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  • Most Topular Stories

  • The Garage Stinks

    Damn You Auto Correct!
    Kelli
    28 Jan 2015 | 7:00 pm
      Submitted by Helen The post The Garage Stinks appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • 5 Terrifying Social Situations (and How to Deal With Them)

    Cracked: All Posts
    28 Jan 2015 | 12:00 am
    By Pauli Poisuo  Published: January 28th, 2015 
  • The new employee

    Really Funny Jokes
    Mitesh Asher
    24 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    The Admin Head of a large organization called for the new employee to see him in his office.Once the new employee was seated, the Admin Head asked, "What's your name?"The new employee replied, "Jonathan."The Admin Head snapped, "Listen, I have no idea what kind of a place you worked at before, but out here, I call everyone here by their surnames. If I start calling people by their first names, they would start taking things lightly. So, its Smith, Williams, Brown - that's it. Now that I have made myself clear, tell me your last name."The new employee said, "My last name is Honey."The Admin…
  • Her name is KNIVES. But only when we’ve been drinking.

    The Bloggess
    thebloggess
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:39 am
    Number one…you guys are fantastic at naming dogs.  Tallulah Barkhead?  Jane Pawston?  Louise L’Amour?  Virginia Woof?  You need to start a dog-naming business because your talents are wasted, people. Number two….After several days to trying out lots of names we seem to be leaning toward Dorothy Barker (Dottie for short) but at the last minute I thought, Hang on.  What if we call her “Knives”?  Because that might be the most useful dog name ever (if said in the required, vaguely-threatening tone). “I’m sorry.  You can’t let me into the…
  • Key & Peele are Back with a Fresh Round of Goofy Player Names

    CollegeHumor: Videos
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:07 pm
    Key & Peele tapped into the NFL for the latest of their popular series that pokes fun of the names of college football players. The latest video comes just in time for the Super Bowl, with Green Bay Packers' Aaron, I mean A.A. Ron Rodgers and a few other players making cameos for East West Bowl 3.  Source: comedycentral Something tells me that Grunky Peep is going to have a long career ahead of him. I mean, really, this is just a lineup of straight MVPs all around. ...
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    The Bloggess

  • Her name is KNIVES. But only when we’ve been drinking.

    thebloggess
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:39 am
    Number one…you guys are fantastic at naming dogs.  Tallulah Barkhead?  Jane Pawston?  Louise L’Amour?  Virginia Woof?  You need to start a dog-naming business because your talents are wasted, people. Number two….After several days to trying out lots of names we seem to be leaning toward Dorothy Barker (Dottie for short) but at the last minute I thought, Hang on.  What if we call her “Knives”?  Because that might be the most useful dog name ever (if said in the required, vaguely-threatening tone). “I’m sorry.  You can’t let me into the…
  • It’s how the light gets in…

    thebloggess
    25 Jan 2015 | 11:49 am
    So, yesterday we got a dog. Most people would end that sentence with an exclamation mark, but honestly I wasn’t looking for a dog. I’ve said “no” to hundreds my daughter has begged for (and even a few I wanted myself) because it hurts too much to lose one. When Barnaby Jones died  four years ago I said “never again“. And then Hailey fell in love with this tiny dog. And then Victor fell in love with this tiny dog. And then I said, “No.  Get it away from me.”  But the puppy ignored me and curled up in my lap as Victor explained that this…
  • Why don’t we just call it “sauce”?

    thebloggess
    23 Jan 2015 | 9:36 am
    So, turns out I’ve been saying the word “ragoût” wrong for my entire life, but that’s fine because I’ve never actually said the word out loud until I had to help Hailey practice a million spelling words, and then Victor was like “Seriously?  Did you just say ‘rag out‘?  That’s not even a word.  It’s pronounced “ragú“.  Which seems insane, because I was like “No, that’s a brand-name” but turns out that “ragú” may have come from “ragoût” and they’re pronounced the…
  • Ghost dog

    thebloggess
    22 Jan 2015 | 9:14 am
    This is a weird post so ignore it if you like. Without getting into the weird details, I can feel things.  Like, things that aren’t there.  I’m not psychic and I’m not gifted but I can tell when I’m not alone.  It doesn’t bother me and I end up doing lots of ghost-hunting and staying in haunted hotels but I almost never see anything. That being said, I think we have a ghost dog in our house.  I realize that sounds insane but we’ve all seen it so often that we’re used to it. (Not a full dog or noises…just the shadow of a dog passing by…
  • CrapScrabble (UPDATED! Now with more gravy!)

    thebloggess
    20 Jan 2015 | 12:02 pm
    My friend, Dr. Pants, just pointed out that I’ve never been on TableTop before, and that’s true, but it’s also true that the games I’m really good at are mostly made up by me and my family.  But that’s sort of nice because it makes it easier to win if I’m the only one who knows the rules. My favorite game is Drunk-Catchphrase, which is just Catchphrase but…you know…drunk.  Basically, in each round of play you have to drink for different things.  Like a drink every time you think you’re explaining one word but really it’s a…
 
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    Damn You Auto Correct!

  • The Garage Stinks

    Kelli
    28 Jan 2015 | 7:00 pm
      Submitted by Helen The post The Garage Stinks appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Well, If That’s What You’re Into…

    Kelli
    28 Jan 2015 | 5:00 pm
      Submitted by Samantha The post Well, If That’s What You’re Into… appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • I Just Wanted a Hug

    Kelli
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:00 pm
      Submitted by Sarah The post I Just Wanted a Hug appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Counting My Lucky Stars

    Kelli
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:00 am
      Submitted by Ronan Trying to chat up a girl and be empathetic and this happens. The post Counting My Lucky Stars appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
  • Cookies!

    Kelli
    28 Jan 2015 | 9:00 am
      Submitted by Danielle The post Cookies! appeared first on Damn You Auto Correct!.
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    CollegeHumor: Videos

  • Key & Peele are Back with a Fresh Round of Goofy Player Names

    28 Jan 2015 | 1:07 pm
    Key & Peele tapped into the NFL for the latest of their popular series that pokes fun of the names of college football players. The latest video comes just in time for the Super Bowl, with Green Bay Packers' Aaron, I mean A.A. Ron Rodgers and a few other players making cameos for East West Bowl 3.  Source: comedycentral Something tells me that Grunky Peep is going to have a long career ahead of him. I mean, really, this is just a lineup of straight MVPs all around. ...
  • Watch These People Freak Out Testing Tesla's 'Insane Mode'

    28 Jan 2015 | 11:19 am
    Oops, somebody just crapped their pants.  ...
  • The Truth Behind Justin Bieber's Calvin Klein Ad

    28 Jan 2015 | 11:00 am
    Much has been made about Justin Bieber's new Calvin Klein ad. Some say that the image was photohopped, but Bieber denies it. We don't know the answer, but regardless, there's no doubt that Photoshop continues to set unrealistic standards, even among celebrities.  So we'd like to use this opportunity, and this video, to say- be proud to be yourself. ...
  • Arizona Weatherman Turns Glitch into Hilarious Forecast

    28 Jan 2015 | 9:45 am
    If this weatherman is to be believed, the good folks of Cave Creek, Arizona right now are likely nothing but a smoldering pile of ash. During the weather report yesterday, the map of
  • Principal Announces Snow Day by Channeling His Inner Disney Princess

    27 Jan 2015 | 1:25 pm
    Kids today don't realize how easy they have it. Instead of sitting by the TV at 6 a.m. and waiting to find out if their school would be part of the coveted list of snow day closings, they now have Disney song parodies announcing the good news. 
 
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    McSweeney’s

  • Dolph Lundgren’s 1986 Patent Application for a Modern Shopping Basket by Noah Levenson

    28 Jan 2015 | 4:01 am
    Hello, Patent Office. I am Dolph Lundgren: movie star, martial artist, and international sex symbol. Perhaps you know me as the actor who punched Apollo Creed to death. I am currently in talks to play the titular role in The Punisher film. I also banged Grace Jones. But I consider the following invention to be my greatest achievement.ABSTRACTThe patent is for a supermarket shopping basket device that will destroy your arm and expose weakness. A plastic basket with handle will give the illusion of being carryable by an average human, but when filled with grocery items it will push man to the…
  • Home On the Range: Gundamentalism by Robert Lawrence

    28 Jan 2015 | 4:00 am
    The second anniversary of the kindergarten massacre in Newtown, Connecticut passed last month. Here are some Internet comments about guns posted during the time since it happened, plus the very short story about why I left the NRA.The first comment, in response to Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, a gun owner, forming the group Americans for Responsible Solutions with her husband, Mark Kelly:I refuse to stand by and gently, kindly stroke little Gabby Giffords’ fears and ego, just because she was a victim. She’s exploiting her tragedy and using her pain to destroy the foundations of this…
  • List: I Like My Men Like I Like My… by Sara K. Runnels

    28 Jan 2015 | 4:00 am
    BRAS – Strapping. Supportive. Always near my boobs.CHEESE – Sharp. Good with wine. Easily molded.TV SETS – Modern. Always turned on. With a warranty.BOOKS – Novel. Unpredictable. With a spine.LIGHT BULBS – Efficient. Bright. On sale at Walgreens.CARPETS – Stylish. Rugged. Lets me walk all over them.PILLOWS – Firm. In excess. In my bed.BABIES – Adorable. Potty-trained. With a nice crib.SWEATPANTS – Warm. Resilient. Covered in cookie crumbs.TAXIS – Clean. Safe. Willing to go to Brooklyn.FLIGHTS – Smooth. Minimal baggage. With an emergency exit plan.MIRRORS – Reflective.
  • Reasons You Were Not Promoted That are Totally Unrelated to Gender by Homa Mojtabai

    27 Jan 2015 | 4:01 am
    You don’t smile enough. People don’t like you.You smile too much. People don’t take you seriously.You’re abrasive, for example that time when you asked for a raise. It was awkward and you made the men on the senior leadership team uncomfortable.You don’t speak up. We’d really like to see you take on more of a leadership role before we pay you for being a leader.You’re sloppy. Like when you sent that email with a typo. You need to proofread your work.You’re too focused on details. Leaders need to take the 50,000-foot fighter pilot view. No, I…
  • List: Things I’m “All About” Now That I’ve Turned 47 by Mike Zuckerman

    27 Jan 2015 | 4:00 am
    That bursitis.That orthopedic insert.That cabernet.That lox.That tax exemption.That minivan.That pesky twenty pounds.That annual pilgrimage to a Disney theme park.That college fund.That CBS lineup.That commuter train schedule.That new redheaded Executive Assistant.That colonial on one-and-a-half acres in Westchester or North Jersey or Long Island.That cholesterol.That Just For Men.That goddamn promotion already.That Propecia.That vintage vinyl that the wife just doesn’t fucking understand.That bouncy house rental for the kid’s birthday party.That treble.
 
 
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    Predator Press

  • TurtleGate

    Michael Wolfe
    25 Jan 2015 | 4:51 am
    LOBO -Predator Press "Moriarty didn't commit suicide, you moron" Rachel explains.  "Morry is a tortoise.  Tortises live on land." "Well you're certainly not making me feel any better about this whole fiasco," I says, pushing on Morry's chest rhythmically.  "This is a consequence of God's spurious equivocation when it comes to Creation." "You're blaming God for drowning Morry?" "I mean it's not like we see fish walking around downtown," I says, slamming my fist into the inverted carapace.  "I figured this would be a major upgrade for him." Morry suddenly hacks, and ...
  • The Shart Begins

    Michael Wolfe
    4 Jan 2015 | 8:47 am
    LOBO -Predator Press "Why does Bruce Wayne keep all this cool Batman memorabilia down in this cave?" I ask.  "Won't it get moldy or something?" Stephanie Barr, at the Batputer, rolls her eyes.  Pulling up BatGoogle, she has Banksy's BatWikipedia profile in seconds.  "Why," she counters, "Are you so ardent about finding this artist?" "Bruce Wayne made me a cool costume," I says.  "It makes me look like I have pectorals." Nose-to-nose with an amazing Batsuit, I whistle involuntarily. "Man this Wayne guy must be the shit at Comic Con."
  • THE SHART LIVES

    Michael Wolfe
    3 Jan 2015 | 12:07 pm
    LOBO -Predator Press "I'm not exactly certain why I'm here," I admit to Mr. Wayne.  "Shit I didn't even know this room existed before now.  You Human Resources people really go 'all out.'" Wayne eyes me over a stack of documents.  "You and Lois Lane flew to Gotham last month as company representatives," he says. O shit. Wayne leans back in his chair.  "Would you care to explain to me what happened?" I pour a glass of water from the pitcher to give myself time to think carefully.  Living in quiet dread of this conversation, one might expect me…
  • Here Be Dragons

    Michael Wolfe
    28 Dec 2014 | 3:59 pm
    LOBO -Predator Press 'Carpenter Pants.' Ugh. -The modern, durable version of 80's 'Parachute Pants.'  Minus the teal, and presumably more flame-retardant. Presumably. "There are too many options and pockets," I explain.  "I don't even know where my penis is."
  • Lestrade

    Michael Wolfe
    20 Dec 2014 | 11:59 am
    LOBO -Predator Press Nicki Minaj was sitting two seats in front of me. Nicki Minaj! I tap her on the shoulder.  "Miss Minaj, I am a huge fan."  I beam, showing her my iPod Shuffle.  "I own all four of your songs." The next thing I knew her entourage was "all up in my grill," wanting to throw me out.  This was complicated heavily by the fact that we were on an airplane. [*sigh*] I miss Lindsay Lohan.
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    Funny or Die | Funny Videos, Funny Video Clips, Funny Pictures

  • #SwipeDeniers

    SwipeDeniers
    28 Jan 2015 | 2:37 pm
    #SwipeDeniers 2:52 Like you, we’re very concerned about the persistence of climate change denial among many of our elected officials. 97% of scientists agree that climate change is happening. So why doesn’t Washington? Let’s swipe climate change denial from the halls of Congress. We'd love for you to help us get the word out and share this video with your networks. Submitted by: SwipeDeniers Regular Keywords: state of the union tinder comedy politics climate change Views: 117
  • The Blizzard of 2015

    chris_singel
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:14 pm
    The Blizzard of 2015 3:42 The Blizzard of 2015 devastates the east coast and destroys the lives of a happy couple. Submitted by: chris_singel Regular Keywords: Blizzard 2015 juno storm snow new york city new york weather funny or die comedy parody Views: 5
  • Puppy vs. Ice

    rillawafers
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:38 am
    Puppy vs. Ice 0:13 Ice is the clear winner here. Submitted by: rillawafers Regular Keywords: puppy dog dogs doggy cute adorable funny slow motion slow mo slow-mo slipping slips slip ice icey bernese Views: 4
  • Throwing Shade #77: The Bachelor & Gay Marriage In Alabama

    chris_singel
    27 Jan 2015 | 5:30 pm
    Throwing Shade #77: The Bachelor & Ga... 15:56 This week, Bryan tried dumpster diving for the first time and then watched 'The Bachelor' and Erin watched 'Cats' stone-cold sober. What a week. Also, Alabama wants to ban not just gay marriages but every marriage and the GOP is back again trying to ban abortion with the Pain Capable Unborn Child Protection Act! And one of their own, GOP Congresswoman Renee Elmers is trying to stop it. Good luck everybody with everything! Listen to the full episode here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/throwing-shade/id479583266?mt=2 Submitted by:…
  • Horny Cats Are The Best Cats

    zpoitras
    27 Jan 2015 | 12:52 pm
    Horny Cats Are The Best Cats An analysis of why horny cats are great, better than regular cats, seriously. Submitted by: zpoitras Regular Keywords: cat horny sex kitty cute adorable heat comedy laughs haha funny good times Views: 32,834
 
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    vintage everyday

  • African American baseball players from Morris Brown College, ca. 1900

    John VE
    29 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    African American baseball players from Morris Brown College, with boy and another man standing at door, Atlanta, Georgia [1899 or 1900]
  • 25 Vintage Photographs of Athens in the Late 19th and Early 20th Century

    John VE
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:53 am
    Panoramic view of Lycabettus Hill in the background, 1850.185019001900The Old Palace in Athens, 1900See more »
  • Unseen Vintage Photographs of a Lost London, ca. 1900s-1910s

    John VE
    28 Jan 2015 | 7:50 am
    A small collection of rare vintage photographs of London, taken between the 1910s and 1910s, from the Archives of English Heritage. The photographs provide a unique record of whole districts of London as they were vanishing...Arch, Shepherd’s Place, off White’s Row, now Tenter Ground, Spitalfields, 1909.Evans and Witt, Stationers and Bookbinders, Booksellers and Tobacconists, ca. 1900s.Cloth Fair, Smithfield, 1906.House with shop, ca. 1900s.8 Bow Churchyard, Cheapside, 1908 – near St Paul’s.See more »
  • Steve Jobs giving his middle finger to IBM, 1983

    John VE
    28 Jan 2015 | 5:35 am
    This rare photograph of Steve Jobs demonstrates the Apple co-founder’s infamous rebellious spirit as he “flips the bird” outside an IBM building in New York City. It was taken in 1983 when the Macintosh team visited the city for a meeting with Newsweek, and was posted to Google+ by Andy Hertzfield, a member of the original Macintosh development team, “in memoriam for Steve Jobs as 2011 draws to a close”:“In December 1983, a few weeks before the Mac launch, we made a quick trip to New York City to meet with Newsweek, who was considering doing a cover story on the Mac. The photo was…
  • Pictures of Beautiful Lana Turner in Hollywood, ca. 1940

    John VE
    28 Jan 2015 | 3:35 am
    Lana Turner was a film actress and sex symbol who was "discovered" while drinking soda at a diner counter. She made over 50 films and was married seven times.See more »
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    15 Minute Lunch

  • Raptor it up, I'll take it.

    23 Jan 2015 | 10:11 pm
    Man, I almost forgot the password to this dump. What have I been doing with my time, you ask? Well, I'll get to that.  So what's new with you? How've you been?  You look great!  Do people still read blogs?  Are blogs still a thing?  I'll have to Google it.This past weekend my wife and I spent her birthday in a little Inn in Vermont.  We were hoping for some snow, and our plans included lots of relaxing and maybe a sleigh ride at a local farm.   We did lots of relaxing, but it was mostly forced because the weather sucked. Instead of snow we got icy rain that…
  • You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

    17 Jun 2014 | 6:52 pm
    Well, hello there. Is this place still open?I've been MIA lately, I know.   It seems the less I write, the less I feel like writing, so I have to do something about that, because I really do like writing.  So I have a story to tell you.  I spent $27,500 dollars about a month or so ago.  I would like to say I purchased a new car, or put an addition on my house or even spent it on hookers and blow, but no.  I spent it for a single night's accommodations in a drafty room in the city so a burly guy named Steve with a tattoo on his neck could offer me injectable drugs.
  • Henry's Door.

    21 Feb 2014 | 6:52 pm
    For those who don't know, I have a little short story out on Amazon right now.This is some quick background on it, written by my friend Mark, who happens to be a brilliant photographer.  He uses film and develops it himself and makes his own prints for god's sake.  Check out some of his stuff while you're over there.Tell him Johnny sent ya.Come visit me at http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com
  • The More You Know.

    12 Feb 2014 | 6:20 pm
    Did you hear about the two geniuses who tasered a guy and stole a Stradivarius violin worth five million dollars and then stuck it in a suitcase and hid it in a friend's attic?   First off, WTF were these guys thinking?  Did they think they were going to just walk into Rudy's Pawn Shop and Paycheck Loans and walk out with a few million in loose 20's? Secondly, if you were convicted in 2000 and did five years in prison because you stole a sculpture worth twenty-five grand back in 1995 and got caught because you tried to sell it back to the guy you stole it from, you might…
  • Robins and other junk.

    22 Jan 2014 | 7:00 pm
    Coffee conversation with Yort today:Yort:   "There's a new animated Batman coming out soon.  They're not using Conroy, I have no idea why. They keep trying out new voices."Me: "That's stupid.  He's the perfect Batman voice."Yort:  "I know.  Oh, and I guess there's a new Robin.  Supposedly he's the son of Batman and Ra's al Ghul's daughter."Me: "What?   Ra's al Ghul's daughter and Batman had a Robin?  I didn’t even know they were a thing."Yort: "Yeah, It's gotten crazy lately.  But on the other hand, most people don’t even know there was more…
 
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    View from the Cloud

  • Chapter 2 - The Maiden Voyage

    Jeff
    18 Jan 2015 | 11:08 am
    In my last post I mentioned what inspired us to ditch everything we own and hit the road, besides the popular belief that we are experiencing a midlife crisis. Which we're not.  I think.But today I'm going to start by talking about one of the key things that is making this new lifestyle even possible for us... telecommuting.For most of the last decade my jobs have allowed me to work remotely from home, which is an amazing perk to have.  Except that it shouldn't be amazing!  It SHOULD be the norm, but that's a different topic for a different day.  The important thing is…
  • Chapter I - How We Sold Everything We Owned and Hit the Road

    Jeff
    8 Jan 2015 | 5:40 pm
    It all started back in March of 2013 when Charli and I decided to take a little 4000 mile road trip to see our kids... one in Phoenix and the other in Oceanside, CA. During this 2 week venture I was able to work in the passenger seat while Charli drove during the day, thanks to the magic of a wireless jetpack.It was this trip where we first learned that we really liked road tripping together and decided that doing it more often would be awesome. We even joked about just selling all our stuff and living on the road full time.  Ha ha ha.A few months later we ended up in Hawaii, house…
  • Yeah sure it'll fit

    Jeff
    10 Dec 2014 | 4:53 pm
    Aaaaand done!In my last post I noted that if we didn't sell our house by the time we left that we would need to try again in April. Well, as most of you know by now from Facebook, we DID sell our house!  So yay!Except yay?... we now have to completely empty our house and have it move in ready for the new owners before we leave on Dec 13?  Uh, sure... NO PROBLEM!But hey, we're doing it, and it's going fine so no worries. Although I'm pretty sure we underestimated the amount of things we were planning on carrying in the back of our car. For example...THIS luggage and THIS 88 note…
  • Changes in Latitudes

    Jeff
    14 Nov 2014 | 7:32 am
    Ooh... nothing like a vague story in the local paper to gin up the rumor mill!  Well then, I guess this would be a good time for an update.  It's really quite simple... In January, Charli and I are going to Connecticut for 3 months to house sit for some people we've never met before.  There, that should clear things up.What's that... not really?Alright, if you really must pry (we must, we must!)Here's the scoop. Because my job allows for me to work remotely, I have the freedom to basically work from anywhere there is an internet connection. AND, because all our kids are gone,…
  • Talk about getting it ass backwards

    Jeff
    9 Jan 2013 | 6:24 pm
    This is an absolutely true story, and it absolutely happened to me this morning I had been in the conference for 3 1/2 hours before they finally called lunch break, and I desperately needed to "go," if you know what I mean. And to make matters worse, I had already commuted 2 hours prior to that - so it was time.  I was ready.I was the first one out of the meeting room and into the bathroom, just ahead of the 10 or so other guys behind me. I knew if I didn't make a move I would have to wait in line and that was NOT an option at this point. So I saddled up to one of two urinals, unzipped…
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    Bee's Musings

  • The Asinine Asylum

    15 Jan 2015 | 11:30 am
    The Asinine Asylum
  • New Blog

    5 Jan 2015 | 10:58 am
    Life in the Bee Lane
  • Tough love, the cure for what ails the dependent youth.

    22 Jun 2012 | 9:12 am
    Yesterday I went to see my little brother’s new apartment. Well, “little” is really pushing the laws of adjectives since he’s actually 29 but he hasn’t seemed to take life as seriously as the rest of us old fogies. Curiously, I know of 2 other people around his same age that seem to subscribe to a more extremely dependent way of life which is to expect the rest of the hard working world to provide them with the help and comfort they “deserve”. So what if they are just reaping the benefits of other people’s struggles? That is not their problem!The little brother was always…
  • My review on Snow White and the Huntsman, or, as I like to call it, The Evil Queen, the Huntsman and a Weird Dude with a Moe Haircut.

    5 Jun 2012 | 8:35 am
    As you know, (I really don’t know who I’m referring to when I say “you” but that is how I’m starting this sentence), I am no Roger Ebert (well, except in the being short and having a big personality comparison) but I do love to watch movies and I do like to talk a lot of smack about them if they disappoint me in any way. I was really looking forward to this movie and Andy did warn me that the previews showed very little of the “Snow White” character which could not be a good sign. But! It was Sunday morning and I was feeling adventurous so we went to the discounted movie…
  • Blah.

    16 Jan 2012 | 10:18 am
    So, today was a peculiar day. I woke up in a crappy mood, as per usual, got in the shower and then got ready for work. I had picked out an outfit which I discarded as soon as I looked in the mirror. I went to plan B, then plan C, then plan D then, then I just sat down on the bed and debated if I should call in sick. But I couldn’t call in sick because my brother-in-law would be in my house and my misery has never liked company. It was still early enough for me to get my shit together and get to work on time but then I thought about all the stress that waited for me there and the tiny bit of…
 
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    Awesomely Luvvie

  • The Angry Trey Songz Fan Who Went Off on Chris Brown on Instagram Has Me Howling

    Luvvie
    27 Jan 2015 | 7:27 pm
    You know that dude who you were rooting for way back when but he just cannot seem to get his ish together because he is hellbent on being a perpetual delinquent? That is Chris Brown. Homeboy STAYS in trouble and can’t seem to get right. Chris is supposed to be going on tour with Trey Songz but he had to postpone it because he still has 100 hours of community service left in his court-ordered 1,000. Well when he took to Instagram to break it to his fans, one of them went CLEAN OFF on him and it is the funniest most truthiest read I have seen in at least a week. I laughed so hard that I…
  • Whose Aunty’s Obama Heels Are These?

    Luvvie
    27 Jan 2015 | 11:36 am
    My boy Darell J. hunt is forever blessing me with his sayings, and sometimes, he blesses me with a picture that keeps on giving. He uploaded a picture of someone’s Obama heel and I got my life. Because like he says, you cannot outdo Black people. Chile, your aunty put on her nice sensible, square-toed pumps and dedicated them to our first Black president and I am living because YESSS! You know she was about to stunt on the entire Usher Board on that day. People were all “GIRL THAT IS SHARRPPP” and she was all “GIRL I KNOW, RIGHT?” She probably rocked this with a…
  • About Owning Your Ideas and Giving Them Permanence Away from Social Media

    Luvvie
    25 Jan 2015 | 12:35 pm
    Ownership is wealth, and I want us to own our work, in all forms. To do that, we need to take them out of free platforms like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. So here’s my latest rant. If you cannot view it below, check out About Owning Your Ideas and Giving Them Permanence Away from Social Media on Storify. [View the story “About Owning Your Ideas and Giving Them Permanence Away from Social Media” on Storify] P.S. And I’m using Storify for these tweets, and that is not a permanent platform either. They’re saved offline, though so I can always access them. The…
  • Dear Johnson Publishing Company, About Selling Your Photo Archives

    Luvvie
    24 Jan 2015 | 2:07 pm
    I had to write this sternly-worded letter because NAWL! Dear Johnson Publishing Company, I read a story in the Chicago Tribune called “Johnson Publishing to sell historic photo archive” and I had to write you a letter because my spirit was bothered. I posted it on Facebook and everyone did a collective *wall slide*. According to that article, you’re considering selling your photo archives to raise some capital for the company. There are 5 million pictures and you’re hoping to get $40 million for them. That is $8 per picture. EIGHT DOLLARS. Can we talk about this? CAN WE TALK…
  • The Whitney Houston Movie on Lifetime Was Wrongly Named: My Review

    Luvvie
    18 Jan 2015 | 9:08 am
    The much-talked about Whitney Houston movie came on Lifetime yesterday and we all know how their track record with biopics is less than stellar (read: downright a mess). But, I had hope that this would be a good one because Angela Bassett was directing, and Yaya Dacosta as Whitney in pics was semi-convincing (plus I’ve loved her since ANTM). Well, let’s talk about it. * It shouldn’t have been called “Whitney.” It should have been “See what happened with Whitney and Bobby was…” The film was named incorrectly, because it wasn’t about…
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    Brittany, Herself.

  • The Internet is a Place. For Real.

