• Most Topular Stories

  • Sounds Like a Fun Party

    Damn You Auto Correct!
    29 Jul 2015 | 11:00 am
      Submitted by Debbie The post Sounds Like a Fun Party appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Gaming Gifs

    Knocking Off - Unlicensed Hilarity
    Robert Cop
    16 Jul 2015 | 10:38 pm
    Another new project Robert Cop is working on is Gaming Gifs. A huge handpicked collection of video game gifs. Specializing in the always hilarious “glitch gifs”.
  • Bride Gets Knocked Out With UFC Commentary

    Regretful Morning
    29 Jul 2015 | 6:00 am
    Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg give a play by play as a groom completely destroys his wife on their first wedding... The post Bride Gets Knocked Out With UFC Commentary appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • I’m on a lot of cold medication so it’s possible this isn’t as funny as I think it is.

    The Bloggess
    28 Jul 2015 | 10:39 am
    I’m on a lot of cold meds but I thought you’d enjoy. Or not.  Stop judging me.  I’m sick.   They’re in my shop if you want one, but be aware that everyone you wear it around is going to tell you that your shirt is on inside out.  But then you can flash them a raccoon face (and flash them in general if you aren’t wearing something underneath) and they won’t bother you again.  EVERYONE WINS. PS. A few of you are having trouble getting the video to load so (spoiler alert) this is what you’re missing: I may have found my new author photo.
  • How to Make Your Own Reddit-Themed Cocktail

    CollegeHumor: Videos
    29 Jul 2015 | 1:30 pm
    This bartender deserves all your upvotes.
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    The Bloggess

  • I’m on a lot of cold medication so it’s possible this isn’t as funny as I think it is.

    28 Jul 2015 | 10:39 am
    I’m on a lot of cold meds but I thought you’d enjoy. Or not.  Stop judging me.  I’m sick.   They’re in my shop if you want one, but be aware that everyone you wear it around is going to tell you that your shirt is on inside out.  But then you can flash them a raccoon face (and flash them in general if you aren’t wearing something underneath) and they won’t bother you again.  EVERYONE WINS. PS. A few of you are having trouble getting the video to load so (spoiler alert) this is what you’re missing: I may have found my new author photo.
  • Well, it’ll be an interesting death at least

    26 Jul 2015 | 8:49 am
    A friend of mine just emailed this to me: My team: Pocket from Fool.  “Heinous fuckery, most foul!” Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation. Zombeavers.  I don’t know who the real protagonist is in this movie but I sort of think it’s the zombie-beavers because they were the ones I was rooting for by the end. So I guess the answer is that I’m pretty screwed, but at least it’ll be an interesting way to die.  You? PS. I still have the plague and it’s getting worse.  If someone near you coughs like they’ve been living in a coal mine just set them…
  • The small things are the big things.

    24 Jul 2015 | 9:51 am
    I had a post for today but I couldn’t finish it because my head isn’t working properly right now.  Some of this is because my head is always broken.  Some is from how bleak the news has been lately and I tend to fixate on that stuff.  Some is because we’re supposed to be at a family reunion right now but we’re not because we’re all sick with what I assume is the plague.  I was going to post something simple and just go back to bed but I know that the only way I’m coming out of this is to do it the hard way, and that means refocusing on the good. I…
  • Hello. It’s me.

    21 Jul 2015 | 11:18 am
    When I was in Arizona a few months ago I saw several things that I forgot to write about because I lost my journal.  But I just found it so here goes: The first was this cactus, which seems to be wanting to escape.  It’s as if it was being a normal cactus and then suddenly said “Nope.  Fuck this bullshit.  I’M OUT” and then started burrowing into the ground.  It’s comforting to know even cactuses want to go into hiding every once in a while. It’s like the cactus on the right is all “WHO WANTS TO SEE MY BOOBIES?” and the one on the left is…
  • It’s probably not a UFO but it is proof that you people are made of magic.

    19 Jul 2015 | 11:28 am
    A few days ago Victor and I were in Fort Davis picking up Hailey from sleep away camp (SHE’S ALIVE AND STILL HAS ALL OF HER LIMBS!) when I made him stop at an old cemetery because I have what Victor deems “a morbid fascination for death and very boring places” and what I deem “a health appreciation of history, the frailty of humans, and also the only place where I’m guaranteed some actual peace and quiet – if you don’t count Victor honking at me every five minutes to get back in the car.” If you read my last post then you already know that…
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    Damn You Auto Correct!

  • Sounds Like a Fun Party

    29 Jul 2015 | 11:00 am
      Submitted by Debbie The post Sounds Like a Fun Party appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Poor Granny!

    29 Jul 2015 | 9:00 am
      Submitted by Vera The post Poor Granny! appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Just Get Beer

    29 Jul 2015 | 7:00 am
      Submitted by Lauren The post Just Get Beer appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • 15 Times That Autocorrect Did Food Wrong

    28 Jul 2015 | 7:00 pm
    Submitted by Mandy   Submitted by Geoff   Submitted by Delia   Submitted by Dano   Submitted by Robyn   Submitted by Emily   Submitted by Heather   Submitted by Gwen   Submitted by Dawn   Submitted by Kristen   Submitted by Crystal   Submitted by June   Submitted by Matthew   Submitted by Mariah   Submitted by Wendy The post 15 Times That Autocorrect Did Food Wrong appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Mom’s Recipe

    28 Jul 2015 | 3:00 pm
      Submitted by Tracy M. The post Mom’s Recipe appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
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  • Required Reading Essay Questions Written By a First-Year Adjunct Who Does Not Have the Time or Wherewithal to Do the Required Reading by Shay K. Azoulay

    29 Jul 2015 | 4:01 am
    Select one of the following topics and write a detailed essay discussing the work in question. Please support your argument with examples from the text. 1. Compare and contrast the two cities in A Tale of Two Cities. Which one do you think Charles Dickens preferred? 2. In I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, why does the caged bird sing? Is it because it gets free food and shelter for just sitting there, doing nothing? Please elaborate and provide textual evidence. 3. What made The Great Gatsby so great? Does everyone think he’s that great? Why? 4. In Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man, how did…
  • Best Joke Ever: Coyle and Sharpe: ’60s Pranksters Who Were a Bazillion Years Ahead of Their Time by Mark Peters

    29 Jul 2015 | 4:00 am
    We all have our own Mount Rushmore of comedy: the TV shows, movies, stand-ups, and humor writers that rule Funny Land in our minds like Odin rules Asgard, only without the ravens. For me, that pantheon will always include Coyle and Sharpe: an early 1960s radio team that created some of the weirdest and funniest bits in the history of comedy. James P. Coyle and Mal Sharpe were put-on artists in an era far removed from our own share-happy planet. Carrying then-current recording equipment, these two well-dressed, conservative-looking fellows strolled the streets of San Francisco asking bonkers…
  • List: Strain of Marijuana or Shade of Covergirl Outlast Stay Brilliant Nail Glosstini? by Chloe Kent

    29 Jul 2015 | 4:00 am
    1. Sulfur Blaze 2. Flamed Out 3. Blue Dream 4. Inferno 5. Violet Flicker 6. Seared Bronze 7. Super Lemon Haze 8. Lemon Drop 9. Scalding Emerald 10. Black Heat 11. Pink Lady 12. Bahama Mama 13. Pina Colada 14. Sangria 15. Orange Oasis 16. Appletini 17. Blue Hawaiian 18. Purple Freeze 19. Tsunami Crush 20. White Ice - -Shades of Nail Polish: 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 15, 16, 18 Strains of Marijuana: 3, 7, 19, 20 Both: 8, 11, 12, 13, 14, 17
  • Bay Area to Standard American English Translator by Louis Weinstein

    28 Jul 2015 | 4:01 am
    Bay Area: “Who are you again?” \ˈhü\ \ˈär\ \ˈyü\ \e-ˈgān\ English: “What company do you work for?” - -Bay Area: “Do you live in this neighborhood?” \ˈdü\ \ˈyü\ \ˈliv\ \ən\ \ˈthis\ \ˈnā-bər-ˌhud\ English: “Can you afford to live in San Francisco?” - -Bay Area: “We should get lunch.” \ˈwē\ \ˈshud\ \ˈget\ \ˈlənch\ English: “I’ve identified your value relative to me and wish to start the process of exploiting your talents.” - -Bay Area: “Our new mobile optimization will change the internet as we know it.” \är\ \ˈnü\ \ˈmō-bəl\…
  • List: What My Boss Is Jamaican Me Feel Besides Crazy by Jess Zeidman

    28 Jul 2015 | 3:59 am
    Jamaican me nervous that you called me into your office Jamaican me uncomfortable that you asked me to sit down Jamaican me dwarfed by your desk chair, who knew chairs could be so big? Jamaican me vulnerable after you exhale deeply Jamaican me speechless when you say, “Some changes are being made” Jamaican me anxious about how I’ll get another job in this unpredictable economic climate Jamaican me resentful that I just moved apartments so I could be closer to the office Jamaican me worried that I will break your stupid, oversized desk chair Jamaican me curious as to how long it took you…
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    The Onion

  • News in Brief: Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:00 pm
    JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes. “This is the second time in the past half hour that I’ve walked down three flights of stairs to move my clothes over from the washer, only to find this pile still wadded up inside the only available dryer—God, who knows how long they’ve even been in there?” said…
  • American Voices: American Regrets Role In Killing Famous Lion

    29 Jul 2015 | 12:55 pm
    Cecil the lion, a popular Zimbabwe tourist attraction, was killed this week by Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer during a lion hunt he allegedly spent upwards of $50,000 to join, though Palmer has said he regrets his role in the incident and didn’t realize Cecil was a famous lion when he killed him. What do you think?
  • News in Brief: Bloated Obama Delivers Press Conference From Couch Behind Podium

    29 Jul 2015 | 12:13 pm
    WASHINGTON—Taking slow, labored breaths while clutching his distended abdomen, a bloated President Obama delivered a press conference Wednesday while seated on a couch several feet behind the podium in the White House briefing room. “Good afternoon, everybody—ugh, Jesus, gimme a sec,” said a wincing, perspiring Obama before emitting several low groans. “Oh, man. Whoa. Okay, I’ll take some questions now—hang on, hang on. Jesus, I feel like I’m gonna pop.” At press time, Obama had concluded the briefing by slowly rolling over on the cushions and burying his face in a pillow.
  • News: Matt Damon Loses $500 To Guy Who Promised Professional-Looking Headshots

    29 Jul 2015 | 11:12 am
    LOS ANGELES—Angrily stating that he had been “completely ripped off,” Hollywood actor Matt Damon expressed outrage Wednesday after receiving a set of extremely poor-quality headshots from a man who had charged him $500 and guaranteed professional-looking results.Damon, who most recently appeared in the 2014 science-fiction film Interstellar, is said to have found the photographer via a posting in Craigslist’s Creative Services section, having reportedly been drawn in by the title of “AMAZING Actor/Actress Headshots” and a promise to “make you look like a celebrity.”“Look at…
  • News in Brief: Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:59 am
    RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side. “Oh, crap, I gotta go for it—the rip’s getting bigger and I’m way too far to turn back now,” Parnasse reportedly thought to himself, gingerly holding the plastic bag at arm’s length to avoid the stream of unidentifiable liquid dripping from the lengthening tear dangerously close to his shoes. “God,…
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    Predator Press

  • Ask LOBO: Dating Edition

    Michael Wolfe
    23 Jul 2015 | 6:14 am
    LOBO -Predator Press Millions and millions of readers are always asking me every day, "LOBO, you've been married three times. Clearly you are amazing at relationships. Can you give me some dating tips?" My first impulse is to refuse -I'm currently on track for at least six marriages. Why would I dispense such potentially dangerous wisdom? Well why not? I'm a sucker for logic. #1) ALWAYS WEAR PANTS. I can't stress this enough. No matter what you've seen on the internet, not wearing pants should be saved for the fifth or sixth date. #2) MAKE HER PAY. You need to be sure she isn't some kind of…
  • Scorpion Kick

    Michael Wolfe
    20 Jul 2015 | 11:04 pm
    LOBO -Predator Press Got some [really] bad advice a few years ago, and lost my anonymity by merging Facebook and Google.  Now, despite this being a fictional blog, everyone started superimposing their shit on what I write.  Co-workers I just met insist stories I wrote years before are based on them.  As a consequence of an errant Google search, a girl, concluding I must be the only "lobo" on the internet, asked me who "lobowife" was. WTF? It's really hard to create in circumstances like that.  It has accelerated divorces, caused issues at work, and really…
  • Ghosts

    Michael Wolfe
    8 Jul 2015 | 5:22 am
    LOBO -Predator Press Work, travel, and life in general have really limited my ability to write this year. Many immolated themselves. Many jumped from tall buildings. Many immolated themselves, then jumped from tall buildings. But fear not, o loyal reader! Your beloved Alabaster Battlemaster has not been idle! Piece by piece, recording studio equipment has been arriving back home, and the plan is to make Predator Press -at least in part- a podcast. This should include audio and visual components, and Skype interviews with our -and by "our" I mean "my"- favorite internet personalities. If you…
  • WTF Ever Happened to Quicksand?

    Michael Wolfe
    6 May 2015 | 5:08 am
    Predator Press [LOBO] Once again, at no small expense to you, we here at Predator Press have set out to settle an age-old question burning in everyone’s mind: What ever happened to quicksand? You remember ... one could barely get through a half an hour of television without some poor slob stumbling upon his buddy's pith helmet laying mysteriously on the ground. Then he or she goes to pick it up, and the horror ensues. -It’s quicksand! I remember being taught about quicksand by no less than three teachers during the brief debacle of my education. They all…

    Michael Wolfe
    25 Apr 2015 | 7:28 am
    LOBO -Predator Press
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    Funny or Die | Funny Videos, Funny Video Clips, Funny Pictures

  • Girl Scouts Congratulate The Boy Scouts Of America On Being Less Awful Than Before

    Jenny Nelson and FOD News
    29 Jul 2015 | 3:00 pm
    Girl Scouts Congratulate The Boy Scou... One group of Girl Scouts celebrates the Boy Scouts of America's change in policy that will lift the blanket ban on gay adult leaders. Submitted by: Jenny Nelson Regular Keywords: Boy Scouts of America bigots Boy Scouts of America gay Boy Scouts of America gay leaders gay troop leaders Boy Scouts of America new policy boy scouts homophobic boy scouts gay adult leaders boy scouts gay Girl Scouts of America Girl Scouts crafts Girl Scouts letter Girl Scouts LGBT friendly boy scouts LGBT Views: 590
  • Nick Thune, Whitney Cummings & Brendon Walsh - Terms of Ensearchment - @midnight with Chris Hardwick

    29 Jul 2015 | 1:22 am
    Nick Thune, Whitney Cummings & Brendo... 1:43 Faced with a selection of ridiculous images, Nick Thune, Whitney Cummings and Brendon Walsh work backwards to figure out what search terms could have yielded these pictures. Watch full episodes of @midnight now: Submitted by: @midnight Regular Keywords: Chris Hardwick @midnight at midnight After Midnight Nerdist @midnight full episodes Whitney Cummings Nick Thune Brendon Walsh Internet fetishes photos comedy central stand up comedy comedians comedy central comedians comedy funny comedian funny video comedy videos stand…
  • There's Nothing Funny About Flight Safety

    Fran Gillespie, Matt Newell, Jack & Justin, Funny Or Die, Brianne Trosie, Libby de Leon, Barry Elmore, and BoTown Sound
    28 Jul 2015 | 11:45 pm
    There's Nothing Funny About Flight Sa... 3:29 Flight safety is no laughing matter. Submitted by: Funny Or Die Regular Keywords: There's Nothing Funny About Flight Safety airplane safety inflight safety video funny stewardess funny flight attendant funny pilot Views: 6,571
  • Three People Eating Food For Two Hours

    Funny Or Die, Zack Poitras, Dan Abramson, John Harris, and Matt Mayer
    28 Jul 2015 | 11:45 pm
    Three People Eating Food For Two Hours 122:07 Funny Or Die Science People presents, three people eating food for two hours. Submitted by: Funny Or Die Regular Keywords: Three People Eating Food for Two Hours asmr eating silent eating mealtime videos food science food porn Views: 18,941
  • More Unreleased Photos From White House Bunker On 9/11

    Funny Or Die
    28 Jul 2015 | 5:06 pm
    More Unreleased Photos From White Hou... A number of photos of President George Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney taken on 9/11 have been released. We've uncovered even more. Submitted by: Funny Or Die Regular Keywords: dick cheney 9/11 9/11 bunker george bush dick cheney 9/11 dick cheney 9/11 pics cheney haliburton 9/11 photos 9/11 cheney photos Views: 33,916
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    vintage everyday

  • Pictures of People Traveling by Bus in 1943

    John VE
    29 Jul 2015 | 1:22 pm
    These are photos of people traveling by bus - something that was a lot more common in the 1940s than it is today. All these were taken by photographer Esther Bubley in 1943.A bus driver removing the baggage from a Greyhound bus that broke down between Washington, D.C. and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 1943.A Greyhound bus trip from Louisville, Kentucky, to Memphis, Tennessee, and the terminals. Idlers in front of the bus stop between Memphis and Chattanooga, 1943.A Greyhound bus trip from Louisville, Kentucky, to Memphis, Tennessee, and the terminals. Local fares, going -down the road a piece- to…
  • Interesting Color Footage Shows London Cafeterias in the Late 1950s and Early 1960s

    John VE
    29 Jul 2015 | 10:51 am
    Before Starbucks and Caffe Nero and all that cafeterias looking all the same, young Londoners of late 50's and early 60's met in places like these.
  • A group of women mock-boxing, ca. 1920s. Always in heels!

    John VE
    29 Jul 2015 | 10:07 am
    (Photo: Topical Press Agency/ Getty Images)
  • 35 Old Snapshots of Celebrities with Their Pets, Some are Bizarre!

    John VE
    29 Jul 2015 | 8:34 am
    They say a dog is a man's best friend, but in the world of celebrity, you can include dogs, cats and everything in between.Elizabeth Taylor and her dogsBrigitte Bardot and her black spanielsPablo Picasso with his catJohn Lennon and Yoko Ono and a black feline friendSalvador Dalí with an ocelot BabouSee more »
  • When Leonard Nimoy chauffeured The Bangles in 1985

    John VE
    29 Jul 2015 | 1:06 am
    How many people remember when Leonard Nimoy hung out with The Bangles? In 1985, he played the part of the chauffeur in The Bangles' music video Going Down to Liverpool; this came about due to Nimoy being a friend of Tamar Simon Hoffs and Susanna Hoffs' family.
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    Awesomely Luvvie

  • 100 Acts of Kindness That My Readers Have Received (Because There’s Still Light in the World)

    Awesomely Luvvie
    28 Jul 2015 | 6:00 am
    Last month, after the nine people were killed in Charleston’s Emanuel AME church, and after we were all wading in a river of despair about the state of affairs, I needed to find something good in the world. So I got on my Facebook fan page and asked my readers to share something nice that someone has done for them lately. I did it for my own selfish reasons, because I needed to find light in so much darkness. What ensued was a 600+ comment thread that had me in tears. At one point, I was sitting outside reading them and my thug was obliterated. I was trapped in a glass case of emotions…
  • So I Jumped Out of a Plane: My Skydiving Recap

    Awesomely Luvvie
    22 Jul 2015 | 7:14 pm
    My bro Antonio text me last week asking if I wanna go skydiving. I sent him a “YESSSS!” I didn’t even think about it. I’m 30 now and this year has been about growth for me. And fun. HELLA FUN. I am all about that right now. I’d never gone and I was like OH CRAP. But these are the things bucket lists are made of. I went ziplining in January ON my 30th birthday so that was checked off then (and I’d to it again). Skydiving in the forest for my 30th birthday. So me and Antonio trekked to Long Island, to one of the biggest skydiving facilities. It took us 2…
  • Whose Demon Canta Melon Baby Is This?

    Awesomely Luvvie
    9 Jul 2015 | 10:52 am
    Sometimes, people get really creative at baby showers. Apparently, the toilet tissue game isn’t innovative enough anymore and the food needs to make a statement. I came upon the picture below, of one of the snacks from someone’s shower and I jumped back and almost threw holy water on my laptop. Ok THIS is frightening. I mean it. There’s a cantaloupe baby in a watermelon with grape eyes and it is threatening to haunt my hopes and dreams. They were going for cute but this is hella creepy. I’d walk past it and rebuke it at the same time. NOPE. Then the baby is under an…
  • 5 Lessons from My First Time Attending ESSENCE Fest

    Awesomely Luvvie
    8 Jul 2015 | 12:49 pm
    I just got back from New Orleans yesterday, fresh off my first ever ESSENCE Fest, and I am still not recovered. Whew. First world problems is being exhausted from 4 days of panels, pampering, and parties, I know. It was hella fun, though, but I don’t bounce back as fast as I used to. There are so many naps in my future. I was there serving as McDonald’s @365Black social ambassador and I had a blast covering their awards (got hella selfies), old school skate jam (I almost busted my ass on them skates) and concerts (I got a picture with 112!). I took over their Twitter account for…
  • Headed to New Orleans and ESSENCEFest for the First Time!

    Awesomely Luvvie
    1 Jul 2015 | 6:32 pm
    I am sitting here procrastinating on packing as I am wont to do. I just really hate this part of traveling. It’s so painful! GAAHHHH! Anywho, I’m GEEKED because tomorrow, I’m going to New Orleans for the first time ever, and it’s for ESSENCEFest! ESSENCE Magazine’s annual weekend with music, influencers, activations and a bunch of other dopeness. Slated to be performing: Missy Elliott, Kendrick Lamar, Usher, Mary J. Blige, Charlie Wilson, and more. I will be there as a social ambassador for McDonald’s 365Black. As always, I’ll be taking you along on…
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    Brittany, Herself.

  • On My Bookshelf

    21 Jul 2015 | 5:00 am
    Nothing helps me get over writers block quicker than reading. In fact, that’s a pretty common writing tip. Wanna write a book? Go read some. (...)Read the rest of On My Bookshelf (757 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • Strapless Bras? Happening!

    7 Jul 2015 | 6:15 am
    And now if you direct your attention to the center of the show ring, I’d like to present the sporting group.(...)Read the rest of Strapless Bras? Happening! (705 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • Last Call Brittany July 2nd: Relationships

    2 Jul 2015 | 6:14 pm
    Click here if you have trouble viewing this video. NSFW is my jam. Join us tonight as we talk about sex, dating and relationships with our usually crass and boozed-up flare. Host: Brittany Gibbons Panel: Meredith Soleau & Grace Boyer References: The ULTIMATE sex quiz! Make sure to check out more of my videos on my YouTube channel! © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • Last Call Brittany June 25th: S-E-X (GASP)

    25 Jun 2015 | 6:13 pm
    Click here if you are having trouble viewing this video. Tonight’s episode is heavy on the NSFW. Proceed with caution… you know you want to!(...)Read the rest of Last Call Brittany June 25th: S-E-X (GASP) (11 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • Fat Girl Job Clarification

    23 Jun 2015 | 4:34 am
    When I was on Dr. Oz last month, I was attacked pretty heavily for my weight. (...)Read the rest of Fat Girl Job Clarification (1,053 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
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    Prefers Her Fantasy Life

  • Getting STONED with my Teens

    24 Jul 2015 | 7:34 am
    Thefirst love of my life was Donny Osmond.  An “expensive” love my mom would say after our weekly trips to Rexall Drugs for the latest fan magazines. Donny was plastered all over my room, 27 posters to be exact, and “One Bad Apple” was the soundtrack of my 7th grade existence.  I thought Donny was it.All that changed one day in 1972. A crisp, new copy of Life Magazine arrived in the mail, smelling that soft, waxy Crayola smell.  When I pulled it out of the mailbox, the cover revealed a young man in a rhinestone-studded jumpsuit, cut low to his waist.  His hair was…
  • Showers, Beer, and Social Networking--Oh, My

    1 Jul 2014 | 7:10 am
    In my fantasy life, I dream of having just one normal day.  Just one.While I was in the shower yesterday, reaching for the shampoo I saw this: Being a parent of two college-aged kids, I found this inappropriate on more than one level.  First, Yuengling is a crappy beer.  As an IPA Enthusiast, I thought my kids knew better.  Second, glass in the shower, not so smart.So then I did what any normal mom would do in this situation:  I snapped a photo and posted it on Facebook.When Older Son was in the kitchen making his morning coffee (at 1:30 pm), he told me to remove…
  • Conscious Uncoupling Schmuckeling

    12 Jun 2014 | 2:52 pm
    It’s early in the evening and we’re seated across the table from one another. Our laptops are open, our glasses of Stone IPA, full. For a moment, he lifts his up his Mac and shows me a viral photo on Facebook. We both laugh. In my fantasy life, the man across from me would close his computer. He’d take my hand and gently lead me upstairs. We’d put on some Miles Davis, whisper to one another in the dark, and fall into a deep sleep. There would, of course, be other things in between.But this is how it will be in reality: we’ll close our laptops and go upstairs, he to his room, I…
  • Longing For Those Good Old (Sticky) Days

    16 Jun 2013 | 9:37 am
    Have you seen that scene in Bridesmaids where the mom of three complains about her boys mausterbating all over the house? I love that scene. It's a relief to finally hear someone tell the truth about kids.At 17 and 15 mine are past that sticky blanket phase, but we got other things going on. Daughter convinced me that buying one of those tall cans of Arizona iced tea and getting one free was a good deal.  I'm not really in favor of buying drinks with no nutritional value, except beer, but I agreed.The following day, her younger brother expressed interest in the second can and I told…
  • Micro Brews, Spinach and Ex-husbands

    17 May 2013 | 1:54 pm
    What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, encouraging my kids to eat drugs. Well, here's another subject I get a D- in: Arguing in Front of the Children. As I mentioned, my ex-husband and I still live together.  It's called birdnesting.  The idea is, that since the kids didn't get a divorce, they shouldn't be shuffled from place to place.  With birdnesting, the kids stay in the house, and the parents take turns staying with them.  Only we don't take turns.  Cause we  can't afford it  think it's better for the family.  We each have our…
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    mark a rayner

  • You tell ’em Kurt

    Mark A. Rayner
    22 Jul 2015 | 10:44 am
    I post this quote for no particular reason. It’s from his collection, Wampeters, Foma, and Granfalloons. Alltop has some insanely fun links.
  • Win a copy of The Fridgularity

    Mark A. Rayner
    21 Jul 2015 | 9:53 am
    Winner of an IndieReader Discovery Award for best humor, 2013! I’m giving away a copy — to enter visit my FB page or follow me on Twitter. It’s that easy! a Rafflecopter giveaway Or you can cut to the chase and buy a copy now for 25% off. Use code: BE3H5AJV
  • Keyboard Shortcuts for Novelists

    Mark A. Rayner
    20 Jul 2015 | 10:49 am
      Or you could just mash the keys together in a fit of anxious rage and see what happens? Alltop gets funny whenever you hit alt + f. H/T to Corey Redekop. Genius cartoon by Tom Gauld.
  • The unexpected benefits of climate change

    Mark A. Rayner
    13 Jul 2015 | 4:26 am
    Sure, half of Western Canada was on fire, polar bears were evolving gills, and the bee population was fucked, but there were some side benefits to global warming. As the earth heated, cloud watchers were in for some exciting times. Generally speaking, there were fewer clouds to watch, but when there were clouds, boy-howdy were they interesting. […]
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  • Limerick Ode To Bagpipe Appreciation Day (July 27)

    27 Jul 2015 | 2:12 pm
    Limerick Ode To Bagpipe Appreciation Day By Madeleine Begun Kane A spy was perturbed by the drone From some bagpipes, a mind-numbing tone. Though he wanted to pound The source of that sound, He held back, lest his cover be blown.
  • Limerick Ode to National Scotch Day (July 27)

    27 Jul 2015 | 1:36 pm
    Limerick Ode To National Scotch Day By Madeleine Begun Kane I hate to complain or to carp. About liquor it’s rare that I harp. But I’d scotch any notion Of drinking a potion Whose wet-carpet smell is so sharp.
  • Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: JUNE or JEJUNE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

    25 Jul 2015 | 7:04 pm
    It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “JUNE” or “JEJUNE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.) The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.) How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If…
  • Limerick of the Week (223)

    25 Jul 2015 | 7:00 pm
    It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse: Said Irene to Eileen, “Am I late?” Said Eileen to Irene, “I’m irate! I lean in the lane All alone in the rain – Oh what wicked wet weather to wait!” And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Tim James, Kirk Miller, Dave Johnson, Pedro Poitevin, Will T. Laughlin, and Phil Graham. Here are their respective…
  • Happy National Dance Day — July 25 (Limerick)

    25 Jul 2015 | 1:48 pm
    Happy National Dance Day! (last Saturday of July) I’ve learned that I’m taking a chance Whenever I venture to dance With my husband, who’s wild; I’ll likely be piled On the floor — never good for romance.
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    Dilbert Daily Strip

  • Comic for July 30, 2015

    30 Jul 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to
  • Comic for July 29, 2015

    29 Jul 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to
  • Comic for July 28, 2015

    28 Jul 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to
  • Comic for July 27, 2015

    27 Jul 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to
  • Comic for July 26, 2015

    26 Jul 2015 | 4:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to
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    Jokes -!

  • Why do ducks have webbed feet?

    29 Jul 2015 | 9:59 pm
    Why do ducks have webbed feet?To stamp out fires.Why do elephants have flat feet?To stamp out burning ducks.
  • Why is the number 10 afraid of seven?

    29 Jul 2015 | 7:59 pm
    Why is the number 10 afraid of seven?Because seven ate nine, and 10 is next.
  • The 5 worst things about being a penis is ... ...

