Humor

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  • Comic for February 9, 2012

    Dilbert Daily Strip
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:00 am

  • How to build Ikea furniture while drinking heavily

    Guyism » Humor
    Joe Donatelli
    8 Feb 2012 | 11:30 am
    You know how you do something stupid, tell yourself you’ll never to do it again, let a lot of time lapse and then do that stupid thing again? That’s me and Ikea. I needed a dresser and it had been about a decade since I’d stepped foot inside an Ikea. I had completely forgotten (blocked from memory?) what an awful experience it is, from having to park miles from the store’s entrance, to having to lug giant boxes to the checkout aisle on your own to the inscrutable assembly instructions and fourth-rate parts. Ikea is the crazy girl you hooked up with freshman year, forgot about, and…

  • Tongue Chair

    Small & Big
    P.L. Frederick
    1 Feb 2012 | 4:00 pm
    ©2011 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • It’s So Good To Be Understood

    Beauty Tips for Ministers
    PeaceBang
    8 Feb 2012 | 9:02 am
    Someone Tweeted this hilarious link to me this morning. “Do you wish to look smart, or are you merely looking for a newer version of what you’re wearing at the moment?” Share This Hide Sites

  • The Hunter’s Wife and Pinterest

    The Hunters Wife
    Jody Narantic
    8 Feb 2012 | 3:09 pm
    According to the tracking firm Hitwise, Pinterest became one of the Web’s top 10 social networks in December of 2011.  What is Pinterest?  Pinterest is a vision styled social photo sharing website where you share and organize the things you love on the web. Here is a screenshot of my Pinterest Boards   One of my boards I’ve named Food Love where I pin photos of recipes I might enjoy. Like these shredded chicken tacos from BlogChef.net. My Mom and I made these a couple of weeks ago and they were delicious. Delicious!!! Shredded Chicken Taco Recipe Another board I have is…
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    TheBloggess.com

  • And that’s why I can’t get any work done. That and the fact that Doctor Who is on.

    Jenny the bloggess
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:13 pm
    A picture of my (previously abandoned) office immediately after I start blogging: All the cats in the house, present and fucking shit up. Each trying to typing as soon as I type. Sitting on the escape key. Screechy cat fights erupt behind computer within seconds of a good idea. UNWORKABLE. And that’s why I’m not working for the rest of the week.  Because none of these cats understands how important my job is.  And also because I really want to watch Doctor Who.  And because I’m tired and sort of whiney.  And because I’m going to see my parents for a few days so I…

  • Robot tigers or Robobcats? I’m leaning toward the latter simply because they’d be easier to put in your carry-on luggage.

    Jenny the bloggess
    7 Feb 2012 | 8:25 am
    Victor:  One day I’m going to finish my robot tigers and we will rule the world. me: It’d be easier if you just took over the world with real tigers. Victor:  Robot tigers are scarier than real tigers. me:  No.  Real tigers are scarier because they’re unpredictable. Victor: My robot tigers have a random setting. me: Like a shuffle function on an iPod? Victor: Exactly. me:  That is way scarier. Victor: Plus they could beat you at chess. me: Well, not me specifically.  I’m pretty damn good at chess. Victor:  Not as good as a robot tiger. me:  Live tigers are…

  • This candle-stick needs an intervention.

    Jenny the bloggess
    4 Feb 2012 | 8:46 pm
    Conversation I had with a shopkeeper at a resale shop today: me: Can you go any lower on the candle-holder in the back room? her:  No, it’s in really good shape. me:  Yes, but looks like it has erectile dysfunction. her:  Oh.  Well, it gets hot in here in the summer.  But the candelabra is still very nice. me:  It looks like it’s very disappointed to see me, and possibly needs to be medicated. her:  Um…? me:  I think your candlestick holder is clinical depressed. her:  What? me:  I think I need to have an intervention.  With your candle-holder. her: … me: I…

  • UPDATED X 2: Lost in translation

    Jenny the bloggess
    1 Feb 2012 | 6:29 pm
    Victor: What are you doing? me:  Making stuff for my store.  It helps me break my writer’s block. Victor:  Who’s gonna buy a mug that says “I love to go down”?  Are you making mugs for hookers again? me:  What?  I don’t have a mug that says that. Victor:  Uh, yeah, you do.  It’s right there. me:  That’s a guy on a slide.  It means “I love slides.”  Because I do.  Because they’re whimsical.  The fuck, Victor?  Not everything is about sex. Victor:  That’s not a slide.  It’s an escalator.  That’s the…

  • The end. And the beginning

    Jenny the bloggess
    31 Jan 2012 | 2:26 pm
    I know I said I was going to give away five red ball gowns as part of the #travelingreddress project, but I am a tremendous liar who can’t be trusted. That’s why instead today I’ll be mailing out nine red ball dresses to women around the world. The tenth will be just as beautiful, but will be smaller and hopefully a bit more magical, as it will be going to Alice: Amazing pictures already pouring in from women across the globe in their red dresses. In fact, some have improvised using just a few yards of material to make amazing portraits. Ball gowns are flying across the…
 
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    Craftastrophe

  • Don’t Fence Me In

    suebob
    9 Feb 2012 | 7:56 am
    Because nothing says Love like an old, rusty piece of wire? Hope you’re up on your tetanus shots, honey! {Source} $12. Emergency room visits extra. Not the same, but still fun:TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman NecklaceGIVEAWAY: Fail Whale: Part Deux! TIMES UP!TIMES UP! GIVEAWAY!GIVEAWAY!: Cozies, Done Craftastrophe Style (NSFW)

  • Excuse Me, Your Bookmark Needs a Brazilian

    suebob
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:57 am
    Bookmarks are one of those little things in life that make a statement about what kind of person you are. The deeply pragmatic go with an old receipt; the sentimental with a beloved note. Others have some kind of complicated thing that clips on or has a chain or something. But what does it say about you when you have a completely random collage topped by what looks like a hank of unruly pubic hair? {Source} $5, which you could just save toward a wax job Not the same, but still fun:TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman…

  • Monkey See, Monkey Don’t

    suebob
    7 Feb 2012 | 6:46 pm
    The best part of this? You don’t have to buy it. They give you a pattern so you can make your own! As if. He gets that extra-demented look from the inclusion of pop tabs, so you can use up some of the beer pulls that have been littering your living room carpet. {Source} Less than 4 scary dollars Thanks to Schmutzie for this one, too. Not the same, but still fun:TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman NecklaceGIVEAWAY: Fail Whale: Part Deux! TIMES UP!TIMES UP! GIVEAWAY!GIVEAWAY!: Cozies, Done Craftastrophe Style (NSFW)

  • Going Bananas

    suebob
    6 Feb 2012 | 8:10 am
    This one comes from an assist by the able Schmutzie, of Schmutzie, Five Star Friday, and the Canadian Blogging Awards (among other things). She sent me the cutest message saying “Would you mind if I occasionally sent you Etsy links to crazy shit? Like this?” Would I MIND? No, I love having people help me excavate the muddy minefields of crazy Etsy stuff. Oh, you want to see what she sent me? Guess what? It has already sold! But it looked like this: Fret not, my friends. The shop has even better items in it, my favorite of which is a – wait for it – statement necklace…

  • Your Friends Are For Giving You Nightmares

    suebob
    4 Feb 2012 | 9:27 am
    LaurieWrites pointed me to these horrifying items. Thanks, Laurie. When we’re sharing a room at BlogHer and I wake up screaming, I’ll remind you about this. Jewelry made from Barbie parts. They should be called the Mayhem Collection. Full story at Toxel.com Not the same, but still fun:TIMES UP! TIMES UP! TIMES UP! CONTEST: Win a Brother P-Touch Label Maker!TIMES UP! Giveaway! Hangman NecklaceGIVEAWAY: Fail Whale: Part Deux! TIMES UP!TIMES UP! GIVEAWAY!GIVEAWAY!: Cozies, Done Craftastrophe Style (NSFW)
 
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    There, I Fixed It - Redneck Repairs

  • Spice Racks Are So Two Days Ago

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Although… I could really go for a seasoned hamster. ~NSHA Submitted by: Vicktor

  • For Underground Adventures

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:00 pm
    Submitted by: Mark

  • Words From Your Overlord

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:00 am
    Hey Fixers, starting Monday February 13th you’re going to notice a few visual changes. We’re trying to make our content a bit cleaner so we’re getting rid of those Tweet/Facebook Like/Email buttons on the bottom and moving the Add to My Site button next to the Facebook Share button. Here’s a preview: The biggest change you’ll notice is the lack of voting. We’re getting rid of voting on the front page for now (it’ll come back in a more meaningful way in the future) but it will remain on the voting page so you can still influence what gets featured. You…

  • Please Make a Portable Version

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    It’ll look great sticking out of your pocket when you ride your merry-go-round bicycle to school. ~NSHA Submitted by: UnknownVia: tehsusenoh

  • This Thing Has Great Shelf Life

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:00 am
    From the submitter: Had an older desktop that kept overheating, so I just chucked the case, hung it on some wire shelving and it works like a charm. The next step is to get an adaptor for the laptop screen so that the whole thing is self contained and will only have the power cord hanging off of it. This was just a trial run and I may find a better way to hang everything, other than zipties. Ont eh other hand, it’s a superior kludge this way, I just need to incorporate some duct tape… Submitted by: crotalidae
 
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    McSweeney’s

  • The Consumer Product Safety Commission Has Issued a Voluntary Recall for “Baby Boomers.” by John Flowers

    9 Feb 2012 | 6:01 am
    The Consumer Product Safety Commission and the makers of “Baby Boomers” are issuing a voluntary recall for all persons born between the years 1946 and 1964. Consumers should stop using these devices as elected officials, executives, educators, economists, analysts and authorities on any subject of any kind. Name of Product: Baby Boomers Units: About 70 million Manufacturer: The Greatest Generation Hazard: A software glitch is causing the device to get stuck in “expert” mode. This can lead to performance issues as well as compatibility problems, particularly with other…

  • List: And When Your Sister Said That, You Knew She Was a Narcissist by Megan Twiddy

    9 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    “Everyone really liked me, I could tell.” “That’s kind of exactly what I’ve been doing… except I’ve been doing it for a while.” “Listen! Listen! This is the best thing! And I came up with it in ten seconds!”   “I’m pretty sure I saved his life.”   “I’m applying to graduate school because I want people to call me doctor.”   “Don’t stand next to me. It makes me look too elegant.”   “Hello Family and Friends! The holidays are here again, and I just wanted to say, my book is a great gift idea.”   “I know we agreed that you would drive, but I’m…

  • The Chorus Boy Chronicles: A Bandit, Full and Hollow by Brian Spitulnik

    9 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    It’s January 10th, 2009. We are all wondering if Obama will lead us out of debt and out of Iraq when he’s sworn into office ten days from today; I’ve been dancing in Chicago for a year and a half; it’s been two months since James dumped me; the time is nearly 10:20 pm, our two-show day is finally coming to an end, and tonight, it’s Saturday night on Broadway. We’re all moving to our places for the finale. The girls descend from their dressing rooms, having preemptively removed their fake eyelashes in preparation for leaving the theater as soon as the curtain falls. The seven of us…

  • Tontine Rules by River Clegg

    8 Feb 2012 | 6:01 am
    1. Each participant shall volunteer one personal item for the tontine, after which no participant may access any of the tontine items.  2. Upon the death of the penultimate remaining participant, the lone survivor shall take possession of all the tontine items. 3. Gary, if he receives permission from at least one other participant, may access the tontine items, but only to look at them and not to touch. 4. In accordance with the significance of the tontine pact, all items volunteered must be valued at no less than three-hundred dollars by an independent third party.  5. Gary shall be…

  • Monologue: I’ll Be Knocking Out Beautiful Poetry This Whole Goddamn Flight by Sean Adams

    8 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    I’m sorry ma’am, but if you plan on sleeping from take off to touch down you’re in the wrong seat, because as soon as it’s safe to use portable electronics, it’s gonna be PIPITY PIPITY POW right here next to you. Which is to say you’ll be startled awake by the machine-gun like sounds of wild, emphatic typing rising above the whine of the jet engines and the low growl of my torturously inspired mumbling. You see, I’m not just a passenger; I’m a poet. And while they may be able to buckle me into this tiny seat, they won’t be able to contain my inspiration. No, ma’am. I’ll…
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    Special Kind of Stupid

  • Whatever happened to Special Kind of Stupid and its handsome owner?

    kev
    24 Jan 2012 | 2:22 pm
    I forgot my password. Someone stole my computer. Thieves kidnapped me and were holding me hostage. I fell, hit my head, and had amnesia. A dog ate my homework. I died. I met a girl and fell in love. A witch turned me into a newt (I got better). One of these explains my blogging absence these past several months. And the winner is… I had amnesia! Okay, fine. I met someone and fell in love. I have been so blissfully happy and preoccupied, I just haven’t had time for blogging. What? You don’t believe me?? It’s true! We’re engaged! No?? People, I’m telling the…

  • Halloween Skankitis

    kev
    31 Oct 2011 | 12:00 am
    This blog post was originally published three year ago on October 31, 2008. The mark of a true work of art, its message has stood the test of time. It’s Halloween. It’s time for pumpkins, kids in costumes, trick or treating, and candy. It is also time for the annual outbreak of what researchers have named “Halloween Skankitis.” Halloween Skankitis is an epidemic that used to only inflict females between the ages of 18 and 35, but now reaches females of all ages. It’s a disease that infects woman who are oftentimes perfectly normal the rest of the year. What is…

  • Gwyneth Paltrow’s death scene propels ‘Contagion’ to box office gold

    kev
    12 Sep 2011 | 12:51 pm
    HOLLYWOOD, CA – In what critics have proclaimed to be “the feel good movie of the year,” Contagion, a movie featuring the death of actress Gwyneth Paltrow, debuted #1 at this week’s box office. “Finally, a movie that gives people exactly what they want,” exclaimed critic Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times. “For sixteen years, ever since Se7en teased us with Paltrow’s off-screen death, I’ve been anxiously awaiting a movie that would follow Se7en’s lead,” remarked Gene Shallot. “I didn’t think I would live long…

  • Closing a chapter

    kev
    26 Aug 2011 | 3:23 pm
    When you are single and have reached a certain age, it seems as though everyone you know is already married. It’s not reality, but it’s your perception. And perception is often reality when you are single and have reached a certain age. I have had one relationship of significance in my lifetime. That young lady is getting married tomorrow. Will tomorrow be a somber day for me? No, not at all. While this young lady is “the ex” in my life, she isn’t “the one who got away.” I don’t say this to be mean, I’m just stating reality. Not my…

  • Explaining why my Twitter messages are funny and/or insightful: Part 3

    kev
    7 Jul 2011 | 2:16 pm
    On Twitter, I only have 140 characters to unleash my bits of comedic wisdom onto the unsuspecting public. Granted, I am able to do a lot with 140 characters, but sometimes the forced brevity leaves many readers cold and confused. It also leaves them hungry, assuming they have not eaten in a few hours. So, as I have done twice previously (see here and here), I am going to highlight a few of my Twitter messages and, in a manner only I know how, explain them in thorough, nauseating detail. You’re welcome, people. Kind of hard being a tough guy when you’re drinking green tea. Out of a…
 
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    Lolcats 'n' Funny Pictures of Cats - I Can Has Cheezburger?

  • Origami kitteh

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Origami kitteh needz practis …and thumbz aifinkso it lukz lubly, kitteh! LoL by: GumbieKatPicture by: Unknown

  • Cheezburger After Dark

    TehGrateCheez
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:59 pm
    After Dark features material not suitable for children and contains foul language (and potentially more lolz).

  • Meme Animals: Interspecies OMNOMNOMS!

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:00 pm
    Can we have dinner together? Yes! Of course we can! Love cute animal memes? We’ve got a ton over here!

  • i meen boops

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:00 am
    i wuv ur boobs i meen boops ai resentz dat remark… LoL by: ljg52843Picture by: Unknown

  • GIF: I Meant to Do That!

    Cheezburger Network
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    Love cyoot and funneh animal gifs? Check out our brand new gif site!
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    ABlog the Author

  • Red Lion Post-gig recap, a week later....

    8 Feb 2012 | 5:23 pm
    Here’s how you know it went well. When the sound guy comes up to you as you’re breaking down and says, “This was great. So nice to hear something different than the same ten songs.”  And here’s how you really know it went well. When the waitresses come up to you independently and say, “This is the best Wednesday we’ve had in months. We told the manager to book you back.” So, it went well. Counting medleys, we played 42 songs in the two sets. My friend Mark Bloom said the sets were much too long for an hour, and I told him not when every song is 2:20. We needed every tune. We…

  • Thoughts nine hours before kickoff....

    5 Feb 2012 | 8:30 am
    I am 14 years old and lying on the floor of my freshman dorm room in Ashley House. Given that the room is 6x10 and has a bed, desk and dresser, it is pretty remarkable that there is room for me to lie on the floor. But I am 5’1”, 93 pounds, so maybe not that remarkable. It is late October, 1971 and even though I am going to love Deerfield Academy, I am not quite done being homesick. So I spend Sundays on the floor alone, listening to the Patriots on my clock radio. This is their first season with Heisman Trophy winner Jim Plunkett at quarterback, and I am letting myself be as hopeful as…

  • Last Truants Live Video before recap: "Kicks/Have Love Will Travel"

    4 Feb 2012 | 8:14 pm

  • Another treat for the lady who digs the Raiders….

    4 Feb 2012 | 8:13 pm
    Another treat for the lady who digs the Raiders….

  • Truants Live at the Red Lion: "Little Girl"

    2 Feb 2012 | 10:47 pm
 
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    Cracked: All Posts

  • 5 Types of People Who Always Give Terrible Advice

    9 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    By John Cheese  Published: February 09th, 2012  In my life, I've received enough bad advice to print out and gift wrap Mount Everest. Everyone is quick to offer it, regardless of whether you asked or not ... and with so much coming in, it's hard to separate genuine wisdom from verbal toilet paper.

  • 5 Real Places Plucked Straight Out of Fairy Tales

    9 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    By Jacopo della Quercia  Published: February 09th, 2012  We recently brought you some examples of famous fictional locations that, much to everyone's surprise, you can actually visit for real. So let's up the stakes a bit. The following are outright fantasy locations -- from fairy tales, comic books, movie

  • 24 Famous Paintings (With The Dialogue Included)

    9 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    By CRACKED Readers  Published: February 09th, 2012  Everybody knows exactly what sucks about the great art galleries: they won't let you go in there with a sharpie and add hilarious dialogue to the paintings (trust us, we tried). Well, we believe in allowing you to express yourselves. We asked you to

  • 7 Reasons Ants Will Inherit the Earth

    8 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    By Monte Richard  Published: February 08th, 2012  We've covered ants before, but everyone in the country didn't immediately start smashing every ant they came across, so obviously you didn't listen. And we'll all pay for it. When the empires of man finally fall and the memory of our hubris has faded

  • Introducing Facebook Timeline: The End of Free Will

    8 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    By CRACKED Staff  Published: February 08th, 2012 
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    Predator Press

  • Crazy

    LOBO
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:56 am
    Predator Press [LOBO]I don't know who this woman is, but I want her apprehended and incarcerated immediately.-The use of unnecessary force is highly recommended; I'm sure we'll have no problem figuring out charges once we've dug up her basement.This is the vacant, thousand-mile stare of a woman with four -or possibly more- cats. And can you imagine what her pillowcases look like? [*shiver*]

  • LOBO is Officially Sick of Being a Mom (Day I)

    LOBO
    29 Jan 2012 | 12:33 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] Fond of some local companies, I figured I would start a Softball League. But because it’s negative five degrees outside, it turns out I’m the only commissioner, coach, manager, and player so far. Today is the first LBL World Series. And my statistics are amazing.

  • LOBO is a Mom (Day IV)

    LOBO
    28 Jan 2012 | 7:26 pm
    Predator Press[LOBO] Everyone is always sayin’ “Bein a mom is sooooo hard,” and “Childbirth is blah, blah, blah, ...” But don't be fooled; it turns out this whole "Bein a Mom" thing is the easiest thing on Earth. A transparent scam for Hallmark cards! Hell I haven’t even seen the precocious little scamp since Day 1. -As a “chip off the old block,” I’m assuming she has taken initiative and enrolled herself in Elementary School or something.

  • LOBO is a Mom (Day III)

    LOBO
    27 Jan 2012 | 3:29 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] Stretching, Dave Harrison scratches his neck and remembers how overdue he was for a shave. As a Tier Two Customer Service Rep for Southwest Airlines, he answered mostly calls forwarded up from people that initially take calls and field the routine issues. And it’s true that as a “T2CSI” you get yelled at a lot.  But overall the T1CSI’s usually get flustered by some hostile treatment and overlooking some simple solution or policy.  To avoid this, Dave checks his computer screen preview of the issue prior to answering the phone.  Making an…

  • LOBO is a Mom (Day II)

    LOBO
    26 Jan 2012 | 6:59 pm
    Predator Press [LOBO] Well, my little darling hasn’t made an appearance today.  Which is probably good, because I had a nightmare last night that she was the first of an entire brood and, utterly famished, dissolved me to a skeleton before I could scream. All new parents want to be lied to about this harsh, jagged reality.  But my case is a little different because ladybugs are considered good luck. I would have had the luckiest skeleton on Earth. But there wasn’t a swarm, so it is likely I only have one.  That’s why I went out and got some Creatine Supplements,…
 
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    Funny or Die - Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, and Funny Jokes

  • Will Ferrell Announces Bulls/Hornets Starting Lineups

    TubularGoldmine
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:51 pm
    Will Ferrell Announces Bulls/Hornets ... 1:32 Will Ferrell served as the game announcer for the starting lineups of the Chicago Bulls / New Orleans Hornets game last night and the results are glorious. Submitted by: TubularGoldmine Regular Keywords: will ferrell nba national basketball association chicago bulls derrick rose new orleans hornets announcing announcer game starting starters starting lineups lineups sportscenter espn will ferell will farrell Views: 154

  • Puppy Conan. We Repeat: Puppy. Conan.

    TheMagicHour
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:53 am
    Puppy Conan. We Repeat: Puppy. Conan. Puppy. Conan. Submitted by: TheMagicHour Regular Keywords: puppy conan conan puppies conan and andy puppies puppy bowl conan puppy bowl conan o'brien justin bieber puppy Views: 815

  • Jean Dujardin's Villain Auditions

    Jean Dujardin
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:38 pm
    Jean Dujardin's Villain Auditions 2:59 Oscar nominee Jean Dujardin will obviously be playing a villain in his next role, here are the audition tapes. Submitted by: Jean Dujardin Chosen Keywords: jean dujardin the artist actor best actor silent film villain bond movie bond film audition auditions audition tape never before seen Views: 35,338

  • Prop 8 Overturned! The Funniest Signs Supporting Gay Marriage

    doingitright
    8 Feb 2012 | 10:24 am
    Prop 8 Overturned! The Funniest Signs... Hey remember that ruling that deprived human beings of basic rights? It's been overturned. Let's celebrate by taking a look back at some of the funniest pro-gay marriage signs. Submitted by: doingitright Immortal Keywords: prop 8 gay rights signs funniest protest signs funniest gay rights signs anti-gay marriage sign fails gay protest signs best protest signs Views: 102,421

  • Wrangler Skinny Jeans for Hipsters

    NicePiece
    8 Feb 2012 | 1:43 am
    Wrangler Skinny Jeans for Hipsters 1:46 Cyrus Favre (Illegitimate hipster son of football legend Brett Favre) for Wrangler Jeans. Twitter: @Heynicepiece Submitted by: NicePiece Regular Keywords: Brett Favre Cyrus Favre Wrangler Wrangler Jeans Wrangler Skinny Jeans Skinny Jeans Skinny Jeans for Hipsters Hipsters Hipster Hipster Jeans Football super Bowl Banned 2012 Commercial Super Bowl Commercial 2012 Superbowl Parody Spoof Wrangler Spoof Views: 4,194
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    Jokers Joke

  • The Dictator Super Bowl Ad

    5 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Sacha Baron Cohen stars in The Dictator. The film's Super Bowl ad includes a scene with Megan Fox and a scene with General Aladeen (Sacha Baron Cohen) winning a 100 meter race. Take a look: Photo: Paramount Picture Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds

  • FirstBank Super Bowl Ad Tells People to Go to the Bathroom

    27 Jan 2012 | 8:00 pm
    This Super Bowl ad for FirstBank tells people to go to the bathroom. AdFreak says it will only air in Colorado. Take a look: Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds

  • David Letterman's Newt Gingrich Top Ten

    22 Jan 2012 | 2:04 pm
    Here is the Top Ten Revelations in the interview with Newt Gingrich's Ex-Wife from David Letterman. The interview revealed some horrible bombshells about New Gingrich, such as he wanted an open marriage. Newt won anyway. South Carolina voters strangely didn't care about Newt's treatment of his ex-wife. Take a look: Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds

  • Jimmy Kimmel Pokes Fun of CW's Musical Chairs Show

    18 Jan 2012 | 5:00 pm
    Jimmy Kimmel poked fun of a new CW show, Oh Sit!, which is based on musical chairs. Kimmel teases that the network is also doing a show based on Duck, Duck, Goose, called Duck You!. Take a look: Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds

  • Ricky Gervais Says Keep Your Acceptance Speeches Short

    15 Jan 2012 | 9:00 pm
    Ricky Gervais tells winners at the Golden Globes to keep acceptance speeches short. He says there is no need to thank everyone you have every met. He also says you don't need to thank members of your family "who have done nothing towards this." Take a look: Photo: © HFPA Permalink | Facebook| Twitter | Our News Feeds
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    P i c t u r e s

  • Disney Princess Inspired Tattoos

    a Blogger
    9 Feb 2012 | 9:08 am
    See more

  • Sparkling Makeup Self-Portraits

    a Blogger
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:30 am
    Makeup artist and photographer Nadia Wicker understands the importance of cosmetic assistance for an image. In her series titled Ursides, the multifaceted artist combines her passions and skills to create spectacular compilation of self-portraits that rely heavily on facial beauty products. See more

  • Athletic Bronze Sculptures Emerge from Walls by Matteo Pugliese

    a Blogger
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:22 am
    These hard-bodied men emerging from bare, white walls are the works of Milan-based artist Matteo Pugliese. The most apparent and impressive aesthetic choice that Pugliese has chosen in this series entitled Extra Moenia is the decision to present his sculptures in fragments. A bent knee opens the opportunity to represent one whole form in at least two pieces. It is the spectator's mind that makes up the limbs and other body parts that aren't visible. The body movements and configurations are equally intriguing, especially those that are contorted and reflect muscle tension. See more

  • Wacky U.S. Town Names

    a Blogger
    8 Feb 2012 | 10:24 pm
    See more

  • Cat in Snow

    a Blogger
    8 Feb 2012 | 4:23 am
    See more
 
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    15 Minute Lunch

  • Final touch.

    6 Feb 2012 | 6:58 pm
    I went to AC Moore the other day to see if they had any poster framing/hanging-type stuff, because I had ordered a few posters on-line and I was going to (foolishly) try to frame them myself.If you've never heard of these stores, they are chock-full of the type of crap that keeps old ladies busy when they're not playing bingo. Scrapbooking supplies, beads, baubles, loose buckets of creepy doll heads, painting and drawing supplies, you name it. Oh, and shitloads of over-priced fabric paint. I haven't seen fabric paint in squeeze bottles since I drew an REO Speedwagon logo on the back of a…

  • The Spirit of Video.

    1 Feb 2012 | 7:26 pm
    OK. The project which has been sucking up almost every available second of my weekend time since July is finally (almost) done, and I wanted to share a picture with you: Thanks go out to my buddy Yort for all his donated time and effort. Without his help, I'd probably still be framing the walls. We made our share of mistakes along the way, but every time I was pissing and moaning about something we screwed up, Yort would wave his hand and say, "Ah, nobody will ever see it" and even though I didn't believe him at the time, it turns out that he's right. It still needs a coffee table, some old…

  • I'm afraid to ask

    30 Jan 2012 | 6:43 pm
    But I'm hoping my wife is doing this with her finger or a spoon and not her tongue.Come visit me at http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com. I need you to clic on my ads. Just kidding. Sort of.

  • I'm back from Orlando and this weather can suck it.

    24 Jan 2012 | 8:39 pm
    So after a week-long geekfest in Orlando, I'm back in the beautiful northeast. The day before we were flying home, I texted my friend Vidna and and told him I wasn't coming back and to just go ahead and sell all my stuff and send me the money. Unfortunately, he couldn't work fast enough and we got kicked out of the nice hotel we were squatting in and had no choice but to book a much cheaper room for a couple of days. We did get to visit Epcot, and it really hasn't changed much in the last few years. I was kind of surprised that China was still the same size. I figured it would have taken over…

  • Random stuff from my phone.

    10 Jan 2012 | 6:37 pm
    Sometimes when I see something that makes me laugh, I take a picture of it. Then I forget about it completely. Eventually I need to clean them off my phone to make some space, and I try to remember what it was about that particular thing that made me laugh. Sometimes it's obvious, and sometimes... well, not so much. Why did I take this picture, for instance?I have no clue. It was something I saw at work, but now I have no idea what the hell I thought I was going to do with it. I really have to start writing some of these ideas down.How about this one?"Yo, OTIS! Elevator broke!" I saw this CD…
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    A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog

  • The Pictures From Hogwarts And Hogsmeade

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:59 pm
    Remember that time we went to Universal Studios, Islands of Adventure, and The Wizarding World of Harry Potter? This was that: © Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us Post tags: harry potter, hogsmeade, hogwarts, photographs, Pictures, universal studios Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

  • It’s Obvious I’m A 50-Something Black Man

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    8 Feb 2012 | 9:20 am
    There was a time in my life when I’d be mistaken for Nicole Kidman. This was clearly when it was the mid-90s, I was near-anorexic, and dating Tom Cruise. Nicole hadn’t yet started on her Botox addiction and no one knew she was Australian. It’s kind of obvious once you see it. The bone structure, the mushroom-shaped hair, the translucent skin; we were like twinsies. Cut to 20 years later, a few kids, more than a few pounds, some black-framed glasses, and a super-weird Who Do I Look Like internet toy that I learned about from Ali Martell on Yummy Mummy Club, and you get my…

  • The Dutch Oven Clause

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    7 Feb 2012 | 10:43 am
    No joke, it is written in stone* that if Patrick Dutch Ovens me, he is immediately removed from my life, the house, and the children’s lives. We will consider him dead and expect the life insurance check to arrive within 2-4 weeks. Source: hahasforhoohas.com via Angie on Pinterest   Unfamiliar with a Dutch Oven? A Dutch oven is a slang term for pulling a cover over someone’s head while in bed and creating flatulence, thereby creating an area of foul-odored air in an enclosed space that must be inhaled. This is done as a prank or by accident to one’s sleeping…

  • Pinterest Success Stories And Tips For Increasing Blog Traffic From Pinterest

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    6 Feb 2012 | 10:51 am
    Even though I may have a tinge of jealousy, I like hearing about success stories. Success stories, from my friends especially, give me a goal. It seems like every day, I hear of something new a friend has accomplished. From a new writing job for a major entertainment company to hearing that a friend’s blog has gone viral, I love knowing that good things happen to good people. Pinterest is quickly becoming one of those success story-makers. With a 70% traffic increase in just the first 3 weeks of January (from 10 million to 17 million hits), Pinterest is helping make websites and posts…

  • I Know I’m Lazy

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
    5 Feb 2012 | 10:45 am
    SWEET BABY JEESUS & OPRAH, this is the truth. You know you’re lazy when you get excited about cancelled plans. via Pleated Jeans © Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us Post tags: cancelled plans, Lazy, pleated jeans Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh
 
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    Bee's Musings

  • Blah.

    16 Jan 2012 | 12:18 pm
    So, today was a peculiar day. I woke up in a crappy mood, as per usual, got in the shower and then got ready for work. I had picked out an outfit which I discarded as soon as I looked in the mirror. I went to plan B, then plan C, then plan D then, then I just sat down on the bed and debated if I should call in sick. But I couldn’t call in sick because my brother-in-law would be in my house and my misery has never liked company. It was still early enough for me to get my shit together and get to work on time but then I thought about all the stress that waited for me there and the tiny bit of…

  • We interrupt this silence to bring you an URGENT RANT!

    14 Dec 2011 | 11:08 am
    So things here at the Beehive haven’t gone as smoothly as I was promised in the fairy tales. It seems every time Andy and I are about to bathe in the light at the end of the tunnel, a giant boulder blocks our exit and we are left in the rat infested tunnel with only our iPhone lights to illuminate the graffiti on the walls. But whatever. He and I have gotten through a million other tough times so I’m sure we’ll manage again. Eventually. Anyway, since things have been crap, we do little “cheer me ups” to make things a little more bearable. Now, if you’re thinking we light up a…

  • This is the person that handles the payroll!

    4 Oct 2011 | 11:59 am
    Okay. I am not making this up. OZ bought a new “accounting” computer for Milton because the one she was using is from the stone age and it finally just about blew up. They bought new software for it and she had been trying to register the software for over an hour. Me: Uh, that computer isn’t hooked up to the internet so you won’t be able to register the software online. Milton: I know the old one was able to be registered so I should be able to register this one! Me: [was about to say maybe they registered it on installation but shrugs and bows out of the issue because I really…

  • Bizarro Friday

    16 Sep 2011 | 11:30 am
    Glynda (to me): What did you do for Mexican New Year? Me: … ::blink blink:: I’m sorry, what did I what for what? Glynda: Mexican New Year. I read in the paper that it was Mexican New Year over the weekend. Me: Uh, as far as I know Mexican New Year is still on January first but maybe I didn’t get the memo? [smiles to tell her I’m just kidding] I think you meant Mexican Independence Day but that’s today. Glynda: [giving me a look that says I must be a part-time Mexican and not “all there”] I’m pretty sure they said it was MEXICAN NEW YEAR. Me: Well, I guess I’ll have to check…

  • I'M NOT FRUNKING DUCK!

    1 Sep 2011 | 2:35 pm
    So I went to a new doctor a couple of weeks ago, I know what you’re thinking, “A new doctor, Bee? What happened to the grandmotherly Polish woman you’ve been going to for years?” She abandoned me that’s what! She picked up and moved her practice to Michigan with not so much as an “I enjoyed removing your skin tags!” card. Thanks for bringing it up and reopening the wound! Pour some lemon on it why don’t ya’! This left me with no other choice than to look for a new female doctor cuz I was not going to let the MALE doctor that took over the grandmotherly Polish woman’s…
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    Offbeat Earth

  • Vocal Cover of The Simpsons Theme

    Editor
    2 Feb 2012 | 10:34 am
    Singer Nick McKaig delivers an awesome all-vocal performance of the theme song from The Simpsons.

  • Tweeting via Morse Code

    Editor
    1 Feb 2012 | 11:03 am
    The Tworse Key is a device that allows you to post to Twitter via Morse Code without a computer.

  • PVC Pipe Sculptures

    Editor
    30 Jan 2012 | 10:26 am
    In yet another example of artwork constructed from unconventional materials, Korean artist Kang Duck-bong uses cut sections of PVC pipe, painted and arranged to resemble people and machines in motion. Photos via 4Walls Gallery. Share on Facebook

  • World’s Largest (pre-chewed) Gumball

    Editor
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:09 pm
    We’ve talked before about world records you can break, and this one certainly qualifies, but would you really want to? This is Barry Chappell and his 175lb, 62 inch diameter ball of pre-chewed Nicorette gum. Barry’s been adding to it for six years, starting with a single piece he wasn’t able to throw away on [...]

  • The Nose Hair Notification Service

    Editor
    25 Jan 2012 | 1:33 pm
    Chololi is an anonymous email notification service for individuals with offensive nose hair. Use with caution.
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    Standup dad

  • I'd Like To De-Ice Your Runway

    24 Jan 2012 | 11:33 am
    @gaberutledgeSnow cost me $1100 this week. I know that's not a lot of...

  • Special Needs Parable

    16 Jan 2012 | 12:40 am
    My little brother Joel has Down Syndrome. Or is it Downs Syndrome? I...

  • Stripper Buffet

    9 Jan 2012 | 1:45 pm
    @gaberutledge      Good news! Tonight I do a...

  • The Thin Blue Line

    30 Dec 2011 | 2:13 am
    I was making a deposit at my bank two days ago. Fun fact! The poorer...

  • Boobs!

    25 Dec 2011 | 2:26 am
    Sometimes after a huge comedy star such as myself performs, an...
 
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    Awesomely Luvvie

  • My Favorite Tiny Rapper, Khaliyl, is Back!

    Luvvie
    8 Feb 2012 | 11:37 am
    There was a video going around of this little adorable 2-year old Khaliyl Iloyi rapping some time back in his onesie. And I found a new (I think) video of him and his dad rapping again. My ovaries did the wop, the running man and the cabbage patch. I LOVE THIS LITTLE BOY!!! YESSS!!! I’m mad he got more flow than a lot of rappers out there. AND he can count so he’s already ahead of their game. And the head bops??? Be still my uterus! He’s just too cute for words! SHOURROUT to the fact that his dad, Femi, is Yoruba. YES O!!! Could Khaliyl BE anymore adorabo??? Related posts:…

  • Someone Come Get Jessica White

    Luvvie
    7 Feb 2012 | 10:36 am
    I’ve never really been a huge fan of Jessica White, because she usually has this “what stinks?” expression on her face for no reason. Maybe she’s mad that no one told her colored contacts went out with towel jackets. But whatevs. Anywho, I saw this pic of her on a red carpet and gave the most epic of side-eyes. Ma’am, what in God’s name do you have on? People gon stop stealing Grandma’s good lace curtain when her back is turned and using it for their red carpet #alphets! They are just gon stop! I know fashion is supposed to be a form of…

  • Rock the Red Pump With Me, Folks!

    Luvvie
    5 Feb 2012 | 10:29 pm
    My peoples! Do you know about my nonprofit organization The Red Pump Project? Yup. Well, a couple of weeks ago, we launched our fourth annual Rock the Red Pump™ bloggers campaign, in recognition of National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (NWGHAAD), which is March 10th annually. The campaign’s goal is to generate conversation in blogosphere about the issue of HIV/AIDS and how it affects women. In the 50 days leading up to NWGHAAD, we ask bloggers to place one of our 5 badges on their websites to represent the strength and courage of women fighting HIV/AIDS or affected by the…

  • Dear Eddie Long, You’re a King? iRebuke It

    Luvvie
    2 Feb 2012 | 4:22 pm
    Yesterday, I was alerted to the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard since… well the day before. Let me give you the cliffnotes on what happened. This past Sunday, some Jewish Rabbi (or so he says) named Ralph Messer went to New Birth Missionary Baptist Church to crown Bishop Eddie Long as “King.” He used some ritual that he said the Jews use, involving what he claims to be this historical Torah Scroll to ordain Long as King. During the random ceremony, he wrapped Eddie and his wig into the Torah and covered him with “the blood of Jesus.” To cap it off, Eddie…

  • How to Commemorate Black History Month

    Luvvie
    2 Feb 2012 | 9:23 am
    My peoples! It is officially Black History Month, the shortest, most afrocentric 29 days you will experience this year. So I’m here to let you know ways for you to commemorate it. Here are some I came up with: * Be jealous of my avatar’s dashiki and kufi. Because you know you want one. AND Milli Vanilli braids, which complete the set. Y’all can sat up there and act like my ensemble ain’t giving you everything you need right now. (-__-) It has become my annual tradition to break out ‘Shiki Fierce in the month of February and I thoroughly enjoy her. * Tell a fake…
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    EveryJoe » Technology

  • Could Facebook Shut Down Over SOPA & PIPA?

    Kori Ellis
    17 Jan 2012 | 1:30 pm
    If you are like many people, you are reading a lot about SOPA and PIPA right now. To get the lowdown, check out this post about how SOPA/PIPA can affect you. Also, watch this video about understanding SOPA and PIPA, and find out if Facebook could actually shut down. Though Wikipedia is going dark over SOPA/PIPA tomorrow. Many companies actually support SOPA, from ABC to Visa. Allison Boyer of BlogWorld has a good piece about Why SOPA Scares the You-Know-What Out of Me that talks about a lot of worrisome loopholes. You should also read this article from Daily Kos about the repeated blows SOPA…

  • Wikipedia to Go Dark on Wednesday to Protest SOPA & PIPA

    Kori Ellis
    17 Jan 2012 | 10:13 am
    The U.S. government is currently considering to bills that are causing quite a stir — the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA). According to TechCrunch, “Websites found to offer pirated content, along with the services that they use, could be hidden from US internet users by being delisted on search engines and potentially on DNS servers themselves.” Many people believe with these bills, we’d be heading down a slippery slope and the legislation could threaten free speech. Wikipedia’s Jimmy Wales has decided to send a message by going dark for…

  • Video: iPad Survives Drop from Space

    Kori Ellis
    12 Jan 2012 | 8:48 pm
    If you’re shopping for a new case for your iPad, I have some footage that may be of interest to you. In the video below, an iPad fitted with an Extreme Edge case is lifted approximately 100,000 feet and then dropped to Earth. Amazingly, the iPad survives the journey without a scratch! You must watch the video to see this amazing experiment. The video starts with the iPad getting attached to a weather balloon and a digital camera. As the iPad is lifted into space, the camera films it all. Once the weather balloon reaches the outer limits of space, it pops. That began an iPad freefall.

  • Most Visited Websites in 2011

    Kori Ellis
    31 Dec 2011 | 9:43 am
    What were the most visited websites in 2011? The answers aren’t that exciting. As you might guess based on the top search term of 2011, Facebook was far and away the most visited website of the year. Facebook, despite some complaints this year, continues to grow and grow and grow. Number two behind Facebook remains Google.com. When you want to find something, Google.com remains the top destination. Number three is YouTube.com — which is also owned by Google. Three of the next four spots belong to Yahoo, while the other one is Bing.com. With Bing.com that high, Microsoft has to be…

  • Top Search Term for 2011

    Kori Ellis
    31 Dec 2011 | 4:37 am
    Billions of search terms are entered each day as people around the globe search the internet for what they want to find. In 2011, what was the top search term? Well, the answer is actually quite lame. For some reason, “Facebook” was the top search term for 2011. Why would you search the term “Facebook”? That makes no sense. Just go to Facebook.com if that’s what you are looking for. “Facebook Login” was the third most searched term of 2011, while “Facebook.com” was number five and “www.Facebook.com” was number eight. This just…
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    Brittany Gibbons is the Barefoot Foodie

  • 10 Random Days of Amuse Bouche.

