (I gained back ten of the thirty pounds I lost during the summer). I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year. I’ve…

  • Too Damn Old

    Leeuna
    4 Nov 2011 | 5:54 am
    Apparently I’ve been dead for nearly six months and nobody even told me. I’m kidding. I’m not dead. Actually I’ve been suffering with a severe bout of depression and a general feeling of “life-is-a-pile-of-crap-syndrome” for the past few months. And also I have developed tendinitis in my shoulder from constantly flipping  pages on the calendar. Who can believe that it’s November already? When we last spoke, I told y’all about my new little kitty. He is doing fine and has grown into a catten. I think he’s going to be a small cat though,…

  • Please Pardon My Neck; the New Kitten Slept On It and Got It All Wrinkled

    Leeuna
    24 Jun 2011 | 7:28 am
    Wait, what?? Yes, you heard right; We have a new kitten. Another one. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I swear, it wasn’t my fault. Blame the granddaughter for this one. Well, her and my inability to turn away a little orphan kitty all dirty, flea-ridden, hungry and scared. We could have taken it to the animal shelter but they are overrun with cats and kittens now and the chances of it getting adopted are slim to none. I didn’t have the heart to sentence it to death. (I’d make a horrible judge.)   So naturally I said “We have to keep it.” Hi. I juss got…

  • Happy Dad’s Day To All You REAL Men Out There

    Leeuna
    19 Jun 2011 | 1:08 am
    **back by popular demand — a post from the past. If you’ve read this before, feel free to skip over it. I’ll never know. I do wish all the dads a Happy Father’s Day. ** My father called me Leona. I called him collect a couple of times after I got older but he refused to accept the charges. The way the story goes, he left the house one morning several months before I was born. He told my mother that he was going to the store for a pack of cigarettes. He didn’t come back for eight years. (I’m aware that this is a long-running joke that’s been used by a…

  • Lazy Sunday

    Leeuna
    12 Jun 2011 | 2:34 am
    oh hai. watt you luuking at? you have fuud for me?   okey. you don't have fuud, you goway now, stoopid woman wiff kamra. you killin my catnip buzz!.
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    With Both Hands and a Flashlight

  • Guest Blogger: Deborah Cota

    Sam Reeves
    16 Jan 2012 | 4:17 pm
    Storytellers are not writers...well, not just writers.  Deborah Cota is a storyteller to her bones.  She takes you into her novels like that gentle neighbor who invites you to sit beside her on the porch swing and sip some Lipton.  Then once there, listening to that slender chain creak, you begin to see the tempting slips in reality telling you that you are somewhere you do not recognize.  It's too late at this point, of course.  Instinct tells you to find some place safe, but the other part -- that part Deborah finds so easily -- says "Okay.  In a minute. …

  • Kindred Spirits with a Flashlight

    Sam Reeves
    10 Jan 2012 | 3:22 pm
    My friend and one of my favorite novelists, Deborah Cota, asked me to write a guest blog for her site.  You can read it here.  Hope you enjoy, and I would love to hear your comments. http://www.dantechronicles.com/blog/2012/01/10/Kindred-Spirits-with-a-Flashlight.aspx  You can find Deborah's book here: The Kindred

  • And Yet He is Still a Yeti

    Sam Reeves
    8 Jan 2012 | 6:32 pm
    I've got a treat for you.  My best friend since first grade, Yancy, is guest posting today.  He has some amazing stories to tell, as you'll see by following the links below.   --- Sam       *                    *                    * Oil and water.  Fire and gunpowder.  Spiders and…well, anything, because I hate spiders.  I’m talking about…

  • Christmas Eve in SamSpace

    Sam Reeves
    24 Dec 2011 | 7:29 am
      It's Christmas Eve.  I blog now, but in social networking of Christmas Past, I remember that after days of diligently Googling, I mastered the art of cutting and pasting HTML code into the "About Me" box of MySpace.  I can write some simple HTML unassisted by any major search engines.  For example, I know that body's must be followed by /body's and that the command "font face =" works much better at making your webpage prettier than does sacrificing an old typewriter to the computer gods.  Still, there are great volumes of HTML that doesn't look a whole lot…

  • How to Paint Conan with Photoshop CS4

    Sam Reeves
    20 Sep 2011 | 6:34 pm
    Have you seen the 2011 Conan movie yet?  I'd like to.  (I say so, because obviously the subject of this tutorial greatly obscures that fact for all but the most Sherlockian minds out there.)  For this painting, I used a reference image from the movie, but I am not a professional artist.  In fact, I got brave enough to use color for the first time only about 6 months ago.  Mainly, I sketch portraits in graphite, which I have been doing for a couple of years.  You can see an example of a Stephen King sketch I did here.  Everything I know is self-taught from…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Mommy Wants Vodka

  • And Now You Are Three

    Your Aunt Becky
    27 Jan 2012 | 10:52 am
    Dear Amelia, You were born, January 28, 2009, amid the whirring and clicking of the NICU team, over my frantic wails, and my doctor’s shouts of “GET THE NICU IN HERE STAT,” a whopper of a baby. Your rolls had rolls, making you look like a mini Stay Puft Marshmallow Baby. I longed, from my place on the bed where I lay weeping, to examine every one of those rolls. There’s nothing I love more than a brand new roly-poly, chubby cheeked, shit machine. (you, post surgery) But it wasn’t so simple, was it? Amelia, you were born with a defect on your head. Right after you…

  • An Open Letter To Netflix

    Your Aunt Becky
    25 Jan 2012 | 12:14 pm
    Dear Netflix, I’m not entirely certain why you added to my list of recommendations, the show Hoarders, but since you did, I had the compulsion (see what I did there?) to watch it. I’d never seen the show, Netflix, because I figured that seeing 10,000 empty bottles and rotted animal carcasses was not exactly my idear of a good time. Now, if they’d showed people eating their weight in Captain Crunch, that’s another story. In fact, you should make that a show. I’d so be there. Anyway. For the first time ever, I chose to watch the show. First, let me say that…

  • Paint By Numbers With Vodka

    Your Aunt Becky
    24 Jan 2012 | 11:46 am
    7: cans of paint bought in the last 2 weeks 9,284: cans of half-used paint found in my basement, all of questionable color and/or origin 2: light fixtures bought in last two weeks 2: light fixtures that need to be disposed of in such a way that NO ONE will ever know they came from my house. 1: little girl who is determined she will be a “big three” as opposed to a “little three.” 0: times that has made sense to me. 15: bags of lollipops purchased to make topiary trees. 10: times I was given the stink-eye by the cashier who is probably suspecting that I have a hoarding…

  • Crafting Is Bullshit – Or How I Want To Become Paula Deen

    Your Aunt Becky
    23 Jan 2012 | 1:15 pm
    I am not a crafty person. See also this: Yes, yes I made that. And I wasn’t trying to suck AT ALL. I know, understatement of the year, right? (why I just joined Pintrest is beyond me – prolly so I can feel bad about myself MORE often) That’s why it’s beyond me why I decided to do a themed birthday party. Frankly, I could’ve just thrown a few bottles of vodka and a couple of shitty take-out pizza boxes out and called it a day and everyone would’ve been all, “sweet ass.” But no. I had to renovate my fucking house. Then I had the brilliant idea to…

  • Pranksters, I’d Like You To Meet My New Boyfriend

    Your Aunt Becky
    20 Jan 2012 | 12:15 pm
    This may win for most epic picture of the year. Altho, it’s still January and that picture is butt-ass old, so far, he is NUMBER ONE in my life. Also number one, these posts (a lie): I wrote about my new obsession. And it would be RAD if you could comment on it. I also wrote about Amelia. I’m wicked proud of it. We’re doing a birth defects/birth injury/birth trauma carnival on Sunday on Band Back Together if’n you want to join us! So go read, then come back and tell Your Aunt Becky what YOU’VE been writing about this week. Let’s do a link-up, y’all.
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    FunnynotSlutty

  • Downton Abbey USA by SRSLY

    admin
    28 Jan 2012 | 1:22 am
    We ladies of SRSLY, like most wanna-be Europeans, love Downton Abbey. We love the costumes, the vibrant upstairs/downstairs story lines, the sassy zingers from Dame Maggie Smith. And we LOVE the actors. Did you ever think you would be so turned on by a middle-aged cripple ala Bates? Or that you would relate to a snooty, criminally sheltered oldest child like Lady Mary? It’s all thanks to the amazing cast. We love them! But, like everything foreign that Americans love, this means that in due time, Hollywood studios will get their grubby mitts all over the rights for a Yankee remake.