    29 Jul 2015 | 5:59 pm
    The 5 worst things about being a penis is ...1. You have a hole in your head.2. Your best friend is a cunt.3. Your next door neighbors are 2 nuts and an asshole.4. Every time you get excited you throw up.5. You always are wearing a collar.
  • A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just ...

    29 Jul 2015 | 3:59 pm
    A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."
  • In Heaven: ...

    29 Jul 2015 | 1:59 pm
    In Heaven:The cooks are French,The policemen are English,The mechanics are German,The lovers are Italian,The bankers are Swiss.In Hell:The cooks are English,The policemen are German,The mechanics are French,The lovers are Swiss,The bankers are Italian.
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  • Candy CRUSHED

    24 Jul 2015 | 6:14 am
    Writes our anonymous submitter from Michigan: “Yesterday, one of our salespeople was observed playing Angry Birds on her phone – with her headphones on to hear the game sounds. Today, this sign showed up  in the sales office.” related: Why Facebook is soooo gonna get you fired
  • Be the ____ you want to see in the world.

    15 Jul 2015 | 2:21 pm
    Frani’s roommate likes to leave inspirational messages on the fridge. (Apparently what she’s inspired was another roomie’s less-than-dazzling wit.) related: Are you inspired yet?  
  • Twiney Sod, the demon gardener of Fleet Street

    10 Jul 2015 | 8:00 am
    As Sondheim said, there’s no place like London  (“filled with people who are filled with shit”) — and, not coincidentally, the home of this sign. related: The orchid thief
  • Don’t save the date for us

    2 Jul 2015 | 6:58 pm
    Jamie and her now-husband received this puzzling reply to a save-the-date card sent to his mother’s sister. Says Jamie: “We’re still not sure of the reason for the upset.” (Perhaps a bad experience with a Christmas newsletter?) related: Here comes the troll
  • …and don’t let the door hit you on your way out!

    25 Jun 2015 | 1:08 pm
    Writes out submitter, Erica: “I work in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, in a building comprised of a variety of offices and studios (fashion brands, art galleries, recording studios, artists, etc.) I find this note exceptionally funny, because in the three years I’ve worked in this building I’ve experienced the exact same rude, pompous behavior.” related: Were you raised by wolves?  
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  • Man Has His New Ducati Motorcycle Completely Destroyed By The Worst Truck Driver In The World

    Brandon Wenerd
    29 Jul 2015 | 9:05 pm
    A long time ago, someone told me how much they hate the phrase “shit happens.” It made me think about how stupid of a phrase that is to just casually write off negligence and avoidable accidents. Yes, we all have our mental farts, but USUALLY bad things can be avoided by simply using one’s head. I don’t know what the hell the truck driver was thinking in this video. I assume he’s drunk or under the influence of something, but that’s just an excuse. I don’t know how it’s possible he missed this biker on a brand new Ducati before slamming into…
  • Mets’ Wilmer Flores Cried On The Field After He Thought He Had Been Traded

    Jorge Alonso
    29 Jul 2015 | 8:23 pm
    Twitter In the middle of the Mets-Padres game, there were rumors circulating that Mets second baseman Wilmer Flores had been traded to the Brewers. #Mets gave up Zack Wheeler and Wilmer Flores for Gomez #Brewers — Joel Sherman (@Joelsherman1) July 30, 2015 Flores, who has played for the Mets his entire career, was told about the rumor from fans in the stands and instantly got emotional. In the top of the eighth inning you can see Flores tear up while continuing to play second base. Surreal scene. Mets trade Wilmer Flores but leave him in game. Flores then cries on field while playing.
  • I’m A Little Emotional After Watching Devon Still Say Goodbye To His Daughter Leah Still Before Training Camp

    Nick Dimengo
    29 Jul 2015 | 5:30 pm
    Instagram Has there been a better story in sports over the past year than the Devon and Leah Still one? In case you’ve been living under a rock during that time, Leah, a five-year-old girl who has been battling cancer for the past year or so, has gained a lot of attention for her fight against the disease, helping raise money for research and support, with the news of her illness being in remission a good sign for everyone. With her dad playing for the Cincinnati Bengals, Devon Still has used his fame in a positive way, building awareness for both his daughter’s cause and others…
  • Gisele Bundchen Disguised Herself So She Could Secretly Inflate Her Deflated Boobs

    Nick Dimengo
    29 Jul 2015 | 4:40 pm
    Gisele Bundchen, Instagram Although Gisele Bundchen’s husband, Tom Brady, is under some serious fire for his alleged involvement of deflating footballs during last season’s AFC Championship Game, causing him to be suspended for four games in this upcoming campaign, the model hasn’t allowed that to get her down. More specifically, she hasn’t allowed her boobies to get down, as in sag, because Gisele, reportedly, went into a Paris plastic surgeon early this morning to perk up her formerly deflated breasts. Gisele donned a burqa to secretly get plastic surgery on her…
  • Ronda Rousey Says Her Body Wasn’t Developed To F*** Millionaires Because She’s Not A ‘Do Nothing Bi***’

    Jorge Alonso
    29 Jul 2015 | 4:29 pm
    In the second episode of UFC 190 ‘Embedded’, UFC female bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey had a message for those who criticize her body and say that she looks “masculine”. People like to say that my body looks masculine, I’m like listen just because my body wasn’t developed for a purpose other than fucking millionaires doesn’t mean it’s masculine. I think it’s femininely bad-ass as fuck because there isn’t a single muscle in body that isn’t used for a purpose because I’m not a do nothing bitch Gotta say I like Ronda the…
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    Regretful Morning

  • 30 Childhood Pictures of Famous Musicians

    29 Jul 2015 | 3:50 pm
    Love em' or hate em', celebs are people too, and they used to shit their pants just like us. Here are 30 Childhood Pictures of Famous Musicians.... The post 30 Childhood Pictures of Famous Musicians appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • Bride Gets Knocked Out With UFC Commentary

    29 Jul 2015 | 6:00 am
    Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg give a play by play as a groom completely destroys his wife on their first wedding... The post Bride Gets Knocked Out With UFC Commentary appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • Hot Girls on Jet Skis (30 Pics)

    29 Jul 2015 | 5:00 am
    There are few things we love more than a girl who likes a lot of torque between her legs and loves to get wet.  Here are 30 Hot Girls on Jet... The post Hot Girls on Jet Skis (30 Pics) appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • Russian Toddlers Get Hit By Car

    28 Jul 2015 | 6:00 am
    It must be shitty parenting week here at Regretful Morning.  Between the mom ignoring the out of order sign yesterday, or the Dad who tried to... The post Russian Toddlers Get Hit By Car appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
  • The 35 Greatest Butts on Pinterest

    28 Jul 2015 | 5:00 am
    Pinterest is best know as that website your girlfriend uses to start failed crafting projects from crap laying around the house.  Fortunately... The post The 35 Greatest Butts on Pinterest appeared first on Regretful Morning - Funny, Awesome, Sexy and Weird.
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  • How to Remove Skin Tags

    8 Jul 2015 | 7:49 am
    Chances are very high that sometime in your life you will find a skin tag on your body. But what is a skin tag? A skin tag is a very common and harmless small, soft skin growth. They occur on various parts of the body but love to grow in places with folds such as eyelids, neck and armpits. One person might have anywhere from one skin tag to over 100 skin tags at any stage of their life. Middle-ages, obese adults are more prone to having skin tags but newborn babies are also very likely to have one or two after birth. So now that we know what they are, let’s discuss what you really want to…
  • A Joke Is NOT Just A Joke, Man

    23 Jun 2015 | 4:44 am
    I took one of those tests last week. You know the ones–inventories, assessments, profiles, all of which claim to produce an accurate psychological snapshot of the human psyche (or at least to categorize our manner of learning, managing, socializing, etc.). The tests call these “styles,” as if to bestow an association with stretch limousines. As usual, the picture came out blurred. For instance, my cognitive preferences were “abstract concrete” (like a modern sculpture?). I disagree with this assessment, having found long ago that my preferred learning style…
  • Training With The Jokes Makes Winners

    15 Jun 2015 | 3:54 am
    Five reasons you’re afraid of humor in training…and why they won’t wash. Traffic school is a sort of state-sponsored penance for speeders and stop-Sign cruisers–regular folks like you and me who opt to sit through lectures on stopping distances and decapitation in return for keeping their tickets off the record. It’s a little like hell: Lots of people attend but nobody wants to be there. At one point, some traffic schools in California started hiring comedians to teach. (Yes, only in California.) It so happens that I used to be a comic. That’s how I wound…
  • Snoring: A Raging Epidemic, And Some Solutions

    11 Jun 2015 | 11:03 am
    Tons of anti snoring devices out there can help. Night has arrived, and so has the dreaded snoring. A massive 45% of Americans are snorers. This can be a significant problem to the one who has to sleep next to the person doing the snoring. In many cases, relationships and marriages can have problems that ultimately lead to someone having to sleep in a separate room. I am also fairly certain that this has a cascade of negative effects on a person’s life. From their self-esteem to a possible lack of attraction by their mate. Let’s face it, snoring isn’t sexy. However, with a number like…
  • Love Laughter, And Love Life

    7 Jun 2015 | 3:44 am
    Humor yourself. It’s no joke that laughter is good for your mind and body. It’s been a rotten day for Kara. She’s soaking wet because the rain and wind thrashed her umbrella to shreds. She just finished taking a history test that took her by surprise. Then her friend Ellie comes along and asks, “Trying to win the stringy hair contest today?” Kara looks at Ellie’s shiny, blond, perfectly styled hair and is tempted to give an angry reply, but decides the day has already been dismal enough. Instead she answers, “I already won that contest–plus the…
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    Beauty Tips For MinistersBeauty Tips For Ministers

  • Skin Care For Men

    26 Jul 2015 | 3:22 am
    I have a good friend/colleague staying with me and last night he told me that many years after he returns from our General Assembly, he vows to give himself a clay mask twice a week because “I don’t want to end up looking like those guys!” The thing about having clogged pores and a nose full of blackheads is that it looks dirty and literally is dirty. Clogged pores happen when we don’t wash our faces and exfoliate our skin properly, which is something that requires very little effort and attention. Some people have great skin naturally and don’t get congested…
  • Converting Regular Shirts Into Clericals: Call For Video

    18 Jul 2015 | 6:21 am
    Hi, darling colleagues, Rev. Ingrid from South Africa wrote with her thanks to you all for sharing your ideas on how to make clericals out of regular shirts here. But Ingrid says that she is a visual learner and I know that others are, too, so I want to invite any of you who have successfully converted shirts to make a video tutorial of how you did it, and we’ll share them here. Many thanks and much love. Kiss of peace, MWAH! PB Share This Hide Sites
  • You’re Not Walking Entertainment, And You Don’t Need That Much Attention

    17 Jul 2015 | 7:17 pm
    You don’t wear this on Animal Blessing Sunday. For the same reason that you don’t wear this on Music Sunday: And you don’t wear this around Easter: Because it’s corny, because you’re not walking comic relief, because you don’t shouldn’t need that much attention, and because we’re not living, walking entertainment. Share This Hide Sites
  • And The Shoes Of the People Did Cause Lamentation Unto the LORD

    17 Jul 2015 | 7:13 pm
    And they were clad in the shoes of grief and sorrow: For those who did manufacture the shoes respected not the Beauty of the Lord or of God’s people: And they did walk in the day grievously shod, And by night did they also look down to their feet and cry upon the LORD, Why have you forsaken us? Selah. Share This Hide Sites
  • Healthy Distance From Church And Ministry

    17 Jul 2015 | 7:07 am
    Hullo, darlings! The summer is here in Eastern Massachusetts and BOY, are we savoring it! Please remember that we were recently buried under eight feet of snow to understand how deeply we adore our flower-filled, salty-aired days and balmy nights. PB is on vacation intermittently through July and August and doing a huge amount of resting, reading, journaling, thinking, swimming and playing. I cannot recommend highly enough to all of you that you get some distance from church life if at all possible, and most importantly, GET AWAY FROM CHURCH TALK. One of the most important things I do in the…
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    The Junk Drawer

  • The Kathy Weight Loss FAQ

    9 Jul 2015 | 3:27 am
    Greetings, peeps! The Junk Drawer may be on life support, but we ain’t dead yet! I thought I would write a bit about my recent weight loss because people are noticing it and peppering me with questions about what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. I’m all about lazy, so the next time someone asks me, I can just send them the link to this post. So, what’s been going on? Well, I was fat and now I’m not so fat anymore. I’m down 32lbs (14.5kg/2.3 stone) since getting my crap together and taking weight management seriously. I have been at it for 15 weeks. I’m halfway to my goal. I…
  • “Hi, Guy Who Got the Weirdest Malware I’ve Ever Seen!”

    9 May 2015 | 6:38 am
    I’ve never been good at remembering names. Faces, yes. If I met you only once before, I can usually remember the context of the meeting. I’d probably even remember a lot about you if we spoke at length – where you work, what you do, your kids, places you vacationed. Whatever. But even if you gave me your name and I repeated it aloud during the conversation, it never seems to make its way to long term memory. You might as well ask me to remember pi to the 107th digit. Ain’t gonna happen. I had an exercise in name mortification this week at work. The problem with providing technical…
  • Any statisticians in the house?

    29 Dec 2014 | 8:45 am
    While out on my walk today I noticed a lot of obvious Christmas gift boxes and related paraphernalia on my neighbors’ curbs ready for trash pickup. You had the usual flat screen TV boxes, a Keurig box, some toy boxes and a host of plain shipping boxes. Also pizza boxes. My neighbors live on pizza apparently. But then. Then there was this: I laughed, of course. Someone either had a really good Christmas, or a really bad one. I kept on with my walk and about ten houses down the street, when what to my wondering eyes should appear? Can someone who knows stats tell me what the chances are for…
  • Memory Burn

    18 Nov 2014 | 4:08 pm
    Many of you know my husband Dave and I took a vacation to England in September. It was our second trip there in a 16-month period, lucky ducks we are. Whenever I get back from a whirlwind vacation, I think of blogging about it, but it just feels like too much work. Too much to document and I always wonder if I’ll remember everything or bore everyone, or both. So I decide not to write about it at all. But today I wanted to talk about the little moments of this vacation that pop into my head when my life is spinning, when people are getting on my last nerve, when I need to fling myself back…
  • We Have Cats Because They’re Not Dogs. And Yet…

    25 Oct 2014 | 5:16 am
    So I’ve never been a dog person. First, because I was attacked by a German shepherd as a child. That’ll turn you off dogs for good, lemme tell ya. Second, because dogs eat stuff they shouldn’t, break stuff and need to be taken out for walks. I’m a very easily annoyed and lazy person, so there you go. And yet, I appear to have a dog anyway. A new cat named Chloe, renamed Chewy. Why renamed Chewy? Because of this: This is the HDMI cable from our upstairs TV that suddenly wouldn’t work. Took 45 minutes on the phone with a perplexed RCN tech support guy before I realized the cable had…
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    Joel Klebanoff: Stuff & Nonsense » Joel Klebanoff: Stuff & Nonsense

  • 5 Wealth-Generation Rules

    Joel Klebanoff
    23 Jul 2015 | 6:06 am
    There are just five rules you need to know to earn imaginable wealth. Just five. Unfortunately, I don’t know any of them. Not one. In fact, I can’t even imagine what any of them might be. So, if that’s what you are looking for, look elsewhere. If your email inflow is anything like mine, the […]Possibly Related Posts:Shocking Secrets Women Don’t Want Me to KnowGet Rich Quick on the InternetStarbucks RulesSmartphone ObsessedItalian Roads and Sidewalks
  • Shocking Secrets Women Don’t Want Me to Know

    Joel Klebanoff
    15 Mar 2015 | 4:18 pm
    An email arrived in my inbox today with the subject line, “Shocking Secrets Women Don’t Want You To Know.” In it, the sender, whom the “from” line tells me is named Michael (I won’t provide his last name because Michael might want to keep his likely fictitious name a secret), informed me that he “recently discovered […]Possibly Related Posts:5 Wealth-Generation RulesAncient PornChoosing a Health Club or Gym60Approbation Inflation
  • Sole Mates

    Joel Klebanoff
    11 Nov 2014 | 8:12 pm
    I have what I think is a brilliant idea for an innovative web-based business. Notwithstanding my extreme angst over the risk of having the concept stolen by one unscrupulous jerk or another—or maybe both of them simultaneously, I want to put the notion out there for a crowd-sourced evaluation. Here it is: an online dating […]Possibly Related Posts:New SocksStarbucks RulesExercise ExcessHealthful MeditationThe Common Cold
  • Incomprehensible Contrasts: Gaza/17

    Joel Klebanoff
    23 Jul 2014 | 11:12 am
    Scientists have searched for years and billions of dollars have been expended, but there is still no cure for AIDS. There are drugs that can turn it into a chronic disease rather than a near-term death sentence. However, that is not a cure. As I understand it, it’s a life sentence of a brutal, rigorous […]Possibly Related Posts:Debunking Medical MythsNarrow MindednessAncient PornA Certain History?Insanely Religious
  • Narrow Mindedness

    Joel Klebanoff
    3 Feb 2014 | 2:22 pm
    I contend that most of us are narrow minded. As I wrote the previous sentence I had a vision of the fingers of the majority of the few people who come here immediately pouncing on their keyboards to pound out an exceptionally fervent agreement or disagreement with that statement. Or maybe they’ll get defensive and […]Possibly Related Posts:See Better Weight Loss ResultsImponderablesSun BlockHealthful MeditationThe Improbability of You
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    Weird News FilesWeird News Files » | The Weirdest News Ever

  • A Man Spent 18 Years Chasing After an Elusive Mustard Belt

    12 Jul 2015 | 5:05 pm
    In every contest, there is always a victor and a few heartbroken hopefuls who will go home with a downcast face. Eric “Badlands” Booker is no exception to this despite having won at numerous eating competitions. Booker has spent 18 years – since 1997 – chasing after the Mustard Belt of The World-Famous Nathan’s International Hot Dog Eating Contest, which is like the Super Bowl of competitive eating and happens every 4th of July on Coney Island. But he has never won. He got so close to winning the title and the $10,000 cash prize in 2002 when he bagged the 2nd place. But like all…
  • A Shocking Wedding between Two Robots in Love

    30 Jun 2015 | 6:10 pm
    Amidst the chaos brought about by the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States, a love story unfolded and ended at the altar over the weekend. You can say that the bride and groom will live happily after as soon as they tied the knot. But it’s not like any other wedding you know. The matrimonial rite was between two robots that clearly did not looked compatible, but still looked cute together. The two robots were wed in Japan over the weekend, and this could be the event that will confirm what anti-gay marriage advocates fear the most – humans could marry robots, animals or…
  • How Skinny Jeans can Land You in the Hospital

    24 Jun 2015 | 4:14 pm
    Skinny jeans have been in fashion for quite some time now. It’s stylish, easy to wear and can be paired with anything. However, skinny jeans that are too tight can be hazardous to your health. In fact, that vacuum-sealed feeling every time you wear a pair of these denims can suck the life out of you. This was the case of a woman in Australia who was rushed to the hospital after her swollen legs, brought about by squatting in these super tight jeans for several hours, prevented her from being able to walk. Her doctors said that the woman was wearing the tight-fitting clothing and was…
  • Man Robs a Bank with a Pretty Unusual Weapon

    16 Jun 2015 | 8:40 pm
    We’ve all seen all sorts of bank robberies in the news. Most of them would involve masked men carrying guns and other kinds of weapon to threaten the people inside the banks and intimidate them into giving them the cash they want. Of course, for fear of getting hurt or worse, killed, bank personnel would hand over the money to the robbers. An unusual robbery case was reported on Monday afternoon, which took place in Pennsylvania. The suspect was named Aaron Stein, 35 years old. Stein went to the PNC Bank on Monday afternoon and announced that he had an explosive device with him while…
  • Noise in Laundry Room Led Florida Man to Kidnap Neighbor

    9 Jun 2015 | 8:11 pm
    In Vero Beach, Florida, a woman was abducted at gunpoint by a 61-year old man. Authorities said a man named Leon Thurston kidnapped his neighbor early Sunday morning because she was too noisy while doing the laundry It was a fine Sunday morning when Jessica and David Scoville decided to wash their clothes at 5:30 AM. The couple went about their laundry as usual thinking that it was just another weekend. But after some time in their own laundry room, Mr. Thurston, a next-door neighbor, appeared in their doorway. The man then told the Scovilles they were being too loud Little did the couple…
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  • WTF Selfies Of The Day

    Cary McNeal
    9 Jul 2015 | 10:28 am
    Link from Jenee Libby.
  • 101 Pop Culture References From A Gen-X Childhood (Of The Day)

    Cary McNeal
    2 Jul 2015 | 10:37 am
    This is a piece I wrote for The Mid. How many of these do you remember? 1. Thanks for the gumball, Mickey! 2. Kowabunga! 3. Mr. Morton is the subject of the sentence, and what the predicate says, he does. 4. HEYYYY YOU GUYYYYYSSSSS! 5. Pret-ty sneaky, sis. 6. Tonight what heights we'll hit! On with the show, this is it! 7. Say that you'll never, never, never, need it. One headline, why
  • Lies That Parents Told Their Kids (Of The Day)

    Cary McNeal
    29 Jun 2015 | 10:52 am
    Thanks for the link, Rich Girl Red. From FB Troublemakers.
  • Disney Princesses With Steve Buscemi's Eyes (Of The Day)

    Cary McNeal
    22 Jun 2015 | 10:09 am
    From 9gag.
  • News: Oklahoma Man Pleads Guilty In 'Atomic Wedgie' Death

    Cary McNeal
    18 Jun 2015 | 9:06 am
    From Wedgie Death Monthly. Oklahoma Man Pleads Guilty In 'Atomic Wedgie' Death An Oklahoma man has pleaded guilty to manslaughter for killing his stepfather with an “atomic wedgie,” pulling the man’s own underwear over his head and causing him to suffocate. At a hearing Wednesday, he told the judge: “Things got out of hand.” On Monday, Brad Lee Davis, 34, pleaded guilty to first-degree
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    English Russia

  • One Crazy Robber

    29 Jul 2015 | 6:11 pm
    This jewelery shop robber was so funny that police investigators called him "crazy one". Here is why - he tried to avoid cameras and security sensors by crouching all the time on the floor and putting a masking comforter blanket … Read more...
  • No Justice for Migrant Workers

    28 Jul 2015 | 5:10 pm
    On this video footage some Russian kids treat immigrant workers from Southern ex Soviet republics as low as they can. "Where are you from? Where were you born? In Tajikistan? Then this is your present from Russia (slaps in a … Read more...
  • Russian Welder Girl is Famous on Instagram

    27 Jul 2015 | 12:24 pm
    So if you think most of Instagram girls become popular thanks to their selfies and bikini shots you gotta rethink it thanks to Elizaveta, Russian welder girl from Ekaterinburg who is popular on Instagram because of her welding skills. She … Read more...
  • Russian MiG-29 Jet Vertical Take Off

    27 Jul 2015 | 11:58 am
    Have you ever knew that Russian pretty old MiG-29s can do an almost vertical take off, like a space rocket? If you've never seen those planes doing this kind of a thing - then here is a short video, just … Read more...
  • A Rocket Exploded on the Boat

    27 Jul 2015 | 11:54 am
    A couple of days ago there was a navy parade, devoted to an anniversary of Russian navy. It took place in Sevastopol and warships had to fire rockets as a part of a demonstration. However once the missile was fired … Read more...
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    Strange Herring

  • A Strange Preview: “The Revenant”

    Anthony Sacramone
    29 Jul 2015 | 4:44 pm
    So after reading this Hollywood Reporter story about the sturm and drang of filming this thing, I was put in mind of tales that leaked from the sets of Apocalypse Now and from James Cameron’s The Abyss (an experience that proved so horrible, it made Ed Harris cry). Veteran crewmembers who have toiled on director Alejandro G. Inarritu’s The Revenant say the director’s follow-up to Birdman could turn out to be epic and Oscar-worthy. Some also say that making the film has been by far the worst experience of their careers — “a living hell,” as one bluntly…
  • A Strange Preview: “Spotlight”

    Anthony Sacramone
    29 Jul 2015 | 4:20 pm
    So we have here a drama based on the Boston Globe‘s Pulitzer work investigating the priest-pedophile scandal and the Church’s years of cover-up. Documentaries have been made about this already, such as Deliver Us from Evil and The Hand of God, as well as fictionalized accounts of child abuse in the Church in places like Newfoundland (The Boys of St. Vincent, with the Christian Brothers as the villains of that piece, although the brothers’ reputation for being vicious bastards precedes them pretty much throughout the British Commonwealth and the United States). Look,…
  • Two Strange Reviews: “The Jim Gaffigan Show” and “Impastor”

    Anthony Sacramone
    26 Jul 2015 | 5:40 pm
    So stand-up comic Jim Gaffigan has a new show, called The Jim Gaffigan Show, and it sucks. He plays a stand-up comic called Jim Gaffigan. Original, no? Well, if it sounds like Seinfeld, stop your ears. It is the anti-Seinfeld. It’s what Seinfeld would have been had it been written by the folks who brought you Supertrain, with the train about to run over its own premise. Gaffigan recently came out as a “Catholic,” or at least that’s how he described it to Keith Olbermann on Olbermann’s soon-to-be cancelled show, but in the context of the Gaffigan program, his…
  • What I Saw at Andrew and N.C. Wyeth’s Studios

    Anthony Sacramone
    26 Jul 2015 | 1:32 pm
    So it was my wife’s birthday, and she wanted to spend the day at the Brandywine River Museum—specifically touring the homes and studios of N.C. Wyeth and his son Andrew. The Wyeths are big here in the Brandywine Valley, and big in our family. Our house is home to several Wyeth prints, but more than that, my father-in-law’s family knew the Wyeths and Don remembers visiting N.C. Wyeth’s studio and home as a boy. My wife lost her father only this year (just a couple of weeks short of his 93rd birthday), and this tour was a means of connecting with that part of her…
  • A Strange Preview: Spectre

    Anthony Sacramone
    23 Jul 2015 | 6:34 am
    While not a huge fan of the Craig Bonds, this looks like fun — and with Christoph Waltz as Blofeld! If only the director were Quentin Tarantino — can you imagine what that dialogue would be like? Long, discursive asides, apropos of nothing, on British cinema, spy novels, and the business of sustaining a lucrative franchise! Tarantino should do an anti-Bond, not quite a parody but an homage that takes the character and genre in another direction. Imagine British super-spy Idris Elba spouting dialogue originally written for Samuel L. Jackson, saving what’s left of the Empire from the…
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  • Pugsley and Wednesday

    Kailee Graves
    29 Jul 2015 | 10:52 pm
    “My mom used to give us pet names (I’m not sure if that’s the name for it, but like when your parents have a special cutesy name for you that is embarrassing? I’m digressing.) Ours were Pugsley and Wednesday. She always wanted us to do this photo and we had flat out refused over and over again. One day in July, she starts braiding my hair and hands my younger brother a shoddily painted white shirt and told us to stand still “or else”. It was too late to attack her now so we relented. Those became the Holiday photos for at least 2 years. And she sent them to…
  • Cake Boss

    Kailee Graves
    29 Jul 2015 | 10:47 pm
    “When I grow up, I’m going to be like my grandmother.” (via source) “When I grow up, I’m going to be like my grandmother.” (via source) The post Cake Boss appeared first on
  • Permilicious Revisited

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:30 pm
    The ladies of “Permilicious” stopped by the Awkward Family Photos Museum Exhibition this week in Geneva, IL and we we want to thank them for sending us this photo. The ladies of “Permilicious” stopped by the Awkward Family Photos Museum Exhibition this week in Geneva, IL and we we want to thank them for sending us this photo. The post Permilicious Revisited appeared first on
  • Fallen

    29 Jul 2015 | 7:04 pm
    “I hear my 3 year old screaming, “Help! Mommy!” I ran to find him. Poor thing had forgotten to put his potty seat on and fell in the toilet. Of course, I had to take a picture before helping him out.” (submitted by Amanda) “I hear my 3 year old screaming, “Help! Mommy!” I ran to find him. Poor thing had forgotten to put his potty seat on and fell in the toilet. Of course, I had to take a picture before helping him out.” (submitted by Amanda) The post Fallen appeared first on
  • Cult Of Personality

    29 Jul 2015 | 5:14 pm
    “When I was about 5 (I’m 40 now) my parents thought it would be fun to take some weird pictures on a camping trip to send to their friends and family.  Apparently, we frightened the park ranger. The end result is a pretty fantastic family portrait.  I can’t decide if we look more like the missing three from Fleetwood Mac or the leaders of a cult.” (submitted by Jennifer) “When I was about 5 (I’m 40 now) my parents thought it would be fun to take some weird pictures on a camping trip to send to their friends and family.  Apparently, we frightened the park…
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  • roselysunset says FML

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:07 am
    Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
  • HF44 says FML

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:00 am
    Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML
  • fukingtigans says FML

    29 Jul 2015 | 8:30 am
    Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML
  • fack says FML

    29 Jul 2015 | 7:41 am
    Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML
  • Anonymous says FML

    29 Jul 2015 | 5:04 am
    Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML
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    Lowering the Bar

  • New TSA Administrator to Explain How Agency Will Fail Differently From Now On

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:33 am
    Good news, you guys—the TSA finally has a new administrator, a man who is said to be a smart and capable leader who should be able to develop new and creative ways in which the agency will fail. Vice-Admiral Peter Neffenger joined the agency on July 4 after a long and distinguished career with the U.S. Coast Guard, where he had risen to Vice-Commandant before apparently deciding to end his career at the TSA. He replaces acting administrator Melvin Carraway, who was "reassigned" after internal testing showed that TSA employees failed to detect guns and bombs approximately 95.7% of the…
  • Town Says It Will Prosecute Official (Part II)