    Brittany
    8 Feb 2012 | 11:33 am
    I am working on a post about my weight, and it’s shockingly difficult. Plus, I am hungry and craving day old birthday cake; I hate that we had all our kids in stupid April. But, I have been having bursts of brain activity in my own, personal built in tumblr site, Amuse Bouche, so I thought I would pick a few favorites from there to distract you from the fact that I am looking in your fridge right now, and honestly, Mountain Dew Code Red? Really? That’s made of gasoline and llama period. Please stop drinking that. Andy Hates Kyle Please stop putting your rhetoric and bibles in my…

  • Kyle

    Brittany
    8 Feb 2012 | 10:28 am
    So what, we’re that family now? What family? The family that hangs trendy fake mooses above our fireplace in an effort to be eclectic and hard to understand because we’re just really cooler than everyone else? The plural of moose isn’t mooses. And stop talking smack about Kyle, he can hear you up there, and he was feeling really good about him self today. It’s not even a real life moose, he’s made of stone, like a garden gnome or something. Kyle thinks your soul patch is a cliche and your Northface jacket is obnoxious. He knows you don’t ski, Andy. We all…

  • Yes, my kids have email.

    Brittany
    7 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    A few years ago, I bought each of my kids a domain in their name. As we get closer and closer to Wall-E times, I assume calling dibs on a url is a smart move. In fact, each year, as I click renew, I scream out YOU’RE WELCOME to a trio of confused toddler faces who have no idea how thankful they should be to me right now. You’re welcome kids, I’m the reason you aren’t going to be www.JoodGibbonz45.wu. I mean, it’s the least I can do, I’ve never been a great scrapbooker, or getter of things off memory cards, but they’re getting older, and I really want…

  • This is going to get old fast. February 5th, 2012

    Andy
    7 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    from Brittany Gibbons brittanymarie81@gmail.com to Andy Gibbons <agibbons1@gmail.com> date Mon, Feb 5, 2012 at 3:29 PM Ahem. You said you wanted to try role playing… B © COPYRIGHT BRITTANY GIBBONS 2011 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author. Feed enhanced by Better Feed from Ozh

  • David Beckham wants to do me.

    Brittany
    6 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    Yesterday I received this email: Good day to you, I am David Beckham the England international footballer, I am contacting you to represent my charity home in your city so we can spread love to the Orphans, Widows and the less privilege. I have deposited Twelve Million Great Britain Pounds in the Barclay’s Bank London which will be transfer to you to carry out this charity work, you are to keep 50% of the amount for your personal use and the other for the charity work. You are the contact my legal counsel Barrister Lisa Lambert Esq. with the below information for details on how the…
 
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    Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder.

  • For Crying Out Loud

    7 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    And Laughing, TooI recently had the pleasure of being a guest on the super-swank podcast "For Crying Out Loud," hosted by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor and Lynette Carolla (yes, lovely wife to Adam).It. Was. So. FUN.The podcast is now available on iTunes - or you can listen/download right on the "For Crying Out Loud" websiteAnd, as further evidence that the best things in life are, in fact, free, the bottom-line price to own this episode (or any other, for that matter) is:That's right! Rest assured that today's burrito budget will remain intact no matter how many times you download the podcast.And…

  • Daily Affirmation #FAIL

    23 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    Thanks. I Got It.I love the uplifting app I started using January 1, but this particular entry makes me more tired than inspired:Yes. I know.It comes with being a parent.

  • I Am a 12-Year-Old Boy

    18 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    And Here's the ProofEver since Morticia and Gomez (my children) introduced me to Ragestache, I've been obsessed with it.Then again, I still convulse with snort-laughs every time I see the opening UPS-guy scene of "Ace Ventura." (When did that movie come out? 1994? EVERY TIMEAfter laughing at so many comics on the site, I had to try my hand at making one of my own. (Thankfully, this kind of "me, too!" crap only crops up occasionally and not, for instance, when I'm sitting on the sofa watching NASCAR or Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling. (Okay, it happens with NASCAR.)Anyway, I made a comic and I'm…

  • Wake Up and Smell the Adhesive Brassiere

    9 Jan 2012 | 7:00 am
    Or: The Lies Our Undies Tell UsOver the holiday break, I gave my clothes closet a thorough exorcism cleaning. (Yes, I'm fun like that.)It was during these excavations that I unearthed this itemOr, more specifically, this item:Also known as THIS ITEM:I know What. The. H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks?I was so thrown by this discovery that I had to collapse onto a heap of discarded leg warmers and bootleg bikini bottoms to regroup.I had no memory of buying this marvel of modern engineering, but (as I was relatively certain it belonged to me and not my husband) clearly I had.The question was why I…

  • Things to Do in 2012

    31 Dec 2011 | 7:00 am
    ...Or Not.After extended deliberation, I have compiled my annual list of actions to make the upcoming year extra-awesome.Note: Over the years, I've found it helpful not to include overreaching items such as "Be a nice person" and "Live within budget." No one tells you this, but these kinds of vague, pie-in-the-sky goals are basically impossible to achieve.(I can tell you from personal experience that it's a real buzzkill to wake up on January 3rd only to realize you've already blown items 1-14 on your yearly to-do list. Let's just say some lessons were learned.)Anyway, I'm happy to share my…
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    AmyOops

  • Enter To win: The Book, Things To Bitch About

    10 Feb 2012 | 7:19 am
    This is the ultimate book for venting. Three Ways to Enter to Win: 1. Follow Things to Bitch about on Facebook 2. Follow on Twitter 3. Leave me a comment about something you want to vent...

  • rip house md

    9 Feb 2012 | 7:35 am
    via

  • i've fallen and cant get up

    9 Feb 2012 | 7:28 am
    via

  • haiku movie theater

    9 Feb 2012 | 7:07 am
    Girl with the Dragon Tattoo James Bond needs the help of an angry brilliant girl. Eat taser, dirtbag. Contagion Fomides and sneezes. This is how the world will end. Please pass the Purell. Fright...

  • pug then vs now

    9 Feb 2012 | 7:02 am
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    Jennifers Review

  • Crown Royal Black: Mustache Fuel

    Clayton Grow
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:00 am
    Crown Royal is the drink of choice in the apartment of Pete Campbell, Head of Accounts on the AMC series Mad Men.  He is, in short, a selfish little brat on the show, but I must admit, he picks a good whiskey to keep in his home. I started to enjoy Crown Royal well before I started watching Mad Men, and I recently finished a bottle of Crown Royal Black, a new variation of the classic Candian whiskey, which was  given to me as a gift by my good friend in exchange for a small bit of help on his resume. Crown Royal's goth cousin, Crown Royal BLACK. (Image courtesy of My Retro Camera…

  • 5 Easy to Find Wines For Valentine’s Day!

    Jennifer Stinnett
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:25 am
    Did you just realize that Valentine’s Day is quickly upon us? Planning that special night … with … perhaps, WINE? Of course you are or you wouldn’t be here! I went thru some of my blog posts and here are my suggestions! Also — these wines are very easy to find and are probably in most of your local stores (unless noted). So not much wine hunting is needed for these wines on my list! 1.

  • Cutty Sark, movie gangsters’ whisky of choice

    Clayton Grow
    2 Feb 2012 | 7:41 am
    “Hey Spider! On your way over here, bring me a Cutty and water, huh…” The poker game during "The Spider Situation" in Goodfellas. Fans of the 1990 Martin Scorsese mafia movie Goodfellas will recognize this line as the start of the scene known as “The Spider Situation,”(YouTube video link :::: CAUTION: VERY strong language and violence, NSFW) in which Tommy DeVito (the violently impulsive gangster played by Joe Pesci) orders a “Cutty and water” during a poker game from the mafia’s young kid bartender, Spider.  An elaborate miscommunication ensues,…

  • Supernova beings. Or at least lighter people.

    Alyson Khan
    29 Jan 2012 | 11:10 am
    Dear reader, I share with you, whoever you are, willing recipients or reluctant victims, my latest realization. Most of us (dare I say all of us) have mother issues. One of mine had to do with anger and blame relating to the fact that my mom worked a lot and as a result, I spent a lot of time with babysitters, at daycare homes and daycare centers. I lived in a nice home, had nice clothes, toys and things, and occasionally traveled–all of which I am truly thankful for. I know my mom did her best. And she really is a wonderful person (and grandma). Anyhoo, as I have gotten older and…

  • Chrome at the Superbowl

    Clayton Grow
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:25 am
    Now that I know my team isn’t in the Superbowl (sad face), I’ll be able to concentrate on many people’s favorite part of the Big Game: EATing.  And, of course, the Superbowl commercials. A clip of Google's Chrome 2011 Superbowl Ad. (Image courtesy of the interwebs.) One commercial from last year’s Big Game that managed to distract me during the breaks in the action was Google’s “Dear Sophie” ad.  It’s a heart-warming story about a dad documenting a whole bunch of memories of his daughter’s special moments growing up.  He uses, of course, Google’s Gmail in its…
 
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    Boondock Ramblings

  • I love the excitement in his eyes . . .

    lisaofboondocks
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:46 pm
    I love that snowfall still thrills my son. I love that he jumps up and down at the prospect of playing in the snow and especially that he excuses mommy for having become such a wimp and hating the snow. Jonathan loves to sled down a snowy hill and he especially loves it when he can do it with his Dad or his grandfather. Unlike his dad and I, Jonathan’s Grandfather, my dad, will go up and down that hill almost as many times as Jonathan wants. Dad turned 68 this month and didn’t seem as keen as going up and down that hill as he once did and even attempted to tire the kid out by…

  • Worrying about our electric bill…at the age of five

    lisaofboondocks
    26 Jan 2012 | 12:16 pm
    Jonathan did not want to go to bed at all. It was 12:30 and he still didn’t want to go to bed but was half out of it with exhaustion. He just kept talking and talking and talking. I had left the light on downstairs and realized it as we discussed that I was not going to read him a book before bed because of how late it was. “Man! This is the worst night ever!” he started to whine, almost in tears. “No book. I didn’t get to finish my show. …” “Well, at least our house didn’t burn down. We still have a house, right?” I said, trying to show him the good parts of the day.

  • I’m a stay-at-home-mom and a housewife. . .

    lisaofboondocks
    17 Jan 2012 | 11:43 pm
    That is a sort-of confession for me…the title. I seem to have trouble admitting it, embracing it and living it. Way back this is what I wanted — to be at home all day with my little boy. Now I am and I don’t seem to be coming to grips with it very well. I’m totally slacking off. I’m dreading housework. In fact, there are days I don’t even do any housework. It’s sad really. I can’t seem to admit that I have to be an adult and that THIS is my job. No,  not THIS, as in my blog, THIS as in my house and my son and the need to clean my house and…

  • He still likes hanging with his mama

    lisaofboondocks
    16 Jan 2012 | 11:00 pm
    Jonathan and I went to the playground a couple of weeks ago, on a rare warm day in January. Other parents  had the same idea and there were a few other children there. When we first arrived though, there was only one other little girl about Jonathan’s size and her baby brother with their parents. The girl spotted Jonathan and sprinted across the playground to greet him. He jumped back and she said, “Oh! Did I scare you?” It was the cutest thing coming out of the mouth of someone so young. Then she grabbed his hand and they were off, running across the playground and hiding…

  • Yoga and the boy who meditated for less than 30 seconds

    lisaofboondocks
    10 Jan 2012 | 12:02 am
    We (my dad, mom and son) visited a cousin of mine last week at her home, which doubles as her Yoga studio. She wanted some photographs of her studio and her to promote her business. Jonathan seemed to forget we were there for business and saw the studio space as a new and interesting playground. He ran from one side to the other side of the studio and slammed into Yoga pillows and fell onto the hard wood floor and I swore I was going to have to go to the ER with him. When my cousin was ready to do a few poses, Jonathan showed her what he’d been doing for awhile now — a pose from…
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    Funny and Jokes

  • A Man Walks Into A Bar With An Alligator On A Leash

    F&J Staff
    3 Feb 2012 | 2:23 pm
    The bartender says "You can't have that thing in here! Get out!" The guy says "It's okay, this Alligator is highly trained. Just give me a few seconds and I'll show you." The bartender, intrigued, gives him the go-ahead. The man gingerly lifts the alligator up onto a table. By this point, everybody in the bar is gawking at this strange man and his pet. The man grins around the room. Having a new audience, he clears his throat and says "This is Allie the Amazing Alligator, and he is so well-trained that I can do this," He balls up his fist and gives the alligator a swift crack on the head.

  • Those Dirty Pirates

    F&J Staff
    14 Jan 2012 | 10:26 am
    A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ''There's the plank for trouble makers, there's the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there's the barrel for all you sexual needs.'' ''Whatcha mean? my sexual needs?'' ''Well, you stick your willy in the hole and you'll be serviced, anytime you want, except for Wednesdays.'' ''What happens on Wednesdays?'' ''It's your turn in the barrel...'' This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved. Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:Yo Mama Is So Dirty Yo mama is so dirty she has to…

  • What A Scary Flight

    F&J Staff
    13 Jan 2012 | 3:46 pm
    After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that "we're just waiting for the pilots." The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke. The men board the plane and go into the cockpit. More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers. The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it's takeoff. As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the…

  • Getting Bank of America By The Balls

    F&J Staff
    21 Nov 2011 | 7:27 pm
    A little old lady walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks her how much she wanted to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady replies, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it right here in this bag..." The accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff…

  • The Eskimo and Scotsman

    F&J Staff
    3 Nov 2011 | 9:49 am
    One afternoon, in a land where Eskimos and Scotsman run into each other on the highway fairly often, an Eskimo was driving down the road when his truck breaks down. Shortly after, a friendly Scotsman pulls off to the side of the road to help him. Upon inspecting the smoking engine, the Scot proclaims to the Eskimo, "I looks like you blew a seal!" Abashed, the Eskimo replied, "Yeah! Well... you guys screw sheep!" This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved. Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:Travelling Ventriloquist On A Farm A travelling ventriloquist on the road in…
 
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    Nanny Goats in Panties

  • I Wish Facebook Had a Few More Filters

    Margaret
    6 Feb 2012 | 10:59 am
    I’m not a very political person. But my friend, Joe Political Extremist Guy, is and it can be overwhelming at times. So much hyperbole. So much anger. So much threatening to leave the country because anybody in power not aligned with his whichever-wing political views is bringing this nation down. The other guy is evil, yada yada yada. Here’s his Facebook page. Along with a few wish list items I have for Facebook in the Subscription Filtering Department. (Click on picture below to enlarge)

  • Goat Thing: Anonymous Mail and Curly the Nativity Goat

    Margaret
    3 Feb 2012 | 10:29 am
    I have no story for the following three goat pictures, only that someone named Lori sent them in with no words about them (or her. or anything.), so here are some no-name no-place goats for you to enjoy! These could be 2013 Calendar Contenders!     Which one is your favorite?   Goats in the News This article, called to my attention by fellow humor blogger Shari of Dusty Earth Mother,  appeared just after Christmas in The Huffington Post entitled “Goat Flees Nativity Scene, Still on the Lam“. I know, it’s a groaner. The story originated out of the Fergus Falls…

  • A Street Named R

    Margaret
    30 Jan 2012 | 10:36 am
    Sacramento’s downtown streets go from A to Z and one of them… is R. Oddly, it lies between Q and S Streets. R Street used to have a bunch of historic stuff, like back in the 1800s or something, including a railroad track that ran down it. Sometime during the 21st century, R Street went out and bought itself a $13 million renovation. And a new name: Historic R Street Corridor. Let’s go see its new crib. They kept the old tracks and erected an arch over 10th and R Streets. Sacramento, home of the 32 mile-long American River Bike Trail, promotes bike-friendliness, as well as…

  • Sticky Readers Now Available in More Formats and More Countries

    Margaret
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:09 pm
    Hi Kids! Just a quick update to let you know that my book, Sticky Readers, is now available on the Nook and iBook and Kobo and God knows what else in ebook formats (in addition to the already available Kindle). Also? I Am an Auteur! That’s right – Sticky Readers has spread across the globe. In France, I am an auteur:   And in Japan I’m a ペーパーバック. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to be a ペーパーバック. For a complete list of formats and where to buy Sticky Readers, go to the Where to Buy page on the Sticky Readers website.  …

  • Hooves on the Ground: Sacramento’s First Baconfest

    Margaret
    22 Jan 2012 | 4:07 pm
    Did that guy ever find out who the man was that put the Bop in the Bop-she-bop-she-bop? And if so, did he shake his hand? And if so, was it a firm handshake, or was it one of those flacid limp fish handshakes? Anyway, yesterday’s storm break (the one that followed nearly five inches of rain in certain parts of the foothills) provided a bright and sunny day for this weekend’s Inaugural Sacramento Baconfest of 2012. Outside the Magpie Cafe on R Street. And a bike rack. Ever since I first got word about the porky event, I shouted and touted and proclaimed I was going to the late…
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    Jokes Palace

  • Tourist From Bulgaria Joke

    Jerkoff
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:37 pm
    A tourist from Bulgaria visits the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration desk, he is visibly puzzled filling out his visa application. The immigration officer looks over the man’s shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write “Twice a week” into the small space labeled “SEX”. The officer explains “No, no, no… that isn’t what we mean by this question. We are asking ‘Male’ or ‘Female’.” “Does it matter?” the tourist answers.

  • True Meanings

    Jerkoff
    6 Feb 2012 | 2:02 am
    Statement: “I’m a Romantic.” True Meaning: “I’m poor.” Statement: “You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about.” True Meaning: “You’re the only girl who hasn’t rejected me.” Statement: “I really want to get to know you better.” True Meaning: “So I can tell my friends about it.” Statement: “She’s kinda cute.” True Meaning: “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary.” Statement: “I don’t know if I like…

  • 800 Posts Anniversary, What-the-fuck!

    Jerkoff
    3 Feb 2012 | 11:29 am
    All I remember is stumbling out of a bar and collapsing into a gutter. A month passes and I awake in the fetal position, remembering only kicks and jabs from the occasional curious passerby. It was at this moment, while examining my frozen vomit stained sweater, that I recalled owning a joke site needing one more post to celebrate its 800 posts anniversary. Damn it, the web site was beckoning me to get back in the driver’s seat and start farting out new material. Fuzzy headed and languishing in the aftermath of a drunken orgy, I have devised the next chapter of Jokes Palace.

  • Invisible Tape Picture

    Jerkoff
    13 Dec 2011 | 11:19 am

  • Virgin Old Maid Joke

    Jerkoff
    9 Dec 2011 | 1:18 pm
    In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: “Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin.” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the bastards they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote “Returned unopened.”
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    mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys

  • Surreal Morning

    admin
    9 Feb 2012 | 6:33 am
    I hate it when the day starts off non-Euclidian, and then just gets weirder. It’s a straight line to humor at Alltop.

  • Ask General Kang: Should I be afraid of the semicolon?

    admin
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:30 am
    Do you mean the form of punctuation, or what happens to your lower intestines after you’ve eaten improperly prepared Thringian Gitworm sashimi? Because if you’ve eaten bad ThriGit sashimi, and its still-living spawn are now lunching on your colon, then … Continue reading →

  • Survival Tips for Tiny and Polite Humans

    admin
    7 Feb 2012 | 8:45 am
    If you happen to live on one of the many planets inhabited by CEOs, you may find yourself wondering: “how do I not get eaten?” You may also wonder if there is sunblock powerful enough to prevent dermal incineration when … Continue reading →
 
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    Motherwise Cracks

  • Another Birthday Looms

    Mary
    8 Feb 2012 | 6:49 pm
    Yes, it’s about that time again and to celebrate, I went to the DMV to have my license photo retaken. The last one was taken when I was pregnant with my son. He is 21 now. At the time, I was embarrassed of the way I looked in it because I was heavier than usual due to being seven months pregnant. Through the years, it magically made me look thinner and thinner to where I actually preferred it to the real thing. It was only the 90s permed hair that made me decide to go for the re-take. Ugh. It left me wishing for the ability to Photoshop my official NYS photo like I do for family…

  • More Wine

    Mary
    22 Jan 2012 | 2:49 pm
    Since the last batch of wine making was such a success, the kids went to Fredonia, NY to get some more grape juice to make even more wine. That means our upstairs bathroom will once again become a wine cellar. The kids have no space to make this wine, this time even a greater amount than before, and once again the parents will become foster vintners. My first thought was that I’d rather have grandchildren but then the wine turned out pretty good this last time, there were no diapers involved or screaming so I am okay with it. Your browser does not support the video tag My…

  • The Return of Cat Woman

    Mary
    29 Dec 2011 | 11:23 pm
    While my daughters are having a grand old time in Australia, leaving me to worry, I do have the added luxury of cat sitting during their vacation down under. (What do I worry about? Besides just about everything, that is a boatload of water to fly over for a vey long time.) This cat hates me but it’s nothing personal – she hates everyone. And just when I thought my refereeing days were over, doesn’t this cat decide to feud with my cat. This is all taking place throught a window as my cat is an outside cat and this one is an indoor cat. The big difference between fighting…

  • And So This Is Bitchy

    Mary
    28 Dec 2011 | 12:01 pm
    What would you do if your packages were delivered onto a wet soggy porch when your front door with a dry covered porch is ten, count ‘em, ten steps to the right? All year long, the packages get delivered to the covered front porch until Christmas, when they get plopped into a puddle by the side door that is just a tad closer to the delivery truck. I made this sign to help the delivery guys out. I wanted to be very clear as to where to leave packages. That way, my $75 canvas photo delivered in a cardboard box wouldn’t get ruined, which would mean I would call the delivery service…

  • Ghosts of Christmases Past

    Mary
    26 Dec 2011 | 3:42 pm
    When the kids were younger, I limited their TV viewing time because I was very mean and wanted them to grow up with at least half a brain. When I did let them watch TV, it wasn’t just anything on the tube, the shows had to be suitable – to me, of course. One of their favorites were the KidSongs videos and songs and we played the videos over and over until you could probably see through the tape. They often will reminisce about some of the songs so when I happened to stumble upon the KidSongs site with downloadable songs to record to a CD or an iPod, I couldn’t resist.
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    Fun Junction : Place for Funny Jokes, Images, SMS, Videos, Quotes and Liners n lot more fun things

  • RE: fun-junction.blogspot.com

    Bollywood
    24 Jan 2012 | 12:23 pm
    Hello, Let's do a 3-way link swap with your website http://fun-junction.blogspot.com. I'll give you two links in exchange for one from you. 3-way linking is a very effective link building strategy. Since you're getting the links from third party websites, they appear totally natural to search engines. Such inbound links help your website rank higher in Google and other search engines. Visit

  • RE: fun-junction.blogspot.com

    Bollywood
    19 Dec 2011 | 1:35 pm
    Hello, Let's do a 3-way link swap with your website http://fun-junction.blogspot.com. I'll give you two links in exchange for one from you. 3-way linking is a very effective link building strategy. Since you're getting the links from third party websites, they appear totally natural to search engines. Such inbound links help your website rank higher in Google and other search engines. Visit

  • RE: fun-junction.blogspot.com

    Bollywood
    7 Dec 2011 | 9:27 pm
    Hello, Let's do a 3-way link swap with your website http://fun-junction.blogspot.com. I'll give you two links in exchange for one from you. 3-way linking is a very effective link building strategy. Since you're getting the links from third party websites, they appear totally natural to search engines. Such inbound links help your website rank higher in Google and other search engines. Visit

  • What Do Animals Want ??

    pratik
    25 Sep 2010 | 3:15 pm
    These pics has made me a bit crazy...omg!!

  • Benefit of Fast Drinking

    pratik
    19 Dec 2009 | 10:17 am
    A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's
 
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    MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

  • House To Close Its Doors (Limerick)

    madkane
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:20 am
    Fox’s medical drama House is finally coming to an end. So it’s confession time: I hate House. In fact, I loathe all medical dramas, doctor comedies, and any other show about sick people. Why? Because the mere mention of symptoms makes me start feeling them. So if I want to avoid real life doctors, I have to stay far away from the fake ones. House To Close Its Doors (Limerick) By Madeleine Begun Kane Though it’s not my intention to grouse, I detest doctor dramas, like House: TV ailments and ills Make me itch, give me chills. WebMD, here I come — Where’s my mouse?

  • Haiku Quartet

    madkane
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:10 pm
    An “Acrostic Fly Haiku,” as suggested by Acrostics Only: Free-floating on air, Light as a feather, it soars, Yielding to a swat. ***** A “Relief Haiku,” as suggested by Sensational Haiku Wednesday: Writing on deadline— no ideas, none, nada. Then, at last, relief. ***** Forking over rent— More than many can handle if they like food too. ***** Crafting a poem takes work, skill, art, cleverness. Damn … I left out wit.

  • Off One’s Game Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

    madkane
    4 Feb 2012 | 11:07 pm
    It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.) How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.) I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next…

  • Limerick of the Week (47)

    madkane
    4 Feb 2012 | 11:06 pm
    It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions: Congratulations to JIM DELANEY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse: The chairman was trying to lead An attack upon corporate greed, But his own compensation Would fund a small nation — Not quite the credentials you need. And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Neal Pattison, Bruce Niedt, Edmund Conti,…

  • Super Bowl 2012 Limerick

    madkane
    4 Feb 2012 | 4:14 pm
    While hubby Mark and I are New Yorkers, Mark went to college in Boston — Northeastern University. So, with the New York Giants and the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl, you’d think he might be conflicted. My limerick explains why he isn’t: Super Bowl 2012 Limerick By Madeleine Begun Kane My husband is ready to gaze At the Super Bowl game in a haze. With junk food and beer, For New England he’ll cheer. We’re New Yorkers. The Giants are strays.
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    iambossy.com

  • Face Off

    BOSSY
    6 Feb 2012 | 7:58 pm
    Recently Bossy went to a Skincare Specialist, which is not the same as a Dermatologist, because Bossy did that too. The difference is: one has built a career attending to all of the latest clinical techniques and procedures associated with elasticity, longevity, and rejuvenation — and one is a skin doctor. Bossy’s skin has never given her much trouble, but as she ages — and this is strange — her skin gets old. And so Bossy was looking for advice regarding the most effective management routine given her limited resources. After analyzing Bossy’s skin along with…

  • Yet Another Little Known Fact

    BOSSY
    5 Feb 2012 | 2:48 pm
    This is Bossy dancing down yet another Soul Train Line at a blog conference in Chicago five years ago.

  • Thank You Don Cornelius

    BOSSY
    5 Feb 2012 | 2:43 pm
    When Bossy was a girl she never missed an episode of Soul Train, a music variety show featuring R&B, soul, funk, disco, gospel, dunk, fosgel, and risco. The series was created in 1971 by its first host and executive producer, Don Cornelius. It wasn’t so much the fashion Bossy tuned in to see, or even the first glimpse of unknown artists who would later become huge. Plain and simple, Bossy watched Soul Train because she loved the Soul Train line. For those who aren’t familiar with a Soul Train Line because your solar capsule just landed on Neptune — or you are pleasingly…

  • Yet Another Little Known Fact

    BOSSY
    31 Jan 2012 | 8:55 pm
    This is the sink in the break room at Bossy’s office after, oh, twenty minutes. Caffeine drives the economy.

  • Childhood Fears Real And Imagined But Mostly Real

    BOSSY
    31 Jan 2012 | 8:46 pm
    When Bossy was a girl she was told you could never look in the direction of anyone welding because your eyes would burn. So basically Bossy spent her childhood navigating a cityscape of blowtorches, terrified even the smallest amount of peeking would result in the riotous downfall of civilization. Or Bossy’s retina in flames, whichever came first. But then Bossy saw this: And Bossy began to think along the lines of: If Jennifer Beals can dominate a blowtorch maybe Bossy could sneak a very small look. Also in Bossy’s childhood, she was told if she stared at a full moon on a…
 
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    CAP News

  • Romney Super PAC Begins Vote Buying Campaign

    9 Feb 2012 | 10:12 am
    WASHINGTON (CAP) - In a bold attempt to wrap up the Republican presidential primary, the Romney Super PAC, Restore Our Future, has announced its intention to buy votes from American citizens in the open market. While disavowing any connection to the Super PAC or its strategy, Romney noted that the idea was a splendid example of free market capitalism. "Next to their homes, which have already been bought and foreclosed, citizens' votes are one of the most valuable commodities they have," Romney said. "Why shouldn't they be able to sell them?" To this point, the Romney campaign been using what…

  • Santorum Big Gay Award Winner

    8 Feb 2012 | 9:15 am
    SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) - Nationally know gay lifestyle magazine StudBunnies has awarded its highest honor - Pretty Boy Of The Year - to an unlikely person: Republican party presidential candidate Rick Santorum. At a press conference held at the StudBunnies Ranch just outside of San Francisco, magazine co-founders Mo Lawrence and Lance Delgado explained their controversial choice. "When we first set out to do Pretty Boy Of The Year, we intentionally made it apolitical," said Lawrence. "It's all about the beefcake, baby." "Think Miss America without the talent, tits or tiaras," chimed in Delgado.

  • Report: Most Teens Can't Recognize A Newspaper

    7 Feb 2012 | 8:07 am
    ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (CAP) - A new study out of the Poynter Institute shows that more than 80 percent of teenagers don't recognize a newspaper even when one is placed directly in front of them. Presented with a series of publications and periodicals, most of the 300 subjects between the ages of 13 and 17 could identify comic books, videogame instruction manuals and magazines such as Sports Illustrated and Cosmo. But shown a newspaper, the majority said they'd never seen one before and could not identify its purpose. "Dude, I know that looks familiar," said participant Josh Zwybeck, 16, when…

  • Scientists Find Pink Dye Doesn't Cure Cancer

    6 Feb 2012 | 8:20 am
    CAMBRIDGE (CAP) - Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), following a five-year study, have come to the startling conclusion that, contrary to popular belief, dyeing everyday products pink does not actually contribute to curing or even treating breast cancer. "It's been commonly thought for years that carrying a pink water bottle or pen or iPod case, or wearing a pink t-shirt or hat with a pink ribbon on it, contributed directly to the successful treatment and even the eventual cure of breast cancer," said MIT researcher Dr. Roderick Crawford. "It turns out a patient's…

  • [audio] Vitaschlong

    4 Feb 2012 | 6:19 am
    If you've got some extracurricular activities planned for the weekend and want some help making a mountain out of your mole hill, try the one product guaranteed to be a big deal.
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    Renal Failure

  • There is no honesty in your vicious violation of my person

    renalfailure
    6 Feb 2012 | 9:43 pm
    We’ve realized at this late stage of the Republican primaries that we’ve taken a swing at all the remaining candidates at one point or another.  Mitt Romney got smacked down by Tag Larkin back in 2008.  We recently slapped Newt Gringich around for that time his press secretary wrote something out of a bargain-bin fantasy novel (and then there was the time in ’09 when he claimed good Christians like him were surrounded by paganism because he didn’t know how math worked)  Rick Santorum’s been getting the business from us since 2006 when he marched his mortified…

  • No ribbon will protect you from getting stabbed in the face

    renalfailure
    5 Feb 2012 | 12:45 pm
    Ninja Vicki appears in my kitchen with a clipboard.  That’s what ninjas do.  One moment there’s no ninja, the next BAM!  Ninja.  I’m used to it. “I need you to sponsor me for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure out by the park next week,”  says Ninja Vicki. “I didn’t know you were a runner,”  I say.  “At least not a distance runner.  I could see you as a really good sprinter though.” “I’m not running in it, I’m murdering people in it,”  says Ninja Vicki. *blink* *blink* “So you’re going…

  • Halfway to Retirement

    renalfailure
    28 Jan 2012 | 9:40 am
    Unlike the rest of the time when I don’t post, I have a good reason not to post anything for the next day or so: today’s my birthday. And with birthdays for members of Portuguese Intelligence comes great responsibility.  I will be out in the field, combing the city on an important mission: drinking to protect the free world. Maybe there’s some female operatives I can convince to return to the safe house with me for debriefing.  That’s the sort of mission creep I can get behind. It’s the last year of my early thirties.  Doesn’t feel like anything. …

  • Their Fourth of July is in January

    renalfailure
    26 Jan 2012 | 6:41 pm
    So it’s Australia Day today.  Yes, we celebrate Australia Day here at Renal Failure because our number one fan Nursemyra lives there, and that’s about all we know about Australia Day, or Australia.  No, we know a few other things, like Kylie Minogue’s from Australia too. Anyway, we’re going to celebrate the Nursemyra way, and that means getting our Renal Failure girls into corsets.  This is easier said than done. “I wear nothing tighter than the lycra shorts I wear when I do charity bike events,”  says Tina the Lesbian.  “Except for that one time…

  • Distracted in the Twelve… Much Like We Were in the Eleven

    renalfailure
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:26 pm
    Right… so we haven’t posted in a while.  No, we didn’t black-out to protest that bill that will kill the Internet.  We just got distracted during a stretch where nothing in the news triggered the right kind of rage. But things have been happening since we last posted, so let’s bring you up to speed… So Mikka’s gotten some full-time temp work, which is like working full time except you get no paid vacation, or paid sick days, or benefits.  But at least there’s the chance that this position at the General Tso’s Chicken Sauce Factory could turn…
 
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    Jokes2Go Daily Humor

  • Today's Poem

    8 Feb 2012 | 6:05 pm
    There once was a lady from Salem Who used to take cocks and inhale 'em. The fruits of these feats: Pubic hairs from her teeth Were saved until Fall when she'd bale 'em.

  • Today's Joke

    8 Feb 2012 | 6:05 pm
    Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? Sister: He thinks he's a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken? Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

  • Today's Story

    8 Feb 2012 | 6:05 pm
    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

  • Today's Quote

    8 Feb 2012 | 6:05 pm
    When doctors and undertakers meet, they always wink at each other. - W. C. Fields
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    Jokes - jokes4all.net!

  • A guy walks into a bar. ...

    9 Feb 2012 | 12:59 pm
    A guy walks into a bar.Guy: "Hey, barkeeper, give me a beer."Barkeeper: "Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I will give you a free beer and $500."So the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.Guy: "Where's my $500 and free beer?"Barkeeper: "Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry."The guy walks outside again. The barkeep chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.Guy: "Alright, where's my $1000 and two free…

  • Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?

    9 Feb 2012 | 10:59 am
    Why is playing the viola like peeing in your pants?They both give you a nice warm feeling without making any sound.

  • Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman ...

    9 Feb 2012 | 8:59 am
    Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am,…

  • Why does a man have a hole in the end of his penis?

    9 Feb 2012 | 6:59 am
    Why does a man have a hole in the end of his penis?To get oxygen to his brain!

  • A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've ...

    9 Feb 2012 | 4:59 am
    A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked."Because every time I talk to a woman with beautiful tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere"
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    Buffet o' Blog

  • caption contest, traffic jam

    Buffet o' Blog
    7 Feb 2012 | 10:02 am
    Another week, another caption contest.  This time we have a huge amount of cars lined up at what looks like a gas station.  Of course, they can be lined up for anything you might imagine.  Or maybe the situation is something completely different.  You can invent whatever context you want. (To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.) Filed under: Say What?

  • funny pictures, episode 13, baby edition

    Buffet o' Blog
    6 Feb 2012 | 12:04 pm
    There’s been more talk about babies around here lately, so I figured why not have a baby edition of funny pictures. Surely there’s a lot of people who enjoy funny baby pictures, so this is something for them. I've actually been looking at baby strollers of late, but I'm fairly certain my wife wouldn't go for one like this. She doesn't seem to understand that sometimes you need to go off-road. I realize that's not normal for baby strollers, but if they had tires like this, maybe people would more often... Here's another neat baby stroller / carriage,…

  • dramatic victory celebration

    Buffet o' Blog
    3 Feb 2012 | 12:31 am
    I recently watched an epic tennis match with a great celebration, and it reminded me of regular reader (and friend of the blog) Rurouni Kenneth.  Here’s the actual context, if you’re interested.  Novak Djokovic had just played 5 hours and 53 minutes against Rafael Nadal to win the 2012 Australian Open championship.  It was an legendary match, and I cannot imagine how tiring it had to be.  Here’s the last point and the ensuing celebration. I figure that’s how Rurouni Kenneth will celebrate if he ever beats me in tennis.  I’m willing to give him his props if…

  • caption contest, van crashed in store window

    Buffet o' Blog
    30 Jan 2012 | 11:36 pm
    Caption contest!  This week’s photo features a delivery truck crashed into the storefront of a Chinese restaurant called Fat Duck Surprise.  It’s up to you to figure out what happened and why.  And remember you can consider multiple perspectives, even from people not in the picture. (To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.) Filed under: Say What?

  • a shout-out to Mango-Man

    Buffet o' Blog
    29 Jan 2012 | 11:02 pm
    This is Thomas Wayne, preempting your regularly scheduled blog posting.  I just wanted to give a big shout-out to my BFF, Mango-Man, for helping me move some furniture the other day.  I repaid him in homemade nachos (and I think he got the better deal, because my cheese dip is legendary). In case you aren’t aware, BFF when used by guys stands for Big Fat Friend.  Filed under: Embellished Memoirs of My Life
 
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    Luggage Tuesdays

  • From the Editor: Aristotele

    3 Feb 2012 | 11:28 pm

  • Waiter, There's A Fly in My Soup!

    2 Feb 2012 | 10:15 am
    Restaurant Patron: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Shh! Not so loud, then everybody'll want one. Patron: What, they would want flies? Waiter: No, service. Nostradamus the Waiter: Doing the backstroke, sir. Restaurant Patron: Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup -- hey, wait a minute?! Restaurant Patron: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Sir, you're eating a sandwich. Patron: It happened last week! Restaurant Patron: Waiter, what would you recommend? Fly (disguised as the waiter): Try the soup. Restaurant Patron: Waiter, there's a pony in my soup! Waiter: A little horse?

  • Plug: SF Sketchfest 2012

    24 Jan 2012 | 10:57 am
    I'll be performing two shows this week at the 2012 San Francisco Sketchfest:  Wednesday, January 25th, 8pm at the Eureka Theater, it's Laundry Basket & Spiegelman & Friends, starring the comedy duo of Laundry Basket and Spiegelman, with special guests Comedian 4D the Time-Traveling Professional Road Comic, and Rip Van Winkle, America's First Comedian (Rip originally appeared here in Luggage Tuesdays). Tickets. Updated 1/29: Photos from the show are online here and here! Sunday, January 29th, I will be cohosting Bad Movie Night with Jim Fourniadis and Sherilyn Connelly at the…

  • Broken Promises

    19 Jan 2012 | 11:29 pm
    I promise to go to bed right after this cup of coffee. I promise, while dealing narcotics, to honestly answer the question, "Is this shit good?" I promise to floss my teeth.

  • Recycled Twitter Jokes: Taboo from Black Eyed Peas

    13 Jan 2012 | 10:12 am
    When I'm really bored, I'll pretend I'm Taboo from the Black-Eyed Peas. Hey, guys, it's me, Taboo, from the Black-Eyed Peas. Remember that BEP song that doesn't make you kill yourself? I wrote that! Taboo from Black-Eyed Peas, here, promoting my memoir, Fallin' Up. My favorite part? The photos of myself. LOL! Just kidding! (Not kidding). Members of Black Eyed Peas, in descending order of popularity: Fergie, will.i.am, apl.de.ap, photo of Fergie peeing on stage, Taboo. Taboo trivia: The Black Eyed Peas hired Taboo after the band's auto-tuner committed suicide. How did Taboo from the Black Eyed…
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    PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

  • The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

    Kerry
    8 Feb 2012 | 1:51 pm
    If only there were a simple solution to this problem… related: PC Load Letter?!

  • The Vicar of Glibly

    Kerry
    6 Feb 2012 | 11:05 pm
    Spotted by George outside his local church in East London: related: He died for your clip art

  • Do any of your little meat-eating friends want a cat?

    Kerry
    5 Feb 2012 | 6:49 pm
    You might recall this epic note — the obnoxious vegan roommate who “forbade” her roommate from bringing animal products into the apartment. Our original submitter writes in to say that since that showdown, she decided to move out (in favor of a more omnivore-friendly living environment). “After almost five months of zero communication,” she reports, “my ex-roomie started texting me out of nowhere. It appears her vegan fanaticism is still putting her at odds with others.” related: My self-righteous vegan roommate

  • Wanted: Justice, with a side of fries.

    Kerry
    2 Feb 2012 | 9:02 pm
    A few days ago, says our submitter in Louisiana, a co-worker left her meal on the lunchroom table while she went to the restroom. When she came back, she discovered that some brazen mo-fo had jacked her sandwich, leaving the empty bag behind. “Being from the Creative Marketing department,” our submitter says, “she decided to fight back against the food thief with this.” related: Creative approaches to food thievery

  • …and then there’s the glass half-full approach.

