Humor

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    The Bloggess

  • This is how my whole life goes

    Jenny the bloggess
    8 Feb 2010 | 2:53 pm
    This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to be on twitter: PS.  My friend MariaMelee is truly amazing and her roach spray review was like the Iliad of roach spray reviews.   She’s awesome.  I’m going to go to bed now.

  • It’s been a very long week.

    Jenny the bloggess
    7 Feb 2010 | 11:41 am
    It’s Sunday which means it’s time for my weekly wrap-up: This week on Ask the Bloggess: Sexomnia:  No one’s falling for it, asshole. I was on a lot of drugs when I wrote this but it’s still vaguely valid. This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche canoe): How Nina Hartley became my new best friend. This week on the internets: I was on twitter too much. This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle: My daughter, the scientist Buckle up, buttercup. This week…

  • RIP, Aunt Ollene

    Jenny the bloggess
    5 Feb 2010 | 1:04 pm
    My sister, Lisa, just called to tell me that our great aunt Ollene just died and we decided to go in together on a flower arrangement and so I ordered it online from the florist across the street from the funeral home and it was very nice because their website basically pre-populates all the funeral home info since that’s where they do most of their business but then the end of the form left me a little baffled: Huh.  Do I want you to remind me of my dead aunt’s death again next year?  Well, of course I do. Why wouldn’t I want you to bring up this painful event with an…

  • It’s like they’re just doing it on purpose now.

    Jenny the bloggess
    5 Feb 2010 | 7:23 am
    Remember a few weeks ago when I fell into a shitstorm because of Dr. Pepper and then the next week the questionable Dr. Pepper was missing and instead that shelf was covered in Bawls? I just got back from Target.  The bawls have been removed.  They’ve been replaced with nuts. I couldn't even make this shit up, y'all. Honestly, it’s like the magical shelf of things-to-make-Jenny-suspect-she’s-being-videotaped. And I actually went and looked for the Bawls since so many people said I should try them but I couldn’t find them anywhere and when the clerk asked me…

  • Also, I invented gravity.

    Jenny the bloggess
    2 Feb 2010 | 11:16 am
    People that I’m suing this week: 1. My 10-year-old niece, Gabi 2. The creators of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” 3. Natalie Dee Why?  Remember back in January of 2009 when I invented kitten-mittens? Remember? And you said it was awesome? Fuck. Hang on. Here’s a snippet of the post to jog your memory: …I also came up with another idea to re-purpose used breast-pumps to suck dead kittens inside out because then…TA DA!…fur-lined mittens for homeless people. I told my friend Kregg about it and he was all “That’s…weird” and I’m all “It’s…
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    Stuff White People Like

  • #131 Conan O’Brien

    clander
    13 Jan 2010 | 12:28 pm
    The recent news that Conan O’Brien will be replaced by Jay Leno has caused white people to erupt with rage and hostility. You might even expect them to lash out and do something about it like take to the streets or write a letter to NBC to voice their dissatisfaction with the network. But no, white people will solve this problem the way that they solved the election crisis in Iran – through Facebook and Twitter status updates. In 2009, millions of white people took 35 seconds to turn their twitter profiles green, and consequently sent a very powerful message to the leaders of Iran.

  • #130 Ray-Ban Wayfarers

    clander
    22 Dec 2009 | 3:03 pm
    White people can do powerful things with their eyes: casting judgment, indicating scorn, and obnoxiously rolling them when someone says something they don’t agree with. Yet in spite of these powers, they are not immune to the dangers of the sun. So white people must wear sunglasses. But what may surprise you is that while white people will spend upwards of three months finding a perfect pair of unique prescription glasses, they have no such requirement for sunglasses. Right now, all white people are either wearing or coveting a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. These sunglasses are…

  • Stuff White People Like Book Available in UK Today, author to talk at LSE on October 22nd.

    clander
    5 Oct 2009 | 1:55 pm
    Hardie Grant UK has just released Stuff White People Like: The Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions in the UK on Monday 5th October (Retail price £7.99).  It is available from Waterstones, Borders and at Amazon.co.uk. Also, Stuff White People Like author Christian Lander will be giving at talk at the London School of Economics Title: STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE – How to find social success with the urban-dwelling middle classes Date and Time:  Thursday 22nd October, 6.30pm Location: Sheikh Zayed Theatre, New Academic Building, LSE, 54 Lincoln’s Inn Fields, London WC2…

  • #129 Banksy

    clander
    4 Oct 2009 | 8:06 pm
    Keeping up with art is hard; trips to galleries, enormous books, and costly bi-annual magazines are just a few of the many expenses you will incur during the process of attempting to stay current with art. While the challenge and difficult of this proposition would seem to actually attract more white people than dissuade them, the amount of work required to become and remain an expert on art is simply too much for the majority of white people. Of course there are exceptions such as the people who have invested both their money and their lives into the appreciation of art: people with Art…

  • #128 Camping

    clander
    14 Aug 2009 | 2:13 pm
    If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.” When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth. In theory camping…
 
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    Stuff Rich People Love

  • #82 – Going To Harvard

    Chas Underwood III
    31 Jan 2010 | 10:08 pm
    Going To Harvard Price: Developing a “Yahd” Accent There is nothing rich people value more than higher education, right after money, jewelry and status. In most American households, the dream is to send at least one child to college. For the rich, they know that their children are destined for Ivy League institutions and for many, only [...]

  • #81 – Being Aghast

    Chas Underwood III
    17 Jan 2010 | 10:08 pm
    Being Aghast Price: Insufferable Indignation Everyone knows that the world is full of tidbits that are surprising and unusual. Most of these fall under the category of things that you would never do; these include wearing a t-shirt to a job interview emblazoned with the slogan “You don’t buy beer, you rent it”, streaking and tattooing one’s face. When [...]

  • #80 – Rare Books

    Chas Underwood III
    3 Jan 2010 | 10:08 pm
    Rare Books Price: Disdain For Big Bookstores James Bryce, nineteenth century British politician, diplomat and historian, said “The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it.” Bryce was referring to knowledge, ideas and imagination. These are all well and good if you are a card-carrying member of the public [...]

  • #79 – Black Credit Cards

    Chas Underwood III
    30 Dec 2009 | 10:08 pm
    Black Credit Cards Price: Compulsive Spending Every month Americans buy a few thousand dollars worth of toys ranging from plasma TVs to designer handbags. These are important to the average person because they symbolize another step towards achieving their five year plan one luxury item at a time. Thanks to the magic of financing and low APRs, [...]

  • #78 – Opera

    Chas Underwood III
    29 Dec 2009 | 8:35 am
    Opera Price: Miniature Binoculars Does being confined to a chair in a dark room, unable to eat, drink or speak while angry people berate you in a language you do not understand sound like an ideal night out? For most, this sounds like the worst vacation ever and one reason that visiting Afghanistan, Venezuela and Guantanamo Bay [...]
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    Craftastrophe

  • Itchin’ Knittin’

    Karen Sugarpants
    9 Feb 2010 | 5:00 am
    There are 15 more pictures where this came from…and not all of them are pretty. In fact, most of them make me want to run into a fire. Prepare to be REALLY itchy. Thanks Sara! Subscribe to the comments for this post? Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Share this on Facebook Share this on Linkedin Add this to Google Bookmarks Share this on FriendFeed Share this on del.icio.us Buzz up! Submit this to Script & Style Share this on Blinklist Digg this! Share this on Technorati Share this on Mixx Share this on Tipd Post this to MySpace…

  • Bored at Work? Dead Fly Art Will Keep You Busy!

    Karen Sugarpants
    8 Feb 2010 | 7:35 am
    1. Kill a few flies. 2. Put them in the sun to dry for one hour. 3. Once they are dry, pick a pencil and paper… Let your imagination flow. Here are a few examples… Thanks Nicole! Subscribe to the comments for this post? Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Share this on Facebook Share this on Linkedin Add this to Google Bookmarks Share this on FriendFeed Share this on del.icio.us Buzz up! Submit this to Script & Style Share this on Blinklist Digg this! Share this on Technorati Share this on Mixx Share this on Tipd Post this to…

  • I Don’t Even Know What a Hair Stick Is. But These Are Frackin’ Weird.

    Karen Sugarpants
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:00 am
    Thanks Maegan! {source} Subscribe to the comments for this post? Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Share this on Facebook Share this on Linkedin Add this to Google Bookmarks Share this on FriendFeed Share this on del.icio.us Buzz up! Submit this to Script & Style Share this on Blinklist Digg this! Share this on Technorati Share this on Mixx Share this on Tipd Post this to MySpace Submit this to Netvibes Seed this on Newsvine Some more like this one:I Love (Silence of the) LampIt Takes A Certain Brand of Teh Crazy

  • If You Like It Then You Shoulda Put a Trek On It

    Karen Sugarpants
    7 Feb 2010 | 1:22 pm
    Beam me upskirt…and Kiss Me: Thanks YooperGal! {source} Subscribe to the comments for this post? Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Share this on Facebook Share this on Linkedin Add this to Google Bookmarks Share this on FriendFeed Share this on del.icio.us Buzz up! Submit this to Script & Style Share this on Blinklist Digg this! Share this on Technorati Share this on Mixx Share this on Tipd Post this to MySpace Submit this to Netvibes Seed this on Newsvine Some more like this one:What ARE You Growing In That Garden?Christmas Vests:…

  • Alfred Hitchcock Approves This Message

    Karen Sugarpants
    4 Feb 2010 | 4:24 am
    Blackbird sing in the dead of niiiiiiight…. Now I’m going to have that Blackbird song in my head all day. Bonus crazy bluebird: It kind of looks like it’s attacking her. Evil! EVIL! Now if you don’t think these will make you look like enough of a wingnut, you can also purchase a “caviar necklace.” Except the caviar are CostCo-sized. Thanks Judith! {source} Subscribe to the comments for this post? Stumble upon something good? Share it on StumbleUpon Tweet This! Share this on Reddit Share this on Facebook Share this on Linkedin Add this to Google Bookmarks…
 
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    @TremendousNews!

  • Meet The 5 People Who Will Ruin Twitter.

    Tremendous
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:59 am
    The movie Avatar is about a planet of people attacked by a much stronger force. They have to battle back, these underdogs, to protect their land. If you’re reading this, you come from another planet too. The devastatingly nerdy world of Twitter. Don’t fight it. Don’t fight it. Embrace your nerdy body. Your world is under attack too. Today, I will show you the enemy.  The people that you’ll see on Twitter pumping their tiny fingers and expelling tweets that could soon signal the end-times. And after months, maybe a year, if Twitter dies, you’ll know why.

  • 5 Things To Say To Be The Biggest Douchebag At Your Super Bowl Party.

    Tremendous
    1 Feb 2010 | 9:32 am
    As the Super Bowl quickly approaches, here’s our hero Super Douche teaching you what to say to ruin anyone’s party. Follow me on twitter here.

  • 5 Steps To Becoming A Social Media Douchebag.

    Tremendous
    29 Jan 2010 | 9:45 am
    This is my attempt at talking-movies, or talkies as they say nowadays.  Learn from social media guru cowboy maverick expert as he teaches you how to be a complete douchebag in five easy steps. Connect with my super hot package on Twitter here. On Facebook here. dee@tremendousnews.com

  • The 5 Things You’re Jealous Of On Twitter.

    Tremendous
    27 Jan 2010 | 9:56 am
    This is me cry-dancing to the Ting Tings. You think I’m strong. That’s why you come here. Like a hungry seal pup, you come to nurse from the teat of my intellect.  Yearning for more. Ha! Teat. But I’m not strong sometimes.  Sometimes, I’m weak. Sometimes I cry. I’m a real human boy with real human emoticons. I get jealous. I know many of you manly-men are parading around in your capris pants saying Ha! You’re like a little girl, jealous.  I never get jealous.  Go fix your ovaries. And that may be true. There could be some of you reading this that truly…

  • 5 Terms Social Media Douchebags Need To Stop Using.

    Tremendous
    25 Jan 2010 | 8:58 am
    "Don't worry people. Don't worry. Our 'social media guru' is on it." I’m not done with the douchebags. After I wrote the 5 Signs You’re Talking To A Social Media Douchebag, I was met with heavy feedback. Social media douchebags used social media to attack me. Damn it. Should’ve seen that one coming. They called me pretentious.  Said “I didn’t get it”.  Made remarks to their thousands of spambot followers who they got using auto-follow scripts. Tremendous News is out of touch, @teethWhitenerPro2010.  I hate him. Hilarious. But I…
 
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    There, I Fixed It

  • Hulk’s Lesser Known Cousin, Haul

    lorenichc
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:00 am
    Submitted by: Mad via Submit a Kludge!

  • Clever Painter Now Has Steady Employment

    lorenichc
    9 Feb 2010 | 5:00 am
    Submitted by: dunno source via Submit a Kludge!

  • Eating All Those Popsicles Paid Off

    lorenichc
    8 Feb 2010 | 12:00 pm
    Submitted by: psplover75 via Submit a Kludge! Favorite Comment: Fixer kcwc says, “The parental conundrum: There’s no way I’m letting my kid anywhere near this thing, yet I am longing to get on it myself.”

  • Chair Gets Involved With Volunteer Work

    lorenichc
    8 Feb 2010 | 9:00 am
    Submitted by: dunno source via Submit a Kludge! Either that, or Extreme Cheerleading Tryouts went worse than expected… -Ms. Fix-It Favorite Comment: Fixer slapchop says, “The plastic lawn furniture seat says it’s unpretentious, the mountain bike tires say it’s got that rugged, go-anywhere attitude. (actually it looks like a great idea, traditional wheelchairs are expensive.)” But in all seriousness Fixers, thanks to everyone who pointed out the website where you can see how these charitable chairs are helping the disabled in third world countries.

  • Now We Know How Tom Got A Porsche

    lorenichc
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:00 am
    Submitted by: Ragnar via Submit a Kludge! Favorite Comment: Fixer koobaxion says, “I can’t help but notice the sign’s ominous “Ding” “Dong”. You would assume it was a doorbell. That’s what they all assumed.”
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    Pointless Banter

  • Donk’s 50 Favorite Albums of the Decade Part 2: 25-1

    donkeysosa
    5 Feb 2010 | 4:37 am
    Well, I was waiting to publish this until I had time to finish it up with my commentary, but it’s becoming apparent that I’m just not going to find the time bitches, so without further ado, here are my top 25 albums, sans commentary. 25. Lamb of God – As the Palaces Burn (2003) 24. Radiohead – In Rainbows (2008) 23. Keane – Under the Iron Sea (2006) 22. Katatonia – The Great Cold Distance (2006) 21. The Faint – Danse Macabre (2001) 20. Coldplay – Viva La Vida (2008) 19. VAST – Nude (2004) 18. The Shins – Wincing the Night Away (2007)…

  • WTF Is The Deal With Ke$ha?

    Fred Palowakski
    3 Feb 2010 | 10:00 pm
    It has been written here before that today’s pseudo-entertainers are always screwing with our minds about who these people really are. I recall reading something similar about Katy Perry perhaps a year ago and I figured the question had to be asked once more because every time I hear this particular retard, my mind goes in several thousand directions like I’m trying to pass a final exam in both organic chemistry and strip club technology at the same time. “Ladies and gentlemen…put your hands together for the lovely and talented…Kesha…” No, really. I…

  • Fearless Prediction For The Cast of Teen Mom

    Bobby Finstock
    3 Feb 2010 | 5:47 am
    Along with Jersey Shore MTV scored another breakout hit with their show “Teen Mom” which depicts the lives of four girls from their series “16 and Pregnant”. Allegedly the show is supposed to turn teens off from getting knocked up but when they think they might be able to score a reality TV show deal out of it… well I think it kind of defeats the purpose. (Also it doesn’t hurt that the website has huge baby picture galleries and writes about their stories in such a positive light). Last night they held the reunion show, which I saved on my DVR. (BTW, saw like four minutes of it.

  • Five Things The Grammy’s Could Lose

    Fred Palowakski
    1 Feb 2010 | 9:30 pm
    Is this her "O" face? Awesome. We all know what awards shows are. They’re a way for the entertainment industry to essentially remove ribs from each other so that after the general population is done blowing them, they can fold themselves over like garment bags and hum on their own parts. Well, that and it gives those red carpet fucks jobs for a night or two of the year. I’ll admit that for the first time in years I actually stooped to watch this happy horse shit called “The Grammy’s”. I mean, for all intents and purposes, the music industry today sucks…

  • 2010 Grammy Awards Worst Dressed

    Bobby Finstock
    1 Feb 2010 | 5:12 am
    Award show season is upon and per tradition I will drop my fashion reviews of the best and worst dressed at the Grammy awards. The problem with the Grammy awards though is that it lends itself to an epic shit ton of people who can’t dress versus that can, so why kid myself by saying best and worst dressed? So I think I have one best dressed. As usual I didn’t actually watch the award show because the Grammy suck except for like one or two performances which I can just watch online the next day. Also I have to issue my disclaimer for this: I am a straight male that can’t…
 
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    Free-Ass. Press

  • Toyota Recalls Indianapolis Colts; Cites Faulty Hand Controls on Baskett Model

    Free-Ass. Press
    9 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    Posted: As a fan of the team that is apparently pro-hurricane SOUTH FLORIDA -- In yet another troublesome recall for the world's No. 1 automaker, Toyota announced today it plans to recall the entire Indianapolis Colts football team for a series of faulty mechanisms that normally work perfectly but fall apart unexpectedly and without any good explanation. "We want to be clear that we are not recalling the entire team," said Toyota USA spokesperson Donna Nicaragua. "We are only recalling the special teams, who have faulty hand controls, especially when driving short distances, notably 10 yards…

  • CBS Shelves Plans to Air Super Bowl XLIV

    Free-Ass. Press
    4 Feb 2010 | 3:29 am
    Posted: On the bulletin board at Charlie Sheen's wife's not-rehab rehab in North Carolina SOUTH FLORIDA (THE PLACE REGULAR PEOPLE CALL "MIAMI") -- In a surprise announcement today, the CBS television network revealed its plan to switch up their Super Bowl Sunday programming to appeal to an older, hipless (oops, that should read "less hip" -- Ed.), more geriatrically inclined demographic. "The bottom line is that we've already seen 43 Super Bowls and need something fresh," said CBS President and CEO Les Moonves. "However, CBS does not plan to abandon its sports demographic and remains…

  • This Day In Free-Ass. History

    Free-Ass. Press
    2 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    The Free-Ass. Editorial Bored is on it's way to cover the Super Bowl. Please enjoy this previously-owned, certified story from our sordid past. Sorry if the gas pedal sticks.MICHAEL PHELPS SMOKES SUPER BOWLPosted: During the munchies.TAMPA BAY -- In another display of Olympic-sized stupidity, Michael Phelps was discovered smoking pot -- again. Only this time, he smoked the Super Bowl.Phelps was found sucking moist, fragrant, pot-filled smoke through a tube connected to an outside wall of the Raymond James Stadium in Tampa Bay Sunday night.When asked for comment, Phelps said, "I haven't been…

  • Apple Unveils "iPad;" The World's First Electronic Panty Liner

    Free-Ass. Press
    27 Jan 2010 | 2:24 pm
    Posted: By the bright people at MENSES ...SAN FRANCISCO -- In a stunning new announcement, Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs has unveiled the latest device that is expected to revolutionize the personal electronics and hygiene markets."Women all over the world have been writing to us for years requesting one," said Jobs who wore his Wednesday jeans and black turtleneck that accentuated both his thinness and that of the device. "I have yet to find a woman who uses a panty liner and doesn't wish she could also check her e-mail on it."In addition to e-mail, photos, video, music, odor protection, chat…

  • State of the Union Pre-Ass. View

    Free-Ass. Press
    26 Jan 2010 | 3:00 am
    Text from one of George W. Bush's final speeches before leaving office last year Posted: On a teleprompter which the fine folks at Fox News never, ever use because they're really smart WASHINGTON -- Tomorrow night marks President Obama's second State of the Union address since his term began on Jan. 20, 2009. The Free-Ass. Press has obtained a working draft of the script that will be loaded on to a teleprompter to give Glenn Beck groupies and historical revisionists more fodder for making the case that Obama (magna cum laude, Harvard Law '91) is somehow an idiot for not having memorized a…
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    Special Kind of Stupid

  • Unsent: December 9, 1996 (Alternate title: “The one with all the chicken salad references”)

    kev
    8 Feb 2010 | 1:54 pm
    To read the origin behind the Unsent series of blog posts, go here. Dear Penny, How’s it going? Do you think you did well on that English final? It was pretty tough, huh? Thankfully, whatever my paper lacked in clarity it made up for in redundancy. This is Kevin, by the way. Yes, the one from English class. And yes, the same Kevin who always orders grilled chicken salad sandwiches from the cafeteria. Do you make those sandwiches, or do you just serve them? Because if it’s the former, I am really going to regret not sending you this letter sooner. I know you liked me. And this…

  • Unsent: The birth of a great/lazy idea

    kev
    4 Feb 2010 | 1:49 pm
    Having a good idea for a new series of posts when you’re the owner of the Val Kilmer of blogs (i.e. used to be popular, many moons ago) is an odd predicament. Do I go ahead with my idea or, like Kilmer, do I fall off the face of the earth and eat my weight in cake frosting? Decisions, decisions. I’m sure the idea isn’t original, if for no other reason than the fact I got it, of all places, from an Alanis Morisette song. Alanis, around the time she (and Val Kilmer, for that matter) was popular, had a song named “Unsent.” It was, arguably, the laziest written song…

  • Why isn’t Kermit the Frog nominated for an Oscar?

    kev
    2 Feb 2010 | 2:48 pm
    I’m conflicted. I enjoy movies, but I loathe movie stars. Their vanity is only surpassed by their arrogance, which is only surpassed by their delusions of grandeur. And yes, I realize all three of those things are related. Seriously, if every movie starred the cast of The Muppets, I’d probably be okay with it. Muppets don’t have egos. Muppets don’t talk down to the general public and tell them who they should vote for in elections. Muppets recognize their roles in this universe. They’re props. Plus, it’s hard to have an ego when a puppeteer has their hand…

  • The Return of Live Blogging

    kev
    1 Feb 2010 | 9:02 am
    A long, long time ago (Translation: Last March) in a galaxy far, far away (Translation: Here), I wrote a series of posts I categorized as Live Blogging. What’s that, you ask? I defined it as “blogging meets live chatting, except I’m only chatting with myself.” It was, in a word, awesometastic. But alas, it has been nearly a year since I’ve written a live blog. What happened? Well, inspiration has been a tricky thing. Does the fact I’m about to resurrect live blogging mean my inspiration has returned? Well, no. I’m just gonna wing it. You’re welcome,…

  • The rat and the glow of awesomeness: A true story

    kev
    26 Jan 2010 | 9:25 am
    For those who regularly read my blog, I have to imagine yesterday’s post was a pretty big letdown. “I’ve been waiting almost a week for him to write this,” you probably thought to yourselves while weeping softly into a pillow. I know. I feel your pain. Last night, I reread what I had written and was practically bored to tears by its awfulness. Seriously, if this site were The Beatles, yesterday’s post would be a song Ringo had scribbled down on a napkin. If this site was Johnny Depp’s career and you all were adoring fans, yesterday’s post was like…
 
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    Lolcats 'n' Funny Pictures of Cats - I Can Has Cheezburger?

  • pumpin iron:

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:00 am
    pumpin iron: ur doin it wrong but i needz to keep mah rezolushun Picture by: dunno source Caption by: msmith3492 via Our LOL Builder » Recaption This! » View All Captions

  • Dont be so surprised. She’s

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:00 am
    Dont be so surprised. She’s got thumbs and knows where the gusshy fud is. Also I kind of like her. mabee moar dan kinda Picture by: dunno source Caption by: tovha via Advanced Lol Builder » Recaption This! » View All Captions

  • Scooter vaguely remember a

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    Scooter vaguely remember a voice saying, “we can rebuild him, we have the technology…if not the budget…” teh robot. ur doin it rong Picture by: Iwan Nieuwland Caption by: oneforsorrow13 via Advanced Lol Builder » Recaption This! » View All Captions

  • teh gun show.

    Cheezburger Network
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:00 pm
    teh gun show. I winned it. Picture by: Steve Caption by: dasmudge via Our LOL Builder » Recaption This! » View All Captions

  • ‘”Whatacutiepiekittahbooboo”

    Cheezburger Network
    8 Feb 2010 | 3:00 pm
    ‘”Whatacutiepiekittahbooboo” is not a word in English language mebbe try nother langwage? Picture by: dunno source Caption by: momofzoo via Our LOL Builder » Recaption This! » View All Captions
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    Bill Scheft: ABlog the Author

  • Loyal commenter Cathy Armstrong sent along....

    5 Feb 2010 | 11:51 am
    …me and some of the Louisville Readers during happier times before my gig in Wabash, Indiana last August. (As you can see, not only did I pay for the meal at the mexican restaurant, I gave dancing lessons…)

  • Having just gone through 6 solid days of VirusFest 2010....

    3 Feb 2010 | 9:52 pm
    ….on my computer, ending with my hard drive wiped clean, tonight’s survey:Mac or PC? 

  • (sing) Paperback co-ver, Paperback co-ver....

    30 Jan 2010 | 9:51 am
    It’ll be out April 2. As you can see, Janet Maslin’s blurb gets slotted up front, and Larry David becomes first man off the bench. I’m pleased. My goal: Sell 5,000 units and score that first royalty check for (wait for it…) $2.25. 

  • For you fans of padding....

    29 Jan 2010 | 5:53 pm
    …the folks at CNN liked my Salinger post, but needed it to be twice as long to post on their AC360 opinion blog. Luckily, I found some stuff in the storeroom…. (nice pop for EVERYTHING HURTS at the end) 

  • Given the news at 1:07 pm today, this is applicable....

    28 Jan 2010 | 11:06 am
    “I wasn’t watching the game too much. What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of goodbye.” So spaketh Holden Caulfield as he stood on a hill before he left Pencey Prep and set out to become the greatest literary anti-hero of the 20th Century. I am a cliche. A lost boy born just after Eisenhower had triumphed a second time over creeping intellectualism. I read “The Catcher in the Rye” for the first time when I was 12, the second when I was 15, the third when I was 18, the fourth when I was 22 and on the train to New Haven to cover my last Harvard hockey…
 
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    Punchline

  • Isaac Witty: Zero Balance

    John Delery
    3 Feb 2010 | 5:37 pm
    With a name like Isaac Witty, you’d have, no, you’d better be funny, especially when telling not one, not two, but three consecutive cell phone jokes, the 21st century equivalent of the 20th century stand-up standby: the airline-food lament. It sounds like an improbable way to hook a likely cell-absorbed crowd, but Witty (his given name, [...]

  • Sarah Silverman Program: Season 3

    Dylan P. Gadino
    2 Feb 2010 | 7:35 pm
    For its first two seasons, The Sarah Silverman Program did a fine job of turning Sarah Silverman’s demented onstage material into an even more demented weekly series for Comedy Central. Judging by the first two episodes of season three, thankfully, very little – in the way of style and theme – has changed. If anything, this [...]

  • Steve Agee: Comedian for all seasons

    Rob Turbovsky
    1 Feb 2010 | 8:56 pm
    Just days away from the premiere of the third season of the Sarah Silverman Program, Steve Agee — one half of the most dynamic gay couple on television — gets deep about reality television, Twitter and his dramatic shift in the popular Comedy Central series. Steve Agee is best known as half of the gay couple [...]

  • Arj Barker: LYAO

    Reid Faylor
    21 Jan 2010 | 8:08 pm
    While listening to LYAO, the new album from Arj Barker, it was hard for me to keep track of how often I found myself doubled over in laughter, hands on my head, shouting, “It’s so stupid!” Yet, to me, this is one of the best signs of great comedy: jokes that are so ludicrous that [...]

  • Gabriel Iglesias: No labels, just funny

    Emma Kat Richardson
    21 Jan 2010 | 12:29 pm
    One of the most widely recognized and biggest selling comedians of our day, Gabriel Iglesias keeps things simple, funny and mostly clean. With a new DVD in stores now and plans to record a new special this year, the road horse comic shows no signs of resting on his success. Gabriel Iglesias wants you to know [...]
 
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    Predator Press

  • Predator Press Interviews: Mark A. Rayner

    LOBO
    7 Feb 2010 | 4:16 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] My devious plot to kill all the good authors so I can get a book deal has suffered a temporary setback: Mark A. Rayner, author of Marvellous Hairy, has been anything but forthright in regards to his actual location, and -mislead by some sophisticated and formidable call-tracing countermeasures- I'm forced to conduct this interview from a payphone in Wyoming. -And let me tell you pal, getting into a phone booth in a ghillie suit made of almond tree branches is no picnic. LOBO: Mark, you've obviously chosen to try and make monkeys, you know, cool again -like back when "BJ…

  • Zero

    LOBO
    4 Feb 2010 | 10:52 am
    Predator Press [LOBO] “Why is it so cold in here?” I demand. “Jesus this pillow is mushy. And for what we paid, I thought this mattress would stay springy longer! Could we possibly find an alarm clock even more difficult to turn off? This coffee tastes like hibachied cat crap ... !” “Mom,” asks Screechy. “Why does Dad always wake up like this?” “He hasn’t been able to complain for about eight hours,” Terri explains. “He’s achieving equilibrium.”

  • A Mind is a Terrible Thing

    LOBO
    3 Feb 2010 | 6:40 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] For all of you who were wondering, my High School Reunion went fine. Well 'fine' if you include the fact I accidentally let it slip I thought Missus Abbernapple was a "volatile and soulless hippopotamus-toed unfuckable bloated life-sucking hairy totalitarian lizard-bitch, that should die right there in those worn-thin and stinky pastel faux-lesbian flip-flops." I swear to God I thought Missus Abbernapple was a faux-lesbian! That chick is a full-on lesbian, and the ACLU is pissed. So please subscribe to Predator Press at Kindle. -My bail is currently set at $20,000.

  • A Good, Dead Hittite

    LOBO
    31 Jan 2010 | 4:04 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] My therapist says volunteering time to teach orphans how to shoplift is a poor way to deal with the guilt of being a true, full-time vehement racist. And based on my carefully-cultivated image, I'll bet you never would have guessed that. But there it is. I hate Hittites. I hate them with a purple, venomous passion. See, the Hittite kingdom is conventionally divided into three periods: the Old Hittite Kingdom (ca. 1750-1500 BC), the Middle Hittite Kingdom (ca. 1500-1430 BC) and the New Hittite Kingdom (the Hittite Empire proper, ca. 1430-1180 BC). And I freakin hate all…

  • The Odyssey

    LOBO
    28 Jan 2010 | 2:29 pm
    -as retold by Predator Press. [LOBO] othing deepens bonds like a family vacation. “Hey baby,” I says into the cellphone. ”Where are you?” Terri crackles over the tiny speaker. “Wyoming, I think.” I look around for visual clues. While it’s definitely flat wide-open sprawl, there is an ever-diminishing hint of green, and a subtle rise in the highway. “Maybe Nebraska,” I concede, cutting the engine. "Are you guys bonding yet?" "You wouldn't believe it," says Terri. I open the car door, and the initial stretching is simultaneously painful and strangely gratifying -but all this…
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    Funny Or Die

  • Dark Moon

    Brandon T Jackson
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:32 pm
    Dark Moon 3:12 Love is complicated when you're an overly sensitive vampire in love. Submitted by: Brandon T Jackson Chosen One Keywords: Brandon T. Jackson Eve Ben Lyons Twilight Vampires Morrissey E E Entertainment Television rapper new moon twilight series true blood vamps vampers emo sad emotional feelings Views: 3,045

  • BANNED GoDaddy Super Bowl Ad

    themidnightshow
    7 Feb 2010 | 4:04 pm
    BANNED GoDaddy Super Bowl Ad 2:01 From The Midnight Show. Featuring Dana DeArmond (theinternetsgirlfriend.com) Watch the uncensored version here: http://www.break.com/usercontent/2010/2/8/banned-go-daddy-super-bowl-ad-1729749 Submitted by: themidnightshow Kinda Cute Keywords: go daddy super bowl commercials ads sexy parody porn vagina Views: 12,530

  • HIGH-FIVE SUPER BOWL!

    AlmostTwins
    5 Feb 2010 | 3:16 am
    HIGH-FIVE SUPER BOWL! 3:29 The Montage hit Miami for the Big Game! Submitted by: AlmostTwins Immortal Keywords: high five high fives montage almost twins super bowl superbowl miami colts saints football pamela anderson kim kardashian jordin sparks david archuleta peyton manning drew brees commerical chad ochocinco nfl don johnson wade phil Views: 234,849

  • Toyota Spokesperson: Don't Panic!

    Fod Team
    4 Feb 2010 | 9:08 pm
    Toyota Spokesperson: Don't Panic! 2:16 Toyota is working hard to fix their cars now that they're recalling most of them. Submitted by: Fod Team Kinda Cute Keywords: Toyota recall nicole lauren funnyordie green screen prius lexus hybrid brake gas pedal stuck brakes pump Views: 14,559

  • Fail Boat

    thathappened
    3 Feb 2010 | 5:32 pm
    Fail Boat 1:10 Be sure to leave a note on that building you destroyed Submitted by: thathappened Kinda Cute Keywords: fail boat failed cruise cruiseship oceanliner ocean trip vacation crash accident pwn pwned own ownage owned Views: 1,489
 
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    Jokers Joke

  • Stephen Colbert's Grammy Awards Opening Speech

    1 Feb 2010 | 6:00 pm
    Here is Stephen Colbert's opening speech at the 2010 Grammy awards. He was pretty good despite the tough crowd. Take a look: Permalink | Our News Feeds

  • College Humor Explains Why iPad is Comedy Gold

    1 Feb 2010 | 3:00 pm
    College Humor thinks the iPad is pure comedy gold. Some of the many iPad jokes have included the iPad Nano, Hitler rants and, of course, comparison to feminine hygiene products. Permalink | Our News Feeds

  • Hitler Learns About the iPad

    29 Jan 2010 | 12:00 pm
    Hitler learns that the iPad device he was so excited does not have Flash, can't multitask, doesn't have a camera and fails on several other levels. Take a look: Permalink | Our News Feeds

  • Ricky Gervais Hosts Golden Globes

    18 Jan 2010 | 12:00 pm
    Comedian Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes last night. A-list stars could not escape his jokes. In one joke he mocked Angelina Jolie. Gervais said, "Actors aren't just loved here in Hollywood, they're loved the world over because they're recognizable. You can be a little child, a little Asian child, with no possessions, no money - but you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think, 'Mummy!'" Here are a couple highlight clips. You can see more Golden Globes highlights here. Permalink | Our News Feeds

  • Song: My Mom's On Facebook

    12 Dec 2009 | 1:22 pm
    Parents joining Facebook has sent teens flocking to other social networks. The Outside Joke points out some of the problems with mothers joining Facebook in this song, "My Mom's On Facebook." Take a look: Permalink | Our News Feeds
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    the Ominous Comma

  • Happy Anniversary Ominous Comma

    Brent
    5 Feb 2010 | 9:35 pm
    So it’s Friday and I’m in love. I’m also coming to the end of a full week brain-racking, trying to think of a good way to celebrate the third anniversary of this blog. Without much of anything you’d call success. After my first year on this site I presented a blog of the state address, complete with pictures, so that infants, lesser primates, and personal injury attorneys could join in the fun. After my second year at the Comma, in a feat of overconfidence I continue to regret, I resurrected Doctor Harold Toboggans – psychiatrist, windbag, professional arroganaut.

  • Toboggans Strikes Again!

    Brent
    26 Jan 2010 | 12:05 pm
    After only the briefest pause, my personal nemesis Doctor Harold Toboggans is back on the offensive with his misguided video series, Mind Over Memphis. This time in his sites: Church Health Center Wellness. Click here to view the embedded video. Church Health Center Wellness Trailer If you’re wondering what kind of man could find fault with a not-for-profit fitness/nutrition/health education facility like Church Health Center Wellness, then you don’t know Dr. Toboggans . With him, good intentions are not an excuse. They’re evidence. Tune in February 15th to see what fresh…

  • The Assignment

    Brent
    21 Jan 2010 | 9:51 am
    One day some the members of Jesus’ inner circle came to him with a question about judgment. Trying to get their theology straight, they pointed out a man blind from birth and asked where to pin the blame. Was it this guy who did something wrong or was it his parents? What caused God to curse him like this? And Jesus explained to them that it wasn’t the anger of God or the judgment of God on display in the man’s life, but rather the assignment of God. That his condition was not a curse, but instead a canvas for God’s work to be displayed. (ref) And then he restored the…

  • The Other White Meat

    Brent
    13 Jan 2010 | 2:50 pm
    Recently, while wandering the highways and byways of Tennessee in search of a snack, I found a unique dining establishment. Not a hole in the wall or a greasy spoon, but a really upscale eatery, featuring a cuisine unmatched in the western hemisphere. Which is probably a good thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to have fine dining available, but I can only eat so much beagle tartar or even pomeranian soufflé. The truth is sometimes I just want a simple mastiff-on-rye. Just like mom used to make. Related posts:Cannibal Snacks Say No To FM Best Value Inn

  • City on a Hill

    Brent
    5 Jan 2010 | 3:53 am
    Once upon a time there was this guy named Jesus, you might have heard of him or even read his book. One time at a major public address, he said that the people that followed him would be like a city on a hill: unmistakable, un-missable, un-hideable. A prominent feature on the skyline of society. Which sounded kind of strange…until he described what his followers would be about. They would feed the hungry, they would clothe the poor, they would visit prisoners. Not as a way to score points or impress people, but as a way to worship God. Instead of courting favor from the powerful, they…
 
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    15 Minute Lunch

  • What my wife likes to do in her spare time.

    8 Feb 2010 | 2:16 pm
    OK, as you all know, I've pimped other websites and products here and there, mostly either for fun or some sort of freebie giveaway (I never did get an assbrella, those bastards). I don't get many offers for that kind of thing, probably because I tell them upfront that I'll likely make fun of them, and that doesn't sit well with some of the blog advertising outfits. Not this time. This time, to do so would cost me dearly. So with all seriousness, I ask you to please check out my wife's website. No, it's not P0rn, unless you happen to be into the whole holding-down-animals-and…

  • My eyes followed my mind into the gutter.

    7 Feb 2010 | 12:38 pm
    I think my new glasses are adversely affecting my ability to see without them. Yesterday, I was eating lunch standing at the kitchen counter and thumbing through a mail order catalog (the way I probably eat 85% of my lunches when I'm at home) and I saw a shirt in the Signals catalog and immediately thought, "Wow, you'd have to have no doubts at all about your status as a whore to wear that one."Somehow my less than stellar vision worked with my twisted brain and translated that to "I HEART JUNK." I guess I really *do* need reading glasses. My version of the shirt is more interesting…

  • Planet Witless.

    4 Feb 2010 | 3:02 pm
    I joined this gym recently because it was too cheap to pass up. It's called Planet Fitness, and it's about 6 minutes from my office. For ten bucks a month, I figured that even if I got over there three times a month it would be worth it. Yort joined too, although a bit more grudgingly than I did. Still, we've managed to do OK and get over there at least once a week so far. It's harder than it sounds because we are only in the office three days a week since we work remotely the other two days. The first time I was there, when I got back to the office I realized I left my combination lock…

  • Five years of this? Holy crap.

    1 Feb 2010 | 2:24 pm
    Hey! So I turned five, and I totally missed it. January 14th, 2005. That's when I started this blog. Out the original "work" crew, only me, Sarah and Shamus are still at it. It seems like so long ago, yet at the same time it seems like no time at all. Blogging was pretty new to us back then, and more people were into them, I think. Five years is an eternity in the computer industry. Since I am jaded and old, and bought my first computer back in the late 80's (an Atari 1040ST), I view blogging as Rock and Roll, and consider Facebook and Twitter as the social networking equivalent of Disco and…

  • Jays of Summer.