    28 Jul 2015 | 4:31 pm
    Update: The Simolaris Incident was still infuriating people at this week's board meeting, according to a more recent report by the Lowell Sun. Simolaris and town manager John Curran argued about who had committed the greater sin, and the forum also had "its fair share of outbursts from residents, one of whom was escorted out by a police officer." Doesn't seem like the kind of thing that should generate fury, but I guess we've all got to be furious about something. As for whether Simolaris's paint job was "useful" and/or safe, reader Dan the Former Traffic Engineer notes that traffic markings…
  • Town Says It Will Prosecute Official Who Did Something Useful

    28 Jul 2015 | 8:57 am
    George Simolaris is a member of the Board of Selectmen (the town council) in Billerica, Massachusetts. According to him, some of the crosswalks around town have become unsafe because the paint has faded, and it's been taking forever to get the town manager and/or Board to repaint them. After more than six months of waiting, he says, he decided to help, so he went out last week and painted several of the crosswalks himself, at no cost to the city. He even used his own paint. Then they looked nice and were easy to see. For this, he will be prosecuted. Exactly why the rest of the board and the…
  • Judge Orders Defendant to Draw Him

    23 Jul 2015 | 12:16 pm
    According to the BBC (thanks, James), a judge in Northern Ireland has agreed to give a 16-year-old "one last chance" after the boy failed a drug test that showed he had (gasp!) consumed cannabis. After the boy's solicitor argued that his client was "bored" in school (presumably to explain why he had consumed cannabis) but did have an interest in art (also relevant), the judge decided to put that to the test. He granted bail, but said the boy would have to come to court for three days and draw lawyers. (Jail sounds better, frankly.) "You must bring with you a sketch pad and a pencil and you…
  • Danny Trejo Does a Lawyer Ad

    21 Jul 2015 | 9:44 am
    As always when I mention attorney advertising I'm only endorsing (or mocking) the ad itself, and don't have a position about whatever it's advertising. So having said that, I think Danny Trejo is awesome and that this is a pretty funny ad.   Even the disclaimer is pretty good: "Danny Trejo is not an attorney or a client. He's a paid badass." I was also amused by the understandable but rather stark contrast between that ad and the one he did for the Spanish-language market:   I'm a big fan of having him wear a shirt and so forth, but don't think they needed to take out all the…
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  • It Ain't Over Till The Deli Lady Puns - A Studio30+ Prompt

    7 Jul 2015 | 8:48 am
    Hi. I'm Deli Bacon. I'm not shitting ya, that's my name. You can call me bac, though, all my friends do. Get it? Call me back, return my call, you know. Anyway I work at the Deli at the Big Publix in the centre of town. And that's why they call me Deli. Could be worse. People mighta caledl me Ham Hocks or Pig's Feet or Blood Pudding or... well, you get the idea. So I'm happy to go with Deli.I'm gonna tell you a little story and you can save your comments 'till the end. Like that great orator Kanye would say "Imma let you finish but.."The story is about opportunity lost and how one of two…
  • Bibliofile - June 2015

    6 Jul 2015 | 8:47 am
    What was with the weather in June? I went fishing in the last week of the month and it must have been one of the coolest last weeks of that month on record. But the weather didn't deter me from reading 6 more books this year and now my total thus far is 40 books.My pace may have slipped as I've been binge-watching a lot of series on "Crave TV" lately. Things like Carnivale, HAPPYish, The Smoke, and The Fear. All quite good. Where were these series the first time around? Recent movies include This Is Where I Leave You, Still Alice, What Maise Knew and The Good Lie.DVDs I have in reserve are…
  • Driving An Automatic

    25 Jun 2015 | 1:38 pm
    How he came to be here he wasn't quite sure. He hadn't set out to be here. He was out for a drive with Dad and before he knew it here he was.It was like he had been on auto-pilot, something instinctive or automatic that had driven him here. He laughed at his own pun because actually it had been him that had been doing the driving. And it was an automatic.But it had all been a blur. Which wasn't good if he'd been behind the wheel. Nevertheless all seemed to have gone well because here he was, all in one piece."Well done" said his passenger, a portly middle-aged fellow. He jumped. Just where…
  • I'm Dying Here - A Studio30+ Prompt

    13 Jun 2015 | 12:25 pm
    You know, I think I'm quickly becoming a grumpy old man. My wife says so. I've reached the point where, just to warn her in a conversation I preface my outburst with "I'm gonna go to grumpy old man mode here..." and then let fly.I confess it's an affliction. I was never like this in my younger days. But now? Now I've got a word or two about almost anything. And don't get me started on today's so-called popular music or Quebec political party leaders. But what am I talking about?Like when you're driving down the street and the car in front of you abruptly turns, no signal, no warning. So I…
  • Bibliofile - Hell Toupee

    12 Jun 2015 | 8:22 am
    So here I am in the middle of the month, instead of the end of the month, talking about books. One book actually. A kind woman got hold of me on Twitter and asked me if I'd like a review copy of something called Hell Toupee. With the number of books I buy a month I jumped at the chance of reading something for free. And that worked both ways. I wasn't payed for this review (hint, hint).So we switched e-mails and I let her know my address. She told me it was by Mitch Friedman. I confess after I heard "Mitch" I was certain this was Mitch Albom's latest book. You know, the author of Tuesday's…
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    Ann's Rants

  • Join me Sunday at Arcadia Books! Also, LTYM Video Release!! Lastly, Washington Post!!!

    Ann Imig
    10 Jul 2015 | 12:23 pm
    photo by Melissa Austin DUCK AND COVER! I am coming at you on allllll of the platforms… VIDEO: Big news! Listen To Your Mother released our 2015 videos, adding 450 new stories of motherhood to our LTYMShow YouTube channel! Now our archives houses nearly 1500 videos from five seasons of LTYM shows. You can watch videos from the 6th annual Madison show here, then skip hop and jump around by city, reader name, keyword, or topic! Most enormous gigantic thanks to my business strategist and video producer Deb Rox plus online content manager Stephanie Precourt who’ve spent the past…
  • My Life in Hair: A One Act

    Ann Imig
    8 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    From long to short, from head to toe, I present MY LIFE in HAIR, MY HAIRSTORY! Scene 1: 1974; 6 pounds, 13 ounces OF HAIR Scene 2: No More Tears – Half a bottle of conditioner, one small girl Scene 3: Under the bubble dryer the acoustics are excellent! Scene 4: Off With Her Braids, On With The Bowl – From Fraggle to Hamill   Scene 5: If You Perm it, They Will Laugh Scene 6: Tales of a Fourth Grade Hairy Lou Retton Scene 7: Wedges Are For Lettuce Scene 8: Orange Is The New Blonde – When neither lemon nor Sun-In suffice (go for the strong stuff in your step-mom’s…
  • Perfectly Dad

    Ann Imig
    20 Jun 2015 | 8:11 pm
    My earliest memories of Dad: I sit by his knee as he strums his guitar and slaps the baseboard So hoist up the John B sails, see how the main sail sets, send for the captain ashore, I want to go home… and You’ve never seen such a sight in your life, and the little ones chewed on the bones-o bones-o, the little ones chewed on the bones-o. He blasts a trumpet to wake us on our birthdays even though he doesn’t play the trumpet. His cheeks feel scratchy just like the dad’s face in Pat The Bunny. Dad says: See you in the morning when the sun comes up and doooon’t beee…
  • You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Life-Saving Magical Turban, Annie

    Ann Imig
    10 Jun 2015 | 9:44 am
    I grew up rapt with the musical Annie. Like hordes of other 1980’s girls in love with nasal voices and sunburst arms, I dedicated my single-digit life to becoming Annie. I had an Annie sheet cake for my 9th birthday. I tortured my family with Annie. Annie became a call and response, with me serenading IT’S A HARD A KNOCK LIFE, FOR US! while doing imaginary back-handsprings (I could do the part at the end where you stand up) and my older siblings answering SHUT UP SHUT UP DAD PLEASE MAKE HER SHUT.UP. I sang Together At Last while unloading the dishwasher and Maybe while gazing out…
  • Why I Look Ten Pounds Lighter

    Ann Imig
    1 Jun 2015 | 3:17 pm
    Recently, I saw my friend Araceli Esparza. She remarked “You look ten pounds lighter!” My head immediately dropped to scan my body with curiosity. “Noooo, silly. You are always flaca, I mean you look like a new person–relaxed.” Araceli saw this: Instead of, say, this…   THE WEIGHT OF TREMENDOUS BEAUTY Araceli nailed it. Two weeks after LTYM 2015 ended, I did feel ten pounds lighter, and every ounce of it off my shoulders. Listen To Your Mother 2015 came with an enormous load of responsibility including the Weight of Tremendous Beauty. What is the…
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    FAIL Blog

  • News Anchors Ask Cara Delevingne Dumb Questions, Are Surprised When They Get Snarky Responses

    29 Jul 2015 | 2:00 pm
    Cara Delevingne had one ~awkward~ interview about her new movie "Paper Towns" this week. OK, sure she was being kind of rude to the news anchors. But the anchors were asking really dumb questions and were totally unprofessional. Cara said on Twitter Wednesday that "some people just don't understand sarcasm or the British sense of humour." Good for you @Caradelevingne Ask a lazy question, get a lazy answer.— Maisie Williams (@Maisie_Williams) July 29, 2015 See, even Arya in #TeamCara. Submitted by: (via Tristan Somers) Tagged: Local News , movies , celeb , news anchors , Video Share…
  • What If Education Careers Were Covered Like Sports?

    29 Jul 2015 | 1:00 pm
    Submitted by: (via Comedy Central) Tagged: teaching , key & peele , TV , pardoy , sportscenter , Video Share on Facebook
  • After a Woman Steals a Texas News Reporter's Credit Card, She Was Busted By Him On TV

    29 Jul 2015 | 12:00 pm
    Submitted by: (via FOX 4 News - Dallas-Fort Worth) Tagged: busted , stupid criminals , news , credit card , FAIL , Video , win Share on Facebook
  • After 14-Years This Man Shaves His Beard Off and His Family Has the Best Reaction

    29 Jul 2015 | 11:00 am
    Submitted by: (via BBRChannel) Tagged: beard , shaving , parenting , reactions , family , Video Share on Facebook
  • 10 Best #BatmanDatingProblems Twitter Uncovered

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:30 am
    Twitter user @McMannofthepeople hosts "Hashtag, You're It" every Tuesday morning. This week's hashtag of choice, #BatmanDatingProblems, took off in a hurry to become a top trending topic in under two hours. What else would you expect from a 3-time winner of @midnight's "Hashtag Wars"?Check out the top dating problems Twitter came up with for The Dark Knight. Submitted by: Tagged: twitter , list , hashtag , batman , dating Share on Facebook
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    The Bean

  • A Major Award

    20 Jul 2015 | 4:53 pm
    Last week my silly little book was named the winner of the Discovery Prize in the Poetry category of the 2014 Book Awards from the Writers’ League of Texas. This was a total surprise, for lots of reasons. Here are just a few: I’d completely forgotten that I’d entered this contest. I’d completely forgotten that this contest existed. After stumbling upon a couple of painfully bad reviews on Goodreads a few months ago, I’d been doing my best to forget that my book existed. These are serious awards for serious authors of serious books. The 2014 winners include Thunderstruck…
  • Customers Also Viewed…

    22 Dec 2014 | 12:32 pm
    Today is December 22nd or, as I know it, The Day That Amazon Prime Officially Owns All Our Asses. If you’re a lazy, disorganized fuck like me and now find yourself a slave to the corporate 2-Day Shipping gods, today is your last day to serve your Lord and Master and get that shit here by Christmas Eve so nobody’s crying the next morning because Santa didn’t come. One of the things Amazon offers while you browse the site for merchandise is the “Customers Also Viewed” feature. This section appears just below any item you view and can offer some great ideas for items that might be more…
  • Always Room for Chips

    22 Sep 2014 | 6:13 am
    I’ve eaten too much Not a single bite more can pass between these lips (Unless, of course, our server comes by and refills the tortilla chips.)
  • The Cosmo Quiz: Facial Hair Edition

    28 Aug 2014 | 6:00 am
    If you’re currently growing out your facial hair and considering the Full Beard + No Mustache option — but you’re unsure if this is the right look for you — please ask yourself the following questions: 1.  Are you Amish? 2. Are you Abraham Lincoln? 3. Are you a leprechaun? 4. Are you Uncle Sam? 5. Are you a Klingon? If you answered “yes” to one or more of the above questions, this look is totally appropriate for you. If you answered “no” to all of the above, but have already grown your facial hair out to this unfortunate style — Heads up,…
  • Target Store Opens More than Three Checkout Lanes; Shoppers Confused

    2 Aug 2014 | 9:10 am
    AUSTIN, TX—Shoppers used to waiting in long lines at a local Target store’s three open checkout lanes were baffled this Saturday when a fourth register was opened. “We all just stood there, staring at each other,” said Nina Martin, a mom of three who was fifth in line at Lane 26 in the Parmer/I-35 North location when the light for Lane 27 suddenly flashed on. “There were at least three people behind me and we all wanted to rush over there, but none of us did because we just couldn’t believe it.” Store manager Nicholas Strong made the unprecedented decision to open a fourth…
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    Unique Scoop

  • 30 Celebs And Their Twins From Hundreds Of Years Ago Will Make You Look Twice

    29 Jul 2015 | 8:47 am
    Peter Dinklage and Diego Velazquez's "Portrait of Sebastián de Morra"Jennifier Lawerence and her Egyptian twin-actress Zubaida TharwatOrlando Bloom and Nicolae GrigorescuAlec Baldwin and President Millard FillmoreJimmy Fallon and Mahir CayanLeonardo DiCaprio and Judy ZipperBruce Willis and WWII General Douglas MacArthurJustin Timberlake and this old time criminal.Sylvester Stallone and Pope Gregory IXJohnny Depp and german Philosopher Arthur SchopenhauerZach Galifianakis and Louis VuittonMacaulay Culkin and the young Vladimir PutinJack Black and Paul RevereMark Zuckerberg and Philip IVJay-Z…
  • 8 Insanely Dangerous Toys From The Past Will Leave You Speechless [Photos]

    29 Jul 2015 | 8:44 am
    GILBERT GLASS BLOWING SETKeep in mind that in order to be able to change the shape of the glass, first it has to reach its softening point, which is around 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit. The Gilbert Glass Blowing Set encouraged children to try this with their bare hands in order to carry out a series of wildly irresponsible experiments… GILBERT MOLTEN LEAD CASTING KITGilbert’s Kaster Kits (yes, Gilbert, the same people who gave you the glass blowing kit) allowed you to create your own army of tiny metallic minions … which sounds kinda awesome until you realize it involved casting them…
  • The Mediterranean coastline then and now (20 Pics)

    28 Jul 2015 | 7:46 pm
  • 35 Bill Cosby's Accusers Photographed on NY Magazine's Cover (36 Pics)

    28 Jul 2015 | 7:33 pm
    ore has changed in the past few years for women who allege rape than in all the decades since the women’s movement began. Consider the evidence of October 2014, when an audience member at a Hannibal Buress show in Philadelphia uploaded a clip of the comedian talking about Bill Cosby: “He gets on TV, ‘Pull your pants up, black people … I can talk down to you because I had a successful sitcom.’ Yeah, but you rape women, Bill Cosby, so turn the crazy down a couple notches … I guess I want to just at least make it weird for you to watch Cosby Show reruns. Dude’s image, for the most…
  • Behind The Scenes Trivia And Fun Facts About Classic Movies (30 pics)

    27 Jul 2015 | 3:32 am
    There's the story you see on the screen and then there's the story behind the story.Inception (2010)The running time of 2 hours 28 min is a reference to the original length of Édith Piaf’s song “Non, je ne regrette rien”, which lasts (on its first recorded edition) 2 minutes 28 seconds.The Terminator (1984)One afternoon during a break in filming, Arnold Schwarzenegger went into a restaurant in downtown L.A. to get some lunch and realized all too late that he was still in Terminator makeup – with a missing eye, exposed jawbone and burned flesh.Groundhog Day (1993)Bill Murray was…
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    HumorFeed | Published News

  • Celebrity Nuclear Experts Promote Obama Iran Deal | The Barbed Wire

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:20 pm
    In an effort to persuade Americans to contact their elected representatives to tell them to PLEASE! support his awesome nuclear deal with Iran, President Obama has enlisted Hollywood's best and brightest to promote the deal. Whether it’s climate science, income equality, or nuclear diplomacy, celebrities have always been the best source to get your information from.
  • Zimbabwe Unable to Locate Impotent White American in Possession of Lion's Head

    29 Jul 2015 | 9:58 pm
    ZIMBABWE (The Nil Admirari): The nation of Zimbabwe today announced it was unable to find American dentist Dr. Walter J. Palmer, who reportedly paid at least $50k to lure a 13-year-old lion named Cecil out of his sanctuary at Hwange National Park in order to kill and decapitate him. The white American male in possession of a lion's head has somehow alluded Zimbabwe officials, and gone into hiding after his failed attempt to cure his bedroom impotence - by killing Cecil - ignited worldwide outrage.
  • GUEST COLUMN: “My Tiny Dick Won’t Make Itself Hard” – Walter Palmer, Big Game Hunter

    29 Jul 2015 | 5:09 pm
    You need to understand, I pay tens of thousands of dollars to hunt and kill beautiful, majestic creatures in the wild not because I want to but because I have to.
  • Cop Who Shot Unarmed Black Man Just Relieved He Didn’t Kill Lion | Broken World News

    29 Jul 2015 | 3:57 pm
    JACKSON, Mississippi—Officer Clyde Harris, a twelve-year veteran of the Jackson Police Department who earlier this year was exonerated after fatally shooting an unarmed black man, has admitted to colleagues and those closest to him that, even though he has faced intense criticism from various groups and individuals across the nation, he feels extremely fortunate that…
  • Beyond Bollocks | The Sleaze | UK News Satire and Humour

    29 Jul 2015 | 3:18 pm
    Hollywood stars complain at being ignored by Islamic terrorists, disgraced weatherman's x-rated forecasts and Mel Gibson - at least he's not a scientologist! All the top completely made up gossip.
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    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • Antiques
    30 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    A senior citizen was clearing out his attic when he came upon an old painting and a violin. Thinking they might be valuable, he took them to the auction house to be valued. After studying them, the appraiser said, "Mr Cooper, I have good news and I have bad news." "What's the good news?" the senior asked. "The good news is that you have a Stradivarius and a Picasso," replied the appraiser. "Fantastic! What's the bad news?" "Well sir, the bad news is that Stradivarius was a very bad painter and Picasso was no good with violins." Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
  • The Most Important Discoveries
    29 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    Man discovered weapons, invented hunting. Woman discovered hunting, invented furs. Man discovered colors, invented painting. Woman discovered painting, invented make-up. Man discovered speech, invented conversation. Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip. Man discovered agriculture, invented food. Woman discovered food, invented diet. Man discovered friendship, invented love. Woman discovered love, invented marriage. Man discovered trade, invented money. Woman discovered money, man has never recovered. Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
  • Treadmill
    28 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    My friend hates to exercise, which means the treadmill in her bedroom barely gets used. Nevertheless, she swears by it. "It really works," she told me. "I throw my jeans over it and they get smaller." Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
  • Times Like These
    27 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    "You know, it's at times like these when I'm trapped in an airlock with an alien and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!" "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don't know, I didn't listen!" From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Received from leon_taylor.
  • Missed Most
    24 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    A young man I had a crush on returned home from a long overseas tour of duty in the Army. As we talked, he told me with great sincerity how glad he was to be back. My heart flew, and I asked him what he had missed most. He looked into my eyes and replied, "Wheel of Fortune." - from Reader's Digest, "Humor In Uniform," by K.T. Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
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    The Velvet Blog

  • This coffe is bad.

    19 Jul 2015 | 12:38 pm
    There's a joke-writing bot that just spits this shit out, I guess? When the coffe's bad, I talk myself into thinking it's because it's got double the caffeine.— Josh Boucher (@OneOfTheJoshes) July 10, 2015 When the coffe's bad, I talk myself into thinking it's because it's got double the caffeine.— Samantha Ivey (@IActuallyAmSam) July 10, 2015 When the coffe's bad, I talk myself into thinking it's because it's got double the caffeine.— Amanda Vick (@CitizenAmanda) July 10, 2015 When the coffe's bad, I talk myself into thinking it's…
  • Good times.

    19 Jul 2015 | 12:11 pm
    Remember when you could dramatically slam your flip phone closed to end a conversation? Good times.— Valerie Nichols (@ThatsValsTweet) July 15, 2015 Remember when you could dramatically slam your flip phone closed to end a conversation? Good times.— Andi W (@AndithingGoes) July 15, 2015 Remember when you could dramatically slam your flip phone closed to end a conversation? Good times.— Victoria Mitchener (@VeniVidiVickie) July 15, 2015 Remember when you could dramatically slam your flip phone closed to end a conversation? Good times.— Alexandra Rourke (@SoTweetedAlex)…
  • get it together twitter

    3 Mar 2015 | 1:22 pm
    it’s almost 2015 and food can still make you fat get it together science— Eric J. Rinaldi (@Eric_Rinaldi7) December 16, 2014 it’s almost 2015 and food can still make you fat get it together science— Relatable Quotes (@RelatableQuote) October 21, 2014 it’s almost 2015 and food can still make you fat get it together science— what (@chanelpuke) October 23, 2014 it’s almost 2015 and food can still make you fat get it together science— no (@tbhjuststop) October 23, 2014 it’s almost 2015 and food can still make you fat get it together science— anti joke apple…
  • This blog post does not exist

    5 Oct 2014 | 1:24 pm
    So, those two pieces I wrote for issues 17 and 18 of the Cashiers du Cinemart zine have been posted online. My piece on the terrible movie After Last Season is here, and my article on how Michael Powell adapted the novel They're a Weird Mob is here. And you imagined this blog post. Spooky, huh?
  • Or, "cream plectrums" could be an unfortunate medical condition

    14 May 2014 | 3:35 pm
    Some random person followed me on Twitter this afternoon. She has 12,000 followers, but when you look at their names, you can tell they're mostly bots, with names formed in a game of Twitter Mad Libs. But, oddly, most sound like they could be band names for specific niches. Below, a partial list, followed by suggested genre: criticize_lymph: Shoegaze.vacuum_afterglo: New age.ideal_corpuscl: Heavy metal cover band from Eastern Europe.Indian_bamboozl: Fake world music.liver_looter: Bar band.reject_blouse: Riot grrrrl.conclusion_clam: High school garage band.breath_garbolog: EDM.baby_coincident:…
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    Futility Closet

  • Patreon

    Greg Ross
    29 Jul 2015 | 12:30 pm
    Want more Futility Closet? You can get bonus posts and other rewards by signing up to support Futility Closet on Patreon, where you can pledge a recurring donation to help keep the site going. I greatly appreciate every contribution, and I’ve set up some benefits to help thank you for your support — in particular, if you pledge at least $3 a month, you’ll receive 10-15 bonus posts each month, emailed directly to you. You can also make a one-time contribution via the Donate button at the bottom of the sidebar. Thanks for your help, and thanks for reading! Please support…
  • Knife Act

    Greg Ross
    28 Jul 2015 | 11:48 pm
    I have just baked a rectangular cake when my wife comes home and barbarically cuts out a piece for herself. The piece she cuts is rectangular, but it’s not in any convenient proportion to the rest of the cake, and its sides aren’t even parallel to the cake’s sides. I want to divide the remaining cake into two equal-sized halves with a single straight cut. How can I do it? Click for solution … Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!
  • Unquote

    Greg Ross
    28 Jul 2015 | 12:01 pm
    “If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” — Will Rogers Please support Futility Closet on Patreon!
  • Mail Tale

    Greg Ross
    27 Jul 2015 | 11:05 pm
    I’m a stamp — A postage stamp — A two-center; Don’t want to brag, But I was never Licked, Except once: By a gentleman, too; He put me on To a good thing: It was an envelope — Perfumed, pink, square; I’ve been stuck on That envelope Ever since; He dropped us — The envelope and me — Through a slot in a dark box; But we were rescued By a mail clerk, More’s the pity; He hit me an awful Smash with a hammer; It left my face Black and blue; Then I went on a long Journey Of two days; And when we arrived — The pink envelope and me — We…
  • Podcast Episode 67: Composing Beyond the Grave

    Greg Ross
    27 Jul 2015 | 5:27 am
    In 1933, violinist Jelly d’Aranyi declared that the spirit of Robert Schumann was urging her to find a concerto that he’d written shortly before his death in 1856. In this episode of the Futility Closet podcast we’ll describe the discovery of Schumann’s lost violin concerto, as well as a similar case in which a London widow claimed to receive new compositions from 12 dead composers. We’ll also puzzle over how a man earns $250,000 for going on two cruises. Sources for our feature on Jelly d’Aranyi and Rosemary Brown: Joseph Macleod, The Sisters…
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    Best Clean Funny Jokes

  • First night out after the birth of the baby

    29 Jul 2015 | 6:01 am
    When is it time to go home from their first night out after the birth of the baby? The father knows the perfect time … Some months after the birth of their first baby, the mother and father went out for the first time.  The mother, understandably, was anxious about returning to her baby, but when she mentioned returning early her husband replied, “No, honey, it’s not time to head back yet.” After the main course, the mother suggested again returning home.  The father replied, “It’s far too early; it’s not time to head back yet.” After dessert, the mother again suggested…
  • A small boy’s first haircut

    29 Jul 2015 | 5:19 am
    A small boy’s first haircut – A small boy wants to be like his father – even when getting his hair cut Barber: Well, son, how would you like your hair cut? Small Boy: Just like my Dad’s, and be sure to leave that little round hole on the top where his head comes through.   The post A small boy’s first haircut appeared first on Best Clean Funny Jokes.
  • The efficiency expert

    28 Jul 2015 | 8:47 am
    The efficiency expert – Sadly, there are efficiency experts just like this – as well as government workers just like this An efficiency expert walked up to two clerks in a Government office in Washington.  “What do you do here?” he asked the first man. The clerk, fed up with years worth of red tape, buck-passing, meaningless forms, office politics and especially efficiency experts, snapped back “I don’t do a thing around here!” The efficiency expert nodded, and made a short notation in his notebook.  He ten turned to the other clerk and asked, “And what’s your job…
  • The AWOL sailor’s punishment

    28 Jul 2015 | 8:37 am
    The AWOL sailor’s punishment – Actually, this is a build-up to a truly atrocious pun — must reading! A sailor had gone AWOL one evening. When he was trying to board ship not long after midnight, the Chief Petty Officer, who was making his rounds spotted him. The Officer was not happy at this sight, and bellowed, “Where the devil have you been, Sailor?!” The sailor tried to utter an excuse, but the Officer interrupted him. “I don’t want to hear another word out of you, Sailor! Come with me, NOW!” and turned on his heel, with the sailor following not too far behind. The…
  • New Baskin Robbins flavor – Barocky Road

    28 Jul 2015 | 7:41 am
    New Baskin Robbins flavor honoring Barack Obama — Barocky Road In honor of the 44th President of the United States , Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: Barocky Road. Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow. The cost is $100.00 per scoop. When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken away and…
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    Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy

  • Welcome to Tonight's Mayan Human Sacrifice!