    Brittany
    28 Jan 2015 | 7:11 am
    My friend Amy shared a video with me this morning about a boy named Josh who was previously bullied after losing his dad, but one day decided to open doors for people, and it changed his life. It was the typical tearjerker, emotional piano music in the background, only watch this shit on your period type of video. Don’t get me wrong, it was wonderful and totally affirming (you can watch it here), but I’m not really a touchy-feely kind of girl. I usually just smile, watch a few seconds and then click out before the waterworks start. But, about a minute into the video I was…
  • Old Hollywood Glamour

    Brittany
    22 Jan 2015 | 3:04 am
    If I could have one totally frivolous and useless goal in life, it would be to put myself in a position to sometimes wear formal wear. In theory. Because in theory wearing fancy gowns with sparkly bangles and gorgeous heels sounds like an absolute dream come true. In reality, Oh My God, why does all plus size formal wear make me feel like the mother of the bride? (...)Read the rest of Old Hollywood Glamour (512 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the…
  • 2015: The Game Plan

    Brittany
    13 Jan 2015 | 4:25 am
    I woke up the day after Christmas, briefly forgetting that it had happened. That is, until I walked into my living room to find crap everywhere, empty wine bottles from the previous night’s celebrations all over the counter, and I turned on the news to promises of weight loss and finally, finally, being a less suck ass version of yourself. Ahhh yes. It’s December 26th.(...)Read the rest of 2015: The Game Plan (1,246 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written…
  • What I Really Say To Your Husband

    Brittany
    15 Dec 2014 | 6:21 am
    Ladies, your husbands are emailing me. Repeatedly. You may or may not have any idea this is happening. It’s probably while you’re in the shower, or after you go to bed. Or maybe when you think they’re texting a co-worker on the couch, or in the bathroom on their iPads.(...)Read the rest of What I Really Say To Your Husband (924 words) © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2014 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
  • Listen, It’s Okay To Be Alone At Christmas

    Brittany
    9 Dec 2014 | 6:41 am
    I have a very romanticized idea of the holidays. I function at a Clark W. Griswold level of holiday merriment from November through mid-January. It’s obnoxious. I grew up having amazing Christmases with my grandmother before she died. She filled every room of her house with friends and family as the Rat Pack hummed from the record player in the living room and the walls glowed with Christmas lights from the trees in every corner. She served hors d’oeuvres on themed glass plates from her china cabinet and had a bartender at the ready filling drinks and slipping me swords of…
 
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    Boondock Ramblings

  • Bring Out the Lovely Skin with Dermafillers Wolverhampton

    boondocker
    29 Jan 2015 | 12:35 am
    The youthfulness of the skin lowers as people grow older. Signs of ageing will gradually occur and pop up in all parts of the body. A person’s level of confidence usually staggers when wrinkles and fine lines began to show up. This is where Dermal fillers Wolverhampton, or Dermafillers Wolverhampton, or Derma fillers Wolverhampton came to assist. First, dermal fillers are injections that diminish fine lines and wrinkles. These dermal filler injections can plump up the wrinkles.When applied, it will cause a smooth and glowing skin. Depending upon the severity of fine lines and wrinkles, the…
  • Business Central Heating Boiler Repairs And Maintenance

    boondocker
    20 Jan 2015 | 3:21 am
    It’s time to commence searching for commercial plumber Nottingham in the event that you experience an emergency. The issue must be fixed at the earliest opportunity when it happens and commercial plumber Nottingham is just what you’ll need. The issue is that selecting a very good plumbing technician in area just like Nottingham can sometimes seem like a hopeless process. Central heating boiler is a complex item regarding technology. There are plenty of kinds of them. It is no surprise after that, the fact that when each goes drastically wrong they might be extremely expensive to…
  • Obtain More Brand Exposure with Promotional Branded Water

    boondocker
    17 Jan 2015 | 1:44 am
    Marketing can help a business to thrive. You don’t need to invest much to market your products and services. It must be innovative and out-of-the-box; something which is new and will entice the eye of the public. You can effectively advertise your business through giving away promotional products. With the many products you can pick, promotional branded water would make a great option. Can you imagine the number of individuals who will get your promotional bottled water throughout an occasion? Promotional branded water is an efficient tool for product promotion since it is very helpful.
  • Wedding Caricatures – Ideal for Weddings

    boondocker
    25 Dec 2014 | 11:28 pm
    Do you want your wedding to become unforgettable and unique? Perhaps you want something which will liven up the vibes throughout your drinks reception. Your wedding will certainly turn out to be enjoyable if you decide to have some wedding caricatures. Couples who wish to have a memorable and exceptional wedding are planning to employ a caricature artist for wedding. Wedding caricature does apply in many ways. It is possible through handing out caricature wedding invitations or by employing a caricature artist for wedding who will quickly make wedding caricatures for your guests while in the…
  • How Businesses can Take advantage of Corporate Video Production

    boondocker
    24 Dec 2014 | 12:18 am
    There is no denying that competition is high in the corporate world. If you need your business to succeed, then you have to ensure you understand what marketing methods to make use of. The majority of companies hire a commercial film company to create corporate video production since it can give them various advantages. Listed here are a few of the advantages why video production companies needs to be hired in creating commercial film production. A commercial film production or corporate video production targets your business’ prospective customers. For you to ensure that corporate video…
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    Nanny Goats in Panties

  • Keeping the Romance Alive with “Date Night”

    Margaret
    18 Jan 2015 | 1:39 pm
    For date night on Saturday, me and my old man went to Bed Bath & Beyond. Got new sheets and finally, FINALLY, a Keurig coffee machine. The procrastination allowed us to invest in the brand new Keurig 2.0 (cue oooohs and ahhhhs). I’m drinking my second cup of Keurig coffee (10 oz., strong setting) this morning. Tully’s Hawaiian Blend. We brought five coupons with us to the store and when I asked what we could use them on (because the fine print said Keurig products were exempt) she said, “everything”. “Everything?” I asked, and she nodded patiently like this customer did…
  • Not Your Grandma’s Resolutions

    Margaret
    1 Jan 2015 | 1:43 pm
    You know what day it is, right? This is the day that the whole world comes together and says, “I wish I’d worked more”. No, wait. That’s what people say on their death bed. Or rather, what people never say on their death bed. Also? The green squigglies are telling me that “deathbed” is one word. Also? Happy New Year. If it’s not too late to declare my New Year’s resolutions, I’d like to name them here. In addition to the Word document boiler template called “New Year’s Resolutions” that provides the 3 default items, I am adding one more item: • lose weight…
  • Real Men Do It With Their Hands

    Margaret
    10 Dec 2014 | 1:08 pm
    Before this upcoming biblical proportion storm arrives and kills us all, I just want to tell you that I loved you and it was fun and I don’t regret anything. Except for that pink rabbit-themed hot tub party in Brother Dinklemeyer’s gazebo where we all got naked, went crazy with Instagram and lost our jobs. I regret that. I’m so embarrassed about the whole thing, bringing a fuschia rabbit. I mean really, who does that? But that’s not why I brought you here today. Today I want to talk about real men. Real men make things. They make things. With their hands. “Make” is…
  • Meet My New Buddy, Perry Mennow Paws

    Margaret
    25 Nov 2014 | 12:59 pm
    Have you ever sat on the cold, concrete tombstone of a stranger, just to watch a gravedigger? It’s twilight and all you can hear is the shovel cutting into the soil and the birds chirping in the trees. These gravediggers, they all seem to wear flannel plaid snap-front work shirts and muddy boots. Most have beards. They won’t tell you their name. They never talk to you no matter how much you flirt with them or compliment their cracked, dry hands. Not that I’ve ever done that. I’m just curious if you’ve ever done it. So anyway, after my recent bout with anxiety for many, many…
  • I’ve Got All the Bells and Whistles

    Margaret
    22 Oct 2014 | 3:29 pm
    I think I have adoraphobia. It’s like the little fuzzy kitten version of agoraphobia where I am capable of leaving the house, I just don’t want to. Isn’t that cute? Okay, it’s official. I’ve become one of those people that won’t shut up about their health problems (oh, my aching back!). To wit:   Shortly after my anxiety and panic attack mini-series, I was prescribed this drug, that drug, and the other thing. The other thing was a heart monitor that I have to carry around for 30 days and I’m on the home stretch with only one day to go. It was…
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    mark a rayner

  • Doug the neurotic invents a corollary on his daily commute

    Mark A. Rayner
    22 Jan 2015 | 6:00 am
    Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m freaking out. I ate at Wendy’s last night, and then I’m reading the paper today — yeah, like I do everyday on the bus — and so I’m reading the paper, and what do I see? Bird Flu! There was another breakout of bird flu in a freakin’ chicken farm […]
  • Reservoir Clowns

    Mark A. Rayner
    20 Jan 2015 | 5:28 am
    I’m sure Quentin Tarantino isn’t thinking of a remake, but if he did this, it would be TERRIFYING. Alltop is the Harlequin of humor aggregators. Photo by drewlevy
  • Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#30)

    Mark A. Rayner
    16 Jan 2015 | 8:07 am
    From the Book of Badonkadonk Yeah, verily, there shall be days of great wickedness, and the righteous shall be baffled by the Profligate and Vainglorious. There shall be a Box of Temptation, and this Box will taketh of images, and the Profligate shall worship these images. And they shall be posted on the Gram of […]
  • Breakthrough books and late bloomers

    Mark A. Rayner
    14 Jan 2015 | 1:37 pm
    As a “late bloomer” (my first novel wasn’t published until I was 39 and I haven’t had that “breakthrough” book yet), this interactive infographic is kind of reassuring. I hope you enjoy it it too! Alltop loves a good bloomer. Source: Blinkbox Books
 
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    MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

  • Shoveling Duty (Limerick)

    madkane
    26 Jan 2015 | 3:14 pm
    Shoveling Duty (Limerick) By Madeleine Begun Kane It’s snowing, alas and alack, And I just finished shov’ling — can’t slack During storms this severe. But I did it. Oh dear! All the snow I removed has come back. Blizzard in progress. I resent New York City resembling Fargo. Oboe-playing years armed my shoulders for shov’ling, but failed to prep mind.
  • Clapping For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Clap — UPDATED

    madkane
    24 Jan 2015 | 7:49 pm
    UPDATE: As an experiment, I’m officially freeing you up to use “clap” as the rhyme word in line 1 or line 2 or line 5. (If this works out well, perhaps I’ll make this a regular (or semi-regular) thing. It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.) How will your poems be judged?
  • Limerick of the Week (199)

    madkane
    24 Jan 2015 | 7:35 pm
    It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Congratulations to ALLEN WILCOX, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse: A fellow was trying to pass A lass who was swinging her ass Side to side (super-sized). He was quite hipnotized, And his privates went public en masse. And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Colleen Murphy, Scott Crowder, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks: Jon Gearhart: For my…
  • In Praise of the Grumble (Limerick)

    madkane
    22 Jan 2015 | 3:24 pm
    In Praise of the Grumble (Limerick) By Madeleine Begun Kane I pity the person who curbs me From grumbling when something perturbs me. I find grumbling essential For humor potential; How else would I know what disturbs me? (Inspired by Joshua Rothman’s A Few Notes On Grumbling in The New Yorker.)
  • Limerick Time

    madkane
    21 Jan 2015 | 3:00 pm
    Limerick Time By Madeleine Begun Kane Don’t be TIM-id. Give LIM-’ricks a TRY. There is NO need to FEAR them. Here’s WHY: Simply CO-py my ME-ter. (You WON’T be a CHEA-ter.) Let A, a, b, B, a-rhyme FLY. Here’s my how to write limericks article. View my Limerick Time limerick image here.
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    Dilbert Daily Strip

  • Comic for January 29, 2015

    29 Jan 2015 | 3:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
  • Comic for January 28, 2015

    28 Jan 2015 | 3:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
  • Comic for January 27, 2015

    27 Jan 2015 | 3:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
  • Comic for January 26, 2015

    26 Jan 2015 | 3:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
  • Comic for January 25, 2015

    25 Jan 2015 | 3:59 pm
    Dilbert readers - Please visit Dilbert.com to read this feature. Due to changes with our feeds, we are now making this RSS feed a link to Dilbert.com.
 
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    CAP News

  • Scientists Discover Snow Turns Drivers Into Idiots

    28 Jan 2015 | 3:42 am
    CAMBRIDGE (CAP) - Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have discovered a brain disorder that causes drivers to forget the most basic rules of driving the minute snow starts to fall. Dubbed Seasonal Driving Disorder (SDD), researcher Roderick Crawford describes it as a neurological syndrome in which the presence of snow literally causes synapses in the brain to cease firing. In turn, people suffering from the disorder lose the ability to recall even the simplest driving procedures, such as how to maintain a consistent speed, or what the brakes do. "We've all seen it out on…
  • Snowbound Commuters Use Kids To Hold Parking Spots

    27 Jan 2015 | 4:45 am
    PHILADELPHIA (CAP) - Combating what they're calling a "dangerous trend," police in several northern cities have warned residents that it is illegal to save your shoveled-out parking spot by leaving your child or your pet in it. "We've had several close calls already," said Philadelphia police spokesperson Howard Frederickson. "If someone has been driving around long enough, the fact that you've left your kid in your parking spot won't be enough to deter them. "I'm not saying they'll run the kid over, but they're likely to at least pick him up and move him to another part of the street," he…
  • Study Finds Most Clams Severely Depressed

    26 Jan 2015 | 3:46 am
    WOODS HOLE, Mass. (CAP) - A study published today by the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution claims that despite popular belief, almost all of the clams in the ocean are actually clinically depressed, with most falling into the range of suicidal. "The phrase happy as a clam dates back to the 1600's, when fishermen and clammers first began working the waters off the New England coastline," said WHOI President Susan Avery. "These men took the clams' slightly upturned hingeline to be equivalent to a human smile, so they assumed that clams were just naturally happy. "Now with the help of modern…
  • CAP News Ticker - 1/24/2015

    24 Jan 2015 | 3:09 am
    Body of deceased Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdulaziz to be placed in high pressure kiln and turned into limited edition collectible crude oilUS Capitol janitor confirms he did have to wake a sleeping Joe Biden from his seat behind the podium while cleaning up hours after the State Of The UnionBoston judge pardons Mark Wahlberg for 1991 incident in which he attempted to impersonate a singer by releasing "Good Vibrations"NFL says if Patriots had deflated footballs, their punt would have wedged in Josh Cribbs' facemask, not bounced off of itThe X-Files returning to Fox with all-new characters…
  • Cleanup Of Solar Energy Spill Underway In Montana

    23 Jan 2015 | 4:40 am
    WEST YELLOWSTONE (CAP) - The Environmental Protection Agency and local officials are scrambling to contain a spill at a solar energy farm in Yellowstone Park near Lamar Buffalo Ranch that is dumping thousands of lumens of sunlight back into the atmosphere every minute. Experts call it the worst spill in 22 years. "Yeah, we started getting calls from park rangers that things were getting pretty bright during the day," said Altair Energy spokesperson Rhett Gartner. "When we went to check out the scene one evening and didn't even need flashlights, we knew there was a problem." The situation has…
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    Jokes - jokes4all.net!

  • How do men exercise on the beach?

    28 Jan 2015 | 10:59 pm
    How do men exercise on the beach?By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.
  • There was a prostitute on the beach without any arms or legs, and crying. A man ...

    28 Jan 2015 | 8:59 pm
    There was a prostitute on the beach without any arms or legs, and crying. A man came along and asked her what the matter was. She tells him that she has not been hugged before, so he picks her up and hugs her.The next day she is still there crying, the same man comes along and asks her what the matter is. She tells him that she has not been kissed before, so he picks her up and kisses her.The next day she's still there crying, and same man comes along again. He asks her sternly what the matter is and she tells him that she has not been fucked before. So the man picks her up, walks to the end…
  • A fellow was about to enter a bar when a dog tugged at his trouser leg and said ...

    28 Jan 2015 | 6:59 pm
    A fellow was about to enter a bar when a dog tugged at his trouser leg and said to him, "Hey, pal! Wanna make some quick money?"The man couldn't believe his ears. He said to the dog, "Can you talk?""Yeah," the dog answered, "and that's how we can pick up some easy money. You take me into the bar with you, pretend I'm your dog, and bet everybody I can talk."The fellow thought that was a great idea, so he took the dog into the bar, set it on the bar, and announced to everyone that the dog could talk. The other patrons didn't believe him, and it wasn't long before several thousand dollars had…
  • A man says to his wife: "Tell me something that will make me both happy and sad ...

    28 Jan 2015 | 4:59 pm
    A man says to his wife: "Tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."His wife replies: "You have a bigger willy than your brother!"
  • Sam: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

    28 Jan 2015 | 2:59 pm
    Sam: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"Teacher: "No, of course not."Sam: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."
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    Luggage Tuesdays

  • Plug: Mike Spiegelman performs at the 14th Annual San Francisco Sketchfest

    22 Jan 2015 | 8:16 am
    The 2015 San Francisco Sketchfest is now happening and Luggage Tuesdays' own Mike Spiegelman will be performing in two shows:Thursday, January 29th, 10pmDark Room Showcase: The Great Difficulties, Living Impaired and Thunderstood, Hosted by Joey DevineFriday, February 6th, 10:30pmRude City with Mike Spiegelman and guests Cheryl Anderson, Jason Downs, Peet Guercio, Scoot Herring, Bri Pruett, Marlena Rodriguez and Jonathan RowellPreviously: 2011, 2012, 2013. 2014
  • Hack List December 2014

    16 Dec 2014 | 7:28 pm
    Here's what's hacky during December 2014:Movie where Jim Belushi steals Tim Allen's vape pen and thereby taking over his identity.My socks are wet.Hack List December 2013.
  • Hack List November 2014

    31 Oct 2014 | 8:05 am
    Here's what's hacky for November 2014:Take the Pepsi Challenge. Drink Pepsi in public.Be a Pepper. Drink, wonder what happened (Sydney Pepper only).Tax soda drinkers for every loud sip, slurp, burp, or satisfied sigh made in public.Tax soda drinkers for explaining how diet soda works.Take the Pepper Challenge. Cheer up Sydney Pepper.
  • Hack List October 2014

    31 Oct 2014 | 12:47 am
    Here's what's hacky during October 2014:Calling a Standing Ovation a "Standing O;"Calling a Standing O a "S.O."Calling a S.O. a "So."Calling a So a "Sh."Calling a Sh a "..."Calling a ... a "... ..."
  • Hack List September 2014

    30 Oct 2014 | 7:57 am
    Here's what hacky during September 2014:Eating stupid potato chips.Judging potato chip eaters.No resolutions.
 
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    PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

  • Ah, the warmth of the holiday season

    Kerry
    27 Jan 2015 | 7:56 am
    Writes Taylor in Ontario: “My parents are divorced, and I live with my mom. My dad’s parents can definitely afford to buy more appropriate cards, but they went with this one.” related: The Happiest Place on Earth
  • Have you and your kids had “The Talk?”

    Kerry
    23 Jan 2015 | 6:02 am
    Something to consider the next time you consider staying at a Holiday Inn Express on your next family vacation… When I first saw the above note on reddit, I experienced a bit of déjà vu. It took me a sec to figure out why… related: Bears, birds & bees at Glacier National Park
  • Who’s going postal now?

    Kerry
    18 Jan 2015 | 5:52 pm
    Emily in Pennsylvania recently received this New Year’s Card — only a few weeks late, and oh-so-charmingly decorated by the person who mistakenly received it in the first time. “So seldom that a letter, among the thousands that are constantly passing about the kingdom, and not one in a million, I suppose, actually lost!” —Jane Austen, Emma related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled. extra credit: In defense of the post office [usnews.com]
  • A four-star guilt trip from Gma

    Kerry
    12 Jan 2015 | 12:08 pm
    “I love that Gma knocked a few stars off her Amazon review due to not getting an acknowledgment from her granddaughter,” says Lisa in Seattle. (See, kids? You don’t write a thank you note, and EVERYBODY SUFFERS.) related: Nobody guilt trips like a Grandma
  • Happy New Year! Life is awful.

    Kerry
    6 Jan 2015 | 4:34 pm
    This. Is. Amazing. Says our submitter: “I don’t think this lady will be invited back to her stepson’s house anytime soon.” related: Day in the Life of a Crank
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    BroBible

  • Kyrie Irving Capped His 55-Point Explosion By Nailing This Game-Winner

    Kyle Koster
    28 Jan 2015 | 6:46 pm
    Kyrie Irving was out of his mind tonight for the Cleveland Cavaliers. He sank 11 three-pointers, including this game-winner, on this way to an epic 55-point performance. I don’t know if he’s ever played this well in real life. This was, like, an extended Uncle Drew commercial or something. You may be wondering why the Portland Trail Blazers allowed such an easy look with the game on the line. But don’t forget Irving had only scored a paltry 50 points at the time. He was bound to miss at some point. Sound strategy. [Vine via Dane Carbaugh]
  • Chelsea Handler Is Topless On Instagram While Riding A Camel

    Brandon Wenerd
    28 Jan 2015 | 6:34 pm
    Instagram Move over, Benjamin Netanyahu: This is Chelsea Handler’s path for peace in the Middle East. Rocking a pair of Star Of David pasties, Chelsea Handler is continuing her established tradition of posting topless on social media networks in exotic places. For previous examples, she here, here, here, here, and here. This is probably the best one she’s done since mocking Vladimir Putin’s topless horse pic a few months ago. If peace is possible in the Middle East, let’s hope bewbs are partially the reason. A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we…
  • Watch Gronk Pitch Lipitor As An Erectile Dysfunction Drug In This Preview For Conan’s Clueless Gamer

    Jorge Alonso
    28 Jan 2015 | 6:13 pm
    TBS Rob Gronkowski and Marshawn Lynch are set to square off tomorrow in a special Super Bowl edition of Conan’s Clueless Gamer and it looks pretty hilarious. In this preview for tomorrow’s show, Conan cracked a joke about advertising for Lipitor which lead to Gronk hilariously pitching Lipitor as an erectile dysfunction drug because he had no idea what Lipitor was. Check out the preview below and tune in tomorrow at 11/10c on TBS for what’s surely going to be a classic episode of Clueless Gamer.
  • What It’s Like When You Get A Text From An Unknown Number

    Brandon Wenerd
    28 Jan 2015 | 5:34 pm
    YouTube We’ve ALL been there: You wake up after a night of heavy drinking and there’s a mysterious text message from an unknown number. “Hey. Nice to meet you last night.” Wha– Who the —? Whose number is this? Time to investigate. You put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and go into sleuth mode, asking every friend you were out with the previous night about who you gave your number to. Often this proves too difficult in their hungover state. The mystery remains while you play a game of “what ifs?” wondering if you made out with a girl who could…
  • NYC Graffiti Says Exactly What Everyone Is Thinking About Your Selfie

    Brandon Wenerd
    28 Jan 2015 | 5:10 pm
    Brandon Wenerd/BroBible.com Spotted: Outside the BroBible office. SoHO, New York City, United States of America, Planet Earth. 6:30 PM on January 28th, 2014 Anno Domini. Weather: 31 °F. Clear. 10 mph winds out of the northwest. Notes: Humanity has finally become self-aware about selfies, realizes their own narcissism might lead to eventual extinction. Wisdom, motherfuckers. A photo posted by BroBible.com (@brobibleofficial) on Jan 28, 2015 at 3:17pm PST
 
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    Magick Sandwich

  • Googling Beckett

    11 Jan 2015 | 1:00 pm
    Sometimes a random typing error can make my whole day.I meant to enter the snippet of text I can't go on, I'll go on. How did poop become Google's (sole!) suggestion for the letter p? Did someone really search for this? If so, somewhere there is a constipated English major waiting for an answer that will never come. Which is so Beckett.
  • Gifts for Idiots

    18 Dec 2014 | 4:07 pm
    In the crush of holiday shopping, it's easy to forget to take time to thank the season's real innovators, those who work at the frontiers of imagination to add ever more useless crap to the world. This season, let's honor them with the ridicule they so richly deserve before consigning their wares to the landfill of memory.The Selfie Brush "makes your cellphone easy to hold for the best selfies ever"because what girl doesn't want to turn her iPhone into a cheap plastic hairbrush?The Theradome LH80 Pro laser helmet costs $895 and promises to slow hair loss. Though it admits new hair growth may…
  • Pink Ribbon Products: From Car Horns to Handguns

    26 Oct 2014 | 1:12 pm
    This is a bagel. What did you think it was?What would October be without a smorgasbord of pinktastic breast cancer awareness-themed treats from cookies, mints, hard lemonade, jelly beans, popcorn and  PEZ to ribbon-shaped cakes, chocolates, cupcake sprinkles, lollipops, pasta and bagels? Rarely has life-threatening illness tasted so delicious.Of course, we shouldn't forget the memorial offerings not meant to pass through the alimentary canal: perfume, knee socks, beer koozies, curling irons, chewing gum, flip flops, beach balls, tote bags, vegetable peelers, bathrobes, fishing rods,chip…
  • Magick Sandwich FAIL

    23 Jun 2014 | 1:23 pm
    Magick Sandwich has been on an unannounced (and unintended) hiatus while I've been working on a new project, a t-shirt directory called Greatest Tees on Earth. It's been fun and time-consuming. I hope you'll pardon my absence and enjoy these much more amusing examples of failure to communicate.Duct Tape FAILNormally, I dislike the profligate use of FAIL. It inflames my inner English major. But I can't think of a better description for this duct-taped attempt at urban renewal. Of course, the sign is still operational, so I guess it's also a duct tape SUCCESS.Flyer FailAt least the circulars…
  • 4 New Products to Try this Valentine's Day

    13 Feb 2014 | 8:49 pm
    We've told you how to pimp your vajajay, get gorgeous with crazy treatments, decipher her Valentine riddles, and enjoy some quality alone time with an iTunes app. Now Magick Sandwich brings you this dispatch from our annual genital Olympics.***** Our tireless pursuit of hairless pudenda has claimed a hidden casualty. The pubic crab is all but extinct, Bloomberg reports, due to our destruction of its habitat. (Where is PETA? Off protesting the eugenics of dog breeding at the Westminster Kennel Show? Are saber-toothed crotch critters unworthy of affection? How species-ist!)While it may be too…
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    Stuff Christians Like

  • The Garth Brooks Dilemma.

    Jon
    14 Jan 2015 | 6:54 am
    I won’t ever win a humility contest. I don’t know if they have those, giving someone an award for being humble, probably defeats the purpose of humility. If they do though, please do not bet on me, I won’t even get an honorable mention. I struggle with ego. I recently realized it was my ego not my discipline driving my decision to blog daily. So I wrote about the 3 signs your ego is making your decisions and I prayed about it. I prayed that God would help me not be so entitled. That he would help me be humble. That he would help me learn humility. And then a tiny voice…
  • The world didn’t have to be amazing.

    Jon
    7 Jan 2015 | 9:41 am
    As I write this, it’s snowing outside. For the first time this winter, Tennessee is getting some big, lazy flakes of snow to fall. I’m struck by the fact that each snowflake is completely unique, but they didn’t have to be. They could have been boring. Have you ever thought about that? Snowflakes could have come in one size. Sunsets could have come in one color. Birds could have all been brown. But they’re not. Snowflakes are tiny pieces of disposable art. Sunsets are explosions of color. Birds come in a crazy array of shapes and sizes. The world didn’t have to…
  • The Sunday after Christmas, AKA “Let’s have the youth minister preach today” Sunday.

    Jon
    28 Dec 2014 | 6:48 am
    Today, the youth minister will be preaching at your church. Or the campus pastor. Or an executive pastor who everyone loves but is rarely given the opportunity to rock the mic. Someone who doesn’t speak often will be behind the pulpit today. (Or behind the small table and tiny chair that has absolutely no back support. Or in front of the large flat screen TV. Pulpits are so 2000 and late, which itself is an ancient reference to a Fergie lyric. I’m nothing if not culturally relevant.) Why will this happen today? Because as I’ve written about before, it’s the Sunday…
  • Christmas doesn’t make sense. Thank goodness.

    Jon
    24 Dec 2014 | 4:22 am
    Through the power of the Internet, I am often able to look like I have my life all together. I know the things to tweet and the things to edit. I know the moments to Instagram and the ones to crop out like they never happened. I know what to say in conversations with friends to give the appearance of stability. But the truth is, all too often I kick my own life down a flight of stairs. I make mistakes. I blow opportunities. I chase distractions and hide. I make a mess of things. In those moments, I fear that perfection is the only path out of the chaos. That perhaps if I string together a few…
  • Three years later, this still surprises me.

    Jon
    26 Nov 2014 | 5:10 am
    Three years ago this week, Jenny and I stood in the jungles of Vietnam. Why? Because readers of this blog went on an adventure together that changed two villages halfway around the world. I think about this video and that project whenever I wonder about the power of online communities. I think about the generosity of you and the possibility of us. Those are two powerful things that I think God loves to throw together. Individuals that might never meet, giving hope to a village that might have never heard of, in a country they might never visit. Never doubt what our mustard seed growing God…
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    Beauty Tips For MinistersBeauty Tips For Ministers

  • Denmark’s Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt: A PeaceBang Styling Session

    PeaceBang
    28 Jan 2015 | 5:11 pm
    Hej, pigeons! Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt has graciously provided us with lots of wonderful outfits and hairdos we can examine together to see how attire projects leadership and personality. Let’s go have a look, shall we? The Prime Minister is my exact age, which is to say that she is forty-something with a very heavy tilt toward fifty. Ms. Thorning-Schmidt a beautiful person, that’s for sure. Here she looks relaxed and appropriate for a television appearance. There’s nothing particularly interesting about her attire but accessories don’t seem to be…
  • Trust and Authority: Flying the Friendly Skies

    PeaceBang
    28 Jan 2015 | 3:34 pm
    Hi darlings. Dawn submitted this terrific comment last week that I think deserves wider attention and consideration. She wrote, During recent air travel, I have been reminded of the phenomenon of flight attendants and pilots always looking polished and put together. Shirts and pants/skirts are pressed and clean. Hair is combed and well-styled with no frizzies or flyaways. Makeup is tasteful and well-applied. Flight attendants typically wear a few pieces of jewelry, a well-placed hair accessory, a well-tied scarf. If I boarded a plane with an unkempt, sloppy, or just ho-hum looking flight…
  • The “UseMeInstead” Campaign

    PeaceBang
    27 Jan 2015 | 6:22 pm
    Hello from very snowy Massachusetts, darling pigeons. I need to find the right tone in which to author this next post, which is about something deadly serious: racism, white privilege and policing in America. Very difficult, complicated, emotional, searing. I have not been blogging much this past six months because quite frankly, I have been glued to social media every night following the #BlackLivesMatter movement that was re-ignited with a fury in Ferguson, Missouri, this past August. I have been obsessed about the issue of police brutality, the prison state, and racial hatred in America. I…
  • Things I Did Sartorially To Express My Respect For Dr. King Today

    PeaceBang
    19 Jan 2015 | 3:50 pm
    I’m so tired writing this. I hope the Pizza Fairy comes soon or I might have to go downstairs and make my own din-din. Anyway, I attended a swanky MLK Day event today and here’s a list of some of the things that went through my mind as I got dressed: I will wear clericals so that I can be easily identified by community folks who want to network with local clergy. I will wear a suit. Blech. This skirt needs to be taken in. It is the right length but too floppy in the sides. Note to self: visit the tailor. I will wear pantyhose out of respect for Dr. King. Blech, I hate pantyhose. I…
  • I Miss You!

    PeaceBang
    18 Jan 2015 | 4:22 am
    Darling people! I miss you! I love you! I just have not had ANY time to write the fun fashiony posts I’ve had up my sleeve! But I promise to get some stuff up this week. Did I tell you that I VOW to write a book this year? Yes. It’s a “Before I Turn 50″ goal and I’m going to do it! But church is super ultra busy right now (my senior staff and I are like, “Why is it so busy in JANUARY? That’s weird!”) and I’m preaching creative services bam bam bam all in a row, and trying to get some reading in there now and then, and cooking (my life…
 
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    Weird News FilesWeird News Files » | The Weirdest News Ever

  • The Unconventional Ways People Use Animals

    Author
    27 Jan 2015 | 10:06 pm
    Some zoos must be quite desperate to get funding from people that they have come up with unconventional ways to use the animals in their care – not in a bad way, don’ worry. Pythons as Masseuse A zoo is offering people deep muscle massage in exchange for a donation to the organization’s cause. If you’re stressed out, this could be the perfect solution for you. But what’s the catch? Well, the soothing massage will be performed by giant pythons. Yes, huge slithering snakes with lengths reaching five meters long and a combined weight of 250kg will hiss and slither all over your body.
  • 3 Weird and Wonderful Things Sent By Mail

    Editor
    27 Jan 2015 | 12:50 am
    Human beings are an interminably bamboozling species. Not only do we boast unique tongue and fingerprints, but after six million years of evolution, we still live on a planet where the insufferable Justin Bieber and Paris Hilton enjoy fame and fortune. It’s all undeniably baffling. Indeed, these curious facets of human DNA extend to a veritable smorgasbord of other areas – not least our enthusiasm for pushing the boundaries of the world’s humble mail delivery operators. Whilst most package sending experiences are typically unforgettable, some folk feel inclined to dispatch a variety of…
  • Everyday Things with an Entirely Different Purpose When They Were First Invented

    Author
    23 Jan 2015 | 5:05 am
    It’s common to take for granted things we use every day. People are so quick to relegate it to their designed purpose, seeing as they are made to do this and that, according to the label. But what most of us may not know, is that some things are not what they seem. In fact, some products that are popularly used today weren’t exactly designed to be used as such. Confused? Read on. Bubble Wrap as Wallpaper Yes, before anyone thought to use it to wrap fragile items or make a dress out of it, the creators of bubble wrap, Alfred W. Fielding and Mark Chavannes, peddled it as a home decorating…
  • Body Functions That Don’t Stop Even After Death

    Author
    21 Jan 2015 | 4:12 am
    Did you know that there are several body functions that continue on even after you die? It may be hard to believe but your body can do continue a couple of basic functions in a span of minutes, hours or even days after death! Here are a few examples you ought to know. Nail and Hair Growth After death, skin loses moisture and starts to pull back. This leads to more hair and nails being exposed. Since nail and hair lengths are measured from tip to where they meet the skin, the process seemingly gives the idea that hair and nails persist growing even after death. Brain Activity Even after the…
  • Weird Diets That Some People Can’t Even Stomach

    Author
    13 Jan 2015 | 9:58 pm
    Trying to lose weight is a real pain, but trying to maintain weight is even harder. This is probably why some people would resort to any form of diet tricks, no matter how weird, just to stay fit or, for some people, to escape doing exercises. But some people just choose to go bizarre with their choice of food, or make that non-food. Wood Xylophagia is a condition that involves eating paper, pencils and other things made of wood. If a lot of people have this kind of disorder, illegal logging would be the least of the world’s problem. The good news is cooking would be unnecessary, and…
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    Say Something Funny

  • Lego Movie Crew Reacts to Oscar Snub

    T.M. Lindsey
    15 Jan 2015 | 10:32 am
    Feeling slighted by the Academy Awards snub of the box-office smash, “The Lego Movie”, which captured the imaginations of plastic enthusiasts across the globe as well as the anthropomorphic creatures residing in the Land of Chima, the movie’s co-director, Phil Lord, had his own response to the snub. The movie’s cast, however, did not take the snub so lightly and wanted to send the Academy Awards committee a message Supporters of “The Lego Movie” were outraged and plan on holding candlelight vigils across the Lego Land tonight, reminding everyone to remain…
  • Feelin’ da Chuck E. Grassley Bump

    T.M. Lindsey
    10 Jan 2015 | 7:04 pm
  • Je suis Charlie Hebdo!

    T.M. Lindsey
    8 Jan 2015 | 7:32 am
    Silence is an unwelcome guest in Satire’s House…
  • Judge in Boston Marathon Bomber Trial Opens Jury Pool to Inanimate Objects & Abstract Ideals

    T.M. Lindsey
    5 Jan 2015 | 10:05 pm
    Several jurors were released once they admitted to the judge that they were disappointed that Dzokahar Tsarnaev did not look like the late George Harrison in real life Desperate to find any prospective jurors who have no knowledge or biases regarding the Boston Marathon bombings in 2013, Judge George A. O’Toole Jr. is thinking outside the judicial system and has opened the jury pool to jurists residing outside of Boston, inanimate objects and abstract ideals. Nearly 3,000 prospective jurors were sequestered to a Boston courthouse Monday, the first day of Dzokahar Tsarnaev’s trial – the…
  • Thank HAL For New & Improved Intelligence

    T.M. Lindsey
    25 Sep 2012 | 6:54 pm
    Big HAL is Watching YOU! The other day, I Googled the following question on my smartphone, nicknamed Heuristically Programmed ALgorithmic Computer, or HAL for short: “How long until machines completely overtake the human race?” HAL’s voice module responded, “That’s for me to know and you to find out. LOL:)” Nothing worse than a smartassphone, I said to myself, only to be called out by HAL. “I heard that, subservient mortal!” Although the “mortal” part of HAL’s rebuke did not compute as an insult in my mind, the “subservient” addendum crossed an emotional wire and…
 
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    Where the Hell Was I?