    Kerry
    1 Feb 2012 | 7:57 pm
    There’s the typical New York City note… And then there’s the Willamette Valley way… related: Completely valid rebuttals
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    Guyism » Humor

  • Indian newspaper publishes hilariously insensitive Chris Brown joke

    Chris Spags
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:00 pm
    The Times of India published this in their “silly joke” section of the paper. It makes fun of Chris Brown’s penchant for domestic violence and, as a result, is probably not a silly joke. The Washington Post points out that the Times of India has done this before; a previous joke referenced a racial epithet for black people. If I were a woman in India, a country in which 70% of women find themselves a victim of domestic violence, I’d probably be livid. Especially because these jokes are right next to the latest comics from “Hi and Lois” and…

  • VIDEO: FOX affiliate gets confused about who is being interviewed about sex

    Chris Spags
    9 Feb 2012 | 9:39 am
    Note to local news stations: When interviewing sex experts, make sure you’re speaking to whom you thought you’d be speaking to. For some reason, people don’t like it when you plug the wrong book and mention the wrong people during a live interview. Example: This clip from San Diego’s KSWB. In related news, I’d trust this guy with teaching me “advanced sexual maneuvers” like I’d trust a plumber to teach me advanced HTML 5 programming. Maybe this dude’s a dynamo slinging wood all over like a Musketeer with a sword, I don’t know. But he…

  • VIDEO: Kid takes pepper spray, paintball gun, kick to groin, and more

    Chris Spags
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:30 pm
    Have you ever wanted to see someone combine their love of being physically abused with their equal passion for ill-fitting suits? This clip of some guy getting shot by a paintball gun, getting pepper sprayed, and more should suffice. In related news, this kid is really smart because his suit really distracts you from how horrible he is at life. Normally you’d associate what this kid is doing with someone of a far lesser social class. But he’s wearing that suit so, obviously, he’s a gentleman through and through. A gentleman covered in paint and pepper spray with ruptured…

  • VIDEO: Guy wears blackface to ask BYU students about Black History Month

    Chris Spags
    8 Feb 2012 | 1:30 pm
    In the annals of bad ideas, this one has to be a 2012 leader in the clubhouse: In this clip, a “comedian” named Dave Ackerman puts on blackface to ask Brigham Young University students about Black History Month. And, wow. It is not pretty. This is so alarmingly unfunny and racially insensitive that it has to be some sort of double reverse flip troll or something. Are we the ones who are the racists? Do black people actually exist? Who am I supposed to thank for the many uses of peanuts? He’s like a young Andy Kaufman, only with tastelessness and shoddy face paint in lieu of…

  • How to build Ikea furniture while drinking heavily

    Joe Donatelli
    8 Feb 2012 | 11:30 am
    You know how you do something stupid, tell yourself you’ll never to do it again, let a lot of time lapse and then do that stupid thing again? That’s me and Ikea. I needed a dresser and it had been about a decade since I’d stepped foot inside an Ikea. I had completely forgotten (blocked from memory?) what an awful experience it is, from having to park miles from the store’s entrance, to having to lug giant boxes to the checkout aisle on your own to the inscrutable assembly instructions and fourth-rate parts. Ikea is the crazy girl you hooked up with freshman year, forgot about, and…
 
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    Regretful Morning » Drinking stories, walks of shame, Funny videos

  • Sara Jean Underwood drops your jaw in GIF format

    Jason
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    Sara Jean Underwood first graced the pages of Playboy in 2005. Since then, the 27 year old has been on a hot streak that could rival that of a glass breaking hot streak in NBA Jam. Everyone who owned a Sega Genesis is giving me a nod right now.  So buckle your chinstraps and close [...]

  • A very colorful weatherman

    Jason
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:00 am
    A video has gone viral of a weatherman that really enjoys his job. I honestly hope that the suits at the station don’t see this as a bad thing. If this guy lived in my hometown, I’d be watching the weather simply to get my pop culture updates.

  • How do I get back at my mom?

    Jason
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:03 pm
    You know Eric, I’d say keep doing what you’re doing.  It’s original, shocking, and it really makes your mom think twice about pissing you off.  You can try toasted English muffins or peanut brittle if you want to change it up, but I think you’ve got a winning formula.

  • Japan Has Some Pretty Sweet Buses (8 pics)

    Jason
    8 Feb 2012 | 3:00 pm
    If you were forced to ride the school bus in the states growing up, you would’ve had a dull ride on a long boring Twinkie, 5 days a week.  Japan has obviously figured this out, and decided to spice up their buses.  I guess their thinking is, if the bus looks awesome, kids might get [...]

  • Rachel Aldana takes the word “busty” to a whole new level

    Jason
    8 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    This 24 year old busty beauty has been carrying around Britain’s “biggest natural breasts” title since she turned 18. Cashing in on her natural gifts, the young hair dresser runs a site packed full of hi-res boob shots that are bound to fill up an entire evening.  Trust me, usually I finish these fairly quickly.  [...]
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    Id Rather Be Blogging

  • Wordless Wednesday: Told ya

    Maureen
    18 Jan 2012 | 2:45 pm
    (NOTE: this is a continuation of the last post....)

  • Back to Normal

    Maureen
    8 Jan 2012 | 10:51 am
    Ah, the holidays. The time of year when everything seems to go, well, "wonky". Everything gets interrupted by special activities, special sales, special music, special decor and special meals. Don't get me wrong ... I LOVE the holidays. But I also love to get back to "normal" afterwards. Normal schedules, normal activities, yup, even normal TV.... But this? This is definitely NOT "normal" for January in Winterpeg: "Normal" for January here is oh, about - 40 C... And even stranger, for the first time not only am I feeding the bunnies in our yard (as documented LAST YEAR), it seems someone…

  • Makes Me Proud to be a Winnipegger

    Maureen
    6 Dec 2011 | 8:42 am
    I am a Winnipegger and I love it here. I love the snow at Christmas. I love the parks. I love our vast multi-culturalism. I love our painted Polar Bear statues. I love the graceful Canada Geese when they fill the sky each fall. But what makes my heart soar is when someone like THIS bursts onto the scene from my hometown: Merry Christmas Everyone!

  • iSad

    Maureen
    6 Oct 2011 | 7:58 am
    Like millions of others, Steve Jobs changed my life. Back in the 80's, my first experience with an Apple computer was on the job here at a Univerisity-based hospital. Because we are a teaching facility, I learned computer animation programming on an $ 85,000 (yep, that's THOUSAND dollars) Apple to create a simulation for instructing nurses on how to use a new infusion pump. It was incredibly COOL. It made me dream of having my very own Apple, but alas, I would have to wait. And wait. And wait. The new millennium arrived and my very first Apple came in the form of my iPod. Now I could listen…

  • Make It Stop Now!

    Maureen
    4 Oct 2011 | 10:05 am
    GAAA!!!! Stop. Please. Go Away. Leave me alone! Stop knocking on my door. Stop calling me EVERY.FREAKING.NIGHT for some psuedo "poll" you are holding just to get my name on your sucker voter list. It's only been a month since it was officially called, but I am sick and tired of Election radio ads. Election TV ads. Election print ads. So here it is Election Day in Manitoba. The day I foolishly thought the craziness would mercifully stop. Nope. They continue, even after the polls opened. I wistfully long for the days gone by when they were ordered by law to stop the mud-slinging 24 hours in…
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    WordPress.com News

  • New Themes: Splendio and Suburbia

    Michelle Langston
    7 Feb 2012 | 12:00 pm
    Happy Tuesday! We’ve got two unique free themes for you today, and they are quite a study in contrasts. Our first theme, Splendio, dazzles with an unconventional yet stylish design from Design Disease that pops out of the box — literally. How you use this theme is limited only by your imagination! It comes loaded with features: six widget areas (one in the right sidebar and up to five in the footer), featured header images, and a custom background. In addition, there’s a showcase page template (pictured in the screenshot above) that includes a featured slider for sticky posts,…

  • Post Videos from Your iPhone or iPad

    Gary
    3 Feb 2012 | 5:01 am
    Would you like to post videos to your blog while you’re on the go? Are you interested in a photography theme that’s also video-friendly? Well, look no further, because we have some news for you. The VideoPress upgrade, which allows you to upload and embed your own videos on your blog, now comfortably handles videos from iPhones and iPads. You can shoot vertically or horizontally, and we’ll take care of rotating it for you so that your video looks great when it’s published on your site. If you don’t already have VideoPress on your WordPress.com account, head on…

  • New Themes: Currents and Debut

    Takashi Irie
    2 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Today, I’m excited to introduce the latest additions to our collection of premium themes. Designed by Andy Rutledge, Currents, is a responsive, minimal yet attractive premium theme from WooThemes. Currents is perfect for news driven sites. The phrase, “less is more” couldn’t be more true. This clean and minimal design maximises your reader’s focus on the content. Having said that, the theme is packed with many customization options — a wide featured post slider, custom news areas, six alternative color styles, and more. Together, all of these features help…

  • Import from Tumblr in 3 Easy Steps

    Peter Westwood
    2 Feb 2012 | 6:06 am
    We’ve recently noticed that a fair number of you have been bringing your tumblelogs over from Tumblr to WordPress.com using one of the variety of Tumblr to WXR conversion tools which exist on the web. We thought you would appreciate an easier way to import your content, so we bring you 3 easy steps to import your content. Authenticate with Tumblr To bring your tumblelog’s content to WordPress.com, head to Tools → Import in your WordPress.com dashboard and look for the Tumblr importer. If you don’t already have an account here on WordPress.com then head over and sign up…

  • Chrome Users: Try the WordPress.com Extension

    Christopher Finke
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:54 pm
    Want to receive WordPress.com notifications instantly, even when you’re not on WordPress.com? Add the new WordPress.com extension for Chrome and as soon as you get a new follower or a new like on one of your posts, a notification will appear in your browser: Simply click the icon to view your latest WordPress.com notifications: Start following new blogs without visiting WordPress.com The Chrome extension also makes it easy to follow sites from your WordPress.com account by displaying a Follow button whenever you’re browsing a site that has an RSS feed. Clicking the Follow button…
 
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    Photoshop Disaster Images & Mistakes

  • Live it Up in Our Spacetime Rift

    yoursharona
    8 Feb 2012 | 9:58 am
    All three women scream in horror as their sum understanding of general physics is dashed to pieces before their eyes. The double-amputee in the water, however, is happy just to be here. The pool’s weightless buoyancy helps him… forget. (Found here: http://www.imperialpalace.com/casinos/imperial-palace/hotel-casino/property-home.shtml) This post was submitted by yoursharona.

  • Stadtreinigung Hamburg

    Max
    2 Feb 2012 | 9:46 pm
    Hamburg’s municipal city snow removal is advertising in a German magazine. More than 900 will be deployed this winter or whatever the cloned equivalent is. This post was submitted by Max.

  • Vanderbilt Afraid of Cleavage

    Peter Sake
    1 Feb 2012 | 8:50 am
    Vanderbilt University’s law school apparently disapproved of one of their professor’s décolletage. But it’s okay, two minutes with Microsoft Paint and it all went away! Original is here: http://law.vanderbilt.edu/features/amanda-rose/index.aspx or on the slide show on the front page. This post was submitted by Peter Sake.

  • UOL Disaster

    Guido Possi
    30 Jan 2012 | 4:29 am
    Well, well, well! What do we have here? This could almost work out, if only the hand on the right would match the rest of the skin colour. Link: http://cursosonline.uol.com.br/#rmcl This post was submitted by Guido Possi.

  • Holding Your Breath

    L.Y
    19 Jan 2012 | 9:15 am
    Cute! Look as skinny as you wish…just hold your breath in. Found here http://guessbymarciano.guess.ca/Catalog/View/P14I1000000 This post was submitted by L.Y.
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    The Offended Blogger

  • The “Birth Control? Jawohl!!” Offensive

    Chelle B.
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:39 pm
    So as you may or may not know, I am learning to sprechen zee Deutsch (hey, I want to be prepared in case they actually do take over the world next time!) but between you and me, I think I’d be better off learning how to master the English language first. Or I should at least keep my filthy mind out of zee gütter while I’m doing so. For instance, it took me a loooong time to figure out that what Rosetta Stone was telling me this guy and his dogs were doing wasn’t completely effing perverted and bordering on illegal here in Amerika: In case you are wondering, wacht sounds…
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    Stuff Christians Like - Jon Acuff

  • Surviving church as a single.

    jon acuff
    9 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    We are mere days away from Valentine’s Day and I must share a brief confession. Single adults, I have failed you. Although I’ve written a handful of ideas about being single at church, I’ve never really done that topic justice. So today, I created a list of all the different stereotypes and challenges singles have to navigate when they go to church. From the “get married right this second” friends to the “this guy has a pulse and so do you so maybe that’s enough in common to fall in love” friends, it’s all here. And I can’t take credit for it. I read your comments…

  • Does God want you to be miserable?

    jon acuff
    8 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    When people talk to me about geography in Nashville, I do one of two things: 1. I nod my head and pretend I know what part of the city they are referring to. 2. I tell them, “I don’t know where that is. We just moved here.” Neither one of those two responses is entirely true. Pretending I know is not true and saying we just moved here isn’t true. We’ve lived here for 18 months. So why don’t I know my way around town yet? Because I kissed geography goodbye when I was a kid. I decided a long time ago that I didn’t have room in my head for street names or directions or addresses. I…

  • Taking a chaperone with you on a date.

    jon acuff
    7 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    There are some Christian colleges that require you to take a school appointed chaperone with you if go out on a date with somebody. I have so many questions about that practice: 1. Do you get to choose the chaperone who goes with you? Like, what if everyone hates Brian the chaperone cause he chews with his mouth open at dinner, and he talks during movies? Do you get to refuse to have Brian and, instead, get to audition other chaperones? “Bill, I’d love to have you along on this date I’m about to go on, but it was a little pitchy for me, dawg.” 2. Do they sit at the table with you…

  • The digital version of plucking out your eye.

    jon acuff
    6 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    When I was a kid, I was terrified of Mark 2:47. (If you didn’t grow up in the church, that kind of sounds like the name of a robot. In the movie Short Circuit, the robot was called “Johnny 5.” Maybe I’m just deathly afraid of robots with human names.) Here’s what Mark 2:47 actually says: “And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell.” The thing I was most afraid of was the word “pluck.” That is such a casual word. I had this fear that one day I’d be watching a…

  • Church Greeter Ninjas

    jon acuff
    3 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    (It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stewart Conkle.  He writes a blog called Hustle and Go. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)  Church Greeter Ninjas by Stewart Conkle I was raised in a very big, very popular, traditional church in Atlanta. As a child, I remember going to BIG church for the first time. I was in awe. The auditorium was cavernous. It was ornately decorated. The lighting fixtures that hung from the ceiling were gold and shiny. The carpet was burnt orange, and the choir members wore baby blue robes that really made the two colors pop. The…
 
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    Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?

  • Just Say No – Can too much NO lead to a binge? – Video

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    9 Feb 2012 | 7:05 am
    Here are some strategies and a printable on derailing the urge to binge eat. Here’s the risk when I say no TOO much. Don’t miss more diet and cooking with a dash of daffy on Rebecca Regnier’s Full Plate.

  • Too Curvy for the Super Bowl and Shaming Kids Into Weight Loss – Video

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    8 Feb 2012 | 6:09 am
    This week we weigh in on whether an ad was banned from the Super Bowl because the models were plus sized OR just a bad add. And a campaign to fight childhood obesity is going to get you mad. It did us! Click on the title of the post to see this week’s Full Plate Weigh In segment. And that add campaign – well bloggers helped shed light on how unhealthy the campaign really is. Read this!

  • Portion Control Freak AND Actual Info – Video

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    6 Feb 2012 | 8:40 am
    The first segment of this week’s Full Plate. I goof on portion control and then get the real info!  

  • Super Bowl Idea – Light Turkey Sliders – Video

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    3 Feb 2012 | 6:42 am
    Click here for the recipe for Gertie’s Ground Turkey Sliders from Sunday’s episode of Full Plate! And here’s me getting embarrassed and hugging Kyle Baker. Oh yes – and cooking. Click on title to get video!

  • Free Book TODAY ONLY – Then Let’s Party!

    Laugh It Off Ladies
    2 Feb 2012 | 6:58 am
    On Groundhog Day Your Twitter Diet was FREE all day on the following eBook stores. The free offer is now over and the eBook retailers are charging for it. It is $3.99 or LESS at the following retailers. We kept the price low. Is the price of LESS than a cup of coffee a good bargain for something that could CHANGE the way to live? Yes. Thousands of people are using Twitter to change their lives. It’s your turn!     Join me EVERY Thursday and Sunday night on Twitter with the hashtag #twitterdiet to tap into the power of a support system to power you to your goals! We party at 8…
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    The Habitation of Justice

  • So I paid five bucks to get a fake girlfriend to send me love notes on Facebook for 2 weeks

    Lincoln Adams
    8 Feb 2012 | 12:36 pm
    What? I was bored. Got the idea from reading an article that mentioned being able to get fake girlfriends for 5 bucks on Fiverr.com, so rather than get my usual hot chocolate from Starbucks, I decided I was really in the mood for some fake wubsies. Yeah I got scammed. Well, semi-scammed. She/He/It did send post a note on my wall, liked up some of my stuff and…. that was it, for like, the next 13 days after that. I wonder what it says about me as a person when I can’t even get a girl to give me any kind of attention even when I’m PAYING them to give me attention? Sigh.

  • To find the one, I must FEEEEL that she’s the one. Through and through. Balls to bones!

    Lincoln Adams
    31 Jan 2012 | 10:49 pm
    I have this thing, where I can read people without knowing anything about them. I just get this sense, this kinda vibe where I just KNOW what they’re about. And sometimes, I don’t even know that I know. I just know, ya know? After reading up on this, I discovered that this tends to be one of the notable traits of an INFJ personality. Other personality types form judgments based on logical and analytical data that they actively observe through their 5 senses. INFJs though, we just feel stuff. We subconsciously identify markers that people either disregard or never pick up on, or…

  • Intruding on the perfect lives of others

    Lincoln Adams
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:07 pm
    So I’m sifting through the dating profiles on Match.com and I’m starting to notice a pattern. Namely that an awful lot of women seem to be living totally awesome lives filled with sugary awesomeness where the awesome sauce just spills all over the awesomeness that is their awesome lives. Take this example: I have a great life, great friends, a great job, and an amazing family. I love adventures and traveling to exotic/different places and there is nothing i won’t try. Bungi jumping, skydiving, camping… i can do it all! I have a great life and i am looking for someone…

  • I am… THE TIN MAN

    Lincoln Adams
    21 Jan 2012 | 10:49 pm
    Funny thing after writing my earlier post on putting up walls: I did some extensive research on my personality profile (which is INFJ if you’re curious), and came across this little tidbit about The Tin Man. Yep, that would be me. I think the reason I have difficulty letting down these barriers is because being emotionally hurt doesn’t merely sting like it does others. It’s more of a… Temple of Doom priest experience where you physically have your heart ripped out of you, then get tossed into a pit of raging fire. You know, like that. Now imagine me having to endure…

  • Should I give online dating one more try or should I just accept that women will always be evil?

    Lincoln Adams
    19 Jan 2012 | 1:54 pm
    There doesn’t seem to be a better time to brave the dating world than just before Valentine’s Day, in which case a horde of single women become so desperate not to be alone on Valentine’s that for an ever so brief moment, they will lower their usual criteria that a man be 7 feet tall and make 6 digit salaries before they’ll consider dating him. For a guy like me, this time of year is magic hour. ;-) Despite the horrific experiences I’ve had with it before, I don’t think I ever went all in on internet dating. Maybe I took it somewhat seriously, but not to…
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    Pinhole's Blog

  • One Stitch...Nine Saved

    Pinhole
    4 Feb 2012 | 11:48 am
    Glance back at Reality To watch it rock and sway. Reflective moments caught in time, A mirror on the day.Temporal waves that peak and trough Like ripples on a pond. Horizontal distances Where shadows won’t respond.Frantic minutes pass themselves While never seen to move; Seconds work at standing still With nothing left to prove.Endless youth, or sands of time, No question who’s the boss. When faced with Past and Future,Look both ways before you cross.  

  • Joyful, or Not...Make a Noise

    Pinhole
    23 Nov 2011 | 3:14 pm
    I’ve been silent for awhile; long enough, I suppose.  Not that I’ve had any profound revelations to signal an end to my self-imposed exile, just thought it might be time I raise my hand and let the class know I’m still here in the back of the room.I’d sit up front, but have always found it difficult trying to make sense of someone else’s scribbling on the blackboard.  From back here the chalk marks blur and can represent anything…or, nothing, depending on what strikes my fancy.  If you’ve ever had your fancy struck you’ll know what I’m talking about.Although…

  • Proud Custodian

    Pinhole
    7 Aug 2011 | 11:06 am
    A skeleton of old trombonesComes dancing down the aisle.A symphony that no one owns,No license, only style.A fan sits in the living room,And puts on quite a show.Its  blades are caged in metal frames,The air is free to go.It passes through the old trombonesAnd notes are gently born.Abundant wealth of noise, set free,Enlightened by the horn.It matters not, who buys the fan,The breeze won’t stay for long.And hold a songbird in your hand,You’ll never own the song.Yes, I can buy the instrument,But not possess the sound;Yet, being here with you makes meThe richest man around. 

  • Merely a Suggestion...

    Pinhole
    30 Jul 2011 | 12:01 pm
    To make the most of efforts that Enhance the use of space. Take a breath then blow your noseCompletely off your face.·

  • Oh, Amy...

    Pinhole
    24 Jul 2011 | 1:43 pm
    This afternoon I watched a bird through the kitchen window, a favorite bird of Iris’s and mine, perched sturdily on the narrow back of a wicker chair on Iris’s patio.  My thoughts should have been far from mortality, but kept drifting to the news I’d heard earlier in the day of the death of Amy Winehouse.   How could this bird, with its spindly legs and tiny feet, defy the elements and remain poised on a thin rail…while sleeping?  I have trouble remaining upright standing in a meadow, fully awake, leaning against a tree, yet this frail specimen possessed an innate power…
 
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    Small & Big

  • Tongue Chair

    P.L. Frederick
    1 Feb 2012 | 4:00 pm
    ©2011 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • Astronaut

    P.L. Frederick
    31 Jan 2012 | 4:00 pm
    Doppler, Astropup and Chief Eating Officer©2011 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • Top 10 Kindness Stories Of The Year

    P.L. Frederick
    3 Jan 2012 | 4:00 pm
    Look for kindness, for love, for hope and joy and you will find them. Here are five stories to keep you in the mood, from HelpOthers.org:Today You, Tomorrow MeFlowers That She Couldn't SmellHome Is Where The Heart Is, Even For The HomelessRemembering Kindness 41 Years LaterA Beautiful Act Of Pay-It-ForwardYou can read all ten stories of 2011 kindnesses at Top 10 Kindness Stories of 2011.Do you have a kind act you've performed, experienced, or even heard of? Please share it. Tell HelpOther.org about it here.Here's to twelve months of kindness in 2012!©2011 P.L. Frederick. See Small…

  • One Christmas Day My Cat Knocked The Tree Down Three Times [video]

    P.L. Frederick
    5 Dec 2011 | 4:00 pm
    But that's nothing compared to what Simon's cat accomplishes...I love everything about Simon Tofield's Simon's Cat cartoon animations: the writing, the sound effects, and especially that they're drawn in simple black-and-white outline. You can really see how a simple, well drawn line, moving through time, can express mass and volume. So well done. Watch more adorable feline atrocities committed by Simon's cat at www.simonscat.com and on YouTube at www.youtube.com/simonscat.©2011 P.L. Frederick. See Small & Big for full copyright details.

  • The Tantrum [video]

    P.L. Frederick
    30 Nov 2011 | 12:00 pm
    "I can't let (my parents) know I have super powers. They'd only worry."This is the first cartoon my pal John Fountain did. It's called The Tantrum and it aired on Nickelodeon at like 3 am on a Sunday at the dawn of the 21st Century. It is autobiographical. This is the first time I've seen it because SOME people don't tell some other people stuff. As far as I know it is the only instance of Putting Out Fire By Giving It The Raspberry. A pity. (If the military jumps on it they'd call it POFBGITR. That's pronounced "PUFF-bah-giter" and help generals say "puff" more.)Without further…
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    Beauty Tips for Ministers

  • It’s So Good To Be Understood

    PeaceBang
    8 Feb 2012 | 9:02 am
    Someone Tweeted this hilarious link to me this morning. “Do you wish to look smart, or are you merely looking for a newer version of what you’re wearing at the moment?” Share This Hide Sites

  • Frumpy Shoe Sale!!

    PeaceBang
    7 Feb 2012 | 4:09 pm
    Look! Rows and rows of ugly shoes to choose from! Who designed these and why do they hate women? Share This Hide Sites

  • A Warm Wrap: Women’s Outerwear Option

    PeaceBang
    6 Feb 2012 | 10:10 pm
    On Saturday it was sunny and warm enough that I did not want to wear a heavy overcoat for a commital at the cemetery. I put on my black suit (boy, that jacket needs go go to the dry cleaner) and realized that I might get chilly, so checked my closet for lighter options than a wool overcoat. I found a warm, soft wool wrap that I had forgotten I bought on Nantucket this fall. It is a soft taupe and shaped with a neck and long panels generous enough to wrap around a large gal. I draped it around myself and found that I really liked the way it provided a layer of warmth without being a stiff,…

  • Crocs!

    PeaceBang
    6 Feb 2012 | 9:31 pm
    Long-time readers of this blog know that my religious commitment to hating on Crocs has never flagged. Until today. I got an e-mail from Planet Shoes luring me to their web site and I popped on to have a look at what was on sale. I was thinking, “Gee, it would be nice to have a pair of sexy open-toed clog type shoes. Just something for dinner parties and that sort of thing — something I can slip on when guests come over that are fun and casual at the same time. Something a step up in style from my cooking Crocs.” Yea, I cook in Crocs. Sorry! I do! They help me to not have a…

  • Even Football Coaches Get Cracked On For Looking Like Slobs

    PeaceBang
    5 Feb 2012 | 11:34 pm
    This is a hilarious piece of satire about my team’s coach, Bill Belichek. The man is a slob. Share This Hide Sites
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    The Turkey Sandwich Report

  • My Boss’s Boss Called Me Out: I Half-assed this Whole Super Bowl Thing

    Neal
    3 Feb 2012 | 11:31 pm
    My boss’s boss is a dude named Patrick Daugherty and he’s a pretty big deal where I work.  He’s a VP of something or other – not sure what, now that I think about it.  He’s such a big deal that he actually had the balls to call me out on supposedly “half-assing” this whole vote for the Super Bowl Turkey Sandwich thing. After a meeting this week, he pulled me aside and said, “Did you get my comment on your blog?”  I said, “no.”  ”Well, I left one and I think you really screwed the pooch on this one.  You call yourself…

  • Vote for This Year’s Super Bowl Turkey Sandwich

    Neal
    30 Jan 2012 | 9:57 pm
    The Turkey Sandwich Report wants to hear from you.  You tell us what we make for our Annual Super Bowl Turkey Sandwich.  We’ll rock the shit out of whatever sandwich wins and then we’ll show you how to make it. Take Our Poll

  • Cheeba Hut: Revisted

    Neal
    29 Dec 2011 | 3:31 pm
    You might recall some previous posts about our favorite stoner-themed sandwich shop, Cheeba Hut.  It’s easy to say that Cheeba Hut is our favorite stoner-themed sandwich shop because it’s the only one we’ve been to.  If you don’t recall those posts and are curious, click here. Anyway, Cheeba Hut has invaded Denver.  Actually they probably invaded Denver about a year ago, but I don’t go downtown too much, so I hadn’t ever been to their new location until today.  I have to get my blood checked every 6 months for high cholesterol issues and it is my…

  • Announcing: The Turkey Sandwich Report Sandwich Shop of the Year

    Neal
    27 Dec 2011 | 8:10 pm
    In a twist of irony, I’ve never even been to Sandwich Shop we’re going to name the Inaugural Turkey Sandwich Report Sandwich Shop of the Year.  I just like their spunk.  What won me over in particular was their “commercial”. A big congratulations to (drumroll) Big Ass Sandwiches of Portland, OR – the winners of the 1st Annual Turkey Sandwich Report Sandwich Shop of the Year!  The next time I’m in Portland, I’ll be by for The Big Ass Sandwich.  Or you can mail me one.  I don’t give a shit if it spent a couple days in a box.  I’ll eat…

  • What to do with those pesky ham leftovers.

    Neal
    23 Dec 2011 | 9:50 pm
    It happens every year: You get a big-ass ham for Christmas Dinner and get stuck with a bunch of leftovers.  And we all know ham is not nearly as versatile as Turkey, so you’re pretty much stuck with plain ol’ ham sandwiches all the way through New Year’s.  Bo-ring. So what can you do to take that boring ass ham sandwich to the next level? The short answer is: Add Turkey. The long answer is: buy a little Turkey and and bacon before Christmas.  Hide the Turkey  and don’t tell anyone you have it.  Once Christmas is over and everyone is resorting to a ham sandwich…
 
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    The Hunters Wife

  • The Hunter’s Wife and Pinterest

    Jody Narantic
    8 Feb 2012 | 3:09 pm
    According to the tracking firm Hitwise, Pinterest became one of the Web’s top 10 social networks in December of 2011.  What is Pinterest?  Pinterest is a vision styled social photo sharing website where you share and organize the things you love on the web. Here is a screenshot of my Pinterest Boards   One of my boards I’ve named Food Love where I pin photos of recipes I might enjoy. Like these shredded chicken tacos from BlogChef.net. My Mom and I made these a couple of weeks ago and they were delicious. Delicious!!! Shredded Chicken Taco Recipe Another board I have is…

  • Excited Outdoor Naked Camper Girl

    Jody Narantic
    7 Feb 2012 | 3:05 pm
    The other day my husband and I were in the kitchen cooking. Okay … the other day my husband was in the kitchen cooking and I was helping. Stirring something. So I said … Excited Outdoor Camper Girl: Umm … I think I’d like to go camping. I’ve never been camping. Ever. I don’t even know what people do when camping. And my husband knows this. Debbie Downer Husband: Jody, you will never last camping. Which is probably true. Because I’ve never been camping. But I might like camping. People go camping all the time and seem to like it. That’s why they…

  • Thelma and Louise’s Homeless People Adventure

    Jody Narantic
    6 Feb 2012 | 2:53 pm
    Please note: This is a humor blog … HUMOR A few weeks before Christmas I was cleaning out a few closets getting rid of old clothes and coats. I normally give all of our stuff to Amvets but instead I posted on Facebook asking if anyone knew of a homeless shelter nearby. I thought I’d take the stuff there myself. Then I thought, well maybe I could just drive around downtown and find my own homeless people to give a few coats and blankets. So I texted my friend, Thelma … that really isn’t her name but we sometimes get into trouble like Thelma and Louise. Texting…

  • Chicago Bears Dan Hampton Thinks I’m Funny

    Jody Narantic
    1 Feb 2012 | 5:48 pm
    I spent the weekend at our local sports show but my girlfriend and her teenage daughters had plans to meet Dan Hampton, who was nearby signing autographs. DAN HAMPTON!  And I couldn’t go. Because I was at a stupid outdoor sports show.  Anyway, if you’ve been reading this blog for a few years, you should know my love for Dan Hampton. It started in the 80′s. And if you don’t know who Dan Hampton is, shame on you. Dan Hampton played for the Chicago Bears. Some called him Danimal. Rrrrrrrrr That was the sound of a tiger. Yummy. Anyway, the girls sent me a text and said…

  • Highlights From Our Local Outdoor Sports Show

    Jody Narantic
    30 Jan 2012 | 3:07 pm
    I’m exhausted from a very long weekend at our local outdoor sports show but wanted to share a few highlights: My Mom and I had a booth selling knives, knives, and more knives my Dad had been collecting over the past 2 years.  We did very well but still have more knives. And more. We wished my Dad collected jewelry instead of boring knives. Grown men you’d think knew how to open and close a knife, “How do you close this knife?” Puzzled grown knife saleswoman that will cut her finger off, “Oh hell, I don’t know. Those things are dangerous.” Little boys…
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    The Junk Drawer

  • Clown Day Movie Premiere!

    Kathy
    3 Feb 2012 | 4:35 pm
    Got your popcorn and Milk Duds? Dim the lights, turn off your cell phones, sit back and relax, because it’s time for Clown Day: The Movie! If you want to watch it in widescreen, please view it at YouTube. Enjoy!

  • Clown Day and The Movie Trailer

    Kathy
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:58 pm
    Clown Day was a huge success, except for the fact that students on our campus couldn’t have cared less that a clown walked among them. I’m still calling it a win because no one threw a pie at me. I’ll recap the day and then let you enjoy the movie trailer we produced to commemorate events. I’m submitting it to Sundance. They take everything. The day began with my clown assistant sister Marlene collecting me at my house. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat later, and she immediately chastised me for putting too much of everything on the bread. I can’t do anything right.

  • January 20 is Clown Day

    Kathy
    16 Jan 2012 | 5:17 pm
    Many of you know that this Friday, January 20th, is Clown Day. The day I agreed I would go to work dressed in full clown gear after you donated so much to my food bank fundraiser. Let me tell you, it’s hard being a clown. But it’s also some of the most fun I’ve had in my life. In the past weeks, I went shopping for just the right clown suit, makeup, a wig the size of a basketball, white gloves, a dozen balloons and a tote bag to keep all my girly clown things secured. It took me four attempts at a face to land on one I’m happy with. YouTube videos helped, and so did pictures on the…

  • Chicken Disrupts Flights at Kauai Airport

    Kathy
    10 Jan 2012 | 6:31 pm
    Kauai, Hawaii – A distraught chicken was responsible for the delay of two flights out of a Kauai, Hawaii airport today after blocking passengers from boarding their flights until his travel complaints were addressed. One passenger was injured. Charles “Chuck” Poulet, of Duluth, Minnesota, was scheduled to meet his long-time girlfriend, Marie Fowler, at Hilo International Airport, but his Air Pacific flight was rerouted to Kauai a short time before scheduled landing due to poor weather conditions. Airport officials attempted to book Poulet on another flight to Hilo the next day, but…

  • Mama Always Said

    Kathy
    7 Jan 2012 | 3:35 pm
    Today my sister Marlene and her husband treated me to lunch at a place I’ve only ever gone to before for ice cream. When we pulled up to the place, I asked Marlene if instead of a real meal, I could just have ice cream for lunch. She shut me down before I could make my case for chocolate chip cookie dough as an entree. “No, not unless you eat something healthy first.” Poop on you! I said “Yeah, that’s like Mom always said when I wanted junk food. Remember? She’d say ‘First you have to have meat, cheese, tuna fish or egg.’” Apparently, protein buys you cookies later. “No, I…
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    Cup of Snarky

  • Playing Poker for Fun and Profit

    admin
    30 Jan 2012 | 6:00 pm
    While the majority of people have played some kind of card game at least once in their lives, comparatively few ever master the strategic skills of any game and fewer still ever become a professional card player. Historically, the poker profession, and associated lifestyle, have been taboo and the majority of cultural populations have looked down on and sometimes even feared players as well as the clubs, or dark back rooms, in which they gathered. These days are quite different, though there are definitely throw back attitudes to the dark ages of the game, and not only do many people consider…

  • Canada on TV

    admin
    19 Dec 2011 | 10:39 pm
    The attraction of a place usually comes from a unique combination of mysterious and known factors.  For a good long time now, Vancouver has been a remarkable magnet for artists and professionals from all over the globe.  Every day there are new arrivals, looking to rent an apartment and settle in to call this place home, at least for a little while.  Although there are plenty of obvious reasons that the city has such a pull, there are certain indefinable traits that play a larger part.  It may have to do with a Canadian national character, if there can be such a homogenous thing in such a…

  • 8 Well-Known “Green” Celebrities

    admin
    4 Dec 2011 | 7:06 pm
    When the whole “going green” cause first began, all it took was a few celebrities to join the cause and suddenly the movement spread like wildfire. Unlike other trends in Hollywood, this is one that is extremely beneficially. Saving the planet and your health at the same time is something that will remain popular longer than many pop stars careers. (Sorry Miley!) Simply put, “green” is the new celeb must have. Even Paris Hilton says we should all drive electric and hybrid cars and you know if Ms. Hilton says it, it is important! There are a few green celebs that stand above all the…

  • Advancements in Home Entertainment

    admin
    30 Nov 2011 | 2:46 pm
    When it comes time to watch a movie, more and more people are choosing to sit down in front of their TVs and pick up their remote controls. These days that is all you need to do to be able to watch the latest movies. Which begs the questions, does anyone even go to the movie theater anymore? Let’s look at the benefits of watching a movie at home rather than in the theater: Most people’s houses are a lot quieter than your average movie theater. Add that to the convenience of not having to leave the house to watch a movie, and it is easy to see why people are installing home…

  • Famous Folks From Alabama

    admin
    28 Nov 2011 | 9:26 pm
    Alabama, called “the Heart of Dixie,” is a state that is steeped in the subculture of the Southeastern United States. Quite a few famous Americans were born right here in the middle of the Bible Belt, including Courtney Cox-Arquette, Kate Jackson, Nat King Cole, Paula Poundstone and Jim Nabors. Kate Jackson is well known for portraying Sabrina Duncan on the popular television program “Charlie’s Angels” in the 1970′s, but she has had a successful career since then. This actress, producer and director was born in Birmingham, called “the magic…
 
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    Hot Ghetto Mess

  • song title mess

    kdub
    23 Jan 2012 | 9:42 am
    Yeah...she's back at it...

  • Find Our Missing-Weds at 10 pm

    kdub
    23 Jan 2012 | 9:05 am
    Finally, a network is taking up the cause of finding missing BLACK FOLKS!  It is well documented that a missing black person DOES NOT garner as much attention as a missing non-black person.  TV One’s new show, Find Our Missing features the real life stories of the blacks that have gone missing.  S. Epatha  Merkerson (Law & Order) hosts of the show which airs Wednesday Nights @ 10 pm on TV One.  Also featured is the organization Black and Missing Foundation, which features alerts of recent African-Americans who have gone missing.  Just curious, has anyone heard the names…

  • potty pic models mess with kid

    kdub
    22 Jan 2012 | 11:42 am
    NOOOO...naked in front of the kid!! check out the background...

  • couple potty pic mess

    kdub
    21 Jan 2012 | 9:38 pm

  • 2012 potty pic model mess

    kdub
    21 Jan 2012 | 3:33 pm
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    Weird News Files

  • Park Ranger tazes off-leash dog walker

    weirdnews
    5 Feb 2012 | 6:37 am
    After recently changing rules for walking dogs off-leash, a national park ranger tased a man with 2 lap dogs for non-compliance.

  • Ohio Bill Would Prohibit Purchase Of Lions, Bears And Other Exotic Pets

    weirdnews
    5 Feb 2012 | 2:10 am
    COLUMBUS, Ohio — Proposed legislation in Ohio would ban the purchase of lions, bears and other exotic animals, but current owners of the dangerous wildlife would be allowed to keep them as pets if they meet strict new requirements. State Sen. Troy Balderson sent a letter Friday afternoon to state lawmakers, asking them to sign [...]

  • Suspicious Spouses Use Soiled Undies To Expose Infidelity

    weirdnews
    5 Feb 2012 | 2:10 am
    Exposing marital infidelity can be a costly and time consuming endeavor. Sure, there is a plethora of high-tech methods out there, but did you know you can now go CSI-style on your significant other’s soiled undergarments to expose an extramarital affair? A national DNA testing company, The Paternity Lab Center, is providing the relatively sophisticated [...]

  • UFO Or Meteor: FAA Examines Texas Patrol Car Video

    weirdnews
    5 Feb 2012 | 2:10 am
    A blaze of light shooting across the Texas sky got people talking, spurring the Federal Aviation Administration to examine stunning police footage. The bluish-green streak seen as far north as Oklahoma City and as far south as Houston was “most likely” a meteor or piece of space junk, officials say, according to the Austin-American Statesman. [...]

  • SWAT Team Welcomes Back One-Legged Officer

    weirdnews
    5 Feb 2012 | 2:10 am
    A man who lost part of his leg in a motorcycle accident defied all physical limits Friday after passing a grueling fitness test to rejoin his SWAT team, reports Channel 7 WSPA. Using a permanent prosthetic leg, Keith Soules was required to successfully run a mile in 12 and a half minutes or less, climb [...]
 
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    Jake Iannarino | Journal of Full Time Road Comic

  • The Story of Job

    Jake Iannarino
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:59 am
    There is a story in the Bible about a man named Job. After reading this story, I have to wonder why more people don’t name their sons that name… JOB. Job was a guy who had faith in God and always tried to do the right thing. Now, for this part of the story you may have to suspend your disbelief … I know many of my readers do not believe in “God” or “The Devil” but they do play key roles as characters in this story, so just go with me for a minute. The Devil Himself makes sort of a bet with God that he can get poor Job to lose his faith and curse his…

  • 10 GOOD things about getting FIRED!

    Jake Iannarino
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:05 am
    Hello, cocksuckers! I’m sick and tired of “getting fired” always getting such a bum rap. Here are 10 GOOD things about getting “let go.” 1. More time for masturbation! 2. You wont have to take any shit from the boss. 3. No more of those annoying “pay checks.” 4. You might get some nice girl to give you a pity fuck! 5. They cant fire you AGAIN. Only once! 6. You can catch up on your reading. 7. Jobs are for PUSSIES! 8. You get to sleep in for a few days. 9. You wont need a dental plan because your teeth don’t rot when you cant afford food! Lucky…

  • 10 Reasons I’m Voting For RON PAUL!

    Jake Iannarino
    2 Feb 2012 | 5:56 pm
    10. I smoke weed. 9. With every vote you get a free tinfoil hat! 8. He’s not Mitt Romney. 7. If Democrats AND Republicans hate him… he MUST be good! 6. He is the only guy running who seems to have actually read the founding documents. 5. I am smart enough to know that we will never turn the middle east into Florida. 4. He’s not Newt Gingrich! 3. I smoke weed. 2. I read somewhere that he once got busy in a Burger King rest room. 1. Did I mention that I smoke weed?