    27 Jan 2010 | 4:43 pm
    Through a haze of sleep, I heard the door bell ring, then ring again almost immediately. I heard it ring a third time, and even in my sleepy state I could tell there was an urgency about it.My mother yelled "Come in, it's open!" because that's what you did in suburbia in the 70's. You just left your front door unlocked, and when someone stood on your doorstep and rang your doorbell or knocked on your door, you just yelled for them to come in. It didn't matter if it was the kid next door, the mailman or some dude wearing a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw. You yelled for them to come in, and…
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    A Whole Lot of Nothing

  • My Brand: Strike-throughs, Puppy Dogs & Daisies

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:56 am
    What is my brand? Awesome. Or so I’d like to make it Awesome. Why the effenheimer am I worrying about my “brand”? Because those effenheimer Awesome ladies and gents who have a “brand” get to do Awesome stuff. I kinda wanna do that Awesome stuffs, too. But I don’t have a marketable brand. “And why is that?,” you ask. Because I’m lazy my brains don’t work. I can’t seem to connect the puppy dogs & daisies sparks in my head to one another. I have grand plans for myself and my “brand.” We’re gonna travel the…

  • Put on a bra. Now. Go. *NSFK

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    7 Feb 2010 | 8:33 pm
    This is your official reminder to put on a bra. Your day would have been SO much less exciting today had you not seen that. You’re welcome. shock & awe Don’t you hate it when bloggers publish stupid-ass posts when they don’t have a good post to write? If you have nothing to say, say nothing. (I have a problem taking my own advice.) *NSFK = Not Safe for Kids (for those of us who work around kids) ©2010 A Whole Lot of Nothing. All Rights Reserved. Steal my stuff, I breakayourface.. Share and Enjoy:

  • I’m pretty sure this meme is how Third Eye Blind did it.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    5 Feb 2010 | 6:01 am
    I’m a joiner. Adam made me do it. 1. Go to the “Random Article” link on Wikipedia. Write down the title of the article. This is the name of your band. 2. Go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. 3. Go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days”. The third picture will be your album cover. Dudes. I thought it’d be a lot weirder, but this could actually work. I’m kidnapping Aunt Becky and starting a band. Photo source ©2010 A Whole Lot of Nothing. All Rights…

  • I’m too chicken shit to wear a bikini. Please pass the chicken.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    4 Feb 2010 | 7:23 am
    Warning* The older and wiser I get, the lower my inhibitions become. Or maybe that’s the vodka. Whatever the case, I’m pretty much willing to do a lot of stuff without being embarrassed as long as I get paid. Except… Wear a bikini. Ever. Even if/when/in my dreams when I’m skinny, I will never, ever wear a bikini. Even if I was paid by Jenny Craig to go on the Oprah show and got to wear some weird binding pantyhose deal that put an bizarre line down the middle of my belly (I’m looking at you, Kirstie Alley). Oh, Kirstie. The crazy looked good on you then. Even if…

  • This? Is not OK: Groomed Man Mullet Edition

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    2 Feb 2010 | 9:15 pm
    Yet another entry into the failures of American choices, “This? Is not OK.” I’ve discussed the Mullet in a past post, but it was centered more specifically around the fancy Femullet. Today, I’m focusing on the Groomed Man Mullet. The Groomed Man Mullet is no accident. It’s planned, sculpted, and methodically trimmed, as if from the head of Adonis. Every shorn hair is in its place crowning the jewel of the Redneck. Its purpose, as with all Mullets, is business in the front, party in the back. However, the Groomed Man Mullet has an additional purpose as it is…
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    View from the Cloud

  • And if we're lucky, Debby Harry and Robin Leach may show up!

    Jeff
    26 Jan 2010 | 4:20 pm
    Hey everybody, I'm going incognito. Undercover. Opaque. In other words... I'm making my blog private. At least until I find a job. That's right, the old job search isn't going too well. I had a promising interview last week but received my rejection letter today. Bleh. I highly doubt it had anything to do with my blog, but I can't afford to take any more chances. Believe it or not, as strange as this might seem - there may actually be some people out there who don't find my stories as hysterical as you and I do. Can you even imagine? Nonetheless, I'm not going to risk even the smallest chance…

  • 10 Rejected Blog Post Ideas

    Jeff
    20 Jan 2010 | 4:36 pm
    Every now and then I take a look through my draft posts to see if there's anything lying around in there I can resurrect into a full-blown feature story. Sometimes I find something I can use, other times I combine the bloggy bits into a "It's a bit drafty in here" post, and yet other times I look at them and gasp - for ever considering them in the first place. Those are the one I throw away. A recent perusal in my drafts folder uncovered 10 of these posts. I thought I would do you a favor and show you what I tossed out. Because your readership is important to me. And I love you. 1. Moles I'm…

  • MN discriminates against vampires

    Jeff
    14 Jan 2010 | 10:14 am
    As most of you already know by now, I was laid off from my company on Jan 4th after 13 years of loyal service. And, as you know as well... this wasn't a surprise to me at all. The writing on the wall had been written with one of those huge fat Sharpie pens like grocery stores use to make advertising boards. It was only a matter of time. But as soon as I became unemployed, I needed to take care of business. And one of the first things I did was apply for unemployment benefits with the state of Minnesota. No, scratch that... one of the first things I did was attempt to apply for unemployment…

  • Skate Plaza Clears Major Hurdle!

    Jeff
    13 Jan 2010 | 9:07 am
    In a nail biter of an evening last night at the St. Cloud City Hall, the Planning Commission voted 4-3 in favor of locating the new skate plaza at Heritage Park. After 4 years of hard work by skate plaza supporters, area youth are now closer than ever to realizing their 15-year dream of having a skate plaza built here in St. Cloud. The only remaining step is for the City Council to approve the Park Board and Planning Commission's recommendations that the skate plaza be located at this site. Their vote will be held on January 25th. So last night was a critical milestone. Had the Planning…

  • Lookit here... a blog post!

    Jeff
    9 Jan 2010 | 8:31 pm
    Ok, it's only been 5 days but it feels like 5 1/2. But as you know, I've been a little preoccupied this week and just plain ol' wasn't in a very good mood. Fortunately, those of you who are friends of mine on Facebook know that I had an awesome night last night which helped tremendously to bring me out of my funk. My band, The Receders, played to another sold out house at the Pioneer Place Theatre and it was an amazing night. The crowd was totally energized and the dance floor was packed all night - well, except for the 7 minutes we played Do You Feel Like I Do. Uh...that's not exactly a…
 
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    Bee's Musings

  • Bang update! Ummm... Not THAT kind of bang perverts!

    8 Feb 2010 | 8:41 pm
    So it turns out my bangs look awesome and I've gotten a lot of compliments... Unless they're lying? Nah!Anyway, I guess the jagged choppiness looks like I paid mega bucks to have it styled that way. My sister also came over with tweezers and coffee Sunday night to fix my eyebrows and pull the stubble the stupid tiny razor left behind!And! My mom came home after her 3 week vacation so my world is totally harmonious again.Well, it would be totally harmonious if Andy the warden would stop cracking the bedtime whip! I didn't have to live with this many rules when I was a kid!P.S.If…

  • I remember a time when I could drink more than one beer without turning into Moe from the 3 Stooges.

    6 Feb 2010 | 11:12 pm
    What separates us from animals is our ability to make decisions (I'm sure there are others but work with me here). Animals usually act on instinct. But us? We question, we rationalize, we hem and haw until a beer takes that decision from our very hands. What does that mean? Well let me tell you. It all started when I made a delightful dinner of Fettuccine Alfredo and baked chicken legs which I was going to eat ALONE (and we've established that I need to be supervised at all times) because my Andy was at brother Dan's house doing the magical thing he does with electricity. I set my place…

  • A year closer to adult diapers and stranger's crotches.

    4 Feb 2010 | 12:00 am
    So today is my friend Brian's birthday. For those of you who don't know, Brian is British which is probably why he's always all proper and gentleman-like. Because it's his birthday, I've decided to be a lady and not post anything uhm unladylike. I won't tell you guys how, today at ACS, I was put in charge of the rainbow panty carrousel. You ladies know what I'm talking about right? The table where they lay the panties in a fanned out position according to size and color? No, I won't tell you guys about that because Brian will be too embarrassed to say anything and will probably hide in a…

  • It seems trouble and weird older women follow me wherever I go!

    1 Feb 2010 | 11:42 pm
    So I have officially completed 2 full weeks at Anonymous Clothing Store. It's interesting (probably just to me) how different I feel going from the Asylum to ACS. It's a nice change of pace and I enjoy working with people that are closer to my age and know who Lady Gaga is. I'm not sure but I think I may be the oldest one there. Well, let's call me the most experienced one there and not the oldest one. That's why I found so much amusement from the following conversation: (As is tradition on this blog, my coworkers will have code names) Hilary: If anybody confronts you about your hours, you…

  • Tingly armpits? Maybe, but at least you'll smell good!

    29 Jan 2010 | 10:59 am
 
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    Jokes - ArcaMax Publishing

  • Murphy's Real Laws, Part I

    1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? 6.I just got lost in thought. It was

  • Murphy's Real Laws, Part II

    18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living. 20. Just remember if it wasn't for gravity, we'd all fall off. 21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of get

  • Hearing Problems

    Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hea

  • Felix the Cat

    My aunt's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean.

  • Past Stories

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    Deb on the Rocks

  • Open Letter to Harry Connick Jr: In Praise of Women Loggers, Suspenders and Crew Cuts

    Deb
    8 Feb 2010 | 10:42 pm
    Or: What Went Wrong When Harry Met Sally and her Girlfriend Peppermint PattyDear Harry,Oh, Harry.  A sweet corner of the Internet is all blissfully abuzz after recently meeting you, but here I am feeling all pissy about a few of the things you said.  I'm okay with that, because what is good about the Internet is that it's big enough that everyone can speak her own truth, sharing peace, love and hashtags along the way.I also feel fine about disliking you despite tons of peer pressure because a decade ago I liked you even when everyone else was over you because you were such a whiny,…

  • Home Sweet Home in the Gaylord Opryland Nashville

    Deb
    3 Feb 2010 | 2:49 pm
    I've arrived in Nashville to take care of a little BlissDomness. and have checked to the Gaylord Opryland hotel.  Mother o'Mothers, this isn't a convention hotel in the conventional sense.  Did you ever play those Tycoon games where you could create zoos or theme parks but mostly ended up making deadend paths and stacking three roller coasters on top of each other?  This hotel is what happened when some hacker kid spliced the codes from Tycoon Mall + Tycoon Theme Park + Tycoon Old Southern Plantation and then inherited a wad of Gaylord cash.  Plus queen-sized beds.The…

  • We Can Create A Foundation to Support Bloggers!

    Deb
    1 Feb 2010 | 8:14 am
    I believe supporting the Arts is one of the important ways we better our world. Service takes many forms, and all are necessary: the gifted content creators in the blogosphere are artists, and my life is so much better --our culture is so much better -- because of their work. The heart and soul of blogging, the truth of self-expression online, is so much more than the ridiculous few business models we've tried to use to support our artists.  For many of us, creating content and publishing online is our Parisian salon, our Algonquin Round Table, our Bread Loaf. We are a community of…

  • Who Dat! Celebrating with New Orleans, Remembering Visiting with Tide Loads of Hope

    Deb
    24 Jan 2010 | 9:13 pm
    Since Friday I've been listening again and again to one of the performances from the Hope for Haiti Now telethon: Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris' gorgeous, soulful rendition of Hallelujah.  I love this new rendition of the powerful classic (though I probably will always love kd lang more), which Cohen says represents his belief that there are many,many different kinds of Hallelujahs.  Different voices, different talents, different ways--each way that we connect is as good as another.  I agree, we all find our own way to reach out, to lift up, to lament, to give, some sacred,…

  • Five Minutes with a Teenager Can Be Six Minutes Too Long

    Deb
    19 Jan 2010 | 11:26 am
    My sixteen-year-old and I took a five minute car trip this weekend to go to a party at a friend's house. Five minutes at most, four simple roads. We managed to have three throwdowns. This is possible with teenaged people and the adults responsible for them.Set-upI get in the car singing Suffragette City. It wasn't my choice, exactly, to be singing David Bowie. I love him, love the song, but I was singing because Suffragette City was stuck in my head.Specifically I was signing the "hey man" part:Hey man, ah leave me alone you knowHey man, well Henry, get off the phone, I gotta, Hey man, I…
 
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    Awesomely Luvvie

  • Who Ran It: Avatar Luvvie or Rihanna?

    9 Feb 2010 | 7:10 am
    For the Grammy's on February 1, my avatar decided to don a formal onesie reserved for truly special occasions. Well, 2 days later, on February 3, VH1's Superbowl jam came on. Rihanna had on a very similar one. I WAS SWAGGED-JACKED! With that being said... I see you back there checking my out, GaGa. You jealous ain't you? Yes, of course you are. I slayed 1,000 hoes with my onesie. Queen Yawnce is somewhere MAD AT ME! (Shoutout to K_Rokadocious for hooking up the split screen. Good looking out!) Did I slay Rihanna effortlessly or did she Pon my forehead? Leave a comment with your vote.

  • Taxes and death: 2 things you can't avoid. Especially taxes

    8 Feb 2010 | 8:30 am
    There are few things you can't avoid in life, no matter how hard you try. These things include death, bad music and taxes. It's so serious that when you die, they play bad music at your funegro, while the gubment sends a eulogy that reads "We know you ain't here and all no more but run us our money. Give St. Peter the check at the Gate. Kthxbai. Oh, and RIP and whatnot." Sidenote: Everyone has been to a funeral where Sister O'Dell has gotten up and went "WHHHAAAHHHH should I feel discouraged...." as she swayed back and forth. "His Eye is on the Sparrow" seems to be a requirement at every…

  • Dear Stevie Wonder, Fire your Team

    4 Feb 2010 | 10:01 pm
    So there other day, I watched the BET Honors, which gave awards to 5 people for their achievements in education, music, business etc. Honored included Queen Latifah, Whitney Houston and Diddy and 2 others. Stevie Wonder was all up through the show performing. He must have been up there at least 4 times. This is when I realized that I've had a bone to pick with Stevie for a while. So he is the recipient of this week's sternly-worded letter. But before I start, READ IT ALL! I ain't sitting here talking about his blindness. So all of ya who are ready to hop up. Saddown and calm your nerves. I…

  • Harambe! It's Black History Month

    2 Feb 2010 | 10:30 pm
    Welcome, my *pause* brethren and sisthren! It is Black History Month, 28 days of reminiscing about the colorful past of us melanin-blessed individuals. This is the time where kids get to see Frederick Douglass' afro side-part in class. The children get to learn about gun-toting Harriet, who told folks to either be free or die. "I have a dream" will be recited to PIECES in these next 4 weeks. Even Martin Luther King be giving the *side-eye* from up above like "Dang! Y'all know how to wear something into the ground." In honor of this month of ours, my avatar has decided to pay homage to her…

  • Grammys: Another Day, Another Wack Awards

    1 Feb 2010 | 12:08 am
    *Sigh* The Grammy Awards was as disappointing as a snowed in birthday after you've been promised a trip to Chuck E. Cheese's with extra tokens. I hosted a live-tweeting party, and kicked it with my Twitfam like I do for stuff like this. That made it bearable. Overall, the Grammys was boring. Only thing that made it interesting were the comments from my Twitfam. Another day, another wack awards show. I never seem to learn either. I be genuinely disappointed after each one. Why I don't expect wackness is beyond me. Anyway, this post is a doozer. Y'ALL BETTER READ THE WHOLE THING TOO!!! Shoot...
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    Angry Seafood

  • Nickelback Vs a Pickle

    ChrisC
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:07 am
    The gherkin gauntlet has been thrown down on Facebook in the one of the strangest challenge fan pages yet: a pickle facing off against Nickelback: “Currently Nickelback has 1,380,820 fans. Can this dill pickle tickle your fancy and get more?” As of this posting the pickle is closing in on 400,000 fans. Look at all the love for marinated cucumbers: “nickleback sucks and this pickle rocks” “man i hate nickleback but i sure love pickles.” “Nickelback does not add flavor and a delightful crunch to my turkey sandwich.” It almost doesn’t seem…

  • Beer is Good For You

    ChrisC
    8 Feb 2010 | 10:50 pm
    Wow. Beer is good for you: If you downed one too many while watching the Super Bowl, here’s at least one reason to hold your head high: Drinking beer can be good for your health. But seriously, a new analysis of 100 commercial beers shows the hoppy beverage is a significant source of dietary silicon, a key ingredient for bone health. I’m a big fan of Harpoon IPA so it was good news to hear that I’m getting my daily dose of bone-strengthening nutrients. Of course they had to throw a wet blanket onto the whole thing: However, other studies show that consuming more than one or…

  • Going to rebuild but first a content purge

    ChrisC
    8 Feb 2010 | 2:30 pm
    After this blog was nuked last week I wasn’t sure what to do next.I had lost almost half the posts and comments. A whole year of work gone. But it turns out the missing content is not lost. It’s all in the XML backup. The importing just didn’t take. So if I wanted to I could restore everything, even all the pictures. Nah. I’ve wanted to do more stuff about the news, politics, sports, as well as a few new feature ideas. And there’s a lot of content from the past I’d like to get rid of. So I’m purging the database, wiping everything clean again and…

  • What Happened

    ChrisC
    3 Feb 2010 | 10:26 pm
    Stupidity was the reason for what happened. Mine in fact. I allowed a script that stuck links and who knows what else into a bunch of the php files. So I wasn’t technically hacked. It was in a WordPress theme and once it got into my database it jumped into a ton of files. I tried a revert and that didn’t work. Tried upgrading the WP software, that also didn’t work. There was only one thing left: purge all the files and re-install WP. It worked and the script is gone. But so is my theme, all the plug-ins, etc. It also has cleaned up a lot of junk in the database. This is…

  • Will Be back to normal soon…

    ChrisC
    3 Feb 2010 | 4:48 pm
    Unfortunately, while testing out some themes I unknowingly uploaded one with some evil code. Yes, in other words I allowed myself to be hacked. So the entire database has been purged, WP re-installed and the hack code is now gone. The bad news is I may have lost all the content. Checking that out now. If it is gone well that would really suck. Not sure where I’ll go from there. Let’s just hope for the best. ~Chris UPDATE: Arggghhh I lost 144 posts, everything from October 2008 to the last post. Wow can’t believe it’s all gone. UPDATE II: Oh man the permalinks are all…
 
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    EveryJoe » Computers

  • iPhone App Impact on Speeding Ticket Revenue

    Jason Bean
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:10 pm
    The other day I drove down to Lexington, Kentucky to go see the University of Kentucky Wildcats play the Ole Miss Rebels. On the way over I picked up my friend Ryan in Cincinnati and we headed down to Kentucky. My friend has an app for his iPhone (it’s also available for other phones) called Trapster which alerts you to police officers on the road you’re travelling before you get to them. To some degree, it works like a radar detector, but instead it relies on a network of other iPhone users that have the Trapster app (almost 4 million to date) to “tag” or mark police…

  • Facebook Releases New Simplified Redesign

    Jason Bean
    4 Feb 2010 | 8:14 pm
    I went to check and see what’s happening in Facebook just a few minutes ago and was welcomed with a "new, simplified home page" presented to me in my browser. Basics are still the same, but lots of stuff has moved around. As you can see from the screen shot above; new notifications, requests and messages are now all grouped together by the apps that generated them. Messages, your applications and a list of your online and available friends have shifted from the bottom-right-hand portion of the screen over to the far left in a sidebar type of layout design. The expanding chat…

  • Is Half Your Hard Drive Taken by WINSXS

    Jason Bean
    3 Feb 2010 | 8:52 pm
    I came across an issue today with a computer that I hadn’t been familiar with up until this point. I know a common complaint from Microsoft users is that the PC’s hard drive seems to mysteriously fill up with files. My boss’s computer seems to sucking all of space and time into a folder named "WinSxS". Currently the folder is at 20GB of space I think. That’s almost half the entire size of the hard drive. After doing a quick search online about what might be causing this WinSxS issue, it seems to be a fairly common problem. The kicker is that there…

  • Trying Out Seesmic for Windows Again

    Jason Bean
    1 Feb 2010 | 5:30 pm
    I’m still surprised at the number of people I meet that rely on the Twitter website to serve as their main source of updating and keeping track of their Twitter updates. I’ve been a happy user of Twhirl for quite awhile now. I decided it was time to try another desktop application out to see if anything had drastically improved since the last time I used something other than Twhirl. It appears that nothing much has changed with Seesmic for Windows. I still think the use of screen space isn’t very efficient. In the image above I have it maximized and can only fit three panels…

  • What If… the Windows Were Closed? Part 2

    Jason Bean
    31 Jan 2010 | 8:58 pm
    Here I follow-up on my last post about what our lives would be like without Windows. Initial reactions would be a world full of rainbows and butterflies, but everything might not be as great as you would expect. Significant changes in developer tools: Here’s an area where I think Microsoft does good work. The amount of resources I have available to me to both use and learn Microsoft applications and developer more solutions on the Windows platform. Similar to the changes with client applications, there would be changes to developer expectations as well. This impact would probably be…
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    Can O' Whup-Ass

  • A Brief Note of Friendly Concern: Dear Rihanna

    Whup-Ass Master
    7 Feb 2010 | 11:23 am
    Um, Rihanna...? Ri-ri? Hi. What do you say we slink off to the nearest astro-lounge and order a pitcher or three of harvey wallbangers? We can get stoopid and laugh at the ugly people. Sounds hilarious, doesn't it? We KNOW!...

  • The Stoopidest Winter Olympics Events Medal Ceremony

    Whup-Ass Master
    31 Jan 2010 | 3:32 pm
    In a couple weeks, the world will descend upon Vancouver to watch lithe pale-complected (non-negro) athletes do an endless series of ill-advised things on snow and ice. We are from Colorado, so we practically skied from the womb (it was...

  • Hippy-Dippy Hoolay Time! It's China's Duper-Super Webbynet Chat Loom!

    Whup-Ass Master
    16 Jan 2010 | 12:52 pm
    Welcome for coming! We are to being happy stuffs because surfy fun-time on webbynet! There is to being people persons in cyber-rand who to saying poopy Google peoples crosing Chinese blowser stuffs. Google peoples to say belligerent stuffs about China...

  • Uganda, Mon Amour...

    Whup-Ass Master
    9 Jan 2010 | 11:51 am
    In 1994, three Rwandan dudes with annoying names (Jean-Bosco Barayagwiza, Ferdinand Nahimana and Hassan Ngeze), took to the airwaves. Encouraging the use of machetes (in order to save bullets) they called all Tutsis and moderate Hutus "cockroaches." The Rwandans listened....

  • Post-its of Friendly Concern: 2010 Edition

    Whup-Ass Master
    3 Jan 2010 | 1:47 pm
    Our long absence from this space is attributable to a bout with the flu, a nasty eye injury and the unforeseen onset of end-of-the-worst-year-ever apathy. Nevertheless, incidents are occurring. Blips on our radar screen, each pregnant with the promise that...
 
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    Barefoot Foodie

  • Permanence. I rock at it.

    barefootfoodie
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:38 am
    When I was 15, I decided I wanted to get a tattoo. A butterfly.  On my left hip. No reputable tattoo parlor would tattoo a 15 year old girl without parental permission.   Or pierce my private parts. Thank God for ice cubes, apple slices, lighters and safety pins. But I never let things go.  Ever. I was getting that damn tattoo, so I asked around until I found a really scary looking guy who agreed to do it for me at his house for $75. Which seemed like a totally awesome idea. I mean, what could go wrong? A 50 year old man with gray hair down to his waist, a gigantic python tank in the…

  • Things of the semi-utmost importance.

    barefootfoodie
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:30 am
    I get emails.  Here is where I answer some of them. 1.  This new site is amazing thanks to the design genius of Maria and Andi from BigSea Design.   It’s like they crawled into my brain and created exactly what I didn’t have the words to convey.  I went to them with a bunch of “ums” “wells”  “blargs” and “make me pretties,” and they turned out something that I can only describe as absolute rad-ness.  Thank you ladies, I can’t wait to work with you both again on even more projects! 2.  Gigi’s Flower Monkey hat?  I…

  • Sarah Palin 2010.

    barefootfoodie
    3 Feb 2010 | 12:26 pm
    So, I just looked at my cousin’s Homecoming pictures on Facebook. The good news, she is adorable. The bad news, I am pretty sure I’m now illegitimately pregnant with the child of a 16 year old boy who looks like he doesn’t shower any more and has a trucker hat on. But, it’s cool, because 8 of my friends are also pregnant.  We totally planned it that way. Like a pact. When did teenagers start going to dances looking like bad sex? I mean, no one had a bra on, and the boys basically had their wieners out.  I am surprised there wasn’t jizz all over the floor the…

  • The scariest people come in the smallest packages. Except for Darth Vader, I think he was pretty normal sized.

    barefootfoodie
    29 Jan 2010 | 11:02 am
    I can’t fire people. I do not have it in me. If I am ever in the position to fire someone, I would hire someone to do it for me. Because I would probably cry.  And lose control of my bowels. Unless that person did something really, really bad. Like slept with my husband or touched small children or animals inappropriately. Because that is disgusting. No matter how cute the dog is. On that note, I have only ever been fired once, and it wasn’t even a real firing, because I had totally already quit. I was an event planner for a local country club, and my boss was this four foot tall…

  • Two things bug me: smug people and the fact that Diane Keaton insists on wearing gloves to award shows in the middle of summer.

    barefootfoodie
    27 Jan 2010 | 8:30 am
    Pregnant people are stalking me. It’s like they can smell that I am done reproducing, so they waddle up to me all glowy and adorable and rub their gestation in my face. I just want a beautiful little baby growing in my belly again. Andy told me to get a tape worm. Andy’s an asshole. Motherhood is a club. Men can’t relate. I wouldn’t let my dad in the delivery room, but I would show a complete stranger in Target my episiotomy scars if she was a mom…or if they had a camera and said they were doing a documentary on episiotomies.  I am pretty sure this is why there…
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    Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder.

  • The Chase Is On.

    5 Feb 2010 | 5:00 am
    Le Guest Post A Go-GoToday I'm guest-posting (thank you, Andy!) over at Wild ARS ChaseTomorrow is this young buck's birthday and I've, um, got a little surprise for him...

  • 2010: Year In Review

    1 Feb 2010 | 5:00 am
    Because It's Never Too Soon To Look BackI learned my lesson last year, boy, and I am never letting the holidays sneak up on me again.It seemed like I had just packed away the last of the Arbor Day acorn launchers and flying-squirrel suits when - BAM! - there was Mr. Turkey knocking on my door. (A deeply disturbing incident, by the way, and by far my least favorite memory of Thanksgiving.)Nope, this year I am getting the jump on the holiday season. When it's time to review the year's triumphs and tragedies...its challenges and lessons learned...man, I'll be ready So here goes:The First 31 Days…

  • Suggested Engine Sounds To Be Installed On Electric Cars

    25 Jan 2010 | 5:00 am
    Thundering HoovesLight SaberThat Snooty Music From The Grey Poupon CommercialPopping PopcornSteve Martin's "Well, Excuuuuse Me!"Agitated DucksScattered GunfireCocktail Party Background NoiseSizzling Bacon"Get Down On It" By Kool & The GangPlaying Card Clothespinned To SpokesAir Horn From the Queen Mary

  • Go Toward The Light.

    18 Jan 2010 | 5:00 am
    At Least He Wasn't Wearing Them.Last week, Winston the Emo Beagle swiped some clothesfrom the laundry basket and chewed them up......but that's not the story my husband will tell.Think VodkaMom's the bomb? Let her know with a quick vote herePsst...you can vote once per day.)I've been spending a lot of time over here lately. I think you'll like it, too.

  • Fun With Words

    11 Jan 2010 | 1:00 pm
    What I Really Need Is Some Joke Insurance.My conversations are much more colorful for about 24 hours after browsing UrbanDictionary.com. I say things like:"Dang, this swimsuit won't work. It gives me total underboob.""Dude, I know your team lost, but don't have a mantrum.""I've already called you once for dinner.Don't make me use my Upper Case voice!" See? Fun.Get On With It.Right.So, without thinking it through at all after much deliberation, I submitted two little catch-phrases of my own to UrbanDictionary. Just to see what would happen. Here they are:Chai-dentity The identification of a…
 
 
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    plooptionary

  • Find someone to blame if life isn’t working out

    ploop
    9 Feb 2010 | 1:54 am
    I am not turning into the person I had planned for myself, that’s a fact. The person people see is not, in fact, even the person I think they should be seeing. I know I’m not alone – at 18-19 anything was possible … then kids! Lucy Thorpe, an old colleague, nailed the excuse for me when I was lamenting my existential crisis over on Twitter. I was feeling sorry for myself and she offered me someone to blame. It’s the children’s fault. Without them I’d be a jazz poeting traveller with houses and women around the world. So let this come as a warning to…

  • Spiders – a force for good or evil?

    ploop
    8 Feb 2010 | 4:08 am
    I don’t have a problem with optimism in dogs. I love it. Every next second is potentially the best ever to a spaniel and I accept that. In people, however, optimism can be tiresome. Come to think of it, pessimism can be tiresome too – yet I don’t mind that in cats. So there you go, 2.5 sentences wasted on my indecisiveness. I do however, have some top notch science at hand to workout which breed of human I am dealing with. It involves the simple introduction of a spider. Related articles by Zemanta Ladies – Seeing the Glass Half Full May Be Your Path to Better Health?

  • Alternative therapies – coining it in by conning

    ploop
    5 Feb 2010 | 6:24 am

  • iTunes Genius Sidebar is crushing the nations cool

    ploop
    5 Feb 2010 | 1:34 am
    A couple of days ago I tweeted on Twitter: I feel so dirty – my genius sidebar on iTunes has just suggested Jedward … I feel judged, wrongly I still feel that same – especially as the next day it suggested Van Halen! Please bear in mind, I’ve been buying stuff by The XX, African Soul Corporation and Elbow … I’m cool. But the iTunes Genius Bar had a different view of me … it clearly viewed me as a loser and, I admit, my self esteem has taken a knock. The Tweet made it over to Facebook and, bless my supportive group of friends, I was roundly mocked.

  • Kids, what would Katie Price do in this situation?

    ploop
    4 Feb 2010 | 2:48 am
    Don’t get me started on role models. Please, don’t. Actually it’s too late, I’m started on role models. The thing that has me taking beta-blockers to stop me going into a gun fuelled rage, is than none of the muppets who are told they are bad role models when they horse up have any idea they are role models when they are actually doing well. It must come as a suprise to someone like Katie Price that she’s a rolemodel when she gets paid for having big tits and eating insects. Who’s she a role model to? 7 year old girls who want to be buxom? Hedgehogs who…
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    Funny and Jokes

  • Valentine’s Day Jokes

    F&J Staff
    1 Feb 2010 | 3:13 pm
    February 14th is right around the corner, which means it's time for a few misguided Valentine's Day Jokes to poke fun at the day Cupid makes his rounds poking people in the butt with painful arrows and such. Rather than bore you with a bunch of babbling, we'll get right to the funny jokes. Top 5 Valentine (Or Love / Marriage) Quotes "The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead." ~Ann Landers "I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." ~David…

  • Japanese Have 1Upped The Snuggie

    F&J Staff
    5 Jan 2010 | 8:28 am
    Leave it to those Asians to 1-up everything in existance, and the Snuggie is no exception. Not sure how this is gonna go over at the Paris Fashion Week, though there's definately potential here. For those that don't speak Japanese, we'll translate a bit of it after the jump. Top 3 Selling Points Of The Japanese Snuggie There's an interview with the inventor on the sales page, where he saysthere were three problems with other sleeping bags which led him to invent his own: You can't get the things you need without leaving your sleeping bag. You can't stand up and run away when attacked by a…

  • My Horse Tastes Just Like Raisins

    F&J Staff
    5 Jan 2010 | 8:07 am
    Yahoo! Answers is always full of interesting, sometimes rediculous questions that are just begging to get laughed at. This morning I came across one that did just that, some guy wondering why his horse tastes like raisins. Our advice, never lick a gift horse in the mouth. This has us wondering, are there any real questions on Y! Answers anymore? This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved. Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:Hung Like A Horse (Moral) There was a chicken and a horse playing together on... What Guys Really Mean When you catch a guy glancing at you,…

  • Tiger Woods Crash Jokes

    F&J Staff
    4 Dec 2009 | 6:50 am
    Call us opportunists, but we've just got to jump on the Tiger Woods jokes bandwagon. At the time of this post, there's a media storm surrounding Tiger and his "transgressions." We're here to shamelessly capitalize on that. Look, I'm a golf fan and of all golfers - Woods is perhaps the guy I have had the most respect for. His work ethic is impeccable and he's made it to where he is today because of his determiniation and intelligence. But enough about that, let's get right to the crash jokes. Best Tiger Woods Crash Jokes When asked by the police how many times she hit Tiger, Elin replied "I'm…

  • Tiger Woods Accident Photo

    F&J Staff
    2 Dec 2009 | 1:11 pm
    One of our faithful readers sent us this photo, claims to have snagged in the next day after Tiger Woods got into his car accident. Obviously, we don't lay claim to the authenticity or anything - but it looks pretty real to us. On that note, I got into my car this morning and got a few blocks down the road... only to realize... wow! I just out drove Tiger Woods! Ok, that was kinda lame, feel free to add your own (family friendly) Tiger Woods jokes in the comments below. This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved. Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:Tiger Woods Crash…
 
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    MedWorm Tags: jokes

  • Friday Funnies!

    4 Feb 2010 | 12:06 pm
    Oh yes, it’s back again – Friday Funnies, and more opportunities for me to ‘treat’ you to my warped humour.  My apologies in advance. First up, a quick quiz… Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they ’slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours? Why is…

  • Pain and Humor: The Dark Side of Funny

    20 Jan 2010 | 3:27 am
    There’s one theme that keep recurring during each of my radio interviews for the book, Beyond Blue, and that is: humor. People are taken aback that I would write a book about depression and try to make it funny. Because funny and pain don’t go together, right? Wrong. Fellow blogger and comedian John McManamy interviewed me about this topic. It afforded me an opportunity to explore humor and think about why I use it so often. Click here to get to his original blog post. John: Listen, Therese. William Styron’s memoir of depression was bleak. Sylvia Plath’s “The…

  • Friday Funnies!

    11 Dec 2009 | 11:33 am
    No.  I am the Christmas Grinch right now.  After hearing various cheesy and horrid renditions of Christmas Carols when I went into the local shopping mall, I can tell you the LAST thing I want to think of are Season’s Greetings! So, nothing Christmassy here – instead you’ll see good, wholesome humour of the worst kind.  Sorry. Oh no, another cutesy animal picture… bring me a bucket! Last but not least (and this is NOT me!) (Source: HealthSkills Weblog)

  • Messing with Other People’s Time Management

    19 Nov 2009 | 9:00 am
    I write a lot about how to be more productive, but what if that really isn’t your thing? What if you don’t like productivity? What if your goal in life is to ruin productivity for other people? In an effort to expand our readership to people striving for unproductivity, here are six things you can do to guarantee that your co-workers get as little done as possible. Productivity501 takes no responsibility for the results of actually implementing any of these ideas. Randomly put entries on their calendar like: “1:30 meeting with John White Important!” or “Call…

  • It must be time for Friday Funnies!

    22 Oct 2009 | 3:27 pm
    I can heave a sigh of relief, because draft number two (hopefully final draft) of the PhD proposal is off to be reviewed…if I only didn’t ask so many questions of myself I’m sure it would be easier! So, time to chill out and bit and start the process of relaxing before Labour Weekend. (Source: HealthSkills Weblog)
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    Nanny Goats in Panties

  • This Ain't No Goat Blog

    Nanny Goats In Panties
    5 Feb 2010 | 8:45 am
    Anybody who tries to call Nanny Goats in Panties a goat blog is severely mistaken, according to a recent Google Search. I Googled "goat blog" and NGIP does not appear even once in the results! Of course, I only checked the first four pages, but still. Not a goat blog. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am, however, that people around the globe have come to my blog while searching for the following terms in the last month: buddha sex with skulls pissing contest all you can eat panties son of a gun from nannygoatin' there once was a man with a bucket  a mean old nanny goat doesn't…

  • Goat Thing of the Day: Goats on the Ground, er, Roof

    Nanny Goats In Panties
    3 Feb 2010 | 2:13 pm
    Ever been to Door County, Wisconsin? I haven't. Which is why I'm glad I have you people to tell me about goats the world over. Like the ones that hang out on the roof over at Al Johnson's Restaurant. As seen on Ruth's Visions and Revisions (via JD at I Do Things) So now when you see this next photo, you will know that they are standing on that roof. As seen on Eat Wisconsin (also via JD at I Do Things) Fellow blogger Kathy (who blogs at On a Chicken Wing and a Prayer) sent me a picture of a kid with her kid. Buddy and Andrew, circa 2005 According to Kathy, Buddy the goat became enormous and…

  • Jim McCormick: The Bernie Madoff of Snake Oil Salesmen

    Nanny Goats In Panties
    1 Feb 2010 | 2:22 pm
    How much would you pay for a magical bomb detector that can sniff out explosive devices as far away as 1 kilometer? Boy, THAT sure would save a lot of lives, wouldn't it? And how much would you pay if this magic bomb detector came with a set of memory cards, each one detecting different items, like, say, oh, I don't know, elephants and 100 dollar bills? I mean that last feature alone means it would pay for itself, right? Because that HAD to have been the clincher for why the Iraqi government spent $60,000 each on what some people refer to as dowsing rods. Behold, the ADE-651: The ADE-651. In…

  • Goat Thing of the Day: Up, Up and Away

    Nanny Goats In Panties
    30 Jan 2010 | 11:48 am
    Beth (of Be Yourself...Everyone Else is Taken) was at Peck's Farm Market in Spring Green, Wisconsin when this goat... ... started climbing... ...and climbing... and climbing until.... Ta Da!!!! Beth's Blog Post about the Farmers Market (featuring MORE goat photos)

  • Retro Desserts: There's a Cake For That

    Nanny Goats In Panties
    28 Jan 2010 | 8:45 am
    When you're looking for a real hot and romantic night on the town with your Significant O, your first thought is probably: teenage birthday parties in the suburbs! Right? I know mine is. I don't have kids, so I'm totally out of touch with what's hip and trendy and phat and sick and yo and dope and whatever is the kids are saying these days. Turns out not much has changed since I was a youngin' in the 1980s. What a relief we felt when we discovered at a recent suburban teenage birthday party that kids are still observing at the Altar of Ms. Pac-Man even though we're living in a brand new…
 
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    Jokes Palace

  • Smokey The Bear One Liner

    Jerkoff
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:16 pm
    Q. Why doesn’t Smokey the Bear have any kids? A. Everytime his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

  • Imaginary Friend Picture

    Jerkoff
    5 Feb 2010 | 8:37 am

  • Doctor’s Office Visit Joke

    Jerkoff
    5 Feb 2010 | 12:50 am
    A guy walks into a doctor’s office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. “What happened to you?” asked the doctor. “Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow’s ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.” Puzzled, the doctor asks “What mistake was that?” The guy replies, “I said ‘Hey this looks like yours hun!’”

  • Cunt Affairs Picture

    Jerkoff
    3 Feb 2010 | 3:10 am

  • The Dr Thatslife Show Live Tonight

    Jerkoff
    2 Feb 2010 | 10:00 pm
    Tonight is the night! Dr Thatslife will be taking your calls, dishing out his signature slap in the face advice on relationship and life issues. Whether you’ve got more baggage than an airport, or just need some advice on what the hell to do with that moronic spouse of yours, Dr Thatslife is here to interfere. Call-in time starts tonight at 8pm Eastern Time sharp and runs till midnight, or whenever Dr Thatslife passes out. The best consultations will be aired on our pilot episode pod cast next week for all the world to hear. The most “interesting” caller of the night wins a Tom Green…
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    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • GCFL Donation Drive

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    8 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    Do you enjoy GCFL.net? Then why not donate a dollar or two to help keep things running? Please go to the donation drive page for all the details. Thanks for your help!