    Tom Guthrie
    26 Jul 2015 | 9:26 am
    Article by Tom Guthrie Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to tonight's Mayan Human Sacrifice! I'm Shecky Quetzalcoatl and it's my honor to be your Master of Ceremonies.And what a program we have planned! A terrified young virgin will be forcibly restrained while her heart is ripped, still beating, out of her chest, while she endures an unimaginably gruesome demise.But first, a word from our sponsor! Tonight's festivities are brought to you by "Gonorrhe-Os", the cereal you're just itchin' to finish. So let's get right to the big show.Hey, how many Aztecs does it take to screw in a light…
  • Advice for Every Age from 1 to 20 Years Old

    Ashley Garmany
    21 Jul 2015 | 5:07 pm
    Column by Ashley Garmany With my birthday less than a week away, and as the horrifying age of ** approaches like I would Kevin Bacon (barring the restraining order)... you know, slow at first as I don't want to startle him, but with increasing prowess and Kenny Loggins' "Footloose"playing in the background as I pounce... where was I going with this? I lost myself at Kevin Bacon. Bacon. Birthday. Yes, my birthday is just around the corner, and I've been doing some serious contemplation as this is a milestone year for me: this is the year I turn 21. Okay, 23? 25? Alright, we'll say…
  • Why the Beach Blows

    Charles Hartley
    19 Jul 2015 | 8:12 pm
    Article by Charles Hartley You step into the ocean. You wonder what insensitive, sociopathic creatures are swimming around your feet. Maybe a shark. Maybe minnows. Maybe horseshoe crabs. They're all scary. They can all do you harm. They don't care about you. They don't know you and would rather eat you than get to know you. This alone is disconcerting.You then step on what feels a greased watermelon. It's some tar. You hate it when there's tar on the ocean. This started when you were a kid and not as fearful of things as you are now, an aging adult devoid of a spine. You wish you could be…
  • Rising Indie Band Seeking New Bandmate Who Interviews Well

    Lucas Gardner
    16 Jul 2015 | 8:08 pm
    Article by Lucas Gardner We're an indie-pop band with folk-rock elements and we've been gaining a lot of traction lately. We've received a lot of positive buzz on various music blogs and have gotten booked on some festivals and as a result we've been doing a lot of press. We didn't realize this until we started doing interviews, but we are all incredibly nervous on camera. If we are being 100% honest with ourselves, we are astoundingly uncharismatic. In fact those are the exact words of several Internet commenters: "Astoundingly uncharismatic." In most interviews we freeze up and…
  • The Donald Trump Rap

    Alena Dillon
    15 Jul 2015 | 5:07 pm
    Article by Alena Dillon After a series of ridiculous sound bites, Donald Trump gave me no choice but to compile his quotes into a rap (along with a few additions for transitions). It wasn't all that difficult to put together really; the nature of his language naturally lent itself to the arrogant tone of hip-hop.Donald Trump is in quotes, help from his unofficial team is in between. (None of the below viewpoints reflect those of the author.)"I have a Gucci store worth more than Romney."I chew on rhymes and spit 'em out like Kanye."I'm a bit of a P. T. Barnum; I make stars of…
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    Sher Bailey

  • Hey Mommy: You’re an Internet Assh@le

    29 Jul 2015 | 12:43 pm
    Hey Women Who Are Bashing My Daughter,  I appreciate the pageviews and share-love you’ve given my daughter’s recent blog post about her choice not to introduce her own daughter to The Little Mermaid. Once it was shared on Facebook, holy shitballs. The internet lady-hate started rolling in from truly awesome Moms who realized they would be even MORE awesome if they accused Liz of being a horrible parent, of being a lazy, stay at home Mom with no intelligence, and they served it all up on a chilled platter of “I feel so sorry for your kids, that they would have a Mom…
  • Blogher15 in NYC

    20 Jul 2015 | 11:45 am
    Kitten and I attended BlogHer 15 in NYC this past weekend. It was phenomenal. Imagine yourself in a space filled with hundreds of incredibly smart women all with their ass-kicking shoes on and you’ll begin to understand the vibe. Here’s my trip to BlogHer summed up in pictures & video. If you’re looking for pics of tall buildings there is always Google image search. PS: All native New Yorkers receive $14.87 each time they honk a horn or slap the back of a car with their hand. I believe we’re talking one annual lump sum here, but it’s possible they are paid…
  • 8 Things Guys Should Never Wear If They Ever Want Sex With an Actual Human Woman

    21 Jun 2015 | 8:26 am
    Occasionally I write as a public service. I get a warm feeling knowing the world is a better place because I told it what to do. Today’s helpful hints from Sher are especially for men. More specifically, guys and the things they are currently wearing that they should immediately stop wearing.  I’m saying even when (not if) you’ve been left for dead in a frozen tundra for 5 days and happen upon an inviting and arguably life-giving heap of these 8 things, you should not put them on your popsicle body. I do realize the guys I’m talking to here couldn’t care…
  • My Daddy

    19 Jun 2015 | 2:07 am
    My Daddy An essay by Sherri Lynn Bailey My Daddy is the best Daddy in the whole world. He’s big, and tall, and smart, and he can fix anything. I think he could even fix the biggest thing a person could break. My Daddy is funny. He makes me laugh. He thinks he’s not funny, but that makes him even funnier. He says things that turn my giggle box over. Things like, “Even a blind hog’ll get an acorn once in awhile,” and “If I tell you the dewberries is ripe, you better git a bucket and commence to pickin’.” Sometimes my Daddy says “You remember…
  • Menopause {and The Texas Institute for the Study of Saliva and Wolverine Cravings}

    12 Jun 2015 | 4:14 am
    I am in the midst of Menopause. What I really mean to say is… “I FEEL LIKE I COULD KILL A WOLVERINE WITH MY BARE HANDS AND EAT ITS BRAINS!” Naturally I called Pharmacist. “I AM GOING TO KILL A WOLVERINE WITH MY BARE HANDS IF YOU DON’T FIX THIS!” He said okay and then he wet himself. Long story short, I had to spit in tiny vials for an entire day and ship them off to The Texas Institute for the Study of Saliva and Wolverine Cravings. Once they did whatever it is spit scientists do, Pharmacist called with the results which explained my propensity for…
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    The Last King Of Shambhala

  • New Comic! Spies, Lies and Mysteries - Part 1

    Daniel Newton
    24 Jul 2015 | 10:29 pm
    Hello :-) Today I wanted to share with you, since you're one of my awesome subscribers, a comic I created last year. This comic is the first issue in a series I am planning to develop, depending on the response I get from you.  I have broken the issue into two parts, sharing the first part today, and the second next Friday/Saturday. At this stage I won't say too much before you read it, but
  • Spot the Difference II - back by popular demand...

    Daniel Newton
    18 Jul 2015 | 5:19 pm
    Hey reader!! Back by popular demand, another 'Spot the Difference' game I created for a funky magazine. If you missed the last one I shared, you can see it by clicking here. There's 10 differences to be found, and they are slightly harder than the previous game.  Answers below the pic.  Happy hunting! :-) Daniel P.S. This coming Friday/Saturday (depending on where you are in
  • Donatello fan art - originally a picture I drew for my nephew that came upon some artistic ooze and mutated into something worth sharing with you!

    Daniel Newton
    4 Jul 2015 | 6:52 am
    Drew a picture of Donatello for one of my wonderful nephews, and then I thought I'd colour him in and share it with you, my wonderful reader! :-) I've given him quite muted colours, a simple background that makes him pop out ... ... and taken inspiration from all the depictions of Donatello since Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird brought him to the page
  • Spot the Difference - a funky, fun, eye-feast game with my art...

    Daniel Newton
    28 Jun 2015 | 2:52 am
    Hey my lovely reader!!  How are you?! :-D It's been a while since we've chatted, hope you are having a freaky fantastic time and not been missing me too much :-P ...  (I'm working on some very exciting stuff for you, and so haven't had a chance to say hello on my blog, but don't worry, I'll be a better blog friend). Below is a 'Spot the Difference' game I created for a magazine out of
  • Batman v Superman Fan Art ... by Daniel Grant Newton

    Daniel Newton
    8 Jun 2015 | 5:26 pm
    From the desk of: Daniel Grant Newton DGN Productions Okay, so it's about ten months away, but I am super excited about seeing Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.  As anyone who knows me knows, I love Batman, the Justice League and all DC Comics.   If the movie is even half as good as the comics or DC animated movies/series, it'll probably become one of, if not my favourite movie. So in
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  • Inside Mitchieville

    Fenris Badwulf
    22 Jul 2015 | 4:56 pm
    Sargon of Akkad. We need more like this.
  • Dancing under the Mango Tree

    Fenris Badwulf
    12 Jul 2015 | 8:39 am
    Do not be so glum. Why worry? Your taxes are the lowest you will ever see before they get higher and higher and never, ever, come down. Enjoy this moment. Come, dance under the mango tree! As we speak, the forces of Social Justice are seeking to disturb the bones of Nathan Bedford Forrest. Back in the past, our white racist rapist ancestors had opinions about disturbing places of burial. But, ha ha ha, our present atheist rulers have no beliefs in things like bringing the dead back to life, or unleashing angry spirits whose rest has been disturbed. To even suggest such a thing is a micro…
  • Boutique – It’s Your Future

    The Mayor
    24 Jun 2015 | 5:40 am
    So you have finally decided to say screw you to *The Man* and are finally ready to open up your own business. Good for you. You have a novel idea, you have unlimited energy, and so much passion that family members and friends can’t stand being beside you because you bore the shit out of them with your incessant ramblings about how *awesome* your new store is going to be. First of all, drop the word *awesome* – it is possibly the most overused word ever in the English language (show of hands – how many people, when hearing the word *awesome*, want to smash the face in of said…
  • From the Desk of the Darklord

    Fenris Badwulf
    26 May 2015 | 1:20 pm
    Poor Big Red. If only she had consulted a reputable astrologer to warn her of the her choice of hair color. Now she is famous as the face of harpy feminism. Oh well. You can hunt down her multiplying images across the internet. Physically, she seems to have dropped off the face of the planet. I suspect she has changed her hair color. Probably works in Human Resources somewhere where she can castrate men in a official capacity. Poor Bahar Mustafa. Kinda kicked up a shit storm with her #Killallwhitemen indiscretion. Scotland Yard is investigating, apparently. While not as cartoonable as Big Red…
  • Summer Travel Plans

    Fenris Badwulf
    22 May 2015 | 8:58 am
    After some thought, family plans to vacation in Baltimore have been cancelled. After all, if the progressives cannot actually pay their minions, then why go paid protesting? I was so looking forward to taking advantage of the cheap hotel rates brought on by the economic collapse in that city. So, the next question that comes up at the family dining table is where to go vacation. Gosh, I do not have a crystal ball, but I suspect that the racist, black killing police will be adopting a hands off, ’safe space for looting’ approach to law enforcement. Which is to say, there will be a…
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    Noise to Signal


    11 Jul 2015 | 4:18 pm
    There’s a difference between “personal” and “personalized.” Those of us in communications have a habit of throwing around terms like “engagement,” “conversation” and “relationship” – when what we really mean is “clicks and Likes,” “getting bombarded with our bumpf” and “database record.”  We should stop, unless we’re willing to put the work into backing up those words with meaning. People can usually tell the inside of a conversation from the inside of a sales funnel.   This one…
  • Lightning adapter

    9 Jul 2015 | 11:14 pm
    I’m seriously going to have to turn in my geek credentials. I honestly thought he was still called Captain Marvel. Turns out he’s now going by Shazam—because apparently the only thing more powerful than Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles and Mercury is a Marvel Comics trademark lawyer. Hey! There’s a book coming out from two of the sharpest minds in podcasting, Donna Papacosta and Steve Lubetkin, with a slew of new cartoons from yours truly. The Business of Podcasting hits the Kindle bookshelves on July 31—more on this soon!   See more cartoons about social…
  • It had to be you, +1derful you

    29 Jun 2015 | 12:02 am
    “Love doesn’t mean you retweet everything your significant other says. It means having the honesty to retweet only when you mean it. That’s the difference between love and Like.” From my forthcoming advice book on relationships and social media, I’m OK; You’re— Wait, You’re Only a 22 on Klout So I’m Afraid It’s Over. — Love was in the air this week. And in the aftermath of the U.S. Supreme Court’s landmark decision on marriage equality, I was struck by the celebratory mood online. (Well, outside of Bryan Fischer’s…
  • Collaborative Economy, meet the Internet of Things

    25 Jun 2015 | 10:34 am
    As I’m typing this — literally as I’m typing this — I’m realizing my Fitbit Flex has fallen off. (I’ll admit, I noticed the strap was showing some strain, and I failed to act on it.) (Update: Alex found it!) Pity, because if I could make this kind of business work, I’d do it in a heartbeat. (And I would then track that heartbeat.) I love walking. I’m starting to get tedious at work with my constant suggestions that we turn everything into a walking meeting: brainstorming, strategic planning, repairing the printer—whatever. Meanwhile, guess what!
  • I need my space

    11 Jun 2015 | 12:34 am
    You’ve probably come across complaints about manspreading: guys taking up more than their allotted space on crowded buses and trains by sitting with their knees apart. Not just apart, but way apart. Some men have tried to justify this by explaining that our external plumbing needs a generous allotment of space. Bring our knees too close together, and things get squeezed. Hell, if we tried to take up only one of those little seats, something would probably burst. This is, of course, nonsense. (Men have concealed this for centuries, but our secret is that we can actually retract the whole…
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    Words, Pictures, Humor

  • Gratefully Grumpy

    20 Jul 2015 | 8:38 pm
    The very first week that I submitted cartoons to the New Yorker was in June 0f 2002. I took the train down from Boston and took this issue back home with me: So Harry Bliss‘ public library lion has always kind of been on my brain. It’s a great image. One day this spring after I had been in Bryant Park I was revisiting those lion statues and thought of this idea, which eventually made it’s way online and into the magazine this week.   The cat is the well-known public figure whose name is actually Tardar Sauce (according to her Wikipedia page which will be longer than…
  • #FridayReads

    22 May 2015 | 8:03 am
  • Word wizarding

    13 Apr 2015 | 3:42 pm
    I did a bit of self-correction on my most recent published cartoon, I think for the better. This is a way-too-long explanation of it, but it’s not my typical gag. Last month I was thinking about wizards, as cartoonists sometimes find themselves doing, and how their robes are portrayed with moons and stars and planets and such. There was something to that, I thought; like maybe they were better suited to being astronomers. Or weathermen, which is funnier. I don’t know what those numbers are to the right of him, but I think that for a minute I was considering a stock market wizard,…
  • Holding the mustard

    13 Apr 2015 | 1:39 pm
    I’m not sad to see winter say goodbye, but I am disappointed that I’ll have nowhere to write my initials in the snow. For a few months, at least.
  • Speaking of speech

    25 Mar 2015 | 10:44 pm
    Recently I was asked by my alma mater to participate in a panel discussion regarding the many threats to free speech at the hands of terrorism.  We are all acquainted with the brutal and troubling ways in which this threat has played out in recent months. The panel happens April 6 at The College of William & Mary, so if you’re in the area, feel free to stop by and say hello. The alumni magazine thought it would be great to do a cover story on the same topic, and it made sense that I’d illustrate it. In terms of imagery, there are few things that have been done to death as…
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    Humor Volcano RSS Feed

  • Nun Has Orgasm During Beaver TSA Pat-Down

    30 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    The TSA's new anti-terrorist screenings now require more invasive hands-on pat-downs. Such extensive physical contact, particularly upon little old ladies, has led to increasing instances of surprise sexual orgasm, especially among nuns. [Satire]
  • New Workplace Scream Room® A Huge Stress-Busting Success

    30 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    Researchers recently proved that loud cursing reduces stress. Taking full advantage, a new soundproof Workplace Scream Room, where angry employees can safely vent in complete privacy, has just been launched. [Satire]
  • Obscene College Football Halftime Show Shocks Nation

    30 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    The entire nation is shocked when, for its director's ultimate act of revenge, a marching band performs a choreographed halftime routine showing a huge penis masturbating onto the face of the rival team's mascot. [Satire]
  • Christine O'Donnell Bloodies Delaware Democrat On Election Eve

    30 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    A Delaware Democratic Party resident was left a bloody, dazed mess after a U.S.Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell-inflicted injury as he reached into his mailbox on this 2010 mid-term election eve. [Satire]
  • Mobsters Behind 2010 Dallas Cowboys Embarrassment?

    30 Jul 2015 | 12:00 am
    Due to the horrid Dallas Cowboys football season thus far, the only happy people in Texas this fall are in the brown paper bag industry. They're so wildly successful, in fact, that the Mob is suspected to be intimately involved throughout. [Satire]
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    Thoughts From Paris - Humor Blog - Funny Blog | RSS Feed

  • My Rear End is Imperfect and Needs Medical Attention

    D.J. Paris
    22 Jul 2015 | 7:00 am
    I am getting a colonoscopy. If I rated medical procedures based on hilarity, colonoscopies would make my top ten. Not as funny as calf implants for dudes or ladies getting liposuction on their toes, but close. You wouldn’t believe the images I had to search through to find two that didn’t make me retch. “So, what’s the deal with my b-hole, doctor?” The proctologist had just spent a good four minutes rooting around my fanny with several instruments. One of which was his finger. After he took my dignity with his digit, he announced that additional tools were…
  • I Now Wear These Super Sexy Undershirts (That Cover Up My Grossness)

    D.J. Paris
    30 Jun 2015 | 7:00 am
    I have dry feet. Well, not feet so dry that the skin cracks and you need to dunk them in Noxema. My feet just don’t get sweaty. Like ever. Honest injun! Same with my pits. They don’t sweat. To prove this I didn’t wear deodarant for an entire year. I told only two people – my (now) ex-wife and the one person I managed at a previous job. I got them together for a drink at a local pub – this way I only had to explain once. I’m going to do this. If you smell anything, and I mean anything – even if it’s just your mind playing tricks on your nose, you…
  • I Did Yoga for the First Time and Holy Shit That Shit is Hard

    D.J. Paris
    22 Jun 2015 | 7:00 am
    I saw the greatest bumper sticker of all time when I was 18. Driving to my busboy job in the summer of 1994 I had a Beatles album on full blast. I had recently discovered the genius of the Beatles and (like most people with music sensibility) determined them to be the BEST BAND IN HISTORY. I still feel that way. When I pulled up to a red light behind a pick-up truck, I saw IT. Then I never saw IT again. Until this morning. I’ll get back to the bumper sticker thing in a sec. I’m not good with transitions, so indulge me this digression. I’ve never done yoga. Well,…
  • How I Get Myself to the Gym After a Lifetime of Never Getting Myself to the Gym

    D.J. Paris
    8 Jun 2015 | 6:36 pm
    A few months ago I hired a personal trainer. After not consistently exercising for twenty years I decided it was time to raise the white flag. Wait, raising a flag sounds like physical exercise and I just explained that I… Anyway, you get the idea. Spending hundreds a month to pay someone to tell me to do push-ups was not an appealing option. I’d have to admit something embarrassing and what the Buddha might have titled his Fifth Noble Truth had we been roommates in college. When it comes to getting his fanny to the gym, D.J. rarely gets his fanny to the gym. Smash-cut to me at…
  • Bloggers are Weird Podcast – Aussa Lorens – Hacker Ninja Hooker Spy

    D.J. Paris
    21 May 2015 | 6:00 am
    Award-winning blogger Aussa Lorens talks about her crazy family (which puts your crazy family to shame), her crazy exes (way crazier than your exes), and how thankful she is that her co-workers don’t realize she writes a blog. How to listen to Bloggers are Weird: iTunes Subscribe on Android Or just watch it on YouTube if you’re confused on how to fire up a podcast. It’s okay that you’re not smart.
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    Stoner Quotes

  • Great Moral from a Great Movie

    29 Jul 2015 | 4:27 pm
    "I love weed, LOVE IT! Probably always will. But not as much as I love pussy! The end."     -Thurgood JenkinsFollow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
  • Weed Is So Revealing

    29 Jul 2015 | 1:33 pm
    "When you smoke herb, it reveals you to yourself."     -Bob Marley Follow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
  • Oops...

    29 Jul 2015 | 1:24 pm
    Kids in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat causes kids..     -Some guy on TwitterFollow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
  • Whoa

    29 Jul 2015 | 12:23 pm
    Damn, sorry guys I'm so stoned I forgot I had this stoner quote blog.. :( Give me a day or two and I'll have this back to normal and full of daily fun, more so than before! (>^_^)b     -me Follow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
  • I'm Baked

    27 Dec 2013 | 1:16 pm
    "Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon?"     -MeFollow Stoner Quotes on Twitter! @stonerquoteblog
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  • Let's Kick the Can blog
    26 Jul 2015 | 1:24 pm
    Your body might deteriorate a bit, but your soul never has to. Remember that classic Twilight Zone episode, "Kick the Can?"   Its about residents in a nursing home that were resigned to just hang around till they dropped dead.  Kind of like some of us. Anyhoo, one of them had an inspiration.  Actually the old guy got a hell of a spiritual insight. He does not dismiss it either, like most of us. Not this old guy; he went with it. In  a flash he realizes that if they would all just move around for the sake of pure pleasure; that the carefree feeling of…
  • Tired of Alcohol getting you down? blog
    23 Jul 2015 | 11:40 am
    Drinking can be a fun way to pass time with friends and enjoy the end of the day.  However, if the pain is becoming more acute than the pleasure, you can certainly live without it. If you don't want to get up in the morning with a tongue that feels like you scraped it with a scouring pad, it means that alcohol has outstayed its welcome. I found  a way that worked for me and I hope it will serve as an inspiration if you have had enough. 1.  Commit yourself 100%.  Why? Because you finally realize that there is NOTHING to go back to. The reason that you have not been able to…
  • Home Decor: Why not make your home a sanctuary? blog
    8 Jul 2015 | 10:46 am
    Not everyone is lucky enough to own a cabin in the woods.  When we see those gorgeous homes with wooden beam ceilings and a fire going, it looks just like heaven.  But its okay.   We can still make our own sanctuary.  Even if we live in a penthouse studio, we can still have the sensation that we live close to the earth. We all know Ralph Lauren.  He is the epitome of style and country manor chic. But did you know that his name was Ralph Lifshitz?  He was not born rich. In fact he was born in the Bronx in poor surroundings. Did he let that bleak reality stop…
  • From the Waltz to Twerking blog
    7 Jul 2015 | 12:37 pm
    Now that woman have a leg up, so to speak, in our society, why do these females use it to climb up a pole?  All this groveling and sticking their butt up.. just to please a simple minded humanoid? Puh-leeze. These women make anyone that happens to be in the same vicinity, embarrassed as heck.  For them.   Please, priceless 21st century females, don't try so hard. Society has always needed the women to lead the way. We are visionaries. Women's gift is to inspire; not to grovel. The boys can play in the mud all by themselves without your help.  Precious females, you do…
  • Even weed has its limits blog
    7 Jul 2015 | 11:52 am
    Let's treat weed tenderly. Believe it or not, not too long ago we thought that tattoos were only for sailors and Popeye. No respectable person would be caught dead with one.  Now there are some folks walking around with permanent ink on their tender skin that don't even have a clue what their design means.  We either demonize or idolize.   Pot seems to be going in that direction.  Remember when weed was thought of as just one step from complete perdition and heroin addiction?  Now the pendulum is completely on the other side. It is said to cure everything under the…
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    mark a rayner

  • A post in which I quote Marx

    Mark A. Rayner
    29 Jul 2015 | 7:37 am
    See, there was nothing to worry about, comrades. Alltop is not half-hearted about humor.
  • Twenty-Eight Tequilas Later

    Mark A. Rayner
    28 Jul 2015 | 7:50 am
    The party got out of hand roughly the same time Professor Lunchbender decided to create the “ultimate” robot. Of course, you had to admire any affaire that required the services of the National Guard, even if they were unsuccessful and preventing an uncomfortably phallic technological singularity. Bob (pictured in front) had at least died happy […]
  • You tell ’em Kurt

    Mark A. Rayner
    22 Jul 2015 | 10:44 am
    I post this quote for no particular reason. It’s from his collection, Wampeters, Foma, and Granfalloons. Alltop has some insanely fun links.
  • Win a copy of The Fridgularity

    Mark A. Rayner
    21 Jul 2015 | 9:53 am
    Winner of an IndieReader Discovery Award for best humor, 2013! I’m giving away a copy — to enter visit my FB page or follow me on Twitter. It’s that easy! a Rafflecopter giveaway Or you can cut to the chase and buy a copy now for 25% off. Use code: BE3H5AJV
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    Chandra Clarke

  • Don’t Worry, Be Happy*

    Chandra Clarke
    6 Jul 2015 | 7:23 am
    Chandra Clarke (*Some geographical restrictions may apply) Some time ago, the University of Leicester released what was dubbed the ‘world’s first happiness map.’ Several variations have since been produced by other organizations. The original, produced by Adrian White, an analytic social psychologist, was the result of reviewing data published by several organizations like UNESCO and the WHO […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Meat to Order

    Chandra Clarke
    22 Jun 2015 | 7:51 am
    Chandra Clarke Earlier this year, a paper in the journal Tissue Engineering caused a media stir. It was the first peer-reviewed paper to discuss the industrial production of ‘cultured meat’ — meat grown in a lab or factory. The paper proved two things: 1) The fastest way to a journalist’s heart (and thus into the headlines) is […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • 14 Signs You Are An Entrepreneur

    Chandra Clarke
    7 Jun 2015 | 7:23 am
    Chandra Clarke       You always work the statutory holidays because it’s quiet at the office and you can get sh*t done. You get ridiculously excited by terms like automate, replicate, and scale. You catch yourself trying to apply those terms to chores at home, and sometimes even to your kids. You hope no one ever […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Do Not Try This At Home

    Chandra Clarke
    26 May 2015 | 7:38 am
    Chandra Clarke I have detected a bit of envy in people when I tell them I can work from home from time to time. This might be because I live in Canada, and generally a commute in January, in Canada, can be rough. And clearly I don’t need to commute. No, I roll out of bed some […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Bathroom Break

    Chandra Clarke
    12 May 2015 | 7:00 am
    Chandra Clarke We’ve had indoor plumbing for what, 200 years now? More than that if you go back past the Middle Ages and into the Greek and Roman eras. So why are modern bathrooms so poorly designed? If you’ve stayed in any number of hotels lately, you know what I mean. Public access bathrooms aren’t much better; […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
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    Sweet Mother

  • Drug Dealers & Inspiration

    Anonymous Good Person
    18 Jul 2015 | 5:44 pm
    It’s raining in California.  This is such a rare occurrence -especially now- that it makes one feel like Christmas has come early.  It’s so rare that one feels like they need to document the moment.  Take some pictures or at least highlight it in one’s mind.  This is how it appears to me… via scrp […]
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    Stuff You Couldn't Make Up

  • 1928 Rolls Royce – 102 Year Old Man Who Still Drives the Same Car

    26 Jul 2015 | 8:09 am
    This man drove the same car for 77 years. Here he is pictured at age 102 with his 1928 Rolls Royce. via reddit The post 1928 Rolls Royce – 102 Year Old Man Who Still Drives the Same Car appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • Two Alternatives to Plastic Ice Trays

    25 Jul 2015 | 9:07 am
    Are you bothered by the plastic taste of your ice cubes? Or are you simply trying to avoid plastic in your life as much as possible? Many of the plastic products that your food is packaged in include carcinogens that … Continue reading → The post Two Alternatives to Plastic Ice Trays appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • Hackers’ Security Check

    23 Jul 2015 | 5:15 pm
    And they think we are this stupid? Sadly, some fall for it; Not any of you Sycmu readers.   The post Hackers’ Security Check appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • One Laser to Rule All

    21 Jul 2015 | 11:17 am
       The post One Laser to Rule All appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • 404 Site Not Found, Literally

    19 Jul 2015 | 10:45 pm
       The post 404 Site Not Found, Literally appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
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    Love and Knuckles

  • Real Housewives of New York Recap: London Time

    29 Jul 2015 | 8:38 am
    LONDON CALLING Carole and Dorinda returned to London to tie up loose ends. 15 years after leaving her husband’s remains at a church in England Carole received an email requesting she come to claim his Urn. Carole often claims she has no interest in hugging or crying. One would assume that losing her husband, cousin, and best friend within three weeks would cause someone to emotionally shutdown. She was unprepared for the flood of emotions the journey would bring. “In my soul and in my heart he (Anthony) is a big part of my life,” she said. Dorinda was also facing old ghosts. She…
  • Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Take Me To Tahiti

    28 Jul 2015 | 1:42 pm
    NEW RULES Meghan and her step-terror Hayley were going through a rough patch because she was unwilling to follow through on the heavy lifting required when taking control of a 17 year-old. Because Hayley was unwilling to complete her independent study school homework (YouTube video analysis, makeup application tutorials, and fast food drive through research) her father’s third wife would have to implement some very strict new guidelines. “We can take turns grocery shopping and you will need to remember to shut off the pool heater.” You think life is so easy, kid? Well…
  • Why Would You Want To Go Camping?

    23 Jul 2015 | 9:47 pm
    I don’t understand camping. If you were going to spend a night away from home why would it be in a tent in the wilderness? Wouldn’t you want to spend it in a nice hotel where you can have someone deliver you food, sleep on expensive sheets, and clean up your wet towels? My kind of vacation does not include having to pack antiseptic wipes, tinfoil, bug spray, matches, a flashlight, and a pocketknife. I want good lighting, movies on demand, and a mini bar filled with potato chips and alcohol. You know what doesn’t sound fun? Peeing in a stream. Unloading oneself in a hole in…
  • Real Housewives of New York Recap: Reading the Coffee Grinds

    22 Jul 2015 | 8:33 am
    RENOVATIONS Everyone was thrilled to see that Bethenny was almost finished with her multi-million dollar apartment renovations. As you remember, she’s been homeless for the last 2 years. This new home, which Carole said was on the best block in New York City, was unsurprisingly decorated in the Skinnygirl motif with red bookcases in the hallway to display her various products like blenders, popcorn, and bottled sparkling water. It didn’t come easy. She had to make quite a few deals to get it furnished, promising favors to companies that make wall sconces, doorknobs, and drawer…
  • Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Gutter Balls

    21 Jul 2015 | 3:41 pm
    EXTRA WEIGHT After finding out her husband had been carrying on an affair, Shannon had understandably gained 15 pounds. She was on a mission to tone her body by seeking the expertise of Dr. Tim, a construction boot wearing holistic fitness trainer. Her lifestyle dictated she seek help only from holistic experts. She bought a car from a holistic Land Rover salesman. She had her pipes fixed by a holistic plumber. She relies on a holistic mailman. Maybe she could remind David what once was? So what if she could barely lift her leg up in the air? “This is your chi center, this might make…
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    The Idle Lord

  • Jack And The Giant Pizza.

    24 Jul 2015 | 8:11 am
    This week’s blog is very much a cultural feast…read on. Dear Mrs Bayne I thought it about time you had some proof that David is actually playing some cricket over here; I know Mr Bayne is also in need of some validation on his investment for the summer. Sadly, I have to report the following […] Continue reading ... Jack And The Giant Pizza..
  • Them And Us

    17 Jul 2015 | 8:49 am
    Another long week battling with the boy for the remote control and the bottle opener. Letters Section I received this email the other day from Keith Thompson. “…I found your missive from last December about Bradford PA & the efforts of one Dan Musson from the ECB. As one trying to help our village club, […] Continue reading ... Them And Us.
  • Life In The Old Foxes Yet

    10 Jul 2015 | 7:20 am
    It was finally time for the talking to stop and the action to start. Not the Ashes but the long awaited clash of local rivals Villas against the Tracksuits on the sun-baked Westfield Lane Sahara. Two teams of patched together fifty-plus idiots, loaded with Ibuprofen, stinking of Deep Heat arriving under a baking sun; whatever […] Continue reading ... Life In The Old Foxes Yet.
  • Northern Powerhouse aka London Bullshit.

    3 Jul 2015 | 8:21 am
    Fifteen billion quid on Crossrail 1 and plans for a second to follow; fifty billion (at least) on HS2 all starting in London and landing North when I am pushing up daisies; and Lords knows how much – should they ever build it – on a new runway at Heathrow. Meanwhile ‘oop North the silence […] Continue reading ... Northern Powerhouse aka London Bullshit..
  • Generation Inactive.