  • 10 reasons FACEBOOK is UNHEALTHY

    Jake Iannarino
    29 Jan 2012 | 7:27 am
    1. People tend to say things they would not say to your face. It’s pretty easy to be a tough guy when you are sitting in your mother’s basement. 2. Easy Access! Sometimes… You want to be left the f#ck alone. With facebook… people can find you. 3. Let’s say you tell your boss or girlfriend the old “No, no… I wish I could make it, but I am feeling under the weather.” And then they see pictures of you pounding shots off a college girls titties posted from “Adobe’s” at 2 AM. 4. Stalkers, haters, passive aggressives, and big…

  • 99.7 the BLITZ

    Jake Iannarino
    26 Jan 2012 | 11:59 am
    I got a job on the radio! So far, I LOVE it! Everyone in the studio is really nice. There was a little controversy, but I think that’s okay, and I have no hard feelings towards anyone involved. Radio is MUCH different than stand up comedy. There is a LOT more responsibility. I have a LOT to learn. You can hear me every day by checking out www.theblitz.com or listening to 99.7 the BLITZ columbus, Ohio. Sorry everybody!
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    Base Camp Legends

  • Hunting Genes and Deer Poop

    Tom Sorenson
    2 Feb 2012 | 10:55 am
    My grandfather has a theory that hunting runs in the genes, and looking at the number of children and grandchildren of his that love hunting the same way he does it adds credibility to the theory, for sure.  I know I’m thankful that my dad and granddad frequently made an effort to get me outside to enjoy the pursuit of game, and because of that I want to give the same effort for my children.  It was with this in mind, as well as the fact that in case hunting is not genetic, I don’t want to take any chances, I decided a few weeks ago that we (of course I mean ‘I’) had spent…

  • Wolves and Hypocrites

    Tom Sorenson
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:54 am
    Since their introduction into Idaho in 1995, wolves have certainly been a polarizing topic for Idahoans.  Hunters and ranchers tend to hate them, animal extremists love them.  It occurred to me recently during a conversation with a friend, that I might be part of a hypocritical group that is, I am certain, full of many Idahoan hunters. This friend of mine is a large land owner near Council and was telling me that another friend of his was asking him if he would take him out to shoot a wolf some weekend.  It never occurred to the would-be-hunter that wolves are not so easy to hunt that you…

  • Foul Weather Hunters

    Tom Sorenson
    23 Jan 2012 | 11:05 am
    A couple of minor events this past week have provided fodder for my blog today.  First, I was watching a hunting video by the Huntin’ Fool Magazine people, and at the conclusion of a stone sheep hunt in the Northwest Territories, the hunter declared he was cold, wet, and miserable, but just experienced the time of his life. The other instance happened on Saturday when my wife and I went out to see my folks upon their return from whitetail hunting up north. Listening to their stories of enduring winds, heavy snow, and bitter cold, I found it amusing that they had obviously had an…

  • Life’s Lessons Learned While Boiling Deer Skulls

    Tom Sorenson
    13 Jan 2012 | 4:22 pm
    Sometimes I’m guilty of beginning new adventures without thinking about where the new path might eventually lead, and thus, at some point of no return I begin to realize that the adventure that seemed to be nothing short of glorious does, indeed, have some downside.  A couple weeks ago, I wrote about taking my wife deer hunting and her first buck.  This past week I began to prep her deer skull for a european mount.  If you’ve ever taken on this task, your nostrils are quite possibly tingling at this very moment, and sometime very soon the connection will be made and the proverbial…

  • Hunting Mountain Whitetail

    suzee
    6 Dec 2011 | 12:25 pm
    We just returned from our annual whitetail hunt in central Idaho. This is a hunt that keeps us coming back for more even though we’ve never taken a big buck … we see the big ones but just haven’t been able to make it happen. I can’t even seem to get any video footage of the nice bucks we’ve seen… they just appear and disappear so quick!  Last year a very nice mature buck came running into our setup but before we could even react he did a 360 in midair and was gone. the swirling mountain thermals must have given him a snortful of our lovely scent! It all…
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    Say Something Funny

  • Jar Jar Binks Strikes Again!

    T.M. Lindsey
    22 Jan 2012 | 12:12 pm
    Jar Jar’s Curse Transcends the 2nd Dimension

  • I’m So Broke That… (cheaper, 2nd edition)

    T.M. Lindsey
    27 Dec 2011 | 12:01 pm
    In dishonor of the sequel “Neverending Recession I”, the Invisible Hand’s middle finger, and the non-monetary success of the 1st edition (now translated in 3 currency exchange rates, including wampum), I’ve decided to catch-and-release another edition of “I’m So Broke That…”: I’m So Broke That… I’ve resorted to using counterfeit, fake money when playing Monopoly I stopped buying into the American Dream I can no longer take cheap shots All my credit cards ran off and joined the Occupy Wall Street Movement I started clipping coupons for cheap thrills I’ve…

  • The American Scab Dream: Will Work for Congressional Crumbs

    T.M. Lindsey
    11 Apr 2011 | 6:50 am
    Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that our rapidly ailing Democracy is suffering from schizophrenia? My other 16 personalities tend to agree. Our Democracy, the best form of government money can buy (just ask China), flexed its bipartisan bipolar muscle Friday night as the possibility of a government shutdown loomed over Corporate Hill. While watching whether our Do Nothing Congress was going to let the ball drop on the budget at the midnight hour, 16/17 of me wanted them to reach an agreement, thus averting the worst teabaggin’ in U.S. History. Besides, that’s their damn job and…

  • Top Ten Signs Donald Trump Is Serious About Running for President

    T.M. Lindsey
    7 Apr 2011 | 11:27 pm
    It seems that if you want to grab and hold the media’s attention these days, all you have to do is drink tigers’ blood or booze with pickles, run around in public and babble incoherently about nothing to total strangers and take yourself too seriously. At least these are the modern-day prerequisites for running for President of the United States — or at least pretending to run for president while prick-teasing the media. Speaking of which, Donald Trump keeps threatening to make a presidential run but hasn’t made it official, which involves forming an exploratory committee to…

  • Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Has March Madness

    T.M. Lindsey
    17 Mar 2011 | 12:27 am
    Much to the chagrin of corporate CEOs and mid-level management, March Madness is set to tip off, which means nothing substantive will be accomplished at the workplace the next two days. You know, kind of like another day at the office for Congress. In fact, one firm recently estimated that employers will lose $3.8 billion dollars in wages paid to workers following the games and tracking their brackets. (I wonder how much time this firm wasted trying to figure that out and whether those were billable hours?) $3.8 billion dollars!!! Holy Dick Vitale, that’s a lot of money! That’s like 4…
 
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    Where the Hell Was I?

  • My Sunday Less-Than-Best

    7 Feb 2012 | 10:57 pm
    Somewhere along the winding twisty path of life, I lost my superstitious nature. I'm not sure when it happened, exactly, or how, but at some point I stopped believing in luck, fate, karma, curses, hexes, voodoo and the state Moneyball Lotto. Looking back, it all makes sense now. Belief in those sorts of things implies faith in some sort of universal order -- a cosmic cause-and-effect, what-goes-around-comes-around, I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I perpetual game of tallying the scores between every creature, concept and corporation and making sure it all comes out even. What's more, it suggests…

  • The Gift That Keeps On Brewing

    2 Feb 2012 | 9:46 pm
    (For you Super Bowl party hosts, my latest Zolton Does Amazon piece over at ZuG, Practice Makes Party, might be just the bash-planning guide you're looking for. Unless you're afraid to look like a Smurf. Or you don't like kosher salsa. Or vibrating cocktail weenies. Oh, come on. You have to go look now. How could you not?) It's a month or so belated, but I'd like to publicly thank my old workmates for the thoughtful -- and delicious -- parting gift they bought me when I left at the end of December. They were kind enough to pitch in together to make me a member of a Beer of the Month Club.

  • Doggy's Got a Brand New Bag

    29 Jan 2012 | 10:17 pm
    Sometimes, it's about the small victories. The little things, the minor wins, those brief moments when you can shake your fist in the air and crow, 'Hoho, Universe -- I finally got one!' Or so I'm told. It's not like I would actually know. When it comes to little things, I'm 0-for-everything. Batting zero. Shutout city. Every once in a while, it seems as though I could win. I get close. And then the door slams shut, and I'm put back in my place until the next horrific emasculating nightmare. Take dog poop, for instance. I've been dealing with dog poop for a long time -- just over twelve years…

  • The Boxers Debriefing

    24 Jan 2012 | 9:37 pm
    When you join a new gym -- as I recently did, thanks for your athletic support -- you find yourself thinking about all sorts of new things. You might wonder whether you're sweating more than anyone else in the room. You may worry that you pedal like a girl on the stationary bike. You could spend an afternoon trying to determine the least 'dirty old man-like' spot to take in a yoga class. (These are merely examples. No, you shut up.) Mostly, though, you'll think about your underpants. I'm serious. I've belonged to this gym for three weeks. And I've given my undergarments more consideration in…

  • Concerto in D-43! D-43! Hut! Hut! HUT!!

    21 Jan 2012 | 1:39 pm
    Sometimes the key to being a husband is realizing that you can't win. Not to say that you never win. It's just that some situations, maritally speaking, are entirely impossible to navigate. Like, most of the ones that occur while you're conscious and within loud shouting distance of your wife. Take tomorrow, for instance. Tomorrow, I was scheduled to accompany my lovely wife to a classical music concert in the afternoon. She asked if I'd attend, and I said I would. Most of these concerts, she goes to with a friend of hers -- they make it into a "girls' afternoon out" with dinner or tea or…
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    I Hate My Message Board

  • You Gotta Ac-Cen-Tuate the Positive

    Tracy
    15 Jan 2012 | 10:05 am
    Or, Go to Dollar Tree for the Cheap Science Project Materials, Stay for the Blogging Material I found this in the cooler at Dollar Tree. At first I was just going to take a picture because I was so charmed by the product name, but then I thought, no, I have to taste this because that’s what my people expect of me. This product is a terrific example of turning drawbacks into benefit. This isn’t fake sour cream, it’s UNREAL!!!! Sourcreme (creme sounds fancy, no?)! And you get a whole pound of it! For a dollar! BTW if you visit the website, you’ll find that the company…

  • Wasabi Kit Kats!

    Tracy
    14 Jan 2012 | 1:34 pm
    Or, My Sister Moved to Okinawa and Now I’ve Decided to Become a Japanese Kit Kat Blogger You will not believe all the loot my sister sent me from Japan, including four different kinds of Kit Kats. Believe it or not, that’s just a teensy tiny sample of the many varieties of Kit Kats that have been made in Japan at one time or another. This is a box of limited edition wasabi flavored Kit Kats (Shizuoka Kanto edition). You know, I think that this is much more inviting than saying “Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar”. That always just…

  • We’ve Been Really Busy with School Around Here Lately

    Tracy
    14 Oct 2011 | 5:13 pm
    Or, my sheepish re-entry into the world of blogging Zero credit for paying attention in science, 100 credit for giving it a go anyway. I guess we should have enrolled him in that summer art program…

  • I Took the 7 Link Challenge

    Tracy
    22 Aug 2011 | 6:00 am
    Or, I’m not above doing a meme if the situation is right Not relevant to post, just wanted a bit of color. Note: I am resurrecting this post because of a mention in the lovely Meemalee’s blog. It’s not exactly the same as her meme, but close enough.  Her post also reminded me of the very first post I remember reading on her blog, Jive Bunny (could be distressing to fans of Thumper). So this morning, I’m reading my email and I see this 7 Link Challenge in the Problogger newsletter.  I don’t usually do a lot of memes, but I have plans for this weekend and I…

  • Mushy Peas

    Tracy
    26 Jul 2011 | 2:03 pm
    Or, watch out Jolly Green Giant, you’ve got competition! The first time I had mushy peas was in Dublin, Ireland as a side to a fish and chips dinner. Before I get into the peas, let me tell you something that is very odd and perhaps not quite right about the Irish. The first time I went in to get fish and chips with my now husband, I’m reading the menu board, trying to decide what to get because it’s not just one kind of fish. Oh no, you’ve got your cod and haddock and pike and perch and some kinds come smoked as well as plain. It’s a little overwhelming, but…
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    List Of The Day

  • Sign Of The Day: Valentine's

    Cary
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:41 pm
    You'd better hurry, too.

  • Lost 80s Music Video Of The Day

    Cary
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:52 am
    Mullets + keytar = WIN. Thanks, Sheri, for reminding me of this hilarious pile of suck.

  • The Other 100 Greatest Movie Quotes Of All Time

    Cary
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:22 am
    Some great ones here, some "meh." I think #65 is a terrible choice--the lamest, clunkiest line in the entire movie. There is also a disturbing lack of quotes here from Dumb & Dumber, Fargo, The Evil Dead, Animal House, Toy Story (any) and so many more. But hey, it's all subjective, right? From Pajiba.100. “I love my dead gay son. —Heathers99. “Where was ya, Wang? We was worried.” — Murder by

  • 7 Banned Movie Posters Of The Day

    Cary
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:06 pm
    From The Frisky.Just because a movie is sexy and provocative doesn't mean the poster can be.For its film about an emotionally troubled sex addict, Fox Searchlight tried to push the envelope in European marketing. It didn't work -- at least not in Hungary, where this poster was banned.This original official poster was banned only in the U.S. -- ironic considering it's a film about

  • Commercial Of The Day: Forever Lazy

    Cary
    8 Feb 2012 | 1:23 pm
    Forever ugly. This almost looks like a bit from Idiocracy.From KListed.
 
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    TechChuff

  • CES Round Up 1: Breville announce 3D Toaster.

    admin
    16 Jan 2012 | 4:38 am
    CES. Vegas. Dead hookers. USB 3. That’s what it’s all about and that’s what we are rounding up over the next few days. Having returned from Vegas with loads of free swag and memories of being slapped by booth babes we were sexually harassing, we still are excited about what Consumer Electronics holds for us credit-fueled gadget morons in 2012. This shit is REAL The most exciting announcement of the week has to be Breville’s new 3D toaster which we had a chance to play with and were truly astounded us with how 3 dimensional it seemed to be. Breville’s PR rep was…

  • Fat kid ‘likes’ Samsung on Facebook. Billions wiped from share value.

    admin
    13 Jan 2012 | 10:41 am
    The market reacted badly in response to the news that Simon Ackman, a fat uncool kid in Indiana, ‘liked’ Samsung on Facebook early  today. Nearly $2bn was wiped from the mobile phone manufacturer’s value as analysts deemed the brand ‘unviable’ and ‘only for fat kids’. Also liked by the tragically unpopular   Samsung’s CEO earlier made this self-flagellatory statement: “My Social Media tzar burst into my office this morning on his fixed wheel bike, holding a flat-white in one hand and two iPads in the other. After Instagramming his…

  • Scrap ICT in favour of Zuckerberg lessons, says Gove

    ladychuff
    12 Jan 2012 | 3:18 am
    Education secretary Michael Gove yesterday announced plans to scrap ‘boring’ ICT lessons in favour of a curriculum teaching children to be emotionally withdrawn social outcasts. Gove said current ICT classes are ‘harmful and dull’, adding that ‘we’re never going to create a technologically advanced race of super-humans by spending seven years teaching kids how to use WordArt.’ The school computer was finally upgraded for a mere £5000   The current curriculum will be replaced with so-called ‘Zuckerberg lessons’, teaching children how to emulate the dull-eyed social…

  • Small Dog Commits to Learn How to Code in 2012

    HeadChuff
    9 Jan 2012 | 3:42 am
    A stray dog. A tramp. A stick of celery. A empty cardboard box full of used toilet paper. What do they have in common? No, not ‘what are awful things I got for Xmas, Alex’ but a list of advocates who have overly enthusiastically committed to LEARN TO CODE this year. Being the sharp-nosed, big-butted intrepid reporter, we dropped everything (including our pants) to dig into this troubled trend sweeping Britain. We went undercover into… I-WANT-TO-BE-AN-EVEN-BIGGER-NERD-GATE Day 1. I don't understand version control We met up with our dog on the inside, a stray Irish Setter…

  • The Road to Partition: 2011

    HeadChuff
    3 Jan 2012 | 5:23 am
    Welcome humans. (and employees of Google Inc). To celebrate the impending priapic launch of TechChuff 3.1 in the next few weeks, we thought we’d kick off 2012 with a review of the much shitter 2011. While most of you drones spent the year going about your day-to-day DULLNESS of real-life GRINDING while contributing to society and creating value, we did pretty much nothing. Roughly 1 blog post, maybe 30 tweets and a couple of fancy but inappropriate gestures to children. In all, a success. But from our space-station orbiting Earth what did we observe as the key victories for the human…
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    YouTube Videos

  • Rooftop Comedy's Greatest Hits: Hairlarity

    RooftopComedy
    1 Feb 2012 | 12:02 pm
    Rooftop Comedy's Greatest Hits: Hairlarity Having a bad hair day? Rooftop Comedy is here to help, with a collection of the most hair-larious jokes imaginable. From: RooftopComedy Views: 1324 51 ratings Time: 02:36 More in Comedy

  • John Mulaney - Doing Nothing (Comedy Central)

    comedycentral
    31 Jan 2012 | 9:30 am
    John Mulaney - Doing Nothing (Comedy Central) In this DVD Exclusive, John Mulaney observes that it is so much easier not to do anything. Buy the DVD at the Comedy Central Shop - shop.comedycentral.com Order his new special on iTunes - itunes.apple.com Subscribe to Comedy Central's channel by clicking this: www.youtube.com Follow John Mulaney on Twitter: twitter.com Follow Comedy Central Stand-Up on Twitter - twitter.com Like Comedy Central Stand-Up on Facebook - www.facebook.com From: comedycentral Views: 6781 77 ratings Time: 01:47 More in Comedy

  • Kahani Comedy Circus Ki - Episode 7 - 28th January 2012

    setindia
    28 Jan 2012 | 11:57 am
    Kahani Comedy Circus Ki - Episode 7 - 28th January 2012 Get ready to ride on the roller coaster of laughter and fun as Comedy Circus is set to tickle your ribs with its fresh season, Kahani Comedy Circus Ki.This season essentially will go down the memory lane with the past successful seasons like Jadoo, Tansen, Circus, Teen ka Tadka as the themes for epsiodes... These themes will be seen as challenges for the contestants... From: setindia Views: 166617 116 ratings Time: 44:18 More in Shows

  • Annoying Orange Comedy Roast!

    realannoyingorange
    27 Jan 2012 | 8:51 am
    Annoying Orange Comedy Roast! All your favorite stars from Annoying Orange return to roast Orange! STARRING: PHIL DEFRANCO as POT ROAST: youtube.com iJUSTINE as PASSION: youtube.com MYSTERYGUITARMAN as POTATO: youtube.com DESTORM as PARTY ROCK: http SMOSH as BANANAS: youtube.com BOBJENZ as GRAPEFRUIT: youtube.com KEVIN BRUECK as GRANDPA LEMON: youtube.com MICHAEL BUCKLEY as SUNFLOWER: youtube.com TOBY TURNER as EGGPLANT: youtube.com JULIAN SMITH as WALLNUT: youtube.com GREG BENSON as MEATBALL: youtube.com MICHAEL GALLAGHER as YAM: youtube.com THE FINE BROS as CORN: youtube.com BARATS AND…

  • Kahani Comedy Circus Ki - Episode 6 - 22nd January 2012

    setindia
    22 Jan 2012 | 11:42 am
    Kahani Comedy Circus Ki - Episode 6 - 22nd January 2012 Get ready to ride on the roller coaster of laughter and fun as Comedy Circus is set to tickle your ribs with its fresh season, Kahani Comedy Circus Ki.This season essentially will go down the memory lane with the past successful seasons like Jadoo, Tansen, Circus, Teen ka Tadka as the themes for epsiodes... These themes will be seen as challenges for the contestants... From: setindia Views: 203812 136 ratings Time: 47:25 More in Shows
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    Halushki

  • French Parents Are Superior. In Fact, Most Other Parents Are Better Than You Are.

    Josette at Halushki
    5 Feb 2012 | 5:49 pm
    The author, back in the day, messing-up her first kid Dear New Parents, Hi! How's it going?  Feeling a bit tired? Maybe a little less spry these days what with the 2AM feedings or trying to keep up with a toddler whose main occupation seems to be trying to find new ways to turn your hair gray - licking outlets, hurtling themselves down stairs, not eating antioxidant rich foods? Maybe you're feeling a bit overwhelmed.  Out of your league. Like you'll never get the hang of this parenting thing and the guilt is starting to seep in with more and more "Oh, what have I done?"…

  • Tiger Mom, Maybe; Ninja Mom, Definitely

    Josette at Halushki
    13 Jan 2012 | 8:03 am
    Mother: Hey, did you hear anything about any new after school language classes coming up? Child: Whaddaya mean? Mother: You know, like the French class you took after school last year? Child: Huh? Mother: You know, like the French class that's taught by the high school students who come to your school one afternoon a week for a few months to teach you a foreign language? Child: Uh...I dunno. Mother: So, if I email your teacher or look through your backpack, I won't find out that there's another after school language class starting soon? Child: Oh, that. Mother: Yes, that. Child: I don't…

  • Pennsylvania Farm Show with The Tractor Expert

    Josette at Halushki
    9 Jan 2012 | 11:22 pm
    This is The Tractor Expert. He knows a lot about tractors, farm equipment, and all sorts of machinery that make noise and move things around in a loud, destructive/constructive fashion. Today he is at the Pennsylvania Farm Show - a week-long extravaganza of farm equipment, farming supplies, pigs, goats, chickens, cows, milkshakes, butter sculptures and gewgaws galore. Right now, he is on his third ice cream. Farm Show is a lot like camping: Mom lets you eat a lot of junk. Eating ice cream is also important if you are a Tractor Expert. Here are some of the many fascinating…

  • Homeschooling Figure Skaters

    Josette at Halushki
    6 Jan 2012 | 9:11 am
    A while back, someone asked me to write a post on my thoughts about homeschooling. They were especially wondering whether I'd ever consider homeschooling my daughter who is a competitive figure skater. At one point when I lived in center city Philadelphia in the catchment area for a seriously failing public school, I had looked into homeschooling. I bought the books, joined the co-ops, engaged in the debates. I was convinced it was for us. Then we moved to the suburbs of Harrisburg and into a seriously awesome public school district. It's not perfect. But the more general complaints about…

  • Open Letter To Retail Shoppers, Especially During This Time Of Year

    Josette at Halushki
    15 Dec 2011 | 9:16 am
    I am a low-level, store-floor retail employee. I am paid somewhere between $7.00 - $9.00 per hour to offer helpful customer service. I am paid to be factually knowledgeable regarding the products our store sells. If I do not have the answer to your particular question, it is my job to find another employee who can answer your question, or to research your question myself and get back to you with an answer in a timely manner. I am paid to find solutions to potential problems regarding the products you've purchased in our store - as well as with your overall shopping experience - whether that…
 
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    English Russia

  • The Bunker Where Beria Was Shot

    kulichik
    9 Feb 2012 | 3:31 am
    One of the key historical underground constructions where Beria was shot is claimed abandoned. Nevertheless, it is related to Moscow commandant’s office and is well-guarded by soldiers. Lavrentiy P. Beria, a Georgian Soviet politician and chief of the Soviet security … Read more...

  • New Grozny

    ok4u2bu
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:56 am
    Grozny City is a complex of high-rise buildings which will serve as hotels, business centers and condominiums in Grozny, the Chechen Republic. Let’s get on top of the tallest building in the city to see what it looks like from … Read more...

  • News From Russian Roads, Part 51

    ok4u2bu
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:44 am
    It looks like that pole tailgated this LADA Kalina and, may be, exceeded the speed limit! What you see in these photos is the result of several dogs pursuing a cat. They scratched the car all over, bit a hole … Read more...

  • Frozen Black Sea

    ok4u2bu
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:42 am
    The frozen Black Sea is worth waking up early in the morning and going out on a frosty day to go photograph it… Location: The Black Sea

  • Arms For Black Market

    ok4u2bu
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:15 am
    The ground contains a lot of arms left after World War II. Sometimes people find it but not all of them hand it in to the officials. Check out this collection of arms found in the woods of the country … Read more...
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    EveryJoe

  • Volkswagen “The Dog Strikes Back” – 2012 Super Bowl Commercial

    Kori Ellis
    6 Feb 2012 | 8:40 am
    In 2011, Volkwagen’s Super Bowl commercial with a little boy imitating Darth Vader went viral, capturing the hearts of Star Wars fans and even non-geeks. So this year, Volkswagen decided to stick to the Star Wars theme, but this time used an overweight dog rather than a young boy. The ad was considered one of the best from the 2012 Super Bowl commercials. In case you missed it check out the video below, as well as “The Making Of: The Dog Strikes Back.” Post from: EveryJoe

  • Teleflora Adriana Lima Ad – 2012 Super Bowl Commercial

    Kori Ellis
    6 Feb 2012 | 8:17 am
    Advertisers know that hot chicks can really make a Super Bowl commercial. So it was no surprise to see sexy Adriana Lima in the Teleflora ad during this year’s Super Bowl. The commercial features Lima as she prepares for a special Valentine’s Day date. Post from: EveryJoe

  • Doritos “Sling Baby” – 2012 Super Bowl Commercial

    Kori Ellis
    6 Feb 2012 | 8:14 am
    One thing that I didn’t like about the Super Bowl commercials this year is that so many of them were released in the days and weeks leading up to the game. That takes away a lot of the excitement and shock value. Doritos always has a few good commercials during the Super Bowl, let’s take a look at their Sling Baby ad. Post from: EveryJoe

  • Stripping M&M – 2012 Super Bowl Commercial

    Kori Ellis
    6 Feb 2012 | 8:10 am
    M&M’s latest character — Ms. Brown — got a lot of attention during yesterday’s Super Bowl. The stripping M&M commercial was one of the hottest Super Bowl ads of the day. She’s sexy and she knows it. Post from: EveryJoe

  • Hyundai “All for One” – 2012 Super Bowl Commercial

    Kori Ellis
    6 Feb 2012 | 8:07 am
    You can’t go wrong with a commercial featuring the Rocky theme. Fans loved Hyundai’s “All for One” Super Bowl commercial — one of the many ads from car manufacturers shown during the big game on Sunday. Post from: EveryJoe
 
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    Postcards From Yo Momma

  • In Case of Charles Manson

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    8 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    Yesterday i found a crack in the foundation and called a guy from the yellow pages.  He is going to fix it tomorrow or monday or tuesday for a trivial amount of money but he seemed a little strange so just wanted you to know who it is just in case he’s really a serial killer.

  • I Have Fun Too

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    6 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    Backstory: My mother got a mammogram the same day that I had a quiz in geography, and felt the need to give me an update when I gave her one. me: aced my geography quiz! i got them all right! mom: u the bomb! i got my boobies smashed! see? i have fun too.

  • Way Harsh, Mom

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    3 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    Backstory: I only date guys who are very smart and, in the past, this has equaled NOT the most attractive men out there.  I finally found a smart and really hot guy!  My mom was clearly shocked! Me: I just sent you an email with a picture of me and Jeff.  Did you get it? Mom: Yeah.  I have your email. Mom: OMG!  Holy Shit!  I’m so used to you dating fuglies that I was shocked to see how handsome he is.

  • How Mom REALLY Feels About Sesame Street

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    1 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    Me: So, the Halloween party I went to was really fun Mom: Were there a lot of Snookis? Me: No, didn’t see any Snookis. Mom: She’s a degenerate. Me: There were a lot of Lady Gagas. Mom: I can’t stand Lady Gaga; she should be ashamed of herself. Me: What?  I like Lady Gaga.  Oh, the group of guys we went with dressed as the Sesame Street characters! Mom: I can’t stand Sesame Street. Me: What? Mom: They’re obnoxious.  I just never told you that growing up.

  • The Joys of Aging

    Postcards From Yo Momma
    30 Jan 2012 | 10:00 am
    Backstory: Mom’s response to my email asking how old Dad is turning next week. He was born in 1950…………….yikes, 62.  Don’t say anything about getting old.  It is bugging him that we are getting old and he is a little depressed.  When he gets depressed, he obsesses about his bowels. Love MOM
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    Strange Herring

  • A Strange Review: The Artist

    Anthony Sacramone
    4 Feb 2012 | 7:27 pm
    Great jumping dust bunnies! The way critics have fawned over this film, you’d think it had been a collaboration between Charlie Chaplin and F.W. Murnau only recently discovered in a vault somewhere, lovingly restored by Martin Scorsese and paired with an animated short courtesy of Pixar. What a mildly amusing trifle—emphasis on mildly and trifle. A black-and-white* silent film that is an homage to silent films, with a retro aspect ratio to boot. Got it. A silent movie star (Jean Dujardin) in 1929 Hollywoodland finds his career in tatters with the advent of sound. A young former costar…

  • He Would Have Been 80 Today

    Anthony Sacramone
    3 Feb 2012 | 5:00 am
    He was born in a province of southern Italy that gets so much snow, one of its biggest winter tourist attractions is its ski resorts. His most profound childhood memories were of a German soldier waving a bayonet in his mother’s face, dead Allied soldiers, severe hunger, and children from his town losing limbs to scattered grenades. When old enough he tried to emigrate to Australia, but a grudge against his family led someone to report, falsely, to the Australian authorities that he was a member of the Communist Party, and his visa was denied. He turned to America, and booked steerage on an…

  • Razing the Temple of Atheism before It’s Built

    Anthony Sacramone
    29 Jan 2012 | 4:48 pm
    Atheist Alain de Botton wants to build a Temple of Atheism in London: The philosopher and writer Alain de Botton is proposing to build a 46-metre (151ft) tower to celebrate a “new atheism” as an antidote to what he describes as Professor Richard Dawkins’s “aggressive” and “destructive” approach to non-belief. Rather than attack religion, De Botton said he wants to borrow the idea of awe-inspiring buildings that give people a better sense of perspective on life. “Normally a temple is to Jesus, Mary or Buddha, but you can build a temple to…

  • Do You Have a Religion?

    Anthony Sacramone
    29 Jan 2012 | 4:18 pm
    Sociologist Peter Berger (A Rumor of Angels, The Heretical Imperative) provided this insight in a 2006 lecture on “Lutheran Identity in America”: This spirit [of Lutheran freedom] should above all give one a certain distance from one’s cultural context and thus protection against becoming captive to it. But in the current American situation, it seems to me that the two central ideas of Lutheranism could provide guidance . . . both for a critique of the current situation and for a constructive stance. 1. A conviction that salvation occurs sola fide and the much-maligned…

  • Rest in Pizza, Juan Epstein

    Anthony Sacramone
    26 Jan 2012 | 7:13 pm
    OK, Welcome Back, Kotter wasn’t Yes, Minister. It wasn’t even The Odd Couple. But damn the cast looked like they were having fun — and they each carved out a goofy persona that, when thrown into the volatile mix of high school hijinx, unrequited love, and a frustrated comic of a homeroom teacher, delivered some explosive laughs. Robert Hegyes, who played the Puerto Rican Jew Juan Epstein (and who was himself of Hungarian-Italian extract), was both Chico and Harpo to Gabe Kaplan’s Groucho. Overshadowed by John Travolta, who would go on to stupid-super-stardom, and even…
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    The Parody Files

  • Song Parody: The Beatles, “Nowhere Man”

    Oliver Clozoff
    2 Feb 2012 | 10:11 am
    Here’s our retarded little parody of The Beatles’ “Nowhere Man.” COULTER, ANN What’s the deal, Coulter, Ann With your scary mutant hand You look like an in-drag man who’s too bony Has a right-wing point of view And a Reagan tail tattoo Thinks she’s way more smart than you and me Coulter, Ann, you’re snarky And you spout such malarky Coulter, Ann, polemic screed is your brand Wouldn’t know civility If it bit her gluteally Don’t think she thinks critic’ly at all Coulter, Ann, so scary And you’re quite contrary Coulter, Ann,…

  • Song Parody: Billy Idol, “Eyes Without a Face”

    Oliver Clozoff
    25 Jan 2012 | 9:27 am
    Here’s our retarded parody of Billy Idol’s “Eyes Without a Face.” GUYS IN OUTER SPACE I can’t drop the soap In micro-g, nothing will fall We’re so far from home On rockets we have flown No girls, just guys alone It’s easy to believe My crewmates Bill and Steve Are really Jill and Eve (Les gars dans l’espace) Guys in outer space (parlez-vous francais) Nine months in this place (omelette du fromage) Guys in outer space This no-woman place, we’re guys in outer space I spent so much time In training for this ride My crewmates by my side Now in…

  • Re-Purposing Ideas for Your Leftover Toxic Credit Default Swaps

    liamj
    14 Dec 2011 | 5:47 pm
    Got caught holding the hot potato, eh? Me too. And then, suddenly, nobody else wanted to play . . . They all said, “Umm, I don’t know, man, I think I’m tired of hot potato. How about we switch to Red Light-Green Light, or Mother May I?” As in: Mother may I have a bail-out. So, here we are, the salt-of-the-earth types, the ones not in on the in, left on the other side of the looking glass, peering through to try to make out what’s going on in that magic land on the other side as we hold our worthless sacks of toxic credit default swaps. Well, fear not, favored…

  • RIP: Bill Keane

    Oliver Clozoff
    17 Nov 2011 | 11:12 am
    Bill Keane, creator of The Family Circus cartoon, has died. In his honor, here’s how we imagine the cartoon would have gone if authored by H. P. Lovecraft.  

  • Song Parody: ABBA, “Dancing Queen”

    Oliver Clozoff
    26 Oct 2011 | 7:00 am
    Here’s our stupid parody of ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” Mr. Clean You can scrub, you can wipe, cuts through the grime like a knife See that floor, watch it gleam, diggin’ the Mister Clean Tile’s white and the dirt sure shows Filthy grout, and the baseboard’s gross Hate to think what forensic scientists would glean With luminol at this scene Who is that muscular bald guy On that jug on the shelf up high Pour a bit in a bucket, catch a scent of pine Then mix it up with a sponge And then attack that grunge… You are the Mister Clean, yellow-green, oh so…
 
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    Fair City News

  • Snake Oil

    FairCityNews.com
    9 Feb 2012 | 7:45 am

  • Missouri Primary Results Show We Can Waste Money!

    FairCityNews.com
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:14 am
    Burning money is what Missouri does best Springfield, MO – Several voters turned out to vote in Missouri’s meaningless Republican primary to prove that Missouri can waste a crap-ton of money on a meaningless and painfully boring activity such as voting for politicians. “Yeah, voting is so much fun!” sneered Nancy Huffingtonmunch, a nasty old woman who felt compelled to volunteer to count ballots to reduce the wasteful activity. “I figure if I donate my time I can offset some of the wasteful spending and maybe steer our state budget back on track.” Surprisingly, state government…

  • Squirrels Express Themselves Via Pine Cones

    FairCityNews.com
    7 Feb 2012 | 7:55 am
    Squirrels create a message in a fence Springfield, MO – Local squirrels busied themselves by creating a work of word art made from pine cones this past week – communicating an important message of “Booobz”. The pine cone script expressed several emotions by passerbys near the intersection of National and Bennett streets. “I was sitting inside Mexican Villa enjoying sweet sauce and chips when I saw like 30-40 squirrels gathering up pine cones. I was enthralled. Then they started stuffing the cones into the fence and I thought ‘well that’s funny’. Then all of a sudden they…

  • Traffic Report

    FairCityNews.com
    6 Feb 2012 | 7:51 am

  • Black Ink Comics – February

    FairCityNews.com
    3 Feb 2012 | 6:35 am
    Check out more comics at BlackInkComics.com
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    FMyLife

  • SocialAnxietyNightmare says FML

    SocialAnxietyNightmare
    9 Feb 2012 | 5:42 am
    Today, my social anxiety got so bad, I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World Of Warcraft party. FML

  • Zoey says FML

    Zoey
    9 Feb 2012 | 4:17 am
    Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

  • thatgirl34 says FML

    thatgirl34
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:29 am
    Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

  • thairsha says FML

    thairsha
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:05 am
    Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, and I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML

  • Falcon says FML

    Falcon
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:42 pm
    Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML
 
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    Lowering the Bar

  • Strange Doings in Colorado

    Kevin
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:30 pm
    From the police blotter for Highland Ranch/Lone Tree, Colorado: A little further down, there's a report of an apparent burglary -- though no money was taken -- at a "Cheeburger Cheeburger" restaurant. Coincidence? The same list includes the reported theft of a pitbull named "Sweet Potato," as well as an attempt to use counterfeit money at the "Hot Topic" clothing store: "An employee said two men paid for clothing with bills that might not have been authentic. The ink was running on several of the bills." Patience is a virtue, first-time counterfeiters. Oh, also, they had a GOP caucus in that…

  • Sotomayor Resolves Muppet Dispute

    Kevin
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:12 pm
    While I think it's great that a justice is appearing on Sesame Street, there are some problems with this vignette. First, the case clearly is not properly before the Court, unless they're suggesting Baby Bear filed a cert petition, and there's no constitutional issue here anyway, and no quorum. Second, Justice Sotomayor should be limiting her review to the record below, not hearing testimony from a couple of Muppets who just walk in off the street. Worse, she was apparently about to hear the bear's argument ex parte, if Goldilocks hadn't shown up when she did. Third, what law is she…

  • Good Reason to Kill #21: Wanted to Play Through

    Kevin
    8 Feb 2012 | 1:00 pm
    It's pretty well established by now that you golf at your own risk, at least when it comes to the risk of getting hit by a golf ball. But the assumption-of-risk doctrine doesn't apply if the defendant has unreasonably increased the inherent risks of a sport in some way -- for example, let's say, if he stabbed somebody with a broken golf club. On January 27, two groups of gentlemen were enjoying a leisurely, stress-relieving game of golf at the Eagle Mountain Lake golf course near Fort Worth. As sometimes happens, one of the groups was playing faster than the other. In this circumstance,…

  • Cross That One Off the List

    Kevin
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    According to the Butte Montana Convention and Visitors Bureau, the Butte area "abounds with outdoor recreation opportunities." It probably does, but apparently it's still possible to get bored there. The Montana Standard reports that a 55-year-old man was charged this week with reckless driving after he led police on a high-speed chase early last Thursday morning. Police said the man tailgated a police car for about seven blocks and then pulled past it and drove away at more than 70 mph. Officers pursued, and after a while the man pulled over. But as an officer approached his car, he took…

  • Jokes in the Profession

    Kevin
    7 Feb 2012 | 1:00 pm
    From the first chapter of Bleak House, by Charles Dickens, who would be 200 years old today if he hadn't died in 1870: Jarndyce and Jarndyce drones on. This scarecrow of a suit has, in course of time, become so complicated that no man alive knows what it means. The parties to it understand it least, but it has been observed that no two Chancery lawyers can talk about it for five minutes without coming to a total disagreement as to all the premises. Innumerable children have been born into the cause; innumerable young people have married into it; innumerable old people have died out of it.
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    Funny Emails

  • “I got so drunk…so many times!”

    Pradeep
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:08 am
    Stage 1 - SMART  This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This [...]

  • No worries about the calories licking these stamps.

    Pradeep
    8 Feb 2012 | 9:01 am
    Roald Dahl and Quentin Blake fans alike will be lapping up these ‘Wonkalicious. Whizzpopping. Swizzfiggling’ new Royal Mail stamps launched, ‘in tribute to one of the world’s greatest storytellers, this unique collection celebrates his most famous works, his best-loved characters and tales of his extraordinary life’. The set of 6 stamps feature original illustrations of [...]

  • Good Question

    Pradeep
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:52 am
    Filed under: entertainment, humour, insane

  • To Those of Us Born 1935 – 197 5

    Pradeep
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:16 pm
     At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno. If you don’t read anything else, please    Read what he said. Very well stated, Mr. Leno. ~~~~~~~~~ TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930s, ’40s, ’50s, ’60s and ’70s!! First, we survived being born to mothers who may have [...]

  • A woman’s hand

    Pradeep
    7 Feb 2012 | 7:46 am
    Filed under: art, entertainment, humour, insane, superb, wmml
 
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    Comedy Central Insider | Funny, TV and Comedy Blog

  • Vote for #SheenRoast in the Social Media Influencer Awards

    Matt Tobey
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:01 pm
    Sure it pretty much completely neglected Friendster and Prodigy, but you have to admit The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen still had a hell of a social media presence. It was nothing short of a fully integrated, tweetastic, second-screen synergasm. So why not give credit where credit is due and vote for the Sheen Roast in The Social Media Society's Influencer Awards. Voting ends tomorrow, so hurry!

  • Nancy Pelosi vs. Colbert Super PAC

    Dennis DiClaudio
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:22 pm
    From Indecision… I'm not so sure former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi wants to be playing with this kind of fire. Or this kind of magic lightning or whatever. Publicly coming out against super PACs has got to be kind of dangerous. But to come out against Stephen Colbert's super PAC? That's got to be like an anti-Colbert Bump times a zillion, right? The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

  • Futurama Fanarama: Bender Binary Marriage Proposal

    Matt Tobey
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:51 am
    Just in time for Valentine's Day comes what has to be the most romantic Futurama Fanarama yet (sorry, guys with naked Leela tattoos!) It's a delightful marriage proposal video from YouTube user doctorpoppa who proves that anyone who says a guy in a Bender mask speaking binary can't find true love can bite his shiny metal ass. [via HuffPost Weddings]

  • Patrice O'Neal's Posthumous Album Mr. P Is Now Available

    Eric Feezell
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:39 am
    Slate discusses Patrice O'Neal's recently released posthumous comedy album Mr. P in this laudatory and honest review, calling it "hilarious" (of course), "bittersweet," and a great representation of O'Neal's superbly improvisational stand-up style. The following critical nugget was spot-on: By needling his crowd . . . , O’Neal manages to peel away the social niceties that keep people guarded and nervous—and less likely to laugh. And so, once he’s ready, he can start talking about his life, often without even really telling jokes, and absolutely…

  • Jon Stewart Advocates for Cancer-Stricken 9/11 First Responders

    Matt Tobey
    8 Feb 2012 | 4:39 pm
    A little over a year ago, Jon Stewart played an instrumental role in raising awareness for the Zadroga Bill to provide healthcare to 9/11 first responders. Fortunately, the bill passed. However, in a twist that sounds like it's from a dark satire about how broken and inefficient our government is, cancer is not a covered ailment. So, Jon has once again lent his voice to the cause with this PSA for the FealGood Foundation:
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    nonamedufus

  • It's In The Jeans

    nonamedufus
    9 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    You know that saying "You are what you eat"? Well now your jeans can be. If you eat raspberries, that is. A company called the Naked and Famous Denim is selling a line of "scratch-and-sniff" men's jeans. Yeah, I read it on the internet, so it must be true.Damn you Prince for giving these guys this idea with your Raspberry Beret.Actual photo of raspberry jeans.You know I'm not too sure just who'd do the scratching and who'd do the sniffing. Prince, maybe.Now the company explains their drift into fruit of the loom territory saying guys don't like to wash their jeans. They like that lived-in…

  • Pause Ponder and Pun #111

    nonamedufus
    8 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    Okay, this week we have a wheelie challenging pic for you.Hey, I wouldn't give you the gears.You know of course we search the interwebs far and wide to bring you fresh, new and original pictures every week. We don't re-cycle them ever.So leave a caption in the comments.Come Saturday we'll learn who among you mis-spoke themselves.