  • Good Reason

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    8 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 -- but then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined…

  • Pass It Along

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    7 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?" We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message. "What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me." "But I kicked you twice and…

  • GCFL Donation Drive Starts Today

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    5 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    It's that time again! About once every six months or so, we humbly ask for a small donation to keep things running here at GCFL.net. Wait! Before you run off to unsubscribe from the list thinking, "I thought they said this thing was free!!!" let me reassure you: GCFL IS, AND WILL ALWAYS REMAIN FREE! There is no obligation to pay for GCFL mailings. It does cost money to run GCFL.net (just like everything else), but instead of peppering the mailings with advertisements every day, we prefer to just ask for a small donation. If we do a good job, some people will be willing to donate a dollar or…

  • Marine Recruiter

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    4 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    Serving as a Marine recruiter in western North Carolina, I found a young man who met all the requirements and was ready to enlist. I explained the importance of being truthful on the application, and he began filling out his paper work. But when he got to the question "Do you own any foreign property or have any foreign financial interests?" he looked up at me with a worried expression. "Well," he confessed, "I do own a Toyota." We enlisted him the next day. -- Contributed to Reader's Digest, "Humor In Uniform," by MSgt. Patrick L. Jacks Received from Ed.
 
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    The Skwib

  • Ultimate Couples Ice Dance

    Mark A. Rayner
    9 Feb 2010 | 3:38 am
    In our continuing efforts to suggest more exciting and exploitative Winter Olympic Sports, we want to tackle ice dance next. Sure, there can be moments of pure artistic bliss in the current Ice Dance competition, but it has been marred with controversy in the past. At the Salt Lake games, the French judge was bribed (either with sex, or money, or both, we don’t remember), and what is that Russian judge up to? No good, that’s for sure. Besides the method of judging (it is one of the few sports that has an artistic component), Ice Dance doesn’t really meet the requirements of…

  • Really Exploitative Winter Olympic Sports

    Mark A. Rayner
    8 Feb 2010 | 3:27 am
    The Winter Olympics are about to begin in Vancouver this week, and to honor this occasion, we thought to would revisit some suggestions The Skwib has had for more exciting events in the spirit of the Games. (The spirit of the Games being the exploitation of hard-working athletes and their dreams.) Yes, the Olympic motto, citius altius fortius — faster, higher, stronger — is still one that inspires and arouses the best in us. Still, some Winter Olympic sports are, well, let’s face it, not as telegenic as we might like. Perhaps if the motto was changed to citius, altius,…

  • Don’t make me Zardoz you

    Mark A. Rayner
    5 Feb 2010 | 3:31 am
    Sometimes things get ugly. An argument goes awry. Friends drift apart. Families break up because they don’t share the same existential desires. Sure, we all hope that eventually, human society will change for the better. Eventually, we’ll have a civilized strata, and a rough, hirsute barbarian underclass. This is as it should be. But god forbid the civilized group loses its mind and does things that are bad for all humanity! This is what it is to be Zardozed. (As we all are.) Alltop is fond of the breech-clout.

  • Survival Tips for Tiny and Polite Humans

    Mark A. Rayner
    4 Feb 2010 | 4:45 am
    If you happen to live on one of the many planets inhabited by CEOs, you may find yourself wondering: “how do I not get eaten?” You may also wonder if there is sunblock powerful enough to prevent dermal incineration when lanced by particle beams. (There isn’t.) However, have you considered living underground? All you need is a pipe for air, a small amount of water, and vitamin supplements to augment your diet of worms and other burrowing creatures. Of course, you will also need enough time to dig a hole — these inhabitants of Neebie-neebie waited until a large pack of…

  • Mindmapping Explained

    drtundra
    3 Feb 2010 | 5:38 am
    Mindmapping, originally uploaded by lunchbreath. Heh, I think I may get my students to have a look at this. I totally agree with the designer that use of the word “random” is normally to be avoided, but this is truthy. Alltop lives and dies by the whitboard.
  • add this feed to my.Alltop
    Motherwise Cracks

  • Follow Up – St. Anthony’s Visit

    Mary
    8 Feb 2010 | 2:33 pm
    I don’t have to eat my hat, not that I felt I was in danger of having to do so. I got the call today while I was out. Luckily that made it be recorded on my answering machine for all posterity to listen to. Where was the missing notebook that I was too blind to see? On the copy machine where he left it at school, not in plain sight on my living room floor. Not exactly a miracle but we are both giving thanks. I did get an apology – and he didn’t mumble! Saints be praised. —- “In some families, please is described as the magic word.  In our house, however, it was…

  • St. Anthony, St. Anthony Come Around

    Mary
    4 Feb 2010 | 7:24 pm
    First of all, I hate mumbling. That’s what I got on the answering machine – my son mumbling on not just one message, no. He left two consecutive rambling mumblings. Seems he lost his notebook. Couldn’t find his notebook that he insisted is on the living room floor.  Here I set on that very living room floor, and there is no book. I am not freaking blind. There is no spiral notebook. He tells me to look again. Calls me the next day to see if I finally found it, like it is an inevitability. I take another sip of wine and pray to St. Anthony, the saint for lost causes, that he…

  • Old School

    Mary
    30 Jan 2010 | 3:13 pm
    Went through the old campus today as I had to drive my son to a place across the street. How appropriate that I be there this weekend, the anniversary of the Bilzzard of ‘77. I was at Buffalo State at that time and lived through the -60 degree wind chill and snow up to the street lights. One of the craziest things was watching the US Army vehicles coming up the (198) highway in a long trail with no other vehicles around as there was a driving ban. It was surreal to see the long line of help arriving amid the bleak snow all up and down the until then abandoned highway. Well, I went back…

  • My Kids Never Hissed At Me. Or Did They?

    Mary
    25 Jan 2010 | 5:41 pm
    So I am still catsitting for my daughter this week and the darn thing is still hissing at me. I have even tried being nice, but to no avail. Treats are only good for about 20 seconds of appreciation. I could get at least 20 good minutes out of my kids for a treat, longer for a full meal they liked. She eats, sleeps, hisses and gets into my things. I call her, she ignores me. I want to sleep, she decides to fuss at me. She even hissed at me when I watched the Extreme Makeover Home Edition that was filmed this fall in Buffalo aired last night on TV. It was pretty amazing, and it did show that…

  • Two Days And Counting

    Mary
    15 Jan 2010 | 8:35 pm
    It’s two days and counting until I will be back to an empty nest. As I sit here on a Friday night at 11:20 PM with my hot date asleep since 9 PM on the easy chair across from me, I contemplate how this exciting pace of life will slow down when my son returns to college. Yes, I know that those of you with screaming toddlers, sticky with the remains of the day’s meals, full of endless requests instead of the meals they are now wearing while inspecting your underwear drawer just as you are trying to go to the bathroom, can’t understand my sudden onset of gloom. I don’t…
 
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    MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

  • Super Bowl Sunday Blues

    madkane
    6 Feb 2010 | 3:07 am
    This probably sounds un-American, but I never watch football on television … or anywhere else, for that matter. Not even the Super Bowl. Okay, maybe the half-time show for the musical acts. (I love The Who!) And perhaps a commercial or two, if my husband’s hysterical laughter gets my attention. But that’s it! Super Bowl Sunday Blues (Limerick) By Madeleine Begun Kane I rarely watch sports on TV. Figure skating is all that I’ll see. So on Super Bowl Sunday, I dream about Monday. Till then, from our screen I must flee.

  • My New Policy

    madkane
    1 Feb 2010 | 11:43 pm
    That’s it. No more vacations! Sounds a little extreme, I know. But strange things tend to happen when my husband and I have the nerve to travel or take time off. No, I don’t mean canceled flights, lost luggage, or stolen passports. Nothing so mundane as that. I’m talking about incidents like: * a drowned Toyota; * a windshield collision with flying branches while my car is going 55 mph; * a Mazda smashed by a tree while it’s parked and minding its own business. Detect a pattern here? We’ve had so many weird holiday episodes, that our insurer has created a special…

  • Fight Firewalls With Kindle

    madkane
    30 Jan 2010 | 3:58 pm
    My humorist pal Rose Valenta recently created a Kindle version of her blog and inspired me to do the same. Why? Because many employers are getting strict about web access, blocking employees from reading their favorite blogs and sites — even while they’re on a break or at lunch. But your boss can’t control what you read on your Kindle. And Amazon makes it easy for bloggers to create Kindle blog editions, allowing fans to bypass their bosses and keep up with their reading. That brings me to my latest limerick: Fight Firewalls With Kindle By Madeleine Begun Kane You’re…

  • Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions!

    madkane
    19 Jan 2010 | 1:34 pm
    I’m as big a web addict as the next woman. But do we really need Internet-enabled dashboards in our cars? Don’t drivers already have enough to distract them? Sorry, but this concept just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Insane auto technology like this cries out for a limerick: Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions! By Madeleine Begun Kane Are you feeling too focused while driving? Well, help from your dashboard’s arriving: Watch the net in your car. Yes, wherever you are You can surf. Wish you luck with surviving.

  • Dear Jay

    madkane
    18 Jan 2010 | 11:37 pm
    I’m on Team CoCo, as you can tell from my Conan-Leno talk show wars limerick. But unlike many Team CoCo members, I put most of the blame on NBC … and not on Jay Leno. NBC, after all, has been treating both O’Brien and Leno like two very pricey pawns. And doing it incompetently, to boot. Jay’s been taking quite the beating in the press. So I watched Jay’s Monday night attempt to repair his image and set the record straight with interest. Unfortunately, I found his humble, nice guy shtick overdone and just a wee bit nauseating. Methinks Leno has gotten some really…
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    iambossy.com

  • Ten-Word Tuesday. The Blizzard Edition

    BOSSY
    9 Feb 2010 | 4:39 am
    Bossy is going to tell you something you never heard, especially those of you who watch the news or the Weather Channel or talk with friends or subscribe to Facebook or Twitter or have internet: Last weekend an East Coast blizzard dumped close to two feet of snow in a blanket that wiped out power from D.C. through Bossy’s neck of the woods, which is neither a neck nor woods. Bossy paid enough attention to the forecast to know a storm was coming, but she tends not to take threatening weather reports too seriously — not since the time a local broadcaster stood outside the television…

  • Notes From A Far-Flung Correspondent

    BOSSY
    9 Feb 2010 | 4:39 am
    Welcome to Notes from a Far-Flung Correspondent, which features the weekly interests and musings of Bossy’s Son, who is currently enjoying his sophomore year at Columbia University in the City of New York. This week: Seltzer Water So let me explain. I am not one of those people (cough, cough, my friends from LA, cough) who think NYC tap water isn’t great to drink. Nor am I the San Pellegrino socializer, the restaurant patron for whom sparkling water is the way to go. But to members of Bossy’s Esteemed Council, I say that I am one of those people — the unfortunate, battered souls —…

  • Bossy’s Favorite Things

    BOSSY
    9 Feb 2010 | 4:36 am
    This photo. Bossy took it the other day while she was trying to walk some of the post-operative symptoms from her leg. It’s cool because this car, in this alley? It spans many decades. Bossy added the effects in Photoshop, but she didn’t even really have to…

  • Yet Another Little Known Fact

    BOSSY
    9 Feb 2010 | 4:35 am
    Old Bossy has a rather sour attitude toward birthdays in general — beyond the age of 21 — and her own in particular. But alas, they keep coming anyway. If we’re lucky. delicious cake by the multi-talented bossy’s daughter

  • Bossy’s Ear Worm

    BOSSY
    8 Feb 2010 | 9:16 pm
    Welcome to Bossy’s Ear Worm, which features songs currently in Bossy’s headphones. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Zero 7, Swing. Bossy has always liked Zero 7, which is a UK duo with a successful background in audio engineering, who enlist a variety of singers on their records. This tune, off their latest 2009 release Yeah Ghost, is a simple fun ditty with a carnival undercurrent. And who doesn’t enjoy a little steel drum action in their waltz — even if digitally produced. Bossy isn’t sure where Swing comes from since it never…
 
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    CAP News

  • Interplanetary Coalition To Shut Down Saturn

    9 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    ATLANTA (CAP) - The Atlanta-based Interplanetary Coalition of Celestial Bodies has announced plans to shut down the planet Saturn by this time next year. Close to 2,500 astronomers are expected to be out of a job at that time. "We feel the decision to close Saturn is in the best interests of the solar system," said ICCB President Donald Zimmerman. "By closing the one planet, we feel we can avoid any sort of reduction in force with regard to the other planets." A recent study published by the ICCB cited the dwindling numbers of astronomers and a continued decrease in interest in astronomy over…

  • Stern Gets Ellen, Kara DioGuardi To Kiss At Idol Audition

    8 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - Howard Stern got off to a good start during his audition to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol, convincing fellow judges Ellen DeGeneres and Kara DioGuardi to make out on camera. "It was pretty hot," admitted fellow judge Randy Jackson. The incident occurred during a screen test for the radio shock jock to see how he would interact with the other judges, during which Stern almost immediately began badgering DeGeneres and DioGuardi to make out. "C'mon, just one kiss. I won't be able to concentrate on the contestants unless we get this out of the way," Stern can be seen…

  • New Contraceptive Pill Works For Up To 13 Years

    5 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    LONDON (CAP) - A new contraceptive pill previously available only by prescription in England could soon be making its way across the ocean, pending FDA approval. The new birth control pill nowanatal takibakate reportedly works for up to 13 years following unprotected sex that results in pregnancy. "We're really pleased to see the U.S. on the verge of allowing women the opportunity to terminate planned or unplanned pregnancies, even if it takes them years to realize they made a mistake," said Dr. Nikki Hall of the Family Planning and Well Woman Services Dean Terrace Centre. "Society will be…

  • Price Of Weapons-Grade Plutonium Hits All-Time High

    4 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    WASHINGTON (CAP) - The price of weapons-grade Plutonium surged $200 over the past three weeks to an all-time high of just over $4,000 per gram, according to an international survey. And with the start of terrorist season just around the corner, prices are not expected to drop anytime soon. "This latest price surge smashes the record high for the third time this year," said independent terrorism economist Omar McNalley. "At this point, you have to think it's starting to be priced out of the range of your average terrorist." Indeed, according to the Bureau Of Labor Statistics, the purchasing…

  • Delta Bans Humans From All Flights

    3 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    ATLANTA, Ga. (CAP) - Calling it the ultimate in airline security, Delta Airlines has announced that they are banning humans from all domestic and international flights. The new anti-terror measure takes effect immediately. "Delta's number one concern in these tough times is the security of our passengers," said Delta CEO Richard Anderson. "With our latest decision, Delta has once again shown itself to be the leader in innovation and safety." According to Delta officials, pilots and flight attendants are exempt from the new restrictions. Should the Homeland Security Advisory System for…
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    Renal Failure

  • Do these pants make Skynet look fat?

    renalfailure
    9 Feb 2010 | 2:00 am
    A friend of mine in the flesh world made me aware of a project to make robots that can keep itself fueled and energized by eating. “It can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable.” Now some people may panic over the prospect of robots being able to eat organic material or fuel itself autonomously, free of any human dependency.  They may be fearful…

  • Punctuation and not being creepy

    renalfailure
    8 Feb 2010 | 7:34 am
    “I figured something out the other day on Facebook,”  says Ninja Vicki.  “You cannot type the phrase “happy birthday” onto one of your friends’ comment boxes without using an exclamation point at the end of it.” “You’re on Facebook?”  I say.  “That’s a rather non-ninja thing to do.” “I stole someone else’s Facebook profile,” says Ninja Vicki.  “I use it to stalk people like Samurai Cathy.” “So why is the exclamation point the only suitable punctuation for the phrase Happy…

  • Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat’s Video Jukebox 02/06/10

    renalfailure
    6 Feb 2010 | 5:34 am
    Only cats can produce something so brilliant.  Try wrapping your pathetic human brains around this…

  • “Bag of Holding” means something different in prison

    renalfailure
    5 Feb 2010 | 8:53 am
    In a recent court ruling, it was decided that it was not a constitutional violation for prisons to ban the playing of Dungeons and Dragons in their correctional institutions.  From the New York Times article… Dungeons & Dragons could “foster an inmate’s obsession with escaping from the real-life correctional environment, fostering hostility, violence and escape behavior,” prison officials said in court. That could make it more difficult to rehabilitate prisoners and could endanger public safety, they said. “Now from what I know about D&D, isn’t it that the…

  • He-Man and the Masters of the West Bank

    renalfailure
    3 Feb 2010 | 8:58 pm
    So lots of people were watching the season premiere of the last season of Lost this week.  I wasn’t because to me there’s really only one thing on television that’s worth watching, and that’s Palestinian children’s programming courtesy of Hamas. We’ve already reveled in the jaunty fun of Farfour the mouse (who was beaten to death by the Israeli police), the joyous escapades of Nahoul the bee (who died of an illness because Israeli blockades wouldn’t allow him to get the medicine he needed), and Assud the jew-eating rabbit (who according to Wikipedia…
 
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    Riding with Rickey

  • Adventures in Homeownership Part II: "So, uh, When's Recycling Day?"

    Rickey Henderson
    1 Feb 2010 | 3:57 am
    (Rickey’s Hebrew ancestry totally comes in handy when it comes to stacking massive pyramids of boxes).As you can tell from the above picture, as of this Saturday, the Hendersons are officially moved in and are thoroughly enjoying their new home. Not that the process leading up to this point has been painless… There have been Armenian carpet bandits who refused to refund Rickey for work they never did. There have been movers who ripped up a perfectly good couch and refused to honor the insurance policy Rickey purchased. There has been the landlady who won’t let the Hendersons off the…

  • Lo, How the Mighty Have Fallen: Luke Wilson's Latest AT&T Commercial

    Rickey Henderson
    20 Jan 2010 | 2:00 pm
    Who offers the best 3G experience? Let’s compare. AT&T runs the nation’s fastest 3G network, lets you talk and surf the web at the same time, offers the most popular smart phones, and access to over 100,000 apps. So when you compare, there’s really no comparison. Whew, just pointing at stuff is exhausting these days… Man, I really need to drop some of this weight. Anyway, just look at some of these nifty postcards from people who actually get service on our network! Crazy, right? [long pause] Ahem. Everybody still here? OK good, because the iPhone exclusive deal with AT&T will…

  • How Rickey Spent His Weekend: Adventures in Homeownership, Part I

    Rickey Henderson
    19 Jan 2010 | 3:49 am
    The Hendersons spent the weekend schlepping boxes and other assorted miscellany into their new home. Rickey’s back hurts but his spirits are high. We’ll put up a series of pictures as soon as the interior is in a little better shape, but not yet, because it is not yet finished and in its current condition is unworthy of your critical eyes. We’re talking hideous 70’s carpeting and a paint scheme badly in need of an update.A quick peek under the carpet reveals… PAY DIRT. You’re looking at oak hardwood floors. Red oak, to be precise. Study and rich enough to have been felled from the…

  • The Mandatory Real Estate Closing Post Which I am Unable to Come Up with A Witty Title For

    Rickey Henderson
    15 Jan 2010 | 3:10 am
    I have done a great many things in my life.I have swum with dolphins. I have been yelled at by Andy Rooney to quit smoking. I have been jailed for driving on a suspended driver's license. I have dyed my hair blond. I've climbed to the top of a frat house roof and yelled "you can't run off ugly!" at a passing jogger. I have read "Ulysses." I have wed, and shortly thereafter, I have traded my wife for a horse. I have grown a beard. I have worked in libraries, restaurants, materials testing companies, housing agencies, and government entities. I have picked the names for my two nonexistent sons.

  • Rickey’s Film Corral: Round up Movies You Were too Damned Lazy to See

    Rickey Henderson
    14 Jan 2010 | 3:50 am
    [We know, you’re downright elated about Sarah Palin’s new media gig. Look at you, you’re practically bouncing up and down. But if you can pry yourself away from Fox News for juuuuuust a second, we think you’ll enjoy Rickey's in-depth analysis of the various cinematic offerings currently available for your viewing pleasure. In this column, Rickey will attempt to use his critical skills to weed out the dreck from the moderately watchable, thereby saving you money and vastly improving your quality of life. Don't say we never did anything for you, OK?]Fitzcarraldo. This was one of those…
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    LiquidGeneration.com

  • The 2010 Grammy Awards

    2 Feb 2010 | 11:29 am
    Who's hotter? Snooki or Lady Gaga? You decide4329 views | 1 comments

  • WYR: Golden Globe Awards 2010

    18 Jan 2010 | 12:27 pm
    It was a banner year for the ladies of Hollywood. Never before have they dressed so fine, sexy and ready to give the American public a reason to fast themselves for five months straight.13710 views | 1 comments

  • How Jersey Shore Are You?

    31 Dec 2009 | 6:15 am
    Do you tan so much that it just makes you want to punch a girl? Well then this quiz may just be for you! Take this quiz and find out just how big of a douche-bag you really are.18627 views | 2 comments

  • WYR: Tiger's Wife or Mistresses?

    16 Dec 2009 | 4:56 am
    Who's hotter? Tiger's wife Elin or one of the dozen women he's banged? You decide!19959 views | 10 comments

  • Santa's Sleigh Bomber

    8 Dec 2009 | 7:40 am
    This holiday season Santa Claus totally wants to drop bombs on all the little boys and girls. Help him make this happen.7672 views | 0 comments
 
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    The Smiling Infidel

  • Now I Know How The "Hard Core" Peoples In H-Town Roll!

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    17 Jan 2010 | 6:16 am
    While traversing the neighborhood last week, I spotted a young, pimped-out, pierced, tattooed, fried-and-dyed Mohawk-wearing punk standing in his driveway.....I know, big freakin deal, right? Wrong.So, was this poster child for "Extreme Body Makeover" outside listening to some thrashin' death metal music? Or perhaps perfecting his vandalism techniques while training his beloved Pit Bull, "Lucifer's Beast" how to kill on command?The correct answer is: None of the Above.I witnessed this proud member of Hell's Army meticulously cleaning his midnight black T-shirt, that featured a…

  • Unintentional Jokes Are Always The Best Jokes

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    25 Nov 2009 | 8:51 am
    So, I'm sitting there in English class on Sunday feeling bored, tired, and using all my mental focus to try to push the hands of time into fast-forward mode when the unexpected happened........I almost had to use that spare "break into glove compartment in case of emergency" panties because I was laughing so hard I nearly peed myself.I LOVED my English 1302 Professor this semester. She's helpful, and uber smart, plus she introduced us to a lot of interesting literature not found in the ho-hum assigned books. As our Professor was reviewing possible title selections to write…

  • Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad KISS?

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    5 Nov 2009 | 7:52 am
    Well, for starters, I AM! Yeah, I'll admit it....as a child I was freakin terrified of KISS, KISSes, KISSing and all things KISS-related.You might say that these mutated monsters of metal music scared me KISS-less.My degenerate second cousin used to have his room wallpapered with freaky KISS posters. Consequently, I was too scared as a 6-year old to even tiptoe past his room if the door was open enough for me and KISS to make any sort of eye contact.My cousin thought this was absolutely hilarious and he made it his life mission to terrorize me as much as possible.I'll never forget the…

  • Me And My Daughter Went Out Clubbing This Weekend!!!

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    23 Aug 2009 | 11:51 pm
    It wasn't the first time I've taken Sunbum out clubbing, either.Yeah, I know she's only 14 but we've been going to the club since she was a baby.It's like an Infidel family tradition now.There's always an abundance of fresh meat at this club and it's yours for the taking!Sure there's also a bunch of real turkeys and the occasional ham but at least they separated out the fruits into their own section.I've picked up and taken home many a cheeseball from the club. They seem harmless enough but let me tell you, as you step on the scale after your brief encounter, you realize that they definitely…

  • How Many Men Does It Take To Cover An Oft Nude Prince??!?

    ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY
    20 Aug 2009 | 10:02 am
    Apparently, it takes FIVE.Just don't ask me how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. As a professional Tootsie Roll Pop licker I just can't divulge that kind of information for free without damaging my career.I know that we're only 8 months into the year but I'm going to go ahead and declare the alt-rock geniuses of Incubus the winner of my 2009 Raspberry Beret award for their magnificent Prince-covering work in the guitar-drenched ditty, Let's Go Crazy.Good job, guys! So tonight we gonna party like it's 2009!Let me pause a moment as I shower them with a deluge of…
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    Jokes2Go Daily Humor

  • Today's Poem

    8 Feb 2010 | 4:05 pm
    Seeing my great fault Through darkening blue windows I begin again

  • Today's Joke

    8 Feb 2010 | 4:05 pm
    What's a famous saying at a gay bar? May I push in your stool. Sent by Jeff

  • Today's Story

    8 Feb 2010 | 4:05 pm
    Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama, redefined the limits of tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy, you sure have got fat in four years.'

  • Today's Quote

    8 Feb 2010 | 4:05 pm
    I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. Sue Kolinsky
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    Jokes - jokes4all.net!

  • Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good- ...

    9 Feb 2010 | 10:13 am
    Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?They already have boyfriends.

  • How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

    9 Feb 2010 | 8:13 am
    How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?Shine a flashlight in her ear.

  • Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the ...

    9 Feb 2010 | 6:13 am
    Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.""Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom…

  • The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the ...

    9 Feb 2010 | 4:13 am
    The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )"

  • Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news." ...

    9 Feb 2010 | 2:13 am
    Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."Patient: "24 Hours! Thats terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?"Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
 
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    Shamelessly Sassy

  • Low Carbing

    Shamelessly Sassy
    17 Jan 2010 | 9:10 pm
    Things to discuss: So I’m starting p90x tomorrow as well as going low carb.  Now might be a great time to discuss my love for carbs.  They are so pretty and sparkly to me.  Why does bread have to taste so good?  Why can’t I find a low carb breakfast that I love? Why do people pay for and produce low budget commercials that only make their businesses look sketchy? Why am I allergic to all of the things I love? Questions: I haz ‘em. Allie has only had school twice since her Christmas break started nearly a month ago.  Just twice. I love her, but I am also nearly crazy. …

  • Allie does the John Wall dance

    Shamelessly Sassy
    12 Jan 2010 | 8:03 pm
    If you are at all familiar with John Wall or Kentucky basketball, you’ll probably appreciate this.

  • thinking

    Shamelessly Sassy
    10 Jan 2010 | 5:17 pm
    I’ve spent the bulk of my early  and mid twenties watching cartoons and coloring pages in Little Mermaid coloring books, and I’m okay with that.  I think.  I mean, I’m okay with it most of the time.  However, there are certainly times that I wish I had spent that time as I had planned previously: traveling, sleeping in, getting lost in strange cities, reading for days on end and basking in the selfishness of doing as I pleased for just me. It’s a lot to think about, I guess.  I’m sure every stage of life is that way.  You look back at what you’ve done…

  • I’m back. Back again…

    Shamelessly Sassy
    6 Jan 2010 | 9:16 pm
    Hmm.. Where to start you’ve basically abandoned your blog for a while?  I suppose I could start with saying I am back somewhat. The month of December was December at its best, or the very best that December knows how to be, I suppose.  You know December, always pulling shady tricks on you. Sometimes it’s good.  Sometimes it’s bad.  Most of the time, it’s just December.   It came in with messy bouts shopping and tidied up with Christmas and New Year’s Eve.  Which, if I were to label evenings filled with some of my poorer decisions made under the influence,…

  • I have a blog?

    Shamelessly Sassy
    29 Nov 2009 | 6:29 pm
    If you don’t post on your blog and ignore the blog world for a whole month, a lot of stuff goes down.  So what’s happened since last we met? Well, Halloween! I made Allie’s cape myself, which was a real treat since I’m not at all a seamstress. Playing one was fun for a few hours and even better when the cape turned out decently.  I attached a huge ‘A’ to the back. After Halloween Allie was sick again, which made life even more interesting, but I’m still standing. I had plans to do NaNoWriMo but things got ridiculous and I didn’t.  I’ve…
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    Buffet o' Blog

  • caption contest, Barack Obama and John McCain

    Buffet O' Blog
    8 Feb 2010 | 9:59 pm
    I realize we’re past the election between John McCain and Barack Obama, but they still have to work together occasionally (or at least they claim to be bipartisan).  Either way, who needs context for a caption contest, right?  This week’s photo features the two of them shaking hands while Obama makes an additional hand gesture.  Feel free to use creative liberty in writing a caption — it doesn’t have to be realistic, just funny. As usual, keep your comments clean, and remember this isn’t the place for serious political rants.  You may make a short rant as…

  • What did we learn from Groundhog Day?

    Buffet O' Blog
    3 Feb 2010 | 9:43 pm
    Well, Groundhog Day has come and gone, and what do we know?  According to Wikipedia, someone actually tracks this from various festivals, and 9 of the 21 groundhogs tracked predicted 6 more weeks of winter.   The most famous one, Punxsutawney Phil, predicted 6 more weeks of winter.  Also, to get scientific, the National Climatic Data Center reportedly has stated that groundhogs’ overall prediction accuracy is around 39 percent.  That doesn’t seem very good.   Although, I wonder how accurate most weathermen are… But all this is a moot point anyway.  The official first…

  • caption contest, Ronald McDonald in burned-out store

    Buffet O' Blog
    1 Feb 2010 | 9:55 pm
    It’s definitely time for another caption contest.   This week’s picture features Ronald McDonald in a burned-out McDonald’s restaurant.  I really don’t know what happened here, and it doesn’t matter — we get to make up the context.   So think of funny stories / situations / jokes / puns / commentary / etc. that could go with this photo. (To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.) Filed under: Say What?

  • Forklift Truck Simulator

    Buffet O' Blog
    31 Jan 2010 | 9:46 pm
    There are some unusual video games that get made every year.  Most of the time, I understand — even if the game seems weird to me, at least the developers are using some creativity and trying something new.  There needs to be more chance-taking in game publishing. But I heard of a game that just blows my mind when I consider how generic it sounds.  It’s called Forklift Truck Simulator.  Below is a screenshot from the game, showing how action-packed this game will be. Uhh… Maybe there’s something I’m missing.  Let’s examine some of the press release…

  • surprised by a toilet

    Buffet O' Blog
    30 Jan 2010 | 9:52 pm
    How many times have you ever been surprised by a toilet?  And of those times, how many were something neat? Mango-Man told us he saw a once-in-a-lifetime sight recently.  He was driving home for lunch, and a toilet fell out the back of someone’s truck.  Try to picture that!  He said it shattered and went everywhere.  Too bad he didn’t get to capture it on video.  That’s something you don’t see every day… Filed under: Random
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    The Planets Best Political Humor at RadioactiveLiberty.com

  • PC is for Retards

    Les James
    7 Feb 2010 | 7:26 am
    A few days ago I drove through the bustling megalopolis of Beaver Marsh, Oregon -it took all of four seconds, but it was a scary four seconds. It may have been the blood red mobile home with the dark blue trim, or it may have been the wide spot in the road’s name. Whatever it was, suddenly I had an epiphany, and this triggered an emotional response that I don’t know very well… fear. What had me so freaked-out was that I realized I agreed with Rahm Emanuel. I had to concede he was correct when he spoke to a group of Far Left libs some months ago. They are fucking retards.

  • Hey Dems, Kiss Your Asses Goodbye

    Les James
    31 Jan 2010 | 7:02 am
    Wow! That’s pretty much my reaction to that poster from 1911, or just about anything currently coming out of the mouths of the Democrats. Not a day goes by that I don’t hear a new twist on the same failed policies from the past. No, not the ones George Bush used. I was thinking of the failed policies of Francisco Franco and Benito Mussolini -amongst others. Both of whom are still dead. You suck my blood like a leech You break the law and you preach Screw my brain till it hurts You’ve taken all my money And you want more Excerpt: Death on Two Legs, lyrics by Freddie Mercury…

  • State Of The Union Address 2010

    Fiar
    27 Jan 2010 | 6:41 pm
    In the Oval Office. Wednesday January 27, 2010. Just before the State of the Union Address which is scheduled to begin at 9pm Eastern time. An advisor goes over some of the last remaining business of the day with President Obama. What should we do about the earthquake that devastated Haiti, Mr. President? We’ll have to investigate what role Climate Change played in this catastrophe. Assemble a bipartisan committee to research this troublesome matter. But, Mr. President, What if Global Warming — I mean “Climate Change” had nothing to do with the earthquake? Come now,…

  • The Democrat Car Wreck

    Les James
    24 Jan 2010 | 7:27 am
    I ran into a liberal on Monday. Actually, it was the other way around, the lib ran into me. This is a true story. It isn’t funny, but I believe it’s worth telling. Stuck indoors for the last few weeks -while the Pineapple Express sent one warm, wet storm after another our way- I’d contracted cabin fever. Here in Central Oregon we’re use to snowy winters. But once in a while the gulf stream shifts in such a manner, as to allow the moisture to come in the form of cold rain and wet snow. Those gray, Seattle-type winters make me very aware as to why Democrats living on the…

  • Scott Brown Election Beginning of a Great Year

    Chris C
    21 Jan 2010 | 5:00 am
    Massachusetts voters came out in record numbers on a snowy, rainy day to cast their vote in Tuesday’s special election for the US Senate. Brown vs. Coakley. Obama’s agenda vs. the 41st vote. But something was missing… A lack of signs was the least of Coakley’s worries however. Her issue was mediocrity. She was pretty boring as a candidate. And for the life of me I can’t figure out where her accent is from. It’s kinda weird. Worse yet Coakley ran campaign ads that were so negative you expected the narrator to say things like “Scott Brown punts puppies.” or…
 
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    Luggage Tuesdays

  • Retraction from Friend's Roommate's Girlfriend's Aunt's Co-Worker's Hair-Dresser

    2 Feb 2010 | 9:18 am
    We apologize for a miscommunication regarding the retelling of an incident about the pet cat of a friend's roommate's girlfriend's aunt's co-worker's hair-dresser. While it was true the cat was soaking wet from the rain, the cat was dried off with a towel and not in the microwave, as reported. Friend's roommate's girlfriend's aunt's co-worker's hair-dresser regrets the error.

  • Things To Do 02/01/10

    31 Jan 2010 | 7:11 pm
    Sincerely brush teeth. Update holiday display. Switch baby Jesus with baby cupid. Come up with new catchphrase, like "Snap to it." Buy sneakers that tweet runtime jogging and running stats. Tweet stats to friends. Rediscover fire. Reinvent the wheel. Rediscovent the fire wheel. Complete tasks from 2008's and 2009's "Things To Do" lists. Snap to it more.

  • Myths About Relaxation

    1 Jan 2010 | 9:40 am
    Myth: Mantras are phrases repeated to align oneself with the universe. Reality: Mantras are phrases repeated to free adjacent seats on the bus. Myth: A popular way to relax is to take a bath. Reality: Only Europeans take baths. Myth: To help your loved one relax, you should hide their coffee. Reality: Where's my damn coffee? Myth: To say someone "has a stick up his ass" is to indicate he is tense and uncomfortable. Reality: Putting a stick up your ass is actually quite enjoyable.

  • Plug: 2009: My Year Hating Freedom

    30 Dec 2009 | 11:00 pm
    As we celebrate the new year, I want to thank you for supporting Luggage Tuesdays. I've also been writing for freedomhaters.org, a very funny topical humor site from Scott Calonico and Harmon Leon. Fans of salad jokes may enjoy these nacho jokes from 2009: Nacho Resolutions for 2010 How to Make Nacho Cheese Bread Pudding Children's Twitters to @AskNachos Greenland Greets 21st Century With Independence Nacho Resolutions for 2009

  • Things to Say to a Zombie

    30 Dec 2009 | 12:06 am
    ZOINKS! Z-Z-Z-Z-ZOMBIES! More zombies! How ironic (spoken in shopping malls only). Funny, I was just reading about zombies on the internet. You know if you kill me, I'll come back and kick your ass. Hey man, I haven't seen you since the accident. Are you a fast zombie or a slow zombie? I don't care that you're a zombie, put your pants on.
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    Happy Meals & Happy Hour

  • Oh HELL No.

    HappyHourSue
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:48 pm
    No, no, no, no. No. Bristol Palin's babydaddy. Nekkid. Good God in heaven where do I begin. OK how about here: David Hasslehoff bouffant? Check. Pasty-pimply butt area? Check. Man-pooch? Check. Bow chica wow wow.... Get in line, ladies....and don't forget the condoms.

  • Weekend LOL Video

    HappyHourSue
    6 Feb 2010 | 7:00 am
    How your dog sees you:

  • This Post is Gay AND Retarded

    HappyHourSue
    4 Feb 2010 | 3:02 pm
    Can I just say something about the whole Rahm Emanuel brou-ha-ha? So the guy said an idea was "fucking retarded." OK, not the smartest move for the Chief of Staff, granted. But I'm gonna throw it out there that there are times when "retarded" doesn't mean retarded, it just means retarded. And "gay" doesn't mean gay, it just means gay. I know you know what I mean. Water shoes? Are gay. Neti pots are gay. Shots that include Baileys? are gay. Sending non-existent gifts on Facebook is gay. Clay Aiken: gay. Adam Lambert: Not gay. Christmas newsletters are gay. Disney on Ice is gay. Handing out…

  • Bathtub Gangsta by Request

    HappyHourSue
    2 Feb 2010 | 2:20 pm
    "Sup, Shawty" OK so a whole bunch of commenters from the "Delurking Day" post wanted to know "Where's BG?" Freakin guy. I've got mad Bratz calling the house cuz they can't reach him on his cell....his texting bill is outta control....he's spending hours at the gym..... Oh crap. We got a situation. "GTL baby!"

  • Some Things You Can't Un-See.

    HappyHourSue
    25 Jan 2010 | 2:36 pm
    So originally this post was going to be about Octomom being on the cover of Star Magazine in a bikini. and I was even going to photoshop her hanging out with E-man, enjoying some SeaRay Living. "Who wants a brewski" but I got all kinds of distracted when I came upon THIS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dude. DUDE. I understand I'm obviously a little late to the party here. But THAT is not right. Dakota Fanning could fit in there. It's like an alien space boob that's going to take over the world. See? I did Photoshop after all.
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    YepYep - Your Daily Waste Of Time

  • The Best Commercial That Didn’t Air During The Super Bowl

    gibbs12
    9 Feb 2010 | 4:11 am
    _ With so many brands competing to be the manliest last Sunday night, Old Spice stayed out of the fight, but are coming on strong with this hilarious web “manmercial”: Apparently someone told Old Spice that your WAG is buying your body wash.

  • Top 10 Things You Need To Know About ‘The Bannen Way’

    Lauren
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:46 pm
    Written by Lauren Gibbs Here’s how the PR folk describe the new web series The Bannen Way: THE BANNEN WAY is the highly-anticipated, sexy, fast-paced series starring Mark Gantt (“Ocean’s Eleven”); Vanessa Marcil (“Lipstick Jungle,” “Las Vegas”); Gabriel Tigerman (“Supernatural”); Michael Ironside (“Terminator Salvation,” Total Recall,” “Smallville”); Academy-Award® nominee Robert Forster (“Jackie Brown,” “Heroes”); and special guest star, Academy-Award® nominee Michael Lerner (“Entourage,” “Elf,” “Barton…

  • Cop Out’s Red Band Trailer Is A Bit Better

    gibbs12
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:45 pm
    Still not sure what this movie is about, but a vulgar Tracy Morgan is always entertaining:

  • An Interesting Approach To STD Control

    gibbs12
    8 Feb 2010 | 3:38 pm
    The HIV Prevention Mobsters have clever Wu Tang-like names to relate to the kids.  Click the image for full size.