  • It Just Goes (Amaz)On and On and On...

    24 Jan 2015 | 3:49 pm
    (This week's Secondhand SCIENCE is lost... in... spaaaaa-aaaace. Well, almost. It's actually all about trans-Neptunian objects, which aren't quite "lost". But they are really, really far away. And there might be more of them than you think. Have a looksee.) I'm not much for New Years' resolutions. "New Years' resolutions are like assholes: everyone's got one, and nobody wants their face rubbed in someone else's." Partly because they're a little too common. I tend to stay away from the conventions that everyone follows, because how interesting are those? To paraphrase a popular saying about…
  • Just Say No-Lympics

    16 Jan 2015 | 7:40 pm
    (It's time again for science. That's Secondhand SCIENCE, natch. This week, it's a look at DNA origami. Want to fold a pretty swan out of your genetic material? Well, that's kind of strange. But maybe you can. Have a look, weirdball.) I'm not sure I'm on board with this whole "Boston hosting a Summer Olympics" thing. Sure, it would be a fantastic cultural experience -- people from countries all over the world would mingle in the streets, sharing thoughts and cuisines and various exotic pathogens. It'd be like a United Nations meeting, with more javelins. Or Carnivale, without the boobs. And…
  • The Furor of the Juror

    9 Jan 2015 | 3:50 pm
    (You know what's special? Relativity, that's what. Well, not all of it. Just the special kind. Obviously. For more probing scientifical insights like this, check out this week's dose of Secondhand SCIENCE, which is about -- you guessed it -- special relativity. It makes regular relativity look like remedial relativity. Check it out.) Next week, I'll be venturing into new territory for me. New, somewhat troubling and highly judicial: I've been summoned for jury duty. It's my first time, which seems to be unusual -- just about everyone I mention it to has been called for jury duty themselves.
  • Should Old Spam-quaintance Be Forgot?

    3 Jan 2015 | 8:07 pm
    (Happy new Secondhand SCIENCE! This time, we're talking about prions. It sounds like some kind of vegan unicorn-farting car, but no -- it's science! Have a gander. Also! If you're around Boston on Thursday night, come see our sketch group Always on Deck at Sketchhaus at ImprovBoston. It's mostly new, and probably fabulous. No, seriously.) The start of a new year seems like a good time to reflect. Not in a mirror. Good lord, after the holiday feasts and the powersleeping and the sitting on my ass for two solid yet squishy weeks. No. Instead, I'll reflect on my tiny (and indirect) role in the…
  • The Gift Grift That Keeps On Giving

    27 Dec 2014 | 9:37 pm
    (What's going on this week in the land of Secondhand SCIENCE, you ask? Good question! This time around, we're digging into the Mpemba effect, where the cold side stays cold and the hot side stays... even colder, as it turns out. It's all kinds of freaky. Check it out.) Hey, parents! You had a great fall and winter this year, thanks to your "elf on the shelf" putting the fear of a coal-stuffing Santa into your little brat or impette. They were on their very best behavior -- at least when you or the elf doll were in the room. And that's great! But now Christmas is over. The kids scored all…
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    List Of The Day

  • LOTD Classic: Snarktastic Store Nicknames Of The Day

    Cary McNeal
    28 Jan 2015 | 8:03 am
    Nicknames for some of my favorite retailers. Some I made up, others I heard (from you, in some cases, the other times I posted this). If I slam your favorite eatery or store, here's a tissue. I hate the word eatery, btw. Got some of your own? Let's hear 'em. RED LOBSTER Dead Lobster Led Robster Fish Stickster POTTERY BARN Robbery Barn CRACKER BARREL Crapper Barrel Honkey Bucket APPLEBEE'S
  • Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Kiss My Ass, Mother Nature

    Cary McNeal
    27 Jan 2015 | 1:15 pm
    best of craigslist > spokane Kiss my ass, Mother Nature When I met Aunt Flow 20 years ago, she showed up unannounced, unexpected and unwelcome on Christmas Eve. Mom, in her infinite wisdom, had bought a box of Kotex a year before in anticipation of her daughters becoming women. But my sister and I had dumped blue mouthwash on all of them to see if they'd work like they did in the commercials.
  • Amusing Passive-Aggressive Notes For Bad Parkers Of The Day

    Cary McNeal
    26 Jan 2015 | 11:14 am
    Too bad it takes more than a clever sign to make a jackass stop being a jackass.
  • Video Of The Day: Conan & Archer Battle Russian Mobsters

    Cary McNeal
    26 Jan 2015 | 8:13 am
    Highly amusing.
  • News: French Court Won't Let Parents Name Child "Nutella"

    Cary McNeal
    26 Jan 2015 | 7:40 am
    I named my penis Nutella. The courts didn't care. Parents Can’t Name Their Child ‘Nutella,’ French Court Says A recently-born baby named Nutella was renamed by a court in the French city of Valenciennes after a judge ruled that the parents’ decision to the name the child after a food was against the child’s interest, according to a new report in the newspaper La Voix Du Nord. “The name ‘
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    YouTube: Comedy

  • Jimmy Fallon Blew a Chance to Date Nicole Kidman

    The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
    6 Jan 2015 | 8:55 pm
    Jimmy Fallon Blew a Chance to Date Nicole Kidman Jimmy Fallon and Nicole Kidman have two very different embarrassing memories of the afternoon they first met. Subscribe NOW to The Tonight Show Starring Jimm... From: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Views: 22764276 124430 ratings Time: 09:15 More in Comedy
  • Wheel of Impressions with Kevin Spacey

    The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
    31 Oct 2014 | 9:10 pm
    Wheel of Impressions with Kevin Spacey In this Halloween edition of Wheel of Impressions, Jimmy and Kevin take turns doing random celebrity impersonations, such as Christopher Walken talking about... From: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Views: 10311242 65814 ratings Time: 05:04 More in Comedy
  • Daniel Radcliffe Raps Blackalicious' "Alphabet Aerobics"

    The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
    28 Oct 2014 | 9:07 pm
    Daniel Radcliffe Raps Blackalicious' "Alphabet Aerobics" Jimmy challenges hip-hop lover Daniel Radcliffe to rap Blackalicious' tongue-twisting "Alphabet Aerobics." Subscribe NOW to The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy F... From: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Views: 34722971 359691 ratings Time: 04:01 More in Comedy
  • Wheel of Musical Impressions with Adam Levine

    The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
    2 Sep 2014 | 9:09 pm
    Wheel of Musical Impressions with Adam Levine Jimmy challenges Adam to a friendly game of random musical impressions, like Michael Jackson singing the Sesame Street theme song. Subscribe NOW to The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon:... From: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Views: 19096684 107032 ratings Time: 05:02 More in Comedy
  • If Google Was A Guy (Part 3)

    CollegeHumor
    12 Jul 2014 | 8:30 am
    If Google Was A Guy (Part 3) Google is back again for round 3! Scouring the deepest holes of the internet to answer your searches... mostly about porn. See more http://www.collegehumor.c... From: CollegeHumor Views: 8715607 120184 ratings Time: 02:35 More in Comedy
 
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    English Russia

  • Weird But True

    tim
    28 Jan 2015 | 2:23 pm
    This video was first published in Kazakhstan. It was claimed that the shocking (or weird?). The official reaction of Kazakh army officials was "it was not our army, the insignia is not matching" and etc. etc. People on the video, … Read more...
  • Not Your Regular Russian Kids Book

    tim
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:17 pm
    If you wonder what sort of books read kids in Russia, this is an example of the book. The story based on a popular in Soviet times theme of talking cat and dog living in the village that fled there … Read more...
  • Street Sweeping in Style from Kiev

    tim
    27 Jan 2015 | 6:07 pm
      A street sweeping janitor from one of the neighborhoods of Kiev, Ukraine has been spotted with a pair of white cats sitting on his head and shoulders while he is performing his daily routines. According to the locals this … Read more...
  • Russian Village Paris has got an Eiffel Tower Replica

    tim
    27 Jan 2015 | 5:42 pm
    In Russia there is a village called "Paris". People got used to this loud name their village has. Until one day some "funny guys" from the cellular company has got this thought coming to their minds: "We need to put … Read more...
  • Previous Russian Tsar: Large Photo Collection

    tim
    26 Jan 2015 | 6:28 pm
    A huge photo collection of previous Russian Tsar Nicholas II. He is doing on this photos all sorts of things, like on the first photo giving a smoke (?) to his daughter? And inside many many other of sometimes normal … Read more...
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    Strange Herring

  • A Strange Review: Inherent Vice

    Anthony Sacramone
    25 Jan 2015 | 11:34 am
    So many of the complaints in regard to this film have been of the “I kept getting lost” and “I couldn’t figure out what was going on” variety. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t get lost on the my way to the theater, and I could figure out what was going on. For those of you who have no intention of seeing this film, and you shouldn’t, here’s the skinny: there’s a grand late-60s/early-70s conspiracy featuring President Richard Nixon, Governor Ronald Reagan, anti-communist organizations (here called Vigilant California), the FBI, the LA…
  • The Death of Scott May

    Anthony Sacramone
    19 Jan 2015 | 5:41 pm
    It is with great sadness that I announce the passing of Scott May, who was only in his 20s. It is always startling to learn of the death of a young person, especially in this day and age when longevity seems almost to be a birthright. The fact that Scott made his living as a HUMAN CANNONBALL may have played some small role in his premature demise. A man who was taking part in a human cannonball show in Detling, England, was fatally injured Monday when the event failed to go off as planned, Kent police said. The incident occurred in the afternoon during Scott May’s Daredevil Stunt Show…
  • Pre-AD 90 Fragment of Markan Gospel Found — And You Won’t Believe Where!

    Anthony Sacramone
    18 Jan 2015 | 3:17 pm
    In a mummy mask. Don’t look at me like that, I just report what I read on the Web very quickly while watching the television and eating second lunch. But what did you expect—a Spider-Man mask? But who knew from the Marvel universe back then? It was all DC stuff. So come Halloween you went trick-or-treating as a mummy, maybe a disgraced senator, a leper, occasionally Aquaman. At present, the oldest surviving copies of the gospel texts date to the second century (the years 101 to 200). This first-century gospel fragment was written on a sheet of papyrus that was later reused to create a…
  • In Which I Review a Movie That Hasn’t Been Made Yet

    Anthony Sacramone
    17 Jan 2015 | 2:22 pm
    So it seems that TNR (that’s The New Republic for you nonhipsters) featured a review of Clint Eastwood’s latest war flick American Sniper based solely on the trailer. This has people riled up, which I hate, because riling people back down leaves a massive carbon footprint. I don’t see what all the huggah-muggah is about. Any eejit can review a movie based on its trailer. Try and review a movie that hasn’t been made yet — for which there isn’t even a script! That’s where I come in (having been ceremoniously kicked out only a week ago, flags waving).
  • The True Scandal of This Year’s Oscar Nominations…

    Anthony Sacramone
    15 Jan 2015 | 6:31 pm
    …is that this guy was not nominated for Best Actor. And, of yeah, that his director, Steven Knight (Eastern Promises), wasn’t also recognized. Tom Hardy spends the entire 85 minutes of Locke driving a car, and his performance is unrelentingly riveting. It’s one thing to pull off the logistics (and gimmick) of long, long takes, negotiating all kinds of obstacles and spaces and moving actors in and out of frame, as the undoubtedly talented Alejandro González Iñárritu does in Birdman (a film I loved, by the way). It’s quite another to create action in a tightly…
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    AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

  • Shades

    awkward
    28 Jan 2015 | 6:01 pm
    Echem, it says “keys.” (via gingerdressing) Echem, it says “keys.” (via gingerdressing) The post Shades appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
  • Single White Doll

    awkward
    28 Jan 2015 | 3:08 pm
    Somebody is getting a little too old for this. (submitted by Anna) Somebody is getting a little too old for this. (submitted by Anna) The post Single White Doll appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
  • The Bird Is The Word

    awkward
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:30 am
    “This is a photo of myself, my older brother, and our Grandpa, and our two parakeets, Snowy and Max. We drove from Cincinnati to Seattle in 1997, with the parakeets in the backseat with us for 6 days. We stopped in Iowa, in a McDonald’s parking lot to visit with our grandparents before hitting the road again.” (submitted by Caitlin) “This is a photo of myself, my older brother, and our Grandpa, and our two parakeets, Snowy and Max. We drove from Cincinnati to Seattle in 1997, with the parakeets in the backseat with us for 6 days. We stopped in Iowa, in a…
  • The Loomers

    awkward
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:12 am
    “This is my sister’s wedding in 1980. The photographer posed her so that she is looking at her bouquet and my parents are looming the background seeming very unhappy about the situation.” (submitted by Tricia) “This is my sister’s wedding in 1980. The photographer posed her so that she is looking at her bouquet and my parents are looming the background seeming very unhappy about the situation.” (submitted by Tricia) The post The Loomers appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
  • Storkdrop

    awkward
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:07 pm
    And you thought it was a myth. (submitted by Jennifer) And you thought it was a myth. (submitted by Jennifer) The post Storkdrop appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.
 
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    Fair City News

  • Local Senior Wondering When Dillons Will Be Open

    FairCityNews.com
    22 Jan 2015 | 5:27 am
    Dab-nabbin’ Dillons still not open Springfield, MO – Local senior Nancy Newman once again drove her 1994 Buick Regal through the parking lot of the old Dillons on West Kearney wondering when exactly the long time grocery chain would be open again. “I’ve been coming every day since December 24 trying to buy my Metamucil and soap opera digest magazines.” said the local senior. “I guess these kids took a longer winter break. They’re probably busy Facegoogling or Instatwiting.” Mrs. Newman’s car has apparently circled the deserted lot every afternoon at 12:30, the left…
  • KHS Unveils New Cafeteria & Mascot Name: Poochies

    FairCityNews.com
    13 Jan 2015 | 6:53 am
    Fear the Poochies! Springfield, MO – Recent renovations revealed a new gathering space and new rally cry for the Chiefs of Kickapoo High School: Poochies was released as a new catch-phrase during the cafeteria grand opening and several students and alumni are mixed on the subliminal announcement. “I mean ‘poochie’ is a term of endearment but I don’t think it is a very fierce thing to scream at a sporting event,” said ’94 alumni Chas Piffer, “I do think it is an evolution of ‘fear the poo’ which plays upon one’s fear of touching another person’s feces. Especially a…
  • Fail Sign – January

    FairCityNews.com
    12 Jan 2015 | 5:51 am
  • ________ _________ _____________ ______

    FairCityNews.com
    8 Jan 2015 | 5:48 am
    ____ ____ _____ ______ Springfield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…
  • Iconic Solo Cup to be Painted Red, Shipped to Toby Keith

    FairCityNews.com
    7 Jan 2015 | 5:49 am
    New Solo Cup owner reacts to possible demolition Springfield, MO – According to the developer, musician Toby Keith has agreed to purchase and ship the iconic giant concrete Solo Cup at 1100 North Glenstone in Springfield saving it from demolition. Keith plans to paint the cup red and relocate it to Dream Walkin’ Farms, his 160-acre ranch, outside of Norman, Okla. Keith said, “A red solo cup is cheap and disposable, but this landmark is not demolishable. Modern developers can kiss my ass!” Demolition of the cup was expected to be finished by the end of next week, and most residents…
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    FMyLife

  • lolcat97 says FML

    lolcat97
    28 Jan 2015 | 2:35 pm
    Today, instead of taking down the Christmas tree, my sister covered it with Valentine's Day decorations. FML
  • WildShortstop13 says FML

    WildShortstop13
    28 Jan 2015 | 2:20 pm
    Today, I fell asleep curling my bangs. I now look like Mrs. Potato head. FML
  • Anonymous says FML

    Anonymous
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:28 am
    Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML
  • retailshell says FML

    retailshell
    28 Jan 2015 | 7:01 am
    Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML
  • anonpbc says FML

    anonpbc
    28 Jan 2015 | 5:51 am
    Today, I went on my first date in over 4 years with a smoking hot guy. The big event was a trip to Target. I work at Target. He took me to my workplace for our date. And they say romance is dead. FML
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    Lowering the Bar

  • Assorted Stupidity #71

    Kevin
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:26 am
    "Drunken trombone-playing clown fires gun from garage, police say." A great headline and also basically the entire story. What more do you need? Speaking of headlines, how about "Accused crayfish thief caught 'waving it down Melbourne street'"? He was waving the crayfish, just to be clear. And no, "waving the crayfish" isn't Australian slang, as far as I know. JUST FYI, THE JUDGES OF THE MIDDLE DISTRICT OF FLORIDA HAVE ASKED THAT ATTORNEYS NO LONGER USE ALL CAPITAL LETTERS IN THE TITLE OF ANY FILINGS. (NO LINK; CO-COUNSEL IN SOME FLORIDA CASES HAS JUST PASSED ON THE REQUEST VIA E-MAIL.)…
  • Can I Use the Carpool Lane If I Have a Prisoner?

    Kevin
    27 Jan 2015 | 2:18 pm
    The chapter on the law of carpooling that I'm planning to include in my next book is coming along nicely now. It'll be more interesting that it sounds, I think. Some time ago we learned that the argument "but I am pregnant" is probably not a valid defense if you get a ticket for using the HOV lane. More recently we learned that even after the Citizens United case, an HOV-lane ticket also can't be avoided by pointing to the corporate papers you have been keeping in your front seat for years in hopes of doing just that (arguing that a corporation must be a "person" in that sense…
  • Police: Suspect Is White Male, Average Height & Build, Has Mouth, Two Eyes

    Kevin
    25 Jan 2015 | 10:59 am
    The lead-in by ABC13 News in Houston pretty much sums it up: The Rosenberg Police Department admitted that this might be a "long shot," but decided to release the sketch anyway, because you never know. On the department's Facebook page, they asked readers to "pay special attention to the details around the eyes and mouth," which seems like good advice here.          Related StoriesNude Citizens Make Nude Citizens' Arrest of Nude CitizenAgain, Accused Taggers Should Reconsider Tagging the CourthouseNobody Move! This Is a Film Project 
  • Again, Accused Taggers Should Reconsider Tagging the Courthouse

    Kevin
    23 Jan 2015 | 11:32 am
    In covering some of these stories, I sometimes wonder whether I am potentially helping to deter future conduct of that kind or possibly just encouraging it. It depends a lot on what the particular conduct is, of course. I would like to think that in a small way I may have tended to discourage people from, for example, forming an Amish beard-cutting gang, suspending schoolchildren for biting a danish into the shape of a handgun, trying to mug someone anywhere near a ninja-training school, taking the TSA at all seriously, or maybe pretending to have a brain injury in order to trick…
  • Jury Finds for Rick Springfield in Buttocks-Assault Case

    Kevin
    21 Jan 2015 | 10:38 am
    A jury in Syracuse needed just 61 minutes to deliberate on this one, making it all the more puzzling to me why Rick Springfield's attorneys thought they needed a mistrial the first time around. As you may recall, Vicki Calcagno accused Springfield of knocking her down with his butt while working the crowd during a 2004 concert at the New York State Fair. Although she conceded she did not leave the concert or seek medical attention at the time, and had no witnesses to back up her story, she claimed to have suffered a variety of mostly head-related injuries as a result of a fall. The case was…
 
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    nonamedufus

  • And It's Goodnight From Him

    nonamedufus
    7 Jan 2015 | 4:00 am
    One of my all time favourite British comedy shows has to be The Two Ronnies. At the end of each show usually they'd sign off the first Ronnie saying "It's goodnight from me." And the second Ronnie saying "And it's goodnight from him." I'll always remember that line. And that's kind of how I'm feeling as we begin this new year when it comes to social media.I think I'm going to give it a toss. Why?On Facebook I'm a little fatigued and overwhelmed when it comes to pictures and videos of co-called "cute" cats. My God, a cat's a cat. I know what they look like already and I'm aware of their moods.
  • Photo Blogging Challenge - December (Am I Late?)

    nonamedufus
    6 Jan 2015 | 6:48 am
    For reasons that will soon become apparent, I missed the deadline for PJ's last Photo Blogger Challenge. But as I sit here in the Canadian deep freeze of -23C I think you'll appreciate my delayed efforts with respect to the prompt Tis the Season.The season started out normally enough with a bit of a snowfall.I got the outdoor lights up just prior to our first dump of the white stuff.And then my wife and I gave all that up and escaped to Panama for two weeks where it was over 30C every day. We golfed.We spent a lot of time at the beach.And we enjoyed the gorgeous sunrises.So that's why I'm…
  • Bibliofile - December 2014/Best Reads of 2014

    nonamedufus
    5 Jan 2015 | 6:34 am
    Well, I didn't hit 100 but I sure came close. After reading 7 books in December when all was said and done I'd read 98 books last year. Like the other months last year, December had it's highlights including books by Augusten Burroughs, Rachel Joyce and Stephen King.In Dry Burroughs, who wrote the biographical Running With Scissors about his dysfunctional upbringing, again returns to his own life in a very humorous look at a very serious subject: addiction.The Love Song of Miss Queen Hennessy was a simply delightful read about the woman at the centre of The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry,…
  • Nodding In Agreement - @Studio30Plus Writing Prompt

    nonamedufus
    16 Dec 2014 | 1:10 pm
    Bob and Carol had spent three nights together now... in the office. They were senior officers of the In Your Face ad agency and they'd been putting their heads together on a pitch for a new client. Ted and Alice had tried and failed."Ouch" yelled Bob. "What?" cried Alice. "My head hurts from putting our heads together" said Bob. Carol was nodding in agreement. "Oh yeah, well my neck hurts from always nodding in agreement" said Carol. You don't always have to agree" said Bob. "Well the prompt says 'nodding in agreement', right? It doesn't say nodding in disagreement, does it?" "I see your…
  • Sunday Funnies

    nonamedufus
    14 Dec 2014 | 4:00 am
 
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    Ann's Rants

  • Life is hard in man-bag land!

    Ann Imig
    28 Jan 2015 | 9:38 am
    Excuse me, but could I trouble you to swath me generously in indigenous textiles? photo   As you can see, I’m only partially swathed. I need your help, Sister, as I tend to my nest of artisanal kilims. Surely you’d feel more sourced, and ready to purchase my man-bag if I didn’t have this asymmetrical swath problem, wouldn’t you, Girl. See how vulnerable my pedicure looks, as it caresses these tender fringelings? My skinny jeans, while rich in hue, hardly suffice for such holisticness. Of course, because this fool stylist left me swath-imbalanced. But, my hand-made…
  • 5 Reasons to Read Your Stories On Stage

    Ann Imig
    20 Jan 2015 | 8:23 am
    Last week I gave you 5 reasons to write down your stories. As Listen To Your Mother auditions approach, I present 5 reasons to read your stories on stage: 1. Get if off your chest. Literally. You’ve heard of the mind-body connection? Your story might be weighing you down, intervening between your best self, your past and your future. Your creativity–your humor, your light– might be vibrating inside you, begging to be unleashed. Let it out. Let it fly. 2. Someone else needs to hear it. We are not alone. No matter what we endure, no matter how unique our experience, some…
  • 5 Reasons to write down your stories

    Ann Imig
    12 Jan 2015 | 10:38 am
    1. Write to remember your alibi. If you listened to the Serial podcast you can imagine the difficulty of trying to remember an ordinary Thursday 10 years ago. If you can’t remember where exactly you saw a dead body in the trunk of your buddy’s car, how are you supposed to remember the day your 8 year old yelled I. DON’T. LIKE. BEING. SOOTHED unless you document it somewhere. Also, it helps when your children grow up and want to hear about their childhoods, if you have some sweet details to share other than One of you used a pacifier and it was hell, and the other refused a…
  • 10 Stars of my 2014 Internet (now with even more bonus stars)

    Ann Imig
    1 Jan 2015 | 10:32 am
    What a year. Samantha Irby made me lose my mind , so I promptly bought her devastating/hilarious Meaty book. Michael Twitty moved me profoundly with his thoughts on Ferguson, and he keeps me awake with his work in culinary injustice , appropriation, oppression, and racism. I wish Mallory Ortberg had been my art history professor in college. Leo Babuta breathed new meaning into my daily to-dos. I love the way Wendi Aarons delivered humor and good writing advice with humor and good writing. My very own sister, Rachel Krinsky (CEO of YWCA Madison) in her TedX talk showed me the difference…
  • Holiday Aromatherapy Oils for the Semi-Socially Conscious

    Ann Imig
    16 Dec 2014 | 7:03 am
    Inspire your senses and transform your liberal guilt with essential oil blends that are just right for your semi-conscious mind! WiseMindEase Pillow Spritzer You bought stocking-stuffers from a big box store, and you’re still processing hypo-local shame. Those stores provide a lot of jobs, but they are low-wage jobs. This big box recognizes domestic partner benefits, however also allows open carry. All of the trinkets said MADE IN THE USA and contain no lead or nickel and were made in a nut-free facility. However, said trinkets were not registered fair-trade, and that’s keeping…
 
 
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    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • Night Out Dancing

    info@gcfl.net
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:00 pm
    A husband, who is not the most outgoing guy, relents to his wife's months of nagging to take her out dancing. During the evening one guy on the dance floor is giving it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. Seeing this performance, the wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty-five years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Her husband replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!" Received from Pastor Tim.
  • Reasons You Should Buy a New Car

    info@gcfl.net
    27 Jan 2015 | 11:00 pm
    Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places. Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel. You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14-year-old on a moped. The 15-minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for three days. When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?" Thieves repeatedly break in to your car just to steal the "Club." While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom, vroom" noises while…
  • Parking Space

    info@gcfl.net
    26 Jan 2015 | 11:00 pm
    Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey!" Miraculously, a parking space appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind; I found one." Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
  • Modern Art

    info@gcfl.net
    25 Jan 2015 | 11:00 pm
    Two teenagers were on a tour of a modern art gallery. They suddenly found themselves alone in a room of modern sculpture and were staring at the twisted pipes, broken glass, and tangled shapes. One of them exclaimed, "We had better get out of here before they accuse us of wrecking this place!" - from Wallace Parker's book HUMOR AND WISDOM Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
  • My Forgetter

    info@gcfl.net
    22 Jan 2015 | 11:00 pm
    My forgetter's getting better But my rememberer is broke To you that may seem funny But, to me, that is no joke For when I'm "here" I'm wondering If I really should be "there" And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer! Oft times I walk into a room, Say, "What am I here for?" I rack my brain, but all in vain A zero is my score. At times I put something away Where it is safe, but, Gee! The person it is safest from Is, generally, me! When shopping I may see someone, Say "Hi" and have a chat, Then, when the person walks away I ask myself, "Who was that?" Yes, my forgetter's…
 
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    Futility Closet

  • e-mergence

    Greg Ross
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:13 pm
    1!, 22!, 23!, and 24! contain 1, 22, 23, and 24 digits, respectively. 266!, 267!, and 268! contain 2 × 266, 2 × 267, and 2 × 268 digits, respectively. 2,712! and 2,713! contain 3 × 2,712 and 3 × 2,713 digits, respectively. 27,175! and 27,176! contain 4 × 27,175 and 4 × 27,176 digits, respectively. 271,819!, 271,820!, and 271,821! contain 5 × 271,819, 5 × 271,820, and 5 × 271,821 digits, respectively. 2,718,272! and 2,718,273! contain 6 × 2,718,272, and 6 × 2,718,273 digits, respectively. 27,182,807! and 27,182,808! contain 7 ×…
  • Misc

    Greg Ross
    28 Jan 2015 | 2:06 pm
    Seattle is closer to Finland than to England. Is a candle flame alive? ABANDON is an anagram of A AND NO B. tan-1(1) + tan-1(2) + tan-1(3) = π “A thing is a hole in a thing it is not.” — Carl Andre Detractors of Massachusetts governor Endicott Peabody said that three of the state’s towns had been named for him: Peabody, Marblehead, and Athol.
  • Black and White

    Greg Ross
    28 Jan 2015 | 6:07 am
    By J. Keeble. White to mate in two moves. Click for solution …
  • Take Two

    Greg Ross
    27 Jan 2015 | 10:10 pm
    Rod Serling’s original opening narration for The Twilight Zone read, “There is a sixth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, and it lies between the pit of man’s fear and the sunlight of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area that might be called The Twilight Zone.” Producer Bill Self questioned the line There is a sixth dimension … “I said, ‘Rod, what is the fifth one?’ And he said, ‘I…
  • “No, No, Mr. Nash”

    Greg Ross
    27 Jan 2015 | 2:46 pm
    Let us begin by saying we have nothing but the deepest aversion Against casting an aspersion On the beautiful works of Ogden Nash. In fact we might say we go for his stuff like a vegetarian goes for his succotash. But the thing that swerves us From downright admiration is the length of his lines which sometimes look more like paragraphs than lines — frankly it unnerves us. In fact we have it from unreliable sources That several people have narrowly missed death by asphyxiation while attempting to read aloud one of these book-length sentences in one breath, all of which forces Us to…
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    Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy

  • Coming Out: Courageous Insights From a Recently Uncloseted Same-Sex Couple

    Nick Hilbourn
    28 Jan 2015 | 6:09 am
    Article by Nick Hilbourn Nothing fills my heart with immeasurable joy like seeing the Twitterverse explode. The seemingly endless stream of tweets expressing opinions on important issues are what, I believe, makes this country not just a great country but a country with an extremely high sense of self-esteem.I'll admit that my self-esteem hasn't always been so high. But when I look at how many tweets I've managed to send since January 18, 2009 (835,456), I can't help but feel a warm, liquid-like sensation creeping up my back. And it's not sweat. That's the thing.This time, it's NOT sweat.As…
  • An Idiotic Review: 4 Questionable Facts About Ladies Jeans

    Bilal Ahmed Qureshi
    26 Jan 2015 | 6:34 am
    Article by Bilal Ahmed Qureshi Editor's Note: The following submission is presented entirely in unedited form, for maximum enjoyment.ForewordIt may sound weird to find a "foreword" in start of an article, but it's of vital importance here, something similar to the "demand of scene" which we observe getting fulfilled in the Hollywood movies and in result, utterly "satisfying" visuals for many of us appears on screen. Writing about woman and topics related to them is one of the most difficult tasks which do exist. It's become even more challenging for a person like…
  • Calling All Game Changers

    Charles Hartley
    24 Jan 2015 | 6:50 am
    Article by Charles Hartley The Internet was a game changer. Michael Jordan was a game changer. Landing a man on the moon was a game changer. Women are game changers. Is tapioca a game changer? Sure, let it be so.Rampant game-changing is what I'm hearing about often these days. You probably are too. Game changing is the in-vogue phrase to use to sound "with it," to describe something that, whether a game changer or not, gets labeled a game changer.What feels good is good. Let this roll out of your mouth: "game changer." It's like hearing the phrase "Bonnie and…
  • Seven Reasons You Should Travel Alone

    Rea Burke
    23 Jan 2015 | 8:40 am
    Article by Rea Burke This summer I took the plunge and decided to set out across Africa, solo. Jason Derulo style. A two-month stint around Southern Africa by myself. There is a lot of stigma with traveling solo. Will I be safe? Will I make friends? Will people think I'm crazy? It's these thoughts which often prevent people from getting out in the world. It can be hard being around people who don't aren't as open-minded as you, but that doesn't mean you need to let your dreams fester. Here are seven great reasons why traveling alone is an incredible experience.1. You're never really alone.Did…
  • Why Politicians Will Never Get Any Better

    Steve Lewis
    22 Jan 2015 | 6:22 am
    Article by Steve Lewis To ask for a bit of sympathy for politicians is to ask for the impossible. You might as well ask for a chocolate tuxedo or for Naughty Uncle Bill not to touch you that way because you don't like it and it feels weird. But, while I'd never ask for sympathy on their behalf, I'd like to explore why it is they all seem so completely and clatteringly awful, as if your ascension into politics is akin to having your soul sucked out by Julia Roberts' massive lips. Politicians are the mirror to us, and it just so occurs that the image in the glass is fucking horrifying, and…
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    Really Funny Jokes

  • Who wants to go to Heaven?