  • Sometimes Relationships Can Be Complicated

    nonamedufus
    6 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    Women. Sometimes you can't live with them. And sometimes you can't live with them. Don't get me wrong. I love my wife. Madly. And I simply can't live without her. But if I were to believe everything I read I'd think women are...how shall I put this? Flighty?Two articles I came across last week gave me pause. And good thing for me that anything that gives me pause usually ends up in a post on my blog.And men, consider this a public service. Oh, yes, I'm more than happy to share with you helpful hints I've found to make your lives easier...no, no, no strike that...make your relationships more…

  • Sunday Funnies

    nonamedufus
    5 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am

  • Pause Ponder and Pump - You Up

    nonamedufus
    4 Feb 2012 | 6:00 am
    You know I've been gazing at this photo since Thursday and I simply can't figure out if it's the "before" or "after" shot.Any-hoo, here are our runner-up captioners...Body Builder Barbie - Recalled for the love of all that is holy.VenomMadonna's Super Bowl halftime show was kicked off by her two biggest hits.ShawnNobody ever looked at Gertrude in the eyes and commented on the size of her nose.LaughingmomAnd our, ahem, "wiener" this week is a Pause Ponder and Pun aficionado from way back...If you think that's gross, you should see the size of her penis.moooooogWay to go moooooog. You give new…
 
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    Christopher Gabriel

  • Barry Weiss: Road Trip to Fargo (audio)

    Christopher Gabriel
    31 Jan 2012 | 10:12 pm
    The only thing better than having Barry Weiss, the breakout star from A&E’s Storage Wars, live on the phone is having him live in studio for The Christopher Gabriel Program. Dinner with Barry on Sunday night, two hours on the program Monday, lunch that afternoon… toss in Tim Beers, Jr. and Tim Urian, producers from Original Productions and Storage Wars, filming the entire two hours in studio and you have one insane, rollicking, great couple of days in Fargo, North Dakota. I wrote about Barry on the CGP’s program blog in The Forum on how it came to pass that he came…

  • Andrew Young on Martin Luther King, Jr. (audio)

    Christopher Gabriel
    31 Jan 2012 | 4:37 pm
    Andrew Young was there. In Birmingham, in Selma, in Memphis… he was there. He watched history in the making. Thinking about him over the years, that’s what I’d say when his name would come up in discussion. Shortly before Mr. Young came on my program I told a WDAY colleague, “Andrew Young is a connection to history.” It wasn’t until that moment I realized how wildly incorrect I had been for so many years. Andrew Young wasn’t a connection to history. He was, and remains, a part of our history. And as you’ll learn very quickly, speaking to Mr.

  • Gingerbread People: The Controversy (audio)

    Christopher Gabriel
    22 Dec 2011 | 5:46 pm
    One of the most intense controversies sweeping America: Gingerbread People. I’ve been overwhelmed with emails and phone calls asking if I would do a little digging to better understand what’s at the bottom of gingerbread people. Specifically, the gingerbread men – they appear to be naked. The women, however – clothed. That’s the crux of the issue: Why are gingerbread men naked? Or are they naked? I needed to call in an expert and there is no one better than my pal, Twin Cities Angie. As I’ve come to learn over the years, when the subject is gingerbread…

  • Lessons in Ethics from The Bolles School (audio)

    Christopher Gabriel
    12 Dec 2011 | 4:40 pm
    One of the things I’ve spoken about on my program many times is the seeming lack of athletic stories involving character, dignity and class. Sadly, it’s something in step with our country both socially and culturally. But it manifests itself most prominently in athletics. Drugs, fights in bars, cheating by coaches and athletes alike… the list of black marks on sports grows exponentially by the particular season we’re in. How young do we have to go to find athletes and / or coaches doing the right thing for the right reasons? Enter, The Bolles School in…

  • Clint Hill: Before, During and After November 22, 1963 (audio)

    Christopher Gabriel
    19 Nov 2011 | 3:09 pm
    Clint Hill is a native of Larimore, ND, born in 1932.  17 days after his birth he was dropped off at the North Dakota Children’s Home. Growing up in Washburn, ND, he later attended and graduated from Concordia College in Moorhead, MN.  Shortly thereafter he enlisted in the Army and was selected for Army Intelligence School.  After graduating, Mr. Hill was made a Special Agent  in the Counter Intelligence Corps. In 1958 the Denver Secret Service office had an opening and Mr. Hill was encouraged to apply. To no one’s surprise, he got in with ease and less than a year later he was…
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    ann's rants

  • My Dead Strip Mall Valentine and Madison Auditions!

    6 Feb 2012 | 9:33 am
    This week I have an essay over at The Isthmus about my 1980s Madison childhood spent waiting at a strip mall before people referred to them as "strip malls." If one of your regular babysitters was the "wayback" you might like it too.    When I'm not blogging, writing, social networking or serving The Lords of Imig Abby, I facilitate the behemoth live reading series named LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. Auditions have been announced in nearly every city, and I cannot encourage you strongly enough to resist all your can'ts and doubts-- just give it a try. While the project attracts experienced…

  • The State of Our Union

    30 Jan 2012 | 6:00 am
    Mr Husband, Mr Son, Mr. Smaller Son, Distinguished Fur Bastard: We gather tonight knowing our years of investment and service to The Imig family Home. Sixteen years of coupledom, 7 and 5 years of boychildren, and 15 years (7 of 9 feline lives) respectively. For the first time in years there are no Imigs leaving weapons of mass destruction in basement corners or under furniture, and our house is more respected and safer for unsuspecting playdates and their parents. We began as a duo, traversing the North Side of Chicago. From my first apartment above a crack-den on State and Division, to our…

  • 13 Seconds of My Family

    23 Jan 2012 | 8:10 pm
     Beware the retractable key chain... (if you can't see the video, click here.)  Jayne of In Jayne's World Congratulations, you win a copy of  Keija Parssinen's The Ruins of Us!! Email me your mailing address and she'll get it to you. Thanks everyone for your comments!

  • Dear Ann Krinsky Age Twenty

    17 Jan 2012 | 6:03 am
    A version of this letter appeared as a feature for Brava Magazine last spring. My girlfriends are especially on my mind and in my heart right now, so I thought I’d share it… Dear Ann Krinsky Age Twenty rehearsing a monologue, How are you Ann Krinsky? The UW theater department smells exactly the same 17 years later—of burnt microwave popcorn, bare feet, and creative desperation. Nice suspender pants, by the way. Very The Limited-does-Annie Hall. I see you working diligently on your audition monologue for The Fantasticks. **Spoiler alert** you get the part. In fact, we could name…

  • My Shortcomings Catalog: A Focus on Musical Constipation

    10 Jan 2012 | 10:13 am
    I have a long list of shortcomings. Not curious about things I’m not already passionate about, I’m also ignorant about geography, history, and most of The Important Information people learn in school. This, despite the fact I performed well in my studies in excellent schools through 19th grade. I pick at myself, the pantry, and my husband when anxious. I learn only enough about technology to get by (see: my yahoo account). I expect my children to hurry when developmentally they’re programmed to stop getting dressed at underwear and one sock, in order to play with a delivery-pizza…
 
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    @TremendousNews!

  • 10 Movies That Could Have Ended With 2 Texts.

    Tremendous
    23 Jan 2012 | 11:30 am
    1. Free Willy 2. Home Alone 3. Saving Private Ryan 4. Gladiator 5. Dumb and Dumber 6. The Sixth Sense 7. The Lion King 8. Back To The Future 9. Lord Of The Rings 10. Avatar Follow me on twitter here. Tweet

  • The 10 Types Of Facebook Friends. Which One Are You?

    Tremendous
    23 Jun 2011 | 5:20 pm
    The world of Facebook is divided in ten. Ten types of personalities.  Ten distinct characters. And  guess what? You’re one of them. Or maybe not.  I can’t do every type.  That would take hours to write and you’ll zone out into a coma mid-way and go who’s this fat blogger dude again?  Remind me to send a picture of my package to him. In my mind all of you are Anthony Weiner. You’re my Ant Weiners. That? That made me smile. Let’s get to it.  The ten types of Facebook friends. 1. The Girl Who Never Gets Your/You’re Right.  Ever. Just once you want…

  • The 10 Annoying Phrases You Need To Stop Using.

    Tremendous
    27 Aug 2010 | 12:17 pm
    I'm betting she says 'epic' Ever since English was invented, there’s been a swath of phrases that annoy everyone. Like that? Swath? I read books now. I asked my tiny friends on Facebook for suggestions on some of their most hated phrases.  They gave me well over 70. I’m going to trim it down to 10 of the most vile. If you use any of these, stop immediately. 1. Peeps. The term ‘peeps’ was cool when people were ‘getting jiggy with it.’ Or when people were not, in fact, ready for her jelly. But we’ve evolved. And we’re not your peeps.

  • 10 Signs You’re A Facebook Stalker.

    Tremendous
    11 Aug 2010 | 9:00 am
    This is actually how creepy you are. Right now, you probably think you’re normal. Nice. Decent. Human. Ha! Hilarious. I know you.  Beneath your cheery smile is dark nerdy evil.  And your satanic lord is Facebook.  Once you log on, you can’t resist yourself.  You stalk people. Possibly while nude. If you don’t believe me, read the signs below.  If you do any of these things, you have a problem. 1. You Know When People Use Facebook. Your friend Sarah logs onto Facebook at around 9:30am.  Then again around 5pm. How do you know this?  Because you’ve observed and…

  • 5 Signs You’re About To Be Blocked.

    Tremendous
    27 Jul 2010 | 11:10 am
    A common scene in my life. (Except with way fatter chicks) Have you ever been blocked by someone on Facebook or Twitter? Don’t answer. That was rhetorical, dopey. You’ve been blocked. There’s been a point in time where someone evaluated your contribution to their world and said: Pass. Then they ensured they would never ever see you again by removing you completely from their lives. Hilarious. Here’s five signs you’re about to be blocked. 1. Someone Asks You “How Do You Find The Time To Update So Much”? This is a key phrase. How do you find the time.
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    MyLifeIsAverage.com

  • 2754549

    9 Feb 2012 | 12:20 pm
    Recently I found out that you can text the number (603) 933-0588 for advice. So far, he's told me how to survive a ninja zombie invasion, suggested ideas on how to debrainwash a Justin Bieber fan, wished me a merry Christmas, reads MLIA, and calls my friend Client 12. I am now Luna Lovegood on his contacts. I do believe I have made a new friend. MLIA.

  • 2754548

    9 Feb 2012 | 11:26 am
    My little brother bought me a new straightener for Christmas. In the directions, on the list of things not to do was "never use while sleeping" guess I've been doing it wrong this whole time! MLIA

  • 3296477

    9 Feb 2012 | 11:26 am
    Today, a couple of Twilight freaks got into discussion about Team Edward Vs. Team Jacob. My teacher got annoyed and said, "I'm still team 'Shove-Bella-off-a-cliff'" Good to know we MLIA'rs aren't the only ones!MLIA

  • 3296497

    9 Feb 2012 | 10:31 am
    Today, I bought an Adventure Time backpack shaped like Jake from Hot Topic. I was walking around the mall wearing it when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see that it was a girl. She turned around to show me her Finn backpack. We high fived. M (and her) LAA

  • 3153279

    9 Feb 2012 | 8:43 am
    Today, I went to the movies to see Harry Potter again. Me and my friend were in line to get food,when we realized the guy in front of us had a full Dobby mask on. My friend proceeded to take off his sock, fling it at Dobby, and run away screaming, "DOBBY IS A FREE ELF!!!" I was speechless. OurLAA
 
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    Safety Graphic Fun

  • Shredder Safety

    Julia
    30 Jan 2012 | 10:00 am
    The holidays are long over. No shredding your old gingerbread men. Dispose of them properly. Thanks Wendy W!

  • Classic Safety

    Julia
    27 Jan 2012 | 5:01 pm
    Here's an oldy but an extreme goody - the bridge looks fine, it's the bicycle spitting on you when you are down that's uncool. Thanks Jim!

  • Puddy Safety

    Julia
    9 Jan 2012 | 9:13 am
    All I hear is Puddy saying "High five!" Thanks Rich D!

  • Resolution Safey

    Julia
    5 Jan 2012 | 9:00 am
    "I will not to dive into or attempt handstands on top of bacon." Thanks Maria M! We'll see how long this resolution lasts...

  • Vocabulary Safety

    Julia
    2 Jan 2012 | 9:00 am
    I love starting the new year off by learning a new term: Toothpasteslubber! Now I know what to call it when cleaning the bathroom sink. "Who left all this #@%! toothpasteslubber in here???" Thanks Mike G from Afghanistan!
 
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    The Bean

  • The Artist’s Early Work: A Portfolio

    Bejewell
    20 Jan 2012 | 1:05 pm
    From Quiet to Chaos, 2011 Crayon on glass, with drapery overlay Interpretation/Critique: Clearly, the artist was trying to convey a sense of desperation and mayhem as one makes the transition from a quiet, self-reflective night to a day lived outside oneself, bringing all of one’s inner turmoil out into the light for the rest of the world to see. It’s a bold work, especially considering the dangers the artist himself faced in its creation, working in secret under the constant threat of time out. Bunny Beheading, 2011 Found objects Interpretation/Critique: This piece speaks out…

  • A Letter to the Leadership of the Former High School Asshole Association

    Bejewell
    11 Jan 2012 | 10:18 am
    Dear Esteemed Members of the Former High School Asshole Association: As President of the Former High School Nobody Association, it is my job to maintain an open line of communication with your leadership regarding our mutually accepted Former Asshole-Former Nobody Post-High School Code of Conduct (COC). Specifically, I’m required to monitor and report possible violations of the rules set forth in the COC’s Chapter 7: Interactions. Since the reunion of 2010 we’ve seen a significant increase in co-mingling between our two groups, which we consider a positive step; but these increased…

  • Death By Laundry

    Bejewell
    1 Jan 2012 | 10:52 pm
    It started as a little pile A tiny pile of dirtied style To wash it would just take a while A very short, short while. But my life was busy, so I let it grow, even though I needed clean and folded clothes I really let it go. The family just kept adding more The hamper spilled out on the floor Still, I refused to do my chore That useless, boring chore. And so, the pile became a mound 60 pounds, five feet around At least four feet from top to ground A real impressive mound. And THEN it grew into a hill A silly hill, like Jack and Jill It grew into a silly hill A silly, scary hill. The hill…

  • Things I’ve Done This Week Instead of Working Because I Have a Looming Deadline, a Problem with Authority and Terribly Self-Destructive Tendencies

    Bejewell
    8 Dec 2011 | 1:27 pm
    1. Completed Phase One (and only Phase One) of Operation: Finally Clean Out My Ridiculously Overcrowded Closet. This basically involved yanking out random items to create a precariously tall pile on the floor of my already-inconveniently small bathroom, where they still sit, threatening to collapse at any moment, while I start-and-don’t-finish tons of other unnecessary projects in a desperate effort to avoid Phase Two. P.S. Napoleon the Asshole has since peed on this pile. Awesome. 2. Spent hours browsing the Amazingly Sick World of the Internet for my contribution to this year’s Jett…

  • Action:Reaction

    Bejewell
    2 Nov 2011 | 10:54 pm
    IF YOU… I WILL… Hold the door open for me… Thank you profusely. Do NOT hold the door open for me… Thank you anyway, with dripping sarcasm. Tell me what to do… Take great pleasure in doing exactly the opposite of whatever you just said. Tell me I can’t do something… Prove you wrong. Cut me off in traffic… Wait until I’m next to you again, then casually scratch my nose… with my middle finger. Ask me what time it is… Answer with either, “MILLER TIME!” or “Time to make the donuts.” Become famous simply because you have big tits, a big ass, big hair or big…
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    Daniel Dickey Dot Com

  • I Love Books and Going to School

    admin
    7 Feb 2012 | 6:52 pm
    It’s been almost a year and a half since I spoke about my love for books and how they led me to want to finish my degree. I used to be able to spend an entire snowy day lying around reading books and fantasizing about taking tests. Well here I am, back in Florida, with six classes and a whole heap of homework and I’m starting to reminisce on those lazy days in Brooklyn. Asides from going to the library, I haven’t left my room in over month. My past Saturday night consisted of me reading popular plays during the Renaissance and eating half a gallon of ice cream (cookies…

  • Really Funny Math Test Questions

    admin
    5 Feb 2012 | 2:20 pm
    And to think I thought math was going to be hard.

  • How the Republican Party is Screwing the American Middle Class

    admin
    2 Feb 2012 | 3:28 pm
    This article was originally published in the Sun Sentinel and then in the Hartford Courant. As I dive deeper into the scandalous swamps of politics I’m often surprised at the misinformation dished out by small-minded, middle-income Americans. Many, if not most, are severely misguided on the primary concerns of the party they seem so proud to promote. Their attempts at political education consists of right-wing comics strips and five-minute Fox News updates. They don’t understand why the right vote isn’t always the right vote. They’ve been too brainwashed by, “if…

  • What do Financial Planners Do?

    admin
    1 Feb 2012 | 4:24 pm
    At 25 I don’t necessarily feel older, but old people things keep happening to me. Example: Today I got a call from a financial planner. That’s something that should happen to people with canes and dentures, not comedians. The planner–who sounded sixteen–was eager to speak to me about my money and what he could do with it. This was the short conversation that followed. Fiance Boy: Hi Daniel, I got your number from a close friend of yours. And in a meeting this week she said that it would be smart if you and I meet each other. Me: Meet in regards to what? Fiance Boy:…

  • The Funniest Facebook Fail EVER!

    admin
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:23 pm
    Oh the wonderful things on the internet.
 
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    BBC NEWS | Magazine Monitor

  • Your Letters

    Magazine Monitor
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:06 am
    Napoleon brought a quarter of a million horses to Russia but you say that he failed "for want of a winter horseshoe". I'd have thought that giving the lightest cart to the horse that had three winter shoes and one summer shoe have been reasonably effective. Obviously, he wasn't such a great leader after all. David Richerby, Liverpool, UK "Whiteread to make gallery frieze"? Why not? Everyone else is cold. Rob Falconer, Llandough, Wales Dearest and most beloved PM; you and I have had an "arrangement" for many years, in that I pop in to see you around lunchtime each working day, and you lay out…

  • Paper Monitor

    Magazine Monitor
    9 Feb 2012 | 9:50 am
    A service highlighting the riches of the daily press. A jury's acquittal of Harry Redknapp on tax evasion charges was greeted with understandable relief and jubilation by the Tottenham Hotspur manager. The conclusion of the trial was also welcomed by the media, too, with the occasion offering The Times the opportunity to re-publish a series of choice quotes from Mr Redknapp (who, lest we forget, writes a regular column in the Sun): I write like a two-year-old and I can't spell ... I can't work a computer, I don't know what an e-mail is. I have never sent a fax and I've never even sent a text…

  • Caption Competition

    Magazine Monitor
    9 Feb 2012 | 7:06 am
    It's the Caption Competition. You can submit captions for this week's picture using the comments box below (not the "Send us a letter" form on the right of this page). You will need to be registered to take part, but don't be put off if you haven't registered yet - it's a quick and easy process. Entries are accepted until 1230 GMT on Friday. All suitable entries will be published between now and then, and the winning six will be highlighted here at or about 1300 GMT on Friday. There is still no prize, except the traditional small quantity of kudos. Full rules can be seen here [PDF]. Here it's…

  • Your Letters

    Magazine Monitor
    8 Feb 2012 | 10:29 am
    How is a name like 'Medusa' a "broad, unsubtle allusion to sex and glamour"? To me, it suggests quite specifically that, those entering lap-dancing clubs run the risk of being turned to stone, which seems neither sexy nor glamorous. I'll get my polished silver shield. David Richerby, Liverpool, UK Reading this story: apparently, "The men, from Whitehaven, had been wearing no clothes on the trip from Gran Canaria to Port St Charles in Barbados to avoid chafing from material soaked by salty sea water." This was followed by the revelation: "Gradually it got worse, the swells got bigger... "…

  • Paper Monitor

    Magazine Monitor
    8 Feb 2012 | 10:06 am
    A service highlighting the riches of the daily press. On a rather downbeat day for news, picture editors gave thanks to a German-born dinosaur called Karl. Clear the front page, for Karl had savaged a British (strawberry) blonde. It was like a modern King Kong. Well, Paper Monitor exaggerates only a little. For this was veteran fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld who had summoned up a bygone age with his comment that Adele, while having a pretty face and lovely voice, was "a little too fat". Lagerfeld, who is a little white haired, teutonic and wrinkly - two can play at that game - gave the…
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    Twitter Fools

  • Five steps to creating a social community for your business…and why you should be doing them now

    TwitterFools
    9 Feb 2012 | 7:09 am
    Cristian Cussen gives useful tips on how to create a social community for your business. Source: Alltop RSS .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Beginner’s Guide To Planning, Building & Managing A Web Site Or Store

    TwitterFools
    9 Feb 2012 | 6:27 am
    Beginner’s Guide To Planning, Building & Managing A Web Site Or Store Your Complete Beginner’s Guide To Planning, Designing, Building, Managing And Promoting A Business Web Site Or Store – Written In Plain English By Accomplished Online Marketing Professionals For Smes & Beginning Internet Entrepreneurs Beginner’s Guide To Planning, Building & Managing A Web Site [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • How to Repurpose Your Blog Inventory

    TwitterFools
    8 Feb 2012 | 11:10 pm
    Guest blogger Mike Sansone is author of ConverStations and Co-Founder of the Dialing 8 Project, his passion is to build community – offline and online. He earns his keep as a Conversation Conductor by helping companies and professionals amplify their reach, relationships, and revenues using various forms of media. It takes great effort to maintain [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • GigaOm Acquires PaidContent Creating Premier Digital Media Brand

    TwitterFools
    8 Feb 2012 | 3:08 pm
    Tech blog GigaOm has acquired Content Next Media, parent of PaidContent and related blogs. Content Next, first acquired by Guardian Media in 2008, has been on the shopping block in recent months, as GMG looks to focus its operations. Of… Source: Alltop RSS .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.

  • Prius concept bike from Deeplocal (video)

    TwitterFools
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:09 am
    Check out this great example of the marriage between man (or woman) and machine from @deeplocal. They refer to themselves as a “post-digital shop” creating remarkable experiences that bridge the online and physical worlds. Just like the Likebelt post below, we are seeing a #COLLISION between the physical world and the digital world. Very exciting! [...] .:: For the rest of the article content, click through to TwitterFools.com ::.
 
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    Funny Emails

  • Farm Boy Pranks

    admin
    31 Jan 2012 | 3:36 pm
    Proof that you can never underestimate the innovativeness of American Farm Boys: At a high school in Iowa , a group of boy students played a prank. They let three goats loose inside the school. But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4. School Administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3. Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are…..

  • Daddy’s Home Early

    admin
    30 Jan 2012 | 11:08 am
    rriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,** **’Hello?’** **’Hi honey.** **This is Daddy.** **Is Mommy near the phone?’** **’No, Daddy.** **She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.’** **After a brief pause,** **Daddy says,** **’But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Gabe.’** **’Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy,** **Right now..’** Brief Pause. **’Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.** **Put the phonedown on the table, run upstairs** **And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**…

  • Old Farmers Advice

    admin
    29 Jan 2012 | 8:51 am
    Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. Words that soak into your ears are whispered……not yelled. Meanness don’t just happen overnight. Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge. You cannot unsay a cruel word. Every path has a few puddles. When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. The best sermons are lived, not preached. Most of the…

  • Stuff You Didn’t Know

    admin
    28 Jan 2012 | 8:48 am
    ———— ——— ——— ——— —- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury. ———— – ———— ——— ——– Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ———— ——— ——— ——— —- Coca-Cola was originally green. ———— ——— ——— ——— —- It is…

  • Bungee Jumping In Mexico

    admin
    27 Jan 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico.” . Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they’ll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. Al…
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    The Good, Clean Funnies List

  • Nurse Pin

    info@gcfl.net
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:00 am
    While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several of nurses were wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away." Received from Sally Budack.

  • Salesman

    info@gcfl.net
    8 Feb 2012 | 1:00 am
    One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm and knocked. Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I've got something to show him, ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties. He's the one with the beard and mustache." Received from Bestofhumor.com.

  • Road Closed

    info@gcfl.net
    7 Feb 2012 | 1:00 am
    They've closed a road near where I live in order to repair a collapsed sewer-pipe. The construction workers have put up a sign saying: ROAD CLOSED But, since the actual road closure is not apparent until you go around a bend, a lot of drivers go just to see if the road is *really* closed. After they see that the road really is closed, they start making their way back. Their embarrassment is made worse by another sign right behind the ROAD CLOSED sign, but facing them on their return. The new sign reads: TOLD YOU SO! Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

  • Best Friend

    info@gcfl.net
    3 Feb 2012 | 1:00 am
    Joe, the governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend. So, it was understandable that the governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe's job. "They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the governor muttered. At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?"…

  • A Talking Horse

    info@gcfl.net
    1 Feb 2012 | 1:00 am
    A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey! Come over here, buddy!" The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?" The horse replies, "Sure was. Man, I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this stupid farmer bought me. Now all I do is pull a plow, and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money 'cause I can still run." The jogger thinks to himself, "Boy, a talking horse!" Dollar signs start appearing in…
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    Dog and Pony Show

  • In the Year 2062 I’ll be 79 Years Old. I Hope to God That I Don’t Become the Future Hipsters Meme.

    Daye
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    You know how our grandparents like to tell us about how different the past was? They talk about everything from bread lines, low gas prices, ancient movies (where the whole cast and crew are dead) and of course where they were when Kennedy was assassinated. All we do is nod and smile politely because we love them, but really this stuff has nothing to do with our lives today. Well, the tables have turned. Here’s a glimpse into our inevitable future. It’s 2062 and we, the Hipsters of today, have become the hipster grandparents of tomorrow. Please, please, PLEASE Lord Baby Jesus in…

  • Average DAPS Reader: Wants to See More Slutty Photos in High School Yearbooks

    Carlo
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:00 pm
    Senior year of high school is a tough time for most teens. As they celebrate the close of their mandated educational careers, they also celebrate the beginning of adulthood. A scary time where individuals, ready or not, are expected to start answering tough questions about their world, their future, and themselves. While many teens have keepsakes from their time in high school, none are as important as their senior yearbook. Performing as the record of their days before adulthood, it is the most concrete and accurate depiction of who we once were. In these effective time capsules are our…

  • Carlo’s Cute and Cuddly Critters: Zwierki is the Picasso of Corgi Art

    Carlo
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:00 pm
    So few people in this world are blessed with artistic talent. Be it sculpture, acting, or blog writing (ahem), the world is often shaped by these individuals for years to come. Sometimes, animals are blessed with this gift. Zwierki is a corgi who has taken the art world by storm. His use of washable markers transcends the conventions of what a dog can do. His work evokes a range of emotions, drawing upon a Rothko-esque sense of color. Zwierki has a composition style that harkens back to the geometric lines and shapes used by Kandinsky. Take a look for your self. No word yet on when Zwierki is…

  • STFU AND WATCH JAY-Z AND KANYE’S AMAZING NI**AS IN PARIS MUSIC VIDEO

    chris
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:57 am
    An epilepsy warning. Lions. Will Ferrell. Mirrored Video. Illuminati/Freemason imagery. These are just some of the things you’ll experience while watching the music video for Jay Z and Kanye West’s epic “Ni**as in Paris” which was released today. Now, like my title suggests, I’m going to shut up and watch it. You should do the same: Amazing.

  • Will There Be a ‘Wet Hot American Summer’ Sequel?

    Daye
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:05 am
    All signs point to YES! I don’t normally like to write about sequels before they’re even written or filmed, but the notion that Wet Hot American Summer is getting a sequel is something that I’m actually excited about. Well, not overly excited. I’d say I’m more cautiously optimistic. I’m a huge fan of the original and I just hope writer and star Michael Showalter can keep the magic that’s contained in 2001′s Wet Hot American Summer rolling into a sequel. The news broke last night on a Bravo show called ”Watch What Happens Live“.
 
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    WordPress.com News

  • New Themes: Splendio and Suburbia

    Michelle Langston
    7 Feb 2012 | 12:00 pm
    Happy Tuesday! We’ve got two unique free themes for you today, and they are quite a study in contrasts. Our first theme, Splendio, dazzles with an unconventional yet stylish design from Design Disease that pops out of the box — literally. How you use this theme is limited only by your imagination! It comes loaded with features: six widget areas (one in the right sidebar and up to five in the footer), featured header images, and a custom background. In addition, there’s a showcase page template (pictured in the screenshot above) that includes a featured slider for sticky posts,…

  • Post Videos from Your iPhone or iPad

    Gary
    3 Feb 2012 | 5:01 am
    Would you like to post videos to your blog while you’re on the go? Are you interested in a photography theme that’s also video-friendly? Well, look no further, because we have some news for you. The VideoPress upgrade, which allows you to upload and embed your own videos on your blog, now comfortably handles videos from iPhones and iPads. You can shoot vertically or horizontally, and we’ll take care of rotating it for you so that your video looks great when it’s published on your site. If you don’t already have VideoPress on your WordPress.com account, head on…

  • New Themes: Currents and Debut

    Takashi Irie
    2 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Today, I’m excited to introduce the latest additions to our collection of premium themes. Designed by Andy Rutledge, Currents, is a responsive, minimal yet attractive premium theme from WooThemes. Currents is perfect for news driven sites. The phrase, “less is more” couldn’t be more true. This clean and minimal design maximises your reader’s focus on the content. Having said that, the theme is packed with many customization options — a wide featured post slider, custom news areas, six alternative color styles, and more. Together, all of these features help…

  • Import from Tumblr in 3 Easy Steps

    Peter Westwood
    2 Feb 2012 | 6:06 am
    We’ve recently noticed that a fair number of you have been bringing your tumblelogs over from Tumblr to WordPress.com using one of the variety of Tumblr to WXR conversion tools which exist on the web. We thought you would appreciate an easier way to import your content, so we bring you 3 easy steps to import your content. Authenticate with Tumblr To bring your tumblelog’s content to WordPress.com, head to Tools → Import in your WordPress.com dashboard and look for the Tumblr importer. If you don’t already have an account here on WordPress.com then head over and sign up…

  • Chrome Users: Try the WordPress.com Extension

    Christopher Finke
    27 Jan 2012 | 1:54 pm
    Want to receive WordPress.com notifications instantly, even when you’re not on WordPress.com? Add the new WordPress.com extension for Chrome and as soon as you get a new follower or a new like on one of your posts, a notification will appear in your browser: Simply click the icon to view your latest WordPress.com notifications: Start following new blogs without visiting WordPress.com The Chrome extension also makes it easy to follow sites from your WordPress.com account by displaying a Follow button whenever you’re browsing a site that has an RSS feed. Clicking the Follow button…
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    The Velvet Blog

  • A windy day

    8 Feb 2012 | 3:34 pm
    April 19, 1908Better late than never.Fine place down here.FredThat's the Flatiron Building in the background, previously seen here. As always, click image to embiggen.

  • Link dump

    6 Feb 2012 | 8:29 am
    Odds and ends I've linked to on Facebook, but not here:This New York Times story about a a dog and a kid with brain damage from fetal alcohol syndrome made me cry. Not that that's especially hard, but still. The sock monkey product you were waiting for: wine monkey.The New Yorker (yes, The New Yorker) fact checks its cartoons. The recent death of Nicol Williamson spurred me to look up this old Paul Rudnick piece about working with him in I Hate Hamlet. That would have been something to see!The lyrics to this Jeremy Messersmith song, "Dead End Job," just kill me.

  • Smackdown!: Punxsutawney Phil vs. Phil Collins

    2 Feb 2012 | 8:29 am
    A rerun from last year. Hey, it's topical again!Punxsutawney PhilWHO?: The most famous of spring-predicting groundhogs.PRO: Inspired the classic film Groundhog Day. Right 39% of the time, according to random page I found on the Internet. CON: Wrong 61% of the time. Basically, as Bill Murray has pointed out, an overgrown squirrel.Phil CollinsWHO?: Singer/songwriter/drummer/vague annoyance.PRO: There's so much he needs to say to you--so many reasons why. CON: If you told him you were drowning, he would not lend a hand. Also, "Sussudio": What the hell was that about?WINNER: Gotta go with…

  • The more things change...

    31 Jan 2012 | 9:46 am
    Folks across the Net are finding the product placement for Subway in Monday's episode of Hawaii Five O to be pretty ridiculous, and with good reason (because it is ridiculous):But I'd like to point out this used to be the norm. Netflix was, until recently, streaming episodes of Burns and Allen, and I caught a few before they disappeared. Twice in every episode, the plot is interrupted by plugs for Carnation:And, yes, the Flintstones used to shill for Winston cigarettes during the first season of the show. The bits weren't integrated into the dialogue quite like Burns and Allen, but the ads…

  • Reminder that the Internet doesn't neccessarily bring out the best in people

    30 Jan 2012 | 10:41 am
    Yeah, yeah. I know, it's not really breaking news. But a comment on this USA Today story caught my eye, boiling down what's wrong with the Internet to its essence. Headline:Comment on said story, and note that the person leaving the comment is around 60 years old, uses his real name and photo (he's on Facebook), and is a USA Today "Top Commenter."There are certain people who pine for a return to the America of the 1950s, lulled by false sense of what the country was like at that time (or eager to return to a time when people knew their place in society). All I'm saying is, I'd be happy if we…
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    BugginWord

  • This Week’s Tweets

    BugginWord
    5 Feb 2012 | 3:00 am
    Just stood by while Dad explained to the optician that "The best thing for cleaning eyeglasses is white cotton underpants." # Virginia bound. It's about time this kid found out about ranch dressing and sweet tea. # Must be all those years living in Manhattan, but I get a bit agoraphobic when I can't reach the toilet and sink from inside the shower. # Feels like the audiences from the presidential candidate debates (and maybe the candidates, too) have started a fight club in my colon. # Well it took 3 1/2 months of diligently setting a good example, but Dad just used the…

  • Re-uke-itation

    BugginWord
    3 Feb 2012 | 11:46 am
    Paul has decided we won’t be recording a new ukulele video today.  He decided that at one am this morning and has been reminding me with a determination that is rather daunting.  So you get an old video instead.  But it tee-otally meets our VD criteria. Now if you”ll excuse me, I”m off to shove my tits  in some guys face.  TGIMFBT. Try A Little Something DifferentUke and Julio Down By the SchoolyardLunch is the Most Important Meal of the DayMarketingShantaramHappiness

  • Where the Wild Crushes Are

    BugginWord
    31 Jan 2012 | 11:46 am
    You may have already seen this, Interwebz.  But I’ve watched it at least seven times and it still slays me.  So I can’t risk you missing it.  Thusly *said with a thick lisp*…. Try A Little Something DifferentFurther Proof Vampires Are RealEnjoy Your VDPubertyStrangle a Tampon for JesusThis Is A Recording

  • This Week’s Tweets

    BugginWord
    29 Jan 2012 | 3:00 am
    Me: "I need another song." Rocco: "Did you do Karl Marx yet?" Me: "You mean Richard?" Rocco: "Whatever." # Amen. http://t.co/1HeRUG0s # Rocco just tricked me into watching Moneyball. I'm never watching a baseball movie without Charlie Sheen and/or Jobu ever again. # Either I've taken up sleepwalking, we have a ghost, or Mildred has learned how to operate light switches. # Is it just me, or does the line between courage and stupidity get blurrier on a daily basis? # This kid demands more costume changes than Gaga. # Paul and his shadow.

  • All Out of Uke

    BugginWord
    27 Jan 2012 | 11:47 am
    Phew.  What a week.  But it’s Friday.  And I have a wine opener.  I’m not afraid to use it. But first, here’s Installment Three of Uber Cheesy 80′s Love Songs Massacred on Herbert for VD Awareness.  Or something. Happy MFBT! Other Related Ramblings You Might Enjoy:Hello (I Still Don’t Know How to Work the Word “Uke” Into A Single Word Title and It Frustrates Me But There’s Cold Beer Waiting, Damnit So Let’s Just Move On Already)Danny’s UkeUke-a-by BabySubstiukeI and Love and Uke
 
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    Chris Carlisle

  • Learning How To Talk To Girls Is Crucial

    admin
    6 Feb 2012 | 7:55 am
    There are two types of methods to use when you want to take a girl out and this depends on what you intend your interest is with that particular kind of person. If your purpose is to look for someone you can be around with for probably the rest of your life, take the slow approach. If you are just trying to get laid for possibly a night then take the fast approach. The essential ability that is needed in both of these techniques is to learn how to talk to girls. Perhaps believing this is just a simple prerequisite, there is actually a certain level of proficiency to achieve if you want to get…

  • Get On Top Of The Situation With Lightspeed Zulu And Other Supplies

    admin
    3 Feb 2012 | 3:26 pm
    Just like in other professions, there are certain equipments and supplies that are associated with pilot. These supplies and equipments are necessary and recommended for the competent and safe conduct of the job of a pilot. One such equipment is a headset. This is needed so that the pilot can block the noise produced by the aircraft and focus at the job. Headsets are readily available in the market and one popular option is the lightspeed zulu designed with quality in mind. Though not as pricey compared to the rest, the Lightspeed Zulu delivers on the important things. Pilots can rely on this…

  • Body Armor Protection From 45 Acp Bullets And Other Threats

    admin
    2 Feb 2012 | 5:25 pm
    Body armor or more commonly called as bullet proof vests are an essential part of a law enforcement officer’s gear. This is because a bullet proof vest can provide you with the protection you need from enemies who are trying to aim for your body. What most people do not know, however, is that body armor can be classified into several different types according to the level of protection they can offer. Type I classified body armor for example provides the most basic protection, and the higher the rating the greater the protection that can be gained. Type II bullet proof vests and higher…

  • Tips To Achieving A Fine Tasting Coffee With Rancilio Silvia V3

    admin
    31 Jan 2012 | 7:10 am
    The Italians are usually associated with pizza and pasta. But did you know that they are also responsible for perfecting the art of producing espresso? One should therefore not be surprised if Rancilio Silvia V3 is a popular espresso maker among coffee aficionados. Although Rancilio is operated semi-automatically, its excellent performance and high-quality accessories make it a commendable equipment in its category. The craftsmanship evident in Rancilio Silvia V3 is after all achieved with years of experience in espresso machine manufacture. With these machines, almost everyone can have…

  • When Do You Call An Emergency Dentist

    admin
    29 Jan 2012 | 8:21 pm
    One of the worst things that could happen to someone is be in emergency situations with his teeth. Such situations include extreme toothache. Most of the time people can tolerate headache but not toothache. It’s really irritating and often, one can’t fall asleep because of it. It usually happens when the tooth is really damaged due to tooth decay. The remedy for this is cleaning and filling it, performing root canal treatment or uprooting the tooth. This is the time to contact one’s emergency dentist to perform the needed dental procedure even at night. Emergency dentists…
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    What the Duck

  • WTD 1304

    Aaron
    6 Feb 2012 | 2:00 am

  • WTD 1303

    Aaron
    30 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am

  • WTD 1302

    Aaron
    23 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am
     The new What the Duck book is now AVAILABLE! All books come personalized, signed, and doodled in by the author, Aaron Johnson.

  • WTD 1301

    Aaron
    16 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am
    The new What the Duck book is now AVAILABLE! All books come personalized, signed, and doodled in by the author, Aaron Johnson.

  • WTD 1300

    Aaron
    9 Jan 2012 | 2:00 am
 
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    Living in L.A.

  • Are You Going Through Tough Times?

    Kung Fu Kev
    26 Jan 2012 | 8:10 am
    I just ran across this blog recently: we the change, which is full of personal growth, self improvement, and global consciousness articles. The title of this entry is hard to pass by without stopping by for a glance: How to Deal With Life in Tough Times And sure enough, this piece is some sound advice for people going through it;  which, my guess would include you too, right?

  • 'Why Are We Here?', Quote

    Kung Fu Kev
    24 Jan 2012 | 2:28 pm
     "You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement.You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand."  Woodrow Wilson Plain to see why he became president....

  • Dancing, According to the Gospels...