  • Sweet Puppy Break Dance Move

    gibbs12
    8 Feb 2010 | 3:36 pm
 
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    DeadRooster.com

  • Walmart Screaming Clown Commercial with Rooster Bonus

    William McCamment
    25 Jan 2010 | 6:03 am
    I rarely put videos on my blog, but when I saw this Walmart Clown Commercial during the NFL playoffs yesterday, I laughed so hard I knew I had to share it. It is easily the funniest commercial I’ve seen in years and it boggles my mind as to why Walmart didn’t wait a couple weeks to feature it during the Superbowl. What a bunch of clowns! I’m sure it would have been one of the winners. Death Metal Rooster Bonus This next one isn’t nearly as funny as the Walmart Clown Commercial, but I think  it is related and relevant enough (given the “rooster” theme of…

  • It’s 2010 and I’m in Love With a Calculator From 1984

    William McCamment
    1 Jan 2010 | 4:15 pm
    In 1982 Arthur C. Clarke published a novel called, 2010: Odyssey Two which was made into a film in 1984 with the shortened title 2010 which was a sequel to his 1968 novel 2001: A Space Odyssey which was really just a novelization of the Stanley Kubric film predictably called 2001: A Space Odyssey which — I know this is getting confusing — was based on Clarke’s short story The Sentinel. I remember seeing 2010 at the movie theater in 1984, seeing the awesome space-oriented special effects, and thinking how awesome it’s going to be when 2010 finally gets here. But, the…

  • Wake up, Fiery Scarecrow!

    William McCamment
    22 Nov 2009 | 12:30 pm
    Last night I woke up to the phone ringing. It was 11:30 p.m. and I was out cold. I’m always nervous about answering the phone at that hour because everyone knows I get up really early (3:00 or 4:00 am) to go ballooning and it could only either be an emergency, or the occaisional call from Costa Rica from someone wanting to know if I want to place a bet (I have no idea why they call me, I don’t gamble and have no intention of EVER placing a bet by telephone — especially to some random casino in a foreign country). I answer the phone and the voice on the other end sounded very…

  • Tweetings From 3000 Feet

    William McCamment
    12 Nov 2009 | 6:32 pm
    The main reason I got an iPhone—aside from the fact that my previous RAZR phone had reception equal to that of a 1960’s short-wave radio (“Come-in Tokyo!”)—was so I could keep connected to the internet and my billions of fans no matter where I was or what I was doing. So, on Monday, I decided to take it up in a hot air balloon. Normally, I don’t fly much, but when there are too many people for the mid-sized balloon but not really enough for the big balloon, the pilot likes to have some extra weight in the basket for maneuverability, so one of the crew guys…
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    PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

  • It’s all about communication. And toilet paper.

    kerry
    8 Feb 2010 | 1:50 pm
    Writes Brittney in California: “Apparently, my mom’s boyfriend was stuck with an insufficient amount of toilet paper, and being passive aggressive (because he really is) he decides to write a note about it and stick it on the mirror, rather than confront her.” Mom’s response? And, in the end….everybody loses! related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt

  • If you could summarize BYU culture in one note…

    kerry
    7 Feb 2010 | 2:45 pm
    At least a half-dozen submitters (including Spencer, Kelsae, and Mark) would pick this one — from a pizzeria in Provo, Utah. “For those who don’t know, “lower kingdoms” comes from Mormon theology, where they believe that people are sorted out into three kingdoms instead of the traditional heaven and hell option,” Kelsae says. Adds Spencer: “There’s a stack of plastic cups in the public’s reach for use either for water or soda, depending on whether you paid or not. The influence this business avers on final judgment, combined with overt Mormon…

  • They need time to clean up the meth lab in the garage, after all.

    kerry
    4 Feb 2010 | 2:20 pm
    It’s almost Valentine’s day, and yet the Christmas guilt trips keep rolling in! Savanna in Texas says her friend received this doozy of a card from her parents (the front of which said, “Joy to the World.”) related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)

  • I think this is the best costume for today.

    kerry
    3 Feb 2010 | 5:58 pm
    Noah in Richmond, Virginia spotted this earnest plea in the bathroom of “a funky little coffee shop” on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. “The sign was also on a bulletin board in the middle of the shop as well,” he says — “just in case the thief was avoiding the scene of the crime.” And if you doubt Edie’s ability to get aggressive on your personal-art-piece-thievin’ ass, just wait ’til she catches you in the act. We’ll see how your bathroom art collection looks when she’s through with you! (I’d like to imagine the…

  • You need some help

    kerry
    2 Feb 2010 | 8:55 pm
    On a lark, Michelle in Florida posted a profile on the online dating site OKCupid after taking one of the site’s quizzes late one night, allowing the site to pull most of her interests and whatnot from Facebook. “I didn’t think anything more of it,” she says, that is, until she got this “helpful” message — apparently one adjunct university professor’s idea of a charming conversation starter. related: Not-a-match.com
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    Guyism » humor

  • Quote of the Day

    Chris Spags
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:30 am
    Everyone dreams of what it might be like to be rich. But as a prophet once said, “The mo’ money we come across, the mo’ problems we see.” At least if you’re to believe this Austrian businessman who’s giving away his millions. Mr Rabeder, 47, a businessman from Telfs is in the process of selling his luxury 3,455 sq ft villa with lake, sauna and spectacular mountain views over the Alps, valued at £1.4 million.Also for sale is his beautiful old stone farmhouse in Provence with its 17 hectares overlooking the arrière-pays, on the market for £613,000. Already…

  • Man tries to buy crack with credit card, ends about as well as you’d guess

    Chris Spags
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:12 am
    Having a drug habit is certainly an expensive hobby, much like collecting stamps or comic books then dicing them up and snorting them to feel alive. But in spite of that, buying drugs with a credit card is typically frowned upon. Just ask this Michigan man who attempted to buy crack with his Visa then got robbed at gunpoint. Authorities said a man accused of stealing a car then reporting it stolen remains in custody after telling police he was robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy crack cocaine with a credit card. The Flint Journal said the man reported Thursday night that a 2003 Chevy…

  • 1 in 5 Americans prefer a pet to a human on Valentine’s Day

    Chris Spags
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:50 am
    I firmly believe that Valentine’s Day is just a farce of a holiday that reveals nothing about a relationship other than sharing a common bond over not wanting friends and family to think you’re a lonely person incapable of love. But that said, it carries some symbolic weight. So what does it say about people when one-fifth of people polled say they’d rather be with a pet than a partner on Valentine’s Day. Get the Skippy! Rather than spending Valentine’s Day with their partner, one-fifth of adults would prefer to be with their pet, although the French still came…

  • “Bruce the Funny Dog” should be a part of your life

    Chris Spags
    8 Feb 2010 | 11:00 am
    I caught up on the Season 2 premiere of “Important Things with Demetri Martin” after really enjoying the show last season and, in my ongoing efforts to support those who actually entertain me, encourage you to check out this clip. In this sketch, we’re introduced to a sitcom-ish situation with Demetri Martin and some girl and their dog with hilarious tendencies, Bruce the Funny Dog. I am firmly in the camp of Team Bruce in this one. Yes, life has its ups and downs, but what better to bring joy to the masses than a dog in silly costumes? I mean, when I die (probably a couple…

  • Quote of the Day

    Chris Spags
    8 Feb 2010 | 9:23 am
    I’m not a dog owner (primarily due to my live-in girlfriend’s allergy to them), but I’m definitely a dog sympathizer. So I read this story about arguably the world’s most awesome dog park in Tampa Bay. But what should have been a story with adorable dog pictures happened to have a hilarious quote about what douchebags we humans are with letting pets run our lives. The popular Davis Islands dog park, the city’s first with a beach, soon will undergo improvements.The narrow strip of beachfront with magnificent views of downtown Tampa was made available a decade ago…
 
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    Regretful Morning» Drinking stories, walks of shame, Funny videos

  • Hammer toss goes awfully wrong

    Jason
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:37 am
    This kid isn’t having the best day. Unfortunately no one told him that he needs to let go of the rope. Hammer Toss Fail – Watch more Funny Videos

  • Fruit you can fap to

    Jason
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:43 pm
    I’d love to smell that orange, and lick that apple.

  • Michelle is one girl you wouldn’t regret waking up with

    Jason
    8 Feb 2010 | 4:36 pm
    Hi kids, I know you’re probably all feeling like shit after getting drunker than 57 Indians yesterday.  So here’s a quick compilation of sexy Michelle from SoCal Glamour girls. Let’s turn those frowns upside down! New Years Eve sexy Strip tease here. NYE gallery here. Michelle is an adorable angel outfit here. Bonus vid: Michelle sends us Valentines [...]

  • Megan Fox Super Bowl Commercial

    Jason
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:45 am
    This year’s Motorola commercial featured Megan Fox in a bathtub. Thank you Motorola. Megan Fox Motorola Bathtub – Watch more Big Game Bonanza

  • 10 Sexual Euphemisms You’ve Used By Accident

    John Scrovak
    8 Feb 2010 | 7:00 am
    The English language is a wonderful language. Not only does it contain a vast, almost too-large, quantity of words and phrases, it’s the fastest changing language on the planet. English has changed more in the last century than any language has changed over any period of time, ever. For that we can [...]
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    Id Rather Be Blogging

  • Blog Candy!

    Maureen
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:13 am
    Have you ever gone to a blog, read that title and thought, "Cool! I want to win candy!" only to be severely disappointed to see that there is, in fact, NO candy at all? I mean sure they offer 'prizes', but no actual CANDY.No?So that's just me then? Crap.Well, today there IS candy. And lots of other goodies too.No, I am not giving away my steadily-dwindling stash of Christmas chocolates. I am not even clearing out that huge bowl still hidden away stored-out-in-the-open-(closet)-where-any-of-my-family-can-partake-of-them-if-they-really-wanted-to of Rockets I bought last Halloween.Nope. This is…

  • Olympic Dreams

    Maureen
    4 Feb 2010 | 5:15 am
    In one of her rare appearances at home (in-between work, school and social engagements our house has become merely a pit-stop of late), I had a brief few minutes to spend with daughter. Somehow our conversation veered off onto the subject of the upcoming Winter Olympics in Vancouver:Me: "So, did you hear that a Winnipegger will be the flag bearer at the Olympics?"Her: "Nope. Who?"Me: "Clara Hughes. She has won medals at both the Summer and Winter Games."Her: "For what?"Me: "Cycling and speed skating."Her: "Oh good. I was afraid you were going to say Curling."Me: "Hey! I was a Curler you know!

  • A Mosh Pit Of One

    Maureen
    31 Jan 2010 | 10:00 pm
    I've been on a card-making roll recently. Now that I have a dedicated "crafting room", I can get creative whenever I feel like it. And for the past week or so, I have been churning out one or two cards each night. I love spending evenings in that room, especially since Christmas when I got a tres cool dock for my iPod. So now I can power on the tunes and Get Down while Getting Artistic.I will admit I also, in a very quiet voice if not alone in the house, "Sing"* to said tunes. (That being said, if I am home alone, I crank the music up and belt it out with all I've got.)And when I am not…

  • Crash!

    Maureen
    28 Jan 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Typical. Just days before renewing my driver's licence, I get into a smash-up.There I was minding my own business, leisurely motoring home from work ... Tra La, La, La, La. Turning the curve on our tres icy road, I realized only too late a collision was imminent. Slamming on the brakes proved futile; all I could do was hang on for dear life as my trusty Caravan slid out of control on the hockey rink we call a street.Suh-Mash!Crap! Crap! Crap!Twisted metal and plastic flew. I just sat dumbfounded and began to shake.Ackkk! I got out and surveyed the scene, prying out pieces wedged underneath my…

  • Dayzed

    Maureen
    24 Jan 2010 | 10:00 pm
    It's been nearly a month since I was on vacation yet I continue to struggle with one of Life's Most Challenging Questions each morning:"What's today???"Over the holidays it didn't matter if it was Saturday or Wednesday... they were all un-working days, so who gave a crap which exact day it was? It was a blissful two weeks. * Sigh *But here it is, nearing the end of January, and I still lay in bed wondering... is it Thursday? No, Wednesday! Ummmm... it doesn't feellike Friday....And I think I know why.I blame it on TV. Yep. It HAS to be because my regular shows have yet to return to Prime…
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    Magick Sandwich

  • A Super Bowl Mystery

    5 Feb 2010 | 6:56 am
    At Magick Sandwich, we're not afraid to ask the tough questions:Why don't we ever see players puking on NFL broadcasts?It's odd, isn't it? We see plenty of injuries that might cause a player to barf, especially concussions. I'd think a helmet to the breadbasket might do it, too. I know they're padded up but a hit from a three hundred pound battering ram might make one cough up one's Gatorade.Some of the hits look pretty bad. The network doesn't mind that: they'll replay it and amplify the sound of the impact. But the cameramen and producers are also very good at cutting away. They'll let us…

  • My Problem with Twitter and Facebook

    25 Jan 2010 | 12:43 pm
    Do you ever feel like this?Time spent on Twitter, especially, feels like death from a thousand cuts. Ideas dribble out 140 characters at a time and I have no energy left to flesh them out into something substantive...or at least minimally blog-worthy.Social networks are fun and are a great way to keep in touch with friends and family. I've always been that kind of smart aleck who passed notes in class, so it feels familiar. Could it be that the convenience of sending friends the electronic equivalent is satisfying my need to write on some level?I certainly don't feel satisfied, but I don't…

  • Alas, Poor Conan

    12 Jan 2010 | 1:43 pm
    Have you ever been dicked over at work? And your boss is telling you,"No, there's nothing wrong here. It's all in your head"? If you have, say hello to your brother, Conan O'Brien.Did he have a funny feeling he might be New Coke to Jay Leno's Classic? When he took over The Tonight Show and NBC installed Leno in the one hour 10 to 11 spot, was his Spidey sense tingling?Even the network admitted it was going to do badly with Jay's ratings but said it was still cheaper than producing original programming. (They were right about that. I think Leno's last original joke was about Arsenio Hall. Hey,…

  • Kathcom's Top 3 Reasons Not to Blog

    5 Jan 2010 | 8:44 am
    Things have been pretty quiet at Magick Sandwich headquarters. In keeping with New Year's tradition, I've resolved to fess up to what's been keeping me from blogging lately. Here is a partial list:1. Watching Hoarders. Who knew that A&E could make bedbugs and flattened cats so appealing? It certainly makes me feel better about my clutter problem.2. Reading magazines. They pile up quickly when I'm not paying attention.(See #1). Sometimes I even force myself to read The New Yorker before Us Weekly to make myself feel more, you know, learned.3. Playing Spymaster. I really enjoy murdering…

  • 200th Post and Santa Caption Contest

    22 Dec 2009 | 3:57 pm
    It figures that I'd make it to my 200th post on Magick Sandwich and have run out of ideas...or pissed them away, like Ole Saint Nick here.So after toiling away trying to come up with a caption for my holiday greeting-- draining the cane; golden showers; fictional incontinence; too much milk drunk to hold it to the North Pole; ha ha I said pole; up on the rooftop piss, piss, piss etc.-- I've decided to lay it in your lap.Down a couple eggnogs and take a crack at this nut. I'd appreciate it. I know there's a good joke in there somewhere. I just can't find it. Happy New Year, everybody! And…
 
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    Guide to World Domination

  • Laugh and Learn Puppy & Other Stories

    Leanne Heller
    30 Jan 2010 | 7:55 am
    It’s a great big colorful world out there!  Everything’s got a color that it can wear. Hand! Green hand!  Yaaaay clap clap clap clap clap. I am starting to dislike our Laugh and Learn Puppy dog. Of all our toys that talk, sing, giggle and snort, the Laugh and Learn Puppy is the only one that gets on my nerves. Mainly, this is because the song takes over your mind and repeats itself, over and over. To put this in perspective, this is including a 2 page story that repeats, “Let’s go out to play; it’s a sunny day!” and “Playtime was such fun;…

  • Happy New Year

    Leanne Heller
    4 Jan 2010 | 6:32 pm
    2009 has been an eventful year. In May, Maddox Jaesun Heller was born, and he is amazing. The other significant (but not quite as) event occurred in November, when Jon and I finally bought a house after over a year of searching. Both events have taught me a lot. Here are 5 lessons I learned in 2009: Having a kid makes you react to things differently.  Movies become traumatic as you imagine your child in a similar situation to the kid on the screen.  Screaming children in restaurants are less annoying.  You are never bored, because you do not have the time to be bored. Redfin is a great way…

  • Wireless Power – How is This Not Dangerous?

    Leanne Heller
    13 Oct 2009 | 6:33 pm
    I’ve always wanted the power to smite people. You throw your arms up in the air, call on the powers of heaven and lightening, and fry the offending party where they stand. Generally, this urge comes on when I’m driving around Salem. Now I hear that Sony has developed wireless technology that sends electricity through the air. While my mind is boggled – Flying invisible electricity! Get excited! – I have to ask myself. How is this not dangerous? I understand that this is not strictly a new concept. My cell phone works, and it’s not plugged in. My laptop can…

  • The Countdown of Doom

    Leanne Heller
    2 Oct 2009 | 5:27 am
    Jon and I were driving to pick up Maddox from daycare when I thought I heard Jon say “eight” and then a moment later, “seven.” Thinking, gee, this is a weird game, but okay, I’ll play too, I started counting down from six. From Jon’s confused reaction, I gathered that I had misheard him, and we were not in fact flexing our awesome countdown skills. Because I figured I might as well finish what I’d started, I kept counting aloud anyway. This had an interesting effect: Jon grew progressively more alarmed with each number. I began to realize that 1) this…

  • Review of Sony Baby Call Baby Monitor – 900MHZ

    Leanne Heller
    6 Sep 2009 | 9:31 am
    The Back Story: It took awhile for me to trust our baby monitor. I didn’t believe that the voice-activate setting would work, and pictured my poor baby crying his head off in the other room. Note: We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and there is virtually no room in the house where you could not hear a baby from another room. So, this is a post for all the other neurotic new moms out there who are worried that their baby monitors won’t actually allow them to monitor their babies. Product Description The Sony Baby Call Baby Monitor has three settings: On, off, and voice-active. The…
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    Zoomdoggle: More fun than work!

  • FUN VIDEO: Darth Vaders Voice Before Voice Over

    jakehimself
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:20 am
    This must have been shot before Vader hit puberty. Going behind the scenes is fun. ShareThis

  • GUESS WHO: Celebrity School Pics

    jakehimself
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:20 am
    Quick, can you spot the familiar faces above? Take a guess, then check your work after the jump. There’s thousands more Celebrity School Pics where these came from. LINK: Celebrityschoolpics. ShareThis

  • BREAK THIS RECORD: Most Times Unscrewing A Plastic Bottle Cap While Listening To ‘Perfect Strangers’ Theme Song

    URDB
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:20 am
    Josh Cohen unscrewed the cap off his plastic Miller Lite beer bottle 18 times while listening to the theme song from Perfect Strangers. CRITERIA TO BEAT RECORD: - can use both hands - cap must be tightly back screwed back onto bottle each time - cap must be fully removed from bottle each time - any type of beverage bottle is acceptable (beer, soda, water, etc.) “Sometimes you just get a feeling like you need some kind of change.” ShareThis

  • LOOK: Hipster Puppies

    jakehimself
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:20 am
    The pictures are cute. The captions are clever (”isis mae only took her top off because, hey, when’s the next time she’ll meet terry richardson?”). And there’s loads more after the jump. Yup, how fun is that? LINK: Hipsterpuppies via BoingBoing. ShareThis

  • PLAY: Where We Remain

    jakehimself
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:19 am
    Somewhere on an island, a girl is waiting for you to find her. Find 10 possible powerups to help you complete your quest while avoiding the mysterious spirits that populate the island. You’ll also discover that there’s more to the island than initially appears. Click the pic, you’ll see. Besides, any game that starts with a compliment must be fun. LINK: Armorgames. ShareThis
 
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    The Nothing Report

  • The Super Bowl: America's Annual OJ Trial

    Beau Horner
    7 Feb 2010 | 7:50 pm
    Here it is, the game of the year; the most expensive airtime anyone can hope to purchase in the hopes that someone will buy some damn Doritos and Bud Light. I myself am not a football fan. I don't have the patience to sit for 6 hours and watch the same episode with different players over and over. The game never ends, really. One team has the ball, the other one doesn't. A coach somewhere is pissed off and some other guys are constantly telling you what's happening, even though you're watching. The best part of all is, no matter where you are, who you are, or where you're from, you're stupid…

  • "The Nothing Report" & "Braking Entertainment" Both Hate Oasis

    Beau Horner
    13 Jan 2010 | 7:47 pm
    I've finally finished my first video to be released on Youtube which happens to be a literal music video. If you're bored and get burnt out on chronically masturbating to cross-dressing pigmys that eat placentas and finger paint on each other with hamster poo, you can check it out here. In the course of my life on youtube, I'll be doing video blogs for The Nothing Report, maybe more literal videos, some other stuff in the style of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and if we ever get some money we'll begin our sit-com project "Braking News" The name for our database of thought is kind of a play on…

  • All I Got For Saturnalia was Christmas

    Beau Horner
    25 Dec 2009 | 10:36 am
    Today is one of  about 5 days a year where everyone deems it necessary to make me wake up and do things. Looks great on paper I'm assuming, but even though I didn't get that memo, somehow I'm still responsible. Everywhere I go people are telling me to have a merry Christmas. I don't always find it imperitive to let them know that I don't celebrate pagan holidays because, well, they have no idea why of all things I don't take part in their ignorance.  Just getting my comic books last week took everything out of me answering a question from one of the guys working there. The internet…

  • The Nothing Report on Dating Fails

    Beau Horner
    15 Dec 2009 | 3:30 pm
    Ever think about where your dream girl is hiding? Picture by: MeYeah.......and here I thought the internet was there so you could lie about your weight. Turns out you can be truthful about that, but lie about how much you eat. Two wrongs apparently make one hell of a catch in this case.Do we even wonder why there's no photo?

  • A Chick Going Into Labor is Anything But Silent

    Beau Horner
    11 Dec 2009 | 8:39 am
    I was at the local greasy spoon tonight pondering the existence of midi-chlorians as I usually do when an eerily familiar yet annoying sound wave crept into the holes in my head I like to call "head holes". What would you assume this little tidbit of musical enjoyment was?... None other than "Silent Night" by one of three thousand various singers that God himself naturally selected to perform in front of live patrons who just so happen to commonly consume "taters". I couldn't help but repeat to myself what could have possibly been running through the mind of this mystery shopper:"You know,…
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    Urban Prankster

  • Pranking the Westboro Baptist Church in San Francisco

    Charlie Todd
    8 Feb 2010 | 12:45 pm
    When the notorious Westboro Baptist Church traveled to San Francisco to protest outside of Twitter headquarters, some local pranksters showed up with ridiculously hilarious signs to counter them. via Laughing Squid Related posts:God Hates SignsCorduroy Skirts are a SinI Hate Crowds

  • Anger Release Machine

    Alex Scordelis
    1 Feb 2010 | 4:59 am
    Are you stressed out and feeling the need to break something? Just pop a few coins in the Anger Release Machine and choose a porcelain item to smash. This clever “venting machine” is the work of Berlin-based artists Katja Kublitz and Ronnie Yarisal. via psfk

  • Ice Cube Ice Cube Dispenser

    Charlie Todd
    27 Jan 2010 | 4:22 am
    Reminds us of the Tom Hanks Trash Can via

  • Corduroy Skirts are a Sin

    Charlie Todd
    25 Jan 2010 | 4:57 am
    A brilliant counter-protest sign on the campus of Syracuse University. The creator Chris Pesto writes: I noticed two adults on campus holding signs that said “Homosexuality is a sin”. First, I would just like to say that I support people with their own opinions. I think that everyone is entitled to their right to think what they want. However, when someone comes on my campus, where I pay tuition to live, I don’t think it’s appropriate to rub such a hateful sign in someone’s face. I decided that because this woman thought it was okay to make me feel uncomfortable in my home, I would…

  • Dead Body Prank

    Charlie Todd
    20 Jan 2010 | 4:51 am
    Improv AZ, a group that formed on the Urban Prankster Network set up by Improv Everywhere, recently dressed up in shirts that read “Coroner” and took what looked like a dead body around Phoenix. Project page. Related posts:Dead Pixel in Google EarthLiving SculpturesThree Year Epic Prank On One Stranger
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    The Offended Blogger

  • The “Don’t Axe, Don’t Tell” Offensive

    Chelle B.
    8 Feb 2010 | 12:02 pm
    The other day I was chatting online with my new black Army friend who convinced me that this whole "Don't Axe, Don't Tell" military policy is wrong, wrong, WRONG and should be repealed immediately! At least I'm pretty sure he's black. His avatar is Obama and he has 50 Cent on his MySpace playlist. Plus, every [...]

  • The “Thou are not Forsaken Haiti!” Offensive

    Chelle B.
    17 Jan 2010 | 4:54 pm
    When I heard about the horrible earthquake in Haiti, like many Americans I was struck with feelings of sorrow, guilt and self righteous indignation. And, like many Americans, I had to ask myself, "Why is it that every time some third world country sells its soul to the devil in order to stick pins in [...]

  • The “New Year’s Resolution Solution” Offensive

    Chelle B.
    6 Jan 2010 | 3:05 pm
    According to scientific research (funded with your tax money and conducted by moi!), you should never make a New Year's resolution because despite the fact that most of them revolve around things like losing weight, exercising more and/or giving up fleshly vices which will doom you to hell for all eternity, doing so may actually [...]
 
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    Stuff Christians Like - Jon Acuff

  • Awkward Singles Events

    Jon
    9 Feb 2010 | 4:30 am
    Across the nation, with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, churches are planning singles events. A potpourri of awesomeness wrapped in a tortilla shell of awkwardness, these events are almost too wondrous to behold. Though it’s been a few years I can still recall my last one. I got stuck in the closet. Unlike R. Kelly, I was just trying to get my coat. Suddenly, a guy from another church blocked the doorway, effectively preventing me from leaving. I could still hear “safe enough for church” slow dance music playing in the background. Things looked dire, but fortunately, much like…

  • 4 steps to blogging.

    Jon
    9 Feb 2010 | 4:00 am
    Although I blog a lot, I don’t consider myself a blog expert. Folks like Michael Hyatt and Seth Godin are blog experts. But sometimes people do ask about how I write this site so I thought it might be good to share a little about the steps I go through. Step 1: The Idea The first thing I do is come up with the initial idea. I usually write it down in my iPhone or on a piece of paper. It will be a single sentence that I think might work as a post. Or it will be an idea that a reader thinks will be funny. Regardless, I’ll make sure I capture it and then sit on it. Step 2: Sprint…

  • Fearing your prayer request isn’t “big enough.”

    Jon
    8 Feb 2010 | 4:45 am
    “Uh oh,” my friend said the other night at the end of our men’s group, “I don’t think I should share my prayer request anymore.” Why did he say this? Simple, he didn’t have a “big prayer request.” After hearing everyone’s very serious, very heartfelt prayer requests, his suddenly felt small and insignificant. He didn’t want to say it out loud. He was struck with a bought of prayer envy or “prenvy.” And you hate to see that kind of thing strike a kid so young. It’s a shame, a dang shame. So to help him, and others out there, I thought it would be a good idea…

  • What are you praying about?

    Jon
    6 Feb 2010 | 3:09 am
    On Saturday, February 20th, starting at 7AM eastern time, we are going to do a 24 hour day of prayer on Stuff Christians Like. If you’ve got a prayer request that you want to tell thousands of people about from dozens of countries around the world, please leave a comment. If you want to pray, please comment “I’ll take 7-8PM.” Then during that hour, I’d love if you could come on the site, respond to any comments and pray for the people who have left prayer requests. So the question is, can we pray for you? How so?

  • Best breakdancing ever.

    Jon
    6 Feb 2010 | 2:00 am
    I will never get tired of the second kid in this video, the one with the orange shirt. Insane.
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    Got Funny

  • Three New Years Vows That Are Hard To Carry Out

    Andrew Cummings
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:09 am
    January 1st marks a new beginning for many people. It\’s a day that gives us a clean slate with the ability to start off the new year on a positive note. As a result, swarms of people make pledges that their old habits will die, replaced by new and improved versions of themselves. Let\’s take a look at some of the most popular new year\’s resolutions that always seem to be hard to keep. This article will focus on three really common ones that I\’m sure you\’ve heard at some point or another in your life. Maybe you\’ve even made one of these yourself. One of…

  • Nintendo Wii Console and the Gaming Experience

    Franklin Abbotsford
    9 Feb 2010 | 5:27 am
    The popularity of video games has resulted to a lot of inventions such as gaming consoles and other gadgets. Huge companies employ their own developers for product development including gaming consoles and games. Among them arise Nintendo WII which is known as one of the marvelous gaming consoles. Just like XBOX 360, Nintendo WII has a wide range of games providing thrilling game experience. Wii is pronounced as the pronoun \”we\” and it is probably the reason why this gaming console targets a bigger market compared to XBOX 360 and PS3. Wii is intentionally spelled with two lower…

  • Brighten Up Your Checks with the Lovable Tweety Bird

    Alan Plastin
    8 Feb 2010 | 2:53 am
    Are you looking for a way to make your checks stand out from all the rest? If so, then you might be interested in Tweety Bird checks! Tweety Bird is a timeless and classic cartoon character that several generations now have been able to enjoy. If you\’re looking for a way to sweeten up your personal bank checks, than this loveable little yellow bird can brighten most anyone\’s day. Nearly everyone is familiar with Tweety Bird and his opponent, Sylvester the Cat. Tweety Bird is a little yellow canary cartoon character that was produced by Warner Brothers in the Merrie Melodies and…

  • Why Grocery Stores Should Calm Down

    Adrienne Monson
    6 Feb 2010 | 6:08 am
    Grocery stores are being usurped by the big, warehouse-like chains. This is nothing new, and I myself, have done plenty of my grocery shopping at these huge places. They have cheaper prices, a fairly large selection, and the super stores have everything (from regular food groceries, to clothes, to auto supplies) in one convenient location. I completely understand why these types of stores are blowing their smaller competition out of the water. However, I was at my local market the other day with my three-year-old son, who was getting understandably impatient waiting in line to check out. When…

  • Arguably One Of The Best Animated Series On TV. Why People Watch Family Guy.

    Anthony O\' Connell
    5 Feb 2010 | 12:51 pm
    Seth also does voice overs for numerous characters in the show, such Brian and Stewie. He also speaks for a lot of the small part characters as well in family guy episodes. It was very strange hearing those voices coming from him when I saw him perform them in live television show all I could see was a dog and a crazy baby. The Simpsons has finally lost its hold as been rated the top animated show by family guy as the loses out on Sunday nights ratings. Bringing a large amount of success to the fox network the shows have been granted another couple of years to run on air which is great news…
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    Other than that, how'd you like the play Mrs. Lincoln?

  • doing my part

    9 Feb 2010 | 4:48 am
    A friend of mine owns a recycling plant (I know people).  They recycle plastic, so if you have any extra and live around the Loveland area..give him a call. He knows his stuff and recently I heard him say that these new fangled electronic cars are going to do more hard to uncle Earth than the 'ol Chevy's that jump broken bridges in Hazzard County.  Apparently disposing of these new fangled batteries is going to be a major issue.  I'm just a simple suburban Pastor from the west side of the tracks, so I'm not sure how that'll all pan out...I'm guessing we'll shoot those to…

  • looking for a new name...

    5 Feb 2010 | 4:20 am
    I'm fairly certain I broke my hip.  It might just be a crack, strain, bruise or tear...but it feels like Korey Stringer borrowed Griffin's pogo stick and went to town on my right leg...up near my bathing suit parts.  Here's how it happened:  I'm a basketball coach and occasionally I'll have to scrimmage with the boys.  This involves a lot of running back and forth on the 'ol ballfield (did I mention I don't really know anything about basketball?).  Well at our practice the other day, the other coach decided to give the kids a little incentive.  For…

  • little piece of genius

    4 Feb 2010 | 5:18 am
    If you own a business and have enough money to hire a half dozen employees - here's what you oughta do.Hire a half dozen + one.That one will make all the difference.  Hire one person to be your apology manager.  You pay them eleven bucks an hour and tell them that 100% of their job is to say, "I'm sorry about that, let me see if I can help you out".(run away sentence ahead) We live in a rapidly non-apologetic society where the last bastion of service is going out the window and being replaced with minimum wage employees counting the minutes until they can go spend their paycheck at…

  • Major Tom is looking for a gig

    2 Feb 2010 | 4:52 am
    President Obama is killing NASA's Moonshot Constellation Project.He's cutting it off at the legs...very expensive legs at that.If Loyds of London were to insure those legs, we'll we're looking at premiums that make my insurance premiums look...well I guess about the same.  Not my point...he's killing the project and I'm all for it.We've already put $9 billion into this (if someone just said that to me, it would most assuredly be followed by "that's billion with a B").  My simple guy from the heart of it all perspective on this is simply - if you can't finish your little project with…

  • sick of bills

    1 Feb 2010 | 5:04 am
    The Murphy family visited doctors and physical therapists a total of 11 times in January.That's a bad month.  Basically we had some ear infections, streptococcus, sinus infections, bronchitis, and a soon to be diagnosed (after three doctors and a physical therapist take another looksy) shoulder problem.Our insurance is roughly the equivalent of an ok coupon and the bills are racking up. Meanwhile, I met with a guy the other day that was telling me about how he has free insurance through medicaid.   I was sort of surprised that this fella even qualified for it.Turns out…
 
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    NewWest.Net All Headlines

  • A Fresh Perspective From the Intermountain West

    info@newwest.net
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:41 am
    I knew I'd like this guy from the moment we were introduced. Underneath the Hello! My Name Is on his paper name tag, he'd scrawled NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS. A man after my own heart. Clarence Worly (he took his nom de guerre from Christian Slater's character in 'True Romance') joined my fraternity, Delta Tau Chi, in Pocatello in the early 80's, when we were occasionally attending the alleged institute of higher learning there. We put a lot of effort into putting the high in higher learning, and that led to our inevitable frat band, Rotten Tuna. We played sorority mixers and local taverns…

  • Solutions for a Post Carbon World

    info@newwest.net
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:29 am
    With the avalanche of opinions on the challenging issues that face Montanans and the world today, it's hard to know where to get reliable information.  We know the conundrums of climate, energy, resource depletion, and the economy are complex and interrelated, but it can be difficult to grasp exactly how they fit together.  And just what are we going to do to slow these run-away trains? I recently got some clarity on this subject when I attended a gathering for the Fellows of the Post Carbon Institute.  The Fellows are a think-tank focused on today's interconnected…

  • Questions Arise on Idaho Education Network

    info@newwest.net
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:44 am
    Members of the Idaho Legislature's Joint Finance-Appropriations Committee (JFAC) peppered Mike Gwartney, director of the Department of Administration, with questions about the Idaho Education Network (IEN), with a number of them expressing concern that money was being spent to build networks on top of networks rather than leveraging existing network infrastructure. While no state money is at stakethe IEN received $3 million in stimulus funding for its first year, and is receiving approximately $3 million per year for the next two years from the J.A. and Kathryn Albertson Foundationany money…

  • Holt Prairie Saga Continues in Eventide

    info@newwest.net
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:00 am
    This month the Denver Center for the Performing Arts is presenting the world premier of Eventide, playwright Eric Schmiedl's faithful adaptation of Kent Haruf's novel, directed by Kent Thompson.  Two years ago Schmiedl turned Haruf's beloved novel Plainsong into a winning play, and this time he works with darker material, but nevertheless manages to reveal the abundant humor in Haruf's dialogue. Plainsong told the story of the McPheron brothers, two old bachelor ranchers living on the outskirts of the fictional prairie town of Holt, Colorado, coaxed into sheltering a pregnant teenage…

  • Want to be an Outdoor Writer?

    info@newwest.net
    8 Feb 2010 | 12:38 pm
    Want to spend a week this summer with some of the nation's best-known outdoor writers, practicing the craft of outdoor writing in writer-friendly Missoula?  The Outdoor Writers Association of America (OWAA) will host its first Goldenrod Writing Workshop at the University of Montana in Missoula August 1-7, 2010. Open to both novice communicators and published professionals, the week-long workshop is designed to improve skills in outdoor, nature and environmental writing. 
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    Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?

  • Low-ish Carb Crockpot Venison Stroganoff (w/flowers)

    admin
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:36 pm
    My cooking objectives are twofold. First, I need stuff that’s easy and idiot-proof. Second, I need stuff that’s low carb. Recipes that fit this criterion are harder to find than you might think. Lately, I’ve been making heavy use of my crockpot. Crockpotrecipes101.com has some great ideas. I’ve taken one of their low carb* recipes [...]

  • Unappetizing Food Photos Diet

    admin
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:48 am
    We mentioned we’re trying to become thee website for low carbohydrate food photography. So far we’ve posted this and the foodie blog awards are stacking up. Actually what we’ve managed to do is make really good food that we like look disgusting and inedible. Which actually is a diet plan. So to help you lose [...]

  • Super Diet Wings

    admin
    5 Feb 2010 | 4:42 am
    Today Fat Fighter TV has a diet friendly recipe for wings! Super Bowl Sunday will be almost as bad as the holidays when it comes to food. How are you going to deal with it? Forget it and just eat or be Ms. Moderation or exercise more?

  • Yo Yo Yo Crunch Giveaway

    admin
    4 Feb 2010 | 5:17 am
    Back in the day when we were young college age dieters we loved that little Salt n’ Peppa gem – Push It. o, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss In the music biz  – that up there is called a sample. (wikiwikiwiki) We just got a free sample from Breyer’s of the YoCrunch [...]

  • Fat To Skinny Winner

    admin
    4 Feb 2010 | 4:36 am
    Congratulations to Cassandra, Shelley and Suzy!!! They each will win the book Fat to Skinny. Just email us ( dtbmulf@gmail.com ) your mailing address! Congratulations and another giveaway coming later today. Thanks for playing friends.
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    Flabbergastedly

  • Awkward Moments

    Flabbergastedly
    24 Jan 2010 | 6:06 am

  • Surprisingly Creepy II

    Flabbergastedly
    24 Jan 2010 | 5:54 am
    Also check out Surprisingly Creepy I Have you found something that would fit right here on flabbergastedly.com? Mail me! Click here for an Overview of everything on here!

  • “Motivational” Posters III

    Flabbergastedly
    24 Jan 2010 | 5:24 am
    Be sure to check out Motivational Posters I & Motivational Posters II (please allow time to load) Have you found something that would fit right here on flabbergastedly.com? Mail me! Click here for an Overview of everything on here!

  • More Mordor

    Flabbergastedly
    24 Jan 2010 | 3:15 am
    One does not simply.. I you like this post, check out the first “one does not simply..”

  • Pictures guys don’t want to see for various reasons

    Flabbergastedly
    14 Nov 2009 | 4:14 am
    WARNING: This is extremely NOT SAFE FOR WORK. If you are in any way faint of heart or squeamish or easily offended, do NOT click the “see more here” below. The following pictures can be seen as offensive, repulsive, disgusting and provoking. There, I warned you.
 
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    The Habitation of Justice

  • Rhode Island!

    Lincoln Adams
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:07 am
    A view from Hannah’s Corner. Not much to see here, so moving on along… Copyright © 2006-2010, http://habitationofjustice.com. ( digitalfingerprint: b4ac507ddf2366786xfiles (74.125.158.82) )

  • Driving into a storm for funsies, cuz that’s just how I roll, babe.