  • I’m Watching American Idol, So You Don’t Have To

    admin
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:59 pm
    I’m K A B L O O E Y and I’m watching Americal Idol so you don’t have to. Funny not Slutty Jane Carrey: the spawn of celebri-dad Jim Carrey was self-deprecating and sang kind of nicely.   Slutty not Funny I hadn’t written her name down, so I Googled “San Diego American Idol butt cheek girl” and lo: Amanda Diley.  You know Mr. and Mrs. Diley are so proud.  (Edited so as not to show half her ass, unlike the Idol editors.) After the first week of auditions, here are some more lowlights from American Idol: Erika “Crazy Eyes” Nowak:  If you are already one beer short of a…

  • Bad Valentine Short Short Essay Contest – Sponsored by Flytrap

    admin
    24 Jan 2012 | 11:03 am
    Why should you enter the FnS short “Bad Valentine” short essay contest?!? You could win 1st or 2nd prize from Flytrap Greetings & Gifts. Your entry could be featured with the top 5 essay submissions on FnS in February. Because bitching about past Valentines is fun. And don’t forget everybody’s favorite…revenge on your ex!  Prizes: 1st Prize Flytrap Package: A Flytrap Card, a Sticky, a Littles and a (gasp) Boink Journal! 2nd Prize Flytrap Package: A Card and some Littles! Rules and Writing Criteria: Essays are to be 150-450 words long to be considered. The title for everyone…

  • EAT THIS! Granny Collins Casserole

    admin
    22 Jan 2012 | 4:55 pm
    Eat This! on Funny not Slutty – Real recipes, made real funny. by Heather Davis My hubby’s family tells tales of a family legend, Granny Collins and her renowned casserole. Soon after joining the family, I got a taste and it instantly became one of my all-time favorites. But Granny Collins was not a health nut.  And in our new year’s effort to be a more healthy family, I have transformed this recipe into a healthy version of its formerly fat-filled self.  And… it’s only 2 points for the whole thing!* *I haven’t a clue as to how many points it is.  I could never figure out…

  • Funny or Die Presents: Rugrats

    admin
    19 Jan 2012 | 11:23 am
    Rugrats from Alia Shawkat  Every 90’s child thought it, but now we have proof. That Angelica chick was one cold-hearted bitch. Filled with deception, manipulation and cold-blooded murder, get ready 90’s generation for the greatest validation of our television consuming childhood existence that we all know and miss so much. Fuck that I-Carly bullshit, and buy your tickets in advance for the first (of which I hope to be many) live action Rugrats movie. With a star-studded cast, including Alia Shawkat, Mae Whitman, Michael Angarano and Nathan Barnatt, your childhood memories will never be…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Have You Ever Noticed...

  • Ever noticed the pregnant women on alcoholic containers?

    Becoming LD
    17 Jan 2012 | 4:36 pm
    I have.  I think there's a hidden message in that little picture though: If you drink, you might get knocked up, and you definitely don't want that... because then you won't be able to drink for at least 9 more months.Sometimes, I'm quite happy to be a guy.

  • My 2 year old daughter made supper tonight.

    Blitz
    7 Jan 2012 | 5:08 pm
    Our two year old daughter made dinner for us tonight. Yup, those are hot dog wieners in tea cups.  

  • And they made him in the likeness of Man.

    Blitz
    31 Dec 2011 | 11:39 am
    And They were happy.

  • Have you ever noticed that tailgaters never seem to get caught?

    Becoming LD
    18 Nov 2011 | 1:13 pm
    One of my biggest pet peeves is when I look in my rear view mirror, and I see a car that's a few inches from my back bumper.  Are they trying to teach me a lesson?  If I'm already going over the speed limit, what exactly are they trying to accomplish?  If I'm in the right lane - PASS ME.  Then go and tailgate someone else.  Or else, I'm going to take my sweet time, and maybe even slow down a little bit and brake.  Whatever it takes to annoy the tailgater further, I'll do it.Have you ever noticed that these guys never seem to get caught by the police?  

  • Stop saying "Pin Number", because it makes you sound dumb.

    Becoming LD
    8 Nov 2011 | 3:30 pm
    I'm going to flip out if I hear someone say "Pin number" again.  How do people not realize that the "n" in "pin" already stands for "number"?Here's what PIN stands for:Personal Identification NumberSo when you say "Oh, here's my Pin number", you are actually saying, "Oh, here's my Personal Identification Number Number".  Sounds dumb, doesn't it?  That's because it is dumb.  Just say "PIN", and leave it at that.  Note that this applies to SIN (social insurance number), VIN (vehicle identification number), TIN (taxable identification number), DIN (drug…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    ICED BORSCHT

  • EXCELSIOR, MOTHERFUCKERS!

    MC
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:37 pm
    Finally! THE DEBATE WE ALL NEED! Related articles Desert Christ and the Joke-Telling LBJ Robot (icedborscht.com) Pussy Galore (rikrawling.wordpress.com) OTL: Full version of Johnny Jolly profile (espn.go.com) —————————————————————– —————————————————————– —————————————————————–

  • I Bet At Least 25% of These Guys are Wife Beaters or Would-Be Rapists

    MC
    21 Jan 2012 | 6:10 pm
    h/t Richard Roadkill Milligan Related articles Putin hails 65 years of Russian hockey (en.rian.ru) Clever Criminal or Crappy Cops? (reason.com) The 2011 Worst Prosecutor of the Year Award (theagitator.com) Damien Hirst: No Love Lost (rikrawling.wordpress.com) —————————————————————– —————————————————————– —————————————————————–

  • ARE YOU READY FOR A SONG THAT KICKS SERIOUS FUCKING ASS, DUDE????

    MC
    20 Jan 2012 | 9:24 pm
    Check it out, all my fly motherfuckers. Related articles A Cluttered, Unquiet Place (3quarksdaily.com) There’s No There There: Our Hollow President Obama (3quarksdaily.com) Where Is So-Called Conservative Media on Romney? (realclearpolitics.com) —————————————————————– —————————————————————– —————————————————————–

  • Wednesday Night and the Links

    MC
    18 Jan 2012 | 10:00 pm
    America’s Gayest City is in Utah An Atheist Defends Tim Tebow Celebrities as Russian Generals h/t Jackie Baisa via the Princeling Chris Christie Does Oprah Come For the Basketball, Stay for the Gay Ninja Dance Fight Eric Fruits: In Portland, Road Maintenance Takes a Backseat to Bikes and Streetcars Fred Seigel and Joel Kotkin: The New Authoritarianism Glenn Greenwald: The Evil of Indefinite Detention and Those Wanting to De-Prioritize It Lucy Steigerwald: Wars Continue and Some Lefties Remember They’re Supposed to Disapprove Of That Ricky Sprague: The World is Not America’s Toilet (a…

  • Loving My Canine Jaw Model Coaster

    MC
    18 Jan 2012 | 9:01 pm
    …and canine jaw: Related articles How Has Glass-Jawed Romney Survived? (realclearpolitics.com) Poodle Bitch is sad to note the passing of Pusuke (childmurderingrobot.blogspot.com) Whatever Happened to Curly? (neatorama.com) Should Poodle Bitch start listening to P!nk? (childmurderingrobot.blogspot.com) —————————————————————– —————————————————————– —————————————————————–
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    NewsThump

  • RBS boss bonus causes slight increase in taxpayers tutting

    Spacey
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:12 am
    After Royal Bank of Scotland boss Stephen Hester was awarded a £963k bonus, taxpayers who funded the banks £45bn bailout took a few moments out to have a bit of a tut before discussing their plans for the weekend. The levels of dissatisfaction caused by the hefty payout have led to numerous displays of shortlived contempt by taxpayers such as muttering obscenities under their breath, shaking their head and sighing. Hester, who insists that he is definitely worth the bonus, has claimed that the rebuilding of RBS is entirely down to his expert guidance, and nothing at all to do with the…

  • ‘Olympic village’ in turmoil as residents moan about state of each other’s gardens

    waylandsmithy
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:04 am
    Police attended a disturbance at the ‘Olympic village’ last night, after a row broke out over the state of one athlete’s hedge. With just 6 months to go, the highly competitive residents have turned their attention away from running, jumping and avoiding urine tests, focusing instead on the prestigious ‘best kept village’ award. “This is very much a team event”, explained Janet Camber, a former shot-putt hopeful who is now the World Number Two on the state of her neighbour’s guttering. “If anyone in this competition needs a bit of…

  • Feel good stories at the end of the news to be replaced with dead paedophiles

    Spacey
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:19 am
    After the nation’s spirits were lifted by the news that convicted paedophile Martin Smith has been found hanged in his cell, news broadcasters are considering replacing the lighthearted item at the end of the news with details of any incidents involving dead sex offenders. It had previously been thought that a story about a dog adopting some kittens or a squirrel on water skis would give viewers a warm feeling inside, but new evidence suggests that nothing buoys the public more than a convicted paedophile getting glassed in the face by a fellow inmate. “The kitten thing is pretty…

  • Britons full of shit, finds study

    Spacey
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:18 am
    Research by academics at the University of Essex suggests Britons are a bunch of lying toerags who wouldn’t think twice about bullshitting their way out absolutely any situation. An online “integrity” study surveyed more than 2000 adults, revealing that lying comes as naturally as sleeping with your wife’s sister and covering it up with a web of untruths. The survey asked a series of questions centred around what members of the public would do when faced with various moral dilemmas, such as: What would you do if you found a wallet containing £50? A. Hand it in at the…

  • I’m going to set up my own league and none of you can play in it, warns Balotelli

    Spacey
    25 Jan 2012 | 5:20 am
    Manchester City’s controversial striker Mario Balotelli has warned that he will leave England and set up his own league that no-one else can play in if people don’t stop telling him off. Balotelli, who is facing a four-match ban after being charged by the Football Association with violent conduct, claims the new league will be much better than the Premier League, and all the other clubs will definitely be begging him to let them join. Balotelli’s agent, Mino Raiola, confirmed that Balotelli had fallen asleep in front of CBeebies, but that the fiery Italian would elaborate on…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Regretsy

  • My Fiverr Valentine: Day 5

    Helen Killer
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:30 pm
    All this week, I’ve been showing you unusual Valentine gift suggestions from Fiverr, the place where shit gets real for $5.™ We started looking for love in all the wrong places with Spandy Andy, then moved into rapping, heavy sarcasm and a custom video Valentine. And they were all well worth the $5 investment, believe me. But tonight? Well, tonight is a religious experience. - Get your own personal Jesus here

  • Thom Browne

    Helen Killer
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:31 pm
    - More from the catwalk here Thanks to Winning at Everything for the tip

  • Herman Smellville

    Helen Killer
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:30 am

  • Hello! Please watch cooking.