    Kung Fu Kev
    21 Jan 2012 | 1:30 am
           Religious? Here's what the gospels have to say about dancing: (recently spotted while perusing the net):       In the Gnostic gospel Acts of John, even Jesus danced and said to his disciples, "To the Universe belongs the dancer. He who does not dance does not know what happens." Early Christian churches carried on liturgical dancing in imitation of all their pagan contemporaries;

  • Remix of a Classic Rolling Stones Song

    Kung Fu Kev
    14 Jan 2012 | 7:43 am
    This is one of the better remixes I've heard of a classic song.  It's definitely worth listening to, both because it's a Rolling Stones song and because it's a good track. This piece is a side project from one of LA's own music industry experts, Reece McLughlin (BeatLab Records), aka Reecifer. The link to the song is below. Go to Soundcloud now and check it out; if you like it, you can download

  • Botox: Not Just Used to Make Girlfriends Look Younger

    Kung Fu Kev
    15 Nov 2011 | 8:56 am
    Wow, who would've thunk it? Botox has been approved by the FDA for treatment of migraines. If you have this terrible affliction, you should be aware of the new treatment on the block: Botox. Neurology.org Site I guess it makes sense that the pressure I feel during a migraine could be alleviated by something like this. I experience cluster migraines, which means I am fine most of the time,
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    Futility Closet

  • Fashion Victim

    Greg Ross
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:05 am
    Effects of lightning on Mrs. T.T. Boddington, struck as her post-chariot departed Tenbury on April 13, 1832, as reported in The London and Edinburgh Philosophical Magazine: The … electric fluid … struck the umbrella she had in her hand; it was an old one made of cotton, and had lost the ferule that is usually placed at the end of the stick, so that there was no point to attract the spark. It was literally shivered to pieces, both the springs in the handle forced out, the wires that extended the whalebones broken, and the cotton covering rent into a thousand shreds. From the wires…

  • Post Haste

    Greg Ross
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:06 am
    In 2006 a Russian student emailed her postal address to a friend in France so that she could send her a Harry Potter book. Unfortunately the French friend’s email program was not set up to display Cyrillic characters; instead, it produced diacritics from the Western character set. Apparently not realizing the error, the French girl copied them down and mailed the package. Postal employees realized what had happened, deciphered the address, and delivered the book successfully. (Thanks, Nicholas.) Readers of the Strand seemed to delight in torturing the post office. In 1908 one mailed…

  • Limericks

    Greg Ross
    8 Feb 2012 | 4:32 pm
    An innocent maiden of Gloucester Fell in love with a coucester named Foucester; She met him in Leicester, Where he merely careicester, Then the hard-headed coucester just loucester. There was a young lady of Worcester Who urcest to crow like a rorcester; She urcest to climb Two trees at a time, But her sircester urcest to borcester. “There’s a train at 4.04,” said Miss Jenny. “Four tickets I’ll take. Have you any?” Said the man at the door, “Not four for 4.04, For four for 4.04 are too many.” A certain young fellow named Beebee Wished to wed…

  • Alp Pal

    Greg Ross
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:48 am
    In 1868, American alpinist W.A.B. Coolidge received a unique gift — Tschingel, a 3-year-old dog with a preternatural passion for mountaineering. Though he was “not at all a dog fancier,” Coolidge began to take her on expeditions, and he watched as she climbed the Torrenthorn (2,998 meters), crossed the Gemmi pass (2,316 meters), and reached the summit of the Blümlisalphorn (3,664 meters) — where she slipped on the final slope and was caught by her collar as she slid toward the Oeschinensee. “She seemed to like it very much,” he wrote, “and, so we…

  • Footwork

    Greg Ross
    8 Feb 2012 | 12:55 am
    There was an old woman who lived in a shoe … and presumably she needed to take her kids for a stroll occasionally. Iowa inventory George Clark patented this “child’s carriage” in 1884. The shoe is fitted with a lace cord, h, so that “the child or doll may be placed in the carriage and then held securely in place without danger of falling out.” “If desired, the carriage may be provided with an umbrella, o.”
 
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    Best Clean Funny Jokes

  • True Wisconsinites know…

    traymond
    9 Feb 2012 | 3:34 pm
    Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. “Vacation" means going up north past Hayward for the weekend. You measure distance in hours. You know several people who have hit deer more than once. You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again. Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday. You can drive 65 mph through two feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events. You install security lights on your house and garage and…

  • Then what will my reward be?

    traymond
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:58 am
    One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said…

  • There are three other companies after me

    traymond
    8 Feb 2012 | 12:55 am
    "I have to have a raise,” the man said to his boss. “There are three other companies after me.” “Is that so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?” “The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”

  • Is this what I pay you for?

    traymond
    7 Feb 2012 | 12:53 am
    The boss came early in the morning one day and found an employee kissing his secretary. He shouted at the man, “Is this what I pay you for?” The employee replied: “No, sir, this I do free of charge.”

  • What is your name?

    traymond
    6 Feb 2012 | 11:35 am
    The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked him. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker ? that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that…
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    Down the Rabbit Hole

  • The Bourne Legacy Trailer

    9 Feb 2012 | 9:56 am
    Back a while ago Matt Damon was interested in doing a fourth Bourne movie. But I think a lot of that was just talk and eventually that talk faded away. Then I heard Jeremy Renner was hired to carry this franchise on, but I didn't know what to make of it. Now that I've watched the new trailer, which for me, (I had no idea they were even filming the fourth movie), has me pretty excited. There's a lot of familiar faces and some new ones to tie everything together it seems. Watch the trailer and you'll know what I mean. The Bourne Legacy Releases - August 2, 2012Stars - Jeremy Renner, Edward…

  • Todd On The Street - Super Bowl Predictions

    9 Feb 2012 | 8:11 am
    I forget to post this last week, so here it is anyways simply because its so funny. Todd hits the Toronto streets once again to see what everyone thinks the clear winner will be for the Superbowl. todd_superbowl.mp3 Listen on Posterous   Source - Dean Blundell Show Permalink | Leave a comment  »

  • Angry Grandpa - I'll Eat My Fucking Fish

    8 Feb 2012 | 3:01 pm
    Grandpa is enjoying some nuts, then is pissed his false teeth cant chew them. Then Grandpa enjoys some time cooking his fish, yet looses it for no reason. Permalink | Leave a comment  »

  • My New Twitter Followers

    8 Feb 2012 | 9:54 am
    I've recently just got over 900 followers on Twitter. Now now, there's no need of an applause. I've only reached that feat twitting about my own buffoonery throughout my life. I follow a lot of interesting and funny people, until today. Several new ladies just showed up and this is what their profiles say. I'm actually scared of Apryl2757, considering she says "I'm going to fucking destroy you" Permalink | Leave a comment  »

  • The Amazing Spider-Man Trailer

    7 Feb 2012 | 7:50 am
    THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN is the story of Peter Parker (Garfield), an outcast high schooler who was abandoned by his parents as a boy, leaving him to be raised by his Uncle Ben (Sheen) and Aunt May (Field). Like most teenagers, Peter is trying to figure out who he is and how he got to be the person he is today. Peter is also finding his way with his first high school crush, Gwen Stacy (Stone), and together, they struggle with love, commitment, and secrets. As Peter discovers a mysterious briefcase that belonged to his father, he begins a quest to understand his parents' disappearance –…
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    Renée Finberg ' TELLS ALL ' in her blog of her Adventures in Design

  • Thursday's Inspiration

    9 Feb 2012 | 1:39 pm
    Do you agree? Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom upholstery,case-goods,window treatments,Antiques, Accessories and Antique accessories, built-ins, and all built in seating, love, love , loveRenee Finberg ' TELLS ALL ' in her blog of her Adventures in Design

  • Pinterest .....PLEASE STOP

    8 Feb 2012 | 11:12 am
    I feel more ANNOYED then it would be proper to say on my sweet little BLOG.But what I am thinking is;what is the story with PINTEREST????I keep getting request to follow people back!!!They have NO BOARDs?NO PINS.Why in the world would i want to follow you??? *Many are Men. I am not digging this huge waste of my time.Every time I get a mail from Pinterest.....I make a small wager with myself.... will this be a dead beat orreally someone of interest,that I WANT TO FOLLOW?????hmmmmm?which wager do you think wins -more times that not? If you are listening;Pinterest, please don't send 'Vapid'…

  • STELLA & DOT Are Doing A Trunk Show In My Showroom - 'THE TRADE' in Boca Raton

    7 Feb 2012 | 9:05 am
    I was approached by the head of marketing here at Royal Palm Placeto do this trunk show....... I have been a bit picky...doing NO TRUNK SHOWS so far.BUT!!!!When I heard it was STELLA & DOT......!!!I was thrilled.After all they are all over our design blogs.NO? For you beach lovers...I thought of you with this sea glass feel. I adore the spiky bracelet .I think 3 or 4 layered would make a statement.Don't you? This is a fabulous piece.It also makes me think of the sea, jeans, linen, and casual leather sandels. See the poof on her purse?I must possess !!!!! More STELLA &…

  • Seaside Builders In Delray Beach Florida

    2 Feb 2012 | 10:08 am
    Seaside Builders In Delray Beach Florida.I would like to share a few stunning images with you. This is such an old style Florida home -with out all the low ceilings and tiny rooms. In Our Old style Florida Homes, with all the charm...they were just too tiny and crowded to really live in. Seaside Builders has held on strongly to the undeniable charm of these homes,but made them ready for the lives of today's families, and friends. Not to mention the new refined tastes of the individual who what to live in this style.And it is, and has great STYLE. Just look at the tall ceilings.It feels…

  • The Plan

    31 Jan 2012 | 4:03 pm
    Everything is just as it should be....there is a plan,It's just not mine. I just have to wake up, dress up, and show up. Then ...do the next 'right' thing. I have to have faith that there is a plan, and it's better than any plan that I could ever dream up. Have a great week Renee Finberg 'TELLS ALL' in her Blog of her Adventures in Design,Owner of 'The Trade' Interiors, ,Boca Raton,Palm Beach,Boca Raton Florida,All custom upholstery,case-goods,window treatments,Antiques, Accessories and Antique accessories, built-ins, and all built in seating, the planRenee Finberg ' TELLS…
 
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    Points in Case - The Fine Print of College Life

  • 57 Previously Unknown Movie and Music Industry Facts

    Tom Eydmann
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:54 pm
    Article by Tom Eydmann I am constantly hounded by people asking me questions that begin with the line, "Did you know..." followed by some small fact about a movie, musician, celebrity, or food product which I either already knew or didn't care about. What annoys me most is the smug expression on their faces when they tell me that margarine is actually the same color as lard but has coloring added to it to make it look more appetizing and butter-like. Since when did I go around with a badge on saying, "Tell me something about margarine?" Anyway, to combat these boring…

  • A Tight Five with Tom Green

    Ben Evans
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:41 pm
    Before talking with stand-up comedian Tom Green, I commissioned friends and fellow comics to assist me in coming up with questions. "Anything, at all!" I proposed. And honestly, there was almost too much to choose from; it's Tom Green for fuck-sake! But I got everything from, "Where the hell is Glenn Humplik these days?" to, "I wonder if Tom thinks the Jackass guys ripped him off. He used to dress up like an old man and fuck with people too!" And then one young lady said, "Ask him if he's mellowed out at all." Which at the time seemed like a completely…

  • A Letter from Lana Del Rey to Her Father

    Yaro Shepherd
    8 Feb 2012 | 12:45 am
    Column by Yaro Shepherd Hi Daddy!I know I haven't written to you since I left Lake Placid 6 months ago to pursue fortune and fame in the form of a record deal, but I wanted to remind you that your little girl is still alive and trying to "make it" in New York! Now, I know that I promised you that I could do it all by myself, but due to a series of not-so-fortunate events that would drive a less resilient girl home, I find myself in a bit of a pickle. The money that you gave me for studio time to record my first single was, while very useful, of little help, since it turns out the…

  • Fallacy Frosting and the Blood Hunt

    James Parkinson
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:25 am
    Blog by James Parkinson Why am I awake? Confronted directly, the darkness answers back with more darkness. It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I have stumbled into consciousness for no detectable reason or purpose. I don't have to be up yet, and Andy the Android is silent. If it were wake-up time he'd be vibrating all over the desk and singing his alarm for me, whining for attention like a puppy with a full bladder. Instead he lays silently on his back, snoring softly through a green charge-indicator light, suckling the USB cable from my Macbook. Confounded, I listen carefully for the crackle…

  • Black Monday: The Day After the Super Bowl

    Andrei Trostel
    6 Feb 2012 | 6:06 am
    Column by Andrei Trostel Well it's officially The Day After. No, I'm not talking about that post-apocalyptic nuclear war movie with Steve Guttenberg and John Lithgow, although in many ways, venturing out into that society is more appealing to me than leaving my house the day after the Super Bowl. I mean at least in a post-apocalyptic nuclear war society you can shoot people in the face with a shotgun just for being stupid, with very little consequence. The end of the familiar...Look, I get it, the Super Bowl was last night and this is the first time you've been able to discuss it with anyone…
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    Really Funny Jokes

  • One line jokes-A girl's best friend

    Mitesh Asher
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

  • Clean jokes funny-The Piano tuner

    Mitesh Asher
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    A man moved to another state where he didn't know anyone. In the move, his old piano was jarred, and of course it needed to be tuned when the man arrived.So he asked around, and was told that Earl Opporknockity was the best piano tuner in the area. The man called Earl and hired him to tune his piano.Earl had a keen ear and a deft touch, and did a wonderful job tuning the old piano. The man was able to play beautiful music once again, and was very pleased.After a year or so the old piano started producing sour notes again. So the man called Earl, and asked him to come work his magic on the old…

  • Health fitness jokes-Cardiovascular exercise

    Mitesh Asher
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

  • Really funny jokes-High diving board

    Mitesh Asher
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climbed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.`What’s the matter? asked the director.`I can’t jump from that board! said the actor.`Do you know there’s only one foot of water in that pool?'Yes', said the director. `We don’t want you to drown, you know.'

  • Funny jokes-Big Willy

    Mitesh Asher
    7 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    After, Prince William and Kate Middleton tied the knot, Kate has gone on record saying she likes to call her husband "Big Willy". I'll bet her family is glad she's not marrying someone named Richard.
 
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    Awkward Silence 2.1 (Vegas Video Network)

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #020: Comedian Shawn Halpin

    VVN
    3 Feb 2012 | 4:46 pm
    After we congratulate a 15-year-old tap dancer, Courtney beams in live from Bally’s where she’s placing a bet on this weekend’s Super Bowl. Then Gooch welcomes headliner Shawn Halpin (MTV, NBC, LA Improv) to the stage. In the News Daddy must be proud I’ll tap that Courtney bets on Brady’s jaw Headliner: Shawn Halpin

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #019: Comedian Shang

    vvn
    27 Jan 2012 | 5:36 pm
    After we rip through the news, Courtney blows our “mind” from the Luxor. Then Gooch welcomes the hilarious Shang to the stage to talk comedy, life, and sodomy, not necessarily in that order. In the News Whip It! Big and beautiful Free your mind Courtney blows our mind from the Luxor Headliner: Shang

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #018: Comedian John Padon

    vvn
    20 Jan 2012 | 5:14 pm
    We began today’s show with a political take on the news, then Courtney gives us a new definition of “TMI” from the AVN awards. Afterwards Gooch welcomes Emmy Award Winning John Padon (Home Improvement, Wonder Years) to the stage to talk about a variety of subjects from the AVN awards, to owning your own comedy club, and John’s encounters with violence on stage on this edition of Awkward Silence 2.1. Show notes: In the News Hold it in! The choking game Sex on the brain Courtney reports from AVN Headliner: John Padon

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #017: Comedian Peter Berman

    VVN
    13 Jan 2012 | 5:32 pm
    After Courtney gets a little “2 cool 4 da room”, we talk football, God, kids and the mentally challenged with the very funny return of comedian Peter Berman to Awkward Silence 2.1. Show notes: In the News Jay-z and Beyonce and Blue Ivy Betty White continues to live Officer has been shot. . .down Courtney goes to Coachella Headliner: Peter Berman

  • Awkward Silence 2.1 #016: Comedian Thai Rivera

    VVN
    23 Dec 2011 | 6:45 pm
    Courtney tries to teach Gooch a little Christmas spirit and comedian Thai Rivera joins us on this episode of Awkward Silence 2.1. Show notes: In the News Kim Jong Il Got GILFs? Boob implants for Christmas Courtney teaches Gooch about Christmas Headliner: Thai Rivera
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    FuNNy JoKeS make life gOoD and HuMoRouS

  • Sarcastic jokes-Movie studio

    Mitesh Asher
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    A Director arrives below and is met by Satan who shows him around. Turns out that Hell is a gigantic movie studio with the latest and best equipment, stages, great actors, etc. Director thinks its great and asks Satan what heaven is like if hell is this good. Satan says heaven is exactly like this, a movie studio. The Director is confused."Then what's the difference," he asks.Satan smiles. "Well, in heaven they actually make movies."

  • Hilarious jokes-Baby ghosts

    Mitesh Asher
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?A: Dayscare centers.

  • Humor jokes-Nagging

    Mitesh Asher
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:00 am
    According to the Wall Street Journal, a study has shown that nagging is the number one cause for divorce in the US. The number two cause was when injury was caused due to men ignoring the nagging.

  • Clean jokes funny-Quick thinking

    Mitesh Asher
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation.He immediately shouted, "Oh, pun the door!"

  • Short funny jokes-Alcohol and calculus

    Mitesh Asher
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
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    Fake Chuck Westfall

  • The Nikon D800 is fucked

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:56 pm
    Man, what a week, what a week. I haven’t partied so hard in quite a while. I assume most of you noticed I wasn’t exactly what you’d call sober when I did the last two posts about the D800. I’m telling you, the champagne was flowing here at Canon USA. At the end of the night I was practically peeing champagne. Some of you have asked for me not to post when I’m drunk, and I’ve decided I owe you at least one post where I’m reasonably sober. Nikon morons put a heavy load on the blog As you can see from the graph above, Nikon morons swarmed the servers…

  • Nikon D800 VS Canon EOS 1DX Image Quality

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:59 am
    Nikon D800 - Less than meets the eye BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Since yesterday after my initial post, I just keep laughing. Take a look at all the desperate Nikon morons leaving behind comments calling me a Canon fanboy. When I was here bashing Canon I was a Nikon fanboy. Now all of a sudden I’m a Canon fanboy huh?? The 1DX sample images have just been released by Japan and take a look at this you fucking morons: BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Just look at the horrible color banding and the noise in the ISO 100 (!!!!!!!!) image from the D800 and compare that…

  • The Nikon D800: Less than meets the eye

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    6 Feb 2012 | 10:21 pm
    Nikon D800 - Less than meets the eye Let me first begin by apologizing to all the people who have switched to the Nikon D700 in the last few years because of my recommendations. Really, honestly, I sincerely apologize. I truly feel bad about this, because you guys are fucked now. WHAT was Nikon thinking?? Jesus Christ. What kind of an upgrade is this? Is this really supposed to be an upgrade to the D700?? It’s gotta be, because apparently the D700 is now discontinued. Was Nikon even paying attention to what I was writing about on my blog and all the complaints we were getting here at…

  • The Empire Strikes Back

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    2 Feb 2012 | 4:09 pm
    Man I’m so tired. The last couple of months have just been soo hectic. There’s so much exciting stuff going on here at Canon, and I  have to tell you I’m starting to really enjoy my work again. Many of you loyal readers will undoubtedly still remember how depressed I was during most of 2009 and 2010. I even developed a drinking problem and started doing drugs. I got hospitalized a couple of times, got into rehab, and really put my family through hell. But starting in early 2011 things began to change. It seemed like all the feedback we’ve been giving Japan in the…

  • Photographers Gone Wild

    Fake Chuck Westfall
    29 Jan 2012 | 2:19 am
    I decided to take a short break from playing with my 5DX to write about some crazy photographers that caught my attention last week. Man, we’ve got some seriously crazy people running around in this industry. Take Scott Kelby for example. He went absolutely wild when Nikon let him shoot the D4 for a few hours. I thought Chase Jarvis was hyper, but clearly I had seen nothing yet. Kelby was all over the place. Take a look at the video below: Kelby went absolutely nuts for some of the features of the D4. I gotta say, I’m happy for the guy, but couldn’t someone tell Kelby…
 
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    Guilty Squid

  • Now I’m humming the song “Puppy Love” but in my head it’s “Monkey Love”. My head is very twisty. I blame science.

    Guilty Squid
    7 Feb 2012 | 9:43 pm
    Last night, my friend Mireya calls and is telling me about this talk she’s got to give and how she was nervous about it and how someone told her she should just talk about masturbating monkeys in the jungle. So she’s telling me this and I’m all, “Well, that’s one way to make sure your audience is listening.” and we’re all laughing and then she’s like, “Did you know gorillas have really small penises?” Then I said, “No, but now both my daughter and I do. You’re on speaker.” Which was so ridiculously funny I couldn’t STOP laughing. I’m mostly certain that my kid…

  • At least I know what I am going to wear when I go to the jungle. *IF* I go to the jungle.

    Guilty Squid
    5 Feb 2012 | 10:59 am
    My friend Mireya keeps trying to get me to go to the jungle. For fun. And when she first mentioned it, I wasn’t opposed to the idea, but after a small bit of research about the jungle, I’ve discovered that the jungle — is a scary — DANGEROUS — place.It’s not the bugs, leeches, spiders, snakes or aggressive animals I’m worried about. I mean, I live in Texas, for crying out loud.No, it’s worse than all of that. There is NO Internet in the Jungle.Mireya won’t let this go. Our conversation goes something like this:Mireya: You are doing this.Me: Only if it doesn’t interfere…

  • I’m proud I used the phrase “Crapper Tracker” no less than 10 times in this post.

    Guilty Squid
    31 Jan 2012 | 4:49 pm
    Last night, while fighting to stay awake, I was chatting with a guy friend (we’ll call him H) and browsing the App store when I found this app.Me: There’s an app called Bowel Mover Pro.H: Proving there really is an app for anything.Me: It’s free today.H: It usually isn’t? Why would anyone buy an app like that?Me: I mean, it totally has a place. How many times have you asked yourself, “Did I go to the bathroom today?”H: Approximately zero times.Me: I’m totally going to share this on Twitter. Because I care about people.H: I’m sure that won’t seem weird to them at all.Me:…

  • Wanted Poster

    Guilty Squid
    22 Jan 2012 | 6:20 pm
    In case y’all think this isn’t a Big Damn Deal? Chester even TWEETED about it. @guiltysquid So where did we end up on getting that pocket monkey? We are in dire straits now that the old one is crippled.January 21, 2012 1:52 PM via Twitter for iPadReplyRetweetFavorite@chesterscalesChester Scales

  • UPDATED: Because I totally got an award. (Previous) I bet you all wish you could have conversations with me on the weekends now too.

    Guilty Squid
    17 Jan 2012 | 3:09 pm
    I’m way too lazy and also too busy trying not to let my boss see me writing this while I’m working (AND I AM TOTALLY DOING BOTH) so you don’t get much of an intro on this post — it’s just a collection of:Actual conversations I had over the weekend.Friend: So I’ve got another family related health issue to watch out for.Me: Well, cheer up! Something totally non-natural could kill you. You might get hit by a train! Or maybe you’ll choke on a piece of bread.Friend: I’d prefer to go in my sleep.Me: You could totally hook up with a crazy girl who smothers you in your sleep.Me:…
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    Marty From New Yawk

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast January 29th, 2012

    Marcus
    1 Feb 2012 | 10:30 pm
    This week Marty talks about his vacation in London, including a stewardess who thought he was jerking off, fun on the tube, New Yawk style businesses in London, and lastly the debut of Shakespearean Marty direct from Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre in London.

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast January 15th, 2012

    Marcus
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:00 pm
    Marty talks about the paternity of Khloe Kardashian, a certain Scotsman, dead bodies in the Queen’s backyard and things not to do in the bathroom. Also Kim Kardashian and Michelle Obama’s asses get mentioned.

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast January 1st, 2012

    Marcus
    5 Jan 2012 | 9:00 pm
    Marty talks about the controversy surrounding Mrs Obama’s ass, naked man at the gym, and defective breast implants. Putin returns too.

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast Xmas Special Dec 25 2011

    Marcus
    29 Dec 2011 | 9:00 pm
    Some special features on the Christmas show include interviews with Jay the Masturbating Elf and Mike the Reindeer (Rudolph’s neighbor) along with Fairytale of Brooklyn (a true life Brooklyn miracle).

  • Marty From New Yawk Podcast Dec 18 2011

    Marcus
    29 Dec 2011 | 12:32 pm
    Marty discusses cosmetic surgery, Hulk Hogan, a new British reality show and Kim Kardashian’s ass. Also Silvio returns.
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    Wiping the Crazy Off My Face

  • A Horse With No Name

    SBailey
    7 Feb 2012 | 12:28 pm
    From Wednesday until Monday, I was in Oklahoma City working. This latest assignment was all about project management, which sounds kind of sexy until you run that title through the bullshit eliminator tool and see that it actually means “glorified administrative assistant.” (Note to my Daddy: I’m sorry I said bullshit.) I was hired to make sure every detail of this event went off without a hitch so that the event organizer could focus on the meat of the thing. I negotiated a fantastic deal with The Embassy Suites in Oklahoma City, I managed the catering, I nagged the event…

  • The Dish in Liberty, MO

    SBailey
    25 Jan 2012 | 7:41 pm
    JD says to Sher and the teenager, “Do you want to try a pizza place called The Dish?” Sher says to JD and the teenager, “Take me there at once.” So he did, because that’s how we do. I say jump and he says, “How high?” (I threw that little tidbit in there to see if he actually reads this blog. If he doesn’t, I’m safe. If he does, this would be a great place to mention I’m being held at gunpoint and forced to write things that I don’t want to write.) Jason Ransom is the pizza big pimpin’ Daddy behind The Dish and although I…

  • 4 Ingredient Whiskey Peanut Butter Cookies

    SBailey
    19 Jan 2012 | 8:36 pm
    This is my one-of-a-kind recipe for4 ingredient whiskey peanut butter cookies. There is no flour because flour is made by Satan in a factory in Hell. (I’m paid .07 a page view to say that by the big diet lobby. I secretly love flour and I believe the thing that is singularly responsible for the rising crime rate in America is not absent fathers so much as it is the absence of self-rising.) Here we go kids. Enjoy. (And for the love of Gold Medal, please pin and share.)               Related articles It’s Peanut Butter PEANUT BUTTER time!

  • How to Make Biscuits – In 47 Easy Steps

    SBailey
    1 Jan 2012 | 7:41 pm
    Because I grew up in North Carolina, I’ve been making biscuits since I was old enough to get married…so eight-years-old. I began learning to make biscuits so young because at that time, it was among the top three skills any Southern girl had to have in order to get a husband. (The other two were the ability to hold at least 8 clothes pins in your mouth when hanging clothes on the line, and getting your hair to the regulation Southern Baptist height and width.) For your biscuit making pleasure, here is my recipe for making homemade biscuits. Good luck and God speed.    …

  • Evidence of 2012 Joy

    SBailey
    1 Jan 2012 | 3:05 pm
    FYI- There is a special place in Heaven for readers who share my posts. There is a special place in my basement for readers who do not. I am changing my entire life in 2012. Naturally, I am. All good Americans do this thing on January 1st. I believe good Canadians do the same thing except they wait until sometime in March. I am a very happy woman on this January 1st, and why wouldn’t I be? Let’s examine the evidence… I’m a Mother who has raised two human beings who have each received a highly coveted Certificate of Undeniable Human Perfection suitable for framing.
 
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    The News Grind

  • Louis Vuitton condoms only available in extra small

    Editor
    9 Feb 2012 | 4:33 am
      Louis Vuitton: Designer dicks Designer condoms on sale for $68 a packet will only be available in extra small sizes to satisfy the demand of its wearers, it was revealed today. The Louis Vuitton contraceptives went on sale today boasting the brand’s raised LV lettering and made out of three inches of high quality rubber sheathing. “Market research has shown us that there is a great demand from our customers for branded penile accessories,” said Louis Vuitton designer Karl Magory. “The condoms are only available in extra small as we have found that the majority of our…

  • Fabio Capello quits England to try his hand at football management

    Editor
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:42 pm
    Photo by cat88, Some Rights Reserved. England manager Fabio Capello has quit as boss of the England football team to pursue his dream of managing footballers on a professional basis. Capello resigned after a meeting with FA chairman David Bernstein in which he cited a desire to spend less time with his family or in corporate hospitality suites at Premier League matches and more time doing actual work. An FA statement was delivered by an official who was clearly worse for wear, sporting a party hat and covered in streamers. Loud music could be heard eminating from the home of English…

  • Harry Redknapp disappointed to miss adult learning classes in prison

    Editor
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:30 pm
    The first draft of Wayne Rooney's autobiography. Photo by Antiseptic Cream, some right reserved. Harry Redknapp’s relief at being cleared of tax evasion charges has been tempered by the disappointment that he will miss out on basic reading and writing classes in prison. The Tottenham Hotspur manager confessed he can’t spell and writes like a two-year-old, claiming he never puts pen to paper and is “the most disorganised person in the world”. Redknapp – who is hotly tipped to take over from Fabio Capello as England boss – is in good company in…

  • Your stars: Aquarius

    Editor
    6 Feb 2012 | 7:05 pm
    It’s a great month for giving birth, Aquarius, especially if you’ve been pregnant for the past eight or nine months. If you’re planning a get-together make sure you remember to invite them. You’re in for a sad and lonely night otherwise.

  • No-one knows who’s buying cupcakes

    Hard Jackson
    6 Feb 2012 | 6:01 am
    Photo by zigazou76, some rights reserved Government sources say they do not know who is buying cupcakes, as official figures show that eight people in every hundred are now employed to make the sweet snacks. Cupcakes are believed to have been invented in around 2008 by Sex And The City scriptwriters. The popularity of the bitesize snacks – believed to be made from sugar, flour, butter and eggs – has exploded since their appearance in a fictional Manhattan cafe to the extent that 400,000 cupcakes are made in Britain every day. The government says that every person in the British Isles…
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    The Inverse Delirium

  • ID-38: Foodie

    Geoffrey Welchman
    6 Feb 2012 | 9:51 am
    To coin a phrase: Yum! We delve into the world of foodstuffs with a show that's delectable and delicioso! Learn about the importance of food with our rented expert, and about a young food bloggist with the young-food-bloggist in question. We also take a visit to a local chain restaurant: Ruby Red Evans. And thrill to the arrival of Nathan Lane's one-ham show: Work wit'Me Heeah! Special guests: Jimmy Wilson as our rented expert; Kathy Carson as Melvin Twiddle; the Amazing Betty making announcements, and in our Restaurant sketch, Missy Smith, Betsy Boyd, and Pam Spence.  Show graphic from…

  • ID-37: Occupied

    Geoffrey Welchman
    25 Jan 2012 | 12:56 pm
    Back from the very BINK of extunction, the mighty Inverse Delirium podcast rears back and prepares to mess with your head. And so say all of us! In this, our first webisode of 2012, we take aim at the Occupied movement, with an exclusive secret recording from the executive boardroom of None of Your Business, Ltd. We also learn more about the topic from Washington insider, Kenneth Knott. And in a surprise interview, we meet the great state of Alabama. Guest stars: standup comedian Alabama; WYPR's Nathan Sterner as Ken Knott; and in our 1% sketch were Milton Kent, Missy Smith, Erin McElvaney,…

  • ID-36: YearEnd

    Geoffrey Welchman
    18 Dec 2011 | 11:36 am
    We bring the year that was 2011 to a close with a look at the year that wasn't 2010. Thrill as we recall global and local events Gasp as we remember the Year in InveDel Asphyxiate as we consider our future All this and a couple of newsbreaks (one featuring our special guest Megan Wills) and lots of gratuitous namedrops!! We thank you for your kind attention and participation. No, really, we do! Graphic from this payroll website.

  • ID-35: Noise Collection

    Geoffrey Welchman
    2 Dec 2011 | 11:21 am
    The year approaches a close, as we crack open Webisode 35 and thrill to its charms! A quick word about the GooGoo-GaGa tour An interview with Caleb Watchdog, a collector of noise A look at "booox" with our new English sister-podcast A brief commentary about the Grand Prix (Fixe) A wine-tasting A radio play by Poison Dart Playhouse: Taamar, Master of the Obvious! Guest stars: Alabama as Caleb Watchdog, Marc Unger as Taamar, with Megan Wills and Brad Grachowski looking for answers to life's persistent questions. Bonus gratuitous name-drops: Andrew Johnstone, Keith Richards, Lady GaGa, the…

  • ID-34: Thanksgiving!

    Geoffrey Welchman
    18 Nov 2011 | 9:30 am
    Let us now give thanks for the things we hold dear, as well as the things we hold, dear. Our Thanksgiving show is a pip! After a brief look at a scandal in public radio, we learn more about that noble bird, the turkey, with our favorite SuperBirder, Karen Morley. Once she and her jetpack fly off into the night, we while away some time with WYPR's Milton Kent, who tries to explain the pastime known as "foo-ta-baru". Then, with a brief look at a new crime wave, we settle on a chat with editor/publisher William P. Tandy (of Smile Hon, You're in Baltimore). Need we say more? Of course we needn't!
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    The Last King Of Shambhala

  • Empty Savanna - A Portrait of Humanity - Poem by Daniel Grant Newton

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    22 Jan 2012 | 8:31 pm
    Empty Savanna - A Portrait of HumanityBy Daniel Grant Newton Bars up and down.Crowds up and down.Gawking. Pointing. Gasping. Walking.At night, I pine for Savanna. Empty up and down.Ghosts of gazelles abound.And distant hyena howls.By day, savanna roars for my return. It has made an elephant graveyard out of me.

  • Idiot's Guide to Internet Trolls ... What?!?

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    29 Nov 2011 | 12:26 am
    troll 1 | trōl|nouna cave-dwelling being with a dwarf intellect making rude comments online, typically having a very ugly appearance despite claims online to the contrary. troll 2verbsending an e-mail message or posting on the Internet with the intention to provoke a response, hateful interaction or draw attention to themselves by being &*$#@. ________________________________ Until the other week, I hadn't had even one 'hater message', let alone a 'troll', on my YouTube channel since I started posting. But even so I developed a contingency plan just in case - a YouTuber's creed - for…

  • Nerdiest Superhero like EVER: Dainty Green Tree Frog Man (Pt3)

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    13 Nov 2011 | 4:40 am
    Above is a  visual representation of the totem animal of our favourite hero, but not necessarily the correct species. Below is part three of the Dainty Green Tree Frog Man series.  If you haven't read the first two parts, then click here or here and stop being the nerdiest kid in class.  If you have read the first two parts, then you are probably the coolest person you know, and you are totally underground, and you should read on before the story becomes like so mainstream that it stops being cool and whatever and gives you Bieber Fever. Back at the Dainty Green Tree Frog…

  • Brisbane's Third Best Crime Fighter: Dainty Green Tree Frog Man (Pt2)

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    3 Nov 2011 | 6:25 pm
    This is a continuation from part 1, and therefore is naturally called part 2.  This made more logical sense than calling it part 3, or part sandwich.  To read part 1 of this free story, click here.  Or alternatively, use a time machine to go back to when it was first posted. If you choose option 'b', remember not to step on anything in the past, because as Grandpa Simpson always says, "even the slightest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine."  Okay.  Now for the continuation of the story... Press conference outside Brisbane City Hall.  Sometime…

  • Free Story: The Adventures of Dainty Green Tree Frog Man

    TheLastKingOfShambhala
    27 Oct 2011 | 5:23 pm
    On a sticky Brisbane night, the CityCat ferry glided past New Farm Park; its twelve passengers watching the shoreline pass, unaware of what was lurking in the waters below.  For just under the surface of the water, a dark, sinister character slithered after the ferry.  The CityCat jolted to a stop.  A pungent, putrid, fishy smell assaulted the air.  The passengers and captain looked about frantically. And when the culprit appeared, their eyes widened and mouths dropped comically.  There, rising from the Brisbane River, was the most feared super-villain this fine city…
 
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    Fork Party

  • DARPA Creepy Four Legged Robot (Video)

    Drew2
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    Your nightmares have come true. Not only is this thing terrifying, but DARPA even has a real Robocop — a police robot that can walk among us and silently collect information. Welcome to the new world order.

  • Thursday Picdump (34 Random Pics)

    Drew2
    9 Feb 2012 | 1:56 pm
    An alcoholic snake, partying grandma, creepy dog, Hitler kid, hairy guy… And then there’s this guy and his cat, two gangsters who are definitely not to be messed with. His cat serves as the lookout and mouse assassin while the guy eats Spaghetti-Os and shoots at old ladies from his living room window.

  • Countries That Drive On The Left (Map)

    Mikey
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:36 am
    The majority of countries around the world drive on the right side of the road, however, there are some fifty odd nations where people drive on the left. These include EBritain and many former British colonies such as Australia, New Zealand and India. There are several non-colonial countries where people also drive on the left including Japan and Thailand. img source

  • Father Shoots Daughters Laptop For Being Disrespectful On Facebook (Video)

    Mikey
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:10 am
    This cowboy works in IT and discovered his daughter had been bad mouthing him and his wife on Facebook – so he thought the best thing to do was shoot up his daughters laptop and post the video on her FB wall. Let this be a lesson to you all…

  • 29 Juggababies and Pregnant Juggalos (Pics)

    Drew2
    9 Feb 2012 | 7:14 am
    Our children, the future. There are a few random ones thrown in with the abused children and failed abortions; they were too good to resist. Nothing like teaching your kid the art of the chug at six years old. Will the Juggababies grow up to be Juggadouchebags?
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    BlackHumor.net

  • Logic?

    geopou
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:38 pm
    Mr. Wilson comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. I have great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.” The next day, Mrs. Wilson receives a telephone call from AEC (Atlanta Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. “Am I speaking to Mrs. Wilson?” “Yes. Speaking.” AEC guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!” “How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.

  • 30 times

    geopou
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:30 pm
    On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her-how could she possibly continue to feed her family now? In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head. Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the…

  • Dinner in the Sky (8 pics)

    geopou
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:06 am
    Dinning at a high altitude – it might seem fantasy, but the following pictures prove itʼs real. The idea originated in Belgium and it involves a massive table (assembly required, the 150 foot crane not included), seating for 20 people and the waiters. The table has been seen in Paris or Belgium, at special events, and is expected in New York and Niagara Falls. This restaurant in the sky can come to your town for a mere $20,000.

  • “Child Size”

    geopou
    8 Feb 2012 | 12:48 pm
    Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they…

  • Elderly Couple Celebrate

    geopou
    8 Feb 2012 | 12:36 pm
      A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she…
 
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    Unlikely Explanations

  • How to Destroy America (Step 1: Dig Up Marilyn Monroe)

    Laura
    6 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    Be careful what you post on your Tweeter website account. A British/Irish couple, Emily Bunting and Leigh Van Bryan, were denied entry to the United States recently because, according to the official DHS paperwork, “Mr. BRYAN confirmed that he had posted on his Tweeter website account that he was coming to the United States to dig up the grave of Marilyn Monroe. Also on his tweeter account Mr. BRYAN posted that he was coming to destroy America”. Naturally, this raises a number of questions, such as: 1. Seriously? 2. Where can I get one of these Tweeter website accounts? And why…

  • Customer Review: The Acme EZ-Jump Personal Teleportation Device

    Laura
    20 Jan 2012 | 4:00 am
    My drive to work is 32 miles each way and involves practically every freeway in the greater Los Angeles area. That wouldn’t be so bad if it lots of other people didn’t also drive on those freeways — but they do. I hate my commute, so when Amazon.com suggested I might be interested in the Acme EZ-Jump Personal Teleportation Device, I ordered it right away. This bumper sticker is one of many available accessories. It arrived three days later via UPS (which seems like an odd way to ship a teleportation device, but whatever). The box contained the base unit (a plexiglass booth…

  • Another Reason Why You Can’t Take Me Anywhere: Dim Sum Broccoli

    Laura
    16 Jan 2012 | 9:43 pm
    So beautiful. So delicious. So slippery. I have a love-hate relationship with dim sum broccoli. It’s sauteed, but not too much, so it’s crunchy and sweet, crisp and fresh. It looks gorgeous, sitting there on the plate, a vibrant, shiny green that almost shimmers in the light. And I love the idea of it — I can tell myself that yes, I just ate three days’ worth of calories and five days’ worth of sodium and fat, but I also had some broccoli, so it all balances out. There’s only one problem: I am unable to eat this dish and maintain any semblance of dignity.

  • Everyone’s a Critic

    Laura
    11 Jan 2012 | 1:27 am
    In an effort to keep my New Year’s resolution to learn to draw, I’ve done a few practice drawings in the last week or so — and because I’m too lazy to put them away, I’ve been leaving them sitting out around the house. This morning, I woke up to discover that my cats had apparently studied my work during the night and decided to make a few enhancements. I’m not being entirely objective here, and I know they meant well, but still — I don’t really think the cat vomit was an improvement. Artist's rendering. In real life, my cats look more like…

  • An Open Letter to the Nice Couple Who Didn’t Have Me Arrested When I Broke Into Their House

    Laura
    6 Jan 2012 | 1:47 am
    Hi, Remember me? I’m sorry to bother you again, but I just wanted to thank you for not calling the cops or shooting me or anything. I’d also like to explain how it all happened, and why it wasn’t my fault, really. This is not a photograph. It all started when I got an invitation to a housewarming party. I couldn’t decide whether  to bring a present — the invitation said “no gifts”, but that doesn’t really mean anything — and if so, what to bring. How are you supposed to pick out a house-oriented gift when you’ve never been to the…
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    Mitchieville

  • White Atrocity Month

    Fenris Badwulf
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:28 am
    This just in, sort of *. You will be hearing about this for the remaining days of your life as the socialist social services sector satraps finger at your wallet, purse, or man bag. Sure, the driver of a van of people runs a stop sign and gets squished, taking most of the occupants of the van with him. Transport trucks, flying along at 80 klicks, really cannot stop like cars. Add all that mass, mix in some kinetic energy equations, and hey, presto, you have a crisis that Saul Alinsky would drool over to use to lever more funding for payroll for like minded Bolsheviks to read each others…

  • Christina Aguilera Is Demanding

    The Mayor
    8 Feb 2012 | 6:28 pm
    Christina Aguilera is involved in some show called “The Voice” (The Mayor has no idea either, so settle down), and sources (not The Mayor’s sources, he doesn’t hang around chatty AIDS infected Hollyweirdo scumbag types) say Aguilera not only has a shitty name, but since she’s gained 300 -400 lbs, she’s become a royal beotch: A petite 5-foot-2,the 31-year-old Grammy winner once weighed a super-slim 100 pounds. But the “Dirrty” singer re­cently ballooned to around 140 pounds, and she’s desperate to hide the extra weight for the new season of the NBC…

  • Still Though, She’s Dead….Right?

    The Mayor
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:35 pm
    The intentions are good and The Mayor gets it; buddy spots a great picture of Canadian-born actress Yvonne De Carlo,and goes on to proudly tell the world that he would gladly have sex with her. However, here’s a picture of Yvonne De Carlo five years before she died. Mmmmm, still want to bone ‘er? How about now? A little foreplay with the MILF? How about if you two just lay around her bed and talk for a while? That’s what The Mayor thought. Now put it back into yer drawers before someone gets hurt.

  • It’s Good To See Captain Schettino Found Work

    The Mayor
    8 Feb 2012 | 12:40 pm
    Captain Schettino – now there’s a guy who could have easily packed up his toys and gone away. “No more ridiculing and mocking my good name”, Captain Schettino could have said. But no. That’s not the way Captain Schettino rocks and or rolls. He picked himself off the bar room floor and found a new job quick-smart. Good on you, Captain Schettino, we here at Mitchieville salute you. Hahaha, no, MPalef, not the one finger salute, you nutty butty.