    Lincoln Adams
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:10 pm
    So hey, I finally took the plunge and made a reservation for Boston, just in time to see a forecast for a storm coming to New England Tuesday night, a forecast that was confirmed juuuuuust late enough to ensure I couldn’t cancel my reservation in time. Yaaay! But whatever, I was born during violent weather, so this will be a mere walk in the park for me, even though my dear Mommy threw a fit about me traveling under such adverse conditions. If this is how she reacts to me being in mildly bad weather, then I probably shouldn’t tell her about my plans to go tornado chasing in a few…

  • Dear Hagopian Hotels: You’re Morons

    Lincoln Adams
    7 Feb 2010 | 9:05 pm
    You know, it’s one thing to have a website crucial to your business hacked into, but it’s quite another to let it stay hacked ALL FLIPPING DAY LONG without apparently any of you noticing. Good job! I really feel comfortable now submitting sensitive information to your site when I want to make a reservation. Oh wait… no I don’t. This is the second time this has happened to me too. I settle on a hotel to stay at, I go to their site to make a reservation, only to find what looks like a parked domain page, except that it isn’t. Instead, some depraved disease…

  • Who says I’m not cultivated??

    Lincoln Adams
    7 Feb 2010 | 4:29 pm
    Took this while walking by the Met. Ok so they were closed, but still, I was there! Copyright © 2006-2010, http://habitationofjustice.com. ( digitalfingerprint: b4ac507ddf2366786xfiles (74.125.158.82) )

  • Yaaaay my ammo shipment is here! Just in time for Valentine’s Day!

    Lincoln Adams
    4 Feb 2010 | 6:37 pm
    I keed, I keed. Copyright © 2006-2010, http://habitationofjustice.com. ( digitalfingerprint: b4ac507ddf2366786xfiles (74.125.158.82) )
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    Pinhole's Blog

  • Nobody Calls Me The Space Cowfellow

    Pinhole
    4 Feb 2010 | 10:28 am
    I find my CD collection starkly lacking in contributions from The Steve Miller Band.  I blame Tom Brokaw.  He has nothing to do with musical acquisitions in my house, but as scapegoats go he’s convenient and lives far enough away that physical retribution seems unlikely.I noticed this rock ‘n roll deficit as I waded through a stack of compact discs in search of some alternative listening choices for the back of the gallery.  The glaring omission of any “Fly Like an Eagle”, or  “Abracadabra”, stood out like a sore thumb.  The very thumb I smacked while…

  • It's an Art...So to Speak...

    Pinhole
    17 Jan 2010 | 7:30 pm
    Writers have the luxury of time and self-editing, whether responding to an email or preparing a piece of dialogue.  All the “ummms” and “uhs” can be surgically removed from a conversation and the most fractional wit made to appear whole and spontaneous.  An extended absence from the human race has left me ill equipped for handling a more rapid exchange.During my sabbatical most of my friends took advantage of the opportunity to move, or change their phone numbers.  Informed of my predicament my brother’s neighbors have been kind enough to include me in activities that…

  • I Suppose It's Time

    Pinhole
    1 Dec 2009 | 4:02 pm
    For years the authorities and media have been hounding me with questions.  I’m certain you’ve all heard of the incident in which I hit a parked car on the left side of the road when I was sixteen years old.  It was in all the paper.Here’s what happened.  I was making a right turn on the north edge of town as I reached to set my stocking cap on the passenger’s seat beside a box that had overturned.  As my right hand lowered to its task my left hand followed suit, veering my Dad’s ’69 Biscayne into a parked Buick in front of the local Librarian’s house.Though I…

  • The Lotht Thimble - Prologue

    Pinhole
    15 Nov 2009 | 9:41 am
    Lucy Satterthwaite began frantically threading her embroidery machine as the footsteps drew nearer.  Her ancestry had prepared her for this moment, but she had hoped it would never arrive.A quick pass through the eye of the needle, then load the computer program.Sliding the CD back into its storage slot she heard a dull “Thud” as the one-eyed dwarf misjudged his distance from the workroom door.  Muffled curses preceded the intruder into the back room of the dry cleaners.Staring blankly at each other, Lucy finally broke the silence.“You’re supposed to ask me where it…

  • Coming Thoon!

    Pinhole
    27 Oct 2009 | 3:22 pm
    Thtorieth abound…thorry, er…sorry.  Stories abound.  Tales of clandestine societies with incalculable influence over the founding of The United States of America.  Patterns of intrigue weaving themselves around a profession as old as civilization.FactSewing harkens back to the Paleolithic Era.Originally, needles, like weapons, were manufactured from bone, ivory and thorns.A child playing under a quilting frame in the basement of a Methodist church, while his Grandma pieced the item together with the rest of her guild, who bashed his shin on the leg of the frame and…
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    Comedy.com

  • Ferguson Mangles “Who Dat,” But Ready To Party

    sean.mccarthy
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:03 am
    Craig Ferguson's Scottish accent made it difficult for him to say "Who Dat?" last night, but his appreciation for the New Orleans Saints and the city's love of partying, that he can understand in any language. Between the Super Bowl win and Mardi Gras, it's going to be one long drunken bash along Bourbon Street this month. Ferguson won't be drinking though, because it doesn't work well with his party bone. If you know what he means. You know what he means. For more funny Ferguson clips: Jason Segel performed Dracula’s Lament with a puppet, andFerguson always loves him some Pants Off/Dance…

  • Sports Reporter Faints On Air

    Danielle Evenson
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:39 am
    BONUS LINK: Exclusive Interview With The Voice Of The eTrade Baby! A French sports commentator faints and falls flat on his face in this funny video posted by the boys at Break. com. You have to wait 30 seconds into the clip, but his crash is spectacular. It's weird. I didn't know bowling alleys got so hot. For more funny fainters, watch this kid faint on live TV and this girl faint during a newscast. Posted by Danielle Evenson, who is hot.

  • New Google Ad Features Unplanned Pregnancy

    Danielle Evenson
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:06 am
    BONUS LINK: Exclusive Interview With The Voice Of The eTrade Baby! Google's Super Bowl ad was a hit! It followed a student who studies abroad in France, falls in love, gets married and has a baby. What if the student didn't fall in love, but just had random sex with some woman? That's what happens in this great response ad by UCB group The Brig. Watch it. Then buy an extra pack of condoms on your way home tonight. For more funny commercials, watch Betty White tackle football players and 8 Rejected Super Bowl Ads. Posted by Danielle Evenson, who loves pills and unplanned pregnancies

  • Colbert, Like Sarah Palin, Uses Hand-O-Prompter

    sean.mccarthy
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:00 am
    Sarah Palin wrote notes to herself on her hand so she wouldn't forget to tell her "Tea Party" supporters something something energy, something something tax cuts and something something lift American spirits. Big deal. As Stephen Colbert pointed out last night, Palin's use of a hand-o-prompter just showed she is an Average Jane and not one of them thar elitists who uses memory. Also, Colbert writes notes on his own hand to remind himself of important things. Such as where his thumb is. Well, at least this proves one thing: Palin is an effing retard. As long as you mean it in a satirical way.

  • Computer Worm Makes Purchases When User Is Drunk According To New Onion Video

    Danielle Evenson
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:46 am
    BONUS LINK: Exclusive Interview With The Voice Of The eTrade Baby! In this Onion report, computers are being attacked by a worm. The worm takes over people's PCs in the middle of the night (after bar time), takes credit card information from the computer's owners and makes large purchases on their behalf. Could people just be drunk shopping? Sure, but more than likely it's a worm. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. For more great Onion videos, watch this report on annoying "Lost" fans and the 10 Most Entertaining Video Game Stories From The Onion. Posted by Danielle Evenson, who owns…
 
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    Small & Big

  • Vaycayshun Animules [video]

    P.L. Frederick
    1 Feb 2010 | 2:00 pm
    I'm on vaycayshun. See you after I get back. In the meantime, talking animals:©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.

  • Camouflage Comes In Pink, Right?

    P.L. Frederick
    21 Jan 2010 | 3:00 pm
    “I asked my son what his favorite color was,” says the woman in the tiny French cafe. She’s polished, dyed, and leaning over a double espresso into her friend’s face. “And he said pink. Pink. I told him, ‘You’d better not let your father hear that.’” Instead of a 1950’s type brown-Jello-meatloaf ambush, letting the boy think there’s no wrong answer to his personal opinion and then pouncing, it would have been more effective to approach the topic as a teaching moment. Mom could have prefaced her question with: “Here are…

  • Conan's Selling His Talk Show On Craigslist

    P.L. Frederick
    20 Jan 2010 | 3:00 pm
    Here’s thee Craigslist link. Below is the actual ad. Do extra chores around the house and save up that allowance! Combined, we can easily put $36 down.. . . . . . . . . .4 SALE: BARELY-USED LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW – MAKE ME AN OFFER!!! (Universal Studios)Date: 2010-01-13, 3:48PM PSTReply to: sale-tntdd-1551463643@craigslist.orgThis is a chance of a lifetime to own your very own late night talk show--guaranteed to last for up to seven months!! Really must see to appreciate.Information for potential buyers:- Measures 100’ x 100’ x 32’ – plenty of room for a futon!- Designed for…

  • For Your Sensual Buddhist Pleasure

    P.L. Frederick
    19 Jan 2010 | 3:00 pm
    The following was taken from the 124th sutta of the 1,417 page book “The Middle Length Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikaya” by Bhikkhu Nanomoli and Bhikkhu Bodhi. Names below have been changed to protect privacy.. . . . . . . . . . . . . .THUS HAVE I HEARD. On one occasion the venerable Bubba was living in Rajagaha in the Bamboo Grove, the Squirrels’ Sanctuary.Then Ace, a former companion of the venerable Bubba in his lay life, went to the venerable Bubba and exchanged greetings with him. (“Bubba, dude, how are you?” “This morning…

  • Heh Heh, Death Metal Chicken [video]

    P.L. Frederick
    18 Jan 2010 | 3:00 pm
    ...and his killer 37-second scream. If you’re watching from work, turn the sound down low or it’ll scramble your eggs.©2009 P.L. Frederick. Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License. All other copyrights owned by their respective owners.
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    Chris Wood's blog

  • Win A Brand New iPad ...

    7 Feb 2010 | 10:56 am
    ... on a different site. I'm going to introduce you to two stunning new innovations.1. The eHammerJust like a conventional hammer, the eHammer is specifically designed to smash its way through many of the irritating gimmicks that plague modern life.So yesterday.Revolutionary ergonomic design.The eHammer can interface with the full spectrum of modern technology, including:Smashed.Knackered.Completely buggered.Also compatible with most modern desktops.2. e.r.PlugsThis fine new device helps the modern consumer ignore gimmicks and friends with complete ease.Compatible with ignoring both Microsoft…

  • By Thunder, It's Cold!

    11 Jan 2010 | 2:41 pm
    Those of you with access to Google Earth may want to check England for one simple reason: it's not there.Now, I don't want to alarm you. It's not like we all took the island out for a quick spin round the Adriatic and got lost. Nor has some rabid Bond villain type blasted these fine shores into dust with a Doomsday device that turns our dandruff corrosive, or some such.No. Instead, you'll see a white triangle shaped blob where England used to be. It's been snowing and with our classic British efficiency, each shop has only one (1) loaf of bread and each city one (1) can of de-icer. We are…

  • Who's A Nitwit, Then?

    21 Dec 2009 | 1:32 am
    For those of you in the US who may not know this, most of England is covered in a blanket of thick snow. Now, while I love Christmas, I have a long drive to and from work, so the frosty yuletide benefits are a little overwhelmed by skidding all over the roads with a windscreen made of ice.This morning I hit the road at 7 am, not wanting to be caught in a thick mass of overheating drivers ricocheting across the skating rink that is the road.What happens? An hour and a quarter later, I pull up at the school which is currently blessed with my inestimable teaching abilities (ie it's the place…

  • 15 Dec 2009 | 2:45 pm

    15 Dec 2009 | 2:45 pm

  • 25 Nov 2009 | 3:36 pm

    25 Nov 2009 | 3:36 pm
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    Paris Blog - Stuff Parisians like by Olivier Magny - O Chateau

  • Le caramel au beurre salé

    Olivier Magny
    3 Feb 2010 | 4:52 am
    Sweet in Paris is guilty. Gently guilty. In life even more than in food, sweet is about discretely collapsing. Breaking the balance of life towards easy satisfaction. Nothing glorious. Some would say pleasure is a glorious thing. Not Parisians. Sugar carries all the afflictions of decadence. It is coating and fattening, sensual and tempting, enjoyable and slippery. Sweet in Paris should therefore be consumed in great moderation. Just enough for the threatening shadow of decadence not to ruin the tender moment of sweet collapse. In that unspoken tugging between good and bad, the Parisian found…

  • Pretending to be cool with les racailles

    Olivier Magny
    25 Jan 2010 | 4:19 am
    Over the past two decades, la racaille has become les racailles. Ironically enough, while the phenomenon grew and numbers went exponential, the word left its uncountable shell to become fully countable. One should hold on to whatever seems reassuring. Une racaille is a small street thug. Une petite frappe. Racailles are sociological delights. Fully identifiable. Just like small children, la racaille needs the entire panoply: ghetto accent, ghetto brands, ghetto accessories, ghetto references and ghetto aggressiveness. While foreigners see these French thugs with nothing but…

  • Drinking with strangers

    Olivier Magny
    13 Jan 2010 | 5:07 am
    OK. Winter is cold and vaguely boring. So let’s break the monotony of things. I am very glad to invite you to the very first Stuff Parisians Like get-together. It will be held chez O Chateau, in our Caves. As I’m a good Parisian, I’m going short notice on you. Let’s do this next Tuesday (the 19th).  Let’s say 7.30pm. Bring a bottle of wine. Friends welcome. The more the merrier. Please let me know if you (+ x) are coming by responding here. Should be a good time. Address is 52, rue de l’Arbre sec in the 1st. Metro Louvre-Rivoli (Line 1). A mardi!

  • The word Putain

    Olivier Magny
    10 Jan 2010 | 6:36 am
    In Paris, putain is more than a word. It is a crutch. A crutch for Parisian’s mental and social impendiments. Parisians love to use their little putain crutch. It is impossible to have a five-minute conversation with a Parisian without hearing the crutch resonate. That is true except if you are a Parisian yourself. Parisians have developed an unusual ability: that of not hearing the sound of the crutch anymore. When pronounced in a sentence by him or by any other person, the word is completely inaudible to the Parisian. The noun putain refers to a prostitute. The interjection…

  • Sushi

    Olivier Magny
    4 Dec 2009 | 9:23 am
    There are three dimensions to being cool in Paris: owning an iPhone, wearing Converse shoes, and eating sushi - at least twice a week. Failing to fulfill one of these conditions will make the Parisian lame, old and uncool. Over the past two years, sushi has become cool Parisians’ (read under 40yo Parisians - for most Parisians under 40yo are absolutely convinced of the fact that they are cool) food of choice. If a Parisian eats out for lunch with his colleagues every day, it is simply impossible not to go sushi at least once a week. Impossible. Sushi restaurants have flourished…
 
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    Beyond Left Field

  • Foldger's, Fish And A Soggy Newspaper...What A Great Start!

    Don
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:07 am
    I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning. I go outside to get the newspaper. It's raining. The paper is soaked and apparently the garbage truck made an early run judging by the tread marks across Obama's face. My empty garbage can is blown across the yard and squarely into my ankle. After dragging myself to the safety of my den, I get up and promptly slip and fall on the wet floor. Finally, managing to stumble into the kitchen for a cup of Joe, I find there are no clean coffee cups. I dig a dirty one out of the dishwasher. I'm beginning to feel normal again...first cup of coffee is…

  • Incense, Seeds And Saints. Why Am I Here?

    Don
    8 Feb 2010 | 7:26 am
    I'm sitting here amongst two banana peels, burning incense and with my 'num lock' on. I never turn on my 'num lock'. I don't even know what a fucking 'num lock' is for Christ's sake, but mine is on. What did I do?! Shit! Saints win...what a night. God, ...can't believe the sun is up and it is only 9am. [What are seeds doing in my ashtray?] Oooh, I'm sorry. I'm back now. I gotta tell ya a little secret. I can't "hang" like I used to. All night parties ain't for me any more. Let me correct myself. They are for me, but I just can't handle them like I used to be able to. I don't even smoke…

  • The Times

    Don
    7 Feb 2010 | 7:36 am
    I must be having fun because the time certainly has flown by since I last wrote my editorial comments for The Times. Here it is...another Sunday, and the first of a new month to boot. I've thus far escaped the swine flu and seasonal flu. Although last week I cheated and got a free swine flu vaccine. I had absolutely zero side effects from it except for an occasional squeal and grunt. It was a pleasure to have been a part of such a vast government experiment. They don't call us guinea pigs for nuttin'! The Times staff has come up with a real winner for this weeks friendly little shoutout. Most…

  • What's In Your Burger? It Ain't Saturday Jam...

    Don
    6 Feb 2010 | 6:44 am
    It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood [whistles]. Okay so maybe a little rainy, but who doesn't like a few inches of rain, huh? It's a lot better than a couple of feet of snow for sure, and besides, it's time for a little Saturday jam so forget about the rain, snow and how warm that bed was earlier. Here's a first for me, and while I did not witness this, I was told by two people on different occasions that this occurred. Somehow, it doesn't surprise me. We all know that America's stores include a built in fast food eatery as part of their draw, but apparently they don't all have diaper…

  • The Pocket Comb. Alternative To Columbine.

    Don
    5 Feb 2010 | 8:04 am
    Recently a nearby school district expelled two students for violating the districts no tolerance "weapons" ban. One of these kids was a seventh grader and the other a tenth grader. The seventh grader's weapon-of-the-day was a comb! Not a pic! A plastic pocket comb. Can you still buy combs!? Anyhow, a teacher (?) noted that some of the teeth were missing from the comb and the resulting piece of plastic could have been used to "gouge out eyeballs". My penis can gouge out eyeballs, but that never kept me out of school! The tenth grader's transgression was much more serious. He decided he would…
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    Out of the mouth of Dave

  • NY City Homeless Man talk of the town in Darfur

    Dave
    31 Jan 2010 | 10:06 am
    Peoples lifestyles have certainly taken a turn for the worse thanks to the economic crisis we find ourselves in. Husbands have cut back on extramarital affairs,mothers have resorted to feeding their children home cooked meals, and kids are forced to watch basic cable.There is some good news that has come out of the financial meltdown, the experience of Stephen Dirby - a former New York City homeless person who now finds himself the major of a small village in Darfur.When I talked to Stephen he explained that the life of a homeless person in NY City was not an easy lifestyle. He had spent…

  • "Test Tube Celebrity" - the latest craze from Tinseltown

    Dave
    22 Jan 2010 | 12:44 pm
    It seems that everyone who considers themselves a celebrity now a days, has their own perfume or clothing line. Well the line of products stamped "Star Approved" has just increased thanks to some innovative and savvy celebrity surgeons.The founding surgeons of an exclusive Beverly Hills clinic have come up with a new way for diehard fans to get even closer to their celebrity idols with an exciting new product line called "Test Tube Celebrity"Dr. Wii Hackem - the founder of this new product line is only to happy to explain; "At our exclusive clinic we deal with a lot of celebrity clients.

  • The Smart Phone breaks news ground with latest app.

    Dave
    7 Jan 2010 | 6:47 am
    The article was hidden at the bottom of the page, near the back of the latest edition of the Scientific Armenian. Nestled between the ads for a "Cozy home in Detroit overlooking the smelters" and an itinerary for the latest Nadia "Octomom" Suleman autograph signing tour, was an article that introduced a groundbreaking new app for the Smart Phone.For those of you who have not had the opportunity to read the article I have included it here:Man's love affair with their smart phones has taken a strange, but not unexpected turn, with the introduction of the latest app available now at the app…

  • The Real "Nativity Story"

    Dave
    23 Dec 2009 | 6:32 am
    At the risk of putting myself on a Vatican City blacklist, I wanted to focus this post on "The Nativity Story". I'm sure you've heard about it, it's the one about a down on your luck carpenter who's wife gave birth to the son of God in a barn. I know eh? What kind of story line is that? Well new information has come to light and I'm happy to say that Out of the Mouth of Dave is the first website to publish it.The latest information deals with the whole idea of the "virgin birth". To put it simply - Mary was pregnant but she claims she had never had sex. I'm not sure how many men are okay with…

  • A glance into the past....

    Dave
    21 Dec 2009 | 6:59 pm
    Tis the season to buy back scratchers and curse the credit card companies. Damn you Jesus why did you have to be born on Christmas of all days??? It's busy enough at this time of year.Between the time I spend delousing the homeless, and saving Malaysian orphans from Brad and Angelina, I have not been able to expunge the thoughts that are rattling around in my head. For that I apologize. Until I can bash out some witty insight let me roll out something from the archives. A little something for the season from yours trulyIf you're still in the mood for more festive merriment take a look at…
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    Late For the Sky

  • Snow Men Need Kids

    6 Feb 2010 | 8:16 am
    No doubt about it, I should have had more kids or a shorter driveway.This morning I was half an hour into clearing the 5 inches of snow off the driveway when the Catholic guy across the street brought out his home-grown work crew and put them to work. They were done and back in the house drinking hot cocoa before I could even find the path to my front door, let alone shovel it off.Time to think about that snow blower again.FROM 12/23/04Six a. m. Wednesday morning the sleet and freezing rain started. Fortunately, I get up that early to go to work. Fortunately I had stopped on the way home and…

  • Short Stop In the Wry

    29 Jan 2010 | 1:23 pm
    I find it a poetic coincidence that the banning of a dictionary containing the definition of “oral sex”* came out in the same week as the death of J. D. Salinger who wrote The Catcher in the Rye, which "had the dubious distinction of being at once the most frequently censored book across the nation and the second-most frequently taught novel in public high schools” (Whitfield, Stephen J. "Raise High the Bookshelves, Censors!")“Catcher” contained “what Catholic World reviewer Riley Hughes called an "excessive use of amateur swearing and coarse language". I did not know that there…

  • Damn Favre

    25 Jan 2010 | 10:44 am
    The play, Damn Favre, opens with a scene in 1977 St. Cloud, Minnesota, when the Vikings lose their 4th Super Bowl out of 4 tries. An aging Brett Favre mutters that he would sell his soul to the devil for one Super Bowl victory for the Vikings before he dies. As soon as the words come out of his mouth, he is greeted by Satan himself, who claims he can make Brett’s wish come true. The Devil agrees to give Joe until the last quarter of the NFC championship in January, 2010.Satan gives Brett a circuitous route to his goal, making him a young high school phenom from Kiln, Mississippi. Brett…

  • Arguably a Move to the Right on Rights

    23 Jan 2010 | 11:35 am
    The Supreme Court Right-wing of the United States (SCROTUS) has ruled that corporations cannot be prevented from paying for advertising supporting political candidates. The case before them started when a federal court ruled that “Hillary, the Movie” was actually a campaign ad against Mrs. Clinton and therefore subject to campaign financing limits. The makers of the film petitioned the SCROTUS with a brief that said, “Look, it has the word ‘movie’ right in the title; that makes it a movie." Opposing attorneys argued that, if that was sufficient grounds, then “Hannah Montana: the…

  • The Devil Went Down to Haiti

    14 Jan 2010 | 8:33 am
    Some people think Pat Robertson is crazy. But he seemed fine when I saw him today. We had breakfast at Mom's Country Cholesterol and Vegan Home Style Diner. Over some roasted red pepper hummus and chorizo omelet’s, I was up in his face about this statement he made:“And you know Kristi, something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French, uh you know Napoleon the third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True Story. And…
 
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    Beauty Tips for Ministers

  • A Nice Gabardine Jacket

    PeaceBang
    7 Feb 2010 | 8:48 pm
    I like these. Classic, cut for a woman’s body, and would look swell with clericals. $80 at Overstock.com. I need to go to sleep. I obviously had a coffee too late in the day and too much Diet Coke while watching the Superbowl. Share This Hide Sites

  • Discount Cosmetics Site

    PeaceBang
    7 Feb 2010 | 8:26 pm
    Wow! Awesome prices!! Cosmetics hounds, you can thank me later. Look at that selection!!!! Share This Hide Sites

  • Curly Girl Update

    PeaceBang
    7 Feb 2010 | 8:14 pm
    One of you asked me recently in the comments how my Adventures in Curly Hair were going. I replied that they are challenging. I think that my hair has looked a downright mess on many a Sunday morning because of my attempts throughout the cold weather to keep the curl going without the requisite humidity. I have not felt good about it: frizzy, in my face, not staying back neatly in clips, etc. I bought heavy, delicately blinged-out claw clips for Christmas Eve and they were so heavy that my hair fell down. Having just traveled to humid Florida and seen how much easier it is to Obey the Wave…

  • Checking In With My Dear Pidgies

    PeaceBang
    7 Feb 2010 | 7:39 pm
    My darling readers, A bit of housekeeping! I get so many wonderful questions and photos from you and although I read them all faithfully and file them under various supposedly helpful labels in my gmail account, I don’t always post the responses on-line that I intend to. Blogging for me is a flibbertigibbit type of activity. My posts are composed fast and furiously during a momentary break in the day (or late at night as a way of winding down, and posted later), and almost always on a whim. There’s no real plan or schedule (unless it’s in the summer when I have longer…

  • M. Has Her Say on Hair

    PeaceBang
    6 Feb 2010 | 1:38 pm
    M. wrote in today to say, Following the theme of the WNTW comments, I have been thinking about ways to put up my long hair. I just succeeded in tying my hair in knots trying to follow some of the instruction in the comments of your previous post about long hair. I’ll keep working on it, because my version of a “low ponytail” does not generally fit the bill as elegant. I thought I would share this photo from the wedding of a friend. I had my hair done professionally for the event, for only the second time in my life. The picture is not the best, but I think you can see the…
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    Maxi Cane

  • Production values

    Maxi
    7 Feb 2010 | 4:36 pm
    Now, this will come as a complete shock to none of you, but I once had a stint selling porn.  I’d buy DVD’s in bulk from the internet and sell through small ads in the local ads paper.  Buying in bulk from the internet means that from time to time not all your DVD’s will be what you want.  Among your copies of “All Anal Asians” and “Munting Midgets” will be the odd copy of a classic American sitcom. Quite a novel way to make some pocket money.  That’s all it was really, pocket money. Now you’d think that when you go about a venture…

  • Poor Marley

    Maxi
    3 Feb 2010 | 7:46 pm
    Was driving to Navan the other day.  Took a road a little less travelled and just as I was coming into Trim, the road became a little uneven and narrow and bendy. So of course you take caution, well I did as I didn’t know the road all that well.  But then came a straight, of about a half mile or so.  So pick up a little bit of speed and trundle on. Then out of nowhere a full of beans little Labrador puppy comes bounding out of a concealed entrance and WHACK! FUCK! BRAKES SKID SCREECH STOP SQUEAL I got out of the car, and instead of checking to see what kind of damage was done to my…

  • Word association

    Maxi
    2 Feb 2010 | 7:16 pm
    Fragrant

  • No more cheese before bedtime

    Maxi
    31 Jan 2010 | 5:29 pm
    I had a dream last night. Things seemed a little blurry, but most dreams are so I didn’t take much notice.  Then I noticed that I seemed to be floating, but people have dreams about flying all the time, so I just kind of enjoyed the sensation. Then I noticed I was a goldfish.  I had orangey coloured scales and big bulgy eyes.  There were little pebbles that served no real function underneath me, food that tasted like crap.  But then again it could have literally been my crap as bits of that were floating around too.  I’d swim around and find myself back at the same little plastic…

  • Evolution

    Maxi
    29 Jan 2010 | 9:40 am
    There is a sea snail in the waters around Australia that has enough venom in its body to kill 15,000 people. Or one Madonna, cunt. Daddy long legs have the worlds’ most poisonous venom, but no teeth or fangs to bite or administer the venom, so it’s like having a chocolate teapot. There is a fish that has blades on its spine that are sharper than the finest engineered surgical scalpel, and there laced with, you guessed it, deadly poison. I didn’t join a library and ingest useless information today I watched a doozy of a nature program. Basically all the strange creatures of…
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    The Turkey Sandwich Report

  • Sometimes, you gotta go with the shit you know.

    Neal
    7 Feb 2010 | 2:48 pm
    My quest for  Turkey Sandwiches led me to an extremely tough decision yesterday and I think this is a lesson that everyone can learn from. While strolling through the “U district” in Seattle yesterday, I became hungry and in need of a Turkey Sandwich.  There were plenty of options including some of the usual suspects like Jimmy John’s and Quizno’s.  But I can eat their shit any day of the week.  I wanted something different.  I could have easily picked up a sandwich at Big Time Brewery where I drank  four beers.  I could have stopped in to Norm’s to see…

  • The girth was the problem

    Neal
    3 Feb 2010 | 7:30 am
    The girth was the problem, originally uploaded by nealdstewart. Yesterday I went on Turkey Sandwich mission. A quickie from Jimmy John’s or Quizno’s just wasn’t going to cut it. I wanted to explore the Turkey Sandwiches of Seattle. I ended up at Pike Place Market – specifically a place called Beecher’s. They make their own cheese and offer an array of grilled sandwiches. Paninis if you want to be all fancy and shit. I ordered their Turkey offering which came topped with their famous “flagship” cheese. The sandwich was fine. I’m a sucker for a…

  • Matt Bonner has a Sandwich Blog

    Neal
    19 Jan 2010 | 6:33 pm
    I used to live in San Antonio, TX.  I like to call it “The Tone”.  The San Antonio Spurs are the only game in town down there in South Texas so you can’t avoid being exposed to at least 3 hours of Spurs conversations or TV coverage per day.  So believe me, I know me some Spurs. Today, someone on Twitter forwarded me a link to Spur player, Matt Bonner’s “Sandwich Hunter” blog.  Obviously a takeoff on The Turkey Sandwich Report. Sure, I could get pissy about this and rip on him for obviously copying my blog idea, but I’m not going to do that. …

  • Do You Dip?

    Neal
    9 Jan 2010 | 4:28 pm
    The “Pick 2″ at Panera Bread (Saint Louis Bread Company to my friends in STL) probably doesn’t get the respect it deserves in the world of sandwiches.  You can do soup-sandwich, sandwich-salad or soup-salad (although that’s not recommended). Personally, I like the soup-Turkey Sandwich option because it gives me the opportunity to dip my sandwich in the soup.  It doesn’t matter if it’s Chicken Noodle (although that’s my fave) or Tomato, Corn Chowder or even Chili – I’m dipping my Turkey Sandwich like a mofo. I also enjoy dipping my…

  • Can a Brotha Get a Turkey Sandwich in Beverly Hills? Aparently Not.

    Neal
    1 Jan 2010 | 9:38 pm
    Mrs. Turkey Sandwich went on a little road trip out to California this past week to visit some family and see how THEY do Turkey Sandwiches – specifically in Beverly Hills.  I’ll sum it up for you in two words: they don’t. Our first stop was this place in the heart of 90210 called Nate & Al Delicatessen. As we drove by, Mrs. Turkey Sandwich said, “Oh that place is really good!  Expensive, but good.” So we stopped, parked and went in. I’m not sure what it was about this place, but I just got a bad vibe.  They had all of their blocks of meat out for…
 
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    Blog -Blond

  • Three ReasonsTo Return From The Blog Graveyard

    14 Jan 2010 | 2:48 pm
    Class: After many pleading emails from you, I've decided to make a brief appearance and give you one hot blog tip. Yes, I'm posting again, but with much sadness!Ya see, many of my favorite blogs have disappeared off the map! Like your blondalicious teacher (who nearly vanished herself!), many of my favorite blogs have returned to the great Blog Graveyard in cyberspace.When I was updating my funny blogs Squidoo lens recently, I was shocked and dismayed to discover many missing blogs. Melancholia swept over me. Where did the bloggers go who used to make me laugh or sneer or cringe or....?Some…

  • What I Did This Summer

    14 Aug 2009 | 4:41 pm
    Class, I'm interviewing myself about what I did this summer since I'll ask much juicier questions. Finally, you'll know!Listen Up and read up on what your scandalous, blondalicious teacher REALLY did this summer!FYI: Blog-Blond is a HUMOR blog disguised as a blog school for those who just surfed here. If my answers are too much for you to handle, remember this important detail. That's all. Grow up. You just got back from vacation? Where were you? Paris of course! I always run to Paris when I have a hot, new lover as this is THE best city for folly and fooling around. Then we moved on to Ibiza…

  • How To Do Blogs Right

    27 Jul 2009 | 11:54 am
    Yes, Class, it's ME, the notorious Blog-Blond, your very own blondalicious blog teacher returned from her travels! I'm sure you're weary of hearing alibis for my absence here, so I'll spare you by not giving any. I'll let the caption above speak for me!My topic today is How To Do Blogs Right.Rather than blather on about how wrong & boring & stupid & insipid & copycat & sloppy many blogs are, I've decided to focus on blogs that are doing it right!In forthcoming posts I'll give examples of blogs which are doing it RIGHT and grade them, and thus, *perhaps* you'll learn! (Yes,…

  • Twit Wit

    16 Mar 2009 | 6:02 pm
    Class: I'm sure you're aware many celebrities and personalities use Twitter. I have several twitter accounts--one which is highly classified and secret--the one I use with my celeb buds.Here's a sampling of your sassy blondalicious teacher's DM's:THE_REAL_SHAQ It's proper etiquette to leave flip flops outside, esp. size 24's!Wossy Couldn't make lunch. It feels undignified to explain.richardbranson Not upset because your swan chased me. Birds like me.TheEllenShow Enjoyed the rabbit pupus. You're kidding, right?aplusk Loose the hats. Tell Brad 2stephenfry Luv my Louboutins--u can…

  • Confused About Social Networking?

    10 Mar 2009 | 1:38 pm
    Class, this is another one of my famous quickie posts. I wanted to add my two cents to the current debate about social networking, the pros and cons. There have been many blog posts written on this subject matter in recent months since the mad growth of Facebook and Twitter.If you're questioning whether to jump into social networking, here are my hot social networking tips:1. You don't need to spend hours and hours on end at these locations. Stick your big toe in the social networking waters and explore little by little. Pick one and begin from there. If you don't like it, pick another. There…
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    The Hunters Wife

  • A Brief Break

    Jody
    8 Feb 2010 | 7:37 am
    I’m taking this week off from my blog. I promise to be back in full swing next week. I might pop up on a few social networking sites but I think for this week I’m unplugging. Have a good week all!

  • Eureka Sleeping Bag Winner Feb 2010

    Jody
    6 Feb 2010 | 4:03 am
    We have a winner for the Eureka Sleeping Bag: Congratulations Nicole Hatch you were #21! Nicole Hatch  I Follow- Coleeol42784 We go to Biddeford Maine. Homestead by the River is the name of the campground we have our trailer at! Well dads trailer we just use it during the summer! We normally go the first week in August for the whole week, it’s a great time! We have fires, go to the flea market other stores and of coarse the beach! Old Orchard Beach is about 10 mins away. We have other family members that camp their too! The camp ground is right on the Saco River! The kids take the…

  • Coyote Stiff

    Jody
    5 Feb 2010 | 5:23 am
    Hunting is over and fishing in our neck of the woods has yet to begin.  Well, unless you’re an ice fishing fanatic.  Which I’m not. Because I eat cupcakes. Crack crack crack … broken ice. So our house has been quiet from all the hunting and fishing smack until our fishing trip in April.  Our dinner conversations now include; work, politics, local politics and work.  As far as work issues, it’s been one of those weeks.   I’ve had a few things I wanted to write but it just didn’t happen. Our refrigerator is bare which means carryout. Sure I can pull…

  • Puppy Cuddle Love

    Jody
    4 Feb 2010 | 11:17 am
    Now you all know I would love to squeeze and cuddle a baby fawn but would you have a look at these puppies…. You can watch it live here. Dad I know you want one. Have a great day all!

  • Outdoor Happenings February 2010

    Jody
    3 Feb 2010 | 9:20 am
    I wanted to thank everyone for entering the Eureka Sleeping Bag Giveaway.  So excited to see so many new people visiting.  Thank you all! And for those that left your link to your site, I’ll be checking in. Ugly Website Contest: There is still time to enter WebDog Services Ugly Website Contest. Do you or somebody you know have an ugly website? Win a FREE site re-design. No strings attached. And I will be the first to say, they are a great group! You won’t be disappointed. Outdoor Bloggers Summit Challenge: The Outdoor Bloggers Summit is hosting a challenge happening this week.
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    My Mom is a Fob

  • Eating the State

    mmiaf
    7 Feb 2010 | 8:02 pm
    I look into the refrigerator and see a big brown paper bag and ask my mom what’s in it. Me: What’s in the bag? Mom: Oranges for Chinese New Year. Did I spell ‘touch’ right? T-O-U-C-H right? Me: Yeah you spelled ‘touch’ right but you spelled oranges wrong… Mom: (pronouncing oranges with a chinese accent) Or-an-gee. What’s the right spelling then? Me: You spelled Oregon. That’s a place! Mom: OH, HAHAHA. Fix it before your siblings eat all the oranges!!

  • 3 Feb 2010 | 10:45 pm

    mmiaf
    3 Feb 2010 | 10:45 pm
    This is a quote from a Gchat conversation with my mom about my tattoo and what my jichan (grandpa) thinks about it: you are made to so pretty and beautiful, the tatoo ruin your value. that’s what jicchan think and only yakuza get tatoo (Yakuza is the Japanese mafia.)

  • Hi Hi Hi

    mmiaf
    3 Feb 2010 | 10:43 pm
    I got this text from my mom after tennis practice: Hi emily i just want to hi to you Hi and hope your team will score love mommy do you

  • Public Orthodontal Announcement

    mmiaf
    30 Jan 2010 | 6:01 pm
    My mother stalks my Facebook sometimes. She decided to very publicly inform me about the fact that I left my retainer at home when I went off to college:

  • Menstrual Advice

    mmiaf
    26 Jan 2010 | 11:43 am
    subject: when you have period, sprot drink + warm water when you have period do not keeping on taking pain killer because it will hurt your kindney in the long run. I heard a lady keep on taking Pain Killer when she has period come and now she needs to wash her kindney and she is not 30 yet! if you have headach or period please mix the sport drink with warm water and the ratio is 1 to 1 or 1 to 2 and the result is much better than pain killer! Loves Mom
 
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    Comedy Videos

  • YouTube- NEW FOOTAGE The Voca People LIVE in Tel Aviv

    7 Feb 2010 | 6:42 am
    3D studio Jerobon50 animatie en films jerobon50@yahoo.comAuthor: JEROBON50Keywords: YouTube- NEW FOOTAGE The Voca People LIVE in Tel Aviv Added: Sun, 07 Feb 2010 14:42:23 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com

  • 20 Cent

    7 Feb 2010 | 4:47 am
    Es brauch nicht viel, um eine einfache Schauspiel-, Kamera-, Regie- und Schnittuebung durchzufuehren, es reichen schon 2 Darsteller, besser waeren aber mindestens 3 Darsteller. Daher ist der lustige Kurzfilm über einen Punk entstanden, der Platte macht, wie sich die Situation taeglich in Staedten abspielt.Author: filmstubekoelnKeywords: filmstubekoeln koeln schauspieluebung kamerauebung regieuebung schnittuebung clip sketch Added: Sun, 07 Feb 2010 12:47:24 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com

  • Almost Thirty

    6 Feb 2010 | 7:21 pm
    Definitely time to reinvent myself... right after I play a few video games. :)Author: VideoKilledTheTubeStarKeywords: blackandwhite silent film brian eno funny Added: Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:21:19 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com

  • Family Guy Season 1 Episode 7 - Brian: Portrait of a Dog

    6 Feb 2010 | 2:37 pm
    http://www.FamilyGuyRingtonePortal.com - Download Family Guy Ringtones To Your Cell Phone! Family Guy Season 1 Episode 7 Brian: Portrait of a Dog- Peter gets Brian to sign up for a dog showAuthor: tgmandy83Keywords: family guy season 1 episode 7 brian portrait dog show peter lois meg stewie Added: Sat, 06 Feb 2010 22:37:48 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com

  • Free animated smilies animated emoticons download

    6 Feb 2010 | 10:20 am
    http://www.all-free-smileys.info/ Emoticons Show your friends how you really feel, with smilyes.Author: wcshindsKeywords: handy animated emoticons software big smileys download big animated smileys animated emotions msn messenger funny emoticons msn messenger animated emoticons smileysfree animated smilies animated emoticons download animated emoticons cute animated emoticons animated smileys download Added: Sat, 06 Feb 2010 18:20:43 GMTVideo codes to display this video on your website!http://www.livevideo.com
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    The Junk Drawer

  • How Windy Got in Her Tree

    Kathy
    7 Feb 2010 | 4:56 am
    What follows is the story of how our bag Windy got stuck in her tree. When I initially wrote it, I sent it to a writer’s workshop blog for publication. But because that blog is now defunct and my link to it doesn’t work, I thought I’d revive the story and publish it here on The Junk Drawer. This is her home anyway. Note that this was well before we named her Windy. When I interviewed her, she was known simply as “Plastic Bag” and I refer to her as “it.” Sad, I know. And now I give you …. Caught Between a Branch and a Hard Place The lone plastic…

  • I’m All For Eco-Friendly, But Geez….