    Helen Killer
    26 Jan 2012 | 10:53 pm
    - Sumbitted via Twitter by Rhea

  • My Fiverr Valentine: Day 4

    Helen Killer
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:58 pm
    All this week, we’re showcasing Valentine gift suggestions from Fiverr.com, the place where people go to do incredibly stupid shit for $5. Last night, we featured Old Bitty Grandma, who gave us a very Etsy Valentine, complete with cupcake and mustache on a stick. Tonight, we’ve got a fantastic “Regretsy Loves You” video Valentine card, created for just $5 by lizzyl21. FROM ME TO YOU, BITCHES - Click here to get your own custom I Love You video card
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    12 Most

  • 12 Most FANtastic Reasons to Love Football By Brian Vickery

    Brian Vickery
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:00 pm
    By Brian Vickery The NFL football season is winding down, and I feel compelled to squeeze one more football post in my feed before moving on to the basketball season! I love football, and I favor the professional game over the college game. That distinction alone will bring some debate amongst friends and family. Some will argue that the college players have more intensity and care more about the game. However, such a small percentage of college players “make it at the next level.” That is because the professional football players have exceptional skills and speed that separates the men…

  • 12 Most Life-Changing New Year’s Resolutions That Do Not Have to be Broken By Jeff Willinger

    Jeff Willinger
    27 Jan 2012 | 9:00 am
    By Jeff Willinger So, we are almost through with January, so why not start your resolutions now. Not just any resolutions…let’s shoot high this year! I declare the year 2012, the year of unconditional giving…that’s right…I said it…unconditional giving. That means we are no longer keeping track of who buys for who and how many times your kid gets invited over to the other kid’s house. Just do it…just give like no one is watching or caring. Instead of coming up with the usual list of resolutions that mean nothing to anyone except the person that wrote down the resolution to…

  • 12 Most Good to Know Goodies about Google Plus (Google+) By Peggy Fitzpatrick

    Peggy Fitzpatrick
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:00 am
    By Peggy Fitzpatrick Google Plus has been around since July. However, there are many people who have not embraced it fully. Some of the tips and tricks aren’t easy to find but I am offering 12 goodies to get you going on Google+. No more excuses! I am convinced that your Google+ posts and photos are boosted in the Google rankings; mine appear to be boosted in Google searches. Aaron Lee states that for SEO  ”Google+ may be the best way for you to improve your search rankings. Google puts a more weight on content that has more shares or +1’s.” You can click on any photo in…

  • 12 Most Informed Things You Can Learn from the Penn State and Syracuse Fiascos By Roy Kessel

    Roy Kessel
    26 Jan 2012 | 2:00 pm
    By Roy Kessel With the passing of Joe Paterno, there is a lot of debate about his legacy and how he will be remembered?  It is a shame that a historic coach with over 400 victories even has doubts that his main accomplishments were in mentoring athletes, helping them graduate and teaching them to become better people.  Yet, due to a variety of factors (some of his own doing and some outside of his control), Paterno’s reputation will bear a permanent tarnish.  Still, I believe that his accomplishments should not be completely nullified by his mistakes.  Our legacies are a complex…

  • 12 Most Savvy Social Media Resources By Ekaterina Walter

    Ekaterina Walter
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:00 am
    By Ekaterina Walter Whenever I talk to people about the subject I am very passionate about – social media – inevitably the question comes up “What publications do you subscribe to to keep up to date with the fast-changing world of social and which organizations are you a member of?” In the world of the information overload savvy professionals are always looking for the best resources. Today I am humbly sharing my favorites with you. 1. WOMMA Word of Mouth Marketing Association (WOMMA) offers both members and non-members a variety of resources and events (online and offline) packed…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Humor Volcano RSS Feed

  • Nun Has Orgasm During Beaver TSA Pat-Down

    28 Jan 2012 | 5:52 am
    The TSA's new anti-terrorist screenings now require more invasive hands-on pat-downs. Such extensive physical contact, particularly upon little old ladies, has led to increasing instances of surprise sexual orgasm, especially among nuns. [Satire]

  • New Workplace Scream Room® A Huge Stress-Busting Success

    28 Jan 2012 | 5:52 am
    Researchers recently proved that loud cursing reduces stress. Taking full advantage, a new soundproof Workplace Scream Room, where angry employees can safely vent in complete privacy, has just been launched. [Satire]

  • Obscene College Football Halftime Show Shocks Nation

    28 Jan 2012 | 5:52 am
    The entire nation is shocked when, for its director's ultimate act of revenge, a marching band performs a choreographed halftime routine showing a huge penis masturbating onto the face of the rival team's mascot. [Satire]

  • Christine O'Donnell Bloodies Delaware Democrat On Election Eve

    28 Jan 2012 | 5:52 am
    A Delaware Democratic Party resident was left a bloody, dazed mess after a U.S.Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell-inflicted injury as he reached into his mailbox on this 2010 mid-term election eve. [Satire]

  • Mobsters Behind 2010 Dallas Cowboys Embarrassment?

    28 Jan 2012 | 5:52 am
    Due to the horrid Dallas Cowboys football season thus far, the only happy people in Texas this fall are in the brown paper bag industry. They're so wildly successful, in fact, that the Mob is suspected to be intimately involved throughout. [Satire]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor.

  • My Encounter With Bigfoot By Karl Childers

    7 Jan 2012 | 10:32 pm
    "Some folks call it a sling blade, I reckon I call it a Kaiser blade. Good for slicin' up bisquits and French fried 'taters." One time I's prowling in the wilderness, wandering about, kindly got lost and so weak and hungry I couldn't go. When it begin to get cool, I found a big cave and... [Read Full Story]

  • Raptor Santa Nearly Ruins Christmas

    1 Jan 2012 | 10:21 pm
    Sun. Jan. 01, 2012 Minneapolis, MN. (Krapsody) - The seasonal experience of children sitting on Santa's lap and reading him their wishlist is a time-honored tradition, and a delight for young and old. But some things that we experience in our youth will be cherished forever, and some things... [Read Full Story]

  • Political Suess

    20 Dec 2011 | 11:22 pm
    What if life in Washington were like a Dr. Seuss book? Don't you wonder what that might be like? I know I do. It's not as far-fetched as you might think. Yertle the Turtle thinks he is the king of the pond. He brags that he is the biggest, the fastest, and the strongest. All was well until he... [Read Full Story]

  • Goldman Sachs Joins Occupy Wall Street

    30 Nov 2011 | 10:01 pm
    In this hilarious parody Goldman Sachs CEO and Chairman Lloyd Blankfein joins the Occupy Wall Street movement and surprisingly he doesn't get pepper sprayed. Some highlights: * 0:37 Sifting through his wallet, not-Blankenfein exclaims, "I plan to stay down here for as long as I can with what I... [Read Full Story]

  • Scott Olsen Interview on YouTube Removed

    29 Nov 2011 | 10:08 am
    Re: YouTube video - Scott Olsen Interview Due to the number of emails I have received I am addressing this publicly. Yesterday I posted an interview with Scott Olsen on YouTube with the intention of spreading news about his recovery and because I, like many, do not want his story to... [Read Full Story]
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Clever Things to Say

  • 27 Jan 2012 | 1:52 pm

    admin
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:52 pm
    I sort of enjoy watching capitalism collapse, sort of like a rat on a sinking ship who hates the ship.  

  • From SF Sketchfest 2012

    admin
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:53 am
    In case you missed Everything Jamboree, here's a picture of me getting ready for our sketch "Eyelid Circumcision." Photo courtesy of Shawn Robbins                          

  • 25 Jan 2012 | 2:43 pm

    admin
    25 Jan 2012 | 2:43 pm
    They’re shutting down schools and building more prisons but at least they recognize you can’t do one without the other.

  • 24 Jan 2012 | 5:26 pm

    admin
    24 Jan 2012 | 5:26 pm
    Funny prank: go to the dentist and tell him your teeth have been bothering you. When he asks which ones, pull out a sandwich bag that holds all your bloody teeth.

  • 23 Jan 2012 | 3:52 pm

    admin
    23 Jan 2012 | 3:52 pm
    I’m twenty six now but I’ll have turned twenty four by the time I move to Hollywood.  
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    TheCpChic....