    26 Jun 2015 | 7:36 am
    “Measurement is the first step that leads to control and eventually to improvement. If you can’t measure something, you can’t understand it. If you can’t understand it, you can’t control it. If you can’t control it, you can’t improve it.” H. James Harrington This quote is taken from the first page of a recent report […] Continue reading ... Generation Inactive..
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    Barb Best

  • Is Your 20-Something Ready to Marry? A Checklist

    Barb Best
    25 Jul 2015 | 5:00 am
      Is your 20-Something ready (as in mature enough) to marry? EEK! Your little baby, a 20-Something, is tying the marriage knot. Here is a checklist to determine if he/she is sufficiently prepared for matrimony. Potty-trained Pays own cell phone bill Able to kill a spider by self Wisdom teeth (and some wisdom) have appeared […] The post Is Your 20-Something Ready to Marry? A Checklist appeared first on Barb Best.
  • Summer Fun? I Feel Your Summer Pain

    Barb Best
    18 Jul 2015 | 5:00 am
      Feelin’ your summer pain! Trying to get in shape. Hmmm… Are your knees supposed to crack when you do squats?   Too much sun. Over exposed. Face it.           Oh, well… Isn’t an age spot just a freckle that grew up?   Visiting family you haven’t seen for awhile? A vineyard may not be […] The post Summer Fun? I Feel Your Summer Pain appeared first on Barb Best.
  • SPLISH SPLASH: 15 Ways to Save Water?

    Barb Best
    9 Jul 2015 | 5:00 am
      Thirsty, anybody? You may have heard. Among the many crises in California, there is a record-breaking drought. And so, here is my contribution to the water conservation effort. 15 WAYS TO SAVE WATER Bathe with your dog. Shower infrequently, briefly, and with the neighbors. Anticipate when your wet dog is going to do “the […] The post SPLISH SPLASH: 15 Ways to Save Water? appeared first on Barb Best.
  • Chicken Soup for The Comic Soul

    Barb Best
    3 Jul 2015 | 5:00 am
      Melissa Rivers has written a funny book about her mother Joan Rivers,  The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation. She shares what it was like to grow up in the Rosenberg home and presents an amusing and endearing portrait of her mother and her father. Melissa mentions that included in the […] The post Chicken Soup for The Comic Soul appeared first on Barb Best.
  • Summer: 7 Burning Questions To Ponder

    Barb Best
    27 Jun 2015 | 5:30 am
      Summer Madness!!! 7 Burning Questions To Ponder Should I walk my cat on a leash? Here’s the argument for “Hey, why not?” from the Huffington Post   Which is more expensive… a trip to Paris or a new porcelain crown for that #3 molar you broke when you bit down on a granola nugget? […] The post Summer: 7 Burning Questions To Ponder appeared first on Barb Best.
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    Amy Vansant - Humor

  • Radio Interview with Amy Vansant (me)

    Amy Vansant
    20 Jul 2015 | 5:20 pm
    If you’ve been having trouble sleeping at night, wondering what I sound like when I imagine myself on the radio with a voice that is mine and yet sounds completely foreign to me and isn’t half as alluring as I imagine my voice is…  do I have the show for you! If you click on the graphic below (or here) at 7pm Tuesday July 21 (or any time after that I’m told), you’ll be able to hear my interview on WRSP Radio.  It’s an author’s talk radio show and they interview all sorts of interesting people and me. You can find more shows with other authors here!
  • Win a bunch of books and gift cards!

    Amy Vansant
    8 Jul 2015 | 9:11 am
    Win great books, a $100 gift card and a Kindle Fire from eNovel Authors at Work! The Fussy Librarian is hosting giveaways almost every day in July from some fantastic authors from an author’s group I belong to: eNovel Authors at Work. Everyone who enters is eligible for the grand-prize drawing, which will land one lucky winner a Kindle Fire and a $100 Amazon gift card for another! There are several ways to enter, and the more times you share with a friend, the better chance you have. So what are you waiting for? July 23 – Dianne Greenlay a Rafflecopter giveaway July 24 – Mary…
  • Apologies to the Teacher at Wine-Drinking Painting Class

    Amy Vansant
    30 Jun 2015 | 11:34 am
    My mother and I went to “Wine & Canvas” last night, which is where you drink and learn to paint.  I’m already really good at the first thing, but I’m not much of a painter, so I figured I could use a class. Our assigned project for the evening was a pair of flip flops on a beach: But after I painted my water and sand and had a vodka and soda (splash of cranberry) …things went a bit off the rails… What’s is that in the water you ask? It’s a giant octopus, naturally… Obviously, you can’t have a giant octopus and a shark with…
  • BookBub the Siamese Fighting Fish

    Amy Vansant
    15 Jun 2015 | 9:54 am is a titan when it comes to book promotion. If you’re a reader, you probably receive their promotional emails, which help readers find top notch books for free or discounted prices. (If you’re not a member, you should definitely sign up and get your free books!) If you’re an author, getting on BookBub can make a huge difference in your sales. They also have a newsletter/blog for authors containing all sorts of handy tips. All that being considered, I should be forgiven for promising BookBub that I would name my first born “BookBub” if…
  • Cherubim – Angeli II

    Amy Vansant
    8 Jun 2015 | 5:42 am
    New! CHERUBIM – Angeli Book II Get it on Amazon for $2.99 – OR – Free with Kindle Unlimited! Look at me, I finally wrote a second book in a series instead of just starting a new series… Cherubim – Angeli II is out! The cover is kinda sexy, but the book itself isn’t any sexier than the first (just so you know I didn’t go 50 Shades on anyone..).  It’s a bunch of humor, adventure and thrills, just like the first! Description: The insane, corrupted Arch Angel Seth has been captured, so Anne, Con and Michael might have a moment to breathe, right?
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    Rubbish In, Robish Out!

  • Some California Homeowners Painting Lawns Green

    Johnny Robish
    29 Jul 2015 | 9:03 pm
    Some California Homeowners Painting Lawns Green:  Its being reported that California’s drought is becoming so bad, that some homeowners have actually begun hiring contractors to paint their browning lawns green.  Great idea, and if it were my lawn, I’d get them to paint in a swimming pool and a jacuzzi while they’re at it.   Sweden Says Sub Wreck a Tsarist Russian Vessel:  Sweden says they believe the wreck of a submarine found off its coast appears to be a Tsarist-era Russian vessel that collided with a Swedish ship in 1916.  Obviously, our first concern here needs to be…
  • Bloomberg News Disputes Trump’s Net Worth

    Johnny Robish
    28 Jul 2015 | 8:24 pm
    Bloomberg News Disputes Trump’s Net Worth:  Presidential candidate Donald Trump claims he’s worth more than $10 billion, but a detailed analysis by of his wealth by Bloomberg News found that figure to be more in the neighborhood of $2.9 billion.  The bottom line is, it doesn’t really matter how much Trump is actually worth, because he’s absolutely priceless to the Democrats.   Intel Introduces New Memory Chip 1,000x Faster Than Flash:  Intel and Micron have announced a new memory chip that utilizes a new three-dimensional structure and promises to be 1,000 times faster than…
  • New Habitat for Big Cats Who Worked at MGM Grand

    Johnny Robish
    27 Jul 2015 | 8:54 pm
    New Habitat for Big Cats Who Worked at MGM Grand:  Dozens of lions once used to entertain tourists at the MGM Grand Hotel have a new gig at the recently opened Lion Habitat Ranch near Henderson, Nev.  For anyone wishing to see the big cats in their new surroundings, there’s a small cover charge and a two elk minimum.   Many Americans Skipping Doctor Visits:  According to figures from a new Consumer Reports survey, more than 60% of Americans said they skipped a doctor’s visit in the past year because of cost.  Which – if true is very sad – of course there’s always…
  • Man Bitten While Taking Selfie with Rattlesnake

    Johnny Robish
    26 Jul 2015 | 7:38 pm
    Man Bitten While Taking Selfie with Rattlesnake:  A San Diego man who was attempting to take a selfie with rattlesnake, got bitten and now is facing $153,161.25 in hospital bills.   Wow, with a hospital charging like that, it makes you wonder – just who’s the real snake here?  It sounds like the poor guy got bitten by a snake and then got billed by sharks.  The guy did have insurance, but it turns out he just had COBRA coverage and not rattlesnake.  Makes you wonder whatever happened to the good old days where you find someone to suck out the venom and then pour whiskey all…
  • San Francisco Experimenting With Urine-Repellant Paint

    Johnny Robish
    25 Jul 2015 | 8:57 pm
    San Francisco Experimenting With Urine-Repellant Paint:  The smell of urine in some areas of San Francisco has become so strong, that the city’s Public Works agency is testing a new pee-repellant paint, so that anyone who urinates on the specially treated walls will get the spray splattered right back onto them. City officials say the urine smell was getting so bad, they were considering renaming the place San Franpissco.  This should come as no surprise, after all, the place is called the “Golden Gate.”   Social scientists say the idea of urine splattering walls could work, but…
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    The Laugh Button

  • Comedian Andy Ritchie has a brain tumor, comedian friends set up GoFundMe page to help with medical bills

    29 Jul 2015 | 7:20 pm
    F*ck Cancer! Comedian Andy Ritchie was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor. Something that’s kinda terrifying for anyone. When comedians fall ill it could be even more stressful as comedians don’t always have access to good healthcare or proper treatment due to the nature of the job. It’s also because of this the comedy community […] Comedian Andy Ritchie has a brain tumor, comedian friends set up GoFundMe page to help with medical bills appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • CollegeHumor to launch in Australia with content created locally

    Mark Says Hi!
    29 Jul 2015 | 11:08 am
    Turner International has announced a partnership with United States-based Electus Digital to launch comedy website CollegeHumor in Australia. Already an iconic and popular brand among Australians, CollegeHumor Australia will offer localized editorial content developed from an Australian perspective, in addition to existing CollegeHumor content created by the US-based editorial team. The launch of CollegeHumor Australia […] CollegeHumor to launch in Australia with content created locally appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • Tig Notaro set to star in new comedy from Louis C.K. on Amazon

    Mark Says Hi!
    29 Jul 2015 | 10:42 am
    Everything is turning up Tig. And that’s not an understatement. Netflix recently released the documentary, Tig, which tells the incredible story of her search and discovery of humor and love amid devastating news. Showtime released its own doc with her entitled Knock Knock, It’s Tig Notaro. It follows the deadpan comedian across the country as […] Tig Notaro set to star in new comedy from Louis C.K. on Amazon appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • Simeon Goodson’s stand-up album “Manifesto” is released August 1st

    The Laugh Button Staff
    29 Jul 2015 | 10:23 am
    SPONSORED: Simeon Goodson is the best comedian you’ve never heard of. His work was mentioned in the A-Sides blog on The Huffington Post where it was said that he, “should be a household name in comedy.” Brooklyn Magazine lauded him as one of the, “50 Funniest People in Brooklyn.” While the praise has been rolling […] Simeon Goodson’s stand-up album “Manifesto” is released August 1st appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • truTV announces its fall lineup including “Billy on the Street” and “Impractical Jokers LIVE”

    Mark Says Hi!
    29 Jul 2015 | 7:58 am
    truTV has unveiled its fall 2015 lineup, which will kick off August 31 with a week-long celebration of the fan favorite Impractical Jokers. A new special each night will lead up to the Impractical Jokers Live Punishment Special celebrating the 100th, including a first-ever, quadruple punishment played out LIVE in the heart of New York […] truTV announces its fall lineup including “Billy on the Street” and “Impractical Jokers LIVE” appeared first on The Laugh Button.
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    Carly Bird

  • Why I Quit My Job Today

    Carly Chevalier
    10 Jul 2015 | 2:45 pm
    Yesterday, my agency moved into a big, beautiful new office. Everyone was excited to stake their claim on their desks and within minutes it was the perfect agency fortress of super hero figurines, baby succulents and mood lighting. In the morning, I set up my desk next to two of my best friends and plugged in. In the afternoon, I put in my two weeks and plugged out. It’s been 3.5 years since I crammed everything I owned into my little red Mazda and drove to LA from the hymn-singing heart of Salt Lake City, Utah. It’s been 3.4 years since I had my first interview in BLITZ’s old, burger…
  • The Great Fish Rescue

    Carly Chevalier
    26 Jun 2015 | 7:54 am
    Every once in a while, I leave work and walk down to the Santa Monica Pier to soak in the sunset and join a smorgosborg of people weaving in and out of each other to the beat of old guitars and the smell of churros. It’s one place that I always feel completely alive in every sense. I was walking along the dock watching a clown make balloon animals synchronized to Michael Jackson songs when I noticed on the deck below that a man had kicked a flopping fish as if he was disappointed with its size and walked away. The fish was left to its own fate, flopping furiously to get away. A few kids…
  • Carly Bird and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Stupid Idea

    Carly Chevalier
    14 Jun 2015 | 7:52 pm
    Every once in a while I stop in my tracks, look at a project I am working on and ask the question, “Is this a stupid idea?” I have always felt that this question comes from the most unstable parts of our souls. The parts we let others feed. The parts that are lazy. The parts that memorize words like ‘undeserving’ and ‘untalented.’ This destructive cloud often catches up to me after the initial excitement of the beginning of a journey and sits on my head until I make my next move. Take a step forward or stop. I started this blog a few years ago because I needed a…
  • How I Met Eric Chevalier.

    Carly Chevalier
    29 Oct 2014 | 9:20 am
    I can’t think of any other reason besides God that I would have ever met Eric Chevalier. Bold, sappy statement, but I honestly believe it. And I can’t think of any other explanation than God’s love works through human beings, to explain why three years ago a red-head named Greg would respond to an accidental LinkedIn request with the snarky subject line: ‘connect with no message?’ Or why he would spend his holiday season interrogating me about my social profiles and asking if I would like to get a cup of coffee to talk about working at BLITZ, an agency that was out of my league and…
  • The Perks of Being a Couch Flower: DoorDash Food Delivery

    Carly Chevalier
    8 Aug 2014 | 9:28 am
    Lately apps that make an average human sitting on a couch feel like they are living in luxury have been all the rage. With the click of a button you can have your groceries, an Uber, or a random man who has agreed to do your laundry at your door. And for people who live in a jam packed city like me, these new apps focused on instant gratification can be invaluable. It’s almost like we are living in an alternate universe where The Little Red Hen does all the work, drives through LA traffic, deals with the parallel parking and STILL lets you eat all the cornbread at the end of the day.
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    Telega Tales

  • Where’s the Outrage?

    Karla Telega
    2 Jul 2015 | 5:28 am
    Conspiracy theory? I think not. TPP (Trans Pacific Partnership) just passed the fast track (where a bill cannot have any individual issues debated or amended). Behind all the confederate flags, gay marriages, and viral videos of screaming goats, our government has been quietly selling Americans into slavery to the United Corporations of America. That’s a bold statement, but one that is unfortunately true and happening as I write this. The US Business Coalition for TPP paid $1,148,971 to legislators for their yea votes on the TPP fast track. This is a matter of public record, but when I…
  • Yeah, I became that person

    Karla Telega
    11 Feb 2015 | 6:57 am
    It’s been a long time since I’ve had vomit in my hair. Admittedly, it was a regular occurrence back in the days when I would strip naked and butt dance in the car after a wild party. Lately, the gastric juices are coming from a six month-old bundle of bad breath. My firm resolve never to become a Grandma failed me when my youngest decided to poop out a baby last August. At Michelle’s baby shower, we were asked to write a special message for the baby … you know, for when he learns how to read and set the house on fire and stuff. All my children were of the female gender, so I wasn’t…
  • Under the hood

    Karla Telega
    2 Feb 2014 | 10:52 am
    Last week as I was doing my regular workout routine … you know, 200 push-ups, bench pressing a VW Bug … something distinctly uncomfortable happened in my arm. OK, I was sitting on the sofa eating popcorn and watching Castle re-runs on TV, but it still totally counts as a sports injury. I had butter and salt on the popcorn, which (as everyone knows) makes the kernels heavier than your average styrofoam packing peanut. I’ve got a lot of miles on the chassis, and you don’t want to look under the hood. It ain’t pretty. It should come as no surprise that I tore either a tendon or rotator…
  • Going viral

    Karla Telega
    1 Jan 2014 | 4:19 pm
    “Only old people get flu shots!” How many times have I said that to well-meaning doctors and friends? (Answer: I don’t remember BECAUSE I’M OLD!) So Friday, when my stomach shut down, I figured it must be an intestinal blockage. It was, but that’s beside the point that I never considered the flu as a possibility. Saturday, when the tickle in my throat became a cough; the floor started buckling under my feet as I crossed the room; and I collapsed panting and sweating after tying my shoes, obviously, the blockage had turned into septic shock. I tried to remember if I told Dave the…
  • A good day to Twihard

    Karla Telega
    16 Jun 2013 | 7:38 am
    As many of you know, I’ve been in the job market. For the last month I’ve been posting my resume on job boards, and avoiding all the openings for Pizza Hut delivery persons. When you need a job to continue your lavish diet of beans, rice, and the occasional Big Mac, being without one raises a certain level of anxiety. I’ve chosen to combat fear with compulsive behavior. Doesn’t everybody? I naturally rented Bruce Willis reprising his role as John McClane in A Good Day to Die Hard, but chiefly, I’ve been watching the entire Twilight Saga, again, and again, and again. In some karmic…
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    Witty Woman Writing

  • I Don’t Usually Let Negative Comments Get To Me. Until Now.

    20 Jul 2015 | 11:01 pm
    A post of mine was featured on Huffington Post this past Friday. The hate speak it garnered was pretty impressive. It received over 5,000 Likes, hundreds of Shares and nearly 200 comments. Most of them not so friendly. What was it about? It was about starting over, fear and courage. A shadow post of one […]
  • If Hell Has Palm Trees And Beautiful People …

    7 Jul 2015 | 11:46 pm
    Then we live there. A lot has happened during my month long (it was really 5 weeks but who’s counting?) hiatus, and we have some catching up to do. So let’s get to it. Jon Stewart is leaving The Daily Show (he never consulted me) and he and his wife, Tracey, are purchasing a large […]
  • It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time ….

    26 May 2015 | 8:56 pm
    Change might be good for the soul but it’s a bitch on the body and the mind. New beginnings are awesome. Painful … but awesome. I’m still waiting for the awesome part to kick in. Three weeks of being submerged in bubble wrap, 19 rolls of packing tape, 84 boxes and at least a ton […]
  • Dear Daughter, there is something I want you to know …

    6 May 2015 | 12:20 am
     I’d give anything if you could remember how we have grown together through the years. The 3 a.m. feedings, the changing of thousands of poopy diapers, cleaning vomit stained clothes, and not going out to a restaurant for over 2 years. I call them the days of learning that happiness came in very small and […]
  • A Very Personal Post – The Other Side of Fear

    14 Apr 2015 | 10:36 pm
    Twelve years ago I was broken. I had just ended a 29 year marriage, sent my only kid off to college, and was left broke and unemployed with the cats and the dog to feed. Not exactly my life plan. I was alone for the first time in my life and filled with fear. I […]
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  • Rediscovering Music from the 1990’s….

    Alexis Velez
    3 Jul 2015 | 10:51 am
    Take a walk down memory lane and Indulge in this musical hits we all loved and enjoyed in our youth and beyond. If you have a song you’d like to recommend for the our next 1990’s playlist please email us a Click to Vote Now!See Also: You Grew Up In the 90’s If… The post Rediscovering Music from the 1990’s…. appeared first on DoYouRemember?.
  • Rediscovering Music from the 1980’s….

    Alexis Velez
    3 Jul 2015 | 10:47 am
    Take a walk down memory lane and Indulge in this musical hits we all loved and enjoyed in our youth and beyond. If you have a song you’d like to recommend for the our next 1980’s playlist please email us a Click to Vote!See Also: You Grew Up in the 80’s If… The post Rediscovering Music from the 1980’s…. appeared first on DoYouRemember?.
  • Rediscovering Music from the 1970’s….

    Alexis Velez
    3 Jul 2015 | 10:44 am
    Take a walk down memory lane and Indulge in this musical hits we all loved and enjoyed in our youth and beyond. If you have a song you’d like to recommend for the our next 1970’s playlist please email us a Click to Vote Now!See Also: You Grew Up in the 70’s If… The post Rediscovering Music from the 1970’s…. appeared first on DoYouRemember?.
  • Rediscovering Music from the 1960’s….

    Alexis Velez
    3 Jul 2015 | 10:42 am
    Take a walk down memory lane and Indulge in this musical hits we all loved and enjoyed in our youth and beyond. If you have a song you’d like to recommend for the our next 1960’s playlist please email us a Click to Vote Now!See Also: You Grew Up in the 60’s If… The post Rediscovering Music from the 1960’s…. appeared first on DoYouRemember?.
  • Rediscovering Music from the 1950’s….

    Alexis Velez
    3 Jul 2015 | 10:39 am
    Take a walk down memory lane and Indulge in this musical hits we all loved and enjoyed in our youth and beyond. If you have a song you’d like to recommend for the our next 1950’s playlist please email us a Click to Vote! See Also: You Grew Up in the 50’s If… The post Rediscovering Music from the 1950’s…. appeared first on DoYouRemember?.
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    Above Average

  • Billy Eichner and Julie Klausner Talk Pop Culture on ‘Late Night’

    Above Average
    29 Jul 2015 | 12:15 pm
    Billy Eichner and Julie Klausner haven’t seen one episode of critically acclaimed shows like The Wire and Breaking Bad, but they have seen every single episode of Botched, a show about plastic surgery gone wrong. Watch below for their conversation with Seth Meyers about this and more pop culture:
  • Drunk Ron Weasley Returns to ‘The Tonight Show’ For Harry Potter’s Birthday

    Above Average
    29 Jul 2015 | 9:06 am
    Everyone’s wishing Harry Potter a happy 35th birthday except for Ron Weasley, who is a little too drunk and upset. Watch below for one of Simon Pegg’s best characters:
  • I Put On A Pair of Fart-Filtering Underwear And Ripped Farts All Over The Place

    Joanna Bradley
    29 Jul 2015 | 7:52 am
    After hearing about Shreddies, the British brand of underwear that filters the smell of your farts, I wanted to know if they really worked.  So I put on a pair, hunkered down with a big bowl of beans and cabbage and walked around seepin’ out hot stinkers all day.  Here’s what I found. I started in the break room, where Matt, my coworker, was pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee.  I snuggled in close to Matt’s cup and made a crazy fart. I was certain that he was going to smell it, scream bloody murder and pour hot coffee all over himself, but he just went ahead, inhaling the rich…
  • Key & Peele Treat Teachers Like Athletes in ‘TeachingCenter’

    Above Average
    29 Jul 2015 | 7:35 am
    Key & Peele‘s new sketch, “TeachingCenter” shows us a world where teachers are treated like professional athletes. Make sure to check out the in-depth analysis of Ms. Ferguson bringing the class introvert into the discussion.
  • What Every Superhero REALLY Wants

    Above Average
    29 Jul 2015 | 7:07 am
    Jimmy just volunteered to undergo a super secret government experiment to become the World’s First Super Soldier! He just has a couple requests first…
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  • Man’s best friend.

    29 Jul 2015 | 12:23 pm
  • Kitten Wiggles Her Ears While Eating

    28 Jul 2015 | 11:25 am
    Watch as this 2-week-old bottle fed kitten named Polly wiggles her ears while eating. Now that’s just heart-warming! Source: Kitten Wiggles Her Ears While Eating
  • Cuteness overload!

    27 Jul 2015 | 8:57 am
    Watch as this adorable Pomeranian puppy named Ellie imitates the sounds of howling wolves coming from her owner’s laptop. Cuteness overload! Source: Cuteness overload: Puppy mimics howling wolf by tydus654 on Rumble
  • I’m just confused.

    26 Jul 2015 | 12:22 pm
  • HELP…hahaha

    25 Jul 2015 | 12:07 pm
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    The Life Lessonbook

  • Berried Alive

    29 Jul 2015 | 4:24 am
    One week a year for more than 25 years, Deserae’s family has traded their comfortable, suburban house for a tiny trailer with limited indoor plumbing next to a brown lake. This is not a ploy to teach their children how the “other side” lives or a stunt for a reality television show, but rather an actual vacation. The trailer holds many joys (I am told), but one of the big draws is blackberry picking. Can’t quite afford that week at Disney, but still want to do something this summer the kids will forever cherish? Try blackberry picking at Clar-Mar Lake Campground! Every year, Deserae…
  • Craigslist Crazies

    22 Jul 2015 | 5:09 am
    Last week, I shared one of my most embarrassing stories – my decision to blow hundreds of dollars on a product from China to sell on eBay based on a tip I received from a free e-book. This week: the consequences of that decision. At the end of last week’s story, I finally decided that maybe doing some research before engaging in international trade would be a good idea. My research revealed that I was an idiot. I emailed my supplier to inform him that I would be cancelling my order, and he emailed back to inform me that, too bad, my order was already on the boat. It felt like that moment…
  • How I Spent $1,000 on a Free Book

    15 Jul 2015 | 6:10 am
    My career goal has always been to not have a career. Ever since I started my first job, I’ve always wanted to get to the point to where I would no longer have to work for someone. This goal has led to many unwise decisions, the unwisest of which was downloading a free e-book on May 23, 2013. That day, I was scrolling through the free Kindle e-Books when I found one called Million Dollar eBay Business From Home. As someone with extreme interest in both a million dollars and working from home, I downloaded the book immediately. The book began the way every book that has ever promised a…
  • I Hate a Parade

    8 Jul 2015 | 4:48 am
    “No. NO. I do not believe you.” My new girlfriend Deserae was shaking her head at me. “It’s true.” “Everyone has been to a parade.” “Not me.” “Well you’re coming on the 4th of July with my family. It’s the best thing ever.” I grinned and nodded like a fool, thus sealing my fate for the rest of my life. If you’ve never been to a parade before, DO NOT GO. If you go, you risk it becoming a tradition, and there is no worse tradition than a parade. I know because this past Saturday, Parma held its annual Independence Day parade, and, eight years after that first…
  • I Quit

    1 Jul 2015 | 4:25 am
    Maybe you, like me, have spent many afternoons fantasizing about quitting your job. You’ve pictured yourself walking into your boss’s office, closing the door to signal this is an “important meeting,” and telling him in no uncertain terms to stick it. Guess what? I did it (minus the “stick it” part). Two weeks ago, I left my job. You may be disappointed to learn that it does not feel as triumphant as you’re imagining. For me, at least, it felt more like that moment when you’re trying to decide if you should run to the bathroom or sit very still and hold in the barf. Earlier…
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    RhymeZone Forums

  • Dedicated to my Mom and a few friends that have recently passed

    Bobby Del Boy
    29 Jul 2015 | 5:48 pm
    Sometimes we stand alone in our grief. It can last for months and it's never brief. We know it's better to have loved and lost. The warmth of love will sometimes frost. It comes in the night disguised as a thief. Stealing our happiness no promise of relief. It's a fork in the road we've learned how to cross. When we look at our lives it was worth the cost. This mountain we climb is long and steep. We look for answers but we can only peep. The nights are lonely and we cannot sleep. We're lost in love with emotions so deep. Losing a loved one in a state of disbelief. A relationship ends a kick…
  • Downward

    29 Jul 2015 | 2:11 pm
    Downward The sky decrees its sinister intent By dressing the weary day in grey The waves breach the coastline shore The tension builds the oncoming storm Momentum amplifies as tranquillity dies Turbulence impacts as serenity retracts Energy compounds; the calm dies without a sound The whirlwind twists; the whirlpool wildly spins around What face of madness will show you that I’m insane? What face of sadness will ensure my tears remain? Inner turmoil; blackened soul Hatred boils; poison flows My downward spiral; the Devil drives Inner chaos; darkened heart Anger burns; venom breathes My…
  • Let Me Know by Elizabeth Pridgen

    28 Jul 2015 | 4:13 pm
    Lyrics to a song I wrote! `3` enjoy Let Me Know Now it’s over, And to be honest I hate the closure. It had to be done, why can’t you understand? Shut up, because nobody won, so stop trying to raise your hand. I don’t back down like a coward, I don’t hang around I just move forward. Why can’t you do the same? I left you broken into pieces. It’s been a while, just let it go and stop acting speechless. I don’t need you, you don’t need me. I’ll forget you, you’ll remember me. Because God already let me know. Just let me go. You tossed a hammer into the wall. That’s when God…
  • What If I Told You?