    Kathy
    30 Jan 2010 | 8:22 am
    Has anyone bought Sun Chips in the new eco-friendly bag? Ay-carumba! They are touted as the first of their kind to be “100% compostable.” That’s great, but they’re loud as hell! I Googled the issue and found a few discussion boards where people left the following comments: I swear it’s capable of waking the dead if you so much as breath in its general direction, much less actually touch it or reach inside to get a chip. Just curious about other’s comments on this ear-splitting bag. Is a fully compostable bag worth it if everyone within 1/2 mile knows…

  • Words and Topics for the Lunchroom

    Kathy
    27 Jan 2010 | 3:40 pm
    I want to work where my sister Marlene works. Her co-workers are exactly the kind of crazies I need to be around 40 hours a week. I received this list from her today. A list of words, phrases or topics that are either prohibited or encouraged in her lunch room at work. Yes, they’re keeping a list. Do with it what you will. Prohibited Words: · pimple (includes “goose-pimple”) · blackhead · moist Note: “Moist” is acceptable in reference to baked goods, chicken… i.e. things that are supposed to be moist. “Moist” is unacceptable in reference to anything gross. (Feet,…

  • The Trouble With Naps

    Kathy
    25 Jan 2010 | 2:27 pm
    I loves me a good nap. Naps that leave me waking refreshed are the best. Naps that leave me waking fuzzy-brained are the worst. I’ve had one such nap. I must have had a difficult day at work and laid down for just a bit, but when I awoke, I glanced at a clock and it read 6:30. It was one of those sleeps where I didn’t dream, didn’t move, didn’t wake up once. I thought “Holy crap! I slept through the whole night. I must have been dead tired.” I didn’t even remember Dave climbing into bed. Hmmm. That’s strange. I pattered downstairs to make coffee…

  • Is A Bacon Intervention Next?

    Kathy
    22 Jan 2010 | 3:26 pm
    OK. I have a bacon addiction. There, I said it. I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t realize how many others knew about it until I got this in the mail today from my good friend Ferd and his lovely wife, Gail. It’s a gift box of bacon-related food stuffs from J & D’s, a company whose brilliant tagline is “Everything Should Taste Like Bacon.” Indeed. That’s bacon lip balm in the middle of the box there. Come ‘ere, baby! Gimme a kiss! But wait! I have blogged about bacon only six times. I’m puzzled why people think I have a bacon problem. Is…
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    I Do Things So You Don't Have To

  • I Give Away THREE Simply Caramel Milky Ways so you don’t have to

    JD
    6 Feb 2010 | 6:26 am
    Wish I knew what you were looking for Might’ve know what you would find WOOOOOOO! You read that right. I am giving away three of the rare, hard-to-find Simply Caramel Milky Ways to three lucky, LUCKY readers. Can you believe my generosity? It knows no bounds, srsly. It all began yesterday, when I went to PetSmart. On the five-minute drive, I experienced a cold feeling of terror in my empty Milky-Way-less belly. Was it PetCo or PetSmart? I’d have to wait and see. I approached the candy display. More cold terror. I didn’t see them. I saw regular Milky Ways but no . . . oh,…

  • I Dream of the Milky Way

    JD
    4 Feb 2010 | 6:37 am
    A living box of candy wrapped up so very fine Do it to me chewy chew me out of my mind I thought I’d dreamed it. I saw it. I bought it. I ate it. I loved it. And I dreamed about it. But then, was it all a dream, after all? NO! Because my favorite candy blog, CandyBlog, wrote THIS. Yes, it’s real. A Milky Way bar with ONLY the caramel part. Brilliance! No more of that annoying fluffy noughat. It’s JUST THE CARAMEL! (I don’t think you quite understand the significance of this . . . but then, neither do I.) Oh, I know. You could go out and buy a Caramello, and believe me,…

  • I Blew the Nostril in Jamaica

    JD
    28 Jan 2010 | 7:00 am
    Everything was plentiful at the buffet Raise your fork and something’s always there For the second night in a row since returning from vacation, I left Dave a note saying I’d gone to bed already. At 6:30. “Another early night, eh?” he said the next morning. “Yup. Still catching up, I guess.” “Catching up from what? You were in a reclining position the entire week.” “I had to walk to the bathroom!” “You slept 12 hours a night. And took naps every day.” “It wasn’t quality sleep!” “You snored.”…

  • I Went to Jamaica and All You Get Are These Lousy Photos

    JD
    26 Jan 2010 | 6:23 am
    Guess who’s back Back again JD’s back Tell a friend Oh, boy. So . . . yeah. A week ago at this time I was floating over to the swim-up bar. The sun was beating down on my naked butt. My only dilemma: should I move to the beach or stay at the pool? Today I am staggering into the kitchen for coffee, scratching the bug bites on my butt, and glaring at the snow outside my window. My only dilemma: should I go back to bed or do some work? Re-entry is always difficult, but this year, it’s especially hard. Eight days in Jamaica = a soft, spongy brain and a relentless need to sleep…

  • I Am a Dork

    JD
    12 Jan 2010 | 5:06 am
    Vote, baby, vote UPDATE! I won! Can you freaking believe it? I couldn’t have done it without YOU, my non-dorky readers. Thank you for voting. I will now carry on my dorkly duties with pride and a little bit of embarrassment. Thanks, Lin! And as Margaret from Nanny Goats once said, “We’re ALL dorks . . . I mean, winners.” Some of you may have seen this photo recently. Oh, I’m not talking about it’s recent appearance on THIS blog but at Lin’s Dork Off II over at Duck and Wheel with String. Yes, I am competing with other dorks (including the mysteriously…
 
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    Stuff and Nonsense

  • The Beaver Goes Down

    Joel Klebanoff
    29 Jan 2010 | 10:11 am
    The Beaver, a Canadian history magazine, is changing it’s name. As of the April 1, 2010 issue, the new name will be “Canada’s History.” Granted, “The Beaver” is not the world’s most creative or colorful magazine name, but it sure as hell beats “Canada’s History” on both counts. Is there a more pedestrian title on the [...]

  • Canada: Chattering Champion

    Joel Klebanoff
    13 Jan 2010 | 10:00 am
    On December 30, when the Canadian media were busy getting ready to celebrate New Year’s and they were also tied up reporting on some Canadians going after a hockey championship—nothing is more important in Canada than hockey—our Prime Minister prorogued parliament until March. If you’re not familiar with the word prorogue, I’m not sure of [...]

  • Assertive Canadians? Who knew?

    Joel Klebanoff
    11 Jan 2010 | 10:50 am
    I’ve never been overly political. And I’ve never posted someone else’s video here. (Or mine for that matter, but that’s not surprising seeng as though I’ve never made one.) I don’t know who is responsible for this video. Whoever it is, thank you. And I usually try to be funny here. Once in a while I’m even [...]

  • Remembering Cell Phones

    Joel Klebanoff
    8 Jan 2010 | 8:44 am
    Did you hear about this? I recently read a news item about a study published in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease concerning the effect of cell phone radiation on Alzheimer’s disease. Researchers had been expecting that cell phone radiation would increase the negative effects of dementia. Before some smartass tells me that “negative” is redundant when [...]

  • Sacrificing Virginity for Humanity

    Joel Klebanoff
    6 Jan 2010 | 8:39 am
    As an unintended follow-on to my last post, I’ve come up with a way to end suicide bombings. How can we achieve this goal? Ask yourself the following question: Why do suicide bombers blow themselves and others up? We’re told that it is to gain the reward of 72 black-eyed virgins in heaven. Before you ask, [...]
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    Hot Ghetto Mess

  • Tooting My Own Horn

    Jamdonaldson
    1 Feb 2010 | 5:43 pm
    Check me out in the February 2010 Ebony magazine! (the one with Kimore Lee and "Give Me Free" on the front) Apparently, its OK to like me now! OK, I know its shameless. But if you don't toot your own horn...

  • Note From The Editor 2010

    Jamdonaldson
    1 Feb 2010 | 5:39 pm
    Between getting cussed out and being called an Uncle Tom sell-out, I’m often asked why I am so hard on the black community?I’m accused of perpetuating stereotypes, exploiting the poor, and probably killing kittens.“Why can’t you talk about what’s right in our communities instead of what’s wrong?”My short answer is: to get the full picture of anything, you need both sides.And I just happen to be representing the get-your-shit-together side. There’s no one that loves my brothers and sisters more than I do, and for that reason I am obligated to speak the truth about what I see…

  • pirate mess

    Jamdonaldson
    28 Jan 2010 | 11:46 am

  • titzilla mess

    Jamdonaldson
    28 Jan 2010 | 11:45 am

  • rapunzel mess

    Jamdonaldson
    28 Jan 2010 | 11:44 am
    Rapunzeniqua, Rapunzeniqua, let down your hair!
 
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    Best Clean Funny Jokes

  • Rodney Dangerfield gets a second opinion

    traymond
    7 Feb 2010 | 9:51 pm
    I went to the psychiatrist, and he says “You’re crazy. ” I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, “Okay, you’re ugly too!”

  • The young lawyer dies

    traymond
    6 Feb 2010 | 9:48 pm
    63 A lawyer died and went to Heaven. “There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argued. “I’m too young to die. Im only fifty five.” “Fifty five?” said Saint Peter. “No, according to out calculations, you’re eighty two.” “How did you get that?” the lawyer asked. Answered St. Peter: “We added up your time sheets.”

  • One in a million

    traymond
    5 Feb 2010 | 5:04 pm
    China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if youre a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

  • Henny Youngman teaches about ethics

    traymond
    4 Feb 2010 | 5:02 pm
    A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. “Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize shes given you two $100 bills. Now, heres where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?”

  • The food here is just terrible

    traymond
    3 Feb 2010 | 5:00 pm
    Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, “You know, the food here is just terrible.” The other shakes her head and adds, “And such small portions.”
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    Irregularly Periodic Ruminations

  • A new addition

    28 Jan 2010 | 6:32 pm
    She's a cutie. I'm pretty sure she won't stay this size though/ See and download the full gallery on posterous Posted via email from heinous's posterous

  • The Canoe Trip

    9 Jun 2009 | 7:32 am
    Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome back. Now for the beginning of the canoe trip... The canoe trip all-in-all was a great trip, there were a few details that stood out, however. We arrived at the outfitters on time and rented the canoe. We piled into the van, canoe in tow, with a very nice couple that we chatted with. We drove for a while and at some point I hazarded the question, "How long do you think the trip will take with the creek at its current level?" "About four hours at a leisurely paddle," was the reply. I figured since we could always paddle a little…

  • No Lions or Tigers, just a Bear

    29 May 2009 | 9:01 am
    We went on a nice canoe trip over the weekend (more on that later) and towards the end of the trip, I looked up and saw what seemed to be a large, black bag in a tree. I asked, "What's that in the tree?" (I had already been told there was a bear in a tree earlier in the day but the idylls of a weekend at camp must have gently washed that fact from my mind.) Bernadette said, "That must be the bear." She was kind enough to leave off "idiot" since she knew I had heard about it. We were sort of excited to see it, but The Boy remained lukewarm on the subject.

  • The Spider

    29 Jan 2009 | 7:45 am
    By request from my 100th post: The day I met the Biggest God-Damned Spider Ever. I rock climbed a lot during and right after college. It was a good adrenaline buzz and it helped me overcome my fear of heights. There is a challenging route in Huntingdon (in PA) that had an outcropping. The climb up to the outcropping was easy, but then it was all finger and arm strength to get past it. I was on belay and had climbed just about to the point where it got difficult. I reached up for a nice handhold and had to dig out some moss to get a good grip. I tossed the moss over my shoulder and yelled out,…

  • I Never Knew...

    28 Jan 2009 | 9:59 am
    My wife and I were driving around the other day and got caught behind a particularly slow driver. I don't know how we get into conversations like this sometimes, but here it is: The Wife: "If that idiot wants to park, he should use the lot over there, not the turning lane." Me: "Yeah; that and I don't like his license plate." TW: " 'He Gene?' Maybe his name is something like Howard Edward Gene." Me: "He should have sounded it out before ordering it. It sounds like his boyfriend's name is Gene." TW: "He can't be gay. Gays don't drive minivans."…
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    Base Camp Legends

  • What are the Odds?

    Tom Sorenson
    8 Feb 2010 | 11:44 am
    My brother shot a coyote the other day (no, he didn’t invite me to come along) and took a picture of it with his cell phone. With no way to get the pics off his phone, he showed me and my cousin, Cody, the pictures off his phone. Over the weekend, Cody was cruising the forums over at Monster Muleys and looking over a thread when he noticed something familiar about a picture of a dead coyote. Yup – someone had stumbled onto Todd’s dead yote, took pics of it, and posted them to the forum below. Small world? Or am I the only one that finds these to be incredible odds?

  • The Agonies of the Monday Morning After

    Gary Sorenson
    4 Feb 2010 | 4:35 am
    I know, that title doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but somehow after what happened yesterday and how I feel today, and what I feel like I should do tomorrow it all makes perfect sense.  In short, yesterday I got talked into going chukar hunting with two of my sons, Todd and Tom.  Today I feel like I got hit by a bus and tomorrow I got this hankering to go see a psycho to find out why I let myself get talked into this excursion.  Worst of all I have only to look in the mirror to find the guy who introduced these two to the joys of chasing these feathered fiends all over the…

  • Chasing Elusive (Adroit) Elk

    suzee
    1 Feb 2010 | 4:20 am
    Elusive (e lu’ siv)  adj.  Adroitly evading; baffling, hard to grasp. I had to look this up to make sure it was the description I wanted… and then had to look up adroitly( this always happens to me!) adroit (a droit’) adj. Skillful or clever in performance; quick to grasp and execute; resourceful; deft. …and that pretty well sums up how the elk handled us poor inept humans on this elk hunt!  Thank goodness this wild elk chase took place in some of the most breathtaking backdrop the eyes will ever feast upon… and the other elusive creatures that live there…

  • 2010

    Scott
    21 Jan 2010 | 8:41 am
    Well everyone, it’s been one crazy year for me personally and professionally.  I wanted to take a second with this end of year article and reflect on the past 12 months. This year has been one of both personal happiness and professional success but not without some pitfalls as well.  Let me start by saying “Thank  you” to Tom and the whole Base Camp Legends staff.  They have given me the opportunity to be a part of something that I truly enjoy and hope that it teaches some others out there how to work on their own equipment and help make them a better shot and a more lethal…

  • 1-800-Mr. Errand Guy

    Gary Sorenson
    12 Jan 2010 | 11:02 am
    I got a chuckle tonight as I wandered through The Hunters Wife’s blog.  Jody did a little reliving of her single days when she needed help she would just call 1-800- Mr. fix-it guy or whatever.  I guess it was especially funny to me because of what happened to me last fall while elk hunting. It was one of those hot fall days where we hiked into the hills before day light and hunt all day in the heat and bugs and the domestic cows having moved into the area so the elk had moved out.  But being the bull headed creatures we are we keep at it all day till the sun has moved on to the…
 
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    Julian Kross

  • This is why my family tree grows wit and yours grows shit

    NormandLi79
    30 Jan 2010 | 11:50 am
    Yes I live here in the states with you but it’s things like this that make me long to return to those in my family who live in a better place.  A place that allows this video to broadcast on public television and make an ass out of everyone with a TV news career since Walter Cronkite called Dan Rather a dipshit.

  • I just found a new accountant

    NormandLi79
    15 Jan 2010 | 8:11 am
    If I can find a natural gas provider with a BBQ commercial and a dentist that will polish up my teefs I can have a racist service industry hat trick.

  • One Lie

    NormandLi79
    6 Jan 2010 | 7:41 am
    Stacy Keach has been around a lot longer than I thought I’m growing tired of parents who insist on encouraging children who obviously suck, and then make excuses when they fail.  You get one lie.  Lie to me or the kid.  If you tell your kid he can be a doctor and then explain to me the reason he sweeps the floor in a sock factory is because he was sick for a month in the 2nd grade, you’re fucking with the natural order of the universe. I honestly don’t mind hearing your excuses as long as you give them to me in front of the kid.  But I get really aggravated when little…

  • I’m trying not to settle

    NormandLi79
    2 Dec 2009 | 2:04 pm
    Looks like someone will be putting a little more love in the next meal The more I look back on my life the more I realize things have gotten progressively better when I simply decided not to settle.  The less I settle, the more I notice those who do.  I generally try to stay out of it until they ask my opinion.  At that point I’m either the guy with the answers or that prick who told them what they didn’t want to hear.  It’s becoming baffling to me. Why do you spend ever week going back and forth to a job you hate?  Quit, do something you want to do.  You’re probably not going…

  • I’m not sure when it happened, but I’ve changed

    NormandLi79
    4 Nov 2009 | 7:41 am
    You can't hide money I live in a pretty good neighborhood. For the most part I enjoy spending time with the people that live around me with only two real exceptions. Next door to me is an elderly couple who both seem to live off nothing more than toast, coffee, and the happiness of others. They’ve had confrontations with most of us about things like magical moving property lines, accusations that we weren’t living in our own homes because we were renting them, the demand to stop non-existant logging trucks from driving thru their yard, and threats to call the police when people park…
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    The Daily Blonde

  • Tainted Salami

    The Daily Blonde
    4 Feb 2010 | 10:38 pm
    I read a lot about food recalls. They concern me. Mostly because I found myself in the ER a year ago after getting it on with Sal Monella. Recently there has been a big to-do about a rather substantial lot of salami and sausage products made in my fine little state that were tainted with salmonella. [...]

  • Apple iPad vs. Kotex: Does it have wings?

    The Daily Blonde
    27 Jan 2010 | 3:41 pm
    Interestingly enough I received an email today from Kotex as I was in the midst of writing my opinion about Apple’s new iPad. I was writing hours before the big Apple media fiesta was to begin and, at that time, the rumor was that it would be called the iSlate or something similar. So, of [...]

  • Spell Check Doesn’t Help

    The Daily Blonde
    24 Jan 2010 | 10:00 pm
    I wanted to grow up to be a writer who was a mix between Erma Bombeck and Ernest Hemingway. Strange mix. Then again, I’m talking about myself here. I haven’t grown up yet. There is still hope. I am, however, a writer. I mostly like to write senseless crap here on my blog, but that doesn’t [...]

  • Repeat AssHat Award: John Edwards

    The Daily Blonde
    22 Jan 2010 | 7:44 am
    In April of last year I gave John Edwards an AssHat of the Week award. Just the fact that he was just such a pompous jackass when it came to his affair with Rielle Hunter was enough to give him a mention. Men have affairs. Women have affairs. It’s just something that goes on with people [...]

  • Why Do Women Cry So Much?

    The Daily Blonde
    19 Jan 2010 | 8:02 am
    I’ve recently given some thought as to why women cry and men rarely do (or at least they hide it well). There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it, but it seems to be something to do with hormones, miscommunication, frustration or sadness. Maybe it’s just a PMS roller coaster ride. That usually [...]
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    Homemade Hilarity

  • Yes. An Adult Made This. Proudly.

    Julia D
    2 Feb 2010 | 5:48 pm
     My understanding is that wine coolers had nothing to do with this.  So there's really no excuse.

  • How to Look Unbelieveably Awesome, Part 4

    Julia D
    26 Jan 2010 | 7:28 pm
    I know, I know.  I've been negligent.  I'm a bad, bad lady.  You can stop sending the sad-face emails.  I get it. I've done the internet equivalent of leaving my dog/baby/husband in the car for a week during the summer with the windows rolled up.  And nothing but Mountain Dew to drink.  But I'm back, at the very least showing my face to claim the carcass of whatever may be left of my lovely website.  And to show my undying devotion to you, my lovely and patient readers, I'm going to present you with one of my favourite tutorials ever.  EVER.  I…

  • Tits or ass? Well, I'll tell you.

    Julia D
    19 Jan 2010 | 5:07 pm
    Hi guys! Sorry I've been away for a few days. I've been, you know, doing things. Rescuing orphaned kittens. Saving babies. Helping old ladies cross the road.  Trying to find a real job that actually pays real money.  That kind of thing.  But I'm back, and ready to make fun of more well-meaning crafters.Anyway, today we're going to take a look at this: If you said "Jiminy Christmas, that looks like Spongeboob Squarepants"  then you would be correct.  Because it is.  Quite pointedly.I love a crafter with a good immature pun.  I just hope I can find a…

  • When is a sock not a sock?

    Julia D
    11 Jan 2010 | 4:58 pm
    When it's sewn shut, given a Hot-Topic arm-band neck, had its "Hello Kitty" insignias used as eyeballs, and being sold for $20 on Etsy. Then it's just a piece of shit.

  • Deja Boob

    Julia D
    7 Jan 2010 | 1:07 pm
    Ohmygodyouguys... Remember that camo boob blanket I posted way back when? Yeah. I had noooo idea it was part of a matching set until yesterday, when I came across this:Which doesn't exactly prove my point until you flip it over and get a face fulla these big ol' rubber baby buggy bumpers:Somewhere, deep down, in the furthest recesses of my cold, insignificant heart, I actually really love this. It looks comfortable as hell.
 
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    I Hate My Message Board

  • A big box of 70s style love

    Tracy
    6 Feb 2010 | 7:04 pm
    Or, showing off my loot as I am wont to do 1970s Candy Gift Box My Go Group got together and surprised me with this 70’s Decade Box to cheer me up, aren’t they amazing? It’s going to take me weeks to get through this all; it’s a ton of treats. Contents of 1970s Decade Box It was super hard to get a picture of the contents because my boys were in the room and every shot had a blurry little hand reaching in. Every day since it arrived they ask, Mom, can we have some candy from the 70s? They even told their teachers all about it, which is a tiny bit unfortunate…

  • Investment advice needed, please

    Tracy
    29 Jan 2010 | 7:50 pm
    Or, I am surely the daughter of my parents Vanilla Cherry Nyquil - Limited edition flavor! I have a cold. I need to sleep. But I feel lousy (detailed accounting of all the ways I feel lousy upon request, even though I was saving it for an ebook) My other bottle is empty. We could discuss when they started marketing drugs like candy or just how much that bisque/bone color they used for the safety wrapper reminds one of very old women in the Miss Havisham mold, or if the green Nyquil works better than the cherry red one or why they market Nyquil in capsules when they are useless disappointments…

  • Crying in the car

    Tracy
    27 Jan 2010 | 8:07 pm
    Or, really there isn’t a right place to begin writing again, is there? I’ve been doing fine, I suppose. There have been urges to do something BIG! and LIFE! AFFIRMING! but it seems in the movies that always involves heights, and I’m scared of those so instead I decided to go with doing the small and life sustaining things like take the kids to school and grocery stop. So today I’m doing just that and on the way home the kids all fall asleep in the back of the car and I decided to take the long way home so I wouldn’t have to wake them. For once, it’s quiet…

  • Quick update

    Tracy
    21 Jan 2010 | 7:00 pm
    We are still dealing with the tragedy that struck my husband’s family and I will be unable to post for a few more days. Thank you all for your kindness and support, it’s been greatly appreciated. TracySimilar Posts: Sorry for my absence, I will be back sometime next week The Paranoid Mom Reviews New Products: Stove Top Quick Cups It’s International Women’s Day Hey Free Shipping! – Family Auctions off a Picture of Themselves on Ebay, Starting bid $200K Crying in the car

  • Sorry for my absence, I will be back sometime next week

    Tracy
    13 Jan 2010 | 7:04 am
    I will not be around online until sometime in the coming week because of a death in my husband’s family. It was an unexpected and horrific loss and I’d prefer not to give details to preserve my family’s privacy. Please keep them in your thoughts as they seek closure and peace over the coming months. I am still in a state of shock and disbelief and not up to writing or socializing. Thank you all for your understanding and support.Similar Posts: Quick update Hey Free Shipping! – Family Auctions off a Picture of Themselves on Ebay, Starting bid $200K My values are what…
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    wineandexcrement.com

  • Port-au-Prince to receive NFL franchise

    Sisyphus
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:02 pm
    PORT-AU-PRINCE – Hoping to follow New Orleans’ lead and magically undo the massive effects of natural disasters and government incompetence merely by winning a football game, city and federal officials in Port-au-Prince confirmed in a news conference today that they are in active talks to secure an NFL football franchise “by the start of next season.” The hastily arranged conference, which was held outdoors in sweltering conditions due to the ongoing power outage, comes on the heels of the New Orleans Saints’ unlikely triumph over the Indianapolis Colts in yesterday’s Super…

  • Super Bowl win expected to magically cure New Orleans

    Prometheus
    2 Feb 2010 | 9:10 am
    NEW ORLEANS  – The people of Louisiana dream of more than just a possible win in the Super Bowl™ this Sunday.  In addition to delivering the satisfaction of victory, they expect the win to somehow “save” the city of New Orleans, and with it, the entire Bayou Region. The Saints originated in 1967 and this is their first-ever championship appearance.  Many believe that their gold and black color scheme represents the public urination and blackouts common in the French Quarter, and that the fleur-de-lis symbol on their helmets symbolizes the anchor of grim reality drowning the hopes…

  • Orphan futures surge on Madonna, Jolie sightings in Haiti

    Sisyphus
    1 Feb 2010 | 6:51 pm
    NEW YORK – Orphan futures, under relentless pressure since the earthquake that devastated Haiti on Jan.23, enjoyed a dramatic turnaround today during heavy trading on the New York Mercantile Exchange. Haitian orphans have been victimized by proselytizing adoptive agencies. The surge, which saw spot unit prices for March delivery of orphans spike $5, or 20%, came after traders received word that sightings of aggressive bulk orphan buyers Madonna and Angelina Jolie had been confirmed in Haiti. Orphan futures had hit a five-year low last month as the Haiti quake dumped hundreds of thousands of…

  • Earthquake Strikes Yellowstone, Frightens Woodland Critters

    Prometheus
    28 Jan 2010 | 10:59 am
    YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyo. - An earthquake struck Yellowstone National Park today, rendering uncounted numbers of animals homeless.  Seven people told investigators that they felt the quake, which measured 3.3 on the Richter Scale.  Preliminary reports estimate that it caused a staggering $11 in damages. W&E promptly dispatched its intern to Yellowstone for an on-site report.  After hitchhiking to the park, he reported that the quake “caused an epic disaster of biblical proportions.  If there were homes here, they would have been moderately shaken.” When asked to elaborate…

  • New Tiger Woods computer game to feature unlockable trophy women

    Sisyphus
    4 Jan 2010 | 9:45 am
    LAS VEGAS - In Tiger Woods' latest video game, these won't be the only trophies you can land. Pornographic Arts (PA), which recently acquired the rights to the popular line of Tiger Woods computer and console games, announced new details about its plans for its relaunch of the series. The updated edition, tentatively titled “Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11: In the Buff and the Rough” and slated for release in early 2010, will for the first time include features based on the golf savant’s off-course exploits, focusing especially on his sexual conquests. “In the past, the games featured…
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    List Of the Day

  • Answering Machine Message Of The Day

    Cary
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:04 am
    All you teachers will appreciate this, even if it's not real. From Laura in the Caymans.

  • Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Soil My Oats

    Cary
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:30 am
    From Juicy S. Trixx. tri-cities, WA > personals > casual encounters Man seeking woman to soil my oats with - m4w - 25 (KPR sournds) Date: 2010-02-05, 12:59PM PST I am a male who is seeking full attention of a woman of the ages 18 to 35. who i will please untill she has her most vigerating orgasim that she has ever had.So if you are in the quest for the best please send me

  • Guest Post Of The Day: Rhymes With Larry Jay

    Cary
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:35 am
    Not long ago I posted a Craigslist ad about a clown (literally) who sells Mary Kay makeup products. Then I remembered that my friend Amy once posted an amusing tale about her run-in with MK, and thought you might enjoy reading it. If not, eat me. Last week I was having lunch with my mom when this perky little thing approached our table.Excuse me, she sang, I hope you don’t think I’m crazy but my

  • Classic Video Of The Day: Pulp Muppets

    Cary
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:16 am
    Amusing, in a creepy sort of way. From Randy.

  • Unfortunately Named People Of The Day

    Cary
    8 Feb 2010 | 11:47 am
    Some old, some new, some seen here before, some not. An oft-discussed topic here on LOTD, and one that never fails to amuse.
 
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    fracas

  • Worse Than Being Tied Up

    fracas
    7 Feb 2010 | 9:05 pm
    If you think you know what it’s like to be tied up, just think again. Like Lucy, Fracas has been really tied up the last few days, and she isn’t sure exactly when she’ll manage to wriggle free. It could be worse though… She could be here, blogging… and then you’d have to read whatever drivel she came up with. Or even worse than that… If she wasn’t tied up, she might be at your blog, leaving what she thinks are pithy comments. You know you think they are too… only you just happen to be able to say that word without a lisp. But, like all…

  • How To Get Rich as a Volunteer!

    fracas
    3 Feb 2010 | 8:57 am
    I, fracas, can hardly contain myself this morning. It’s like I won the lottery or something. I didn’t… but this is almost as good. You see, fracas has always been a volunteer. Whether it was as a nine year old who spent time in the kindergarten room (because her baby sib was scared to be at school) or as the twelve year old who stayed for hours after school helping the teachers with their prep work and such; as the 16 year old fracas who volunteered to organize and produce a high school project, to the new mom who was a founding member of a support group for a health care…

  • Schwarzenegger a stalker?

    fracas
    31 Jan 2010 | 11:23 am
    Surely you must think this time fracas has finally flipped. Arnold Schwarzenegger a stalker? Impossible!  After all, you’ve seen him in Kindergarten Cop, True Lies, and even that movie with Danny DeVito; he seemed like such a good guy! I assure you though, I haven’t flipped. It all started back last year when I signed up for Twitter. Like other brand new twits, I kept a close watch on who was following me, who wasn’t following me back… and other such pesky details. Using the ever-popular friendorfollow application, a twit like me can easily keep track of who is…

  • What Not To Name Your Cat

    fracas
    26 Jan 2010 | 10:07 pm
    I know the last couple of posts here at fracas have been on the more serious side, and I do apologize to be doing it again, but this is an emergency fraccers… it can’t be helped. I’m just sick with worry that while Saskatoon’s finest (yes, I do mean the police) are being needlessly tied up tending to situations like these, that something untoward is going to happen to us and our frantic 911 calls will be for naught. To assist our hard-working men and women in the blue and whites, I’ve decided to publish this helpful guide to naming your cat. Those of you…
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    Fraccers

  • Re-Vamping a Classic

    fracas
    31 Jan 2010 | 1:35 pm
    Have you ever sat and realized how some days, the internet is terribly boring? One can only watch so many videos of stupid people falling into puddles of mud and falling victim to their friends and families’ idea of a good practical joke before one becomes weary. Indeed… sometimes we long to be able to [...]

  • Canadians. Wolves in sheep’s clothing?

    fracas
    26 Jan 2010 | 12:25 pm
    Canadians are a bunch of deviants. I know, you’re shocked. The whole world thinks we’re calm, polite, peace-loving folks who talk funny and hate to argue, but Google proves otherwise…. and everyone knows that Google knows all. Today I took a moment to check Google News for Canada, and see what was new(s) and exciting here. After [...]

  • Are You A Sap?

    fracas
    19 Jan 2010 | 5:48 pm
    You don’t want to be a sap. I mean it… really, do you want to go through life knowing you’re a sap? I didn’t think so, so listen up: I have this FAQ page, but while this blog was having a bit of a makeover crisis, that FAQ page was disabled. I mean… it seemed stupid to be [...]

  • Ptyalism. I could just spit!

    fracas
    19 Jan 2010 | 1:22 pm
    I admit it… there’s not much point in hiding it anymore, so I’ll just say it. Fracas is a geek. A while back I posted the definitions for a couple of wacky words made popular by Jennifer Aniston’s character in the move Love Happens, and that post is still getting attention. For a gal who loves her [...]
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    English Russia

  • Back to the Arctics

    Winter is the time to go to the.. ocean. When the weather is steadily below zero and the sun never rises above the horizon it is the high time. High time to go and see the auroras in the land of no-way-getting-there-in-the-summer. There are no auto roads that way in summer. In winter there is small chance to get there. Even if you have suv or big gas goggler jeep you still can be sure in reaching the shores of the Polar Ocean. Why people try to reach those salty frozen waters there? Maybe taking a look on the photos can give a clue. read more..

  • Building A Metro

    In St. Petersburg they have almost the deepest subway in the world, according to wikipedia: "The deepest metro system in the world was built in St. Petersburg, Russia. In this city, built in the marshland, stable soil starts more than 50 metres (160 ft) deep. Above that level the soil mostly consists of water-bearing finely dispersed sand. Because of this, only three stations out of nearly 60 are built near the ground level and three more above the ground. Some stations and tunnels lie as deep as 100–120 metres (330–390 ft) below the surface. However, the location of the world's deepest…

  • Descend to Kamkinskaya Quarry

    "Kamkinskaya" quarry or "Kiseli" (Kissels) - a system of artificial caves, quarries in the Moscow region. Here limestone was quarried for the construction of "white stone" in Moscow. Located not far from Moscow, near the village Kamkina. The length of the system is not certain, is about 10,5 - 12,0 km. Extraction was conducted mainly in the XVIII - XIX centuries. But probably earlier, until the XVI century. Preserved, uneven areas, characterized by different methods of extraction (kolonniki, zabutovannye kolonniki, solid output). In the XX century, especially since the 60's, it has been a…

  • Wooden Cops Sculptures: Real and Fairy

    Such wooden sculptures of Russian traffic cops can be seen in a nice city Khabarovsk. Don't you agree that it is an unusual idea to make such cute figures and, what is more, to mix the urban reality personages with fairy-tale ones in such a funny way?read more..

  • Jump From the House

    When you have lotsa snow you can have some fun with it like... jumping from five-stored building into a pile of snow, fun isn't it? ">read more..
 
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    Come.Read.Comment.Go.

  • Humour me!!

    8 Feb 2010 | 8:38 pm
    I wish there were more men of this "other" type..."My mom has given my matrimonial ad," my coworker Anurag told me one day. "One of the respondents is an account manager with an ad agency in Mumbai. Drawing seven lahks per annum! That’s double my salary. So I told my mom, ‘I don’t think she’s my type.’"Not your type..? I was dumbfounded. What could be a more perfect type than a wife who pulls in a boatload of cash?So I argued with him. I tried to explain the benefits of that arrangement from the perspective of his future financial security, to say nothing of all the extra time…

  • Gone CucKoo Bananas!!!

    4 Feb 2010 | 12:26 am
    The human brain is a wonderful creation, like no other. It can perform a million tasks at one time, enabling us to multitask. Weighing about a kilo, it's the grey cells that differentiate between humans and apes..But in some human beings, at times, the brain get short-circuited, jumbles up or just goes cuckoo bananas.. Now don't ask me the native of the world, I heard it in the movie "Wicker Park", where its used for the anti-heroine, who has just lost it and has created a mess of the hero's, heroine's and side-kick's life, which in turn has resulted in the amazing suspense drama, the movie…

  • Matinee Matinee II

    1 Feb 2010 | 9:49 pm
    The next 6 movie reviews continue..The Baker's Girl of MonceauLa boulangère de MonceauDir: Eric RohmerFrance/1963Its a hurried but sweet presentation of emotions, love, comedy and the roving male eye, all bundled into this black&white matinee experience.. The entire routine of the guy following the seemingly sexy lady across the streets of Paris; Then his perfectly innocuous interaction with the Bakery girl; And the Parisian snacks on display look as tempting as it would right in front of you..Bay of the AngelsLa baie des angesDir: Jacques DemyFrance/1963The platinum blonde Jackie is the…

  • Matinee Matinee I

    19 Jan 2010 | 2:39 am
    I would never miss an opportunity to watch a good movie, no matter how stressed my weekend is, that is why, the film festivals are a perfect getaway to unwind, relax and enjoy cinema, which is unknown to you but inspire similar thoughts about us, human beings..PIFF, organized in mid-January, gave me and thousand other fluttering souls, some respite from work and a welcome break from the routine masala fare..Island EtudeLian xi kuDir: Huai-en ChenTaiwan/2007My first movie of the festival was Island Etude, a film from Taiwan, about a hearing-disabled boy, cycling along the entire coastline of…

  • Pune Fashion Week 2010

    6 Jan 2010 | 9:09 pm
    The morning newspaper gave me an insightful news today.. Pune is now going have its own fashion week, this very month!!Pune has everything going for it — a thriving education centre, a rapidly growing IT industry, a pulsing cultural hub and great climate. Of course, we have fashion sense too, but somehow with our proximity to Mumbai, it thrived in the underbelly of the city and then those who were ‘ready’, were exported to the runways of Mumbai and Delhi.In an attempt to change this, which means to legitimise Pune as a ‘fashion capital’, a Pune Fashion Week is on the cards this…
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    Bizlevity

  • Is Kansas For Real?

    Lyndsey D'Arcangelo
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:42 am
    Now that the pro football season has  come to end (shout out to the Saints — Who Dat!), we can concentrate fully on basketball without any needless distractions. There is so much parody in college basketball this season. Every time a new team reaches the number 1 spot in the polls, they get beat. The movement between the top 25 teams has been so fluid that you can’t really figure out who’s got a leg up on who? Kansas protected the number one spot on Monday with a win against Texas. That’s why when Kansas took over at number 1, I thought, “this is only going to last…

  • PSA Screening Detection: U.S. versus Europe

    Marijke Durning, RN
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:05 am
    Detection of prostate cancer using PSA blood levels (prostate specific antigen) is significantly lower in the United States than in Europe, say researchers. Prostate cancer screening using the PSA levels is being encouraged to detect early prostate cancer, but who is screened and how often depends on individual physicians or clinics. The U.S. National Institutes of Health site notes that higher risk men are usually recommended to be screened starting at the age of 40 or 45 years. For men with no risk factors for prostate cancer, such as family history, some doctors are not actively…

  • Fallout 3: New Vegas Coming Fall 2010

    Amy Tucker
    9 Feb 2010 | 5:25 am
    I haven’t played Fallout 3 in months – maybe even a year. OK. I don’t think a whole year but it has been so long I can’t remember the last time Iplayed the game. Why is this important? Because Fallout 3 was amazing and wonderful and I LOVED it but after a while, I got incredibly bored with it. I also saw the ending of it while watching Tucker play his save and was so damn disappointed in the crap ending that I didn’t see a reason to keep on playing. BUT, now I’ve seen the New Vegas trailer and while I can’t exactly put my finger on why, New Vegas gets…

  • “Bioshock 2” Is Now Available!