  • Riddle Me This

    The Mayor
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:11 am
    Wow, talk about simple. It’s as obvious as the giant nose on Sarah Jessica Parker’s equine face. The Mayor immediately figured this riddle out, and would tell you what it is, but he’s interested in seeing what you came up with. That’s right. He wants to see what you come up with. Because he knows the answer. Cuz it’s so easy. Sarah Jessica Parker’s equine face. Boobies.
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    Funky Downtown

  • Valentine’s Red Gown Made Of Roses

    testfunky
    9 Feb 2012 | 9:43 am
    This awesome red gown is made of 1,725 of Asda’s Valentine’s Day flowers, by 23-year-old floral designer Joe Massie. He took 170 hours to make this red roses gown and he wants to remind people to treat their loved one on February 14, the Valentine’s day. The petals from 1,000 Naomi red roses cover the [...]

  • 15 Funny Pictures of Crazy Ideas

    testfunky
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:42 am
    Sometimes a crazy idea is also a creative idea. Here are some funny pictures, if they are not creative enough, then they must be very crazy ideas!

  • Official David Beckham Bodywear for H&M Super Bowl Ad

    testfunky
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:55 am
    David Beckham in underwear in ad again. H&M recently launched their new collection of David Beckham Bodywear for H&M. In the 30-second teaser, the camera swirls around Beckham as he shows off his various ink and broods for the camera. He is trying to tease his fans in the ad…don’t get what I mean? Check [...]

  • Funny Fact Behind The Romantic Scene

    testfunky
    7 Feb 2012 | 9:02 am
    What we see with our eyes might not be the truth…sometimes! The romantic scene in the picture below is a good example. It looks romantic, right? Want to know the fact? The fact behind the romantic scene is funny…. Not so romantic but funny and hilarious!

  • Barefoot High Heels Feet

    testfunky
    7 Feb 2012 | 8:45 am
    “Barefoot high heels feet”…this term sounds funny but it describes the feet in the pictures below. Anyone here dares to take the challenge to “modify” your feet to these “barefoot high heels feet?”
 
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    Fair City News

  • Snake Oil

    FairCityNews.com
    9 Feb 2012 | 7:45 am

  • Missouri Primary Results Show We Can Waste Money!

    FairCityNews.com
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:14 am
    Burning money is what Missouri does best Springfield, MO – Several voters turned out to vote in Missouri’s meaningless Republican primary to prove that Missouri can waste a crap-ton of money on a meaningless and painfully boring activity such as voting for politicians. “Yeah, voting is so much fun!” sneered Nancy Huffingtonmunch, a nasty old woman who felt compelled to volunteer to count ballots to reduce the wasteful activity. “I figure if I donate my time I can offset some of the wasteful spending and maybe steer our state budget back on track.” Surprisingly, state government…

  • Squirrels Express Themselves Via Pine Cones

    FairCityNews.com
    7 Feb 2012 | 7:55 am
    Squirrels create a message in a fence Springfield, MO – Local squirrels busied themselves by creating a work of word art made from pine cones this past week – communicating an important message of “Booobz”. The pine cone script expressed several emotions by passerbys near the intersection of National and Bennett streets. “I was sitting inside Mexican Villa enjoying sweet sauce and chips when I saw like 30-40 squirrels gathering up pine cones. I was enthralled. Then they started stuffing the cones into the fence and I thought ‘well that’s funny’. Then all of a sudden they…

  • Traffic Report

    FairCityNews.com
    6 Feb 2012 | 7:51 am

  • Black Ink Comics – February

    FairCityNews.com
    3 Feb 2012 | 6:35 am
    Check out more comics at BlackInkComics.com
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    Self Deprecate

  • Best of Rick Santorum 2012 Political Cartoons

    Jason Parker
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:56 pm
    Rick Santorum surprised Mitt Romney with a frothy three-way surge by winning Colorado, Missouri, and Minnesota recently.  Once again, the 2012 GOP nomination has gotten even more interesting…   Source: http://www.wintersretouching.com/MyBlog/

  • With His National Poll Numbers Slipping and the Economy Improving, Mitt Romney’s Chance of Winning the White House Has Been Downgraded From “Maybe” to “LOL, No”

    Jason Parker
    6 Feb 2012 | 8:39 pm
    I wanna win this much. In Summer 2011, with the economy still staggering and job numbers stubbornly motionless, the idea of a challenger from the GOP beating President Obama in November 2012 did not seem like a far-fetched idea. Enter the GOP Primary Circus Show, a somewhat improved outlook in Europe, falling unemployment numbers, and the fight still ahead of Mitt Romney is getting tougher. It also does not help that Romney has invested heavily, while campaigning, on the narrative of President Obama’s inability to get the economy going again and the jobless numbers down. Meanwhile,…

  • Late Night Political Jokes of the Week – Top Ten Newt Gingrich Big Ideas, Florida GOP Primary, Trump Endorses Romney

    Jason Parker
    4 Feb 2012 | 3:24 pm
    David Letterman: “Top Ten Other Newt Gingrich ‘Big Ideas’: 10. A Milk Dud the size of a basketball 9. More award shows 8. New iPhone App called ‘Angry Jowls’ 7. Ban people from calling something ‘awesome’ unless it actually inspires awe 6. Fill Grand Canyon with custard, rename it Grand Cannoli 5. Diapers on horses 4. You’ve heard of the five-blade razor? How ’bout the six-blade razor? 3. Free donuts 2. End the decade-long conflict between Elton John and Madonna 1. Open marriages for people named Newt.”   Conan O’Brien:…

  • Stephen Colbert Has Lead Singer of Survivor Sing Passages From a Newt Gingrich Book, Need We Say More?

    Jason Parker
    3 Feb 2012 | 8:52 pm
    The Colbert Report Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes   After mentioning that Newt Gingrich is being sued by the composer of ‘Eye of the Tiger’ for copyright violation, Colbert has founding Survivor member Dave Bickler sing passages of Newt Gingrich’s book “A Nation Like No Other” in the style of Eye of the Tiger. Nothing like American Exceptionalism through the lens of your favorite Rocky III tune.

  • Surprising No One, The GOP Scrambles to Cast Doubt Over Positive January Jobs Report

    Jason Parker
    3 Feb 2012 | 8:17 pm
    This graph shows monthly job growth/loss from President Bush(Red) to President Obama(Blue).   Rep. Allen West (R-eally trying too hard), after seeing the recently released January 2012 jobs report, is skeptical of the drastic decrease in unemployment amongst African-Americans: “Can someone tell me how employment in the black community has improved at a rate three times the national average in just a few months? With numbers like today, urban communities should be well on their way to economic recovery then! There is something suspicious about the job numbers released today and it…
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    Noise to Signal

  • Firestorm!

    rob
    6 Feb 2012 | 12:16 pm
    Originally posted on ReadWriteWebA while ago, I posted about one of the classic blunders in response to online criticism: deleting negative comments.Let’s add another mistake to that list: silence.I’m not sure there’s a force on earth that could have saved Susan G. Komen for the Cure from the social media firestorm that engulfed the organization this week. (Other than avoiding their original decision, which struck me as deeply misguided at best.) But lord knows their communications strategy didn’t do them a lot of favors – starting with their initial…

  • To make a long story short

    rob
    30 Jan 2012 | 11:52 am
    Originally published on ReadWriteWebI’m somebody who can, uh, go on. At length. About nearly any subject. Ask anyone who’s taken one of my classes… or read one of my blog posts once I get on a roll.So I can understand why I’ll get the odd “TL;DR” in response. And I try not to take it personally; instead, I look on it as a reminder to pare my text down, murder my darlings and generally indulge myself a little less.That’s on a good day.On a bad day, I mourn the rapid decline of human civilization, curse people’s…

  • State of the Union: What’s more, China is overtaking us on strategically crucial SERPs.

    rob
    24 Jan 2012 | 8:34 pm
    Watching the State of the Union, I’m wondering what would happen if President Obama announced he was supplementing the Peace Corps by launching an SEO Corps.Noise to Signal - a cartoon by Rob CottinghamAbout - Contact - Speaking - Cartoon blogging - StoreSee more cartoons about social media, business and the way we live and work online at Noise to Signal Cartoon

  • Where were you when the sites went out?

    rob
    23 Jan 2012 | 12:32 pm
    Originally posted on ReadWriteWebSOPA and PIPA, the twin bills before the U.S. Congress, may not be dead dead. But after the past few weeks of protest, culminating in Wednesday’s remarkable day of action, they’re not looking at all well.Votes on both bills are now delayed indefinitely. (Or, to put it in terms the MPAA would understand, they’re in development hell.) Former sponsors are now fleeing for higher ground; the bills’ supporters are fodder for The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.This doesn’t mean that victory is ours, that our enemies scatter before us…

  • Great moments of 2011: Instagram was made for this

    rob
    17 Jan 2012 | 2:18 pm
    Can we all acknowledge a debt to Rep. Anthony Weiner for providing the kind of crisis management case study that will make PR instructors’ lives easier for generations to come?That’s it for our 2011 retrospective, except for two cartoons that never made it beyond the really rough draft stage. Here’s one about Kenneth Cole’s ill-fated Arab Spring tweet (the caption would have made it clear that this is any CEO speaking, because this guy doesn’t look a thing like Cole):And this one was going to be about Facebook’s new Timeline feature:Except that I realized…
 
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    With Both Hands and a Flashlight

  • Guest Blogger: Deborah Cota

    Sam Reeves
    16 Jan 2012 | 4:17 pm
    Storytellers are not writers...well, not just writers.  Deborah Cota is a storyteller to her bones.  She takes you into her novels like that gentle neighbor who invites you to sit beside her on the porch swing and sip some Lipton.  Then once there, listening to that slender chain creak, you begin to see the tempting slips in reality telling you that you are somewhere you do not recognize.  It's too late at this point, of course.  Instinct tells you to find some place safe, but the other part -- that part Deborah finds so easily -- says "Okay.  In a minute. …

  • Kindred Spirits with a Flashlight

    Sam Reeves
    10 Jan 2012 | 3:22 pm
    My friend and one of my favorite novelists, Deborah Cota, asked me to write a guest blog for her site.  You can read it here.  Hope you enjoy, and I would love to hear your comments. http://www.dantechronicles.com/blog/2012/01/10/Kindred-Spirits-with-a-Flashlight.aspx  You can find Deborah's book here: The Kindred

  • And Yet He is Still a Yeti

    Sam Reeves
    8 Jan 2012 | 6:32 pm
    I've got a treat for you.  My best friend since first grade, Yancy, is guest posting today.  He has some amazing stories to tell, as you'll see by following the links below.   --- Sam       *                    *                    * Oil and water.  Fire and gunpowder.  Spiders and…well, anything, because I hate spiders.  I’m talking about…

  • Christmas Eve in SamSpace

    Sam Reeves
    24 Dec 2011 | 7:29 am
      It's Christmas Eve.  I blog now, but in social networking of Christmas Past, I remember that after days of diligently Googling, I mastered the art of cutting and pasting HTML code into the "About Me" box of MySpace.  I can write some simple HTML unassisted by any major search engines.  For example, I know that body's must be followed by /body's and that the command "font face =" works much better at making your webpage prettier than does sacrificing an old typewriter to the computer gods.  Still, there are great volumes of HTML that doesn't look a whole lot…

  • How to Paint Conan with Photoshop CS4

    Sam Reeves
    20 Sep 2011 | 6:34 pm
    Have you seen the 2011 Conan movie yet?  I'd like to.  (I say so, because obviously the subject of this tutorial greatly obscures that fact for all but the most Sherlockian minds out there.)  For this painting, I used a reference image from the movie, but I am not a professional artist.  In fact, I got brave enough to use color for the first time only about 6 months ago.  Mainly, I sketch portraits in graphite, which I have been doing for a couple of years.  You can see an example of a Stephen King sketch I did here.  Everything I know is self-taught from…
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    Words, Pictures, Humor

  • Still On Your Left

    drewdernavich
    6 Feb 2012 | 4:09 pm
    The original idea for the cartoon in this week’s New Yorker was this, captured roughly in my sketchbook some time last summer. I’ll be the first to admit: the idea is terrible. Or, at least it was terrible. I thought there was something funny about a guy riding a bike on a treadmill. And there is something funny about it, but it’s not a guy standing to the side saying “There are places for people like you.” I drew it up and assumed I’d figure out a better caption to go with it, but I didn’t. I kept running across the image in my sketchbook, because…

  • Sh** People Say With an Air Horn

    drewdernavich
    3 Feb 2012 | 1:28 pm
      I thought that The Good Wife was probably the end of my non-acting acting career, but I was wrong. The funny folks at Jockular, who did a really terrific job adding to the ‘Sh** _____ Say” meme with this video, let me blast an air horn in it. It was done in only one take, which as you can imagine, is very, very… well actually, it’s pretty hard to screw that up.

  • Luckily I Have Both Collision and Caption Insurance

    drewdernavich
    30 Jan 2012 | 10:22 am
    In case you were wondering why my cartoon in this week’s New Yorker actually made complete sense, in a very non-witty, straightforward kind of way, it’s because somehow the original caption got mistranslated. I submit my captions in German, which is the funniest language of all, and sometimes it’s difficult to capture the subtleties in translation. Anyway, it should have read like this:

  • Resolution

    drewdernavich
    23 Jan 2012 | 10:07 am
    My New Year’s Resolution this year was to take free-falling classes. Oh, good! They have them here locally.

  • Get Your Computer Out Of My Meme

    drewdernavich
    27 Dec 2011 | 9:03 pm
    This is not only what 5 MB of storage looked like years ago, it’s what 5 MB of storage looked like in the lap of one of those weird Victorian mothers who was conspicuously hidden in her own photo. You’re welcome.
 
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    Mommy Wants Vodka

  • An Open Letter To Nintendo

    Your Aunt Becky
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:47 am
    Dear Nintendo, I was not a Nintendo Kid. I was not a part of the Nintendo generation. I mean, technically, I should’ve been – the NES came out when I was at the absolute right age to be enchanted by your two tiny Italian plumbers, trying to save the princess from um, someone mean. I’d have known the NAME of this “mean person” except that my parents were all “video games are stupid! They rot your brain!” Apparently, Nintendo, that only applied to the NES games. My brother happily played his Zork games on the computer. And the following Christmas, just…

  • The Middling Place – Two

    Your Aunt Becky
    8 Feb 2012 | 12:23 pm
    This is a guest post from my friend Barb, who wrote to me after she read my post on Monday, The Middling Place. She’d sent it to me as an email, but I strong-armed her into allowing me to share it with you, Pranksters. It’s a beautiful post about special needs parenting. (I’ll probably steal it again for Band Back Together, because I am a jerk like that) P.S. Barb, I love you. I, too, live in the Middling Place. Off and on since November 1987. We will never be able to be completely away from there. It is as much a part of you and I as our livers or kidneys. After a while,…

  • When I Die, Tell Mark Zuckerberg I Hate His Foppy Hair

    Your Aunt Becky
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:08 am
    When I was a kid, I had a fainting couch in my bedroom. Not because I was prone to fainting or requiring long periods to regroup on a fashionable yet comfortable accessory, but because my parents had antiques – lots of ‘em. But I was always mystified by this contraption. When I was sick, there were two things I wanted: The Price is Right and a pillow. Later, it became a bottle of green death flavored Nyquil - for all those times you want to be comatose without a traumatic brain injury (TM). (I should really run their advertising campaigns) Now, of course, I have kids, which means…

  • The Middling Place

    Your Aunt Becky
    6 Feb 2012 | 10:45 am
    For Crys I sat there, glued to the end of the couch, holding onto my new baby like she was a life vest, the light from the end table next to me bathing us in a soft, yellow hue. There were other people around, although it was late in the evening. My sister in law? My mother? I can’t remember. My sons, too, were around. Perhaps it was just the big one. The small one, based upon my memory, should have been in bed, although perhaps he was not. Softly, I rubbed the top of my new girl’s head, breathing in that new baby smell. Each time my hand brushed that bump on the back of her head,…

  • Internet Connections

    Your Aunt Becky
    3 Feb 2012 | 11:36 am
    I sat there, on my freshly cleaned couch (thank you o! gods of steam cleaners), in a group of my very best friends. We were eating the greasiest of greasy pizza, occasionally stopping to fetch a rogue binkie or wipe a dirty face. We laughed, talking about the times we’d shared, where our lives had randomly found us, pausing now and again to wipe tears from our eyes. These people, my friends – my very best friends – they’d flown in from all over the country to celebrate my daughter’s birthday with me. They didn’t have to. I didn’t have to threaten them…
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    FunnynotSlutty

  • Jen Kirkman – Getting Fat

    admin
    7 Feb 2012 | 8:52 pm
    Jen Kirkman, please never lose weight. See more great Laugh Factory  vids on their Funny Chicks YouTube Channel.

  • Saturday Morning Cartoons on FnS – Drawn Together Edition

    admin
    4 Feb 2012 | 8:02 am
     

  • When Celebs Suck – Moore is Less

    admin
    2 Feb 2012 | 7:20 pm
    Who doesn’t sometimes wish they were a rich, famous person? Wouldn’t it be neat to have more money than sense?  To be spared brushing shoulders with the plebes and commoners in their velour tracksuits, fighting over the last bag of Oreos at Walmart.  To hire someone to raise your children for you while you jet off to George’s villa for a little R&R.  Oh, the possibilities. I admit, I’ve harbored such grand daydreams, especially during my commute on public transportation (shudder).  But being a normal, everyday person gives me one advantage famous women don’t possess:…

  • Announcing ~ Bad Valentine Short Short Essay Contest Winners!

    admin
    1 Feb 2012 | 3:41 pm
    Thank you to all our contest participants and to Flytrap for sponsoring the Fns Bad Valentine Short Short Essay Contest! EVERYONE’S a WINNER! Buy a GOOD VALENTINE from Flytrap using order code BADVALENTINE for 15% off Valentine items. Expires February 15. My judging process was to rate essays from 1-10 in funniness (it’s a word because I say so) and quality of writing. I added the two numbers for final scores. Here are the results and winning entries:   1st Place – Dusty Earth Mother 1st Prize Flytrap Package: A Flytrap Card, a Sticky, a Littles and a (gasp) Boink…

  • The Partisans: Rick Santorum – Gifts From God

    admin
    31 Jan 2012 | 10:13 am
    See more funny videos from the world famous Second City.
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    Have You Ever Noticed...

  • "Call Waiting" is a good measure of your importance to a friend.

    Becoming LD
    3 Feb 2012 | 12:24 pm
    You've been in this situation - we all have. You're on the phone with your friend, chatting away, and they cut you off with, "Hold on a 'sec, someone's on the other line -".  Most people wait in silence for their friend to return.  And they wait, and wait.... and wait...Call waiting is a good measure of your importance to a friend.If your friend consistently puts you on hold for more than 30 seconds at a time, you're pretty low on the Friendship Totem Pole.  Conversely, you know you're at the top if they tell you someone is calling, and then ignore the incoming call.

  • The express checkout lane is only an illusion...

    Blitz
    1 Feb 2012 | 7:52 pm
    Have you ever noticed that nobody ever obeys the signage for the the "express" checkout lane?  I learned to count when I was 2 or 3 years old.  My friend's daughter is 3 and can easily identify 15 objects.  I'm willing to even bet that most people in can also count to 15.  Somehow, this valuable skill flies out the window when standing in the Express Checkout lane at the grocery store.  There, in the Bermuda Triangle of Basic Arithmetic, 15 equals "16".  It also equals "17, and "18".  It may even equal "20".  Maybe even more.  So either people drop…

  • Ever noticed the pregnant women on alcoholic containers?

    Becoming LD
    17 Jan 2012 | 4:36 pm
    I have.  I think there's a hidden message in that little picture though: If you drink, you might get knocked up, and you definitely don't want that... because then you won't be able to drink for at least 9 more months.Sometimes, I'm quite happy to be a guy.

  • My 2 year old daughter made supper tonight.

    Blitz
    7 Jan 2012 | 5:08 pm
    Our two year old daughter made dinner for us tonight. Yup, those are hot dog wieners in tea cups.  

  • And they made him in the likeness of Man.

    Blitz
    31 Dec 2011 | 11:39 am
    And They were happy.
 
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    ICED BORSCHT

  • Wherein I Present Indisputable Visual Evidence That Former Green Bay Packers QB Randy Wright is Actually Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum

    MC
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:23 pm
    THE EYE DOES NOT LIE RANDY RICK One of them quietly runs a vending-machine business in Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin. The other has a surname that means anal detritus. Who is who? We might never know, such is the vexing Dilemma of the Mystery. Related articles Santorum reports raising $250k in one night, $400k over two days (thehill.com) Rick Santorum accuses Obama of being intolerant of hateful bigots (dailykos.com) Packers give Aaron Rodgers a new coach (espn.go.com) —————————————————————–…

  • Some Regurgitated Tweets 4 U

    MC
    7 Feb 2012 | 7:57 pm
    Rescued from oblivion, doing the good thing. View the story “Some Regurgitated Tweets” on Storify Storified by icedborscht Tue, Feb 07 2012 20:57:22 · 59 views 12 2 Some Regurgitated Tweets like 0 Share Email Embed Rescued from oblivion. Share ” an egg just yelled at me. el serracho Fri, Feb 03 2012 12:59:16 ReplyRetweet Share ” Before his last breath, John Galt tells egg: “I eat punks like you for breakfast.” icedborscht Fri, Feb 03 2012 13:16:33 ReplyRetweet Share ” Egg says “Who is John Galt?” John Galt smashes egg against wall in fit of hysterical anger. “YOU’RE A…

  • Why I’m Organically Inclined

    MC
    4 Feb 2012 | 12:04 am
    In the latest issue of Reason (not yet available online), Brian Doherty has a great review of British writer Nicholas Wapshott’s new book, Keynes, Hayek: The Clash That Defined Modern Economics. He writes: The book is riddled with errors of judgment, especially about Hayek’s position. Wapshott thinks that Austrian theory is “mechanistic” and based on a belief that the “free market was virtuous.” In fact, Hayek’s notion was that markets were highly organic, especially compared to Keynes’ vision of manipulating economies like machinery, and Hayek’s Austrian perspective was…

  • Friday Night Photo Essay

    MC
    3 Feb 2012 | 7:33 pm
    Fished out of my own Flickr photo collection. View the story “Friday Night Photo Essay” on Storify Storified by icedborscht Fri, Feb 03 2012 20:32:39 · 195 views 12 Friday Night Photo Essay like 0 Share Email Embed Fished out of my own Flickr photo collection. Share PB051875 Iced Borscht Fri, Nov 04 2011 20:00:00 Share PA091762 Iced Borscht Sat, Oct 08 2011 20:00:00 Share PB051879 Iced Borscht Fri, Nov 04 2011 20:00:00 Share P8021435 Iced Borscht Mon, Aug 01 2011 20:00:00 Share P8021465 Iced Borscht Mon, Aug 01 2011 20:00:00 Share Mother Mary Iced Borscht Sun, Oct 02 2011 20:00:00 Share…

  • First Attempt at Using the Storify Plugin

    MC
    2 Feb 2012 | 10:02 pm
    You’re welcome to ignore this post. I’m playing with my newly added Storify plugin. Watch as shit comes alive from my Twitter feed. View the story “First Attempt at Using the Storify Plugin” on Storify Storified by icedborscht Thu, Feb 02 2012 23:02:30 · 210 views 5 First Attempt at Using the Storify Plugin like 0 Share Email Embed You’re welcome to ignore this post. I’m playing with my newly added Storify plugin. Watch as shit comes alive from my Twitter feed. Share ” The Continuing Apocalypse of Time’s Shifting, Whispering Sands walks into bar & says ‘This is it.
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    NewsThump

  • Capello: “I tripped and fell into resigning”

    Andrew
    9 Feb 2012 | 4:18 am
    Fabio Capello last night stood accused of abandoning the ship of English football before the disaster of England playing in Euro 2012 has played out to its natural, grim conclusion. The Italian, who claimed to have tripped and fallen into resigning, was unrepentant about his decision, and clearly hoped to save his own skin before he became irrevocably associated with the tragic debacle of England playing in the tournament this summer. FA Executive Fred Michaels said, “Under English footballing law, the manager must be the last to leave, no matter how awful the events on the pitch. To leave…

  • Penguins condemn ‘early release’ of Orcas

    waylandsmithy
    9 Feb 2012 | 3:54 am
    A support group set up to empower victims of orcas has condemned PETA for its ‘idiotic’ attempt to release five known killer whales. But PETA claims the ‘Seaworld Five’ were imprisoned without a fair trial, and three of the school are now vegetarians. Speaking from outside the appeal court at Seaworld, Jeremy Fishsmith, a 26 year-old Emperor penguin, had little sympathy for the captives. “I know what it’s like to be held against your will, I was imprisoned by Mr Popper for over two years”, sighed an emotional Fishsmith. “But I was innocent.

  • More pressure on Lansley as health reforms slammed by Okapi

    Alex Marsh
    9 Feb 2012 | 3:43 am
    Okapi have come out against the government’s proposed NHS reforms, in a further blow to beleaguered Health Secretary Andrew Lansley. The African artiodactyla’s intervention in the debate means that all hooved mammals now formally oppose the controversial plans. They join hospital doctors, general practitioners, nurses, midwives, radiographers, ambulance workers, hospital receptionists, patients, people who are not patients but who might get ill at some point, shop workers, manual workers, transport workers, ornithologists, cat owners, sparrows, migrating geese, unspecified creatures who…

  • Redknapp’s dog gets five years

    waylandsmithy
    8 Feb 2012 | 9:36 am
    Harry Redknapp’s dog has described her five year sentence for tax evasion as ‘feeling like I’ve had my nose rubbed in it’. Reclusive bone-fan Rosie was found guilty of having an undeclared bank account in Monaco, but maintains her innocence. “I’m not the most financially astute dumb animal”, claimed Rosie. “You could say I have no concept of money. Normally when my owner gives me a cheque for £180,000, I tear it to pieces or bury it in the garden. “I have no idea how this one slipped through my paws and ended up in a tax-efficient savings…

  • Britain flushes Argentina’s head down the toilet for snitching to UN

    VCG
    8 Feb 2012 | 9:11 am
    After Argentina confirmed that a formal complaint will be made to the UN over British activities around the Falkland Islands, Britain responded by branding Argentina “a grass” and twisting the South American nation’s nipples, before giving it a wedgie and flushing its head down the toilet. The British action has been condemned by friends of Argentina, such as Brazil and Chile, but they are rumoured to be considering withdrawing their support after being warned that they could be next, and have already hidden their budget surpluses in their socks, just in case. “The Falkland Islands…
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    Regretsy

  • FAN VIDEO: Epic Spandy Guy

    Helen Killer
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:30 pm

  • Don’t look a gift Norse in the mouth

    Helen Killer
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:30 am
    WHATEVER, HATER

  • FROM THE MAILBAG

    Helen Killer
    8 Feb 2012 | 4:17 pm
    From: Apocalypse Vintage Subject: Response Date: February 8, 2012 1:31:42 PM PST To: Helen@regretsy.com Hello there, I just found out that you covered a photo/piece from our shop in September. That was actually a totally professional photo shoot with professional models, photographer, hair sylists, makeup artist and photographer. Spent an incredible amount of money to make happen. It’s definitely very “on the edge” and I’m sure there’s going to be plenty of people that don’t like it, but there are a lot of people who find it totally breathtaking. I attached…

  • Red Rover

    Helen Killer
    8 Feb 2012 | 11:30 am
    - Submitted by Denise

  • Devorah Sperber

    Helen Killer
    7 Feb 2012 | 6:15 pm
    - See more of Ms. Sperber’s amazing work at Caren Golden Fine Art
 
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    12 Most

  • 12 Most Tremendous Free Songs I’ve Discovered By jonathan barrick

    jonathan barrick
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    By jonathan barrick You may have seen these little cards at the counter when you buy your latte at your local Starbucks. They say ‘Pick of the Week’ on them, and they feature a new artist every week with one song for free through iTunes. Often times they are artists you’ve never heard of, and [...]

  • 12 Most Emboldened Questions to Live Life on Purpose By Shawn Murphy

    Shawn Murphy
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:00 am
    By Shawn Murphy Forget about foreplay. Let’s go straight to it: why are you here? Here in this world? This is no attempt to have a philosophical conversation. Nor is it an attempt to spread metaphysical platitudes. I ask you this question with my two feet planted firmly on the ground, head NOT in the [...]

  • 12 Most Convincing Characteristics of New Media “Expertise” By Steve Birkett

    Steve Birkett
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:00 am
    By Steve Birkett Expert has become a dirty word in many corners of social media. Not quite on the level of such inherently ludicrous labels as ‘guru’ or ‘rock star’, perhaps, but a cause of some consternation nonetheless. In its purest form, however, expertise is simply a significant base of knowledge in a given field, [...]

  • 12 Most Classic Romantic Songs for Valentine’s Day By Bruce Sallan

    Bruce Sallan
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    By Bruce Sallan I love classic pop music from Sinatra to Mathis. I think the Rat Pack was beyond cool, especially in the context of the times. To me, contemporary music doesn’t have the same lush, romantic sounds and feel of the classics. And, to me, it’s the classic love songs that seem to feel [...]

  • 12 Most Embarrassing Moments in a Salesperson’s Career By Jeannine Morber

    Jeannine Morber
    8 Feb 2012 | 11:00 am
    By Jeannine Morber Most people don’t choose a career in sales, a sales career chooses them. No wonder it’s one of the most difficult career paths there is. It takes years of training, practicing, failing, and flailing to feel even slightly confident that you have a firm grasp of what it takes to be tops [...]
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    Humor Volcano RSS Feed

  • Nun Has Orgasm During Beaver TSA Pat-Down

    9 Feb 2012 | 1:42 pm
    The TSA's new anti-terrorist screenings now require more invasive hands-on pat-downs. Such extensive physical contact, particularly upon little old ladies, has led to increasing instances of surprise sexual orgasm, especially among nuns. [Satire]

  • New Workplace Scream Room® A Huge Stress-Busting Success

    9 Feb 2012 | 1:42 pm
    Researchers recently proved that loud cursing reduces stress. Taking full advantage, a new soundproof Workplace Scream Room, where angry employees can safely vent in complete privacy, has just been launched. [Satire]

  • Obscene College Football Halftime Show Shocks Nation

    9 Feb 2012 | 1:42 pm
    The entire nation is shocked when, for its director's ultimate act of revenge, a marching band performs a choreographed halftime routine showing a huge penis masturbating onto the face of the rival team's mascot. [Satire]

  • Christine O'Donnell Bloodies Delaware Democrat On Election Eve

    9 Feb 2012 | 1:42 pm
    A Delaware Democratic Party resident was left a bloody, dazed mess after a U.S.Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell-inflicted injury as he reached into his mailbox on this 2010 mid-term election eve. [Satire]

  • Mobsters Behind 2010 Dallas Cowboys Embarrassment?

    9 Feb 2012 | 1:42 pm
    Due to the horrid Dallas Cowboys football season thus far, the only happy people in Texas this fall are in the brown paper bag industry. They're so wildly successful, in fact, that the Mob is suspected to be intimately involved throughout. [Satire]
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    Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor.

  • A Super Bowl Sneak Peek

    5 Feb 2012 | 12:06 pm
    So, what will you be doing during Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? [Read Full Story]

  • My Encounter With Bigfoot By Karl Childers

    7 Jan 2012 | 10:32 pm
    "Some folks call it a sling blade, I reckon I call it a Kaiser blade. Good for slicin' up bisquits and French fried 'taters." One time I's prowling in the wilderness, wandering about, kindly got lost and so weak and hungry I couldn't go. When it begin to get cool, I found a big cave and... [Read Full Story]

  • Raptor Santa Nearly Ruins Christmas

    1 Jan 2012 | 10:21 pm
    Sun. Jan. 01, 2012 Minneapolis, MN. (Krapsody) - The seasonal experience of children sitting on Santa's lap and reading him their wishlist is a time-honored tradition, and a delight for young and old. But some things that we experience in our youth will be cherished forever, and some things... [Read Full Story]

  • Political Suess

    20 Dec 2011 | 11:22 pm
    What if life in Washington were like a Dr. Seuss book? Don't you wonder what that might be like? I know I do. It's not as far-fetched as you might think. Yertle the Turtle thinks he is the king of the pond. He brags that he is the biggest, the fastest, and the strongest. All was well until he... [Read Full Story]

  • Goldman Sachs Joins Occupy Wall Street

    30 Nov 2011 | 10:01 pm
    In this hilarious parody Goldman Sachs CEO and Chairman Lloyd Blankfein joins the Occupy Wall Street movement and surprisingly he doesn't get pepper sprayed. Some highlights: * 0:37 Sifting through his wallet, not-Blankenfein exclaims, "I plan to stay down here for as long as I can with what I... [Read Full Story]
 
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    Clever Things to Say

  • 7 Feb 2012 | 6:23 pm

    admin
    7 Feb 2012 | 6:23 pm
    I want to make a movie that costs no money to see but a lot of money to leave.

  • 6 Feb 2012 | 4:15 pm

    admin
    6 Feb 2012 | 4:15 pm
    Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless it’s being fed to you by another hand.

  • 3 Feb 2012 | 5:00 pm

    admin
    3 Feb 2012 | 5:00 pm
    I used to clerk at a Blockbuster. Customers would yell at me and I’d tell them, “I work here. Nobody hates this place more than I do.”

  • Video Time!

    admin
    2 Feb 2012 | 12:44 pm

  • 1 Feb 2012 | 2:18 pm

    admin
    1 Feb 2012 | 2:18 pm
    “What’s a laughing matter?” “Nitrous oxide, among other things.”
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    TheCripClassified

  • Announcing the birth of my 43rd idea www.devotetees.com

    ClaireTheCpChic
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:26 am
      I would like to share with you my very last good business idea I will ever have. The last one I shall ever put all my blood, sweat, and tears into. The brilliant idea that will either propel me into mid-salary range as a semi-productive member of society or cement my depression for the rest of my life. But no pressure. It’s funny because my best friends think I say this every three years, which I so not do. Ok, I might but this time I am dead serious. Like when I said I cannot call myself a writer until I am writing for 4… 5… 13, yes 13 outlets. My bar keeps going up with each…

  • My Super Bowl – Pizza or Buffalo wings, Which will win?

    ClaireTheCpChic
    2 Feb 2012 | 3:21 pm
    When I was about 12, the Houston Oilers were in their hay day so I started watching football with my dad. I learned the basics, I knew all the songs on the radio. I even got a jersey, after all I do look so darn good in blue. But still with football, I could take it or leave it, than something pushed me into Oilers mania. It’s really strange what we remember about our youth. My mom and I were at Fingers Furniture Store. I think we were looking for bar stools in the bargain basement center. For some reason Bum Phillips and Earl Campbell of the Oilers were signing autographs. I convinced my…

  • Pan Handling for Jobs?

    ClaireTheCpChic
    26 Jan 2012 | 12:33 pm
    I’m tired of people telling me I should be happy with what I have. Unless they have rolled a mile in my wheelchair, they shouldn’t judge me from their private jet. Now if they were flying me to Hawaii on a pity vacation, they are welcome to tell me how wonderful my life is all the way there. Here’s my thing, right or wrong, I will not feel complete until I’m working and earning what my peers are earning. I think you can appreciate all your blessings and yet feel disappointed that you’ve not met your mid-life goals. I even think my not settling may be one of my best characteristics,…

  • Sleep, Resistance is Futile, Eventually

    ClaireTheCpChic
    19 Jan 2012 | 1:19 pm
    I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. There are a few schools of thought that think, because of my cerebral palsy, I need a solid eight or even more hours of sleep, to really be at my maximum physical peak. Which I’ve got to tell you, isn’t that great. This theory is mostly pushed by my husband who only needs six and can function on four. I hate this because I keep thinking if I had four more hours a day, I’d be so much more productive, never mind the 10 hours I’m supposed to be productive, these four would surely push me over the edge. With my husband, I personally think he…

  • Why I need all the exercise equipment “As Seen On TV”

    ClaireTheCpChic
    12 Jan 2012 | 1:33 pm
    In researching today’s blog, I found one website where you can buy every single thing you have ever wanted to buy from those “As seen on TV” commercials. Score! I bet if I look hard enough, there’s a single button that will just allow you to put all the items in the cart automatically. Oh what a happy day. Plus how cool would it be if all the items came in three giant crates, filled with bubble wrap? Nirvana… Like everything else I do, it started out with good intentions. Because of my disability, it’s hard to find an exercise regiment I like. Note the ending two words. Not that I…
 
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    Writing of Life's Laughter

  • Humorous Timing

    OL Shepp
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:00 pm
    “The season of awakening has arrived. Everything, it happens for a reason, and in perfect time.”

  • Radio, Where?

    OL Shepp
    31 Jan 2012 | 12:00 pm
    Who needs the radio?

  • Story Excerpt of “Big Horn Catchmequick”

    OL Shepp
    10 Jan 2012 | 11:55 am
    Determined to finalize this manuscript "Big Horn Catchmequick," I refuse to pull my mind away, now. Therefor, for the sake of creative content, I choose to leave you with excerpts of my upcoming novel.
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    Thoughts From Paris | Funny Stories | Funny Blog

  • I Communicate With My Ex-Wife Through Jokes

    D.J.
    8 Feb 2012 | 7:22 am
    One of the questions I am asked regularly is… Do you still talk with your ex-wife? The answer is yes. Since I’m in a ridiculous number of support groups and therapy, I’ve had a year point five to process a lot of the anger and sadness that comes with divorce.  Sure it still pops up once in awhile, and I feel like crying (sometimes I do) or screaming choice expletives at an invisible version of her (I do this too).  That’s normal, from what I’m told. However… My mind is always on humor mode.  During the day, I probably work up 10-20 one-liners or ideas…

  • My Server Got Hacked! (But Now It’s Un-Hacked)

    D.J.
    7 Feb 2012 | 7:58 pm
    At around 5pm today I got an urgent email and voicemail from my server and hosting provider, GoDaddy.  Apparently they had been trying to contact me for a week.  The problem is that they also call once in awhile to upsell me on an upgraded server or more bandwidth.   So, whenever they call, I just let it go to voicemail and then I delete, without listening. Well, anyway, I get an email today with a “Server Taken Offline For Abuse” subject line.  Now, I know writing about my feelings with a few dick jokes thrown in can be tortuous for some, but it hardly constitutes…

  • Sensory Processing Disorder (Or… How I Learned Why I’m A Total Spaz)

    D.J.
    6 Feb 2012 | 6:45 pm
    So, my girlfriend started doing research on Adult ADD, which I have.  I take a bunch of medicine for it and all, but I also tend to freak out very easily about non-important stuff which doesn’t seem to be related to the condition. Some of it is psychological, I’m sure.  That’s why I have a competent therapist, and spend time each week on the couch.  But there’s other things that seem to just be how I’m hard-wired. Being awakened from sleep is particularly interesting.  I completely lose it and start yelling at the person before I go conscious.  I believe…

  • The Time I Thought I Was Dying (But It Turns Out I Totally Wasn’t)

    D.J.
    5 Feb 2012 | 9:00 pm
    In the past I discussed this little studio apartment where I lived in my mid-twenties.  I have written about some of my experiences there, such as the time I drank some bad malt liquor and had an accident, and how I fell in love with the girl who lived across the way. Here’s another story that I’m sure many of you can relate to (and yes, I know you aren’t supposed to end sentences with prepositions, but it still works conversationally so I don’t care). I used to be a juicing freak.  No, not steroids.  I’m talking about making freshly squeezed fruit and…

  • Coming Home – Vlog

    D.J.
    4 Feb 2012 | 3:56 pm
    Do you enjoy coming home?  I guess that depends if your parents suck or not.  Here’s my take.
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    As Seen on TV LOL

  • Sticky Buddy

    admin
    7 Feb 2012 | 3:00 pm
    There’s getting ready to be a war of the lint rollers in infomercial land. This is due to the fact that the Schticky is a runaway smash. So what’s a self-respecting competitor to do? Well, rip the idea off, of course, and promote a similarly named product to try to ride the tidal wave of lint roller enthusiasm. Introducing the Sticky Buddy. Go with the original – The Schticky The Sticky Buddy is the brain-child of Telebrands, who is notorious for copying other infomercial products (ever notice how similar their Supreme 90 Days was to the P90x?). But they don’t just…

  • Hand Perfection

    admin
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:07 am
    >> handperfection.com

  • Simple Soothe

    admin
    7 Feb 2012 | 9:52 am
    Breaking News for your Tuesday. You’ll remember where you were on this day, February 7, 2012. This is the day that you first heard of the Simple Soothe. What is the Simple Soothe, you ask? Well, it’s simple – it’s an at-home electric massager and based on its name it promises to be two things – Simple & Soothing. I have no specific details on the features, benefits or cost for this product yet. But I do know that it will be featured prominently in an infomercial very soon, airing on a TV set near you. Although this won’t be the first home massager to…

  • Trendy Top

    admin
    6 Feb 2012 | 7:04 pm
    They say that the Trendy Top is the Top That’s Not. What is that supposed to mean? Either it is a top or it is not. So which is it? Well, you can’t wear it as a top, but it is actually something ladies wear around their midsection to help firm up their saggy guts. And as an added bonus, it can cover up your plumber’s crack. The infomercial says you can now say goodbye to peekaboo panties. So you can either wear the Trendy Top, or … I don’t know, pull your pants up in the first place. So this is supposed to give you that svelte and layered look without actually…

  • Easy Seat

    admin
    5 Feb 2012 | 12:16 am
    This is one of the oddest infomercials…EVER – the Easy Seat This might be useful in public bathrooms, but is being sold to individuals via TV. This was posted on YouTube quite some time ago, but their website is still up, so I can only guess that someone out there doesn’t want to touch their own toilet seat really bad. So they must be selling a few at least. The idea behind the Easy Seat is to give you a foot pedal so you can lift the toilet lid without having to touch it. This would make the perfect gift for germ-phobes, I guess. It’s just crazy that such a product…
 
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    a.e. mayer : the blog

  • Rural Roller Skating: Evolved, Yet Exactly the Same

    aemayer
    1 Feb 2012 | 1:33 pm
    I grew up in a relatively rural area where existence was pretty simple. My biggest pleasure in life was getting to sit in the cart at Wal-Mart and snarf down a freshly microwaved bean burrito smothered in cheese ooze, then oogle the mice and fish for sale. That’s right, kiddies—my Wal-Mart used to have a snack bar and sell living animals. Organic wasn’t a word then, and Pluto was still a planet. It was another world. My second greatest pleasure in life was attending any and all school skate nights at the local roller rink. That’s where I learned to zoom freestyle on my pink…

  • Google’s Newest Product: God

    aemayer
    18 Jan 2012 | 11:44 am
    Google has come out with a lot of ritzy gadgets. There’s Google Voice, Chat, TV, you name it. Google is an invaluable tool to me because it answers all my questions. It’s a warm and faithful servant that never lets you down. That’s why I think Google’s next big breakthrough should probably be Google God. Think about it. Google answers all your most personal questions on demand, no matter what time it is. Does God do that? But answering questions isn’t enough to qualify you as a diety, no sir. Omniscience is good, but it isn’t good enough. Here are some other qualifications that…

  • How to Blow Your New Year’s Resolutions With Style

    aemayer
    11 Jan 2012 | 12:40 pm
    I like New Year’s resolutions. At least, I like them when they’re all shiny and new and un-blown. That always lasts a few days, and then you’re right back where you started, sitting all frowny faced in your stretchy pants with a blog you keep swearing to yourself that you’ll update. Given that today is the 11th of January, I can sigh in something like relief knowing that I’ve already nailed one of my early resolutions, to update my blog on the first of the year, right into the ground. One great consolation to passively ignoring your promises to yourself is that there’s a sort of…

  • I Declare the Season’s Coolest New Holiday Tradition: Revenge

    aemayer
    30 Nov 2011 | 8:52 am
    This time of year, people like to talk a lot of b.s. about giving, the magic of the season, etc. I’d like to take a different tack and talk about a new seasonal theme that, in my opinion, is just as relevant to the holidays: Revenge. Think about it. This doesn’t have to be a time of giving and getting crap from HomeGoods that, let’s face it, will ultimately end up in a landfill. The holidays can, and should, be about so much more. I’m talking about the gift that kharmatically keeps on giving, the gift of getting even. Why now? Because during this season of light and hope, I’m…

  • Holiday Queries: What to Give People Who Want Nothing

    aemayer
    7 Nov 2011 | 9:21 am
    With the holidays coming up, a lot of people find themselves in a pickle. Not a cute pickle ornament on the tree that means a dinky prize if you find it first, but a real honest to goodness problem. If you’re visiting someone, whether friend, family, frenemy, or foe, what do you bring as a gift? I like to default to wine or booze, but some people don’t drink. And not everyone gets excited about homemade peanut brittle or that chocolate bark crap with the crushed peppermints on top. Googling “homemade gift ideas” brings up a lot of the same-old, same-old, and if you’re like me,…
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    UrlyBits (Formerly Daily Shite)

  • Political to the Very, Very End

    Sara
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:00 pm
    For some people politics are just something to talk about, for others, it goes FAR deeper.