  • Pan Handling for Jobs?

    ClaireTheCpChic
    26 Jan 2012 | 12:33 pm
    I’m tired of people telling me I should be happy with what I have. Unless they have rolled a mile in my wheelchair, they shouldn’t judge me from their private jet. Now if they were flying me to Hawaii on a pity vacation, they are welcome to tell me how wonderful my life is all the way there. Here’s my thing, right or wrong, I will not feel complete until I’m working and earning what my peers are earning. I think you can appreciate all your blessings and yet feel disappointed that you’ve not met your mid-life goals. I even think my not settling may be one of my best characteristics,…

  • Sleep, Resistance is Futile, Eventually

    ClaireTheCpChic
    19 Jan 2012 | 1:19 pm
    I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. There are a few schools of thought that think, because of my cerebral palsy, I need a solid eight or even more hours of sleep, to really be at my maximum physical peak. Which I’ve got to tell you, isn’t that great. This theory is mostly pushed by my husband who only needs six and can function on four. I hate this because I keep thinking if I had four more hours a day, I’d be so much more productive, never mind the 10 hours I’m supposed to be productive, these four would surely push me over the edge. With my husband, I personally think he…

  • Why I need all the exercise equipment “As Seen On TV”

    ClaireTheCpChic
    12 Jan 2012 | 1:33 pm
    In researching today’s blog, I found one website where you can buy every single thing you have ever wanted to buy from those “As seen on TV” commercials. Score! I bet if I look hard enough, there’s a single button that will just allow you to put all the items in the cart automatically. Oh what a happy day. Plus how cool would it be if all the items came in three giant crates, filled with bubble wrap? Nirvana… Like everything else I do, it started out with good intentions. Because of my disability, it’s hard to find an exercise regiment I like. Note the ending two words. Not that I…

  • According to the Mayan Calendar Stephen Hawkins Or Joey Travolta Might Call Soon

    ClaireTheCpChic
    5 Jan 2012 | 11:58 am
    I’m tired of not getting jobs I’d be perfect for. I’m even more tired of not getting jobs I’m over qualified for, so in 2012 I’ve decided just to buy lottery tickets and apply for dream jobs and see what happens. If all else fails, I can pray that the Mayans were right. I’m serious. (no I’m not, but I needed to say “I’m serious” for dramatic effects. So just read along. There’s no need to call for a Crip intervention by my closest friends, unless we can have it on a warm beach with cabana boys, then I am in a very bad way and need to be talked down.) Sorry, I digress.

  • Please Let It Be Love At First Sight

    ClaireTheCpChic
    29 Dec 2011 | 10:00 am
    Sometimes I wonder at what point does my husband tell new people about me? That we’ve been married for 15 years. That I’m a writer. That I’m still way out of his league, and that I have cerebral palsy. Because you know they almost always give him that pity head tilt. What a good man to marry a poor, however hot, disabled chick. It must be kinda weird introducing me. I’m not saying that in a bad way, just one of them realities. The best introduction I’ve ever heard of myself was “Hey this is Claire, ask her what she majored in incollege.” Communications. My speech impairment of…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Haters For Hire

  • Haters for Hire Podcast: Krish Mohan

    The Minto
    16 Jan 2012 | 12:45 pm

  • Haters for Hire Podcast: T.J. Amick’s contractually obligated podcast special

    The Minto
    9 Jan 2012 | 12:30 am

  • Last Podcast of the Year, New Engineer, Some Fancy Articles

    The Minto
    30 Dec 2011 | 11:51 am
    I first wanted to thank you for the flood of bitchy emails (honestly) in November. It was a great reminder that people actually enjoy this podcast and expect it to come out on time (despite my erratic posting schedule). We have a backlog of podcast ready for the new year with some special guests who have been out of town including a couple of new ‘In Case of Podcast, Break Glass – Episodes’. I also wanted to thank our new sound engineer Brian Davis who took over the role for our former engineer Ben Eiche. The cast of the ‘Holiday HaHa’ sketch comedy show have been…

  • Haters for Hire Podcast: The Cast of Holiday Haha Sketch Show

    The Minto
    26 Dec 2011 | 6:59 pm
    A lovely three part interview with the cast Holiday HaHa Sketch show taking place at Club Cafe December 30th, 2011. Check out the event page here! And a sweet article in the Pittsburgh City Paper here! Subscribe in iTunes Listen to the Episode (this link is for offsite users)

  • Haters for Hire Podcast: Ben Kenny

    The Minto
    21 Dec 2011 | 12:11 pm
    The Majesty of Denver, The General, and some ‘Helpful’ Tips on crawling inside your recently dead horse with Ben Kenny on the December 18th 2011 Podcast. Subscribe in iTunes Listen to the Episode (this link is for offsite users)
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Writing of Life's Laughter

  • Story Excerpt of “Big Horn Catchmequick”

    OL Shepp
    10 Jan 2012 | 11:55 am
    Determined to finalize this manuscript "Big Horn Catchmequick," I refuse to pull my mind away, now. Therefor, for the sake of creative content, I choose to leave you with excerpts of my upcoming novel.

  • Find 2012 Prosperous!

    OL Shepp
    27 Dec 2011 | 4:24 pm
    The five pitfalls avoided by not making a New Year’s resolution

  • Chirstmas Light

    OL Shepp
    21 Dec 2011 | 9:00 am
    We drove across South Pass again, this the weekend before Christmas, just as we did each Friday afternoon. We didn’t get a Christmas tree because we would not be staying. Taking all of our packages over the mountain  this week prior to Christmas, because the next week,  as soon as school was over, we’d head [...]
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Thoughts From Paris | Funny Stories | Funny Blog

  • I Love Plucking White Hairs – A Confession

    D.J.
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:00 pm
    When I was nine my mom brought home a black cat that was hanging out by the dumpster at the Junior League.  It was our first family pet, and we named her Shadow. Actually, that’s not entirely true as we had two cats when I was born but I think they bit me or my sister and were removed. Did I mention all the walls of our house were made of those green screens they use in movies? (If that didn't connect with you, screw off. I thought it was funny) As a cat, Shadow was decent.  Not a home run, but not a caught-looking-strikeout either.  I hope that expression sort of makes sense.

  • I’m Racing To See Race!

    D.J.
    25 Jan 2012 | 5:43 pm
    When I was twenty seven my sister bought me a fondue set for my birthday.  At the time I had only eaten fondue once at a Melting Pot chain restaurant. Great - another kitchen appliance I won't use. Umm…  Thanks for the gift, Dana. You don’t like it? No, it’s not that.  I mean it’s cool and all, but I don’t snack on cheese and I’m not interested in dipping strawberries into chocolate. You don’t get it.  I just gave you the greatest dating tool ever. She was right.  That year I had a half-dozen women over to my place on fondue dates.  Instead…

  • Captions From Readers – II

    D.J.
    24 Jan 2012 | 8:52 pm
    Photos sent by readers that they demand I caption!  Will I write a 10?  A 5?  Only you will know!  By reading this!  Right now!  Goddammit! By the way, if you want a photo captioned, please email it t0 dj@thoughtsfromparis.com   Sent from Whitney C (taken by husband) Gee Whitney, I'm not sure why Warren Jeffs turned down your proposal to be his 17th wife...   Sent and Taken By David K The only difference between these two girls is that the one behind the screen hates her father.   Sent and Taken By FC The guy leaning up against the tree is too terrified to move.

  • ThoughtsFromParis Is Officially In The Black!

    D.J.
    23 Jan 2012 | 6:07 pm
    I am absolutely not joking when I write that I had to Google “in the black” to confirm that the meaning of that idiom is “making money.” I thought it might be “in the red” or for some reason, “in the pink.” Well, anyway, I’m very proud and humbled to say that thanks to you readers, after expenses (hosting/bandwidth), this website has clocked it’s first $25 profit. While not enough yet to support the mortgage or my American Girl Doll obsession, it’s a start.  And, as I was thinking about it this afternoon, what is most exciting…

  • Celebtweets – Ralphie May

    D.J.
    22 Jan 2012 | 9:22 pm
    Okay, it’s been way TOO long since my last Celebtweets.  I’ve been busy and haven’t been bothering celebrities like I know I should. In the past I’ve won the attention of Jackie Stallone and incurred the wrath and then love of Steve Agee. Today when I woke up, instead of heading to church where there is very little to do that’s funny, I took to Twitter. Ralphie May Ralphie May is one of my favorite comedians.  He got his start at seventeen after he won a local competition and got to open for the legendary Sam Kinison.  He tells a great story of ordering…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    As Seen on TV LOL

  • Spy Peeps

    admin
    27 Jan 2012 | 7:36 pm
    Pin itSpy on your spouse and dig dirt on your dad and be an online snoop as your own life stoops to a new low, all thanks to Spy Peeps … an especially creepy As Seen on TV offer. They are especially skimpy on details how this is supposed to work, but somehow you can spy on people electronically. They say they can spy on people’s social network activity and even try to glean things off of online wish lists. So if you are wanting to get dirt on someone, but don’t have the coin for a private investigator, then Spy Peeps is for you. If you thought the Cheaters TV show was a…