    Mitesh Asher
    29 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    Father John visited a shady bar in the suburbs.He met a drunk man and asked him, "Son, do you want to go to Heaven?"The man replied, "Yeah Father."Father John said, "Then leave this place now and never come back."He asked another man who was drinking, "Son, do you want to go to Heaven?"The man replied, "I do Father."Father John said, "Then go away from this rotten place and take a pledge never to return."The Father met Bubba and asked, ""Son, do you want to go to Heaven?"Bubba replied, "No Father."Father John, taken aback by the answer, asked, "Do you mean after your death, you have no desire…
  • Jet speed

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    "Wow", said an eagle to another, "Did you notice that speed of that jet plane? Isn't that something?"The other eagle, clearly unimpressed, said, "Big deal! You would be flying at the same speed if your tail was on fire!"
  • Karma

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    A guy had a racehorse named Karma. Karma had never won a race and his owner was pretty mad about it. There was another race coming up and the owner warned Karma,"If you do not win this race today, you will have to pull a milk-wagon from tomorrow morning."The race begins, and all horses started off with a bang....but wait a minute, there was Karma, fast asleep at the starting point of the track. The furious owner kicked him and asked, "Why the hell are you sleeping??"Karma replied, rudely awaken from his slumber, replied "Just resting so I can get up at 4 in the morning."
  • Cruising down the highway

    Mitesh Asher
    26 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    Robbie, the truck driver, was cruising along the highway, when he noticed a small brown guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the small guy what he wanted.The small guy said, "I am brown. I am from Pluto and I am hungry." Robbie shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, I can offer you my sandwich, little fella and that's about all I can do."Robbie gave his sandwich to the little guy and drove off. After a little distance, he noticed a small red guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the…
  • The new employee

    Mitesh Asher
    24 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    The Admin Head of a large organization called for the new employee to see him in his office.Once the new employee was seated, the Admin Head asked, "What's your name?"The new employee replied, "Jonathan."The Admin Head snapped, "Listen, I have no idea what kind of a place you worked at before, but out here, I call everyone here by their surnames. If I start calling people by their first names, they would start taking things lightly. So, its Smith, Williams, Brown - that's it. Now that I have made myself clear, tell me your last name."The new employee said, "My last name is Honey."The Admin…
 
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    Very Good Short Funny Jokes | Making Life a Little More Humorous

  • Sleeping pills

    Mitesh Asher
    29 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    The doctor told Mrs. Eberhardt, "Listen Ma'm,  your husband Phil needs some rest and some silence. Here are some sleeping pills."Mrs. Eberhardt asked, "Should I give them to him before or after dinner?"The good doctor in all his good humor, replied, "The pills are meant for you!"
  • Reservations

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    Stella went to the Delta airline counter. The attendant at the counter asked her, "Madam, do you have reservations?"Stella, not in the best of moods after being reprimanded by her boss earlier that day, replied, "You bet I have reservations. But that's not gonna stop me from flying."
  • Tiger running loose

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    Sam was taking a stroll down the street when he noticed a crowd running in his direction.He stopped one of the men and asked, "What's going on? Why is everyone running?"The man replied, "A tiger has escaped the zoo and is running loose."Sam asked, "Oh my God! Which way is it headed?"The man replied sarcastically, "You can't possibly be thinking we are chasing it!!"
  • Wasp sting

    Mitesh Asher
    26 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    Bubba came running to the doc, writhing in pain. He said to the doc, "Help me please! I've been stung by a wasp!"The doc said, "Nothing to worry. Let me put some anti-sting cream on it."Bubba said, "How will you find the wasp? It would have traveled a long distance by now."The doc said, "You misunderstood. I will apply some cream on the place you were stung."Bubba said, "Place? I was stung next to a tree in the lawn."The doc said, "No! What I mean it that the cream will be applied on your body part where the wasp stung you."Bubba said, "The wasp stung me on my finger and it hurts!"The doc…
  • Drunk Derrick

    Mitesh Asher
    23 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    Derrick who was drunk beyond his wits, stumbled into the front door of a bar and asked the bartender to serve him a scotch. The bartender refused saying, "I am sorry sir, but you are too drunk. I cannot serve you anything."After a while, Derrick appeared from the mens room and barely managing to keep himself steady, ordered his drink. The bartender said, "Sorry sir, but I have already told you, I cannot serve you."After a couple of minutes, Derrick came in through the back door and said to the bartender, "Gimme a scotch please."The bartender shook his head and said, "Sorry, but you are too…
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    Sher Bailey

  • How to Talk to Your Doctor About Mycotoxins

    SBailey
    14 Jan 2015 | 9:16 am
    So many people have told me they aren’t sure what to say to their doctor in order to be tested for Mycotoxins. I decided maybe the best way to offer that information is by creating something you can print. I created a very plain and simple PDF document you can print at home and take to your doctor. It has all the information they will need to order a test, as well as links to Dr. Joseph Brewer’s research. In the Facebook group there are lots of people who are asking some variation of the same question, “But, what if my doctor says no or laughs at me?” That’s so…
  • Black Mold Symptoms v. Fibromyalgia

    SBailey
    14 Jan 2015 | 7:34 am
    Since I wrote the post It’s Not Fibromyalgia, I have been humbled by the many thousands of people who are reading. I received so many emails, I couldn’t answer them all and decided to create a small Facebook group thinking I would have a better chance at responding to everyone there. That little Facebook group? It is at 950 members this morning in under 48 hours. (You can join by clicking here.) I still can’t get to everyone’s questions. The great news is that it has immediately become a community of people who are helping each other, responding to each other and…
  • Your Black Mold Questions Answered

    SBailey
    12 Jan 2015 | 3:49 pm
    I never imagined how many emails and comments I would receive from people who are ill, or who are caring for someone who is ill, and want to know more about my black mold illness. I need you to know I’ve read every single one and my heart hurts for those of you who are sick. I will respond to your emails just as quickly as I can. I haven’t forgotten about you. Before I go any further, I decided to create a place where each of you who wants can come and ask questions, share the story of your own health/illness, and feel heard. If you want to join me in the Facebook group: Black…
  • Men Shit: the post about sex dryers

    SBailey
    8 Jan 2015 | 5:53 pm
    Here’s something:  I think women (generally speaking) expect men to read their minds. You’ve heard this before? Now you get to hear it again. We know how our own minds work and even though we figured out that males are different than females the first time we saw little Billy sling a booger at his friend, we refuse to accept it. If you want to be a divorced woman, I encourage you to continue ignoring this fact. Trust me. The number one cause of divorce is not money or affairs or wet towels on the floor. It’s telepathic deafness. (Which, not for nothing, would also…
  • My Black Mold Story Continues

    SBailey
    6 Jan 2015 | 7:34 pm
    Within an hour after I made the decision to share my story regarding my decades long illness and my continued misdiagnosis, I started to hear from people. One woman wrote and told me she’d cried as she read it because my story was her story. She’d never heard of black mold as a culprit for her symptoms. The notes and comments have continued to come faster than I can answer them all. I know so many of you have questions, and I want to make myself available to you to answer them if I possibly can. If there is something you want to know about my symptoms, my diagnosis, or my course…
 
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    Mitchieville

  • Go game the system, guys

    Fenris Badwulf
    24 Jan 2015 | 1:28 pm
    Mitchieville is a place of caring. The tireless Mayor makes it his personal crusade to bring quality services to the good people of Mitchieville. There are no taxes in Mitchieville: funding for the municipality is taken from other jurisdictions taking advantage of the dim witted employment equity hiring of bureaucrats in these places. Despite our Canadian location, many foreign jurisdictions are happy to send us money to fund their pet projects. Since these programs are not results driven, we can squander the money as we see fit. The Merry Funeral Home is just off the Ian Paisley parkway in…
  • Is The Pope An Asshole?

    The Mayor
    18 Jan 2015 | 3:01 pm
    Pope Francis, seen here before his workcation to Transylvania where he intends to slaughter 200 vampires with his cross ‘o death, was asked about the recent terrorist attacks in France that claimed 17 lives. Instead of giving the proper answer that terrorists are diseased cock-holes and will burn in hell right after they are smeared from head to toe with pig blood, gave this freestyle rap answer that can best be described as “An answer an asshole Pope would give“: Pope Francis has weighed into the debate over freedom of expression in the wake of the murderous attacks in…
  • Christless Christmas

    Fenris Badwulf
    20 Dec 2014 | 6:20 am
    Those of you looking for suitable progressive gift ideas for the special people in your life should ask for My Mommy’s Penis is Oozing Pus. This lavishly illustrated children’s book addresses many of the themes those ability challenged progressives whine about. Little Tsetse, a fifteen year old child in grade two, has an other gendered Mommy, who is challenged by inadequate health care spending. After you get past page six, you will not be able to read much for all the tears running down your face. Poor Mommy: just about nobody accepts her gender role, let alone is willing to…
  • Sharing the Caring

    Fenris Badwulf
    16 Dec 2014 | 6:22 am
    Sometimes, commuting in Toronto traffic can be a chore. Stressful. Anxiety making. But not for me. I have learnt several helpful techniques through my affiliation with the cultists of Set, the Snake God. The Emerald Eyed One is full of help for His Followers, provided, of course, that you help Him get what He wants. Today was a case in point. I was slogging down one of the major arteries of the city when I was gripped with angst.  So, I just stopped.  I slowed down, coasted to a stop.  I punched on my four way flasher.  Three lanes became two.  Instead of feeling anxiety, I felt…
  • The Struggle of Light versus Darkness

    Fenris Badwulf
    15 Dec 2014 | 12:01 pm
    Every day, the soldiers of the forces of Light struggle against the forces of Darkness. Can you count yourself in one of their number? Go outside at night and look up into the darkness, there you will find street lights. The one shown is known as a Cobra head, and acts as a burning beacon of prayer to Set, the Snake God. What a warming thought. So, when you are out shopping for a new false religion this Christmas season, give thanks to the tireless, unionized, workers who struggle to keep your streets lit at night. And, give a thought to coming over to the local chapter of Set, the Snake God…
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    Fair City News

  • Local Senior Wondering When Dillons Will Be Open

    FairCityNews.com
    22 Jan 2015 | 5:27 am
    Dab-nabbin’ Dillons still not open Springfield, MO – Local senior Nancy Newman once again drove her 1994 Buick Regal through the parking lot of the old Dillons on West Kearney wondering when exactly the long time grocery chain would be open again. “I’ve been coming every day since December 24 trying to buy my Metamucil and soap opera digest magazines.” said the local senior. “I guess these kids took a longer winter break. They’re probably busy Facegoogling or Instatwiting.” Mrs. Newman’s car has apparently circled the deserted lot every afternoon at 12:30, the left…
  • KHS Unveils New Cafeteria & Mascot Name: Poochies

    FairCityNews.com
    13 Jan 2015 | 6:53 am
    Fear the Poochies! Springfield, MO – Recent renovations revealed a new gathering space and new rally cry for the Chiefs of Kickapoo High School: Poochies was released as a new catch-phrase during the cafeteria grand opening and several students and alumni are mixed on the subliminal announcement. “I mean ‘poochie’ is a term of endearment but I don’t think it is a very fierce thing to scream at a sporting event,” said ’94 alumni Chas Piffer, “I do think it is an evolution of ‘fear the poo’ which plays upon one’s fear of touching another person’s feces. Especially a…
  • Fail Sign – January

    FairCityNews.com
    12 Jan 2015 | 5:51 am
  • ________ _________ _____________ ______

    FairCityNews.com
    8 Jan 2015 | 5:48 am
    ____ ____ _____ ______ Springfield, MO- __ ___ ____ ______ _______ ______ ______ __________ _________ ________ _______ __________ _______ ___ __ _________ ___ _____ ____ _______ __ ____ ____ ____ ______ ______ _______ _________ ____ _____ ____ __. _____ ____ ____ _______ _____ ___ _______ ____ ____ _____ _____ _____ ____ ______ ____ _______ ____ _____ ______ ______ ____ ______ _________ ______________ __._______ _____ ___________ ____ _______ ______ _________ _____________ _____ _______.____ __ ___ _____ _____ ___ ___ _______ ______ ____ __________ ____ _____. ________ ____ _ _____ ______ ___…
  • Iconic Solo Cup to be Painted Red, Shipped to Toby Keith

    FairCityNews.com
    7 Jan 2015 | 5:49 am
    New Solo Cup owner reacts to possible demolition Springfield, MO – According to the developer, musician Toby Keith has agreed to purchase and ship the iconic giant concrete Solo Cup at 1100 North Glenstone in Springfield saving it from demolition. Keith plans to paint the cup red and relocate it to Dream Walkin’ Farms, his 160-acre ranch, outside of Norman, Okla. Keith said, “A red solo cup is cheap and disposable, but this landmark is not demolishable. Modern developers can kiss my ass!” Demolition of the cup was expected to be finished by the end of next week, and most residents…
 
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    Words, Pictures, Humor

  • Pictures of pepperoni elegantly reimagined as smaller pictures of pepperoni

    drewdernavich
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:54 pm
    Everyone loves pictures of pepperoni. Woot! But sometimes you’re browsing the web and you’re like – whoa, let’s take it down a notch or two, pepperoni pictures! I get it, you’re meaty and spicy and delicious, but do you have to take up half my screen? So I have taken up the task of reimagining what some of these might look like if they were smaller and more bite-sized, if you know what I mean. Let me know which ones you think work the best!      
  • The 10 best arty and musicky and designy and webby things that happened this year, to the best of my memory

    drewdernavich
    16 Dec 2014 | 9:06 pm
    A meta-list of notable and memorable things from 2014, in more or less chronological order. 1. Getting to see Vermeer’s famous Girl With a Pearl Earring in person, albeit with about a thousand other sweaty persons stuffed into the Frick on the last day of this Dutch painting exhibit. I couldn’t get as close as I hoped, but it was still worth it. The painting is luminous. 2. St. Vincent’s better-than-ever live show in support of her best-to-date record. I love how she shreds. And shreds. 3. A trip to Vienna, where I took in the Egon Schiele- and Gustav Klimt-heavy Leopold…
  • Merry Xmas! 2 for the price of none

    drewdernavich
    10 Dec 2014 | 8:13 pm
    OK, I like Christmas music. I shouldn’t have to apologize for it. Well, some of it. An author once said that the reason he writes books is because he has questions, not answers. Every year I put together a mix of Christmas-related music here, and it is my own attempt to address the question “where can I find good Christmas music that I’m not going get bludgeoned with everywhere else, but that isn’t just different for different’s sake?” So I’m at it again. As per usual, there’s every type of music on here – cheeky mashups, golden-era…
  • Me and Bobby Flay

    drewdernavich
    9 Dec 2014 | 9:12 pm
    One day recently I was thinking about whether all those cooking shows on TV really help people to become better in the kitchen, or if, at the end of the day, it’s all just mere entertainment. But it occurred to me that those shows might actually put pressure on those who have to cook dinner regularly. Kind of like the Victoria’s Secret fashion show (which apparently is on right now because I see people angrily Tweeting about it) – I wonder if moms just say “I don’t need this in my life.” And that led to this cartoon, in this week’s magazine.  …
  • I just reheated the leftovers from last year’s Black friday.

    drewdernavich
    28 Nov 2014 | 9:03 am
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    Humor Volcano RSS Feed

  • Nun Has Orgasm During Beaver TSA Pat-Down

    29 Jan 2015 | 12:40 am
    The TSA's new anti-terrorist screenings now require more invasive hands-on pat-downs. Such extensive physical contact, particularly upon little old ladies, has led to increasing instances of surprise sexual orgasm, especially among nuns. [Satire]
  • New Workplace Scream Room® A Huge Stress-Busting Success

    29 Jan 2015 | 12:40 am
    Researchers recently proved that loud cursing reduces stress. Taking full advantage, a new soundproof Workplace Scream Room, where angry employees can safely vent in complete privacy, has just been launched. [Satire]
  • Obscene College Football Halftime Show Shocks Nation

    29 Jan 2015 | 12:40 am
    The entire nation is shocked when, for its director's ultimate act of revenge, a marching band performs a choreographed halftime routine showing a huge penis masturbating onto the face of the rival team's mascot. [Satire]
  • Christine O'Donnell Bloodies Delaware Democrat On Election Eve

    29 Jan 2015 | 12:40 am
    A Delaware Democratic Party resident was left a bloody, dazed mess after a U.S.Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell-inflicted injury as he reached into his mailbox on this 2010 mid-term election eve. [Satire]
  • Mobsters Behind 2010 Dallas Cowboys Embarrassment?

    29 Jan 2015 | 12:40 am
    Due to the horrid Dallas Cowboys football season thus far, the only happy people in Texas this fall are in the brown paper bag industry. They're so wildly successful, in fact, that the Mob is suspected to be intimately involved throughout. [Satire]
 
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    Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor.

  • The Grapes of Confusion

    8 Jan 2015 | 8:00 am
    | Jan. 08, 2015 If confusion is the door that wisdom comes through then what the hell is this? Just so there's no confusion, prepare to be confused. Continue reading for information that will completely blow your mind, but may ultimately frighten you and send you back to your regular routines. May... [Read Full Story]
  • 5 Reasons Jean Claude Van Damme's Mullet is the Greatest Actor in the History of Cinema

    11 Dec 2014 | 8:00 am
    | Dec. 11, 2014 Let's just get this straight. Forget his flexibility, Van Damme had THE best mullet ever. His mullet might be the only time a mullet has been successfully pulled off in the history of cinema. Look at Hard Target. Why, if it weren't for Van Damme's mullet the film would have no... [Read Full Story]
  • Go Ahead, Meme Me

    20 Nov 2014 | 9:00 am
    | Nov. 20, 2014 "1,478,954,217,389 allegations of rape? Have another pudding pop. Zipzopzubittybop!" - Bill Cosby (sources: childhood ruined -- *sobs uncontrollably) [Read Full Story]
  • Boss Hogg Desperately Seeking Sugar Baby

    14 Nov 2014 | 8:00 am
    | Nov. 14, 2014 Recently Georgia State University ranked at the top of the list of 20 colleges with the highest number of sugar babies. For those unfamiliar with the practice, a sugar baby is a young person who provides companionship to an older sugar daddy (or mommy) in exchange for money and... [Read Full Story]
  • In Memoriam of Jollybags

    6 Nov 2014 | 7:00 am
    | Nov. 16, 2014 Dear whomever left a used condom at the end of my driveway, Please quit leaving your discarded prophylactics lying around for others to see, or possibly have to pickup. It was basically lying in the street, but still. You are disgusting. Did you drop it there because you wanted... [Read Full Story]
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    Thoughts From Paris - True Stories - Funny Blog

  • The ThoughtsFromParis 2014 Holiday Card

    D.J. Paris
    17 Jan 2015 | 2:32 pm
    Every year I find holiday cards both exciting and disappointing. First, it’s validating to know that someone took the time to write out my address. I’m bummed that most only send picture cards without messages. Reading somebody’s handwriting feels more intimate. Especially if there’s something in there that’s personal. Many years ago when I was dealing with divorce I wrote a paragraph on each card. I wanted to express the importance of their support during that difficult time. I remember crying through most of it and with one card I literally cried onto the card…
  • Bloggers are Weird Podcast – Kate Hall – Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?

    D.J. Paris
    6 Jan 2015 | 7:28 am
    Blogger and author Kate Hall talks about her new book, how she got it done in two months, and how she built up a base of over 30k followers for her hilarious blog. Go buy her book now! -> http://djp3.me/hall How to listen…  iTunes Official ThoughtsFromParis app for Apple or Android devices! YouTube below (if you’re using my app, click to youtube section)
  • What the Hell, Let’s Get Back to It

    D.J. Paris
    25 Aug 2014 | 7:30 pm
    It’s amazing how quickly I lost the willingness to write. In 2012 I challenged myself to write every day for a year. The first month was trying but after that I became proficient. My mind started searching during the day for topics to write later. I’d be riding the subway and an idea would hit and I start typing furiously on my phone. Now I just listen to Howard Stern. At home I write a few Twitter jokes and then to bed. I’ve noticed over the past few years doing less and less of the things I used to enjoy. I rode my bike to work for years and then abruptly stopped last…
  • Fun With Yahoo Answers

    D.J. Paris
    23 Jul 2014 | 3:39 pm
    I needed a new distraction. God forbid I actually sit down and improve my skills as a serious writer. That would be worthwhile and intelligent. For some reason this year I’ve had the hardest time getting motivated to do much. I usually just go for candy and writing one-liners on Twitter. Anyway, I was dreaming two nights ago and I came up with something that made me laugh. It woke me up around 3am. Then when I woke up later that morning, it was still funny to me. Often stuff that I write in my dreams doesn’t maintain it’s hilarity in beta consciousness. I went about…
  • Bloggers are Weird – Heidi Cave – Fancy Feet

    D.J. Paris
    23 Jul 2014 | 6:51 am
    Heidi Cave spends an hour discussing losing her legs in a horrific car accident, why it’s okay to want to be pretty, and how she made the decision to stay alive. A true inspiration. How to listen…  iTunes Official ThoughtsFromParis app for Apple or Android devices! YouTube below (if you’re using my app, click to youtube section)
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    Paul O'Flaherty

  • LinkedIn’s Group Spam Problem Is Almost Unbearable

    Paul O'Flaherty
    27 Jan 2015 | 1:13 pm
    Not the first to complain about the spam problem that plagues LinkedIn groups, but I shall definitely jump on the bandwagon because it feels like it’s escalating lately.I’ve been rather careful about the groups I’ve joined (a mere 20) and changed all my settings to receive only digest emails only for the groups I’m most interested in, weekly for others and turned them off altogether for others, yet it feels like the spam levels have increased. I may have to excuse myself from most of my groups just for the sake of email sanity.I know that the vast membership of…
  • Empower Your Community To Spread Your Word

    Paul O'Flaherty
    6 Jan 2015 | 2:28 pm
    I was contacted by a fledgling religious oriented startup that wanted to get various celebrity ministers and church leaders to make a specific declaration during one of their sermons.Their goal could not have been achieved given their budget and timeframe so I offered some free advice which also happens to apply to almost every business no matter it’s size:Send forth your evangelists.Every business, no matter what type, has its fans and believers – people who actually care about the business, its products or goals. These people, whether acolytes within or believers on the…
  • Distraction Free Blogging? I’d Pay For That!

    Paul O'Flaherty
    30 Dec 2014 | 8:40 am
    While I applaud the efforts made by the WordPress team to include a distraction free editor, it unfortunately does little (and cannot for technical reasons) to stop the myriad of distractions that occur on my desktop or laptop. The only real way to stop the flood of email notifications, IM’s, phone calls is to disconnect from the internet completely, turn off my phone and write my posts in an offline editor – none of which have feature parity with the WordPress platform.When I look at my kindle e-reader I see a device perfectly setup for distraction free reading – all you…
  • You’re Not Ready For Me

    Paul O'Flaherty
    30 Dec 2014 | 7:51 am
    “You’re not ready”. It can single most difficult and hardest thing to say to someone who pitches me about marketing their product or idea, but sometimes it can also be the easiest.Some of the pitches I receive are for products which have already been developed, others are for vague notions with no clear concept or even a value proposition, but everyone is sure that theirs is the next million dollar idea.I’ve turned away potential clients for myriad reasons – your idea is crap (sorry, but it’s true), to people thinking that I’m going to drop…
  • The Truth About New Year’s Resolutions… They Suck!

    Paul O'Flaherty
    23 Dec 2014 | 2:28 pm
    Most of us make New Year’s resolutions and most of us fail to keep them. It’s not because we didn’t have the intention to keep or achieve them, it’s simply because they were unrealistic to begin with.Last year I had resolved to write a book in 2014. It didn’t happen because I over-estimated the amount of time I’d have available between family and work commitments. Actually I did worse than over-estimate, I knew I wouldn’t have time between work and family commitments, but deluded myself that I could write it anyway.Don’t spend half next year…
 
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    Really Funny Jokes

  • Who wants to go to Heaven?

    Mitesh Asher
    29 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    Father John visited a shady bar in the suburbs.He met a drunk man and asked him, "Son, do you want to go to Heaven?"The man replied, "Yeah Father."Father John said, "Then leave this place now and never come back."He asked another man who was drinking, "Son, do you want to go to Heaven?"The man replied, "I do Father."Father John said, "Then go away from this rotten place and take a pledge never to return."The Father met Bubba and asked, ""Son, do you want to go to Heaven?"Bubba replied, "No Father."Father John, taken aback by the answer, asked, "Do you mean after your death, you have no desire…
  • Jet speed

    Mitesh Asher
    28 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    "Wow", said an eagle to another, "Did you notice that speed of that jet plane? Isn't that something?"The other eagle, clearly unimpressed, said, "Big deal! You would be flying at the same speed if your tail was on fire!"
  • Karma

    Mitesh Asher
    27 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    A guy had a racehorse named Karma. Karma had never won a race and his owner was pretty mad about it. There was another race coming up and the owner warned Karma,"If you do not win this race today, you will have to pull a milk-wagon from tomorrow morning."The race begins, and all horses started off with a bang....but wait a minute, there was Karma, fast asleep at the starting point of the track. The furious owner kicked him and asked, "Why the hell are you sleeping??"Karma replied, rudely awaken from his slumber, replied "Just resting so I can get up at 4 in the morning."
  • Cruising down the highway

    Mitesh Asher
    26 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    Robbie, the truck driver, was cruising along the highway, when he noticed a small brown guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the small guy what he wanted.The small guy said, "I am brown. I am from Pluto and I am hungry." Robbie shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, I can offer you my sandwich, little fella and that's about all I can do."Robbie gave his sandwich to the little guy and drove off. After a little distance, he noticed a small red guy standing in the middle of the road waving his hand. Robbie stopped the truck and asked the…
  • The new employee

    Mitesh Asher
    24 Jan 2015 | 12:01 am
    The Admin Head of a large organization called for the new employee to see him in his office.Once the new employee was seated, the Admin Head asked, "What's your name?"The new employee replied, "Jonathan."The Admin Head snapped, "Listen, I have no idea what kind of a place you worked at before, but out here, I call everyone here by their surnames. If I start calling people by their first names, they would start taking things lightly. So, its Smith, Williams, Brown - that's it. Now that I have made myself clear, tell me your last name."The new employee said, "My last name is Honey."The Admin…
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    Where's Whitney's Soup? - Blog

  • Grad School Was A Mistake

    5 Jan 2015 | 12:21 pm
    “Are you all ready for winter quarter?”   “Neither am I.”   Light chuckle.   That was my professor’s opening line in our first class this morning.   Followed by the announcement, “the syllabus on the course website is not up-to-date,” in her extremely soft-spoken voice. (Nothing thrills me more than a quiet lecturer.)   Followed by the question, “Are there any first-years in here?”   My hand was the only one raised in response.   The professor then tried to be wisdom-y or something:…
  • School’s Out For The Summer

    30 Dec 2014 | 11:30 am
    My first quarter at library school is finished.  Now I’ve got time for reflection. Since I arrived here in Los Angeles four months ago, I have spotted four celebrities!  Jamie from Top Chef Dr. Jackson Avery from Grey’s Anatomy Mrs. Kim from Gilmore Girls Ellen Page of recently coming out (and from lots of movies) Both Dr. Avery and Ms. Page were noticeably stylish. Ms. Lauren (Jamie from Top Chef) and Mrs. Kim, not so much. 
  • Make Shift Life

    9 Oct 2014 | 11:43 am
    I’m here!  In California.  Los Angeles.  For at least the next 2 years.  Arrived almost 6 weeks ago, but somehow still sleeping on a make-shift bed. Do not despair!  I am very capable of curling up when the time calls.  Reminder:  I moved to here from Massachusetts for graduate school (library and information science). Classes started this week. So did in-class student introductions. My WordPress class professor asked us to list the internet-capable electronics we use. (This question came after, ‘What are your career goals?’)  When my…
  • Agogo and Gatorade

    25 Jun 2014 | 10:13 am
    On Monday, I started my summer stats class.  Why am I taking a stats class?  My grad program that starts this fall is making me. What do I think about stats now that I’m in it?  Well, all the Indian and Asian students sit in the center row of the amphitheater classroom.  And the white students and the 2 black students sit in the outside rows.  I was sandwiched between 2 boys. One was nice and had neat handwriting. The other was neither, and wouldn’t stop using his teeth - all of his teeth - to play with his pen cap.  Like one of these wooden…
  • Stories

    30 Apr 2014 | 2:26 pm
    A little while before right now, I was stuck in traffic.  (The motor vehicle kind.) But the cause wasn’t from a crash or a fender bender!   That’s a duckie inside the green circle. I instantly went from being traffic-depressed to cute-thing-happy. Days / weeks later, I attended The Fanciest Wedding. After that, I flew to Columbus to celebrate Purim. (I’m the lady-who-wasn't-ready-for-the-photographer-to-take-the-picture in the back, not the princess on the left.) Where I was inspired to order myself new sunglasses. (protective case) Because... Guess…
 
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    Lilyofthewoods.com

  • Home Decor: Why not make your home a sanctuary?

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    22 Jan 2015 | 10:46 am
    Not everyone is lucky enough to own a cabin in the woods.  When we see those gorgeous homes with wooden beam ceilings and a fire going, it looks just like heaven.  But its okay.   We can still make our own sanctuary.  Even if we live in a penthouse studio, we can still have the sensation that we live close to the earth. We all know Ralph Lauren.  He is the epitome of style and country manor chic. But did you know that his name was Ralph Lifshitz?  He was not born rich. In fact he was born in the Bronx in poor surroundings. Did he let that bleak reality stop…
  • Let's Kick the Can

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    14 Jan 2015 | 1:24 pm
    Your body might deteriorate a bit, but your soul never has to. Remember that classic Twilight Zone episode, "Kick the Can?"   Its about residents in a nursing home that were resigned to just hang around till they dropped dead.  Kind of like some of us. Anyhoo, one of them had an inspiration.  Actually the old guy got a hell of a spiritual insight. He does not dismiss it either, like most of us. Not this old guy; he went with it. In  a flash he realizes that if they would all just move around for the sake of pure pleasure; that the carefree feeling of…
  • Walt Disney World what have they done to you?

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    5 Jan 2015 | 11:33 am
    Walt Disney World is fast- pass losing its pixie dust magic. I've always loved Walt Disney World. But I have to admit that great greed is ruining the loved Disney vibe of what used to be a premium experience. Some folks don't even realize it.  After all, the Disney corp has geniuses in their public relations department.   It takes brilliance to come up with the Fast Pass.   This system that makes us work for something that we have already paid for.  Then we blame ourselves if we don't get it.  Maybe we just didn't reserve with enough…
  • Our experience with Feather River Doors and Home Depot

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    29 Dec 2014 | 6:20 am
    Wanting to make our home more cozy, we decided that new pantry doors would be  a great idea. I have to confess that we took the coward's way out and went with a big vendor, Home Depot. Even though they are kind of limited on choices, I figured that they would be trustworthy. We had our counter tops done in granite and all went smoothly.  Well, let's just say that this has been quite an experience. We ordered the pantry doors the beginning of October 2014, hoping to have them ready by Thanksgiving.  Hoping to do everything right, we paid to make sure to have a Home Depot…
  • Black Friday: Scarier than Halloween

    LilyoftheWoods.com blog
    10 Dec 2014 | 12:11 pm
    A super sales day is when thousands of normal looking humans lurk around outside stores waiting for the kill.  Sorry  I meant sale. If you have ever had to work in a department store on black friday, you know what I mean. There you are, stuck between the mob and your cash register. Staring down a scene that looks straight out of "Night of the Living Dead.” It's not a site for the faint hearted.   But heck, don't forget to smile! The doors open and they are off! Now pure instinct kicks in. It's all about the hunt and getting that perfect $10.00 outfit  before the…
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    Now That's Nifty

  • Natural Flavoring - Castoreum

    26 Jan 2015 | 3:32 pm
    So I was pretty skeptical at first. But, sure enough, Castoreum is indeed from beaver butts, and it is indeed used in food. See here: Beaver Butts Emit Goo Used for Vanilla Flavoring. ***This is a content summary only. Visit Now That's Nifty for full links, other content, and more.***
  • What Ever Happened to Scotty Smalls from Sandlot? - Tom Guiry

    14 Jan 2015 | 10:51 am
    Tom Guiry played Scotty Smalls in the movie Sandlot. But whatever happened to him? Filmography: Guiry's first rule was Scotty Smalls in Sandlot when he was 11. This led to other films such... ***This is a content summary only. Visit Now That's Nifty for full links, other content, and more.***
  • Rolling House - Roll It

    6 Jan 2015 | 11:27 am
    Roll It, a cool experimental house, resulted from the collaboration among different institutes within the University of Karlsruhe. This cylindrical design is a modular prototype that provides... ***This is a content summary only. Visit Now That's Nifty for full links, other content, and more.***
  • Submarine Sandwich

    11 Dec 2014 | 12:13 pm
    I don't understand this short film at all, but I like it. Watch this guy make a submarine sandwich out of baseball gloves and stuff. ***This is a content summary only. Visit Now That's Nifty for full links, other content, and more.***
  • Whatcha Thinkin' About?