    26 Jul 2015 | 1:34 pm
    What if I told you? What if instead of lying to you every second, What if I were to take the second to tell you How I really feel? Would you listen? Would you not speak a word as you held me close until the tears finally stopped? Because that is exactly what I need right now. What would you do if I told you that I was tired? Would you tell me to take a nap? Or would you understand that all I really want to do is just close my eyes and never have to open them again? Because I swear that's all I want to do these days. If I told you that this weight exhausts me, How would you respond? Would you…
  • Pierced and Gaited

    24 Jul 2015 | 10:14 am
    Pierced and Gaited The buzz of tracks Steam in the air I look at window steel Train goes on-reel on reel Grew with distant shade My mind begins to fade Sun yellow, for my soul mellow Gaze on stranger across Eyes from skies, lips like mazes Again I ask what my future waits Your red hair gives me chill That pocket knife adds to the thrill An itch to the throat A beat to my heart Faded memories turn to ash Iron my will in a transparent ambient field Vast our eye speed of thought Tracking blue exquisite birds Flying above dark clouds of desire Our eye contact, it hurts Liquid stings my cheek…
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    The Name's Ponyboy

  • Best Boobs July 2015

    29 Jul 2015 | 12:00 pm
    The month is wrapping up once again so lets pick our favorite set of tats to see who reigns supreme for July 2015! 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 543210 The post Best Boobs July 2015 appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Waveform

    29 Jul 2015 | 9:30 am
    This is a cool experimental surf short some guy made for an O’Neil surf film festival.  Even if you’re not into surf stuff this video is worth checking out, especially if you’re into filmmaking.  It’s cool. WAVEFORM from O’Neill on Vimeo.   The post Waveform appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Daily 32

    29 Jul 2015 | 6:30 am
    I’m starting to get into that new HBO show Ballers starring The Rock.  If you haven’t watched it check it out it’s pretty good. ca. 2002 — Sarah Silverman Hanging from Ceiling Beam — Image by © Isabel Snyder/CORBIS OUTLINE The post Daily 32 appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Crazy Eyes

    28 Jul 2015 | 12:00 pm
    We all should’ve known these dudes where nuts, the signs were there and we missed’em.  Life rule #9: Never trust a man with crazy or wacky eyes! Real estate heir Robert Durst appears in a criminal courtroom for his trial on charges of trespassing on property owned by his estranged family, in New York December 10, 2014 Durst, who was questioned about but never charged with several mysterious deaths and disappearances, is accused of violating the terms of a restraining order to keep away from relatives, including his brother, Durst Organization President Douglas Durst, in June…
  • DJ Vekked

    28 Jul 2015 | 9:30 am
    Check out DJ Vekked and see what it’s like to watch a real DJ perfect his craft.  So much for laptops and pre-loaded mash-ups, watch as DJ Vekked a 3-time world champion showcase some pretty amazing skills.  Let’s see DJ Pauly D do this! The post DJ Vekked appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
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    Winston's Random Musings

  • This Singapore nerd's musings on himself (part 9)

    Winston Chong
    27 Jul 2015 | 7:46 pm
    Turning 40 Ever since I crossed the threshold of the big Four Oh, I've decided to be more gung-ho and say 'YES' to whatever new adventures that life might throw at me. The Wifey rebutted "It is your mid-life crisis talking. Now stop your nonsense and go back to sleep!". I replied: "YES!".***** DeathNever the superstitious kind, I've never shied away from discussions on death, especially my own impending demise. While most people hope for a quick and painless departure when their numbers are up, I for one, would gladly go from a heart attack from engaging in something orgasmically pleasurable.
  • Pinned post: What you WOULDN'T find in this blog

    Winston Chong
    13 Jul 2015 | 1:45 am
    1. Porn: there are loads of online sexperts providing an excellent hand-y job in this area already.  2. Personal porn: you can have a ball of a time elsewhere ogling at female bloggers slash model slash actress slash race queen providing revealing selfies. No need for this nerd to pimp himself.3. Food porn: I don't own a DSLR nor do I get to eat for free. iEat, iBurp, iShit. 4. Word porn: I find scolding jerks using vulgarities or genitalia a lazy cop-out. There are far more flowery words to choose to insult someone with greater effect.5. Social porn: no inspirational quotes or…
  • Don't sue me

    Winston Chong
    6 Jul 2015 | 9:17 pm
    There are now two high profile court cases where men paid a high price for saying the wrong things on the wrong people. Hence I've always try to say the right thing to the right person all the time - "you are not fat, honey"
  • This Singapore nerd's musings on himself (part 8)

    Winston Chong
    18 Jun 2015 | 11:00 pm
    Wife I know this day would come when my wife finally left me. The writings were on the wall since the past month but I was too blind to see. Despite much pleading, she still packed her suitcase and left at the crack of dawn so as not to create a scene. On the bright side, now I have the queen-size bed all to myself... at least for the next one week before the wifey returns from her Bangkok business trip.*****Sleeping partnerWhen I sleep, I like to cuddle and feel the warmth and scent of my sleeping partner. There are days when I want to be left alone to get some snooze but still see a head…
  • Public service reminder to all SEA Games medallists

    Winston Chong
    4 Jun 2015 | 11:45 pm
    There's no need to bite your medal to tell the world you are not dreaming and this is real. We get it. May I remind you that if you chip a tooth while biting into the electroplated brass medal, your dental insurance might not cover deliberate munching on inedible items.
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    Funny Lifestyle & Relationship Blog With A Snarky Twist: MelanysGuydlines - Melanys Guydlines

  • “Thank You” Sevendust’s Lajon Witherspoon For Talking New Album & Tour With Me

    29 Jul 2015 | 7:00 am
    By now, we all know that I am a rocker and in my past life I worked in the music business doing marketing for rock bands. I bleed rock n’ roll. Music is truly the soundtrack of our lives and I remember every concert I have been to, what song was playing in good times and bad. It has helped me through tough times and is always there for me when I need it. So, when I had the opportunity to meet Lajon Witherspoon from Sevendust I hopped on a plane and took a flight to Los Angeles. I was... Continue Reading
  • What to Get Your New Boyfriend for His Birthday

    28 Jul 2015 | 8:00 am
    Thank you to Cameron Hill for this post while I catch up from my trip to LA! Enjoy. It’s your boyfriend’s birthday and you’re freaking out. Why? Because you’ve only been dating for one month. Normally, that wouldn’t be such a big deal. You know how to play it casual and not rush things. But this man! There’s something special about him. As much as you try not to think about it, you can’t shake the feeling that it really was love at first sight. So what to do for his birthday? You know you can’t go big right now,... Continue Reading
  • Win the Entire NEW derma e® Purifying Skincare Line Worth $150

    21 Jul 2015 | 9:16 am
    I love the summer! I am super active and out and about but running around in the heat sometimes leads to my skin being a little unhappy with me. How about you? There are so many skincare brands out there that sometimes it can be confusing to find the right one for your skin type. I am excited to announce derma e® just released a brand new Purifying Skincare Line. I am a huge fan or derma e®. I am a lover of their scar gel and swear by it but this new Purifying Line is pretty awesome and is... Continue Reading
  • Pringles® Summer Jam: Rock, Eat, Play & Win Live Nation Concert VIP Style

    15 Jul 2015 | 3:28 pm
    This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Pringles® Summer Jam. It is the summer time and you know what that means? It’s time for concerts, parties and food. We all know I worked in the music business doing marketing for rock bands and I am a huge rocker myself. I love everything music (and musicians too wink, wink)! Music is the soundtrack of our lives. It is there when we are happy and when we are sad. It is a reminder of the best and worst of times. I can remember what song was playing during... Continue Reading
  • Join Me On Ten Minutes In Tinsel Town With Miz Meliz Tonight 7/14

    14 Jul 2015 | 1:22 pm
      One of my favorite southern California Lady Bloggers has created a cool new show called, “Ten Minutes In Tinsel Town” and she has invited me to be a guest this today Tuesday, July 14 at 6PM. It is streams live via Blab and Meerkat. Jump on it as it is sure to be a great show plus it is Melissa’s Birthday so we will be partying Tinsel Town style. BTW – I thought it was a podcast a first since I had never heard of Blab and had to clarify with her about the interface. Good, because I needed... Continue Reading
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    Welcome to The Midside

  • The White People Edition

    26 Jul 2015 | 9:04 pm
    White People. Can’t live with them…well, actually, we are them. As Daniel returns to the show, we talk about the MTV documentary “White People” as well as fast food workers getting a raise and teenagers having less sex.
  • The Reddit and Firefly Edition

    19 Jul 2015 | 11:13 pm
    As Katrina steps in for Daniel, we discuss the free speech issues at Reddit, a judge acting as a psychologist, and the 2015 Emmy nominations. Later in the episode, we consider just how important Firefly really is.
  • The 2015 Comic Con Beta Male Edition

    12 Jul 2015 | 11:02 pm
    Join Justin, Elliot, and guest host RJD as they navigate this Daniel-less episode through legal suits, fisticuffs, a stabbing, and, perhaps the most brutal of all, Comic Con. We believe in Ben Affleck.
  • The Inside Out Edition

    21 Jun 2015 | 10:50 pm
    From the Inside Out, we’re all individuals. In this episode, we remember that fact by explaining why Ayn Rand should be on the new $10 bill and reviewing Pixar’s view of humanity in Inside Out.
  • The More Than Meets The Eye Edition

    14 Jun 2015 | 7:37 pm
    In this episode’s news stories things aren’t what they look like–a pizza isn’t a pizza, a black woman is white, and a rape victim is a rapist. We also interview Tyler Mauro to find out how he got the role of Norm Elman in “How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse.”
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    Funny Jokes, Inspirational Quotes, Cartoons, Thoughts

  • True greatness knows humbleness. – Best Great Quotes

    Bharath Kumar
    13 Jul 2015 | 10:47 am
    Yes, but only true greatness knows it. Leave your comments, thoughts and views in the comments column.Related Keywords-humble bible quotes, humilityquotes, best humble quotes, good humble life quotes, humble quotes about success, humble quotes funny, life quotes, amhumble quotes
  • With change I believe failure is also inevitable. - Famous Failure Quotes

    Bharath Kumar
    13 Jul 2015 | 6:12 am
    Even if you have not tried anything you are considered the biggest of failures. Hence failure cannot be avoided by anyone. Leave your comments, thoughts and views in the comments column.Related Keywords- success and failure quotes, lovefailure quotes, success quotes, funny failure quotes, famousquotes failure, friendship failure quotes, failure stories, failure quotes
  • Force Destiny to Invite you to its place. – Famous Motivational Quotes

    Bharath Kumar
    13 Jul 2015 | 12:53 am
    Even Destiny should melt seeing your hard work and desperation and perseverance. Leave your comments, thoughts and views in the comments column.Related Keywords- love destiny quotes, famousdestiny quotes, destiny quotes life, fate quotes, life quotes, destiny quotes tumblr, destiny quotes sayings, serendipity quotes
  • What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. - Famous Inspirational Quotes

    Bharath Kumar
    7 Jul 2015 | 1:37 pm
    Best Motivational Quotes on strengthIf you fight until it passes you alive you can stand back. Leave your comments, thoughts and views in the comments column.Related Keywords- motivational quotes, inspirational sayings, inspirational love quotes, funny inspirational quotes, inspirational quotes about life, life quotes
  • Knowledge-Never Hesitate to learn. - Famous Quotes on Knowledge

    Bharath Kumar
    6 Jul 2015 | 1:01 pm
    Funny Jokes on TechnologyWorking as a computer instructor for an adult education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in the computer knowledge between my younger and older students. This was confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopaedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf.  "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. His response told it all. "Really?" he said, "Someone printed out the whole thing?" Leave your comments, thoughts and views in the comments…
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    GiGi Eats Celebrities

  • GUEST POST: How I Became Empowered By My “History”

    28 Jul 2015 | 6:26 am
    Hmmm… About that Taiwan recap… Yeah, Tara and I filmed over 200 videos, so editing this epic conglomerate of footage is going to take a bit longer than it does for a man with prostate problems to… Pee. Okay, that’s actually not something to necessarily joke about. But I did. Whoops. So any who… When my friend, who also happens to be an author, speaker and life changer, Nanci Besser, offered to write a guest post for this week, I pretty much got [Read On!]
  • Guess The Food, Taiwan Edition!

    23 Jul 2015 | 6:18 am
    I got in a UFC-like fight with China Airlines… And China Airlines won. But really… I feel like I got hit by a plane… Or like I got thrown out of a plane without a parachute, landing head first into an over-sized, ripe cactus-tree. Or… Stuck in the airplane bathroom after someone spent far too long in there, after their in-flight meal… And speaking of meals… I have a little “mealy” game for you… I will call it: GUESS THE [Read On!]
  • Carmen San Diego is So Jealous!

    14 Jul 2015 | 6:07 am
    WHERE IN THE WORLD IS…. You THOUGHT I was going to say Carmen Sandiego now, didn’t you? But no… I was going to say: is are GiGi and Tara (The Food Pervert)… .@thefoodpervert & I have some HUGE NEWS to tell you!!!! #Watch! #Blogging #Travel #Adventure A video posted by Geneviève (GiGi) (@gigieats) on Jul 9, 2015 at 8:59am PDT WE ARE ON OUR WAY (or maybe by the time you read this… IN) TO TAIWAN!! The Taiwan Tourism Bureau [Read On!]
  • NO “BULLOCKS” with Christine Bullock!

    7 Jul 2015 | 6:17 am
    Sure you may know of… Reggie Bullock: A 6’7″ basketball player who dunks, or excuse me, simply places the ball in the basket, for the Phoenix Suns. Alan Bullock: A knighted British historian, who wrote an influential biography about Adolf Hitler along with other works. Who wants to start a book club and have this book be the first one we read? Yeah, me neither!!! Randy Bullock: A placekicker for NFL’s Houston Texans, who apparently doesn’t know how to do his job… Sorry bro, [Read On!]
  • Charged Up For Another Year!

    1 Jul 2015 | 6:16 am
    I like to consider myself a very giving person… However… Don’t mistaken GIVING for SHARING… Because a sharer… I am not. Especially… When it comes to… SALMON SKIN HANDROLLS!! Or really, any food on MY plate for that matter. Now if I give YOU food, by all means, shove your head right into it… Forks and knives? Those are for wimps! But again… Don’t you even THINK about diving head-first into my plate (or even look at me like you want to try [Read On!]
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  • Wednesday funnies – A collection of midweek guffaws

    29 Jul 2015 | 8:53 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersWednesday funnies – In order to congratulate you for unlocking the “Making it to Hump day” achievement, it’s an honor for us to grant you access to our latest midweek selection of goodies. We hope that you managed to reach this important milestone without suffering too much collateral damage, and may the rest of your journey (destination the weekend evidently) turn out to be as smooth and stress-free as possible. Wishing you a smile-tainted PMSLweb moment! This post Wednesday funnies – A collection of midweek guffaws appeared…
  • Tuesday nonsense – Our daily selection of silly pics

    28 Jul 2015 | 9:44 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersTuesday nonsense – Once more the time has come to submit to your appreciation (or should we say funny bone) our daily selection of funny pictures. After surviving the first two days of the standard business week, those concerned should definitely take the time to catch a breath and top up their giggle-o-meter before reaching the St Hump peak tomorrow. Wishing you a joyful PMSLweb moment! This post Tuesday nonsense – Our daily selection of silly pics appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
  • Daily funnies – Funny pics to kickstart the week

    27 Jul 2015 | 7:53 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersDaily funnies – Happy Monday to all, we hope that the 31st week of the year has been treating you right so far (for memo this year contains 53). That being said, how does taking a short break from your current duties in order to spike up the mood a tad sound? Our daily selection of funnies just went viral, so please feel free. Wishing you a delightful PMSLweb moment! This post Daily funnies – Funny pics to kickstart the week appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
  • Funny Russia – Meanwhile in mother Russia

    25 Jul 2015 | 8:27 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersFunny Russia – How surprised would you be if we told you that the famous game “Tetris” originated from Russia (starts to make sense doesn’t it…)? Let’s face it, every now and then when good old mother Russia and its charismatic leader Vladimir Putin hit the international breaking news, you know straight forward that sh*t got real one way or another. That being said, far from us the desire to start any sort of political rant –not really what we’re about here- on the other hand though when it comes to the internet, one…
  • TGIF funnies – For a chuckle packed weekend

    24 Jul 2015 | 7:04 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersTGIF funnies – Once more, for those of you who aren’t linked to any professional obligations during the two upcoming days, Friday evening should turn out to be synonym of relief and unwinding. Whatever plans you have lined up, the safest way to kick start the weekend should definitely be with a few chortles, so let’s get going… Wishing you a delightful weekend ahead and a fun PMSLweb moment! This post TGIF funnies – For a chuckle packed weekend appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
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  • Local emergency response unit breaks down

    17 Jul 2015 | 7:58 am
    Harold Barnes, the driver of a local emergency response vehicle in a small Kentucky city, reported that his emergency response vehicle has broken down. Although Mr. Barnes was unaware, local sources reported that he operates the only emergency response vehicle... Read More ›
  • The Americans with Disabilities Act: Exercise your right to work

    17 Jul 2015 | 7:43 am
    The Americans with Disabilities Act: Exercise your right to work.Filed under: Articles
  • High school experiences budget cuts, uses weird looking kid as mascot to save money

    6 Jun 2015 | 5:34 pm
    Due to recent budget cuts, a local high school does not have the appropriate funds to purchase an animal mascot costume for their sports teams. At a recent faculty meeting the principal decided it would be best to just use... Read More ›
  • Man accidentally shops at Baby Gap

    3 Jun 2015 | 8:21 pm
    Forty-one-year-old Tom Evans told sources that “clothing sizes aren’t what they used to be.” Apparently, Mr. Evans went to The Gap to buy new clothes, but accidentally entered Baby Gap instead. He said that he tried on several clothing items... Read More ›
  • Frugal man celebrates birthday in Party City store

    3 Jun 2015 | 5:40 pm
                  Derek Hall, a local 31-year-old man who is reportedly a complete asshole when it comes to spending money, stated that he will celebrate his upcoming birthday at a local Party City retail store.... Read More ›
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  • WordPressers Making a Splash

    Ben Huberman
    29 Jul 2015 | 9:00 am
    We read hundreds of blogs and websites every day, from up-and-coming voices and established pros alike. We love visiting those sites on, but it’s just as rewarding to see other platforms embrace the work of writers, journalists, and artists who regularly publish here, introducing it to new audiences. Here’s a selection of bloggers who recently made a splash. A mathematician at work Terry Tao is a veteran blogger, publishing prolifically on his site since 2007. He also happens to be a Fields Medal recipient and one of the leading mathematicians…
  • August in Blogging U: Blogging 101

    Michelle W.
    28 Jul 2015 | 9:00 am
    Have you just started blogging (welcome!), or are you looking to breathe new life into a blogging habit that’s fallen by the wayside? Blogging U. is a great way to get on track, with bite-size assignments, a supportive community, and staff to support you. This August, we’re offering Blogging 101— and registration is now open! Blogging 101: Zero to Hero — August 3 – 21 Blogging 101 is three weeks of bite-size blogging assignments that take you from “Blog?” to “Blog!” Every weekday, you’ll get a new assignment to help you publish a post, customize your…
  • New Themes: Libretto, Lovecraft, and Publication

    sarah semark
    23 Jul 2015 | 9:00 am
    Happy Theme Thursday! Today we’re introducing three new free themes to our collection: Libretto, Lovecraft, and Publication. Libretto Featuring big, bold drop caps and oversized images, Libretto is ideal for showcasing longform writing or stunning imagery. Its classic design and typographic details will give your blog a sophisticated, elegant look. Fully responsive, the theme adapts easily to tablets and other mobile devices, ensuring that your content is easy to see. Libretto is a fork of Readly, originally designed by WPShower. Get to know Libretto in the Theme Showcase, or give it a…
  • Four Food Blogs to Follow Now

    15 Jul 2015 | 9:00 am
    From sweet to savory, these four fantastic food blogs will satisfy your appetite. If you enjoy eating (and who doesn’t?!), check them out and follow them in your Reader so you won’t miss a dish. The Dinner Party Collective The Dinner Party Collective is a collaborative blog dedicated to “reinvigorating the delicious lost art of dinner parties.” The DPC features seasonal full-course menus, photos, and recipes from apéritifs to dessert (complete with wine pairings, no less!) ideal for dinner groups of six to eight. Blogger Margot leads an international troupe of food and wine lovers…
  • Reader Refresh

    Ben Lowery
    13 Jul 2015 | 10:19 am
    Today, we’re proud to present an improved version of the Reader. We’ve made the Reader faster, with shorter load times and smoother scrolling. We’ve also improved the way we display posts, so you can now see the highlights of each story at a glance. The new interface works just as well on a mobile device as it does on your computer, so it’s simpler and faster for you to catch up on blogs while on the go. Keeping track of recent posts from the blogs and sites you follow is now both easier and more fun. Our new cards — which preview each post’s…
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  • Fitness in a Flash with Paolo v.24

    Paolo Busignani
    29 Jul 2015 | 3:59 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Paolo Busignani is an Exercise Physiologist by trade. Meaning it sounds like he’s smart, but no one really knows what he does. He is qualified to answer your fitness questions because he wears tight black shirts and warm up pants. Dear Paolo, I heard that stair climbing will make my rear end bigger. Is this true? Conchita Dear Conchita, I like big butts and I cannot lie. Climbing stairs will add some size to your backside, but sitting on a couch all day will make it a lot bigger. Dear Paolo, What do you think about manscaping? Phil Dear Phil, I highly…
  • Snake Charmer Finds His Skills Useless When It Comes To Women

    Randy Montgomery
    28 Jul 2015 | 6:41 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Dagjt Singh, 37, a snake charmer from rural India, says he was shocked and more than a little disappointed to find his snake charming skills do not work with women. “When I moved to the city I was eager to work my magic on city girls. I assumed they would be impressed. But it didn’t turn out that way. Snakes succumb to my charms pretty easily, but women not so much. I play this flute I have and snakes become mesmerized and sway back and forth with the tune. Women who hear me play the flute just throw a quarter at me and yell, ‘Get music lessons,…
  • Expert Admits He’s Full Of Crap

    27 Jul 2015 | 5:36 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor HANOVER, NH – Former Dartmouth researcher and health expert Duane Rothman sent shockwaves through the academic community last Thursday when he admitted that most experts are “full of crap.” Rothman has led or participated in dozens of studies involving cancer, addiction, and mental health. His research has been published in several medical journals, and he’s appeared on talk shows such as Dr. Oz as a health expert. Rothman now admits that most of his findings were pulled directly out of his ass. “We haven’t made any significant breakthroughs in…
  • Twitter Lists are now at

    Jeff Dwoskin
    24 Jul 2015 | 6:02 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Love all the hilarious hashtag tweets? Head on over to Love to play Hashtag Games? Get the Hashtag Roundup app and play along! The post Twitter Lists are now at appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
  • Charles Barkley Banned From Vegas “All You Can Eat” Buffets

    Paul Lander
    23 Jul 2015 | 3:02 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Hall of Fame basketball great and hoops commentator Charles Barkley found trouble again in Las Vegas. This time it wasn’t Barkley’s well-known gambling habits that put the all-timer in a bind, it was his equally well known mid-section — the one that earned him the nickname “The Round Mound of Rebound” during his storied career. A group of Vegas casinos announced a ban on Barkley from their “All You Can Eat” Buffets. A representative of the Wynn Casino’s said, “I don’t care how much he loses, it doesn’t make up for the shrimp and…
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    Peak Perspective

  • Magical, Musical, Maleficent Mayhem

    25 Jul 2015 | 7:59 pm
    Hello, Peakers. It is I, my mother’s nefarious, cupcake-baking daughter. I have returned. I know you missed me. Even better: this is one of three guest blogs I’ll be writing over the next couple of months to give you a taste of our glorious summer adventures. I’m also subbing cause she’s been kinda busy with […]
  • How Not to Make a Name for Yourself

    18 Jul 2015 | 6:01 pm
    I grew up in a family where no one was called by their real name. Unless you were in trouble, in which case your first name was crisply pronounced and your middle name was thrown in for good measure. And, of course, if you were found responsible for some irreparable damage your last name was […]
  • Gone Fishin’

    11 Jul 2015 | 11:01 pm
    Hey Peakers, Rob’s off sharpening pencils, washing paintbrushes and hopefully finding some decent Swedish summer fun, and I’m in the middle of a pile of laundry and interviews for the new book. Peak Perspective is taking a much-needed nap. We’ll be back next week for another round of amusement. Have a good one everybody. Cheers! […]
  • Why I Wrote DEAR OPL- Part 3

    4 Jul 2015 | 7:18 pm
    *Just a heads up to anyone new joining in–this is not my typical blog post. This is part 3 of 3 for a speech I’m preparing and posting here to get valuable feedback from my community. If you’re interested in joining in (and I so hope you are), and you’ve not had a chance to read […]
  • Why I Wrote DEAR OPL – Part 2

    27 Jun 2015 | 7:46 pm
    *Just a heads up to anyone new joining in–this is not my typical blog post. This is part 2 of 3 for a speech I’m preparing and posting here to get valuable feedback from my community. If you’re interested in joining in (and I so hope you are), and you’ve not had a chance to […]
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    Robot Butt

  • Cleveland Indians Mascot Slider Turns 25 Years Old; Where Does He Go From Here?

    Steve DiMatteo
    29 Jul 2015 | 12:08 pm
    The Cleveland Indians celebrated mascot Slider’s 25th birthday last Sunday, complete with appearances from a bunch of his friends from various teams, including Screech (Nationals), Ace (Blue Jays), Gapper (Reds), Paws (Tigers), Stomper (Athletics), the Phillie Phanatic and this guy:Thanks for the GIF, Deadspin ( in all, it was a day of much fanfare (even though any celebration without Slugerrr just doesn’t feel right), as Slider and his gang went around the stadium throughout the game to hang out with fans and cause…
  • How Long Could You Get Away With Giving the Middle Finger to Everyone You See?

    Steve DiMatteo
    28 Jul 2015 | 12:50 pm
    The short answer to this question? Probably not long, but it’s also just as possible that you get away with something like this for years before finally succumbing to a vicious beatdown.It’s a question worth asking, because in American culture, this is one of the most egregious, disrespectful things you can do to a person. Though simplistic, the middle finger is a universally enraging insult, a perfect gesture for when you really want someone to know that you’d prefer it if he/she would just fuck off. No one likes to receive a middle finger, but when it does happen, the…
  • Impressive New GOP Candidate Enters 2016 Race

    Robot Butt News Corp.
    28 Jul 2015 | 8:52 am
    CRAWFORD, Texas - Rodrigo Sanchez, a retired rancher and “lifelong Texan,” launched his presidential campaign on Tuesday, seeking to stand out in an already crowded GOP primary race.“They said it couldn’t be done before, but when I ran for the board of the Texas Ranchers’ Union, I started out at the back of the pack and proved them wrong,” Sanchez said. “We did it before, and we’ll do it again!”“The country right now is on a very bad course. What our party and our country need right now is strong leadership, and that’s…
  • 100 Words or Less: On Summer Vacation

    Tim Gaydos
    27 Jul 2015 | 8:35 am
    Vacation. With the sun shining down on you, you feel more alive than you have in a long time. You laugh and enjoy yourself. The worries and stress of everyday life mean nothing to you now. You live in the moment and it feels wonderful. The week ends. Your vacation is over. You head back home to your cramped home and dead-end job. The joy leaves you and is replaced by the soul-crushing realization that nothing has really changed. You are still the same; your life is the same. There is little to make you happy. Welcome home.  
  • U.S. Flag Now at Perpetual Half-Staff

    Robot Butt News Corp.
    24 Jul 2015 | 8:22 am
    WASHINGTON – Stating that it was “a long time coming” and “the obvious thing to do,” President Obama decreed today that all U.S. flags would indefinitely remain at half-staff.At a press conference, the president clarified the decision. “Following the shooting at Lafayette, so soon after Chattanooga, which itself came on the heels of the tragedy at Charleston, which was preceded by Isla Vista and the second Fort Hood shooting…of course there was D.C. and Santa Monica, Newtown, Brookfield, Minneapolis…Oak Creek and Aurora…there’s…
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  • Rich kids of Snapchat will make you want to move to Mars

    29 Jul 2015 | 11:00 pm
    The post Rich kids of Snapchat will make you want to move to Mars appeared first on
  • What To Do If Your Friend Is Actually Bullying You

    29 Jul 2015 | 3:00 pm
    Sometimes it’s the little, infrequent jabs at your outfits or your latest haircut that turn into the comments that sting the most, especially when they’re coming from someone you consider a close friend. Then the jabs become more and more frequent, and even though you’re laughing them off on the outside, they’re really hurting you on the inside. You just can’t get your head around the fact that this treatment is coming from one of your friends because when it’s a friend saying these things, it’s not bullying is it? That’s the problem. Most of us…
  • My Experience: How I Dealt With Low Self-Confidence

    29 Jul 2015 | 2:00 pm
    Self-confidence is one of those elusive things that you want, but don’t really know how to get. Sometimes if you’re confident in yourself, people think you’re cocky. If you’re not feeling it, then they think you’re fishing for compliments. It’s a hard battle to win. People need to realise that sometimes when I don’t take a compliment, it’s because I genuinely don’t believe that about myself. People need to realise that a struggle with self-confidence is tough, because confidence can come and go. Everyone has that one thing they battle…
  • 16 Things A Guy Does If He’s Into You

    29 Jul 2015 | 1:01 pm
    Guys are tough cookies to understand. They’re so into the whole “not showing any emotion” thing, and that said, it can be hard to figure out how they feel about you. Little shits. With this list you’ll be able to figure out the complicated mind of a guy, so when you know, you know, you know? 1) He wants to make plans with you. Instead of the roundabout conversation “what do you want to do?”, and the “I don’t mind”, he actually uses his balls and makes plans. He decides when and where you’re going (not in a super controlled way), and…
  • 14 Struggles All Stubborn Girls Will Understand

    29 Jul 2015 | 1:00 pm
    Being stubborn is both a gift and a curse, depending on how far you go with it. If there was a scale for stubbornness, I would certainly score 8 out of 10. It’s probably not an ideal result, but hey, that’s the reality, and there are worse things. Speaking as a master in the art of being stubborn, here are some struggles every stubborn girl will understand… 1) You rarely accept help from anyone. 2) You’re never happy being second best. 3) Group projects are a living hell. 4) People constantly ask why you’re so stubborn. 5) You laugh when someone asks if…
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    Noiseless Chatter

  • Fiction into Film: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1962 / 1975)

    Philip J Reed
    27 Jul 2015 | 6:00 am
    Fiction into Film is a series devoted to page-to-screen adaptations. The process of translating prose to the visual medium is a tricky and only intermittently successful one, but even the fumbles provide a great platform for understanding stories, and why they affect us the way they do. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is the film that originally piqued my interest in the process of adaptation. I first saw it in junior high. (This surprises me now, as there’s a good deal of profanity, some nudity, discussions of rape, and simulated masturbation, so we must have had a pretty…
  • Old Muggins Here

    Philip J Reed
    25 Jul 2015 | 7:45 am
    Have you ever wished you could support this site? Of course not. But haven’t you wished for a way to consume hot liquids without drinking straight from the coffee maker? Now I’ve got your attention. For a small (and by no means expected or mandatory) contribution to the site, you’ll get an official Noiseless Chatter Incredimug as a way of saying thanks. And these things are…kinda awesome. Seriously; they’re pretty rockin’ quality. They’re very sturdy, and I’ve been using mine for a few weeks. It’s a great little vessel, and if you’re…
  • ALF Reviews: “Torn Between Two Lovers” (season 3, episode 20)

    Philip J Reed
    23 Jul 2015 | 6:00 am
    “Torn Between Two Lovers” is by no means a very good episode of ALF Hell, it wouldn’t be a very good episode of anything. It is, however, a pretty interesting one. More interesting than I’d have expected an episode about sitting around talking about a school dance to be, at least. One of the interesting things is that there’s a subplot in this episode, which is pretty rare. Thinking back, I don’t know how many episodes actually more than one story unfolding in parallel. “Movin’ Out” was one; that had Willie’s new job and the…
  • Statistics to Prove Anything: Take a Brief Simpsons Survey to Help Me With a Study!