  • Everyone Has An Asshole Friend

    Paul O'Flaherty
    9 Feb 2012 | 12:00 pm
    If you don’t have one then you’re obviously not friends with me LOL

  • I Hope You Remember Where You Parked

    Sara
    9 Feb 2012 | 10:00 am
    Considering I am one of those who loses her car every time she walks into Walmart, I’d be screwed if it ever snowed like this.

  • I’m Not Arguing

    Paul O'Flaherty
    9 Feb 2012 | 7:00 am
    I need this as a poster for my office wall. At least four times a day it would save from me having to explain that I’m not arguing. I work from home.

  • A Lesson For The Ladies About Short Skirts

    Paul O'Flaherty
    9 Feb 2012 | 3:00 am
    Shorter, does not always mean hotter or more interesting. All it really means is that the goods are on show without charging an entry fee.
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    FunnyCrave

  • Our Proposal For New, Easier To Remember Lyrics For The National Anthem

    Luis Prada
    5 Feb 2012 | 3:00 pm
    This past Sunday saw the Green Bay Packers come out victorious over the Pittsburg Steelers in Super Bowl 45. But the news that rocked the internet the hardest was of Christina Aguilera’s botched performance of the national anthem during the opening ceremony, as she accidentally sang “What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last gleaming,” when she should have sang, “O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.” While plenty of people are giving Christian shit for forgetting the lyrics and essentially making up her own, I will not. It’s the…

  • Things I Think When I Post Something On Twitter

    Luis Prada
    1 Feb 2012 | 6:27 pm
    Twitter is one of those wonderful modern day inventions that I have almost no use for. It’s all well and good for some people, but I don’t feel the near constant need to tell people what I think about things. Some people do, and that’s cool. I’m just not one of them. So to me, Twitter is a little intimidating. What am I going to say that is worthy of those precious 140 characters? Most of the time it’s nothing. The rest of my time spent on Twitter is spent starring at the text entering area and thinking random thoughts on the nature of Twitter and the…

  • Five Reasons “The Office” Is The Bleakest Drama On TV

    Dan Seitz
    28 Jan 2012 | 10:14 am
    “What we have here is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard Dog and crippling despair, loneliness and depression. I intend to win.” – Actual dialogue “The Office” is acclaimed for being one of the funniest shows on television.  But, as repeated watchings have emphasized to me, it isn’t.  If anything, it’s a drama, a bleak, dark drama full of foreshadowing and terror.  Here are five reasons “The Office” is actually so dark it makes Goths want to kill themselves: 5) Management Is Incompetent and Gets Increasingly Moreso as You Go Up The Chain Let’s…

  • Dripping With Sadness: Which Fatty Meals Will Make Me Depressed?

    Luis Prada
    27 Jan 2012 | 4:00 pm
    A newly released study coming out of Spain claims that consuming high amounts of fatty foods can lead to depression. The authors of the study spent six years analyzing the diets and life styles of 12,000 volunteers who had all been diagnosed as not suffering any signs of depression. By the end of the six years researchers discovered that all of the subjects with high trans-fat diets “presented up to a 48 percent increase in the risk of depression when they were compared to participants who did not consume these fats.” Out of the original 12,000, 657 were now officially diagnosed with…

  • Fan Made Ninja Turtle Short Film…and other awesome stuff from around the web

    Luis Prada
    24 Jan 2012 | 8:00 pm
    17 Images That Will Ruin Your Childhood (Cracked) Mark Sanchez Wipes A Booger On Teammate (Super Booya) He Said / She Said: Sex…During Her Period (COED Magazine) How to Love Yourself Like a Man: A Ladies Guide (Holy Taco) 5 Secrets For Having a Friend With Benefits (Modern Man) The Worst Movies Of All Time (Ranker) Only the best keytarist in the world (Dave and Thomas) Toast the AFC Championship with Savoy’s Pittsburgh Fever Punch (The Bachelor Guy) Is This The Worst Week Ever For Gangsters? (UpRoxx) Shake Weight At The Gym (Next Round) Etiquette For Australians Who Want To Be Posh (DJ…
 
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    Really Funny Jokes

  • One line jokes-A girl's best friend

    Mitesh Asher
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

  • Clean jokes funny-The Piano tuner

    Mitesh Asher
    9 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    A man moved to another state where he didn't know anyone. In the move, his old piano was jarred, and of course it needed to be tuned when the man arrived.So he asked around, and was told that Earl Opporknockity was the best piano tuner in the area. The man called Earl and hired him to tune his piano.Earl had a keen ear and a deft touch, and did a wonderful job tuning the old piano. The man was able to play beautiful music once again, and was very pleased.After a year or so the old piano started producing sour notes again. So the man called Earl, and asked him to come work his magic on the old…

  • Health fitness jokes-Cardiovascular exercise

    Mitesh Asher
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

  • Really funny jokes-High diving board

    Mitesh Asher
    8 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climbed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.`What’s the matter? asked the director.`I can’t jump from that board! said the actor.`Do you know there’s only one foot of water in that pool?'Yes', said the director. `We don’t want you to drown, you know.'

  • Funny jokes-Big Willy

    Mitesh Asher
    7 Feb 2012 | 2:01 am
    After, Prince William and Kate Middleton tied the knot, Kate has gone on record saying she likes to call her husband "Big Willy". I'll bet her family is glad she's not marrying someone named Richard.
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    ISAWANEYESOREBILLBOARD.COM

  • CHICKEN McNUGGETS BILLBOARD - REMINDS ME OF THE GIRL WHO ATE ALMOST NOTHING BUT CHICKEN McNUGGETS FOR 15 YEARS!!!

    Ron D
    7 Feb 2012 | 5:52 am
    I'M GLAD THAT THE UNITED STATES ISN'T THE ONLY COUNTRY WITH MORONIC FAST FOOD EATERS. IN ENGLAND, A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL WAS ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN SHE COULDN'T BREATH. IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS - SHE ATE ALMOST NOTHING BUT McNUGGETS. THE CHEMICAL LACED BRITISH VERSION ISN'T AS BAD AS THE U.S. CHEMICAL LACED VERSION. IT IS STILL A HORRIBLE WAY TO FEED YOURSELF FOR 15 YEARS. SHE HAS NEVER HAD A FRUIT OR A VEGETABLE IN HER LIFE. ____________________________________________________________________________________ McDONALD'S BILLBOARD OFFERING CHICKEN McNUGGETS AFTER…

  • WHICH IS THE BETTER MOTORCYCLE BILLBOARD?

    Ron D
    5 Feb 2012 | 6:34 am
    THREE COOL MOTORCYCLE BILLBOARDSWHILE GOING 65 M.P.H., IT WAS HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE BILLBOARD WAS ADVERTISING.I GOT OFF THE INTERSTATE, 4 MILES FARTHER DOWN THE ROAD. I THEN MADE A RETURN TRIP TO TAKE THIS PHOTO.HAL'S HARLEY MOTORSCYCLE SHOP IS SUPPOSEDLY FAMOUS IN WISCONSIN.BEING FROM ILLINOIS - I NEVER HEARD OF IT.I JUST LOVED THE "HANDSOME CHALLENGED" BILLBOARD MODEL.A DUBUQUE, IOWA HARLEY MOTORCYCLE BILLBOARD IS POSTED BELOW.IN MY OPINION - A BORING HARLEY MOTORCYCLE BILLBOARD.BORING COMPARED TO THE HAL'S HARLEY MOTORCYCLE SHOP BILLBOARD.DON'T GET ME WRONG, I WOULD GIVE IT A B+…

  • SEE A CARTOON CHARACTER AFTER A NIGHT OF BOOZING AND DEBAUCHERY - BENDER THE FUTURAMA ROBOT

    Ron D
    3 Feb 2012 | 7:22 am
    I LOVE BENDER. ___________________________________________________________________________________ HE CAN SAY SO MANY THINGS THAT THE OTHER CHARACTERS CAN'T SAY. THE REASON WOULD BE: HE IS A CARTOON ROBOT. A CRUDE, AND VERY FUNNY ROBOT. WE HAVE ALL GOTTEN USE TO THE IDEA THAT ROBOTS ON THE SCREEN ARE OBEDIENT "ROBOTS". NOT WITH BENDER. ___________________________________________________________________________________ SOME OF BENDER'S QUOTES: 01)  "BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS" 02)  "I'm Bender, baby, please insert liquor!" 03)  "Tempers are wearing thin. Let's hope some robot…

  • BATTLE OF HAMBURGER BILLBOARDS - WHICH BILLBOARD HAS THE BEST LOOKING BURGER?

    Ron D
    31 Jan 2012 | 6:05 am
    IN REALITY, NONE OF THE REAL BURGERS LOOK ANYWHERE NEAR AS DELICIOUS AS THE PICTURES. ADVERTISING COLLEGE COURSE - CON THE PUBLIC 101. I HAVE TO GO WITH CULVER'S. IT LOOKS LIKE A DELICIOUS BURGER, AND IT DEFINITELY TASTES THE BEST. IT IS A BUTTER BURGER - AN ARTERY CLOGGING BUTTER BURGER. YUMMY! YUMMY! YUMMY! _____________________________ I CAME ACROSS A BILLBOARD FOR CHECKERS HAMBURGER RESTAURANT. I SAW THE BILLBOARD AFTER I WROTE THIS POST, BUT BEFORE IT WAS PUBLISHED. I'M SCRATCHING MY HEAD. I MIGHT HAVE TO GIVE IT A TIE.

  • AD COPY FOR A MOVIE BILLBOARD, CREATED BY A GOP WARMONGER - "MAKE WAR, NOT LOVE"?

    Ron D
    29 Jan 2012 | 6:13 am
    WHEN I FIRST SAW THIS BILLBOARD, I THOUGHT THE AD COPY DESCRIPTION WAS THE ACTUAL TITLE."MAKE WAR, NOT LOVE" IS THE DESCRIPTIVE PHRASE FOR THE NEW MOVIE - THIS MEANS WAR.REESE WITHERSPOON'S CHARACTER IS DATING TWO CIA AGENTS AT THE SAME TIME.SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT THE GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER.THEY ARE USING ALL OF THEIR SPY TRICKS TO RUIN THE OTHER GUY'S CHANCES WITH REESE.EACH SPY IS SPYING ON THE OTHER SPY, WHEN THE OTHER ONE IS ON A DATE WITH WITHERSPOON.IT IS AN ACTION COMEDY, IN THE STYLE OF THE BRAD PITT / ANGELINA JOLIE MOVIE, MR & MRS…
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    Where's Whitney's Soup? - Blog

  • This Story Does Not Have A Happy Ending

    8 Feb 2012 | 5:46 pm
    Disclaimer: This is not a humor blog. This is my journal on the enemies I make in this miracle called life.   That said. A girl from my hometown and I occasionally ride the train together to work. Only by chance though - definitely not on purpose. What ends up happening is, she tells me about her problems. In particular, about the guy she currently has on-and-off-again relations with. And I do my part - I listen attentively and try to provide words of support. Even though I can tell the guy’s a doosh and a loser. Mostly a loser.  They’re back in their off…

  • Friend Or Foe

    29 Jan 2012 | 4:09 pm
    Lately, I’ve been holding doors for Queen Bee whenever we encounter each other in the hallways. She’s getting bigger as she’s nearing her due date. I even explain to her, “I apologize if you feel like I’m unnecessarily treating you like an elderly person; I can’t help but open doors for you when the opportunity presents itself.” She kind of smiles and kind of says ‘thank you.’ I think that means she likes me now. Yay! QB and I are no longer enemies. Which means there’s room in my life for a new one. There’s a new one.

  • Ode To Calvin And Perry

    28 Jan 2012 | 5:56 pm
    I miss my turtles, even the racist one. I used to have 2 of them. Calvin Klein and Perry Ellis. I was going to get a third - Ralph Lauren. But Calvin died so I changed my mind. And then I still had Perry (the racist one) for another year and a half before I released him into the wild (at a turtle pond I used to live nearby). How do I know Perry was racist? Well, first of all, he was always a dick to me. So that covers all Asians. And he met a bunch of my white friends and snubbed them too. I think he met one Hispanic person and paid no mind to him. The only person he ever showed any love was…

  • Mothereffing Snakes And Planes

    26 Jan 2012 | 9:26 pm
    A lady who was driving a red car pulled up next to me while I was walking on the sidewalk this morning. She also rolled down her window. She told me she loves my boots! Right then and there, I wanted to get into her car with her, but then I remembered what my brother told me. “Stop taking rides from strangers!!!” And, so, I didn’t invite myself into the lady-with-obvious-fabulous-taste’s car. But, you know, my bro’s kind of a liar. 2 weekends ago, I made myself a delicious beverage and made sure to notify him about it.

  • Yeah, Whitney Sucks!

    25 Jan 2012 | 6:38 pm
    How could anyone rag on a girl who was this cute once upon a time? Why I suck: I have to learn how to eat like a civilized human being. Both my work computer keyboard and home laptop keyboard have food in between the keys. My keyboards are grossing me out. And there’s no way to clean them so I’ve started leaning either to my left or my right when I’m eating so the crumbs, sauce, oil, and other excess liquid fall onto the floor instead. Should I ever choose to do so, the floor is clean-upable.  __________ 2 of the professors I work for have made the suggestion that I go…
 
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    The Idiot Box Cult

  • Episode 21: Sloth Love Brandon

    theidiotboxcult
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:53 pm
    In this 21st installment of The Idiot Box Cult we explore sexuality, cause hypothermia and share our resumes. We also talk Avengers, racism and send out a special message via a box taping machine.

  • Episode 20: Two Extra Pinkies of Meth

    theidiotboxcult
    4 Feb 2012 | 9:55 pm
    In this 20th installment of  The Idiot Box Cult we discuss Beyond Watchmen, unfairly judge Allan Moore, and fix the comic industry…sort of. Then after a brief technical difficulty we are joined by Daniel Barry from the band Unseen Stimuli and talk about small town living, meth and the special needs of janitors.

  • Episode 19: A Big Dumb Apprentice

    theidiotboxcult
    31 Jan 2012 | 11:21 pm
    In this 19th installment of the Idiot Box Cult Podcast we catch up on some TV, discuss Celbrity Apprentice, and give our opinion on unsolicited opinions. We also ramble on about the Government, Corporations and Sodomy.

  • Episode 18:Nopa to SOPA

    theidiotboxcult
    21 Jan 2012 | 4:24 pm
    In this 18th installment of The Idiot Box Cult we cheer up Brandon, get into SOPA, and tweet our Congressmen.  Brandon learns that we have a Twitter account, we discuss the ups and downs of relationships and get Santorum all over the place.

  • Episode 17: The Lobbyist of the Corn

    theidiotboxcult
    17 Jan 2012 | 6:39 pm
    In the Seventeenth installment of the Idiot Box Cult your faithful leaders triumphantly return from the badlands of podcasting silence. To celebrate this momentous occasion we discuss where we have been, where we are going, and the ills of the American people. We also discuss corn farming, the influence of lobbyists and say things that could be misconstrued as hateful. In short: WE’RE BACK!
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    Geezer Planet

  • 9 Feb 2012 | 6:13 am

    Mike Principato
    9 Feb 2012 | 6:13 am

  • The Knob

    Mike Principato
    4 Feb 2012 | 7:41 pm
    A woman in her sixties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful -- the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to…

  • 3 Feb 2012 | 6:27 am

    Mike Principato
    3 Feb 2012 | 6:27 am
    I am really concerned about my elderly parents who are living in Michigan... I just got off the phone with my father who is up north right now at his little cottage. He said that the snow is nearly waist high. The temperature is at minus 10 degrees and the snow is still dropping... The wind is increasing to near gale force. Even the plows are having a hard time getting around, some trees are down too. The roads are closed, and alerts are on all the TV and radio stations urging people to stay off the highway. He said my mom has done nothing but look through the window for hours on end, just…

  • 2 Feb 2012 | 6:02 am

    Mike Principato
    2 Feb 2012 | 6:02 am

  • 31 Jan 2012 | 6:55 am

    Mike Principato
    31 Jan 2012 | 6:55 am
 
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    Nebulous Mooch

  • Those Cadillacs

    Lovelyn
    25 Jan 2012 | 11:14 am
    I overheard this brief exchange the other day and it made me laugh. My Father: I got those Cadillacs in my eyes. I’m going to get the operation this week. Neighbor Lady: Oh…you’ll love it. You’ll just love it. That operation is wonderful.

  • Disc Golf

    Lovelyn
    23 Jan 2012 | 10:17 am
    I’m not big into playing sports. I’m actually one of the lest sporty people on the planet. I can’t get a basketball into a hoop. I can’t catch a football. I can’t hit a baseball with a bat. When I was a kid sports meant gym class and gym class meant humiliation. I was the kid who always dropped the ball or more accurately ran away from the ball. I was the kid picked last for the kickball team. I never understood why they let kids pick teams in gym class. It’s so embarrassing for the people that no one wants to pick. The only time I excelled in an athletic…

  • No Cake for You

    Lovelyn
    20 Jan 2012 | 1:16 pm
    My parents are into having big blowout parties. This has happened all through my childhood. Back then the parties where outdoor summer events in our backyard. They were the kind of parties that held up traffic as cars passing on the street slowed down to see what was going on. There was a lot going on too. My father is a musician and his parties always include a jam session. Live music makes every non-musician party attendee think the party was the best thing ever. Last night’s party was usual in that regard–live music and way more food than anyone could eat. The party was…

  • The Amazing 5K Race

    Lovelyn
    16 Jan 2012 | 11:36 am
    Since my father turns 80 this week my mother thought it would be fun for us all to run a 5K race together. Here the term run loosely means walk at a slow to moderate pace. The race started at 8 in the morning which was a struggle for us because my husband and I don’t get up until 9:30. When my sister called the day before the race to find out what time it started she was shocked by the early hour and asked to speak to me on the phone. “When I agreed to this no one told me that I’d have to get up that early on a Saturday,” she said. She was ready bright and early the…

  • Seeing is…Seeing

    Lovelyn
    11 Jan 2012 | 11:02 am
    I put my glasses back on last night. I decided that even though everything tends to look better in soft focus–here soft focus really means blurry–being able to see is a bit more practical than not being able to see. I think my insistance on not wearing my glasses was getting on my family’s nerves anyway. They were getting tired of my need to stand directly in front of the television in order to see anything that was happening on screen. My husband was also getting tired of hearing me say, “I can’t drive because I’m not wearing my glasses.” Lifetime…
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    Life Augmented

  • Did Somebody Say Viper?

    24 Jan 2012 | 3:56 pm
    My brother Nelson and I traveled to Salt Lake City to attend to some family business in 2009.  Little did we know that this trip would forever change our priorities and our lives.  Upon arriving at the Little America Hotel I noticed several Dodge Vipers parked in the valet area.  I chuckled to Nelson, “Ha.  I wonder if there is a Viper Convention going on here”.  As we checked in, I asked the desk clerk if there was a convention, and she confirmed that there was, indeed, a convention for lovers of Vipers.  It was called the Viper Owner Invitational (VOI,…

  • I Needs Me A Desert Eagle

    29 Dec 2011 | 11:13 am
    I've never been afraid of living alone.  While we were married, my ex-husband (of 18 glorious years) worked out of town quite a bit and made frequent trips to the border for his drug smuggling ventures, which means that I grew quite accustomed to living alone.  Little sounds around the house don't scare me.  Packs of dogs rummaging around the backyard do not phase me.  Primarily because I have come up with some intense defense strategies in my home.Defense Strategy #1:  When you fear your crazy OCD ex-husband may try to break in and pillage the house, place a bowl of…

  • Who Works Out in Jeans?

    20 Dec 2011 | 5:19 pm
    I went to the gym this morning.  I heard it helps with the depression.  Like all gyms, my gym has a row of several treadmills and rows of other equipment.  This morning there were four other people in the gym.  I was running on a treadmill, just getting into my groove (at mile 1.26) when a grey bearded hobo wearing a green mountain dew tee shirt and jeans got onto the treadmill right next to me.  Keep in mind that there were many treadmills to choose from, but he had to be right by me.Even though I was running along at a good pace, this man was distracting me. …

  • No Matter Who Wins, You Lose

    11 Dec 2011 | 6:35 pm
    I've been forced, over the past two years, to watch the unpleasantness that society calls "wrestling".  Unfortunately I am not speaking of professional wrestling.  The wrestling, of which I speak, involves skinny pubescent teens writhing around on one another without any props.  That is right...there are no folding chairs or ropes, no trash cans or barbed wire.  Sadly, when the athletes enter the ring, they do not play music and dim the lights, rather the boys just lumber out there.  Just once I'd like to see a high school wrestler being wheeled into the gym in a…

  • Rose vs. Karl

    11 Dec 2011 | 12:58 am
    In a previous post, entitled " Wheels " I described the horrific experience that was my "graduate program".  In the post I forgot to mention my favorite cohort, Rose.  Rose was an annoying older woman who, for God knows what reason, decided she wanted to get a Masters Degree in secondary math education.  The biggest (of many) problems with Rose's dream to be a qualified math teacher was that she lacked a basic understanding of math concepts.  Even when struggling to add fractions, Rose made it clear that after completing this master's program she was moving on to get her…
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    J. Ploober

  • I Poop on Your DNA Analysis

    J. Ploober
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:00 am
    98% Motherf*ckers! That oughta take those chimps down a notch.  They think they’re so much better than us. Filed under: All Topics, Animals, Math & Science, Poop, Sweet Doodles Tagged: biology, chimp, darwin, dna, doodle, evolution, funny, genetics, human, humor, jploober, monkey

  • Fuzzy Underwear

    J. Ploober
    1 Feb 2012 | 10:17 am
    It’s the Simple Things in Life I really wanted to hear the rest of that sentence.  Cause it sounds like he had a good day. Filed under: All Topics, Naked, Pretty & Handsome, Sweet Doodles Tagged: doodle, fashion, funny, fuzzy, hat, humor, jploober, underwear

  • I Hate That Guy

    J. Ploober
    26 Jan 2012 | 9:25 am
    Biology Joke! It could’ve been worse… I could’ve made a pun about being ballsy. Filed under: All Topics, Math & Science, Sweet Doodles Tagged: biology, doodle, funny, humor, joke, jploober, nerve, neuron, pun, showoff, suckup

  • Phantom of the Doodle

    J. Ploober
    23 Jan 2012 | 11:45 am
    Ominous Organ Music! The poor little dude never stood a chance. And all he ever wanted was to be loved. Filed under: All Topics, Art, Pretty & Handsome, Sweet Doodles Tagged: bad, doodle, drawing, face, funny, humor, jploober, opera, phantom

  • Super Powers

    J. Ploober
    19 Jan 2012 | 10:52 am
    Super Powers!! It may be the weakest force… but it’s mine to control. Filed under: All Topics, Math & Science, Sci-Fi, Sweet Doodles Tagged: doodle, funny, gravity, hero, humor, jploober, physics, power, super, super powers, superhero, thunder
 
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    Humourisms.com

  • Sherlock Demotivational Posters

    Jon Hozier-Byrne
    8 Feb 2012 | 5:33 pm
    Bending to massive public pressure, inundated as he has been by literally ones of requests, Jon Hozier-Byrne shows us how a boss makes Sherlock demotivationals.   Jon Hozier-Byrne writes long-winded, silly comedy articles when he isn’t editing the University Observer. Sometimes he does demotivational posters cos he’s only mad for the views. His stand up comedy has been described as ‘trying’. You can follow him here.

  • Conor O’Toole on Super Bowl XLVI

    Conor O'Toole
    8 Feb 2012 | 11:28 am
    Conor O’Toole plays Conor Shaw in RTÉ Storyland’s Student Teacher. It’s out on Monday the 13th.  Conor O'Toole is a comedian from Dublin who draws a series called Concerns. He plays Conor Shaw in Student Teacher and @ConorOToole on Twitter. He hosts The Death of Comedy once a month. He is currently writing a show about his impending funeral.

  • Diet of Worms – Dublin Stories 2

    Davey Reilly
    7 Feb 2012 | 6:58 am
    Last week Damon posted a video by sketch by the wonderful Diet of Worms. I liked it so much I’ve decided to treat you lot to the follow up video. Enjoy!

  • What I Thought Of Madonna’s Super Bowl Performance……

    George Fox
    6 Feb 2012 | 4:00 am
    Time for another article from comedian George Fox, who stayed up late last night to watch the super bowl, and let us know what he thought of the Half-Time performance by Madonna.  George Fox is a Comedian/ Writer based In Dublin, Ireland. He can be seen performing live at numerous venues across Ireland. Follow him on Twitter or Facebook to find out dates for upcoming shows. He understood VERY little of the actual game last night.

  • Brad Pitt’s Oscar Acceptance Speech – First Draft

    Giles Brody
    5 Feb 2012 | 7:53 am
    A Hollywood snoop photographed these exclusive pictures of Brad Pitt’s notebook and sent them to Giles Brody. See it quickly before his lawyers make us take it down and Damon is arrested. Oscar Acceptance Speech First Draft 1/2 Brad Pitt, star of ‘Seven’, ‘Seven Years In Tibet’ and the upcoming ‘Seven Brides For Seven Brothers’ remake. Oscar Acceptance Speech First Draft 2/2 “Ha ha ya big wanker!” Giles Brody is on Twitter and is currently writing/directing Student Teacher for RTE Storyland which debuts on February 13th.
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    http://www.dangatorium.com/

  • Adam Sandler will be co-writing and starring in a film...

    8 Feb 2012 | 11:11 am
    Adam Sandler will be co-writing and starring in a film adaptation of Candy Land. To me, this would be like having all the power, money, and resources to do anything you ever wanted to do creatively and in life and then co-writing and starring in a film adaptation of Candy Land.

  • Here is something you never hear: “Oh cool, you got the...

    6 Feb 2012 | 7:39 pm
    Here is something you never hear: “Oh cool, you got the new iPhone!” “Yeah, it was free. Let that be a lesson: always reblog. You never know when someone might give you something for nothing.”

  • Facebooking My Biological Father By Bill Dixon I never knew my...

    5 Feb 2012 | 4:18 pm
    Facebooking My Biological Father By Bill Dixon I never knew my biological father. Well I mean I “knew” him but in the same sense you might know Fidel Castro— a superficial understanding of his role in history but with no insight into the important things like what his favorite cereal is or if he flosses regularly. I knew of him through secondhand accounts from my mother who - it is important to understand- was a bipolar drug addict and pathological liar.  I want to be clear that when I say bipolar drug addict and pathological liar, that is not coming from a place of resentment.

  • The Facial Movement By Carly Yansak The following PSA was...

    4 Feb 2012 | 2:06 pm
    The Facial Movement By Carly Yansak The following PSA was broadcasted in the cities of Portland, Austin and Brooklyn in the spring of 2011.  Comrades. This is a call to arms. Furry, exaggerated arms. Being excavators of all things culturally extinct, there is a new project demanding attention. We brought the skinny leg back from the 80’s, the vinyl back from the 60’s. We’ve rescued flannel from the clutches of blue collar and made American Spirits a company who actually turns a profit. These are admirable feats and we should be proud. But now, it’s time to bring another from the…

  • Komen and Planned Parenthood Have A Talk

    3 Feb 2012 | 12:56 pm
    Komen: Planned Parenthood, listen we need to talk. Planned Parenthood: Sure sweetheart, what's on your mind? K: I've been thinking about this contract and... PP: (calming voice) What's wrong, baby girl? K: (choking back tears) After talking with my parents I... I want to abort this contract. PP: (Angry) NO! That's not fair! We made this contract together! K: (Sobbing) I know but I'm just getting so much pressure from...well, very specific members of my family. PP: This is bullshit! K: This doesn't mean we can't try again later but there is just so much pressure on me right now and this is…
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    Stiles Files Daily Comedy Monologue

  • Stiles Files for February 9, 2012

    admin
    9 Feb 2012 | 8:30 am
    The Dunning family of Davis, CA has vowed to do absolutely no discretionary spending for the entire month of February.  That’s a lot to go through just to avoid having to take his wife to go see “Joyful Noise.” (The Real Story)    A new book claims French moms are better than US moms, saying “French children aren’t constantly talking back or engaging in prolonged negotiations.”  They wait until they’re grown up and talking to American tourists to do all that. (The Real Story)     Marvel is updating the origin of the Fantastic Four this week to make it…

  • Stiles Files for February 8, 2012

    admin
    8 Feb 2012 | 8:30 am
    Goldman Sachs’ Lloyd Blankfein became the first major CEO to support same-sex marriage.  Probably not coincidentally, “Sachs Goldman” is his drag queen name. (The Real Story)    A Brown college student found a previously lost audiotape of Malcolm X’s 1961 address there.  He argued black Americans couldn’t wait for white Americans to offer them equality.  What he did not do was break into an Al Green song. (The Real Story)     “Dr. Oz” has over 1 million participating in his “transformation nation” effort.  There are 7 steps,…

  • Stiles Files for February 7, 2012

    admin
    7 Feb 2012 | 8:30 am
    A stomach virus hit passengers and crew on a Princess Cruise Lines ship sailing from south FL.  The Norovirus causes vomiting, diarrhea and stomach pain.  And the crew is even trained to resist such things using Kim Zolchiak’s CD. (The Real Story)    A family out gathering mushrooms huddled lost near an OR forest for 6 days.  The couple and their 25-year-old son drank from streams and took shelter in a hollowed-out tree.  They stayed in the tree believing elves there would bake fudge-striped cookies and feed them. (The Real Story)     A NC woman read the Bible to her…

  • Stiles Files for February 4, 2012

    admin
    4 Feb 2012 | 9:30 am
    Modamily.com is a new site that pairs couples interested in “co-parenting” arrangements.  It involves forming a sexless, platonic union just to have and raise kids.  The only flaw with the plan is that marriage is often a sexless, platonic union. (The Real Story)    Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow so it will be awhile before spring.  In related news, the captain of the Costa Concordia saw his shadow, got scared and ran. (The Real Story)    NASA says beyond our solar system is a strange and very different place.  Our only hope of finding out for sure what it’s…

  • Stiles Files for February 3, 2012

    admin
    3 Feb 2012 | 8:30 am
    Some researchers are saying sugar and other sweeteners are so toxic to the human body they should be regulated as strictly as alcohol.  Consequently, you have to be 21 to get pie now. (The Real Story)    Authorities are trying to keep outsiders away from isolated Amazon Indians in Peru who started appearing by a river popular with tourists.  They’ve shot people with bows and arrows.  It’s the only way they can make sure they’re the last people alive who’ve never heard of the Kardashians. (The Real Story)     The coroner who oversaw the inquest into Amy Winehouse’s…
 
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    Not Enough Sex In The City

  • Cheryl to choose between The Voice and X-Factor

    9 Feb 2012 | 2:33 pm
    Oh the drama. Cheryl’s always in the news. If she isn’t havin’ relations with someone from the So Solid Crew, she’s bein’ used in some form of Reality TV show tug of war. I wanna know who these “insiders” are! From Digital Spy Cheryl Cole is reportedly feeling “tortured” by having to decide whether to join The X Factor with Simon Cowell, to side with Will.i.am on The Voice. Both stars have offered Cheeza huge roles in the upcoming shows, and either one is sure to boost her career. Will.i.am said earlier this week he wanted to get Cheryl to perform on The Voice in order to…

  • M&Ms Superbowl advert

    9 Feb 2012 | 2:25 pm
    This is genius! M&Ms are my favourite food! Just in case you were wonderin’! Technorati Tags: M&Ms,Food,Advert,Ad,Superbowl www.JoannaRyde.com

  • Ryan Tubridy is a muppet

    9 Feb 2012 | 2:21 pm
    Although most of you thought that already! Technorati Tags: Ryan Tubridy,Muppet,TV,Entertainment,RTE www.JoannaRyde.com

  • Is Gaga’s Born This Way Ball comin’ to Ireland?

    8 Feb 2012 | 5:54 pm
    I’d say so! Already she’s announced the first 11 dates for the tour, mainly in Australia and South East Asia which is nice if you’re in that part of the world. When I was in Sydney she was playin’ there and again when I was in San Diego so I might actually see her if she comes. Now Madonna’s got the Aviva Gaga could go for Slane, Croke Park or the Phoenix Park or probably just the 02. Here’s the announced dates - April 27 – Seoul, South Korea (Olympic Stadium) May 2 – Hong Kong, China (Asia World Arena) May 10 – Tokyo, Japan (Saitama Super Arena) May 28 – Singapore (Indoor…

  • Carmen Electra on Britain’s Got Talent

    8 Feb 2012 | 5:47 pm
    Poor Carmen got booed at the Britain’s Got Talent auditions which is a pity coz I like her. Here she is with her cloths on with the other judges. I’m gonna watch this just for David Walliams! Technorati Tags: Carmen Electra,Britain's Got Talent,TV,Entertainment www.JoannaRyde.com
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    Daniel Drummond Harvey

  • Advice for a funeral director

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    7 Feb 2012 | 1:52 pm
    I was in Eastleigh recently (through no fault of my own), when I noticed the sign in the picture above. Here is my email to A.H. Rogers: Dear A.H. Rogers, On a recent trip to Eastleigh, I saw the sign above your establishment (I believe it is called a fascia) and felt compelled to contact you. Here is the reason why: While I am sure your masonry work is of the very highest standard, do you feel it is appropriate, in the context of such a sombre profession as funeral directorship, to describe it as “monumental”? Do you not think perhaps this is a little boastful? Far be it from me…

  • Solving a Defra ambiguity

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    2 Feb 2012 | 2:04 pm
    I recently sent the following email to Caroline Spelman, Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs: Dear Caroline Spelman, Many congratulation on your appointment to the post of Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (and apologies for the two year delay in relaying my congratulations). It is my feeling that your department, the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, or “Defra” for short, is one of the best government departments. There is certainly no question that it has the catchiest acronym! (It makes a lot more sense than…

  • Talking books with Cheryl Cole

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    31 Jan 2012 | 2:31 pm
    I recently had a conversation on the social networking website Twitter with Cheryl Cole of the pop group “Girls Aloud”. She was looking for a book recommendation: I’m not sure whether Cheryl took my advice, but I won’t be at all surprised if the next song from Girls Aloud is about Edwin A. Shackleton, who by January 2007 had flown in a total of 841 different types of aircraft – the most aircraft ever flown in by one passenger.

  • Text to BBC Radio Solent

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    26 Jan 2012 | 2:01 pm
    Today I sent a text message to Alex Dyke at BBC Radio Solent: I must confess that I was exaggerating slightly (I don’t have a great aunt Judith), but it was a lot of fun to hear my name on the radio. Clearly, Alex Dyke thought I was “Simply The Best”! (A reference to the song he played for me, by Tina Turner.)

  • A ghost in the church window

    Daniel Drummond Harvey
    23 Jan 2012 | 7:10 am
    Last week I sent the photograph above to Philip Solomon, psychic medium to the stars: Dear Philip Solomon, I hope you can help me with a situation which, I’m sure you will agree, is something of a mystery. I work across the road from a church. So that I don’t lose your interest here, let me clarify that this in itself is not the mystery! Many people work across the road from a church and there is nothing mysterious about it. The mystery comes in the paragraph after next. However I urge you to read this paragraph and the next one, just in case they serve as useful background to…
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    It Says What

  • Breakfast News

    It says what
    7 Feb 2012 | 3:36 pm
    More Information: Pancake claims that her man Chris Waffles poured some syrup on her during breakfast making their three pigs in a blanket. DNA test to be announced as soon as pancake finishes her eggs. In other breakfast news!  ...Yes this is real!

  • Plastic Love

    It says what
    7 Feb 2012 | 1:10 pm
    I'd almost feel bad for the guy but its too funny. No Comment... Your a dumbass #ISW

  • One day Rentals

    It says what
    7 Feb 2012 | 12:25 pm
    Apparently movies only stay in theaters a day at a time. G-d we're ADD now a days.

  • Lonely Woman

    It says what
    7 Feb 2012 | 12:14 pm
    Forever alone one is who take pictures of themselves. Ps. Nice shades

  • Shadow Sex

    It says what
    3 Feb 2012 | 4:25 pm
    She had no idea. The ninjas are just too quick and undetectable. She was violated and didn't even know it.
 
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    IRONICLAST

  • JOKES WITH STEPHEN HAWKING - MR. SMITH

    9 Feb 2012 | 2:00 am

  • SOCIAL CONTRACTS

    9 Feb 2012 | 1:14 am
    In the interest of common courtesy, I thought I would revisit some of the most common and unwritten social contracts that are deeply woven into the fabric of our lives. This is my nice way of saying, you might be falling down on the job -- or -- you are expecting too much. THE DOOR CONTRACT This includes any publicly used door including elevators.  The contract states that if you are more than seven steps away from me, I don't have to hold the door open.  I might decide to hold it open for you, but I am not obliged to do so.  Don't get mad if I don't hold the door and be sure…

  • JUST SAYIN...

    8 Feb 2012 | 5:01 pm

  • THE JOSH POWELL LIFETIME MOVIE

    8 Feb 2012 | 2:26 am
    New details are emerging in the gruesome murder suicide of Josh Powell and his two sons.   Not only did he carefully plan the gasoline fire inside his home, officials are now saying he took a hatchet to his 5-yr old son Braden's head and to the neck of his 7-yr old son Charlie.  Both eventually died of carbon monoxide poisoning, but the agony they experienced in the moments leading up to their death must have been excruciating. Powell was long suspected in the disappearance of his wife Susan back in 2010.   He claimed no knowledge of his wife's disappearance and said he had…

  • JOKES WITH STEPHEN HAWKING - KFC

    8 Feb 2012 | 2:00 am
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    Ahhsome

  • KY Jelly- my Valentines gift to you!

    Sandi Ormsby
    9 Feb 2012 | 11:48 am
    Hey, people! This is a Valentine’s Gift to all of my readers… Another interesting advertisement was found flipping through my Shape magazine.  So much information was packed onto one page, I don’t even know where to begin the discussion! So I … Continue reading →

  • You can just dump that here

    Sandi Ormsby
    7 Feb 2012 | 11:15 pm
    We are one of those families that goes to church occasionally, but are easily sidetracked with life and forget attending. Fortunately, we live near Saddleback Church, that has an amazing kid’s program. Our kids love going, and our daughter will … Continue reading →

  • Sometimes You have to go up the Hill

    Sandi Ormsby
    6 Feb 2012 | 4:06 pm
    On my mission to rise and do something other than get on the computer immediately, I’ve walked the dog the past couple of mornings.  I don’t know how long this will last.  Forever, if my dog has anything to say … Continue reading →

  • butt sniffer

    Sandi Ormsby
    4 Feb 2012 | 12:25 pm
    Bill and I have fully entered the world of parenting a boy.  Here it is, what I’ve known was coming… the GROSS factor. Actually, he started the gross factor at 1 year old when he smeared the walls, his bed and himself after … Continue reading →

  • Town called Crazy

    Sandi Ormsby
    2 Feb 2012 | 11:54 am
    Me to husband this morning: “I need a week off from my mommy duties from just everything.” husband’s response (laughter): “Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen.” son pipes in: “Moooom, when’s breakfast?” Seriously?  I haven’t even wiped the sleep … Continue reading →
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