  • GoJo Hands Free

    admin
    26 Jan 2012 | 1:45 am
    Pin itThis infomercial for the Go Jo Hands Free is hilarious. It attaches to your phone and then you strap it on your head like you are a cyborg. And probably the most hilarious thing was showing the texting teen being blocked from being able to text while driving because her phone is now smashed up against her face. However will she ever figure out how to text if her phone is on her cheek? Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps she could remove it. I take that back. The most LOL moment of this crazy infomercial is when he shows that it will hold your 5 pound laptop to the side of your head. Can you…

  • Cushie

    admin
    26 Jan 2012 | 1:29 am
    Pin itThe Cushie is a rocking chair cover. Think of it as a Snuggie for your Lazy Boy. It comes in just 3 colors – Beige, Camel (hump not included), and Burgundy. So unless your chair is a perfect match, you are going to be rocking a two-tone chair. It also comes with covers for the areas of the chair most likely to bust a seam – the arm rests and foot rests. They say that you can now give that old tired chair some flair. You can say that again. Of course, you can’t just buy one Cushie. You have to pay separate shipping and handling so you can have the honor of getting that…

  • Schticky

    admin
    26 Jan 2012 | 1:21 am
    Pin itVINCE! Long time, no see. It’s Vince Offer from ShamWow fame. He’s back and out of prison and promoting the Schticky – a reusable lint roller. Let me just say that it is such a relief that now there are lint rollers that you can reuse. This infomercial has several memorable moments, such as Vince calling out the ladies to Schtick it to their husbands. Check out this slob. This lady has a talented husband. He sleeps through being Schtickied, without spilling his bowl of chips or spilling his beer. Probably the most memorable line is when Vince asks ‘Problem with…

  • Brazil Butt Lift

    admin
    25 Jan 2012 | 6:57 pm
    Pin itLeandro Carvalho has developed a 3 DVD workout that is designed to give you glutes that salute. It’s called the Brazil Butt Lift, by Beach Body. Some of the world’s top supermodels workout to the Brazil Butt Lift, such as Alessandra Ambrosio. He calls it a Tri-Angle Training technique to apparently address your buns in three areas – the Medius, the Maximus and the Minimus. What all this means is that it tones, lifts, and tightens da booty. How’s that for scientific sounding? Here’s a handy diagram to spell it out for you bun scientists out there. The…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    a.e. mayer : the blog

  • Google’s Newest Product: God

    aemayer
    18 Jan 2012 | 11:44 am
    Google has come out with a lot of ritzy gadgets. There’s Google Voice, Chat, TV, you name it. Google is an invaluable tool to me because it answers all my questions. It’s a warm and faithful servant that never lets you down. That’s why I think Google’s next big breakthrough should probably be Google God. Think about it. Google answers all your most personal questions on demand, no matter what time it is. Does God do that? But answering questions isn’t enough to qualify you as a diety, no sir. Omniscience is good, but it isn’t good enough. Here are some other qualifications that…

  • How to Blow Your New Year’s Resolutions With Style

    aemayer
    11 Jan 2012 | 12:40 pm
    I like New Year’s resolutions. At least, I like them when they’re all shiny and new and un-blown. That always lasts a few days, and then you’re right back where you started, sitting all frowny faced in your stretchy pants with a blog you keep swearing to yourself that you’ll update. Given that today is the 11th of January, I can sigh in something like relief knowing that I’ve already nailed one of my early resolutions, to update my blog on the first of the year, right into the ground. One great consolation to passively ignoring your promises to yourself is that there’s a sort of…

  • I Declare the Season’s Coolest New Holiday Tradition: Revenge

    aemayer
    30 Nov 2011 | 8:52 am
    This time of year, people like to talk a lot of b.s. about giving, the magic of the season, etc. I’d like to take a different tack and talk about a new seasonal theme that, in my opinion, is just as relevant to the holidays: Revenge. Think about it. This doesn’t have to be a time of giving and getting crap from HomeGoods that, let’s face it, will ultimately end up in a landfill. The holidays can, and should, be about so much more. I’m talking about the gift that kharmatically keeps on giving, the gift of getting even. Why now? Because during this season of light and hope, I’m…

  • Holiday Queries: What to Give People Who Want Nothing

    aemayer
    7 Nov 2011 | 9:21 am
    With the holidays coming up, a lot of people find themselves in a pickle. Not a cute pickle ornament on the tree that means a dinky prize if you find it first, but a real honest to goodness problem. If you’re visiting someone, whether friend, family, frenemy, or foe, what do you bring as a gift? I like to default to wine or booze, but some people don’t drink. And not everyone gets excited about homemade peanut brittle or that chocolate bark crap with the crushed peppermints on top. Googling “homemade gift ideas” brings up a lot of the same-old, same-old, and if you’re like me,…

  • The Pursuit of Non-Tragedy

    aemayer
    1 Nov 2011 | 2:08 pm
    This week isn’t so much of a blog as it is a call to arms from all you happy people out there. You know who you are. The ones who smile a lot and tend to wear their frowns in the wrong direction. I’m working on an informal research project about cheerfulness. I don’t believe that cheerfulness is always some kind of cosmic predisposition. I think cheerfulness is an action, a choice, a system of maintaining buoyancy in a tidal wave world. And I’d like to know, from cheerful people, how the heck they do it. Is it big things, or small ones? Is it puppies? Friends? Family? A job you…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Really Funny Jokes

  • Good jokes-How many Directors?

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Q: How many Directors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one… but how do you get him in there with the cute, blonde?

  • Funny jokes-Money saved by not smoking

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Juan sees a man leaning against the wall of a large building. The man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.Juan says, “Sir, I couldn’t help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?”“Four.”“How long have you been smoking?”“Thirty years.”“That’s over six thousand packs. If you didn’t smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building.”The smoker takes a deep puff and says, “Do you smoke?”“Never.”“Do you own this building?”“No.”“Well, I do.”

  • Blonde jokes-Row boat

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”

  • Really funny jokes-Best guide in the United States

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles.”We’re lost!” One of the hikers complained.”And you said you were the best guide in the United States.””I am,” the guide answered, ” but I think we may have wandered into Canada.”

  • Funny jokes-One eyed pirate

    Mitesh Asher
    26 Jan 2012 | 2:01 am
    A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?"The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?""No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."Finally, the…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    ISAWANEYESOREBILLBOARD.COM

  • WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW A BILLBOARD FOR TOILETS THAT DO NOT CLOG?

    Ron D
    25 Jan 2012 | 6:42 am
    WHAT A HIGH CLASS BILLBOARD. FOR THAT MATTER, WHAT A HIGH CLASS BLOG POST THIS IS. THOMAS "JOHN" CRAPPER (INVENTOR OF THE MODERN TOILET) WOULD BE SO PROUD OF ME. TRAFFIC CLOGS - THIS WON'T? TO BE FAIR, IF YOU WERE FLUSHING SOMETHING THAT WAS THE SIZE OF A 16-WHEELER, WELL.... Tweet

  • CHICAGO CHILDREN COME OUT OF THE WOMB AS FANS OF THE CHICAGO BEARS

    Ron D
    21 Jan 2012 | 7:56 pm
    CHICAGO IS A HUGE SPORTS TOWN. ONE HALF OF THE NEWBORN CHILDREN ARE FANS OF THAT NORTH SIDE BASEBALL TEAM - AT BIRTH. I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT THE TEAM NAME IS. IT IS IRRELEVANT, THEY ARE LOSERS.  IT IS HARD TO REMEMBER THE NAMES OF LOSERS. THAT TEAM HASN'T WON A CHAMPIONSHIP IN 103 YEARS. THE OTHER HALF OF THE NEWBORNS ARE WOMB FANS OF THE:  2005 WORLD CHAMPION CHICAGO WHITE SOX. _________________________________________________________________________________ THE CHICAGO BULLS WERE WORLD CHAMPIONS FOR 6 YEARS. THEY WOULD'VE BEEN CHAMPIONS A LOT LONGER - IF A …

  • HELPFUL BEER BILLBOARD - TELLING DRUNKS THE DRIVING TIME TO NEAREST BAR

    Ron D
    19 Jan 2012 | 6:27 am
    SARCASM ALERT:________________________________________________________________________________MILLER LITE OFFERS A GREAT SERVICE FOR THE CHICAGO AREA DRUNKS.CHICAGOLAND  BILLBOARD TELLS THE DRUNKS HOW MANY MINUTES TO THE NEXT WATERING HOLE.________________________________________________________________________________ Tweet

  • IN THE YEAR 2166, WILL IOWANS BE FORCED TO LOOK AT BILLBOARD IMAGES OF MICHELE BACHMANN & MITT (A.K.A. NOTT) ROMNEY?