    Philip J Reed
    18 Jul 2015 | 6:00 am
    In my spare time (I HAVE SO MUCH OF IT) I am preparing a study regarding The Simpsons. I’ll share it here when it’s done, but, for now, I need your help with a little background data. I’ve prepared a very quick 10-question survey that I’d like you to answer if you’ve ever seen The Simpsons. Seriously; it should be damned quick. If it’s going slowly, it’s because you’re driving yourself insane trying to be comprehensive…so don’t do that. Say what comes to mind, give it a little bit of thought at most, and submit.
  • ALF Reviews: “Superstition” (season 3, episode 19)

    Philip J Reed
    16 Jul 2015 | 6:00 am
    Someone on Twitter was excited to see me get around to reviewing “Superstition.” At first I couldn’t tell if that was because he loved it or hated it. In fact, I still don’t know. But I will say this much: I can understand completely why somebody would have fond memories of watching this one as a child. I have no memory of it. By this point in the show’s life, I definitely wasn’t watching regularly. As a result, I’m pretty sure I missed out on this one. And though the episode is by no means a masterpiece, I’m perfectly happy to concede that…
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    All Jolene

  • I Need A Big Gulp!
    25 Jul 2015 | 9:22 pm
    Today I went to Target to pick up an item I saw online. Of course when I arrive, they don’t have that item or anything even remotely similar. Typical. So, I think ok, I will just grab a drink quick and get going. I head to the checkout stand with only one person in line…
  • Stick It!
    20 Jul 2015 | 10:01 pm
    Selfies Suck! Most of you know my feelings on the selfies. One on occasion is tolerable. However, they have gotten completely out of control and I despise them. Look at me, I’m at The Empire State Building, Look at me, I’m eating dinner at Pizza Hut, Look at me, I’m 2 and figured out how…
  • The Customer Is NEVER Right…
    17 Jul 2015 | 8:03 pm
    Hello World! I have been AWOL for a while. I admit, I was a bit discouraged pouring my heart out daily for just a handful of people. But, whether it’s for 1 person or 1 million, the show must go on. Besides, it’s not fair to punish you awesome people for being more intelligent than…
  • You Are Here…X
    23 Jun 2015 | 10:33 pm
    Have you ever been truly lost? I don’t mean like “Where am I headed in life?”. I mean literally lost, no idea where in the hell you are. I don’t think this happens to many people, at least not since childhood. It happens to me quite a bit. There are two reasons for this: I…
  • What’s In A Name?
    21 Jun 2015 | 10:53 pm
    I don’t know about the rest of you but I am HORRIBLE at remembering people’s names. I know, I know, you are supposed to use some sort of association with their name and some other stupid thing that you will remember. But, the only thing I am associating is the fact that I will probably…
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    Daily Humour India

  • Little Girl Rants: I’m moving on!

    28 Jul 2015 | 8:20 pm
    Watch this little girl rant: I'm moving on! Imagine that when she's all grown up. The post Little Girl Rants: I’m moving on! appeared first on Daily Humour India. Related posts: Little Girl Vs Army man – and She kicks his ass! Policeman throws money and dances with Bar Girl in Modi Land! Largest Phone Domino Ever using 10,000 iPhones!!! Outsource your Home Security to India Ever seen anyone as skilled as this guy?Watch and be amazed! Amazing Sand Art – Medieval War drawn on Sand
  • The All New Dubstep Lullaby!

    Pooja Vijaykumar
    25 Jul 2015 | 8:30 am
    Rock-a-bye Baby? Please! Make way for the new generation dubstep lullaby! The post The All New Dubstep Lullaby! appeared first on Daily Humour India. Related posts: Outsource your Home Security to India Largest Phone Domino Ever using 10,000 iPhones!!! Amazing Sand Art – Medieval War drawn on Sand Watch this to see what a positive attitude can do to you Cats who hate bathing – Hilarious! This is one hilarious fight you got to see!
  • Adorable Baby Devours Cake

    24 Jul 2015 | 8:30 am
    This adorable baby eating a cake as big as her, will light up your day. And she's rocking that hair too, isn't she? The post Adorable Baby Devours Cake appeared first on Daily Humour India. Related posts: This baby has got his swag on! Cool Dancing Baby! The expression on this baby’s face is Drop Dead Cute! Largest Phone Domino Ever using 10,000 iPhones!!! Outsource your Home Security to India Cats who hate bathing – Hilarious! 6 sec video to make you LOL!!!
  • Things You Go Through While Learning a Guitar

    23 Jul 2015 | 8:51 am
    How you began your relationship with your first guitar? The post Things You Go Through While Learning a Guitar appeared first on Daily Humour India. Related posts: Delhi bar ordered to shut down for not playing Honey Singh Ask DH: Learn How To Beat Monday Blues… and, Discover ‘The Ultimate Question’! Scottish Independence movement killed with a “Nae” Here is an Advert showing Why Learning English is Important Facebook launches new “Care-a-Damn” Button Farah Khan does it again with Happy New Year
  • Auto driver declared a local hero.

    Pooja Vijaykumar
    22 Jul 2015 | 8:35 am
    Auto driver becomes local hero for charging a customer only by the meter, despite the pouring rain! The post Auto driver declared a local hero. appeared first on Daily Humour India. Related posts: Taxi Drivers to be hired as Cops to address staffing issues Sadananda Gowda appoints secret PR team to rebrand image 35 second video of Rajinikanth walking in a park sold for 65 crores Modi launches Paan Stain removing Detergent for ‘Clean India’ Bollywood Terrorism – Ajay Devagan’s ‘Action Jackson’ seeks crowd-funding Mallu who threatened to Arrest the Police claims he was…
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    Don't Burn The Ribs

  • The Write Class
    23 Jul 2015 | 5:33 am
    The best thing about flying first class, other than the comfortable seats perfect for writing, is the warm chocolate chip cookie which goes remarkably well with a glass of Chardonnay. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regularly fly business or first class or club or whatever other fancy name you want to tag on to what actually should be called, “flying with dignity, ” but I know a good thing when I see it. Normally, I’m herded in with the rest of the “economy passengers” shamelessly  jammed into tiny seats with no leg room between crying children and big…
  • Ways to Pleasure the Carnivore (…otherwise known as leftover Indian food wraps)
    29 Jun 2015 | 6:37 pm
    When you order Indian food for a family of carnivores, carnivore-like behaviour ensues. Despite the fact that dishes like Chicken Dansak or Chicken Punjabi come surrrounded with crunchy, fibrous and nutritious vegetables, the carnivores at the table seek out the meat like starving alligators. Wonderful dishes like Aloo cabbage or Baingan Bhartha are treated as condiments while the carnivores lap up meat and sauce with slabs of Naan. At the end of their pillage you are left with vegetables, lots of vegetables  and approximately 4 chunks of meat. The next day you decide to eat the left overs…
  • Why you should buy lobster from a shirtless fisherman and boil them in a beer keg
    14 Jun 2015 | 4:17 am
    During a recent trip to Cape Breton Island, I was reminded of what a true lobster experience entails. In a previous “Nova Scotia Lobster” post, I simplified things,  left out key steps like the shirtless fisherman and the beer keg that make a “Cape Breton Lobster Experience” unique. All lobster is not created equal, but sometimes when you’re desperate for a crustacean fix you buy some lobsters from Sobeys where they cook them in their fancy-dancy steamer. You complain about the price, but you buy them anyway. You enjoy them, but something is missing. You add…
  • Early Flight Hell
    22 May 2015 | 3:53 am
    I have officially placed a moratorium on early morning travel—specifically travel involving flights departing before eight a.m. Possibly, I will place a ban on late evening travel, as well, but there are only so many things I can rant about at any one time. Although, as I sit on my flight to Bermuda from Toronto like an Oreo packed inside its plastic tray, listening to the squeals of the baby to my rear and the wails of the toddler to my right, I have also implemented a West Jet travel ban. It’s just that kind of day. And on a related topic, I have discovered that…
  • Coconut Curry Chick-Pea & Vegetable Hodge-Podge (that will leave the carnivore wanting more)
    12 May 2015 | 2:20 pm
    The die-hard carnivore is not easily duped. You can’t slather a slab of tofu in barbecue sauce and pass it off as a T-bone and expect this breed to dig in with gusto. No. He or she (although the true, unfaltering carnivore is often of the husband variety) likes meat, big hunks of  juicy meat that have been skewered, seared, braised or grilled. The carnivore likes to gnaw meat off of bones and enjoys ribs, crispy and burnt. When you present a steaming hot plate of chick-peas and oven roasted vegetables smothered in a delicious coconut curry sauce, the carnivore digs in, but after a few…
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    funny images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way

  • Some interesting facts about our skin

    22 Jul 2015 | 11:50 pm
    Check out these interesting facts regarding our skin. The post Some interesting facts about our skin appeared first on funny images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way.
  • 10 Things That Look Like Donald Trump

    22 Jul 2015 | 11:10 pm
    The public has always enjoyed a laugh at the expense of renowned real-estate mogul Donald Trump’s ‘interesting’ hair styling decisions, and his controversial and outspoken U.S. presidential candidacy has brought his hair to the fore-front (or to the crown, if you will) of American politics. These Donald Trump look-alikes show where this billionaire might get the inspiration for his signature look. Things That Look Like Donald Trump Credits: BoredPanda The post 10 Things That Look Like Donald Trump appeared first on funny images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way.
  • Some Photos That Will Totally Hurt The Perfectionist In You

    22 Jul 2015 | 11:00 pm
    Our brains like order, which is why this collection of imperfections is so infuriating. Things which are ordered seem natural are are easy for the brain to make sense of; imperfect or flawed things cause us to pause and do a double-take. Are those new tiles you put in really off-center or are you just seeing things? These Photos Will Annoy The Perfectionist In You Credits: BoredPanda The post Some Photos That Will Totally Hurt The Perfectionist In You appeared first on funny images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way.
  • 10 Of The Dumbest Patients Texts Ever

    21 Jul 2015 | 11:10 pm
    Being a doctor does not only require having knowledge and expertise in various illnesses and treatments in your chosen field of medicine, you also need to have the patience in dealing with patience with various personalities and levels of intelligence. Some patients believe that they know their bodies more than you, and will not admit that they have health problems until it is already too late. While others are just too dumb to give you answers that make sense…Like these 10 patients! Funny Patients Texts Credits: ViraLands The post 10 Of The Dumbest Patients Texts Ever appeared first on…
  • How To Create An Amazing Dragon Head Out Of A Watermelon

    21 Jul 2015 | 11:00 pm
    In this amazing carving, Valeriano Fatica, a sculptor in Italy, has turned a simple watermelon into the head of a terrifying dragon. What’s even better is that he captured the entire process on camera so that we could see how this masterful fruit sculptor works his magic. Amazing Dragon Head Carved From A Watermelon Credits: Boredpanda The post How To Create An Amazing Dragon Head Out Of A Watermelon appeared first on funny images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way.
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    Bustle Feed

  • Edmonton’s Most Wanted, July 2015 (PHOTOS)

    20 Jul 2015 | 3:25 pm
    Recognize any of these faces, Edmonton?The Edmonton Police Service has released an updated list of their most wanted for July 2015.Some may be wanted for the severity of a single offence, while others may be sought due to the prolific nature of a crime or number of outstanding warrants, say police.It’s best not to approach these people, as many are considered dangerous.Click through the gallery below to see if you recognize any of these offender​​s. If you have information about one of the people pictured, call the Edmonton Police Service or Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477. Like Us…
  • Michael J. Fox Talks About What It Would Take To Do Another Back To The Future!

    20 Jul 2015 | 3:21 pm
    Gotta get back in time!Over the weekend, Michael J. Fox reunited with some of his former Back to the Future cast, Leah Thompson and Christopher Lloyd at the London Film and Comic-Con for the famous ’80s film’s 30th anniversary![ Related: You Can Finally Own The Hoverboard From Back To The Future II! But There Is A Catch! ]While he was there, he was asked what it would take for him to get back in the DeLorean for another film in the franchise!Fortunately for all you BTTF fans out there who believe the original was perfect and doesn’t need to be remade, it doesn’t sound…
  • Finding the Perfect Match in the Social Media Platform Universe

    20 Jul 2015 | 3:15 pm
    Each social media platform has its own “flavor.” Which is right for you?Source:: post Finding the Perfect Match in the Social Media Platform Universe appeared first on Bustle Feed.
  • A Unique Elliptical Pool Table Designed by a Mathematician and the Game Created Specifically for the Table

    20 Jul 2015 | 3:04 pm
    In a recent episode of Numberphile, mathematician Alex Bellos demonstrates his custom-built elliptical pool table. The table can be used to demonstrate some interesting mathematical properties. In particular, it can be used to demonstrate elliptical focus points. When the ball is shot from the complementary focus point from the hole it should always go in, regardless of the direction of the shot.Because a traditional game of pool would be impossible to play on the table, Bellos also invented a game called “loop” which uses the table and four balls to make the most out of the table’s…
  • Report: Titans WR Justin Hunter Arrested For July 4th Weekend Assault

    20 Jul 2015 | 3:03 pm
    WTKR in Hampton Roads, Va. …Source:: post Report: Titans WR Justin Hunter Arrested For July 4th Weekend Assault appeared first on Bustle Feed.
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  • 25 Most Laughable Movie Knock-Offs

    29 Jul 2015 | 11:14 pm
    Whenever there is a huge hype over a movie, you can almost always bet that there is going to be a sequel. You can also bet that there is going to be an unknown studio who is going to shamelessly piggyback off the blockbuster movie’s success by making their own lame version of it. These laughable “mockbusters” often have similar titles and movie posters but lacks everything else that makes a movie enjoyable like special effects and good acting. We have compiled 25 of the lamest knock-off movies to ever grace the screen for you to enjoy. If unoriginality was a sin, the people…
  • Be Your Own Interior Designer With These Infographics

    Marie De Jesus
    29 Jul 2015 | 11:11 pm
    With these infographics, you can easily become your very own interior designer!  If you’re still trying to skimp on interior design items, check out this post on Awesome Designer Decor From The Dollar Store. #1 Determining Design Styles #2 Deciding on Focal Points #3 Picking Fabric For Upholstery And The Like #4 Choosing Room Colors The post Be Your Own Interior Designer With These Infographics appeared first on BoredBug.
  • Weirdest Yearbook Photos You Definitely Need To See!

    Miguel Tanghal
    29 Jul 2015 | 8:48 pm
    One way to leave your mark in high school is by the use of your own personal space within your yearbook. This is the opportunity to showcase whatever it is you can for the whole school- heck, for the whole generation- to see! Quirky annotations, funny faces, compelling handsomeness/beauty, etc- none of those hold a candle against what we can consider “the epitome of yearbook awesomeness.” These graduates presented in this collection of the worlds weirdest yearbook photos are such in a rush to just get the heck out of there. So much, that they are determined to leave a lasting…
  • McDonald’s is Out for World Domination!

    Mark Diaz
    29 Jul 2015 | 8:48 pm
    It is believed, and proven to be true, that A McDonald’s Is Never More Than 107 Miles Away This rings a bell to all of us simply because at one point in our lives, we we’re hooked in this fast-food mogul. I mean, come on, who isn’t familiar with McDonald’s? From Big Macs to Double Quarter Pounders, McDonald’s has served countless amount of people. Almost synonymous with the term “fast food”, McDonald’s has managed to dominate the economy in ways that you probably weren’t even aware of. But economic gain is not the only reason why McDonald’s seems to be taking over…
  • Geniuses that Changed the Modern World

    Mark Diaz
    29 Jul 2015 | 8:48 pm
    Geniuses, as we are made to believe, are those who have never made a fool out of themselves and had always kept their poise. We are inclined to think that they didn’t do anything that would showcase any flaw or clumsiness on their part. This, however, is the exact opposite. Even if they did change and modernize the world we live in today, here are some crazy facts about crazy geniuses that changed the world! From wearing wooden wings to jumping off buildings, and yes we believe any list would fall short unless a crazy scientist holds their pee, here are 25 geniuses that changed the…
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    LIfestyle Magazine on Money

  • Top 10 tips to start a healthy cash diet

    O.K. Jones
    27 Jul 2015 | 8:12 am
    LIfestyle Magazine on Money LIfestyle Magazine on Money - Lifestyle Magazine about Money Living paycheck to paycheck can be tiresome. At the end of the month you always wonder “what happened to all my money.” I know the feeling. Well if your still have trouble saving money then I advise a cash diet.  A cash diet is just how it sounds. You get rid of all your plastic cards and spend the week paying for everything in cash. A cash diet is a great way to cut back on unneeded expenses and save more in the short term. The idea of getting rid of your credit cards can be very liberating. But…
  • 8 things to never say to a new mom

    O.K. Jones
    21 Jul 2015 | 8:57 am
    LIfestyle Magazine on Money LIfestyle Magazine on Money - Lifestyle Magazine about Money I’m certain you won’t be precisely stunned on the off chance that I let you know that being a new mom is HARD. Tending to a newborn is really one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But being a new mom is half the battle. Its fighting the ongoing naysayers and unsolicited advice all new moms recieve. Well dear readers, learn what NOT to say to a new mom. How to quickly annoy a new mom Oh you will never get your pre-baby body back. Now lets hold for a second. When is it every okay to…
  • 10 Helpful Ways to Look After Our Eyes

    Candice Larson
    14 Jul 2015 | 6:57 am
    LIfestyle Magazine on Money LIfestyle Magazine on Money - Lifestyle Magazine about Money Our eyes in everyday use and most of the time, we overuse the benefits of our eyesight. We neglect it more often than not. Our vision becomes unclear as the years go by. But of course, there are preventive measures we can use to avoid blindness and improve our eyesight. Read them below: Carrots are good for your eyes. If you lack Vitamin A, eat more carrots. The lack of vitamin A is the primary reason for night blindness and other eyesight problems. Eating more carrots will cover your vitamin A…
  • Why I Hate Working in a Cube |Corporate World Woes

    Viewer Submission
    12 Jul 2015 | 12:09 am
    LIfestyle Magazine on Money LIfestyle Magazine on Money - Lifestyle Magazine about Money I graduated college 5 years ago and I thought the corporate life was for me. I was beyond ethusiatic that I was offered my “dream job” only a few months after graduation. I was eagerly awaiting my first major project and envisioned myself climbing the corporate ladder within my first 18 months. My eager mentality immediately began to fade as the day to day activities of working in a cube hit me. The daily grind of waking up to do the same thing over and over again finally hit me. I know many…
  • Dating in your 30s | What to know

    Viewer Submission
    5 Jul 2015 | 8:00 pm
    LIfestyle Magazine on Money LIfestyle Magazine on Money - Lifestyle Magazine about Money Finding a perfect partner when you’re in your 20s is becoming rare. Its more common to start seriously dating in your 30s. Your 30s are the new 20s. You experience all your bad first dates and are ready for something new. Well its more likely going to happen in your 30s. Here’s why: You’ve said goodbye to the crazy dating years. We have all experienced that blind date where you wish you could hide out in the bathroom. Well, after you’ve gotten all your crazy dating experience in…
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    Internet Acid

  • Meek Mill is dead

    Internet Acid
    29 Jul 2015 | 3:31 pm
    Rapper Meek Mill is dead, according to thousands of twitter users. The Philly rapper, who achieved fame and success following his debut album Dreams and Nightmares is survived by his 4.5 million followers on twitter. The news that Meek Mill is dead shook the rap world to its core and many proponents of peace are using […] The post Meek Mill is dead appeared first on Internet Acid.
  • Man flies to Canada to get stitches

    Internet Acid
    17 Jul 2015 | 8:51 pm
    It’s no secret that the health care system in the United States of America is screwed up. Exorbitant fees go hand in hand with a hospital stay, leading many citizens of the USA to use the phrase US Healthcare: Don’t get sick A Canadian man named John Houston found that out first hand after suffering a […] The post Man flies to Canada to get stitches appeared first on Internet Acid.
  • Jeb Bush says people need to eat less

    Internet Acid
    9 Jul 2015 | 8:02 am
    The republican presidential hopeful Jeb Bush made headlines with his controversial comments that working class people need to work more to help the U.S.A get out of its economic rut. Implying that working men and women need to work harder stirred many to question if Jeb Bush is out of touch. Who in the modern […] The post Jeb Bush says people need to eat less appeared first on Internet Acid.
  • Reddit’s Victoria Fired for not being feminist enough

    Internet Acid
    2 Jul 2015 | 8:34 pm
    Reddit’s Victoria, the martyr who arranged IAMA’s on the popular site was let go from the company. After the initial shock and subsequent default lockdown on popular subreddits, many users are asking what happened. Why would a company fire one of their hardest working and most beloved employees? Initial reports state that under Chairman Pao’s […] The post Reddit’s Victoria Fired for not being feminist enough appeared first on Internet Acid.
  • Anakin Skywalker arrested in police pod chase

    Internet Acid
    21 Jun 2015 | 3:35 pm
    Jake Llyod, the actor who played Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars the Phantom Menace was recently involved in a police chase. While details of the crime remain uncertain, a state appointed psychologist who met with Jake Llyod disclosed illegally to Internet Acid. “He’s still living in the past, he had a flash back to Phantom […] The post Anakin Skywalker arrested in police pod chase appeared first on Internet Acid.
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    Funny Clips Online

  • Bangin’ in the Bathroom Prank

    29 Jul 2015 | 7:51 pm
    This old man must have popped one too many Viagras! He’s desperate for some sweet, sweet lovin’ and just found the perfect place to pull it off! Don’t miss another Gag – Subscribe!: Can’t click annotations? Horse Stick-up Prank: Ghost Car Prank: Gags are filmed in Québec. Originality, authenticity and joie de […]The post Bangin’ in the Bathroom Prank appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
  • Guy Jumps Off Roof On Computer Chair

    29 Jul 2015 | 6:33 pm
    Bill’s friends laugh at him when he can’t breathe. Bill needs new friends. New updates to our FREE app! Get it now: Send in your videos to get $ and be featured: For the funniest videos breaking online, visit - More Break approved videos: – GameFront – Break gets […]The post Guy Jumps Off Roof On Computer Chair appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
  • Moss Throw To Face | Fail | AFV

    29 Jul 2015 | 6:02 pm
    A girl gets clobbered by moss thrown at her face! Watch all-new episodes of AFV on Sunday nights at 7/6c, on ABC! SUBSCRIBE: Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR VIDEO NOW: About America’s Funniest Home Videos: AFV is America’s longest running funny video television program. We’ve been collecting videos since […]The post Moss Throw To Face | Fail | AFV appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
  • Ferocious Dog Bite | Dog | AFV

    29 Jul 2015 | 4:42 pm
    In this funny kid video, a little one goes nuts over a dog bit, but just wait until you see the dog.  It’s an America’s Funniest Home Videos must-watch. SUBSCRIBE for more funny videos: Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR VIDEO NOW: About America’s Funniest Home Videos: AFV is America’s […]The post Ferocious Dog Bite | Dog | AFV appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
  • Dog and Duck Play Tag | AFV

    29 Jul 2015 | 4:26 pm
    In this funny clip from AFV, a dog and a duck adorably play together and chase each other around a car. SUBSCRIBE: Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR VIDEO NOW: About America’s Funniest Home Videos: AFV is America’s longest running funny video television program. We’ve been collecting videos since 1989 […]The post Dog and Duck Play Tag | AFV appeared first on Funny Clips Online.
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  • Girlfriends Describe Their Partner’s Penis To A Police Sketch Artist

    Rachel Arandilla
    28 Jul 2015 | 6:30 am
    There are many different things couples do to show their love and trust in a relationship. Maybe you let her choose the restaurant for tonight, maybe you’ve gone on a trip abroad together, or maybe you’ve finally introduced him to your parents. There are many things you would do for your better half, but would you trust them about describing your penis to a stranger while you’re sitting right next to her? In the video, done by Distractify, a group of women describe their men’s penises to a police sketch artist and test out what happens — because, why not? And as…
  • Arizona Cardinals Hire First Female Coach In NFL History

    Bo Vandy
    28 Jul 2015 | 6:11 am
    The Arizona Cardinals have announced that they have named Jen Welter a strength and conditioning intern. These interns are considered coaches on NFL rosters and that makes Welter the very first woman who has ever been a part of an NFL coaching staff. As AZCardinals points out, the Cardinals’ head coach, Bruce Arians, was asked just a few months ago about women becoming coaches in the league some day. “The minute they can prove they can make a player better, they’ll be hired,” Arians said. Welter had been on staff for an Indoor Football League team and had also spent…
  • Montana Hospital Welcomes Three Sets Of Twins On The Same Day

    Brenda Hoffman
    28 Jul 2015 | 5:43 am
    Within just 7 hours (between 7:49 a.m. and 2:39 p.m.) on July 23rd, 2015, the Bozeman Deaconess Hospital in Bozeman, Montana, had something truly unusual happen: Not one, not two, but three sets of fraternal twins (boy-girl sets of twins) were born there. Together these twins added up to more than half of the hospital’s births that occurred in the hospital on that day. Besides the three sets of twins, five other babies were also born in the hospital on that day. While the hospital is usually a bustling environment, with over 110 births this month alone and 690 this year, you can imagine…
  • Sheriff Is A Little Unhappy His Favorite Shop Was Robbed

    Brandon Morgan
    28 Jul 2015 | 4:52 am
    A local mom-and-pop grocery was recently robbed in Acadiana, Louisiana, and the local police are a little unhappy about it. Most people don’t really care when the Crime Stoppers report comes on the local news, but this most recent one has certainly made a hit across the internet with over 1,000,000 views already. The local store was one sheriff’s favorite place to eat while he was both on and off duty, which means he is a little upset that someone had the nerve to burglarize the store. The St. Landry Parish Sheriff offered his own report of the crime, and it is rather hilarious.
  • Lorenzo Sanchez, An Experienced Matador, Gets Gored By A Bull

    Brandon Morgan
    28 Jul 2015 | 4:47 am
    There is plenty of controversy surrounding bullfighting, which is one of Spain’s oldest traditions. Unfortunately, the animal and human participating both tend to get hurt while performing for a packed arena of onlookers. Animal cruelty activists and traditionalists are always battling against each other. During his most recent performance, experienced Matador Lorenzo Sanchez, at Madrid’s Las Ventas bullring this past weekend, was gored in the neck while fighting a particularly large, raging bull, reports Daily Mail. The Spaniard tried to defeat his opponent, but it ended up…
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    Oomphkart Blog

  • 10 kinds of friends you can definitely AVOID

    24 Jul 2015 | 1:25 am
    We all have an army of friends in our early twenties, when common interests are clubbing, gossiping being overly dramatic about romantic problems. Most of us in that age are always surrounded with good looking and popular people. As we grow older there comes a stage in life when time to socialize shrinks reasonably and we look for more meaningful friends. Good looks and popularity are replaced with loyalty and reliability. So if you are planning to prune your friend list, here are some people you may want to strike off 1.The Psyche drainer- Do you know someone who makes you feel so drained…
  • 20 Things you cannot resist buying for your desk

    3 Jul 2015 | 6:28 am
    Setting up a office at home or refurbishing your existing work station or just adding some zing to your hostel room. These are some things you cannot resist buying for yourself. Electronic Dictionary – This sleek bookmark contains 38000 definitions. Easy to use, gorgeous looking gadget on your desk is a super cool table accessory with a purpose. Electronic Dictionary 2. Cityscape theme accessories-The Chrysler building from New York, the London Eye from England, the Burj ul Arab from Dubai, and the Eiffel Tower from Paris come together in this beautiful hand sketched print to represent an…
  • Shopping is Therapy

    6 May 2015 | 6:17 am
    Do you want to be the girl who sobs over her break up and drowns herself in tub of ben and jerry? Let some jimmy choos wash away your blues baby! Retail therapy as popularly known is a great stress buster especially for women.   Most women desire to go to the mall not for buying that one silky dress to elaborate their curves but more because it gives them certain sense of accomplishment, finding that one silky dress after visiting fifty odd stores. This sure induces a feeling of worthiness in females and justifies the cash spent on it. Retail therapy certainly gives a surge of dopamaine…
  • 10 gifts your mom would love on mother’s day

    5 May 2015 | 6:19 am
    It’s that time of the year when social media tells you that you need to thank your mother! If you think you are above and beyond these social media gimmick, Stop! What will happen to all those kitty parties where your mom is supposed to flaunt her ‘raja beta’? Have you thought how upset your wife will be if you don’t send a gift to your mother in law? And dare not forget your grandmother for she will throw a grand tantrum if she doesn’t get her gift on mother’s day.   To make life easy, here are few ideas that will help you restore your title of “best son”   Phone…
  • How to choose the Right gift for the perfect occasion

    21 Apr 2015 | 7:23 am
    How would you feel if someone gets you a bottle of wine on your baby shower? Or a Buddha on a birthday? Or maybe a Tie on housewarming? That sure will make you feel the sender did not give much thought to the gift. Some people like to play it safe with bouquets and chocolates but then are some who would never seize to amaze you with their gifting abilities. Gifts are less about money and more about thought. Sometimes something as simple as potted plant and cup & saucer with a little card saying “lets grow together” can mean a lot more than decked up flower bouquet.    …
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    is it ok that?