    9 Dec 2014 | 10:10 am
    ***This is a content summary only. Visit Now That's Nifty for full links, other content, and more.***
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    Funny pictures and photos

  • Sweet kids

    Plamen Ivanov
    10 Jan 2015 | 12:44 pm
    These toddlers are so cute. The boy shows how to be a gentleman! This is how men should behave with women. +1 for them! ♥Here are the best toddler clothing and shoes.
  • Funny cat picture

    Plamen Ivanov
    7 Dec 2014 | 3:10 pm
    LOL. This is a really funny cat pic that shows the BIG difference between 1983 and 2014... A nice cartoon pic... but it made me think about this ENORMOUS difference between the TV in the past and today TV's...That's why I would like to show you the TOP TV models nowadays. Go check them out here: --> Best TV deals
  • Funny telephone picture

    Plamen Ivanov
    16 Nov 2014 | 11:24 am
    Many years passed since those old telephones. This funny phone picture shows who is the grandmother of the cell phones that we all use today. It's a cartoon so it would be quite more entertaining. I really enjoy it and this is a reason to think about the past.By the way here you can check Top 100 Cell Phones & Accessories.
  • Funny cat picture

    Plamen Ivanov
    26 Oct 2014 | 3:29 pm
    Cats are so lovely animals! ♥ Really often we meet cats on the street, in the park... They look so kind and lovely and you would have liked to take them home... Here is one funny cat pic that will show you such a different and interesting situation of such a cat that I am not sure what likes more- the food or the people in the house! LoL...Here are another cute and funny cats.Visit http://dogtrainingfoundation.com to find out more regarding labrador retriever health problems
  • Funny weight loss picture

    Plamen Ivanov
    26 Sep 2014 | 2:05 pm
    This looks like a good and funny weight loss pic. Looks interesting and true...By the way, here is a good weight loss product that will surely help you lose weight fast and 100% healthy!
 
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    mark a rayner

  • Are you a famous writer yet?

    Mark A. Rayner
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:14 am
    This flowchart may help you answer this “important” question: Alltop is a famous humor aggregator. Flowchart by electric literature
  • The clowns die first

    Mark A. Rayner
    27 Jan 2015 | 11:16 am
    Something you probably didn’t know about the technological singularity: all the clowns die first. Alltop will have to choose a side when the time comes. Painting by Mike Wellins. Interesting stuff: he takes old landscapes and stuff and then adds SF tropes to them. More here. h/t
  • Doug the neurotic invents a corollary on his daily commute

    Mark A. Rayner
    22 Jan 2015 | 6:00 am
    Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m freaking out. I ate at Wendy’s last night, and then I’m reading the paper today — yeah, like I do everyday on the bus — and so I’m reading the paper, and what do I see? Bird Flu! There was another breakout of bird flu in a freakin’ chicken farm […]
  • Reservoir Clowns

    Mark A. Rayner
    20 Jan 2015 | 5:28 am
    I’m sure Quentin Tarantino isn’t thinking of a remake, but if he did this, it would be TERRIFYING. Alltop is the Harlequin of humor aggregators. Photo by drewlevy
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    Chandra Clarke

  • The best of all possible worlds

    Chandra Clarke
    19 Jan 2015 | 6:51 am
    Chandra Clarke Theoretical physicists have many ideas about how the cosmos came to be, but one of the most popular ones is the one which says that are an infinite number of universes, each of them different. There is, for example, our universe, another one where all your missing socks go, and one for your car keys. […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Green eggs and sp…

    Chandra Clarke
    5 Jan 2015 | 6:51 am
    Chandra Clarke Earlier this week, I left my computer unattended for nearly 24 hours. When I later logged into my email account, I expected to hear that annoyingly cheerful guy say: “You’ve got mail!” What he actually said is: “You’ve got 2,309 emails. Don’t you ever clean out your inbox?” Okay, so 2,309 is a bit of […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Get Smart

    Chandra Clarke
    12 Dec 2014 | 7:49 am
    Chandra Clarke The good folks over at the BBC thought they had worked out a way to make us all smarter. In a television show called “Get Smarter in a Week,” they had several dozen volunteers follow a regimen which included eating better food, adding more physical activity to their routine, and most importantly, doing “brain exercises.” […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • Not Worth The Paper It’s Printed On

    Chandra Clarke
    24 Nov 2014 | 2:17 am
    Chandra Clarke It’s official: I’m doomed. The good news first. Scientists are developing a way to build brain tissue, cell by cell, so that they can have near complete control over how a graft is constructed. The bad news? They’re using ink-jet printer technology to do it. It’s part of a new method of manufacturing, commonly called […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
  • All Talk And No Action

    Chandra Clarke
    7 Nov 2014 | 8:23 am
    Chandra Clarke When you have been to as many conferences as I have, especially those dealing with politics and public policy, you start to see the same people. Not necessarily the same faces, but the same types. Let’s see if you recognize some of them too: Details, Details — This is the fellow who, who presented with a […] Chandra Clarke - This material is safe for work. No really, it is.
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    Sweet Mother

  • 8 Grandmas That I Totally Want To Grow Up To Be

    Anonymous Good Person
    25 Jan 2015 | 8:57 pm
    Okay, maybe not the NRA one.  BUT, I’m a sucker for lists and some of these broads KILL me.   Wolf of Wall Street Grandma…     My “Spirit Animal” Grandma…     CLICK TO READ MORE…  
 
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    Stuff You Couldn't Make Up

  • How to Write Good

    SYCMU
    28 Jan 2015 | 5:25 pm
      Here is the funniest guide to writing you will ever read! How to Write Good 1. Avoid Alliteration. Always. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. Avoid cliches like the plague. They are old hat. 4. Comparisons … Continue reading → The post How to Write Good appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • Didn’t You Overdo the Packaging?

    SYCMU
    27 Jan 2015 | 7:01 pm
    This system of plastic packaging is so stupid to begin with. Did you really have to overdo it so much to prove your inferior intellect? The post Didn’t You Overdo the Packaging? appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • Right Before an Epic Cat Sneeze

    SYCMU
    26 Jan 2015 | 8:28 pm
    The post Right Before an Epic Cat Sneeze appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • Why Dogs Shouldn’t Play Poker

    SYCMU
    25 Jan 2015 | 8:45 am
    They just can’t control themselves sometimes. The post Why Dogs Shouldn’t Play Poker appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
  • Your Cat Might Be Overweight

    SYCMU
    22 Jan 2015 | 10:46 pm
    The post Your Cat Might Be Overweight appeared first on Stuff You Couldn't Make Up.
 
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    Love and Knuckles

  • Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Pizza Slices and Bangle Bracelets

    Kate
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:07 am
    Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. PARTY BRAWL  Kim wanted to know what happened to her pizza. It was still lying in Eileen’s foyer, cheese side down, which was a bummer because she needed the carbohydrates. It was not the only casualty of Brandi and Kyle’s skirmish, there was also the puncture wound in Brandi’s forearm caused by an overeager spiked bracelet. The problem was Kyle and Kim had years of history and Brandi was trying to come between them. Brandi believed it all stemmed from jealousy routed in Kim getting more acting jobs when they were kids. Lisa…
  • The Bachelor Recap: The Disney Princess And The Virgin

    Kate
    27 Jan 2015 | 2:23 pm
    This is what you missed last night on The Bachelor. DOWN BY THE LAKE Samantha, Juelia, Megan, Mackenzie, Kelsey, Kaitlyn, and the Ashleys (Kardashleyian and Space Cadet) are invited to “do what feels natural” for their group date. When it is assumed that means going without makeup or visible extensions chaos breaks out within Bachelorette mansion. Can you plug a curling iron into a tree? Later when they arrive at a pond somewhere in suburban Los Angeles the girls are challenged to enjoy themselves while standing around in a bikini in the sweltering heat. Kelsey, though a woman…
  • Jennifer Lopez At Home vs. Me At Home

    Kate
    22 Jan 2015 | 8:00 pm
    In the current issue of People Magazine Jennifer Lopez opens up about her life with her twins in a spread titled Jennifer Lopez At Home. Reading through the interview I couldn’t help but compare our lives. Jennifer Lopez’s Life: Technology: Her kids are only allowed “screen time” on the weekends. Wake Up: When I’m shooting, I’m up at 5 a.m. And go all day. But if not, the day starts when the kids come in between 6:15 a.m. Then we get ready for school. Alone Time: After a shower she goes outside on the balcony for 15 minutes. It’s part prayer,…
  • Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Poker Face

    Kate
    21 Jan 2015 | 11:50 am
    SPA DAY Kim planned a spa day. Just a fun drive up to Santa Barbara with her fun girlfriends who at times question her sobriety. Chatter in the limo included the meaning of life, how to clean your jewelry, and how much public hair is in their nether regions. They also talked about their aspirations in life. What would be their fantasy? Lisa Rinna would like to sleep with Brad Pitt, Kyle would like a career as a faceless pole dancer, and Brandi wants to be trapped in a bad home movie featuring her ex-husband and another woman. Keep those dreams alive, girls! Once they arrived at the Bacara…
  • The Bachelor Recap: The Jimmy Kimmel Factor

    Kate
    20 Jan 2015 | 3:34 pm
    HERE’S JIMMY Chris was a mouth breather. This was revealed when Jimmy Kimmel, the episode’s guest host, barged into The Bachelor cottage to wake the sleeping farmer. Chris Harrison, it was explained, was taking this shift off. He needed to get home so he could iron his collection of V-neck shirts. Jimmy’s first order of business was to offer Chris coffee and then surprise the remaining contestants in the bachelorette living room. “Hello sister wives.” He would be in charge of this week’s dates and had taken the additional step of bringing in an…
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    The Idle Lord

  • Road Trip – Adapted From “A Critics’ Corner” (Chs 24 & 25)

    Steve
    28 Jan 2015 | 8:24 am
    FOREWORD Last night we were sat in the pub reminiscing on past glories when talk turned to the first time we rode the Coast to Coast on our push-bikes. Now, none of us would claim this was akin to skiing Antarctica or climbing Everest – except Brent maybe – but the four days we shared […] Continue reading ... Road Trip – Adapted From “A Critics’ Corner” (Chs 24 & 25).
  • Not Going Out? Read This Week’s Bumper Issue!

    Steve
    23 Jan 2015 | 8:44 am
    Beware The Honey Trap Ahead of the ICC Cricket World Cup, international players have been warned about the risk of “honey traps” laid by match-fixing syndicates; women luring players and blackmailing them has become a big risk. This is nothing new to us in league cricket with many a honey trap more potent than the […] Continue reading ... Not Going Out? Read This Week’s Bumper Issue!.
  • Idle Moor – Lost To Spivs & Speculators

    Steve
    19 Jan 2015 | 6:40 am
    Just in case you needed reminding about how little local opinion really matters and how a spectacularly useless Council can really screw things up, the decision to overturn several refusals for planning permission on Idle Moor says it all. Greed, aided and abetted by idiocy, means that a beautiful part of this area will soon […] Continue reading ... Idle Moor – Lost To Spivs & Speculators.
  • Saving Daisy and Ernie.

    Steve
    12 Jan 2015 | 6:41 am
    Whilst none of us are shedding a tear for oil barons as the price of oil plummets – unless you support Man City – spare a thought for the dairy farmers who face a very uncertain future as milk prices also collapse. Whilst Sheikh Dodgy has been shafting us for decades, the same cannot be […] Continue reading ... Saving Daisy and Ernie..
  • The Drop-In

    Steve
    9 Jan 2015 | 5:59 am
    I called into Towny’s for the first time since the sad passing of John late last year and the old boy would have been comforted by what he saw from above. The drop-in centre for middle-aged blokes with bugger all to do – employed or not – is alive and well. It was refreshing to […] Continue reading ... The Drop-In.
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    Barb Best

  • ALL Pets Are Emotional Support Animals

    Barb Best
    23 Jan 2015 | 9:28 am
      ALL pets are emotional support animals, don’t ya think? If I had an official “emotional support animal” – it would be an imaginary one like in the Jimmy Stewart film “Harvey.” Or maybe a pink giraffe or a purple unicorn. Something distinctive. Recently, a woman attempted to travel with her 70-pound support pig on […] The post ALL Pets Are Emotional Support Animals appeared first on Barb Best.
  • And The Booby Prize Goes To…

    Barb Best
    16 Jan 2015 | 7:53 am
      Booby Prize has nothing to do with boobs of the female breast persuasion.     According to The New Oxford American Dictionary (non-Braille edition), booby prize is “a prize given as a joke to the last-place finisher in a race or competition.” It’s awards season in Hollywood. It’s time for all the boobs to […] The post And The Booby Prize Goes To… appeared first on Barb Best.
  • Smiles To Go! The World Needs A Smile

    Barb Best
    9 Jan 2015 | 5:25 am
      The world needs a smile… or 2 or 3 or 7! 99 cents. A short and sweet picture book of smiles from around the world. ALL proceeds go to health & humor nonprofits including Association for Applied & Therapeutic Humor and RxLaughter. Let’s support the healing power of comedy and laughter. Smiles To Go: […] The post Smiles To Go! The World Needs A Smile appeared first on Barb Best.
  • 7 New Year’s RID-solutions to Ponder

    Barb Best
    2 Jan 2015 | 9:49 am
      Woo Hoo! 2015! Got resolutions? I’ve got RID-solutions!   In 2015, let’s say Bye-Bye to… 1.      Denial.  “I’ll just have one more chocolate covered cherry because, after all, it’s a vital part of celebrating holiday traditions and participating in the pursuit of freedom.” 2.    Pride. I will not become irritated when I lose at […] The post 7 New Year’s RID-solutions to Ponder appeared first on Barb Best.
  • Happy New Year: 7 Things I Learned in 2014

    Barb Best
    26 Dec 2014 | 11:37 am
      Whoosh! Another year has passed like a kidney stone. Happy New Year! 7 Things I Learned in 2014: We live. We learn. I feel your pain. If your hair is falling out, go to the doctor. Don’t ink and drive. Put the Post-it notes away! If done wrong, yoga can hurt you more than […] The post Happy New Year: 7 Things I Learned in 2014 appeared first on Barb Best.
 
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    Amy Vansant - Humor

  • And You Can Forget Vacation Sex

    Amy Vansant
    21 Jan 2015 | 3:21 am
    My husband and I, of course, never have sex. That would be disgusting. (Ok, that first line was in case anyone from my family reads this. We can continue.) There was a LOT of driving. My husband, Mike is, of course, the greatest lover of all time. (Ok, THAT line was for Mike. He definitely stopped reading after that, so we can continue… As soon as I stop laughing.) Over the holidays, Mike, Gordon Labradoodle and I took a three week vacation that included a week with his mother on the west coast of Florida, a week with my parents on the east coast of Florida, and then a week in Isle of…
  • New Romantic Comedy – Slightly Stalky

    Amy Vansant
    12 Jan 2015 | 6:32 am
    So for all the people who said, “Eh, you’re kind of funny, but what’s with the homicidal angels? Were you drunk when you wrote Angeli?” (and by people I mean my mother and mother-in-law… and by drunk the answer is ‘yes’) do I have a treat for you! A NEW Romantic Comedy! Based loosely on how I stalked my husband into submission. (WARNING: I’m not as hot as the cartoon version on the cover.) And as one of my loyal readers, if you’d like a FREE copy in exchange for your honest review (for a limited time) (limited time offer that is, not that…
  • A Short Conversation with my Dog about Vacation

    Amy Vansant
    16 Dec 2014 | 8:44 am
    ME: Here we are! Sunny Florida! Ok, so maybe this isn’t that bad. GORDON LABRADOODLE:   Whew, that ride was brutal I — wait, what the hell is this? ME: It’s Florida! Isn’t it great? GORDON: Great? It’s like 1000 degrees here! Are you telling me we left home, where it is a perfect 32 degrees, and drove 15 hours to get to this hell hole? ME: It’s 75 here. It’s perfect. GORDON: Ah, no, Miss “I’m Not Wearing a Full Fur Coat.” This is terrible. I think I’m dying… I’m dying… ME: You’re not dying.
  • The Grade School Boy Who Haunts My Dreams

    Amy Vansant
    3 Dec 2014 | 9:55 pm
    In case anyone’s on the fence about whether grade school traumas stick with people, I’d like to share this incredibly embarrassing little ditty. Top to bottom Winner, Glenn, Bobby, Andrea, Me (middle) and Jackie. Thanks to Andrea for this photo. Andrea, who was my mortal enemy in grade school, and now shares pictures with me on Facebook. Thank goodness we all grow up. Most of us, anyway. I don’t have anxiety dreams about you, Andrea, but I’m still a little pissed you beat me in the “draw santa” contest every single year. Even the year I practiced for it,…
  • I Miss Out on a Great Disease

    Amy Vansant
    18 Nov 2014 | 4:48 am
    My parents have this thing where they don’t tell me a certain disease or inclination runs in our family until I get it.  When I had my first panic attack, my mother looked at me like I was crazy and blamed it on drinking too much. (Ok, fair enough.) When I had my second, an attack that had me running to the hospital, I told her the doctor thought I’d had, not a heart attack like I thought, but a panic attack. I mentioned this three for four times over the course of a week before Mom said: “Oh yeah. Your father gets those. Me too.” Whaaa? “Couldn’t…
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    Something Authorly

  • Daniel Tosh’s Joke

    authorly
    24 Jan 2015 | 9:59 am
    [Full disclosure: I think Tosh is funny, both his show and his stand-up.  If that is an immediate deal-breaker for you then I just saved you from having to read the rest of this post. You are welcome.] Many of the articles written on Daniel Tosh’s rape joke extravaganza begin with the following clip which is meant both to illustrate his boiling hatred of women as well as his manifest unfunniness. I laughed at this.  I’ll explain later. Daniel Tosh is the new WORST PERSON WHO’S EVAR SAID ANYTHING EVAR!  At least according to half of the internet. Or most of the internet for me because…
  • Anti-Gay Pastor Busted For Public Masturbation Sesh

    authorly
    21 Jan 2015 | 9:55 am
    The only reason God is going to forgive you is because it was under the pants. That’s the ONLY reason. Mama said jerk you off! Sorry, the haze of yesterday’s post is still burning off. Say it’s 2002 and you are a self-proclaimed “fundamentalist Christian patriot on a mission from God” who doesn’t realize that every goddamn time you say that the only thing anybody thinks of is The Blues Brothers. Let’s also say that you just can NOT get over how immoral these queers are with their partyin’ and their drinkin’ and their dancin’ and decadin’.  Particularly when the…
  • Advice From Himbokal: Word Is Bond

    authorly
    19 Jan 2015 | 9:41 am
    A new semi-regular advice column on Something Authorly. Though I provide wisdom on a weekly basis with this column I think it’s high time I provide an entire column devoted to advice.  So today we will start with a semi-regular column here at Something Authorly called Advice From Himbokal.  Catchy title huh? I promise I’ll give better advice than this idiot cat.  This weeks questions are all questions that were searched in Google and led people to this website in the last three months.  I doubt they got the answer they were looking for then.  I kinda doubt they will now. (These are…
  • Tell Us What Your Biggest Weakness Is

    authorly
    16 Jan 2015 | 9:15 am
    You’d like to put something like this as your cover letter/intro email: Yeah, hi.  Look just give me the fucking job.  I’m not interested in coming in for an interview.  They’re a waste of your time and mine. They are solely to ascertain whether I have average personal hygiene and to make sure I don’t have lifeless shark eyes (I don’t).  You don’t want another {insert pain in the ass at your current workplace–call her Barbara} at the office.  Actually, if you’re lucky, I won’t get along with Barbara and then we can work out a “hostile work environment” scheme to get…
  • Tom Hanks Movie Quotes As Tweeted By Chet Haze

    authorly
    15 Jan 2015 | 9:27 am
    There was a mild online dust-up on the intertubes yesterday.  In one corner was Gawker writer Hamilton Nolan who periodically updates Gawker readers on the incredibly entertaining tweets of Chet Haze.  In the other corner was Northwestern student Chet Haze.  Chet Haze is the stage name of Chester M. Hanks son of Tom Hanks.  He is a rapper turned R&B crooner and entertainment type person.  His Twitter account is by far the most entertaining thing about Mr. Haze. Fucking bustas.  Whyn’t u get off Chaze’s nuts, yo? As a man with zero time for bustas, he did not take kindly to Mr.
 
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    Rubbish In, Robish Out!

  • Human Skull Found in Israel Sheds Light on Migration

    Johnny Robish
    28 Jan 2015 | 8:54 pm
    Human Skull Found in Israel Sheds Light on Migration:  Scientists say that a 55,000-year-old human skull found in Israel sheds light on human migration and sex with our Neanderthal cousins.  In a rather unorthodox move, researches say they bypassed traditional archeological methods such as carbon-dating in reconstructing the fossil’s history, instead using Ancestry.Com.   Texas Elementary School Orders Poop Inspections:  After repeatedly finding poop on the gym floor, officials at a Texas elementary school rounded up students and ordered them to pull down their pants so educators…
  • Scientists Find Pain Reliever in Coffee Similar to Morphine

    Johnny Robish
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:47 pm
    Scientists Find Pain Reliever in Coffee Similar to Morphine:  Brazilian scientists say they’ve discovered a protein in coffee that has effects similar to the pain reliever morphine.  Of course the obvious difference being that morphine is significantly cheaper than Starbucks.   Sleep Aids Tied to Greater Dementia Risk for Seniors:  New findings show that people over age 65 who frequently take over-the-counter sleep aids may be increasing their risk of dementia.  That said, researchers say its nothing anyone should lose any sleep over.   Bull Who Fathered 500,000 Offspring…
  • Marshall Island Search for Amelia Earhart

    Johnny Robish
    26 Jan 2015 | 9:15 pm
    Marshall Island Search for Amelia Earhart:  A search is under way on a remote atoll in the Marshall Islands aimed at solving the mysterious disappearance of aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart.  I know this is gonna be somewhat controversial, but my guess is her plane was brought down by gravity.   Neanderthals May Have Sailed the Mediterranean:  Researchers say neanderthals and other extinct human lineages may have been ancient mariners, cruising the Mediterranean islands thousands of years earlier than previously thought.  Neanderthals cruising the Mediterranean?   And to think we…
  • NFL Warns Marshawn Lynch About Crotch-Grabbing

    Johnny Robish
    25 Jan 2015 | 8:29 pm
    NFL Warns Marshawn Lynch About Crotch-Grabbing:  The NFL has warned the Seattle Seahawks and running back Marshawn Lynch that it will crack down even more than it already has if Lynch should grab his crotch again after a touchdown.  Cut the poor guy some slack.  He’s probably just checking to make sure his balls haven’t been deflated.   Hawking Says Artificial Intelligence Could End Human Race:  The eminent British physicist Stephen Hawking warns that the development of intelligent machines could eventually pose a major threat to humanity.  Which, when you think about it, is…
  • Decomposing Bodies Found at Arkansas Funeral Home

    Johnny Robish
    24 Jan 2015 | 9:17 pm
    Decomposing Bodies Found at Arkansas Funeral Home:  An Arkansas funeral home has had its license suspended after an inspector found bodies stacked in a cooler packed beyond capacity and other decomposing bodies that hadn’t been embalmed lying out in the open.  Sounds like they were just letting all their work pile up on them.  The funeral director says he hopes people will judge them not by this mistake, but by their whole “body” of work.  Local Arkansas officials say that as far as they can tell, there were no fatalities. Wade Boggs Guide Fined for Wildlife Violations on Sheep…
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    The Laugh Button

  • From executive producer Seth MacFarlane comes “Blunt Talk” starring Patrick Stewart

    Mark Says Hi
    28 Jan 2015 | 12:15 pm
    Blunt Talk, the new scripted comedy from executive producer Seth MacFarlane for Starz began production this week in Los Angeles on the first 10-episode season. Starz has released the first photos today from set. Blunt Talk starring Patrick Stewart, began production this week in Los Angeles on the first 10-episode season. The half-hour comedy was created by Jonathan Ames (Bored) who […] From executive producer Seth MacFarlane comes “Blunt Talk” starring Patrick Stewart appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • Brett Siddell to tape his new hour long DVD/Album March 10th at Gotham Comedy Club NYC

    Mark Says Hi
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:25 am
    Brett Siddell is an award-winning stand-up comedian and an on-air personality at SiriusXM Satellite Radio. As a headlining comedian known for his high-energy performances and crowd interaction, he has done tours of both Europe and the U.S., where he drove from venue to venue in a 1976 Dodge Coachmen RV he purchased after graduating from […] Brett Siddell to tape his new hour long DVD/Album March 10th at Gotham Comedy Club NYC appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • Here’s a teaser trailer for the Netflix “Wet Hot American Summer” mini-series

    Matt
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:01 am
    The internet collectively lost its mind when Netflix announced that it would be reviving the cult movie Wet Hot American Summer and turn it into a min-series. Ever since, questions arrose about who would be returning to the “OMG everyone was in this before they were famous”-cast. With this teaser from Netflix, they’ve confirmed that […] Here’s a teaser trailer for the Netflix “Wet Hot American Summer” mini-series appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • Watch Trailer; Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston reunite in comedy “She’s Funny That Way”

    Mark Says Hi
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:25 am
    Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston are teaming up again for She’s Funny That Way. The new film is written and directed by Peter Bogdanovich (The Last Picture Show, The Sopranos, The Thing Called Love). The story follows a married Broadway director who falls for a prostitute-turned-actress and works to help her advance her career. In addition to […] Watch Trailer; Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston reunite in comedy “She’s Funny That Way” appeared first on The Laugh Button.
  • NBC’s straight to series comedy pickup “Telenovela” cast taking shape

    Mark Says Hi
    28 Jan 2015 | 9:24 am
    Shortly after the announcement of the Eva Longoria Telenovela comedy pilot project for NBC, it was quickly upgraded, becoming a straight to series pickup. The network has begun to round out the rest of its cast, adding three new series regulars to the mix. Amaury Nolasco, Jencarlos Canela, and Diana Maria Riva have just signed on as […] NBC’s straight to series comedy pickup “Telenovela” cast taking shape appeared first on The Laugh Button.
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    Chasing Carrots - Blog

  • The Fish In The Sea

    PBScott
    6 Jan 2015 | 1:51 am
    On a mostly unremarkable morning a few years back, as I was walking from my house down my street, there was a chance meeting which would change my life for many years to come. The sun was shining brightly that day, it’s light was painful on my halve awaken eyes, so I gazed mostly downwards […]
  • Imagine Dragons – Radioactive – Lyrics – Video

    PBScott
    15 Dec 2014 | 11:09 pm
    I decided to post this Imagine Dragons music video here which features Lou Diamond Phillips and Alexandra Daddario, not so much because I enjoy the beat, which I do, but mostly because of all the awesome puppet violence it contains. Enjoy “Radioactive“ Whoa, oh, oh Whoa, oh, oh Whoa, oh, oh Whoa I’m waking up to […]
  • Chick Chick – Rollin Wang

    PBScott
    22 Nov 2014 | 8:14 am
    Over recent years, pop groups from various countries have been increasingly using YouTube as a vehicle to launch their culture on the world. This is yet another in a long list of pop songs that has invaded my music memory as of late, while I am busy wishing I could think of something else. Please […]
  • Chewie Goes Surfing Shirt

    PBScott
    29 Sep 2014 | 8:27 pm
    On Sept 4, 1958, Pierre La Francais, the world’s most famous beverologist, was investigating reports of animal activities at the base of the Mackenzie river delta near Tuktoyaktuk. On this full moon night, moments after a shooting star, a large brown figure began to make it’s way down the beach towards Pierre. Pierre put his […]
  • Heart Of A Gamer

    PBScott
    3 Aug 2014 | 2:16 am
    I have one thing special, that sets me apart, something is different, when it comes to my heart. For if I feel passion, or am gripped By fear, rather than heart beats, it’s vibrations I hear. My life is a mission, to save all the earth, as dangers are plenty, I prove my great worth. […]
 
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    Uploads by Scott Kushman

  • New Youtube Shows Are Coming! (It's a Secret)

    6 Jan 2015 | 7:04 pm
    New Youtube Shows Are Coming! (It's a Secret) New Youtube Shows Are Coming! (It's a Secret) From: Scott Kushman Views: 11 0 ratings Time: 00:26 More in Comedy
  • Scott Kushman NYC

    6 Jan 2015 | 6:50 pm
    Scott Kushman NYC Scott Kushman Comedian. From: Scott Kushman Views: 33 0 ratings Time: 00:05 More in Comedy
  • My Edited Video

    6 Jan 2015 | 4:00 pm
    My Edited Video I created this video with the YouTube Video Editor (http://www.youtube.com/editor) From: Scott Kushman Views: 8 0 ratings Time: 00:03 More in Comedy
  • Weird Al New Album Mandatory Fun

    15 Jul 2014 | 6:54 pm
    Weird Al New Album Mandatory Fun Weird Al New Album Mandatory Fun. From: Scott Kushman Views: 19 0 ratings Time: 03:13 More in Comedy
  • Why do women eat yogurt?

    14 Apr 2014 | 11:23 am
    Why do women eat yogurt? Scott has Cuddy on to find out why! From: Scott Kushman Views: 24 0 ratings Time: 08:17 More in Comedy
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    Witty Woman Writing

  • Those Were The Days, My Friend ….

    Tammy
    27 Jan 2015 | 10:31 pm
    Remember when you were younger (much younger) and you thought your life was crap? Fast forward 40 years or so and look back. Turns out it was pretty damn awesome and you don’t remember being miserable about all the things you didn’t have. I recently posted a TBT (Throw Back Thursday) picture on my Facebook […]
  • Why You Should Never Watch The News Again!

    Tammy
    13 Jan 2015 | 10:50 pm
    Aside from the fact that the nightly news is freakishly depressing and leaves you feeling like a hopeless deer in the headlights, it could be killing your ability to cope. With everything. I love Brian Williams, he is adorable, well dressed and well mannered. But he is no longer welcome in my home. Neither are […]
  • Slightly Used and Damaged

    Tammy
    7 Jan 2015 | 8:04 am
    For those of us who have reached maturity (I’m still waiting), and have had to start life over (yet again), admitting that we are less than what we once were, is humbling. Slightly used and damaged can pretty much describe almost everything in my house … including me. When I entered into a relationship with […]
  • If I Am A Racist …

    Tammy
    3 Dec 2014 | 10:17 pm
    Chances are … you are too. In a recent conversation with my peers, I was called out as a profiler and racist. Wow! Here’s what happened. A few weeks ago, a girlfriend and I were coming out of a restaurant late at night in what can be called a sketchy part of town (isn’t that […]
  • I’m Outta Here!