    Ron D
    16 Jan 2012 | 6:34 am
    WHILE DRIVING ON INTERSTATE 80, I SAW A BILLBOARD THAT PROMOTED THE TOWN OF OTTAWA, IL. OTTAWA IS THE TOWN WHERE ABRAHAM LINCOLN & STEVEN DOUGLAS HAD THEIR DEBATE. THE BILLBOARD WAS PROMOTING THEIR ONE-AND-ONLY CALL TO FAME. WILL THE TOWNS THAT HOSTED THE GOP DEBATES BE FORCED TO ENDURE UGLY BILLBOARDS?  THE LINCOLN - DOUGLAS DEBATES TOOK PLACE 154 YEARS AGO. AT LEAST ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS A BRILLIANT & COMPASSIONATE HUMAN BEING. THE 2011 GOP DEBATERS MIGHT POSSIBLY BE CALLED "HUMAN BEINGS" - NOTHING MORE.

  • FRANK FRITZ'S ("AMERICAN PICKERS" TV SHOW) PERSONAL BILLBOARD

    Ron D
    14 Jan 2012 | 7:14 am
    THE HISTORY CHANNEL DOES AN EXCELLENT JOB OF PROMOTING AMERICAN PICKERS TV SHOW.AMERICAN PICKERS  BILLBOARDAMERICAN PICKERS  TV COMMERCIALTHE MAKING OF THE AMERICAN PICKERS TV COMMERCIAL, WHICH IS POSTED ABOVEMIKE WOLFE & FRANK FRITZ ARE THE STARS OF THE POPULAR REALITY TV SHOW.FRANK FRITZ FEELS THE NEED TO DO SOME ADDITIONAL PROMOTION...FRANK RENTS SPACE AT AN ANTIQUE MALL / BIKER BAR / RESTAURANT, WHICH IS NAMED  "HAWG DOG".I ASSUMED THAT ALL OF THE THINGS IN THE "ANTIQUE" (IN MY OPINION - JUNK) MALL WERE FRANK'S.I WAS WRONG.FRANK ONLY RENTS A SMALL AMOUNT…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Where's Whitney's Soup? - Blog

  • Mothereffing Snakes and Planes

    26 Jan 2012 | 9:26 pm
    A lady who was driving a red car pulled up next to me while I was walking on the sidewalk this morning. She also rolled down her window. She told me she loves my boots! Right then and there, I wanted to get into her car with her, but then I remembered what my brother told me. “Stop taking rides from strangers!!!” And, so, I didn’t invite myself into the lady-with-obvious-fabulous-taste’s car. But, you know, my bro’s kind of a liar. 2 weekends ago, I made myself a delicious beverage and made sure to notify him about it.

  • Yeah, Whitney Sucks!

    25 Jan 2012 | 6:38 pm
    How could anyone rag on a girl who was this cute once upon a time? Why I suck: I have to learn how to eat like a civilized human being. Both my work computer keyboard and home laptop keyboard have food in between the keys. My keyboards are grossing me out. And there’s no way to clean them so I’ve started leaning either to my left or my right when I’m eating so the crumbs, sauce, oil, and other excess liquid fall onto the floor instead. Should I ever choose to do so, the floor is clean-upable.  __________ 2 of the professors I work for have made the suggestion that I go…

  • More Failed Love Emails - Brother Saves The Day

    19 Jan 2012 | 10:34 am
    Back to original lover interest - It was pouring rain here in Boston last week. And if you recall, rain was what brought my lover interest and me together, at which time I experienced love at first sight. So I saw last week's downpour as a sign of our pending love. I decided to take action of boldness. I sent him this email: Subject: cats and dogs! Is your musical instrument safe from the rain? This was, of course, an attempt to lure him and his musical instrument back into my office where I first saw rays of sunlight beaming when he smiled at me.  His response: Of course. Have it…

  • Girl Fall Down

    10 Jan 2012 | 8:52 am
    There’s one BFF in particular that I’m always helping out, the one who lives 802 miles away. Very frequently, he calls me so that I can console him on his life concerns. Which makes me a TERRIFIC friend. I was even told that yesterday by one of the professors I work for. Since she uses me as a free therapist, she thinks I should become a shrink, and I respond by saying, “Never! Then I’d have to listen to people’s problems all day. I already do that with one of my closest friends.” And then huge eye-roll from me. And then I follow with, “But I…

  • Am I A Man Or Am I A Muppet?

    4 Jan 2012 | 10:35 am
    After I get my final chest X-rays tomorrow to confirm that my pneumonia is gone, I’ll be able to put this whole disease behind me. And of course I couldn’t avoid telling coworkers when we returned to work yesterday that my holiday break was not in fact good. I didn’t intend to spread the news about my pneumonia to all coworkers though… While walking with a coworker and briefly telling her about my break, we bump into none other than Queen Bee. I have no fucking clue why, but upon setting eyes on Queen Bee, the coworker immediately informs Queen Bee about my sickness,…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    The Idiot Box Cult

  • Episode 18:Nopa to SOPA

    theidiotboxcult
    21 Jan 2012 | 4:24 pm
    In this 18th installment of The Idiot Box Cult we cheer up Brandon, get into SOPA, and tweet our Congressmen.  Brandon learns that we have a Twitter account, we discuss the ups and downs of relationships and get Santorum all over the place.

  • Episode 17: The Lobbyist of the Corn

    theidiotboxcult
    17 Jan 2012 | 6:39 pm
    In the Seventeenth installment of the Idiot Box Cult your faithful leaders triumphantly return from the badlands of podcasting silence. To celebrate this momentous occasion we discuss where we have been, where we are going, and the ills of the American people. We also discuss corn farming, the influence of lobbyists and say things that could be misconstrued as hateful. In short: WE’RE BACK!

  • Episode 16: Moore Serious Comics

    theidiotboxcult
    12 Sep 2011 | 10:16 pm
    In this 16th installment of the Idiot Box Cult Podcast we discuss the Grant Morrison Interview in Rolling Stone, Allan Moore’s rapey tendencies and diversity in comics.

  • Episode 15:Private Paugh Makes A Call

    theidiotboxcult
    5 Sep 2011 | 12:05 am
    In this Fifteenth Installment of The Idiot Box Cult Podcast, we return from a summer long hiatus and are joined my U.S Marine Private Jesse Paugh. We engage in inter-branch bitchery, the Trailor Park Boys and the gift of comics. We also discuss a shitty Doctor Who parody, get excited about Fringe and talk Flashpoint.

  • Episode 14: Big Brother Is Watching You

    theidiotboxcult
    24 Jun 2011 | 8:49 pm
    In the 14th Installment of The Idiot Box Cult we rage against the machine, question the decency of the Daleks and discuss Comicbooks on film.
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Geezer Planet

  • Shuffling - 45th Annual Old Time Fiddlers Convention

    Mike Principato
    26 Jan 2012 | 9:28 pm

  • 25 Jan 2012 | 8:33 pm

    Mike Principato
    25 Jan 2012 | 8:33 pm

  • Some politicians kiss babies some....

    Mike Principato
    24 Jan 2012 | 7:15 am

  • 23 Jan 2012 | 12:43 pm

    Mike Principato
    23 Jan 2012 | 12:43 pm
    An old Italian man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. ... The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more…

  • 21 Jan 2012 | 3:45 pm

    Mike Principato
    21 Jan 2012 | 3:45 pm
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Nebulous Mooch

  • Those Cadillacs

    Lovelyn
    25 Jan 2012 | 11:14 am
    I overheard this brief exchange the other day and it made me laugh. My Father: I got those Cadillacs in my eyes. I’m going to get the operation this week. Neighbor Lady: Oh…you’ll love it. You’ll just love it. That operation is wonderful.

  • Disc Golf

    Lovelyn
    23 Jan 2012 | 10:17 am
    I’m not big into playing sports. I’m actually one of the lest sporty people on the planet. I can’t get a basketball into a hoop. I can’t catch a football. I can’t hit a baseball with a bat. When I was a kid sports meant gym class and gym class meant humiliation. I was the kid who always dropped the ball or more accurately ran away from the ball. I was the kid picked last for the kickball team. I never understood why they let kids pick teams in gym class. It’s so embarrassing for the people that no one wants to pick. The only time I excelled in an athletic…

  • No Cake for You

    Lovelyn
    20 Jan 2012 | 1:16 pm
    My parents are into having big blowout parties. This has happened all through my childhood. Back then the parties where outdoor summer events in our backyard. They were the kind of parties that held up traffic as cars passing on the street slowed down to see what was going on. There was a lot going on too. My father is a musician and his parties always include a jam session. Live music makes every non-musician party attendee think the party was the best thing ever. Last night’s party was usual in that regard–live music and way more food than anyone could eat. The party was…

  • The Amazing 5K Race

    Lovelyn
    16 Jan 2012 | 11:36 am
    Since my father turns 80 this week my mother thought it would be fun for us all to run a 5K race together. Here the term run loosely means walk at a slow to moderate pace. The race started at 8 in the morning which was a struggle for us because my husband and I don’t get up until 9:30. When my sister called the day before the race to find out what time it started she was shocked by the early hour and asked to speak to me on the phone. “When I agreed to this no one told me that I’d have to get up that early on a Saturday,” she said. She was ready bright and early the…

  • Seeing is…Seeing

    Lovelyn
    11 Jan 2012 | 11:02 am
    I put my glasses back on last night. I decided that even though everything tends to look better in soft focus–here soft focus really means blurry–being able to see is a bit more practical than not being able to see. I think my insistance on not wearing my glasses was getting on my family’s nerves anyway. They were getting tired of my need to stand directly in front of the television in order to see anything that was happening on screen. My husband was also getting tired of hearing me say, “I can’t drive because I’m not wearing my glasses.” Lifetime…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Life Augmented

  • Did Somebody Say Viper?