    Jeanne Dupuis
    9 Feb 2010 | 2:48 am
    The highly anticipated Bioshock 2 was released today and I can imagine that hundreds of copies are flying off the shelves as I type.   The original Bioshock was released back in 2007 and they’ve already got a great-looking follow up to the acclaimed game. The sequel is set about 10 years after the events of the first game and it all unfolds in the underwater city of Rapture.  A monster has been kidnapping little girls and you can’t exactly let that continue, can you?  In order to help them, though, you’re going to have to survive which might be easier said than done. Here are some…

  • Ellen to Make “American Idol” Debut Tonight

    Jeanne Dupuis
    9 Feb 2010 | 1:38 am
    In a season filled with controversy, Ellen DeGeneres will be making her debut as the new judge on American Idol.  After Paula Abdul quit, it was a scramble to find someone to fill her seat and considering the fact that Ellen is such a huge fan of the show, I thought it was a good choice. image: Michael Becker / FOX Of course, there’s been all kinds of drama and there have been reports that Ellen is already clashing with fellow judge, Simon Cowell.   With viewership down, I’m sure they are hoping she can bring back the ratings and a feud with Simon would definitely help that. Post from:…
 
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    Postcards from Yo Momma

  • For Future Reference

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    9 Feb 2010 | 10:30 am
    Dear Smith Boys, Since I noticed the lack of thoughtfulness on, my birthday and Mother’s day/or the “Gee this reminds me of mommy gifts,”  and ALL OTHER OCCASSIONS I have included a list of acceptible gifts for future reference. Perfume:  Clinique-”Happy” Estee Lauder -”Beautiful Sheer Paradise” Take your father and me out to dinner ***This one is also acceptable for Fathers Day which is June 16th***** UoI gear-***This one is also acceptable for Fathers Day which is June 16th***** Chicago Bears gear-***This one is also acceptable for Fathers Day…

  • Bikes, Boys and Tattoos

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:30 am
    Did you get to see the picture of my tattoo? I hope you like it but I really don’t care because I like it and that is all that matters. Your 2nd set of flowers is doing really well.  I guess that you just have to send dead ones first so that I get nice one after the first one dies. I bought a bicycle at a garage sale. I decided that I was getting bored with just walking. The only problem that I can see is that every path that I would take has an uphill part at the end. I will probably have to walk my bike back to the house which kind-of defeats the purpose of riding a bike. I was…

  • Gangsta Dad

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:30 am
    Backstory: My dad works in IT. Ok your dad thinks he’s a gangsta rapper now and he wants to know if you know what street cred is.

  • Jonesing for Valium

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    8 Feb 2010 | 9:05 am
    Backstory: I’m not on valium or any kind of drug. Hi Honey - Do you have any extra valium?  And I’m not even kidding!!  I have run out and am in desparate need of some sleep.  I sleep for maybe 4 hours then wake-up and my mind takes off . . . and I can’t get back to sleep. Too many things going on.  I really need 8-9 hours to function well.  I would prefer not to have to go to a doctor here, so I just thought I would ask.  You could mail them to me – 3 day service. XO Mom

  • Real Housewives of New Jersey??

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:30 am
    Remember that you are from NJ and that your mom is Italian. If V [former landlord] continues to be a pain ,a hit can be arranged for about $750. When you get your deposit back you will be ahead $550.
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    National Lampoon

  • Just Ad Pants (video)

    evankessler
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:01 pm
    Being the manly men we are, we often struggle with just how overtly to display our dominant sexuality in the company of others. As we geared up for yesterday’s Super Bowl between the Saints and Colts, the question that plagued us before making the rounds at various pigskin parties was a simple one, “pants or no pants?” Countless hours were spent in front of the mirror trying to figure out if our Drew Brees jersey looked more masculine with or without our most rugged pair of non-Favre-endorsed jeans. Ultimately, we decided on the comfort that goes with the freedom of not having pockets…

  • Rejected Tim Tebow Super Bowl Ads

    NatLamp Staff
    6 Feb 2010 | 2:36 pm
    University of Florida QB Tim Tebow is the star of an ad for right wing, right-to-life organization Focus On The Family that will air during this Sunday’s Super Bowl.  The ad will tell the story of Tebow’s mother who was urged by doctors to have an abortion due to health complications, but pressed on and gave birth to one of College Football’s most successful Quarterbacks, not to mention a two-time Heisman Trophy winner.  Before settling on the idea that will air Sunday, Focus on the Family probably disposed of a few potential commercial treatments. Here are just a few they…

  • The National Lampoon Interview: Scottie Pippen

    NatLamp Staff
    2 Feb 2010 | 12:27 pm
    National Lampoon sat down to chat with Scottie Pippen about his experience in the new DVD, Midgets vs. Mascots. Now on sale in some sort of stores or something. It’s online someplace. Just google it. Away we go: National Lampoon: Scottie, thanks for talking with us about Midgets vs Mascots,now out on DVD and clearly a major contender for the upcoming Oscars; What information did you get up front about “A Tribute To Big Red?” Scottie Pippen: A friend of mine was involved with midgets vs mascots, and he sorta told me about the movie, how it was this ‘Borat’ type…

  • The Making Of Michael Ian Black’s The Purple Kangaroo

    NatLamp Staff
    1 Feb 2010 | 1:14 pm
    A behind the scenes look at Michael Ian Black’s new children’s book, The Purple Kangaroo, with illustrator Peter Brown. MIB is most notably a professional jackass, but a jackass with heart. Should he be writing kids books, or even being around them, not sure. But this video is funny. The Making Of Michael Ian Black’s The Purple Kangaroo - watch more funny videos

  • Banned Gay Dating Super Bowl Commerical

    NatLamp Staff
    30 Jan 2010 | 11:00 am
    Sometimes a man just enjoys the company of other men, and why not? We share interests…like football, beer, strong arms and other guys stuff. Gay? No, we are just bros! Bro it up on BroHarmony and find your bro!
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    Naughty Jester

  • Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Tail

    Naughty Jester
    4 Feb 2010 | 1:54 pm
    Do fish have inalienable rights? You know, self-evident truths passed down by a well-endowed creator? Do they feel happiness? Or even sadness, for that matter? For me, I know the ecstasy of hooking a whopper, reeling in a keeper and landing the big one. I have been chasing (fish) tail since my youth. It never seems to get old. The thrill of the chase, the silky smooth cast of the line, the peaceful moments in between. Hemingway wrote about the epic struggle of an old man and a fish. Thus inspired, I wrote about my own – “The Middle Aged Man and the Pond”. Funny to think about just…

  • Reproductive Organs

    Naughty Jester
    28 Jan 2010 | 9:43 am
    If you came here hoping to learn more about genitalia or gamete producing gonads I am so sorry to disappoint. No, the reproductive organs of which we speak today are those organizations devoted to reproducing mind-numbing entertainment for the great unwashed. In short, our mass media. We can find a thousand different ways to occupy ourselves, divert our attention away from the subtle realities of life. There is, of course, the boob tube. (Note to self: great business idea – boobtube.com, a helluva lot more enticing than Hulu.) Then there are movies – visual vomit splashed out of Hollywood…

  • Soul Conditioner

    Naughty Jester
    7 Jan 2010 | 9:40 am
    There are three things a guy will never admit to doing while in the shower: peeing, conditioning his hair or caressing his critter. Dear women readers, next time you hear the shrrrrr of water gurgling behind that locked door, make no mistake, he is most likely doing at least one of these things. Speaking of conditioning, wouldn’t it be mondo cool if you could rinse your soul the way you do your hair. I mean, say you were in dire need of boosting your fullness or lifting your frizz, you could just apply some soul conditioner to lubricate your tangle, energize your body, or tame those split…

  • Love in a Quickie Mart

    Naughty Jester
    3 Dec 2009 | 12:11 pm
    His eyes bugged at the sight of her. Wet, she noticed his pronounced bulging. It was a rainy night. Soaked to the bone, her; dry and inviting, him. A match lit in heaven. Both were old pros: Match.com, Craigslist, MILF Land. They had covered all the bases, had profiles in all the right places. And yet against all odds, love’s embrace had eluded them. Until that moment. Like a flash of lightning, a little earthquake, or the ding on a microwave oven, they fell headlong into love, slid wantonly into lust. He was a vacuum repairman. She, an accordion player in an all-girl blue grass band.

  • Metaphysical musings on domestic bliss

    Naughty Jester
    30 Nov 2009 | 4:56 pm
    I’ve got this pet theory: every human being on the planet has one unique skill that they can do better than anyone else. Some of us know it from birth. Others of us – with a bit of patience and perseverance – take longer to unlock our special talent. Thank God I’ve discovered mine. I am to car dancing, what Tiger Woods is to golf. I can rock a car like he can launch a drive. I can groove to a tune like he can zone in on a putt. Alas, whereas he has parlayed his genius at the game into a cool billion dollars playing in front of millions, I have plied my trade in relative anonymity…
 
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    The Parody Files

  • A New Parody Files Coming Soon…

    Oliver Clozoff
    12 Jan 2010 | 12:20 pm
    In this post I put out the call for humor bloggers interested in helping transform The Parody Files into a group blog. I am pleased to announce that four very talented humor bloggers have joined, and together we have begun the process of reinventing The Parody Files. It may be a few weeks or a few months, but sometime soon you will see a brand new blog here. In the mean time, if any humorists/humor bloggers out there are interested in participating, it’s not too late to join. Just email Dr. Oliver Clozoff or leave a comment. Social Bookmarking
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    AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

  • Window Shopping

    dominick
    8 Feb 2010 | 12:00 am
    The only way to get this family to take a photo was to lock them in a room together. (by Rachel)

  • Different Strokes

    dominick
    7 Feb 2010 | 12:54 pm
    Last we checked, being in a fraternity did not qualify as a talent. (submitted by Joseph)

  • Saturday Night Special: All Hands On Deck

    dominick
    6 Feb 2010 | 1:02 pm
    Everybody wants a piece of the Captain. (submitted by Zoe)

  • Behind the Awkwardness: Chillin’

    dominick
    5 Feb 2010 | 9:00 am
    Our (my brother Mark and I) goal in life was to be cool and nothing says cool like lounging on a car wearing a shirt from Wal-Mart before your “vacation” to the Huntsville Space and Rocket Center 45 minutes away from your house.  Just check out the awkward goodness in this photo: The Mullet.  This was a compromise between my mother and I.  She wanted me to have Mary Lou Rhetton hair and I wanted long hair like my classmates.  The result?  Feather-backed mullet goodness.  That’s not a perm! Blue Mirrored Clip-On Shades.  I wore glasses, nice thick black with pink…

  • The Mopersons

    dominick
    4 Feb 2010 | 4:59 pm
    And this is bubbly. (submitted by Kim)
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    Fair City News

  • Snake Oil – February

    FairCityNews.com
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:28 am

  • Carrie Underwood Preps for JQH Performance at Super Bowl

    FairCityNews.com
    9 Feb 2010 | 5:47 am
    Carrie Underwood set to perform at half time of MSU bears game Springfield, MO—Carrie Underwood prepared for her JQH Arena performance by warming up the crowd at Super Bowl by singing the national anthem. Tickets will go on sale Friday for her performance at JQH Arena June 15 during half time of a Bears exhibition game. Management for Underwood stressed that she needed a “small quite venue to prepare for her upcoming show in the Ozarks” and decided to perform an old ditty during the big game. Since her rise to fame during the fourth season of American Idol, Underwood has always aspired…

  • HGTV Host Applauds Lawrence County Pink Jail Motif

    FairCityNews.com
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:00 am
    HGTV’s Color Splash mega-star and host David Bromstad observes a pink jail cell Mt. Vernon, MO—With great fanfare, HGTV’s Color Splash mega-star and host David Bromstad, has singled out the recently remodeled Lawrence County Missouri jail’s all pink theme as “….bold, daring, and just a bit little naughty.” The idea of going all pink was the brainchild of Sheriff Brad Delay who cited hard data suggesting “…pink has a calming effect on prisoners. Who knew?” Delay went on, “Just walking through the hot-pink cell block one gets a sense of serenity and inner-peace.”…

  • Branson Airport Adds Animal Mounts to Planes

    FairCityNews.com
    5 Feb 2010 | 6:01 am
    Branson Airport adds trophy mounts to all flights Springfield, MO—Not to be outdone by the Springfield-Branson National Airport’s increase in passengers, the Branson Airport has unveiled plans to add hunting trophies to the interior of each flight arriving and departing from the terminal. “Most airports have distinct personalities, we have a rustic outdoor sporting feel and the taxidermy has been a welcome addition to flights for our customers,” said Branson Airport management. Most flights originating from the Branson Airport will feature multiple stuffed animals both in first class…

  • February Horoscopes

    FairCityNews.com
    4 Feb 2010 | 5:22 am
    Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys. Zodiac icons designed by Aaron Thweatt
 
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    FMyLife

  • SickSmick says FML

    SickSmick
    8 Feb 2010 | 11:22 pm
    Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

  • Brokenheartz says FML

    Brokenheartz
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:49 pm
    Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

  • matchristityler says FML

    matchristityler
    8 Feb 2010 | 7:19 pm
    Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

  • estephi says FML

    estephi
    8 Feb 2010 | 7:14 pm
    Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

  • utensils123 says FML

    utensils123
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:40 pm
    Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
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    Lowering the Bar

  • Common Sense Should Have Prevailed, Say Cops Who Arrested 12-Year-Old Doodler

    Kevin
    9 Feb 2010 | 5:00 am
    Based on what we've seen so far," said Queens Education Department spokesman David Cantor, "this shouldn't have happened."  He seemed to be leaving open the possibility that, when all the facts were in, he might take the position that leading a 12-year-old girl away in handcuffs for doodling on her desk at school had in fact been the right thing to do. On February 1, junior-high student Alexa Gonzalez wrote two sentences on her desk in erasable green marker, adding a smiley face, presumably to indicate a lotal lack of remorse for her heinous crime.  Her teacher called the principal, the…

  • Men at Work Didn't Do All Their Own Work, Judge Rules

    Kevin
    7 Feb 2010 | 6:43 pm
    An Australian judge has ruled that the group Men at Work plagiarized the flute riff in the song "Down Under" from a children's song written in 1932.  The ruling means that the Men will have to pay royalties, although the amount has not been set and will apparently depend on the judge's evaluation of the role that the plagiarized material plays in the completed work. Larrikin Publishing has owned the rights to "Kookaburra Sits In the Old Gum Tree" since 1990, but apparently did not make the connection to "Down Under" until 2007, and then only because it came up on a game show.  The company…

  • Demon Sheep Still Focus of California GOP Primary

    Kevin
    5 Feb 2010 | 9:24 am
    Faced with what is shaping up to be a marketing disaster of legendary proportions, the Fiorina campaign is furiously spinning the Demon Sheep ad as something that was deliberately planned to attract as much attention as possible.  It has certainly done that.  So does setting yourself on fire, but you know what?  Not all publicity is good publicity. "[T]he Democrats are all out there attacking the video," a Fiorina spokesperson told the L.A. Times, "which is both predictable and fine by us since the more people talk about it, the more people watch it, which of course is the whole point." …

  • Rat Planter Pleads No Contest to Extortion Charges

    Kevin
    5 Feb 2010 | 8:30 am
    Debbie Miller pleaded no contest on Tuesday to charges stemming from a failed attempt to extort money from a Wisconsin restaurant by planting a dead rat in her lunch.  The report did not say what kind of lunch Miller had, so it is not clear exactly how this genius-level scheme was designed to play out, but apparently she just plopped an entire rat into her lunch and then demanded $500,000 in compensation, saying that otherwise she would alert the media.  How could such a plan have failed, you ask? The restaurant's owners kept the rat and turned it over to insurance investigators for…

  • Campaign Ads That May Never Be Topped, Although I Hope People Continue to Try

    Kevin
    4 Feb 2010 | 1:03 pm
    The Huffington Post (among others) has been reporting lately on the fact that the off-year election season is in full swing and it appears that it will be perhaps the most ridiculous one yet. I know that's saying a lot.  But the campaign ads so far are supporting that prediction. The first of this truly remarkable pair is an attack ad being run by the challenger in the race to be the next coroner of Orleans Parish, Louisiana.  (Yes, there is a race to be the next coroner of Orleans Parish, Louisiana, and yes, coroner candidates now run attack ads.)  The ad refers to a scandal in the 1990s…
 
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    Ann's Rants

  • Real Valentines

    7 Feb 2010 | 10:01 pm
    Romeo, RomeoGet off of my balcony or I will get a restraining orderRoses Are Red, Violets Are BlueIf the kitchen isn’t clean in the morningI will go Elizabeth Taylor-Martha-Virginia Woolf on youMy love is like a red red roseKind of cliche and a little wiltedBe Mine!(Just kidding. Everyone in the class got one)Your love is like bad medicineThere is no appropriate way to dispose of it except maybe sending it to a third world countrySome say love it is a flowerBut that my dear, is garlic mustardI love you a bushel and a peckWhatever the hell that meansAnd I’ll be your friendAnd I’ll be…

  • Name Calling

    5 Feb 2010 | 12:00 am
    The ultimate household insult has been upgraded from “Meatiac” to “Greediac”(although “Babyful Person” is a contender and known to insight tears)We are also noticing an upswing in “you nasty” as in:Me: I love sour creamAlmost Six: You NASTY!andMe: Do you want a kiss?Three: We hate princess kisses. Girls are NASTY.Keep these insults in mind and please head over to the Mouthy Housewives. I’m honored to guest post today, giving advice for handling the Greediac in any group.p.s. don’t forget to vote for those very Mouthy Housewives' and Aunt Becky's Blogher humor/advice…

  • What Up Miss Piggle Wiggle

    1 Feb 2010 | 2:43 pm
    Famous for her “Won’t Pick Up Toys Cure” “Never-Want-To-Go-To-Bedders Cure” and “Radish cure” (in which Miss Piggle Wiggle suggested planting seeds in your very dirty child, if I remember correctly), Miss Piggle Wiggle now addresses the problems of a new generation:“The Stop Selling Your Brother’s Ritalin Cure”“The Seasonal Affective My Left One, Get Outside This Instant Cure”“The DS All The Damned Day Cure”“The Its Your Bat Mitzvah Not Your Bachelorette Party Cure”“The Yu-huh Fruit Snacks Are So A Raw Food Cure”“The Get off Your Motorized Scooter and…

  • The Crack Facktor

    27 Jan 2010 | 10:01 pm
    So seventy is the new fifty is the new thirty is the new embryo. Heels and Hose have been replaced with skinny jeans and Uggs for casual mom fashion, and for the most part I say Hallelu-JAH.I like feeling campus-chic when I smack my forehead going through the tube slide--no fear of mussing my skirts or running my stockings. While little plastic eggs are fun, I prefer to let little Christian children search for them on Easter, rather than pry one open every morning for my Leggs.But the biggest trend in mom fashion for our generation is also an inadvertent one…The Crack Facktor.Our butts are…

  • Humane Society Pet Adoption Interview Questions REVISED

    24 Jan 2010 | 10:01 pm
    [What they should've asked...Why do you want to adopt a pet? Do you yearn for more feet on your keyboard and furbutt slamming your laptop screen shut?Do you know what kind of pet is right for you? May we suggest a goldfish? Or better yet, a Webkinz?Can you afford to care for your pet’s health and safety? Did you plan on spending that grand for kitty dentistry, with no discernible breath improvement? How will you respond to your pet's request for gastric bypass? Will you hand feed him pureed Fancy Feast with an eye dropper, if it means an improvement in his self-esteem?Will you be able to…
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    Stephen Colbert

  • Jonathan Safran Foer

    7 Feb 2010 | 4:00 pm
    Jonathan Safran Foer says the U.S. farm system is perfectly antithetical to American values.

  • The Word - Faux 'N' Tell

    7 Feb 2010 | 4:00 pm
    If the underwear bomber was weak enough to give intelligence when he wasn't tortured, imagine what he would have said under duress.

  • Office Super Bowl Ad Pool

    7 Feb 2010 | 4:00 pm
    Toyota's Super Bowl ad should have had a talking crocodile plowing his Prius into a herd of sexy zebras.

  • Sarah Palin Uses a Hand-O-Prompter

    7 Feb 2010 | 4:00 pm
    Sarah Palin uses a hand-o-prompter and defends Rush Limbaugh for calling liberals "retards."

  • Sign Off - Goodnight

    7 Feb 2010 | 4:00 pm
    That's it for the show, everybody.
 
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    Comedy Central Insider

  • Now on DVD: The Sarah Silverman Program Season 2, Volume 2

    Matt Tobey
    9 Feb 2010 | 10:21 am
    If last week's season premiere of The Sarah Silverman Program was the first time you ever saw the show, you probably have a lot of questions, like, "How did they get on the island in the first place?" and, "What's the deal with that smoke monster?" Well, the answers to all your questions can be found in The Sarah Silverman Program Season 2, Volume 2 DVD set, which hits stores today. Here's a clip: There's a new episode of The Sarah Silverman Program this Thursday at 10:30pm / 9:30c, right after an all-new Important Things with Demetri Martin.

  • Daniel Tosh Destroys an iPad

    Mike Pomranz
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:39 am
    From the Tosh.0 blog… Daniel got an exclusive opportunity to check out Apple's new iPad.  See how it fared in his test. Tosh.0 airs Wednesdays at 10:30pm / 9:30c.

  • Axe Detailer Cleans Your Balls

    comedy central insider
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:33 am
    According to this video, the new Axe Detailer is capable of cleaning everything from golf balls to tennis balls to soccer balls. Which is great and all, but I really wish someone would come out with a product to clean my filthy testicles.

  • Colbert Talks Meat with Jonathan Safran Foer

    Matt Tobey
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:54 am
    On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen interviewed author Jonathan Safran Foer, whose new book is a startling exposé of the factory-farmed meat industry. Personally, I've always been pretty conflicted about eating meat. On the one hand, I feel a great deal of empathy for the plight of farm animals. On the other hand, I'm completely incapable of resisting the demands of clowns and women named Wendy. The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

  • Sean Patton Killed It on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

    Gonzalo Cordova
    9 Feb 2010 | 5:30 am
    Sean Patton is great. If you look up "great" in the dictionary, you probably wouldn't see a picture of Sean Patton because dictionaries don't have pictures for every definition. That is just crazy. But the use-in-sentence section might say, "Sean Patton is pretty great," because I hear all those Oxford guys are really into the local New York alt stand-up scene. "Indubitably!" they'd probably say. Here is Sean Patton on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon doing a great job.
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    nonamedufus

  • This Guy Got A Bang Out Of Smoking

    nonamedufus
    9 Feb 2010 | 3:31 am
    I've been smoke free for about 15 years now.  That's some accomplishment.  I began smoking when I was barely out of knee-pants.  At 13, my father - a several pack-a-day man - philosopher that he was, told me he'd give me his permission but not his approval.  Good enough for me.  A 30-year habit was born. There were many times I attempted to snuff out the dreaded weed.  Cold turkey, gum, patches - you name it, I tried it.  Once I quit for a year, only to start again at a party.  Stupid.  And expensive.  And in my teens I recall emptying out the…

  • Who Was That Masked Man?

    nonamedufus
    8 Feb 2010 | 3:41 am
    My cancer treatment was stepped up somewhat last week when I visited the hospital for a scan.  The scan is one of several in preparation for radiation therapy or,  to be precise, what's called tomo therapy.  This is pretty leading-edge stuff.  It was developed at City of Hope Hospital in California and has only been performed for several years.  My hospital is the only one in Canada doing this therapy and according to my doctors I am only the second person in the country to undergo such treatment.  Heady stuff.My dear wife drove me to the hospital for the scan.

  • Sunday Funnies

    nonamedufus
    7 Feb 2010 | 3:51 am

  • My What Big Breaths

    nonamedufus
    6 Feb 2010 | 3:46 am
    We had a lot of entries, as it were, this week.  Again it was hard to pick a winner.  Let's start with those that got a rise out of our judges in terms of an honourable mention:Moooooog came through with...Johnny suffered from the extremely rare and fatal condition known as BlowupPenisitis.Renal Failure provided some stiff competition with...The ramifications of the teddy bear shortage of 2010  will not be known for some time.Tgoette blew the competition away with...Vern Troyer on the set of "Mini-Me: Revenge of the Tripod"But it was Whitey who stuck it to everyone with...I…

  • Don't Turn Around, You're Being Followed

    nonamedufus
    5 Feb 2010 | 3:40 am
    Easy, easy, yes you're seeing double.  On Sunday, although I didn't learn till Tuesday, bloggin' buddy Cat Lady bestowed the Best Follower Award upon nonamedufus.  On Tuesday, wouldn't you know another bloggin' buddy - Quirkyloon - awarded me the same psuedo pstatuette.  Now either this means they really admire me, my blog and the comments I leave on their posts OR our bloggin' circle of influence is seriously shrinking.  I prefer to believe the former regardless of how true the latter might tend to be.So thanks, guys, that was really nice of you and I deeply appreciate…
 
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    Shalampax Speaks

  • Refuse to Answer

    Birdinhand
    9 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    A survey was recently conducted in Shalampax using the standard multiple-choice format. Fully 100 percent of the respondents chose the “refuse to answer” option before they even heard the question. When asked a more open-ended question designed to determine their reasons for refusing to answer the first question, all of the respondents replied with some variation [...]

  • Tea-Party Movement

    Stickinthemud
    8 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    Believe it or not, I recently became bored while sitting around watching television. This shocked me because my philosophy has always been that when you’re tired of television and junk food, you’re tired of life. Nonetheless, I was bored. My boredom was disconcerting and I was perplexed about what to do to overcome it. Then, the [...]

  • Innovation

    Birdinhand
    7 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    Here’s a fact that you probably don’t know. And you won’t hear it anywhere else. Thorough searches of the patent databases of all major industrialized countries shows that not a single patent has ever been issued to a Shalampaxian. You might conclude from this that Shalampaxians are not the least bit innovative. You would be wrong. [...]

  • Words to Live By

    Birdinhand
    6 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    As we look at the pathetic situation in much of the world—terrorist bombings, civil wars, sectarian violence, domestic violence, murders, rapes, hate, extreme political polarization, intolerance, really asinine blogs, etc.—we should always remember the words of the person who was probably Shalampax’s greatest Prime Minister. I can’t remember who he or she was or what he [...]

  • Cockroach Delicacies

    Birdinhand
    5 Feb 2010 | 3:00 am
    Rottentomato, owner of Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, has asked me to let his patrons and prospective patrons know that cockroaches are exceptionally tasty right now. What’s more, because all of the cockroaches in his dishes are free-range insects, rather than being factory farmed, their treatment is much more humane than would otherwise be the case. In [...]
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    Christopher Gabriel

  • CareerBuilder.com Casual Friday and My Pal (commercial)

    Christopher Gabriel
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:48 pm
    This was one of my favorite commercials during the Super Bowl for two reasons.  First, the mere thought of this happening in an office makes the mind race… or crash.  And second, the principal actor in the ad (“Terry”) is a really talented guy and good friend, Steve Lewis.  It says here it’s only a matter of time before Mr. Lewis hits it big in Los Angeles. Photo credit: Screen Novelties

  • This Week’s Column in The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead

    Christopher Gabriel
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:06 am
    Everyone in meteorology likes to talk about Weather Events.  And if it’s not a Weather Event, it’s a Snow Event.  So if they can talk about Weather and Snow Events, it only seems appropriate for me to talk about them as well.  And, perhaps, define the difference between Weather Events in, say, Minneapolis and Fargo-Moorhead.  I love the smell of blizzard in the morning. Winter Weather Events Rarely as Good as Hype

  • This Week’s Column in The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead

    Christopher Gabriel
    1 Feb 2010 | 5:31 am
    This week I decided to tackle Facebook.  Namely, the resistance I had for it until finally being sucked into its Black Hole.  What I’ve discovered is that sooner or later, they get you.  Oh, you try to avoid them – we’ll call them “recruiting specialists.”  But they’re good.  They’re very good.  No sooner do you look in your rear view mirror to see them far, far back in the distance, suddenly they’re in the middle of the road… directly in front of you.  And then, it’s over.  Before you know it, you’ve been…

  • This Week’s Column in The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead

    Christopher Gabriel
    25 Jan 2010 | 5:36 am
    This week’s column is all about vehicle deals.  Need a new one?  Thinking about something a little larger for the family?  A sturdy performer that has good cargo space.  I’d like to bring your attention to an option you may not have considered. Deals Abound on Space Shuttles

  • Vikings vs. Saints: Whose Destiny Wins?

    Christopher Gabriel
    23 Jan 2010 | 12:31 am
    The relationship most fans have with their NFL team is one built on love, trust and understanding.  They understand there will be peaks and valleys.  They acknowledge there will be times another team will tempt them.  And they accept the fact that love alone does not solve all problems. It’s with these delicate points in mind, I find myself thinking about family and friends here in the upper Midwest.  Almost every one of them is a Minnesota Vikings fan.  And right now, they’re nervous.  They’re living moment-to-moment in fear.  They’re spending most every…
 
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    Josh Goguen

  • Riding the Google Wave

    Josh Goguen
    8 Feb 2010 | 10:26 am
    When I first heard of it, I was very excited about Google Wave. What got me was the way it was introduced. The Google rep posed the question, “What if e-mail were invented now, what would it look like?” It’s an interesting question and their answer, Wave, was a good one. I can’t describe it accurately [...]

  • Goguen vs. Sabo: UFC 109

    Josh Goguen
    5 Feb 2010 | 12:48 pm
    Supposedly there’s some big sports event this weekend. I’m guessing that event would be tomorrow night’s UFC: 109. After all, who isn’t interested in seeing 46 year old Randy Couture take on 45 year old Mark Coleman? If you’re not interested, you are either not a fan of the sport itself or you don’t know you’re [...]

  • Got your back on this one, P-Bo

    Josh Goguen
    4 Feb 2010 | 6:05 am
    As many of my friends and family know, I’m not a huge fan of President Obama. He seems like a decent person, a brilliant politician, and someone who wants to grow the size and reach of government well beyond our current level. To me, the current level is unacceptably large to a people who want [...]

  • Simple Tips for Nothing

    Josh Goguen
    3 Feb 2010 | 7:10 am
    Everyone has tips on how to lose weight. Sometimes it’s good advice, but usually they’re just things that sound like good ideas until you give them a half moment’s worth of thought. This article is about 50/50 when it comes to advice. 50% ho-hum who cares tips and 50% garbage. Quit the clean plate club. One in [...]

  • Lonely Eaters

    Josh Goguen
    21 Jan 2010 | 9:00 am
    One of the reasons I have a love/hate relationship with Yahoo! is because they never cease to amaze me with the stupid or seemingly irrelevant advice blogs that they tend to highlight. I’m constantly checking because I apparently love to make a WTF face while thinking, who the hell needs this? The latest one is this [...]
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    ann's rants

  • Real Valentines

    7 Feb 2010 | 10:01 pm
    Romeo, RomeoGet off of my balcony or I will get a restraining orderRoses Are Red, Violets Are BlueIf the kitchen isn’t clean in the morningI will go Elizabeth Taylor-Martha-Virginia Woolf on youMy love is like a red red roseKind of cliche and a little wiltedBe Mine!(Just kidding. Everyone in the class got one)Your love is like bad medicineThere is no appropriate way to dispose of it except maybe sending it to a third world countrySome say love it is a flowerBut that my dear, is garlic mustardI love you a bushel and a peckWhatever the hell that meansAnd I’ll be your friendAnd I’ll be…

  • Name Calling

    5 Feb 2010 | 12:00 am
    The ultimate household insult has been upgraded from “Meatiac” to “Greediac”(although “Babyful Person” is a contender and known to insight tears)We are also noticing an upswing in “you nasty” as in:Me: I love sour creamAlmost Six: You NASTY!andMe: Do you want a kiss?Three: We hate princess kisses. Girls are NASTY.Keep these insults in mind and please head over to the Mouthy Housewives. I’m honored to guest post today, giving advice for handling the Greediac in any group.p.s. don’t forget to vote for those very Mouthy Housewives' and Aunt Becky's Blogher humor/advice…

  • What Up Miss Piggle Wiggle

    1 Feb 2010 | 2:43 pm
    Famous for her “Won’t Pick Up Toys Cure” “Never-Want-To-Go-To-Bedders Cure” and “Radish cure” (in which Miss Piggle Wiggle suggested planting seeds in your very dirty child, if I remember correctly), Miss Piggle Wiggle now addresses the problems of a new generation:“The Stop Selling Your Brother’s Ritalin Cure”“The Seasonal Affective My Left One, Get Outside This Instant Cure”“The DS All The Damned Day Cure”“The Its Your Bat Mitzvah Not Your Bachelorette Party Cure”“The Yu-huh Fruit Snacks Are So A Raw Food Cure”“The Get off Your Motorized Scooter and…

  • The Crack Facktor

    27 Jan 2010 | 10:01 pm
    So seventy is the new fifty is the new thirty is the new embryo. Heels and Hose have been replaced with skinny jeans and Uggs for casual mom fashion, and for the most part I say Hallelu-JAH.I like feeling campus-chic when I smack my forehead going through the tube slide--no fear of mussing my skirts or running my stockings. While little plastic eggs are fun, I prefer to let little Christian children search for them on Easter, rather than pry one open every morning for my Leggs.But the biggest trend in mom fashion for our generation is also an inadvertent one…The Crack Facktor.Our butts are…

  • Humane Society Pet Adoption Interview Questions REVISED

    24 Jan 2010 | 10:01 pm
    [What they should've asked...Why do you want to adopt a pet? Do you yearn for more feet on your keyboard and furbutt slamming your laptop screen shut?Do you know what kind of pet is right for you? May we suggest a goldfish? Or better yet, a Webkinz?Can you afford to care for your pet’s health and safety? Did you plan on spending that grand for kitty dentistry, with no discernible breath improvement? How will you respond to your pet's request for gastric bypass? Will you hand feed him pureed Fancy Feast with an eye dropper, if it means an improvement in his self-esteem?Will you be able to…
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    Praying to Darwin

  • On The Fives

    Ginny
    5 Feb 2010 | 10:12 pm
    When I turned 15, it was a little lame.  My best friend’s birthday was the day after mine, and she was way more popular than me (it wasn’t her fault – it’s just the way it was) , so everyone decided to just celebrate her birthday, and throw me the occasional, “Oh yeah, and you [...]

  • Wherein I Sell My Inner Child Out

    Ginny
    2 Feb 2010 | 9:36 pm
    When I was a kid, I knew pretty much everything about everything.  It was a sweet, sweet time. Or, rather, it would have been, had I not been burdened with a brother and sisters. Whenever I would misbehave, act selfishly, my parents would respond with an accusation:  “You always WANTED to be an only child!”  To which I [...]

  • Breaking Up Is (Surprisingly, Not That) Hard to Do

    Ginny
    27 Jan 2010 | 8:57 pm
    The seasons passed. The calendar pages kept flipping. And soon, I could put it off no longer. It was time for the Yearly Violation. (Go ahead, call it a “complete physical”. Semantics will not diminish the horror.) I wasn’t looking forward to it, beyond the obvious reasons. Because lately, I’ve felt like my doctor [...]

  • Me & the Boys

    Ginny
    20 Jan 2010 | 9:37 pm
    Just because I’m not making eye contact doesn’t mean I don’t see you. I see you. I’ve been seeing you since I walked in, and my heart gave an involuntary lurch when I realized we were seated near you. You and all your ball cap, spray tan, white sneaker friends. I’m not old enough to be any [...]

  • Excuses, excuses…

    Ginny
    12 Jan 2010 | 4:12 pm
    In the last couple of days I have: Taken photos of a toilet for the express purpose of emailing them to a stranger. Mistaken my soup bowl for a rice bowl at a restaurant, then pretended like I totally meant to do that. Solicited dental advice from a British person. Tried, in vain, to remove all traces of navy [...]
 
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    FAIL Blog: Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments

  • Whale Win

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2010 | 10:00 am
    Video by: The Vancouver Aquarium This video is also viewable at: YouTube | MySpaceTV | DailyMotion

  • You don’t say

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:00 am
    News Fail Picture by: IkeLink27 Submitted by: IkeLink27 via Fail Uploader

  • Running Fail

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2010 | 4:00 am
    Running fail You rarely see a good one around these parts. Picture by: dunno source Submitted by: dunno source via Fail Uploader

  • Parenting Fail

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2010 | 1:00 am
    Parenting fail To be fair, it is her job. Picture by: IvanSlater Submitted by: dunno source via Fail Uploader

  • Sober Fail

    Cheezburger Network
    8 Feb 2010 | 12:59 pm
    Picture by: dunno source Submitted by: dunno source via Fail Uploader
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    Tim The Thief

  • Song: Ken Lee – Bulgarian Idol

    Valentina Hasan (Валентина Хасан) sings for the Bulgarian Idol judges, "Ken Lee." It’s been said that Valentina sings with her heart.   - Tim   Lyrics: No one ken to ken to sivmen, nor yon clees toju maliveh. When i gez aju zavateh na nalechoo more, new yonooz tonigh molinigh, Yon sorra shooo, yes ee shooo, ooo. -Ken leee tulibu dibu douchoo Ken Lee, Ken lee meju [...]

  • Commercial: Don’t Mess With My Newspaper

    This funny newspaper commercial is about newspapers and romance. Which is more important?   - Tim  

  • Song: Its All Because The Gays Are Getting Married

    This funny little song blames all of the problems of the world on the gays. Got dumped? Fired? Now you know why…   - Tim  

  • Political Sing-Along: Bye George

    [WARNING: Minor Language] MC Howie and Julie K of Venga Productions created this political sing-along about George Bush to the tune of "I’m Yours – Jason Mraz."   - Tim   Lyrics: We’ve just had eight long years of an inept administration, Cheney shot his friend and George was mostly on vacation Mission Accomplished in Iraq was he f*cking high on crack? George [...]

  • Political Sing-Along: Her Stupidity Flows – Sarah Palin

    MC Howie and Julie K of Venga Productions created this political sing-along about Sarah Palin to the tune of "Colbie Caillat – Bubbly."   - Tim   Lyrics: This right wing witch is so unqualified I feel like reason has just up and died Howd he pick her as his running mate How can this moron be a candidate It starts in her toes, [...]
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    @TremendousNews!

  • Meet The 5 People Who Will Ruin Twitter.

    Tremendous
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:59 am
    The movie Avatar is about a planet of people attacked by a much stronger force. They have to battle back, these underdogs, to protect their land. If you’re reading this, you come from another planet too. The devastatingly nerdy world of Twitter. Don’t fight it. Don’t fight it. Embrace your nerdy body. Your world is under attack too. Today, I will show you the enemy.  The people that you’ll see on Twitter pumping their tiny fingers and expelling tweets that could soon signal the end-times. And after months, maybe a year, if Twitter dies, you’ll know why.

  • 5 Things To Say To Be The Biggest Douchebag At Your Super Bowl Party.

    Tremendous
    1 Feb 2010 | 9:32 am
    As the Super Bowl quickly approaches, here’s our hero Super Douche teaching you what to say to ruin anyone’s party. Follow me on twitter here.

  • 5 Steps To Becoming A Social Media Douchebag.

    Tremendous
    29 Jan 2010 | 9:45 am
    This is my attempt at talking-movies, or talkies as they say nowadays.  Learn from social media guru cowboy maverick expert as he teaches you how to be a complete douchebag in five easy steps. Connect with my super hot package on Twitter here. On Facebook here. dee@tremendousnews.com

  • The 5 Things You’re Jealous Of On Twitter.

    Tremendous
    27 Jan 2010 | 9:56 am
    This is me cry-dancing to the Ting Tings. You think I’m strong. That’s why you come here. Like a hungry seal pup, you come to nurse from the teat of my intellect.  Yearning for more. Ha! Teat. But I’m not strong sometimes.  Sometimes, I’m weak. Sometimes I cry. I’m a real human boy with real human emoticons. I get jealous. I know many of you manly-men are parading around in your capris pants saying Ha! You’re like a little girl, jealous.  I never get jealous.  Go fix your ovaries. And that may be true. There could be some of you reading this that truly…

  • 5 Terms Social Media Douchebags Need To Stop Using.