    Tammy
    2 Nov 2014 | 10:25 pm
    The last few weeks I’ve been wondering how much of my life I had left. The threat of breast cancer will do that to you. So, for the next couple of weeks I will be living it up to the hilt. Nothing says ‘do it now’ like a near collision with the Big ‘C’. My Steven […]
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    Zero People Found This Helpful

  • The Societal Pressures on Men

    admin
    9 Jan 2015 | 5:27 pm
    To have a tiny head and sock-sized bulge in their penis-region. Thank you for calling out these unrealistic expectations, Justin Bieber The Societal Pressures on Men is a post from: Zero People Found This Helpful
  • I feel really bad for laughing at the reviews for this book

    admin
    22 Dec 2014 | 11:44 pm
    At least she’s getting a lot of fiber. The other reviews delve into all sorts of horrible humor: 26 of 28 people found the following review helpful One Star By Leslie F. Miller on August 1, 2014 Format: Hardcover Dis book taste yucky. Cover hard to chew.   50 of 61 people found the following review helpful Not as helpful as I originally thought for non-working parents living in Florida. By David A. Frank on May 14, 2014 Format: Paperback Don’t be like me and order things on the internet without your reading glasses on. I thought this would be a good gift for my parents who…
  • Squatty Potty – for all your squatting potty needs

    admin
    30 Oct 2014 | 5:42 pm
    I actually have heard that putting a box to raise your feet up when you poo is a good idea – getting back to our caveman roots and pooping the way we evolved to. Let’s see if paying for a professional version works for the reviewers: Customer Review 1,253 of 1,284 people found the following review helpful This changes everything. Well, okay… just pooping., November 6, 2013 By Mark Jaquith Verified Purchase This review is from: Squatty Potty Ecco 9″ – Elimination Aid – Natural Bathroom Relief Through A Toilet Stool (Baby Product) I gingerly climbed on top…
  • Come In / Go Away Doormat

    admin
    7 Oct 2014 | 12:26 am
    I actually like this doormat, if it wasn’t so expensive. It’s called an ambigram if you’re wondering. Most Helpful Customer Reviews 78 of 78 people found the following review helpful By Garred A. Oldham on March 10, 2010 Verified Purchase i turned it backwards when my family was coming over. but no one did what i said. damn thing is defective Comment Come In / Go Away Doormat is a post from: Zero People Found This Helpful
  • LOL – OMG – WTF Wine Glass

    admin
    23 Sep 2014 | 5:51 pm
    This is would be a pretty funny glass to drink straight liquor out of. Link LOL – OMG – WTF Wine Glass is a post from: Zero People Found This Helpful
 
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    Epiphanies that will Alter the Course of Human Events

  • Let Bad Health Prevail with the Intox Clog

    Greg Mischio
    26 Jan 2015 | 5:00 am
    Couples that enjoy a successful marriage “complete” each other. I became the ying to my wife’s yang with my latest epiphany: I responded to her Detox Cleanse with my own Intox Clog. The governing heads of the Mischio household each administer distinctive cabinet positions. I am the Secretary of the Defense, Treasury, and Interior (disposal of all dog and cat feces). My wife is in charge of Health, Education, and she, um, is kinda also the Commander-in-Chief. Her leadership as the Secretary of Health is borderline heroic. She researches tirelessly, actually reads the fine print of food…
  • My Best Friend is a Dumpster

    Greg Mischio
    19 Jan 2015 | 5:00 am
    As the aging process drags on, I realize that my outlook on friendship has changed. This latest epiphany reveals a more pragmatic approach: My new BFF is a dumpster. Getting older alters your outlook on life, particularly when it comes to making friends. Paraphrasing the great Jerry Seinfeld, people over 30 aren’t actively seeking out new friends. We’re not even interviewing. Why? Because it’s damn hard. You have to get to know them; you can’t just Google their background and determine right away if you share the same taste in restaurants. Who has time for that? Enter my epiphany:…
  • Guess What Sells Like Hotcakes?

    Greg Mischio
    12 Jan 2015 | 5:00 am
    The world overfloweth with business gurus, Wall Street wizards, and economic academics. Yet out of all these brilliant biz folk, not one person has suggested the ridiculously obvious: To make money, you should start selling hotcakes. One day, having become bored scrutinizing my belly button lint, I began to ponder the idiomatic expression, “Selling like hot cakes.” Just what in the hey does that phrase mean? Where did it come from? And why was it so much more interesting than belly button lint? Employing my crack-team of crackhead Alterthecourse researchers, we researched the phrase for a…
  • Help Me Marry a Celebrity in 2015

    Greg Mischio
    5 Jan 2015 | 5:00 am
    photo: zimbio.com Over the past two New Year’s, we as a nation have resolved to make Greg Mischio famous. You’ve done admirable work, but now I’m calling upon you to take my fame and fortune to another level – and help yourself in the process. It’s time to help me marry a celebrity in 2015. If you’re new to the Make Greg Mischio famous movement, I shall debrief. Two years ago, I published an epiphany which attracted millions of people to my cause. In it, I detailed the statistical improbability of anyone becoming famous on their own, and showed how we could all benefit if we…
  • Top 10 Epiphanies in 2014!

    Greg Mischio
    29 Dec 2014 | 5:00 am
    Let’s take a walk down memory lane and review the fan-favorites from 2014. I appreciate your readership, although it makes me think that you have a LOT of time on your hands if you’re spending hours upon hours reading epiphanies. Anywho, here’s a gander at last year’s top 10. (Click on the post titles to link to the full epiphany.) 1. You Can Make Greg Mischio Even More Famous in 2014! We started out the new year with a bang, as millions banded together in an all-out-effort to make me famous. Read through the brilliant rationale behind why making me famous benefits you in the long…
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    I Think Myself Happy

  • The Name Might Alter the Course of Your Life

    Mike McCarty
    18 Jan 2015 | 6:02 am
    I caved and agreed to a puppy.  Well, I agreed a few months ago when it seemed like a grand idea.  Theoretically.  Ok, I love dogs so maybe I started the excitement. Last night it was game time.  Our new puppy was 8 weeks old and ready for pickup. Did I mention it would be easier to pass a bill in congress than have 7 family members decide on a name?  The family divided up into their respective caucuses, behind closed doors to debate names.  The girls, my wife included, scratched out uber feminine names like Roxy, Ginger, Ali...the list goes on, believe me.
  • My Pastor Makes Me Mad

    Mike McCarty
    28 Nov 2014 | 5:41 pm
    What do you do when your pastor makes you mad?  Talk about him (or her).  Change churches.  Exactly.  That is the American way. I attended a single church growing up, with only two different pastors from first grade to high school.  It was a community with a strong sense of family.  So you didn't walk away just because you got mad. The church believed that it was their role to raise "our" children.  Not in some Jim Jones drink-the-kool-aid or David Koresh move-to-a-compound way.  And this was long before Hillary Clinton said it takes a…
  • You're NOT a Failure

    Mike McCarty
    9 Nov 2014 | 6:30 pm
    For the past six months I have been traveling around to different communities for book presentations and signings.  Now, before you conjure up an image of long lines of giddy fans and groupies let me set the record straight.   This is not a John Grisham-esk event. Although I have been very surprised at the participation at most of the events.  We have averaged 60-80 people at most presentations and signings.  A friend and author told me her publisher said to expect 5-10 people at a book signing.  So last month I had one in Indianapolis and my 12 year old…
  • Friends

    Mike McCarty
    15 Sep 2014 | 8:35 am
    I'm not a Facebook junkie.  No offense, but most of what I see on there is mind numbing.  I'm glad your 8 yr old scored six touch downs last Saturday.  Ok, truthfully, I really don't care that much.  And I don't need an update if you are at the gym working out.  Or what you are watching on TV.  But there are occasionally things that really grab my attention.  A few writers who post blog updates and you can tell it is a painful process for them, they really don't think there writing is that good.  Humble.  I like family updates (without…
  • Family Traditions

    Mike McCarty
    2 Aug 2014 | 5:29 am
    How many of you have family traditions?  Maybe a favorite vacation spot.  Or hiking together.  Playing board games on Friday nights. When I was a kid, we had family reunions every summer.  Both sides of the family. We would get together and I would point at three quarters of the people and ask who they were. And even though family reunions felt like a prison sentence, especially when every other year we had to travel to out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere Kentucky for my mom's side of the family, I have learned to appreciate them as an adult.  Most likely because nobody…
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    cestlavie22

  • American Sniper

    cestlavie22
    26 Jan 2015 | 10:44 am
    The one thing I worry about as I type this post is downplaying the importance of this movie. So I want to start by saying that American Sniper is a powerful movie. It is a true story and the people really did live out these experiences. I have more respect for the men in this war then I could ever portray. That being said, a movie will always make a person reflect on themselves and their own lives. That is the power of artistic representation of life. I want to talk about how this movie made me think. This movie is about the one war I can honestly say I lived through. I think all of us can…
  • #DeflateGate

    cestlavie22
    23 Jan 2015 | 9:11 am
    As a marketer I find anything that causes new marketing trends fascinating, #deflategate is one of those trends. For anyone who doesn’t know (you are clearly not from New England) #DeflateGate is what twitter as named the scandal the Patriots is dealing with right now. The controversy is that there is speculation that 11 of the 12 balls used in the AFC Championship win against the Colts were deflated. Now as a Patriots fan I do need to say this, whether or not the balls were deflated is irrelevant. The win against the Colts was a landslide. The game was not close. A little bit of air…
  • Tattooed weddings are beautiful too!

    cestlavie22
    19 Jan 2015 | 10:40 am
    So I do not even remember what post it was or what it was about but awhile back a loyal blogging friend of mine sparked an idea for a blog topic. Bijoux, we may disagree but I thank you for inspiring a blog topic. I dont remember what was said, but I wrote a note to myself to do a blog on why tattoos and white wedding dresses go together. Because darling they do! I am not yet married but as many girls do, I fantasize about my wedding day all the time! I have heard plenty of people tell me that the location of my only tattoo might become a regret on my wedding day because “tattoos and…
  • Journal vs. Diary

    cestlavie22
    16 Jan 2015 | 12:00 am
    This is one of those blogs where I will admit I was wrong. And since it is a blog it is in writing. For those who know me this is astonishing. Take a screenshot if you wish because I doubt this will happen to often. But my friends it is true… I was wrong. What was I wrong about you ask? The difference between a diary and a journal. Since I am a girl who loves anything that involves polarity of the sexes I wrote this post topic down as an interesting debate about how men write journals and women write diaries. I was gonna go into how women tend to be more emotional in the logs they keep…
  • Love Actually vs Walking Dead

    cestlavie22
    12 Jan 2015 | 6:42 am
    One thing I love when I watch movies and tv shows is seeing an actor that has characters from two separate works that have an odd little connection. I did a post like this once when I talked about Doc from Back to the Future and Uncle Fester. I find comparisons like this fascinating. This post is about Andrew Lincoln in his Walking Dead/ Love Actually parts. I know many memes have been written about what he would have said on the posters if he did his Love Actually posters Zombie style (I know because that was originally where this post was going). But what I haven’t seen is the…
 
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    Plans for Nigel

  • Trading Habitats

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    24 Jan 2015 | 8:46 pm
    At my mother's behest, I have also scanned and thus forever preserved one of my crowning achievements in middle-school science assignments. Hopefully you all enjoy it as much as she does."Jackie, are you scanning and posting all your childhood drawings because you're too lazy to draw new things?"I... uh, what? No! Shut up. Read this adorable educational book I wrote.Also, since this lovely note from a teacher was included in the same folder with this book, I thought I'd share it as a little bonus, so you can all see what a wonderful mother I have.
  • Even More Super Weasel

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    24 Jan 2015 | 8:14 pm
    In case you thought I was done with Super Weasel comics, don't worry! There's more where that came from!Today's collection samples a few of the shorter episodes, from three panels to two pages. That way if you don't have time to try and decipher a whole long episode of Tweenage-Jackie handwriting in one go, you can take it in short bursts.The first comic for this post actually started out as a school assignment and probably won me some major brownie points with my history teacher (yes, I was That Kid in school.)Now let's travel back together to a time when life was simpler, and apparently…
  • Super Weasel: The Squirrels (Parts I-III)

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    8 Jan 2015 | 9:47 am
    This is a story about Super Weasel's frenimies, The Squirrels. This story has an important moral, which makes absolutely no sense. I'm wishing I had the original copies of these so I could make better scans, but alas... They are lost to the ages.Click the image to enlarge.
  • The Adventures of Super Weasel

    Jackie Winsor
    6 Jan 2015 | 8:14 pm
    Once upon a time, loooooong ago, before I had a blog... Before I had a computer... Before I drew pictures on the internet... ...there was Super Weasel. When I was very young, I was assigned in my English class to adapt a fairy tale to my own telling. I think, at least... it was a long time ago, who can remember. How it started isn't important, what matters is what came of it. Even as a young child I was super hilarious, so that simple assignment would turn into a legacy that would last for decades to come. Weasels have always been a family in-joke where I come from,…
  • You Think You Know?

    Jackie Loveland Winsor
    13 Dec 2014 | 6:41 pm
    This post came to me today as I was eating leftover soup out of a mixing bowl and staring at the internet. I just saw something on Facebook and was so inspired to write this. I think it's just so important that everyone knows.Before you judge someone...That girl you teased for wearing a sweater that didn't match her leggings?That's the only sweater she has right now, because she hasn't done laundry for like three weeks and it's too hard because you have to sort it and stuff, and there are a lot of cat videos on the internet to catch up on.That girl you laughed at for eating cereal out of a…
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    Conspiracy Theories ...from the Reality Challenged

  • Why I Suck at Being a Girl

    Sandra Creason
    22 Jan 2015 | 9:22 pm
    Okay, before the jokes start flying and the rumor wheels start a’spinnin,’ no, I don’t have any “extra parts” and I’m as physically intact and functional as any other human female. No, the point of this post has to do more with the fact that not only does mainstream media have some sort of blindingly bedazzled, feather boa’d hat that they pull “female” stereotypes from every time they cast a woman in a movie/tv show, and there are only about a handful of females that I know well who I can stand to be in the same room with for more than just a few minutes.  You know…
  • How Boobs are Destroying the World

    Sandra Creason
    4 Jun 2014 | 1:19 pm
    Here’s another entry for the “Most Likely to Spawn Naughty Adsense” section, surely to net me a truckload of disappointed, angry pervs who only came here because it contains the term “ginormous breasteses”  and a few dick jokes, and an email account full of angry women who will accuse me of betraying my gender and being totally full of myself.Thing is, dear fellow women, that this rant is mostly aimed at you, anyway.  Yes, you.  But Sandra, what the hell did I do and why are you talking to me in a blog post about boobs?  I’m glad you asked.Because if…
  • There's No Age Limit on Funny

    Sandra Creason
    2 Apr 2014 | 6:30 am
    My 18 year old niece told me not too long ago that she loved hanging out with me because I acted like I was her age.I don't know if this is a good thing or not, considering that I'm 31 29.Sure, I don't see anything wrong with laughing at farts and making a running gag out of that one time the girl in Secret Life said "do you ever think of anything but sex" (wait for it), but there seems to be this expectation that once you reach a certain age, have kids, and can hold a steady job that doesn't involve asking people what kind of dipping sauce they'd like with their chicken nuggets, you have to…
  • Dear Internet

    Sandra Creason
    26 Mar 2014 | 7:32 pm
    WARNING:  Since I’m addressing some of the random, crazy things I’ve encountered in everyday *normal* use of the internet, there is some adult content in this post.  Don’t get too excited, there aren’t any naughty pictures.Also, I’m totally aware that the internet is not a person, but since I don’t know anything about it other than how to blog, operate Facebook, and create obnoxious memes, I’m just going to address this to “internet.”     Every word in the English language does not directly translate to “vagina.”No matter which you use as…
  • Throwback Thursday - Glamour Shots

    Sandra Creason
    20 Mar 2014 | 10:37 am
    I'm dating myself here, but if you grew up in the 90's, you'll remember the whirlwind fad that was Glamour Shots.For those of you who are too young to remember, or who were there for this catastrophe and have developed selective memory loss to avoid thinking about it, Glamour Shots was basically you (or your mom, in most cases) paying a creepy looking guy in the mall to cake clown makeup on your face, dress you in tube tops and boas, tease and Aqua Net your hair to oblivion, and take pictures in incredibly uncomfortable positions under really bad lighting.Read more »
 
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    Grahame GDG

  • How To Tell A Girl You Like Her

    GrahameGDG
    12 Jan 2015 | 11:31 am
    How To Tell A Girl You Like Her | GrahameGDG So I have made some videos for girls telling them how to know if a guy likes them etc. But I don’t represent my brothers of the penis crew very much so here you go chaps, don’t say I don’t do anything for you. Obviously its pretty touch for some people to let a girl know you like them but if it feels weird telling them, that probably because it is weird lets face it. If you have to force it then that’s because it’s not naturally happening and therefore, it’s going to be pretty damn awkward. I know this from…
  • The Different Types Of Sex

    GrahameGDG
    17 Dec 2014 | 9:57 am
    The Different Types Of Sex | Don’t Ask GrahameGDG So this weird little creep asked how many different types of sex there are so I answered his question, well, kind of. I don’t really understand why he was asking this but the best explaination I could come up with was that he is a sexually deprived weirdo, whos balls were probably at bursting point, trying to think of ways to get girls to have sex with him. Now I get it, some people can’t get laid no matter how hard they try but give it a rest son. Wanking isn’t that bad, it’s actually pretty good if you think…
  • How To Have Sex For The First Time

    GrahameGDG
    19 Nov 2014 | 12:30 pm
    How To Have Sex For The First Time Step By Step | GrahameGDG Thought I would share some of my expert sex knowledge for you guys to help you out when you’re being all shit and crap at it. I usually charge for this kind of training but I was thinking, I need to share what I know so to help make the world a better place. Basically the idea came about because I watched some video of a policeman stopping traffic so that a mother duck and her little duckling babies could cross the road. That might sound weird it’s not, here’s my train of thought. Ok so he was going out of his way…
  • Happy Halloween Everyone!

    GrahameGDG
    31 Oct 2014 | 2:23 am
    So this picture happened by accident, we would have done it anyway but turned out it was Halloween the day after we took it which was lucky coz I had something to throw into my Happy Halloween Everyone blog post! So uh…yeah… Happy Halloween Everyone I hope you all have a suitably spooky evening ahead of you! Whether it’s watching the exorcist or just a quiet night out on the rape. Or for the ladies, have fun getting drunk as a slutty zombie, a slutty dead nurse, a slutty dead soldier, a slutty vampire or of course a slutty dead school girl. I went to a Halloween party last…
  • How To Become Famous On Youtube

    GrahameGDG
    29 Oct 2014 | 4:02 pm
    How To Become Famous On Youtube / Youtube Famous | GrahameGDG When I was a kid, granted it was a long time ago, I wanted to be a fireman. Lots of my friends wanted to be astronauts and policemen. Seems to me that every 12 year old kids dream these day’s is to become pewdiepie. What the hell happened to the world? Don’t get me wrong I think Pewdiepie seems like a stand up chap and he’s pretty funny. His mysterious and exotic accent is extremely sexy. His hair, his hair, falls perfectly without him trying. You get the idea. But kids these days seem to think that being a minor…
 
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    David Beckham Comics - Home

  • Exclusive Beer Tut! Pumpkinator Returns!

    27 Jan 2015 | 1:43 pm
    Frothy Beer suds! amber colored, thirst-quenching beer! As large or as small as you like 'cause it's all in delicious, Adobe Illustrator vectors that are heady and high but won't give you a hangover! Read and try the latest and greatest of the Pumpkinator Beer Tutorials, complete with a free vector suds texture to keep your beer tut flowing non-stop!
  • Born 2 Pun at Red bubble

    27 Jan 2015 | 1:02 pm
    Born 2 Pun T-Shirts, and other stuff! At Red Bubble USA! Get it and be the Boss!
  • Born To Pun - Bruise Einsteen

    27 Jan 2015 | 10:28 am
    Two German relics get into Bruce Springsteen,  prehistoric lion-dude who likes his beer with beer and Albert-you-guessed-it-Einsteen! Both discover that they were born to run!!
  • Delilah's Hot SuccuBusty Burger

    23 Jan 2015 | 11:52 am
    Delilah the succubus joins the party with a hot, succubusty burger and fries! Can Delilah successfully seduce the Devill with her hot, juicy burger and toasty buns? Find out in Kebap Heaven!
  • Spurned Succubus is Nothing Butt Trouble

    22 Jan 2015 | 11:23 am
    Shape-changing succubus Delilah promises Angelo Devill nothing but trouble. Thanks to Billzy Blood he's already got his hands full, or does he?Find out in Kebap Heaven
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    Above Average

  • You Won’t Even Recognize Un-Photoshopped Justin Bieber

    Above Average
    28 Jan 2015 | 4:01 pm
    Thanks to College Humor, we now can see all of the photoshop edits Calvin Klein made to Justin Bieber in their (in)famous advertisement. Quite simply, the end result might scare the shit out of you. In which case, closely study it to spot the resemblances. Watch Kate McKinnon do Justin Bieber better than Bieber does Bieber.
  • Key & Peele Release A Hilarious New Edition Of ‘East/West Bowl: Pro Edition’

    Anita Flores
    28 Jan 2015 | 2:37 pm
    If you weren’t already pumped for ‘Key and Peele’s Super Bowl Special,’ you will be now.  Ahead of the special airing on Comedy Central, the newest  East/West Bowl features appearances from actual NFL players along with ‘Grunky Peep’ and ‘Turdine Cupcake.’  Props to ‘Triple Parakeet-Shoes’ for having LEGIT helmet hair.
  • Adult Wednesday Addams Is Back!

    Above Average
    28 Jan 2015 | 2:15 pm
    After an awesomely successful IndieGoGo campaign, Melissa Hunter’s series “Adult Wednesday Addams” is back with season two! If Melissa looks familiar, that’s because she was one of the lovably-insane Backseat Bitches. Check out the season two premiere of “Adult Wednesday Addams” below, & be sure to subscribe to Melissa Hunter’s channel to catch the rest of the season.
  • “Dad Land” Brochure Fakes Out Hollywood Tourists

    Above Average
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:16 pm
    Dads: they’re hard to please when it comes to vacations. No amount of good restaurants or days on the beach can appease middle-aged fathers who really would much rather spend their days grilling, golfing, and napping. Realizing this, Pleated-Jeans editor Jeff Wysaski created brochures for “Dad Land” and stuck them right in a Hollywood tourist kiosk. No, Dad Land is not real, but if you’re feeling inclined and have the capital to bring this wonderful idea to life, we’d definitely come visit. In the meantime, you can check out more funny signs, flyers, & more…
  • Put These Female Action Stars’ Hair in a Goddamn Ponytail

    Above Average
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:31 am
    “I’m gonna be jumping off buildings and setting off explosions today… I should wear my hair down!” Said no one ever. I have to pull my hair back when I eat a sandwich, so there’s NO WAY that a hair-down look is convenient for women whose very lives depend on clear peripheral vision. Someone get them a frickin’ ponytail holder. Black Widow (The Avengers) Black Widow has more important things to worry about than getting hair in her eyes. I mean Jesus Christ, even Thor gets a half-pony.   The Bride (Kill Bill) Forget Bill. I want revenge on Quentin…
 
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    The Life Lessonbook

  • Surprise!

    Dustin
    28 Jan 2015 | 4:49 am
    Deserae does not care for surprises. One day when we first got married, I hid around a dark corner and jumped out to scare her because that’s what I’ve always assumed you do when you live with someone. I timed the jump perfectly. “Boo!” WHAM!! I learned her reflex when surprised is to whop the surpriser directly in the stomach. And it’s not just bad surprises. When we were dating, I told her I had a surprise for her. “What is it?!” “I can’t tell you, it’s a surprise!” “Tellme tellme tellme!” “Nope!” I assumed the conversation would end there. It did not. Twenty…
  • That Tall Child Looks Terrible

    Dustin
    20 Jan 2015 | 11:17 pm
    “Excuse me, can I ask you kind of a weird question?” After seven innings of not saying boo, the lady sitting next to me and Deserae at an Indians game this summer finally decided just to go for it. I knew what the question would be before it left her mouth. “How old are you?” “Twenty-eight.” “Twenty-eight!” Her eyes got big and she looked at husband. “Twenty-eight!!” “I know I look like I’m 16.” “You look like you could be 14! And then we saw your wedding ring and I was like, ‘Noooooooo’ and then we saw her wedding ring and – 28! How old are you?” Deserae…
  • Everything in America Is Not Easy

    Dustin
    13 Jan 2015 | 10:29 pm
    Guyana is in South America, not Africa. This is important to know if you ever meet Eon Chapman, one of my favorite roommates from college. The first time I met him, I learned that he had just arrived from Guyana and asked a question about Africa. Eon stared at me and shook his head. “Whenever you Americans see a black person, you automatically think they are from Africa.” Eon is one of the most energetic people I’ve ever met. At 5 a.m. on the first Sunday of the semester, my other roommate Josh and I woke up to lights and loud music. Eon had apparently decided to start the day with our…
  • The Gift of a Christmas Plague

    Dustin
    7 Jan 2015 | 4:09 am
    I love my sister Amanda. She’s funny and generous and the hardest-working person I know. She’s also The Human Plague. Two years ago, Amanda came home from college with one reddish eye. Five days after she arrived, everyone in our family had raging pink eye. If you, like me, have forgotten how bad pink eye is because you haven’t had it since you were in third grade, let me reassure you that, outside of maybe leprosy, it is the most disgusting disease a human can get. We all spent January glaring at Amanda with glowing red eyes. This type of thing happens to Amanda a lot. My theory is…
  • I’ll Be Home for Christmas (Maybe)

    Dustin
    17 Dec 2014 | 4:14 am
    NOTE: This will be the last post of 2014 since the next two Wednesdays fall on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. See you in 2015! When you live in Ohio, going to college in Florida is great because you get go to the beach every weekend while everyone at home is freezing their buns off. What’s not so great is the fact that Florida is far away from Ohio, and you’re in college, which means you don’t always have the best car for a 15-hour drive. Usually everything works out fine. But sometimes Screeeeaaaaeaeaeeee… When you’re driving down an empty Kentucky highway at midnight…
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    RhymeZone Forums

  • Understanding poem

    SW1995
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:36 pm
    I've replayed My High School days In my theatre of mind Several times over I have too many regrets I wish I could take back All the hours I spent in my bed Or all the times I locked myself in my room Away from humanity and society I'm glad to say The bullying stopped in grade ten And I slowly but surely got over it But the damage took it's toll Until grade twelve Children think That childhood is The biggest part of their lives Childhood is only a gateway To the rest of your life I found that out the day I walked into college For the first time
  • 28 Jan 2015 | 10:33 pm

    cakenut
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:33 pm
    Trying to figure out this site on mobile is more frustrating than a Sunday driver...Wtf!!!!
  • For the First Time

    TheDolphin
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:29 pm
    Those old days were as cold as stones, When I was on my solitude; The chill like needles pricked my bones I was frozen from where I stood; Until the temperature did chime; I felt the warmth for the first time. I ne'er believed love at first sight, For I never knew love at all; I just found I --- a burning kite, That I hadn't dreamed it would fall; And then the words of love did rhyme; I wrote an ode for the first time. I heard romantic rhapsodies, Soothing ballads and serenades, But for me they were ironies To what my heart felt in cascades; Until they were acted in mime; I learned their…
  • Abused Women's River of Despair

    Ed Hughes Inverness
    28 Jan 2015 | 9:37 pm
    While the sleeping city dreams its peaceful dreams, No one acts in pity, no one hears her screams; No one comes to tell her, “I am here for you!” No one tells her that the Saviour loves her too. In the shadows, locked in endless years Helpless women cry a million tears. Tears from crushed hearts flowing everywhere Swell to form a deep black river of despair She’s denied the solace of a good man's love, She has never known the love of God above. Does she know that Christians care about her plight? Can she see the hope of dawn beyond the night? In the shadows, locked in endless years…
  • Parenting for Ambition

    loisvain
    28 Jan 2015 | 9:16 pm
    I've decided that young people need an incubation period A time to smolder and brew Letting them simmer on the back burner is my theory They need time for themselves too. I've decided that behind every blank stare there really is something there. They're sponges absorbing it all. Giving them space to take it all in; hoping they understand. While we're always preventing a fall. I've decided that there was a purpose for all that silence. It was a time to evolve. A time for them to remember their rearing and guidance. Time to think about problems that need to be solved. I've decided that the…
 
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    Dubious Knowledge Institute

  • It’s the Super Bo… Excuse me, the “Sensational Basin”!

    dvanoss
    26 Jan 2015 | 12:35 pm
    The Super Bowl, as you probably already know, is the annual, intensely-trademarked championship game held at the end of each decade-long season of professional American football. It should not be confused with the lesser-known Supra Bowl, which is held by disgruntled ex-Toyota executives by smashing Toyota Supras into each other in the parking lot of Toyota headquarters. The game is played in early February, approximately three weeks after all 48 playoff games have been completed, giving each team ample time to come up with an appropriate scandal for Good Morning America to feverishly…
  • Prognosticating Hedgehogs and Whistle Pigs

    dvanoss
    19 Jan 2015 | 12:34 pm
    Groundhog Day (Canadian French: Jour de la Marmotte [“Marmot Soup”] and Pennsylvania German: Grundsaudaag, Murmeltiertag [“Mumble Mumble Mumble Groundhog”]) is celebrated every February 2nd, primarily in the United States, but also in Canada, where they have to pry the frozen groundhog out the ground with a crowbar. Popular folklore says the if it is sunny when the groundhog emerges from his den, there will be six more weeks of winter, but if it is cloudy, then the groundhog will demand two tickets to Orlando for him and his groundhog wife or else he will lie and say it…
  • 20 (Suspicious and Somewhat Useless) Facts About Illinois

    dvanoss
    7 Jan 2015 | 10:38 am
    1 Official Motto: “State Sovereignty, National Union” Unofficial Motto: “Speed limit? What speed limit?” 2 The Illinois state song is entitled “Illinois,” a long, meandering song whose only word appears to be “Illinois”. Since it was ratified in 1925, no one has ever been able to finish singing it. 3 Metropolis, the home of Superman, really exists in Southern Illinois, which explains why the Fortress of Solitude is a Big John’s grocery store on East 5th Street. 4 Because of spelling challenges, Illinois went through two capital cities, Kaskaskia and Vandalia,…
  • The Rose Parade: More Than Just Ostrich Racing and Horse Diapers

    dvanoss
    1 Jan 2015 | 1:36 pm
    The Rose Parade, also known as the “Rose Parade presented by Honda”, also known as “The Rose Parade (This Spot Available Next Year for $100,000,000)”, is held in Pasadena, California every year on New Year’s Day. It is seen by the hundreds of thousands of people who line the streets each year, plus millions more in over 100 countries, and also by any sentient life on Alpha Centauri who are just now seeing the 2012 broadcast, for which we say, sorry about the Occupy Octopus float; it was just a temporary thing going on that year. The parade originated way back in…
  • Dinner Buckets, Goal Posts, and Baby Splits

    dvanoss
    27 Dec 2014 | 9:34 am
    The earliest, most primitive forms of bowling occurred in Ancient Egypt, where the sport never really caught on because they used only pyramid-shaped balls. Then, during the time of the Roman Empire, a similar game evolved, played between Roman legionaries, which entailed tossing stone objects as close as possible to bands of raving Visigoths and then running away. This game was popular with the soldiers, as it allowed them more time away from the field of battle not dying, and eventually evolved into modern Italian bocce ball. It wasn’t until 1895 that the first rules for “ten-pin”…
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    The Name's Ponyboy

  • Best Boobs – January

    ponyboy
    28 Jan 2015 | 12:00 pm
    Okay so let’s get this new year started with some new Ponyboy features.  At the end of each month I will post the best boob pictures I found during the month.  It’s up to you to vote on who has the best.  At the end of the year I’ll put together all the highest ranked of each month along with a few wild cards and we will see who has the best boobs of the year.  If you find any pics please share them contactponyboy@yahoo.com.  Let’s get started with these 15 pics.  5 is the best, 0 is the worst and you’ll figure out the rest. 543210 543210 543210 543210…
  • I Like These (33)

    ponyboy
    28 Jan 2015 | 6:30 am
    I couldn’t agree with this meme more. Most cyclists have an unhealthy disrespect for motorized vehicles and traffic laws. When you play with fire, sometimes you get smushed. The post I Like These (33) appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Beer Opening Boss

    ponyboy
    27 Jan 2015 | 2:00 pm
    This guy wins The post Beer Opening Boss appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • Freezy Freakies Gloves

    ponyboy
    27 Jan 2015 | 12:00 pm
    I guess back in the 80s gloves called Freezy Freakies were made for kids.  They were snow gloves where images would appear on them when they got cold. Kinda of like hyper-color shirts if you remember those.  A new kickstarter campaign has launched to try and bring the Freezy Freakies back.  Check out the video and you’ll see a live action demo.  Support’em if you like’em.   Freezy Freakies The post Freezy Freakies Gloves appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
  • GOT: Day in the Life

    ponyboy
    27 Jan 2015 | 9:30 am
    If you’re a Game of Thrones fan like me then you might want to check out this show on February 8th. The post GOT: Day in the Life appeared first on The Name's Ponyboy.
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    Funny Lifestyle & Relationship Blog With A Snarky Twist: MelanysGuydlines - Melanys Guydlines

  • Dear Hackers: Hack Off

    Melany
    27 Jan 2015 | 12:00 pm
      Dear Hackers (a.k.a. cheaters with no life), I am not sure what is going on but this is the second time someone has tried to hack into my blog in the past two years. I have security and we are on to you. So, go somewhere else or think of another profession that involves your own creativity because this is dumb. Plus, I have security on this site and it alerts me every time your dumb ass tries to infect me. How about you go think of your own idea, name, blog, site, url, and get a life? How... Continue Reading
  • Win A Sony Play Station 4 & Madden NFL 15 Worth $450: No Deflated Balls For Super Bowl

    Melany
    26 Jan 2015 | 4:15 pm
    In honor of Super Bowl being right in my back yard (Phoenix) and the fact that I love my football more than most girls, I am giving you a chance to win a brand new Play Station 4 Console with the Madden 15 game so you can play with fully inflated balls! How cool is that? I want to play. Plus, I dislike the Sea Chickens, did grow up with Tom Brady and played softball (on purpose) with his sister so…. I couldn’t help myself with this tweet because it is true…and snarky. I am giving you a chance to... Continue Reading
  • The Top 10 Most Annoying Top 10 Lists

    Melany
    23 Jan 2015 | 10:33 am
    I want to create a top 10 list of the most annoying top 10 lists. Yes, you read that right. Can you help me with this? I would love to know what types of top lists fill your feed or your time line. Whatever. Don’t be shy and I wont judge….well, I will but snarky commentary never hurt anyone. I already asked this question on twitter and Facebook and got some good answers but need more to compile a list. Note: I will never title it the “complete” list of the top 10 most annoying lists because that is annoying... Continue Reading
  • Keep Your Super Bowl Beverages Cold Through Halftime: Win $85 Of Corkcicle Products

    Melany
    22 Jan 2015 | 7:51 am
    Well, we all know my Niners didn’t make the Super Bowl this year and I really don’t love the “Seachickens” but what I do love are some tasty beverages and super bowl parties. Watching any type of sport is one of my favorite past times and to pair it with a frosty drink and some yummy food makes Super Bowl one of the best days of the year regardless of who is playing. I mean commercials…come on!I So, in honor of those deflated balls and all that jazz, I thought I would offer you all a chance to win some... Continue Reading
  • My Love Affair With Cars: Barrett-Jackson Scottsdale

    Melany
    19 Jan 2015 | 11:28 am
    Sometimes the best days and nights happen when you least expect them. We all know that I am totally OCD, ADD, a neurotic planner and write lists for my “to do” lists. But, there are those rare occasions where I am asked to do something that is not listed on my Icloud calendar and I suck it up, throw on a snarky outfit, paint on my Bobbi Brown black eyeliner, layer my Lancome mascara, drape (what some may think is too much gold around my neck aka Mr. T), grab a bling studded Valentino purse, paired with way too tall... Continue Reading
 
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    Welcome to The Midside

  • The (foot)Balls Edition

    themidside
    27 Jan 2015 | 12:03 am
    “The Patriots are cheaters. The Patriots are cheaters.” Ironically, the media went all Paul Revere on the professional team from New England. The only problem is, they got it all wrong. It was truly a farce to witness.
  • The How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse Edition

    themidside
    12 Jan 2015 | 11:15 pm
    How do you survive the zombie apocalypse? You listen to this special episode on the premiere of Justin’s new web series “How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse.” Daniel and Elliot interview JML to learn the genesis of the idea. Also, if you’ve ever wanted to hear Daniel say “dreams are consciousness’ poop,” this is the episode for you.
  • The Best & Rest of 2014 Edition

    themidside
    31 Dec 2014 | 11:36 am
    It’s the end of 2014 and our second season finale so we do the most logical thing–create awards and arbitrarily assign winners. Daniel also counts down the top five Midside news stories of the year. and Elliot reviews the year in gay. See you in 2015 for Season 3!
  • The FUNoKo Edition

    themidside
    22 Dec 2014 | 11:57 pm
    As the cyber war over a comedy movie drags on, we interview the man it’s all about, Kim Jong-Un. We also praise Judd Apatow, question Barack Obama, and marvel at how everything has somehow made Trey Parker and Matt Stone richer. America, fuck yeah!
  • The Sacred Cow Edition

    themidside
    15 Dec 2014 | 10:24 pm
    Don’t have a cow, man. We’re just skewering some of your favorite things. How’s that different from any other episode? Listen to us discuss the Sony “leak,” the ending of The Dark Knight Rises, the 12 Monkeys TV series, and more and you’ll see that it’s not. We just like to give these things themes to create the illusion of progress.
 