    24 Jan 2012 | 3:56 pm
    My brother Nelson and I traveled to Salt Lake City to attend to some family business in 2009.  Little did we know that this trip would forever change our priorities and our lives.  Upon arriving at the Little America Hotel I noticed several Dodge Vipers parked in the valet area.  I chuckled to Nelson, “Ha.  I wonder if there is a Viper Convention going on here”.  As we checked in, I asked the desk clerk if there was a convention, and she confirmed that there was, indeed, a convention for lovers of Vipers.  It was called the Viper Owner Invitational (VOI,…

  • I Needs Me A Desert Eagle

    29 Dec 2011 | 11:13 am
    I've never been afraid of living alone.  While we were married, my ex-husband (of 18 glorious years) worked out of town quite a bit and made frequent trips to the border for his drug smuggling ventures, which means that I grew quite accustomed to living alone.  Little sounds around the house don't scare me.  Packs of dogs rummaging around the backyard do not phase me.  Primarily because I have come up with some intense defense strategies in my home.Defense Strategy #1:  When you fear your crazy OCD ex-husband may try to break in and pillage the house, place a bowl of…

  • Who Works Out in Jeans?

    20 Dec 2011 | 5:19 pm
    I went to the gym this morning.  I heard it helps with the depression.  Like all gyms, my gym has a row of several treadmills and rows of other equipment.  This morning there were four other people in the gym.  I was running on a treadmill, just getting into my groove (at mile 1.26) when a grey bearded hobo wearing a green mountain dew tee shirt and jeans got onto the treadmill right next to me.  Keep in mind that there were many treadmills to choose from, but he had to be right by me. Even though I was running along at a good pace, this man was distracting…

  • No Matter Who Wins, You Lose

    11 Dec 2011 | 6:35 pm
    I've been forced, over the past two years, to watch the unpleasantness that society calls "wrestling".  Unfortunately I am not speaking of professional wrestling.  The wrestling, of which I speak, involves skinny pubescent teens writhing around on one another without any props.  That is right...there are no folding chairs or ropes, no trash cans or barbed wire.  Sadly, when the athletes enter the ring, they do not play music and dim the lights, rather the boys just lumber out there.  Just once I'd like to see a high school wrestler being wheeled into the gym in a…

  • Rose vs. Karl

    11 Dec 2011 | 12:58 am
    In a previous post, entitled " Wheels " I described the horrific experience that was my "graduate program".  In the post I forgot to mention my favorite cohort, Rose.  Rose was an annoying older woman who, for God knows what reason, decided she wanted to get a Masters Degree in secondary math education.  The biggest (of many) problems with Rose's dream to be a qualified math teacher was that she lacked a basic understanding of math concepts.  Even when struggling to add fractions, Rose made it clear that after completing this master's program she was moving on to get her…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    J. Ploober

  • I Hate That Guy

    J. Ploober
    26 Jan 2012 | 9:25 am
    Biology Joke! ~ It could’ve been worse… I could’ve made a pun about being ballsy. Filed under: All Topics, Math...

  • Phantom of the Doodle

    J. Ploober
    23 Jan 2012 | 11:45 am
    Ominous Organ Music! ~ The poor little dude never stood a chance. And all he ever wanted was to be...

  • Super Powers

    J. Ploober
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:52 am
    Super Powers!! ~ It may be the weakest force… but it’s mine to control. Filed under: All Topics, Math &...

  • Big Money

    J. Ploober
    16 Jan 2012 | 8:31 am
    Big Money ~ Don’t patronize me by pretending you’re impressed by my work and are convinced that I make more...

  • A Song of Sand and Spice

    J. Ploober
    11 Jan 2012 | 11:02 am
    A Song of Sand and Spice ~  This one’s dedicated to all the Game of Thrones fans out there. Hopefully,  you’ll also...
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Humourisms.com

  • Video Games Make Me Feel Childish

    Kevin Lockard
    28 Jan 2012 | 4:00 am
    Kevin Lockard is a comedian living in Dublin, Ireland. You can follow him on Twitter at @KevinDollarSign. You can find upcoming shows at KevinLockard.com.

  • LIFE’S TOO LONG – DAY 11

    Guest Contributor
    27 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    Carol Tobin bravely went undercover into a women’s prison to bring us another instalment of Samantha Fox’s diary. Here’s the first entry if you missed it. So I finally got myself a nickname in here, Chip Pan Sam they call me. It’s catchy, I’ll give them that. And apt seeing as I murdered my husband with a chip pan. I learnt the word “Apt” the hard way during a lunchtime scuffle. I won’t go into details as I don’t remember many because rage makes me forgetful. Not that they call me Chip Pan Sam to my face. Because a nickname like that instils fear. And I know…

  • Sopa Not So Good

    Damon Blake
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:00 am
    We’re not even trying with that headline. Sean Sherlock (not Special Agent Dale Cooper) is pushing through this bill that will allow greater control over our internets. People have not been happy on his Facebook page or on the internets.   Please note the first image is from Studentnews.ie and the second from the BBC website, just in case it goes through and we get deported or arrested for using them. Damon Blake is a comedy maker and tea-drinker. He likes comic books and hurting people's feelings.  He's the Uncle Ben to the bitter loners of Humourisms, ie, his death will motivate…

  • Aboriginal Sin

    Guest Contributor
    26 Jan 2012 | 9:00 am
    Today is Australia day, and to celebrate the occasion, Biddy O’Loughlin tells us all why we definitely shouldn’t celebrate the occasion. This Thursday the 26th January, 2012, marks the 224th birthday of colonial Australia. Australia Day commemorates the anniversary of that day in 1788 when Captain James Cook and his fleet of thieves landed in Botany Bay and stole the whole continent. After a couple of hundred years of massacres and the dispossession of land (something you Irish might be familiar with) Australia is now successfully only about two percent indigenous. And we…

  • Dixon Coltrane – Putting the ‘Man’ in Manual Labour

    Jon Hozier-Byrne
    26 Jan 2012 | 3:00 am
    This week, Dixon Coltrane helps a man who needs a man’s advice on being a man’s man. Edited by Jon Hozier-Byrne. Dear Dixon, First off, I kind of feel uncomfortable calling another man “dear”, but that’s convention for you. I’m having a lot of work done at home but, for me, DIY involves pouring my own four fingers of fine, smoky whiskey into a thick bottomed glass. As a result I’ve had a lot of guys round here laying carpet and whatnot.  I’ve been making them tea and keeping the biscuit plate topped up while nodding in bewildered agreement at…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    http://www.dangatorium.com/

  • By Bill Dixon

    26 Jan 2012 | 5:41 pm
    By Bill Dixon

  • Socially Unacceptable, Socially By Carly Yansak We’re all a...

    26 Jan 2012 | 1:26 pm
    Socially Unacceptable, Socially By Carly Yansak We’re all a little sick, aren’t we? There’s a piece inside each of us wanting to see how far we can push things, how many buttons exist before an explosion or how deep a rabbit hole really is. Unfortunately this is not an ideal characteristic of humans. Some of us understand this, others… not so much. Growing up in a state mainly filled with the not so much and then going on to states filled with the some, I’m beginning to discern the appropriate from the inappropriate. The lessons were sometimes hard met and to spare you all from…

  • Her Facebook Drink Status By Bill Dixon The following mass...

    25 Jan 2012 | 4:10 pm
    Her Facebook Drink Status By Bill Dixon The following mass email is disturbing and may offend some readers. For those of you with a low tolerance for self-righteous vanity masquerading as charity, I recommend you stop reading and make your way back to YouTube videos of children being viciously mutilated in trampoline and pogo stick accidents. Mass Email message sent to girls via Facebook Subject: GAME We are playing a game. We want us GIRLS to do something special in Facebook to help gain consciousness of Breast Cancer. Its so easy that I’d like you to join us to make it spread! Last year…

  • The Gif That Keeps On Giving

    24 Jan 2012 | 10:35 pm
    Just received this courtesy of Hyperform.com Took them all of 10 minutes. I don’t know if that’s a good GIF turnaround time but I will claim that it’s a feat that makes the moon landing look like a pedestrian and embarrassing waste of time. Thank you for saving my life. Amazing.

  • Dear GIF Makers, By Bill Dixon I know very little about Gifs...