  • Is it ok that: These 50 Driving Images Will Have You Asking Yourself WTF?

    29 Jul 2015 | 2:26 pm
    Here are 50 images of transportation like you’ll probably (hopefully!) never see on the streets again.     Sourced from     Related articles across the web Prowling The Web: Jacksonville Jaguars get the Deadspin treatment Competition In The Electric SUV Market Starting To Heat Up Kourtney Kardashian Lawyers Up to Get Sole Custody of Kids with Scott Disick Featured Piece of the Day by Charlene Bodero Naked Man Causes Disturbance at Miramar IHOP: Police Is it ok that: These 50 Driving Images Will Have You Asking Yourself WTF?
  • Is it ok that: These 21 Elderly People Have No Idea What They Are Wearing?

    29 Jul 2015 | 1:32 pm
    The older people in this list might seem like peaceful and dignified elders, but only until you see their raunchy and totally inappropriate T-shirts. Why on earth are they wearing them? In some cases, it’s the expression of their kids’ (or their own) twisted sense of humor or a real bargain they found in a thrift shop. For others, the English language might be as foreign to them as Viking runes or dolphin chatter. Nevertheless, the combination of offensive slogans and dignified expressions is always hilarious. #1 #2 source report #3 report #4 source report #5 source report #6 source…
  • Is it ok that: You Can Now Buy Fart Tapping Undies? So You Can Fart With Confidence.

    28 Jul 2015 | 2:05 pm
    It looks like this guy is farting the bat signal, but(t) it’s just a diagram. At Shreddies, makers of the world’s first fart-trapping underwear, their motto is “fart with confidence.” When I think of farting with confidence, I imagine farting without fear of sharting, but Shreddies simply means that you can fart without fear of smells escaping. These are smell-trapping undies. Shreddies put in a carbon panel that holds your farts hostage until you wash them. Despite the reality that your regular clothes will eventually need to bathe with your captive air biscuits, this…
  • Is it ok that: These 29 People Failed Miserably at photoshopping themselves?

    28 Jul 2015 | 1:12 pm
    1. Via 2. Via 3. Via 4. Via 5. Via 6. Via 7. Via 8. Via 9. Via 10. Via 11. Via 12. Via 13. Via 14. Via 15. Via 16. Via 17. Via 18. Via 19. Via 20. Via 21. Via 22. Via 23. Via 24. Via 25.
  • Is it ok that: Brazilians Don’t Like People Who Park Illegally In Disabled Spots? (Video)

    27 Jul 2015 | 4:03 pm
    A man returned to his car to find it had been completely covered in blue and white sticky notes – with a huge disabled symbol stuck across the driver’s door If there was ever a reason not to leave your car in a disabled parking space without an official badge – then this is definitely it. This man was soon regretting his choice when he returned to his car to find it completely covered in blue and white sticky notes. Creatively, someone had arranged them into the disabled badge symbol, with a blue background and a white outline of a man sat in a wheelchair. YouTube Awkward:…
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  • A Glass of Water – But You Cant Drink it

    29 Jul 2015 | 11:05 pm
    A Glass of Water – But You Cant Drink it Is not a Glass but a 3d drawing looking awesome…   The post A Glass of Water – But You Cant Drink it appeared first on
  • Survived or Not! Dont Know

    29 Jul 2015 | 11:00 pm
    Survived or Not! Dont Know Man surviving from Big cat   The post Survived or Not! Dont Know appeared first on
  • And He is Survived !

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:54 pm
    Survived He was lucky to survived The post And He is Survived ! appeared first on
  • Hiding Dollar – How to

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:48 pm
    Hiding Dollar The tricky way to hide dollar … The post Hiding Dollar – How to appeared first on
  • You Will Never See This Overloaded Truck accident… If There Is No That Passenger With Camera

    Jen Benson
    29 Jul 2015 | 12:46 pm
    This Overloaded Truck accident is recorded on perfect time by passange in bus. The truck is overloaded with countless bags and looking heavy and not well managed.. Check out this video to the end you you will find it crazy!   What you think about this truck and its driver? comment below! and share with friends!   More Viral Videos You Should See: Epic 8-bit GIFs of Japan That Going Viral World Strangest Protest: Robbers Are Protesting Against Police In Pakistan   The post You Will Never See This Overloaded Truck accident… If There Is No That Passenger With Camera…
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    Viral Bro

  • The Awkward Moment When Mexican Singer Loses Maxipad On Live TV

    Viral Bro
    19 Jul 2015 | 8:58 pm
    Despite this awkward moment on live TV the singer still continued to perform without missing a beat. The post The Awkward Moment When Mexican Singer Loses Maxipad On Live TV appeared first on Viral Bro.
  • Best Of South African Stunner And Victoria Secret Model Candice Swanepoel

    Viral Bro
    18 Jul 2015 | 10:34 pm
    She's one of the most popular models in the world for a reason! (10 Photos). The post Best Of South African Stunner And Victoria Secret Model Candice Swanepoel appeared first on Viral Bro.
  • Hot Female Passenger Takes A Ride In A Corvette

    Viral Bro
    18 Jul 2015 | 9:38 am
    The combination of hot females and driving fast cars will forever be the pinnacle of life on earth! The post Hot Female Passenger Takes A Ride In A Corvette appeared first on Viral Bro.
  • Best Of Actress Olivia Munn Image Collection For #CelebCrush

    Viral Bro
    15 Jul 2015 | 10:06 pm
    This week's #CelebCrush nominee is American actress and model Olivia Munn (5 Photos). The post Best Of Actress Olivia Munn Image Collection For #CelebCrush appeared first on Viral Bro.
  • Offensive Yet Funny! Watch Prince Phillip Losing His Patience and Verbally Abusing the Photographer

    Viral Bro
    13 Jul 2015 | 11:58 am
    Usually we have adorable and charming assumptions when it comes to grandpa-like figures. However, we were wronged when the royal member of the royal family of England showed some un-royal gestures during the 75th Anniversary celebration of Britain’s Battle. In the video below, you can clearly see the 94 year-old Edinburgh’s Duke hurling verbal gaffe The post Offensive Yet Funny! Watch Prince Phillip Losing His Patience and Verbally Abusing the Photographer appeared first on Viral Bro.
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    The Reject Pile

  • Stephen Hawking Would Like to Do Your Show

    Jeff Vitkun
    29 Jul 2015 | 12:01 am
    Hello, I hope this letter finds you well. I’m a representative of Stephen Hawking, the world-renowned physicist. Stephen would love to be interviewed on your comedy program. He has nothing better to do than answer your hilarious questions, which are actually dick jokes, disguised as physics jokes, disguised as questions. You see, Professor Hawking’s doctors believe he has less than ten years to live. Which means there isn’t much time for him to accomplish his life goal of discussing the plausibility of Marty McFly’s floating skateboard, with you, you cheeky, cheeky bastard. As the…
  • Cover Letter of a Career Temp

    Jacob Upham
    27 Jul 2015 | 12:01 am
    To Whom It May Concern: Your company doesn’t need another go-getter, another ambitious winner who leaves for greener pastures once he finishes his master’s degree. You need a paper-pushing cube monkey, and I’m your man. Years of navigating the wasteland of adulthood have left me broken, both in spirit and in wallet. So there is no meeting too trivial, no task too menial that I cannot see it through to its pointless conclusion as long as you promise to pay me. Over the years, I’ve honed a diverse skill set and have perfected many workplace essentials such as wearing polo shirts,…
  • Things, in Addition to “Whatchu Gonna Do with Your Life?”, Cyndi Lauper’s Father Said That Time the Phone Rang in the Middle of the Night

    Gary M. Almeter
    24 Jul 2015 | 12:01 am
    I gotta get up early tomorrow cuz I hafta go to work. They coulda waited ’til tomorrow to call. I betcha it was that Martinelli boy who dunnit. It takes a lotta nerve to call someone in the middle of the night. Now I sorta hafta take a leak. We shoulda gotten an unlisted number. I’m kinda hungry now. I shoulda saved some of my pastrami sandwich. I prolly ain’t gonna be able to get back to sleep. Now the dog hasta be let out. Who’s gonna let out the dog? Cyndi willya let out the dog? I oughta pummel whoever called here in the middle of the night. The post Things, in Addition to…
  • Congratulations on Your Pushcart Nomination

    Craig Fishbane
    22 Jul 2015 | 12:01 am
    Congratulations! Pushcart was that Russian author, no? I bet they chose that story you basically copied from Chekhov. You always did have the best influences. My problem is that I’m too original for my own damn good. I like to believe that writing should be its own reward but I’m glad that one of us has learned how to play the game. Some of us aren’t as fortunate: the only prize they gave Solzhenitsyn was thirty years in the gulag. And don’t forget what Dostoevsky said about prizes. But, still, your first shot at the Pushcart. That puts you one ahead of Nabokov. Really. I just…
  • How to Survive Festival Season

    Mark Peters
    20 Jul 2015 | 12:01 am
    Festival season is here! But there’s more to festivals than getting smooshed by overwhelming crowds, sweating for hours in the blazing sun, being exposed to germs from thousands of strangers, and wasting hundreds of dollars on overpriced food and beer. There are also some downsides. Deadly downsides. But don’t let the possibility of achieving a negative patient care outcome put a damper on fun times in the sun. If you follow these helpful guidelines, you’ll keep kicking the bucket off your summer festival bucket list. Attend in appropriate, safe, comfortable clothing, such as a robotic…
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    The Plaid Parrot - Seriously Smart Humor

  • Visions of 2016

    Rob Rubin
    27 Jul 2015 | 7:14 pm
    The post Visions of 2016 appeared first on The Plaid Parrot - Seriously Smart Humor.
  • Softball Player Dating Multiple Women After Switching Number to 69

    Plaid Parrot News
    27 Jul 2015 | 8:09 am
    SPARTA, N.J. – Up until now local  resident Terry Owens who plays first base for the Village Saloon softball team typically strikes out when it comes to women. The 5’8, 275-pound house painter readily admits that his physical appearance, which includes a profound double chin and stomach that protrudes past his t-shirt probably has something to do with it. “I like to eat, what can I say?” says Owens in between bites of a Wendy’s Baconator. When the current softball season started back on July 6th, not much was different for the frequent Hardee’s customer.
  • Disney Princesses Should Wear Burqas

    Virginia Wallis
    27 Jul 2015 | 5:30 am
    Disney princesses promote unrealistic body standards! They have tiny waists, thin long legs, and heads disproportionate to their bodies. This is harming young girls who idolize them. Girls have enough to deal with as it is, let alone coming to terms with the fact that Disney does not represent real life.  There’s the trauma of one day realizing that your sister won’t cut off parts of her feet to wear your shoes.  It’s heartbreaking to figure out that you may never be kidnapped by a monster who you’ll later fall in love with.  And it’s so hard knowing that you will…
  • How To Have The Best Midlife Crisis Ever

    Rob Rubin
    26 Jul 2015 | 2:01 pm
    If you’re reading this, you’re probably like me – stuck in your 40’s, with a wife and 2.2 kids, living in a cookie cutter home with an asshole HOA that won’t let you allow tacky pink flamingos to take control of your lawn. HOA’s are for the birds. Or not. You’re also probably sitting in a cubicle at work all day dreaming of a simpler time when the only responsibilities you had were trying not to fail out of college in your first semester and keeping the number of stomach pumpings to a minimum. Your kids would never believe this was you. Every morning…
  • When Boring Photos Get Made Into Action Movie Posters

    Rob Rubin
    23 Jul 2015 | 4:00 am
    As a population, we may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but one thing we all have in common is our love of documenting our entire lives on social media.    The early days of Facebook, when we mainly told people when we were going to the bathroom are long gone now. (Though some dinosaurs still feel the need to write 62 updates a day on the status of their post nasal drip.)   Now, it’s all about seeing first hand what we don’t really give a shit about through pictures and video. Babies.  Food.  Vacations.  Drunk white girls.  Pet dingos.   Our daily Facebook feeds…
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  • 14 Extremely Amusing Sarcastic Responses

    29 Jul 2015 | 10:04 am
    1. Bob has diabetes. Yep. 2. Quite please. 3. Stairs, BITCH. 4. Good question. 5. When you drink you can understand birds…K 6. Definitely. 7. In all situations…”think before you ink” 8. Please…hide your potato. 9. The Boss Lady…lolz 10. WHY? 11. Siri just got you real good: 12. Try the actual entrance: 13. SMH 14. And then there is this:
  • 15 Phrases You’ll Only Hear In Newcastle

    25 Jul 2015 | 5:42 am
    Whether they’re welcoming you to their much-loved city or cackling over Ham and Pease pudding, the Geordie language can seem unrecognisable to outsiders. But as they’re renowned for being some of the nicest people on the planet, it’s about time you learnt this alien dialect. Here’s a list we hope you can use as a handy guide when a Geordie approaches you in the Toon. 1. “Howay man!” Translation:‘Go away’ or ‘Good luck’ or ‘Come on’ or ‘Hurry up’ or ‘Okay’ – proclamation of encouragement or dismissal, can be positive or negative depending on how it is…
  • 13 Ways For People To Piss You Off

    23 Jul 2015 | 5:43 am
    1. To the person who cut the pizza like this: 2. To the person who parked their car like this: 3. To the person who ruined the ending of Marley and Me: 4. To the person who did this: 5. To the people who think Hanson is Nirvana… 6. To the person who puts these stickers up anywhere, but especially at the airport: 7. To the person who eats gum like this: 8. To the person who thought this would be funny: 9. To the person who eats only the cream in the bag of Oreos: 10. To the person who made this sick joke: 11. To the person who did this: 12. To the person who does stuff like this: 13. To…
  • Drunk People Making Decisions

    16 Jul 2015 | 5:23 pm
    1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13.
  • 17 People Sending Angry Messages In The Most Funny Way Possable

    16 Jul 2015 | 3:38 am
    1. No toilet paper is the worst… 2. See? He agrees 3. Spit swappers. Who don’ it?! 4. Large socks and spoon missing 5. Passive aggressive much? 6. Angry youth 7. Take it all, Satan 8. Not the pizza rolls! 9. No one can be mad at gnomes 10. Thank you 11. Butter thief 12. From the envious neighbors 13. Do you think he or she wants an update? 14. Thanks, dad 15. So….can I take it? 16. Touche! 17. Rude…yet funny. But rude.
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    ZYZ jokes

  • Caption this...

    Tommy Bloger
    22 Jul 2015 | 12:37 am
    Write your caption in the comments...
  • I'm a genie in the bottle baby !

    Tommy Bloger
    14 Jul 2015 | 1:49 pm
    A man takes his wife to play her first game of golf, unfortunately she hacked the first shot the window of the biggest house next to the course.  The man cringed "Now we'll have to go up and apologize and see how much you've cost us". So the couple walk up to the house and knock. A warm voice said, "Come on in". When they opened the door, they saw a broken antique bottle on the floor beside
  • Top 10 Yo mama so ugly jokes

    Tommy Bloger
    13 Jul 2015 | 3:55 pm
    10. Yo mama so ugly she doesn't wear costume for Halloween ! 9. Yo mama so ugly people thought Picasso's painting came alive. 8. Yo mama so ugly you have to hang a stake on her so dogs would play with her. 7. Yo mama so ugly that when she swims people thought it was Loch Ness monster. 6. Yo mama so ugly she rolled in the mud just to look prettier. <!-- EART B3 --> (adsbygoogle =
  • This is why you shouldn't smoke after making love

    Tommy Bloger
    11 Jul 2015 | 5:12 am
     After a long night of making love, Will rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked Carla if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on <!-- EART B3 --> (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({
  • Kid's spelling mistake

    Tommy Bloger
    9 Jul 2015 | 2:26 pm
    or is it ?  Ohhhh, but she made such a nice drawing....
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    Drink wine. Eat bread. Pet cats.

  • Grocery Shopping in One Bag

    25 Jul 2015 | 2:37 pm
    Checkout attendants, I'm sorry I'm that asshole who brings one cloth grocery bag for a six-bag shopping cart purchase. Just like I am convinced I can sausage my way into a smaller size, I am convinced that my groceries will fit into one bag. They never do. They don't even come close. Without fail, every time I step into a Ralph's or a Trader Joe's (and God forbid a Wholefoods, where I have the terrifying possibility, and high likelihood, of spending my entire paycheck's worth of disposable income on organic fruit and rare cheeses in twenty minutes), I walk out with more that I planned to…
  • The Human Blobfish

    19 Jul 2015 | 9:09 am
    Go kayaking, they said. It will be fun, they said. For someone who has no athletic bones in her body, kayaking is not a fun activity. I am like the blobfish. I did not make this fish up. This fish actually exists and has no bones in its body.  Its formal name is Psychrolutes marcidus. It lives in the deep waters, 2,000 to 3,900 feet below the surface of the ocean, off the coasts of Australia, New Zealand, and Tasmania. Because of the extreme pressure in the deep waters which the blobfish inhabits, its body is primarily a gelatinous mass. This underwater JELL-O is slightly less…
  • Dear Leah

    12 Jul 2015 | 3:41 pm
    Dear Leah,Why do you insist on shitting under the couch? But not consistently. No, that would be too predictable. You choose to shit under the couch randomly to keep us guessing. One day you use the litter box, one day you don't. Then you go back to using it, then surprise! A little present under the couch for mommy and daddy to stumble upon. What a fun game you've created. Even more fun was the time you decided to up the ante by shitting on the new toy mommy bought you. That was a fun discovery. Pretty sure no cat wants to swat at a blue feather with a dried poop earring hanging off of…
  • Many Firsts - LAX to BKK

    12 Jul 2015 | 3:40 pm
    After almost 24 hours of travel, Michael and I made it to Bangkok in one piece. Flying China Southern proved adventurous. Many firsts were had on this journey. The first First was flying on an Airbus 380, the double-decker beast that holds the record as the world's largest plane and seats roughly 525 passengers in a 3-class configuration. When during boarding, a crew member ushered us up a staircase, I was sure our seats were mistaken for someone else's. But lo and behold, we were assigned the bulkhead row right behind business class on the second level, giving us glorious leg room that…
  • Social Hour at 38,000 ft

    11 Jul 2015 | 12:46 pm
    I'm a strong believer in placid air travel. Let's everyone sit down, strap ourselves in, and be quiet. This metal canister hurtling through the skies at alarming speeds and dizzying heights is not a mall, it's not a happy hour, and it sure as hell is not Tinder. Against all hopes, our flight back to LAX from Guangzhou proved anything but the calm and subdued environment that I was hoping it would be. To begin with, we boarded a sweltering cabin. The air conditioning was to be turned off until the engines were turned on and the plane started taxiing down the runway an hour and a half…
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  • Octor Proctor, Singing Doctor

    Wyntner Woody
    27 Jul 2015 | 5:02 pm
    WFUF is just about the only radio station we have in these parts, but we’re proud of it.   Quality programming for six whole hours a day.  Of course, they’ve got to pay their bills over there, so they report what big city corporate types call “soft news” from time to time. When Mayor Bill Upchuck planned to build a museum for his sprawling matchbook collection with the village’s silo maintenance funds, the Beetroot Beagle went to great lengths on an exposé.  But over here in Dickfur, we wouldn’t waste the energy.  No, we’d get right to…
  • Traffic to Jingle Parade! at Record Levels and Meet One of Our Editors

    Wyntner Woody
    23 Jul 2015 | 9:40 am
    Auguste Comte, author of Positivism and a part-time editor at Jingle Parade! in the lunch room. Hello to all you Stumbleuponers and Twitterists!  You’ve made traffic to this website jump astronomically.  Now, more people than ever are spitting out their coffee in hysterical laughter. And traffic is continuing to go up, up, UP!   There isn’t another comedy site like Jingle Parade!  It’s as rare as a bust of Lenin in lemon jello.  Share, share, share these posts with your friends.  And your enemies, too, because it’s all about the Loooooove, baby, the…
  • Sink ‘N Drink: The Rock ‘N Roll Jingle for Heavy Drinkers

    Wyntner Woody
    20 Jul 2015 | 2:12 pm
    Down at the Clap Trap, the local watering hole, we are often regaled in song by our friendly neighborhood icon of toothless grin and swiveling hips, Clovis Shmeckley.  Even though Clovis dropped out of school at the age of 4, he’s made quite a name for himself in the county, on account of his singing and guitar strumming, no less for his mop repair service. The Mixing Board at the Clap Trap Ted Tittles, the flashy entrepreneur from Rocklobster Falls who drives a rhinestone-studded Suburban lined in mink (you know the one), taped an exciting new commercial at the Clap Trap featuring…
  • Watch Wynt on His Patreon Video!

    Wyntner Woody
    19 Jul 2015 | 11:50 am
    To my new friends arriving from Stumbleupon and the Twitterverse: “Hail, Fellows, Well Met!” That’s an old traditional welcome we employ here in the village of Callisto Craters.  It is true that we were so named by the town founder, Alastair McGurk, an amateur oenophile and scifi fan, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. Why don’t you set a spell and watch Wynt’s Patreon video?  No obligation laughter!
  • Jingle Parade! Now on AllTop

    Wyntner Woody
    15 Jul 2015 | 8:55 am
    I’m pleased to say that Jingle Parade! is featured in the Humor Section on Alltop.
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    Thoughts From Paris - Humor Blog - Funny Blog | RSS Feed

  • My Rear End is Imperfect and Needs Medical Attention

    D.J. Paris
    22 Jul 2015 | 7:00 am
    I am getting a colonoscopy. If I rated medical procedures based on hilarity, colonoscopies would make my top ten. Not as funny as calf implants for dudes or ladies getting liposuction on their toes, but close. You wouldn’t believe the images I had to search through to find two that didn’t make me retch. “So, what’s the deal with my b-hole, doctor?” The proctologist had just spent a good four minutes rooting around my fanny with several instruments. One of which was his finger. After he took my dignity with his digit, he announced that additional tools were…
  • I Now Wear These Super Sexy Undershirts (That Cover Up My Grossness)

    D.J. Paris
    30 Jun 2015 | 7:00 am
    I have dry feet. Well, not feet so dry that the skin cracks and you need to dunk them in Noxema. My feet just don’t get sweaty. Like ever. Honest injun! Same with my pits. They don’t sweat. To prove this I didn’t wear deodarant for an entire year. I told only two people – my (now) ex-wife and the one person I managed at a previous job. I got them together for a drink at a local pub – this way I only had to explain once. I’m going to do this. If you smell anything, and I mean anything – even if it’s just your mind playing tricks on your nose, you…
  • I Did Yoga for the First Time and Holy Shit That Shit is Hard

    D.J. Paris
    22 Jun 2015 | 7:00 am
    I saw the greatest bumper sticker of all time when I was 18. Driving to my busboy job in the summer of 1994 I had a Beatles album on full blast. I had recently discovered the genius of the Beatles and (like most people with music sensibility) determined them to be the BEST BAND IN HISTORY. I still feel that way. When I pulled up to a red light behind a pick-up truck, I saw IT. Then I never saw IT again. Until this morning. I’ll get back to the bumper sticker thing in a sec. I’m not good with transitions, so indulge me this digression. I’ve never done yoga. Well,…
  • How I Get Myself to the Gym After a Lifetime of Never Getting Myself to the Gym

    D.J. Paris
    8 Jun 2015 | 6:36 pm
    A few months ago I hired a personal trainer. After not consistently exercising for twenty years I decided it was time to raise the white flag. Wait, raising a flag sounds like physical exercise and I just explained that I… Anyway, you get the idea. Spending hundreds a month to pay someone to tell me to do push-ups was not an appealing option. I’d have to admit something embarrassing and what the Buddha might have titled his Fifth Noble Truth had we been roommates in college. When it comes to getting his fanny to the gym, D.J. rarely gets his fanny to the gym. Smash-cut to me at…
  • Bloggers are Weird Podcast – Aussa Lorens – Hacker Ninja Hooker Spy

    D.J. Paris
    21 May 2015 | 6:00 am
    Award-winning blogger Aussa Lorens talks about her crazy family (which puts your crazy family to shame), her crazy exes (way crazier than your exes), and how thankful she is that her co-workers don’t realize she writes a blog. How to listen to Bloggers are Weird: iTunes Subscribe on Android Or just watch it on YouTube if you’re confused on how to fire up a podcast. It’s okay that you’re not smart.
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  • Earplugs

    26 Jul 2015 | 10:31 pm
    I wake up lying on my stomach like a beached whale. I blink. I’m a whale that has been drooling into its pillow and has earplugs – and indeed ears. I groan, turn around, and then exhausted by the effort, sleep for another fifteen minutes. When I wake again, I notice that the world sounds strange, somehow out of balance. I realize one earplug is lying on the pillow beside me and the other is still in my ear. I reach up with my finger and thumb to pull it out, but it’s lodged too firmly and I can’t get a grip. I sit up, rub my eyes and then try a few more exploratory prods. I succeed…
  • It’s not the End of the World.

    23 Jul 2015 | 8:26 pm
    I had originally planned to make this post about paper clips. However, since not everyone is an expert in cutting edge office technology, I’ve decided to broaden the scope very slightly and write about the end of the world. The connection, of course, is obvious. Modern civilization without paper clips? HA HA HA! I rest my case. But in addition to this unarguable logic, another great advantage of my new, somewhat expanded theme is its universality. After all, when it comes to the book of human history, everyone – young or old, rich or poor – is interested in sneaking a look at the back…
  • Under the Umbrella

    20 Jul 2015 | 6:51 am
    I sit there on the train on my journey to work, both hands tightly gripping the handle, both eyes fixed on the faded grey canopy. I force myself not to blink. “There’s no way they’re getting this one,” I think. Many might consider these precautions unnecessary, but I’ve lost enough umbrellas on trains to know better.   Of course, when I say lost, I actually mean swiped from under my nose by the umbrella pixies the second I’m not looking. It’s the only rational explanation. There’s simply no other way a grown man of my observational prowess could ever misplace the truly…
  • A Pointless Exercise

    16 Jul 2015 | 8:20 pm
    The face scowling out at me from the poster was older and a little puffier than I remembered, but I was in no doubt as to its owner’s identity. Not many people have forearms I could abseil down. It was Austrian man-mountain Arnold Schwarzenegger, giving me a steely glare that seemed to suggest I’d better watch his latest movie if I knew what was good for me. Ordinarily, I’d have been inclined to accept advice proffered by someone with a body so extravagantly muscular it takes eight to ten minutes to walk around.   On this particular occasion, however, my train of thought bounced…
  • Insomnia

    13 Jul 2015 | 12:23 am
    Oh, this heat… Here I am, lying in bed in my asbestos pajamas fantasizing about the ice bucket challenge. I eventually doze off for a few minutes, only to be woken again by the glow of molten steel pouring off the bed frame. I give up, pick up my tablet and check my text messages. What’s this? One from Satan. He’s asking if I can look after the heretics for a week while the fiery tombs are redecorated.   I switch the tablet back off and try lying facing the other direction. I doubt it will do much to make me cooler, but it should at least mean I’m cooked evenly. Of…
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    Badge of Awesome

  • Time Management Tips: Lessons learned from a thumb-crushing sledgehammer

    Josh Martin
    23 Jul 2015 | 6:05 am
    When it comes to effective time management, choosing the right tools and doing things properly the first time can save you a lot of headaches in the long run. Question: Is there anything more infuriating than trying to find an elusive lid for a Tupperware container? Answer: No. No, there is not. Rooting around a […] The post Time Management Tips: Lessons learned from a thumb-crushing sledgehammer appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
  • Productivity tips: Lessons learned from my rascally rabbit

    Josh Martin
    18 Jul 2015 | 8:14 am
    Between creeping friends on Facebook and watching the latest Star Wars trailer on YouTube for the thirteenth time, working from home comes with its share of distractions. Add an adorable and adventurous pet bunny into the mix, and just watch productivity grind to a halt. Meet Amigo. We decided very early on that we didn’t […] The post Productivity tips: Lessons learned from my rascally rabbit appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
  • How to cope and keep going when times get tough (my guest blog on Tiny Buddha)

    Josh Martin
    9 Jul 2015 | 4:47 am
    Life is full of difficult moments. Sometimes we can find ways around them. A lot of times though, we just need to power through them. I’ve had the good fortune once again to guest blog for the uber-awesome advice website Tiny Buddha, where I share five ways to help you weather the storms life throws […] The post How to cope and keep going when times get tough (my guest blog on Tiny Buddha) appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
  • How an optimistic attitude can help you succeed

    Josh Martin
    3 Jul 2015 | 3:32 pm
    Since my bone marrow transplant in 2008, my blood type has changed from A-Negative to O-Positive. That change has become a metaphor in my life about the importance of turning negative situations into something positive. In this guest blog on the website Wealthy Gorilla, I explore the benefits of a positive attitude in life and […] The post How an optimistic attitude can help you succeed appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
  • Take a Boat Trip to the Tip with Long Point Tours – Turkey Point, Ontario

    Josh Martin
    26 Jun 2015 | 6:50 am
    Long Point: With its secluded beaches and colourful history of pirates, shipwrecks and sunken treasure, you’d half expect to find it somewhere in the Caribbean. Instead, this rare ecological gem is a short two-hour drive from Toronto, Ontario on the shores of Lake Erie. Recognized as a UNESCO World Biosphere Reserve, Long Point carries the […] The post Take a Boat Trip to the Tip with Long Point Tours – Turkey Point, Ontario appeared first on Badge of Awesome.
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