    Tremendous
    25 Jan 2010 | 8:58 am
    "Don't worry people. Don't worry. Our 'social media guru' is on it." I’m not done with the douchebags. After I wrote the 5 Signs You’re Talking To A Social Media Douchebag, I was met with heavy feedback. Social media douchebags used social media to attack me. Damn it. Should’ve seen that one coming. They called me pretentious.  Said “I didn’t get it”.  Made remarks to their thousands of spambot followers who they got using auto-follow scripts. Tremendous News is out of touch, @teethWhitenerPro2010.  I hate him. Hilarious. But I…
 
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    MyLifeIsAverage.com

  • 668975

    9 Feb 2010 | 10:26 am
    Today, I was walking down the hall alone and looked up to see my old teacher. I was just about to say hi when he flipped me off and said, "no one will believe you." New favorite teacher? I think so. MLIA

  • 668952

    9 Feb 2010 | 10:18 am
    Today, I was about to drink my mug of hot chocolate while watching TV. As soon as I was about to drink, the TV said " Be careful, that's hot." Thank you TV! MLIA

  • 668935

    9 Feb 2010 | 10:09 am
    Today was my cousin's birthday. He got three nerf guns, a package of twenty-seven "bullets", Star Wars AND Bionocle legos, Operation, and two race car sets. I am an 18 year old girl in college, and never have I been so jealous of a six year old boy.

  • 668905

    9 Feb 2010 | 9:58 am
    Today I was at church, when I saw this tough looking bulky guy. I noticed on the side of his leather jacket he sewed on a tiny Gryffindor logo. Don't worry, tough guy, your secret's safe with me. MLIA.

  • 668897

    9 Feb 2010 | 9:47 am
    Today I was trying to cut a pizza with one of those round wheel-shaped blades. It was only ripping the cheese not cutting the pizza. Frustrated, I threw the blade on the table. To my suprise, the blade protecter popped off. I have been using it with the cover on for 3 Years. MLIA
 
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    Safety Graphic Fun

  • Poop Safety

    Julia
    9 Feb 2010 | 6:00 am
    Continuing with the bird themes lately...After the birds have been overfed with ping pong balls, nature will take its course. However I didn't think bird nature was quite like Old Faithful.  

  • Ping Pong Safety

    Julia
    8 Feb 2010 | 2:00 pm
    You mean, "Please do not feed the pigeons PING PONG BALLS." Oh, they'll choke on those. Thanks Mary BP! 

  • Monkey Safety

    Julia
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:00 am
    I think the monkey is mad because the guy not only stares "at" his eyes but is holding his nose and singing "You smell like a monkey and you look like one too!"Monkeys hate that.  Thanks Alicia! 

  • Durian Safety

    Julia
    7 Feb 2010 | 6:00 am
    Looks like breaking the durian rule is the one to go with. No consequences! They'll just give you stink eye.However, if you are eating, smoking or igniting your durian, those fines will pile up.Thanks Christine O! 

  • More Sleep Safety

    Julia
    6 Feb 2010 | 2:00 pm
    I'm not sure if I'm clear on this sign. If I fall asleep here, will I die or be seriously injured because I'm asleep? Or will the sleep police come and beat me up and/or kill me for not following the rules? Neither is good, I'll grant you. Stay awake Julie Anne!! 
 
 
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    The Bean

  • Jesus Wants Steve Jobs Dead Just As Much As You Do, Sprint. Let’s All Work Together. (Updated)

    Bejewell
    2 Feb 2010 | 3:23 pm
    Dear Sprint: The Big Bean and I have been customers of yours for like ten years and that’s mostly because we’re lazy but for the purposes of this conversation let’s call it “customer loyalty.”  Over that time we’ve been through lots of phones and talked to you a lot on those phones for help with those phones and for the most part you’ve been pretty helpful, at least, you haven’t completely FUCKED US like some other people (cough*AT&T*cough) have. For example, YOU’VE never forced me to talk to 28 (not an exaggeration) DIFFERENT ASSHOLES (one of whom HUNG UP ON ME OH YES…

  • The Post With Lots of “Buts” and One Unusually Tiny Head

    Bejewell
    25 Jan 2010 | 4:17 pm
    So last week I wrote this post, about how the people of IKEA shun forks and refuse to eat anything but soup and ice cream because of their weird, fucked up Switzerlandish culture.  And also, about how the Big Bean’s an asshole.  I’m paraphrasing, of course. Mostly. Anyway, in that post I included a picture of the insanely disproportionate cutlery set the Fork Bigots forced me to buy, and it was hilariously funny, if I do say so myself.  Which I do. See?  Hilarious, right? Especially that part about the spoon being the size of my head.  THAT was fucking HYSTERICAL. …

  • Switzerlandish People Don’t Use Forks. Tell Your Friends.

    Bejewell
    18 Jan 2010 | 8:34 am
    IKEA: Hi there! Can I help you? ME:  Yes! Finally!  I’ve been walking around this store for half an hour and I’m completely turned around. I’ve never seen so many secret passages. It’s like the house from Clue.  I keep looking for Mrs. Peacock, but she’s probably in the men’s room.  har har Get it? *snort* IKEA: Yes. Well. Is there something specific I can help you find? ME: Yeah, I’d like some forks please.  IKEA: You bet! Follow me… Cutlery is just right through this secret closet compartment and around the cafeteria – did you…

  • The Twilight Zone

    Bejewell
    8 Jan 2010 | 4:24 pm
        The actual lyrics to this song, as performed by Golden Earring:  Somewhere in a lonely hotel room there’s a guy starting to realize that eternal fate has turned its back on him. It’s 2AM. It’s two a.m., the fear has gone I’m sitting here waitin’ the gun still warm Maybe my connection is tired of taken chances Yeah there’s a storm on the loose sirens in my head I’m wrapped up in silence all circuits are dead I cannot decode, my whole life spins into a frenzy  (chorus)  Help I’m steppin’ into the twilight zone The place is a…

  • New Year’s Resolutions that I Have Like a 100% Chance of Accomplishing

    Bejewell
    6 Jan 2010 | 4:05 pm
    New Year’s Resolutions, 2010: I resolve to lose my keys or glasses or some other item essential to my daily life at least twice a week and then embark on a mad search through the house while uttering vile curse words under my breath but just loud enough that the impressionable child who likes to repeat everything will be sure to hear them.    I resolve to later find said object(s) either in the door, on my head, or in some other painfully obvious place, which will then unleash a second round of under-the-breath-but-still-too-loud cursing.   I resolve to feel terribly guilty when the Bean…
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    Unique Scoop

  • Mug Shots from the Past

    Scoop
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:12 am

  • How to Cook a Chicken in Unusual Way

    Scoop
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:07 am

  • An Original Collection of Funny Photos (40 pics)

    Scoop
    8 Feb 2010 | 9:24 am

  • Real or Wax 50 Celebrity Wax Figures

    Scoop
    7 Feb 2010 | 8:29 am
    1. Paris Hilton 2. Jessica Simpson 3. Rachael Ray 4. Britney Spears 5. Barack Obama 6. Kate Moss 7. Nicole kidman 8. Heidi Klum 9. Lindsay Lohan 10. Prince William 11. Michelle Obama 12. Bono 13. Beyonce 14. Amy Winehouse 15. Al Roker 16. Derek Jeter 17. Daniel Radcliffe 18. Daniel Craig 19. Cameron 20. Bruce Willis 21. Boss 22. Colin Farrell 23. Clint Eastwood 24 . Christina Aguilera 25. Leonardo Dicaprio 26. Lance Armstrong 27. Justin Timberlake 28. Jim Carrey 29. Jennifer Aniston 30. Jennifer Lopez 31. Drew Barrymore 32. Jamie Foxx 33. Hugh Jackman 34. Halle Berry 35. George Clooney…

  • 25 Greatest Garbage Pail Kids

    Scoop
    7 Feb 2010 | 7:55 am
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    Daniel Dickey Dot Com

  • My Views On Sex

    admin
    7 Feb 2010 | 9:29 am
    So I’m going to talk about my views on sex. You might agree, you might disagree, you might be a virgin looking for some smooth sex pointers (always bite a girls nipples as hard as you can… they love that). I wholeheartedly believe there are two kinds of sex. Both of them involve my penis and your vagina in various positions, but my take from personal experiences is, what dictates what kind of sex it is, is based on whether or not there are feelings involved. Sex without feelings (one night stands, the drunk hook up, friends with benefits) is a party. I have a great time… you…

  • Who Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg?

    admin
    3 Feb 2010 | 5:45 pm
    As long as they both ended up cumming it’s allllllllll good. Daniel Dickey

  • To Shave Or Not To Shave

    admin
    2 Feb 2010 | 9:33 pm
    I’ve come to notice anyone I’m close with is usually very comfortable and open with me… sometimes a little more open than necessary. I was drawing a six pack on my stomach when I heard my phone ring. Me: Yo Friend: Yo Me: What are you doing? Friend: Shaving my dick. Me: Oh, I didn’t know you grew hair on your dick. Friend: I’m not shaving my actual dick. Me: I said, “what are you doing?” you said, “shaving my dick.”, which would lead me to believe you were shaving your little penis. Friend: Despite what you keep writing on my facebook…

  • Are You Going To Put This On Your Blog?

    admin
    31 Jan 2010 | 8:13 pm
    If I had a dollar for every time a girl asked me that I’d have like six dollars. Also, judging by that guys face he didn’t try/do anything worth blogging about (he probably has a blog about taxes). She needs to come hangout at my house… I’ll give her something blog worthy.

  • Signs That You Drank Too Much

    admin
    30 Jan 2010 | 6:42 pm
    Eyes barely open, I turned my stiff neck in both directions, trying to get a grasp of where I was and maybe some answers as to how I got there. I was in the drivers seat of my father expedition.The air inside the SUV was stale and smelt of potato chips and vodka. My head pounded in pain as I tried to shield my ears from a car alarm barking loudly in the distance. How did I get here? I was in a shared Walmart/Steak n’ Shake parking lot. Judging from the sun and the amount of people out, it was defiantly not early morning. With my aching eyes I searched for water, as any moisture from my…
 
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    BBC NEWS | Magazine Monitor

  • Web Monitor

    Clare Spencer
    9 Feb 2010 | 8:20 am
    A celebration of the riches of the web. Today in Web Monitor: the result of a comedy show audience's political manifesto, Generation X and the end of pop culture and reading the mood of graffiti. • Activist and comedian Mark Thomas is giving someone the chance to stand in the next election with a manifesto collected from ideas thrown about at his comedy gigs. He's produced the "people's manifesto" which includes, among the anti-MP, anti-banker anger he says you might expect, a promise of more feral chickens breeding on round abouts to encourage drivers to slow down, celebrity death…

  • Your Letters

    Magazine Monitor
    9 Feb 2010 | 7:05 am
    So they found a body wrapped in a carpet buried in Manchester city centre. "It was treated as non suspicious". Really?!Tom Webb, Surbiton, UK Having just read the article on Sikh Kirpan daggers, I'm left with one question. What is "toleration"? It sounds like something my gran would say instead of swearing.Ian, York Snack stand-off. The most hilarious article I have read in a long time. Snack top trumps, anyone?Jo K, London Kit Kat v Banana. You forgot to tell us the winner!Richard Place, Barnstaple What make a great TV theme tune? It is, as with annoying pop songs, a simple case of it being…

  • Paper Monitor

    Magazine Monitor
    9 Feb 2010 | 2:52 am
    A celebration of the highlights of the daily press. Paper Monitor doesn't often consider matters ecclesiastical. But the coverage of the General Synod's debate about women bishops has piqued one's interest. The Times says Canon Lucy Winkett, 42, who is precentor at St Paul's Cathedral (Paper Monitor very nearly out of own depth here) is tipped as a likely candidate. It's the paper's next phrase which is interesting. She is "one of the most impressive clergy in the Anglican Communion", it says. Can you be "a clergy"? A clergyman, obviously. A clergywoman, presumably. But a clergy? It's all a…

  • Tuesday's Quote of the Day

    Magazine Monitor
    9 Feb 2010 | 1:33 am
    "My son opened the door to the lounge and saw a car and headlights staring back at him" - Woman after Ford Mondeo crashed into her home. It's a classic from the world of local news - a family have a lucky escape when a car crashes through the wall of their house. More details

  • Web Monitor

    Clare Spencer
    8 Feb 2010 | 7:15 am
    A celebration of the riches of the web. Today in Web Monitor: confessions of a recluse's gatekeeper, why we love a good fight and the economics of reading. • Every good celebrity recluse, it appears as staff to help them, well, reclude. One such gatekeeper, Joanna Smith Rakoff maps out the job in Slate. She remembers her reluctant role replying to JD Salinger's fan mail with polite rejections: "We were Salinger's gatekeepers - charged with protecting his life and work - but in order to do so, we had to buy into the mythology that had sprung up around the man, too. We had to believe that…
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    Twitter Fools

  • Sir Patrick Stewart does not Tweet…

    admin
    2 Feb 2010 | 12:48 pm
    Patrick may not tweet, but he doesn’t leave home without his iPhone. What say you? What is the most important communications device that you use? Share some love Tags: Twitter Friends, twitter tips Related posts What Does [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Declare Your Twitter Love

    TwitterFools Editorial Staff
    31 Jan 2010 | 10:53 am
    With Valentine’s Day just around the corner it seemed only fitting that we, once again, declare our undying love for Twitter. You may ask yourself, how can someone love a social network?  A tool? If the truth be told, we didn’t love it at first.  It took a while, it had to grow on us [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Apple’s Tablet Will Change Everything

    TwitterFools Editorial Staff
    26 Jan 2010 | 9:24 am
    Over the last few months the internet has been swirling with predictions about the forthcoming announcement of Apple’s tablet. Tech blogs are brimming with excitement and YouTube is rife with fake video “previews’. Whether Apple’s tablet is ultimately called the iSlate or the iPad or some other name, there is one thing these Twitter Fools [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • First Follower: Some Twitter Nostalgia

    TwitterFools Editorial Staff
    25 Jan 2010 | 9:50 am
    Remember the good old days, back when you first started tweeting?  Twitter was new or you were new to twitter and the twitterverse stretched before you ripe with opportunity. Since then you’ve acquired followers, probably lots of them, some you tweet with regularly and others who appear simply to be along for the ride. Wouldn’t [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Track Twitter Conversations Bettween Peeps You Don’t Even Follow

    TwitterFools Editorial Staff
    18 Jan 2010 | 12:58 pm
    Bettween.com is a simple twitter tool, but we surmise it's power to entertain and enlighten us goes far deeper. Indeed, it seems the creators of Bettween.com have combined both simplicity and utility into a nice tidy little package. .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.
 
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    Funny Email Forwards

  • Amazing Survival Story – One Tough Coyote

    admin
    5 Feb 2010 | 1:04 pm
    Hit by a car at 75 mph, embedded in the fender, rode along for another 600 miles – and SURVIVED! When a brother and sister struck a coyote at 75mph they assumed they had killed the animal and drove on…. They didn’t realize this was the toughest creature ever to survive a hit-and-run. Eight hours, two fuel stops, and 600 miles later they found the wild animal embedded in their front fender – and very much alive. Continue reading for more info and pictures The brother and sister were Daniel and Tevyn East, driving at night along Interstate 80 near the Nevada-Utah border…

  • The Elderly Couple

    admin
    4 Feb 2010 | 2:02 pm
    An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been seeing each other for a while. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. ‘How do you feel about sex?’ he asked, rather tentatively. ‘I would like it infrequently’ she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment,…
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    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • GCFL Donation Drive

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    8 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    Do you enjoy GCFL.net? Then why not donate a dollar or two to help keep things running? Please go to the donation drive page for all the details. Thanks for your help!

  • Good Reason

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    8 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 -- but then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined…

  • Pass It Along

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    7 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?" We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message. "What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me." "But I kicked you twice and…

  • GCFL Donation Drive Starts Today

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    5 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    It's that time again! About once every six months or so, we humbly ask for a small donation to keep things running here at GCFL.net. Wait! Before you run off to unsubscribe from the list thinking, "I thought they said this thing was free!!!" let me reassure you: GCFL IS, AND WILL ALWAYS REMAIN FREE! There is no obligation to pay for GCFL mailings. It does cost money to run GCFL.net (just like everything else), but instead of peppering the mailings with advertisements every day, we prefer to just ask for a small donation. If we do a good job, some people will be willing to donate a dollar or…

  • Marine Recruiter

    gcfl@gcfl.net
    4 Feb 2010 | 11:00 pm
    Serving as a Marine recruiter in western North Carolina, I found a young man who met all the requirements and was ready to enlist. I explained the importance of being truthful on the application, and he began filling out his paper work. But when he got to the question "Do you own any foreign property or have any foreign financial interests?" he looked up at me with a worried expression. "Well," he confessed, "I do own a Toyota." We enlisted him the next day. -- Contributed to Reader's Digest, "Humor In Uniform," by MSgt. Patrick L. Jacks Received from Ed.
 
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    The Bare Essentials Today

  • Texting, dinner and the teeth

    The Bare Essentials Today
    1 Feb 2010 | 12:32 pm
    The big date was last Thursday and I don’t think there will be a follow up.  He was nice enough, but I’m thinking that we are in two different places. And before anyone comments, with some of what I’m about to rehash and seek advice on, I know I’m getting ahead of myself and thinking into the future, but I have to!  I did find out that his divorce is not final yet. All the paperwork has been filed, but it’s not finalized yet. Which is sort of a problem for me. First I don’t want to be a rebound. I’m looking for a serious, committed relationship that will hopefully lead to…

  • Back in the saddle for 2010 and trying to get rid of a stalker. Some people need to get a life!

    The Bare Essentials Today
    25 Jan 2010 | 8:10 am
    The whole online dating thing is starting to pick up again. Well, one guy so far. And my subscription ends in February, but hey, who am I to complain?  I actually heard from Prince Albert last week, wanting to grab a drink Friday night. I had said yes at first, but then I rethought. I hadn’t really “gone out” with him in about a year. Why should I run and go out with him at his beck and call just because he felt like it. We had been in contact, but nothing insinuated that he wanted to go out with me again. So in the end, I bailed. It was the right thing to do.  So on Saturday, I got…

  • Nobody likes a quitter

    The Bare Essentials Today
    5 Jan 2010 | 7:27 am
    So, I have decided to quit smoking. This has nothing to do with any new years resolutions or anything like that. I don’t believe in those. I’ve made a resolution to not make any new years resolutions…at least I know I’ll stick to that one. I’ve been dumb for far too long now. I have watched too many people close to me die from lung cancer. I brushed it off like I am invinceable. I’m not. I know better than that. Trouble is, I enjoy smoking. I mean really enjoy it. I’ve been doing it for so long it gives me panic attacks to think of not doing it. Like…

  • I just came up with a brilliant new blog idea. Julie Powell can suck it.

    The Bare Essentials Today
    13 Dec 2009 | 5:46 am
    So, I rented Julie & Julia the other night. Great flick. Meryl Streep rocks in just about anything that she does and I love cooking so how could it suck? But it got me thinking. Maybe I should start a new blog. I can’t do the whole cooking thing, it’s been done obviously. And on a side note I was really disappointed to find out that the author, the chick who the movie was made about, cheated on her husband! They don’t mention it in the movie, but I read it on wikipedia. And they don’t lie. Ever. Seriously dude, the guy got fed fabulous food, a brand new dish every…

  • If you’re single, don’t go snooping around at Christmas gifts. It can only lead to bad, bad things.

    The Bare Essentials Today
    24 Nov 2009 | 7:43 am
    This is a great little Christmas story from a few years ago. Let me set the scene.  Now, I’m a snooper. I always have been and I probably always will be. I remember snooping through my parents closet one year before Christmas and finding a Timex computer (OK, I know I’m dating myself here, but anywhose) and my parents found out that I knew and they didn’t give it to us. They held off until Valentine’s Day!  I was living with my boyfriend at the time and my parents had just moved down to Florida. We were planning on going to visit them for the holidays so we decided to exchange our…
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    The Velvet Blog

  • Photo of the day

    6 Feb 2010 | 9:18 am
    John and June, Feb. 5, 1950.(P.S.: Perhaps I'm just prejudiced in her favor, but I've long thought my mother resembled Kim Hunter, as in this shot from A Matter of Life and Death.)

  • Yet another useful thing the Internet does

    3 Feb 2010 | 2:26 pm
    I'm happy to see the candy heart generator is still around:

  • Exciting social experiments out West

    2 Feb 2010 | 10:58 am
    The good folks of Colorado Springs, Colo., have taken it upon themselves to answer the question: How can we turn a city into something resembling a painting of Hell by Bosch?From the Denver Post:This tax-averse city is about to learn what it looks and feels like when budget cuts slash services most Americans consider part of the urban fabric.More than a third of the streetlights in Colorado Springs will go dark Monday. The police helicopters are for sale on the Internet. The city is dumping firefighting jobs, a vice team, burglary investigators, beat cops -- dozens of police and fire…

  • Where's J.D.?

    29 Jan 2010 | 11:51 am
    It's come to my attention that J.D. Salinger, the recently deceased author of The Catcher in the Rye, was notoriously camera shy and left very few photos behind. I'm getting rather tired of seeing the same three pictures over and over and over again, so The Velvet Blog decided to do a little detective work to find a few more. If you decide to eulogize Mr. Salinger on your blog, perhaps you might consider using one of these.

  • Suckage, hatred, and bad karma

    28 Jan 2010 | 9:51 am
    Part of an occasional series in which try to soften the sting of particularly harsh reviews by appending the phrase: "Garnish with Fluffernutter." Why? Because we can."Edge of Darkness," a thriller boasting Mel Gibson's first starring role in eight years, elicits a gigantic wow -- as in "Wow, does this movie suck." Garnish with Fluffernutter."Legion" is an absolute mess, a masochistic disaster with an overly-aggressive score, mediocre, uninspired acting and a subject matter it both wholeheartedly embraces and mocks without repute. It's one of those movies you just want to hate, you just have…
 
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    Journal

  • Further Misadventures in flight. A remix.

    Marty Baker
    7 Feb 2010 | 3:38 pm
      I'm convinced that Lindbergh had an easier flight to Paris on the Spirit of St. Louis.  There I was waiting patiently at the gate. In my grubby hands, I hold  a ticket that practically shouts "get on board" before the other rabble.   A woman picks up a microphone and begins the drill.  "We'll begin with the boarding process. We'll start with anyone traveling with children or people who need extra help getting down the jet way please come to the podium.   Okay, I applaud that. She continued, "now our 1st Class Passengers, Gold and Premier Club members."…

  • Aging Disgracefully Remix

    Marty Baker
    10 Jan 2010 | 9:42 am
    I made a huge mistake recently.  In a brief flirtation with vanity, I purchased a magnifying mirror.  I bought it because I received an electric razor as a gift and I wanted to achieve the Harry Hamlin -- a permanent five o'clock shadow.  In some social circles it's known as the Flintstone.  This mirror was so powerful it makes a single pore look like the Mariana Trench.  At 6X magnification you can actually see your skins cells die only to be reborn as  liver spots. Frankly, when it comes to my face, I'm not a fan.  I once accused my parents of genetically…

  • Procrasticise! Remix

    Marty Baker
    31 Dec 2009 | 5:56 pm
    It'll all started innocently enough. I grabbed three bags of groceries and started walking up two flights of stairs to my apartment.  Halfway, I stopped -- desperately in need of a Sherpa and an oxygen mask.  Like Sir Edmund Hillary, I bravely carried on -- making it to my personal Everest, a nice little hovel that is quickly becoming a rest home. I took a good look in my magnifying mirror (see Aging Disgracefully) and realized that if you add two tusks, you'd have a Sea World Exhibit.  Obviously, it was time to go to Defcom 4, which in my family is called exercise.  So, I…

  • An Afficianado's Guide to the Flu Remix

    Marty Baker
    25 Dec 2009 | 9:14 am
    2009, was the season of the flu.  So while BakerMuse is on vacation, I am adding 4% new material to a fan favorite -- an Afficiando's Guide to the Flu. My advice:  Don't frolic with mince pie after midnight. If my sources are correct, influenza (flu) is from the Greek-- roughly translated as "Put Dr. Kevorkian on Speed Dial."  As a dedicated flu aficionado , I am to the flu what a sommelier is to wine. Many a Saturday night I have staggerd across my living room looking more haggardly ill than both Mcqueen and Hoffman in Papillon. I can sense the subtle flavorings of each flu…

  • The BakerMuse Guide to Writing a Best Seller

    Marty Baker
    24 Nov 2009 | 8:03 am
    Yesterday, I was trolling the aisles of my local bookstore when I saw two enormous cash cows. The post Legosi Vampire Section.  And the “Business & Management” juggernaut. Since I am a tad claustrophobic, the prospect of napping in a coffin for most of the day would be a hardship. So today, I am focusing on business, which is really about napping in the infinitely adjustable and curiously expensive Aeron Chair. Basically, there are writers who are pulling down pots of money by using my patented method of book naming.  They simply combine the trend du jour (Wiki…
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    BugginWord

  • Taint My Fault

    BugginWord
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:50 am
    This is what happens when I leave my cell phone unattended in the presence of my sibling: The worst part?  Thom didn’t set the reminder so I totally missed the appointment.  Poor Rocco’s been walking around with an unshaved taint for like eight days now!  I’m the worst wife ever. Other Related Ramblings You Might Enjoy:Sock Puppets (and Other Lonon Excerpts)Things That End in “Asserole”Trapped (or Tuna-Lime Ring Recipe)Driving ConversationsPearl Necklaces

  • Search Optimization-ish

    BugginWord
    8 Feb 2010 | 9:49 am
    It’s time, yet again, for the monthly wrap up of seriously disturbing search terms that landed people in my tiny little Buggin World. “healthy shit” Obviously someone is really pumped about embracing a more health conscious lifestyle.  Good call because this site is obviously the place to go what with all the references to wine, beer, and ranch dressing.  I suppose it could be interpreted another way, but even I draw the line at documenting my bowel movements….so far at least. “poconos kill polish“  During my brief stay in the land of champagne glass…

  • Kingston by Starlight

    BugginWord
    7 Feb 2010 | 9:50 am
    “…all lovers have a duty to be generous to those that share their emotions.” Seriously.  Can you have a crush on a book?  ‘Cause I’ve got nothing but big cartoon hearts for Kingston by Starlight. I don’t know if its reading about a tropical locale as I shiver under a down comforter hiding from the wind chill that “feels like zero” according to Al Roker.  Maybe I’m just a sucker for stories involving bad-ass drag-wearing, cutlass-carrying, rum-swilling, fist-pumping female pirates living their lives of adventure.  I suppose the copious…

  • This Week’s Tweets

    BugginWord
    7 Feb 2010 | 2:00 am
    The snow covered mountains with their forests of leafless trees remind me of Robin Williams' back. http://twitpic.com/10qaxv # Someone please explain to my husband that a traffic cop would totally accept "but we're missing the Grammys" as a valid reason for speeding. # RT @Ieatmykidzsnack: Where is Kanye when you really need him? in reply to Ieatmykidzsnack # I'm loving this post. Pull the damn ad already, CBS. http://toywithme.com/abortion # I have a hot date with some hot wings. Other people optional. # Summabitch! Someone please tell me the white flakey stuff falling…

  • I Look Just Like Angelina Jolie (But Different)

    BugginWord
    6 Feb 2010 | 9:55 am
    It seems I’m allergic to something other than Rod Stewart.  I woke up this morning with gigantic Angelina Jolie lips protruding from my face.  This photo is AFTER I took a Benadryl last night to try and combat the swelling. Fat Lips I’m a human frickin’ pufferfish. I have a giant hemorrhoid for a mouth. I’ve seen baboon asses that were less inflamed. My mouth is bigger than Matthew McConaughey’s ego. It’s even bigger than Greg Oden’s well documented dong. It’s really quite uncomfortable, I must admit.  Yet I can’t help but crack up…
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    Jaky Astik's Blog

  • What do you do?

    Jaky Astik
    8 Feb 2010 | 5:44 pm
    I started to think about this simple question when writing the ‘About Me’ page of this blog. What is it that I do? What do I answer when someone asked me this question? There are a lot of probable answers like ‘I’m studying to become a Chartered Accounting.’, ‘I’m a blogger.’, ‘I write stories.’, ‘I am doing nothing.’ and the most disgusting of them all ‘Well, am searching something to do.’ It doesn’t create a buzz except in between me and the asker. Whatever you answer, you are letting the other person know what you are most passionate about, or better still,…

  • I (too!)don’t miss Gandhi(ji)

    Jaky Astik
    6 Feb 2010 | 1:39 am
    A lot of people are misunderstood. If it can happen with plain humans, why not Gandhi? I won't call him Gandhi'ji' for there is no point. He has become a character in himself. You don't call Krishna 'Krishnaji' and you don't call Bill Gates as 'Billji'. I guess that would kinda look like asking for electricity bill - 'Bill ji!' or even worse the 'bijlee' itself. There is nothing as such like total understanding of one's concepts. No Charlie Chaplin can make you understand all he wanted to tell you through his movies, no Einstein can make you understand in totality, what he thought about…

  • Study Time = everything except studies

    Jaky Astik
    4 Feb 2010 | 6:55 am
    I am nothing more than a college student yet. I’m studying to become a Chartered Accountant and that too will take some time. As for now, as always, you guys know my college timings. I feel dyslexic at the face of algebra and statistics. So, a few of my school friends recently decided to study together as they have study holidays. Joining them was a good idea. I thought I would be able to better study with them. I learned a lesson – It’s not studying, but starting to study that is the hard part. I reached there with Sundeep at ten. Hotspot was Bhela’s house. A small bedroom where bed…

  • Indian marriages are still made in halls (Guess they are searching Heaven!)

    Jaky Astik
    30 Jan 2010 | 9:13 pm
    A movie called ‘Toh Baat Pakki’ is releasing shortly. Also that my elder hot sexy cousin (not my words, Girls say this!) is getting married next month. ‘Toh Baat Pakki’ seems like an Indian marriage movie where marriages are not just arranged but re arranged. Hope there’s no widow up there falling in love all over again. And I didn’t say I’m against that. I thought; why not make a list of things happening in the Indian marriages generally. Let’s start from photographers. 1. There is a biggggggg hall booked by the girl’s father where a pundit chants mantras no one…

  • Mornings in the liiifffeee of Jaky Astik

    Jaky Astik
    29 Jan 2010 | 9:01 pm
    As always, I still don’t go to college. Passing time at home from morning till late night without sleeping is quite hard. The problem is boredom leads to sleep and there is nothing much than boredom at home. Every morning, my non-scheduled life starts with opening the laptop and checking emails. I like checking emails. Well, not really, but there is no other surprising stuff that happens except some occasional interesting emails and comments from friends. Then I reply to the emails like a jukebox and then click open the Times of India website. Some more time passes reading how Sachin…
 
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    www.holytaco.com

  • Quarterbacks Getting Tackled by Invisible Players

    justin
    9 Feb 2010 | 10:16 am
     Football season is over now, and we're pretty broken up about it.  In thinking about our favorite games, plays, and moments of the last NFL season, we can't help thinking that the game of football could benefit from a few small changes.  For example: invisible linebackers.  Here's what that would look like:         read more

  • Kendra Wilkinson Pictures

    justin
    9 Feb 2010 | 5:29 am
      Where You've Seen Her: Kendra Wilkinson is definitely a WAG.  Though her husband, Hank Baskett, didn't have the best day yesterday, neither did Kendra.  Don't worry Kendra, you're still beautiful and can always go back to Hef.   Pointless Quote: "I wish I was Crystal Harris."   read more

  • Turd Station 2: Dark Territory

    justin
    8 Feb 2010 | 6:08 pm
    Marisa Miller is HOT in Miami [video] (TotalProSports)   How To Have A White Castle Dinner (MadeMan)   Nascar Sponsors Kim Kardashian (AllLeftTurns)   The 10 Best Movie Dates Ever (ScreenJunkies)   Bisping The Axe Murderer (Cagepotato)   The Funniest Animal Fails of all Time (SuperTremendous)   Ask the Sexpert (LemonDrop)   The Hottest WAGs (Coed)   The 20 Best Songs of all Time (TopCultured)   Best Way To Clean Windows (EvilChili)   Cheltzie is HOT (HailMaryJane)   How To Bring Back Superman (Flicksided)   Dis Some Bo Sheet…

  • Inner Monologue of a Guy at Work on Free Donut Day

    justin
    8 Feb 2010 | 3:59 pm
    Hmm, free donuts, huh?  I wonder if that means that something bad is about to happen.  Like, "Sorry, you're getting laid off.  Have a donut."  I wouldn't be surprised.  Well, anyway, I might as well take one of these babies.      Let's see, there's the chocolate with sprinkles, and there's a chocolate without sprinkles.  Well, why wouldn't you choose the one with sprinkles if you have the option?  I can't think of a single good reason.  This chocolate donut with sprinkles looks totally manhandled, though.  Look at this:…

  • 25 Rednecks Being Rednecks

    justin
    8 Feb 2010 | 2:14 pm
    God Bless America!   read more
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    Cement Chicken

  • where did 420 come from?

    hot for words explains where 420 came from. Nothing like learning from a sexxy girl about what 420 really means.

  • sexxy girl smoking weed

    sexxy girl smoking bowls out of a home made steam roller. Really hot sexxy girl just smoking like a true pro.

  • Dave Chapelle - weed

    Funny video of Dave Chapelle doing stand up about smoking weed. You have to check out this video if you are smoking week and searching the web for funny videos.

  • sycamore canyon test site

    This is a video tribute to the general dynamics test site in sycamore canyon

  • ZIDANE SUPER HEADBUTT REMAKE!!!!

    HELLA CRAZY AND PRETTY HILRIOUS REMACK OF SOCCER STAR ZIDANE GETTING A LIL TO HEATED AT THE GAME BLENDED WITH SUM PRETTY FUNNY OTHER COLLECTIONS. fUNNY VIDEO ZIDANE HEAD BUTT... WATCH IT NOW. . .
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    Chris Carlisle

  • Updated Meanings for Old Proverbs #18

    Chris Carlisle
    2 Feb 2010 | 5:35 am
    Don’t give up the ship Recognized Meaning: Don’t surrender. Updated Meaning: When selling a boat, never settle for less than fair market value. View the full archive here.

  • Updated Meanings for Old Proverbs #17

    Chris Carlisle
    1 Feb 2010 | 5:35 am
    Leave well enough alone Recognized Meaning: If things are going tolerably well, leave them alone; your efforts to improve the situation may make things worse. Updated Meaning: You kids stay away from the damn well! View the full archive here.

  • Updated Meanings for Old Proverbs #16

    Chris Carlisle
    22 Jan 2010 | 4:04 am
    Good fences make good neighbors Recognized Meaning:  Good neighbors respect one another’s property. Updated Meaning:  People who distribute stolen property rarely complain if your grass is too long. View the full archive here.

  • The Ballad of ‘Big’ Tony

    Chris Carlisle
    21 Jan 2010 | 6:00 am
    As I write this, there is a man in my house who goes by the name ‘Big’ Tony. No, he wasn’t here to break my kneecaps, expressing his boss’s deepest regrets for my inability to pay my gambling debts on time (I’m good for it, just gimme another week, trust me).  The ‘Big’ Tony I was dealing with was a respectable private contractor and not a “respectable” private contractor, if you catch my drift.  He installed carpet. When we purchased the carpet from the respectable carpet salesman a few weeks back he informed us that ‘Big’ Tony would be in touch to schedule the…

  • Updated Meanings for Old Proverbs #15

    Chris Carlisle
    21 Jan 2010 | 4:19 am
    A picture is worth a thousand words Recognized Meaning:  A visual image can convey an idea or an emotion more effectively than words. Updated Meaning: By adding pictures, charts and graphs, a student can lengthen a thesis or term paper to meet the minimum page requirements. View the full archive here.
 
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    The Joe Donatelli Column

  • White Castle vs. Spago: Which restaurant is more romantic?

    Joe Donatelli
    9 Feb 2010 | 9:16 am
    My friend Jim recently e-mailed me a photo of an Ohio White Castle sign that listed a phone number for Valentine’s Day reservations. I uploaded the photo to my Facebook page, proud that a fast food restaurant in my home state had discovered humor and had shared its discovery so publicly. A friend then informed me that the regional burger chain really does offer a Valentine’s Day special. I called White Castle headquarters (which I have to imagine is some type of castle) in Columbus, Ohio, to confirm. Vice president of corporate relations Jamie Richardson gave me the lowdown. Since 1991,…

  • Best Super Bowl ads: Bud Light Auto-Tune and Audi Green Police

    Joe Donatelli
    8 Feb 2010 | 8:40 am
    Bud Light Gets Auto-Tuned - Watch more Big Game Bonanza It was not the strongest crop of Super Bowl commercials, but this one stood out for its mockery of auto-tuning, which is a mockery I support strongly. I also loved Audi’s Green Police ad. Great to see something this politically incorrect on television. Green Police Audi Super Bowl Ad - Watch more Funny Videos

  • Second Column podcast 117 with Amanda Sitko

    Joe Donatelli
    6 Feb 2010 | 9:51 am
    This week The Second Column podcast is joined by writer/actor/improviser Amanda Sitko as we talk about Sean’s party, Andy Dick gropings, breaking up in Las Vegas, death pools and Mike’s voice mail skills. Amanda hosts the show Let’s Do This! every Friday night at 11 at Upright Citizens Brigade in Los Angeles. Check out the show at www.thesecondcolumn.com.

  • Pro football: Our national pastime

    Joe Donatelli
    5 Feb 2010 | 1:11 pm
    The Super Bowl is this week, so I wrote a funny and informative piece for Made Man about how football became the national pastime. The secret? Providing a legal venue where men can knock each others’ heads clean off their shoulders. http://www.mademan.com/pro-football-our-national-pastime

  • New ketchup packet

    Joe Donatelli
    5 Feb 2010 | 10:50 am
    As the world’s leading connoisseur of ketchup, I was excited to learn that Heinz is releasing a new ketchup packet. The packet allows for both squeezing AND dipping and holds three times the amount of normal ketchup, which means I will only have to ask for one packet now at Burger King. This will go a long way towards cutting down on my food-related shame. Anyway, this is great news. I feel like the future is here. 2010! We might not have hover cars yet, but at last I can eat ketchup like a civilized man.
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    Your daily dose of todayscyrano

  • New Pedagogies For The Digital Age

    Kung Fu Kev
    2 Feb 2010 | 4:19 pm
    Check out this SlideShare Presentation: New Pedagogies For The Digital AgeView more presentations from Steve Wheeler.

  • Do you need some positive reinforcement or encouragement? If you were just dumped, laid off, or had your car broken into, go to this website for help:

    Kung Fu Kev
    26 Jan 2010 | 12:26 am
    I have been receiving weekly emails from Mike Dooley at TUT.com since August 2009. He calls the content of each message in his email program, 'A Note from the Universe'. His insights, fresh perspective, and resiliency, have all helped shed light on dark days in my life. I highly recommend you visit his sight and consider adding yourself to his email list. The website describes the emails best: ".

  • It's a boy!

    Kung Fu Kev
    24 Jan 2010 | 8:13 pm
    See and download the full gallery on posterousCongrats Jarred!!7lbs 1oz Posted via web from Kung Fu Kev's Mobile Dojo

  • Before you die, Go See This Play! Or Else ~

    Kung Fu Kev
    21 Jan 2010 | 6:38 pm
    Yes, yes; you read correctly.... This is a play that one of my students is performing in and the least you can do while in the L.A. area is go and show support, right? I thought so too! Anyway, the play is Doctor Noguchi, the story who Thomas Noguchi's 15 years as the chief medical examiner for Los Angeles County, which earned him the sardonic nickname of "Coroner to the Stars." This premise

  • Imeem Update!

    Kung Fu Kev
    21 Jan 2010 | 6:05 pm
    Glory Be! According to this article, which I uncovered on Twitter, MySpace has completed the integration of all Imeem music and playlists to MySpace! If this is the case, Glory Be! In fact, I'm listening to one of my playlists now.... I can't speak for the entire integration, but so far, so good! I'm very thankful to the MySpace team for getting this monumental task accomplished. I ask that
 
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