    24 Jan 2012 | 10:11 pm
    Dear GIF Makers, By Bill Dixon I know very little about Gifs except a superficial understanding that they are generally obnoxious and sometimes funny, so naturally I feel a kinship towards them. I know they make inanimate objects look interesting and animate objects look like assholes.  That being said: I beg of you, GIF people. Second 20 on this clip. Please make a gif of this guy drumming. If you can possibly put it in a youtube video behind over the intro to Guns N’ Roses Welcome To The Jungle, that would be even better. Please submit it and I’ll post it. Please. My life depends on…
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Stiles Files Daily Comedy Monologue

  • Stiles Files for January 26, 2012

    admin
    26 Jan 2012 | 9:20 am
    Wikileaks hero/villain Julian Assange will host a new TV talk show.  The guests are a secret, but he’s promising controversy.  I think he could come up with a more appealing name for the show than, “So You Think You Can Leak.” (The Real Story)    Today’s starlets are looking like classic actresses such as Liz Taylor, Marilyn Monroe and Rita Hayworth.  Experts say it’s timeless over trendy.  Of course, Amy Winehouse most resembles them, because she too is dead. (The Real Story)    East Orange, NJ plans to cut crime by highlighting suspects with a red-beamed spotlight…

  • Stiles Files for January 25, 2012

    admin
    25 Jan 2012 | 12:14 pm
    A reporter compiled a list of the hard compromises and concessions of Obama’s first term based on internal memos.  And it’s still happening.  He had to give up plans to deliver the entire State of the Union address by singing it like Al Green. (The Real Story)    A diver swimming with sharks in the Bahamas had to fight off a shark with his camera.  The shark bit down on his camera instead of his head.  Fortunately the photog was trained for such an incident because he used to be a paparazzo assigned to Sean Penn. (The Real Story)   Aretha Franklin has called off her…

  • Stiles Files for January 24, 2012

    admin
    24 Jan 2012 | 2:59 pm
    A Russian scientist published what he claims is evidence of life on Venus.  Its atmosphere is carbon dioxide, it’s waterless, volcano-riddled and 894 degrees.  Experts say the only life that could survive in that hostile an environment is Newt Gingrich. (The Real Story)    A tour bus carrying country music star Lee Brice caught fire outside a restaurant near Phoenix, forcing he and his crew to flee.  Not since the Judds reunion’s tragic hairspray incident of 2010 has a country music tour bus been so flammable. (The Real Story)     Vanilla Ice’s DIY home improvement show…

  • Stiles Files for January 20, 2012

    admin
    20 Jan 2012 | 9:15 am
    A study lists the odd things people try to put on company expense reports.  They include cosmetic surgery, speeding tickets, hotel porn, a video game console and cigarettes.  The hotel porn was listed as “motivational seminar.” (The Real Store)    Red-green and yellow-blue are so-called “forbidden colors.”  They’re real but can’t be perceived by the human eye.  People know they’re seeing colors, but can’t describe them.  Which is pretty much how the Sgt. Pepper’s album was recorded. (The Real Store)     The State Dept. announced Kareem…

  • Stiles Files for January 19, 2012

    admin
    19 Jan 2012 | 12:32 pm
    Mine-detecting dolphins may be our best way to keep the Strait of Hormuz near Iran open.  When they find a mine, they drop off a floating marker.  Of course it’s hard to do that in secret because they also like to leap out of the water and ring a bell. (The Real Story)    Fake iPad 2s made of modeling clay were recently sold at stores in Vancouver.  The stores responded by trying to sell disappointed customers lap desks so the clay wouldn’t stain their pants during usage. (The Real Story)     Researchers in Egypt found the tomb of an ancient superstar.  A singer for the…
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Joanna Ryde's Not Enough Sex In The City

  • Amazing marketing from Alton Towers

    27 Jan 2012 | 11:21 am
    Anyone who reads the blog regularly will know how much of an Alton Towers fan I am so I’m lovin’ the new Twitter account for their new ride Nemesis Sub-Terra which opens in March. @phalanxcontrol is the fantasy team who are investigatin’ the famous Nemesis monster, the story behind one of their rollercoasters and an amazin’ one it is too. The website for the new ride is at http://www.altontowers.com/nemesis-sub-terra/ Go check it out! Technorati Tags: Alton Towers,Theme Park,Holiday,Travel www.JoannaRyde.com

  • How much is YOUR penis worth?

    25 Jan 2012 | 4:10 pm
    This is gas! A porn star in England has insured his penis! LOL! From Digital Spy British porn star has insured his penis for $1 million (£640,000), it has been revealed. Keiran Lee from Derby, took out the insurance policy with Lloyd's of London earlier this week, reports The Sun. Lee's porn studio Brazzers took out the policy in case the star suffered an injury, he explained, adding that the company would not pay him if he were to lose his penis. "I had to have a medical exam to make sure I was all fit and healthy," Lee said. "I don't plan on losing my penis any time soon.

  • Glee’s Michael Jackson episode

    25 Jan 2012 | 4:04 pm
    Glee’s next episode features the one and only Michael Jackson and some of his songs! Clearly I’m very excited! Technorati Tags: Glee,Michael Jackson,Song,music,TV,Entertainment www.JoannaRyde.com

  • River Sanctuary Holistic Center

    25 Jan 2012 | 3:50 pm
    Our Leanne has a new venture that launches on Friday 3rd of February, the River Sanctuary Holistic Center which is located in Gracedieu in Waterford! They offer all kinds of services includin’ Reflexology, Reiki, Indian Head Massage, Holistic Massages, Hopi Ear Candling, Psychic Readings, Angel and Fairy Card Readings, Rune Readings, Medium, Yoga, Pilates, Mediation, Cooking classes, Motivational Speakers, Retreats, Relaxation Room and much much more so get over to Facebook and like their page and get along to the launch on Friday, February 3rd!

  • Louise Madouveh

    25 Jan 2012 | 3:33 pm
    If you haven’t seen this yet, I advise ya to have a look! Louise Madouveh is a spatula from Dublin who likes to go wild on nights out in the George and say huns a lot! I piss myself laughin’ everytime she puts anything on Facebook! Hopin’ she enters Dragiators season 4! lol! Check out Louise on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=100002267041353 Technorati Tags: Louise Madouveh,funny,comedy,drag,dublin www.JoannaRyde.com
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    Daniel Drummond Harvey

  • Text to BBC Radio Solent

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    26 Jan 2012 | 2:01 pm
    Today I sent a text message to Alex Dyke at BBC Radio Solent: I must confess that I was exaggerating slightly (I don’t have a great aunt Judith), but it was a lot of fun to hear my name on the radio. Clearly, Alex Dyke thought I was “Simply The Best”! (A reference to the song he played for me, by Tina Turner.)

  • A ghost in the church window

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    23 Jan 2012 | 7:10 am
    Last week I sent the photograph above to Philip Solomon, psychic medium to the stars: Dear Philip Solomon, I hope you can help me with a situation which, I’m sure you will agree, is something of a mystery. I work across the road from a church. So that I don’t lose your interest here, let me clarify that this in itself is not the mystery! Many people work across the road from a church and there is nothing mysterious about it. The mystery comes in the paragraph after next. However I urge you to read this paragraph and the next one, just in case they serve as useful background to…

  • Bad sign on the bus

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    17 Jan 2012 | 3:55 pm
    This is the email I sent to Brian Souter and Robert Spiers, CEO and Chairman (respectively) of Stagecoach Group: Dear Brian Souter and Rober Spiers, I am writing to you to complain about the sign in the attached photograph, which I saw this morning on the bus from Kings Worthy to Winchester. (If you don’t know Kings Worthy, it is where Kevin Ashman from the BBC2 quiz programme “Eggheads” recently hosted a pub quiz.) Let me begin by apologising for the poor quality of the photograph. The bus was taking a sharp left into City Road and it was difficult to hold the camera steady…

  • Good news and bad news from Jim Davidson

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    14 Jan 2012 | 11:25 am
    I have always been a big fan of the cockney comedian Jim Davidson. His brand of family-friendly cheeky-chappy humour never fails to make me snigger. I was therefore very excited to read the following news on his website: I suspected that Jim was right, I would love it, so I posted a comment on his blog. Jim kindly responded, although the news wasn’t good: Oh well – you win some, you lose some.

  • Boy looking up a kilt

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    12 Jan 2012 | 1:25 pm
    Here is an amusing photograph of a young boy looking up a Scottish man’s kilt. It is amusing because the boy was probably expecting just to see the man’s pants, but in fact is likely to have seen his exposed genitalia. Of course, it is perfectly possible that the boy had not seen an adult male’s genitalia before, in which case he might have been quite traumatised by the experience. It is always a good idea to ensure a child knows what to expect before he sees an adult male’s genitalia for the first time.
 
  • add this feed to my.Alltop

    It Says What

  • #ThingsWhitePeopleInvented

    It says what
    26 Jan 2012 | 4:31 pm
    Low blow man..  Ironic? I think so. I Agree. The potato chip is the most important invention of all time.  Actually racism dates back to 4.4 million BC... and it had nothing to do with race (size actually).

  • Robbers

    It says what
    25 Jan 2012 | 6:56 pm
    Not cool Mcy D's... I still like your selects though.

  • Major Schawggg

    It says what
    24 Jan 2012 | 9:58 pm
    ...He calls it swag No comment..

  • Blasian

    It says what
    24 Jan 2012 | 5:13 pm
    I sure hope so because the resulting child that would ensue would be an athletic genius. Just imagine that, a black asian (blasian). The smarts of an asian and the athleticism of a black person.

  • Dyslexia

    It says what
    24 Jan 2012 | 5:10 pm
    Jsut wtire wtih all yuor lteters jlmbued lkie tihs. Or you can ask to see a doctor.
Log in