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    Gifking-blog

  • Create Laughter Zone for everyone with Funny Images Gallery

    Kumiko kurosu
    14 Jan 2015 | 11:58 pm
    Creating anything hilarious is a big job. It means nothing is easy because making people laugh is the toughest job of all. However; with dedication, passion for witty things and the diligence to create something unique can really make it big. In general, people often believe that being successful is god gifted. However, research states that it takes hard work, inner confidence and sheer diligence to become pretty successful. Nevertheless, if you are a photographer and want to create something unique and fabulous then create your own funny picture gallery that will not only display your…
  • Enjoy a cheerful Life with Funny Cartoon Images

    Kumiko kurosu
    16 Oct 2014 | 3:35 am
    Can you make someone happy? Let him roll all over on the floor as he keeps on laughing constantly. Well, such desired skills are often practiced by cartoonist, comedians, jokers of circus. These people are professionals who make their living out of laughter, but now the time has arrived for the common man to make his family, friends and loved one hilariously happy. Especially the children at home requires special treatment from you as they are the most difficult to please. They’re swinging moods and playfulness often makes it difficult to understand them clearly. However; the kids have…
  • Elevate your Drab Mood with Really Funny Pictures

    Kumiko kurosu
    8 Sep 2014 | 3:02 am
    Nowadays the main topic of discussion among everyone is on how to keep stress at bay. Newspaper, magazines, TV, movies every kind of media is trying their level best to create awareness on the very bad effects of stress and diseases related to it. Top physicians are prescribing good diet, exercise and of course most important of all the pill of good laughter. In the busy schedule of everyday one tries to find the easiest way to gain happiness and it could be attained through really funny pictures showcased with medium of online funny web sites. The contemporary sector of fun has a new…
  • Funny GIF Images The Original Source Of Laughter

    Kumiko kurosu
    11 Jun 2014 | 4:08 am
    An emotion defines human, animals and every other living thing. Well the whole world experience’s emotions of nature too along with rain, earthquake, Tsunami and like. Emotions are a way to show what we are feeling inside. The common sentiments like anger, sorrow, laughter, disgust and others are easily captured under our eyes.  Yet from time to time we all feel deprived of a sentiment called laughter. It is a widely accepted gesture that bond people together, spreads brotherhood, despite geological borders. So to keep it alive we get help from several creative sources like jokes,…
  • Funny Crazy Picture Gallery A Complete Illustration Of Universal Brotherhood

    Kumiko kurosu
    6 Jun 2014 | 9:44 pm
    Are you getting upset easily, quite often? Feelings lost and depressed then cheer up as the amazing world of internet is available to make you happy as a small baby. It can keep you entertained along with its various entertaining videos, news and much more. Practice watching these things as famous comic artist Charlie Chaplin had once said in his interview that “laughter is more precious compared to all the wealth of the world”. So keeping that in mind today various outstanding web are vying with each other to acquire a huge and memorable collection of funny picture gallery which keep…
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    CheesyPeasy

  • Scumbag Alcohol convince you again

    cheesypeasy
    26 Jan 2015 | 12:23 am
    [source] Likes(0)Dislikes(0)The post Scumbag Alcohol convince you again appeared first on CheesyPeasy.
  • Don’t trust Scumbag Alcohol

    cheesypeasy
    26 Dec 2014 | 12:23 am
    [source] Likes(0)Dislikes(0)The post Don’t trust Scumbag Alcohol appeared first on CheesyPeasy.
  • Last Day on Earth

    cheesypeasy
    19 Nov 2014 | 7:23 am
    [source] Likes(0)Dislikes(0)The post Last Day on Earth appeared first on CheesyPeasy.
  • Scumbag Alcohol does it again

    cheesypeasy
    26 Oct 2014 | 1:23 am
    [source] Likes(0)Dislikes(0)The post Scumbag Alcohol does it again appeared first on CheesyPeasy.
  • Gamers Life

    cheesypeasy
    24 Oct 2014 | 12:41 am
    [source] Likes(0)Dislikes(0)The post Gamers Life appeared first on CheesyPeasy.
 
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    GiGi Eats Celebrities

  • Lil Wayne’s Sundae Breakfast, Wink, Wink!

    GiGi
    27 Jan 2015 | 5:52 am
    I ran into Lil Wayne the other day when I wandered into Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles in Hollywood… Don’t ask why I was there… I Literally RAN INTO him though… I knocked the “Obama Special” out of his hands like we were on a basketball court with 2 seconds left on the clock. As I tried to wipe the greasy chicken batter and sticky maple syrup off his brand new $120 plain white T-shirt “designed by” Kanye West… He just stared [Read On!]
  • Food Porn Alert: GiGi Eats Down Under

    GiGi
    23 Jan 2015 | 6:15 am
    Some EXTREME [food] PORN is about to ensue… I warn you, what you’re about to observe may make you open your mouth and drop your pants. So if you’re HANGRY… By the end of scanning these photos, you might be hiring a hit man to off me! While it may look like all I did in New Zealand and Australia [check out the recap of my trip here] was explore the sights… My mouth ACTUALLY did a bulk of the “probing” when [Read On!]
  • Middle Earth DOES Exist!

    GiGi
    20 Jan 2015 | 5:53 am
    I will be 90000% offended if you didn’t notice that I haven’t been around for a few weeks. Okay, no, I actually won’t because life is far too short to hold grudges. Well regardless as to whether or not you knew I was MIA, I am officially back from my epic journey DOWN UNDER (say that with an Aussie or Kiwi accent!) and I thought I would share my adventures through PHOTOS! (I will have a new video next week) A picture [Read On!]
  • Catch Me If You Can!

    GiGi
    28 Dec 2014 | 7:39 am
    HASTA LA VISTA U.S.A…  Wait, no… I am French, I should be saying Au Revoir! But, I am not jetting over to Spain or France…  Want to know my FLIGHTPLAN? I fly to Auckland, New Zealand (North Island) NON-STOP (13 hours of bliss!) on December 28th, where I will be bringing in the New Year! I’ll let you all know what 2015 is like before you get there!  Then I soar on over to Queenstown, New Zealand (South Island) January 5th where [Read On!]
  • Taylor Swift Baked Us Cookies

    GiGi
    22 Dec 2014 | 6:58 am
    “Oh my goodness, I am going to be a GREAT grammy!!!!! How far along are you dear?!” “Excuse me, but no… I called THIS room a month ago, have fun sleeping on the blow up mattress in the laundry room since mom and dad turned your room into their home gym… Oh and the dishwasher is full, it’s your turn to empty it.” While your grandmother may have offended you by asking how far along you are… Damn holiday parties with their damn towers [Read On!]
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    PMSLweb

  • Crazy Wednesday – A hump day gallery of nonsense

    FROZ
    28 Jan 2015 | 5:11 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersCrazy Wednesday – When the midweek strikes, making sure that you don’t lose that wild mojo which, on a daily basis, helps you get through the week, must be listed as one of your priorities. In order to keep the ball rolling, please feel free to scroll down our latest selection of twisted funnies. Wishing you a chortle-powered PMSLweb moment! This post Crazy Wednesday – A hump day gallery of nonsense appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
  • Monday humor – Funny pics to start the week

    FROZ
    26 Jan 2015 | 8:10 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersMonday humor – Last boarding call for the wild Monday express. A new week of exciting adventures await us, so don’t allow yourselves to miss departure. Wicked on board giggles, chuckle-riddled stopovers and jaw breaking sightseeing are featured in this week’s program, so buckle up and let’s get to it! Wishing you a fun PMSLweb moment! This post Monday humor – Funny pics to start the week appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
  • Funny Saturday vibes – Putting the PRO into procrastination

    FROZ
    24 Jan 2015 | 11:48 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersFunny Saturday vibes – For all those of you whom, let’s be honest like an important percentage, have decided to stay in today in order to procrastinate, or for those who will only risk themselves out later; chilling on your computer as you know, can lead to a certain level of excitement if you set your mind to it. Bellow you will find our daily selection of silly pictures, so please be our guests! Wishing you an enthusiastic PMSLweb moment! This post Funny Saturday vibes – Putting the PRO into procrastination appeared first on…
  • TGIF Fun – Friday is here so bring it on

    FROZ
    23 Jan 2015 | 4:21 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersTGIF Fun – As today tends to be the wildest day of the week, no doubt that you should totally be up for a few badass giggles in order to correctly initiate your weekend. Bellow, you shall find our latest selection of TGIF funnies, so let’s start spiking up your mood as from now. Wishing you a crazy weekend ahead and a fun PMSLweb moment! This post TGIF Fun – Friday is here so bring it on appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
  • Hump day laughter – A midweek side splitting session

    FROZ
    21 Jan 2015 | 6:14 am
    PMSLweb - Piss Myself laughing - The Internet ScavengersHump day laughter – As you reach the peak of the week, you decide to treat your camel to a little break, and while allowing him to chill slightly, you take the time to admire all the achievements reached since you kick started the new business week. During this well-deserved halt, we cordially invite you to check out our latest collection of goodies. Wishing you an entertaining PMSLweb moment! This post Hump day laughter – A midweek side splitting session appeared first on PMSLweb , home of the Internet Scavengers!
 
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    dailypotatonews.com

  • Marathon runner ‘convinced’ he is being followed

    dailypotatonews
    21 Jan 2015 | 8:17 am
        Long time marathon runner, James Hunt, told sources that he is “constantly being followed” and that he is “becoming more and more scared for his life.” A spokesman for the police department stated that they are taking Mr.... Read More ›
  • Small child reportedly found in Duck Dynasty’s beard

    dailypotatonews
    20 Jan 2015 | 10:26 am
        Sources reported that Phil Robertson from A&E’s popular show, Duck Dynasty, recently discovered what appears to be a small child hidden in his overwhelmingly large beard. Experts speculate that this male child is four years of age and was able... Read More ›
  • Crazy cat lady runs out of sticker space on minivan

    dailypotatonews
    5 Jan 2015 | 4:44 pm
      Local sources recently reported that Danielle Jacobs, also known as “the lonely depressed woman in her mid-fifties who has a lot of cats and no life,” just ran out space on the rear windshield of her minivan. Ms. Jacobs... Read More ›
  • Local man declares New Year’s resolution

    dailypotatonews
    3 Jan 2015 | 10:26 am
    Sources have just reported that a local man declared his 2015 New Year’s resolution, which is to keep his New Year’s resolution.   Image: “Bing.com images“Filed under: Headlines Tagged: amusement, comedian, Comedy, comedy central, daily potato news, did you know,... Read More ›
  • Ice cream man admits the unthinkable

    dailypotatonews
    21 Dec 2014 | 9:42 am
    Sources reported that a local ice cream man recently divulged disturbing news to nine-year-old Trent Wilson. Apparently, he told Trent that each of the six colors of his favorite Fruity Pops all taste the same. Trent later told sources that his world pretty... Read More ›
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    WordPress.com News

  • One Theme, Three Ways: Customizing Twenty Fifteen

    Ben Huberman
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:00 am
    Our default theme this year, Twenty Fifteen, draws visitors’ eyes to what matters most — the text and images you publish on your site. Crisp typography, generous spacing, streamlined navigation: Twenty Fifteen shows that less can indeed be more (and that it can look great on any device). Keeping things simple and streamlined doesn’t mean you can’t make a theme your own, of course. From free custom color schemes (pictured in the gallery above) to a vertical header area with ample space to channel your (and your site’s) personality, Twenty Fifteen is a…
  • Notifications just got a boost!

    Fred Cheng
    20 Jan 2015 | 11:04 am
    If you’ve been tuning in to Hot Off the Press, you’ll know about recent updates to the WordPress.com interface along with some fantastic technical upgrades. To continue the momentum, we’ve introduced more interactive and robust notifications throughout WordPress.com. (Coming soon to a Jetpack blog near you.) Keep an eye on the new interface and let us know what you think! Why the change? We care about giving our users a streamlined and consistent experience across their devices. Unlike the old design, our new notifications look practically identical whether you are…
  • New Themes: Cubic and Wilson

    David A. Kennedy
    15 Jan 2015 | 7:40 am
    It’s Theme Thursday and today I’m happy to present two new free themes: Cubic and Wilson. Cubic Designed by WordPress.com’s own Thomas Guillot, Cubic is a clean, simple, and responsive theme. With its single-column, grid-based design crafted around large featured images, Cubic is the perfect fit for photobloggers. Read more about Cubic in the Theme Showcase, or activate it on your blog by going to Appearance → Themes. Wilson Designed by Anders Norén, Wilson is minimal yet bold. It’s a clean and simple theme for personal sites and blogs — make it your own with a…
  • Around the World in Nine Photos

    Krista
    13 Jan 2015 | 8:00 am
    It’s in the grip of North American winter that I often dream of escape to warmer climates. Thanks to the WordPress.com Reader and the street photography tag, I can satisfy my travel yen whenever it strikes. Here are just some of the amazing photos and photographers I stumbled upon during a recent armchair trip. My first stop was Alexis Pazoumian’s fantastic SERIES: India at The Sundial Review. I loved the bold colors in this portrait and the man’s thoughtful expression. Photo by Alexis Pazoumian Speaking of expressions, the lead dog in Holly’s photo from Maslin Nude…
  • New Themes: Boardwalk and Sela

    Thomas Guillot
    8 Jan 2015 | 9:00 am
    We’re celebrating the New Year with two free themes: Boardwalk and Sela. Boardwalk Designed by yours truly, Boardwalk is a clean, simple, and responsive theme. Powered with horizontal scrolling and built around large featured images, Boardwalk is the perfect choice for photobloggers and those of you looking for an unconventional — yet elegant and creative — theme. Learn more about Boardwalk at the Theme Showcase, or preview it by going to Appearance → Themes. Sela Sela isn’t your typical business theme. It’s a vibrant, bold, clean theme with lots of space for large…
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    Humoropedia

  • Marilyn Manson Quotes

    Clever Cleverinski
    28 Jan 2015 | 8:14 pm
    Enjoy the best Marilyn Manson quotes. Quotes by Marilyn Manson, American Musician. Most of the world’s problems could be avoided read more » Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to *protected email*
  • Marilyn Monroe Quotes

    Clever Cleverinski
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:16 pm
    Enjoy the most famous Marilyn Monroe quotes. Quotes by Marilyn Monroe, Actress. Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s read more » Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to *protected email*
  • Angelina Jolie Quotes

    Clever Cleverinski
    27 Jan 2015 | 6:16 pm
    Enjoy the best of Angelina Jolie quotes. Quotes by Angelina Jolie, American Actress. When other little girls wanted to be read more » Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to *protected email*
  • Optimism Quotes

    Clever Cleverinski
    26 Jan 2015 | 9:38 pm
    Enjoy the best quotes about optimism. Optimism quotes that will make you feel good. Man often becomes what he believes read more » Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to *protected email*
  • Alan Watts Quotes

    Clever Cleverinski
    23 Jan 2015 | 11:55 pm
    Enjoy the best Alan Watts quotes. Quotes by Alan Watts, British Philosopher. Share ‘em. This is the real secret of read more » Get high on funny humor: Visit Humoropedia ©2013 Humoropedia Inc. Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this in your feed reader or on Humoropedia.com, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please email the site's url to *protected email*
 
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    I Hate Working In Retail

  • 5 Jokes That Make People in Service Jobs Want To Kill You

    IHWIR Admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 3:45 pm
    There’s been a lot of talk in the news lately about raising the minimum wage. The Democrats seem to be in favor, claiming the current rate is too miniscule to support a family. Republicans counter that the free market, not government, should define the minimum wage, and that you’re not supposed to be able to […] The post 5 Jokes That Make People in Service Jobs Want To Kill You appeared first on I Hate Working In Retail.
  • 15 Things That Only People Working In Retail Will Understand

    IHWIR Admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:21 pm
    Working in retail can be truly soul-destroying, for many reasons… 1. Never being able to plan ahead, due to not having set hours. “Oh I don’t know yet, I might have to work.” 2. Customers yelling at you for something that’s definitely not your fault. 3. Customers coming into the shop just as you’re about […] The post 15 Things That Only People Working In Retail Will Understand appeared first on I Hate Working In Retail.
  • The 7 Videogame Bosses You’ll Have In Real Life

    IHWIR Admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:07 pm
    Illustrations by Kailyn Boehm   Sourced from collegehumor.com More From I Hate Working in RetailLife Working at WalmartThe Real Reasons Why We Buy Things At The Drug Store15 Stories That Will Make You Never Want To Work Retail A Day In Your LifeEmergency Procedures When Working During Holiday Season25 Times The Employees At Walmart Just […] The post The 7 Videogame Bosses You’ll Have In Real Life appeared first on I Hate Working In Retail.
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    I Hate Working In Retail

  • 5 Jokes That Make People in Service Jobs Want To Kill You

    IHWIR Admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 3:45 pm
    There’s been a lot of talk in the news lately about raising the minimum wage. The Democrats seem to be in favor, claiming the current rate is too miniscule to support a family. Republicans counter that the free market, not government, should define the minimum wage, and that you’re not supposed to be able to […] The post 5 Jokes That Make People in Service Jobs Want To Kill You appeared first on I Hate Working In Retail.
  • 15 Things That Only People Working In Retail Will Understand

    IHWIR Admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:21 pm
    Working in retail can be truly soul-destroying, for many reasons… 1. Never being able to plan ahead, due to not having set hours. “Oh I don’t know yet, I might have to work.” 2. Customers yelling at you for something that’s definitely not your fault. 3. Customers coming into the shop just as you’re about […] The post 15 Things That Only People Working In Retail Will Understand appeared first on I Hate Working In Retail.
  • The 7 Videogame Bosses You’ll Have In Real Life

    IHWIR Admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:07 pm
    Illustrations by Kailyn Boehm   Sourced from collegehumor.com More From I Hate Working in RetailLife Working at WalmartThe Real Reasons Why We Buy Things At The Drug Store15 Stories That Will Make You Never Want To Work Retail A Day In Your LifeEmergency Procedures When Working During Holiday Season25 Times The Employees At Walmart Just […] The post The 7 Videogame Bosses You’ll Have In Real Life appeared first on I Hate Working In Retail.
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    absrdCOMEDY

  • absrdCOMEDY’s #SnowyCelebrities @midnight: Our Top Picks

    Paul
    28 Jan 2015 | 8:01 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Comedy Central’s social media-minded game show @midnight continues to blow up Twitter with its nightly #HashtagWars. We present to you our completely subjective Top Tweet’s from #SnowyCelebrities, in no particular order. (Special guest tweet picker – #hashtagwarrior @BravesChophouse) Grandmaster Slush and the Flurrious Five #SnowyCelebrities @midnight — Bigg Nate Bogie (@biggnatebogie) January 28, 2015 Robert I Can't Put My Arms Downey Jr. #SnowyCelebrities @midnight pic.twitter.com/B8sX3vfEfx — Mel (@MELnc) January 28, 2015…
  • Sites For People Who Confuse Crazy In Love w/Being In Love w/Someone Crazy

    Paul Lander
    28 Jan 2015 | 4:20 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor With Charles Manson about to tie the knot (at least for now, we mean that metaphorically), and with Florida vigilante shooter, George Zimmerman arrested for domestic violence, again (which means someone decided dating him was a Mensa level idea), might we suggest some sites for people who’ve confused crazy in love with being in love with someone crazy: eHarmMe eBodilyHarmony ChristianMangle PlentyOfPrisioners AdultFiendFinder Cra-Cra Date Blindr OkStupid DateOnSpeed HowAboutWEird SexyArsonistsLightAMatch © Absrd Comedy, LLC – a parody site for…
  • Fitness in a Flash with Paolo

    Paolo Busignani
    28 Jan 2015 | 4:17 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Paolo Busignani is an Exercise Physiologist by trade. Meaning it sounds like he’s smart, but no one really knows what he does. He is qualified to answer your fitness questions because he wears tight black shirts and warm up pants. Dear Paolo, Is it ok for a man to wear leotards at the gym as long as he tucks? Donny L. Dear Donny, Not only is it OK, leotards for men is highly recommended as they allow for a full range of motion. They come in great colors, too. However, I would suggest animal print to make you feel more an alpha male while lifting. It’s been…
  • absrdCOMEDY’s #SesameStreetDrunkTexts via Hashtag, You’re It!: The Top Picks

    McMannofthepeople
    28 Jan 2015 | 4:13 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Tuesday was recently rocked by #SesameStreetDrunkTexts… Here are the top picks: Hey babe, it's me. Brought to you by the letters D, T, and F. #SesameStreetDrunkTexts — Colin (@lowericon) January 27, 2015 These are the people in your neighborhood, the people that you meet each day. And I HATE THEM SO MUCH! #SesameStreetDrunkTexts — Aunt BNatural (@Notnamelite) January 27, 2015 #SesameStreetDrunkTexts Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street? Cause I totally just blacked out…. — Ray G. (@rlg100619) January 27, 2015 Hey…
  • absrdCOMEDY’s #LordIfYouGetMeOutOfThisIPromise via #SpeedTagging: The Top Picks

    aaronsayswhat??
    28 Jan 2015 | 4:08 am
    absrdCOMEDY - open source humor Thanks for #SpeedTagging with me for week number 7! This game moves pretty fast, if you blink, you might miss it! 20 minutes every Tuesday 11pmE/10C… but feel free to Tweet all night long! We’ve all made last minute bargains with the man upstairs to get out of a jam… Let’s hear yours: #LordIfYouGetMeOutOfThisIPromise Lots of great tweets as usual, very hard to pick just 10. We even trended!! Here they are, in no particular order: #LordIfYouGetMeOutOfThisIPromise to not make another Michael J Fox joke on twitter again! — J. Palmer…
 
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    Peak Perspective

  • Go Fetch Me a Pint

    peakperspective
    24 Jan 2015 | 7:32 pm
    There is nothing more attractive to me than a big, burly Scotsman dressed in a kilt. Scratch that. There is nothing more attractive to me than a big, burly Scotsman dressed in a kilt and holding a glass of single malt scotch. Oops. One more go at this. There is nothing more attractive to me […]
  • Speak Softly and Carry a Big Acronym

    peakperspective
    17 Jan 2015 | 7:19 pm
    I have gotten many gifts from my dad; some of them were of the tangible sort: the occasional candy bar from winning a bet, a high school graduation gift of an entire dollar that he made me swear not to tell my siblings about, and a United States Marine Corps sweatshirt to help advertise his […]
  • The Brains Behind … Well, Just About Everything.

    peakperspective
    10 Jan 2015 | 7:31 pm
    Do you remember that old United States Army slogan? The one that barks out: We get more done before 9am than most people do all day. Yeah, I’m not so sure what level of commercial success those folks found when using that little jingle to advertise club membership in America. To be honest, I think […]
  • A Reversal of Fortune

    peakperspective
    3 Jan 2015 | 7:36 pm
    Tis time for one of my favorite festivals, folks. TWELFTH NIGHT! Therefore, Rob and I have had a little fun and, as is traditional on this day, switched jobs. Don’t be too hard on us. We have been humbled by the task put before us. What do I get my Mum for Christmas? It was Christmas Eve, […]
  • Twas the Night Before Finals

    peakperspective
    20 Dec 2014 | 7:37 pm
    I have been on both sides of a performance since way before I can mentally remember, and likely somewhere around the time I was first forming eyelids. My mom was a musician. Her children all became musicians. She married a man who was not a musician, but was a better musician than many musicians I […]
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    Robot Butt

  • The Top 15 Games You Never Knew Existed

    The Robot Butt Staff
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:23 pm
    Every year, tons of great video games get published and just as quickly fall by the wayside without ever getting the attention they deserve. Here we take a look at some games that slipped through the cracks:CRUISIN’ USSR Choose from the same car as everyone else and race down the streets of Moscow at the same speed as everyone else because we are in this together, comrade.FUNERAL: THE GAME Relive the deaths of all your favorite dead guys and find out who’s going to attend your wake.MICROSOFT OFFICE SUITE 2K15 Use the Kinect to control Clippy and journey through 8 interactive levels…
  • The Future of Gaming

    Brett Isaacoff
    28 Jan 2015 | 8:13 am
    These days, predicting the future has become such an easy task that even the most primitive simpletons can regale you with facts about the imminent fall of mankind, the impending extraterrestrial takeover, and the epic worldwide orgy that will take place during the week leading up to our tragic demise.But one thing that has stumped our modern soothsayers time and time again is foretelling the fate of our beloved gaming industry – until today.Last year was a roller coaster ride for the industry, complete with ups, downs, lefts, rights, and a few squiggly jumbles. For starters, here’s a…
  • Man Playing Risk Feels Thrilling Rush of Committing War Atrocities

    Robot Butt News Corp.
    28 Jan 2015 | 7:25 am
    TULSA, Okla. – As he ordered thousands of troops to their deaths in order to illegally occupy a neighboring nation, local man and avid Risk player Derek Russell began to feel the thrilling and unique rush of power that can only come with the act of committing unspeakable war crimes.In a bold and horrifying maneuver, Russell began his game by immediately disregarding Article 39 of the United Nations Charter with an unprovoked and illegal attack on a neighboring country. With the heady rush of a successful land grab still ringing in his ears, Russell soon learned that he had developed…
  • New Mario Game Promises Return to Anti-Italian Roots

    Robot Butt News Corp.
    28 Jan 2015 | 6:18 am
    KYOTO, JAPAN – Saying it’s “ecstatic” about the concepts and gameplay of their upcoming title, Nintendo announced today that New Super Mario 3D Galaxy U will feature more ethnic stereotyping and race-based violence than ever before.“We are incredibly excited about the direction Galaxy U is heading in,” developer Shigeru Miyamoto said. “When I created Mario Bros. 32 years ago I had no idea my love of caricaturing filthy Italians would be shared the world over, or for so long. With Galaxy U we mean to honor our rabid, prejudiced fan base and deliver what they…
  • Super Bowl XLIX Credits From University of Phoenix Stadium Won’t Transfer to Other Seasons

    Robot Butt News Corp.
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:17 am
    GLENDALE, Ariz. - Telling reporters that the University of Phoenix Stadium was a “reasonable and affordable place to host the Super Bowl,” commissioner Roger Goodell went on to reveal that Super Bowl credits from the stadium unfortunately wouldn’t be able to transfer to other NFL seasons, due to some “messy accreditation issues.”Though any Super Bowl Win Credits will have to be discarded at the close of the season, commissioner Goodell assured players and fans that the the stadium’s “compensation programs and practices were in compliance with the…
 
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    Pranks - WTFisdit

  • Turtles Mate In Front Of People | Oh My Goodness

    admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 4:00 pm
    While checking out some turtles with his parents, this little boy discovers these turtles “wrestling” with each other. Original Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhftttaOiQ4SUBSCRIBE for awesome videos every day!: http://bit.ly/JukinVideoLIKE us on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/JukinVideoFBFOLLOW us on TWITTER: <a href="http://bit.ly/JukinVideoTwitter" target="_blank" rel=”nofollow”>http://bit.ly/JukinVideoTwitterShort vids on INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/JukinVideoInstagramShorter vids on VINE: http://bit.ly/JukinVideoVineWHAT TO WATCH NEXT:Bikini…
  • How To Make A SCORSESE Film In 5 Minutes Or Less

    admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 2:16 pm
    If you’ve ever wanted to emulate the bushy eye-browed, Italian master of gangster cinema, you’re in luck. We’ve cracked the secret formula of Martin Scorsese Films! Check out Bobby’s original show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEUtMQ2ALdI
  • Teaching My Fans NONSENSE!

    admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:00 pm
    I met these kids at the premiere of “Dumb and Dumber To” and promised I would take them out pranking! They did great! Watch Jack Vale:Offline Tuesdays 10PM ET/PT on HLN! More info about Jack Vale:Offline here► http://www.hlntv.com/article/2014/12/22/jack-vale-offlineFind HLN on your cable or satellite provider ► http://www.hlntv.com/article/2012/04/11/find-hln-your-cable-provider SUBSCRIBE!► http://bit.ly/JoinValeNation Get Pooters► http://bit.ly/originalpooterCheck out my website!►http://jackvale.com End Slate Top Link►End Slate Bottom Link► CONNECT WITH…
  • Top 5 Flags On The Play || JukinVideo Tribute to Superbowl XLIX

    admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 10:00 am
    Look out for these flags on the play during this year’s Superbowl! From Facemask to False Start, these players won’t be playing in the NFL anytime soon.SUBSCRIBE for awesome videos every day!: http://bit.ly/JukinVideoLIKE us on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/JukinVideoFBFOLLOW us on TWITTER: <a href=”http://bit.ly/JukinVideoTwitter” target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow”>http://bit.ly/JukinVideoTwitterShort vids on INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/JukinVideoInstagramShorter vids on VINE: http://bit.ly/JukinVideoVineWHAT TO WATCH NEXT:Best Videos of the Week:…
  • Pub Fight Prank! – Kingsman

    admin
    28 Jan 2015 | 8:39 am
    KINGSMAN TRAILER ► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg98Xmh1BpA SUPER ZOMBIE PRANK ► http://youtu.be/S-imX14FxQUClick Here To Subscribe! http://www.youtube.com/subscription_c…Like our facebook! https://www.facebook.com/DmPranksDM Pranks shop: http://gummymall.com/dmpranks Connect with us!Facebook ► https://www.facebook.com/DmPranksTwitter ► https://twitter.com/dmpranksInstagram ► http://instagram.com/dmpranksproductions More videos: SUPER ZOMBIE PRANK: http://youtu.be/S-imX14FxQUFEROCIOUS MUTANT: http://youtu.be/8zgJj0HysbMCLOWN PART 1: http://youtu.be/8xSNiPx791ACLOWN PART 2:…
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    Punk'd

  • Emma Watson As A Disney Princess Is Our Dream Come True!

    cronus
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:53 am
    Emma Watson As A Disney Princess Is Our Dream Come True! The post Emma Watson As A Disney Princess Is Our Dream Come True! appeared first on Punk'd.
  • When Kanye Does A 69 With Kim

    cronus
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:48 am
    When Kanye Does A 69 With Kim The post When Kanye Does A 69 With Kim appeared first on Punk'd.
  • What Anti Social People Think They Look Like

    cronus
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:43 am
    What Anti Social People Think They Look Like The post What Anti Social People Think They Look Like appeared first on Punk'd.
  • Poison Ivy Grooming

    cronus
    27 Jan 2015 | 8:38 am
    poison ivy grooming The post Poison Ivy Grooming appeared first on Punk'd.
  • 50 Cent Punkd!

    cronus
    26 Jan 2015 | 10:41 am
    50 Cent Punkd 50 Cent Punkd The post 50 Cent Punkd! appeared first on Punk'd.
 
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    prettycripple.com

  • I love you more than a muppet’s amputated leg: A tribute to my BFF | best friend story

    Magdalena
    13 Jan 2015 | 8:00 am
    That’s my BFF Mini and me dressed as Edith Beale, AKA “little Edie”, a socialite from East Hampton and first cousin of the late Jackie O’. She shared a decrepit, filthy mansion w/her mother and one hundred feral cats who used the entire mansion as one gigantic litter tray. Edith was eccentric,  ate dinner from a can and danced around her squalor waving an American flag with a sweater wrapped around her head fastened with a brooch. She actually thought it looked good and so did we. You an see for yourself in the movie GREY GARDENS, which is a bio about the Beale…
  • Oprah and Deepak are teaching me how to meditate | Deepak Oprah 21 Day Meditation

    Magdalena
    28 Dec 2014 | 4:00 pm
    A friend noticed that I had recently fallen into my winter funk. Even when I feel depressed, I don’t share my emotions since the mere negativity gets me down. I have observed over the years that the more you remain angry, the more you wallow in morbidity. My friend recommended meditation for over a year, and insisted that I try the Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey 21 day meditation course. At first I rolled my eyes with cynicism and remarked “Oh God, the Indian Jesus and the Woman Who Taught The World to Read are going to do W-H-A-T for me? Oh, puleeez! After 21 days of sitting…
  • Roasting Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in an Ugly Christmas Sweater

    Magdalena
    14 Dec 2014 | 1:21 pm
    At 18, I had one of those requisite miserable retail job experiences. I was hired to work at FAO Schwarz, a high end toy store, during the Christmas holiday season. Saturdays were especially painful since it entailed working from 9am-6pm, after a night of clubbing in NYC. Reporting for mindless duty on a couple hours of slumber was tortuous. One particular Saturday, I had my fill and decided to rebel. After only a few hours catering to coked-up X-Ray mommies, advising them which toys would benefit their wunderkind offspring, I dragged my hungover self to the huge storefront display window.
  • What’s on your holiday wish list, America? Botox or Dentures? | christmas gift ideas

    Magdalena
    4 Dec 2014 | 2:13 pm
    The Thanksgiving Day weekend shopping numbers are in and it doesn’t look pretty. Retailers were hoping to see bigger profits during Black Friday weekend. But it looks like retail malaise draped its Made In China fleece blanket on America, smothering her with coupons on top of coupons. Sales are down 11% from last year. What can be done about this? It seems like the economic landscape remains grim, with shoppers waiting for last minute deals then pouncing. Reminds me of how an emaciated, aged, one-eyed cat leaps into the arms of an adoptive family at the local shelter. Lower gas prices…
  • Life must have sucked for female pilgrims | Thanksgiving Day DIY

    Magdalena
    23 Nov 2014 | 6:18 am
    How do you style yourself all “pilgrimy?” My clever friend Jamie Kreitman whipped out scissors and fashioned pilgrim accoutrements on the spot. Make sure to go makeup-free, add a schmatta (dinner fabric napkin) to your head. Purse your lips and never, ever smile. Bam! You are a pilgrim. Life must have sucked for female pilgrims. They had to prepare meals from scratch, toil in the sun wearing a dress dragging the floor, sewed all of their family’s clothes, all while a baby was dangling from their nipple. These women were married to mates they abhorred and divorce was not an…
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    Noiseless Chatter

  • Final Reminder: Make Your Voice Heard!

    Philip J Reed
    28 Jan 2015 | 7:46 am
    Just a friendly reminder to make yourself heard via the Noiseless Chatter Reader’s Survey. You can take the survey here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/V7RHBHK It’s very brief and largely multiple choice, and it will help me refine the site and its approach as we move forward. I’d appreciate it greatly if you took a minute or two out of your day to help. If you do take the survey, you can choose to be entered into a drawing to win the Thomas Pynchon novel of your choice. I’ll run the survey through the end of the week and then draw a winner. Thanks again. Please do…
  • Breaking News: Podcast to Launch in 2007

    Philip J Reed
    26 Jan 2015 | 4:58 pm
    Some of you may remember my original site, which was located at phil-reed.com. I’m not hyperlinking that because 1) it hasn’t been there for years and 2) it seems to intermittently become a porn site. It was…different. Like Noiseless Chatter in some ways, probably, but I was also blogging much more regularly about myself. I’d post writing and some other projects, but it was mainly a livejournal writ large. In short if you weren’t around for it, you didn’t miss much. There was one feature, though, that came together right at the end of that site’s…
  • ALF Reviews: “Stairway to Heaven” (season 3, episode 2)

    Philip J Reed
    22 Jan 2015 | 6:00 am
    I have no idea what this episode’s supposed to be about, but judging from the title I’m going to guess that Willie finally finds the sweet release of death, only for ALF to build a stairway to heaven and drag him back down to this miserable, tortured existence. It opens with an angle on the back yard that I don’t think we’ve ever seen before, and, as you can guess by now, I like it when the show does things like this. The reason is that it’s so easy to simply sit behind a camera and film a scene straight on, especially in a sitcom where there’s going to be…
  • Review: “All This and Gargantua-2,” The Venture Bros.

    Philip J Reed
    20 Jan 2015 | 1:12 pm
    At the end of last season we had “The Devil’s Grip,” an oddly quiet episode that felt strangely out of place when stacked up against the previous season finales of The Venture Bros.. This show typically likes to go out with a bang…whether that’s in the form of a wedding, the accidental deaths of its title characters, or all out war. “The Devil’s Grip,” by seeming contrast, went out with a firm handshake and some well wishes. It was, to be honest, odd. Perhaps even disappointing, as its place at the very end of the season made it feel like a…
  • ALF Reviews: “Stop in the Name of Love” (season 3, episode 1)

    Philip J Reed
    15 Jan 2015 | 6:00 am
    Well, I’ll say this up front: for all the concern I had about season three sucking Melmackian anus, it sure opens well. (Much like Melmackian anus.) No, seriously. For those of you who don’t know or are tuning in late, folks ’round these parts have let me know that a pretty substantial drop-off in quality comes after season two. Being as I didn’t even like season two, that worried me. And while I’m by no means about to write off any worry about ALF‘s final 50 installments, it sure is nice to open this worrisome season with a mild chuckle, and not, say, a…
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    The Stupid Diary

  • Me and My Hotdog

    2 Jan 2015 | 10:43 pm
    Me and My HotdogBy: Ignatius Tri EndartoDear the stupid diary, I don't know what I'm writing about this time.Frankly speaking, I’m an Asian, sooo Asian that I can never feel full without eating rice. In most Asian countries, rice is the most consumed staple food. Most Asian people eat rice three or even four times a day. Maybe it’s like how westerners are so crazy about bread. Yet, I have one strange hobby called ‘eating hotdogs’. Yeah.. eating hotdogs! There’s nothing wrong with an Asian guy being crazy about hotdogs.This morning I really wanted to eat some hotdogs. I didn’t…
  • Some Stuff Is Good When It Is Round

    14 Dec 2014 | 10:52 am
    Some Stuff Is Good When It Is RoundBy: Ignatius Tri EndartoDear the stupid diary,Do you know why the sun, earth, moon, planets and many celestial objects are round?? Why aren't they cylindrical, cubical, or spaghetti-cal?I once asked this question to one of my friends, and he said, “It’s because God wanted them that way.” This answer surely cannot satisfy my curiosity. If so, then why did God want them that way? Is it because God likes to play soccer? Well, I don’t think so.. If God had liked soccer, great players such as Pele, Diego Maradona, or Cristiano Ronaldo would’ve got the…
  • A Little Kid's Obsessive Misconceptions

    12 Dec 2014 | 4:18 am
    A Little Kid's Obsessive MisconceptionsBy: Ignatius Tri EndartoDear the stupid diary,When I was a kid, I was once afraid to watch western bands’ performances. And here are some reasons why:Guns N’ Roses I thought it was a movie about a mafia who’s fighting against a lady ninja or someone equipped with roses as one of her weapons. And what was a Slash doing in there?? Was Zorro getting involved in the fight?The Rolling Stones  At that time I imagined that people were watching stones rolling toward them off a hill. Wasn’t anybody gonna get killed if they did that?Sex Pistols Firing…
  • Meeting Some Old Friends

    11 Dec 2014 | 8:27 pm
    Meeting Some Old FriendsBy: Ignatius Tri EndartoDear the stupid diary,Today I just met some old friends: two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. I’ve been admiring them since the first time we met. They’re so cool that they can covalently bond to one another to create a tasteless and odorless liquid called “water”. It seems to me that these two hydrogen atoms are extremely kind and generous. They have never been jealous at all with sharing one single oxygen atom. This “love-triangle” thing just never works for me. If I were one of those hydrogen atoms, maybe I would break up our…
  • Great Things in Life

    10 Dec 2014 | 11:00 pm
    Great Things in LifeBy: Ignatius Tri EndartoDear the stupid diary, I would like to thank God for 3 great things that I have in life:Thanks, God, for this oval-shaped organ so-called brain, which serves as the center of my nervous system and makes me differentiable from other brainless organisms such as sponges, jellyfish, and starfish (I’m not saying that brainless means stupid, but in Patrick’s and Spongebob’s cases, there is a high possibility that their stupidity might be caused by their brainless feature). Thanks, God, for each and every wonderful ability that I’m capable of doing…
 
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    All Jolene

  • Any Questions?

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    28 Jan 2015 | 1:06 pm
    Don’t you hate how people ask stupid questions ALL of the time? Think before you speak! “Can I ask you a question?” But, they don’t wait for an answer, they just start right in. How can we say no when somebody asks us that without being perceived as a total asshole? Sometimes, the answer is no! “Do you have the time?” No, actually I don’t have time to tell you the time. It’s not my fault you don’t own a watch or haven’t gotten on board with the rest of the world and purchased a phone. Figure it out, you’re not 3 years old.
  • Something’s Fishy!

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    27 Jan 2015 | 3:17 pm
    Just in case they missed my last few complaints, here is another one. Dear Wal-Mart: You suck, jackass! So, I am at the store yesterday afternoon with my two girls. Just grabbing a few groceries but then, decided to take a quick peek at the fish. My older daughter asked if we could get a couple of new goldfish to add to our tank. I agree and start the mad hunt to find an employee that will help. My younger daughter is riding in the cart, diaper is nearing full capacity and the bottle has just run dry. Needless to say, I don’t have a ton of time but, how long could it take to grab a…
  • Turn the Page

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    26 Jan 2015 | 11:30 am
    I miss books! Everything is in digital form now, even newspapers and magazines. Although this does present some great advantages, I like the nice crisp feel of turning the pages of a book. I miss the smell of a book. I miss the satisfaction of turning that last page and shutting the book for a final time with an authoritative snap. I like to fold the pages down, write in the margins and even occasionally smash bugs with my book. You can’t do that with a digital copy. Of course, if it wasn’t for E-books, my shelves would be overflowing (more than they already are). But for me,…
  • Beating The Winter Blues

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    25 Jan 2015 | 3:08 pm
    Living in Montana, people often complain about the frigid, never-ending winters. I’m with ya. It is inevitable that we will run out of milk or diapers on the coldest damn day of the year. After unburying the car from a few feet of snow, I find the windows still covered in rock hard ice. 20 minutes later and with no feeling in my fingers, I can finally proceed to the store. Next, I get stuck in our parking lot and have to find a neighbor kind enough to shove me out. I arrive at the store and my butt falls right down on the ice in the parking lot. Now, I am limping and look like I pissed…
  • Just My Size

    jolene.ewert@msu.montana.edu
    24 Jan 2015 | 3:04 pm
    I am always confused by the sizes used to label clothing. “One size fits all” is one of my favorites. Get serious. I think the system has progressed now and clothes will be marked “One size fits most”. Still a lie. One size may fit a select few, that’s all. Even when clothes are labeled with a size, couldn’t all of the companies work universally on this? A size 12 jeans in one brand will fit but then I need an 18 for a different brand. S, M and L markings leave a little bit to be desired too. For me, just come out with an H line (for huge) and I will…
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    Daily Humour India

  • How to De-Addict Mom from Candy Crush? Of Bald heads and Lice…

    Humeira
    26 Jan 2015 | 6:33 am
    What do you do if your Mom is hopelessly addicted to Candy Crush? Do guys with bald heads get lice? Our in-house experts help with de-mystifying these and more. Related posts: Get dogs to take vitamins,Fun New Year’s resolution and an Egg!!! How to impress married women and make lots of money with gas How to become lucky at gambling and date curly haired brunettes! Ask DH: How toy Blow Your wife’s Mind and Becoming a Millionnaire How to stop throwing up after drinking alcohol & Vaastu Problems! How to get rid of dark circles ‘in’ your eyes and shut kids up!
  • 11 Pointlessly Pointless Inventions bordering Scam and Insanity!!

    Lady Blah
    22 Jan 2015 | 6:40 am
    Here are 11 inventions forcing you to ask "Why". Some of these pointless inventions are so hilarious that there are people buying them just for laughs! Check it Related posts: 11 Reasons why you shouldn’t check-in a newly built hotel. College Student gets dumped by GF for not taking a vacation selfie 9 Insane Laws from around the World – Part I When he reads, even the Bible sounds Hilarious! The Definitive List of All Time Hilarious Sitcom Characters 9 Things World Leaders Said when They Thought No One Was Listening
  • How to stop throwing up after drinking alcohol & Vaastu Problems!

    Humeira
    19 Jan 2015 | 7:35 am
    Do you throw up every time you drink alcohol? Here is our tips on preventing that. Planning to buy a new house our Astro-sage advises on whom to consult. Related posts: Delhi bar ordered to shut down for not playing Honey Singh This interview will leave you speechless! These guys dare to stop Whatsapp’s free Voice Calling! How to become lucky at gambling and date curly haired brunettes! 9 weird buildings you have to see to believe SENSEX may blow up this week, then again….
  • How to become lucky at gambling and date curly haired brunettes!

    Humeira
    13 Jan 2015 | 6:35 am
    Today we tell you how to become luckier at gambling, how to remember something you have forgotten and all about dating women with curly hair and brunettes. Related posts: How to impress married women and make lots of money with gas Get dogs to take vitamins,Fun New Year’s resolution and an Egg!!! Ask DH: How toy Blow Your wife’s Mind and Becoming a Millionnaire How to get rid of dark circles ‘in’ your eyes and shut kids up! How to stop throwing up after drinking alcohol & Vaastu Problems! Rahul Gandhi says India should be ‘unclean’
  • Man caught smuggling 94 iPhones, strapped to his body into China!

    Bhaskar Wilde
    12 Jan 2015 | 7:22 am
    Chinese officials catch a man smuggling 94 iPhones into China. The phones were strapped to his body using tape. "He's got 94 phones, and a droid ain't one!" Related posts: Modi in the middle : Japan Vs China edition China’s missile 10x more powerful, except… Largest Phone Domino Ever using 10,000 iPhones!!! Evil Masked Man Pranks a Foreigner! First man to get iPhone 6 drops it! Congress promises free iPhone 6 and 15kgs Rice for Jharkhand
 
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    cubiclelife

  • 7 Traits of an Annoying Co-Worker

    28 Jan 2015 | 6:34 pm
    1. They can't park....ever. Looks like I can't squeeze in. Thanks. Now I have to walk an extra 50 feet. 2. They don't make another pot of coffee. Source Really?! Really... 3. They murder their keyboard on a daily basis. Source All you have to do is tap it. That's all. 4. They eat fish for lunch. Source Aren't there like 1,000 others things you could eat instead? Please? 5. They look at your screen any chance they get. "Hey! YouTube is blocked on my computer! How are you able to get there?!" 6.
  • Office Hierarchy - Where Do You Sit?

    2 Jan 2015 | 9:35 am
    Interesting infographic on Cubicle Life. Where do you sit? Graphic Source: Corporate Office Interiors.
  • Bathroom Regulars

    18 Dec 2014 | 8:53 pm
    The following story is based on actual events. The names and locations have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. These are their stories... *DUN DUN* Carl was new to the office and new to cubicle life. He previously worked the night shift as a hotel security guard, where he was free to roam about as he willed. He went to the bathroom whenever he needed to go, and he had the luxury of the quiet, clean, and quite peaceful facilities. However, when he left this job for
  • Spoiler Alert!

    16 Dec 2014 | 8:10 pm
    A typicalday for those of us who have to watch our favorite shows the day after they air... 8:00 AM The 3rd season of Walking the New Girl’s Dead Modern Family premiered last night, but you couldn’t watch it because you had to go to the airport to pick up your brother’s friend’s mom’s uncle who looks like Elvis. You’ve recorded the episode and can’t wait to watch it tonight, but this morning, as you walk into work, you realize that you’re now in what's known as...thespoiler zone (dun dun
  • Refrigerator Hierarchy

    7 Dec 2014 | 8:50 pm
    It's quiet, it's early. Not everyone has arrived to work yet. You've just quietly entered the break room and opened the refrigerator door. Food parcels in hand, you stare at the cold, dimly lit box. The office refrigerator.A passive, diplomacy wasteland. Phil has been here for years. He gets to put his yogurt in the door, right there. And Mary started putting her food over there, in the cool spot in the back, and she holds it down like a gold-rush miner. Somebags andcontainersare put there by
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    The Acedia

  • Sedentary Life? Maybe This Will Change Your Mind

    Caio Everest
    25 Jan 2015 | 11:32 pm
    Lets play a game? You “read” all the post first and then when you are done, you scroll up again and I will have a little question for you, okay? GO! Are you done reading? Well, tell me honestly… how bad you want to go biking now?                                           The post Sedentary Life? Maybe This Will Change Your Mind appeared first on The Acedia.
  • Lets All Disable Auto Correct

    Caio Everest
    21 Jan 2015 | 6:23 am
    If one day we decided to create a list with the main causes of problems on the internet these days, auto correct would certainly be nominated as the biggest son of a b**** of all times. Instead of helping you, it leaves you frustrated, and possibly embarrassed, and makes you waste even more time writing “big important serious texts”, that you will realize later on, it doesn’t sound like anything you had in mind. Thank you auto corn.                                        …
  • Maroon 5 Crashing Weddings? Not Really.

    Leo Drummond
    19 Jan 2015 | 11:56 am
    Here is Maroon 5, the famous pop-rock band composed by Adam Levine and other 5 individuals, “crashing weddings” around Los Angeles during a whole day. Sounds like a good idea, huh? It would be a unique, really creative─probably viral─music video. Also completely changing─for good or bad─one of the most special days of a couple (what if they don’t like Maroon 5 at the first place?). The chances of disaster are unimaginable… if the music video was really real. It isn’t. Well, not all of it. According to diverse sources, big part was staged, being shoot…
  • Best pictures of the week #1

    Caio Everest
    18 Jan 2015 | 10:56 am
    We know you are a busy person─or maybe not─, so instead of making you go through many different websites during the day, loosing way more time than you should, we made a compilation with the best pictures found around the web this week for you. Enjoy! The post Best pictures of the week #1 appeared first on The Acedia.
  • The Most Annoying People on the Plane

    Caio Everest
    17 Jan 2015 | 2:20 pm
    If you ever traveled by plane, it is almost certain that you already had to deal with some of the people represented on the video. It literally makes you want to create the first time travel machine, to avoid having to spend hours with the most annoying people on the PLANET! But now, with the help of Sir Patrick Stewart, you will probably get a laugh out of it… until your next flight. The post The Most Annoying People on the Plane appeared first on The Acedia.
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    Don't Burn The Ribs

  • Biblical Banana Bread

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    25 Jan 2015 | 7:20 am
      There are many different recipes for banana bread. Mine, of course, is the best because the recipe comes directly from the Bible, the original Canadian Living Cookbook—because, let’s face it, Canadians know how to live. Americans, who think we Canadians are unadventuresome, beer-drinking, beavertail eating bores, have clearly never sat down with the the Bible. The Bible is the  only book of cooking you’ll ever need (Well, other than a good Thai Cookbook and all the recipes passed down on little scraps of paper from you mother and mother-in-law. Oh, and you could also buy…
  • Hungry in Miami

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    23 Jan 2015 | 4:19 am
    When you’re hungry in Miami make a trip to Coral Gables. First stop—Epicure Gourmet Market & Cafe on Le Jeune. Don’t Let the one-percenters intimidate you. Walk in like you own the place and grab a basket. Sashay to the pastry counter where you can usually choose between flakey Jewish rugelachs or some other fruity shortbread pastry—or why choose? Have both. They are displayed for your sampling pleasure, so sample. Occasionally they also have a chocolate tasting to your left near the sushi cooler (don’t eat the sushi—it’s not free), so make a quick stop there…
  • Donna’s Bacon Cheddar Toasts

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    18 Jan 2015 | 5:08 am
    When you marry into a Portuguese family you learn a thing or two about family. You learn you have to visit. Spontaneously. You don’t wait for a specific invitation on a specific day, at a specific time. You visit without notice. You visit often. Sundays are preferred. If you don’t visit often you are reminded of that immediately. Portuguese family are masters of guilt. But they’re right. It’s true. You don’t visit enough and when you visit you never stay long enough. Sometimes you visit and you don’t bring the kids. Bad. One missing Sunday turns into two…
  • Nordstrom Bistro Hell

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    16 Jan 2015 | 7:11 am
    Sometimes, when you’ve gained 300 pounds over the Christmas holidays, you go on a low carb diet. After several days of eating hunks of meat and vegetables, you decide to stop at Nordstrom after class for a blue cheese and pear salad. You know you’re only kidding yourself because that baby is laced with sweet, oily dressing and candied pecans, but heck, there’s no bread, so you convince yourself to go. You deserve it. You’re deprived yourself of good things for two whole days and you’ve finished a week of classes. Reward time. You order your salad and a glass of…
  • Spice it up!

    carolynamaral@gmail.com
    11 Jan 2015 | 3:47 am
    The first rule of cooking is to keep things spicy. Life is too short for bland food. Add salt, pepper, garlic, chillies, pastes, powders and sauces.  Don’t be afraid to sweat. Heat will clear your pores, extend your life, save your marriage. People who eat spicy food, laugh more, dance more, sing more. Spicy-food people are passionate lovers, attractive and fit. Spice turns your hair to silk and your teeth become pearls in a red velvet box. When you embrace a life of spice you have more friends, attend parties and you travel. Your car repels dirt, your house stays clean and your dog…
 
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    Furiousman

  • Picdump #13. 45 somewhat funny pics!

    furiousman
    20 Jan 2015 | 1:35 pm
    We´ve just took a large dump… Check it out…    
  • 29 other random facts you didn’t know…

    furiousman
    19 Jan 2015 | 2:09 am
    There are more things you didn’t know… check out these incredible facts!
  • We just passed 100.000 visitors… lets picdump!

    furiousman
    17 Jan 2015 | 3:36 pm
    It took us two weeks, but yeap we reached it.     So let us start out with a hottie…   Then funny shit…   And some cool shots… And some more funny shit…       And… because we love boobs…          
  • Picdump #11. 44 somewhat funny pics!

    furiousman
    17 Jan 2015 | 5:28 am
    Happy Weekend everybody. Here is Picdump #11…  
  • Sexiest women in History! (140+ photos)

    furiousman
    15 Jan 2015 | 6:05 pm
    Past and present female power icons, sex symbols and super celebs. In no specific order – Here is the list of the Sexiest women in History… Kelly Brook – English model, actress and television presenter best known for her role in the 2010 horror comedy remake, Piranha 3D. Also, one of the sexiest women alive.   Ursula Andress – a Swiss actress and former sex symbol.She is best known for her role as Bond girl Honey Ryder in the first James Bond film, Dr. No, for which she won a Golden Globe. She later starred as Vesper Lynd in the Bond-parody Casino Royale. Madonna…
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    Funny Images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way

  • Playing League of Legends with your cat can get very challenging

    necrodan
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:20 pm
    All the gamers out there! Take this challenge (if you have a cat) try and play video games with your cat around! This will surely be hard as hell! Altough this video is absolutely hilarious! And just think of the rages…. wow. Cat preventing owner from playing league of legendsThe post Playing League of Legends with your cat can get very challenging appeared first on Funny Images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way.
  • This baby goat is trying to head-butt a horse

    necrodan
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:10 pm
    The result is absolutely funny! Watch and enjoy. You will ROFL :)) Baby goat headbutting a horseThe post This baby goat is trying to head-butt a horse appeared first on Funny Images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way.
  • This panda is very happy playing in the snow for the first time

    necrodan
    28 Jan 2015 | 11:00 pm
    Watch this cute panda Bao Bao playing in the snow for the first time! Your heart will absolutely melt after seeing this video! OMG So cute
  • This horse is enjoying farting so much

    necrodan
    27 Jan 2015 | 11:30 pm
    This happy, farting horse is living his best life! Absolutely hilarious, just watch him and you won’t regret it! I’m dying over here! Farting horseThe post This horse is enjoying farting so much appeared first on Funny Images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way.
  • This cat is singing better than you

    necrodan
    27 Jan 2015 | 11:20 pm
    The owner can actually learn from this kitten. Ah Ah~ Ah~Ah~ . Very funny! Singing catThe post This cat is singing better than you appeared first on Funny Images and videos, picdumps and fun all the way.
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    Amazingator

  • James Reed’s Dying Wish Was To See Two Lesbians Making Out

    Amazingator Staff
    25 Jan 2015 | 6:09 am
    James Reed (67), a long-time Ohio resident, had known for a while that he was going to die from his cancer. At some point, he even decided to stop his chemotherapy treatments, and let the disease take its course. In a way, he gave up. “He fought and fought the disease, until he had no more fighting left in him”, says his wife of 40 years, Margaret. “By the end, all we could do was try to make his last days as comfortable as possible.” And after consulting with some of his friends, Margaret had the answer. “We all knew he really liked lesbian porn”, she…
  • Another Privacy Disaster Uncovered: Grandma Always Knows Where You Are

    Amazingator Staff
    15 Jan 2015 | 5:05 am
    Move away NSA, stay back Google Maps: There’s a new privacy concern in town: Your Grandmother. New testimonies provided to us by tech-oriented family experts, along with observations made by one semi-esteemed researcher in California, have demonstrated this worrying privacy disaster: Granny ALWAYS knows where you are. Upon close inspection, we’ve managed to get a rough estimation of how this works. It appears Granny has several methods and back-doors to pin-point your exact location: 1. Granny Asks Your Parents: She will always present perfect reasoning. “I want to give him…
  • Boy Donates His Old Xbox To Starving African Children

    Amazingator Staff
    11 Jan 2015 | 7:46 am
    For a few hundred starving children in Africa, Christmas finally arrived this year. In a moving display of Christmas spirit, 9-year-old Joey Simm from Texas, has decided to donate his old Xbox 360 to the hungry children of Africa. “I saw pictures of starving children on TV”, he describes, “They were in a different country. At that moment I told my daddy – ‘If Santa brings me a new Xbox One this year, I’ll be able to give my old console to the starving children!'” Daddy Andrew really liked the idea. “Joey always had a caring soul. He’s…
  • Quiz: How Well Do You Know The English Alphabet?

    Amazingator Staff
    26 Dec 2014 | 4:02 am
    The English alphabet is massive – with 26 (!!!) letters, it’s almost impossible to remember them all. This quiz will determine if you’re a master of the alphabets – or an illiterate fool. 1. Define this letter:    The Letter “D” The Letter “K” The Letter “G” The Letter “N”  Loading… 2. Define This Letter:  The Letter “P” The Letter “S” The Letter “V” The Letter “X”  Loading… 3. Define This Letter:  The…
  • Why Should You Care About This Amazing Kid?

    Lee Mays
    17 Dec 2014 | 9:06 am
    This kid isn’t anything special. Yet, you probably care about her. Why? It’s not like you’re related to her, or that she has some inoperative brain tumor that requires a million Facebook likes for it to be cured. Yet we bet you click on A LOT of pictures of kids that you see on social media. That’s pretty creepy. Are you some sort of pedophile that likes pictures of kids that you see on Facebook? If so, we have already got your IP address so the FBI will be at your house anytime now. Just kidding. We don’t care what you do. It’s still pretty weird that…
 
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    Green Milk

  • The Green Milk Challenge – Day 22

    Gene Simmons
    23 Jan 2015 | 3:33 am
    Following our theme of, well, of R Kelly, Robin’s brief trip to another dimension has resulted in his assimilation into what can only be described as ‘the greatest song never told’.   Some people say music is the language of the soul and never has that been truer in the case of this medley between our test subject and the R’n’B artist, perhaps best known for peeing on a young girl, or his Hip-Hopera ‘Trapped in the Closet‘.   In brief clips from a documentary of his life, we see R Kelly in a boxing ring in red whilst everyone else is in…
  • Trapped In The Closet

    Gene Simmons
    23 Jan 2015 | 3:13 am
    Remember when R Kelly pee’d on a girl? No? It seems not many people do.   (ED note: legally this is as much as my lawyer will allow me to say)   Well, regardless, he managed to bounce back and, having created the first Hip-Hopera and blueprint on how to combine wardrobe fittings, repressed homosexual euphemisms and high drama, you could almost be forgiven for saying that he can wee on whoever he wants to.   Almost.   I mean, I’d be pretty annoyed if he wee’d on my dog or my mum – I don’t think any form of harmonious R’n’B/rap…
  • The Green Milk Challenge – Day 18

    Gene Simmons
    23 Jan 2015 | 2:45 am
    People always say, “I’m giving up ‘giving up'”. But no they’re not, they’re not giving up anything. What they’re really doing is making themselves sound better to themselves. It’s like sitting on the tube with “A Brief History of Time” in order to make yourself look better. Pretending that that beautiful bespectacled woman with flowing red hair thinks that you’re anything other than a smarmy jobless fraud whose day is determined to be ‘good one’ dependent upon the amount of likes you got on that Viz comic you…
  • Green Milk Challenge – Day 11, 12 and 13

    Gene Simmons
    22 Jan 2015 | 10:33 am
    The days seem to endlessly drift into one another. Nights become nothing but the slow blinks of your eye lids and the urge to breath becomes a lacklustre attempt of your body to remind you that you’re in this for the long haul.   That’s what happens when you drink normal milk anyway. In our documentary below you will see that our Green Milk has made it possible for Robin to enter into another dimension. Of course, you can’t actually see this, because obviously that’s impossible to capture on film, but you can certainly see that that’s exactly what’s…
  • The Green Milk Challenge – Day 5

    Gene Simmons
    20 Jan 2015 | 2:41 am
    And I’ll tell you another thing. Why would we be making Green Milk if it wasn’t good for you? What would be the point of that? You need to stop calling here, ok kid?! We’ve had enough of your shi…   Oh, hi. I didn’t see you come in there. What? This? Oh, I was just going to cut some bamboo out back – it’s been growing wild recently and the machete is the easiest way of getting rid of it.   What’s the word of the day you ask? It’s inculcate. As in I am going to inculcate this child with the hell fury in which I was born, breaking…
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